Still feeling hardworking, Venus wakes on Monday with the great idea of getting all the lads to help clean the house before New Year. Knowing this will take all her persuasive powers, she bumps into Pluto and, seeming to brush twiglet crumbs from his lapel, smoothly lifts his death ray from his inner pocket. Cajoled by death ray, Saturn and Mars get to work—Mars breaking more glasses than he washes—until Pluto gently runs a cold finger up Venus’ spine, making her drop his death ray, unresisting, into his palm. Cor, he’s got moves for a little chap.

On New Year’s Eve, the Sun want to talk to Neptune about how they could both stop bossypants Venus from putting them to work with the Pledge and a duster. To his frustration, Neptune is dazzled by the Moon’s new high beam torch, so the Sun stands in front of it until the soggy dreamer comes to.

During the long New Year party, Mercury, Mars, the Sun, Uranus, Chiron and Venus all knock back a bit too much Blue Nun and make promises they never want to keep to people they never want to meet again. Like us, really.

At the weekend they all get into a big fight to avoid doing the clearing up. And so it goes around.

*

Funny sort of a New Year for resolutions, this. All sort of … unresolved. And with New Year’s Eve’s partial lunar eclipse squaring Saturn and opposing Venus and Pluto, let’s have a think how to handle the promises our present selves make to our future ones. Okay, this New Year is not a good one to promise yourself a shiny new behaviour, like listening without butting in or being nice to the grumpy chap at the chemists. With Mars and Mercury both looking backwards, it’s a better time for us to catch hold of something we haven’t been doing too well and give it a gentle tweak, like listening if we’ve been butting in, or smiling at the grumpy chap at the che… damn, it’s not easy, is it. Good luck.

*

Aries

At the beginning of the week the phone pic of you and the Greek from HR goes viral. Two boil washes, a minimiser bra, and flat denial fail to convince your partner of your innocence after Shirley Who’s After Promotion tags it on Facebook. This can be avoided by checking your privacy settings right now. Go on, what are you waiting for? Oh yeah, resolution: in 2010, resolve to be more discerning with your naughty bits until the middle of June.

Taurus

No matter how much you’d like a change, be wary of teletext offers and the pile of shiny brochures by the sofa. The last minute break you want to book to sun-soaked Fuengirola will result in lost luggage, bed bug bites, flat beer, a written warning, two annoyed cats and a dead stick insect. Your New Year’s resolution is to find a reliable petsitter. And to stop deep frying sushi.

Gemini

Invest in a good waterproof mascara, there could be a damp week ahead. To avoid the constant concerned enquiries of your collected multitude of friends, associates, and delightful weirdos, hang a wooden board around your neck and carry a small knife and a Smartprice bag of onions to point at in explanation. It won’t solve anything but the chap in the burger van outside Rollerbury will hire you for New Year’s Eve. Your resolution? To take a deep breath and get oxygen back to your brain.

Cancer

On New Year’s Eve consider a primal scream that curdles milk, crumbles mountains, and makes everyone at your party assume the crash position. Then have another glass of wine. Or two. In fact, if you condense all that sound and fury into a single glance, they’ll give you the bottle and get up dead early the next day to hoover. Your resolution for 2010, lovely crab, is to wear your underwear on the inside and keep those superpowers tucked under your shell. Or in your knickers.

Leo

You’ve had glitzier New Years. It won’t matter how much you work that thang, it won’t matter that you look as stunning as you did the year you ended up on a raised plinth surrounded by jets of champagne, being serenaded by John Barrowman and his troupe of sequined synchronised swimmers, it just won’t matter. You just won’t glow as brightly, and that’s okay, you’re still loved. Your New Year’s resolution, lovely lion, is to believe it.

Virgo

Don’t panic. Yes, your get up and go got up and sodded off. Yes, the pleasure has trickled away. Don’t panic that you can’t see why or how. It just has for a while. It’s not permanent, neither is it fleeting. The thing you can do well right now is learn procrastination, the art of kings—apart from Henry VIII, but he had issues and a tab at H. Samuels. Virgo Resolution 2010: auld acquaintance should be forgot.

Libra

Saturn in your sign and Venus, your ruling planet, might be related in mutual reception right now, but that doesn’t stop them from having a bit of friction on Tuesday. And poor Venus already has one hell of a headache. Which leads me to thinking: your resolution for 2010, Libra, is to remember that things need to occasionally tilt off balance to become better long-term. A bottle of Orangina without a good shake is just fizzy orange with a final mouthful of pithy bits. Behind your charm is an ability to halt the people, organisations, nations, that you fear are shaking your bottle. In 2010 please be careful with that freeze ray.

Scorpio

On Monday morning, listen for the tap tap of little beaks on double-glazing. It’s bluebirds with brooms and a merry whistle, come to do your cleaning. Throw open the windows and let them in, and remember to keep them open to give your rooms a good chilly airing, otherwise the signs say there’s a danger the bluebirds might smack into them on their way out, and you’ll spend the first part of the week sweeping up little blue feathers. Mind you, can you use little blue feathers? Your resolution for 2010, oh Scorpion-Eagle-Phoenix, is to wear blue.

Sagittarius

I was five, sat in the school hall for a Christmas assembly, when I found out baby Jesus was a boy. I remember the letdown, the acute disappointment, the resignation that the person allegedly sent to save the world had the Other gender. This week, Sagittarius, expect a similar challenge to hopes you hold dear, a similar imposed restriction on potential. Your resolution for 2010 is to keep on aiming your arrow true, and keep on hoping for the salvation of the human race. And a good woman.

Capricorn

It’s a good week to get together with a Libran—take flowers— and show them how something stays firm and true if it has a sturdy foundation. Post-coitally, you can bicker about whether to watch Cash in the Attic or Homes Under the Hammer on the bedroom 26inch. Find a safe place to hide from Cancer on New Year’s Eve. Your resolution, Capricorn, is, oh I don’t know, you’re the one with the clarity at the moment: what do you fancy?

Aquarius

You know, you pick up someone in a sticky-floored bar, spend four minutes with them against the skip, take them home, give them the password to your online banking, your gran’s wedding ring, a day out at Chester Zoo, and they still cause trouble. People, eh. Aquarius, your new year’s resolution is to change your passwords, tear up the Capybara adoption certificate, get that ring back, and test the next bar’s floor for stickiness.

Pisces

The well-named Sookie Stackhouse is the latest in a tradition of characters, including Scanners, Bruce Almighty, some Heroes, and probably someone from a Twilight Zone, who can hear other people’s thoughts in their head whether they want to or not.  You alone know, Pisces, that it’s not just made up. This week your psychic sensors are a bit bruised by all the silent, raging upset you can’t shut out. You psychic sensor needs a psychic censor. No wonder you hit the bottle on New Year’s Eve. When you come to, your resolution this year is to let go of the need to make a resolution. It’s not a good year for them. Let go and watch it float gently away.

*

By Neopagan expert, Platinum CrowJackal

Spell to Get Someone to Break-Up With You

1. Take a Nokia phone
2. Kill two frogs.
3. Dial your lover.
4. Heat up two bird feathers in the microwave.
5. Text your lover verbatim: “Break up with me.”
6. If your lover doesn’t break up with you, then kill more frogs.

Financial Success Spell

1. Cast a magic circle in a sacred grove.
2. Make sure the grove is in an enchanted forest.
3. Make a pentagram out of wolfsbane.
4. Chant a magic chant.
5. Invest $500 in a reliable mutual fund.
6. Sacrifice a goat to Loth-nor, dark lord of finances.

Remote Sacrificing A Goat

1. Kill two toads.
2. Bless the feathers of ten baby eagles you slaughtered.
3. Power up the five gigawatt laser.
4. Aim it at the sacrificial goat.
Blessed be!

How to Know if Someone is Happy By Reading Their Aura

1. Look to see if the person has a blue aura, as blue aura signify happiness.
2. If you can’t find it, then then look to see if they are smiling.
3. If they are smiling, then their aura must be blue. Clearly they are happy!
4. Aura reading really helps you understand people this way.

Spell for Delicious Sandwiches

1. Get some whole wheat bread.
2. Apply high-quality mayonaise and honey mustard to each slice of bread.
3. Use sprouts to augment the bread.
4. Acquire green leafy lettuce, freshly sliced tomatoes, mushrooms or onions to taste.
5. Carefully insert one frilly toothpick into the completed sandwich.
6. Kill one frog.

How to Make Your Ex-Boyfriend or Girlfriend Go Away

1. Stare into their eyes silently for minutes thinking about how uncomfortable he or she will be.
2. Do this until the desired result takes place.
3. If this doesn’t work, you probably haven’t killed enough frogs.

Spell for Greater Understanding

1. Bless your athame with magic water.
2. Take athame in hand and face the west.
3. Go outside and place a college application in the mailbox.
4. Wait for reply.
5. Take courses that will change your worldview.
6. Injure a frog.

Spell for Killing Frogs


1. Acquire a quantity of frogs.
2. Kill them.
3. If this doesn’t work, they are not dead so kill them.

Chevy Impala Levels— 2010 LS, LT and LTZ

Operated Engines: 3.5L and 3.9L V6 engines, both with E85 FlexFuel capability and Variable Valve Timing.

Automatic Transmission: 4-speed automatic transmission

Wheel Drive system: all wheel-drive system.

Other Key features: Impala 2010 comes with standard StabiliTrak Stability and upgraded content on the volume selling 1LT; segment-exclusive flip-and-fold rear seats with their convenient storage tub and grocery bag hooks.

FORD TAURUS

Ford Taurus is a large vehicle with spacious interior and roomy trunk with totally new look in 2010.

Ford Taurus Levels: SE, SEL and Limited trim levels.

Engines operated: 263 hp 3.5L V6; 365 hp 3.5L Ecoboost V6 motivates the new Taurus SHO

Automatic Transmission: 6-speed Select Shift automatic transmission.

Wheel Drive system : All-wheel drive is available in the Taurus SHO, SEL and Limited trim levels

Other Key features: Most Expensive trim level offers new electronic safety measures such as Adaptive Cruise Control, Blind Spot Information System, Cross Traffic Alert and Collision Warning with Brake Alert ; SEL mid-level trim offers SYNC system to connect cell phones and media players; keyless ignition, massaging front seats and Sony 5.1 Surround Sound audio

DODGE CHARGER

Dodge Charger was introduced in year 2006 has muscle-car styling to make it different from its sibling Chrysler 300. This style may remain same in models of year 2010 but will upgrade in terms of better performance.

Dodge Charger Levels: R/T; SE; SRT8

Engines operated: SE model will have 2.7L V6; R/T model will have standard 370 hp 5.7L HEMI V8 with fuel-saving Multi-Displacement System (MDS); SRT8 will have top-line 425 hp 6.1L HEMI.

Automatic Transmission: SE model with 4-speed automatic transmission; R/T and SRT8 model with 5-speed automatic transmission.

Wheel Drive system: all wheel-drive system is available in R/T and SRT8 models.

Other Key features: Stability control, traction control and ABS continue will be extra-cost on the SE and expected basics as satellite radio and hands-free calling are not available.

HYUNDAI AZERA

Hyundai Azera was introduced in year 2006 upgraded with styling tweaks in year 2009 which is unchanged in year 2010

Hyundai Azera Levels: GLS and Limited powered models

Engines operated: 3.3L V6 available in GLS powered; 3.8L V6 with Limited powered.

Automatic Transmission: 5-speed automatic transmission

Wheel Drive system: all wheel-drive system.

Other Key features: luxury, space and refinement with more space.

CHRYSLER 300

In 2005, Chrysler 300 was introduced which remained unchanged since that time.

Dodge RAM Levels: Regular, Touring, Limited and C

Engines operated: 2.7L V6 available in Touring and Limited model; 5.7L HEMI V8 on the 300C model

Automatic Transmission: 4-speed automatic transmission

Wheel Drive system: all wheel-drive system

Other Key features: upgraded in 2010 with its polarizing long-hood, short-deck fashioning enhanced with chrome doorway manages reflectors and—on the Touring model— chrome narrow pieces on front and back fascias. Except for the catch-up addition of benchmark head-curtain edge air sacks, central alterations are negligible as well and booked for the top-end 300C, which adds benchmark back reserve aid and keyless application and ignition.

This is my Christmas video – Silent Night / Night of Silence, where I perform all instruments and vocals. Wish you a Merry Christmas!

Hello everyone! We have only have two days before Christmas! I hope you all have been nice this year and not naughty! LOL Here’s today’s post.  Many of us act like we don’t do it but we do. We’re looking at all of the other things in the newspaper but we all wind up on the horoscope section at some point and time. Then there’s the commonly said phrase,” I don’t believe in that stuff!”. Whatever. If such is the case you wouldn’t even glance in that section of the newspaper or go online to that horoscope page or website. We all as humans have a natural curiosity about the unknown and what our future may hold.  Whether you’re a Cancer and you wonder if you’re going to get that promotion or a Libra(the best in my opinion,hint, hint) who wants to know if love is in the cards for the near future, we all follow those predictions just to see if there is an inkling of relevance to our personal life. Some may even follow the charts so religiously that they may not date someone whom is a particular sign out of fear that it wont work out.  There are others whom are simply tuned into it so much that they worry about whether or not their sign is in a certain state such as one’s sign being in Jupiter or such. That’s where it gets confusing for  me and I just sit back and watch what happens in life naturally. I can admit though, when reading some of the books on this subject, there are some traits that are associated with certain signs that hold to be true for the most part when it comes to people who fall under that particular sign. In spite of this, I ultimately believe all of us are individuals and should be dealt with accordingly. My question for all today is “does Astrology have any bearings on your thoughts or decisions that you make or do you not follow them at all”? As always comments are deeply appreciated.

So a buddy from Ohio is in Arizona for a week visiting relatives, and he makes the mistake of saying “you should come to Arizona!”  I gave him several chances to withdraw the invitation, he refused, so here I am, in Yuma!

Dinner tonight was a good old fashioned hamburger, fries, and a Coke, at a 50’s style diner.  Right down to the chrome barstools, and 50’s music on the jukebox.

Tonight at the Wingate Hotel, tomorrow wasting time with Roman, tomorrow night in the hotel, then home in time for Christmas Eve.  (It doesn’t start till sundown, technically, and I’ll roll in sometime after dark, but close enough!)

456 miles.  8 hours, 20 minutes on the road.  31 MPG.  In a 2005 Taurus!  Not too shabby.

The weirdest thing so far?  Fine dust blowing across the road like fog.  Big windstorms starting in Palm Springs,  well, windstorms all over, but raising dust like crazy starting at PS.  Dust snaking across the road in front of me,  going almost as fast as I was!  I’ll have to get a new air filter for the car when I get home, it’s going to be full of fine dust.

Second weirdest thing?  Wal-Mart parking lot in Blythe.  (Taco Bell.  I didn’t go into Wallyworld) They need to ban plastic bags there, too.  The fence along the street was a 3 ft chain link…  it was solid plastic bags pinned solid to the mesh of the fencing.  Wind was picking them all up and plastering them to the fences up and down the roads.  Looked really bad.  Plastic bags have got to go.

Also saw a tumble weed on the Grapevine commit suicide by jumping in front of a speeding mini-van.  Pretty much exploded.  Saw another one racing the cars, rolling along the center divider shoulder, and doing a pretty good job of keeping up!

Snow on the ground going over the pass, but fortunately the roads were clear by the time I got there.  CHP had been escorting cars earlier, and they had completely closed it at one point last night.  Lucky me, didn’t have to detour, or wait.

So a buddy from Ohio is in Arizona for a week visiting relatives, and he makes the mistake of saying “you should come to Arizona!”  I gave him several chances to withdraw the invitation, he refused, so here I am, in Yuma!

Dinner tonight was a good old fashioned hamburger, fries, and a Coke, at a 50’s style diner.  Right down to the chrome barstools, and 50’s music on the jukebox.

Tonight at the Wingate Hotel, tomorrow wasting time with Roman, tomorrow night in the hotel, then home in time for Christmas Eve.  (It doesn’t start till sundown, technically, and I’ll roll in sometime after dark, but close enough!)

456 miles.  8 hours, 20 minutes on the road.  31 MPG.  In a 2005 Taurus!  Not too shabby.

The weirdest thing so far?  Fine dust blowing across the road like fog.  Big windstorms starting in Palm Springs,  well, windstorms all over, but raising dust like crazy starting at PS.  Dust snaking across the road in front of me,  going almost as fast as I was!  I’ll have to get a new air filter for the car when I get home, it’s going to be full of fine dust.

Second weirdest thing?  Wal-Mart parking lot in Blythe.  (Taco Bell.  I didn’t go into Wallyworld) They need to ban plastic bags there, too.  The fence along the street was a 3 ft chain link…  it was solid plastic bags pinned solid to the mesh of the fencing.  Wind was picking them all up and plastering them to the fences up and down the roads.  Looked really bad.  Plastic bags have got to go.

Also saw a tumble weed on the Grapevine commit suicide by jumping in front of a speeding mini-van.  Pretty much exploded.  Saw another one racing the cars, rolling along the center divider shoulder, and doing a pretty good job of keeping up!

Snow on the ground going over the pass, but fortunately the roads were clear by the time I got there.  CHP had been escorting cars earlier, and they had completely closed it at one point last night.  Lucky me, didn’t have to detour, or wait.

It has long been known that Ford competes directly with Chrysler and GM.  After reading a press release on their new “Noise Vision” technology, I have to wonder if Ford isn’t aiming far higher than its domestic rivals, at least in one aspect of their vehicles.  Ford’s new technology allows engineers to “see” the sounds intruding on a car’s passenger compartment and subsequently engineer those sounds out.  More details following the jump.

Toyota has been doing something similar for the past few years, but whereas Toyota masks the sounds with noise-cancellation software and the car’s speakers, Ford’s system allows engineers to rid the car of unwanted noises altogether.  This hardware approach is much easier and more effective, as a software-based system just can’t cope with the multitude of scenarios presented by being in a car.  For instance, how does the software react if a window is opened, or better yet, just opened an inch or so?  How does it react when there are people in the car, in some seats, but not all?  There are lots of permutations to deal with, and getting rid of a noise in the first place is just smarter, if you ask me.

To understand why I say that, let’s look at how the two systems work.  Toyota uses similar technology to noise-cancellation headphones, which listen to outside noises and play the opposite noise through the speakers in the headphones, along with the music you’re trying to listen to.  Toyota uses the car’s speakers in much the same way, playing the opposite of the engine’s noises.  Contrasting this, Ford has developed a system wherein a sphere, fitted with over 30 ultra-sensitive microphones, is placed in the passenger compartment of a car.  The system listens to the noises in the car and records reams of data.  Software then goes through the data and creates a picture of the sound in the car, pinpointing areas that need improvement, whether it be a squeak, rattle or wind noise.  Designers and engineers can then change the parts which created the noise to get rid of it.

Ford has used this technology to make its 2010 F-150 truck the quietest in its class, and the 2010 Ford Flex and Taurus both get high marks for quietness.

Getting back to my earlier statement about Ford trying to compete with Lexus, the Lincoln MKS and MKZ beat the Lexus GS and ES, respectively, for quietness.  With “Noise Vision”, look for Ford’s vehicles to get quieter still.  On other fronts, Ford is replacing a lot of its aging engines with EcoBoost, as well as the standard engines for many vehicles with new designs to make them quieter and more fuel efficient, and developing (or adapting) better platforms to base their cars on, which will better compete in the marketplace with foreign rivals.

by John Suit

Source: Ford, Toyota

2010 Ford Taurus vs 2010 Honda Accord

Sedans (Update)

www.autorivals.net

Ford has completely redesigned its once pinnacle Taurus (in the 1980s) and finally has a real contender. The Accord on the other hand, has long reigned as one of the top segment leaders.

The Flow is a weekly blog published to better understand the flow of astrological, celestial, and magickal energies for the week, and how best to use them.   It is intended for those with little knowledge of astrology.  For newcomers, the idea is to start with the slowest moving forces, as they are the most foundational, and work up to the swiftest, as they are the most fleeting.  If any of the material is unfamiliar to you, it is probably unfamiliar to others as well, please leave a comment so that any questions might be answered. 

If you like what you see, please share it with friends!  If you would like to get email notifications for when The Flow! is updated, or have a private question please email me at skywatcher888@yahoo.com.  Thank you!

The Flow! is updated every Sunday.

Please note: all times are in the Pacific Timezone.

Synopsis:

What a week we have in store!

The big events of the week are the Winter Solstice and the Kahuna Konjunction of Jupiter, Neptune, and Chiron in Aquarius on Monday, December 21^st.  The fact that they BOTH occur on the same day is huge.  How huge?  Bigger than huge…it’s galactic!

And then there’s Christmas on Friday…but more on that later.

As seen from the Earth, every year just before the Winter Solstice, the Sun lines up with the center of our Milky Way galaxy.  Nobody is absolutely sure, but scientists theorize that at the very center of our galaxy is a black hole.  A black hole so big they call it a SUPER black hole, and named it SGR A*, or as it’s pronounced, “Sagittarius A star” since it’s located in the constellation and sign of Sagittarius.  Yes, my friends, I’m sad to report that our galaxy does, in fact, have a black heart.

But surrounding that black core and forming a shield of light around it are millions upon millions of stars, one of them our very own Sun.  Located just inside the Orion arm of the galaxy, the Sun takes us on a journey racing around the galaxy every at speeds measured recently at 217km/sec or 486,000 miles per hour.  Jeff Gordon, eat your heart out!  However, since it is 3,303,196,050,179,400,000,000,000,000,000,000 miles around, even at speeds like this, it takes 225 million years for the Sun to make one complete lap.

What is meaningful to us, though, is that around the time of the Winter Solstice, we and the Sun are aligned quite strongly with the energies emanating from the very center of an immensely potent stream of energy.  While some may call this the “most wonderful” time of the year, it is definitely the most powerful!

Added to this, this year is the conjunction of Neptune and Jupiter.  Neptune is undoubtedly a powerhouse of spirituality.  It bends and blends reality to form alternate worlds and dimensions of being.  In the depths of its oceans lie the very heart and soul of meaning.  And as Neptune brandishes his trident, the waves break upon the shores of our life.  Sometimes serene and calm, sometimes rough and stormy.   Yet in mythology, even Neptune was subservient to Jupiter.  Jupiter, Optimus Maximus as he was known to the Romans was the father god, greatest and best.  While Neptune had his trident, Jupiter wielded thunderbolts to keep the gods in line.  Jupiter is the largest planet in the solar system, and is just shy of being a star in its own right.  In fact, Jupiter is the only planet in our solar system that gives out slightly more light than it receives from the Sun.

Approximately every 13 years, these two planets join forces in the heavens and bring about changes in our perceptions of the universe, imperceptibly expanding our outlook, prodding us forward, and empowering the engine of evolution.  It is a cosmic Om.

But this time is different.  Not only is it occurring in the middle of the second half of Aquarius, but both planets are being joined by a third, Chiron.  Chiron is the wounded healer and holder of the keys that unlock doors to usher in a new era.

We are in the midst of the birth of that new era.

Jupiter has already met with Chiron and is on its way to Pisces.  Chiron and Neptune will linger a bit longer together conjoining on February 16, 2010, which will be the next step in the birth process.

What will it look like?  And what is its message to us now?

The second half of Aquarius is all about management.  It is all about getting things in order, making plans, and executing them to the best of one’s ability.  It’s about taking executive control of one’s life, and of managing the various parts of one’s life well.

At this particular time, the conjunction of Jupiter and Neptune occurs in the part of the sign relating to Mastery.  Mastery of the self, mastery of one’s emotions, and mastery of one’s own destiny are the primary areas of concern.  And while this may seem a task, well, reserved solely for those who have already achieved degrees in mastery, nothing could be further from the truth.  For this aspect is not about shepherds, it’s about sheep. 

As I’ve said before, people seem to be walking around with a host of indiscernible and vague feelings of discomfort and unease and of harboring deep grievances.  Everyone is angry without knowing why or how we got here.  We have become lost little lambs.

The significance of this aspect is that we have the chance to take charge, and if we are willing to accept the responsibilities that come with mastery of one’s own life, to become our own shepherds. 

While each of us has our own path to follow, the energies of this aspect offer some clues.  We’ll discuss this in more detail in the weeks up to the mid-February conjunction, but one clue rises above all the others, and it’s the clue of integrity or honesty.  To not compromise the Self – to do what you say and say what you mean, and follow through with it is one of the most powerful (if also difficult) tools available to help us through our collective Crisis of Consciousness.

For some graphics on the Galactic Center and our relationship to it, there are several after the daily details!

More in the weeks to come.  For now, let’s get to the other events of this week!

To the details, faithful friends!

Sunday

MARS IS NOW RETROGRADE. 

Until March 9, 2010, Mars, our energizer bunny, is moving backwards in the sky in the sign of Leo.  Getting things done in the meantime is going to be a bit more challenging than normal.  Easy things feel like a chore.  Motivation goes out the window.  And no one really feels like working.  Expect delays, obstacles, and the need for just a bit more extra effort to get things accomplished than is usual.  Leos, Tauruses, Scorpios, and Aquarians will feel these effects a smidgen more strongly than others.  The best advice for this period is to allot yourself a little more time to get things done, so that you can avoid some of the frustrations this celestial event can bring.  The cheery note in all this is that often, with Mars finally goes direct in the Spring, you’re likely to be better off for it all.

Monday

At 12:50am is the conjunction of Jupiter and Neptune, much of which is discussed above.  ‘Nuff said!

At 9:46am is the Winter Solstice.  Merry Yule to all!!

Tuesday and Wednesday

The middle of the week is calm.  Enjoy!!

Thursday

Thursday the Sun conjoins Pluto at 9:31am, adding to the intensity of the period.  Everyone is feeling their oats today, and no one wants to give in an inch.  If you’re out shopping today, you’ll find everyone shut in their own little world, trying to get as much done as possible.  Emotions will run very high.  If you still have Christmas preparations to make, you may find that you are able to accomplish things more easily than expected.  The added boost of Pluto added to the Sun gives each of us a bit more power to realize our intentions.  Just be ware that everyone else is walking around like they are wearing red capes and have an ‘S’ emblazoned on their chests.  Battle with Superbeings at your own risk.

Friday

Merry Christmas!!

Oy vey!  The aspects this Christmas are not good.  Not only is Mercury going retrograde tomorrow, but Venus enters Capricorn (think Lindsay Lohan goes to rehab), and the Sun squares Saturn (we’re all forced to visit).  Expect a slightly more somber than usual Christmas this year, one that is more serious and less festive than most.  This is also not a day to speak your peace, or start an argument.  Just go with the flow, anything else will just make matters worse.  Don’t make it a day to remember for all the wrong reasons!

Mercury goes retrograde.

Yes, my friends, this is the event we all know so well.  Depend on no devices.  Be careful what spews out of your mouth.  Make no plans than can’t be remade, sign no contracts, and make no major purchases unless absolutely necessary.  What fun!!

Have a wonderful week, and watch this space for Bill’s Amazing Astrology Cures in the New Year!

What if you had Hottywood’s gift of foresight?  You could save yourself a lot of heartache.  Alas you don’t, but never fear!  Hottywood is here to help.

Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes, as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.   

Take heed.  Knowledge is power.

___________________________________________________________

Capricorn

December 22 – January 19 

This is a good week for running naked across the courtyard.  You are destined to find romance with someone half as crazy as you are.  Beware of horny stray dogs and elves dressed as policeman.

___________________________________________________________

Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

If you shut your trap for a minute, you might learn that you talk too much.  This week someone close to you will punch you in the lip.  That’ll teach your ass a lesson.    

___________________________________________________________

Pisces

February 19 – March 20   

There will be no beverages available the next time you eat something spicy.  You will continue to clear your throat until it is raw, sore and absolutely burning. Unfortunately, the noise you make will annoy the sh*t out of anyone standing near you. 

___________________________________________________________

Aries

March 21 – April 19 

The bunions on your feet will split through the sides of all of your favorite shoes.  They will also ache constantly and smell like barbeque corn chips.  This will not be a good week for socializing. 

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Taurus

April 20 – May 20 

You’ll be buried under a mountain of shaving cream.  This will be potentially disastrous if you are a hairy ass female. 

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Gemini

May 21 – June 20 

All of your lover’s kisses will taste like puppy spit.  Here’s your perfect chance to reconsider your taste in romantic partners.  You can always do better, you just have to realize it for yourself… beginning next week. 

___________________________________________________________

Cancer

June 21 – July 22 

666, 13, and 911 are your lucky numbers for the week.  Unfortunately you won’t win the lottery off any of these, but you will be pulled over by the police at least 13 times. 

___________________________________________________________

Leo

July 23 – August 22 

What better way to say I love you than with a bagillion voicemail messages and a few “peek-a-boo I see you” post-it notes stuck to your secret crush’s door.  There’s only one catch, that crush knows who the hell you are.  Restraining orders are imminent, you stalker. 

___________________________________________________________

Virgo

August 23 – September 22 

“Ho Ho Ho” is not going to be jolly old St. Nick’s way of letting you know he’s near.  It’s going to be your nickname for the week.  That can either be a good thing or a bad thing.  The choice is yours.  Let me know what you decide.

___________________________________________________________

Libra

September 23 – October 22 

Your supervisor is going to be jealous of everything you do this week and will increase your work load by 80% just to revel in your failure.  You can win this battle if you only run your boss over in the parking lot.  Don’t forget a ski mask. 

___________________________________________________________

Scorpio

October 23 – November 21 

All of your cologne will smell like you just flushed a toilet.  You need to get your funky ass to a bathtub pronto!  Even your pets are hiding from your stinky butt. 

 ___________________________________________________________

Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21   

You’re going to be charged a pet fee for a pet you’re not allowed to have.  Trust me, this is the highlight of your effed up week.  Start drinking now.  Save me a swig of whatever you’re having!  Misery loves company. 

___________________________________________________________

Quote of the Week:    “Everything is funny as long as it’s happening to somebody else.”

I know we have yet to hit Christmas however if you are wanting to ward off those January blues why not start making plans now? And you’ll have a smile like the cheeky chap above spotted down Canal Street.

Live music is coming to Taurus in Manchester’s gay village on the 30th of January 2010. Now sadly it’s not an acoustic set from The Weather Girls. Instead you can get some aural pleasure from:

• Alexis McLean – “A fantastic songwriter” – Guy Garvey, Elbow
• George Borowski – “I’ve never seen a rock and roll performer so completely connected with what he is doing on stage” – Frank Black, Pixies
• Kev Fox – “An extremely stylish and talented young man” – Peter Saville
• Ivan Campo – “Frequently surreal yet always emotive” – Rock Sound Magazine (not the ex-Bolton Wanderers defender if you’re a bit confused!)

All this for just a fiver and you can book now at Quays Tickets.

c/o loscuadernosdejulia licensed under Creative Commons.

Aries

Today is a Five.  You need to remember that judgments need to be made and choices should be made after careful consideration.  Try to use your words not your fists.

Numbers: 3, 5, 7, 14, 20

Taurus

Today is a perfect day for you if you let it.  You are feeling energized and have a desire to accomplish things.  Let your creativity guide you.  Remember, there are many ways to get things done even though others think otherwise.  Use all of your courage and stampede through their doubt.

Numbers: 2, 10, 22

Gemini

Today is a 7.  You may have to rely on yourself today.  It may be a day to have your two sides finally settle down and work together (This is a major difference between you and Pisces).  You know you can adapt to multiple situations, but today take a leisurely walk, calm down, and reflect; you are a Petite Lady today.

Numbers: 7, 72

Cancer

Today is a 4.  You are feeling blocked and restricted.  Your hard shell is impeding you from shinning with the person beside you.  You are not hurting them but there is a wall.  Don’t let your claws come out because you can’t explain yourself today.

Numbers: 4, 34, 43

Leo

Today is a 3.  The world is seemingly larger than you though today.  As the day fades the moon will show you where to go.  Be aware that illusions can be good and bad; they can stimulate the imagination or trick you.  Befriending an Aries could help you make decisions today.  Your strength and their agility could prove a sufficient couple.

Numbers: 3, 6, 18

Virgo

Today is 4.  You are filling unfulfilled and blocked.  If you are not a virgin you are probably recalling that sensation right now.  Turn this around and enjoy some self stimulation.  Utilizing a partner may prove less than adequate as you are not feeling up to standards.

Numbers: 4, 11, 44

Libra

Awkwardly enough you are the reverse of Aries today, and that still keeps you at a five.  However, deviating respectively from your normal characteristics that puts you in the same place.  Instead of using practical judgements are you feeling restless and quarrelsome?  Maybe you need to even out the sides.

Numbers: 2, 5, 41

Scorpio

Today is a nine.  Your ectoskeleton blocking off all insults, and you are on the defensive mode, not trusting your inner voice.  But once your steam runs out the day will turn into a three.  All you have left is me, myself, and I.  Your passion will be easier to control at this point and you day will cycle to a nine again once you apologize.

Numbers: 3,6,9,36

Sagittarius

Today is a 9.  You are balanced, flexible and fun.  You might want to give your Fire Friends: Leo and Aries some pointers because today everything you do is right.  The spiritual energy is just bursting from your center.  I’m shaking just thinking about it.

Numbers: 5,6,9, 65

Capricorn

Today is a 1.  Your shyness has left you disconnected from the world around out.  I would suggest a good movie date with some popcorn and hand holding.  If you don’t let someone in the window maybe shut for good.

Numbers: 1, 12, 21

Aquarius

Today is an 8.  Your stress is starting to decrease.  Did you confess something or get a good rest?  The guilt isn’t completely gone but at least it is lifted.  Keep focusing on your positive attributes and don’t let people bring you down today.

Numbers: 8, 17, 85

Pisces

Today is a 9.  Your dreams and creativity have worked in your favor; hopefully resulting in a monetary return?  Acceptance letter came?  Maybe you are just finally getting over the flu.  Whatever it is, enjoy it because you know that with ups comes downs.  The future is a little unclear at this point because who knows what direction you will take next.

Numbers: 8, 89

-EPF

First thing Monday, Venus pops into Jupiter’s room with a tickle stick. Half an hour later, she takes it through to Neptune, before disappearing as quietly as she arrived. The two chaps emerge from their adjoining rooms, healthy cheeks (four pairs) aglow, to compare notes.

Mercury tweets about the sweetie stash he’s just found in the Castle Capricorn. Reading it, the Sun stuffs his loons into a backpack and moves in, leaving the Sagittarius gaff an emptier place than he found it. Why does such a good day have to be the shortest day?

Listening to Noddy Holder’s Christmas message on repeat, Mars realises he’s all alone. Rethinking his violently bombastic attitude, he emails out invites to an open House round Leo’s over Christmas.

For a few days, all through the Houses, not a creature is stirring, not even a mouses. Although those with ears to hear will pick up the quiet rustling of Quality Street wrappers. On Christmas Eve, the Sun and Pluto’s fingers meet over the last Strawberry Delight. The Sun is bigger by far, but there is something reptilian in the planetoid’s blank eyes that make him shudder and pass over to an Orange Chocolate Crunch.

Alerted by wailing and gnashing of gas-ball teeth, Venus visits the Capricorn castle on Christmas Day. Saturn has phoned up to tell the Sun Doctor Who spoilers just before it goes on air. When Venus sees the state that David Tennant’s imminent departure has reduced the Sun to, she pours a large brandy and prepares to stay for a bit. Secretly she quite fancies The Master, so really it’s no bother.

Boxing Day brings broken toys and a busy day of returns and refunds for Mercury. Does he ever learn not to scam? Elbowing that dropout Tennant in the kidneys, he jumps into the TARDIS in an attempt to travel back to happier commercial times.

On Sunday, Mars gives up. The mince pies are stale, his mulled wine has boiled dry, and nobody has visited — nobody at all. Hurt and furious he bursts out of Leo’s pleasure palace and beats up Saturn, who just happens to be the first planet he meets. Karma, Saturn.

Christmas. Ha Bumhug.

*

Aries

With things at home a little lacklustre, get to work early on Monday to use a brief, one-time-only window of opportunity with that Greek chap from HR. The Moon in your sign over Christmas makes you a smothering mixture of nurturer and tinpot despot at the festive dinner table. Just pull the damn crackers — I know you wanted the fortune-telling fish but you got the mini plastic comb, deal with it. In fact, if you’re that Aries who is going to upset a nation’s Christmas Day digestion by leaving Doctor Who, I hope every cracker you ever pull has the plastic comb. Ever. Or the tiny pack of screwdrivers that break.

Taurus

You’ll be inspired to be a bit exotic and adventurous on Christmas day. Rethink currying the sprouts though, or there’s a distinct chance a pleasant evening’s digesting will be marred by a rusty mediaeval weapon of torture jammed up under your left ribs. With the boiler on the blink, the dishwasher broken down, and your bottom on anti-social overdrive, guess who gets to spend Christmas weekend alone in the kitchen, up to their armpits in tepid greasy water. Utilise last week’s free rubber glove.

Gemini

Make the most of that fabulously kinky start to your week, it’s not going to last. Venus moves out of your house of partnerships after Christmas day, and gets a sense of responsibility. The weekend brings a faint knock at the door and a snow-blown figure clutching a mewling bundle of rags. The figure asks you whether you remember that weekend in Torremolinos.

Cancer

Tesco deliver someone else’s groceries on Monday morning. You smile as you smuggle their Bolly into the garage but sign for your cornflakes and Paxo. Naughty. I sort-of like you for it. Over Christmas, your ruling planet is in Aries so expect to be a supercharged, gravy-making-delegating matriarch. Your family fights as families do over the Christmas weekend. Find peace by banishing them to Argos Customer Services with that Go Go Hamster that doesn’t.

Leo

Letting your partner tickle your belly on Monday morning charges your glory batteries. You’ll have to make it last as you’ve got a bit of a hurty paw this week Leo. Give it a good lick and get on — you’re going to have a few months to practise limping with style. Nicking the lion bar from everyone’s selection box brings simmering resentments to the boil at Christmas weekend. How loud can you roar?

Virgo

This week finds more assorted superpowers gathering in your house of play and recreation than toffees in a tin of Roses. It says something about you that even when you play, you play with a respect for the rules of the game. What’s it to be — Hat? Dog? Boot? Car? Train? Iron? Oh, say it’s not the Iron. This isn’t the best Christmas for you to be Banker, unless you feel up to the arguments and back handed deals, give that role to a Capricorn. As you deserve a break, my pressie to you this year is a Get Out Of Jail Free card. What I wanted to say there, Virgo, before I was whisked away in the burly arms of a rampant board game analogy, is that you are moving into a perfect time to revise projects, rework dreams, and have a jolly good tinker with the oily mechanics of what makes you happy.

Libra

Libra, we need you. As the Christmas crew gather in Capricorn, Saturn in your sign means you alone have the controlled empathy, the disciplined tact, the dedication to harmony needed to defuse the dinner table bomb and soothe the Returns queue at Primark. This year your Yule gift is the ability to bring about world peace: what do you mean, you wanted a diamond ring and an Ugly Betty boxset?

Scorpio

Double check you’ve unplugged everything before you leave work for the Christmas break, Scorpio, something could spark while you settle for a Boxing Day listen of the Now That’s What I Call Undead 2010. I don’t really want this week to be all about warnings, but please watch yourself at the dinner table on Christmas day. Claiming ultimate dominion of the Yorkshire pud will result in being given one less roast potato. Is it worth it? You decide.

Sagittarius

I’m looking closely at the signs. All that magic dust sprinkled on your ruler early in the week? Mars to-ing and fro-ing in the House of foreign travel? A whallop of applied energy surrounding your resources? Your general splendid bonhomie? The beard, faint whiff of reindeer poo, and capacity for mince pies? You are Father Christmas. Happy Christmas, Santa! I’ll have the sherry ready: bring batteries.

Capricorn

Your Sun is shining so brightly this week, Capricorn, you belong on the other side of the world with those strange summer people who walk around upside down. However, we could do with you here, where it’s cold. This is where you belong, putting in the effort needed to make a warm Midwinter celebration. People overlook your talent for making things real, yet you do it so well that through the millennia loads of people have staked a claim on Solstice time, your time. Whether you  celebrate Saturnalia, Dongzhi, Yule, Brumalia, Christmas, Sol Invictus, Hanukah, or Aunty Nug’s Riproaring Feast of Debauchery Illegality Lechery and General Needlecraft, it’s a good time for a knees-up. Cheers!

Aquarius

Christmas comes early this year, Aquarius, with an gift of a fruity Sunday night and a saucy Monday morning dream. The 25th itself can go two ways: either your pressies and dinner will appear apparently by magic, or you will do all the hard work for no recognition. If it’s the former, imagine how the latter would feel and remember to thank the workers. If it’s the latter, sod the lot of them, leave the washing up, and go to bed with a bottle of cava and a Star Trek DVD.

Pisces

You have such a reputation for acting needy, my lovely fish, that the better of you can be reluctant to cry for help when you really need it. There’s a real difference between being a helpless victim and benefitting from practical help from a friend. This week sees a real need for the latter. How you’ve acted in the past will decide whether your Christmas present is to have your flock of sheep saved by the townspeople, or to be eaten alive by a Wolf.

*

Why would astrology have anything to do with the old fashion habit of making New Years resolutions? When we look a little deeper into the tradition there is an astrological principle that the New Year is the time to recommit to goals. However as most resolutions are broken by the third week of the year what is the problem?

The winter solstice December 21st marks the end of long nights (in the northern hemisphere) and the celebration of the return of the Sun, which is in essence the astrological New Year. Yes our New Year officially begins on January 1st, not December 21st, but that is another story; suffice to say it was changed to stamp out old pagan ways yet appease the tradition of celebrating a new beginning. The New Year happens in the constellation of Capricorn, the sign that is a natural sign for goals. Capricorn is ruled by Saturn, the planet of discipline. This is the perfect time that you will feel more disciplined in your life and can create goals for the New Year.

So if this is such a great time then why is it that New Year resolutions don’t stick? An astrological reason is that when you set forth an intention if the planets are not aligned in a way that symbolizes results, you will not get the results you are looking for. The time to make your resolutions for 2009 will be on the new moon in Capricorn which is Jan 15 2:11am EST. The day of and after the new moon is the best time to set forth your intention for a great New Year. The new moon in Capricorn can fall on any given day between December 21st and January 19th.

Mercury is retrograde on December 26. Making commitments when Mercury is retrograde is fine if you are going back to something you started before but did not complete. However it would be positive to reinforce your intentions again with the Capricorn new moon as Mercury will be moving direct the same day as the new moon. Keep in mind that your intentions and your desires for something new and different need to be stronger than the comfort of what your current routine is. In other words it needs to be more than a good idea, put passion, force, and intensity with what you want to create. The third week of the year, the time most resolutions are broken, the Sun enters into Aquarius which asks us to be free and do what we really want. If you don’t really want to “exercise more” “learn a new skill” etc when the Aquarian vibration enters you will be pulled to break apart from weak commitments.

If your promises to yourself were not authentic then out with the rules and in with personal freedom. So what to do? Write down your intentions for 2010 on the solstice. Be honest with yourself of what you are committed to versus what you think you should do. The Capricorn lesson is to get over the “shoulds” in life. Any resolution you make that has an element of I should but don’t want to will be abandoned, the energy is about discipline for a goal that you really want, not what someone else thinks is good or something that society says we should have, be or do. With these tips in mind 2010 will be your best year yet.

 Astrology

FREMONT, CA โ€” (April 30, 2002) Celestix Networks, Inc., the premier developer of ready-to-deploy server appliance solutions, and Cybozu Corporation, a wholly owned subsidiary of Cybozu Inc., the market leader in Japanese office collaboration software arena, announce the launch of the Taurus Groupware C360 Appliance featuring the โ€œaward winningโ€ Share360รค Office Collaboration Suite, from Cybozu.

ready-to-deploy server appliance solutions, and Cybozu Corporation, a wholly owned subsidiary of Cybozu Inc., the market leader in Japanese office collaboration software arena, announce the launch of the Taurus Groupware Appliance is as easy as plugging in an optional PCMCIA card (802.11b) into the server, an ideal way to add scalable networks without the cost and hassles of laying network cables. To further enhance the feature set of the Taurus Groupware C360, the applications can be up and running, allowing even non-technical users to have their company’s Intranet working while giving group members access to integrated web-based applications in a real time collaboration and information-sharing environment.

Group members will be able to access email, schedules, contacts, tasks, announcements, memos, files, projects, and company forms from a personalized home page. Enabling Wireless Networking in the Taurus Groupware C360 has state-of-the-art networking capabilities and comes pre-installed with Cybozu Share360ยฎ for easy and rapid deployment. In as little as 15 minutes, Taurus Groupware Appliance dramatically increases the productivity of any organization,โ€ said Umar Hameed, vice president of strategic alliances at Celestix Networks.

Taurus Groupware Appliance C360 Appliance featuring the โ€œaward winningโ€ Share360รค Office Collaboration Suite, from Cybozu. Taurus Groupware Appliance comes with an Intel Celeron 900MHz CPU, 256MB RAM, 40GB hard drive, 2 x high speed 100BaseT ports and a unique LCD panel for network configurations. Available now, pricing information for the Taurus Groupware C360 Appliance featuring the โ€œaward winningโ€ Share360รค Office Collaboration Suite, from Cybozu. Taurus Groupware C360 can be up and running in just minutes.

It’s that easy,โ€ said Toru Sakamoto, President of Cybozu Corporation. The streamlined design creates simplicity and reliability that eliminates time-consuming setup and installation procedures. Installation is as easy as flipping through the LCD menus to answer a few questions. Server management is easily conducted through any browser, or accessed remotely. โ€œIn a current business climate of limited resources, our Taurus Groupware C360 Appliance featuring the โ€œaward winningโ€ Share360รค Office Collaboration Suite, from Cybozu.

Taurus Groupware Appliance is built on a robust customized Linux OS and is compatible with all PC operating systems including Windows for Workgroup, Windows 95/98/ME/2000, Windows NT, Apple MacOS, Linux and Unix. Designed with power and speed in mind, the Taurus Groupware C360 Appliance features 11 key collaboration applications that provide โ€œready-to-runโ€ Intranet solutions for small and medium sized companies and workgroups of larger corporations.

17th December 2009

Tonight I stepped outside to see if the skies were clear of cloud, and to my joy I could see countless stars in the dark night. So, I set myself a clear objective to find Orion. I started looking for Orions belt, which to my suprise was very easy to spot! Then it didn’t take long to see his knees and shoulder too…then his sword and shield. It was an amazing sight to see.

I later consulted my Astronomy guide which directed me from Orion to “Syrius” (the dog star), the brightest star in the sky in the constellation of Canis Major (the dog) sat at the feet of Orion.

I then followed instruction to find the constellaiton of Taurus, following Orions belt as a guide (see picture). I spotted the Hyades firstly, at the head of Taurus, and again, spotted the Pleiades and followed the consellation to see it in its full glory! Fabulous!

I guess I will have to set myself new objectives now, but perhaps it would be interesting to discover the names of the stars within these constellations. However, knowing me, I will get carried away with learning more constellations!!!

How much better off would you be if you could foresee and prevent funky armpits, lousy lays and stressful workdays?  Here’s your chance to find out!

Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes, as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.   

Take heed.  Knowledge is power.

___________________________________________________________

Capricorn

December 22 – January 19 

Cats in heat will cry and whine every night this week, but only when you get good into a deep sleep.  Ear plugs, sound proof padding and shot guns will be of no use to you.  Try not to cut your ears off. 

___________________________________________________________

                                                                                                                                        Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

All of your bills will be due on any day you have no money at all.  Holding up a liquor store will cross your mind more than once.  Steer clear of police cars and news reporters.  Your left profile is your best side. 

___________________________________________________________

Pisces

February 19 – March 20   

You will be groped by a one-armed midget who is seemingly stuck in the Victorian ages.  Buy a miniature bazooka.  It packs the perfect punch for a feisty pint size. 

___________________________________________________________

Aries

March 21 – April 19 

Your feet will stink so badly this week that you will lose a couple of friends.  Don’t worry, those particular friends talked about you behind your back anyway.  You should be happy that you have stinky feet.  It helped get rid of bad baggage.  However, romance is not in the stars for you.   

___________________________________________________________

Taurus

April 20 – May 20 

Keep an extra pair of shoes in your carrying bag.  You’re going to step in a lot of sh*t this week.  Avoid puppies and panda bears.  Good luck! 

___________________________________________________________

Gemini

May 21 – June 20 

You will spit on everyone you speak to this week.  Don’t be surprised if someone punches you in the nose while screaming the words, “Say it; don’t spray it!”  Actions speak louder than words.

___________________________________________________________

Cancer

June 21 – July 22 

All of your shirts/blouses will have holes in the armpits.  You will not be raising your hand because you will not be so sure.  Try bathing in bleach.  If that doesn’t work, wrap yourself in aluminum foil and start a new fashion trend. 

___________________________________________________________

Leo

July 23 – August 22 

Santa Claus is having an affair with the Easter bunny, which means this Christmas season is looking a little grim for you.  Everyone is getting laid except you.  Don’t listen to any music that has the lyrics, “…I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus.”

___________________________________________________________

Virgo

August 23 – September 22 

Slow down, pace yourself and watch your back.  Leave the burgers alone and get your fat ass on a treadmill.  You’ll never get into that bathing suit if you keep super sizing it.  You’ll probably start drinking or smoking this week, if you don’t already. 

___________________________________________________________

Libra

September 23 – October 22 

All of your coffee will be bitter no matter how much sugar you may add.  Hold your breath until you turn blue to see if that changes your perception of taste.  At least in the hospital, you’ll have an option of apple juice or orange. 

___________________________________________________________

Scorpio

October 23 – November 21 

Your computer will crash and your cell phone will die, leaving you dumbfounded to the notion of old school communication.  Get reacquainted with the power of the pen.  If that doesn’t work, get two Styrofoam cups and a long piece of string.  It’ll be a hassle, but a miracle worker.

 ___________________________________________________________

Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21   

If you are a naturally born or surgically altered male Sagittarius, all of the zippers in your trousers will stick, exposing your pecker.  This may be a good week for late night creeps and unexpected sale prices.  Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. 

___________________________________________________________

Quote of the Week:    ”Life is a big ass wheel.  What’s down today will be up tomorrow.  In the meantime, it won’t kill you to carry around a few extra stink bombs to ease your frustrations.”  

The Flow is a weekly blog published to better understand the flow of astrological, celestial, and magickal energies for the week, and how best to use them.   It is intended for those with little knowledge of astrology.  For newcomers, the idea is to start with the slowest moving forces, as they are the most foundational, and work up to the swiftest, as they are the most fleeting.  If any of the material is unfamiliar to you, it is probably unfamiliar to others as well, please leave a comment so that any questions might be answered. 

If you like what you see, please share it with friends!  If you would like to get email notifications for when The Flow! is updated, or have a private question please email me at skywatcher888@yahoo.com.  Thank you!

The Flow! is updated every Sunday.

Please note: all times are in the Pacific Daylight Timezone.

Synopsis:

The astrological tempo picks up to a steadier beat and builds to a crescendo next week.  Yes, the week of the Yule, the Winter Solstice, and Christmas is going to be one interesting week!  Not necessarily bad, but definitely interesting.  Next week we have two very significant events that will shape the astrological warp and weave of the Flow.  Next Sunday, Mars goes retrograde.  Every other year, our energizer bunny, Mars, goes backwards and retraces its steps.  This year, it is doing so in Leo, creating turmoil in the Flow and making life just a bit challenging for Leos, Tauruses, Scorpios, and Aquarians – and for everyone else, depending on where Leo and Mars are in your chart.

Many people are aware of Mercury retrograde periods.  These are times when devices particularly communication devices, computers, contracts, and plans all ruled by Mercury go awry.  That’s why it’s never a good idea to start anything during a Mercury retrograde, because chances are you’ll have to redesign your plans in the near future.  When MARS, the very planet of DOING things, goes retrograde, it is our actions that often go awry, leading to obstructions, delays, stress, and frustration.  Much more about this next week, but my advice here is to get as much done before next Sunday as possible so that you won’t be caught up in a crisis caused by the holiday rush and the turbulence of Mars retrograde.  And hold on to your hats boys and girls, because while Mars isn’t retrograde as long as some of the outer planets, it is longer than Mercury’s, not going direct until March 9, 2010.

The second big event to take place next week is quite providential.  On the day of the Winter Solstice, just before the Sun moves into Capricorn, and almost perfectly aligned with the Galactic Center, the universe gives us a holiday present with a conjunction of Jupiter and Neptune in Aquarius, what I like to call the Kahuna Konjunction.  In the lead-up to this conjunction, many of us have felt vaguely troubled, unsettled and disorganized.  That is because much inner work is going on in the deepest levels of our being, and the network that is our social consciousness and awareness.  Many cultures including the Maya and Hindu have placed the beginning of a new era around these times.  There is no better indication of the kickoff of that than this conjunction, occurring at this time.  Much, much more on this next week!

Whew!

But that is all next week.  This week there is a more normal, gentle, measured rhythm to the Flow, and it’s all in the details that follow!

And because this week pertains so much to the aspects, once again, here is the material on aspects that helps indicate the energy of each one.

The planets move and twirl around the zodiac, and as they do they form various relationships with each other.  These relationships are called ASPECTS.  The distance between the two planets determines the nature of the aspect between them, and this reveals how well those two planets are getting along.  In brief:

Conjunction – 0 degrees separation; like two planets having a meeting or business lunch

Semi-Sextile – 30 degrees; like two planets having a conversation at the water cooler

Semi-square – 45 degrees; like two planets having an argument

Sextile – 60 degrees; like two planets out on a date

Square – 90 degrees; like two planets headed toward divorce court

Trine – 120 degrees; like two planets on a romantic vacation

Sesquiquadrate – 135 degrees; redux of the same argument as the Semi-Square

Quincunx – 150 degrees; like a boss passing their administrative assistant in the hallway, can be good or bad depending on the situation

Opposition – 180 degrees; like two planets in a formalized, highly structured debate

To the details, faithful friends!

Monday

Monday morning and Saturday evening are two bookends of cosmic raspberries between lots of tasty strawberry shortcake in the middle of the week.

On Monday morning, at 7:28am, the Sun squares Uranus, and it can feel a bit like getting into an argument with a magician who has just bumped into your car.  You have work to get to, or work to do, and something just keeps bumping into the way of your getting it done.  Monday morning, then, is apt to be a bit chaotic and unsettled, leaving you feeling anxious and frustrated by noon.  Slightly after lunch, Jupiter comes to the rescue, with a sextile to the Sun at 4:16pm, and everything eventually works out fine.  As much as possible, try not to fly off the handle in the morning, because it is likely that whatever problems you encounter earlier in the day will resolve themselves in time.  Save the Zoloft for another day!

Tuesday

On Tuesday afternoon, at 4:16pm, the Sun sextiles Neptune.  This is like having a counseling session with a guru.  A somewhat idyllic aspect, combined with the holiday season will make it very difficult to get any work done during this time.  People just want to socialize, enjoy good company, and in general take it easy.  Getting people to focus on a task will be worse than herding cats feel, and avoid scheduling (or attending!) meetings at all cost.  In fact, if you ARE forced to attend a meeting Tuesday afternoon, take my advice – see no evil, speak no evil, and hear no evil.  Just doodle surreptitiously in your notepad and people will think you’re paying attention.  This is a perfect time to put on that Moody Blues classic, “Tuesday Afternoon” and just space out and chill.

Wednesday

Wednesday is the New Moon of Sagittarius at 4:02am.  This new moon is a particularly potent time of renewal, in which we feel at home and in touch with an important part of our Selves.  While it is often part of the holiday season to look back and remember cherished times, with the moon occurring in this part of Sagittarius, we are apt to feel particularly connected to them.  In fact, it is possible that for those of us who are feeling weighted down by the past this new moon could provide an opportunity to put the past to rest and move forward again.  We may find ourselves in unfamiliar emotional space, but that is a good not a bad thing, because it forces us to reconnect with the present, which is the only place from which to build the future.

Thursday

At 4:39am on the day ruled by Jupiter (Thursday), Venus trines Mars.  Venus trine Mars is often like a Rubens painting in which a lovely maiden is entertaining a Greek hero with   everything corpulent, abundant, lush, and smooth.  If every there is an aspect that indicates the flow of personal natural harmony, it is the trine of Venus and Mars.  However, in this case, a better analogy might be to Beethoven’s 6^th, Pastoral, symphony, particularly as depicted in Disney’s Fantasia.  Because all the merriment, frivolity, harmony, and joy this aspect can bring is going to be followed by a few thunderbolts on…

Saturday

Saturday afternoon at 5:52pm, Venus squares Uranus.  Mythologically and symbolically, this is very much the proverbial Tempest in a Teapot – but it is a tempest all the same.   At this time, emotions are apt to fly willy-nilly in all directions as people throw what they know of each other out the window and make wild assumptions about what each other is thinking and feeling.  Stay home, light a fire, drink a cup of cocoa – or other beverage of choice, and watch a good movie.  Anyone found in a shopping mall faced with wild-eyed bargain hunters at this time, ought to subsequently make an appointment with a shrink.  People are likely to be angry and upset for no good reason – in fact, no REASON at all!  Anxiety, stress, and insecurity reign, and everyone gets wet.  Ba-da-dah thump!

Have a wonderful week, and watch this space for Bill’s Amazing Astrology Cures in the New Year!

Uranus, sick to his airy gills of X-Factor, starts the week by downloading Killing In The Name. Forgetting to plug his headphones in properly, he wakes the Sun, who runs to the window with a bucket. Wiping the water from his eyes, Uranus hollers a selection of words rarely heard before 9pm.

Ever ready to heal a rift, Chiron explains to the mass of incandescent gas that Uranus is just raging against the pop machine by supporting a co-ordinated internet-based attempt to stop Simon Cowell from hijacking the UK Christmas charts once again. As stopping jumped-up wannabes is something the Sun can get behind, he busily downloads the track and updates his Facebook profile: THE SUN thinks Simon Cowell’s forgo10 whoz boss. Jupiter and Neptune read it, Like it, and download too.

The Moon pops along on Wednesday, and they all do a bit of wishful thinking about a world where there is no X-Factor, only bunnies and Cadbury Crunchies.

Mercury keeps his head down, quietly whistling, all week. Hell, he runs the shops. Any business is good business.

Thursday would find Venus and Mars doing what they do so well, only they keep the door locked.
Chiron’s polite coughing finally makes Venus unlock and peek her tousled bed-head out on Saturday. The asteroid would like to know if Venus has downloaded Killing In The Name yet, as it’s the last day left to do so. Venus would be happy to oblige but isn’t at all sure about having that kind of language on her computer. Uranus scoffs her sensibilities while she finds her purse, and Chiron takes her 70p and downloads it for her on his machine.

On Sunday, Mars stops what he’s doing — although he really likes doing it — and looks over his shoulder …

*

Here’s the thing: next week’s chart is a story. It has a beginning, a middle and an end, albeit with an ellipsis. There’s conflict, resolution, action, love, passion, and some more conflict. Top stuff. It has a wish, and the potential for a cracking Deus ex Machina. What it’s missing is a really good baddy. Anyway it’s a story, so, in honour of the last week of Sun for zealous Sagittarius, and of Mars’ last forward-moving week in limelight Leo for quite a while, places please for the Zodiac Nativity Play.

(For one week only we have a special guest star, just for Aeon Phlo who stuck their head above the parapet on the Distracted Astrologer Facebook page. See if you spot them.)

Aries

You put your hand up first so you’re the Star. (Sorry Leo, you can put your hand down now, I’ve got a good part in mind for you, don’t worry.) This week, Aries, you’ll do a cracking job of leading the way. Not because you want to shine, because it needs to be done. Delegate to other fire signs where necessary, but please don’t trust the Baby Jesus to bring enough tinfoil for your costume.

Taurus

Taurus, you’re the cow. No, shut up, it’s a good role. This week you make the cold stable warm and the stale air sweet just by being there; your regular breathing alone calms the crowded stage. And it comes with a free rubber glove udder.

Gemini

Right. You are Narrator and Prompt. This week you have the direction needed to tell a straight story and keep key partnerships on track. The head teacher’s watching you, so please try to stick to the script or next year they’ll make you Third Camel.

Cancer

You’re the Innkeeper. Here’s the scene: Menorah lit and dreidel spinning, you’re disturbed by a knock while relaxing after a hectic day of keeping guests fed and sheltered. There’s an uncanny similarity to hiring out a stable with your week ahead, Cancer, however, when providing a creative solution to a work problem, it’s unlikely to lead to 2000 years of your people being persecuted by the followers of the very thing you are helping out.

Leo

We might need to borrow from last week’s glam wardrobe, Leo, because you’re the Angel Gabriel. Tell you what, as a treat bring your sparkly wand — people always get fairies and angels confused and Wednesday is perfect for making a huge and glorious wish. Improvisation brings good results, so climb carefully on top of the cardboard stable and bring on those tidings of great joy. You’re not going to have another chance for a few months. Even if you stumble, broken legs bring flowers and chocs.

Virgo

Teatowels at the ready, Virgo, this week you’re Lead Shepherd. The quiet help you give behind the scenes make the Wise Men come on in time. Your double-checking gives the Star fresh torch batteries. Really, you make this play, but expect to be jostled to the back when everyone is taking a bow.

Libra

You’re Mary and Joseph. Pick the one you fancy and delegate the other to a trusted team mate. We’re going to need a smooth negotiator to organise a stable; a soft word to separate the Wise Men from the Heavenly Host. Just don’t trust a donkey to take your weight. You know how good you look in blue.

Scorpio

Long ago in a galaxy far away you bought a couple of droids to help out on your aunt and uncle’s farm. This led to a daring mission to rescue a space princess and blow up the baddies’ centre of operation. Is that tall, furry, braying thing really a donkey? This week, Scorpio, you’ll be creatively inspired by working from a different script to everyone else. It won’t make you friends, but people will remember you. Oh, watch out for your dad and don’t give him a hand.

Ophiuchus

You’re that pale child who has been off sick for months and arrives two days before the performance. Not sure what to do with you, they wrap you in a piece of hessian, put the last teatowel — the one with the Welsh recipes — on your head, and stick you in between the lad with the lightsabre and the Three Wise Men. You know all the traditional words to the carols, and sing out loud. People clap anyway, and the grannies love you. This is your time.

Sagittarius

Well, of course you’re the Magi. All of ‘em. Trooping onto the stage with gold, myrrh and Frankenstein, you beam the hugest of grins to the audience. Aww. Your parents might be a bit held up, so make sure somebody tapes it for them. Follow the signs with visionary zeal this week, Sagittarius, it’ll give you plenty to ponder in the next few months.

Capricorn

You are the Roman census takers, tripping up over shepherds while out for a riotous night of Saturnalia (more on this next week). This week, Capricorn, you might be in danger of forgetting that you are responsible for policing public morality. Ah well — donkeys, camels, men in teatowels, tinfoil stars and falling fairy angels — it’s one hell of a trip.

Aquarius

You are the heavenly host. It’s your job this week to work for the collective, beaming a message of hope, healing, and transformation to all humankind. You get to wear white. Think you can handle that? I reckon it’s well within your capabilities.

Pisces

You’re the Baby Cheeses this week, Pisces. Away in your manger. You hold a hope for peace and love and the potential for centuries of war and bloodshed. Best to keep your head down and stay quiet ‘til they all go away, eh.

*

Aries (Mar. 21-Apr.19)
Due to the retrograde of Pluto, your math-based Beatles cover band will be a rousing success, going platinum with your debut album, Abacus Road.
Taurus (Apr. 20-May. 20)
You keep reading all of those food politics books, but you will soon realize once you are stranded in the mountains that the omnivore’s real dilemma is more akin to “Awww! My food keeps running away!”
Gemini (May. 21-Jun. 21)
Harper Collins unfortunately will reject your novel explaining that “It would be an excellent book if it wasn’t for all those words you put in it.”
Cancer (Jun. 22-Jul. 22)
An accident with a coworker this weekend will show you true love. True love doesn’t need things like atmosphere, gravity, or pressurized environment suits. True love is all about being abruptly naked in space due to an airlock breach.
Leo (Jul. 23-Aug. 22)
You might tell your lover, love is all you need. Talk is cheap though. Show him/her that you mean it by quickly depleting all of the planet’s natural resources. Once the planet is completely barren and unable to produce life, he or she will know your love is true.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sep. 22)
Venus is in the house of Jupiter this week, which means your sequel to Flipper the Dolphin will be less successful as parents shield their children from the antics of his cousin Fister.
Libra (Sep. 23-Oct. 23)
Your lifelong dream comes true when the famous scientist you idolize takes you to their lab and conducts extensive sexperiments on you.
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21)
Romance prevails next Tuesday when your lover proposes, promising to eventually “Suck the marrow from your bones.”
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
The stars say that even though you are a giant, glowing head in a jar, you might want to rethink the wisdom of your battle strategies. If the Megazord is really as advanced as you say, it should be safer to operate it via remote control.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Your attempt to emulate Kevin Trudeau will fail when no one publishes your book: Sex Positions THEY Don’t Want You To Know About.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Due to a typo at the print shop, everyone at the funeral you are protesting will think that God Hates Frogs.
Pisces (Feb. 19-Mar. 20)
Your life-long dream of attaining world peace will finally be realized when you accidentally eliminate all forms of life on the planet.