That in itself may not sound like such a serious proclamation, were it not for the fact that REE’s (which include such delights as lanthanum, praesodymium, samarium and dysprosium) are absolutely essential for most of our high-tech gadgets.  Lasers, touch screens, high-powered magnets, batteries, you name it – there’s almost certainly a vital REE component to it.  If you’re reading this, you’re relying on REE’s to do so.

Now, the real crux of this  - and the reason why the Chinese statement is so important – is that China has approximately 95% of the global REE production is from China.  Perhaps more significantly still, all of the worlds Heavy Rare Earth Elements (HREE’s) – Eu, Gd, Tb, Dy, Ho, Er, Tm, Yb, Lu plus Y are from Chinese production.

It’s also quite probable that this restriction in REE output is not quite the environmental move being claimed by Su Bo (no, not that one).  Let’s face it, they have a pretty bad record of using REE export controls as a political tool. No really.

So what China has essentially said is ‘we’re keeping these to ourselves’.  As such they have a very tight control over who gets access, and therefore who gets the industry work fabricating the electronic components upon which the world is now so reliant.

That’s not so say that it’s all doom and gloom, or that we’re all going to have to go back to copper lines and dial-up internet.  While China currently dominates the production of these elements, there are certainly other sources out there.  Indeed, China’s got about 35% of the proven resources out there.  There are significant deposits elsewhere which can be brought online relatively quickly.  Indeed, the only reason they’re not producing at the moment is that China undercut prices so hard back in the 80′s.  In fact, China has declared numerous export reductions on REE’s in the last 6 years years, so mines around the world have been in the process of preparing to come back online for some time.

Perhaps more significant was a very interesting find by a Japanese team which I wrote about last year. They found that ocean muds may well represent a significant source of future REE’s.  There’s a lot of environmental questions to be answered – not least because we have a better understanding of the surface of the moon than we do most of our ocean floor – but hoovering up muds from the abyssal plain could be a viable and relatively low impact solution for an ever increasing demand for limited resources.

The Jacobs Quartet, in the 70s

News has reached Tabloid Towers that Livingston is set to have a new  sensation ready to take the world of 70s family pop by storm.

Following on from the success of popular family beat combos, such as the Jackson Five, 5 Star and the Addams Family, turntables across the globe are set to start spinning the latest 45s from the popular Jacobs Brothers.

Unplanned

The four triplets – Keaghan, Kyle, Simon and Theodore – have recently signed with music mogul Simon Cowell following an impressive inpromtu stint at the mike at last year’s LSC Player of the Year award ceremony.  And now that unplanned rendition of the Dead Kennedys’ “Holiday in Cambodia” is set to propel them to international stardom, with Cowell ensuring venues across the globe are set to be packed with screaming fans.

Flairs

The eldest of the four twins, Keaghan, last night spoke to the Tabloid about his excitement.  “I wasn’t even alive in the 70s” he said in a broad South African accent, “but I ken fine it’s the right place for us to be.  The lads are buzzing, and I’m sure we’ll give the girls plenty to scream about, especially Kyle with his denim flairs.”

Simon Cowell was too busy last night to comment.  “I’m sure the Jacobs Brothers will be a huge hit, and will make me tons of money” he said.

Probably.

And in other news

Su-Bo, yesterday

West Lothain’s premier warbler has added her support to the “Missing McRaw” campaign. 

Blackburn’s own Susan Boyle was happy to join the growing band of concerned celebrities  as she posed with the Tabloid‘s official poster outside her eyebrow clinic.

“I dreamed a dream that he came home”, she said.

We were shown each act perform one past time, receive last bits of positive feedback, then clips of them talking about "just how much it meant to all of them".

All of the performances went well, apart from the 81-year-old singer Janey Cutler who came in too late in the music making it very hard to come back in, as the strings became lost and it was all a bit of a disaster. Sadly, this lost her the competition.

Following the last performance (dance group Spellbound), phone lines opened and viewers were encouraged to phone in and vote for their favourite. As this happened, much padding was required with Usher singing live and the England World Cup song performed by Dizzee Rascal and Janes Corden (aka Smithy).

Then, after the last ad break, all of the finalists stood out on the stage ready to hear their fate.

 The 3 finalists were revealed in no particular order: Spellbound,Twist and Pulse, and Kieran Gaffney.

Then finally Kieran Gaffney was announced to be third and hence left the stage so close to reaching his dream and yet so far (yet something tells me we’ll be seeing a lot more of him).

Finally, after a nail-biting few weeks the winners were revealed!

The winners of Britain’s Got Talent 2010 were Spellbound!

They performed one more time (the same routine as earlier in the show) before the closing credits ran.

It has been a brilliant series which I’ve really enjoyed. This is the saving grace of a broadcaster which is known to be struggling. Well done ITV!

Revision 3.4 (22:23 5 June 2010)

What I loved most of all about this story is that among the other 12.2 million viewers watching the show, only bloody Dame Vera Lynn was also watching it. The 93-year-old forces sweetheart had this to say on the matter: “It’s great that a young girl wants to sing my songs. She sounded very mature, she had a good presence, and she looks good. More importantly than all of that, she sings in tune. She has got absolutely great potential.”

Awww. Oh and I almost forgot the best bit. When asked what she would spend the money on if she won (it’s £100,000 btw), she said it would go on “tights and leggings and jeggings from Primark”. A girl after my own heart then, minus the jeggings bit of course, I wouldn’t be seen dead in them.

              January & February

• Jennifer Aniston & John Mayer broke up. Obviously not the end of the world because he looks like a tin of tuna and to be perfectly honest he probably smells like it to.
• Those two from Mamma Mia hooked up, you know the one from Mean Girls and the annoying British one. As much as I liked Mamma Mia, the British one really did ruin it. All he did was run around in flippers. Good work Cooper!
• Jessica Simpson got fat.
• NASA saw her from space.
• Robert Webb did that disturbing spandex dance from Flashdance. I was sick everywhere.
• But the biggest story of these months has to be Rihanna and Chris Brown. The whole head to the dashboard treatment. I can see it now, pictures of Rihanna naked fly onto the windscreen, they swerve, Chris gets angry and BAM! head right into the dashboard. That car is now being auctioned off described as “With an authentic Rihanna face mask.” Well someone has to make some money out of it!

The star of these two months has got to be Alexandra Burke! She won the X Factor and this year just set the ball rolling! She was an amazing singer on the X Factor, then Beyonce came on and she practically shat herself, but these things happen. She has taken winning in her stride and not let her go to her head! Bravo Alex! Look forward to album no. 2!

             March & April

• Kerry Krakona and Mark Croft were off after she announced he had taken all her money and she was divorcing him. This lasted all of two days, as they reunited for a chinese take away and an Iceland shopping trip
• Paris Hilton landed herself a loaded star! Doug Reinhardt has a lot of money apparently! They also say ‘like’ a lot I would imagine!
• Jade Goody lost her cancer battle. As the jokes came flooding in, I felt genuinely sorry for Jade, the boys, her mum and oh her granddad. If you watched her programme you would understand just how adorable he is. He can’t remember much and just babbles. I think there is only one quote, well maybe two, that can sum up Jade. Stephen Fry called her “the Princess Diana from the wrong side of the tracks”, and they fact that she asked where “East Angular” was. As much as I loved Jade, she did ruin the Kebab.
• This was when Katie went out partying until 6AM on Mother’s day. So. Good for her. Like her kids actually care.
• Horse face and ‘I act like this to make my penis seem bigger’ from The Apprentice started doing it. Yep Kate Walsh & Phil Taylor were banging away. Noiceee.

The star of March & April goes to the lovely Su Bo. That amazing singing voice and that gut wrenching accent. The moustache just makes me want to lap her up. If anyone speaks to her before I do, tell her I want my curtains back, and I do NOT appreciate them being made into a dress.

               May & June

• The two from Slumdog Millionaire got it on.
• Kerry Krakona got fat and I mean like beer belly fat. Bless her. Too many chicken platters from Iceland I think!
• David Beckham did that massive Emporio Armani underwear add. Thanks for sharing Becks!
• Michael Jackson died. I did not like Michael Jackson. He had done nothing against me, but he just annoyed me. And then when he died, everyone suddenly liked him. GET OUT. The memorial service was nice though. I watch most of it, but that was the day we had a lot of rain and there was very loud thunder so he kind of get ignored while I looked out my bedroom window.
• But obviously story of the months was Katie and Peter breaking up. I got like 70 texts telling me. As if I didn’t already know. Seriously guys! I practically shit out what is written in heat! and on heatworld, so why you thought I wouldn’t already know is beyond me.

Star of the months has got to be Amanda Holden! She blossomed throughout this years series of Britain’s Got Talent and started to become loved by the British public. She did the shoot for heat! when she talked about her botox, surgery and took photos without her make-up. Now that is what I call a star. Love you Manda

               July & August

• Steve Jones & Hayden Panettiere got it on. Imagine their babies
• Fern left This Morning. She was fit. That was a joke. 100% joke! It was very sad, and they were all drunk by about 10:37. Good on you fatty!
• R-Pattz bangs Kristen up against a wall. That didn’t actually happen, but they did do it. I bet Lautner joined in aswell.
• Krakona’s nose caved in. All that sniffing of Iceland food. Crack ridden I swear.
• Pictures of the Price and Alex Reid walking around naked, taking pictures on the balcony and doing it in every possible place. Get yours
• Oh and Kate Moss started to look, unfortunately, like Gillian Taylforth. Oh dear.

Star of July & August has got to go to Pixie Lott! That amazing album and singing voice, but OH MY her dress sense! She practically shits on the fashionistas of this world!

              September & October

• Robbie returns. Don’t really like him, but good for him.
• Cheryl Cole did that X Factor performance. There was that whole hoo ha as to whether she was going to sing live or not and that it was hypocritical if she didn’t. Who cares. She is sooo adorable. I want her to be my best friend The performance was average, but she got that number one. Only one low point. WTF is with those trousers??? TKMaxx? Probs.
• Arlene got fired and Alesha ’amazing’ Dixon got her place on the Strictly judging panel. She got a lot of stick, but she hit back and has for defs come out on top!
• Leona ‘unhappy’ Lewis got attacked. As lovely as she is, she does sing some depressing songs. I like them, but give us some hope that you have had something good happen to you! She still didn’t deserve that though!
• Steven Gately and Patrick Swayze snuffed it. Sad times.
• Ahhh, Katy Perry and Russell Brand have regular Nookie
• BIGGEST story was that slag Taylor Swift got humiliated by Kanye West at the VMAs. To be honest, Beyonce probably did deserve the award, but there was no need for that Kanye. The worst but is that Taylor thinks she is amazing now. You aren’t. You are boring.

Dannii Minogue scoops up star of the months with that amazing X Factor year. She has definitely had the most radical makeover of the year and she owned this year’s series of X Factor!

              November & December

• Katie hits the jungle and, I think showed that she is actually a normal person, and doesn’t have a frozen heart. She is like a Strepsil, hard on the outside, but quite soft and gooey on the inside. I would blame the curry. She left after she was voted to do like 7000 trials and when she left, she dumped Alex Reid! Boy did I lol! She shouldn’t have said ‘closure’ as much though.
• Kate Moss made that fantastic statement; “Nothing tastes better than skinny feels!” HAHA. This was quote of the year!
• Joe won the X Factor. Well done, but did you see Stacey. No one knows what she said but she was adorable wasn’t she
• Christine Bleakley & Frank Lampard got together. That is cute.
• Ricky Whittle and Carley Stenson ended it. His big penis was hurting her.

Stars of November & December has got to be the cast of Eastenders! Fantastic storylines and acting all lead up to that Christmas Day climax. Well done. My Nan called Peggy Mitchell the ‘Poison Dwarf’. Made the episode to be honest. Well done Eastenders!

I hope that this has made you laugh and you occasionally went ‘Oh yeah! I forgot about that!’ Stick around for the awards!

Susan Boyle on Britain's Got Talent

Scottish Singing Sensation Susan Boyle has broken a world record with the most pre-ordered album in Amazon history.

The Britain’s Got Talent runner up’s first album I Dreamed a Dream is due to be released on Monday 23rd November and is predicted to top the album charts.

‘Su-bo’ will also be appearing on the X-Factor this Sunday to sing a track from her new album.

Julian Monagham, head of music buying at Amazon.co.uk told the Telegraph: “Just eight months ago, no one was aware of the talents of Susan Boyle. Now, she has generated more Amazon pre-order CD sales than any other artist.

“That is an incredible achievement and is testament to the fact that she has captured the hearts of people all over Britain, America and the rest of the world.”

Edinburgh Napier News caught up with one of Susan’s oldest friends, Suzanne Clifford, from her hometown Blackburn.

Suzanne says she remembers Susan’s singing: “I didn’t know that she could sing until she got up and sang in the pub one night and it was just absolutely amazing.”

Suzanne worked in the local pub where Susan would wow the punters singing songs from her favourite musicals every week on the karaoke.

Susan also toured with the pub band and entered competitions, so it was of no surprise to the people of Blackburn when Susan finally got her big break on Britain’s Got Talent.

Suzanne recalls the whole town getting behind Susan when she was on the talent show: “It was amazing because all the pubs and houses had banners and posters up everywhere saying ‘Go Susan’ and ‘Vote for Susan’.”

Watch the interview in full below:

susanboyle

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