O que esperar de um filme baseado na coleção de figuras de ação da Hasbro, os ‘bonequinhos’ do G. I. Joe? Explosões, gente bonita, e claro, te deixar com aquela vontade de entrar na primeira loja de brinquedos e comprar um bonequinho do Storm Shadow e outro do Snake Eyes assim que a sessão terminar!

Com direção de Stephen Sommers, que é conhecido por seus filmes que entretem sem compromisso, como Van Helsing e a trilogia A Múmia. Stephen brinca com o filme como se estivesse realizando seu sonho de criança. Os atores atiram, levam tiro, saltam, caem, brigam, beijam (beijos ridículos, só pra constar), e tem flashbacks. Vários. Sofridos. Na chuva, porque não tem como fugir do clichê.

O filme começa em um futuro não muito distante. O exército transporta uma nova arma com nanorobôs que destroem tudo o que é aço e só param quando são desativados por um controle remoto. O transporte segue bem até osCobra, um grupo de vilões com armas de tecnologia e treinamento superior ao do exército, atacarem o comboio atrás das tais armas. O capitão Duke, interpretado por Channing Tatum (que já foi stripper mas sem tirar a cueca, só pra deixar claro) e seu braço direito Ripcord, Marlon Wayans, que você provavelmente conhece pelas comédias Todo Mundo em Pânico, são salvos pelos G. I. Joe, uma divisão super secreta do exército internacional de inteligência, armas, tecnologia e treinamento tão avançados quanto os Cobra. É dado o ponta pé para várias reviravoltas, explosões e muita coisa acontecer ao mesmo tempo. Lógico que para haver uma, duas ou três continuações.

Com atores conhecidos, como Arnold Vosloo, interpretando o vilão camaleão Zartan e Brendan Fraser em uma participação muito rápida comoSargento Stone. Pois é, Imhotep e Richard O’Connell em lados opostos de novo! E claro,  Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (quero assistir uma entrevista com alguém dizendo o nome dele completo!) que os fãs de Lost conhecem como Mr Eko, interpretando Heavy Duty. Das gata-garotas temos a lindaSienna Miller, interpretando Ana, a baronesa. Sienna já deu vida a Victoria em Stardust. Rachel Nichols, é Scarlett, a nerd dos Joe. Rachel já atuou no seriado Alias, de J J Abrams. Será que isso pesou na escolha da atriz para a personagem?

G. I. Joe – The Rise of The Cobra (G.I. Joe – A Origem de Cobra) é uma rentável colcha de retalhos. Há diversos personagens que permitem diversas continuações tanto em grupo como histórias fechadas com um ou dos integrantes. Particularmente quero muito que façam um filme solo do Storm Shadow. Byung-hun Lee fez o personagem todo afetado, um verdadeiroElvis assassino from Japan!

I didn’t watch GI Joe: Rise of Cobra when it came out. One reason is that the critics love it which would usually mean I’m going to be disappointed, the other is the GI Joe that I remember do not use tech suits to enhance their physical strength so after seeing the trailer, my excitement lessened.

While I didn’t want to watch it in the cinemas, I did want to watch it someday. I was curious about the attention the baroness is getting especially after Alodia Gosiengfiao cosplayed her. The baroness back in the old GI Joe didn’t strike me as interesting. It was always about Cobra Commander and Destro. Baroness was like the token girl villain. Another thing that I wanted to see is why a lot of my friends are saying that Stormshadow was cooler than Snake Eyes. Back in the old animated series, everyone wanted to be Snake Eyes.

Well, after 3-4 months the DVD is out I was able to watch the movie with a little help of that dude by the bay.

What do I think? Well, if Michael Bay jizz his pants whenever he sees battleships, carriers and tanks, then Stephen Sommers jizz his pants on futuristic weaponry.

As LatinoReview.com stated, the story was pretty much like Xmen 1. Duke was protecting some warheads and was attacked by some high tech terrorist. Duke was saved by another group of High Tech Military. Duke joins the High Tech Military. The important warhead was  taken from his custody.  Duke saves the day in the end. Oh and he gets his girlfriend back in the end too. Pretty much like X-men 1 to me.

The Paris chase was strange too. After arming the warheads, couldn’t the high tech terrorist group get a decent mode of transportation to the Eiffel Tower? Actually, now that I think about it, they were able to build a high tech undersea base up in north pole but they couldn’t have armed the warheads themselves? Okay, now that I’ve think about it further, if they just armed the freaking warheads themselves, Duke nor the Joes wouldn’t have been able to stop them.

The part where the Joes were tricked in to re-activating the tracker on the warheads was cool until you realize that how can a high tech base like the Pit not have any sort of signals being transmitted from the base to the outside world.

Actually, with all the high tech gadgets they have on the base, they had the worst alarms in the world. The attack was in now way stealthy. Those were freaking drills that pierced the walls of the base and you’re telling me that they didn’t have any form of sensors?

And this movie was supposed to make more sense than Transformers 2? I don’t think so.

I’ve been itching to get behind the lens and shoot my two favorite characters from my childhood Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes. I was born in the Seventies so I grew up with The Real American Hero GiJoe in the 80’s (the good years), it was pretty much a religion for me and my best friend Dave. We set up some epic battle scenes back then, to bad we didn’t think of photographing them. I found these new edition a few weeks back and cracked them open today. I shot a lot of photos and really couldn’t decide which to post but these two are my favs after the edit. Hope you enjoy!

Oh and I might as well take the time to say F*CK YOU to the Douche Bag who stole my original Storm Shadow & Snake Eyes characters about 12 years ago at a house party I threw. Those are worth some good coin these days, anyway screw you fawker.

Here’s a peek behind the scenes of my latest project. The photos here were shot & edited with my iPhone, blog post coming up!

I found this by accident and didn’t know that it existed.   Apparently, this was a web series presented by adultswim.com.  Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes finish their differences once and for all in an epic battle! It’s pretty great.

More carded figures from The Rise of Cobra line of G.I. Joe toys. It’s amazing that in a 2-month period, 37 figures spread over 2 collections and 3 waves have been released. I have 34 of them and only missing Wallace “Ripcord” Weems v2 [Reactive Impact Armor], Conrad “Duke” Hauser v3 [Delta-6 Accelerator Suit] and Storm Shadow v3 [Arctic Threat]. This gallery finishes off the remainder of Collection 1 Wave 2, Collection 2 Wave 3 and introduces 4 of the 7 figures available from Collection 1 Wave 3.

Collection 1 Wave 2
• Snake Eyes v2 [Paris Pursuit]
• Storm Shadow v2 [Paris Pursuit]

Collection 1 Wave 3
• Baroness v2 [Paris Pursuit]
• Para-Viper [Cobra Paratrooper]
• Rex “The Doctor” Lewis [Chief Experimental Doctor]
• Snake Eyes v3 [Arctic Assault]

Collection 2 Wave 3
• General Clayton “Hawk” Abernathy [Attack on the G.I. Joe Pit]
• G.I. Joe Pit Commando A [Covert Military Force]
•  G.I. Joe Pit Commando B [Covert Military Force]

Transformers 2: Recap. for anyone who thinks it rocked…5 primes huddling like gay faggots and turning into a mountain.

Terminator Salvation: I once pooped while dehydrated and without enough fiber and swore I was shitting a cactus made of sandpaper.  That was better than T:S.

District 9: space roaches have a giant anti-gravity spaceship and a few cool spaceguns only they can operate, but they’d rather live in a slum, buying cat food from Nigerians and knocking junk out of each other’s claws.

G.I. Joe: Storm Shadow the Japanese ninja is played by a Korean. G.I.Joe lives under the pyramids. Half the team are unlikely foreign Blacks plus a fucking Muslim. Mandatory, totally unnecessary, insulting interracial hookup in this movie  is jive-asshole Marlon “Ripcord” Wayans pursuing a vapid, flat-butted White girl “genius” (Scarlett) who falls for him anyway, proving she’s an idiot. A lot of CGI and nonsense. Rip-off of Firefox. Cobra Commander sounds like Darth Vader. TUH-HANE!

Watchmen: All anyone remembers is that glowing blue guy’s penis. I liked Rorschach. Everyone does.

Wanted: Finally saw it. Too much slow motion. The White guy who almost got eaten by Idi Amin is in it. Angelina Jolie is hot but has ugly hands. Bullets curve around things. Morgan Freeman is Black. The looms were the most interesting things.

Date Movie: Alyson Hannigan, aka Flutepussy, is cute in one scene and ugly the next. A Black Midget. Crunk scene was the only real laugh.

Animated Wonder Woman movie: Tits or GTFO. Peppy. Amazon MILFS. Nothing to jack off to.

Hope you enjoyed this.  If not, it’s too late.

The end is here. Here is the end.

Part 1
Part 2

Storm Shadow (Ninja Mercenary)
Pros: Looks cool and movie accurate. Lots of accessories. In a pinch, works as a generic ninja.
Cons: Coat tails restrict articulation somewhat. Main outfit is yellowed looking.

3.5 out of 4.0

Storm Shadow (Paris Pursuit)
Pros: Head is pretty awesome. Plenty of accessories. Full range of G.I. Joe motion.
Cons: Kind of plain/vanilla.

3.4 out of 4.0

The question is, which Storm Shadow to get? I would recommend the Ninja Mercenary version if you don’t already have a 25th Anniversary SS. If you do, then get the Paris Pursuit, as the head makes it unique among Storm Shadows.

Destro
Pros: Looks better and more Destro than regular RoC Destro. Head is more SHINY! Cheaper as a 3-pack as well.
Cons: No BFG (is that a Con?). More Destro but less 50s/60s super spy vibe.

3.9 out of 4.0

Cobra Viper Commando
Pros: Looks fantastic, only decent version of this mold aside from the Crimson Viper. Makes this generally boring mold not suck.
Cons: Unibrow paint apps gives it a Comic Christmas Vader look.

3.4 out of 4.0

Elite Commando
Pros: Same as above, paint makes this mold “pop out” more. Though not as much improvement as the Viper Commando. Elite Viper looks like it jumped straight out of a comic.
Cons: Elite Viper looks like it jumped straight out of a comic.

3.4 out of 4.0

The Cobra Senior Officers 3-Pack is a great deal. Destro is great if you’re looking for a movie Destro. I like the original slightly better for different reasons than I like this one, but if you gotta pick one, I’d go with the 3-Pack version since it’ll be cheaper as part of a set. Speaking of which, the two Vipers are great. They make the really really boring molds not suck, just by having a color scheme that pops out at you without being garish. Some might find the colors to be a bit cartoony, especially on the Elite Viper, but it’s nothing too bad.

This is an excellent set, especially with the price.

Bonus Score: Cobra Senior Ranking Officers

4.0 out of 4.0

———————————–
0.0 – 0.0 = I’d pay to get rid of it
0.1 – 0.5 = I’d give it away
0.6 – 1.0 = I wouldn’t take it for free
1.1 – 1.5 = Very Bad
1.6 – 2.0 = Bad
2.1 – 2.5 = Average
2.6 – 3.0 = Good
3.1 – 3.5 = Very Good
3.6 – 4.0 = Excellent

BFF man, BFF!

Part 1
Part 3

So here we’ve got Destro. DESTRO! Destro and the Baroness! Practicing the clarinets!

I’ve already done a review of the regular RoC Destro, and whatever’s been said about him there, can be applied here. HOWEVER, this is also a case of a repaint totally changing up a figure. The original RoC Destro was kinda dull and his suit looks very plastic. But the whole subdued gray thing worked for him. It didn’t make him very Destro-like, but he still had a classic spy villain vibe to him.

THIS Destro from the Senior Ranking Officers 3-Pack however, is definitely Destro. He’s not only wearing blue, but even his head is done up in a shinier metallic silver. He definitely gives off the Destro vibe that the former did not, and overall, this guy just looks better.

As part of a 3-pack, Destro here is also individually cheaper than his single carded version, but doesn’t come with the oversized spring loaded missile launcher and is also missing an additional gun. While I would have liked for that gun to remain, the loss of the launcher is no biggie, especially for an older collector like myself. However, I have to say, the weapons he does retain, look brilliant. His pistol is now done up in a beautiful shiny silver to match his head, and his primary weapon is now black, which looks far better than the original, dull plastic gray.

Overall, I said before that you only need Destro as far as the RoC movie goes. That’s true. The question is, which Destro? While I wouldn’t discount the original RoC Destro, this guy is still more worth the money when you consider he’ll come with 2 other figures, and he DOES look more traditionally Destro.

Next up is the Cobra Viper Commando. This is the guy with the two big red eyes.

Honestly, I hate the base Viper designs for ALL the first wave of Vipers. Even after the movie, where I absolutely love them for their badassness, I still couldn’t get behind that utterly boring design. The Crimson Viper, which is a ruby blood red version, was a step in the right direction for the Viper molds, and now, in this 3-pack, the Vipers have done it right.

This is an absolutely fantastic recolor of the Viper. First up, let’s talk about the most obvious and significant improvement this guy has over his fellow Vipers. The head. Here he’s got two big red eyes and a whole lotta white lines to bring up the mold details. He’s got a big white uni-brow that makes him look like Darth Vader in conjunction with the big red eyes, which I’m not that hot about, but I can accept. But man, look at that face, look at that purdy mouth. It’s absolutely brilliant. It brings out all the mold’s details and gives the Cobra Viper Commando a skull-like face. This is a totally intimidating and non-boring head recolor.

Then we get to the body armor, which in the regular RoC Vipers, is also dead boring, even when they recolor it purple. Here, well, it just works with the rest of the toy. the blue vest is a nice contrast with the rest of his clothes, and the other blue components of his design help to break the look up. But the big thing for me here is that this nice, semi-glossy blue also helps bring up the incredible amount of details on the vest. It’s totally crazy how “real” they’ve molded this. I also like how the sprue cut around his lower ribs can sort of look like where a bullet had impacted and left an impression. This is a totally coincidental bonus of course.

What a difference the right colors and some loving paint detailing makes. I knew that this mold was probably good from all the positive reviews I heard, but until now, none of them actually looked, y’know, GOOD. Closest we got was the Crimson Viper. But finally, they made this mold not aesthetically suck. A definite winner… oh, and he comes with guns blah blah blah and is articulated blah blah standard blah 25th Anni blah.

Finally, we’ve got the Elite Viper. He’s the one with the one big red visor. This guy’s been done by DrNightmare over at Articulated Discussion. And I was interested in this figure due to that review. But I just couldn’t get behind that totally black face. Again, the 3-Pack repaint comes to save the day.

This review is more or less a rehash of the Cobra Viper Commando one I just did. The Elite Viper’s design isn’t nearly as dull as the regular Viper’s, and now that they’ve finally decided to give him a visor that doesn’t blend in with the rest of his head, he really pops out as a character.

Another thing I love with this figure is how he’s so aesthetically different from the Viper Commando. They’re actually very similar to each other, so much so that until I paid attention, I didn’t even realize there WERE any differences in the REGULAR versions. They blended in with each other the same way the Transformers blended with each other in the Michael Bay flicks. But HERE, they look very distinct from each other, and again, we have the color scheme to thank for that.

Otherwise, he shares the same articulation with the Viper Commando, since they’re both essentially the same aside from the chest armor. Their arms and legs are molded different, but the torso’s the same. So yeah, they both move more or less the same, which is again, the standard 25th Anniversary articulation model.

He’s got a backpack that can store an axe and two guns that work excellently with him, as you’ll see in the pics. And like the other two, he comes with a dog tag stand.

In closing, the Elite Viper’s an excellent figure. He’s on par with the 3-Pack Cobra Viper Commando, but I wasn’t as pleasantly shocked by him because his mold wasn’t as bad to begin with.

A really great 3-Pack that’s totally worth getting. The G.I. Joe version of the Senior Ranking Officers 3-Pack is a bit of a miss for me. It has Sgt Stone who is vanilla, some blonde bald guy in a beige accelerator suit and Grunt… who looks cool in military green, but what the F*** is GRUNT doing in a SENIOR OFFICERS pack?

Aaaaanywho if you find this 3-Pack, get it. The toys are all winners and the price is good. All you really lose out on are the oversized projectile launchers. And that’s a sacrifice that you should be willing to make… if you’re a (wo)MAN. Are you a (wo)MAN? If so, then make that sacrifice, otherwise, you’re a GIRL! (or boy, depending on your base gender).

Part 3 of this review where I list out the Pros and Cons of each figure and arbitrarily assign them a numeric value to come later.

RoC: Sr. Ranking Officers (Cobra) + Storm ShadowS = Deszaras Re-issue

Part 2
Part 3

We’ll start with a couple appetizers, the Storm Shadows. I was never a fan of Storm Shadow as a toy. I remember that I used to love Storm Shadow in the cartoons, because a) he was a ninja b) he’s was a ninja who was man enough to wear white c) he once disassembled a tank via karate chops. But it wasn’t until I saw the movie that I actually wanted a Storm Shadow toy, especially since I already had one hoisted on me when I bought the Cobra 5-Pack awhile ago.

Let’s start with the Ninja Mercenary version. This guy has the mask. As you might be able to tell from the pics, he seems kinda yellowed. Not sure if he’s supposed to look like this. I mean, he’s fresh off of retail, but well, he IS white and the weather here is rather on the sunny side. Although it doesn’t necessarily look bad I suppose, he looks kinda “weathered”.

Anywho, this Storm Shadow is pretty generic as far as Storm Shadows go, but the movie made coat tails for ninjas cool, so I had to have him. Much like the other RoC figures with long jackets, the coat tails don’t get in the way of Storm Shadow’s articulation too much. Although I think both Cobra Commander and Snake Eyes pulled it off better.

Finally, he comes with a boat load of accessories. He’s got his two ninja swords, complete with Arishikage ninja product placement logos, complete with his movie signature double scabbard. A really soft plastic adamanitium claw attachment that you have to pop the hand off to put on. Gun, nanomite warhead and stand. The nanomite launcher that funny enough, isn’t featured on his card art, but is featured on the card art for the Paris Pursuit version of him, who doesn’t have the launcher. And finally, the obligatory BFG. Although in his case, it’s a ninja star disc firing cannon.

All in all, a cool looking figure that’s probably the most definitive movie version of Storm Shadow available in this scale right now.

Next up we’ve got Paris Pursuit Storm Shadow. Two things I should mention at this point.

First, this guy seems to be a completely different mold than the Ninja Mercenary version. Which is cool that they’ve gone ahead with this extra effort. Some of the accessories are the same, but otherwise, totally different toys.

Second, this isn’t exactly specific to this toy, but yeah, Rise of Cobra may well be the only movie to ever make me wanna buy the toys/merchandise. I certainly didn’t want the hummer before the movie, and I certainly didn’t want Storm Shadow before it. But having seen the movie, this is yet another toy I just HAD to have.

Thirdly (of this two part prelude), he’s not at all yellowed, assuming Ninja Mercenary is yellowed at all.

Fourthly (now that’s just preluding things too far), the one reason, the ONLY reason I bought both versions of Storm Shadow is to pop this guy’s head off and put it on the Ninja Merc version for a more movie accurate representation.

So, onto the review of Paris Pursuit Storm Shadow himself. You know… not much to say. It’s a great mold. And without any extraneous bits like coat tails, he’s totally freed up to take advantage of the standard Joe 25th Anni articulation.

Accessories include a couple sai, like Raphael had, the same double scabbard and ninja sword combo that the Ninja Merc has (although lacking Arashikage markings), a silver version of the gun, a stand… a… erm, suction cup… thingy… and the standard BFG that almost every single carded RoC figure has.

Overall, cool toy. Paris Pursuit’s superior to Ninja Merc due to less design limitations, but really, you’re getting this for the head. Otherwise, you might as well grab a 25th Anni Storm Shadow instead. Recommended if you really like the head (and it IS a pretty good head).

Now we come to the main event…

NEXT TIME!

Yeah, sorry to cop out. But pt 2 will be out in a manner of half a day later. Anywho, either Storm Shadow is fine. Unless you’re a crazy toy guy like myself, you’ll probably only want one.

O que esperar de um filme baseado na coleção de figuras de ação da Hasbro, os ‘bonequinhos’ do G. I. Joe? Explosões, gente bonita, e claro, te deixar com aquela vontade de entrar na primeira loja de brinquedos e comprar um bonequinho do Storm Shadow e outro do Snake Eyes assim que a sessão terminar!

Com direção de Stephen Sommers, que é conhecido por seus filmes que entretem sem compromisso, como Van Helsing e a trilogia A Múmia. Stephen brinca com o filme como se estivesse realizando seu sonho de criança. Os atores atiram, levam tiro, saltam, caem, brigam, beijam (beijos ridículos, só pra constar), e tem flashbacks. Vários. Sofridos. Na chuva, porque não tem como fugir do clichê.

O filme começa em um futuro não muito distante. O exército transporta uma nova arma com nanorobôs que destroem tudo o que é aço e só param quando são desativados por um controle remoto. O transporte segue bem até os Cobra, um grupo de vilões com armas de tecnologia e treinamento superior ao do exército, atacarem o comboio atrás das tais armas. O capitão Duke, interpretado por Channing Tatum (que já foi stripper mas sem tirar a cueca, só pra deixar claro) e seu braço direito Ripcord, Marlon Wayans, que você provavelmente conhece pelas comédias Todo Mundo em Pânico, são salvos pelos G. I. Joe, uma divisão super secreta do exército internacional de inteligência, armas, tecnologia e treinamento tão avançados quanto os Cobra. É dado o ponta pé para várias reviravoltas, explosões e muita coisa acontecer ao mesmo tempo. Lógico que para haver uma, duas ou três continuações.

Com atores conhecidos, como Arnold Vosloo, interpretando o vilão camaleão Zartan e Brendan Fraser em uma participação muito rápida como Sargento Stone. Pois é, Imhotep e Richard O’Connell em lados opostos de novo! E claro,  Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (quero assistir uma entrevista com alguém dizendo o nome dele completo!) que os fãs de Lost conhecem como Mr Eko, interpretando Heavy Duty. Das gata-garotas temos a linda Sienna Miller, interpretando Ana, a baronesa. Sienna já deu vida a Victoria em Stardust. Rachel Nichols, é Scarlett, a nerd dos Joe. Rachel já atuou no seriado Alias, de J J Abrams. Será que isso pesou na escolha da atriz para a personagem?

G. I. Joe – The Rise of The Cobra (G.I. Joe – A Origem de Cobra) é uma rentável colcha de retalhos. Há diversos personagens que permitem diversas continuações tanto em grupo como histórias fechadas com um ou dos integrantes. Particularmente quero muito que façam um filme solo do Storm Shadow. Byung-hun Lee fez o personagem todo afetado, um verdadeiro Elvis assassino from Japan!

Finally ended up seeing G.I. Joe last night, one of the last remaining summer blockbusters and I have to say I was entertained. Now by no means is this a good movie, I mean the premise is based on a Hasbro toy line (the same company that made Transformers, yeah those guys). But if you’re willing to shut your brain off and experience a Power Rangers/James Bond hybrid type, then this movie will entertain you.

If you’re wondering, G.I. Joe is the code name for a team, not a person similar to the X-Men, except these guys have gadgets that would make James Bond drool and a ton of physical training instead of mutant powers. The story focuses on Duke (Channing Tatum) and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) as they join the G.I. Joe team to take on a group of villains led by James McCullen/Destro (Christopher Eccleston) who want world power and all the other things evil bad guys want in these types of movies.

Normally, I probably wouldn’t have liked this movie, but I came in with no expectations what so ever, which is key in my opinion to being entertained by this film. It’s directed by Stephen Sommers (that guy who directed those Mummy films) and is pretty much wall to wall action. The movie starts with action and never lets up. The film is set in the not too distant future which meant the director could take liberties with the amount of new technology to feature, and boy did he ever. The movie features all sort of weapons that look to be straight out of a video game and a certain accelerator suit which was pretty cool. Honestly, I wish we could have seen more of the accelerator suit in action as it was hyped so much in the previews. Snake Eyes (Ray Park) was totally bad ass and everytime he was on screen it was pretty captivating. His rivalry with Storm Shadow was by far the most interesting thing in the film. Finally the movie features a lot of eye candy with Sienna Miller as the Baroness and Rachel Nichols as Scarlett. Both ladies were on fire. And for the women watching this movie, there’s Channing Tatum for you to look at as well.

This leads me to what I didn’t like about the movie, Channing Tatum. Honestly, the guy sucks at acting. It seems as if the only role he’s destined for is that thugged out wangster white guy. Seriously, this guy was so fuckin wooden and boring with his acting. No charisma whatsoever. The line where he says “I’m gonna get you out of here” to the Baroness after he revives her is cringe-worthy. No emotion, no real human feelings, which leads me to my next point being  that the movie was so over the top. The reason why I referenced this movie to being like Power Rangers was the fact that everyone delivers their lines like they are a super hero or super villain all the time. There is no human emotion in what anyone says. No one really speaks the way these people in the movie. Yeah I get that it’s a G.I. Joe film, but it has real people in it, so I expect real emotions from the people delivering the lines. If I wanted to see something else, I’d just watch a G.I. Joe cartoon. 

Speaking of cartoony, some of the CGI shots used in the film were that if not straight out of a video game. Some of those shots of the bases, planes, and the pyramids in Egypt were really awful. The movie had real video game vibe going for it, so I guess the CGI fit that context, but they weren’t at all believable.

Overall, it’s a G.I. Joe film, so you can’t expect much. The film is what it is. It delivers on the action, on the cool factor with Snake Eyes and the accelerator suits, and on the eye candy. With a movie titled after a toy, that’s really all you can expect. Hopefully the movie does well enough to warrant a sequel, as the movie seems to already have assumed it will by setting up future storylines at the end. If you would like to read another review of this film check out Irwin’s blog.

New and recent releases to check out in the heat of August.

August is practically halfway over – already, with only a few weeks left until Labor Day and the “official” end of the summer movie season. We’ve said several times before that the summer of 2009 wasn’t exactly one for the memory books, though now we see it has the potential to end strong. Several films are out now and several more are still come this month, and some of them even look promising.

Here’s the rundown of most of  the major openings, as well as an independent we think might have some potential. All release dates are for American markets, so some may not be accurate for international audiences.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (opened August 7): A week after its opening, the consensus of those who’ve seen this toy movie comes down to something like, “It wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been.” You know movies collectively are in a funk when the best thing said about a week’s tentpole opening is that it wasn’t the crap people were expecting. And people were expecting crap - there was heavy expectation for months that it would emerge as the grand flop of the summer.

In the unlikely event you don’t already know (and knowing is half the battle), the movie’s about a squad of government soldiers attempting to stop a terrorist group, and it’s based on a groundbreaking line of Hasbro toys from the 1980s. Dennis Quaid, Sienna Miller, and Channing Tatum star.

Julie & Julia (opened August 7): Lonely housewife and white collar drone Julie Powell (Amy Adams) tries to make all the recipes in Julia Child’s (Meryl Streep) memoir/cookbook My Life In France in a single year. Based on the chick lit bestseller (itself the first book based on a blog) and directed by Nora Ephron (You’ve Got Mail), the film is half Powell’s story and half biography of Child’s rise to becoming arguably the most famous chef in history. It’s a woman’s film, though it’s almost certainly better than last summer’s Streep offering, Mamma Mia! Stanley Tucci (Big Night), who we wish made more movies, plays Child’s husband.

Our full preview includes the trailer and a more in-depth plot summary and analysis.

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard (opens August 14): With the exception of the dark horse The Hangover, most male-oriented comedies flopped hard this summer. Land of the Lost and Year One were deservedly dead on arrival, Funny People had naysayers announcing the end of the Apatow Dynasty, and Bruno came and went pretty fast. Meanwhile traditional female-centric romcoms like The Ugly Truth and especially The Proposal might as well have had licenses to print money.

But the guys’ comedies get one more chance with The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard, the directing debut of Chappelle’s Show writer Neal Brennan. Jeremy Piven plays a used car uber-salesman hired to clear out a lot of 200 cars over the Fourth of July weekend. Abetting him are Ving Rhames, David Koechner, and Kathryn Hahn. The Hangover’s Ed Helms, Jordana Spiro, and James Brolin also appear.

Our full preview includes the hilarious trailer and some ideas about why this might be the role Piven was born to play.

District 9 (opens August 14): A thriller in the vein of Species and Alien Nation, first-time feature director Neill Blomkamp’s gritty story imagines a world where aliens have lived in a kind of apartheid among the people of South Africa for decades. When a human inspector (Sharlto Copley) assumes some of the aliens’ DNA, the ruthless international corporation running their ghetto chases him through their sprawling encampment.

Peter Jackson directed the film, which only took shape after the long-ballyhooed film translation of the Halo video game fell apart. Not to second guess, but some images from the film’s TV spots suggest it’ll carry the glum meanstreak that resurfaced in Jackson’s work about two thirds of the way through Return of the King and helped make King Kong almost unwatchable. We hope not, because the film’s setup is fascinating, and there’s always room for another good science fiction film on our viewing schedules.

We’ve got a a preview of this one, too, that includes more background on Blomkamp as well as the film’s setup.

The Time Traveler’s Wife (opens August 14): A woman (Rachel McAdams) spends her life loving a man (Eric Bana) who, thanks to a rare genetic anomaly, compulsively travels through time. Based on the bestselling novel by Audrey Niffenegger and directed by Robert Schwentke (Flightplan), the film’s emphasis apparently rests on the romance side of the story.

Bana and McAdams should by all rights be bigger stars than they currently are, but this sort of sci-fi tinged melodrama doesn’t seem likely to push them up to the A-list. Early reviews have been mixed and often seemingly skewed to how much individual critics cared for the source novel.

We just compiled our list of favorite time travel romances earlier this week.

Inglourious Basterds (opens August 21): Universal’s marketing the living shit out of this on television, so is a synopsis really necessary? Writer-director Quentin Tarantino has said the film is his masterpiece, though what that could mean after the cinematic lip-syncing of Kill Bill and Grindhouse is anyone’s guess. As with so much of his recent work, it’s based on a cult film from the 1970s and reportedly continues his withdrawal from cinematic realism (which was never exactly his strong suit anyway.) History buffs will likely be less than pleased to know he’s changed the ending to World War II.

We imagine Tarantino’s fans (and we imagine there are less of them than in years past) will cheer while most everyone else remains indifferent. And yet, for all that we still love Jackie Brown.

Big Fan (opens limited release August 28): A parking lot attendant (Patton Oswalt) who’s also a New York Giants megafan struggles to cope with getting beat down by his favorite player. Kevin Corrigan and Michael Rapaport co-star, while Robert D. Siegel (The Wrestler) writes and makes his directing debut.

Actually, the script was one of The Wrestler’s biggest problems (we didn’t like the film), suffering from the same pretentious airlessness that’s also creeping into the edges of the trailer below. Still, Oswalt is exactly the actor to tackle a part like this, while Corrigan and Rapaport are the go-to guys for playing working-class Atlantic Northeast.

Monday we’ll have our review of The season 3 premiere of Mad Men. Have a good weekend.

- Michael Kabel

:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::

Look for some familiar faces

the-ballad-of-g-i-joe

Short film review I wrote.
Published in Independent Weekly August 12, 2009 issue.

GI JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA—When all else fails, the G.I. Joes don’t. At least, that’s what General Hawk boasts. Hawk (Dennis Quaid), the leader of the top-secret G.I. Joe division, and his Joes take on the task of retrieving a suitcase filled with nanomite warheads, a lethal weapon capable of destroying cities. What passes for the rest of the film is a cat and mouse game as the Joes fight off James McCullen (Christopher Eccleston), the creator of the nanomite technology, and his henchmen Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee) and the Baroness (Sienna Miller). Surprisingly, this is less tedious than it sounds, which is partly due to expert camerawork by director Stephen Sommers (The Mummy and The Mummy Returns) and his crew, and the return of many of the beloved characters from the original G.I. Joe TV series. Besides, the preposterous special effects are a sight to see. A sequel, no doubt, is forthcoming. Rated PG-13. —BD

Shared via AddThis

After waiting years for my childhood loves of Transformers and G.I. Joe to come to the silver-screen, I finally got to fulfill that want with G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra. Getting a 2nd Transformer film was icing on that cake as well.

With the Chicago Comic-Con in town, I was torn on when I was going to see Snake Eyes come to life and battle Storm Shadow for ninja supremacy. I was able to sneak a couple hours in for a matinee late Sunday morning and watch the characters I grew up with on the big screen.

Wait...are you a ninja? Cause ninjas don't use guns.

Sure the movie has it flaws, for that matter most do. Just like when Michael Bay gave us Transformers on the big screen, Stephen Sommers made some tweaks when bringing this 80’s icon to live action. Some die-hard fans may dislike them, but others should be happy just to see this characters come to life.

Despite being a military type film, Sommers does something Bay didn’t do. He gave us an old love and made it modern without giving us drug humor or overdone sex appeal. Granted Sienna Miller sizzles in her Baroness outfit that reminds me of Kate Beckinsale in Underworld, but he doesn’t go over the top with it, the likes of what Megan Fox did in both films, and Isabel Lucas in the 2nd one. Plus, the dialogue doesn’t give all of those sexual innuendos.

The cast features familiar faces such as Miller, Dennis Quaid, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Sommer’s Mummy regulars Arnold Vosloo and Brandon Fraser in a cameo. Channing Tatum as Duke is the main focus here with his sidekick of sorts Ripcord, played by Marlon Wayans, who is cast here as obvious comic relief. Soon as they focus on the bond between these two soldiers in arm, they shift it to focus on Duke and the Baroness. The chemistry between these two shines and becomes Duke’s driving force almost as much as his devotion to being the best soldier he can be.

Just like the title states, the movie shows us the rise of the terrorist organization known as Cobra. The movie shows us how this group comes to be and leaves us with a cliffhanger setting up future films.

As Devil’s Advocate, I give this film 3 1/2 pitchforks because it brings to life something I loved since I first saw it on my 13″ screen television over 15 years ago.

In reality however, I give this film 2 pitchforks. This film feels very forced in scenes and doesn’t give us the chance to feel anything for the characters as the movie progresses. Wayans, to me, does here what he did for Dungeons & Dragons in which he becomes more of an annoyance than anything. I noticed if another Wayans isn’t directing or acting beside him, he becomes a character that fizzles in humorous attempts and becomes very bothersome.

The other week, while having downtime coming home from my honeymoon, I picked up the movie adaption novel and read it. I stated that it was either going to enhance my viewing of the film or further take away from it. To answer what it did for me, I will leave you with a quote given by one of my fellow colleagues from this site….This movie #$%&*@ my childhood!

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is, for better or for worse, pretty much everything you thought the movie would be.  It’s loud, fast, stupid, and mindless.  But it’s also entertaining.

Following on the heels of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, this Stephen Sommers-helmed pic places the popular action figures on the big screen against the evil members of a shadowy organization bent on world domination.  It’s pretty much the plot of every children’s animated action/adventure show ever made.  To its credit, the script is ‘better’ than Transformers 2, with the characters being a little more fleshed out and the story, by comparison, doesn’t seem so rushed.

The flick follows Duke (Channing Tatum) and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans), the two newest recruits of a secret multi-nation special ops group designed to combat terrorism anywhere in the world, without all the red tape.  Duke, however, has been romantically linked to one of the Joes’ enemies, the Baroness (Sienna Miller), who is now in league with the nefarious arms dealer McCullen (Christopher Eccleston) and his assistant known only as The Doctor (Joseph Gordon-Levitt).  The Joes, led by General Hawk (Dennis Quaid), send a team consisting of mute martial arts expert Snake Eyes (Ray Park), gun nut Heavy Duty (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje), genius Breaker (Said Taghmauoi), and beautiful marksman Scarlett (Rachel Nichols) to stop McCullen from using a secret weapon that unleashes nanobots to eat everything.  Mixed in for good measure are some flashbacks that explain a bit of some of the characters’ backstories, massive and improbable underwater bases, and ninja fights.

Yeah.  Oscar-winning, this script isn’t.

But, just like Transformers, that isn’t the point.  Basically, these movies are supposed to put on the big screen all the crazy stuff you put the action figures through when you played with them as a kid.  And that’s pretty much what happens in The Rise of Cobra.  The Joes jump over (and through) buses, run up the sides of buildings, smash into cave walls, get shot at, blown up, thrown around, and slammed into.  Generally, all manner of abuse is dished out on these guys.  And it’s sure fun to watch.

Unfortunately, this isn’t a “perfect” action flick.  Just like other reviewers have commented, the CG effects sometimes look unfinished, as if they finalized the film before the effects were done rendering or something.  For example, some of the desert shots look terribly fake.  By comparison, the desert shots of the pyramids in Transformers 2 looked great; the pyramid shots in G.I. Joe look mediocre by comparison.  Also, no one can direct an action scene like Michael Bay.  Sommers tries, but there’s just a certain flow to a Bay movie that is lacking here.  There’s one sequence involving an attack on the Joes’ HQ.  Despite all the craziness going on, there still seems like there isn’t enough happening.  Even if dialogue is being spoken, the action shouldn’t stop.  I feel as if Sommers lets everything calm down for a second so that the actors can say their lines.  Sure, it might be good for the actors, but it slows down the action.

That being said, the flick still has some great moments.  The chase through Paris is great fun, and I had to restrain myself from squealing like a fanboy when I saw mortal enemies Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow (Brandon Soo Hoo) face off for the first time.  There’s also plenty of eye candy to go around; I know there were girls swooning at the very glimpse of Channing Tatum (despite is one note acting), and the guys have a lot to look at in Sienna Miller and Rachel Nichols.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra won’t exactly win over anyone who despises dumb fun summer flicks (ahem…Roger Ebert), but it will entertain those that grew up playing with the toys.  This movie was made for them, and it doesn’t have to be anything more than that.  Is it stupid?  Oh, yes.  But, will it please its target audience?  Most likely.

7.5/10

(images from Yahoo!)

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Stephen Sommers is a director in his mid-40s, which surprised me.  I was prepared to hear that he was in his late 20s or early 30s, because his film, G.I. Joe:  The Rise of Cobra, plays out very much like epic G.I. Joe battles that I used to have with the neighborhood kids, all of who are now around that age, myself included.  It is a giant compliment to the director’s imagination.  He has created a relatively innocent action flick that I can’t believe means anything more than to entertain a summer audience, even with the film’s agreeable and interesting application of near future nanotechnology as a device immediately used as brutal weaponry.  Sommers brings back almost all of the iconic 4″ toys that I played with as a kid and for two hours his film charmed me from a stern and cynical adult to a ten year old boy once again.  I was delighted to be in the theater after about the ten minute mark.

Snake Eyes

Action figure for the obscure Ripcord

The G.I. Joe’s have General Hawk (Dennis Quaid), Scarlett (Rachel Nichols), Snake Eyes (Ray Park), Duke (Channing Tatum), and strangely Heavy Duty ( Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje) and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans).  Why Agbaje wasn’t just the more iconic Roadblock and Wayans as one of my favorite early toy figures Stalker, is kind of a mystery, but also a minor nitpicking.  Well, maybe not so minor especially to the ten year old boy I morphed into while watching this. Stalker was third-in-command of G.I.Joe, and Ripcord was just some obscure redhead dude.  Anyway, Cobra was lead by Destro (Christopher Eccleston) in the beginning and he had some mean psychopathic Vipers at his disposal, as well the remarkably resourceful Baroness (a big selling point for the film played by Sienna Miller) and the deadly ninja Storm Shadow (Lee Byung-hun), Snake Eyes’s arch nemesis.  Miller is indeed very attractive as the evil Baroness, but in the end she was actually bested in the looks department by Nichols.  And yes, this is the kind of film that gives you little choice but to assess the looks of its cast.  The film’s most enjoyable surprise is its introduction of Cobra Commander (Joseph Gordon-Levitt).  Gordon-Levitt takes the role to a place that is campy, silly, dark, and a little scary.  He was outstanding and no doubt had tremendous fun with the part.  I have no doubt that this is a guy who played with action figures as an imaginative child.  Altogether, it really makes me look forward to a sequel with characters like Firefly or Major Blood.

From left; Storm Shadow, The Baroness, Destro, Hawk, Ripcord, Duke, Breaker, and Heavy Duty.

Rachel Nichols plays Scarlett

The story is kind of inconsequential and really just functions to support a film that throws constant action at us.  It is a chase film that centers on some warheads created by Destro that have the ability to tear apart an entire city.  This film has four standout pure action sequences that extend well beyond expected standards and set entirely new ones for future blockbusters, that in the end have little to say but a lot to blow-up.  The death count in The Rise of Cobra was a bit surprising, and almost unsettling if it were not for the fact that mine was higher in the stories I created as I played with my toys twenty years ago.  I’ve also heard that this is a movie that people who don’t know the characters can and do appreciate, for obvious reasons of course. It is after all made to make money, but I was admittedly disarmed of my cynicism here after seeing Snakes Eyes on screen for the first time.  Take that for what it is, this isn’t The Dark Knight.  It is not a thinking person’s film but then again maybe that is what we need sometimes.

My rating is 3 1/2 out of 5 stars.