The thing I’m craving today is immersion. Post-plane ride, I’m feeling pretty sluggish and excited to take a nap, make tomato soup, then sleep some more! At the moment, I’m feeling neither immersed nor even able to be immersed, given that I’m jacked up on coffee with cream and a few pieces of licorice.

(I’ll save the perils of the sad reliance on stimulants for another post, but would like to point out here that I first began drinking coffee this summer at Dai Bosatsu Zendo Kongo-Ji, where we woke up at 4:30 for morning meditation then had to remain both still and awake for a few more hours until breakfast. I never thought that Buddhism would be my undoing thus, but I found that without the coffee, I suffered in the dark and threatened to tilt then crash onto my neighbor as my body tried to rock itself back to sleep. So instead of making a scence, I arrived at the zendo early and literally took a shot of coffee then proceeded to my cushion. After a few days of body rocking on the cushion, my fear of needing to pee was replaced by my fear of literally collapsing onto my neighbor.)

Reading the newsletter of the Zen Studies Society this morning, I stumbled across this little gem by the head monk, a woman named Fujin (“God of the Wind,” aptly named for her previous obsession with playing the flute), at Dai Bosatsu Zendo Kongo-Ji.

From it, I learned the Japanese phrase Ichi Go Ichi E, which, as Fujin writes below means, “‘One opportunity, One meeting.’ It implies, “Unprecedented, unrepeatable encounter,” in other words: a meeting that truly changes your life.”

by Fujin Butsudo

Two years ago, I went to Shogen-ji in
Japan to attend Rohatsu sesshin. After
sesshin was over,Yamakawa Roshi took
me to a hot spring hotel together with
a group of non-Japanese monks. While
the attendant monk was driving us, I
heard Roshi tell him to go to a town
called Tajimi, not far from Shogen-ji in
Gifu. Afterward, I was supposed to
meet a European friend of mine; so we
spoke on the phone about where we
could meet each other.When I told him
I was going to Tajimi, he said, with an
enthusiastic voice,“Oh! I know a potter
there. Why don’t we visit him!” After
spending the night with Roshi and the
group in the hot-spring hotel, I called up
my friend, telling him where I thought I
was. Roshi happened to hear my conversation
and exclaimed,“We are not in
Tajimi here, we are in Unuma!” I had
misunderstood, but the appointment
with the potter had been made, so it
was decided that we would go anyway.
I had been told that Mizuno Sensei, the
potter, was in his late seventies. Upon
meeting him, I couldn’t believe my eyes:
he looked more like in his early sixties!
We had lunch together, and then he
took us to his kiln. Unfortunately, it was
raining on that day, so we didn’t spend
much time looking at the kiln. He took
us inside his studio, and from then on,
the visit turned into a dream. Mizuno
Sensei had met my friend several times,
but they were certainly not intimate
friends. As for myself, it was our first encounter.

As we were led around the
studio admiring his work, time literally
vanished. I cannot even tell for sure how
long we stayed with him. It could have
been two hours, it could have been four,
but it felt no more than twenty minutes
at the most. Though we used Japanese
to communicate, my friend and I completely
forgot the fact that we were
talking in a foreign language. We could
have been speaking in Russian or
Chinese, and still would have understood
each other perfectly. Mizuno
Sensei spoke to us as if we were his
own children. His voice, his gestures, his
whole attitude was like a river, gently
flowing downstream. He spoke of Tani
Roshi and Eido Roshi’s friendship with
great fondness, showed us photos of
them from years ago, when they visited
his kiln. His wife was like the transparency
of the mountain stream. She
was present, in fact very attentive, sitting
by the irori (the hearth), serving
powdered tea, sweets, green tea,
clementines, responding quickly and elegantly
to whatever needs came up. At
the end, Mizuno Sensei presented me
with a black tea bowl, an incense burner,
a hana ire (flower vase to be hung in
a tokonoma) and a small sake cup.While
talking to me, he wrote on a piece of
rice paper with a brush which clay he
had used to make them, and the story
behind their shape and color. Within
seconds, Mrs. Mizuno was next to me
with packing material and bags so I

could carry them safely.

It was only upon parting from Mizuno
Sensei that I realized what had been
offered to me: the gift of inexhaustible
spirit. Freely offered to all, we trample
it under our feet every single day, so
carelessly! I made myself promise to
remember that afternoon every single
day of my life, until I am so saturated
with it that I don’t need to be reminded
any more.
I read many times what ancient Japan
was like, or ancient anywhere, when
people were more inclined to allow
themselves to dissolve completely into
the moment, whatever they were
engaged in. But to experience first-hand
meeting someone who had transcended
time, cultures, age and race was an
unforgettable inspiration. In Japan, there
is a Zen saying, “Ichi Go, Ichi E” which
means, “One opportunity, One meeting.”
It implies, “Unprecedented, unrepeatable
encounter,” in other words: a
meeting that truly changes your life. I
cherish very much the tea bowl and
other gifts, which I received on that day.
But more importantly, someday when
serving tea, I hope to not merely
quench the visitors’ thirst, but like
Mizuno Sensei did with us, to swallow
with them Beecher Lake in one gulp.

Dreams are fleeting. Ideals and values change and morph in unpredictable ways.  As life experiences build upon each other etching boarders and boundaries, demarcating “no-go” areas we slowly let go of all these hopes, desires, and fanciful ideas that we clung so tightly to in childhood.  Life both creates and destroys; a dichotomous nature found almost everywhere.  Life makes us who we are; it forms us and sculpts us into men and women of order, honor, violence, malediction and everything in between.  Life molds our beliefs about love, friendship, politics and faith; it forces us to examine long-held values and weigh them against concrete experiences.  Some weather the storm, some evolve and others fall away.  The other side of the coin is that life destroys who we were. Innocence is lost and replaced with cynicism; comfort replaced by uncertainty and conviction replaced by shades of gray and moral ambiguity.

The most certain, if not happiest moments, are from our childhood.  How much more freedom did we have as children?  How much more hope did we have?  How simple, how black and white was our world?  Why does life appear to rip us out of this idyllic only to thrust upon us a mostly uncaring and merciless world.  Why do we let this happen?  What can we do about it?

It can’t be stopped they say.  You can’t stay a kid forever.  Peter Pan is just a kids book; there is no Neverland.  You can’t go back.  All of this should sound familiar…all I have to say is: WHY NOT?

Childhood has benefits that can’t be overlooked and in some ways can’t be quantified.

Safety

Security

Moral Certainty

Freedom

Yet we allow ourselves to leave these things behind only to replace them with pale shadows of themselves in the forms of local law enforcement, home and car alarms, laws and appropriate conduct policies and worst of all the denial of our independence in the form of reliance on public, government and private provisions and institutions.

How much safer are you now?  Now that you have 911 operators who drop calls and ignore requests for help all over this country.  Are you safer now that you are surrounded by police who are sometime more corrupt and power-hungry than some criminals; and others so hamstrung by rules of engagement and policies that they are at best a walking, talking, breathing meat shield and at worst completely ineffectual.  Are you safer when our government pardons a known murderer and child rapist only to have him go and kill a family of four within a matter of days of his release.  Are you safer now that our prisons offer better education than public schools in reading, writing, and arithmetic as well as arson 101, violent crime 202 and theft for beginners.

How much more secure are we when our 401k’s lost 60% of their value due to greed and market manipulation by private investors and government agencies. How much more secure are we when a military officer shoots and kills 13 soldiers in the name of a violent and radical sect of Islam. How much more secure are we when known terrorists have seemingly more rights than a citizen.  Corruption abounds, ethics have died.  That is the price we pay for our personal security.

What is right?  What is wrong?  Is there any real scale to weigh such things any more.  Is killing wrong? How about abortion? What about self-defense? Where does taking a life become morally acceptable? Is theft wrong? Only if you an individual unconnected to the monstrous governmental power structure.  What about taxes?  It is a form of sanctioned theft of the public that we have allowed to occur.  Save the planet! Save the whales!  Save the polar ice caps!  Save anything and everything.  As long as you support our cause you are morally superior.  Is the PETA-supporting-hemp-wearing-zero-carbon-foot-printing-eco-friendly activist superior to the feet-on-th-ground-grit-in-the-teeth-killer-of-men-defender-of-freedom soldier?  When did morality become so intertwined with money.  I purpose a new cause we can all agree with.  SAVE MANKIND!

Are you more free now that your out from underneath you parents roof and oppressive rules? Is freedom being tied for 30+ years to a mortgage? Is it a car loan? Is it a marriage? Is  freedom about surrounding yourself with objects and possessions, most of which we are told by the media that we absolutely need to survive.  Is freedom needing a Sham-wow, a Ped-egg, or a set of Ginsu Knives.  When did freedom mean spend more and more hours working, providing only to be extorted through your taxes.  When did freedom become being too tired to do anything but sleep.  Mom and dad’s oppress rules seem less a prison than our prison of possessions that we have chosen to surround ourselves.

Why were things better as children?  Safety, Security, Moral Certainty and Freedom.  Our parents or guardians promised we would be safe. We had others looking out after us, protecting us from the outside world and any dangers. We had people who cared deeply and unconditionally loved us help us to be strong, wise and independent individuals.  We had family. Why did we trade this for a life in which we are protected by people whose only motivation is the all mighty dollar.  Our family guaranteed our well-being unselfishly.  We were clothed, fed and sheltered because we were cared about.  Now we behold ourselves to institutions and agencies that have historically failed.  Organizations fall apart.  Family stays together.

Even with out family rules and values we had innocence to guide us.  We knew right from wrong.  There was GI Joe and Cobra; the Empire and the Rebel Alliance; good guys and bad guys.  There was no gray area but bold stark contrasts.  If we did something wrong there were consequences.  Our childhood selves would not think about tax evasion-thats wrong; rape=thats a no-no or cheating on a spouse-thats against the rules.  Now it is less about what you do and more about how much you can get away with. We had our own moral compass.  Why did we adopt someone else’s? Just because thats what we’re supposed to do?

Our current imprisoned mindset and lifestyles are not due to some insidious societal conspiracy.  Rather it is representative of all of us being too weak to cling to our original selves.  We have compromised, negotiated, bartered and sold ourselves away in pieces as we attempt to live a life we were told we should. We have forgotten about our childhood dreams and desires writing them off as frivolous fantasies of and inexperienced child.  We justify to ourselves that they were choices we had to make. That situations forced our hand. That this is what life dealt us.  These justifications are sign posts of weakness.

We have never been forced to choose only 1 way to live.

We have always had options in any situation we have faced.

This is not what life dealt us.

We all have choices and options at every step of the journey.  As a whole we have been too weak to hold to our childhood convictions, even though we know deep down that there is a different path than the one we are currently on; a path that leads to happiness and freedom.

Can we go back?  No, not in the sense of being a child again or seeing the world through a child’s eyes.  We have experienced too much, lived to long and know more than we should.  We are tethered to this society for better or for worse…unless we make a change now!  Innocence may have been shattered and our only option may be to move forward, but forward lays a life worth living.  It is a life that provides the benefits of childhood.  Finding the way towards a safe, secure and morally certain life with absolute freedom is possible.  Its is a hard way that at times is lonely. It is frustratingly difficult at times and requires of to endure.  To succeed with your true hopes and dreams we must ultimately face ourselves, our true selves.  We must become familiar with our true hopes and dreams as well as our darkest weaknesses.  We must make the hard choice.  We must stop being weak and become responsible for ourselves and the life we are living.

I BELIEVE

—————– Original Message —————–
From: GG
To:      RevJ
Date:  Jun 10, 2009 12:48 PM
Subject: Answering the question ‘Does RevJ believe in God?’
Yes, I do believe he believes in God,
but don’t forget Goddess too.

REVJ REPLIES
Hey GG…Thanks for thinking of RevJ.
You are correct, I believe in God.
I respect Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Taoism,
Judaism, Paganism, Occultism, and Hinduism.

I respect the people, spirits and deities of all religions.
In my book, everybody is right about their deity.
It’s difficult for me to swallow
the idea that only one religion is right one about their deity
and all the others are wrong.

Raised as a Christian by Agnostic/Humanist parents,
I can’t feature a deity that would say,
‘Believe in me or go to hell.’
My friend Marianne Williamson once said
‘The bible says that God created man in his image.
But actually it’s the other way around:
Man created God in HIS image.’
I have a feeling that this holds true
for all religions, cultures and deities.

I think the Age of Aquarius
represents a paradigm shift
away from perceiving God as a deity,
toward the understanding
of God as a natural force,
like gravity or electricity.
This paradigm shift will probably be generated
by the convergence of advances
in several scientific disciplines
such as biochemistry, astrophysics,
electromagnetism and neuroscience.

Humanity turns away
from the concept of dueling deities,
and brings to consciousness the collective mind.

I’m writing about the spiritual roots of polarity/wholeness work for a book that myself and co-author Ursula Glunk are writing.  I’m reading about Taoism – which is based on the notion that wholeness is dependent upon the bringing together of polarities. The Yin/Yang is the overarching polarity – the Feminine and Masculine principles.  “The yin and yang of Taoism represent the opposition of two cosmic principles….The intertwined symbols of yin and yang are surrounded by a circle, indicative of the primal wholenss of life’ ( Sacred Symbols, Thames&Hudson, 2009)

According to Taoism, the act of heterosexual sex is the ultimate outward symbol of the Yin/Yang working together – complete and whole.  Sex is therefore seen as crucial for a healthy and whole life – which is a great thing! Yet, I find myself troubled by the literal interpretation that I’ve been reading about -  of the Yin/Yang and of sexuality as it seems to exclude lesbian and gay sexuality.  Or in some modern interpretations that seek to ‘fit’ gay and lesbian relationships into a heterosexual template i.e. the old chestnut ’so who is the man and who is the woman then?’.

For me – the interpretation that we all – men and women – hold both the feminine and masculine within ourselves and that, in sex, it actually doesn’t matter about the gender of our partner – we all can lean into the feminine and masculine principles during sex – flow between  ‘active’ or ‘receptive’  at any time  (i.e. during a night of passion we might lean into both and flow between the two poles) is a much more resonate reading of the wholeness of the feminine and masculine in sexuality.

I think mind/body dualism is an extremely pernicious philosophy. I don’t just mean that I find it metaphysically untenable (which I do), I mean that I find it leads to a way of being in the world that is terribly ineffective and perhaps even unethical in some situations.

With the separation of mind and body comes an implicit hierarchy. Usually this results in mind or soul being valued as pure, undefiled, and superior to the body, which is seen as corrupt, dirty, and overall inferior. The soul directs us toward heaven, but the body drags us down to hell. This is a very familiar trope in many religions, in which we are taught to identify ourselves with the soul and regard our bodies with loathing and suspicion. There is a war between the spirit and the flesh, and we must subjugate the latter.

But it’s actually not even the religious masochism this can lead to which I find truly objectionable. No, I’m talking about a division many of us probably take for granted. This could be variously described as the distinction between “theory” (what we know with our mind) and “practice” (what we do with our bodies), or the distinction between knowing and doing, and the attendant supposition that we can truly have knowledge without action.

This separation places “knowledge” solely in the realm of the intellect; we assume that to “know” something means to grasp it intellectually and this has nothing to do with our bodies. Everyone knows that theory is entirely distinct from practice in this way, and if you don’t believe me try getting a job a college graduate without any prior work experience.

But what if we reject the assumptions of dualism? What if we hold that we are both mind and body, and that knowledge is something that does not occur only in one “pole” of our being but must occur in both? What would that mean?

(Continued under the cut)

I rather suspect it would look something like the Neo-Confucian philosopher Wang Yangming’s injunction that “to know, and not to do, is not to know.“

To quote from Wang’s Instructions for Practical Living*:

Xu Ai did not understand the Master’s doctrine of the unity of knowing and acting and debated it back and forth with Huang Zongxian and Gu Weixian without coming to any conclusion. Therefore I took the matter to the Master. The Master said “Give me an example and let me see.” I said, “For example, there are people who know that parents should be served with filiality and elder brothers treated with respect, but they cannot put these things into practice. This shows that knowing and doing are two different things.”

The Teacher said, “The knowing and doing you refer to are already seperated by selfish desires and are no longer knowing and acting in their original state. There have never been people who know but do not act. Those who are supposed to know but do not act simply don’t know.”

This is a truly radical concept. It means, for one thing, that if we can’t cite a gap between theory and practice to cover our mistakes. It means that all knowledge is embodied knowledge, that we don’t truly know something until it is reflected in our actions.

If this seems counter-intuitive, it’s because we conceive of knowledge in a purely intellectual way, of consisting of a set of rules which we memorize and can then apply to a given situation by telling our bodies what to do. And perhaps for many of us living as we do in the 21st century, this the only kind of “knowledge” we really need to navigate through this world we find ourselves in.**

But consider a skilled artist or dancer or craftsman. When these people are “in the zone”, in the mental state psychologists call “flow“, they aren’t engaged in intellectual discursive activity. They aren’t mentally rooting through a set of concepts.  In that moment, there are no concepts or rules. Movements emerge naturally and spontaneously from the body. The mind is active here, but not in the sense that it is trying to “think through” the situation; your body either has an immediate grasp of the situation or it doesn’t. If it does, knowledge intuitively blossoms into action. If it doesn’t, you practice again and again until it does. Knowledge is not just stored in the mind, it’s stored in the body. And if information hasn’t made its way deep into your muscles and bones, then you don’t really know it in any meaningful way.

We can see a description of this sort of behavior by turning to another Chinese thinker, Chuang Tzu***:

“Cook Ting was cutting up an ox for Lord Wen-hui. At every touch of his hand, every heave of his shoulder, every move of his feet, every thrust of his knee-zip! zoop! He slithered the knife along with a zing, and all was in perfect rhythm, as though he were performing the dance of the Mulberry Grove or keeping time to the Ching-shou music.

“Ah, this is marvelous!” said Lord Wen-hui. “Imagine skill reaching such heights!”

Cook Ting laid down his knife and replied, “What I care about is the Way, which goes beyond skill. When I first began cutting up oxen, all I could see was the ox itself. After three years I no longer saw the whole ox. And now-now I go at it by spirit and don’t look with my eyes, Perception and understanding have come to a stop and spirit moves where it wants. I go along with the natural makeup, strike in the big hollows, guide the knife through the big openings, and follow things as they are. So I never touch the smallest ligament or tendon, much less a main joint.

“A good cook changes his knife once a year-because he cuts. A mediocre cook changes his knife once a month-because he hacks. I’ve had this knife of mine for nineteen years and I’ve cut up thousands of oxen with it, and yet the blade is as good as thought it had just come from the grindstone. There are spaces between the joints, and the blade of the knife has really no thickness into such spaces, then there’s plenty of room-more than enough for the blade to play about in. That’s why after nineteen years the blade of my knife is still as good as when it first came from the grindstone.”

This applies not just to activities like carving up an ox, but to our entire lives. All knowledge is embodied. It’s no good to say “I know it, but I can’t put into practice.” True knowledge is never divorced from action. We have no choice but to “be the change we want to see in the world”, which brings me to the topic of activism.

Liberal activists are always speaking of the need to “educate” the unwashed masses. “If only we could get them to understand,” they whine. “Then things would change!” And so they blog, publish articles, publish books, hold peace marches, etc, all hoping to educate people, to “get the message out”. As Ralph Nader recently put it in, “we’re in the golden age of muckraking.” And yet somehow nothing seems to get done when it comes to any of these worthy causes.

I would suggest the problem is that the reason nothing gets done is that we understand knowledge and action to be separate, and consequently we don’t really know even when we think we know. If that knowledge isn’t embodied by us, isn’t something that we breathe and eat and excrete and live on a cellular level — then can we really be said to ‘know’? How deep is our knowledge, if it only reaches the conceptual level of our minds, and doesn’t overflow into our actions?

So much of activism occurs in the realm of the symbolic: marches, demonstrations, candlelight vigils, etc. These all make for great photo ops, but what do they accomplish? A common response I hear is “they make people think”. Fair enough, but perhaps what we need is something that will make people act. People are afraid to act. And again, we come back to mind-body dualism, this time in the context of what is permissible: resistance is tolerated (for now) when it occurs in the mind, but it cannot be allowed to truly occur with our bodies. Our resistance is only articulated, but never actualized (suddenly, we’re back to abstractions again).

Perhaps we have so internalized the mind body distinction, and identify so strongly with our “minds”, that we no longer know how to embody resistance. And perhaps this is why protest “actions” are becoming increasingly digital (read: disembodied): sign this petition, email your congressperson, join this group on Facebook

Even light-hearted resistance against the monotony of a corporate monoculture, like voting a seventeen year old Rage Against the Machine song to No. 1 on the Christmas charts, seems somehow like a half-measure. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to be a downer. I think it’s great that “Killing in the Name Of” beat out Joe McElderry (in these dreary times, we should appreciate every victory, no matter how small).  But what would be even more great is if we could collectively turn around to our bosses, to our governments, to multinational corporations, and embody Zack De La Rocha’s refrain: “Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me!“

Granted, given that my ass is here posting theoretical bullshit in cyberspace means that I clearly don’t know jack either.

Thanks for sticking with me this far. As a reward for reading such a downer, ranting post, here’s some Rage. Seventeen years**** later and to me the song hasn’t lost any of its intensity or relevance:

______

* Instructions for Practical Living and Other Neo-Confucian Writings by Wang Yang-ming. Chan, Wing-tsit, trans. New York: Columbia University Press, 1963.

** I say this because we are surrounded by computers (case in point, you’re reading a blog!), and this is precisely the way a computer “learns”: it is given “rules” by a programmer which it “consults” and follows to the letter. This is, I would argue, not how human beings really learn and it’s certainly not how our ancestors learned to survive in an entirely non-digital world. The fact that we are surrounded by machines which behave in this manner partially accounts for why we’re inclined to view knowledge in this way (although arguably it’s because we had this theory of knowledge in he first place that such machines were developed!)

*** Complete Works of Chuang-Tzu Watson, Burton (translator). New York: Columbia University Press 1968

****Wait. Seventeen years? I’m getting old.

Moses said to God, ” If I come to the people of Israel and say to them, the God of your fathers has sent me to you,” and they ask me, “What is His name ?”what shall I say to them?”

God said to Moses, ” I Am Who I Am.” And He said, ” Say this to the people of Israel, ” I Am ” has sent me to you.”

                                                               Judaism: Exodus 3.13-15

To know the eternal is called enlightenment.

Not to know the eternal is to act blindly to result in disaster.

He who knows the eternal is all-embracing.

Being all-embracing , he is impartial.

Being impartial, he is kingly (universal ).

Being kingly, he is one with Nature.

Being one with Nature, he is in accord with Tao.

Being in accord with Tao, he is everlasting,

And is free from danger throughout his lifetime.

                                                                   Taoism: Tao Te Ching 16

The purpose of God in creating man hath been,

and will ever be, to enable him to know his Creator

and attain His Presence.

                                                        Baha’i  Faith: Gleanings 29

No vision can grasp Him, but His grasp is over all vision;

He is above all comprehension, yet is aquainted with all things.

                                                                                                   Islam: Qur’an 6.103

The Infinite is the source of joy. There is no joy in the

finite. Only in the Infinite is there joy. Ask to know

 the Infinite.

                             Hinduism: Chandogya Upanishad 7.23

To Love is to know Me,

My innermost nature,

the truth that I am.

                                       Hinduism: Bhagavad Gita 18.55

Heaven and earth contain Me not, but the heart of My

faithful servant contains Me.

                                                         Islam: Hadith of Suhrawardi

My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline

or be weary of His reproof,

for the Lord reproves him whom He loves,

as a father the son in whom he delights.

                                                 Judaism: Proverbs 3.11-12

Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God,; and

every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth

God. He that loveth not knoweth not God;

for God is love.

                                  Christianity: 1 John 4.7-8

The world is a garden,

the Lord its gardener,

cherishing all, none neglected.

                                                        Sikhism: Adi Granth, Majh Ashtpadi M.3

In any way that men love Me in that same way

they find My love.

                                    Hinduism: Bhagavad Gita 4.11

Allah The Almighty has said, ” O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as the earth.”

                                          Islam: Forty Hadith of an-Nawawi 42

Say, O My servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the mercy of God: for God forgives all sins: for He is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.

                         Islam: Qur’an 39.53

Though a man be soiled with the sins of a lifetime, let

him but love Me, rightly resolved, in utter devotion.

I see no sinner, that man is holy.

Holiness soon shall refashion his nature to peace

eternal. O son of Kunti, of this be certain: the man who loves Me shall not perish.

                       Hinduism: Bhagavad Gita 9.30-31

” Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”

Jesus said to him, ” You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.” This is the great and first commandment. And the second is like it, ” You shall love your neighbour as yourself.” On these two commandments depend all the law and the prophets.”

                             Christianity: Matthew 22.36-40

O son of Being! Love Me, that I may love thee. If thou

lovest Me not, My love can in no wise reach thee.

                                                       Baha’i Faith: Arabic Hidden Words 5

Come to Me , all who labour and are heavy laden, and I

will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn

from Me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you

will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.

                                                        Christianity: Matthew 11.28-30

Be aware of Me always, adore Me, make every act an offering to Me, and you shall come to Me; this I promise, for you are dear to Me.

   Abandon all supports and look to Me for protection.

I shall purify you from the sins of the past; do not grieve.

                                                      Hindism: Bhagavad Gita 18.65-66

If you accept My words

and treasure My commandments;

if you make your ears attentive to wisdom

and your minds open to discernment;

if you call to understanding

and cry aloud to discernment,

if you seek it as you do silver

and search for it as for treasures,

then you will understand the fear of the Lord

and attain Knowledge of God.

                                                        Judaism: Proverbs 2.1-5

Whenever there is a decline in righteousness, O Bharat, and a raise in irreligion, then I send forth My Spirit.

  For the Salvation of  those who are good, for the destruction of evil in men, for the fulfilment of the kingdom of righteousness, I manifest Myself from age to age.

                         Hinduism: Bhagavad Gita 4.7-8

Jesus spoke to them, saying, ” I am the light of the world;

he who follows Me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

                                                                                    Christianity: John 8.12

The Prophets and Messengers of God have been sent down for the sole purpose of guiding mankind to the straight Path of Truth. The purpose underlying their revelation hath been to educate all men, that they may, at the hour of death, ascend, in the utmost purity and sanctity and with absolute detachment, to the throne of the Most High.

                                                                  Baha’i Faith: Gleanings 81

posted on my main blog – http://plasticpumpkin.wordpress.com/2009/12/24/daily-musings-loss-and-gain/

Stolen camera, pawnbrokers, and Tao.

Feeding Fish, Botanical Gardens, Best Day in Albuquerque, Ever

Back from the Dead Zombie Show - The Last Show I Helped Coordinate at the Factory

Pants, Looking out the Door the Thieves Would Later Destroy

The photos in this post were taken by our now-gone Fuji Finepix s6000 camera.

Early this December, our home was broken into. Happens to millions of people. Happened to us, here in Albuquerque, though we’ve lived in rougher, nastier places. We are so grateful none of our kitties got outside to be killed in the street or the desert–and that none of them were hurt during the robbery. So grateful. So lucky.

Our little camera was not so lucky. At the time, we didn’t care about it being stolen. Still don’t, in comparison to the lives of creatures that depend on us. Now, however, seeing the empty camera bag, I spiral into philosophy. Maybe silliness and nostalgia. The reality of change. Knowing it could have been much worse, but still feeling a sting from losing something we relied on for business, fun, family. The fact that someone else decided to take the camera from us, without our permission, removing our own choice to give it away, smash it, sell it, or save it, forever, sits in the back of my mind. I suppose it does with anyone who’s had something stolen, even when we know material things don’t matter.

We saved up for our camera. Researched it. Planned it. Put money away a little at a time to afford what was then a huge purchase–a $400 camera, outside of our budget, but which would work well for photographing our artwork, sculpture and jewelry. Part of our livelihood. Replacing a little 4 megapixel Olympus we’d used for years.

We photographed artwork, kittens, shows, events, each other. The last photo of Loki was snapped with it, before he died. It was with us on some of our best days, and some of our worst days.

It was trusty. Nothing fancy. Good photos, hard working. I wonder how excited the thieves were when they discovered it. They cast away the camera bag and took it bare, I imagine leaping through the shattered sliding glass door to freedom with it. It looked more impressive and expensive than it was, and at most they might’ve gotten $20.00 for it, pawned. I wonder what it looked like when they found it, maybe cheering, taking it, running. Wondering if they tried to use it to photograph their own families, themselves, each other. Because even the thieves will go home to moms, dads, wives, brothers, children, friends. This Christmas, are they giving it as a gift to someone? Wondering if they kept it to use it, or immediately trekked to re-sell it (the most likely course).

Was it offered to a pawnbroker, who then turned it over in his hands, considering its value? Was it shucked in a Walgreen’s parking lot, along with jewelry and other oddities culled from other families’ homes?

I have come to the conclusion the camera was no longer meant to be ours. What if it was given to one of the theives’ family members, say a grandma on a fixed income, who can now use it to snap photos of her grandchildren? Now she has a camera, however ill-gotten, that is hers.

What if it ended up at a pawn shop, where a budding photographer will find it–a good camera at an obscenely low price. They will eagerly buy it, practicing shots with it every day. Building their portfolio with it, their experiences, their career. Had it never been removed from us, it might not have ever made its way into their hands, where it now blooms.

How do we know the loss of the camera was not a good thing?

I only wish the damned square for the tripod wasn’t still attached to the bottom of it.

There is a Taoist tale from the Lieh-Tzu about a man who loses and gains different things.

Among the people who lived close to the border, there was a man who led a righteous life. Without reason, his horse escaped, and fled into barbarian territory. Everyone pitied him, but the old man said : “what makes you think this is not a good thing?”

Several months later, his horse returned, accompanied by a superb barbarian stallion. Everyone congratulated him. But the old man said: “what makes you think this is cannot be a bad thing?”

The family was richer from a good horse, his son enjoyed riding it. He fell and broke his hip. Everyone pitied him, but the old man said: “what makes you think this is not a good thing!”

One year later, a large party of barbarians entered the border. All the valid men drew their bows and went to battle. From the people living around the border, nine out of ten died. But just because he was lame, the old man and his son were both spared.

Religions of the world can be broadly categorized into Semitic religions and non-Semitic religions. Non-Semitic religions can be divided into Aryan religions and non-Aryan religions.

Semitic Religions
Semitic religions are religions that originated among the Semites. According to the Bible, Prophet Noah had a son called Shem. The descendents of Shem are known as Semites. Therefore, Semitic religions are the religions that originated among the Jews, Arabs, Assyrians, Phoenicians, etc. Major Semitic religions are Judaism, Christianity and Islam. All these religions are Prophetic religions that believe in Divine Guidance sent through prophets of God.

Non-Semitic Religions
The non-Semitic religions are further subdivided into Aryan and non-Aryan religions:

Aryan Religions
Aryan religions are the religions that originated among the Aryans, a powerful group of Indo-European speaking people that spread through Iran and Northern India in the first half of the second Millennium BC (2000 to 1500 BC).

The Aryan Religions are further subdivided into Vedic and non-Vedic religions. The Vedic Religion is given the misnomer of Hinduism or Brahmanism. The non-Vedic Religions are Sikhism, Buddhism, Jainism, etc. Almost all Aryan religions are non-Prophetic religions.

Zoroastrianism is an Aryan, non-Vedic religion, which is not associated with Hinduism. It claims to be a prophetic religion.

Non-Aryan Religions
The non-Aryan religions have diverse origins. Confucianism and Taoism are of Chinese origin while Shinotoism is of Japanese origin. Many of these non-Aryan religions do not have a concept of God. They are better referred to as ethical systems rather than as religions.
Most Authentic Definition of God in any Religion

The concept of God espoused by a religion cannot be judged by merely observing the practice of its followers. It is quite common for the followers of many religions to be ignorant of the concept of God in their scriptures. It is therefore better to analyze the concept of God in any religion by referring to its holy scriptures.

Let us understand the concept of God in major world religions by analyzing what their scriptures have to say about it.

To be continued in the next post…..taken from Concept of God in Major Religions by Dr.Zakir Naik

So, I was listening to a Fresh Air interview with Leonard Cohen yesterday – had no idea he spent five or so years in a Zen Center, but turns out he’s “not really” a Buddhist, it just didn’t answer what he was looking for.

I kind of liked him.

I mean, the dude put in the time. I was trying to read Everyday Zen by Charlotte Joko Beck and realizing it was pissing me off, and I think that I’m going to skip the five years and say, I am just not into Zen Buddhism.

Zen sounds cool. You know, like the same way “I’m going to stay up all night dancing” sounds cool, except I’m at the age where sleeping all night sounds soooo much nicer.

I’ve decided to listen to myself and be okay with the fact that I’m not a Zen person. Here’s a few reasons why:

1. Individuality. I am just too much of a Westerner/American to feel comfortable with the anti-individuality focus of Zen teachings. I like individuality. I don’t necessarily believe it’s the end-all, be-all of personhood, and I certainly value the larger conception of connections to the whole, but I prefer to the stark “individuals don’t exist” message the more both/and image of a cell in a body. We are all both separate entities and part of a much larger whole. Like how an ocean is both a single thing and made up of millions of separate things – both separate and not separate at the same time.

Plus, everytime I read in one of these Zen books that I don’t exist, I have the urge to show the author that I do exist, obviously, because I have my own Facebook page. HA!

Seriously, it’s annoying. I understand if the message is that I don’t exist in the terms I think I do, but I also do exist as an entity at some level of reality. I have a driver’s license and children and bills and a birth certificate, and on that level of reality, I do exist, and it’s a level I kind of have to report to, at least now and again. To say I don’t exist is just not helpful. The bill collectors will not go for it, I promise. And it’s the bill collectors I really need to learn to have compassion for…

2. Ego. It’s really hard for me to read about how awful the ego is. I mean, I get it – the ego is probably responsible for the paragraphs above that argue that I exist. Bad Ego! Down ego! But I really just think having a healthy ego is a good thing. Being told my ego is bad and that I don’t exist reminds me of people in my life who tried to make me feel like my feelings didn’t matter, or that if I had bad feelings, they were all my fault – kind of like the woman I knew who decided that being a rape victim was her fault, for some kind of karmic reason or other.

3. Trying and doing. Okay. If you sit down to meditate, you must be doing it for a reason. But Zen teachings try to get you not to try to do anything. Well, if I’m going to give up attempting to achieve anything, why am I sitting here with my legs crossed trying not to hyperventilate? Maybe this is a logical culdesac but I DO understand Taoism’s wu-wei, the concept of “not-doing” that means you act with the natural flow of things, not against them. I get that. But I don’t get not trying to do anything the way Zenners describe it. It’s annoying to me. Again, maybe I’m too American.

4. Thoughts. As an artist, I value word association, creative flow of thoughts, the mind skipping around; I like to read and write, I like the play of ideas and words… so it’s really hard to read hardcore Zen-slam against the mind’s thinking and natural flow.

I totally get finding silence, allowing space and quiet in the mind, but I like the idea of that in balance with thoughts. I mean, I have a brain. It thinks. Trying to get it not to think my whole life – again, trying - seems not only ridiculously pointless but annoying and frankly not very fun.

I like thinking. I like words. I like substance. I don’t want to seek the void. Call me a crass ass if you like. But I do.

5. More on thinking. So, meditation instructions often talk about avoiding ‘monkey mind’ and letting thoughts come and go and not judging but getting your attention back to the breath, etc. At the same time, there’s often mention of noticing what your thoughts do, having compassion for yourself, facing yourself, etc. Some of this feels conflicting. I mean, if you’re not thinking about your thoughts, how are you having compassion for them? I don’t know. Maybe I’m getting too anal, but I feel like it’s a lot to try and

- not try to do anything

- follow your breath

- pay attention to the moment

- let your thoughts go

- don’t judge yourself

- notice everything

when you’re supposed to be doing nothing.

Which is why I tend to hyperventilate. This is a problem. When I’m meditating, I tend to actually have a harder time breathing. My breath gets shallower and shallower as my chest constricts and my belly tightens. I try not to try and fix it, I try to just ‘be’ and let it go, I try not to try to try as I’m trying not to try not to think as I just breathe, and at that point I’m ready to smoke a cigarette.

And go listen to Leonard Cohen and enjoy his words and get drunk. And breathe very very deeply.

Look at a piece of wood that happens to be close to you.  See the swirling pattern of its grain.  If there’s any natural stone close to you, look at it too.  See how the patterns form a random shape, yet somehow seem ordered in a way that you could never define.  What you’re looking at is what the classical Chinese called “li”.  In its most ancient meaning, the word li literally meant “the markings in jade or the fibers in muscle tissue.”  As a verb it meant “to cut things according to their natural grain or divisions.”[1]

The li, as Alan Watts describes it, is:

…the asymmetrical, nonrepetitive, and unregimented order which we find in the patterns of moving water, the forms of trees and clouds, of frost crystals on the window, or the scattering of pebbles on beach sand.”^[2]

From this simple idea arose one of the most powerful concepts in mankind’s attempts to understand the world around us.

One manifestation of the li as natural patterning: a manzanita tree at Phoenix Lake, Marin County

From the original meaning of markings in jade, the word li became commonly used in a way that dictionaries often translate as “principle”.  But the Neo-Confucians of China’s Song Dynasty[3] took this notion and transformed it into something far broader, expanding it to a more general level to represent all the patterns or principles through which the natural universe expresses itself.  For the Neo-Confucians, the li represented “the ordering and organizing principle in the cosmos… the order and pattern in Nature.”[4]

Since this blog is called Finding the Li, it’s self-evident that I see this classical Chinese view of the li as important.  In fact, I believe that a true understanding of the Chinese conception of the li can be a crucial step in our society developing a cosmological construct of the universe for the 21^st century: one that can bridge the gap between science and spirituality and give a framework for truly integrating technology and the natural world.

The first thing to understand about the li is that it doesn’t refer to a fixed pattern.  We’re talking about dynamic patterns, patterns within patterns, patterns both in space and in time.  And it’s not something that only exists in beautiful natural scenery such as trees, clouds and streams (although that’s a great place to look for it).

Waves: the li as patterns in space and time

The li is the ever-moving, ever-present set of patterns which flow through everything in nature and in all our perceptions of the world including our own consciousness.

Chu Hsi, the greatest Neo-Confucian philosopher[5], gets this point across clearly when he describes:

… the ever-flowing presence of li.  This li moves in the world in continuous cycles without a single moment’s cessation.  None of the myriad things and activities – be they small, large, fine, or coarse would have been possible without the ever-flowing presence of li in them.  So is my mind (heart)^[6] which also receives it.  The li never ceases to stay in my mind for a moment; its creative process never ceases to reciprocate with the physical world.”[7]

In the words of Joseph Needham, the great 20^th century scholar of Chinese scientific thought, “It is dynamic pattern as embodied in all living things, and in human relationships and in the highest human values.  Such dynamic pattern can only be expressed by the term ‘organism’.”  In fact, Needham suggests thinking of Neo-Confucian philosophy as “a scheme of thought striving to be a philosophy of organism.”[8]

Tropical mollusk shell: the li as "pattern of the organism"

So far, we’ve been seeing li as patterning – as all the patterns that embody existence.  But if you raise this idea to a higher level of generality, then you can begin to think about the li as the set of “organizing principles” that form these patterns.

In the description of Ch’en Shun (a disciple of Chu Hsi), what we’re looking at in the li is “a natural and inescapable law of affairs and things…It is a Patterning Law.”  Ch’en Shun further explains his meaning:

The meaning of “natural and inescapable” is that [human] affairs, and [natural] things, are made just exactly to fit into place. The meaning of ‘law’ is that the fitting into place occurs without the slightest excess or deficiency.[9]

In an earlier post, I’ve described how ancient Chinese thinkers saw the universe in terms of cosmic harmony.  The notion of the li is a key element in explaining how this harmony manifests itself in the ongoing workings of nature.  The ancient Taoist philosopher Chuang-Tzu encapsulates this sense when he says:  “The ten thousand things have perfect intrinsic principles of order [li], but they do not talk about them.”[10]

For Western-educated readers, this might seem like a natural place to think to yourself “Nice idea, but what does this ‘cosmic harmony’ stuff have to do with the real world?”  In the next few posts, I intend to answer this question, and propose that the concept of the li represents a missing dimension to our Western reductionist worldview while remaining compatible with scientific thought.

I’ll try to show how the li contrasts with our Western idea of the “laws of Nature,” and how it relates to modern complexity theory and to the Tao.  Along the way, I hope to point to how the conception of the li can help us to understand current views of how the mind creates consciousness, modern approaches to evolution, and where to look for spirituality in a material world.

Ultimately “finding the li” is about finding our way in this world by finding ourselves.  Or, in the words of Chang Tsai, one of the founders of the Neo-Confucianist movement:

What fills the universe I regard as my body; what directs the universe I regard as my nature.  All people are my brothers and sisters; all things are my companions.[11]

[2]Watts, A., (1975). Tao: The Watercourse Way. New York: Pantheon Books.

[3] The Song Dynasty, considered by some to be the pinnacle of classical Chinese civilization, existed between the years 960 and 1279.

[4] Needham, J. (1956/1972). Science and Civilisation in China, Vol. II, London: Cambridge University Press, p. 558.

[5] Chu Hsi lived from 1130 to 1200.

[6] The Chinese thought of the mind as having its physical existence in the heart as opposed to our Western view of it existing in the brain.

[7] Quoted in Yu, D. (1980). “The Conceptions of Self in Whitehead and Chu Hsi.” Journal of Chinese Philosophy, 7(1980), 153-173.

[8] Needham, J. (1951), op. cit.

[9] Needham, J. (1951) op. cit., pp 216-18.

[10]Quoted by Needham, J. (1956/1972) op. cit. p. 546.

[11] Quoted by Ching, J. (2000). The Religious Thought of Chu Hsi, New York: Oxford University Press.

2009, Frog Books, Berkeley, CA

Happy Winter Solstice everyone!

For a cozy book to curl next to the fire with, I highly recommend Origins of the Tarot – Cosmic Evolution and the Principles of Immortality

Books are special friends to me who share their wisdom and experience. Since I live a mostly isolated life, having a stimulating book is a great companion, one I can grow with over time.

After years of searching I have found the Holy Grail of Tarot history in Dai Léon’s Origins of the Tarot published this year. I had it on pre-order at Amazon for months and squealed with glee when it finally arrived.

Fact is stranger than fiction, so I’ll take a nonfiction, well researched book over a novel any day. I must admit, with over 550 pages between its paperback covers, Origins… took me months to read and will require years to fully digest. Fortunately, there is plenty of room in the margins of each page for jotting notes and posting sticky notes.

To summarize, Origins of the Tarot covers these topics in great detail:
> Traces the religious and philosophical roots of Tarot cards from Indo-Aryan and Asian sources, across the Silk Road, through the Middle East, eventually entering Medieval Italy.
> Details the specific philosophical influences, naming key contributors, especially Neoplatonic and Sufi teachers.
> Makes a strong argument for the nondualist intention of the message of the Tarot, in contrast to the dualistic religious and philosophical powers of the world.
> Informs us of the cosmic hierarchy, steps toward immortality, as presented by nondualistic teachers, and reflected in the major arcana of the Tarot.
> Reconstructs the pre-European structure of the major arcana as pairs of Triumphs (archetypes), each representing an evolutionary principle of immortality.

For decades I’ve developed and taught my version of the “Sacred Journey of the Soul” as an evolutionary process. Once I’ve fully digested the material from this book, my sharing of this powerful information will be greatly enhanced. We could all grow and redefine our points of view if we are open to a larger perspective on history.

My Tarot History poster has already been updated, based on this material, as version #2.

For a complete review on this book, please read my article “ORIGINS OF THE TAROT” Book Review.

Additional fine reviews can be found at the following websites:
- Aeclectic.net
- Amazon.com
- Google.com

Monday Morning–crisp, cold, refreshing.

When there are Mondays like this, where the grass and cottonwood leaves are encrusted in a crackling shell, you can’t imagine or remember that only a short time earlier, the weather was greasy-hot, permeating everything like the sticky black tar that liquifies in the cracks of parking lots. You can’t fathom that you were walking around, a few limp pieces of clothing clinging, in the hot-dread of late August. And yet, here it is–fresh, cold. Your breath materializes. You feel alive. The annuals are bowing down, returning to the ground. The perennials are buckling in for the ride. Your favorite tree emerges as a silent, hibernating skeleton. Arm-wave branches bear only a few little yellow medallions and the sky becomes San Francisco.

The progression of the seasons. The endless cycle of life. Before you know it, the icy ground will be giving way to shoots and spring crocus. People begin washing their cars in their driveways–it won’t be too cold to splash and foam. Home Dept will lay out flats of new plants. The gray sky will give slowly to a light warm which is cool at the edges.

And you’ll wonder where you will be that summer, that winter.

And you’ll wonder why you never told that secret high school crush that the thought of them made a candle light somewhere.

And you’ll wonder what you might do this year, next year, how much bigger that favorite tree will grow, and how your car–your trusty car–will eventually meet its end. How you might look, where your hairline will go.

And, you’ll find yourself having to find creative places to stash and stack your wardrobe from the previous season.

The day after tomorrow, and more days after tomorrow.

The same moon Lao Tzu, Julius Caesar, Livia, Rumi, Socrates, and Hatshepsut all saw, the same moon you see, we see, that poets and painters and writers have hailed and railed, will continue rising, moving closer, pulling farther away with each cycle, each rythm. A perfect dance.

For the photo essay book, please check here.  For a slide show please check here.

The Chinese appreciation for rocks is a long-standing one. The connoisseurship of rare stones among the Chinese literati can be traced back to the Tang dynasty (618 – 907 AD), during which the four principle criteria for their aesthetic appreciation emerged: shou (thinness), zhou (wrinkles), tou (openness), and lou (perforations). A strong, hidden influence is the traditional Taoist sense of nature’s power: water, earth, wind, fire, and time, all of which are ever changing, with one element transforming into another. Since the Song (960 – 1279 AD) dynasty, rocks resembling miniature mountains were collected by the Chinese literati, who set them on their studio desks as a way of connecting with nature, which they regarded as a source of spirituality and creativity. In the last forty years these so-called “Chinese scholars’ rocks” have gradually come to be collected in America.

The ‘scholar rocks’ featured here, although formed by an interplay of earth, air, water, and fire, were born of an additional player. Meng Zhao is a ceramic artist who received traditional training at the China National Academy of Fine Arts in Hangzhou and is now an instructor at the Harvard Ceramics Program. In searching for a bridge between the traditional and the contemporary, Zhao came to the U.S. in 2002 and arrived at Harvard in 2005. During his first year at Harvard, he tested the properties of all kinds of American clay under different firings, in “controlled accidents.”

In the spring of 2009, when the magnolias and cherries began to bloom along the Charles River, I observed him creating two pieces of porcelain ‘Taihu rocks,’ firing one of stoneware and one of porcelain. He was working in the Harvard studio, which is located in Allston next to the Harvard Stadium not far from the river. “I am very fond of the concept of water in Taoism. In the Dao De Jing, Laozi regarded water as the supreme good, because it gives life to all things in nature and is happy to stay in a low place.” Zhao likes to say “shun qi zi ran,” a Chinese idiom meaning “following a natural course without much struggle.”

That is how he works with clay – his hands flow naturally with the clay. The whole process is calm, meditative, and focused, yet seemingly effortless. He appears to use tools in a random manner, but this approach serves him well. He also uses a sponge with some water on clay, mimicking how rocks are formed in a lake by water. There were moments when I felt that it looked easy and fun, and I said; “This looks like the way we played in the mud when we were children.” He smiled and looked content.

I asked Zhao what inspired him to make ceramic rocks. The first reason that he gave is that “they have beautiful and natural forms because they are from nature.” Taihu stone comes from under Lake Tai, and has therefore been formed largely by water. The surface is smooth, with indentations and winding holes. The thinness of these rocks, he explained, is like a person’s waist, with a slenderness that looks elegant and beautiful, and it is also a form of contrast. And the holes allow the viewer to feel as if one could walk in it or at least look through it. The connected holes allow water to run through from the top to the bottom. In addition, if you burn incense at the bottom, the smoke will come out from the holes like clouds surrounding a mountain peak.

The second reason Zhao gave for making ceramic rocks is that, “They are very modern, as they are not totally representative but very abstract, no less so than Henry Moore’s abstract sculptures.” He told me that he had the idea for making these rocks back when he was in China, but in China there were so many real stones that he did not dare to turn his hands to making them. Now he seems to have found a way to make what is deeply rooted in Chinese culture and history relevant to the modern art world.

“What makes your work new?” He said, “The fact that it is challenging.” First, “the material is special.” With ceramics, the complexity multiplies with an increase in the size of a piece and the success rate drops. In addition, there are different kinds of materials made of ceramic, such as earthenware, stoneware, and porcelain. Porcelain is the most difficult to maneuver because it is very fine and paste-like. Thus, it is not as adhesive as the other two kinds of ceramics.

The Auspicious Dragon is made of stoneware, and therefore is much larger than the two pieces made of porcelain. With the same material, the effects will be different whether the piece is fired with or without glaze, and at what temperature and with which method. Firing is the biggest challenge. “It can be a happy surprise and it can be a disaster.”

This morning I woke up unhappy. It was the sort of low-grade unhappy that takes a while to reach its peak, and apparently, today was its day to stiffen itself and to become known. If you refer to my previous post, “Dodging Our Everyday Lives,” you will note that the source of this unhappiness is my recent emotional dodgeball game. While I consider myself someone who is overall willing to go deep into my suffering, I will ease up on myself a little bit here and admit that I am human and that, like all other humans, sometimes I prefer to shut off my pain rather than to EXPERIENCE it.

But when we shut off our pain, we shut off ourselves. We become numb to our own needs. And often to the needs of others.

A friend and I were recently discussing what to do with pain, how to handle it when it seems like too much. EXPERIENCE IT! I told her. (Good advice from my Zen teacher and my best friend Kevin, who is also Buddhist, but this is far far easier said than done.) My teacher always tells me that if you don’t experience your pain when it comes up, it will end up shoved down and popping back up at some unexpected and inappropriate future moment. I’ve come to picture my heart loaded with a little spring. If there’s too much pressure, too much sublimation, my heart fights back and seeks release and boing! out comes something I thought that I had already resolved.

But most of our emotions are not resolvable. Sometimes we feel sad for no reason and, almost always it seems lately for me,–the complexity of our experience doesn’t allow us to neatly sort/reconcile all of what we are feeling.

This friend with whom I was talking about pain told me something during that conversation that really stuck with and nagged me. She had been reading Pema Chodron and had said that Pema warned against “writing a novel of your pain.” Thus, my friend concluded something along the lines of, “thus I don’t want to make too much with my pain, I don’t want to make it too big or bigger than it is.” Thus she tried to minimize what the pain that she was feeling. (Note: I am probably summarizing her thoughts rather inaccurately, as this conversation happened weeks ago and I was stuck in that moment on understanding what Pema Chodron was trying to say in this instance.)

But now that I’ve sat with this for a little while I think that Pema Chodron might be arguing that we should not novelize/externalize our pain. We should not take it outside of ourselves and inflict it on others. And we should not try to separate it from the moment. We must go through it and stay with it as it occurs. The act of writing is an act of translation, of taking one thing and expressing it on/in another context. And the act of writing is the act of fixing something in time and space. Of writing things down and making them solid.

But pain and emotion cannot be stabilized thus. In order to allow pain to go, our only real option is to be with it.

This morning, I was exceptionally fidgety. I was in a realm of unexperienced, unresolvable pain which I arrogantly thought I had “taken care of” but new information totally disassembled my previous understanding of a particular situation that I had novelized/tried to make solid, and thus this shifting context brought the pain back up again.

I did everything I could to avoid it. I tried to look at the snow (I will be honest though and say that I wasn’t really looking). I called my parents to talk about the snow (if I couldn’t look I could at least translate my experience to someone else, right?) but that didn’t work very well. I read a book (but wasn’t really reading). And finally, actually exhausted by these efforts, I gave up and sat down on my meditation cushion in the corner of the room and cried.

Crying was a relief. Sitting down and practicing not-judging myself was a relief. I’ve been reading Pema Chodron’s The Places that Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times. Chodron talks about the courage it takes to face yourself.

When we are able to be okay with our emotions, we are able to truly take part in the world around us.

This morning, my darling, my beautiful, arthritic cat Lotti climbed her little staircase onto the couch, slogged across the sofa, hoisted herself onto the arm of the couch, and catapulted herself into the windowsill to watch the snow. No sooner had she done so than a flock of birds landed on the telephone wire and the tree branches right outside. Her eyes widened and she was completely amazed by the birds.

I reached over and touched her back to pet her and she jumped. She had been so riveted that she hadn’t noticed me coming up behind her.

Watching her really experience those birds was completely inspiring to me. It made me glad that I had forced myself to sit down and face myself so that I could be more able to really see the birds as they land.

I haven’t blogged at all recently, for a couple of reasons. Firstly, my computer died, and i’m forced to use a disastrously primitive piece of computing equipment, which could blow up at any given second. And secondly, I don’t really have much to say. So, given that it is fast approaching the end of the year, I thought i’d sum up my year, for those who happen to be interested.

Life:
I discovered a significant amount about myself this year. I appear to be both growing up, and becoming what some would describe as immature. According to the unwritten rule, to be mature means to accept authority without question, to accept the framework on which we are all born, without question, and to give in to a chase for money, without question. To be mature, means to join a race for more, never satisfied with what one already has, we only reach maturity when we have accepted that we are greedy by nature (which, I do not accept). Therefore, I am immature. I would also argue that the most enlightened minds on the planet, exist for those very few seconds after birth, when we see the World as it supposed to be seen, with wonder; untouched and unnamed by humanity.
I like the idea that when a new born baby sees an ocean, he or she has no idea what it is, they do not have a word for it, they do not understand it’s characteristics, they do not know who put it there, what it’s purpose is, they don’t even have a concept of “purpose”….. which, to me, means the new born baby, is the purest and most Worldly form of life, they see the World with a beauty that you and I lost a very long time ago. When we grow up, we concoct these silly little absurd concepts, like “purpose” to suit our economic needs. Along with “purpose” other concepts, that just did not exist before human beings ridiculously invented them to suit certain economic, money making needs, include “race”, “Nationality”, “religion”, “self discipline”, “Sir”, “Boss”, “deserving”, “work ethic” and hundreds more. Who invented these terms?

Anyway, I digressed a little there. As you can probably tell, Philosophy played a huge roll in my 2009. I took a bit of a depressed stage, not understanding the point of me, earlier this year. I struggled to understand why people and friends can live life comfortably, and securely, blindly acquiescing to the notion that those who do not question, or think, or criticise, or employ a sense of reason and logic to the World around them, or even read a book at all in their lives, are able to live an uneventful, secure, blissfully ignorant life. I have no practical skill, no practical skill that is worth anything to the community that I live in interests me in the slightest. I do not want to manage a team, nor do I want to run a bar, or sell houses, or offer legal advice. In fact, I have no real idea what I want from life. I just know that when I’m at work, behind a bar, selling alcohol to rich people, there is a constant voice in the back of my mind saying “what the fuck is the point of all of this? What good is this? Why do you care if someone complains that their coffee isn’t warm enough? Where is the incentive to make money for a socially shielded man who doesn’t know your name and does nothing but criticise you? How fucking absurd is life. ” Yet, those who do not question, and just accept that “that’s just how it is“, will get on just fine throughout their lives. Then, I discovered Jean Paul Sartre and Albert Camus, two beautifully eloquent and logical Existentialist Philosophers, who taught me in 2009 that the little voice in the back of my mind, was searching for meaning and purpose, in a Universe void of meaning or purpose. They taught me that the entire notion that a bigger picture exists, is so horrendously arrogant of humanity, that to embrace it, means we will never be happy, we will always want something more. And so, there is no black and white, no objective realities, just a mix of meaningless, dead, redundant ideas.

Work:
I started University this year. So far, so good. I study Politics and Journalism and Italian language on the side. The one issue I have with University, is it doesn’t seem to be teaching me much. Lecturers appear to be reading out loud, something that someone else has said. They seem to expect our essays, to be full of things someone else has said. Nothing is original, or requires original thought. Even a question titled “What do you understand by the term…….” does not particularly want to know what I understand by a term, instead wanting me to write down what somebody else has said about a specific term. Any form of subjective thinking, and critically analyzing an idea or concept, feels somewhat forbidden.
Despite this slight issue, I do really enjoy University.

Love:
I’ll simply copy exactly what I wrote in my previous blog entry, for those who missed it.
I want to meet someone, who makes me feel like Byron felt when he penned “She Walks in Beauty”. That’s not to say that I haven’t already met her, i’m pretty sure that I have. But, it’s far more complicated than not.
I worked out this year, that my own slightly promiscuous past was the result of my horrendous desire to feel wanted. It wasn’t an attempt to impress friends with my list of “shags“. I’ve never been one to give a shit about impressing people. I have spent the past six months going on date, after date in an attempt to figure out what it is I want. And i’m only human, I have my flaws and my insecurities. One of which, as already mentioned, is my need to feel wanted. Which, I accept is disastrously arrogant of me. But, on a deeper level, feeling wanted does not just resign itself to intimate encounters with nameless blonde haired brown haired black haired blue eyed green eyed tall short thin fat women from nowhere and everywhere, it’s a need to feel that as I person, my existence is not completely pointless, or absurd (blame Camus and Sartre for my assumptions on absurdity).
I do miss having someone to talk about my day with, or to cook with. I miss affection. I miss the feeling of not remembering how life existed without that person. I miss watching a film together, or becoming addicted to a TV show with or play fighting with. I miss planning holidays together. I miss spending weeks before her birthday trying to figure out what she wants and panicking right up until the last minute that she might not like it. I miss it all, especially the bond which certainly doesn’t exist with one nighters. But, in the search for that lasting feeling again, the tendency to let my guard down has crept in, which has never happened before. I discovered in the past couple of months, that I have a fickle heart, in that a simple smile from a beautiful girl gleamed in my direction, has the ability to make me think I’m in some sort of romantic comedy in which we’re going to end up happily married together by the end of the movie.
I do not want to end up like the couple who don’t trust each other. Or the couple who ban each other from talking to exes. Or the couple who claim to love each other within a few days of getting together. It is extraordinarily rare that I meet a couple who appear to actually belong together, often my instant reaction in my mind is quite pessimistically: “they wont last long“. This feeling of rarity affects my own life. It’s incredibly rare for me to see someone, and smile simply because they’re there. I’m constantly dating people I know just don’t suit me, or maybe it’s my fussy nature finding flaws.

Entertainment:
I discovered quite a deep love for poetry this year. Lord Byron, Sylvia Plath, Wordsworth, Keats, Kerouac, Ginsberg and Dylan Thomas, among many more.
Plath, for the way she dealt with turning a tortured mind, into the work of genius, is by far my favourite poet of all. To have the ability to turn ineffable feelings into beautiful language, is something I’m in awe of.
Lord Byron, Wordsworth and Keats, for the ability to romanticise the World on a level that speaks to me quite profoundly.
On January 9th, I intend to make my way down to The Tate Britain in London, to view the Turner and the Masters exhibition. To have works by Turner, Titian, Rubens, Rembrandt and Canaletto in the same place at the same time, is far too good an opportunity to pass up.
On a more superficial level.. I have a horrible addiction to The Sopranos and Lost. Seriously addicted. I could talk about them both, for hours on end. I’m counting down the days until the final Season of Lost begins. I want a Dharma tshirt!

Beliefs:
When two or three Muslim men blow themselves up in England, we suddenly decide that Islam itself, and it’s believers should be viewed with a degree of suspicion. Yet, when two, three, four, five, or more white British middle aged men get convicted for child abuse, we do not practice that very same logic, and decide all white middle aged men should be viewed as potential paedophiles. Why is that?
I’m not entirely sure why the City that I live, is very much more racist and Nationalist than it’s ever been before. The war cry of the stupid: “I’m English! I was born here! I’m a second class citizen in my own Country!” Is more and more common. Why? For what reason? White British, or Pakistani Muslim, it’s all a social construct, it isn’t based on science or fact or anything other than divisive mechanisms that humanity put in place. Cut us open, and we’re all red, the same red. Science has pretty much proven that biological determinism just doesn’t exist. We cannot distinguish intelligence, or work ethic, or a need to be criminally active, with a race. What we consider to be distinctive “races” are simply social constructs that we as humans, have invented. Therefore, racism and nationalism are largely futile, pointless, and fantasy, as well as being moronic, meaningless, useless, and childish.
We now in fact, put working man against working man. The BA strikes have left most working people deciding that the workers are in the wrong. They chose to ignore the fact that greedy incompetent management is solely to blame, instead choosing the blame the workers. Another social construct designed to keep the masses obeying whatever the top guys say.
It’s a new phenomena. For Centuries, the whole concept of white and black, did not exist. It was used as a tool of Capitalism in the early days of the USA and Colonial Africa and India, in order to divide white working class people and black/Asian working class people from forming alliances and challenging the powers that be. Before that, White Brits were killing each other, because one section was Catholic, the other was Protestant. Or one section was Royalist, the other Parliamentarian Republicans. We have always found pathetic excuses to hurt each other. Race, religion, and ethnicity is relatively new in that regard.
The cry of “They’re taking all our jobs!”. For every one Pakistani gentleman that gets a job over you, another ten White Brits will be given a job ahead of you. Are you starting from the rather moronic premise that White Brits deserve first consideration for a job, before any other colour or religious belief purely because they were lucky enough to be born here? If you owned a business, and a Muslim candidate for a job was far more suited than his White counterpart, why on Earth would you chose the White Brit? Why is colour, ethnicity and race even an issue? What the fuck is your problem? There is absolutely nothing British or English about the EDL and the BNP. They are utter scum.

Religiously:
I disregard all organised religion as highly divisive illogical myths filled with flaws, that just would not exist, had an all powerful, all knowning God actually created them.
That said, I do not disregard the idea of spirituality. In fact, I find the essence of humanity to be at odds with the essence of the materialist World that we inhabit, and so spirituality; as a mechanism to take ourselves away from that materialist nightmare, is a wondrous thing.
To find out just who we are, our strengths and weaknesses as human beings rather than good little workers, has been of monumentous importance to me over the past year. I’ve submitted myself to books on Taoism and Buddhism, I fill my bedroom with candles and incense sticks, which have a profound relaxing affect on me, much like the feeling I get, with the mellifluous nature of a serene mind, when sat overlooking an ocean void of all human touch, on a warm summer evening. The feeling of carelessness, unattached from reality for a tiny moment is so incredibly important to me. And so spirituality, and getting to understand myself has worked to both relax me, and paradoxically, make me more conscious of my shortcomings, unable to figure out (as of yet) how to correct them.

2010:
I want a weekend in Paris.
I want a weekend in Venice.
I want to fill my brain with relatively useless information, about Roman history, and Art, and Tudor history, and Political Philosophy.
I want to love someone.
I want to continue to question everything around me.
I want to read more Sartre.
I want to embrace romance much more.
I want to eat healthier and become a bit fitter physically.
I want a better job, that I actually enjoy and involves helping those who need it, rather than those who don’t.
I want to take up Photography again.
I don’t want to turn 24.

Too much to ask? One can dream.