This summer, I embarked on a brief crime spree: I defaced private property. And I did it in front of horrified witnesses—my husband and three children. I knew I was setting a bad example, but I didn’t care. I was ready to do time in the hoosegow, to pay my debt to society—even though, in my humble opinion, society owed a debt to me, a debt of gratitude.

I just couldn’t take it any more. So I furtively looked around to make sure that no one was watching, crossly shushed my husband’s protests and solemnly instructed my kids to watch while their mother struck a blow for the cause of—proper punctuation.

Let me explain.

I was on a family vacation to an Oregon coastal town that shall remain nameless to protect the guilty (me). We had flown our kites, eaten our seafood dinners, walked the docks and taken in the sights. As we were leaving the souvenir village, we stopped to read a sign commemorating a local legend, a fierce sea monster known in local lore as the crown lizard.

My criminal instincts stirred when I read that “it’s skull was the largest reptile head ever found.” They hardened when I read the next sentence: “It’s teeth were also the largest ever discovered.” By the time I read to the end, where I learned that the monster would eat anything it could fit “down it’s rather large gullet,” I was convinced that “it’s” appetite for apostrophes also was insatiable.

To be fair—and to share the credit—I was not the first person to notice the extra apostrophes in that plaque. A couple of them were missing by the time my family showed up to read about the crown lizard. I even left a couple so that some grammar do-gooder could come along after me and feel the same thrill that I felt as I gently peeled off each offending apostrophe.

Come to think of it, I probably would appreciate having some company while I’m counting the bars in jail. Of course, I expect to be very busy while I’m doing hard time: I’ll probably find tons of misspelled graffiti on my cell walls.

Misplaced apostrophes are a common complaint among editors and grammar aficionados. If that’s one of your personal pet peeves, you might appreciate this catchy song from Cool Rules, an Australian learning resources provider. A friendly warning, though: You may find yourself humming “The Apostrophe Song” long after you finish watching the video.

What drives you crazy? What misstatements and misuses push your grammar buttons? Your friends and family probably tell you to stop nitpicking—at least that’s what I hear all the time.

Don’t listen to those people. You are a person who cares about language and its proper use. And you are the type of person from whom I want to hear.

Tell me all about your No. 1 communication pet peeve. Is it the people who say things like “supposively”? Is it that sign in the grocery store express lane that beckons to people with “10 items or less”? Whatever it is, I want to hear about it, and so does everyone else here in Nitpicker’s Nook.

• Punctuation and Spelling Police. Challenge students to pay attention to public signs, from daily restaurant menus to the seasonal announcement of a farmer’s market. If they spot a mistake, have them note it as well as the location. They should bring the finding to school and share it. Decide as a class if there is a mistake and, if so, how to fix it. If students have camera phones, the visual evidence would make the exercise more meaningful. You can inspire them with The Apostrophe Song video by CoolRules.com, in which a slideshow of public signs presents common mistakes with the apostrophe. If you think further incentive is needed, you can give a small reward to each student who identifies a broken rule (school pencil? cool sticker?) or challenge the class to reach 20 “violations” by the end of the course for a class prize.

• Partner Journals.  Have students keep a journal in English. Tell them they can write about whatever they want (suggestions can be provided), but they must write 1-3 sentences each day. Set aside time at least once a week for students to sit down in pairs and read each other’s journal. Students can comment orally on their partner’s entries, but doubts about vocabulary, grammar, or spelling should be indicated by underlining words. The author must consider his/ her partner’s doubts and decide if changes need to be made. Dictionaries and other reference books can be consulted and should be used before asking for help from the teacher.

I had apostrophe abuse on the brain, after my next door neighbor had sent me an entertaining video on the topic, along with a message asking, ”Will this be the next Schoolhouse Rock?” Who can forget this 1970s classic? Wasn’t everyone’s favorite “Conjunction Junction, what’s your function?” Or did you prefer “Lolly, Lolly, Lolly, Get Your Adverbs Here?”

We’ve talked so much, maybe too much, about apostrophe abuse lately. Still, it’s epidemic. As I considered whether to wax critical on this overdone topic yet again, I saw a sign. 

While taking a walk yesterday afternoon, The Apostrophe Song bouncing in my head, I almost literally stumbled on this placard, as if it had come up to greet me.

Considering I believe in signs, I knew this one was telling me to share the video my neighbor had shared. I think of it as a public service announcement of sorts, increasing awareness of an abuse that still goes unchallenged and giving us the tools to fight it.

It turns out that the video was produced by Adelaide, Australia-based company Cool Rules, which produces learning tools for children. If you’re looking for an easy way to remember when the apostrophe is appropriate and when it is not, or need a fun way to teach others, or even if you just like a catchy tune, give it a listen. And if you don’t care for the pop version, Cool Rules also offers the ditty in hip hop, rock and acoustic varieties.

It’ll make you nostalgic for Schoolhouse Rock.

[YouTube by Cool1000Rules]

http://www.coolrules.com …Put the apostrophe back in its place…