to your face. Your face in your comments at this blog, that is. Through the Month of Thankfulness not only was it great to have the discipline of thinking on what things I was thankful for, but it was awesome to have your responses and remarks.

Sigh. And now December is here. The posts are gone. (The thankfulness remains.) And your comments are gone.

Tee hee. This post sounds like I’m crying in my turkey soup.

Not so, dear readers. You’re always welcome at A Complete Thought. With or without comments. Because the other really great thing that I enjoyed so much about the discipline of writing a thankful post everyday was the simple discipline of having to write everyday.

It was a plethora of complete thoughts! Imagine. I never would have.

Even while trying to write this simple little nothing post, I have fielded questions on compound sentence diagramming, whether or not the brownies in the kitchen are made of fudge, chastened one son for using duct tape to wrap his brother’s Christmas present while at the same time praising the giving spirit of the duct tape wrapping culprit.

So, any thoughts at all that even resemble completeness are welcome here.

But in the effort to keep up a regularity of posting, I’ve been thinking about what could be a theme for Christmas.  A carnival of your favorite Christmas memories from childhood or as an adult or a favorite Christmas tradition or share a Christmas recipe? Maybe the best and worst Christmas presents you ever received, or gave? Your opinions and soapboxes regarding the “re-gift”?

Anyone? Anyone?

I’ll be playing around with it. Let me know if you decide to join up. I’m no Mr. Linky person. The technology alone would blow neurons out my nose. But I’ll see what can be done with the simple copy/paste/insert method. I’ve been working on it.

I went out of my way and bought new shoes today. A pair of basic brown sneakers from the local supermarket. My old ones have holes in their heels and I keep getting rocks into them, lol.

The weather has finally decided to cool down appropriately regarding our location and the time of the year. The windshield of my car was frozen this morning and I had to scrape the ice off. Too bad I was already late from my lesson (we discussed the feeding of pigs and the basics of sheep husbandry).

My innate wanderlust began raising its head again and made me go driving around. The road surface was a little icy and thus it was harder to brake than before, so I made some accidental cool-sounding drifts in the steeper downhill curves. Fortunately I didn’t end up in a ditch. That’s happened before, lol.

A couple of items I ordered dropped through my mail slot today. The soundtrack of the brilliant movie Good Bye Lenin! composed by Yann Tiersen (one of the best composers I know of) and the complete version of Civilization IV. Whee. I recommend.

Yesterday evening I watched the Finnish movie (and now you know where I live!) Bensaa suonissa (could be translated as Gasoline in Blood). The technical quality of the film is surprisingly good for a movie of that age  - hey, it even has colours! The movie itself is a subtle but poignant critique of the world of Finnish rally sport.

Hm. I should probably get up and prepare myself some food. I haven’t eaten but a too-expensive-service-station-chicken-and-curry-panini today.

Hi.

I’m just a random student girl living here, in the middle of nowhere (Scandinavia, wilderness, backwoods, you know what I mean), doing my best to study agriculture. (I happen to like nature and animals quite a lot. I was going to become a biologist, but academia is not exactly my thing.)

I like strategy games, blues rock, guitars, cars, horses… food with lots of NaCl and fats and carbs… physics, psychology… theory of music, machines, walking and jogging in the nature (jogging in the city is one of the most dull and depressing things I know, yuck), computers, math… drawing and writing – yeah, I’m pretty artsy though I’m a science nerd too. “Freak!” I know, I know.

I hate partying. And gossiping. And shopping. (Sooo. Boring.) And uncomfortable clothing. And high heels. And makeup. And difficult hairdos. And public speaking. And aerobics and volleyball. (Let’s just say I’m not a girly-girl.)

I started a blog in order to release the pressure in my brain commonly called “thoughts”. I’m writing in English now (forgive my grammar, I plead you) for an unknown reason. Heh.

Last spring I graduated from high school and, as I mentioned before, am now studying in order to become an agricultural technician. I moved rather far away from home. That wasn’t a big deal, though, compared to some other things.

I’ve been through some pretty rough times during the last couple of years.

First of all, I suffer from OCD. It’s an anxiety disorder that has led my brain cells to spend considerable amounts of energy in order to ruin my life completely. I’m getting a handle on the damn thing – the progress is slow and painful, but totally worth every effort.

Now, a nostalgia trip – I was pretty badly bullied during the first classes of school. It still affects my life – I have a terrible, illogical fear of rejection and I crave acceptance so much it hurts (even though I’m naturally a very independent person). I’ve been working on that, though. But the scars remain and they always will.

The absolute most horrible thing that’s happened was my dear father’s suicide. The whole world stopped for weeks. I felt as if a tonne of wet, cold cement had fallen on me from above. That’s what happens when a beloved one dies – it does not cause panic or hysteria or wrack your nerves. It’s cold and slow and sad and dark and grey and gloomy. Everything just stops, the gears of the universe get jammed. And the howling void that comes after the deceased one is something I cannot really find the word for. I could almost heard my voice echo in our house. It’s very creepy.

I miss you so much, dad. It’s been almost a year, and I still cry nearly daily – and I’m definitely not an emotional person. Dad was too good a person for a world like this. He was a sensitive, shy man, he couldn’t say no to anyone or anything. He became anxious and slowly progressed toward alcoholism. The damned solvent damaged his brain and caused a chemical depression that wouldn’t have healed “during the time of this world”, as they say up here. He couldn’t find a solution anymore. (The tears are coming now.)

I don’t drink, by the way.

But… when everything around you burns into ashes, it provides nutrients for new life, eh? I hope so. I have no alternatives. Nowhere to go than up.

Gah, I would like to play the guitar now, but I live in a block of flats and nighttime is no-no. I’ve had my neighbors clank their radiators when I’ve been practising in the daytime, lol.

I should take my car (a black Opel Astra from the year 2000, my best friend and apple of eye etc, haha) to service. I should assemble a couple of chairs. I should study for my exams. I should I should I should.

I should go sleeping. See you.

one of the best results from Thanksgiving and its copious leftovers. Waiting for and then receiving the carcass is much anticipated around here. Only slightly less so than waiting for and anticipating the actual soup.

As I said here, some years ago, early in marriage and when I still had no confidence regarding cooking, I was informed that my mother-in-law (Mil) and brother-in-law would be coming for Thanksgiving. Was I ready?

No. But that didn’t deter the facts of the matter. I would have to cook a turkey. Some way, some how.

Thankfully, ever so thankfully, we had inherited on some previous trip home, the family smoker. Husband promised to read up on the process and do the smoking. Hallelu!

I purchased, cleaned and prepped the big bird and then Husband took over with charcoal, wood briquets and fire. It was a match made in heaven and the turkey that came out of that smoker was indescribably dee-lish-ous!

After the feasting though, I stood in the kitchen wondering what in the world could possibly be done with that much carcass and leftovers. The idea of eating turkey sandwiches and tetrazzini for the next 3 weeks was not palatable.

Mil and I took to the cookbooks, whatever odd collection I had at that time and found a recipe for turkey soup. However, as the case usually is with my pantry, I did not have the specific and exact ingredients necessary. Undeterred, Mil and I forged ahead, using what we had and improvising the rest. It was the start of early confidence in the process called cooking for me.

So, here is the famed recipe of serendipity meets smoked turkey. Or how to achieve confidence in cooking. Or just plain “slap yo mama it’s so good”. Use what you have and feel free to improvise the rest.

Turkey Soup

1 leftover turkey carcass & bones (smoked is best but use what you have)
2 TB parsley flakes
2 TB onion flakes
1-2 TB Lawry’s seasoned salt
1/2 tsp black pepper
1 tsp salt
2 – 11 oz cans cream of tomato soup plus 1 can water
1 1/2 c. cooked rice (not instant)

Fill large soup pot half full of water. Boil leftover turkey & bones in water for at least 1 hour. Remove bones & add the rest of the ingredients. Simmer for at least one more hour.

*Okay, that’s the basic idea, but in reality it will look like this:
1 leftover turkey & bones
2 TB parsley flakes, 3 if I feel extravagant
3 TB onion flakes
2 TB Lawry’s seasoned salt (or whatever seasoned salt is there)
3/4 tsp black pepper
1 tsp salt
2-3 11 oz cans cream of tomato soup (originally Campbell’s made an Italian style cream of tomato soup and that’s what we used. Since then though I have only used regular cream of tomato but have added additions.)
1-2 cans of water
1-2 tsp chicken bouillon or cubes to equal 1-2 cups water
1-2 15 oz cans diced tomatoes or Italian style diced or if you like it spicy use Rotel
1 1/2 c. cooked rice (long grain, never instant)

I boil the turkey carcass & bones for at least 3-4 hours. After removing the bones I add back in the meat plus 1-2 cups of additional turkey. I do not add the rice until about 1 hour before serving. But I simmer the rest of the soup for 3-4 hours. Obviously it’s an all day event but well worth it.

Hopefully your turkey soup experience will be just as hallelu!

If ever you needed to convey what is sexy….*grins*

I spent over 7 hours studying the Theology of Suffering on Saturday.

It was a tough class to dredge through… I lost complete focus between 1:30pm and 3:30pm, but for the last half hour of the class, I was drawn in by the closing statements that my professor made.

I want to leave you with these following thoughts that impacted me from this particular lecture:

1. Suffering exists, and God takes quite a bit of responsibility for it in Scripture. He decides that the solution to suffering was that He would become man, suffer as a man, and then die on the cross and then be resurrected in order to be the answer to solution. So in the end, suffering now becomes the solution to suffering.

2. As a human, your life cannot be about avoiding suffering, or seeking suffering – suffering will find you.

3. As a Christian, since suffering becomes the solution to suffering, we need to live in such a way that we can help other people. Can we “suffer” by opting not to spend $100 for a extravagant meal and instead use that money to help someone else? Can we choose not to buy that expensive vehicle and save the thousands of dollars to help a village somewhere in the world? That is the mentality we are supposed to have. However, when we suffer, we may be debilitated and cannot help people who are suffer; but when we get stronger, when we have the resources, we are supposed to help others.

4. The last thought he gave us was a powerful quote from a person whose life was exemplified by suffering, Mother Teresa, she said this:

In light of heaven, the worst suffering on earth, a life full of the most atrocious tortures on earth, will be seen to be no more serious than one night in an inconvenient hotel. – Mother Teresa

Amen.

NEGLECTED.

I want to be thin so bad.

When you’re in your late sixties, and you wonder if every physical twinge  might be the onset of your final illness, it’s amazing what you can thank Almighty God for at the end of a period of constipation.

In one way, that shows a satisfying state of spiritual maturity.  Perhaps I’m really letting God into all the details, quite literally the fundamentals, of my physicality.  This means that the truth of God’s incarnation, the taking of the manhood into God as the Athanasian Creed puts it, is more of a reality in my flesh and blood life.  Yet there’s always the nagging doubt about my own spiritual progress.  I remember doubting whether my reduced belligerence actually marked the progress of grace.  Might it not more likely be due to old age’s loss of emotional energy?  So now, my thankfulness for normal functioning could be just my latest way of relating the idea of God to my own wellbeing.

Maybe.  But I’m genuinely glad now to have more freedom from instinctive self-deception.  Previously I instinctively associated God’s loving purposes with whatever made me feel good.  In puberty I used to pray, George Formby – like, that a certain little lady would pass by.  Rather later, I prayed earnestly for a No vote in the 1975 European Common Market Referendum.   God’s hard refusals, not just the ageing of my body tissues, has helped me to stand away from my preferences when asking for the Almighty Creator and Judge to intervene in His physical-psychic universe.

Stevie Wonder Vs. Alicia Keys – Superstition  ! ! ! !

igatahes. nüüd olenüle nädala natuke olnud siin eestimaal tagasi ja on tore küll. on olnud nädal aega eismal. mis oli ainult rõõm ja kvaliteetaeg. metsajalutuskäikude ja heade toitudega ja mõnusa palkmajaga ja saunaga!!! ja toretobu dobermanni ja armastud mehega. mõnus aeg. ja nüüd vist tuleb teatrine nädalavahetus lõpuksometi. pidin minema täna ka esikale aga võta näppuudest. ei jõudnudki aga ei ole hullu eks ma jõuan veel. aga ma soovitan kindlasti kõigile minna. see juba kõlab healt. aga loodetavasti lähen siis homme tartusse ja saan seal teatrit niiet mühiseb ahoi!.

ahha ja pöff tuleb viljandisse. hoian pöidlat et ka minufilmi näidataks seal. aga vist mitte.

varsti saabub kaua oodatud kaunikene (või siiski mitte nii väga kaunike?) AJ.

jajah.

igasugu asju toimumas shalalalaa.

ja hakkaski anu taul laulma mulle.

jõulud on siin varsti :D:D

nii tore. ootan jõulu.

trenni on vaja hakata tegema. SA OLED PAKS, HELI! (ma pean igalepoole meeldetuletama endale. siis ehk laiskuseuss kaob mu seest ka varstisti).

Heli kirjuldas teile!

Praticamente questa settimana ho ascoltato solo questi 4 album:

• Brunori SAS – Vol.1
• Bud Spencer Blues Explosion – Bud Spencer Blues Explosion
• New Rhodes – Everybody loves a scene
• Brian Jonestown Massacre – Who Killed Sgt. Pepper?

Bonus Track: New Rhodes – Quando quando quando

Last night was one of those cantsleepCANTSLEEPgeesigottofuckensleepnow nights. Yes I lay awake most of the night. But what I remember most was the dream I had just before I woke up.

It started as we pulled over at a 24hour all-night cafe and Husband and bestfriend went in to buy some snacks and cooldrinks and at some point I realize that they were taking pretty damn long so my sister-in-law goes in to see what the hold up is… and she comes back saying that, well actually there’s a bar in there and it’s pretty much buzzing. So I go, wtf? The men are having drinks while we’re, what? FRIGGIN WAITING IN THE CAR FOR THEM? And I need to tell you that those words were not shouted, they kind of came out as a wheeze, the kind of sound you’d make when you’re trying to breathe and seethe at the same time… and what comes to mind is to friggin join them at their own game. So we walk into the place and it’s a friggin party all right. And we sit down but not at their table, and I’m all what you gonna have? And sister-in-law’s, well, a glass of red, and I’m, let’s start with friggin jager bombs? And my mind’s spinning over cause I’m TOTALLY on a mission to get pissed and throw up and feel more crappy than what I already feel.

And then…

Well, this is the sad part really.

It seems we couldn’t pull it off. Cause what I remember is more fury than conversation and some sideways peeks to see if the men have noticed us and the jagers coming but not going down so well and my sister-in-law, drinking the wine,… and definitely not on the same mission as me.

For those of you wondering why I haven’t been updating this blog, well it is simply because I’ve been lazy and busy playing Zynga Poker on facebook. Playing the game relaxes me and besides it was a challenge for me to been able to restart from 400k chips and to gain and reach a whopping 1.4m in chips. Also there was a huge project at work that left me a little zombified for lack of a better word.

Anyone who updates a blog…hmmm well a blog of a little more value than others takes a lot of effort and time not that mine fits into the profile of such a said blog, but hey I make an effort just the same!

Ok here are a few updates of sorts….

On Family

Seth was third in his class and earned himself a $10 popular voucher, and I am still a little baffled as to how he managed to score the highest in his class for his Chinese paper.  No help from his parents that’s for sure, his tuition teacher must be brilliant.  Anyhow I hope he can maintain this standard next year for Primary 3 though it will be tough year for him I reckon.   Will make it a point not to pressure him too much.

Kenan will be starting Primary 1 next year and I am a little concern for him because unlike his brother, he is a little more street smart than study smart.

Mom and Dad will be celebrating their 44th Wedding Anniversary first week next month.  No easy feat I can tell you in this day and age!

On A Restaurant I Tried And Have Come To Love

Meatarians FALL IN!  There is a great affordable place to dine in for your special occasions.   All the meats are succulent and very well marinated and just simply yummilicious!

Name : Fiesta Brasilia

Location : #B1-15/16 United Square, Singapore 307591
Contact   : Tel: 6250 0108 Fax: 6250 0950

I opted for the dinner with Free flow of beer and I manage to get hold of this delicious beer with Tequila and lime imported from…. yup you guessed it…Brazil!  It complemented the meats remarkably well! I couldn’t get a pic of the actual bottle off the net but I managed to get a pic of the one with Lemon instead of Lime. 

Anyhow till next time………CHEERS!

The more you think you know somebody, the less you tend to fail to do so… And when you thought that anything you say can be understood in the right kind of way, you only get harsh remarks and shallow judgments. This post is for you, for each and everyone that I trusted and that I opened my heart to; for each time that our feelings and perceptions seem to match, for the uniting tone of our voices… All that was a lie! As unique as each individual is and as similar the opinions two people may share, they both take it differently. But that’s not weird, it’s not even in the same zip code with this word.

Sometimes I wonder how many roles are on the list of  the great expectations people demand of me. How many different pictures I have to draw in order to make them understand what they PRETEND to be understanding. I’m tired of the shapeless masks, I’m tired of these wasting these wonderful  colors on my life’s big painting, but most of all I’m wondering – do we really need support and similar thoughts and feelings in our lives? why can’t we stand our ground and live without them?  Is there something for certain here? I’m not saying that we should turn into tin men, but to accept the plain truth. Instead of getting upset and angry on myself,I try to take each matter calmly and detached…

Is that getting on your nerves? Haha:D  So many precious moments I have wasted choked in tears, going through labyrinths of my mind in search for answers, so many hues and shades I’ve tried to color my heart so you can get a full picture of the story… Enough already! I chose to smile instead of getting upset, I’d rather make you smile, instead of pointing your fingers at me, I’d rather we smiled together… but it’s easier to criticize rather than being empathic, is it? But you know what, what life has taken away from me, time made sure to compensate for each single loss, and it never ceases to amaze me;). But I guess these emotions will forever be unknown to you…

It’s been 5 months since M.J.J. has left us, so I decided to go and lit some candles at the monument and alley dedicated to him in Herastrau.  I just wish people would stop speaking words of “wisdom” and  about truth, when they in fact haven’t the slightest idea about such important matters to others. And frankly, right now, I’m so puzzled and intrigued that I wish I had the greatest ego-centric, self-sufficient, selfish temper in the world!  But that’s you…

Thank you for bringing me down one more time and taking the blindfold wrapped around my mind then throwing me hard against the stingy wall, but this old soul can’t be torn apart that easily anymore. This may be a nightmare, but I will soon wake up and I’m sure I won’t find you there at the end of the road…but I’ll be fine:)

I just read a neat article: “Vietnam’s Diaspora Urged to Return Home”

I have been thinking about what it would take to change Vietnam and I am growing more and more convinced that Viet Kieu Christians (Vietnamese Diaspora Christians) need to start thinking long-term about how we can be a positive influence in the development of our mother country.

My mother church, the Vietnamese-speaking congregation, is always in a hoopla about how the younger generation does nothing for the Vietnamese people around the world – however I have yet to see them actually do anything for the Vietnamese IN Vietnam.

I’ve challenged a few people that if they are so persistent on serving only the Vietnamese community – they need to return to Vietnam and be a positive influence on the people there and society there.

Maybe it is about time that we as Vietnamese Diaspora Christians start this dialogue about returning home. It is no secret that Christians tend to be in the upper echelon of the financially wealthy in Western society – the numbers are there. If we can transfer our economic prowess and positive and ethical business practices in a society that does not have a clear idea of what business ethics really are – we CAN make an impact!

Maybe it is time to go home.

I’m so pissed off with my Mom. Why can’t she just understand that sometimes, I have to place my best friends as my first priority? My best friends need me. No, it’s not because they need me to help them decide for them what dress best compliments them. They need me because they want to me to be there for them. To reassure them and tell them that everything is going to be alright. That’s what best friends are for.

But no, I have to overlook my responsibilities as a best friend just because I have one fucking more A Levels paper to sit for NEXT WEEK. Stop being such a pain in the ass please. I have 6 more days to study for 40 fucking MCQ questions. No, I’m not being complacent. I’m being realistic.

If I don’t touch my books for one entire day, I still have 5 more days to prepare myself for my paper don’t I? Urgh, this entire argument is just completely bull and an utter waste of time.

On a side note, I miss my late grandfather so fucking much. I looked through the photos that we went to Jakarta. It was the last time he travelled with us due to his ailing health. He looked so happy. He was smiling in almost all photos.

I miss him so much. I wish I could turn back time and told him I loved him instead of just ignoring him. What kind of granddaughter am I?

Me, Myself, and I are a lovely trio. We have many a moods and each one has the potential to break through so brightly in the blink of an eye.

Myself has lived through some trying times, but is hoping that things are on the right track, finally, and will improve. Staring only at the light at the end of a short tunnel, Myself looks at all the good, the beauty, and the opportunities for improvement in life.

Me, however, doubts things will be fixed anytime soon. There’s an endless sky of grey and Me is far too tired from pouring out the buckets of rain to search for the light.

I, being a mix of the two, am dragged down often into my little hole of despair. Well, it started off small, but I had some people help me dig out it. It’s large enough that I fit almost comfortably in there, in a very uncomfortable way. Any chance I have though, I scratch and claw my way out of that hole. Often times, I get out, and begin to throw something into that hole to make it a little smaller. But, some one generally manages to come along and push me in – whether it’s all the way to the bottom or just a slight slip in. But I’ve managed till now, and I will continue digging my way out and filling that hole, taking sit down breaks in between.

That’s how Me, Myself, and I manage to live together; in happy harmony.

After feeling sad and down for the last week after watching Food, Inc., I decided to perk my spirits up by baking cookies.  If that can’t raise the happiness level, what can?  Okay, lots of things, but I chose cookies!

I did a cookie exchange a few years ago and one of the recipes I ended up with was “I Can’t Believe These Are Healthy Cookies”. They have been my favorite ever since.

Firstly, you need to use all organic ingredients.

Without further ado…

I Can’t Believe These Are Healthy Cookies

Preheat oven to 325F
Baking Time:  approx. 15 mins (I usually do around 17)
Makes: approx. 5 doz.

In a large bowl (I use my mixmaster), cream together until smooth:
1 cup of softened, unsalted butter
1/2 cup of Pure Agave Nectar

Add in:
3 egg whites (or 2 whole eggs)
1 1/2 teaspoons of pure vanilla extract (or maple extract) – I always use maple

In a separate bowl, combine:
1 1/2 cups of rolled oats
1/3 cup of flax seed meal
1 cup of Wheat Germ
1 cup of Brown Rice Flour
1 tsp. Baking Powder
1 tsp. Baking Soda
1 tsp. sea salt

Stir dry ingredients into the creamed mixture

Mix in:
1/2 cup of coconut
1/2 cup of unsalted sesame seeds
1/2 cup of raw pumpkin seeds
1/2 cup of pecans
1/2 cup of walnuts
1/2 cup of almonds
1 cup of dark chocolate chips

Drop by rounded spoonfuls onto non-greased cookie sheet and bake (I always make balls out of the cookie dough and then bake them that way or flatten them, depending on how I want to store them).

Make sure you let them cool for a minute or two before you remove them from the cookie sheet. Otherwise they’ll fall apart!

Well, there you have it. A nice, healthy recipe for cookies that are full of fibre and protein, and not just simple carbs!

Enjoy your Monday!

Here’s what the finished product looks like.