Oh wait, I just had one.

I know, I know, I promised you (and me) a daily column, uhhh, blog, Monday thru Friday and then some.

Never did figure out when spring break was supposed to end.

Okay. My bad.

I sorta promise to never do it again.

And meanwhile, back on the ranch:

OUR TOWN: What a way to start the New Year! Theatre Passe Muraille will host the world premiere of Judith Thompson’s new play, Such Creatures, in

POLLEY: presenting

January 2010 … presenters set to assist 22 Minutes scene-stealer Geri Hall when she hosts the 2009 WGC Screenwriting Awards next week include Yannick Bisson (Murdoch Mysteries), Sarah Polley (Away from Her,) Tara Spencer-Nairn (Corner Gas), and Jennifer Podemski (Moccasin Flats.) Host Hall and 22 Minutes scribe Kyle Tingley will script the annual Writers Guild of Canada awards giveaway … and don’t say I didn’t warn you. Tickets are already selling briskly for the Toronto filmfest’s phenomenally popular annual children’s filmfest, Sprockets, which opens this Saturday April 18.

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PEOPLE: Veteran camera-huggers Kathleen Turner and Peter Gallagher are set to join the cast of David Duchovny’s hit Showtime series, Californication … Will Arnett has signed on to star  in a comic book -inspired Wild West saga, Jonah Hex, with Hollywood heartthrob-du-jour Josh Brolin 

JACK & MARGARET: odd couple

… director Kari Scogland was reportedly delighted by the reception for her film Fifty Dead Men Walking in Belfast last week. The controversial drama, which premiered here last September at the Toronto film festival, has just opened across the UK … ’70s gay porn icon and cabaret producer Jack Wrangler died last week of emphysema. Wrangler, 62, is survived by his 84-year-old wife, esteemed pop music legend Margaret Whiting, in what was one of Hollywood’s most fascinating romances … and Giancarlo Esposito will jet in this week for the Wednesday night premiere of his directorial debut, Gospel Hill, at Tonya Lee Williams’ 9th Annual ReelWorld Film Festival at the Scotiabank Theatre. Esposito’s film, the fest’s opening night Gala, stars Danny Glover, Angela Bassett, Julia Stiles, Samuel L. Jackson and Taylor Kitsch.

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BILLY BOB BLUES: By now most of the free world has viewed Jian Ghomeshi’s quixotic interview with reluctant movie star Billy Bob Thornton on CBC Radio’s Q.  Can’t say I feel sorry for Jian, because he stick-handled Billy Bob brilliantly. Can’t say I feel sorry for Billy Bob, because his arrogance clearly

THORNTON: Transplanted Texan?

exceeds his talent. But I do feel sorry for his Boxmaster band-mates. Talk about being hung out to dry! … and although Thornton is in no imminent danger of receiving honourary Canadian citizenship, Texas-born Manhattan gossip girl Liz Smith used to joke that if you even visited Texas, that was good enough for the Texas Film Hall of Fame to adopt you. Which is how Arkansas native Billy Bob became an official Texan recently, receiving the Tom Mix Honorary Texan Award from the Film Society. When Dennis Quaid introduced him a native “of Northeast Texas – that is, Hot Springs, Arkansas,” Billy Bob quickly reminded him that he once lived in Austin, Texas.  Which apparently was good enough for the Film Society. (Other ‘Texans’ honoured this year along with Billy Bob were Larry Hagman, born in Fort Worth, Texas, and Powers Boothe, a Texas State University graduate and native of Snyder, Texas.)

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LITERATI:  Giller Prize winner Wayson Choy is out promoting his new heart-stopping (literally!) bestseller, Not Yet … ditto Mark Breslin and his

LEACHMAN: telling tales

Confessions of a Porn Addict, not to mention his new audio book on Canadian stand-up comedy….  gee, she’s going to Parliament after all! Green Party leader Elizabeth May launches her new book, perhaps too aptly titled Losing Confidence, on April 26 in Ottawa at, wait for it, the Parliament Pub … also out there telling tales: Fabled Oscar, Emmy & Golden Globe legend Cloris Leachman, who collaborated with her favourite ex-husband, producer George Englund (she married and divorced him twice) on Cloris: My Autobiography … and Deepak Chopra is set to wing into our town this month to promote his new tome Why Is God Laughing? on April 27 at Roy Thomson Hall. (Gee, I dunno, Deepak – maybe He’s a fan of Billy Bob Thornton??)

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SEE/HEAR:  His episode with mayor Hazel McCallion was a big hit with Canadians this season, but Rick Mercer’s Mississauga mischief is now a bonafide viral sensation in the U.S., with almost a million hits (at last count) on YouTube alone. To see what all the fuss is about, or just to finish reading this column with a smile, just click here.

See you tomorrow.

Have you seen the cover of the March Chatelaine?

Any idea who that is?  I didn’t know until I saw the name on the cover (which I’ve ever so skillfully obscured).

It’s Tara Spencer-Nairn from Corner Gas.  Really.  It is.

What in the hell did they do to her?  This is what she’s supposed to look like:

And this is what she looks like at work:

Photoshop must be stopped!  The Fug Girls highlight this regularly when they “Fug the Cover“.  If a magazine is going to feature an actress on their cover, shouldn’t the audience be able to identify her?  I assume that the point of having an actress on the cover is to sell magazines by enticing her fans to purchase a copy.  How does that work if she just looks like some random model?

Stupid, stupid Photoshop.

Want something Colin and Justin have laid hands on? (Okay, so they’re not quite Canadian, but we love ’em — let’s just adopt ’em.) The devilish design duo was among the crew of Canadian personalities who stopped by the Kiehl’s Queen St. W store in Toronto yesterday to participate in a World AIDS Day show of support. Along with folks such as recording artist Sarah Slean, “eTalk” co-host Ben Mulroney, “Canadian Idol” judge Jake Gold, “Corner Gas” actor Tara Spencer-Nairn, and several members of the “Degrassi” cast, Colin and Justin each autographed an oversize quilt square and made their mark with red-painted hands.

Part of a global campaign to benefit AIDS research, the quilt square will be incorporated in a larger “Kiehl’s Commitment to Community” quilt sewn by New York fashion designer Derek Lam. The finished piece will be auctioned off to raise funds for Youth AIDS.

While you wait for your quilt, pick up a limited-edition Lip Balm #1 ($8) for yourself and include one in a Kiehl’s holiday gift box for… okay, yourself. From each red-ribbon balm sale in Canada, $1 will be donated to the Canadian AIDS society. It’s another way you can have a hand in the fight against HIV/AIDS.

Plus, Balm #1 is aces at hydrating and protecting winter-pained lips (Balm SPF 15 is too).