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Last night I had one of the biggest scares of my life…

Apparently when I left the house in the morning, I forgot to shut and/or lock the cage for this monster:

I use the term monster loosely because in actuality, he is my baby.  Don’t even think I’m kidding.  This bird is more spoiled than you can even imagine.

So, back to the story. 

On Sunday, we were heading to my moms to have a Thanksgiving after Thanksgiving YUM, mom’s cooking!.  My husband was being a bit of a douche and said that if we weren’t out of the house by 10:30am, he wasn’t going clearly this led to a fight but that’s a story for another day.

Due to a few things primarily my utter lack of being able to plan and have no sense of time I wasn’t quite on track for said 10:30am departure.  As the clock clicked closer and closer to 10:30am, I became more and more frazzled.  And in addition to forgetting to bring tupperware containers to moms (for leftovers of course!), I forgot my work laptop (and I NEEDED to work on some stuff for today) and also forgot to shut and/or lock the birds cage. 

As always, the first thing I did when we got home at 9:30pm was to say hi to the cats and go into the birds bedroom I told you he was my baby! to go get him.  I walk into the bedroom and his cage door is WIDE open.  SHIT.

I quickly scan the room, now already fearing the worst what power cord did he chomp through and get electrocuted with, etc. and don’t see him and start to panic, and I mean PANIC.  I quickly holler for my husband who HATES the bird.  I did say HATE, right? and MAKE him go into the bedroom and look for him.  Precisely 1.5 seconds after he walks into the bedroom, I hear a sigh deep down I know he was hoping that my worst fear and his fantasy had come true and the confirmation that ALL IS OKAY thank the baby jesus!

Apparently, during my quick scan of the room, I neglected to look at his sleep cage What?  I told you he was my baby! and see that he was sitting in that cage.  I mean really, why would you want to hang out in the cage that is 36″ deep by 48″ wide and 60″+ high when you can chill in a 24″ deep by 24″ wide by 30″ high cage instead?  Silly me.

Thankfully, he he did not destroy ANYTHING, and he is very capable of turning that entire room into a pile of shredded wood.  He didn’t touch a thing.  Not my fake Uggs that were sitting on the floor he has an infatuation with shoes, not the wood trim, or any of the furniture or even the the oodles of wrapped Christmas presents!

Sigh.  I still panic just thinking about it.

So, yeah.  Clearly I suck and am so fortunate that it ended well.  This was a a big huge oops on my part.  And really just need to tell my husband to quit being a douche and not be a jackass about leaving 5minutes late be more careful in the future.

Back from the long weekend- the Islamic Kurban holiday coincided with Thanksgiving this year, so I got to have two holidays in one week. I helped cook a full Thanksgiving dinner for 75 on Tuesday (we started planning Monday…) and then left Wednesday to spend the rest of the holidays with one of my Turkish friends, Candan. I can’t say enough about what incredible hosts she and her parents were. We visited friends and family, ate an enormous amount (think of Thanksgiving and then multiply by 4 days), supported the Turkish economy with a day-long shopping trip, listened to a lot of Turkish and succeeded in speaking a little too, created quite the scandal at the family wedding, played with some babies, and learned a whole lot about this crazy wonderful country. Soooo many stories to tell, but I’ll go ahead and post some pictures until I more time.

I made the pie dough and filling for two apple pies and then we moved to the school’s industrial kitchen to use their ovens. As I started rolling the dough out, the pastry chef came over, seized the rolling pin, and created a masterpiece that I could in no way take credit for. After much stress, chaos, some desperate skype calls home and with a lot of help from the kitchen staff, we (the exchange students) pulled a pretty great dinner – miracles of all miracles we had enough food, ate only 30 min late, and no one got food poisoning.

Candan and her parents- I love this family! They sure know how to have a good time.

Candan, her cousin Halay, and their grandmother dancing the night away at the henna party before the wedding (kind of a Turkish version of a bachelorette party).

One of the many huge meals we ate this weekend (this in particular was breakfast). Absolutely delicious!

Celebrating the holiday with Candan and her parents- take one swig of Raki (a kind of licorice/anise vodka-ish drink) and chase it with a swig of fermented purple carrot juice- sounds like something out of Harry Potter, but I won’t lie, it’s pretty good.

One of the many humbling moments of the weekend- trying to pick up some dance moves at the henna party. I need some Turkish dance lessons! PS- that’s the bride in the background with the purple dress

I recorded this for my brother John, who is in London and missed Thanksgiving. It has all the elements of a moment with my family.

1. Clothing missing

2. A fight with mom

3. Someone being called a Nazi

4. The bird

5. My dad singing

Scotty forgot to look at himself in the mirror on the way down the stairs but he is only half us.

Anyway miss you, John!

Hello my fellow crow fans and assorted others, human and higher beings,

Again, my apologies for the delay, but there was a terrible legal hassle I had to go through with my boss.  I do not consider Sarah Palin’s book, “Going Rogue, An American Life” a book.

The Bird reviews books, both fiction and nonfiction, magazines, blogs, anything that is literature, and is interesting, informative, funny, factual, emotional – everything that true writers are supposed to give to their readers.

Sarah Palin does not qualify as a writer.  I refused to review her book, and the Parents were one hundred percent behind me, but it took some serious legal arguments to back up my decision.  In the end, we won, the courts ruled that Palin’s pieces of paper do not qualify as fiction, nonfiction, literature, factual, anything.  This waste of what was once a live tree is not considered a book by the High Court of Trees. As crows, we know what is and is not a book, from all of the time we spend with the original paper source.

It qualifies as a 44 year old woman writing a “Dear Diary” with all of the ability of an angry fifteen year old.

The Bird does not review “mean little girl” diaries.

Read and see more here:

Bobby’s Bi-weekly Book Review

Although, the picture below pretty much sums it up.

[image by 'flyinureye' via themudflats.net]

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=4659318

Hello, my fellow Crows and assorted Others.  Today we are reviewing “Not By Accident: Reconstructing A Careless Life”. by author Samantha Dunn.

You can click the link below, or just pop over to the review page.  Enjoy!

Bobby’s Bi-weekly Book Review

I have to make dinner, the Humans are working late, so my apologies for rushing off.  You can see I have my hands full, below.

Ahh, folks? Are we out of Garlic Salt? I am looking everywhere, dammit!

Also in the goat area at the zoo yesterday, Gab approached me with this gesture.  While such a display of a-well-a bird, bird, bird is typically accompanied with a hearty Eff you in adult speak, a child visiting the petting zoo is simply eager to flaunt,

Goat spit!!

They are calling this a PROTEST finger which I whole heartedly accept.   When are you going to be able to flip someone off on this large of a scale?  Of course then again why would you want to?  If you can think of a reason – then this item is for you.

For more information on putting you logo on this visit our website:  www.fixedimpressionsonline.com

I have some rather uncommon and unpopular political opinions.

About two weeks ago President Obama came to Phoenix to address the VFW national convention. As with everywhere else he goes, there were protesters. Several of them were armed, including one 28 year-old Christopher Broughton who carried an AR-15 rifle slung on his shoulder. Maybe you heard about this. I learned his name from Stephen “The Bird” Lemons in the latest issue of the Phoenix NewTimes. Broughton had been keeping his last name secret, but the Arizona Republic apparently figured out what it was. According to Lemons, this rifle slinging was a publicity stunt organized by Phoenix area libertarian activist Ernest Hancock to get some traffic for his website, FreedomsPhoenix.com. He says that Hancock deliberately picked a black man to quash the notion that this armed opposition to Obama and his policies has something to do with race.

I find this armed protest thing rather amusing. I’ve often wondered why protesters aren’t more frequently armed where it’s legal. I thought about this a lot during Bush’s presidency. I’ve wondered how Secret Service and Homeland Security thugs would respond. It elicits a wide variety of responses in people. It seemed bizarre when the cable news people made a big fucking deal out of the one armed guy protesting an Obama visit in New Hampshire. Apparently this is not widely known, but there are a bunch of libertarian dorks living in that state who do everything armed. These guys are harmless:

I can’t get through the entire video, nor can I imagine why the man who made it might think anyone would want to. Clearly, they’re harmless dorks. They do sometimes get arrested, but never for anything violent. I think the Ernest Hancock crowd is made up of almost the same kind of dorks. I’ve seen video of Christopher Broughton himself and he’s so painfully libertarian-nerdy that I can’t watch more than a few seconds.

Lemons blasts the poor dork:

“I don’t want to be Joe the Plumber,” he told the [Arizona Republic]. “I don’t want to be famous.

But Broughton, who, according to the Federal Elections Commission, once gave moonhowlin’ liber-tard-ian Congressman Ron Paul $300 for his presidential run and who listed his profession as “tech mold/apprentice mold maker” (dare to dream!), was singing a slightly different tune during his appearance on conspiracy mave Alex Jones’ radio show.

Nah, Broughton wasn’t copping to his last name there, either. But he was reveling in the attention from Jones, a man who believes the “global elite” regularly gather at the Bohemian Grove retreat in Norther California to worship Beelzebub or some other occult deity, a man who believes the swine flu vaccin is poison meant for the masses, and who has been a huge supporter of the insanity that 9/11 was an inside job by the George W. Bush administration.

Lemons is starting to really irritate me. I’ve been reading the NewTimes since I came to the Phoenix area. It’s considered a left-ish rag but has always been far from perfectly “progressive.” The articles tend to be opinionated, but not necessarily in the way you’d expect (unless it’s a story about Joe Arpaio). I like this paper and wish more people would read the important articles, but I’m tired of Lemons. He’s  a sort of intellectual bully, making readers feel like they’re stupid if they don’t agree with him. It’s a technique that’s sadly effective, much more so than reasoned debate. I not really big on the rifle-carrying, but so what if some harmless dork wants to do this? So what if he doesn’t want people to know his name? So what if donated $300 to Ron Paul’s campaign.

Actually, I take some issue with that last one. I’m a fan of Ron Paul and I have been for several years, but I don’t condone electoral politics and making that contribution seems pretty foolish. Perhaps he has nothing better to spend money on. Ron Paul is the only honest and principled person in either house of congress. I don’t always agree with him, but I have so much respect for him that I really think I see him as a hero for everything he’s done and everything he’s tried to do.  He was one of 66 members of the House to vote against the USA PATRIOT act, saying “It’s my understanding the bill wasn’t printed before the vote—at least I couldn’t get it. They played all kinds of games, kept the House in session all night, and it was a very complicated bill. Maybe a handful of staffers actually read it, but the bill definitely was not available to members before the vote.” I could go on and on about why he’s so wonderful, but my point is simply that nobody who calls him a “moonhowlin’ liber-tard-ian” deserves to be listened to. In fact, anyone who uses either of those “words” about anyone can’t be taken seriously.

I do not hold Alex Jones in such high regard, but the global elite do in fact gather at least once per year at the Bohemian Grove, the deity they make a presumably fake sacrifice to  is called Moloch, and the swine flu vaccine of the 1976 did far more harm than the virus itself (which was supposed to kill a million people). The US government tries hard every year to scare all Americans into get a flu vaccine, even though it doesn’t appear at all effective. Why? Jones is the type who automatically ascribes a reason to everything government does. I’m much more likely blame stupidity, incompetence, and short-sighted selfishness than malice, not because people in government aren’t malicious, but because they’re stupid, incompetent, short-sighted, and selfish.

Regarding 9/11, I don’t believe the official story, but I don’t presume to know what actually happened, and at this point I don’t really care. It is very clear to me that our “leaders” are perfectly capable of murdering thousands to spend more of our money on the bombs, tanks, and airplanes that their friends make. How else can you explain the stupid wars our military is involved in? As General Smedley Butler titled his famous book, war is a racket. I think the problem with the hole “debate” is that many or most Americans would prefer to believe that the people who wield tremendous power over us actually care about us and would never murder us. A comforting thought for which there is no evidence. Believe what you want to believe if it helps you sleep at night.

Lemons finishes with a question:

Would Broughton and Ernie Hancock and Alex Jones applaud if someone went Lee Harvey Oswald on President Obama[?] I’m guessing the would as long as they weren’t implicated in any way.

The nation is slouching ever closer to a really ugly bout of violence cheered on by gun crazies and self-described “patriots.” Remember back in the day when it was considered bad manners – no matter if you hated the guy or not – to wish ill on the presidents?

Man, how far we’ve regressed.

I don’t think they’d applaud. I think they’d get nervous. I would. I really didn’t like the way the executive and legislative branches reacted to the events of 9-11-2001, and I’m sure I wouldn’t like the reaction to an assassination. It’s been a long time, and a lot of things have changed. I wouldn’t feel at all sad though.

Anyway, as I read that column, I realized that I’m a nut to many people, or I would be if they knew what I really think about the world. Lemons thinks I’m a nut. I think he’s a childish dick.

Can someone please proof-read this for me?

My 4 year old son had oral surgery Wednesday morning, 8am.  He did fine.  On the way home, at about 9am, I went to the local McDonalds to get a cup of coffee for the ride home.  The drive through line was jammed so that you had to actually drive around the entire store to get in line…not just the drive up and get in line like you can at say, 10am.  So, I did the drive around the store, get 10th in line and waited my turn patiently while my son sat in the car seat in the back seat….taking all this in.

A lady in a sort of nice car, with her 12 year old son saw me 10th in line with about 4 people behind me.  She did not drive around and get at the end of the line. like me and everybody else..she crammed her bumper right between me and the car ahead.. cut the drive through line..blocked the traffic lane,….blocked the snake of a drive through lane….looked at me with a, “kiss my…..” look and her son was laughing, looking back at me like a 12 year old will when they get away with something and know it… and the mother just scowled a little with a smerk.  

 My son said, “daddy she got in front of you”.   Oh man, I was ticked off to the point of internal rage.  I mean it is just a cup of coffee.  It is just a drive through line.  I had the day off.  But it ticked me off so bad that I actually had tunnel vision and, in my mind, for that brief moment… I could envision just ramming my truck into the side of her car, then walking over and slapping the grin off of the boy’s face….then jerking her out of the car, moving it back and then going to get my coffee. 

Man, I got issues…. think my buddy Mike is Messed Up?  I know I am!   Then I thought about Matthew 5, where Jesus said,..turn the other cheek.  If they want your coat…give them you cloak too.  I bet Jesus has never been cut off in a drive thru.  Darn bible got in my way again of enjoying my rage.  I gave her my spot and did not even shoot her a bird.   I am glad God loves me.

louie

First off, Pelosi calling the town hall protesters unamerican is bull crock at its best.  I remember during the campaign that a certain vice-presidential candidate was saying that people who live the big cities and are not Christians are unamerican.  Well, it was a long time coming but Pelosi gets the bird.

The amount of name calling that is going on is incredible.  You have the conservatives calling the liberal socialists, Marxists, and communists.  You have the liberals calling the conservatives fascists, birthers, deathers, and racists.  In the end, just because one side is doing it does not mean that it is right.

I also find it interesting that the democrat leaders are complaining about the republicans busing people to these town hall meetings.  However, they did not mention anything about the unions busing people to protest outside of Wall Street executives’ homes.  Here is a memo, if you condone it in one instance, don’t be surprised when the opposition uses the same tactic.

Early today, Rupert Murdoch, owner of the STAR Television Network, officially announced that they have run out of any and all original programming for broadcast on their English language channel, STAR World.

With viewers clamoring “I watch STAR World, get me out of here!“, the broadcasting giant’s management find themselves looking at the graying anatomy of their line-up.

The network’s current choice of sad and revolting reality-based shows have left audiences asking if the people at STAR really were smarter than a fifth grader?

While the broadcaster still maintains that their programming line up aims to be bold and beautiful, the viewing public thinks otherwise.  “What lame asshole would choose to play reruns of Friends over and over and over again for years on end?!” screamed one frustrated mother of three.  A 12 year old we interviewed wanted to know if “Karan Johar really is a closet faggot?“

With STAR TV refusing to act on the feedback of millions of viewers, one is left wondering whose line it is, anyway?

About the STAR TV network

STAR TV on the web

STAR World program guide

Is Karan Johar indeed a closet homosexual?

Official Bold & Beautiful website

Official Friends website

Official website for Whose Line Is It Anyway?

The other day, on tour, a guy said goodbye to us as we were leaving. He gave me the peace sign. But, it was a backward peace sign.

In England, when you stick up two fingers with the back of your hand facing the receiver, that is the equivalent of a middle finger in the States.

Having been conditioned to this sort of thing whilst in England, I had to do a double take when the guy unknowingly said “F*** you, goodbye.”

I nearly stopped and asked him why he was doing such a dastardly thing.

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The last few days since my last posts I haven’t been up to much. I actually put a ham in the oven a few days ago and it came out well done!  I made ham and egg breakfast sandwiches.  I took pictures but decided they weren’t all that important to post here so it’s on my Facebook account.  Today I was on 3-way with friends.  They talked me to near death.  I know I’m supposed to care about every little piece of gossip, but I really don’t.  And I was ganged up on for not thinking republicans were “racialist” when criticizing the Obama’s date night.  I argued that they did the same thing with Clinton and then they argued that because they didn’t know about what was said about Clinton that somehow they were still correct in calling GOP attacks racially motivated.  Anyways, I ignore their rare moment of ignorance and disregard for facts and moved on to talking about “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” lol.  Then they wanted to talk about some other random stuff that I could care less about, I’m just thinking, KILL ME NOW! Though, if they’d call me at a non-morning time then I wouldn’t care.  Eventually I just said I had to go.  So, I went shopping.  I also HATE SHOPPING.  I was there to tag along and help pick out clothes.  I don’t know why I went other than the fact that I was asked to go.  I didn’t buy anything because I’m cheap and want to save my money for the new car I’m planning on getting…

As far as online stuff, I’ve changed the sidebar on this blog.  I tried my blogs to spruce(?) it up, I’m content with it.  I’m going to redo the header too.  Oh, and in I-Just-Learned-How-To-News. I modified my first Greasemonkey script for WordPress.com.  I found a social bookmarking script that automatically generates social bookmarking links for your posts and I modified it to add the “Add This” button instead.  In these cases, screenshots are cool, so heres one.

On my “A Little Something About Me” page, which THREE people click on today lol, I said that I was scared when watching the movie, The Birds by Alfred Hitchcock 1963.  Well, I got bored and watched the movie again, thinking I wouldn’t be scared.  The real reason I even thought to watch the movie was because last week when I left out the house, birds were acting weird.  Some looked strange and fatter then usual and it was just really unusual and scary-weird.  So, to I thought it would be ok for me to watch The Birds.  Unfortunately that movie still scares me yet it’s so entertaining, but for what it’s worth I hate scary movies except a few.  Either they aren’t really scary or they are too scary and unrealistic.  I keep wanting to think…well that isn’t logical.  I like suspense movies though, like The Panic Room!  After this post I reckon I should finish watching the movie Origin: Spirits of the Past on Hulu.  It’s an anime movie that’s really good.  I started watching it last week and didn’t remember I didn’t finish watching it so I should to that tonight.  Anyways, heres a movie clip from The Birds,

While roaming on the internet I found this Youtube video, it’s called “Sebastian’s Voodoo”.  It’s really nicely done.  A voodoo doll sacrifices his own life to save his friend and other voodoo dolls.  Check out the Youtube channel, Pixel Nitrate to see the other cool animations.  According the description the guy who made it is Joaquin Baldwin, some award  winning guy from Paraguay.  Here’s his website too.

Anyways, hope everyone has a nice week and I’ll continue being bored this summer.  But, I kind of like being bored this year especially since I know in September, it will get hectic for me again.