A Tool for Effective Parents & Empowered Kids

By Susan A. Haid

Here are Ten Principles of the Effective Parent:

1) Offer your children committed love. Let your children know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you love them and you will always love them no matter what. Make this a clear and consistent message.

2) Become the best educator of your children’s basic life skills that you can be. This is far more valuable than what you can ever buy them.

3) Teach your children to trust themselves more than anything else. Keep your children connected to their innate inner navigational equipment. Do not underestimate the power of self-trust; this is one of the greatest gifts you will ever give your child.

4) Give your children reasonable freedom to make choices for themselves. There is only one finer teacher than you are, and that is life experience itself.

5) Give your children the gift of time to themselves without tv or technology. This opens the doorway to imaginative play that cultivates a powerful, lasting form of creativity and resourcefulness that serves a child for a lifetime.

6) Make every effort to offer compassion to your child, even when discipline or consequences are required. Children are learning and therefore require explanations, education and understanding more than anything else. Make compassion your best friend.

7) Listen to what your children have to say, even if their words are contradictory. They have a lot to figure out in a very complex world. Listen and be present.

8) Give your children reasonable, basic responsibilities. Everyone in a household should contribute to the welfare of the family.

9) Enjoy your children for who they are. As parents, we have no other responsibility other than to honor and appreciate who our children already are.

10) Stop whatever you are doing and openly accept and receive your child’s love. Revel in it! Take the time to bask in it as often as possible. There is no greater gift you will ever receive. Let it heal you.

For helpful information about joyful, effective parenting and raising empowered children, visit www.lilystruth.com for more.

by Susan A. Haid

When all is said and done, as parents and caregivers, more than anything else we want our children to be happy.   In providing for our child’s happiness, where does our responsibility begin and where does it end?  As a mother of three active, inquisitive and involved children, I can tell you that my kids never stop asking for what they want.  If I obliged every request, there would be no end to the fulfilment of their needs and desires.   And in this puzzle, where do I fit in?

Being a happy Mom is also part of the formula, you see.  My kids, like most other kids their age, are involved in sports, music, dance and more.  They also have a very active social life with their friends.  As you know, this requires a big commitment on my part to ensure that all of these activities happen on a regular basis.

So, on the days when we don’t have plans readily in place comes the inevitable question, “What are we doing today?” which is always followed by the expected yet incessant response, “I’m bored.”

In empowering my children, I realize that my kids must learn to take responsibility for managing their own happiness when they have time to themselves.  Now, we all know what kids do when they’re bored. They fight with each other.  It’s a game for them, it’s fun and it kills time.  This also can push even the likes of Mother Theresa over the edge within a matter of seconds.

So what is a parent/caregiver to do?  I have learned that a good measure of patience is required to get through the initial phase of boredom kids will experience.  Then there is the consequent whining, pouting and demanding that will initially ensue.  This is when I make a few firm, non-negotiable statements to my children that today they must entertain themselves.  Ofcourse, the emotional manipulations continue for a good long while, but then my kids seem to figure something out.

I have watched my kids make choices to entertain themselves based on the resources they have at home.   This is the birthplace of imaginative play and creative activities. This is when my kids walk out the door to play with rocks, sticks, dirt and grass.  This is when they enter the magical and wondrous world of their imaginations.  It’s getting beyond the initial resistance that is the hardest part.  I have learned to stand my ground and not give in to the whining, complaining and demanding because something wonderful is about to happen.

Some of the most beautiful experiences I have had in teaching my kids to take responsibility for entertaining themselves has occurred while we have been outdoors.  Out in the forest or by a stream, there is so much naturally available to keep a kid occupied without the crutch of a computer game, ipod or television.   Once a child gets immersed in nature, hours will pass by without a peep.  The next amazing thing that happens is that the child begins to relax and let go of the need to seek stimulation from other people or from technology.  With every hour a child is submersed in the magical world of nature, the child innately returns to his or her own peaceful state of being.  This is so healthy for our children.

Kids need down time.  Kids need time to be alone with themselves.  Some kids are better at being alone than others, but inevitably, time alone (preferably out in nature) is profoundly healing and balancing for each and every child.  It is also deeply restful and nuturing for parents and caregivers. 

Every now and then, make a point to walk away from life completely.  Teach your kids how to do it to.   Teach your kids also how to enjoy their own company.  This may seem inconsequential, but you have just unwittingly instructed your children on how to manage their own happiness.  This is simple, elegant and empowering.  This will bring peace and balance to your family and your life.  This will teach your children how to care for themselves and their tender inner spirits.   Everyday life is stressful for everyone, but you can always choose to leave it all behind for a few hours at a time.   This is a skill we teach our children by example.

Saying “no” to the constant demands to provide for a child’s happiness and “yes” to a child’s opportunity to fill their own time in a peaceful and nurturing setting is a great way to empower your child.   Give your children the gift of themselves.  Help them to become supremely comfortable in their own energy.  You are supporting the development of their sovereignty in doing so, and this is a most beautiful and blessed unfolding that is a result of liberating the inner spirit.

For more information about empowering kids, teens and families, or for more information about Susan A. Haid and Lily’s Truth, visit www.lilystruth.com for more exciting details.

by Amanda van der Gulick

Juliet:

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.”

Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2) 

A familiar quote by Shakespear.

If we had never known what a rose was but saw it for the very first time and were told that it was called a ’skunk cabage’ (and had no idea what a ’skunk’ was) then we would think the name ’skunk cabage’ was a beautiful, romantic name simply because the flower itself was so sweet and pure.

But if we knew what a ’skunk’ was then our beautiful rose would suddenly seem much less sweet!

Words are magic!

We must be very careful which words we choose to use in our daily lives.

Words can inspire and lift us to great heights, but they can also be our downfall, they can crumble us, make us cringe and hide in a corner full of cobwebs and broken dreams.

Which words do you choose to use?

“I can’t afford that.”

or

“How can I afford that?”

It seems of little importance how we speak about a subject, but therein lies the beast!

We don’t even realise we are doing it. We put ourselves down daily, we put our hopes and aspiritions down without a second thought.

Why?

We were taught to do it!

Our parents told us, “Money doesn’t grow on trees!”

They were wrong! MONEY DOES GROW ON TREES!

It’s all about perception. Is your glass half full or half empty? It makes a difference.

Yes no matter how you say it that glass will still have one half with liquid and one with air, but how you see it will affect not the glass or the liquid within it but YOUR LIFE!

If you see it as half empty then you are missing so much!
You are closing yourself to life’s wonders and joys.

If you see it as half full then you are blessed. You will enjoy life.

But beware…

Negativity is so easy to enter your mind unexpectedly.

Make sure you see your own thoughts for what they are and make a point to correct yourself whenever you find yourself allowing a negative thought.

Never reprimand yourself for your negative thoughts, as that will only increase your negativity, instead, laught, giggle, and then kindly remind yourself of the possitive alternative.

Example:

“It’s raining outside, now my suit is going to get all wet and my day will be ruined!”

or

“Oh, silly me, who cares if my suit gets wet, it’ll dry and besides the rain really brings out my natural curls like no shampoo or conditioner ever could. This rain means, fresh grass and new flowers will be blooming. I’m going to have a fantastic day!!!”

It’s up to you.

Here’s to your success,

Cheers….Amanda van der Gulik…Excited Life Enthusiast!
http://www.TeachingChildrenAboutMoney.com/

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For more information helpful information, books & DVD’s designed to empower adults, kids and teens, also visit www.lilystruth.com.

by Susan A. Haid

Parents often wonder if and when their children should learn the value of money whether it is though an allowance or otherwise. My children, like many children in today’s material society, started asking for every toy under the sun as soon as they could talk. Of course, I admit that initially I enjoyed giving my kids the toys they asked for, but I soon learned that this is a bottomless money pit with no easy way out.
So as soon as my kids were able to count, I started teaching them how to count pennies, nickels and dimes. When they had earned several coins that they could put in their own wallets, I allowed them to spend it as they wished, helping them to understand what they were able to buy with the very small amount of money they had in their possession. What was interesting to observe is that they started to develop discernment about what they would choose to purchase rather than simply wanting everything and expecting to get every toy on the market.
Another beautiful evolution that occurred, although this required some work on my part as well as theirs, is that they began to understand the value of saving their money so that they could have greater purchasing power. As my children got a little bit older (5-6 years old), they began to cultivate the patience needed to wait for a something they wanted while they slowly saved up for it. Immediate gratification was no longer part of their world. They needed to have the discipline and responsibility to earn money for the items they wanted to buy with the exception of the gifts they received on birthdays and holidays for the most part.
Money has been a tool of empowerment in our house. Money must be earned by the performance of chores and duties outside of the normal expected duties. Money must be saved by each one of us including the parents. After all, parents represent the standard for the children. My kids now understand why Mommy doesn’t drive a brand new car or why we can’t go out to dinner whenever we feel like it. My kids also don’t argue when I tell them they can’t have this or that when we are in a store buying necessities.
I want to instill in my children that they have the power to make money and buy the things they wish to have. I do not want to impose fear-based thinking or poverty consciousness. I simply want to teach my kids how to make money and how to use it wisely. My kids have learned discernment, patience and responsibility in the process. These tools, and that is all they are, will serve them well as they get older.
The next step in my children’s education about money has been about how to make money creatively and joyfully without necessarily having to toil away for it. But that discussion is for another time. Meanwhile, for more exciting books and DVD’s that empower parents and children, learn about Lily’s Truth by Susan A. Haid at http://www.lilystruth.com.

By Wanda Parker

The kids at Novaland, La Palma, CA spent the summer creating a Country Fair.  The fair was a one day event held last Friday.

It is important for kids to work for a period of time (delayed gratification), and then have the satisfaction of presenting to their community what they have accomplished.  What a sense of pride and excitement.  I got to be one of the judges.

Flower Arranging, but only two of the kids remembered to bring their flowers. Another lesson.Clay Art Project - there was also mask making, water colors, vegetable stamping, body drawing, baking and more.

 

The Carnival is about to begin

I guess the day of the Penny Carnival is gone - it is now the day of the Nickle Carnival

A clown is created

The cake walk was a favorite

I love seeing older kids helping younger kids

The kids had created many games to be played at the carnival

It wasn’t until we were all seated around the breakfast table that we heard the story.

The truth is, I sleep so soundly, that I never heard what had happened.

But Margie did.

It was just after midnight when she woke up to a rather strange night sound.

At first, she could not be sure, but as the clouds of sleep left her mind and she listened more closely, she could distinctly hear the sound of footsteps in the kitchen.

Of course, Margie’s first inclination was to reach over and rouse me with a warning that someone was in the house. But then, she noticed another noise. Had someone just opened the cupboard and got a mixing bowl out?  Now it sounded like drawers were being opened and spoons, measuring cups, and the Bosch attachments were coming out!

What was going on?

Margie decided to investigate on her own. Sliding out of bed, she went upstairs.

The whole of the dining room and kitchen were ablaze with lights. The ongoing sounds of food preparation could be heard as faithful and diligent hands reached for this spice, that bucket of flour, and another scoop of sugar.

“Esther!  What are you doing up?”

Without even a flinch or a glance in the direction of my astonished wife, our wonderful 10-year-old daughter replied over her shoulder, “Making breakfast Mom. I thought we’d have some lemon poppy seed muffins.”

Silence.  Margie didn’t know what to say.

At last, Esther, sensing that something was amiss, turned around and looked at Margie.

“What’s the matter, Mom?”

“Well, it is 12:18 in the morning. I’m just surprised that you are up already.”

“WHAT?  It can’t be!  I set my alarm for 5:30am and it just went off a little bit ago,” Esther returned in disbelief and shock.

“No, really, look at the microwave clock.”

Sure enough, 12:19 glowed brightly on the face of the clock.  With a somewhat sheepish grin Esther set everything down and walked over to Margie. “Well, Mom, I guess I can finish this in the morning. Let’s go to bed.”

We later discovered that earlier that day, her clock had been unplugged by our rather curious 2 year old. Esther had plugged it back in and reset the clock… but not the alarm, which remained stubbornly at 12:00 a.m.

For the past 3 months before the preparations for the midnight breakfast, Esther had taken  over the responsibility to make breakfast each morning. And true and faithful as ever, she had simply jumped out of bed and got to work when the alarm went off.

Margie and I reflected on that experience over the next few days.  What had caused a 10-year-old girl to jump out of bed at midnight, in the middle of the winter and cheerfully go about doing her chores?

Besides the fact that this precious daughter of ours is an angel, we have come to several conclusions:

1.    High Expectations – Margie and I have always made the assumption that our children are wonderful, responsible, and obedient. And we have never let their temporary shortcomings prove us otherwise. We expect the best out of them and tell them so in plain, unmistakable terms. Not only that, but we send that message to them through our actions and by holding them accountable to high levels.  If a job is not done right – they feel our disappointment, “We expected more than this sloppy job out of you.  Will you please do it right – the way we know you can?”  And when they meet or exceed our expectations (as they usually do) we praise them lavishly, “Great job!  You did awesome!  Really, this is incredible!  But, it is nothing more than we expected… we knew you could do it all along.”

2.    Freedom to Rise… or Fall – With that expectation, we give them the freedom to rise or fall, to win or fail, to succeed or wallow in mediocrity.  But, no matter how they perform, they know it was their baby, their stewardship. The tasks and jobs we give them are not just perfunctory jobs to keep them busy. We make sure that they are essential aspects of running the house and keeping this large family alive. Like making breakfast. If we don’t eat, life is pretty uncomfortable.  And Esther knew that. She knew deep inside that we were all counting on her.  Hyrum knows the same thing about taking the garbage out. Joshua feels that pressure when the dishes need to get washed and put away. They all feel the weight of responsibility. They all have their stewardships. They all are left to do their duties as best they can and as they see fit.  They LOVE the pressures of duty, responsibility, and a family dependence on their actions.

3.    Side-by-Side Training – The freedom and responsibility that is heaped on their shoulders is not without training and love. In fact, in the beginning, when they are first given those assignments, we work very closely and repeatedly by their sides. Esther learned to make muffins by helping Margie do it dozens of times, with more and more of the work slowly being transferred to her.  The knowledge to make a perfect pancake from scratch (a feat she now does effortlessly and with great skill) came from working with me repeatedly over hot skillets. Joshua, Jared, and Hyrum handle every aspect of keeping four goats, 25 chickens, and 2 bulls alive and healthy without even a word of supervision from me because we have worked for hours on end in the barn together.  We have found that working closely with our children and slowly transferring duties to them, works miracles that barking orders at them can never accomplish.

As parents, we sometimes catch glimpses of the growth and learning of our children. We find unusual moments when the lessons we have endeavored to impress on their hearts come shining through with a strength and glory that causes our hearts to burst with pride and joy.

Breakfast at midnight was one of those moments for Margie and I.

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