I’m having a fat week.  And I don’t like it at all.  There is nothing worse then waking up one morning and feeling like crap about your self with no quick fix in sight.  This happens to me once a month for reasons I’ll let you figure out on your own and it sucks.  For one sad week, I hide myself in larger than usual sweats and covet the good looks of the people on TV, in magazines and worst of all my own friends…trust me, it’s a curse to be friends with all hot chicks.  Nothing can give you a complex faster than surrounding yourself with really good looking girlfriends.

Laying by the pool with my girl Renee makes me feel like Carnie Wilson in the "Hold On" video

Anyhow, this week, I am refusing togive in to bloating and neurosis and wasting all week wishing I was someone else. Instead, I decided I’d feel better about myself if I made a list of people I wouldn’t want to be. People whose shoes I have no interest in walking in no matter how expensive they are. Here it goes…..

Teri Hatcher….sure she’s gotten to work with Superman, Seinfeld and Tango & Cash and I’m sure that’s been swell, but how embarrassed and just sort of grossed out must she feel about that hunk of trash, Jaimee Grubbs, telling the world that she and Tiger Woods watched Desperate Housewives together only because Tiger’s friend Teri Hatcher is on the show.  Ick!  If I were Teri, I would have to deny any so called friendship with the world’s horniest golfer.

Tiger? I don't know anyone named Tiger.

Amanda Knox….being a promiscuous American does not make you a murderer.  And in order to be found guilty, the prosecution needs to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the suspect committed the crime.  Apparently these same rules do not apply in Italy.  Too bad there isn’t a McCarthy & Winkelman office over there.  My dad would have had her cleared and free to eat pasta and be as trampy as she wanted in no time.

Gilbert Arenas…here’s this awesome athlete, a good lucking guy and apparently really super nice.  He mentors a young DC boy and gives tons of money to charity.  A real catch that Gilbert Arenas.  So why does his fiancé feel the need to cheat on him with Shaq?  EW!  Besides being a married father of six, he is also kind of a big doofy guy. Shaq has none of the grace of Arenas.  I mean, I know he played a genie in that movie Kazaam, but he’s not really magic. And once your girl cheated on you with Shaq would you ever want to touch her again?  Yuck.  Poor Arenas deserves better.  And so does Shaunie O’Neal for that matter.

I thought better of you Shaq. Boo!

Adults who feature themselves on Christmas Cards sent to my house….my kids and I love getting photo Christmas cards from all the children we know.  My husband loves it when the photos include pictures of their parents who he then makes horrible fun of.  Sometimes in the middle of watching a rough sporting event on tv, he’ll get up and walk over to the wall where the Christmas card photos are hanging and laugh outloud.  It’s a nice release for him but I wouldn’t want people laughing at my picture like that.  Especially this week when I feel fat.  Thank God I just featured my kids on our card!

I don't even know where to begin making fun of this one.

Brian Dunkelman….at one time he was a stand up comic and Ryan Seacrest was a DJ.  Now Dunkelman is no one and Seacrest rules the world.  Nothing could possibly feel worse.

Kristin Stewart….because she never looks happy.  She’s this huge movie star who is supposedly dating Robert Pattinson who every teenage girl on the planet thinks is just the hottest vampire in town (I know I’m old because I just think he looks dirty) and the girl still looks incredibly cranky all the time.  What’s the point of having all your dreams come true if you’re going to walk around with a pole stuck up your ass?

OJ Simpson….cause it must really suck to fall from glory in such a terrible way that the only kind of future you have ahead of you is the eternity you will no doubt spend in the ninth circle of hell.  It sucks when people piss you off, but you can’t just go cutting their heads off, asshole.

OJ Simpson - not a Jew. And he's also not Irish Catholic - phew!

So there we have it.   At least seven people I wouldn’t want to be.   And there are more.  Trust me.  I have it pretty good. And every other week of the month, I look like it.

from Haikougar by Brian P. McGackin

Cougar seduction
is not to be attempted
by the weekend flirt.

A strong commitment
is necessary to bag
a fine specimen.

Wingmen, normally
helpful, are discourage, since
they scare away prey.

The first step is to
determine the hunting grounds
in your area.

Once you’ve discovered
your cougar den, be patient:
wait for the right one.

And by “the right one”
I mean the hottest bitch you
can possibly find.

Age, intelligence,
nationality—none of
that dumb shit matters.

Ann Coulter is a
right-wing conservative nut,
but I’d still do her.

You must put away
these trivial thoughts if you
want to cougar hunt.

If you HAVE to know
her age, ask her where she was
when Kennedy died.

Hopefully she says,
“I was just a baby then,”
or “Wasn’t born yet.”

Teri Hatcher is
the perfect cougar: still hot,
born in ’64.

She’s just old enough
to be labeled a cougar,
but still looks damn good.

The older they are
the hotter they have to be
(or don’t tell your friends).

A cougar over
sixty is fine, as long as
she’s Helen Mirren.

Otherwise, don’t waste
your time, ‘cus seriously,
that’s fucking gross, man.

WORD

phlegmatic [fleg-mat-ik] adj. 1. not easily excited to action or display of emotion; apathetic; sluggish 2. self-possessed, calm, or composed 3. of the nature of or abounding in the humor phlegm

BIRTHDAY

Horace (65 BC), Mary Queen of Scots (1542), William C. Durant (1861), Diego Rivera (1886), Sammy Davis Jr. (1925), Jimmy Smith (1925), Flip Wilson (1933), David Carradine (1936), Jim Morrison (1943), Gregg Allman (1947), Gérard Blanc (1947), Bill Bryson (1951), Kim Basinger (1953), Roy Firestone (1953), Sam Kinison (1953), Ann Coulter (1961), Greg Howe (1963), Teri Hatcher (1964), Sinéad O’Connor (1966), Dominic Monaghan (1976)

STANDPOINT

Last night, I watched Allen Iverson’s triumphant return to the Philadelphia 76ers. OK. Well. I watched about 15 minutes of it until I turned on the ultimately disappointing Flyers-Canadiens game.

But, arguably, I watched the most important part of the Sixers-Nuggets game: the introductory hoopla. Philadelphia, a city that three years ago was collectively shoving Iverson out of town, welcomed him home like no one ever wanted him to go anywhere.

The Wachovia Center was sold-out for a basketball game for the first time this year. Actually, the entire crowd last night almost doubled the total sum of the first eight home games. The starting lineup announcements were conducted in a way a 5-15 team, under any other circumstances, could never gotten away with. After being introduced, Iverson ran out to the 76ers logo at half-court, kneeled down and kissed it. (The crowd cheered like that was totally normal.) 

Iverson seemed truly happy. And I, for one, was truly happy for him. I never disliked the guy. I was always in his corner and have been a huge supporter of his return to Philadelphia.

I’ve had about 349 conversations about Iverson since he left town. Each and every time, I was told I was wrong. He was a poison. He was a selfish player. He was a thug. He had to go.

While I never subscribed the above statements, I always granted them creedence. I figured everyone hated Iverson because he was an asshole. Also, I was pretty sure I liked him for the same exact reason.

What I’m having trouble digesting is why,all of a sudden, everyone gives a shit about (a) the Sixers, and (b) Iverson himself.

I need to collect my thoughts on this one. TO BE CONTINUED.

In the meantime, what’s your take?  

QUOTATION

I used to be friends with Miles Davis. He didn’t like many folks. I lived across the street from him. He would call me up sometimes — “I got some fish I wanna cook up for ya.” I went up there, and he was on a couch, looking out the window. He was just rapt. I said, “What’re you watching, Miles?” He said, “The traffic. Where are all these motherfuckers goin’?” → Rip Torn

TUNE

In the interest of getting to know someone better, I’ve recently been exposed to more Belle and Sebastian. I was told by that someone “Get Me Away From Here, I’m Dying” is the band’s best song. Turned out to be the truth.

GALLIMAUFRY

→ After being complete cocks about music piracy and crying about how much money they were losing, it turns out the major record labels (Warner, Sony BMG, EMI and Universal) have been doing a little looting of their own. Justice? Maybe. Well, probably.   

→ While I’m of the opinion most people are complete dolts and unknowingly ruining society, there’s an awful, evil flipside. It appears there are enough smart individuals out there doing what they can to not be outdone by the morons. Case in point? This whole Miranda nonsense in The Supreme Court.

→ While I love to point out the inane crap dominating the media these days, I have an actual pleasure when I read some genuinely good news. Drunk driving deaths in the US are, statistically, on a downward turn. Good job, nitwits. I’m pleased some of you might be coming to your senses.

[Speaking of animated movies you shouldn't miss, here's another one I missed to review...]

Coraline is the newest stop-motion animation movie by Henry Selick, based on Neil Gaiman’s book [which I reviewed here] and starring the voices of Dakota Fanning, Teri Hatcher, John Hodgman, Jennifer Saunders, Dawn French, Keith David and Robert Bailey Jr.

Plot:
Coraline Jones (Dakota Fanning) moves with her parents (Teri Hatcher, John Hodgman) to a new house. Her parents are always busy so Coraline is left to explore things alone. One day she discovers a hidden door in her house and when she goes through, she meets her Other Mother, who is everything a child could hope for. But her Other Mother has buttons for her eyes. She wants Coraline to stay, but for that, Coraline will need to give up her eyes as well…

Coraline is a wonderful book and the world Henry Selick created from it is beautiful and absolutely amazing. There were some changes made from the book I didn’t understand but other than that I have nothing to complain about.

[SPOILERS]

The design of this film is absolutely amazing. Not only the puppets, who are wonderful in themselves, but the whole world. Starting with the tunnel that leads from world to the other to the garden the Other Father creates. There are so many details… it’s awe-inspiring.

I saw it in 3D (that also means I saw it in German, so I won’t be commenting on the performances*) and that was wonderfully done as well. I think it really adds to the experience to watch it in 3D. [Not true for all 3D movies out there - Beowulf will stay ridiculous no matter how many Ds.] 

Now to the things I didn’t like that much. Most have to do with the changes from the book. First of all, I don’t understand the character of Wybie. Why’s he there? What’s he good for? Apart from the fact that he rescues Coraline in the end, something she was perfectly capable of doing on her own in the book. Is it really so necessary to have a boy save a girl in any movie that we create characters for that now?

Second, and this is just a minor detail, but the whole Mr. Bobinsky loves beetroots thing? Pretty offensive. And completely unnecessary.

A change from the book that I didn’t mind was the whole Other Mother is a spider thing. It was so incredibly well done and fit the character of the Other Mother that it seems the only logical step.

Summarising, it’s a must see, not only for Gaiman or Selick fans, but for everybody.

—

*Just let me say this about the German version: I was really surprised that they left two words untranslated: the first was “stalker” (which we do use in German but I wouldn’t have expected it to stay in a kids’ movie) and the second “nerd”… and nerd is not common slang in Austria (and I don’t think in Germany either). We’d probably say “Streber” which is the closest translation I can think of. But here, they decided to go with nerd. A sign that Austrians grow more bilingual (German and German-English)?

There is a killer walking among the residents of Fairview and apparently, he’s not finished.

First Julie was attacked, now Emily, the coffee shop girl, is dead. Could it really be anyone besides one of the Bolens? I think if it were Nick, they’re making it too obvious. I’m guessing another Bolen should be suspected. Nick tells Angie that he was Emily’s last customer. He wants to run again, but she seems to think they have enough luck to get through it. Maybe what they need is a miracle, not luck.

“If someone really wants to get you, they can get you,” says Julie, who is, understandably, super freaked out. She is afraid her attacker is going to follow her if she goes somewhere so she switches cars with Carl. This ends up being a giant problem when Susan sees Julie’s car outside some sleazy motel. She assumes Julie is in their with Nick. She is ready to break down the door until she peaks through the window and sees Bree and Carl.

photo courtesy of fanpop.com

The ladies go to a self-defense class. Susan chooses to tell Bree that she knows about the affair while she has Bree in a headlock. Bree tells Susan she is willing to stop being friends with Susan if she has to to be with Carl and storms out. Susan has Bree and Carl over to give Bree the “Carl facts.” She really doesn’t seem to care how awful he was to Susan and says she will trust him because she loves him. Loves him? That’s the first time that phrase pops out. Susan gets over her anger really quickly and gives them her blessing.

As a part of Bree and Carl’s plot to get Bree a divorce from Orson, Bree visits a “friend” of Orson’s (a.k.a. flossy’s) from the inside. Bree pays him $600 to come talk to Orson so that he would violate his parole and Bree could blackmail him into a divorce. The convict comes, so we’ll see next week how this plays out.

Danny tells Julie that he knows about the affair between her and his dad. Oddly, he still wants to be with her. She flat-out tells him that’s just weird and it’s never going to happen. Next we see, Danny’s passed out on his bed with an empty bottle of pills. He regains consciousness in the hospital, but wakes up telling Mona, their neighbor/nurse, that his real name is Tyler. Huh?

photo courtesy of tvovermind.com

It’s war between the Scavo’s and Solis’. Carlos keeps trying to push Lynette out by throwing her a goodbye party and moving her office to a supply closet. Gaby and Carlos decide to let up and call a truce just as Lynette’s lawyer serves Carlos papers letting him know Lynette is suing them. Truce is over, war is on. Carlos gives Lynette an impossible assignment to complete in a night and fires her when she doesn’t complete it. She warns him she is not going quietly.

We learn a couple new facts about the Bolen’s tonight, but nothings perfectly pieced together yet. Angie murdered someone. Nick and Angie met with “the others” on November 10th, 1991 and after that night they became invisible for 18 years. Angie has a reason to run, but Nick didn’t have to. Nick called the feds which pisses Angie off because now they know they’re still alive.

photo courtesy of tvovermind.com

photo courtesy of tvovermind.com

Katherine has reached a new level of crazy. First she tells MJ that his mom is a bad person because she stole Mike from her and she’s is not getting any younger and it’s hard to meet men. Okay, that’s a little comical. Mike warns Katherine if she talks to MJ one more time she will “know what he’s capable of.” Katherine makes the mistake of picking up MJ from a birthday party and bringing him to her house. She tells Mike that MJ deserves to know the truth and that Susan is a bad person. Mike retaliates. Really retaliates. He tells Katherine that throughout their whole relationship all he thought about was Susan. Every time they were ever together he was always wishing it was Susan. Holy freakin crap. Katherine hold a knife up to her neck and tells him to kill her, it would hurt less. Of course Mike doesn’t, he leaves. Katherine proceeds to call 911 and stab herself. I don’t know if she wants people to think she attempted suicide and feel sorry for her, or if she is going to try to frame Mike, or what.

Next week promises to be the most explosive episode of the season. It’s the holiday’s – Susan comes up with a plan to help Katherine, Bree and Orson come to an agreement and a plane crashes on Wisteria Lane.

Watch The Full Episode Here

Must Not See TV

One of the first cliches they teach you to rid yourself of at all costs in Journalism 101 is to never begin a column with the dictionary definition of a word. It’s hack, it’s played out and almost as unoriginal as opening with a quote from Bartlett’s.

That said, I would be remiss not to start things off by pointing out that I commented to co-workers at the bookstore I work at that “going rogue” would make an ideal sexual euphemism. Yep, you guessed it: somebody else already stepped on my punchline.

As I’ve stated before in previous posts, I work selling books and coffee for a chain that rhymes with Barnes & Noble. (Shhh!) One of the many curious things that happened the day Sarah Palin’s biography was released was that we got a call or two about two separate parodies with the same title: “Going Rouge.” One is a coloring book, one is not. Both look hilarious in their own right; great title either way. What made this interesting to me personally is that it was impossible for us to order these books. One might even go so far as to posit this was done on purpose.

Which isn’t that paranoid a thought to think, believe it or not. After all, this is sadly not a tactic even confined to the right wing side of the political spectrum. I distinctly recall not being able to place any orders for Al Franken backstock after he secured the DFL nomination for Minnesota Senator. Being a fan of Franken’s comedy, this was more than a tad disheartening. That is the sort of cowardly behavior I would expect of pathetic Ann Coulter types.

And speaking of complete idiots, I wrestle now with the notion that even discussing Sarah Palin gives her more legitimacy than she actually deserves. Like my Mom always said: if you ignore them long enough they’ll leave you alone. After all, that’s the same rationale Richard Dawkins and Stephen Jay Gould employed by making the formal decision to never formally debate a creationist/intelligent designer. The more attention is paid to Palin, the more it appears she has something valid to contribute to political discourse. And IMOHO, she simply doesn’t have what it takes for heavy intellectual lifting.

But upon serious reflection, this is simply too juicy to ignore. The comedic possibilities are literally endless. It gets better every day. I’d stop just short of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson’s famous proclamation that it’s “better than sex.” Certainly not better than “going rogue.”

*rimshot*

I am he as you are he as you are me

It’s like you’re standing outside a fancy steakhouse just staring into the window, hungrily licking your chops while holding a pink slip and the personification of everything you believe is wrong with America offers you their leftovers. What’s a man to do, provided he’s not a vegetarian of course?  And where the hell is this nonsensical metaphor heading, you may ask? It’s leading you to news that the same man responsible for a quickie Palin election season parody helped edit her book. I mean, c’mon people! How in the Sam Hell did that happen? And why was I not contacted first? *sigh*

Now I realize it’s 100% unfair to automatically assume that if some of the people responsible for the book happening are unapologetic racists, that makes the Palin constituency automatically closet racists by proxy. That’s not the claim I’m trying to make here, not in the least. Hell, I’m sure a certain amount of hard core racists held their nose and voted for Barack Obama last November.  But the amount of backpedaling and censoring and video-taking-down and lawsuit-filing and such does make you wonder if these nagging allegations are substantive after all.

Credit DitchWalk for asking the question no one else seems to have the necessary cojones to ask: did Palin actually write any of this? Seriously, aside from submitting all the gory hunting party photos she happily posed in, what credit can she take for any of this?

Who cares, right? We’re pretty sure Teri Hatcher wrote hers and anything is better than that. I’d rather plod through Japanese stereo instructions than suffer through that that festering bowl of dog snot.

Wrong. Dead wrong with your Devil’s Advocate argument, dude.

It cheapens the definition of “truthiness” but that’s a boring barroom philosopher exercise. More importantly, it cheapens what I’m doing right now: writing.  The reason why my Journalism degree is worthless, the reason why the media industry has all but collapsed, the reason why I work 5 part time jobs without health care…it’s all because nobody’s figured out how to get paid to write after the Interweb Tubez up and changed the game. (With the noticeable exception of Vice.) If you say writing doesn’t count, it won’t count. If you say writing is a more of a hobby than a “real” job, than it will stay a hobby. If you believe writing doesn’t matter, it won’t matter. And where does that get us as a culture? Writing blogs no one reads, just another lonely dreamer’s voice in the wilderness that will never properly be heard.

Wow, that got a lot heavier than I originally intended. Sorry about that, everybody.

Schizopolis 4-Evah

Per usual, FunnyOrDie is THE clearinghouse to visit if you really want to beat a dead meme horse into the ground with a minimal amount of effort. My three current favorite Palin parodies are as follows:

1. Pageant tape with snarky MST3K commentary.
2. The Sarah Palin Show, with very special guest Sarah Palin. Only on Fox!
3. Godwin’s Law states, as we all hopefully know by now, that any position of strength is immediately negated the nanosecond you play the Hitler card. However, this sly spoof on the amazing-in-it’s-own-right 2004 German film “Downfall” is for the win, as the kids say nowadays.

No, I'm Spartacus!

In other news: the rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated. Also, apparently treating white kids like they are black kids works about as well as asking men to pretend to feel what it’s like to be a woman. Let’s see, what else? Oh yeah, my bio-fuels project is apparently moving along swimmingly. And in case you were looking for inarguably the worst commercial of all time, I already went to the trouble of finding it for you so you didn’t have to. But hey, things could always be worse: you could have gotten called onto the carpet to explain why exactly you green-lighted this bad boy to everyone in corporate.

This just in: Kanye West is a gay fish. Which is way better than Mormon vampire teen romance novels any old day of the week.

I’m out like Seacrest.

MIÉRCOLES 25 DE NOVIEMBRE

CANAL SONY, 22:00 hrs

SKY 202, CABLEVISIÓN 212

Danny Feld/ABC

Gaby se encuentra con John Rowland (Jesse Metcalfe); Bree considera tomarse un fin de semana con Karl.

Lynette y Tom le dicen a sus hijos que ella está embarazada y Susan sospecha del de Danny, el hijo de Angie.

Today on Alphabet City:  Jon Paul makes a pass at a pop-star’s husband. Guest stars: Gloria Estefan, Teri Hatcher.

Thank God for Publicists.  PR professionals enjoyed Even Jesus Had a Publicist enough to catapult that post’s popularity ahead of the two sex-related stories One Night in Bangkok and Hello, Meat Grindr.  Until then, I was beginning to think that only the most prurient details of my life might be enticing to readers.

As a relative newbie to the blogosphere, I wasn’t aware of how much global traffic would be driven to a relatively innocent story about a gay bathhouse in Bangkok.  Hopefully, the readers from Taiwan, Bangladesh, Mumbai, Russia and the Middle East who found Alphabet City by googling “Bangkok massage” enjoyed some of the tamer episodes.

It’s not just the Internet where sex seems to be a connector.  Live sex tales seem to be popular as well as I discovered on Thursday night when I headed back to one of The Moth’s storytelling nights.  Having learned from my disappointing experience in Like Moths to a Flame, this time my friend Shannon and I stood in line outside SoHo’s Housing Works Bookstore & Café starting at 6pm for doors that opened at 7pm.  Theme of the night was “Lost”—and I don’t mean the TV show.  The host of the night, author Dan Kennedy, began the show by saying, “I don’t know why we bother to give the night a theme, because somehow you will turn it into a story about sex.”

And 4 out of 5 storytellers agreed—the first ones up all related their tales to something sexual.  First up was a guy who lusted after his friend’s girlfriend, followed by the guy who last week nearly caused a riot outside Nuyorican Poets Café with his vigilante storytelling.  He spun a tale of unrequited love/sex in the aisles of a Virginia Food Lion.  Then there was a zany story of a religious cult leader deflowering the storyteller when she was 14.  Although intriguing, her tale was much longer than required 5 minutes and at one point included the line “to make a long story short…”  Isn’t that generally the point of time limits and editing?  And I’m still not sure what to make of the nut case whose story included a long riff on the power of being a virus in the Matrix (originality?), and a ski trip to Aspen with a cougar girlfriend whom he volunteers to have sex with an actor/author with whom I was not familiar.  He ended with a lecture about how friends hold you back.  In this case, I wish they had.

While the night was odd, I’m glad I went because now I have a clear strategy.  The next Moth StorySlam theme is “Nerve,” and I was thinking about telling the Whoopi Goldberg Oscar story—I had the “nerve” to pick it up.  But now I’m rethinking.  Maybe a story with a little bit of a sexual angle—like the time I had the nerve to make a pass at Gloria Estefan’s husband while escorting Teri Hatcher to VH-1’s Divas Live.  CLICK HERE to enjoy this excerpt from Alphabet City’s Episode 6: Sex in the City and let me know what you think.

Tras el último capítulo de “Cinco Hermanos” (Brothers & Sisters) Fox emitió anoche el primero de la sexta temporada de “Mujeres Desesperadas” (Desperate Housewives) que no pasará a la historia por ser el mejor, me reí con algunos comentarios, sobre todo con la señora McCluskey (qué grande es Kathryn Joosten), pero como que nos espera más y más de lo mismo. Y es que, aunque siga la serie desde el principio, lo cierto es que en la segunda temporada se estancó, con una entrega bastante mala de la que se supo reponer gracias a unos buenos capítulos en la tercera y sucesivas.

Así, ya se nos ha desvelado quién es la “nueva” señora Delfino. Aposté por Katherine (Dana Delany) pero no, vuelve a ser Susan (¿qué le ha pasado a Teri Hatcher en la cara?) mientras la primera parece sufrir un brote psicótico. Claro que, como ya no está Edie (Nicolette Sheridan), con alguien tendrá que discutir Susan y no será con su hija Julie (Andrea Bowen) que ha vuelto a Wisteria Lane aunque parece que por poco tiempo porque el capítulo acabó con el vecino estrangulándola.

¿Qué vecino? Pues el hijo de los nuevos (por altura no era el padre) que también deben guardar un oscuro secreto, como todos los que acaban viviendo en esa calle. Por eso es por lo que se repiten como el ajo. Encima han tenido la brillante idea de hacer que Lynnette (Felicity Huffman) se quede embarazada una vez más, pobre mujer ¿para qué quiere más hijos si los que tiene ni aparecen? Encima gemelos. Y Bree (Marcia Cross) sigue liada con el ex de Susan (Richard Burgi) y a Orson (Kyle McLachlan) le han reducido su papel a más no poder.

Me falta Gaby (Eva Longoria), ella y Carlos siguen felices tras haber vuelto a llevar una vida más o menos acomodada con sus hijas y la sobrina de él, que le ha declarado la guerra a Gabrielle que parece que sólo quiere protegerla. Veremos que se cuece

Mucho hemos estado esperando en España para tener una reunión de estas características, y por fin parece que nuestras suplicas se han cumplido. Entre los días 19 y 22 de noviembre arranca en Madrid lo que se ha llamado el “I Festival de Series Madrid 09”.

Digital + junto a Canal + y mucho de los canales de pago (AXN, Calle 13, FOX, Paramount Comedy, Sci fi y TNT) son los encargados de poner en marcha este festival que tendrá lugar en el Circulo de Bellas Artes de Madrid (calle Alcalá 42).

Con el lema “loco por las series” nace este festival, cuyo fin es crear un espacio de encuentro con lo mejor de la pequeña pantalla. Nace como referente para futuros certámenes de público general y más profesional en este sector concreto. Entre las actividades que se llevaran a cabo destacan el visionado de series internacional, talleres, debates, mesas redondas, invitados nacionales e internacionales de series televisivas. Todo ello amenizado con espacios dedicados y decorados de series, así como concursos y premios, y una tienda especializada donde adquirir objetos de tus series favoritas.

Entre las series de estreno que podremos ver estos cuatro días destacan “V”, “Trauma”, “Warehouse 13” o la nueva serie de Courteney Cox (Mónica en “Friends”) “Courgan Town”. Pero también contaremos con las nuevas temporadas de “Mad Men” (3º), “True Blood” o en español Sangre Fresca (2º), “Breaking Bad” (2º), “The Closer” (5º), “Heroes” (4º), “Being Erica” (2º) o “Los Tudor” (3º). Completaran el espectáculo de producciones, o maratones de series como “The Beast” (La bestia) o la nueva serie estrella “Flash Forward”.

No sé cómo les saldrá este primer festival dedicado al mundo de las series, pero siendo como soy un gran aficionado a ello, al menos me dejare caer por este emblemático lugar que seguro que tiene mucho que percibir. ¿Alguien más se anima?

CANAL SONY MIÉRCOLES 11 NOVIEMBRE

22:00 HRS SKY 202, CABLEVISIÓN 212

¿Dónde nos quedamos? El sangriento plan de Dave lo llevó a un final inesperado. Pasaron 6 meses y vemos una boda en la cual Mike Delfino se casa… pero con quién? ¿Katherine o Susan?

Bree y Karl tienen altercados legales con Orson y sexuales entre ellos. Lynette descubre que está embarazada de gemelos y Gaby tiene un nuevo niño que cuidar: su sobrina precoz de 16 años, Ana.

¿Qué sigue? Andrea Bowen, quien hace el papel de Julie, la hija de Susan, regresa como parte del elenco de tiempo completo y el gran misterio de esta temporada es acerca de ella y la relación que tiene con la nueva familia de Wisteria Lane, quienes estarán en un matriarcado estelarizado por Drea de Matteo

Ron Tom/ABC

En este inicio de la 6ta temporada conoceremos a la esposa de Mike Delfino, Lynette deberá de enfrentarse o otro embarazo, Bree intentará zafarse de Orson y sus inhibiciones. La sobrina adolescente de Carlos se muda con ellos y una nueva familia llega a Wisteria Lane con un obscuro pasado.

Teri Hatcher se declarou super fã de Glee, mas ganhou o posto de fã #2 pq o #1 sou eu neam? Fato!
Ela encontrou com o elenco em NY e aproveitou para se declarar para todos eles porém…

Achei Teri um pouco animadeeenha para o lado do Puck hein? Sai pra lã!

Susan believes that Katherine attacked Julie because Angie put that idea in her head in last weeks episode. It would’ve made sense for Angie to say that if they were still considering Danny as their main suspect, but his name has been cleared. I have an inkling that she is covering up for someone else, say, Nick?

Moose and Susan (photo courtesy of abc.com)

The detective that offers to investigate Katherine, Denise Lapera, has an old bone to pick with Susan. In high school, Susan gave her the nickname moose and stole her boyfriend. Seriously, who holds a grudge like that for like 20 years? That’s just a tad pathetic moose.

Moose talks to Katherine and learns Katherine’s alibi – she was on the phone with her Dylan, her no-longer-existent-on-this-show daughter. While moose is talking to Katherine, she learns that Susan shot Katherine and since Susan failed to report it, she arrests Susan for her “closure.”

Angie cooks a 10,000 course meal for Bree and Orson in hopes of Bree hiring her. Initially Bree says no until a sausages and peppers crowd catering job for 500 pops up and Bree will only be hired if she makes some authentic Italian food. Bree feeds Angie a sob story about an Italian food loving, burn victim friend in hopes of getting Angie’s recipes. Angie gives them to her, but then catches Bree making them for an anniversary party. Well, Angie calls Bree a 2-faced condescending bitch who will never make a dime off of her dead grandmother. Bree apologizes to Angie and hires her and of course they have a little heart to heart. Angie tells Bree if there’s one thing she knows how to do is keep things to herself. With Bree and Angie, it’s tack vs. candid.

Gabby starts homeschooling Juanita and gets completely stressed out about it. The Solis’ new housekeeper, Ivana, stops cleaning and starts teaching. Gabby of course doesn’t fill in Carlos about this, so he fires Ivana. Eventually, Carlos says he’ll get Juanita a tutor because Gabby being her teacher is ruining their relationship. What I would like to know is, since when does Gabby do everything Carlos‘ way?

Julie confides in Lynette that it was Nick she was having the affair with after Lynette over hears them fighting. Julie says Nick loves her and wants her to take him back. Lynette tells Julie that she will handle Nick. Lynette talks to Nick, but he freaks out saying that Julie’s leading him on and if Lynette tells anyone about the affair, she’s the one who’s going to be sorry. This is when the light bulb goes off in Lynette’s head that Nick might have been the one that attacked Julie. Lynette tells Tom this and they confront Julie about it, but Julie not-so-convincingly says he would’ve never done it. Lynette and Tom report it to the police, we’ll see what they do about it in the next episode.

Nick Bolen (photo courtesy of tv fanatic)

This week we find out that Angie has known about her husbands affair for weeks. What we don’t know is how she found out. After Lynette and Tom reported Nick to the police, of course the cops wanted to talk to him but Angie lied and gave Nick an alibi saying that he was with her all night. Obviously, Nick doesn’t really have an alibi. Nick is starting to look pretty ding, dang, dong guilty. When Angie confronts Nick about the affair, she says that he can’t go anywhere and she can’t go anywhere so they have to get through this and she’s put him through a lot so he gets this one slip up and then she socks him. What is Angie referring to?

The moral of the story this week? The truth is, there is only so much you can learn from books. The only way to truly learn is from your mistakes.

My questions this week – where was Danny and Ana this episode and where has Cecilia been all season?

Next week – Gabby confesses sins and bribes a priest, someone is sleeping with someone, Susan and Katherine go to court and Gabby finds out that Lynette is pregers. I found the preview a bit confusing.

Watch the Full Episode Here

ABC’s Desperate Housewives

Ranya Batal

A Star-Studded Night For Celebrity Charity Work And An Evening Of Cool Jazz and R&B Live Musical Performances Highlights The First Annual Noble Awards

A long list of A-Celebs turned out for the red carpet affair and First Annual Noble Awards show at the Beverly Hilton Hotel, Beverly Hills. It was an event to honor celebs who have done noble work in charitable organizations. About a dozen charities handed out awards.  Morgan Freeman received a Lifetime Achievement. This year’s honorees, who attended to accept their award included Nancy O’Dell

One of the highlights of the first annual Noble Awards Monica – who’s not only a Grammy Giant, but has a hit show Still Standing on BET. It was the last live performance with a lasting impression:

Even under the weather Desperate Housewife Actress Teri Hatcher appeared to get her Noble for work with Childrens Hospital LA

Lionel Richie made it a family affair for his daughter Nicole Richie who attended with long time love Joel Madden

Jennifer Howell, Founder of The Art of Elysium, presented a Noble award to Joel Madden with Lionel Richie, Allison Beck and Stacey Price: “As both an artist and a father, Joel truly embodies a sincere passion for both music and children.

The awards were sculptured by Antonio Banderas the children at the Shriners Hospitals for Children with the guidance of The Art of Elysium volunteer/actor/sculptor David Grieco.   Joel Madden said, “The artists at The Art of Elysium” should get an award, too. The Noble Awards creators Executive TV Producer and his wife, Celebrity TV Anchor Janeen Mansour were pleased with the star-studded turned out of celebrity humanitarians and both are optimistic that it will be televised much like the Oscars and Grammys annually.  Access Hollywood’s Billy Bushintroduced Janeen Mansour,founder of  The Noble Awards.

Brian McKnight has earned himself a spot in contemporary music history.

Brian McKnight

McKnight has released 11 albums to date, 7 of them have gone platinum, with several going 2 and 3x platinum, and has sold over 20 Million albums worldwide. He just released a new album last month and perform one of his songs live.

McKnight was introduced by Actor Dennis Haysbert.

Another of the highlights of the evening was eight-year old Emily Bear, who performed live at the Noble Awards show. She was introduced by Noble Awards Founder Janeen Mansour.

8-year old Emily Bear – Pianist Emily Bear has only been playing piano for three years, but at just eight years old, her accomplishments are inspiring and her talent is breathtaking. Classical, jazz and boogie come naturally to her. Emily’s songs were are all written and composed at age seven.

Julio Iglesias Jr. also provided some soul soothing live singing at the event. Julio Iglesias Jr. was born in Madrid, Spain to well-known singer, Julio Iglesias and Isabel Preysler.

The two-hour event seeks to annually honor up to a dozen charities and celebrities who actively support them, elevating awareness of these organizations and the impact of their work.

For a slideshow of the The Noble Awards show visit (more)

For more information, please visit:  www.TheNobleAwards.org.

A Star-Studded Night For Celebrity Charity Work And An Evening Of Cool Jazz and R&B Live Musical Performances Highlights The First Annual Noble Awards

A long list of A-Celebs turned out for the red carpet affair and First Annual Noble Awards show at the Beverly Hilton Hotel, Beverly Hills. It was an event to honor celebs who have done noble work in charitable organizations. About a dozen charities handed out awards.  Morgan Freeman received a Lifetime Achievement. This year’s honorees, who attended to accept their award included Nancy O’Dell

One of the highlights of the first annual Noble Awards Monica – who’s not only a Grammy Giant, but has a hit show Still Standing on BET. It was the last live performance with a lasting impression:

Even under the weather Desperate Housewife Actress Teri Hatcher appeared to get her Noble for work with Childrens Hospital LA

Lionel Richie made it a family affair for his daughter Nicole Richie who attended with long time love Joel Madden

Jennifer Howell, Founder of The Art of Elysium, presented a Noble award to Joel Madden with Lionel Richie, Allison Beck and Stacey Price: “As both an artist and a father, Joel truly embodies a sincere passion for both music and children.

The awards were sculptured by Antonio Banderas the children at the Shriners Hospitals for Children with the guidance of The Art of Elysium volunteer/actor/sculptor David Grieco.   Joel Madden said, “The artists at The Art of Elysium” should get an award, too. The Noble Awards creators Executive TV Producer and his wife, Celebrity TV Anchor Janeen Mansour were pleased with the star-studded turned out of celebrity humanitarians and both are optimistic that it will be televised much like the Oscars and Grammys annually.  Access Hollywood’s Billy Bushintroduced Janeen Mansour,founder of  The Noble Awards.

Brian McKnight has earned himself a spot in contemporary music history.

McKnight has released 11 albums to date, 7 of them have gone platinum, with several going 2 and 3x platinum, and has sold over 20 Million albums worldwide. He just released a new album last month and perform one of his songs live.

McKnight was introduced by Actor Dennis Haysbert.

Another of the highlights of the evening was eight-year old Emily Bear, who performed live at the Noble Awards show. She was introduced by Noble Awards Founder Janeen Mansour.

8-year old Emily Bear – Pianist Emily Bear has only been playing piano for three years, but at just eight years old, her accomplishments are inspiring and her talent is breathtaking. Classical, jazz and boogie come naturally to her. Emily’s songs were are all written and composed at age seven.

Julio Iglesias Jr. also provided some soul soothing live singing at the event. Julio Iglesias Jr. was born in Madrid, Spain to well-known singer, Julio Iglesias and Isabel Preysler.

The two-hour event seeks to annually honor up to a dozen charities and celebrities who actively support them, elevating awareness of these organizations and the impact of their work.

For a slideshow of the The Noble Awards show visit (more)

For more information, please visit:  www.TheNobleAwards.org.

Teri Hatcher

I should really be sleeping now considering that most of the time in school I think of just sleeping when I get home. But when I come home I NEVER SLEEP. I don’t even sleep when I SHOULD be sleeping, like now for example. I don’t EVEN UNDERSTAND MYSELF. No wonder I’m so tired all the time.

Anywho, just got home from Alva, where we ate brownies and hot pears with melted after eights ontop. It was QUITE DELICIOUS. We watched Desperate Housewives, and GOSH, HOT MIDDLEAGED WOMEN. Thats’s how I’m gonna look like when I’m like fourty. Just wait for 24 years, and THEN, DANG, I’mma look good.

And tomorrow I have bodypump during P.E. and gym after school. Feels very FRESH and SWEATY.

If you be my star
I’ll be your sky
you can hide underneath me and come out at night
when I turn jet black and you show off your light

I live to let you shine

JOHANNA JUST TOLD ME THAT SHE THINKS OF ME WHEN SHE HEARS THAT, AND THAT’S JUST ABOUT ONE OF THE NICEST FRICKIN’ THINGS I’VE EVER HEARD.

And sorry ’bout the caps. I just get like that when I’m emotional.

AT LAST………A HAIR AND SKINCARE LINE FOR DIVERS!

WATER LOVERS ARE BLOWING BIG BUBBLES FOR SUBSERIES.COM ,

SUBSERIES HAS MADE WHAT MANY DIVERS HAVE ONLY DREAMED ABOUT…

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Así de promesedoras se ven sus carreras

El creador de la popular serie de tv, Esposas desesperadas, firmó un contrato para producir el show hasta el 2013. Actualmente el programa va en su sexta temporada y las actrices firmaron contrato hasta la 7ma, así que si ellas quieren podrán permanecer  una 8va y 9na temporada . Y seguramente ellas también firmarán hasta el 2013, porque siendo honestos ninguna tiene el perfil para hacer otra cosa, las dos que más o menos han tenido roles importantes en el cine después de la serie es Felicity Huffman y Eva Longoria; y si en tu grupo Eva es una de las actrices con más futuro, mejor te aferras a cualquier trabajo que ya tengas.

En más noticias sobre la serie, pronto se estrellará un avión en la famosa calle de Wisteria lane”, que dejará hechas pedazos todas las casas en el capítulo más importante de  ésta temporada, y cuyas grabaciones fueron interrumpidas porque a Teri Hatcher le dio Influenza.

Teri Hatcher, a estrela do seriado “Desperate Housewives”, é a mais nova celebridade diagnosticada com a gripe suína.
A atriz informou a produção do seriado na quarta-feira (28).

Ainda segundo a publicação, os produtores estão preocupados com as gravações já que outros membros do elenco ficaram em alerta com medo do contágio.

Teri está em repouso absoluto, porém, não houve nenhuma outra notícia sobre sua recuperação.