Hollow, we feel when times are plagued,
By words we speak but do not mean.
Yet we yearn only to be saved,
By the ones we had chosen to demean.

Forgiveness is a blessing not easily earned,
But I promise to you my lesson has been learned.
If only you may ever choose to forget,
I promise to you, never shall you regret.

RIDE OR DIE?

WINE OR CHEESECAKE?

DEATH OR TAXES?
 
FOR HERE OR TO GO?

Ride. Wine. taxes? For here. But a to go cup would be nice.

We stopped at Starbucks and I used the remaining four dollars and change on an iced soy latte; K. took to Dunkin Donuts and picked up a blueberry coffee. The woman at the drive thru window playfully tossed a (free) bag of munchkins our way. “For your beautiful children”, she said with a smile. “You have such a beautiful family.” We thanked her profusely. The kids were all strapped into their car seats happily. One, two, three. Three. Three beautiful children. A family of five. Five. (Well, not for much longer.)

We dropped the kids off at my mom’s that day and returned home to wait. We didn’t have to wait long. B., Sunshine’s social worker, pulled into our driveway, and from where I sat on the couch, I felt my lungs involuntarily take in such a tremendous burst of oxygen–enough to make me feel a sort of transcendental lightheadedness.  B. walked in holding Sunshine and she then placed her immediately in my arms. Sunshine was wearing this cute little outfit. Blue flowers. Her hair was so much shorter then, but still styled impeccably with little barrettes. She looked at me cautiously, carefully…sizing me up a bit. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. “Hello, sweetheart,” I whispered. “Welcome home.”

B. didn’t stay long. She and K. unloaded the car and almost as quickly as she had appeared, she vanished again. K. went to get our sweet trio from my mom’s and I sat with Sunshine on the couch. I studied her as though I’d never seen her. I had, of course; we’d met her twice, and her grandma had sent numerous pics my way. I had her face memorized before I’d ever held her in my arms, on my couch, in my living room. But she was here. She was in my arms. She fit perfectly into my arms. I had loved her deeply before she became a part of our family, but holding her, studying her, breathing her in…I suddenly felt as though I’d known her so intrinsically, so intensely, and so very endlessly.

One year ago today, I became a mother of four. And every single day since then, this beautiful girl–my sweet ray of Sunshine on even the cloudiest of days–has changed my world in the most brilliantly breathtaking ways.

I love you, sweet girl. Thank you for gracing my world with your incredible presence. Thank you for bedtime cuddles, and for letting me tell you all my stories (and some secrets, too) without (too much!) complaint. Thank you for teaching me about my capacity–as both a mother and as a mere human being on this planet–to love and to forgive and to love again (even harder than before). Thank you for making my everyday life so indescribably beautiful. Thank you for changing me in a hundred different ways, in so many different forms, through your millions of rays of light…and for lighting my world as you do–as you always do–and opening my eyes to so many bursts of beauty in every single day…

( “…you make me happy when skies are grey // you’ll never know, dear // how much I love you …”  <3)

I offer to you this heart of rose,

It is how it is, as it has always been.
As clear as the skies above,infinitely unseen.
And as the pendulum shall continue to swing,
we know not what the future may bring.

Petals will wilt and fall to rot,
and the color will fade leaving not a spot.
Yet amidst the dark and vapid grays,
we will find memories of passionate days.

Love will only be short-lived you see,
but a friend to you I shall always be.
Never doubt the words I speak,
for they are as true as words can ever be.

For every tear that you have ever shed,
know that I too have equally bled.
And for every sadness that you may bear,
know that I will be there for you to share.

Be it known, that forever i will,
love you till the world stands still.
And remember that it is you who holds,
the key to this heart of rose.

We tried some random beers, either made from mushrooms or hibiscus, or other random stuff. There was this ginger one that actually tasted quite like ginger, it was kinda weird.

The flat we’re in now is really quite nice, three bedrooms shared between two guys and they only pay three hundred bucks each for rent! Seems unbelievable.

So all three, Thomas, his girlfriend and flatmate are all musicians by the way. They play jazz guitar, the violin and the bass respectively.. how cool is that? These guys are cool as heck.

Anyway, looking forward to checking out more places in Montreal tomorrow! Old port, botanical gardens and maybe mcgill university here we come!

Also, crèpes tomorrow for breakfast! Maple syruppppppp

We got here early so got one of the best seats on the bus, the very front of the second floor. Trips lookin good so far!

Had our lunch of fruits and a salmon slash ham sandwich, and just woke up from a short nap. Back hurts, but the fact that we have space to put our legs up makes up for that haha.

When we get to the station (metro berri uqam), we’re buying a three day metropass and heading to bonaventure station to meet our couchsurfer host.
More details will follow as we get to know him!

Weather’s awesome by the way.

Gonna go eat me some Korean food at christie station. I know there really isn’t any Korean restaurants in the photo.. cause they’re all around the corner. Just posting while waiting at the park.

ORDER YOURS HERE!

-Melanie Gordon

Independent Scentsy Consultanat

http://www.MelanieGordon.Scentsy.us

Luv4wickless@gmail.com

I woke up much too early this morning.  Even though I am used to the c-pap mask now some nights I still want to yank it off and throw it in the garbage.  Last night was one of those nights so at 5 AM I just got up.  The Peoria Journal Star was not here to greet me.  I still don’t have a regular carrier and after talking to the old carrier I can see why.  They are charged $1 off their salary for each time someone calls reporting a missed paper.  I never call until after 8 AM although the paper is supposed to be here by 6 AM.

And now what am I going to do.  First thing, I am going to get to the eye care place and get my new glasses adjusted.  They don’t fit right and I will bug them till they do.  At least the transition lens part and the distance part are perfect.  It is just reading the newspaper that I am having a problem with.

I did the grocery run at Kroger after I was finished with the dentist yesterday but I still missed a few things as I didn’t have my list with me.  I was shopping WILLY-NILLY and when I do that I spend money on stuff that I really don’t need and forget the stuff I do need.

wil·ly–nil·ly

adv or adj \ˌwi-lē-ˈni-lē\

Definition of WILLY-NILLY

1

: by compulsion : without choice

2

: in a haphazard or spontaneous manner

See willy–nilly defined for English-language learners »

See willy-nilly defined for kids »

Origin of WILLY-NILLY

alteration of will I nill I or will ye nill ye or will he nill he

First Known Use: 1608

Now that I have given you all an English lesson I will get off the computer and get moving.  Stay safe and be happy!!

Beth

I have always retreated into myself when faced with a crisis, I find that telling the world about my problem makes it worse, and the opinions of others, causes me great confusion.  The last few years friends have given me advice, not necessarily from a point of unbiased but from judgement.  When January happened, I did just that, I retreated into myself and figured out what I needed to do to make things happen.  Many people assume that recovering from an affair is all the work of the person who committed the offense, I knew that our marriage was struggling, and that was why the pickle had happened in the first place, there really is no one to blame, just bad judgement on my husband’s part, however everyone makes mistakes and there is no such thing as perfect.

I adore my family, they are my life and the most important thing to me was to fix this as best I knew how to.  I knew that using humor worked, just being and living in the moment also a great way to be, and not analysing every little thing that happens.  My loving husband is a kind, caring man who is super protective of me, he is also a man who likes to come home to a calm environment, not always easy in my house as there are a lot of children, however, I decided to make this happen.  I started doing yoga nidra one of the aspect of yoga that is truly rewarding on a spiritual level.

Anyway this morning I was deeply relaxed and imagining I was a seed down in the soil, slowly feeling the moisture from the rain falling and growing up with my leaves and branches, and down deep into the soil with my roots when the strangest thing happened, I could see all the loose ends that needed to be dealt with and how to deal with them to make my transformation complete. It popped out of my head as quickly as it came and a feeling of complete peace and calm washed over me.  My guides were telling me, as they have been this whole time, that I need to be honest and stop hiding from confrontation, the only person it is causing damage to is me.  I recognised that in order to have boundaries you have to say when something is not right, not hide from it and hope it goes away.  In the past I have leaned towards shutting down way of dealing with things, denial was my best friend.  Thankfully,  we are no longer friends, I dropped the rope.

I have surrounded myself with people who are supportive, can make me laugh at my darkest hour and who will be with me laughing saying let’s do that again.  They can commiserate with me, but they do not remind me of what was, I am trying to move forward and in order to start a clean slate it is crucial to let go of the past.  The mind is amazing, it does everything it possible can to stop you moving forward, this was also an observation this morning, my neck was hurting, thoughts were running through my head while I was trying to still them or at least ignore them.  The mind does not want you to live in the now, it wants to keep you living in the past or worse wishing for the future to happen.  The only thing that is important is the now, I really wonder how much I missed during the last year, but it doesn’t matter anymore it is what it is.  I feel fabulous and I enjoy waking up to my handsome husband, beautiful children, to my wonderfully funny friends, to the beauty in everyday.

Many people have helped me on my journey, I am grateful to all of them.  I take responsibility for my own life and the people in it.  I see the sunshine everyday, I find the peace around me, I see how lucky I truly am.  It may, of course be helped by my ADD, or by the fact that I handed my life over to God at the beginning of this process, He knows where I am supposed to be and what comes next, I will let Him do all the worrying for me.  I found that once I did this and stopped fighting life and analysing it, I really began to enjoying living it.  I have worked too hard to allow Negative Nelly’s  to upset my apple cart, the sunshine stays here with me in my happy place, lying on the floor of my sanctuary, the yoga studio… Namaste!