If a person starts telling you, whether in private or public, something that you already knew very well, you should pretend as if you do not know it. Do not rush to reveal your knowledge or to interfere with the speech. Instead, show your attention and concentration. The honorable tab’i Imam Ata ibn Abi Rabah said: “A young man would tell me something that I may have heard before he was born. Nevertheless, I would listen to him as if I had never heard it before.”

Khalid ibn Safwan al-Tamimi, who frequented the courts of two Khalifahs: Umar ibn Abdul Aziz and Hisham ibn Abdul Malik, said: “If a person tells you something you have heard before, or news that you already learned, do not interrupt him to exhibit your knowledge to those present. This is rude and ill mannered.” The honorable Imam Abdullah ibn Wahab al-Qurashi al-Masri, a companion of Imam Malik, Al-Laith ibn Sad and Al-Thawri, said: “Sometimes a person would tell me a story that I have heard before his parents had wed. Yet, I listened as if I havenever heard it before.” Ibrahim ibn al-Junaid said: “A wise man said to his son: ‘Learn the art of listening as you learn the art of speaking.’” Listening well means maintaining eye contact, allowing the speaker to finish the spech, and restraining your urge to interrupt his speech. Al-Hafiz al-Khatib al-Baghdadi said in a poem:

Never interrupt a talk

Though you know it inside out!

Source: Islaam.com

The immature ear will render a final decision before having an audience with all parties involved. You have two ears to hear both sides of the story.

Reading the recent WSJ Venture Capital Dispatch (link below), one might be led to believe that there is a difference, even  a rift,  between the interests of an Angel investor and those of a VC. In general, not so.

But in this uncertain time, a mosaic of individual experiences, taken as just that, can offer guidance along one’s funding journey. This post can be taken as one tile in that mosaic.

The ultimate situation in the post is that of a well qualified startup team, a useless VC meeting and an eventual productive Angel engagement. 

Remove the framework and the descriptives, and it looks more basic. A new business assesses the difference between a listener and a non listener.

Be warned: a VC who is a bad listener is always a waste of time. (Even if you get funding, you’ve got a problem to deal with.)  In this WSJ post, he looks like this:

** 

One West Coast VC took a five-minute meeting with Galleher and his team, peppered them with questions about the business and ended with “’You guys really had me there, for a minute,’” Galleher said. “I felt like I was auditioning in front of ["American Idol" judge] Simon Cowell, rather than pitching a business from two people that have start-up experience.”

**

With the caveat that statistically, most VCs you talk to who indeed are highly professional and capable listeners will also reject you (this is just life), they will not waste your time like the guys noted above. Same with Angels.

Remember that you are offering an opportunity. And vice versa.  There is no reason that for a designated and agreed upon amount of time, each can treat the other with professional listening respect.

Onto Angels. I agree wholeheartedly that as VC firms deal with:

1) inability to convince LPs to let them engage smaller funding amounts;

2) inability to focus on many or any new commitments until current commitments prove and/or exit;

3) realizations of lesser liquidity and/or greater risk aversion forcing them into later stage plays than originally desired or intended;

that Angels will remain a flexible and optimal choice.

Say your company  needs $500K, and you want to cede only up to 20% of your company on a conservative valuation. If you are already to market and what I’ll call “low cash positive,” an Angel could be a perfect partner. He/she wants an  investment and is qualified for this one;  he/she may not want significant control; he/she does not have a big board to care for and feed.  He/she might know your industry well and provide significant introductions and alliances, to the benefit of both of you. It can be a deeply important relationship that’s very worthy of your time.

But Angels are people too. Some of them are really foible-prone. Very unangelic. Again , this is just life.

Armed with a referral from a high level person at a major tech firm headquartered here in SV, I sent an email to an independent Angel about a year ago with the following quick facts, bullet pointed and unembellished. 

- wireless company; licensable software set; I described in seven words what it did.

- In operation since late 2000

-  Profitable since 2004 (I gave ebitda for prev. 2 years)

- Headquartered in Europe; more than 40 customers on four continents including in US.

His written response? That I “should find a profitable company with existing customers,” preferably a company that had “global possibilities.”

I still have this email; I keep it for its amusement factor.

Clearly this Angel gentleman, who is a native English speaker and who fashions himself as somewhat of an investor wunderkind, was too busy marketing himself and did not have the attention span to read my email.

Funding was secured for this company two months later, via a big VC firm source that did read my email (and listened well to the presentation that followed it.)

That mosaic of investors is indeed built case by case.

 **

Rejected By VCs, Rescued By Angels – Venture Capital Dispatch – WSJ.com
 Scott Denne 04.09.09  http://blogs.wsj.com/venturecapital/2009/04/09/rejected-by-vcs-rescued-by-angels/

Developing strong listening skills is a key element in building collaborative, professional and long-lasting personal relationships. Listening is an integral part of the whole communication cycle. As you move through the levels of listening, you’ll generate different responses from the speaker. To get a feel for what this might mean, imagine yourself as the speaker – how do you feel and respond when someone doesn’t pay attention to you as you speak to them? And how is that different when the listener puts their whole attention on what you are saying? We want it so people will listen to us; they will do it if we will listen to them.

There are five common levels of listening:
1. Avoidance, ignorance. No effort to listen at all.
2. Pretend listening. Giving the appearance of listening.
3. Selective listening. Hearing only what interests you.
4. Intensive listening – with projection on themselves. Paying attention, focusing on the speaker’s words to your own needs, arguments, experiences and interests.

5. Empathic listening- through the eyes of the speaker. Listening, responding with both the heart and mind to understand the speaker’s words, intent and feelings. Listen for what is not being said.
And there is the Sixth Level of listening, and it’s to listening to your inner voice. The concept introduces a new and internal speaker. You can listen to your inner voice. To listen actively to your inner voice you should:
• Try to see and understand their point of view.
• Try to understand if there are aspects of culture.
• Listening through your body language to your inner voice.
• Be patient, hear their thoughts, let them think out loud.
• Avoid responding (you are listening to understand).
• Be with an open mind to listen to what the speaker actually says; what the speaker wants to say; what the speaker feels.
• Keep an open mind and suspend your judgments.
Now after you are willing to listen, you can learn such things as:

• Don’t interrupt, stay with an open mind.
• Put your attention on the speaker.
• Make eye contact.
• Ask open questions to encourage to speaker to continue.

Did you know that it takes 5 characters to represent “listen” in Chinese? Eyes, ears, heart, you and focused undivided attention.
When we think about the ways in which cultures differ in listening skills, we usually use the iceberg analogy. The aspects of culture that are immediately apparent, like food, language, customs and manners are above the surface. Those aspects of culture that are more hidden, that we are less consciously aware of, are below the outside. They include:

1. Communication style
2. Interpersonal relations
3. Attitude toward authority
4. Orientation towards time
5. Attitude towards space
6. Thinking style
7. Tolerance for ambiguity and uncertainty
8. Orientation to the environment
9. Values, beliefs and basic assumptions

Those aspects of culture that are more hidden, that we are less consciously aware of, is the key to be an effective listener starting in respecting the other side/ it’s not easy not to be in a judgment mode.

Listening through the body language
Did you know that the human body can produce over 700,000 unique movements? These movements have been partitioned into about 60 discrete and symbolic signals and around 60 gestures, postures, and expressions.
More than 90% of the job interview is conveyed by non-verbal means. You did all the homework for your interview. You know everything about the company, their vision, management style, what skills you have that would benefit this company, and where you expect your career to be in 10 years. Briefly you know all the correct answers to 249 interview questions, but at the end of the day what really counts is the main question: did you have good chemistry? Can they trust your message, and what you can do in order to make sure that they will?
We polish our verbal skills for an interview, but few of us give much consideration to their non- verbal communication and body language skills that support the verbal messages and can make the difference.

Up-to-date research has proven that the large majority of messages are received in varying levels of effectiveness. The impact you make on others depends on what you say (7%), how you say it (38%), and by your body language (55%).
We can read other thoughts like open cards. The thoughts in our minds transfer into feeling that get an emotional expression that our body pronounces in thousand of gestures, postures, and expressions.

Listening with your eyes
• “The eyes are often called, ‘the windows of the soul’ as they can send many different non-verbal signals.
• Eye contact often increases significantly when we are listening, and especially when we are paying close attention to what the other person is saying.
• Less eye contact is used when talking, particularly by people who are visual thinkers as they stare into the distance or upwards as they ’see’ what they are talking about.

• Locked ankles
When a person makes very little eye contact, they may be feeling insecure. They may also be lying and not want to be detected; it also could be as a result of coulter behavior.
Why cards?
Mastering the secrets of the body language might be complicated. Body language is a visual mode of communication- you cannot learn it just from reading- you need to see it. Body Language Cards do just that; they flood your consciousness with the visual gestures and connect it to its meaning.
Most important: It works!!!
Body Language Cards are used as an integral part for professional body language courses; they are practiced as an educational devise in corporations; Body Language Cards are even used in psychology courses in colleges all over the world and they were recently translated in 4 additional languages.
You can learn more by going to www.bodylanguagecards.com
The Body Language Cards
Body language cards were developed in 1998 by Dan Rolls and Gill Shermeister as a professional tool for Body Language training.
Our mission statement: For better understanding! For better communication!
It became a leading resource for corporate training for negotiations, interviews and presentations.
The Basic Body Language Cards were translated to 4 additional languages and is often used as a smart corporate gift, with unique added value designated for managers, sale teams and even customers.
The success of the basic Body Language Cards kit, has led us to develop specialized kits for negotiations and interviews and a unique kit for dating and flirting.
Why cards?
The information in this field is organized mostly in books, which is amazing, taking into consideration the fact that it’s a visual mode of communication and the crucial thing is to have the visual memory of the movement in mind when one encounters the relevant gesture.

Cards send a signal to our brain that it’s a game and not another bulk of information that we have to learn. People like to play and thus the information is more effectively consolidated.

By flash cards much of the information is integrated in additional brain areas, those involved in habits acquisition.

It’s also a very easy way to practice and repeat the information- which is more complicated with other means.

It is also an easily accessed; it can be on the desk.
Gill Shermeister
Trained as a zoologist, Gill became fascinated by the similarities of basic mammalian behaviors to those of humans. He has spent the last 18 years investigating this field and as a lecturer on non-verbal communication, presentation and public speaking.
He is a personal trainer to some leading corporate negotiators and politicians.
Gill shares his professional secrets of his trade in this unique tool to master the secrets of Body Language.
Our website:

www.BodyLanguageCards.com

Today we’re going to practice a very simple technique, that will be the hardest to master yet most powerful technique you will ever use.

Today you learn to listen.  I teach active listening on the very first day of Hypnosis Training because the secret to being a great hypnotist is being a good listener.  Listening, like scratch baking, is a lost art.  Actually, being a good listener is at the top of the list for most job requirements.

I thoroughly believe most of the emotional and mental problems in our country would be solved if people only learned to listen to each other.

So tomorrow, here is what I want you to do:  Whenever someone speaks to you, repeat what they say back to them.  If they correct you, you misheard.  Repeat it again.  Not in an irritating fashion, but in a way that let’s them know they’ve been heard.

One of the biggest gifts I ever received was that two friends told me I was a terrible listener.  This happened back in 1994.  I was devastated at the time.  But, once I got over the shock and realized they were right, I decided to change.  My whole life changed as a result of that decision.

Try it.  And let me know what happens.

Over the years I have come to understand, in conversation it is not really necessary to have a ready opinion on everything. On the contrary, good conversation develops opinions — clearly this depends on the ability to listen and express oneself as well…. Overtime, I’ve learned to not feel as though I must insert some stilted remark into every back and forth I have…I like to digest and process what I am hearing before I offer my insight…

The essence of good conversation is to get others to talk. And order to do this you must listen.

After working at the NYU Silver School of Social Work for the past few years I have had the chance to observe one or two classes. What I have taken away from these classes is that the major component within social work is the ability to listen. This is the most important part of the client/social worker relationship. Listening then leads to trust, confidence and a much more dynamic relationship. I think this skill is transferable across all disciplines and professions as well.

A faculty member gave me the following tips on how to become a better listener:

1. Position yourself so that you can be engaged with the speaker and the conversation: Face him/her and make eye contact. If you are doing something else (for example, typing or reading the paper), stop.

I will close with a powerful quote taken from a short essay by Brenda Ueland called The Art of Listening

We should all know this: that listening, not talking,
is the gifted and great role, and the imaginative role.
And the true listener is much more beloved, magnetic
than the talker, and he is more effective and learns more and
does more good.

Happy Listening!

ojdpartosa

Gracious speech is like clover honey–good taste to the soul, quick energy for the body.(Proverbs 16:24) 

Therefore, there is no wonder, we love the quotes – collect and share them with each other – build monuments to a pen. That’s nice and good. The libraries are growing everywhere.  However, street cries don’t remind of a garden in blossom, but prompt to look for wisdom at the Past. What’s happening?

 The artists know the answer.  Gary Zukav says

 “You cannot find your soul with your mind; you must use your heart.” 

The bible talks clearly

“Keep on loving each other as brothers and sisters. Don’t forget to show hospitality to strangers, for some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it!

Hebrews 13:1-2 (New Living Translation) 

Do we hear the Light, or shine just to ourselves?

Therefore, while browsing the web, it was no wonder to discover a remark: “Success in almost any field depends more on energy and drive than it does on intelligence. This explains why we have so many stupid leaders.” “Sloan Wilson, US author, 1920 – 2003  

The truth not attracts but challenges- put a theory to a practice….The hearty Hi comes out of itself

“True listening, total concentration on the other, is always a manifestation of love.” Scott, Peck.

Tonight, I learned a little more about what it means to really listen to another and how to deeply listen. Jim Skinner, a parenting coach described deep listening as – it’s as if you open up a space for another person inside you to give them room to be heard. (Those may not have been his exact words but I understand what he means.) What a lovely way to think about listening to someone, really listening… To give them their own special place in your heart and mind for a little while, to be heard.

How often do you really listen? I’ll be the first to admit that I have not been the best listener lately. The holiday season was a bit hectic this year. And my to do list seems to be growing trying to balance family, events and work.

But even though my mind is a bit full these days, I promise I will try to give you space when you really need it.

I was looking through the window all day log today and that have happened at least: though the raining didn’t cease, but it became dark and the time to go to bed finally have arrived.

It looks so natural, but that’s the good news that are worthy the sharing. My troubles came to the end because all shops became closed. Thus the night made me free from the thoughts of forthcoming Christmas empty box: I don’t worry for my impotency to put anything there now. Plus. While sleeping we all become alike. The jobless disabled looks like a president because the fairy tales awake for the miracle till the dawn, when we will awake again and will recognize ourselves again in our different social statuses. The talking about the spirituality of the humanity will become the privilege of the few who could allow themselves the luxury to buy a cup of coffee and to muse why do other looks so worried then.

When the night cames and the rain hits the window – when the darkness pierces me till bones I became the most happy men: I start writing to you then. I am sharing the joy over the awakening of the fairy tales.

“God, give me grace to accept with serenity the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”— Reinhold Niebuhr

We have heard lots of nice words that uplift the soul and encourage, but are they not just a self deception? I just have read the quote:

All artists are vain, they long to be recognized and to leave something to posterity. They want to be loved, and at the same time they want to be free. But nobody is free.
::: Francis Bacon :::

While growth of costs for the living threatens people, the art halls sink in the solitude.

Let’s recall  George Bernard Shaw. He said:

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”

In answer to “What is the true size of your country?”, I’m proud to say that my country embraces the whole world.

What does it amount to?

The answer depends on the heart, and it differs in the concrete from the indiscernible point in the flesh on two legs up to the whole universe that is inhabited by our Spirit

The oaks soar up the grass, and their magnificient sough is the catching. The nature compels us recover: the heaven becomes the mirror and we joyfully obey the eternities, That is self-understanding – the main theme of my pictures. As Jackson Pollock states “The modern artist is working with space and time, and expressing his feelings rather than illustrating.”

I understand the art as not a profession, but the way of life. My painting is my breathing. So to say, the ecology is the comprehension of our spirituality. The artwork mirror the consciousness. The pictures depict human dreams in the light of their faithfulness. Thus the masterpiece means the level of of ditness to the rapidly forthcoming God’s eternal kingdom.

I know the fishes talk – they laugh at our assurance of their deafness.  Unfortunately, I am to confess, I too don’t hear the citizens of the water. Am I laughing? What is the use of our trust in the knowledge we have succeeded to achieve tull now? What is the use of the knowledge without putting it into the practice?

The sky croons so dearly, but the tractor buzzes more loudly. The cars become the heroes of today and produce the tiredness. The civilization overdrives the people.  It’s no wonder they have no more time to listen to the cloudlets, or to enjoy the beauty of the butterflies. Thus the talks on the eternities interest just few professionals in spite of the fact that we all call ourselves the human. Are we such indeed? The art halls became used to meet people with the stinging silence.

After defining our environment, we are to choose where to go. Are we going to become the experts of evil, or the followers of the sunbeam? Life gives no place to the spectators, but forces each one of us the issue. The heaven questions, do we seek the heavenly beauty, or just the temporal personal safety? Do my pictures share the life? 

Recognition of some shapes in an abstract artwork results at the viewer’s satisfaction. However, is it not the self deception? What for could such guesswork serve?

It is good to live in harmony with the heart. The upshot of it is the colorful artwork. The applause doubles the aesthetical impact of the picture. That’s the truth and the other way: the dramatic, expressive colors are the result of ‘no comments’

The lament of an art receives the applause, the ratings of ‘All Time Best’  Wow, that’s above my potency to grasp too. What do we search for? Do we want to enjoy the  life and to blossom in the grateful Thank You, or just look for the beauty of the colors? 

The technical excellence brings the applause in an art showroom. That’s nice, but what does that mean?  Do we need the nice looking reflections of the current state of our world (the pictures) , or the joyful daily walk?

The sun will sweep away the sky from the current twilight and all tracks will become clear beyond the dawn! The faith became the artwork, the picture has appeared, and I gaze at it looking for the door to enter in.  I have looked around, glimpsed at a mirror, and that forced to hide my eyes. The diary substituted the shield, but “to be or not to be” didn’t stop knocking on my heart.  That’s no wonder. While dreaming about the heaven, I wandered around my bedroom – watched the sunbeam’s ornamentation on a window.

Eternal values versus temporal “ABC” sound nice, but that’s fearful: the beauty must be put into practice. Otherwise it costs nothing at all. The artists must become the viewers and the viewers the heroes that have no time to view, but prove their faith by their deeds.

That’s the truth that disguises as the artistic creativity that makes the shadows the beauty. Visually the picture may look blurred enough, but it isn’t so indeed: while I was searching for the door to enter inside the picture, my complaints for my destiny have dressed in the parables. I enjoy the light that was discovered in what looked like the dirt. Fine art has transformed the limitations of the disabled into the beauty.  These transformations revealed the eternities -made the invisible spiritual world the reality I enjoy.

you see my story above. I found good quote to ilustrate that truth:

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

The aged recognize themselves in the leaves – It’s me.

I looked at what I just have said and have felt that my words in the descriptive line of the photo above has littered up the truth.  How could that happen so?

The words are the truth, but the publicity of the truth twists the truth- misrepresents what looks the ABC.  The distortions are painful and seed the loneliness among people, but don’t change nothing in essence. The aged get the power of recognition of themselves in what they are looking at a moment indeed. That’s an ability to step from self and to identify oneself  with the other (to recognize oneselfef in the eyes of the other)- but this wisdom don’t shout “IT’s ME!”.  It questions HOW ARE YOU.  The wisdom transforms our high statements into the humble visual stories and the silence explodes with memoirs that don’t make us the deaf, but open the eyes (unlock the hearts) The gratitude  overfills us then and the precious memoirs transform personal worries into the joy of wholehearted “can I help you?”

My friends go abroad for a work, but that’s impossible in my case : Today was the first day I needed the help of walking stick to go outside – just across the street. 

Keep a clear conscience before God so that when people throw mud at you, none of it will stick. They’ll end up realizing that they’re the ones who need a bath.

1 Peter 3:16 (The Message)

I love walls of my city. I trust people who hide under them and therefore dont lose the hope to meet the benefactor one day who will help me to forget my sad destiny of helpless disabled and to print to share my artwork.

Maybe it would be yours postal remittance. Wow, Thank you.

My correct mailing address is:

Tomas kalarlas  Liepu 25 -31, Klaipeda LT- 92139, Lithuania

email ktomkas@takas.lt

I needed support and thus the yard of the hospital I stay in burst in blossom. 

The foreigners just give the passerbys the  nod and their silent Hi sink in heavy traffic. The  fellows have everything in common and dont call the problems of other the begging. The friends dont irritate but help each other and that’s sharing a joy, living a love, enjoying the heavenly colors but not self.

The foreigners ask questions that has interest in a boredom information.  Is there any need to know how much homeless live in my town or how much wheels has a car? There are lots of people who can buy the costly books even in the poverty countries. The friends dont question anything, they just are musing aloud because they trust one other and friends receive the help when they are in need. Friends give nothing but share the love and aren’t in dept to anybody.

While writing to you I have nothing to ask, but just want to say Hi my dear unknown in face but precious in heart.  At a moment you can see the tears in my eyes more often than prior and my walk became more hard and the doors of the hospital meet me almost daily, plus my computer started giving the warning announcements of going to stop.  My dear all above and much more are sad news, but they aren’t the complaints.  I just want you to know the sunset announces the new dawn.  I want to thank you for all your comments on my blogs.  I appreciate them greatly and they were the most precious help to me. Maybe my pictures are going to end,  (I am impotent to continue further with them by alone) but there are lots of no less interesting drawings … You will experience no lack at all.

My dear in case my correspondence will cease at all one day, I want you will know for sure you were my best friends. I am sorry just for one: I didn’t succeeded to wrote thank you to all of you. Thats one and only that matters indeed. All other our plans are just footprints on road dust that winds sweep and prepare the ground for the new Grass.

Be well and know Tomas love you.

 I have found wise saying:

“Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers.”
– Alfred Lord Tennyson