OutKast – Benz or Beamer

Off the New Jersey Drive Soundtrack.  This is the joint right here.  Again, I miss the 90’s!

This morning my brain woke up at 7:15AM, exactly 45 minutes before my body was ready. That was just enough time to lay there and start over-thinking things: Was the car going to get a ticket? Did I remember to lock the door? Am I catching cold? What’s wrong with me? Why does winter suck so hard? Etc, etc. In that time, my mind wandered, and got all self-critical of my 20’s. You know, the university years. The stuff of which nightmares are made. The conscious moments between longer periods of being drunk prior to graduation.

More specifically, I was feeling embarrassed to have spent several years as a creative writing major: all the poor things I not only wrote but shared with my classmates. I was writing from nowhere, from a life part-lived. Essentially I was making the shit up as I went along…which should be the goal of creative writing, otherwise they would call it plagaristic writing. I think art schools and especially the creative writing major should be abolished. What a way to commodify art…guised as education. Art should be workshopped, never graded.

The point: sometime in the late 90’s I took a class called Creative Writing: Memoir Fiction. Or something like that. I was so into it: what could be more awesome/easy than writing about my life? At the time, I thought I was amazing. I was invincible. I was 22. I was totally lost in life but having a great time. So I wrote a story about it. I seriously thought: “I – hands down – have the most interesting life out of everyone in this class and my story is going to BLOW THEM AWAY.” I was conceited. Did I mention that?

My only caveat was one particular classmate who was actually a good writer. She had had her work published and shit. We had mutual friends and at the time I thought it was likely that her life might be more interesting than mine. She was also a few years older. And this morning, in my momentary post-dawn panic, I realised it was the possibility of her opinion that embarrassed me. Like my “tell-it-like-it-is life story” about going to bars and having dinners at fancy restaurants was remotely intellectual and engaging. It totally was not. That story was a bona fide piece of garbage.

The largest tragedy here was that I ever thought the drivel I put out there was appropriate to share and discuss with others. Yikes, anyone?

A final thought: how depressing and morally crushing would it be, being a creative writing teacher? Not trying to be offensive to creative writing teachers out there, but the amount of pure rubbish you would have to process: read cricitally, comment on and grade. All the while, your internal dialogue being: “This is the future of English literature. Fucking hell. Can I murder myself now?” Thus, possibly, the genesis of a new genre.

Sup.  In anticipation of King Magazine’s relaunch this week, I figured I’d post up a bunch of their old covers.  During its heyday, King had some really good covers with beautiful cover models.  Point and case is seen above with Reagan Gomez.  She’s by far my favorite King model.  Absolutely beautiful.

Check after the jump for an assortment of old KING covers.

It won’t be long before the rocks fly.

Confused animal + crying child + rocks = heartbreaking sacrifice.

This scene is probably only in two or three movies, but it has come to define the genre of animal best friend movies. That very particular genre of adopted wild animals that became so popular in the 90s. Usually this scene comes after this sequence of events:

1. Child finds baby wild animal. Usually a wolf.
2. Child convinces parents to let him keep the baby animal against their better judgement.
3. Child and animal grow together.
4. Animal starts to grow faster than child.
5. Animal gets into some kind of trouble. Maybe it bites the richest person in town, who is a total dick and deserves it because he was trying to rape some children for money and the animal saved the kids, but it is the rich dick’s word against the word of an animal who doesn’t even have words just very expressive eyes. Another scenario could be that the baby wolf is accused of killing some sheep, but actually it was a bear with syphilis who killed the sheep.
6. Child has to out grow the animal by chasing it away and yelling hurtful things at the animal who has become her best friend. Things like “GO! GO ON! GET OUT OF HERE! DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?! YOU CAN’T STAY HERE!!!! I HATE YOU!!” We, being the savvy audience we are understand that she doesn’t hate her wolf friend and she is only doing it for the good of the wolf who will be hunted as a monster or won’t learn how to be the animal it needs to if it stays with the girl. The girl can’t have the death of the animal or the stunting of the animals personal happiness and freedom on her conscience. However, the wolf doesn’t understand that and we are treated to a last backwards glance by the wolf where those expressive eyes look utterly betrayed.

This animal human break-up scene can come at two different times during the plot. It can come at the end of the movie, when the obstacle has already been overcome. The rich dick has been unmasked and shamed or the syphilitic bear is dead. It can also come right before things start to get bad. The child hero chases the animal away for the animal’s own good and then gets into some trouble of his own and the animal makes a triumphant return to save him. In this case we then get another tearful good-bye, only this time there are no rocks involved at the end of the movie and the animal gets child visitation rights every third year. We might also get a montage after this showing the boy and his beast growing apart. The animal getting wilder, the boy getting more civilized until, in a heart warming scene the boy and beast see each other once more over the tableau of the boy’s child and the beast’s pup meeting each other by chance in the wood. Now both boy and beast have eyes expressive enough to deliver the collected works of Shakespeare in one glance.

This whole, very profitable, equation got kicked off in 1989 movie Cheetah. In which you can take the above list, copy and past it into Microsoft Word and use Find and Replace to change every instance of the word wolf with cheetah.

Before this all we had was Old Yeller. You can get a good idea of what Old Yeller was like by taking the above list, copy and pasting it into Microsoft Word and using Find and Replace to change every instance of the word expressive with bat shit crazy. Also, you might want to replace the part about the wolf running away with getting shot and killed by his heartless master who couldn’t live with the idea that his crazy dog might become the crazy dog he was meant to be without him.

Free Willy also technically fits into this genre because there is a confused animal being set free by a boy with a wet face and there are some rocks in there for good measure too.

How in the hell is he going to throw those rocks.

Keith Murray – The Most Beautifullest Thing In This World

Ah man.  We need Keith Murray back in the game!  Dude is crazy lyrical.  We don’t hear hip hop like this anymore.  I miss the 90’s!

Well, since my time machine is still on back order, I’ll just have to rely on You Tube to check dudes like Keith who brought that gritty, lyrical flow to hip hop back in the 1990’s.

More videos after the jump.

Keith Murray – Get Lifted

Keith Murray – This That Sh*t

LL Cool J – I Shot Ya (Remix) ft. Keith Murray, Prodigy (Mobb Deep), Fat Joe, Foxy Brown

It’s the Rheos on Muchmusic, circa who knows.

Shaved Head. Oh, how weird, wonderful, and utterly missed is this beautiful band?

YouTube comments include:

I love the rheos, but, dave bidini is a showboating egotistical jackass. Martin on the other hand has been touched by god or something, an under-appreciated canadian treasure

Things that were popular in the nineties.

I am  now on the market for one of these headbands. But cheaper.

The 100 best albums of the decade, according to Rolling Stone.

(Props to Wilco, Bon Iver, The Postal Service, Sufjan Stevens, Death Cab and Vampire Weekend for being included!)

Jealous that it is summer somewhere else…atleast keep your hair in the warm weather mode.

You are about to waste an hour: the top ten everything lists of 2009.

Peace,

]]> http://weedsteeler.wordpress.com/2009/12/11/pat-and-dame/ Fri, 11 Dec 2009 02:00:29 +0000 martinhugo http://weedsteeler.wordpress.com/2009/12/11/pat-and-dame/

oh yes him did

YAKWII stay bringin that heat!  Gheorghe Muresan, kid!  Who else follows up model chicks showin love on the blog with Gheorghe Muresan?  No one!  Can’t even see me right now!

Like most of my other ideas, I thought about big homie Muresan when I was in the bathroom.  That place is magical for me.  But I digress….

This Snickers commercial is HILARIOUS!  Dude is really funny.  I forgot that he also did some SportsCenter commercials too.  They are just as funny, if not more so.  Check them after the jump.

I pass by this Virginia Slims ad in the window of Thanasi’s Market on 23rd/Valencia every day and smile to myself.  Finally, a cigarette for ME!  Gentlemen, you simply wouldn’t understand.

Anthropologists: what era is this ad from?  My guess is 1992.  No use replacing the ad with a new one, the ’90s are cool again.

Just hit 420K miles in the Toyota.  I told you my whip game was crazy! And seeing that the budget does not include a new, used or even another hand me down car, I see 421K miles in my future.

Dru Down – Can You Feel Me

Gettin my West Coast on real quick.

I don’t even think Dru Down remembers making this song…

AZ ft. Miss Jones – Sugar Hill

Man!  I miss the 90’s!  So much dope hip hop came out back then!

Quando um menino de oito anos é esquecido em casa pela família, às vesperas de uma viagem para Paris na época do Natal, e uma dupla de meliantes, Harry (Joe Pesci) e Marv (Daniel Stern) resolvem roubar a casa achando que esta estaria desprotegida, torna-se uma divertida comédia não só para crianças, mas para um público de qualquer idade. Pena que o ator mirim Macaulay Culkin não tenha repetido seus acertos depois de adulto.

Home Alone (EUA, 1990) - IMDb

Welcome to the Thanksgiving post. Thanksgiving is an important day of the year, and very well may be my favorite holiday. It’s a seriously great meal, and as a child I would often get birthday presents from Aunts, Uncles and Grandparents who would not have another opportunity to see me before the anniversary of my birth.

This Thanksgiving has been pretty standard with one major exception: Chuck did the majority of the cooking. This man, my father, has done little more than reheat pasta for himself over the course of the last 30 years, and has never cooked a complete meal for himself that I am aware of. But, beginning yesterday he took charge of the kitchen and managed to prepare a completely delicious Thanksgiving feast, with all the trimmings, on par with any of the previous 22 that I have tasted. Who knew that Chuck had so many talents?

So we’re having a completely wonderful and delicious Thanksgiving, just like we’re supposed to.

Originally, I planned a different SPECIAL FEATURE for today, because I wanted today’s pick to be the final SPECIAL FEATURE, so the category could be bookended by John Hughes films. (Yes, apparently, bookended is a real word. I was shocked, too). But there is only one true holiday tradition in the Pingeton house, and that is watching this fine, fine production every Thanksgiving day. Home Alone is not only the greatest Christmas movie ever made, it is the greatest movie ever, period.

Home Alone is, without any doubt or hesitation, my favorite film. Written and produced by John Hughes, this 1990 film follows Kevin McCallister through his adventures when he is accidentally left home alone when his family heads to Paris for Christmas. Kevin believes that he has made his family disappear when he wakes up to find them missing, after having stomped at the top of the stairs while shouting, “When I grow up and get married, I’m living alone!”, and telling his mother that family sucks and that he wished he didn’t have one.

His time starts out the way any 8-year-old might spend time if they were left home alone for an indefinite period: he makes messes, runs around the house, jumps on the bed, and eats an obscene amount of junk food while watching movies his parents told him he wasn’t allowed to view. Things turn sour for the young McCallister pretty quickly though, as Harry and Marv, the burglars who are scoping the neighborhood, pay him a visit. He keeps his cool and scares them off, but the rest of the movie centers around his encounters with the self-proclaimed Wet Bandits.

We see Kevin act very adult; cleaning himself and grocery shopping, preparing for Christmas, and doing laundry, and we see the parallel story of his mother trying to get back to Chicago; scared out of her mind that he’s going to burn the house down or find some other way to kill himself.

Home Alone relies heavily on quick-witted exchanges and the brilliant writing of John Hughes. I know most of the script by heart, and I can tell you with confidence that there is not a single piece of dialogue that is anything less than perfect. There’s a great story-line regarding the South-Bend Shovel Slayer, who is in actuality just a nice old man, and the crap Kevin pulls off is ingenious and somehow believable despite how implausible it is. When he creates the decoy Christmas party to make Harry and Marv believe that he is not home alone, he pulls off an amazing stunt, but you might think that two grown men might recognize that the Michael Jordan cardboard cutout gliding around the room on a train set isn’t human.

The best part of the movie is the excitement that ensues during the execution of  “The Battle Plan” against the Wet Bandits on their Christmas Eve break-in. Kevin booby traps the house in fantastic ways, and really beats the crap out of Marv and Harry. The sequence is as true to action-adventure as a Christmas movie can dream of getting. Of course, I can’t reveal what happens, because if you haven’t seen it, YOU NEED TO and it shouldn’t be spoiled.

I find it nearly impossible to believe that Home Alone came out 19 years ago (original release date was Nov. 16, 1990), and I think that might be a sign that I’m starting to get old. I just can’t imagine a better film ever being created. It is an absolute high point in the works of John Hughes, and while Home Alone 3 & 4 might hurt the integrity of the original work (they probably hurt the integrity of all of John Hughes’ work), Home Alone stands as cinematic masterpiece.

Apparently other people don’t feel as strongly about the film as I do. It was slim pickings on YouTube. This is what I chose.

But really, just watch the damn film.

Ever since I was a little girl, I always wanted to be Jem … this so was my favorite cartoon when I was a kid. Jem was a record company owner Jerrica by day and a rockstar by night. Her dad made this computer called Syngery that allowed her to turn into Jem. All she had to do was mess with her earring and she turned into Jem. She had a boyfriend named Rio and a band called the Jem and the Holograms that included Shana, Kimber and Aja …. Shana got kicked out and replaced by Raya because she had a drug problem (she really didn’t. She just left and then she came back). Jem’s rival band was the Misfits (not the real life band The Misfits), lead by Pizzazz and her friends Stormer, Roxy and Jetta.

Just like any other cartoon – Transformers, G.I. Joe, Thundercats, etc. – Jem had a huge following and there’s actually an annual convention for fans every year … though I love Jem, I think I’d rather enjoy it as a novelty as opposed to traveling all the way to New Hampshire next year to meet other fans … that’d be too weird for me.

Does anyone remember this show?

If you were born in the mid to late 80s and raised in the 90s, you should be able to remember Xuxa … the “childrens” show with the weird Brazillian lady who used to pose for Playboy. The show used to come on in the late afternoons and was on air for only one year. The plug was pulled on the show because parents complained about how she was dressed and the fact that she used to put on red lipstick and kiss little boys on the cheek at the end of the show. That ’s how they get down in South America!

I know it’s been about 10 years since Saved By the Bell (I don’t count anything after the original because the College Years and The New Class were lame) went off the air and Zack Morris (Mark-Paul Gosselaar) is still hot. I bet Miss Bliss* wishes she kept him after class for detention more often!

*I bet some of you don’t even remember Good Morning, Miss Bliss from which Saved By the Bell was a spin off of.

2006 saw the death of yet another great television show. This one was ground breaking in many ways, and probably better for a laugh than any of the other television shows I’ve highlighted so far. I genuinely love this show, and was terribly sad to see it go. It was never politically correct, but it wasn’t quite politically incorrect, either. Karen was perfectly sassy and inappropriate, Jack was hilariously flamboyant (and maybe just enough that rather than enforcing stereotypes, his character poked fun at them), and Will & Grace (ampersand necessary) were neurotic enough to be lovable.

If Ellen brought American television’s first lesbian star out of the closet, then Will & Grace broke barriers by turning a gay-themed comedy into a prime-time hit.

The show debuted in 1998, and the series starred Eric McCormack and Debra Messing in the title roles–single gay lawyer Will Truman and his straight best friend; interior designer Grace Adler, who share a Manhattan apartment.

Perhaps even more important than the title characters were the show’s two comic foils–Sean Hayes as Will’s platonic but flamboyantly gay friend Jack, and Megan Mullally, a boozed up gold digger who worked as Grace’s assistant, Karen.

The show absolutely had an opportunity to be a ground breaking social commentary, but what was perhaps more ground breaking was that it was not a social commentary. Just two years after Clinton’s Defense of Marriage act and through 6 gay-unfriendly years of the Bush Administration the show could have tried to take a loud stand and use its platform to promote gay rights. Instead, while homosexuality was prominently discussed and displayed on the show, it managed to fall into the background. It was more important that the four leads were hilarious, quick-witted and quirky, and it didn’t matter one way or the other who they went home with at night. Will & Grace spent 8 years showing, not telling.

Of course, the show got much of its humor from its gay pedigree (Karen to Jack: “Honey, you’re so gay you can see it from space!”), and some viewers complained the show perpetuated stereotypes.

[Producer] Mutchnick shrugged off such criticisms.

“It’s there and it’s true. It is part of that world,” he said of Jack’s outlandish behavior, compared with Will’s more subdued persona. “We were kind of hoping to get across to people there are more Wills in the world than there are Jacks. But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t Jacks.”

The series also was a frequent lightning rod for Christian conservatives offended by its irreverent treatment of sexuality, gay and straight.

Shelley Morrison, who played the show’s maid Rosario, said, “When we taped before a live audience, we had three policemen on the set. One time this couple came up to me, and the man put his hand over my mouth and said, ‘You’ll burn in hell for this.’ Some people could not take the subject matter, but most just said, ‘Thank you for making us laugh.’”

That’s exactly what the show did for me. It made me laugh. It still makes me laugh from 11-12 (am and pm) on Lifetime everyday. Four friends relentlessly being nothing but cruel to each other, and having each others backs when they needed it. The show took risks and avoided them all together. It provided me with four characters that I absolutely love to this day.

Season 6 was by far my favorite season, so I’m going to leave you with a “Best Of” for season 6. I really do feel that these shows speak best when they speak for themselves.

CREDIT TO REUTERS / TV.COM STAFF WRITER 5/18/2006 for quotes.

Back in like ‘99 my boy Daler Mendhi was tearin’ up the charts in Punjab. Where the hell is he now VH1?

2004 was a hard call to make, especially as someone who spent the majority of her life dreaming of living in Boston, living in Boston, and now, planning to go back to Boston. The Red Sox winning the World Series and breaking the curse in 2004 is high on the list of things that I am thrilled to have been able to witness.

2004 also saw some pretty good films with Super Size Me and Napoleon Dynamite. The latter resulted in every high school student I know incessantly quoting the film for months. (“But my lips hurt real bad!”, and “Whatever I feel like I wanna do, God!”, seem to be the most memorable). Garden State, if I remember correctly, also ruled my life. (And its soundtrack ruled the CD player of my borrowed car that fall). These were all thoroughly enjoyable and everything, but my final decision was the television show Friends.

Friends began in 1994 and followed the stories of 6 twenty-something best friends; Ross Geller (David Schwimmer), Rachel Green (Jennifer Aniston), Monica Geller (Courteney Cox Arquette), Chandler Bing (Matthew Perry), Phoebe Buffay (Lisa Kudrow), and Joey Tribbiani (Matt LeBlanc).

I’m sure that everybody knows the basic story line of Friends, so I won’t get into it. Basically, it was a stand-out during the mid-1990’s height of sitcoms. It was funny, it was simple, it portrayed a life that I could only dream of, and the characters were wildly attractive. I never had “The Rachel” haircut, but I have taken photos of Ms. Aniston to the hairdresser with me before, and I’ve always dreamed of having a purple kitchen like Monica’s.

Friends makes the cut because not only did I love the show, I loved it for years on end. I loved the characters and I loved following their lives and relationships. I’m not sure if I was ever truly invested in it as a show that I had to watch every single Thursday night when a new episode aired, but I know I did often make a point to watch it — and part of me finding and enjoying the show probably had everything to do with the fact that it aired on Thursday nights: The only night a week  that I could count on having off from gymnastics.

Not that the day of the original airing really mattered: the show reran in syndication an unreal amount through the early ’00s.

Friends is an easy show to like, and that’s probably why I like it. Sometimes it’s nice to just be entertained by enjoyable characters. While I do like viewing and reading things that require considerable critical thought (though, as a handful of professors will tell you, getting me to enjoy viewing and reading in such a way was not an easy task), but more than that, I enjoy being entertained. I like being able to take a story at face value and laugh at it. I loved the immature antics of Joey and Chandler and their open indulgence in simple things: television, take-out, porn, and ceramic dogs. I loved the materialistic side of Rachel: I could never be that vain if I tried, but I like the idea that maybe it doesn’t make you a bad person if you are. And, if I’m being honest, I loved the romantic story lines with Ross & Rachel and Monica & Chandler. I spent 10 years rooting for Ross and Rachel, and so did you.

I cried when I watched the Friends finale, because I had invested countless hours into these characters, and it was time to move on. (I cry when I finish books, too, because it’s like my new book-friends die when the story is over).

While there might not be anything seemingly ground-breaking about the show, it is the only show that I can think of (with a possible exception of It’s Always Sunny) that has ever had a true ensemble cast. All 6 friends played an equal acting role, and in each others fictional lives. They broke ground when they lobbied to all be paid the same per episode salary (Schwimmer and Aniston took pay cuts in order for this to happen), and ultimately, the show was probably so believable because of things like that. Friends felt genuine because the cast members were, in actuality, friends.

I will admit right now that I proudly own at least two seasons on DVD and at least four “Best of Friends” DVDS… and a trivia game…

One of my personal favorite scenes (though it’s impossible to choose).

Hey y’ulz. Hey do y’all remember Windows? Yes, Windows. That program on the “computers” that we all used to use (v diff 2 the OS we use on our lappies today). One of Windows’s greatest features was being able to open one thing while opening another at the same time.

“Check it out, you can multitask!”

“Wow!”

Of course, that all changed when they launched Windows Vista. But back then we’d play Prince of Persia while twirling our Coke Yo-Yos and grooving to “Black or White” while wearing “peace” shirts. Anyways, found this song about Windows thought y’ulle would appreciate. Sing with me: “It’s too late, I got a Mac… too late…”

(via jasonknight06)

So, if you’re late to the party, lets catch up. I have just rounded the bend on the halfway mark of Twenty-Three (a senseless experiment in torture and self-injurious behavior) and have produced 16 mediocre pieces to this point.

Today will be no different, but as we explore the new millennium from my perspective, it is my hope that I become less daunted and overwhelmed by my subjects, begin drafting posts more than 4 hours before the absolute deadline, and start creating something closer to what I dreamed this might be.

I have learned a lot up until this point regarding keeping a blog and a series with set deadlines. I can’t say that I am entirely proud of Twenty-Three as a whole at this point, but I am proud that I haven’t blown it yet and have managed to produce one 500-1000 word post every single day so far this month.

I have been helped along the way by the likes of google and Wikipedia, as well as friends whom I have been able to instant message regarding topics and points.

The existence of Twenty-Three is entirely internet dependent, as is my ability to maintain relationships, as well as my quest for knowledge.

In my lifetime, nothing has impacted the way people think, move, interact and simply exist as much as THE INTERNET has. With the exception of gaining the ability to control fire, I might argue that nothing has ever made as much impact as the internet has on society.

Now I know nothing regarding the science of the matter. I can hardly distinguish my computer from a paperweight, yet, I spend hours daily perusing the interwebs. I am nearly certain that you do, too.

There are literally thousands of processes that have changed as a result of the internet: writing papers, shopping, communication, networking, and stalking don’t even make a dent in the list. Every minor detail of our lives has been altered in some way. I know, personally, that no matter how I have tried to resist some of the advances, I am nearly constantly connected in some way to a friend or relative in a different city or state. I am addicted to email and I use some form of instant message more often than I am proud of.

I can waste time searching useless facts or learning more about a topic than I ever needed to know. I can search bargain websites and discover all kinds of crap that I never knew I wanted. The internet is, in many ways, a cleaner version of Ocean State Job Lot: A place I can go to waste time and make new discoveries.

And, the crazy thing is, that 15 years ago, 90% of what I do to waste my time would have been completely impossible. I often find myself thinking of people who came before me. I think the thought I have most often is, “What the fuck did people do to procrastinate before this?” I would have done so much better in college if I’d had fewer ways to procrastinate at my disposal — you’d be shocked at how important searching “puppies being cute” on YouTube can become when it’s 10pm and you have a paper due in the morning.

Perhaps it’s not surprising. Perhaps I can’t say anything you haven’t thought of regarding this subject. For bringing us closer together than we ever thought we’d get (while simultaneously creating great distances), for changing everything, I welcome THE INTERNET to Twenty-Three.