I’ve been thinking about my “bucket list” lately.  Things I would love to do before I pass away.  These are in no particular order:

1.  Actually handout Operation Christmas Child Shoe Boxes to children

2.  Preach in Africa

3.  Travel to Australia

4.  Swim with dolphins

5.  Meet a penguin (the animal)

6.  Attend Wrestlemania

7.  Take a train across the country

8.  Be a dad

9. Lead worship with a house band

10. Lead someone to Christ

11. Finish my degree in business administration

12.  hold public office

13.  own a model train

14. swim in the ocean (I’ve done this but not for many years)

15.  Write a book

Being away from the fast pace of a big city has changed me. I was the poster child of stress. I was so stressed that I sent my hormones into a shock and was having menopause symptoms at the tender age of…well lets just young. I have always been ambitious in a lot of ways but unsure of myself. I can be my own worse enemy and talk myself out of doing things I want to do so badly for reasons unknown. I distinctly remember one night waking up from my sleep with the epiphany that I hated my major. I had only two semesters to before graduation and it freeked me out that I may not be in love with chosen career path. I called a friend and explained my situation. Through my hysterics, he told me I was afraid of success. I was about to close one chapter and begin another.  For as long as she knew me I was in enrolled in somebody’s school, enrolled in somebody’s class. During the conversation, I realized she was right. I was always a student and wouldn’t be anymore. What was I going to do? Of course, it was a glorious day when I walked across the stage receiving my degree but the end of an era was over. Who was I if I wasn’t a student?

Sounds crazy but I had been a student in some capacity for more than five years. That’s who I was miss student. Now I was miss______________. Since graduation I had been struggling to find my way. Coming here was a major ordeal for me. I was so afraid to let go of  my life and get a new one.  Now that I am away from Atlanta and getting a chance to think clearly, I am starting to realize a lot about me in general. Besides the basic like & dislikes. In this cathartic process, I started a non bucket bucket list.

Similar to the movie but I am not waiting until I am diagnosed with a terminal disease to live life. Which begs the question….Whats on your on list? What could you be doing differently?

I would love to hear it!

I’ve been thinking a lot about happiness and settling for something less than you dreamed of. This evening, when my best friend from college, Red, called me to share some good news, I started thinking about it again. She just got an offer for a permanent position with the company she’d been interning with for the past three months and she was ecstatic. She’d been waiting for the word on this and had been stressing out tremendously, but now she can rest easy. Then about half an hour later, I got another call from her: “Can you please make me feel better about this?”

Turns out her boyfriend started giving her some crap about it, specifically about her salary. Which, by the way, is really a great salary for your first job out of college. So I spent the next half hour on the phone with her going over the benefits, how this is what she’s wanted for months now, how she was so happy before he was a spoilsport, etc. And by the time we got off the phone, all was well again. But it got me thinking again.

What if we’re settling?

Neither of us are in jobs that we envisioned ourselves in. Granted, we both had big, unrealistic dreams for where we wanted to be after graduation. But in the positions we’re in right now – we’re not really on the path to making those dreams come true.

Last week, I had a couple of rough days at work. The honeymoon period was officially over halfway through week three. I was frustrated and bored and annoyed with some of the management tactics. I ended up in tears a couple of times. And I was thinking, “Did I make the right decision? Is this where I should be right now?”

You see, since starting this job, I’ve been contacted by two other jobs I applied for. One was from the job I so desperately wanted back in June and did not get. They had another opening and wanted to pursue the application process with me again. There was a little pang of “Dangggggg, what bad timing,” but for the most part, I was OK with it. That job was in South Carolina and I decided back in August that I didn’t want to be that far away anyway. The other was for an internship with a local magazine. Unpaid. Not the tops of my list of magazines that I wanted to work for. But it was a magazine.

My ultimate dream in life is to work for a travel magazine. But the magazine industry is SO incredibly competitive that you’ve gotta start at the bottom and work your way up. So e-mailing this woman back and saying, “No, thank you, I’ve pursued other options,” felt kind of like I was shooting myself in the foot. All that I kept thinking was, “Did I settle?”

I’m enjoying my job, I really am. Yes, there are days when I’m bored out of my skull (but M usually helps that problem!). Yes, there are days when I wonder if this is where I’m supposed to be. But I feel like what I’m doing is worthwhile. It’s for an amazing cause. I’m learning. I’m growing.

Do I want to do more? Yes. Am I feeling fulfilled? Not yet. Do I know that I can do better than this? Absolutely. But this is where I need to start. It’s where I need to be right now, even if it’s not always where I want to be.

I was talking about this with my mom on Halloween while I sat on the front porch drinking cheap champagne and handing out candy (I’m really classy). I said, “There is so much I want to do in my life. And I’ve already spent 22 years on this earth. How am I ever going to do it all?”

Her response? “Twenty-two years is nothing. You’ve got plenty of time left to do it. Somehow, some way, you will.”

You see that bucket list up there? It’s not accurate. At all. There are so many things I want to do that I am so afraid to put down on the list because I’m afraid of not achieving them. Every day I think of something else I want to do.

Teach in a foreign country. Spend six months+ doing service in an impoverished country. Travel with no itinerary and no destinations and go wherever life takes me. Quit my job and move to New York. Start my own business. Make a real difference in this world. Just get up and go.

I want to do it all and then some.

Some days, as I’m sitting in my cubicle staring into the light of my computer screen, I think, “Why am I here? Why am I not out in this world, doing it, instead of thinking about doing it?”

And then on days like today, when my coworker calls me over to watch the first installment of a video project we’ve been working on and I see how oblivious people are to the problems right here in our own area, how much help is needed here and now, when I work on a last-minute deadline and feel that familiar rush of fear at the possibility of not getting it done and the simultaneous confidence knowing that I will not only get it done but I will make it awesome… then… then I know.

It’ll happen one day. All of it. But for now, I am where I am. And it’s OK with me. Where I’ll go next, and when I’ll go there, I haven’t a clue. That’s the exciting part. Or the really freaking scary part. I haven’t decided yet.

Fan video made by youtube Glowbug1953

Kris Allen’s new song really hits home when he talks about living like your dying.

If you only had six months to live, you’d be doing a lot more things than you are now.

Have you ever made yourself a dream list or what I now call my bucket list?

It’s a list of 10 things that I’ve always wanted to do before I die.

I’ve done 9 of them this past year.

Once I’m finished #10, then I’ll start a whole new list and make it harder, and a lot more fun.

I got all the little goals out of the way, next i’ll be pushing myself to the limit to see just how far I can go in life, love and career plans.

For what will it profit them if they gain the whole world but forfeit their life? Or what will they give in return for their life?—Matthew 16:26

Speak to us once more your solemn message of life and of death. Help us to live as those who are prepared to die.
And when our days here are ended, enable us to die as those who go forth to live, so that living or dying, our life may be in Jesus Christ our risen Lord.—classic funeral prayer

My sister Carol Ann died a little over a year ago from cancer. But while she was still fighting the disease (and apparently winning), she and her husband David saw The Bucket List. She recommended it to Susan and me, and we put it in our Netflix queue, though below some others we wanted to see a bit more. The film finally made into our DVD player last week.

Directed by Rob Reiner, The Bucket List  is about two older men, Edward and Carter, who end up sharing a hospital room. Edward (Jack Nicholson) is a corporate mogul who owns the facility; Carter (Morgan Freeman) has been a mechanic for 45 years, but wanted to be a history teacher. Whatever their differences, they now share the common bond of suffering from cancer.

During their stay, the two men develop a friendship, and ultimately decide in the time they have left to do all the things they always wanted to do, but had neither the time, inclination nor money to achieve/see/enjoy. The list they follow is the titular one, with “bucket” being the proverbial object we kick when we die.

The two start out doing wild things like skydiving, driving fast cars, and globetrotting to exotic locations. But interwoven with the tale of their travels is the story of their relationships—Carter’s with his wife, to whom he is a stranger; Edward’s with his daughter, with whom he had had a falling out over some problems she experienced. And it is relationships, not doing this or that, which ultimately prove to be the most important items to attend to on the bucket list.

As they sit viewing the Great Pyramid at Giza, Carter tells Edward about the two questions that Egyptians believed they would be asked upon crossing over into the hereafter: What joy did you know in your life? What joy did you bring to others? I can think of few more profound questions to ask ourselves.

But let’s not wait till we suffer from a terminal disease or the death of a loved one brings us face to face with our own mortality. Each of us can start today to live as those prepared to die, and in so doing, truly experience the joy of living.

© 2009 Tom Cheatham

Are you a “list person”? For whatever genetic reason, there seem to be a number of us who love lists. We just have to have a list. We have to be making a list or if we aren’t making a list, we are certainly thinking about making a list. I’m certainly not convinced it always has anything to do with memory….or lack of memory to be more exact. I have a sister who is a prolific list maker, more so than me. If you walk by her kitchen bar you would think she is having a yard sale on Post-It notes. If Oprah had a show on list makers, surely she would be invited to be a guest on the show. But fact is, some of us just love those lists!

Certainly grocery and/or shopping lists do seem to be appropriate and the most common place of all lists and perhaps the most logical lists. Granted it is very difficult to remember all the items you need when preparing for that weekly shopping visit to the supermarket. So whether it’s the market or hardware store, certainly a list has its place in those type ventures. But some of us make lists for everything although I don’t think I have ever made a list when shopping for a new car. Hmmm, I wonder why not? I’ll have to put that on my list of “what to make lists for” list!

With regards to these subject lists, there was a relatively obscure event several months ago in my life that got me to thinking about lists in a much more serious light. That was after I watched the movie, “The Bucket List” starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson for the first time. Admittedly, here was a list I was completely unfamiliar with – ‘the bucket list’ (things you want to do before you die). Aside from really enjoying the movie, I thought afterwards it would be cool to compose my own ‘bucket list’ just to dare myself to think about what things I might want to do before I die.

As it turns out, the composition of such a list was very, very difficult for me, especially given the fact that I was giving it some very, very serious thought. Like any such list, of course you can just reach up into thin air and grab all sorts of items but I found most items I initially added to the bucket list were nothing more than filler for my list. In actuality, I have to date only come up with a total of three things on my personal ‘bucket list’.

Let me site a personal example. One might think the following certainly eligible for one’s bucket list…..

Go to Paris and spend a lush spring morning at the side-walk café Le Café du Marché near the Eiffel Tower enjoying the sites and the people.

But for me, as wonderful and marvelous as that might sound, it would not really be missed if I didn’t get to do that before I die. So that item is not a candidate for my list but then here is an item that did make my bucket list…..

Having dinner one evening at a table for four with Clint Eastwood, Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson.

Now that is something that I would truly love to do before departing this old life. That would be so awesome to sit down with those three guys for a casual meal. Wow……can you imagine?

Needless to say, this ‘bucket list’ dilemma then began to stimulate my thoughts with regard to other common lists that we make all the time regarding things we like such as music, books and movies for example. We all know about the “Favorite’s List” that greet us constantly in one form or another on various social networking sites and even some of the blogging sites like Blogger. What’s your favorite music? What are your favorite books? What are your favorite movies? So forth and so on…..

I’m not sure how much really serious thought we may put into these lists sometimes so I decided to really get down to the nitty-gritty of seriousness and create what I will refer to as “My All-Time Favorites” lists. And given the fact that many of you are around my age and have some sixty or more years of history behind you makes the creation of this list more encompassing.

Now I’m not suggesting some grandeur listing that is suppose to bring humanity back from the depths of destruction. Not a list that one might envision to educate a lost civilization in the arts. I’m simply talking about your most favorite selections for the applicable list that would encompass your lifetime and that could truly be labeled your “all-time” favorites.

I actually spent several weeks compiling my own personal lists and decided to add them to my blog just for the fun of it. I have constructed a section on the menu located on the left side of my blog under my “PAGES” which I titled, The “All-Time Favorites” Lists. I then sub-divided that into the various individual lists.

So….if you are a list person, just out of curiosity you might want to try creating a list or two of your favorite things and see if in the end, the list is perhaps considerably different than you initially envisioned. I know mine certainly were…..

This example I have seen reflected in Satish Kumar, now a friend and soul mate, a great example of the power we have as human beings. When you open your heart and energy that we have in him was channeled in mind we are powerful. The mind only has to support to channel the energy and information in our heart.

We are in times of change … we are in times in which the heart must take power and leaving the mind to be a tool of the human being …

Just an example of living with a heart open to life is the story that said Satish, on the 5th encounter Earth, soul and society in Mallorca.

“I was on the border between India and Pakistan to begin my pilgrimage for peace throughout the world for 24 months, he had nothing only the clothes … many of my friends and family had come to say goodbye … and my brother had brought a package with food … I said thank you very much but if I accept brother would be a distrust of life … “

As shown in the script for the film The Bucket List… the day of death with heart wide open and eyes closed ♥

Joan Munoz is from Barcelona, Spain and is a psych-K practitioner.  He will be writing articles about “going with the flow,” as he put it.

So Budget rental in Lynchburg, Va has a 2010 Camaro. It’s a V6 base model, no RS package.  It was so amazingly cool to have the keys and walk up to it. When I first got in I was pretty much in awe. It had me from Vrooom. It was a really comfortable drive & the power was awesome even with the V6. It solidified my desire to purchase one in the not too distant future.

Some people believe that size matters, and that may be true in certain circumstances…like your life.  Our tendency is to live our lives by routine and safety.  How many times have you heard friends, family, or co-workers talk about being in a rut?  If you pay attention you’ll be surprised how many people are on auto-pilot and are simply getting by because anything else would either be too much work or too difficult.

One of the things about being diagnosed with a chronic or life-threatening illness is that there’s probably nothing in your life that you could imagine would be more difficult.  That being the case sitting and living a life of complacency is truly a slow death.  The health challenge has unmasked many questions about how you will live your life and nothing could be more important than to expand upon the life you’re living.

Don’t get me wrong; this isn’t about creating a “bucket list” ( a list of all the things you want to accomplish before you ‘kick the bucket’).  This is about creating an inner treasure hunt that will expose parts of you that were dormant or underdeveloped.  It’s an opportunity to be silly, extravagant, or cutting edge all in the hope of exposing the deeper parts of you to the world.  We’re not talking about the legacy you’ll leave behind, but the example your setting while your living the best life possible.

I was just listening to a report about Patrick Swayze’s autobiography.  In the last month of his life, he went into the recording studio at his home and he and his wife recorded the audio version of the book.  He wanted to keep contributing to the world for as long as possible.  He had a goal and was determined to see it to fruition.  It was his next big thing, unfortunately it was also his last.

Whatever you decide to do make sure that it’s in alignment with your values.  You’re not trying to become something you’re not…you’re just trying to become more of who you are!

What’s your bucket list?

In Andrew Greeley’s Bishop Blackie Ryan mystery “The Archbishop in Andalusia” the character Bishop Blackie makes a comment after celebrating Mass in the cathedral at Seville. He said “Every sacramental encounter is an evangelical occasion. A smile warm and happy is sufficient. If people return to the pews with a smile, it’s been a good day for them. If the priest smiles after the exchanges of grace, it may be the only good experience of the week.”  (The Archbishop in Andalusia p.77)

I’m the kind of person that if I’m angry or not doing well my face can show it even if I don’t want it to.  It’s sometimes hard to hide emotions even though I try, but I have gotten pretty good at hiding them by putting on a poker face and smiling, even if it hurts to do so.   This works most of the time, but sometimes with people who know me pretty well it catch me.  They ask me if I’m doing okay and they are pretty good at taking care of me in those moments, which unfortunately are a lot more common after Iraq than before it but occasionally happen.

However on the whole I remain a pretty upbeat person.  I think my most common greeting with people that I work with or see relatively often is “Hey, what’s up, what’s new, what’s happening in the world?” Most of the time I’m a pretty laid back kind of person. I think that this is due a blend of genetics from a recessive gene in my family as well as having grown up on the West Coast and spending a lot of my adult life somewhere in the former Confederate States of America.   The genetic factor has to be a recessive gene as a lot of folks in my family can get spun up and pretty serious pretty fast.

Since being upbeat unless I am downcast is the baseline for me, even with my PTSD I find a lot of humor in life and still manage to have fun.  I love the folks that I work with in my ICUs and being in those places with those colleagues does me an incredible amount of good.

One thing that I have noticed is that it is important for me to smile; in fact I generally like smiling except when I don’t.   I admit that there are some times and some people that I am like the scene in the movie Patton where Patton is forced to make conversation with a Soviet General after the war.  In those kinds of times the smile is definitely faked and thankfully most people don’t realize it.

However what I find is that many people respond positively to a genuine and caring smile and greeting.  Let’s face it times are not the best, all the economic problems and political conflict coupled with ongoing wars and wondering what is going to happen stress a lot of people out.  A lot of this is the news media’s fault as they heap one negative story after another on their viewers, particularly those who are addicted to 24 hour non-stop cable news and talk radio.  As a result it is amazing to see the number of people out in town who don’t smile.  Since I work in a pretty good sized teaching medical center I see people going through a lot of health and life crisis, but even here I don’t quite see the level of disgruntledness that I see out in town.  Frankly I’d like to see a lot more gruntled than disgruntled people.

In the past year that I have been here I have endeavored to be as positive and cheerful as possible and with some exceptions I have managed pretty well.  In fact I have made it my crusade to honestly try to greet everyone that I contact with a kind word or smile and often a God bless you or simply “blessings on your head.” What I love to see is someone who has been obviously beaten down; do a double take when they realize that someone; that being me, is taking the time to say something nice to them.  I love the sheepish smiles, the surprised thank you and God bless you responses that I get in return.

No place is this more important than church or chapel service when I or for that matter any Priest or minister serves God’s people.  Grumpy pastors, who are too bothered to care, perform their duties in a perfunctory manner or worse are rude and disrespectful to the people that God entrusts to their care  do damage.  It’s like Archbishop Blackie said, the encounters that we have are occasions to share the grace and love of God, to be with them, care for them and are in a very real sense both evangelical and sacramental occasions.  When I was in Jacksonville Florida as a Navy Chaplain I would occasionally serve at the altar of our cathedral church.  People would almost always comment on how joyful I looked while celebrating Eucharist and serving communion.  How can I not be when I am entrusted with such a great gift for God’s people?

Judy and my college room-mate Kendra is in town this week.  We had kind of a three’s company situation.  I had my men’s bedroom which was a total college guy mess and Judy and Kendra shared the other bedroom.  At the time Kendra was an Atheist being bombarded by many of our well meaning but hyper aggressive Christian friends.  We had a blast.  Kendra is like super duper deaf, lost all of her hearing at the age of four after she had learned to speak and read. She’s incredibly intelligent and as a 15 year old scored in the upper one percentile of the SAT where I not to be too flashy scored somewhere around the upper thirty-fifth percentile due to my abysmal math score. It was due to Kendra that I learned sign language.  All of Judy’s friends were deaf at Cal State Northridge and I needed it, but Kendra and her sense of humor helped make me do it.  When I first met her Judy had to run out and when Judy came back to her dorm room, this was before the three’s company” set up she found Kendra and I reading the “Official Sick Joke Book” and since I couldn’t sign just yet pointing to the jokes and laughing.  Anyway, Kendra eventually came to faith and joined the Episcopal Church in Pasadena just a few years back.  In her spiritual biography she mentions us not trying to convert her, even going to church with us without feeling pressure. She knew that we cared for her and our continued friendship was a part of how she came to faith.  I thought that was so cool.  My sign language is in the crapper now but I am going to do my best to have fun.  I picked up a copy of “Mommy Dearest” so we could watch it and relive great memories of chasing each other around the apartment with wire coat hangers saying “no more wire hangers.” Trust me you have to see the movie to get this one.

Of course I try to ensure that I don’t appear to be a total idiot when I do this, with some mindless smile or joke that is inappropriate to the occasion.  Let’s look at a unlikely scenario: With me in the room the Doctor says to the patient “Sir, I have good and bad news.”   The patient says “What’s the good news?” The doctor replies “the good news is pretty soon you will feel no pain.”  The patient says “Doctor that’s wonderful news, you know I’ve been in so much pain for so long.  So what’s the bad news?” The doctor replies “Son you’re going to die.” Then I as the chaplain with a mindless big grin on my face chime in, “Let’s focus on the positive now…have you seen The Bucket list? Gotta love Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman huh? They are such good actors.  Hey, I have an idea, you want to pray?”  As the nurses and doctors struggle to pull the man’s hands from around my throat I gasp out “so do you want me to come back later?”  That of course is extremely unlikely in my case; in fact I usually am the glass half-full kind of guy when it comes to dealing with sick people since I am neither a physician nor God.

I have a sense of gallows humor but am very careful how and when to use it and thankfully I am able to not smile like an idiot when bad news gets delivered.   It’s a gift.  Let’s face it there is that stuff about those Chinese kids Yin and Yang, everything has to be in balance.

All this being said there are times where the foot is in the other shoe. These are the times that the person who is afflicted with a life threatening condition or knows that they are dying is the one who smiles and comforts others, even throwing in a joke or poking fun at someone in the room.  Having experienced this even very recently I have to say that these kinds of folks do more for me than I think that I can ever do for them.   Often there is a time of interaction where the person allows me into their world, to share a story, a laugh and a blessing.  For a Priest it doesn’t get any better than that.  These are holy times where God shows up and tonight I have the honor of spending time with such a man and his family.  I am reminded at these times how precious the time is and just how in the midst of pain, suffering and even death, that the God who says “I will never leave you or forsake you” is truly with us as we walk through the “valley of the shadow of death.”

I’ll be smiling tonight in every ward that I visit and hopefully with every staff member, patient and family member that I encounter, knowing that in their lives, that smile might be the only good thing that happens to them all day, or maybe even all week.

Make sure that you smile and give a kind word to someone soon.

Peace,

Padre Steve+

Last weekend, Mark and I were curled up on our living room couch to watch “The Real Rain Man,” a Discovery Channel story of the autistic savant who was the inspiration behind the movie “Rain Man.”

After watching for a few minutes, I remarked to Mark that I had never actually seen Rain Man.

“What???” he said. “You’ve never seen it?”

“Yes, never,” I said.

He hurried out the door to Blockbuster and I decided to stay behind, reasoning that we’d been married long enough for him to know my tastes and bring back something I’d like if Rain Man wasn’t available. He knew I liked chick flicks, Oscar-worthy dramas, quirky indie films and the occasional horror.

He walked in an hour later proudly displaying “The Bucket List.”

“What’s that?” I asked.

“It’s a movie some guys in my office recommended,” he said. “They didn’t have Rain Man.”

I looked at the DVD box dubiously. “Guys in your office, huh? What’s it about?”

The Bucket List

He told me it was about two dying men who want to accomplish various things like skydiving before they die. “Oh great,” I groaned. “It’s an old man movie.” He laughed.

The Old Man Movie, for those of you unfamiliar, is similar to the chick flick in that it’s designed to tug on the heart strings of a certain demographic group, and filled with corny never-in-real-life moments.

But instead of between a girl and a guy, it’s two old men. They laugh together, cry together, tell prostate jokes together, undergo cancer treatments together. It’s the older version of a buddy movie. 

We settled in to watch “The Bucket List.” 

Ten minutes in Mark told me: “Wait, I think I’ve seen this before.”

“You have?” I asked. “And you didn’t remember?”

“Yeah,” he said sheepishly. (This wasn’t the first time). “I’m not good with titles.”

“What are we going to do about your memory problems?” I teased him.

An hour into it, I was sick of the prostate/dying/catheter jokes. The story line was predictable and Jack Nicholson’s grumpy-old-man-with-a-heart-of-gold shtick was too familiar. When it came time for the movie’s death scene, I was yawning. “This movie is awful,” I said. “One of the worst movies I’ve ever seen.

“This is a good movie,” he said. “Good enough to see twice.”

I looked at Mark, exasperated that anyone could like a film this bad.

“Is it because you’re an old man, honey?” I asked. “Is this why you like the movie?”

He laughed. “I guess so.”

I had a moment of clarity about our age differences. Death was still a far-off thing to me, something to be worried about later, but not now, I’m 26 for godsakes. For poor Mark, whose birthday is in less than a month, that worrying had begun. I wanted to hug him, give him a pat on the head and tell him it was all going to be all right. He wasn’t going to die anytime soon and he certainly wasn’t an old man. He fits better in the Judd Apatow-bromantic comedy arena, I reasoned, than this Old Man Movie crap. 

First, I wanted to tell him something important.

“Baby,” I said. “You are never going to Blockbuster without me again.”

In random conversation with a friend of mine the other day I was going off about how I couldn’t stand it when people didn’t know how to write a proper letter. Nor can I stand it when people don’t know or are just too lazy to send a letter in times that called for one… ie, a death, graduation, marriage, birth, etc.. etc. And I’m pretty sure that exact same day as my sister Allison opened her birthday card her first reaction was “Oh gee. Monica always writes a novel”. I kid you not,  any outside eye would think Mathew and I were together for over 10 years judging by the amount of cards he has piled in his drawers. Thank you, get well soon, happy birthday, I seriously f-ed up and I’m sorry cards, “blank inside” cards, flirty and dirty cards…  every one of them with a “novel” inside. Cards and letters from years past are stock piled in my room. There really is nothing like sitting on your bed any given day and reading through old middle school gossip letters about ex crushes and their stupid girlfriends.  I have a box of letters under my bed from ex boyfriends, old crushes, old flings, and everything L-O-V-E related- that’s the “sacred” box. A peek in my closet’s attic space and you know my daughter has a lifetime of entertainment from birth to my present age, 22. (I am convinced Baby So Real, Baby Alive and Mall Madness will still be cool to my daughter no matter how far technology has come at that point.) My favorite road trips are the rides between Atlanta and Miami with my mom. We chat about her old high school crushes, ex husband(s), wild nights in the ’70s, cry to sappy country songs- it’s when I learn some of life’s greatest lessons and the  juiciest gossip. My likening for all these things really comes down to one major passion: my passion for hand-me-downs. Hand-me-down stories, hand-me-down toys, hand-me-down clothes… you name it. And of course I enjoy handing down many things of my own but of all things I enjoy passing on, it is my feelings. And while I’m a girl enamored of what many would think to be trash, I have never really been able to justify their significance until this past Sunday.

Upon entering the Medlock family reunion this Sunday, I was greeted by a table full of our family’s archives that have been passed along throughout the years. Being that I thoroughly enjoy reading about my ancestry I was relatively perturbed at the fact that I wasn’t able to sit in a corner and hog each and every one of them until my mission to soak in all the information I possibly could was accomplished. Instead there were ehh about 15 other of the approximately 75 total circled around this table moving at the speed of light through the binders full of old letters, anecdotes and photos. “Um, hello. Did you take speed reading 101?”, argggh.

I digress…My grandfather, Ben Blackburn’s cousin, Wade Medlock, stood up after everyone had consumed their feast and requested that each one of us write a little anecdote about our closest family members. The problem in current years has been the lack of people donating any of their time to contribute to our family’s plethora of random information. Um- SERIOUS problem.  It may not be history today, but it certainly will be when we’re all gone. Our knowledge of the past is based upon what people in those past times put into words for their beloved family’s future generations.

I sat down yesterday to begin reading a 758 page book all about my family… I’m talking back to 1878! There are stories about Sherman’s march, family trips across the country, tragedies and golden anniversaries. Honestly, Twilight shmilight has nothing on this book! Who’d have thought that in 2009, 131 years later, I’d be reading this stuff. It’s absolutely- without -a -doubt  incredible! 

But what are our future generation’s going to have to experience this same wealth of history? With the creation of Facebook, email and Blueberries people have forgotten how to write LETTERS! I mean serious, SERIOUS issue. While we may  not care to print off our pictures because we have them “backed up” on our external hard drives and uploaded to our Flickr accounts, our future generations will appreciate the hard copy! Emailing “Happy Birthday” and moreso posting it on someone’s Facebook wall is (pardon my language) b-uhhhlshit. Our generation needs to get their asses off the computer and on to the paper pad because there is nothing like a handwritten note! And while I ramble and preach, I’ve certainly done all of the above. But one thing is for sure- I’m happy this occurred to me NOW rather than later. While my mind is still sharp and my memories still vivid, I vow to make one commitment to my family but above all the kids… to document my life’s story. I’m not saying I plan on writing out my every random thought, but I am saying every major life change. Luckily, I’ve got a relatively solid head start. 

Want to know what else I think? I think you should do it too. Do it for the kids. Seriously.

Four out of five Americans and two out of five Australians start the day with a coffee.

It’s almost certainly not the same brew –“the best coffee in the world” – consumed by Jack Nicholson’s character in the 2007 movie The Bucket List.

That was a rare blend known as Kopi Luwak, civet coffee – where the beans have passed through the digestive tracts of civet cats, and are gathered when the seeds, still coated in some cherry mucilage, are eliminated in the cat’s “poop”. Great!

But whether you take your daily caffeine fix in Kopi Luwak or Starbucks, in cola, chocolate or black tea – there’s truckloads of conflicting evidence about whether caffeine is good for your health and love life, whether it boosts sexual desire or causes infertility.

Good and Bad News About Caffeine

Good: A new study shows caffeine gets females in the mood for sex. With a few provisos – if you’re a female rat who hasn’t previously experienced a caffeine “lift”  - it had them coming back for more – sex that is not coffee.

Researcher Fay Guarraci, an assistant professor of psychology at Southwestern University in Georgetown, Texas, is cautious about whether it would boost women’s sex lives in the same way.

“We gave only one dose of caffeine to animals who had never had caffeine before.

“Most of the time, women drink coffee on a daily basis or ingest caffeine in cola beverages,” she observes. “In humans, it might enhance the sexual experience only among people who are not habitual users.”

Bad:  More than four cups of coffee a day increases infertility in women who are already subfertile, according to a new European study. For many women though, it probably won’t make any difference.

One study done in 2003 showed women who consumed less than 300 mg of caffeine a day (appx 2-3 cups of coffee) a day did not experience reduced fertility.

Yet another study of over 1000 women found the risk of not conceiving to go up with each additional cup of coffee, where even one cup reduced a woman’s ability to conceive.

The results are mixed for men as well. One study showed that sperm count, motility and abnormalities increased with the number of cups of coffee drank in a day – while another Brazilian study showed increased motility for mild to heavy coffee drinkers.

Good: Coffee drinkers had a significantly reduced risk of diabetes, Parkinson’s Disease, cirrhosis of the liver, and gallstones.

• A recent Harvard study of over 126,000 people conducted over 18 years found that compared to non-coffee drinkers, drinking 1-3 cups of coffee a day will reduce the risk of diabetes by single digits, but drinking 6 or more cups a day reduced that risk by 30% in women and 54% in men.
• At least six studies have shown coffee drinkers are significantly less likely to develop Parkinson’s Disease (at least three studies showed that the more coffee you drank, the lower your risk).
• Coffee drinking reduces the risk of cirrhosis of the liver by up to 80%, and cuts the risk of gall stones in half.

Bad: Random Coffee Fact: People who buy coffee primarily at drive through windows on their way to work will spend as much as 45 hours a year waiting in line.

Good: Caffeine aids weight loss

Caffeine speeds your body’s metabolism so you burn calories at a faster rate, and it breaks down fat. Fat conversion is up to 30% more efficient when you consume caffeine before you exercise. It also keeps blood sugar levels higher, reducing appetite.

“A Little Bad, A Lot of Good”

Concludes Dr. Tomas DePaulis at Vanderbilt University Institute for Coffee Studies: “Overall, the research shows that coffee is far more helpful than harmful.” Drinking coffee, he says, brings little bad, but a lot of good.

Pozdrawiając pourlopowo, wracam zgodnie z obietnicą daną samemu sobie.

W poprzednim wpisie wspomniałem o filmie jaki zrobił na mnie ostatnio wrażenie. Chodziło tu o obraz wyreżyserowany przez Rob’a Reinera pt “The Bucket List” . Film opowiada o dwóch starszych ludziach (Morgan Freeman i Jack Nickolson) którzy, pochodząc z dwóch różnych światów, spotykają się w szpitalu na oddziale onkologicznym. Z czasem poznają się i zaprzyjaźniają. Carter (grany przez Freemana) sporządza listę rzeczy które chciałby zrobić zanim przysłowiowo kopnie w kalendarz (z angielskiego “kick the bucket”). Opowiadając o sobie stwierdza, że 45 lat minęło tak szybko, że prawie tego nie zauważył. Film polecam z całego serca, ale nie o filmie chciałem pisać tylko o liście jaką sporządził Carter.

Zrobienie takiej listy dla siebie już od jakiegoś czasu chodziło mi po głowie. Oczywiście z zupełnie innych powodów niż bohaterowie filmu. Nie jestem ani śmiertelnie chory, ani nic innego nie ogranicza mi czasu jaki mi został w tym życiu. Po prostu chciałem mieć w rękach coś, co było by fizycznym ‘ogarnięciem’ moich planów, zobowiązań i pomysłów na przyszłość. Dziś usiadłem i począwszy od rzeczy które planowałem od dawna, poprzez zaniedbania które postanowiłem naprawić, a na rzeczach które odkładałem nawet od kilku lat na później, spisałem wszystko na papier. Właściwie nie jest to kompletna lista, gdyż wiem, że sporo rzeczy jeszcze na niej nie ma i z czasem będę musiał ją uzupełnić o wszystko to co mi jeszcze przyjdzie do głowy. Wbrew moim przypuszczeniom, zawartość listy nie przeraziła mnie ani nie wpędziła w stan rezygnacji. Wręcz przeciwnie. Większość rzeczy jest do zrobienia w najbliższym czasie. Maksymalnie do końca roku. Ba – przy pomyślnych wiatrach (w przypadku punktów z listy które nie są bezpośrednio zależne odemnie) lista jest do zrobienia w 100%.

Jestem dobrej myśli i mam nadzieję, że sporządzenie tej listy pomoże mi w ogólnym ogarnięciu się i umożliwi skuteczną walkę z prokrastynacją, która po powrocie z urlopu znowu wyciąga po mnie ręce. Jak to mówią: Uświadomienie sobie problemu, jest pierwszym krokiem ku pokonaniu go… Lub coś w ten deseń. Teraz tylko przekuć słowa w czyny, co może nie być już tak łatwe… ale to już inna historia.

Today was this wonderful, amazing day starting off at (my usual waking up hour) 12 noon. Then I proceeded to throw a big fit (in my mind of course) because someone had used up all the whipped cream cheese. That being a total crime, I went on to complain loudly to everyone then looked for the frozen blueberry waffles because frozen blueberry waffles are like a dream come true. Much to my annoyance, the frozen blueberry waffles were all gone. So instead I had to settle for mac and cheese. Not so very elegant, yes, but who doesn’t love cheese and dough (other than people who don’t like cheese and dough of course)? Anyway, then I just sat around watching t.v. and waiting for my cousin to come over. I won’t bore you with the details about my cousin, let’s just say I’m more interesting… kidding. Of course. Why would I ever say that?

After that everything was a blur of food, sumo wrestlers, and those horrifically crappy movies with all your typical teen stars back from the early 2000’s (a painful reminder of what life was like only years ago). Besides the crazy amount of pedophiles passing off as teens (PPOAT), and tacky plots, they passed the time well. I really enjoyed “Sleepover” with Alexa Vega and her 20-something year old boyfriend…

After that we went and rented the Bucket List and The Notebook. I’ve still got to see the Notebook, but the Bucket List was pretty good. And sad. Morgan Freeman was amazing as usual (and Gabby was kind enough to explain how Morgan was a girl’s name), and Jack Nicholson, however creepy he may seem was pretty great too. It was heartfelt, touching, and hilarious. I would strongly advise everyone see it, and even though I didn’t cry (I never cry at movies, however the closest I’ve ever come was tearing up at Mulan, which is a different story entirely), I was crying inside. Okay, so maybe I wasn’t. The point is, this movie is great and I already love it. Actually, I want to see it again (:

No, I’m not seeing Love Happens. Not that I wouldn’t, but I’m not entirely sure that it’s even out yet. Anyway, the point is that to me it simple seems like one of those cliché, boring, typical love stories that are being mass-produced as a means of getting some easy cash. Of course, maybe it’s just my overly cynical self here (probably is), but I’d be willing to be proved wrong. Anyway, that leads me on this wonderful tangent about typical love stories/movies which will later lead me on to books by James Patterson/Dan Brown, which will in turn lead me to Scott O’Dell’s marvelous books, and don’t fret, I’ll get there very soon. Anyway, back to my first digression (?): the typical love stories I’m talking about are the kind I like to call “airport fiction.” Namely all the books in airports that are about some shocking 300 pages centered mainly around a studly Italian male model (My Antonio) and an underestimated, gorgeous girl and their tumultuous relationship. Okay, so I’ve never read one, but I can take a good guess. These are mainly made to tide you over for a long, boring red-eye flight to New York. It’s either that or focus on the man falling asleep, slobbering on your shoulder. And you thought you had a choice. What adorns the cover of a typical Airport Romance Fiction novel is a muscled tanned man, naked as far as we can see and wrapped in a pink silk sheet hugging a woman with flowing red hair. Or, if you like the more scenic, in-tune-with-nature images, you can have the two intimately bathing in a pool of clear water in a forest, hippie-style (don’t ask?) with a majestic white unicorn grazing in the background.

Enough said there, right? On to Dan Brown who is pretty much synonymous with James Patterson. I love reading their books, but let’s face it, the main characters are either gorgeous, yet aged men in their late 30’s/40’s who still can manage a few hours of swimming laps in a pool and can pull off a delicious chocolatey baritone voice. Or there’s the brainy heroines who are world-class geeks with ’swimsuit model’ bodies. Buuut, they’re still entertaining reads and far better than “Abandoned Love,” “A Love Tested,” blah blah blah. Anyway, the gorgeous heroines remind me of Scott O’dell’s classics. Take Island of the Blue Dolphins, or that other one, Carmen was it? And then there’s a few others I’m pretty sure with those beautiful, courageous girls stranded in their own world, fighting to prove themselves, etc., but still, his books aren’t half bad (If my memory’s correct). Anyway, this huge tangent means absolutely nothing, I’m just tired on a Saturday night and rambling like an old man.

Comments? Questions? Suggestions? Outrage at my mindless speculating? Feel free to alert the staff (aka: me). Have a wonderful night/day/year/life everyone.

Did you see the movie The Bucket List?  If you haven’t, it’s a great movie about a couple of old guys and their lists of things they want to do before they die.   Watch THE BUCKET LIST trailer here .

My sister sent me an email that was sort of variation on this theme.  It was basically a giant list of things that you checked off if you had done them and left blank if you hadn’t.  I have no idea who the originator of this list was, (obviously someone who didn’t have very lofty goals and had WAY too much time on their hands!) but it was an interesting concept anyway.  It was of particular interest to me to see the things that my sister had done that I had not…and the things that I had done that she had not.  It’s interesting how even though we are sisters are lives still have varied quite a bit and our life experiences in a lot of ways are different.  Some things we will always be similarly inclined to do–like going to rock concerts and enjoying most any outdoor activities.  (Except Jen, sorry I don’t share your love of deer hunting or the band RUSH!)

With life the way it is presently my “Bucket List” is just that…a list.  I’m not really checking off much on it these days.  It’s still fun to think about doing this stuff and my list is constantly being mentally revised and updated.  Here is a sampling of some of the bigger items:

• Travel and have many adventures; I’d like to drive across the US in something ridiculous like a Winnebago.
• Write the book that has been creating a storm in my brain for years.
• Dust off my guitar and piano and play them again.
• Run a marathon. 
• Do some serious charity work–give something back. 
• Go to the US OPEN!  (Sorry…it’s sort of been on my mind!)
• Find or do a job that I love.
• Accept myself for who I am and make my greatest weaknesses into my greatest strengths. 

Okay–so some of that stuff is a little hard, and I wasn’t necessarily talking about the marathon.  The hardest item on my Bucket list is probably the last one I listed.  I almost didn’t write it, because although I am quite familiar with my weaknesses I’m not exactly sure how to eliminate them altogether let alone turn them into my strengths.   I guess it’s more about the beauty we find in the process of learning and the growth we have during the journey.   That’s really the point of life isn’t it?   

“You have to count on living every single day in a way you believe will make you feel good about your life, so that if it were over tomorrow, you’d be content.” — Jane Seymour, actress

If tomorrow you knew the exact date that you would leave your form in this existence, what would you feel like you ABSOLUTELY had to accomplish?

What would you want to make darn sure you had a good chance of doing?

What would you STOP doing?

What naughty or irresponsible or reckless things would you do?

Which would you add if you didn’t have to consider the risk of shortening your life span limiting your resources?

Who would you make amends to? Who would you purge from your circle?

Where would you go? With whom?

Write it all down.

Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson made this idea famous with the movie “”The Bucket List” and it’s a great story to show what happens when mortality catches up to the daily grind.

After you have a good list of the things you need to do before you kick the bucket – measure it up to your life today. What you are CURRENTLY doing today, this week, this month, this year to get yourself there? The answers will give you a good indicator of how close you live to your ideal.

If your dream in life is to be wildly wealthy, what are the tactical steps you are taking to get there? Going to work every day and buying lottery tickets is hoping – and hope is not a strategy.

What are some of the things on your list?

]]> http://twilightcamaro.wordpress.com/2009/09/06/45-get-a-cell-phone-with-a-qwerty-keyboard/ Sun, 06 Sep 2009 03:43:52 +0000 twilightcamaro http://twilightcamaro.wordpress.com/2009/09/06/45-get-a-cell-phone-with-a-qwerty-keyboard/

We switched out network to Verizon and got the LG Env Touch. It’s freaking awesome. It’s like learning to text all over again using the QWERTY keyboard.  So sweet to also not have to many dead spots.

If you like cliche films that really don’t say very much in spite of every attempt to convince you otherwise, then The Bucket List is for you. This film is over-sentimentalized American movie-making fluff. Sure, there are a few funny moments (and touching moments), but for the most part it borders on inane as it force feeds the audience its particular brand of “hopeful” medicine.

While I recognize that I’m not the demographic for this film (and, yes, my parents loved it), shouldn’t the Baby Boomers have access to high quality cinema as well? I’m sorry that this is the best that Hollywood could offer to my parents (even if Morgan Freeman is as likeable as ever in this film).  Skip this movie and see Gran Torino or Cocoon or just about anything else instead.