December 10, 2009

(by Dillon Rand- The Montclair Times)

American Idol runner-up David Archuleta heads to the Wellmont Theatre on Sunday promoting his Christmas album, Christmas From The Heart. The album works to capture both Archuleta’s cheerful personality and undeniable vocal talent. Archuleta has proven himself dedicated to singing, being famed for overcoming vocal paralysis before starting his whirlwind of success on American Idol.

His progression would continue after the show with his popular self-titled debut album. The album featured “Crush,” a song that would hit No. 2 on the Billboard charts. Not surprisingly, both of his parents have musical backgrounds and were an inspiration to the young Archuleta, who is now only 18 years of age.

DILLON RAND: I’m sure everyone asks you about American Idol and what the experience was like. What questions are you sick of answering by now?

DAVID ARCHULETA: I wouldn’t say I am sick of hearing any of them. I mean, a lot of people ask me if Simon is mean. He is actually a nice guy who is just doing his job as a judge. He can get pretty blunt in doing his job, but he is a nice guy in person.

DILLON: Your most popular song has been “Crush,” which boasts a chorus “I know this crush ain’t going away.” Who was this crush on and has it gone away yet?

DAVID: Well I didn’t actually write the song so I didn’t have anyone particular in mind when it was being written. I don’t really have anyone that I have a crush on right now either. I really feel like I have been married to music. I mean, I don’t feel old enough to be married to anything, but I guess you could say I am married to music. That is the thing I have been focusing on. It’s fun to go on dates, I just haven’t done a lot of it! Maybe next year there will be a time when I can focus more on that. But I don’t know. I have not been focused on anything like that lately. So no crushes right now!

DILLON: So I’m guessing the focus has instead been the tour and the next album. What can you tell me about the upcoming album?

DAVID: Well now that the Christmas album is done and the Christmas tour has already started, the next focus will be writing for the next album. I think I will be starting to get into that in January, so next month already, I will really start to focus in on writing songs, and I am looking forward to getting a hold of other people and writing with them.

DILLON: I recently read a review of a show from this tour in which the reporter wrote that your rendition of “Ave Maria” moved them and everyone else in the audience to tears. That’s quite a compliment!

DAVID: That has just been a really special song to sing and I feel like it’s a really reverent one. It is about someone who was really special. You know, the Virgin Mother, Mary. It’s interesting because I wasn’t even going to keep it in the show. I almost didn’t put it in the show because it was so hard to sing and I didn’t want it to be a letdown every night. I would feel horrible doing that. I told myself I was going to try it for the first two shows in Utah and then just drop it from there. But I just enjoyed singing it so much and felt that it was such a special song. I knew it was a hard song to sing but told myself I was going to try and go for it anyway. And I am really happy about that. I am happy that people have appreciated it, too. It’s been so fun to have in the show. It is still not an easy song to sing, but it is worth trying, because it is such a great, meaningful song.

DILLON: At a show last month in Utah, your mother, Lupe, came out and joined you in a duet of “A Merry Little Christmas.” I heard she sounded good, too! Ever think about having mom go on tour with you?

DAVID: Man, I was trying to get her to come to other shows because it’s just fun having her, but she said, “Oh I’m tired … I don’t know.” She came to the San Francisco show because I was in the Bay Area after Utah, so I was able to sing with her again there. But I think she is kind of worn out. She is running around keeping track of the rest of my brothers and sisters, so I don’t blame her for being too tired to come. But I really like singing with her. I think the last time I sang with her was years ago so I was really happy to get the chance to do it again. And I let her enjoy it, too. She loves it! She is part of the reason why I love music. I would always listen to her and think “Man … I kind of want to be like my mom.” I had always wanted to be a performer like her.

DILLON: It’s funny that she is telling you that she’s busy, when most people would guess it to be the other way around.

DAVID: Oh no, it isn’t her show or anything like that. She is a mom. She said she wanted to, but she was just tired. I was trying really hard too! I said, “C’mon mom, it is close enough to home where you can come!” And she just said, “Ugh, I’m too tired.” But she is such a hard worker. It has been great that she has been home taking care of the kids and all. She treats all of her kids the same. People talk to her about me but she always tells them: “I love all my kids. They’re all great. David, Daniel, Claudia, Jazzy, Amber, they’re all awesome!”

DILLON: Well she sounds like a wonderful lady.

DAVID: I love my mother (Laughs).

DILLON: I hear you’re writing a memoir. How’s that coming?

DAVID: It has been fun because I have been able to show people more of my personality. I have gotten to talk about the things I want to talk about, things I actually normally talk about.

DILLON: Shifting gears a bit, you won a Teen Choice Award in ‘08 for “Most Fanatic Fans.”

DAVID: Oh yeah (laughs). I was surprised because the Jonas Brothers have more fanatic fans than I do. I don’t know. I don’t have as many fans as the Jonas Brothers, but the fans I have are really dedicated. I really appreciate it. They are the ones who allow me to do this. They are the ones who support me and come to the shows and enjoy the music. You just have to love and appreciate what they do. Sometimes it can get a little crazy, but all in all they are really great. And they try to be really respectful to me. I think that is really cool of them to do. They don’t hound and attack me. They just say “Hi!”

DILLON: Well what has been your craziest fan moment so far?

DAVID: Well they don’t usually pounce me, but it was weird with this one lady. She must’ve been in her 40s and I was running to a car when she just screams, “David Archuleta!” and grabs me. She wouldn’t let go of me and she kept trying to kiss my face. She just kept screaming my name, too, and I was wondering what on earth was going on. It was really awkward. No one had really tried to kiss my face like that. And I’m not a kissy person (laughs).

DILLON: You recently put out a Christmas album, you are currently touring across the country performing Christmas songs, and your birthday is three days after Christmas. It must be pretty easy for you to get into the Christmas spirit…

DAVID: Yeah, well I’ve been celebrating Christmas for five months now, so it’s been nice (laughs). I said to myself, “Okay David, it’s weird singing these songs in the summer, but there’s still meaning to them and that doesn’t ever change.” And that makes me think about what these songs mean and what they are all about. The songs are really cool and I’m just glad to sing them and make an album of them because they really mean a lot to me. It has just been a great experience.

DILLON: What are your plans for the holidays?

DAVID: I’m hoping to be home. My birthday is just three days after and it would be nice to be with the family just relaxing. It was so nice to do that last year. I had never appreciated it so much until last year, when I was almost never home. I am just happy to hang out with my family, playing video games and watching TV. It’s nice.

Malak El Ezzawy, one of our favorite local evening wear designers, tributes the “Little Black Dress” this fall with her limited edition collection.  What I love, is that it is a perfect addition to my LBD post (posted a couple of weeks ealier, click here).  As mentioned before, the LBD transcends time and trends and is the perfect “throw it on and still look chic” dress.  A staple in every woman’s wardrobe, just like a man’s white chemise.  Below is a sample preview of her limited edition collection, more on this Facebook link, and in store at the Melodies Atelier at 24 Tharwa St., Mohandeseen, ground floor.

Malak’s LBD collection is full of lace, as we call it in Egypt, dentelle.  The dress below worn by Menna Shalaby is a dentelle top with a chiffon and tulle skirt and a sexy low back.

Menna Shalaby wearing Malak's LBD

This LBD is the perfectly structured tube dress, which I believe, will be flattering to many.  The dress is very futuristic (which I don’t usually like, but this is cool).  I also love how the designer utilized both polka dot and stripped prints on one canvas.

Polka Dot & Stripped Structured LBD

This matte paillette, aka sequined, one shoulder LBD is IT! The fall season is all about embellishment & sequins, in addition to asymmetric dresses.  I guess this LBD is an ALL-IN-ONE must have!

Matte Paillette One Shoulder LBD

I decided to end this post on the perfectly simple, yet sexy, LBD.  The uniqueness of this dress comes not only from its simplicity but its texture.  Velvet is a material that faded away for a while, but is back it style and feels very rich.

Perfect Velvet LBD

• Sinopse:# MILEY CYRUS – PARTY IN THE USA
  Cada dia que passa me impressiono mais com o talento desta adolescente. Não somente pelo que ela fazia, onde começou, o seriado da Dysney HANNA MONTANNA, mas sim pela sua incrível performance de palco, sua voz, sua simpatia, além de seus lindos … mas lindos olhos. Apenas 16 anos, com um futuro mais do que promissor pela frente, Miley Cyrus é atualmente um dos MAIORES símbolos POP da música mundial, e justamente por isso, a partir de agora, terá cadeira cativa aqui, no POPSHARE. Para começar, separamos o single PARTY IN THE USA: Músicas(mp3), Vídeo Oficial(AVI) e sua apresentação no TEEN CHOICE AWARDS, pela FOX.

• Descrição do Arquivo:
  1. Teen Choice Awards
     Formato: AVI
     Tamanho: 62 Mb
     http://uploading.com/files/539b1a35/MC%2526PITUSA%2523LTCA.rar/
  2. Official Music – Radio Edition – MP3
     Formato: MP3
     Tamanho: 6 Mb
     http://uploading.com/files/6137973f/MC%2525PITUSA%2526M%2524P%25403.rar/
  3. Official Video Clip
     Formato: AVI
     Tamanho: 45 Mb
     http://uploading.com/files/c5146c93/MC%2524PITUSA%2540OF%2526VI%2524DEO.rar/
  4. Official Video Clip – Portátil (Tamanho Reduzido)
     Formato: FLV
     Tamanho: 8 Mb
     http://uploading.com/files/e1f6b765/MC%2540PITUSA%2526PRT.rar/
  5. Official Video Clip – Versão HD 720
     Formato: MP4
     Tamanho: 55 Mb
     http://uploading.com/files/fcdac59e/MC%2523PITUSA%2526OMV%2523%2524HD720.rar/

• Para Acompanhar: Letra (Lyrics) Completa
  Miley Cyrus – Party in the USA Lyrics

   

  I hopped off the plane at LAX with a dream and my cardigan
  welcome to the land of fame excess,
  am I gonna fit in?

  Jumped in the cab,
  Here I am for the first time
  Look to the right and I see the Hollywood sign
  This is all so crazy
  Everybody seems so famous

  My tummys turnin and I’m feelin kinda home sick
  Too much pressure and I’m nervous,
  That’s when the taxi man turned on the radio
  and a Jay Z song was on
  and the Jay Z song was on
  and the Jay Z song was on

  CHORUS:
  So I put my hands up
  They’re playing my song,
  And the butterflys fly away
  Noddin’ my head like yea
  Movin my hips like yea
  I got my hands up,
  They’re playin my song
  I know im gonna be ok
  Yea, It’s a party in the USA
  Yea, It’s a party in the USA

  Get to the club in my taxi cab
  Everybody’s lookin at me now
  Like “whos that chick, thats rockin’ kicks?
  She gotta be from out of town”

  So hard with my girls all around me
  Its definitely not a Nashville party
  Cause’ all I see are stilletos
  I guess I never got the memo

  My tummys turnin and I’m feelin kinda home sick
  Too much pressure and I’m nervous
  That’s when the D.J. dropped my favorite tune
  and a Britney song was on
  and the Britney song was on
  and the Britney song was on

  CHORUS:
  So I put my hands up
  They’re playing my song,
  And the butterflys fly away
  Noddin’ my head like yea
  Movin my hips like yea
  I got my hands up,
  They’re playin my song
  I know im gonna be ok
  Yea, It’s a party in the USA
  Yea, It’s a party in the USA

  Feel like hoppin’ on a flight (on a flight)
  Back to my hometown tonight (town tonight)
  Something stops me everytime (everytime)
  The DJ plays my song and I feel alright

  CHORUS:
  So I put my hands up
  They’re playing my song,
  And the butterflys fly away
  Noddin’ my head like yea
  Movin my hips like yea
  I got my hands up,
  They’re playin my song
  I know im gonna be ok
  Yea, It’s a party in the USA
  Yea, It’s a party in the USA

  So I put my hands up
  They’re playing my song,
  And the butterflys fly away
  Noddin’ my head like yea
  Movin my hips like yea
  I got my hands up,
  They’re playin my song
  I know im gonna be ok
  Yea, It’s a party in the USA
  Yea, It’s a party in the USA

Junte-se a nós em nossa Rede Social:

Rob, this is our first post directly written to you! (If you’re unfortunately not Rob, fell free to go on reading anyway. You won’t regret it, promise! This includes some awesome theories I came up with during a night full of Martinis…If you indeed are Rob, please read through! You won’t regret it either, promise! This includes some really nice compliments and theories I came up with after a night full of Hot Pockets and Heinekens…Yeah, what a pity you didn’t join me, I thought so too!)

A few days ago I looked through the internet searching for photos of you to print out and place over my headboard write a really professional post about. After paying close attention to every detail of your appearance for about 3.5 hours 8 minutes (in a very serious journalistic way of course) I realized something strange. You seem to share all of your clothes with your friends. One day you were so kind as to give Tom Sturridge your beloved green plaid shirt so he could wear it to go out.

I got to admit, this was rather a bad hair day for you...sorry!

See that shirt? TomStu borrowed it

Another night Marcus Foster wore the exact same red shirt you picked for the Teen Choice Awards in a pub. I hope you guys washed it in between, because to be honest, Marcus looks pretty drunk on this one photo I found and you probably all know that the clothes of drunk people tend to get real dirty… And then he even chose this shirt as his stage outfit for one of his gigs because he obviously liked it so much the first time.

Yeah, red plaid rocks!

Or wait, this is awkward…maybe I’m wrong and this is the other way round. Maybe you are the one borrowing stuff from your friends’ wardrobe. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. This seems to be some kind of trick you came up with. If you’re invited to any kind of official occasion, just wear one of your friend’s shirts and put a nice jacket over it. Done! Brilliant. Thinking over the title of this post again, it should now rather be called “How to dazzle us with simple but impressive styling-ideas”. Damn, looks like I effed up the headline… Whatever, next time I want to go out I’ll do it Rob-style! I’ll visit some friends of mine, raid their wardrobes and -ba da bing ba da boom- there’s my absolutely awesome evening-outfit! Well, this kind of makes you “Robert Pattinson – my personal sex-god fashion-god”. Great, I owe you one for teaching me the secrets of real fashion, something obviously not even the famous “Cosmopolitan” could. Now I finally gonna make it to the “women’s best dressed list”. Totally justified, of course. For “keeping it simple but impressive”. At least this is what they will say during their award deliverance speech. We could meet at the event there, you wearing something you borrowed from Tom Stu again and I’m gonna get Zelda’s strawberry costume dazzling fantabulous prom evening dress. Believe me, she’s got one! You should see her…ahem, me wearing it. Honestly, don’t miss it! So, keep your style up. See you at the best dressed event…for sure!

a

Off to borrow Zelda’s fabulous plaid shirt

Saveyoursoul

a

PS: Because it’s sunday morning here a special present from me to all of you! Yep, I feel pretty generous today… or maybe I just love the weekends so much. So now enjoy Marcus Foster wearing the famous red plaid shirt singing “Fourteen Times”!

Have you heard Marcus Foster’s music before? Did you know he can sing like that? Or have you maybe found another pic of Rob wearing one of his friends’ shirts? Leave us a comment or e-mail us!

(images: google, what else? video from youtube)

Finally! I was feeling bad for taking so long on this Kstew Lovefest, but then all these articles came out this week which made me love her even more.  And THEN the press junket in LA came along last night and now there’s all sorts of interview videos out there that have only increased my love even more!  My Kstew love-tank is the fullest it’s ever been, therefore this is the perfect time to write all about how much I love her.  And this time around, I’m not saying a single mean thing.  Not one.  All love this time Kristen, I promise.  ALL. LOVE.

First, I want to share what her fellow cast members have been saying about her.  Vanity Fair has been releasing interviews from various cast members throughout the last couple of weeks, most of them ending with a “Describe the following people in one word” section.  Here are the words that Kristen’s peers chose for her:

Kellan Lutz: “Adventurous”

Peter Facinelli: “Sweet.”

Chaske Spencer: “Fighter.”

Kiowa Gordon: “Edgy.”

Alex Meraz: “Badass.”

Adventurous, sweet, fighter, edgy, and badass?  This sounds like my kind of girl!  In a recent video interview with Ben Lyons for E!, Billy Burke was asked whether or not he feels protective of little Kristen:  ”No. She can handle herself.  I’m scared of her actually.”   Awesome.  And of course, we want to know what Rob has to say about her, right?  Right.  (Regardless of whether you are Team Robsten or Team Nonsten, you can’t deny that he probably knows her better than most.)  Some of my favorite quotes from him:

Look at those shoes!!

“Kristen doesn’t take any slack.  She sticks to her guns — and that’s difficult to do.”

“She’ll decide on someone a lot quicker. She has a lot more self-esteem than I do, so she’s like, ‘You’re an idiot and I don’t want to talk to you,’ and I’m like, ‘I’m an idiot too!’ So I’ll talk to an idiot for like three days before deciding.”  (Side note:  Hey Rob, if Kristen doesn’t talk to idiots, and she talks to you, then you couldn’t be an idiot, correct?  Except that I kind of feel like you’re an idiot for not realizing that.   J/K, idiot free!  No one is an idiot!  Unless, of course, Kristen says you are.)

“Kristen was very different from how I expected the girl who played Bella would be. I was kind of intimidated.”

“She’s a unique girl.  You really don’t meet many people like Kristen.”

When Rob talks about Kristen it makes me jealous that I’m not friends with her.  Lately I have had the extreme misfortune of dealing with some sensitive, passive-aggressive, fake-ass babies in the forms of grown women (coworkers), and Kristen sounds like the perfect antidote.

Now let’s examine what she’s saying herself:

About the Robsten rumors: “I probably would’ve answered it if people hadn’t made such a big deal about it.  But I’m not going to give the fiending an answer.  I know that people are really funny about ‘Well, you chose to be an actor, why don’t you just f-ing give you whole life away?!  Can I have your firstborn child?  I’ve thought about this a lot.  There’s no answer that’s not going to tip you one way or the other.  Think about every hypothetical situation: ‘Okay, we are. We aren’t. I’m a lesbian.’ I’m just trying to keep something.  If people started asking me if I was dating Taylor, I’d be like ‘F–off!’  I would answer the exact same way.”  (Well said.  She’s right.)

On her current hair:  ”I think it’s ridiculous that you need to look a certain way to be conventionally pretty, but now that my hair’s grown out and shaggy, it sort of looks a little funny. I’ll admit that.”  (Except when you pin it up like you did yesterday, then it’s super cute.  See photo.)

On who is more athletic, her or Rob: “I’m definitely claiming that one. Rob can barely jump rope. I call him Flippy because when he does his stunt rehearsals, he flips around [makes a gesture like a penguin]. And, God, when he tries to run …”

On who is a better musician, her or Rob:  ”Rob. He’s a great singer. Heartbreaking.”  (I like this one because she’s actually admitting a little bit that she gets it.  She gets why we’re all in love with him.  Thanks for that.)

On cats:  ”With cats, you’re like, ‘Come here!’ And they’re standing there being like, ‘Fuck you!’”  (It’s true.  My sister’s cat says “Fuck you!” to me all the time.)

On menswear:  ”I think it’s sexy when chicks wear black slouchy trousers — fitted, but slouchy. I look at designer clothes on Rob and I’m like, ‘I want those pants, man.’”  (We all want in Rob’s pants, Kristen.  Duh.  Oh wait, you want his actual pants??  Nevermind then.)

On what she would do if nobody could see her:  ”I’d go for a walk.”  (Um, I would like to interject here.  The reason you can’t go for a walk is because of where you are.  I just got back from taking my dog for a walk.  I guarantee you that if you were walking right next to me, nobody in my neighborhood would even notice.  Just take a drive out to the suburbs, pick a neighborhood, get out of your car, and walk.  OR you could go to the woods.  Here in the Pacific Northwest, we are known for our beautiful forests, I’m pretty sure if you went on a hike you wouldn’t be bothered.  Problem solved!)

And my favorite, on the skirt she wore to the Teen Choice Awards (see below):  ”Everyone was like, ‘Look at your spiky skirt!’  And I was like, ‘Spiky skirt?  They were bullets, mofo!’”   (Haha, mofo…. she’s so funny.)

Check this out, mofos!

Now as always, written articles means we cannot necessarily believe every word that we read.  We must remember that anybody can twist anyone else’s words around to convey a certain image and no one will every know the difference.  But… at the same time, there’s no way any of us are ever going to know the real Kristen, so what other choice do we have than to just believe what we read, right?  (Well, maybe not, but today it’s just easier this way.  Everyone just go with it.)

This is where I wanted to go into some of the videos I’ve watched today from the press junket, but this post is getting pretty long, so I won’t go into specifics.  What I will say is that this time around she seems a bit more sure of herself.  She seems less-nervous, more mature, and very passionate about New Moon.  It’s good to see.  I’m happy for her.   And I love her hair, makeup, dress, and shoes.  This is starting to sounds a little creepy, I think I better wrap this up.

He wants to be your friend.

So now that we’ve all decided that we love her, I would quickly like to take this opportunity to speak to Kristen directly.  Kristen, word on the street is that sometimes you Google yourself, which means that there is a teeny-tiny chance that you could read this.  So, if you are reading this and have read this far, I want to talk about an upcoming event in your life.  Not the New Moon premiere or some crazy Twifan party, I’m talking about your scheduled appearance on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon on November 18th.  I know you have to do a bajillion appearances and interviews this month and by that point you’ll probably be bored out of your mind and lacking sleep and wishing you could just be alone for one second and all that… BUT Jimmy’s show is different.  Jimmy is cute and sweet and giggly and basically a 10-year-old boy who likes to get his guests to play little kid and/or drinking games with him.  DO IT.  You may feel a little silly, but you and Jimmy playing Hungry Hungry Hippos blindfolded sounds like good times to me.  I would very much like to see something like that, so please sit back, relax, and allow the power of Jimmy’s giggly grins to break down some of those walls that you have very understandably put up for the media world.  (And if he asks you to help him out with a Robert is Bothered video, DO IT.  We will all be your best friends forever.)  Thank you for your time.

Well, that’s all for now.  I’m really hoping that I can come back in a couple of weeks and talk more about how much I love Kristen Stewart.  Fingers crossed!  I’m off to reread some New Moon!!!

P.S.  The internet is exploding with New Moon mania right now, so take a look around.  Don’t be overwhelmed, I know there’s a lot, but just dive right in.  Here’s what I was looking at when I wrote this:

Harper’s Bazaar

Billy Burke video

Entertainment Weekly

Vanity Fair

Planquez vos enfants ! Miley Cyrus n’est pas loin. En effet, il semblerait que l’interprète d’Hannah Montana ait quelques soucis… de réputation.

Selon un sondage réalisé par AOL, Miley Cyrus est la star qui a la plus mauvaise influence à 42%, très loin devant Britney Spears et Kanye West. ¨

Mais qu’a fait Miley pour mériter un tel sort ? Il semblerait que sa prestation de pole dance aux Teen Choice Awards ait fortement déplu aux parents américains, ce qui exaspère son père Billy Ray. Il affirme que sa fille n’a pour seul but que de divertir les gens.

Certes mais les enfants ont-ils besoin d’un tel divertissement ? Ceci étant, ils verront toujours bien pire à la télé. Sacrée Amérique puritaine !

Who knew Jesse McCartney was such a polyglot?

And the award for douche-song of the year goes to “Body Language.” It was a close race. Any year that also includes such aural gems like ”Birthday Sex” or a new release by Heidi Montag is a full year of possible contenders. And I’m aware that declaring this the winner with another two and a half months to go before the end of the calendar year is perhaps short sighted of me. However, from the time that I became aware of its existence several months ago through today when I finally saw the video for it I have been whole heartedly convinced that white boy’s tribute to the female form is the douche-iest of them all. Well done home skillet.

I first became aware of the song while watching clips several months ago from the Nelson Mandela 91st birthday celebration at Radio City Music Hall. I’m still not exactly sure what the connection was between the two. The man whose name is synonymous with fighting to end racial segregation and the white boy whose name is synonymous with… well… what exactly? Possibly sleeping with Aubrey O’Day? A concert that contained Wyclef, Aretha, Stevie, Carla Bruni (white girl’s allowed), as well as Alicia Keys, Queen Latifah and Josh Groban. Ok, a curious mix of folk. But then Pretty Boy comes to the stage to sing to songs: “How do you Sleep” and “Body Language.” I’m not exactly sure what it had to do with the man of the hour, but then again I’m baffled why Latifah was rocking out to “Cue the Rain” (secret confession: I actually have had more than one dance party of one to that song…).

So the young master McCartney announces to the audience before his final song that he is floored by performing at Radio City. But lest one think that he is completely obvlious to the potential wtf-ery of his pressence, he provided the following pre-song announcement/sentiment. “He has not only inspired those of his contemporary but Nelson Mandella is clearly, at least for me, a multigenerational inspiration. I’m 22 years old and I’m here for the, I’m here for the youth, I’m here for the youth of the world.” He’s here for the youth of the world? Yikes… The sparkly silver tie alone should negate him from being a representative of any major age-based group. And then cue “Body Language” performance, complete with backing by middle-aged African choir. Amazing, for all the wrong reasons.

So it’s a song about a girl’s ass, right? An ass that makes him want to say “Hey-ey-ey. Hey-ey-ey. Hey-ey-ey.” Maybe that’s why he struggles with the other languages: he’s still struggling with complex thought in English.

Before tackling the video, let’s consider the lyrics. “Parlez vous francais? Konichiwa, come and move it my way. Hey little chica from Guadaloupe, that thing you got behind you is amazing.” The series of statements, regardless of ridiculousness of them seem to necessarily negate the subsequent statement of “Now I don’t speak Spanish, Japanese or French.” Um, sir, you just did. Although I will conceded that chica + Guadaloupe do not a native Castillian speaker produce. But alas, I digress. Particularly since it doesn’t matter since “the way her body’s talking definitely makes sense.” Ok, fair enough. The ho walk is an international language, I suppose. Particularly if she’s going to break it down “articulately.”

Maybe I’m being too harsh. I mean, it is a pop song. Why have depth in lyrics? Oh right: because as is, the song makes you sonld like a douchebag. Also, can we declare a moritorium on white youth using the word “Shorty” as a term of endearment towards another? Even if she is “the hottest girl of the year.” Which, come to think of it, what kind of title is that? Is that like People’s Magazine “Most Beautiful People” issue? Where suddenly the winner one year is no longer the winner the next year, because their pretty quotient has gone down? Is there a trophy for being hottest girl of the year? Maybe a surfboard like at the Teen Choice Awards? Or is it just a venereal disease that one gets instead? Changing topics quickly…

So that brings me to the Nappy Boy/Pretty Boy collaboration.  I often wonder: is there a contest every year for who can have the most number of collaborations? Do T-Pain, Lil Wayne, and Kanye get together and battle it out? Do they play Kings with Crunk Juice? In terms of the first two, “Can’t Believe It” is a fantastic song and an even more amazing video. And the “Lollipop” was ridiculous fun. I’ve already established my love for Wayne. In terms of T-Pain, once he was on a boat, there was much love (few people can sing about Poseidon convincingly).

I’m not sure why T-Pain was needed for Mr. McCartney’s song though. When he used Ludacris, there was a reason: there was a separate verse, and the talent was not wasted. Also, in the video for “How do you Sleep,” it was pretty badass to see Luda mounting two cars (because he likes to mix it up that way) and basically driving JMC to the background. In this case, though, wasted talent. A bridge in a song does not merit Nappy Boy’s presence. Especially for a song about trampy white girls and the white pseudo-r&b pop singers who love them. And with that, I turn to the video.

I’m over the whole backstage concert footage music video thing . It was never exciting, except for the handful of audience members who make the cut for the crowd scenes. And I’m sure even they after a while hate seeing themselves forever archived on VH1 with poor concert attire chioces a decade after the fact. For “Body Langauge” though, it’s as if the director couldn’t decided what kind of video he wanted. Performance scenes with horizontal streaming blue light: check. Concert footage: check. Backstage shenanigans and a day at an amusement park: check. Recording studio shots: check. Strange sneaker fetish shots: check. Girl wandering the beack in a green bikini and unwashed hair: check. It’s this last part that is perhaps most confusing. Not because it is simply one more element in the melange of ideas that created said music video. No, it’s because it seems as though the casting director missed the point of the song: it’s about a girl about whom it could be said “that thing you got behind you is amazing” (complete with full arm rotation ending in an ok hand gesture).  Sadly home girl’s not working with that much in the trunk. Nothing’s shaking. Nothing’s grinding. Nothing’s banging like a speakerbox. She’s staring whistfully out at the water hoping that her anerexic hip bones won’t crumble under the pressure of supporting herself upright. It’s hard to imagine that she’d make anyone want to say “Hey” let along a mutli-syllabic inflected form of it. And for future reference: ankle bracelet = downgrade.

But what do I know. I do speak French.

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