Didnt do much but am super tired. Tue, stayed at one of my friend house, not enough sleep. The next day, went home bath change and went to work… After work, went to eat then go buy chocolates. Slept at 2 plus and woke up early for meeting then had christmas celebration with family after that went for midnight mass then meet my friends.. Was too tired, so cab home at 3 plus and paid $27. So ex… It was suppose to be $35 cos $8 was the extra charge but didnt know why the uncle dont want and say: am i drunk, why pay so much?? Then i was too tired to explain so i say ok… Drop my wallet and i thought i left it in the cab. Suddenly was awake… Rush down and was cursing myself … But thank God it was on the floor… Slept and the next day went for christmas mass. After that, which is today, took 854 to bedok. Was sleeping cos am too tired… Reached there and realised that the outing was cancelled… Eeeee… How can?? Noone told me!! But was not angry cos maybe i’m too tired… So went back home… At night went to my friends house for another celebration… Didnt really enjoy. But won $2… Haha!! Thats all for this years christmas… Not that happening…

Really tired, this few days… Dont know why. Like really physically tired… Today i came back home and my aunt talk to me about iphone 3Gs… So i ask her if she’s working tmr… Guess what?? I didnt know that tmr is sat… Oh my!!! What am i doing?? What am i thinking??? Anyway, I’m gonna get iphone 3Gs… Yeah!! Forget about the 4G… Haha!!

Not much happening… So why am i so tired this 3 days?? Weird!! But am still happy!! But today is abit boring… 12 plus and i’m at home doing nothing… Maybe its because of that, thats why thats this tired, lonely, emptyness feeling i have… Yes. Wish it happen… Wish i could have but it didnt work out… Nvm… Its alright… Oh!! Maybe its cos of that… Thats why i’m feeling this way… I know already… Oh man!! I’m sorry. Forgive me.

I dont feel like sleeping but my whole body is tired… Why Why Why?? So weird!! Anyway… Thank you for all this years, u’ve been with me… Especially this year, Its been rough, tough and very hard for me. But because of u, I’m still… Erm… U know what i meant and what i wanna say. Away with 2009… Soon it will be 2010!! Forget the past… Yeah!!

It started not long ago but i’m already tired now.. Used to look forward but now i just gets tired… Now nth motivates me… Life is getting bored all again… Maybe i shouldnt have all those things… Maybe i should just delete it and forget everything… But this is what everyone is doing… and if i dont i may lost connections to the world…

Not having fun yesterday… Dont think will have it today… Sigh* My life is just boring… Wanna go out today… I want!! TGIF??? Nahh… AH ya!!! Dont know la!! Hmmm…. Not really in the mood to blog…

Forget it… Just forget what i say!!! The music is giving me headache… Hoping for a nice song but dont have… Ahhh…. Shouldnt be emo-ed!! Should think positive… How can, i be so happy with all my friends and when i’m back home, i’m emo-ed all again?? i dont understand!!

I ask for maggie mee and i cant eat… Sharks… i just realise i haven get presents for my friends!!! Arghhhh!!! What am i doing??? looking forward to christmas but am not buying anything…. Sharks!! How??? EEeeee, how can i forget??? 123456789…. 9 imprt present to get… Sharks!!! how how??? =/

It might be lame but as you get older you value more the company of somebody special, somebody that knows you, somebody you can share your thoughts with, your everyday issues… somebody who shares her thoughts and her good and bad days with you, someone you can work together with to enjoy today even more and create a better tomorrow.

Times like this make you miss that special person even more.

I’m lucky, though. I found distraction and suddenly and unexpectedly I get to go back home! Home not because I don’t consider this home, home because that’s where I have most of my family today.

So there you go I found a way to not complain when I was really going to (before I bought my ticket ). I found a way to distract myself from not having found HER and with the added value of being with those that mean so much to me, those I want HER to meet and share these days with.

I’ll have to keep finding things to do as a way to just normally go through life, let things happen and not miss HER until I find her.

12:04 A.M.

Thursday, Home.

Christmas break is almost here and I’m glad. I’m so tired of school that I’ve been skipping out on homework and notes. I don’t want my grades to suffer, but I don’t want to do the work either. I just want to go home, and if anyone wants to see me than they can just make an effort to do so.

I think one of the main reasons for my sudden apathy is the lack of sleep. I’m back in that mode when I hate it, but the problem is that I don’t like to feel tired either. Ah, I just want to be awake. Why rest, why dream when you can do something more meaningful? For instance, make whatever good dreams you might receive come true. Isn’t that more important than rest? Yes. So if I could, I’d never sleep. But if I could, I’d never die either.

There’s so much to think about and yet no words to give them. I’ve forgotten the point that I wanted to make here, it had something to do with my exterior and interior. Here’s a line that I came up with to bring it across:

“…Isolation is my brother, and you can’t detach yourself from family. You can try, and accomplish it physically, but emotionally they will always be there…”

I thought of this because no matter how much I care for someone I always feel isolated. Why? I’ll tell you later. .

Changing the subject…

Today, or rather, yesterday (December 16), was a decent one. That is, if you can get past the obsession that is caused by ignorance. My friend is really upsetting me lately, but she’s so full of herself that she can’t take the hint. What is it with girls and boys? Girls forget all about their friends once they get a boyfriend. It’s like suddenly your number two or not even a number. It’s annoying, highly annoying, and I’m getting sick of it. I don’t think I’ve ever known a girl who’s remembered her friends over her boyfriend. Is this bad that I say this? I think not. Love is love, no matter what form. So by taking up your so called “love” you go and destroy the other. Real cool. Real flippin’ cool…

And as blunt as I try to be I can’t tell these girls to get over themselves. Especially this particular one. I want to tell her to shut up and get over it, because honestly she set herself up for failure. Maybe if she realized this she would stop talking about her “love” and remember that her so called “best friend” is there. Why yes… I’d like to go to the movies.

…finally you remember me. After you broke up! Glad I’m the first step. You only need me when you’re down or on your way down.But it’s OK, because I know that this isn’t a friendship that will last for a long time.

I don’t care.

And that suddenly reminded me of the point I wanted to make… but now I don’t feel like it. Maybe later?

Brother isolation.
Somehow that’s comforting,
but terrifying at the same time…

P.S.
Sorry I haven’t written in a few days. I don’t know why I haven’t but I just haven’t.

P.P.S. - Passing thought.
I think love is beautiful, all three sides of it. Even though I only know two of the three sides.

Three sides, three words,
I love you.

12:34 A.M.

For a while I was happy with what they taught me: that this was as far as I could go with God, and you just keep going along this same path.

Then I met God. Or he found me. Or however that’s supposed to work theologically.

They told me that all that wicked-cool stuff the apostles did was for 2000 years ago, but today we just have the New King James Bible and safe, conservative, boring preaching. (Not in words: my brain was taught one thing, my heart another.)

But the problem with putting God in a box is: He just won’t stay there.

You think you’ve pinned Him down, that you’ve constructed the perfect theological house in which for Him to live and be your comfortable pet Deity.

Then Jesus shows up.

Then you actually read the Bible. And Yahweh shows you that He won’t be put in a box.

He smashes your convenient assumptions, He turns over the money changers’ tables, He breaks the glass, He intrudes.

Suddenly there is the sound of a mighty rushing wind in your soul.

Suddenly the Lamb becomes a Lion.

Suddenly your peaceful, benign, museum-quality Shepherd becomes the One who terrified John, Ezekiel, Paul, and Abraham.

Suddenly God…reveals Himself to be God.

And all that’s left…is to worship.

Being random with thoughts now…

 Somethimes i really want to do it but i’m afraid… Afraid of your replies…. Afraid you will think otherwise… And i end up not doing it… I feel we have the potential to fight, to argue… And i’m afraid it will come one day… I like you alot but i dont know how to show it… I’m sorry… Give me time. I felt so silly when i realised i do those things when i’m drunk… Do regret it abit. But somehow, it make me more daring… Not afraid of doing things i’ll nv do when i’m sober… But yet i tends to regret after knowing what i’ve done… I remembered i meg someone i barely know, funny, weird megs… How on earth or what on earth am i doing??? Still thinking over it.. I’m so embarrass that time… Think of that, today i felt so violated amd tramatised by one of my friend… She just did that in public. Wow… Noone ever done that to me… Not even my ex… Eeeeee… She’s just being annoying!! Yup a word, i learned and i nv use before on anyone (i guess)… =X Am i a good friend?? Will i be a good friend?? Can i be a good friend??? Will i lose you?? Will we ever be close?? Will things change?? Will you change??? These thoughts just kept running thru my mind today… Talked to my friend today about someone else… Felt so relieved cos i finally let everything out… Wasnt really happy at first but the later part of the night, make my day… You have known so much about me, will ya think of me in another way?? Ok i dont really know how to explain… I have lots to say but i just cant find the right word. I believed this gonna be a very long meg… Sometimes i know you are just talking about me but u just trying to pretend you are not… I felt very comfortable being with ya but sometimes, i dont… Life has change… I mean for me… Maybe this time, God is rewarding me… Maybe he knows i done what i should be doing and now this is what i’ll be having… Maybe i’m just assuming… Maybe it will come true… Maybe i should just trust in him and myself… Feel like deleting all that i’ve typed cos afraid of being known, afriad of letting ppl know so much about me but i’m trying not to. Whatever i’ve said, is a seret and must be kept as a secret ok??? I’m getting hungry cos i did not have proper meals today… Better sleep, or else this wont stop… heheh!! Guess this is the longest one i’ve typed without enter… I’m happy but not the kind of happiness i’ve being searching for!!

After today, whatever i type, i wont delete… Even if i make a mistake or feel that this should not be publish, i’ll use this: thingyy… Cool?? Fun??? yeah!!

Fun fun day today i had… Though i was disturb by someones’s smses… Slept 6 hours only but was quite energetic… =)

Ok one short one before i go… Wont have com today… =(

Hey, Dont feel bad ok?? I was really free Cos after i reached home they didnt really say anything… They just say, yes just nice you came back, ok lets pray for Gong… So no worries!! Pls dont feel bad… Seriously… HAha!!! Today so fun disturbing you!! wahaha!!! It made my day!! Really damn fun!!! So long nv disturb someone so much!!! YEah… I’m back… Okok sharks… Got not much time… Gtg… Cant continue!!!

… We’re not fighting…

Suddenly Perfect 10 was playing ‘Fall for you’… Wow… thinking about the times we used to have… In the car driving to wrk and me singing Fall For You awfully yet u didnt complain at all… haha… Though u may be irritating at times but sometimes you just make me think of you…

Listening to: Someday by rob thomas, Meet me halfway by Black eye peas, happy by leona lewis… Ok quite tired… better sleep… Night Everything!!

… Can i be??

It always says, I thought its the end but its only the beginning… Right now, i thought its the beginning but its not yet started and it already going to end… Sad sad sad… Can i be unhappy today in case tomorrow gets worse??!!

All the music is irritating to me now!! Very Very irritating!!! Even slow songs dont wrk today… Argh!!! It just makes me worse… I want!! I really want!! I really really want! But i dont want to be in silence with u!!

Very Uncorfortable now!! As in throat!! Why does bad things always happen to me??? I’ve done it but i dont feel like sending it!! I’m so lazy…

=When I’m working, I want time alone… =When i’m alone, I want someone beside me… =When i have someone, I become speechless… What do i actually want?? I dont understand myself!!

I am not happy and i want to finish feeling unhappy today!!

I want a song to show what i’m feeling right now but i just dont know which songs!! Arghhhhh!!! I need that and i really really need that!! Only then i’ll feel better!! listening to: 男人不该让女人流泪… haha!! Not what i’m feeling but the songs makes me better!! The tune just so nice!! 

Ok feeling much better now!! But i really want to go!!! Not too much hope please!! Ahyo!!! Should i go wrk or not??? Later like today no strength how?? I’ve tried my best. Tried to be happy, tried to be strong, tried to be happy, tried not to think… I’ve tried and tried but still… Its not working at all!! Why?!! Again i’m having the stuck feeling!!! Dont like this feeling at all!! Nice song… 白色風車.. Almost there… i mean almost getting better!!

To be continue… I dont believe i will continue cos i always didnt!! haha!! ok thats all for now!! Thanks *Everything*… Feeling better!!! Last song (listening) 第一个清晨…

I am alone, so very alone
I’m hurt, so very bad
I am ignored, just thrown aside
I am lonely, there is no one close, no one sees the pain
I cry, hope is gone
I am alone, and no one knows…

But I’m so glad, i’m not wrking tmr but i know i cant carry on like this… I need to wrk. Need to earn money… I’ve finally recieved a chance… I wont want to lose this chance… I just wanna forget everything and get on with life. I hang on too long. I’m tired and i wanna let go. But something, Is stopping me… Thinking that things arent actually so bad afterall!!! But yet thinking about the days, weeks, months that we spent.. Just passing through…

- Blessed the broken road…

Thought it was ending but in fact, Its the beginning!

Not very happy!!!

Case 39, just nice… But not interesting… Any more than that, I might go crazy… haha!!

Ninja is excitingly interesting… much more better when i watch 2012… Cos everyone say its nice… Its nice, cos there is happy, sad and funny moments… But didnt like the ending… Didnt expect it to end this way…

Just watch Gao xiao xing dong… Hahahahah!!! Damn funny… Couldnt stop laughing… I’m tired. But i dont feel like sleeping…

It wasnt too bad after all. Although i dont really like it that way. But it turn out perfectly fine. But some part just go the wrong way… A great day i had today… Though i dont get what i wanted… Hopefully things will turn out that way… I wished it will and i hope it will be, forever… Sometimes, i wish to hold on… Sometimes, i just wanna let it go… I dont know whats on yr mind and i’m afraid to ask… Always having new feelings… Ok i’m getting tired. Lets see if i sleep after closing my blog… Night Blog….

Today a new day, a new start… =) Today I’ve decided to treat those who treat me good and forget about those who doesnt appreciate me… Today i’m going to be happy… Today i’m gonna to forget everything and be who i am. To treat those i wanna treat good and quit being a faker… I know whos good to me and whos not. From now on, i’ll love all my friends like there’s no tmr. I used to have restriction… But now no more. Later I’m going for a run. So excited… =) Hopefully i’ll do what i say and not just say.. shall go run before i change my mind… Bye!!

Look at me, you may think you see, Who I really am?!! But you’ll never know me… Every day, is as if I play a part… Now I see, If I wear a mask, I can fool the world, but I can not fool my heart…

Who is that girl I see??! Staring straight back at me?! But somehow I will show the world… What’s inside my heart and be loved for who I am. Why is my reflection, Someone I don’t know? Must I pretend that i’m, someone else for all time?

Why must we all conceal, what we think, how we feel?? Must there be a secret me, I’m forced to hide?! I won’t pretend that i’m, someone else, for all time…

Today at mass, learned one thing: About Fear. Kind of forget whats its about but it touches me when i was listening… Sometimes i wonder if i did understand or am i not listening, but only hearing… Listening and hearing is different ok??

Wow, Just randomly watch few videos of Grant, from someone elses blog… Oh my, Its getting late… Tmr i’m wrking at 10… Aghhh!! Shuck… nah… I mean Sharks… But i dont want to sleep… But i need to sleep… How?? haha!!! ok fine, shall go sleep… Night!!

Haha… Think i wont join… Lost my Ez- link card today again… Learned my lesson but still do it… Just top up my card some more. Think no money to join le… Somemore if i lose must pay for the table… Hmm… Dont feel like playing pool nowadays. Noone to play with too… Now my hp also spoil… When bad things happen, Not one thing will be ok… All bad… hopefully tmr i can get my money…

Ok, before i go to bed… let me recap what i’ve done today… Starting from the lastest..

I did alot of things on internet today… Like too much to do… haha.. Read lots of things.. haha!! Cant believe that i took 3 hours plus just by reading… Wow!!

I was suppose to finish work at 6 then he ask me to extent… again i dont know how to reject him.. and i agreed.. He wanted 8 but i say 730 max… Lucky i insist on 730 if not… wa!!!

Great day today at work… Time pass really fast from 1130 to 230… After break, things starts to slow down. No customer… then we just talk and talk… Wow… When it was 6pm… I keep complaining saying that i was suppose to go home right now and i’m been extend… Argh!! Whos fault?? Nobody but me!!! hahah!!! but again, luckily not that tiring… haha… When wt said she wants to wait for me, i was like huh(in my <3) then i say wa, ok thanks!!

I thought i forget to bring my ez link card so i wanted to buy. In the end i realised i put it in my bag… And i was like laughing at myself. And feel so hot and high… haha!! Guess i was embarressed!!

We took mrt and she was suppose to alight at bishan but we got so into the conversation that we were talking till she missed she stop… luckily i was like, eh… thought you suppose to alight?? Haha!!! Eventually she alighted at amk and said she wanted to take bus… I told her mrt faster but she’s like huh… still must walk… wahahah!!! what a day!!

Thats all i can remember!!

I liked a song in my hp but theres no title… sigh*

Tmr my friends cousin having a test for styling hair and i’m going to be his model… Wonder how i’ll look like… Quite excited but yet nervous!! Will take pictures!! =)

Must used chinese more often… My cousin knows more words than me… ahhh!!! Brush up!!

-Still missing you every single day.

The Colorado Avalanche have struggled since opening the season with 10 victories in their first 13 games.

Facing the team that routed them last week might not be the best way for the Avalanche to get back on track.

Colorado closes out its three-game trip Friday night, when it faces a well-rested Vancouver Canucks team opening a five-game homestand.

The Northwest Division-leading Avalanche (13-6-3) finished last in the Western Conference in 2008-09, but opened this season with an NHL-best 10-1-2 mark. Since then, however, Colorado is 3-5-1 following Wednesday’s 6-4 loss at Edmonton.

The Avalanche led 4-2 following Kyle Cumiskey’s second-period score, but allowed four unanswered goals in the final 20:16.

“Those are the ones you have to put away and we didn’t do that,” said first-year coach Joe Sacco, whose team has dropped four of five.

Even with the man-advantage, Colorado hasn’t been able to put much away lately, going 5 for 58 on the power play in its last 16 games.

Milan Hejduk, who leads the Avalanche with five power-play goals and 10 total, scored twice Wednesday and has three goals in his last two games. He went scoreless in Saturday’s 8-2 loss to the visiting Canucks after missing two contests with a sore back.

The last time the Avalanche allowed that many goals was an 8-1 loss to the Oilers on March 19.

“(The Canucks) outworked us in all aspects of the game,” said center Paul Stastny, who leads the team with 16 assists and 20 points. “We have to be ready to play and we weren’t and it showed.”

While Colorado plays its third game in four nights, Vancouver (11-10-0) takes the ice for the first time since the lopsided victory in Denver.

The Canucks snapped a three-game slide in that contest, scoring their most goals since an 8-1 victory at the New York Islanders on Jan. 14, 2006.

Playing in his 667th career game Saturday, center Henrik Sedin recorded his first NHL hat trick.

“It’s something to build on,” Sedin said following the team’s 2-3-0 trip. “It gives the guys confidence.”

Sedin’s twin brother, Daniel, practiced with the Canucks on Thursday but is not expected to return until Sunday against Chicago. Daniel Sedin has missed the last 17 games with a broken foot.

Lately, forward Mason Raymond has helped Vancouver compensate for his loss.

Raymond has five goals and five assists in his last eight games after having three goals and no assists in his first 13 contests. Raymond and Ryan Johnson each recorded a career-high three assists on Saturday.

“I would say in his last three weeks, (Raymond) been one of our better players at generating offense as far as finishing more and we need some other guys to surprise us also here,” coach Alain Vigneault told the Canucks’ official Web site.

Roberto Luongo made 32 saves against the Avalanche in his third game since being out two weeks with a broken rib. He is 1-3-2 with a 3.11 GAA in his last six home starts versus Colorado.

Avalanche goaltender Peter Budaj stopped 27 shots Wednesday in his second start of the season. He gave up four goals on eight shots Saturday after replacing Craig Anderson, who allowed four goals in the first two periods.

Anderson is 0-4-0 with a 3.49 GAA in four career starts in Vancouver.

Daniel Sedin to practise with Canucks SundayAguero – We can beat Real

Yes, i didnt went for pool and i just felt very tired. although i make alarm but it still didnt wake me up… But when grandma ask me want to eat together, i straight away wake up.. Wow!! Though today the time spent together is so little, I’m still very happy… But as the time pass, and u have to leave, I’m feeling what i am feeling yesterday and this is what i’m thinking now…:

…….Ppl i used to like, now, i dont really like them anymore. Ppl i like, doesnt seems to like me… Maybe this is them… maybe this is me. When i want it that way, u think i dont want. When I say i want it that way but in my heart i dont want, you tried giving it to me… Why???!! You got all mixed up… I’m feeling bored. The kind of loneliness… The feeling of lost… I’m still feeling empty. Like I’ve lost you when i haven even gotten you.. I dont want to lose something i haven get… I dont like this feeling.. But what am i suppose to do??? How am i suppose to tell you?? Again, i’ve got no time… I really dont want to go out later… But i cant… I need to. I’m force too. Why cant just let me enjoy the day then let me get those bad ones later?? Why always change??? Why ppl just cant stay the same?? Why is it you have to… argh!! Forget it… Life life life??? What is life??? Why is the saying… Life must/still goes on?? Why?? When u say that, do you really understand? Is it you suppose to be that way or u force yrself too because everyone is been brainwashed?? I dont understand and i just dont get it… Enlighten me.

-Sometimes i just dont know how to show you, i really care or love you… But i actually do…

Suddenly imissyou.

Wow… Luckily i went home… I didnt knoe he stay at my house… Again he made me laugh so hard… Felt so nice when he lean on me… Like the closeness is there…

Felt quite empty today… like just need to hug something… Dont know why too!! Weird. Still having that feeling… Btw glad things were changed. Cos i Dont know how to face her… Whatever the case… I’m so sleepy now… But i still got lots to say… Or maybe i’ll stop here… continue tmr…

Has my journey just began??

There is so much that i… don’t understand.   And the only thing i know, is things don’t always go…
The way we planned… But you’ll see every day that we’ll can never turn away. Even though it seems all my dreams come undone… Can I trust in my own heart??

-Tears of pain, tears of joy.

Looking back on the things I’ve done, got nothing to hide no more… is this the feeling I need to walk with?? I don’t know where to start, but I dont wanna play the same old part… I pray for this heart to be unbroken…

-I wish I could relive those days…

I should’ve seen it coming… How was I to know?? 

-There are times when you make me laugh, times when u made me cry…

Lastly, my patience is strong!! I know… Ok i gotta go wrk…

Glad you enjoy that day… Wasnt really confortable working there but u make me feel a little better… Thanks!! Why yesterday you cant sleep?? Cos of the light?? Haha… I couldnt sleep too la!! Cos of your snoring… JK… lol…

Anyway, haha forgotten what i wanted to write… Nvm, haha!! See suddenly i happy again… One moment i’m sad… another,i’m happy. 3 minutes later: Fine… I really cant remember what i wanted to type… ok shall go sleep… Too tired already… Night…

Heh heh… I told people I’d post this song. In fact I threatened them. It is all my friends’ fault for singing it over an over last night. So as punishment, I present it to all of you now. It is one of those songs you know all the words to (if you listened to the radio at all in the 80s), but you question if you want to.

Honestly, though I kind of like it now and I do wonder why. It has that familiarity that makes it attractive now, but otherwise I probably would not like it at all. It is kind of like an old acquaintance from high school who you probably didn’t really like all that much in school, but now running into them is kind of nice because you can both talk about the old days. Perhaps now I will like it because I will forever remember my friends singing it poorly over and over? Although I could fill this space with one of countless songs I like more, it is payback time. I need to stick to my word too! Sing on Billy!

Song Recommendations

If you like this song, I also suggest:

• Madonna
• Prince
• Toto

I also suggest the music genre:

• Pop

Click here for more info on Billy Ocean – Suddenly – “Caribbean Queen”.

The MP3 may be purchased here:

Billy Ocean - Suddenly

fechei meus olhos para descansar e espairecer dessa jovem vida tão exausta. estava eu ali, sentada na grama, no meio do nada… pude sentir o vento de encontro ao meu corpo inteiro, e assim o senti levando todo o meu peso embora. me tornei apenas uma pena flutuante, branca, pura. sem nada e sem pensar em nada. a mais simples forma de ser, livre, jogada e sendo levada até o horizonte… cantos de pássaros, perfume de flores-do-campo e a brisa no meu sorriso. me fiz feliz por um segundo.