Cloud to ground lightning Bolts taking it down to the ground. A vertical/ portrait image. Giant cloud to ground C2G lightning bolts hitting the horizon of city lights. NE Boulder County Colorado. .

Striking fine art nature lightning landscape photography prints, stock images and canvas art by James Bo Insogna (C) .

I have been married to my husband for 29 years and we love each deeply.  We also trust each other implicitly.  I always listen to what my husband has to say, and mostly he listens to what I have to say.  We don’t always agree, but we respect each other’s opinion.  There is also the factor of knowing that we are there for each other to support and encourage in low times and to praise and celebrate with each other in the high times.  We each know that we can depend upon each other no matter what.  Our communication works, we are honest with each other and there are no secrets (with the exception of birthday and Christmas presents of course).

I have very few good friends who I would trust with my life.  But those I do have know that equally they can trust me with their lives.  I have one friend in particular who I have known since I was 9 years old.  We are good friends.  We live hundreds of miles apart, but we manage to get together at least once a year and to keep in touch via email and social media.  We love each other as friends, trust and respect each other, learn from each other even now after all these years.

I have a good relationship with my mother, this has not always been the case, but I have learned that we do love each other, respect each other’s opinions and although we live about two hours away from each other, we communicate via phone every so often and I visit her many times a year. She is going to be 90 this year, still lives in her own home, and is surprisingly spritely for her age.

Here are some tips to help make your relationship last:

• Be honest with each other. If you have made a mistake then admit it, apologise. Don’t let your ego get in the way.

• If your partner makes a mistake and apologises, is it always their fault? Did they know what you expected of them? Was your communication clear? If not, can you take responsibility and admit that?

• Say I love you to your partner or friend and mean it. They will be feeling on top of the world because they feel loved and wanted.  This will reflect back on you and make you feel the same.

• Say thank you. That has a similar effect to saying I love you. Being appreciated means so much in a relationship.

• Don’t forget that you are still your own person and your partner or friend is still their own person.  Have your own set of friends that you can go out with now and again, without your partner.  Being together all the time can be very suffocating and can cause damage to a relationship.

• Share your secrets. Know the trivial things about your partner that nobody else knows.

If you don’t have a good relationship with someone, is there something missing? Do you trust each other, respect each other, listen to each other, learn from each other and love each other?

The best part I find of being in a relationship is that I am not in it alone.  I have someone to love, to work with and work things out with.

No relationship is perfect, it would be terribly boring if it were.  But you are in the relationship with someone you love and who loves you. Cuddle your partner when you go to sleep at night – there is nothing more comforting than having a loving pair of arms around you when you go to sleep and when you wake in the morning.

All of these things will help to make a good relationship last.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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I am currently studying Spanish and German right now. 4 years for Spanish, 1/2 year for German. Can you guess which one I dislike now?

If you guessed Spanish, you are correct! I had two bad teachers right in a row, and that basically made me lose any interest I had in it.

And here comes the reason why I say one should not take two languages at the same time.

When in Spanish class, I’m piled with work, naturally. And when it comes to quizzes and speaking it, I find that I cannot for the life of me remember what the word is in Spanish. It’s not only that, but then I can absolutely remember what the word is in German when I least need German. I find it rather frustrating, if you can’t tell.

So, unless if you reaaaally -and I mean really- need to learn two languages at once, don’t torture yourself with my situation. I honestly never thought I’d have a problem with learning two languages at first, but then the memory problems arose.

I say friends because when it comes to acquaintances, coworkers and pets, I don’t expect too much in return. Banter, help, mutual respect is what I give and take in those kind of relationships. But when it comes to friends, I expect something from them that elevates our relationship above that of a coworker, acquaintance or pet. I expect them to care without me having to ask them to care. This, it seems, is a challenge for some.

Here is my friendship ethos: When a friend is down, ask what I can do for them. When a friend tells me a problem, listen as much as I can – offer empathy and a bit of my time if I am able. When a friend receives good news or passes some big test, celebrate with them! When I haven’t seen a friend in a long while, ask how they are and be interested in their answer. Now, is that too much to ask in return?

Do I already sound greedy or selfish? That’s my number one fear: selfishness. If I were a superhero, Selfishness would be my arch-nemesis. I have battled all my life to NOT be selfish. My core desire is to care for others – to give where I can, to apologise where I can’t, and to try in all circumstances that lie between.

But here is my problem – Caring is my Kryptonite. I care too much. Faaaaaar too much. And guess what? You meet me today at a point where I am beginning to realise that selfishness is necessary in order to bring balance into my life. Selfishness is necessary in order to set up boundaries with in my friendships. I need to be selfish in order to get what I need. In short, I must now sit down to tea with my mortal enemy and play nice, and it terrifies me.

From a very young age, I have always wanted others to feel valued, loved and significant – the very things I often don’t feel about myself. This is why Caring is my Kryptonite. I am driven to care, partly because I long to be cared for in return.

If you were to meet me, you might summarise me as: confident, calm, organised, educated, self-assured, analytical, reserved, private, kind, caring, loyal, quiet. These are words I regularly hear fed back to me. But this is not the whole story of me.

I know I don’t present the typical picture of a ‘vulnerable’ person: I have low self-esteem, but not low enough to stop me from leading others or facilitating groups. I doubt myself on occasion, but not often enough to stop me from trying new and creative things. I cry when I’m deeply hurt, but only when I’m at rock bottom. If you were to meet this person, what would you think?

To most people I meet, these characteristics present someone who is confident, functioning and ‘together’. I don’t mean to come off this way. I’m not strutting around trying to look like something I’m not. But many of the friends in my life paint this superficial idea of who I am and it hurts me to know that they don’t care enough to scrape beneath the surface and see the reality.

The problem is, most people build up this clear, polished picture of me and stick by it. And sadly, even some of my dearest friends swallow this persona. Many of them don’t stop to think that I can be hurt, that I can have self-doubt, that I can have problems that are worth talking about. How do I know they think this way? Because they rarely ask me how I am, rarely listen attentively when it’s my turn to talk and they rarely follow up on problems that I’ve shared with them. Which all perpetuates my belief that I am insignificant, without value or just plain boring.

I used to spend more time caring for my friends and listening to their problems, but I realise I have created a rod for my back. Many of them see me now as dependable, reliable, there for all the rocky times in their lives. But then I started to notice that certain friends only seemed to show up in my life when they needed something from me. Others would talk only about themselves and brush over my own issues as if they were trivial.

Gradually, slowly, I have begun to fight back. I am trying to not be ‘the quiet one in the corner’ with my friends, the good listener, the selfless carer. With Captain Selfish by my side, I am trying to butt in with my own news, rather than wait politely for them to care enough to ask me how I am. When someone asks me for something, I ask for something back if I know they can help me, rather that just give with a smile. Instead of initiating catch-ups with my friends on Facebook, I remain silent in order to match their silence towards me.

I fail more often than succeed in setting up these new boundaries. It’s scary to ask for things from people who aren’t used to giving. It feels selfish. But I know that I need to declare my need.

It’s early days yet. I’m still struggling in my efforts to help my friends understand that sometimes I need them to listen to me just for 10 minutes with general eye contact and some semblance of empathy. And to be honest, a small, private part of me is deeply outraged that a genuine friend would need to be ‘trained’ to ignore phone calls or texts during a catch-up lunch with me. Ever had one of those?

So here I am, weakened by Kryptonite to the point where my only hope is to befriend my arch-nemesis and demand care and respect from friends. Life’s pretty sucky at the moment.