For all the marbles… and the Goodall Cup.

Recaps: Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6

So here we are at the very last episode of The ICE Road To 3Peat, which covers the two AIHL playoff semi-final games, along with the Grand Final.

Now, if you’re not familiar with how the playoff system works in the AIHL, here’s a quick primer:

There are two conferences, the Easton Conference (where the Melbourne Ice are) and the Bauer Conference (yes, those are sponsors). The top two teams in each conference make the playoffs. Teams square off in the semi-finals, which are one and done games (so no series — like American football playoffs). The #1 team in the Easton Conference meets the #2 team in the Bauer Conference, while the #1 team in the Bauer Conference meets the #2 team in the Easton Conference. The two teams that win those games go on to the Grand Final, where they play for the Goodall Cup, which is the third-oldest national hockey trophy still awarded (after the Stanley Cup and the Allan Cup).

Still with me here? Good — now onto the recap!

The Ice arrive in Newcastle the evening before the semi-finals to familiarize themselves with the rink again.

Oh, hello again!

Todd Graham has made the trip from Buffalo State College for the weekend to take part in the playoffs.

Meanwhile, both Dahlen Phillips and Stu Denman are going for that starting goaltender position for the first game. While Phillips is the future of the franchise in net, Denman has more experience, especially in playoff games. In the end, coach Paul “Jaffa” Watson makes his decision: Denman will be his guy in net one last time.

For the first time all year, the Ice will be skating a full roster. Everyone’s healthy, no one’s suspended — let’s do this shit.

In a separate interview, Ice president Andrew Lamrock says that the team has never won a championship away from home. In another interview, AIHL commissoner Tyler Lovering explains it thusly:

They’re either going to be one of the greatest teams of all time in our 12-year history, or that pretty good team who still couldn’t win a big game away from home. And, you know, time will tell.

No pressure or anything, guys. Roll the title screen.

Newcastle is blue-collar, industrial, and, well, kind of looks like home to me.

Just swap out the coal plants for steel mills, and this could be my city.

Newcastle is also home to the AIHL powerhouse, the Newcastle North Stars, who are hosting the playoffs.

The Goodall Cup is lifted out of its case and propped up all pretty-like.

Look at the Cup. Look how it shines for you.

The first game is the Newcastle North Stars against the Adelaide Adrenaline, also known as the Battle of the Ugly-Ass Logos/Jerseys.

If my eyes could vomit, they would be doing so right now.

The jerseys aren’t as bad, but the logo. THE LOGO. /graphic designer problems

Narrator Steve Bastoni informs us that Newcastle and Adelaide split their home and away games this season… and then further informs us that the North Stars outscored their nearest conference rival by 24 goals. Hoooly shit. However, the Adrenaline have a few weapons of their own, including veteran Greg Oddy, goaltender Aaron Barton, and Rookie of the Year Charlie Huber. The Adrenaline also let in the second-fewest goals in the entire league.

Fortunately for us, this game was as pretty as their jerseys and logos are ugly, because this was a tight game the entire way. Even though the North Stars gain a 3-1 lead in the second period, they lose it just as quickly. A badly-timed  penalty and a desperate five-on-three situation shifts momentum Adelaide’s way, and as the second period winds down, the game is tied.

Then I guess the goaltenders just give up in the third period, because it starts raining goals. The North Stars are up 5-4 when captain Ray Sheffield throws an elbow on the Adrenaline’s Dan Nicholls, leaving him face-down on the ice. Sheffield is given a game misconduct, leaving the North Stars leaderless for the last minutes of the game.

I don’t think this woman is happy with the ref’s decision.

The North Stars have 8:17 to protect their one-goal lead… while the Adrenaline are on a five-minute power play. Oh boy.

Fortunately, North Stars goaltender Olivier Martin is on his game tonight, and he saves Newcastle’s ass, effectively killing off the penalty.

With 1:02 left on the clock, the Adrenaline pull their goaltender for the extra man in an attempt to tie the game. Does it work?

Haha, nope.

The North Stars survive the game 5-4, and they are the first team to qualify for the Grand Final.

But what about Our Heroes, the Melbourne Ice? Well, they take on the #2 team in the Bauer Conference, who happen to be…

Oh God.

Wait a minute.

(grabs beer from the fridge)

(chugs)

Okay, now I’m ready.

The Ice are taking on none other than the Sydney Ice Dogs. Are you kidding me? I didn’t know penalty minutes counted as points.

Watson is sure that his offense will create more opportunities than theirs, which… duh. Punching people doesn’t count as offense.

I cannot get over Tommy Powell’s Franken-shirt situation.

After Watson makes one last mention of discipline, Matt Korthuis echoes the sentiment, warning his teammates not to get sucked into playing “their game” — “their game” being punching people and taking stupid-ass penalties. Watson tells them to start “on fire” — to dictate the pace of the game.

This is everything you need to know about the Ice Dogs in one picture.

The Ice score in the first 40 seconds. That pretty much sums up how this game went.

After going down 3-0 in the first period, the Ice Dogs play like, well, the Ice Dogs.

I know Joey has pretty eyelashes, but you can’t have them, Ice Dogs player.

This time, however, Joey Hughes doesn’t lower himself to their level.

The only damage the Ice Dogs inflict on the Ice is a high stick to Greg Sturrock‘s mouth.

This summer, on True Blood Down Under…

The Ice win the game 6-2, because the Ice Dogs are terrible at playing actual hockey when people aren’t rising to their bait.

So here we are again. The Ice versus the North Stars for the Goodall Cup.

Sturrock gets his lip stitched up — the only real physical damage the game inflicted. I will spare you the image of this, because I am a kind soul sometimes.

Various Ice players talk about what it mean to be playing for the Goodall Cup. There’s excitement over all, tinged with a bit of determination to win the Cup away from home for the first time.

Also, there’s a lot of Doug Wilson Jr. looking pretty.

The fans of both teams are ready for this game.

Meanwhile, I’m still wondering what a hip hop artist has to do with Todd Graham. Whatever.

The Ice are underdogs this time, since the North Stars have already defeated them twice in the regular season. But, like they always say, the regular season doesn’t count once you get to the playoffs.

After the coaches for both teams talk about the game, we’re treated to another Coach Jaffa Inspirational Speech:

“What a great band of men to be part of. Success doesn’t come to you, boys — you go to it!”

Short, to the point, and off we go into the game.

33 seconds into the game, Joey Hughes finds himself in the box. Sigh. Then, on the power play, Dylan Moore blocks a shot and gets a stinger, leaving him unable to focus on the play in front of him. Double sigh.

Just as time runs out on the penalty, the North Stars score first. Triple sigh.

Even though Newcastle is pouring the pressure on, Stu Denman fights hard to keep the Ice in the game. However, toward the end of the first period, the Ice are down 2-0. Things look bleak for our heroes.

They need a spark, something to give them hope.

The hero Melbourne needs.

Matt Armstrong manages to take advantage of a sloppy outlet pass from Newcastle and put it in the net with a minute left to go in the first period. Though the Ice are down 2-1, this is just what the team needs to carry them into the second period.

But, just as momentum is gained, it can be lost — and Joey Hughes is called for holding, which, as the narrator says, is a “dubious call.”

Two minutes for making me feel uncomfortable with whatever’s going on.

The Ice survive and are only down 2-1, but they still have 36 seconds to kill at the beginning of the second period.

Lliam Webster gives his opinion on what Watson should do during his first intermission talk:

He’s going to grow up to be a coach one day, isn’t he?

Watson preaches that the team needs to play 5-on-5 hockey, and that they should keep it simple. Then Doug Wilson Jr. speaks up:

Boys, we talked about turning challenges into good, positive things for us. We’ve talked about penalties all fucking season — Joey takes one, and you know what he does? First shift out there, fucking works his bag off, and we score a goal. That’s how you turn something negative into a positive! So it’s 2-1 — let’s fucking play Melbourne Ice hockey. There’s a lot more to take, boys!

Wilson’s been taking Inspirational Speeches 101 from Coach Jaffa, I see.

“I’m gettin’ too old for this shit.”

Denman turned away 19 shots on goal in the first period to keep the Ice in the game. Now, it’s time for the rest of his teammates to do their damn jobs.

And, so, they do.

They take it hard to the North Stars’ net, and five minutes into the third, it’s Webster who ties it up for the Ice with a slapper.

Both goaltenders are making save after save, keeping both of their teams in the game. Who will break the tie?

Who else?

With seconds left to go in the period, Jason Baclig give the Ice their first lead of the game. Why? Because he’s Jason Fucking Baclig, that’s why.

The Ice go back into the locker room, keenly aware that not only are they 15 minutes away from history — but that this will be the final moments as members of the Ice for some of the team. Captain Vinnie Hughes reminds them of this during the final huddle:

“There’s not one person in this fucking room that I don’t want to fucking do this for right now! You’re all my fucking brothers! One period away from finishing what we fucking came here to do Let’s fucking get it done, boys! Here we go!

…I’m sorry — it just got a little dusty in here all of a sudden.

It’s been a long season. And now they’re just 15 minutes away from pulling off the impossible.

Newcastle takes a page from the St. Louis Blues playbook — “if you can’t beat them with skill, just beat them” — to throw the Ice off of their game. Meanwhile, the Ice are sitting on their one-goal lead… until:

The Incredible Beard says, “Fuck sitting on a one-goal lead.”

Lliam Webster gives the Ice a two-goal lead a little more than halfway into the third. The game seems to be sewn up. Start spit-shining the Cup, because it’s coming home to Melbou–

Oh, goddammit.

Wilson gets a penalty, the North Stars score on the ensuing power play, and suddenly it’s a one-goal game again.

With two minutes in the game, Newcastle takes their timeout. This is it for the North Stars. Finally, they have a chance at ending the Ice’s reign as champions.

But they have to get through Denman first.

With a stoppage in play, the Ice receive their final instructions — take the puck to the boards.

The North Stars pull their goaltender with 25 seconds to go for the extra man.

Seconds tick by.

The defense swat a puck out of the air, desperate to keep it out of the net.

And then…

Jubilation.

With the final buzzer, the Melbourne Ice have won the Goodall Cup for the third straight year — the only team in AIHL history to do so.

Group hugs for everybody!

And I mean everybody.

While the Ice are ecstatic, the North Stars are dejected.

“Shellshocked” might be a better word to use.

Then the tears start to flow on Melbourne’s side as the enormity of their feat washes over them, as well as what it means for the club and their future.

Watson holds Denman as he tells him:

“You have played the game of your life. I love you for everything you’ve done for this club, man, from day one!

Aw, hell — does anyone have any tissue? My eyes are leaking water again!

Vinnie Hughes lifts the Cup and skates it by the dedicated Ice fans who made it to Newcastle to see them.

It’s so shiny!

The 2012 Melbourne Ice are now the greatest team in AIHL history.

And now, the denouement:

Stu Denman retires. He is now the Melbourne Ice’s goalie coach.

After 22 years of coaching, Paul “Jaffa” Watson retires.

After three years as president of the club, Andrew Lamrock retires undefeated.

The last shot of the documentary is a child skating around the rink in a Melbourne Ice jersey as the narrator states that the vacancies in the club leaves room for the next wave of Melbourne Ice champions.

A good a note to end it on as any, I think.

And so, the journey to recap The ICE Road To 3Peat documentary ends for me. I hope you enjoyed the recaps, and I hope that you stick around to check out my coverage of the AIHL this season… which starts in less than 24 hours. Oh God, why?

Again, many thanks to Jane Glatt from River Road Hockey for sending me my copy of the DVD. I shall cherish it forever. I might be the only person in North America who has it, so I hope you’re all green with envy. If you’d like to order the DVD, check out the official website of the documentary. It’s about $37 US dollars plus whatever shipping is.

To see a preview of this episode, check out the video below.

Recaps: Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6

Not pictured: Me crying uncontrollably.

Recaps: Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6

No, no — I’m fine. I just have something in my eye.

(sobs) …I have something in my other eye.

…I have something in my heart! (sobbing)

Well, now that the ending of this episode has reduced me to a puddle of tears, I guess I should go on with the recap.

(Prepare yourself for a lot of quotes for this episode, because it’s a goldmine.)

#FreeJaffa

The episode starts off at the home of coach Paul “Jaffa” Watson, who has been suspended for three games following the shitshow at the Sydney Ice Dogs game at the end of the last episode. Watson is upset at himself for his part in the donnybrook, and he feels as if he let the team down.

So, now, he’s forced to watch his Melbourne Ice take on the Perth Thunder from home. And, while the Ice’s video feed is wonderful, I’m guessing he would rather be there live.

The game is over almost as soon as it began for the Ice as penalties take their toll, and they lose badly.

Assistant coach Sandy Gardner

Assistant coach Sandy Gardner (who takes over as head coach this season) is left to attempt to fill Watson’s shoes.

“Tell me if I’m wrong, but they outskated us, outplayed us… correct? I hope you’re all hurting, because that’s how you improve and get better. But, from now on, everybody in this room has to work harder, together, and really want it. It’s not an easy thing to do, to win three in a row. You have to be really disciplined.”

A shot of Marcus Wong slamming his hand against the wall in frustration, and then, from his home, Watson mutters in resignation.

“Maybe we think we’re better than we are.”

Roll title screen.

Gardner and Lamrock have a chat.

Gardner has a talk with (now-former) Ice president Andrew Lamrock out in the hallway. Lamrock says that “this has to stop,” and Gardner suggests that, before the next practice, Lamrock should talk with the team.

Cut to the next practice, and Lamrock does just that, starting his talk by holding up two pieces of paper.

No comments from the grammar police on this.

He then goes on to say:

“For the last four, five, six, seven, eight weeks, this is all I’m hearing. We’ve had a coach who’s suspended, we’ve had players who’s been suspended, and we keep hearing things like ‘Everyone fucking hates us. No one wants us to fucking win!’ Of course no one wants us to fucking win — we’re going for three championships in a row. No other club’s done it. No one wants us to win. But abusing officials and carrying on? Is also not right and not fair.

I sat in the stands on the weekend, and I had to leave the stands [unintelligible]. And I saw a team that didn’t want to win. The pressure is getting to all of us. It’s not easy.

The Ice will be meeting the Newcastle North Stars again next, in another preview of the Grand Final. If you remember the last recap, the Ice lost to the North Stars 5-1. Watson returns after his suspension.

No pressure or anything, Junior.

As added pressure, Doug Wilson Jr.‘s father, the Chicago Blackhawks defensive great (and, okay, San Jose Sharks GM) Doug Wilson is in the stands to cheer him on.

I’m sure nothing will go wrong in this game!

Ha-ha. Ha.

Even though there are 33 shots between the two teams in the first two periods, there has been only one goal given up, putting the North Stars up 1-0 at the tail end of the first.

Watson looks to his scorers to do what they’re supposed to — score goals in the third period. And they do… except the North Stars pour it on and score more. By the end of the offensive onslaught, the Ice have lost their second game to the North Stars 5-3.

Back in the locker room, Watson states that the Ice have been issued a challenge, and they’re up for it.

Lliam Webster and his beard speak up, effectively shifting the blame onto everyone else for allowing people to walk to the net with no one home to clean it up.

Joey Hughes is tired of your bullshit.

Joey Hughes, who is still serving his eight game suspension, has been sitting quietly in the locker room… until the moment he demands the camera get out of the room. As the camera focuses on a closed door, the younger Hughes brother snaps, going into an epic, well -deserved rant that I must transcribe for you to get the full effect:

“Everyone take a sit-down right now, please. This is going to be our downfall, right now. I’m gonna be honest with ya — I’ve got guys taking their shit off right now, guys showering up, guys frustrated. This is gonna be our downfall. Why are you guys speaking up when the camera’s on?  What’s the difference from last year to this year? Everyone was focused. Everyone knows they’ve got a job on the team!

“Erzy (Andrew Erzen), you’ve gotta have more control out there! You got a couple shifts — so what? You gotta make it with what you have! You can’t be fucking frustrated, throwing your shit around, looking to get out the door!

“Everyone has to buy in, everyone has a responsibility on the team! And it’s fucking breaking my heart, seeing you guys come in here, fucking pointing fingers, looking at… Take a look in the fucking mirror, and you tell me — have you shown up tonight? Doing everything you can to be ready to play tonight?

“How many mistakes did you make, Tommy? What the fuck’s going on? What’s the difference from last year to this year? Go back to what you do good, and bring it!

“Get fucking motivated! Fuck… it’s like we’re going through the motions out there!

“I don’t want to be bashing — it’s after a game, it’s probably the wrong time and place to do it, but it fucking breaks my heart to see fucking camera guys in here, and everyone on their own page. We have a fucking team meeting, we had a team meeting — we do it with a purpose. Everything’s with a purpose.

“It’s time to pull it back in and fucking have a reality check in here. Have accountability, point the finger at yourself! Yeah, fuck, I’m out! I know I fucked up, boys! I’m fucking dealing with it! It’s breaking my heart for you guys to come in here and point fingers! Yeah, sure, I can point my finger at fucking Sydney and blame them for everything, why I’m not playing, but   it comes from here — I fucking retaliated! And you guys need to fucking have a reality check in here! Is that fair?

“Fucking camera guys! Remember where we fucking came from! You’re fucking acting like you’re fucking hot shot — this is a fucking amateur fucking hockey league, and you guys are carrying yourselves like fucking NHL players! Fucking get out there and get the fucking work boots on! Fucking point the finger at yourself and think ‘Fuck, I need to pick my socks up, I need to — maybe cut down the drink. I need to pick it up on ice. I need to [unintelligible].’

“You got to do everything you can and then bring it in the dressing room and fucking leave it out there! It’s fucking breaking my heart watching these games, and I’m frustrated — I don’t want to come tomorrow! Is that fair? Please, with a fucking purpose — everything!”

Oh, hi — this is me falling head over heels in love with Joey Hughes. The passion and conviction and genuine heartbreak as he’s talking — it breaks my heart to hear it. And, the best part is that it’s not in front of the cameras — it’s not for show. He actually believes what he’s saying, and he is speaking as a leader of his team to try to inspire them to be better. That’s it.

I’m just so in love with him right now. Don’t touch me!

After this, Watson comes back on the screen, saying that the Ice have been beating everyone on “Easy Street,” but now they’re doing it on “Hard Street.” Watson thinks this is a good thing for the team, saying that you never know what someone’s got until it gets tough. Truer words have never been spoken.

We now break up this excitement with another backroom meeting. This time, it’s the AIHL commissioners’ monthly meeting to figure out where the 2012 Final Series will be held that year. And the winner is…

If you guessed Newcastle, you’re right!

This is a bit disconcerting for the Ice, since they’ve never won a championship away from home before. Oh, well — first time for everything, right?

…Right?

We now go into the “volunteer appreciation” part of the documentary. I know, I keep bringing it up, but it’s rather astonishing to me that there are people in Australia who love hockey so much that they will put the time and effort to run an entire league without getting paid. (Meanwhile, in the NHL…) I hope someone buys them dinner, at least.

By the way, this is the Ice’s mascot, the Ice Man, posing with fans.

Say what you want, but he’s still 100% less creepy than Tommy Hawk.

We cut to the airport. Defenseman Todd Graham is leaving the Ice to play hockey at Buffalo State College. It’s another opportunity to play the game he loves while also getting an education, but the timing sucks. He has to leave around the end of the regular season to start school, which means he can’t help them on their final push toward a three-peat.

I’ll miss you and your dumb fucking face, Toddi.

The Ice are heading back to Western Australia one last time to take on the Thunder, who spanked them 6-3 earlier in the episode and are making a big playoff push. This could go very wrong for the Ice.

The Thunder are playing desperate hockey, like each stride could be their last — because it very well could be, as far as their season is concerned. They come out on all cylinders early, firing shots at Stu Denman before scoring their first goal… and, soon after that, their second.

No, I didn’t screencap this to marvel at how long his eyelashes are! This is serious business we’re dealing with, here!

Joey Hughes can only sit back and watch, fuming as the Thunder go up 3-0. Poor Watson is reduced to pacing the visitors’ box, sighing, “I don’t know what to do anymore.”

He goes back into the locker room to try to rally the troops once again.

“When do you guys want to learn that if you’re not fuckin’ first in the pack, you’re nowhere!? You’re absolutely nowhere! Do you get that through your heads? You’re not as fucking good as you think you are. You’ve gotta work! You’ve gotta work! When you’ve got the puck, you’re smart, but you’re reacting. You’re gliding, you’re reacting. They’re not that good! They’re not that good, boys — you’re making them look good!

Watson is so emotionally drained from the game that he hands over the second intermission talk to Gardner.  Watson grumbles after the team cheers that they’ll go and put the effort in, “That’s all you’ve ever said — you’ve never done.”  The Ice lose this game 3-1.

Talk about breaking an old man’s heart. No wonder he retired at the end of the season. I’m emotionally exhausted just watching this documentary.

The Ice are back at it in Perth the next day — but guess who’s back?

Joey’s back — tell a friend.

Yes, Joey Hughes has finally been freed from his suspension, and he’s ready to punch the AIHL in the face… er, metaphorically, this time.

The suspension seems to have made him hungrier, because he’s all over the Thunder in the first period. But it’s not until the second period that he lights the lamp, putting the Ice up 1-0. The Thunder come back to tie it, but Wilson puts the Ice back on top soon after with a wicked slap shot.

The third period sees the physical play ramp up — and guess who’s in the middle of it again? That’s right, it’s Joey Hughes getting knocked down and pushed around again. A hard check in the period lands with an audible crunch on poor Joey’s face. But, of course, there’s no call on the play, because fuck you, Ice. To his credit, however, Hughes skates back to the bench instead of immediately retaliating.

Then again, if my nose was severely broken, I might want to get that checked out first, too.

This game ends very differently, with a 4-2 win for the Ice. The discipline the team — and Joey — showed was the key to them pulling out this win. Joey gets the clownfish helmet for his efforts.

I have no idea why this looks like an Instagram filter, but okay.

Watson commends Joey on leading by example, and for taking the hit for the good of the team.

And then Joey walks around half-naked to greet fans and take pictures with tissue paper still stuffed up his nose.

Not that I’m complaining, mind you.

The team flies back to Melbourne, a playoff spot finally secured. Everyone is exhausted — players, coaches… and their families.

And then we get into my favorite part of the episode, and it’s partly because of this woman here:

Love her!

Barb Watson is the badass wife of badass Coach Watson. She talks about the grind of the hockey season, and how Watson is always busy, even when he’s at home. There isn’t a lot of time during the season when they’re able to be together.

Meanwhile, adorable photos of their early years together keep popping up on screen.

On their second date when she was 16 years old, Watson took Barb to a hockey game. There were maybe fifty people there, but she fell in love with the sport.

And the man who brought her to the game, of course.

In a separate interview, Watson talks about how being a part of the pure joy of the game is enough to keep you going through it.

We cut to another locker room, where Watson addresses his team:

“Quite a few have given speeches over the last few weeks, and we’ve been on a bit of a journey. Well, my little speech is about me saying to all of you a giant thank you. An absolute thank you. I haven’t rehearsed one thing of this — probably played it in my mind a thousand times, but the two words that keep coming out are ‘Thank you.’

For me, this is my last roll of the dice. I step down at the end of the year, and I hold it in pride that you have allowed me to be part of you for so long. I’ve watched all of you turn into good men — married, kids — it’s all goin’ on. But, as a collective, I just could not be happier or prouder. I just feel the love, feel the friendship.

I’m gonna tell you, boys — this year has been a year, hasn’t it? But, guess what? We’re here. We get one crack at this, and we’re gonna take it. Nothing will give us greater pleasure than the collective we’ve got now, because it won’t be the same next year. It just won’t. It’s all gonna change. Things are gonna happen. This is something we can do together, guys, and we can have the memories for it.

I thank you very much gentlemen, for having the privilege to coach you — still goin’ to see out the weekend. I love ya. That’s all.”

I’ve watched this three times now, and I’m still tearing up as I transcribe it.

And then, as if I’m not already crying enough, captain Vinnie Hughes has to speak up.

“There’s not one person in this room that you haven’t knocked over. Not one. We’ve taken that, and we’ve used it in the club, in our lives. It’s amazing — you’re a unique person. I’ve never met anybody like you. … I can tell you one thing — we’ll fucking play our hearts, and it’s a privilege to be there for the last fucking battle. But the name ‘Paul Watson’ will never leave this fucking changing room, ever. Or the logo. Or the club, or the family. So, I thank you.

Then the handshakes happen, and I’m sobbing all over again.

In her interview, Barb states that she’s relieved for him, because now Watson can focus on himself.

But not yet — the Ice still have one more thing to do before he can retire, and that’s go for their third straight championship.

Before I toss it over to the preview, I have something to say about this episode. This episode is when this documentary transcends its “24/7 Road To The Winter Classic — but for Australians!” trappings. There’s real emotion here — frustration, anger, sadness, disappointment. But, most of all, this episode was about love — love for your team and love for the game of hockey itself. That’s what the main theme of this entire series is, really, but it comes through the strongest here. These guys love each other like brothers. They fight and struggle with each other, but at the end of the day, this team is a family.

That’s what hockey is all about.

For a preview of this episode, click the video below. I’m going to dry my face again.

Recaps: Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6

Lliam Webster and his beard welcome you back.

Recaps: Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6

Remember the opening to my second episode recap, where I waxed poetic at how open and honest these guys were in front of the cameras? Especially this line:

Since ice hockey in Australia is more of an underground sport, there isn’t one person who feels the pressure of being “on” all the time to make sure they — and by extension, the team — are not seen in a bad light.

Yeah. This episode is like the underbelly of that sentence. To steal a phrase from the ancestor of all modern reality TV, this episode is when the Melbourne Ice stop being polite and start getting real.

Playing the Sydney Ice Dogs will do that to a team, I guess. But I’m getting ahead of myself, as I tend to do.

Let’s go into the recap right away, because the cold opening needs to be discussed.

The episode opens on the road, from the team bus to an airplane. Narrator Steve Bastoni sets the scene for us:

A road trip is always a good opportunity to hang out as a team. Players use the travel time to grab some sleep…

Attractive.

…pull out a book, or consider becoming a rocket scientist, like Marcus Wong, who’s studying an aerospace engineering degree.

YOU THOUGHT I WAS KIDDING.

The episode then goes into what I believe to be one of the universal truths about hockey players — they are, on the whole, some of the genuinely goofiest people on the face of the Earth.

First, we have one guy attempting to interview Vinnie Hughes.

For the record, Vinnie Hughes is having none of your bullshit.

Then, after a shot of eggs in a basket being cooked to signify that it’s breakfast time, Tommy Powell calls goaltenders Stu Denman and Dahlen Phillips “strange cats” for being on their phones instead of eating breakfast and hanging out like the rest of the guys.

Never question what goalies do. It will lead to madness.

After a few more quick shots of scenes like Matt Armstrong and Jason Baclig attempting to cross arms and share beers…

Canadian bros sharing beers? This has never happened before!

…And the entire team pretending to be on a roller coaster while flying…

I don’t even know.

You, too, will believe that the “special-ness” of hockey players is truly a worldwide phenomenon.

Also, did I say that all of this happens in the first minute of the episode? Because all of this happens in the first minute of the episode.

Also, I’m starting to find this guy attractive. For the love of God, send help.

Anyway, after the title screen rolls, Baclig opens the episode with his view on slumps.

“When you’re in a slump, you think you’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders. You’ve got this big monkey on your back. Every player goes through it.”

One player going through a slump is power forward Lliam Webster (he of the majestic beard above), who has only two goals in the first eleven games of the season. We see a shot of him sharpening his skates before he is interviewed about it, himself.

“I try to worry about if you’re not creating any chances. As a line, if you’re not creating any chances, then you need to worry. If you are, and they’re just not quite coming off, not scoring, then so be it. There’s obviously something else, then, to work on — but if you’re not even creating the chances or getting close, then you’ve gotta worry.”

Baclig goes on to explain that there’s pressure on you to produce, so he just closes his eyes and shoot. That’s easy for you to say, sir.

THIS! IS! AUSTRALIA!

The Ice are on the road again, this time to the nation’s capital to face the Canberra Knights, home of possibly the most insane, intense crowd in the AIHL. First of all, there’s no glass, only netting separating the crowd from the ice. Second of all, the fans come off as Philadelphia Flyers-like in their devotion to the team… and in their dedication for trolling the opposing team.

Captain Vinnie Hughes finally returns to the team after his six-game suspension, which was covered at the end of Episode 2. Hughes discusses the history of this team, which has been around for over thirty years (since 1981), and that the crowd is knowledgeable and will heckle you. And, since there’s only netting separating the crowd from the ice, they are definitely heard.

Netting. Seriously.

The Knights’ dedicated fans know that, if they can get into the opponents’ heads, their game will fall apart. It’s a distinct advantage the Knights have at home. No pounding on the glass here — just good, old-fashioned yelling about people’s moms, probably. Real old-time hockey!

(This might be the first (well, second, if you count the title) time I invoke the classic movie Slap Shot, but believe me — it won’t be the last.)

The Knights initially come out fighting in this game, stoking the crowd’s frenzy, but they are soon silenced by the Ice making it rain goals on them. Two of these goals are from none other than Webster, who is more than happy to break his slump in the AIHL’s toughest arena. Coach Paul “Jaffa” Watson implores the team to “step on their throat,” and they do, to the tune of eight goals to three.

After the game, the guys talk about an incident that occurred in the second period, when Mitch Humphries took a puck to the shins, causing him to hobble off the ice. Though it wasn’t much more than a stinger and he returned two shifts later, word soon spread around social media that Humphries had, in fact, broken his leg. This becomes a running gag with the team after the game and into the morning, calling the stinger a “suspected broken leg” at first before insisting that Humphries had, in fact, been shot in the ankle with an M16.

Though this is played for jokes, it does show the increased focus on players and the team in general through social media.

The next stop is Sydney.

Obligatory shot of the harbor with the Sydney Opera House in the frame, because that is literally the only thing most Americans know about Sydney.

Even though Sydney is the largest city in Australia, the Ice are greeted with the smallest crowd when they play the Sydney Bears.

Even Phoenix Coyotes fans are like “Daaaaaamn.”

Watson knows the dangers of playing a seemingly downtrodden and pathetic team like this. It’s a problem that all good teams have — a tendency to play down to their opponent’s level.

“I know where we are on the ladder, and I know what we think of ourselves. And I know what they’ll be thinking right now, and where they are on the ladder, and what they want to come and do to us right now. But what they don’t have is what we have — we have heart and desire, and we have the will to come out of this rink and say ‘We are the best,’ because we have to live it. You want it, boys!?” (team shouts “Yeah!”) “You want it!?” (“YEAH!”) “Come on, let’s go out there and deliver it!”

Have I mentioned that I want Coach Jaffa to coach my life? Because I do.

Denman is forced to sit in the sparse crowd due to back spasms, so backup goaltender Phillips will be in net for the first time since the beginning of the year, where he won all four of his appearances.

Phillips gets a break early in the game, as the good majority of the action is down at the other end of the ice. However, missed shots and the Bears’ goaltender standing on his head lead to frustration. The Bears keep Joey Hughes and Baclig stifled early on, diminishing the power of the Ice’s offense. Finally, the Bears strike first, and it’s costly for the Ice. Defenseman Doug Wilson Jr. is injured on the play, and the Bears smell blood in the water as they pepper Phillips with shots.

Meanwhile, Wilson attempts to plead his case to return to the play, but to no avail.

He is not happy about this.

The Bears score again, making it 2-0, and it looks bad for our heroes. But, wait — who’s that I hear in the distance?

It’s the Incredible Beard!

Yes, for the second time this road trip, Webster sparks the team to a decisive victory, this time beating the Bears 6-2. Again, Webster has two goals.

Wong, the future rocket scientist, gets the Player of the Game helmet for skating double shifts to cover for Wilson and “going balls out” over the weekend in general.

I think he’s happy about this.

The team arrives home in Melbourne around midnight that night, and, as the narrator says, “Normal life resumes tomorrow.”

By the way, Webster scored four goals on this trip. I think it’s safe to say that the slump is over.

We now get a chance to look into the business side of things as a committee meeting is called, with (now-former) Ice president Andrew Lamrock leading the meeting to discuss the “growing pains” the club is experiencing. The Ice are in a transition period now, with a full stadium and a possible partnership with the San Jose Sharks (whose GM is none other than Wilson’s father, Doug Wilson).

Tyler Lovering, the commissioner of the AIHL as well as a former player, remembers when the Ice were not the powerhouse they are now. He credits their rise to the top of the league to good planning by the group in place in the front office.

This is where the line between amateur and professional get a little dicey. As I’ve stressed many times before, the AIHL is an amateur league run by volunteers. But the Ice are now starting to turn a profit from merchandising and sponsorships, which is starting to blur the lines. The Ice, along with the future of hockey in Australia in general, are at a crossroads, and decisions the Ice make will have repercussions throughout the AIHL.

In a separate interview, Watson says that he would like to see the league start to meet players’ expenses in the next five years. Lovering says that the Ice have not forgotten that they have to give back to other teams so the Ice have a league to play in.

We now leave the backroom politics behind to celebrate the Ice’s ten-year anniversary… featuring hockey players in suits.

I didn’t say they were GOOD suits.

I blame Dollar Bill Wirtz for this shirt/vest combination.

Look, it’s Ed Sheeran’s little brother!

Aww, I can’t make fun of Vinnie. He’s the chubby-faced Paul McCartney lookalike of my heart!

After the party comes the obligatory charity game between the Ice alumni and current players, which raises money for Kids Under Cover.

Also, there is a small child with a big hockey helmet on. Ow, my ovaries!

After Lamrock finishes up the scoring for the alumni, the Ice are back on the road to Newcastle to take on the top team in the other conference, the Newcastle North Stars (whose logo and jerseys makes me want to vomit all over my keyboard in anger and disgust as a graphic designer — but I digress). Watson goes into another speech, because why wouldn’t you feature his speeches? They’re awesome.

“We all know that this is a dress rehearsal, but here’s what I want. I want absolute discipline! The only thing that’s gonna defeat you tonight is discipline. We play five-on-five, we’ll beat anybody.

The North Stars end up scoring three goals on the power play during the second period. Yep.

To say that Watson isn’t happy as he addresses the team during the second intermission is a gross understatement. He’s so angry, in fact, that it makes it kind of hard to transcribe. Let me try my best, here.

“Get out like it says you play, you fuckin’ block the shot! You find some fuckin’ ticker! You fuckin’ take it to ‘em, fuckin’ spit in their face! Start! It’s gotta start! Fuckin’ tell me to be calm — fuck that! Find some anger in your hearts! If I’m goin’ to war, there’s two things I want — two things: courage and determination! That’s what you have when you go to war! Courage and determination!

He kicks a player’s chair for emphasis.

I see shit for that from you guys — fuckin’ shit! Find somethin’, boys! Fuckin’ get angry, whatever it takes!

Does this rally the troops? Does it stoke them into a third period onslaught?

…No. No, it does not. The team can only answer with more penalties, including a game misconduct for Joey Hughes for abusing an official. When the final whistle blows, the North Stars have completely pantsed the Ice 5-1. Four of those goals? On the power play. Dear Lord, what a way to shit the bed.

To add insult to injury, Baclig finds himself at the hospital. After nursing a hand injury for a week, it has now become infected due to leaving it untreated. If he didn’t check into the hospital and have the infection treated, there is a real possibility that he could’ve lost his finger, ending his hockey career.

I’ll spare you the image of Baclig’s finger being sliced open to bleed some of the infection out, for I am a kind soul on occasion.

After this, the Ice are heading south to play… oh, God, no. It’s THIS game.

Sigh. Hold on.

(grabs a beer out of the fridge)

(takes a big gulp)

Okay, now I’m ready.

The Ice are playing the Sydney Ice Dogs next, a team made up of miscreants and ill tempers. It would be like the Buffalo Sabres looking at Patrick Kaleta and Steve Ott and saying, “You know what we need? More guys like these douchebags!” And then they would go out and trade for Raffi Torres, Brad Marchand, and Matt Cooke. Yeah. That gives you a sense of how, um, beloved this team is among the league.

Now, as a related aside, since I got one of the special editions of the DVD, it comes with coach’s notes for two games. One of the coach’s notes covers this very game! Let’s see what Coach Watson’s notes have to say about this game beforehand:

This game is totally different than playing Newcastle yesterday:

1. Dogs only have one weapon — they are physical — they will sacrifice player to take out Joey/Army.
2. Head on a swivel
3. Dogs – dump/chase
4. We break in — either go deep into corner & cycle or — deep forward saves ice, and passes to trailer(?) for shot/rebound.

A solid plan to take on the Ice Dogs, I think. But, as they say, the best-laid plans of mice and men…

The first shot fired is a late hit on Matt Armstrong.

Oh sh–

Even though Armstrong is still feeling the effects of the hit, there’s no call on the play. Ha. Ha-ha.

The Ice Dogs and the Ice trade goals, but there’s a tension in the air.

And it’s starting to boil over.

Wilson and Richard Tesarik get into it first, drawing game misconducts, and the game is starting to grow out of control.

Now, I have been asked not to focus on the performance of the officials in this game because it might ruffle some feathers, so… I won’t. All I ask is that you keep this in the back of your mind as I continue the rest of the recap, and then you can draw your own conclusions on the officiating, okay? Okay!

The players on the benches are yelling insults back and forth after the fight, “pussy” this and “you’re fucking next” that. The coach(?) for the Ice Dogs is seen yelling “Go home! Go home!” The fans are throwing articles of clothing onto the ice.

The fuck is that — a sock? Who throws a sock? Honestly!

Watson yells, “You better get control back in this game, ref!” The refs stand by as Vinnie Hughes chats with them.

During the first intermission, Watson goes into another speech:

“Gentlemen, we know what the game is. Yeah, alright, you can’t control the ref and we’re all supposed to remain calm and all that bullshit. But, if it’s there, and you want to take him, fuckin’ take him right out!

Whoa! Hold up! Did he just… oh, no he didn’t.

(rewinds)

(watches again)

Oh, yes, he did! He just told his players to take out the Ice Dogs!

Coach Jaffa is serving up some straight-up, Reggie Dunlop, Slap Shot realness right now.

He continues:

“And if you want to start it, start it! But, Vinnie, you’re not! If someone wants to step up, it’s anyone else but Vinnie! If it has to happen. Don’t back down from something, and if you want it, you take it. Otherwise, we do it in the net, as well — we put the puck in the net.”

I’m fired up just listening to this speech!

Oh, I know — I should comment on how it’s a crying shame that a coach would tell his team to take people out, but I can’t without, you know, doing that thing I said I wouldn’t do. So… draw your own conclusions as to why a coach would preach vigilante justice on the ice.

Joey Hughes scores a natural hat trick, which naturally puts a target on his back during the third period. Three minutes into the third, Hughes is skating by the Ice Dogs bench when he’s grabbed and pulled into the bench. Hughes fights back, and it’s an utter shitshow in front of the Dogs’ bench.

When “shitshow” is entered into the Oxford Unabridged Dictionary, this will be the picture that accompanies the definition.

All I’m waiting on is for someone to start skating by the fracas while stripping off their uniform.

I said “skating BY the fracas,” not “skating while still actively involved in the fracas!”

Watson then talks about the brawl, and how the Ice Dogs’ coaches were egging on the fight. So he got into it, too, pointing at the coach and yelling at him to come over to where he stood. The security guards hold Watson back, and Watson says, “Right or wrong, I wanted him. I still do, right now.”

I’m putting fifty bucks on Coach Jaffa, you guys. He is not playin’.

Hey, let’s take a look at the penalty minutes from this fight, everybody!

Thanks to the AIHL site for summing it up for us. Dear Lord.

In all, 218 penalty minutes are handed out, leaving both teams severely undermanned for the remainder of the game. Both teams are still fighting for it, though, not giving up no matter how emotionally and physically drained they must be at this point.

Then, with less than four minutes left to go, Chris Wong springs on an opportunity to put the Ice back ahead — and he does. The Ice go on to win the game 4-3… but it’s now another Hughes brother who goes up for a tribunal hearing. Yes, despite the fact that he was pulled into the Ice Dogs’ bench, Joey Hughes is the one in line for a suspension.

No, I didn’t screencap this to marvel at how long his eyelashes are. This is serious business we’re dealing with, here!

The tribunal decides to suspend Joey Hughes for eight games, which means he’ll be out until two games before the playoffs — if they get that far. Uh-huh.

To watch a preview of this episode, click on the video below.

Recaps: Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6

Recaps: Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6

Episode 3 of The ICE Road to 3Peat opens with this, where the screencap above is pulled from: Already down 1-0, the Melbourne Ice‘s Daniel Szalinski takes a huge, open ice hit from the Gold Coast Blue Tongue‘s Greg Bay. Bay immediately gets a well-deserved beatdown from Mitchell Humphries, but the damage has already been done. Szalinski is out cold on the ice.

Ominous music fades in. “Oh, we are the hunted,” coach Paul “Jaffa” Watson states over a montage of icing injuries and the aftermath of hits on Ice players.

Like this one on Matt Korthuis.

“We’re the hunted. They’re out to get us, and it’s a challenge to the boys because, every game we play, they want to knock us off even more than normal purely because of where we’re at. There’s no doubt about that, and it’s a huge challenge.”

Roll the title screen. Let’s get into the rest of the recap.

Doug Wilson Jr. gets patched up, AIHL style.

Episode 3 drops us into the aftermath of being the hunted, while Steve Bastoni narrates:

Hockey players and injuries go hand in hand, and for the Melbourne Ice, keeping a full roster together is proving difficult in the early part of the season.

Watson then checks off the injuries the Ice have had to deal with so far:

• Matt Korthuis has a “deep, deep ligament” injury in his ACL.
• Tommy Powell has a torn MCL, which he suffered while playing in the World Championships and has kept him out of the lineup so far this season.
• Daniel Szalinski is out with a concussion from the hit at the beginning of this episode.

The injuries aren’t helping a team that is struggling to get into a groove following a 4-0 shutout to the Blue Tongues. A mandatory team video review of the game is called before Tuesday’s practice to go over just what went wrong, and how the team can overcome this slump.

Sweet Kings hat, bro.

Watson insists that this isn’t a “blame game” before imploring the veterans of the team to speak up during the video review. He then jokes, “What’s all in this room goes no further than the cameraman,” a funny nod to the documentary team who have worked diligently to become the proverbial fly on the wall during all this.

Bastoni reminds us that there are 25 games in the regular season, and that slumping in a couple of games could make the difference between making the playoffs and watching it from the stands. Watson needs to get his team out of this downturn as quickly as possible, or their chances of a three-peat championship will be greatly hindered.

Watson calls out the forwards for not backchecking quick enough during a play before he goes in on the defense for pinching too much and getting caught deep. He tells Doug Wilson Jr. specifically, “It’s gotta stop — it just has to stop, mate.” Watson then turns to Joey Hughes, telling him that he understands his frustrations, but the game can’t be perfect every time for him.

Hughes then speaks up to offer his opinion on this:

He then suggests that the lines should be mixed so he can get a break from his usual linemates, including Lliam Webster, in an effort to get things going again.

In a separate interview, forward Jason Baclig, explains that chemistry is a big part of successful teams, and that the Ice’s chemistry has been affected recently by suspensions (like that of captain Vinnie Hughes, which was covered in the last episode) and players dealing with slumps (such as Vinnie’s brother, Joey).

Webster, in another separate interview, explains that he didn’t take offense to Hughes’ suggestion that he needed a break from his linemates.

Let me be honest — I just screencapped this so you can revel in the majesty of his epic beard.

Watson sums up what the team will be doing for the next game — mixing up lines according to who’s healthy, and the defense staying at home unless they’re 100% sure about jumping into the play. The Ice will be playing the Adelaide Adrenaline next, who are in the same conference as the the Ice and are four points ahead of them in the standings. If they “shit the bed” in their doubleheader against the Adrenaline that weekend, the season could hang in the balance for them.

With their captain suspended and injuries mounting, this is a pivotal weekend for the team. Will they rise to the challenge?

The guys are in the locker room now, discussing how to proceed on the power play and drawing up plays while huddled in one corner. Watson goes into a speech as the “motivational piano” accompaniment starts:

“We’ve discussed it — you’ve obviously thought about it in your own heads. We all know what we can do better, and we all know what we can bring. Nothing beats desire, gentlemen. Nothing! Desire creates power! So we’re a little bit against the wall, and that’s what brings out the best in us.”

The Ice perform at their best, narrator Bastoni explains, when the team is under the most pressure. It’s the experience that comes with having won back-to-back championships. The team is at its most graceful, its most disciplined…

…And its most dominant.

The Ice end up outscoring the Adrenaline 12-6 that weekend, silencing the critics and bolstering the team’s confidence.

After a cheer led by Watson, the documentary turns its eye to the youngest member of the team, 16-year-old Caleb Butler. Butler, whose journey to the team was covered in Episode 1, will get his chance on the first line against the saddest sad sack team in the AIHL, the Melbourne Mustangs. It’s all a part of his development — which seems more like a trial by fire to me, throwing him on the top line in a semi-professional league before his 18th birthday. Then again, I live in the northern United States, where high school and junior hockey teams are common, so what do I know? The coaches devise a backup plan in case Butler can’t handle the pressure.

Butler’s first shift is impressive, but his inexperience at the top level starts to show as he gets pushed off the puck easily and knocked around by the Mustangs’ defensive corps.

Coach Jaffa breaks the news to the kid.

During the first intermission, Watson informs Butler that he’s demoting him from the first line with all the paternal warmth he can muster. As he explains what Butler should try to do from that point on, he sounds more like a father giving his son a sit-down talk than a coach, even with his exhortation to “dump [the puck] in and chase the fucker.” Butler will continue to develop his skills, says the narrator, hoping to become a more permanent fixture on the team.

Hockey in Australia isn’t a a full-time job, the narration reminds us over a montage of goal after goal against the Mustangs. While we got to see Andrew Erzen‘s life as a construction worker in the second episode, this time we get to see an Ice player at play during his downtime. Jason Baclig, one of the stars of the team, makes music when he’s away from the rink.

Not even kidding.

Maybe it’s because my hometown team, the Chicago Blackhawks, are a bunch of tone deaf bastards, but I think Baclig is a good singer. Baclig explains that before he found music, he didn’t know if he was going to continue playing hockey — but now, he can pursue both of his loves. His (pretty damn catchy) song plays during his interview.

The Ice are now heading to the Gold Coast to take on the Blue Tongues in their home rink, Bundall Iceland, which is… how can I put this delicately?

Do not adjust your computer screens. That’s fog.

Oh, forget it. It’s a shithole. This shithole makes the Ice’s team doctor, Peter Moore, reminisce about their own humble beginnings at their rink back in Oakley, where the fog was so thick, goaltender Stu Denman couldn’t see the play at the other end of the rink.

This is what the ceiling looks like.

AIHL commissioner Tyler Lovering admits that one of the things that hinders the growth of the sport in Australia is the state of the facilities. Meanwhile, the Ice start getting ready for the game… outdoors.

Wilson is being kind of a smartass about it — but I would, too, if I had to get dressed by a dumpster.

Lovering continues to explain that the league has adopted a minimum standards bylaw for all rinks that take part in the AIHL that took force this year.

…While someone takes a piss into a garbage can…

…And others shower in a prison.

“The facility at the Gold Coast has been substandard,” Lovering states as this image flashes across the screen.

Wow. That’s just gross.

“When they moved there five years, six years ago, the league was in a different place,” he continues. Yeah, a more disgusting place. The other teams in the AIHL forced the issue on this shithole’s conditions, which led to the minimum standards bylaw. Lovering admits the league’s hands are tied on the issue, so the teams are forced into a no-win situation — either they suck it up for two games at this shithole as long as it’s not a safety issue, or the teams have to vote to kick the Blue Tongues out of the league until they get a new facility.

Meanwhile, the Ice get dressed in a trailer.

The Ice players don’t actually give a damn about this shithole — they’re more focused on the game and getting a bit of revenge on the Blue Tongues for the 4-0 shutout at home.

But it looks like the rink wants to get a bit of revenge on them, as well, because it starts physically deteriorating during the game.

The boards start to separate. Seriously. This is actually happening.

The officials desperately try to kick the boards back into place while holes start to form in the ice.

Yes, holes.

Not tiny pits.

HOLES. IN. THE. ICE.

Now, look, I understand that this is hockey in Australia, and rinks aren’t going to be ideal, you know? I get that. I honestly do.

But there are holes in the ice! The boards are separating!

I… I don’t know what to say to this. I’m horrified. This entire part of this episode horrifies me.

On of the Ice management team explains to Watson the dangers of going on with the game:

“If we have a situation where we have players who injure themselves, and there’s no one else around, we have to look after them. We have to look after them. And if we need to get a message through to the league — if we find another injury based on the surface of the ice, I’m gonna ask you the hard question. We’ve got to consider this very, very carefully.”

Meanwhile, Wilson explains that “Hockey is hockey — you just got to do it,” but he doesn’t exactly look thrilled to be taking the ice any time soon.

Finally, enough’s enough, and the game’s called off. Immediately, someone attempts to protest, but to no avail. According to AIHL rules, the Ice would be awarded the three points for the game, which doesn’t sit well with anyone… especially Blue Tongues’ coach, Peter Nixon, who marches into the Ice’s locker room to make an impassioned plea.

“It’s clear and apparent it’s not gonna happen, but you gotta realize, it’s put us in another shit position. We have no control over this rink, and me personally — I’ve gotta say this. It’s not directed at any one of you individuals, or my lifelong friend [Waston], but I know in the whole time I’ve played fuckin’ hockey, and the million times I’ve fuckin’ had to play in the ice hockey league, no one pulled this stunt. No one pulled this stunt!

After he leaves, Wilson speaks up for Nixon, saying that it sucks for the Blue Tongues for the ref to have to call the game and award points to the Ice when they have no control over the conditions of their rink. Joey Hughes concurs with this, stating that it’s wrong to walk out of there with three points when they haven’t earned them.

Korthuis expresses concerns if they go back onto the ice, however, saying that it would be “fucked up” if someone like Baclig or Hughes got injured. After careful consideration, Watson goes to the Blue Tongues with a fair solution: when the Blue Tongues come to play at the Medibank Icehouse, they would play for double points instead of the Ice taking the points in a forfeit. Nixon, along with the rest of his team, accept this compromise.

Lovering states that there are things every day that remind you that this is an amateur sports league in Australia, but they’re doing great things. I have to admit: the ending of this Blue Tongues’ game was pretty heartwarming.

We cut to the inside of the studio as the narrator explains that hockey has grown exponentially in Australia over the past year, and so has the media attention.

You know it’s the inside of a studio because of the “On Air” sign, of course.

A radio announcer talks about the Ice going “back-to-back-to-front,” and Wilson is behind the desk at a news studio, about to talk about hockey. Lovering name-drops Hewitt Sports Network and River Road Hockey along with other sites and blogs who cover the AIHL (maybe one day, this site will get name-dropped — but I digress). He mentions the video of the hit on Szalinski going viral, garnering over 48,000 views after being featured on Puck Daddy. Here’s the video, if you want to see it (the hit is about 38 seconds in):

Growing is nice, but Lovering tempers the excitement, stressing that the league can’t grow too fast since it’s still an amateur league run by volunteers. But, hey, the media attention still has to be nice.

And now we go into the part of the video that makes me laugh the hardest — the blatantly obvious commercial for Max’s Supplements, a new partnership for the team.

Product placement!

The director of Max’s Supplements explains how hard ice hockey is, so his supplements really do work to replace those nutrients, you guys! The players drink shots of their supplement as he continues to talk.

The partnership with Max’s Supplements leads to the guys making their first-ever commercial.

Baclig’s man boob is getting ready for its closeup.

As the Max’s Supplements guy keeps talking, someone brushes Webster’s beard.

I can’t stop laughing.

Then the actual commercial airs, and… oh boy. This is bad. This is “Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane Chevy commercial” bad. If I could show you a video of this commercial, I could show you how bad this is — but, unfortunately, I can’t. So you’ll just have to use your imagination.

Okay, now that we’ve paid some bills, let’s get back to the actual hockey! Tommy Powell has been sidelined with an injury, and has been missed on the second line, but on this night, he returns, wearing the C while captain Vinnie Hughes is still suspended.

Too bad Vinnie couldn’t also let him borrow his eyebrows.

During the game against the Blue Tongues, Powell scored a goal, and he immediately skated over to fans holding up a “Welcome Back Tommy” sign and jumps against the glass to celebrate with them.

Real, genuine emotion. So very sweet.

The game picks up in intensity, and the Blue Tongues start losing discipline as they lose the game. During the second period, after getting into it with defenseman Dylan Moore, the Blue Tongues’ James Sanford and ex-Ice player Adam Blanchette are given game misconducts.

Blanchette then salutes the crowd like a jackass.

The Ice immediately score on the ensuing power play… and then score a couple of more goals for good measure. At the end of the second period, the Ice have a 6-0 lead on the Blue Tongues. Everyone turns to Denman, who is looking for his first shutout of the season. (As a Blackhawks fan, I know that feeling.) At 37 years old, this will end up being his last season in goal for the Ice, where he has been since 2003.

The final whistle blows, and Denman earns his first shutout of the season.

Group hug for Stu!

Denman didn’t really think about the shutout, which is actually pretty rare in such an offense-heavy league, but he was just glad to be controlling his rebounds well.

Powell earns the token Player of the Game Award from the rest of his team, and he gets to wear a helmet with a clownfish on it.

I don’t know why the helmet has a clownfish on it, but hey — whatever floats your boat, I guess.

To watch the first few minutes of this episode, check out the video below.

Recaps: Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6

Recaps: Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6

I hate to keep comparing The ICE Road To 3Peat to 24/7 Road To The NHL Winter Classic, but it’s my one frame of reference, so bear with me.

24/7 shines when they highlight the guys who aren’t in the spotlight. Sure, everyone starts off wanting the cameras to focus the Crosbys and Ovechkins of the team, but it soon becomes apparent that those guys are too wary of the camera. Even when they’re at their “realest,” there’s still a bit of a disconnect.

So the camera swings to the third and fourth-line guys, along with the coaches and the occasional weirdo goaltender. Those are the guys who become the stars of the show, because the give-a-damn machines in their brains broke a long time ago. They don’t have the weight of carrying an entire franchise on their shoulders, so they’re able to cut loose and be themselves — which makes for a more entertaining show.

Why do I mention this? Because the AIHL, and the Melbourne Ice especially (since they’re the focus of the show), are full of those guys. Since ice hockey in Australia is more of an underground sport, there isn’t one person who feels the pressure of being “on” all the time to make sure they — and by extension, the team — are not seen in a bad light. I mean, by the end of the episode, you see the Ice’s captain, Vinnie Hughes, absolutely lose his temper and…

Wait, let’s hold off on that. I’m getting ahead of myself.

After the jump, a recap of Episode 2, some images, and a clip from the episode.

(Before I start, you’ll notice that I have less to say about the actual editing and filming of the documentary itself this time around. That’s because there isn’t much to say — which is a good thing. The crew has become the fly on the wall, which makes Episode 2 miles better than Episode 1. I only expect that to get better.)

Episode 2 eschews the extended introductions from Episode 1 to drop us right into the Ice’s first game of the season. Tickets are scanned, fans make their way to their seats…

A black and orange horse patrols the crowd.

Steve Bastoni narrates over the controlled madness:

“A new season, new players, new coaches — and new expectations. Every team has potential, arguments for and against. Fans wonder; the Melbourne Ice don’t. For the AIHL’s back-to-back champions, the expectation remains the same as it ever was — another championship.”

After the title screen rolls, we’re dropped into the locker room with coach Paul Watson and the team before the start of their first game.

He’s almost smiling here.

Watson sounds downright chipper as he tells the team about what a big deal this first game is, as well as his hopes for the season: “We’re gonna take it to this league, and we’re gonna stick it to ‘em!”

Watson won’t be this happy again during this episode, so take it in now.

The first game (in front of a sold-out crowd at the Medibank Icehouse) comes against the Melbourne Mustangs. Oh, it’s the same game we left off at the end of Episode 1! Outstanding.

Now, before I get to the rest of this recap, let me explain further about what I mean when I say that the Mustangs are the anti-Ice. The Mustangs and the Ice share the same city and the same home arena. So, to make inroads into Melbourne’s small but loyal hockey fan community, they have decided to appeal to those who might be turned off by the Ice by doing things differently than the Ice organization.

(Art nerd alert: Even their color scheme makes this clear — orange is a complimentary color to blue, which means it’s on the opposite side of the color wheel. Of course, the black in the Mustangs’ color scheme is the opposite of the Ice’s white. I see what you’re doing there, Mustangs.)

Of course, it would be easier to gain fans if the team would win more games, but that’s neither here nor there.

Anyway, back to the recap! Bastoni calls the Mustangs “gritty,” and tells us that the imports only arrived a few days before the game, which means chemistry has yet to be formed. After the ceremonial puck drop, off we go into the first game.

I love the huddle around the net.

Doug Wilson Jr. immediately endears himself to his new team and their fans by scoring the first goal of the game on the powerplay. The Mustangs won’t quit despite already being down 1-0, and we get closeups of guys wiping bloody noses away with towels and getting noses put back in place.

…Okay, this orange and black scheme is getting ridiculous, Mustangs.

Mustangs head coach (and former Ice defenseman) Steve Laforet pops in and delivers the following speech to rally his troops:

“We don’t need to fight. We’re beating them. They’re getting upset because we’re beating them, okay? You guys need to keep intensity up for me.”

As this speech is given, Vinnie Hughes is seen sitting on the bench, shaking his head and looking exhausted and baffled.

Nice bit of editing, there.

The second period starts off with the Ice and the Mustangs trading penalties before Jason Baclig puts the Ice up 2-0. The Mustangs refuse to die, and all of a sudden, it’s 5-4 Mustangs as the third period goes into its final minute.

But then, the Mustangs remembered who they were and decided to fail accordingly (thus living up to their reputation as the Avalanche of the AIHL). After two penalties in a row for the Mustangs, the Ice pull goalie Stu Denman. Despite being on the wrong end of a 6-4 man advantage, the Mustangs still had two good opportunities to ice the game with an empty net goal. Two good chances! Do they manage to capitalize on either of those chances?

Of course not, because they’re the Mustangs.

With five seconds left in the game, Matt Korthuis gets the tying goal with a lot of help from Baclig and Joey Hughes.

The game goes into a shootout, and Wilson insists that he should go first, saying that he owes the team a goal. He makes good on his word, going five-hole on the Mustangs’ goaltender. However, the Mustangs answer right back. After the second attempts by both teams fail, it’s up to Jason Baclig.

Now, if the Ice were my hometown team, the Chicago Blackhawks, Baclig would be the Marian Hossa of the team. Even when’s not scoring, he’s always out there, busting his hump to get something done. The stats sheet might not always show his effort, but it’s palpable when he’s there and sorely missing when he’s not.

And, just like Hossa, if you don’t send Baclig in as one of your top three guys in a shootout, you’re a moron.

Baclig easily puts the puck behind the Mustangs’ goaltender, and that’s the end of the game. The Ice come back to win it 6-5 in a shootout.

The excitement of that first game fades as we get our first real glimpse into life outside of the rink — and the stark differences between NHL players and AIHL players. Unlike a professional league like the NHL (where even a fourth-line grinder can afford a nice place to live after a year or two), the AIHL is an amateur league, which means there are no paychecks coming in.

So what does an AIHL player do to pay the bills?

Well, if you’re Andrew Erzen, you work construction.

Seriously.

Erzen talks about how difficult it is to balance hockey and his job. He receives no special treatment at work, and even when a game goes late like it did the night before, Erzen still manages to make it to work on time on little sleep.

I hate to get all sentimental on you, but I’m about to do so. While the NHL was in the midst of a lockout because players and owners can’t decide how to divide billions of dollars, there were guys like Erzen on the other side of the world, scraping together money so they can keep playing the game they love. I’m not making any judgment calls for either side. I’m just putting that out there.

The action cuts to the Ice’s first road trip to Adelaide to take on the Adelaide Adrenaline.

Where the visitors’ locker room is also the bathroom.

The first game goes badly for the Ice, as they lose 6-5 in an ugly, penalty-riddled game. Watson goes into another Coach Jaffa rant:

“I’ve been waiting for this to happen. You can’t judge a person, or a team, until things don’t go right! And then you find out: I’m in the trenches — who am I gonna get that’s gonna come out and fuckin’ have a go! Seriously have a fuckin’ go!

All fuckin’ precious prima donnas with all their fuckin’ gear, and like this and like that…

Now it’s time we dig a little, and we get back to basics. And (Greg Sturrock) — fuckin’ get your head out of your ass and move! And fuckin’ tell Stu (Denman) you’re sorry, because you left him hanging!”

The next game against the Adrenaline is pretty much the opposite of the first as far as tone is concerned, but again, the Ice cannot win this game without going into a shootout. Baclig wins the game for the Ice again, and after a cheer from Vinnie Hughes, we go into another look at life outside the rink.

“Welcome, MTV. This is my crib.”

Even though the AIHL is an amateur league and cannot pay their players, they are allowed to set their imports up with accommodations while they’re with the team. Korthuis and Wilson share an apartment overlooking the docks — not an awful view, even if it’s a bit dreary outside the day the documentary team stops by. Korthuis, a Canadian hockey journeyman, talks about the toughness of the AIHL before touching on the sacrifices he’s made to pursue his love of the sport. He misses his family and friends, but this is the life he’s chosen for himself.

Matt Armstrong

The Ice can’t pay their players directly, but they can set them up with a job at the Icehouse. Matt Armstrong, a Canadian import, and local boy Lliam Webster run a hockey school together during the season, and Korthuis joins in.

Armstrong explains the main difference between hockey schools in Canada and Australia: “People in this school don’t know how to skate.” This is punctuated by images of people struggling to stay upright on their skates. I would make fun of them, but they all look exactly like I did when I attempted to skate, falling over and all. At the end of the school, though, people are finding their bearings and learning the basics of playing hockey. It’s all very inspirational and is accompanied by triumphant music. It almost makes me want to strap on some skates and try again.

The next game is upon us. The Perth Thunder is the newest team in the AIHL, joining the league in 2012, and the first team on the western coast of Australia. Even though they’re a young team experiencing the typical growing pains, they’re a spirited team with a rapidly-growing fanbase. It seems a bit weird for a documentary about the Ice and their pursuit of a third championship to spend a minute or two talking about another team entirely. However, as the new kid on the block, the Thunder need all the press they can get.

Perth Thunder coach Stan Scott

Korthuis scores the first goal of the game on another greasy play, taking advantage of the Thunder goalie’s misplaying the puck. The cameras turn to the Thunder locker room, where coach Stan Scott gives a speech that would make Coach Jaffa proud:

“Number one thing: let’s chill out and settle down. We’re rushing, we’re panicking, we’re excited, we’re wound up! Fuck, you’re like a teenager on your first date who’s gonna get fucked. You don’t have to rip the knickers off — take them off slow, okay? Slow down!

Everyone’s jumping on the bench, everyone’s shouting. The ref’s an asshole! We know he’s an asshole. He knows he’s an asshole. His friends know he’s an asshole. People who don’t even know him know he’s an asshole! He’s probably been told a thousand times — he doesn’t need us to tell him a thousand and one!

If Scott’s going to be around next season, I vote for the Perth Thunder to be the subject of the next AIHL documentary.

After this, the Thunder come roaring out of the gate in the second period. Not only do they score, Korthuis gets hurt, turning the momentum the Thunder’s way. It’s tied at one, and there’s a nervous tension in the air which all goes back to the ceremonial puck drop.

Ah, the ceremonial puck drop. You would think that would be without controversy. Some random person walks out, he or she drops the puck, the two captains pretend to fight for it, and that’s about it. Handshakes all around — let’s get to the real puck drop.

Not this time.

During a ceremonial puck drop, it’s understood that the home team captain should “win” the draw and take the puck. However, the Thunder’s captain, Sam Wilson, took the puck instead. Ice captain Vinnie Hughes takes this as a sign of disrespect and refuses to shake Wilson’s hand.

This leads to Sam Wilson taking a run at Denman.

Oh shi–

To understand why this was the dumbest idea ever, you have to know that Vinnie Hughes and Stu Denman have been together on the Ice since 2004, when Hughes signed with the team. They’ve grown up and grown old together. Their bromance is on par with Duncan Keith and Brent Seabrook on the Blackhawks.

So now maybe you understand why exactly Hughes loses his damn mind.

Hughes grabs Wilson by the jersey, but the referees are determined to keep them apart. That’s not good enough for Hughes, who pushes the ref holding him back away from him and storms toward Wilson. Wilson keeps mouthing off, and the referee that was attempting to hold Wilson back is now struggling to hold back Hughes.

Hot mess.

The other ref is now getting between Hughes and Wilson, but Hughes is having none of it. As he finally tears away from the ref’s grasp, he shoves away the other referee to finally get at Wilson.

Let the destruction commence.

The referees finally let them punch it out, and Hughes bloodies Wilson before they both get led off the ice. The Ice defeat the Thunder 4-2 — but at what cost?

Oh shit, what have I done?

Because of the severity of the incident, it was up to an independent tribunal to decide the captain’s fate.

In the AIHL, fighting leads to a game misconduct and an automatic one-game suspension. This is seen as the league protecting the players — who are all amateur and will have to pay their own medical bills — but AIHL commissioner Tyler Lovering sympathizes with the players who get caught up in the passion of the game. In a separate interview, Baclig sticks up for his captain’s actions.

It was already assured that he would be serving at least a one-game suspension thanks to the fight, but there’s a real chance that he could have been suspended for the rest of the season.

Thanks to the work of team president Andrew Lamrock, Hughes walks away with the minimum punishment. Unfortunately for the Ice, this still means that they will be without their captain for six games. The team is already struggling, winning only two games in regulation (a big deal in a league that has a three-point system — their two shootout wins only awarded them two points, while regulation wins are three points). How will they respond with their leader taking a league-enforced break? Find out in Episode 3!

For a clip of the second episode, check out the video below.

Recaps: Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6