Today is a big wedding milestone day! I got my shoes and picked up my wedding dress.

I was really inspired by this post over on The Budget Savvy Bride. I really feel like this bride’s style is close to mine. Elegant, but fun. I immediately fell in love with her shoes and she was kind enough to let me know where she purchased them and that they were still available.

I jumped onto DSW.com and purchased the shoes right away.

Peeptoes are my favorite style of shoe. I think it gives that perfect glimpse of toe cleavage and is super flattering. I will definitely move into flip-flops as the night progresses, but as you can probably tell from our engagement photos, shoes are a major part of my wardrobe.

Picking up my wedding dress was a lot less eventful this time. This dress fits perfectly (despite the cookie diet I’ve been on lately) and is not missing any eye hooks.  I really do love my wedding gown and can’t wait for Travis to see me in it!

I did it. I bought one.

My sole consolation is that Christina Hendricks is on the front.

Wow. Another wedding dress post. You guys must be ecstatic. You probably woke up today and hurried over to your computers to check this blog. “I hope she’s written another post about dresses!!!!“

Well, who am I to let you down? Here it is, in list form. Because Becca from A Los Angeles Love wisely advised me to make a list of real wedding dress criteria. You know, to get my thoughts down, to figure out what’s most important and all.

So here goes.

1. I am looking for something just near ground-length or shorter (perhaps tea length). We are having an outdoor ceremony and reception, in a courtyard where the ground is covered in deconstructed concrete. I had never heard of such a thing before I encountered it at our venue. It looks a lot like tan dirt, except it’s not dirt; it’s kinda powdery, but not dusty. Are you even following this? I’m not, really. The beau, on the other hand, apparently knows so much about it that he’s taken to referring to it via acronym. “I just don’t want a big long train dragging all over the ground,” I’ll suddenly announce, completely apropos of nothing, like I have some kind of wedding Tourette’s. “Well yeah, because the ground is D.C.,” the beau will say, casually, like the supreme gangsta of deconstructed concrete slang. “Because huh?” I always say, blinking. I’m slow on the take sometimes, you see.
   

   The deconstructed concrete in question.

2. More than the fact that I don’t want fabric dragging all over the ground, a formal dress with a train just doesn’t suit the feel of our venue, nor does it suit me. I’m kinda funky, in a way.* I like offbeat things. That A Los Angeles Love post I linked to up there, by the way? That post contains the pictures of the first (and only) dress I’ve ever actually kind of liked. I particularly love the bottom of it — go see if you haven’t yet clicked through. But that was the first time I ever thought, wow, so dresses can be kind of cool, huh? It’s flowy without being prissy, bohemian without being hippy, gorgeous without being ostentatious. And Becca looks amazing in it. Sorry to keep calling you out here, Becca.
3. I want to be able to bust a move in this dress. No corsets or boning or lacing up. I want to bend and twist and shout without feeling like A) I am about to rip some seams out or B) I am about to pass out due to breathing restrictions.
4. No strapless. No beads, or sequins. No shiny fabric. No poofyness. A little lace might be OK, if gingerly applied. No bows need apply. I am getting married, not getting dressed for my first day of grade school. A V-neck is preferable to a scoop neck or high neck, because it just looks better on me that way (shows off what minimal assets I have, as it were).
5. When I first started imagining what I might wear, wayyyyy back in June or July, the colors that came to mind were sunflower yellow or cornflower blue. But all the dresses I’ve seen since are white or ivory. So I’ve begun thinking, what if I’m missing out on something by not wearing an ivory dress? I know, I know. I get the message that it’s OK to go your own way, but sometimes I worry. I am, after all, a human with a sometimes overwhelming urge to be one with the rest of the pack. Especially when I don’t know just what the hell it is that I’m doing — like looking for dresses — which is when I turn to others for cues on how to act.** Anyway, I may end up deciding that an unusual color is right for me, but I want to see what the ivory dresses look like on me first. Who knows, maybe ivory is my way after all.
6. Budget. The dress should come in below $1,000. Well below $1,000, actually, I’m hoping. And I’m thinking that if I don’t find a nice sample dress off the rack, I might just have a dress made. Maybe! Who knows?? It’s a zany world out there, after all.

Well, there it is. Have a good dress-free weekend, ya’ll.

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* But not in the smelly way.

** This would explain the phenomenon of the wedding blog community, in a nutshell.

I never intended to start a theme, here, but I’m officially going to call this week out as dress week. Because dresses seem to be all I’m thinking/writing about lately.

Today I began making appointments at bridal shops in the D.C. area to look at dresses, which is a good thing, right? Progress! And stuff. But no, instead I feel anxiety. Because the proprietors all want to know when the wedding is, where the wedding is… and then they start sounding resentful when I tell them I don’t actually live there. “Will you be able to make it back for all your fittings?” one store owner pressed, her voice suddenly a higher pitch.

Fittings? I just want to try on some dresses.

I understand that shops need to make sales to stay in business, so I can’t blame them for not being thrilled about a client who doesn’t seem a likely candidate to make a purchase. But this is probably the one opportunity I’ll get to give my mother what she wants: a chance to see me trying on dresses. I don’t mean to jerk them around, but I have a right to, well, just look, right?

This is not the first time this kind of thing has happened. Last month, while going up to the Bay Area, I contacted a shop in Berkeley about trying on some vintage wedding dresses. When the store owner saw the area code of my phone number in my email signature, all kinds of warning bells apparently went off. She was concerned that I would not be able to make it back for future fittings (because really, it’s such a long drive to the Bay?). Her trepidation only rose when she found out that I wasn’t 100% sure about what dress type I was looking for. She told me she would not make an appointment with me. OK, you know what? I recognize that a store owner can’t just let any schmuck wander in off the street and start pulling very old and delicate gowns on and off at whim. But still, ouch. The sting of rejection… uh, stings.

These shopkeepers’ reactions are making me feel like I have no business going to their stores when I’m not necessarily serious about actually buying from them. I don’t want to go have a one-on-one with a shop owner who secretly despises me. The thought alone is making my stomach go flip-flop.

Confession: I considered inventing some kind of fake back story to take to these shops in D.C. I could look up some venues around there that have the same courtyard feel that ours does. When they ask, I can just say, “Oh, we are getting married at ______!” and change the conversation. Which… is pretty effing silly. But it nearly seems worth it just to avoid feeling uncomfortable.

Meh. Whatever.

Have you run into any bridal shop snafus? Are these shopkeepers’ reactions typical, or am I just experiencing a string of bad luck? And how have you dealt with wedding dress sales pressure?

It arrived in the mail, demurely wrapped in brown parcel paper, covered in Polish stamps.

Inside, a white box shimmered with silver handwriting, a translucent label, and ivory ribbon.

My heart started racing.  I opened the box: first, I saw the silver handwriting, on a small tag, on an ethereal fabric flower.  The color of the fabric?  Imagine the inside of a seashell, lit by candlelight.

And I hadn’t even ordered a fabric flower. I had ordered a bolero, to wear atop my wedding gown.  It will be chilly in January, and I wanted something to cover my arms.

I had been scouring Etsy for more than six months. I looked at lace boleros, ones knitted with mohair or cashmere, little jackets with beads and satin, and tulle confections and capelettes.

Nothing was quite right. Either I worried that the lace wouldn’t match the lace applique on my dress, or the fabric wasn’t luxe enough, or when I contacted the seller I didn’t feel good about working with them.

Finally, I happened upon Njur Design. First, I noticed that there seems to be a narrative for the collection, and for each piece.  Notice that the garments and jewelry have natural names, and seem part of a near-enchanted landscape.

Now, look at the fabrics.  Oh, the billows of her skirts, the unique lenghths of ribbon falling, the unusual textures and play of shadow and light.

I contacted the designer, and she is amazing to work with.  I ordered the Ice Mountain Bolero.  Honestly, if I had found Njur Designs before I had purchased my wedding gown, I would have happily ordered my gown from her as well.  Look at the Spring Frost dress—-breathtaking!  Maybe for the next fancy party I go to, I’ll have her make me the Spring Frost in a grey or deep blue…

Back to opening the package.  The flower corsage was a lovely, gracious gift.  After I oohed and ahhed over it, and showed it to Matt, I carefully pulled the bolero out of its wrappings.

Oh, my.  It is even more beautiful than in the photographs.  The fabric is incredibly light, the lining is a dream, and it feels like I’m wearing something made by elves.  I cannot describe how the fabric looks in the change of light.  It is exactly the color of the wide ribbon the florist will use for our bouquets, and matches the lace on my dress.

And, the button!  Speaking of elves.  The pewter button that fastens it is itself a work of art, clearly handmade, and signed on the back.  I like to imagine that the designer found it in an enchanted mountain stream, high above the valley.

I am in love.  The sleeves are dramatic and the whole thing fits me perfectly.  I cannot wait to wear everything together: the gown, my golden shoes, Janet’s veil, earrings Matt bought me for the occasion, and this bolero: a perfect piece of art.

Source: woodstock.com

So. I was supposed to be out sailing the seas of the internet, looking for a wedding dress. I have not done this. Oh sure, I’ve “looked” at wedding dresses online, in the sense that my retinas have perceived reflected light from photos of wedding dresses featured in the numerous blog posts and wedding sites I read. But yeah, overall, complete fail. Not only have I not stumbled across anything I like, I have not even tried to find anything I like. I am flunking dresses, here.

You may wonder why I haven’t just hauled my happy ass into a store to look at dresses. Or perhaps you are just daydreaming about cheese.* Well, madam, I can’t help you out there (personally, just between us, I’m currently enamored of gouda), but I can tell you there’s a good reason I haven’t actually physically gone to a store yet.** See, Santa Barbara is kind of isolated, here on the elbow of California. We don’t have a Target. We don’t have a Wal-mart.*** We don’t have Olive Garden, or Kohl’s, or Lowe’s. We don’t even have billboard advertisements on the sides of the freeway, because that would cheapen the city’s image. I know, like GASP, right?

It’s nice, in many ways: The fact that I don’t live in just another box-store suburbia. But while strict zoning policies help maintain Santa Barbara’s image as an exclusive vacation town, it also means high-end retail chains are favored over affordable or independent shops. Walk up and down our main street and all you’ll see is Coach, Juicy, Banana Republic, Bebe, Betsey Johnson, Michael Stars, Saks, you get the picture. You’ll also pass a ludicrous number of frozen yogurt stores,**** but that’s beside the point. All this fancypants-ness helps make Santa Barbara a “destination wedding” mecca, replete with all the pricey trappings that industry brings. Accordingly, all the bridal shops I’ve seen here are of the overpriced, poofy ball-gown variety. What’s a fairly sensible girl to do? Where’s a fairly sensible girl to go?

At the start of this whole wedding planning thing, when I asked my mom how she’d like to be involved, she said all she really wanted was to go dress shopping with me. Good deal. Difficult to pull off, however, when your mom lives on the opposite coast. But next week. Next week. I will be in northern Virginia, with the beau, visiting my parents for Christmas. My mom and I have set aside a day to go out dress shopping together.

I’m not really sure what my mother has in mind, here. I’m kind of picturing us going to, you know, bridal salons. Or boutiques. Which is not necessarily what I want, but then again I’m not sure what I want. Are they called by a certain name? Do certain types have certain names? Do I have to make appointments in advance at most of them? How can I differentiate between the crappy ones and the cool ones? How can I know which shops are super spendy and which are budget-friendly? And oh god, wait. What do I even want? I need to look at things to know what I want, but how am I supposed to know what I want without looking first? I don’t want to waste the saleslady’s time, you know? Which is why I need to research ahead of time, if only I would ACTUALLY DO IT instead of just fretting about it and sweet Jesus I don’t even know which stores to go to in the Washington D.C. area, there has got to be about five million so how can I even choose among them, and maybe they will throw me out when they find out I don’t actually live there since I’m less likely to buy a dress there, but what the hell, I could always buy a dress there and then have it altered somewhere else, like hello, I’m a potential customer after all, why do they have to be so rude.

*deep breathing*

I just feel completely lost. I have no clue how this works. What I need is someone to take my hand and say, “Come with me, this is what we’re going to do.” But I have no sisters. Well, I have no siblings at all, really. I have no family nearby. I am the first of my closest friends to get married. There’s no one I know who’s done this before, you feel me?

That’s OK. I can figure it out. I will figure it out. And the bright side of knowing no one who’s been through this before, of course, is that no one can push their opinion on me of how exactly it ought to be done. Which means I can go my own way, unimpeded.

Not that I will be going anywhere without this cheese.

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* Come on. Spill it. Which one? Brie? Rochefort? Perhaps a nice gruyere?

** Outside of the fact that I hate going to stores, even.

*** Not that I’m complaining about this.

**** L.A. people: Pinkberry?? Yeah, we have one of those here now. But anyway, what’s with this froyo trend? People are acting like it’s the first one, evar, but I seem to recall there was a wave of froyo sometime around the start of the nineties. Right? Am I making this up? R.I.P. Penguins.

This fantastic dress has wiped away the memory of the Inaugural “prom girl” Gown. The girl may have looked lovely, but Michelle has a pouchy tummy that needs the strict training of Spanx. It’s not her fault; she has had two children. But wearing white makes even the thinnest woman look a size or two larger, and even her feet if she is wearing white shoes. She’s not a young girl anymore, regardless of how whip-tight and strong she is.

This gown, though, has turned The First Lady of the land into a queen. Queen Michelle.

Girl, if you dressed something like this all the time–got rid of some of those awful sweaters and those fat belts–you’ll have every man and woman in the country seeing visions and dreaming dreams about how to get some of that.

Both Michelle and Barack fairly towered over the diminutive Prime Minister Manmohan Singh and his wife, Madame Gursharan Kaur, which made them look overwhelming–and more than just human. I mean, super-human. Like gods, or how Hollywood stars are supposed to dress in black tie and evening gown. Take note, people.

The ravings about The Dress, or The Stunner or whatever you’d like to call it, have stretched from here to the Indian subcontinent, where the Indian media are busily patting the Indian fashion industry or Naeem Khan, the Indian American dress designer, or both, on the back, and as a side issue, congratulating each other on Michelle Obama’s great taste. That dress, however, would have been nothing had it not filled and fitted Michelle’s impressive body to a tee. Remember, her arms were called Thunder and Lightning. She didn’t need diamonds dripping from her neck either. That would have been overkill. Her hair and her earrings were just what was needed. Sometimes, less is definitely more.

Over here, the responses from the wingnuts have been brow-raising. They are impressed and are saying so on the pages of blogs and of online newspapers alike. Of course, they are prefacing their remarks by identifying themselves as Republicans and that they don’t like Obama’s policies, but damn, even they have to admit the Obamas certainly are representing. Particularly, Michelle Obama is a First Lady that is setting a standard for all future First Ladies to emulate. No more the dowdy-looking outfits by American designers who were out of favor even by the time the Reagans came to power, or those who have merely recycled or varied older fashions. Michelle is sweating the major American houses by continuing to choose what she likes from little known designers or designers of color.

(By the way, the work that Indians rendered on the First Lady’s gown was not sweatshop labor. That’s that first thing people scream after years of Nancy Reagan’s trespasses. This kind of sewing is highly valued in Indian culture, and is not done by machine or by children. It takes someone who has been well trained by family members or family friends–not strangers. It is like wearing art. It was manufactured in Naeem Khan’s family workshop, and it took forty people to complete. Yeah, that is real silver. When Indian women are wearing saris, some of them are indeed wearing their valuables (and signaling their individual value or ranking) in their clothing.)

The First Couple posing for the cameras during the first State Dinner for Prime Minister Manmohan Singh and his wife, Madame Gursharan Kaur; oooh yeah, girl! Work it! (Courtesy: Voted Off the Island)

From all the plaudits Michelle and Barack are receiving overall about how well the state dinner went with Dr. and Mrs. Singh, one would think that somehow, this dinner would have blown up in their faces. How did these observers and critics suppose the Obamas were going to act as the representatives of this country to the world? They’ve already been–individually and singly–to nearly all of the continents. Why is this such a surprise (or in some cases, a relief), that they are not an embarrassment and are the best our country has to offer. The social staff is not going to try to make the Obamas look bad, because whenever there is a boob up, it reflects not only on the First Couple, but on them.

Some of these expectations of disaster has to do with the demonization of the Obamas in certain quarters. There’s pure invective, both political and personal, and then there are the altered posters and signs and caricatures and cartoons making Barack Obama out as Heath Ledger’s version of The Joker from Batman or with a target on his face or as an al Qaeda terrorist or Marxist–you know the drill. Michelle Obama isn’t exempt from this kind of disrespect either. I’ve seen that Photoshopped picture of her as a chimp in a purple dress and pearls, and its been copied from Stormfront to a soft porn site in Britain. In fact, this is allegedly how the soft porn site, hosted by Blogger, with the ‘monkey’ photo of Michelle Obama became the number one image of all of those taken of the First Lady on Google. It was the first image seen by someone using Google or Google Photo. Naturally, a ruckus developed. Apologies were written in broken English and in Chinese for the offensive photo, and it was finally taken down. (Makes me wonder how the Chinese really feel about the Obamas and the United States. But there are also neo-Nazi types in Britain, too.) Google, initially, refused to censor the source. The photo still exists, though.

Some people think that they are being funny when they publish this sh*t. They aren’t. They know they aren’t. There is a method to their madness. The amount of rage and hatred directed at the Obamas is unprecedented and very palpable, and it’s washed over everyone and everything. At the same time, people inside as well as outside the Beltway are more than just jittery. They are fearful of everything and everybody. Obama has been president less than a year, and so far the change hasn’t occurred overnight, as he said that it wouldn’t, but they have forgotten. Impressions have become the sine qua non of communication. Any small omission tends to put to high boil already simmering pots on the burner. Because what they are really worried about is, can these Negroes ever do anything right by us? Can black people really run the country well, or will they run it into the ground like the wingers and racists say? It is almost as if when black people do and perform their best, we are still found wanting. We cannot win for trying.

The First Lady managed to complete the unease by not tipping her hand to reveal everything about the preparations. It was a perfectly rational move. She gave the media and other observers a preview of the importance of the custom of formal state dinners, the menu (vegetarian, for the devout Hindu Singhs), the chargers and place settings to be used (Eisenhower, Clinton and Bush II), and the wine to be poured (2008 Sauvignon Blanc from Modus Operandi, among others). That some of the fresh vegetables came from the Obamas’ now-famous garden outside, and that Jennifer Hudson, Kurt Elling, A. R. Rahman and Marvin Hamlisch with the National Symphony Orchestra, would be providing entertainment for the 220 guests. However, she refused to say anything else, like any speeches that would be made, and especially about The Dress, so speculation ran rampant.

The more that these people wish them to fail, the higher the Obamas’ star seems to rise. Remember when Chicago lost to Rio for the site of a 2016 Olympics? Self-congratulation among wingnuts fairly overflowed. My mouth flew open. Didn’t they realize that a win would mean jobs, even in cities and towns like Mount Horeb and Madison in neighboring Wisconsin? Of course, it would not have made much of a dent in Recession-strapped Dane County, but some people definitely would have benefited, including the very same wingnuts who have Faux Noise on at their houses 24/7 and listen to Beck as if mainlining gospel.

And then the next week, President Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize–the big enchilada, the one even George W. Bush coveted for his “work” in Iraq. The chortling and backslapping ebbed and ceased. These people can’t win for losing.

If anything, the Secret Service is absorbing the massive fail that everyone was waiting for from the Obamas. It’s overtaken the sweetness of the First Lady’s and her staff’s achievement–their plans and their work in making the State Dinner a blazing success. Not just because of the antics of those two trespassers–the Virginia gate crashers Michaele and Tareq Salahi. It was because letting these clowns in seriously undercut security for the first black president of the United States, for whom death threats have gone up some 400%. It let would-be domestic or international terrorists know exactly how it could be done–how to wipe out President Obama, the First Lady, and the entire Democratic line of succession to the presidency (with the exception of the increasingly infirm Senator Byrd) from Vice President Biden on down. Just fake your way in and look rich without a gilt-edged invitation.

If the Salahis were invited, even by verbal invitation by someone in the White House, then whoever it was needs firing. And who wants to risk not going through channels, holdover or not? The Salahis aren’t naming names as to who gave them the okey doke within the White House. And why would the Obamas–especially the strictly no-nonsense, “don’t rain on my parade” Michelle Obama–even consider such an idea on the First Couple’s special night when they wanted to shine and to reassure?

All because an agent didn’t see their names on the list. Instead of stopping them, s/he was awed by their trappings instead of doing his/her job, and waved the Salahis in anyway. The story went that the agent was thinking that if the Salahis weren’t kosher they would be caught in the second and third layers of security. That didn’t happen. (The unnamed agent must be packing his/her bags or is already gone, along with their retirement.) The couple went on to pose and profile all night long with the bigwigs of the country, including the President and his wife, and then splashed all this grinning suck-up onto their Facebook page so as to gain even more brownie points towards Michaele starring on a projected reality show, The Real Housewives of D.C.

I’m more than just sick of reality shows at this point. I truly am. Murders, hoaxes, and now this. I am so sick of these low-class attention junkies who want their fifteen minutes at any price, even to endangering the life of the president. And then people were saying that they probably wouldn’t be prosecuted. What? Excuse me? You must be joking? Throw the book at them! They were not invited.

Everyone is whispering under their breaths how lucky it was that the worst did not happen. But what if the Salahis were really mercenaries? What if this was a run-through? What if they put something onto a wall, or in a lamp, or under a sofa to go off later? What if they found out where the Obama daughters were sleeping?

After being so public about their achievement, the Salahis have disappeared–gone into hiding as the full implications of their little caper has unfolded. It was just as well, because of the discovery that their pockets aren’t that deep and have holes in them. The Salahis have a myriad of legal and financial woes. Desperate times mean that people take desperate measures, and the less than rich and connected Salahis are no exception. But when you are dealing with the Feds, they don’t take half-measures once they are roused.

Larry King canceled his interview with the Salahis, and CNN said that it was because the Salahis had decided to postpone their Monday appearance. (Perhaps the Salahis are hoping for bigger gain doing the daytime talk shows.) Over the weekend, representatives of the couple have been buttonholing the media to “get their bids in” for interviews, says an unidentified television executive. The executive, who spoke on condition of anonymity, told the Associated Press that “the Virginia couple was looking for a payment in the mid-six figures range.” Number one, I hope that they don’t get it. News divisions don’t normally pay for interviews–it’s called checkbook journalism. It means that the person(s) could say just about anything, and it wouldn’t necessarily be factual. If the couple does manage to land one or two interviews somewhere, like I hope the clowns incriminate themselves. The Secret Service is still considering charges against them, even if it means to save face.

So you think the Obamas are having it easy? Not really. Like I said before, I have nothing personal against them, it’s the neo-Clintonesque political, economic, and military morass that Obama is presiding over that I have problems with. Afghanistan is a cesspool that we are being drawn into, like the Russians and the British in their Great Game before us. Geithner and Summers’s policies have been calamitous; it’s business as usual. People are still losing their homes and losing jobs. I’m still wondering what it is going to take for Obama to clean house and really get going to helping people.

But these tiny, cultural incidents loom large because they say a lot about how Americans view their new president and his family. They have an impact just as much as a presidential press conference, a pardon, or a summit because it influences how we support or withdraw that support from him. The news media has long ago given up reporting real news for commentary and cultural skirmishes, yet it still manufactures consent, as Chomsky famously put it, about the big issues. The undermining of the State Dinner with Prime Minister Singh made big news because of the culture of Reality TV, but what does it do for the efforts of the First Lady and the President to make things as grand for our nation’s important guests as during previous administrations? It relegates them to the side. It makes them nonentities, robs them of even the possibility of excellence when they actually represent us. And when they are made small, they are made to be as nothing. And believe it or not, we become nothing.

That is not what President and Mrs. Obama are. And that is not who we are either.

MAKKAH: The Kaaba was dressed in its new kiswa (the black cloth cover) early Thursday during a ceremony attended by officials from the Presidency of the Two Holy Mosques Affairs, the kiswa factory and a number of Saudi and foreign residents of the holy city.

The new cover was pulled up about three meters above the ground so that pilgrims cannot reach the fabric.

The dress, prepared in a special factory built in Makkah by King Abdulaziz more than 70 years ago, is made of pure silk which is dyed black and stitched with gold and silver threads at a cost of SR20 million ($5 million).

The Kaaba is dressed twice every year during the months of Shaaban (the month before Ramadan) and Dhul Hijja, the month of pilgrimage. It is also washed twice every year from inside by Zamzam water and perfumed with oud.

The dress is 658 square meters in size and consists of 47 pieces each 14 meters long and 95 centimeters wide, is made with 670 kilograms of silk and 150 kg of gold and silver used to engrave Qur’anic verses on the cloth.

It also includes a special dress for the Kaaba door known as the burqa (face cover) that is 6.5 meters long and three meters wide with verses of Qur’an engraved on.

Source: Arab News

maybe.

say yes! say yes!

thanks candi!  hahahaha

i’m very against kleinfelds (namely because i cry EVERY time i watch the stupid show) and david’s bridal (i’ve heard no good things…) at this point, but i can almost guarantee that i’m going to get swept up in the hoopla and my idea of off beat and the path not taken will be lost.  i’m already toying with the ‘well, let’s just go for the experience!’ mentality.

le sigh.  that time is a ways away (i hope!) for now.

I found this photo online–now I’m not even sure where–but I had to share!

If you can take your eyes off the bride’s swirling dress for a minute, you can see the groom is in morning dress, the topic of one of last week’s posts. See the striped pants and cutaway jacket? This kind of makes me want a vintage 1920s/30s-inspired wedding again!

Wedding traditions are traditions for a reason: they’ve been around a long time. But where did they originate? Our Wedding Traditions Explained series attempts to find out. We have no real evidence to back up these claims, but they were gathered from various online sources. Take them for what they’re worth, and if you’ve heard differing explanations, please share.

The White Dress

In biblical times, brides wore blue dresses as blue represented purity. Later, women usually just wore their best dress, not often white. In China and Japan, brides have traditionally always worn white,  the color of  mourning. The bride is leaving her family of birth to join that of her husband’s, thereby undergoing a symbolic death.

The first known white wedding dress was worn in 1499 by Anne of Brittany, for her marriage to Louis XII of France. By the late eighteenth century, white had become the standard wedding color. It is thought to symbolize purity and virginity.

We all know that wedding dresses are expensive, and brides usually spend a lot of money on a dress they wear once and then put in a closet for all eternity. Some brides sell or donate their dresses, which I think is brilliant, but most, I believe, stash them away for all time.

So when my friend Robin offered to let my sister Emily wear her dress, I was floored. She saw the dresses Emily loved on our recent bridal shop outing, and suggested that maybe she’d like to borrow hers, which was very similar. It’s kind of a perfect arrangement because Robin is excited to see someone get some more use out of her dress, Emily gets a gorgeous dress for free (though she will be paying to have it altered and dry cleaned), and Robin can still keep the dress for all eternity after Em’s wedding.

(Robin’s words were something like: “I know I’ll never wear it again, so I don’t care if she alters it, but I might want it back, for sentimental reasons.” No problem!)

I’m so grateful to Robin, and Emily is near speechless about her generosity. And I’m so happy that Em has a dress she feels beautiful in. She told me that it has taken so much stress off her shoulders now that the dress issue is solved.

So thank you, Robin. You’re a role model for all brides!

Here’s Robin looking stunning in the dress:

And here’s Em trying it on:

Originally published in 2002 by Blue Moon Books and included in my omnibus collection, The Garden of Love (Blue Moon, 2004), The Dress has been reprinted by the Olympia Press in one of those nifty plain green New Traveler’s Companion Editions — #150 here.

The movie option is still in effect but have not heard anything lately about its progress into development and production.

Quite a history with this little book — I started it way back in 1995, finished it in 1997, was published in 1998 in Maxim Jakubowski’s Mammoth Book of New Erotica as a 30K word novella, then I expanded it to 45K words for Blue Moon.  It’s the only erotic novel of mine that has brought in decent money over the past decade.

September 12, 1953. I have it on unsubstantiated historical rumor that Jackie Bouvier hated her wedding dress; her mother made her wear it. Poor thing, she probably didn't want to shop either. (source: Life)

I have a terrible confession to make: I don’t want to look for a dress. I feel conflicted about this because, as far as I know (or as far as mass media tells me), girls are supposed to enjoy this shopping thing.

I am a girl, and whenever I go shopping — this includes any kind of shopping, even grocery — I am inexplicably filled with rage. There are so many things to look at, there are too many options to consider, there is gratingly annoying music, there are appallingly undisciplined children, there are ludicrously styled clothes (SORRY, clothing industry, but I just don’t know what to do with all these tops that are too long to be shirts and too short to be dresses, and I’m NOT EVEN going to go there with the whole “let’s bring back tapered jeans!” issue).

I’ll let you in on a little secret: when I am faced with the prospect of going to a store, I sometimes first steel myself with a drink. Or two. Needless to say, this has caused some unfortunate purchasing decisions in the past (WHY YES I do need 15 autumn-scented Yankee® candles, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING). I cannot even begin to imagine what kind of havoc this would wreak on a trip to, say, David’s Bridal.

Which is exactly the reason why I try to shop online whenever possible. I know I should do this, with the wedding dress. I know I should start online, have a browse through the pages, save pictures that I like.* Because I have a vague idea about what I don’t want (frills, lace, train, bows, mass, bulk, tulle) and no clue about what I do. But where do I start? Where do I go? The internet is so large. It’s like the largest mall ever, except you can’t stop for a Cinnabon. And I am so afraid. Not, uh, because of the Cinnabon,** but because of the size. Of the internet. And also of wedding dresses. But we already covered that. Ahem.

Anybody? Do you have the faintest idea about how to go about finding a non-traditional dress? If you already found one, where did you get it? And just how painful was the process?

ACK ACK ACK.

* Maybe I can organize them in a binder! HA HA HA HA HA sob

** Although your doctor may be afraid on your behalf.

“The dress” is here!

Well, not here. It’s at Nitsa’s Bridal.

And unfortunately, I can’t go get it yet. First I need to buy the shoes I’m going to wear with it so they can tailor it to fit that height. If they hadn’t told me the dress wouldn’t arrive until January, I might have bought my shoes already!  Whoops.

So now I’m left wondering–where can I find fun spring wedding shoes before Thanksgiving?!

I’m thinking I want something colored, maybe yellow or fuchsia or plum.

And then I found this:

Where can I  find these fun peeptoes?! I love the pattern. Anyone have any suggestions? I could definitely use them.

Oh, on another note, we’ve scratched “register” off the to-do list! It took all afternoon and then a few hours to coordinate our lists, but I think we’re almost done! At least for now. Jon and I registered at Macy’s and Williams-Sonoma for your usual pots & pans, knife sets, and appliances–and I made a wish list at Anthropologie for quirky, fun, unique kitchen and bath stuff! Who knew you could do that? I really couldn’t help myself. I could live in that store.

You can find out more about wish lists at Anthropologie here.

Even though I already have my dress, I thought it would be fun to have the bridal shop experience. Since my sister Emily is getting married a month after me, we decided to go together. Cute right? Two sisters getting married a month apart trying on wedding dresses together? It was a blast. The saleswomen were so nice and helpful, we almost felt bad for duping them. But I figure brides go to several dress shops and obviously don’t buy from all of them, so it’s ok that we knew we weren’t going to be giving them our business.

Here’s the thing though. I hate wedding dresses. I realize this now. Hate them. Everything I tried on was huge and ridiculous. I kept saying “I just really don’t want a full skirt or a long train,” and finally one of the ladies told me, quite honestly, “Pretty much anything you find here is going to have a full skirt and long train. That’s how they’re made.” I can’t believe the American wedding dress is so standard and, I’m sorry, but so ugly. A big poofy white dress? Ugh. Not me at all.

So even though we had a lot of fun, I was not even kind of tempted to change my mind about the dress I already bought.

On the other hand, Em looked amazing in everything she tried on. Even though I don’t love the typical wedding dress, she looked stunning.

Eventually they did manage to find me one dress (ONE!) that didn’t have a full skirt or long train, and I actually sort of liked it. But not nearly as much as I love mine, and good thing because it was $400. Which, by the way, is cheap compared to everything else we saw. Gross, this whole dress industry disgusts me.

(I wasn’t thinking when I put on my black giraffe-print bra that morning…)

Now that winter is firmly out of the way, and people are looking ahead to what they will be taking on holiday with them this summer, it’s time to look at what the latest colours and designs are for this season. The most dominant colours this season are ultramarine, apricot, silver and gold, as well as neon tones such as blue, yellow and purple. Combination colours are also high on the agenda, with monochrome black and white prints dominating the trends, and dark navy accompanied by red.

This season’s must-have accessory is the over-sized handbag. No longer will you have to squeeze your bare essentials into a tiny clutch bag, now you can take everything you need, including the kitchen sink! Summer 2007 will also see the dominance of the dress, be it jersey, floral, denim or linen, and all in a variety of different lengths; micro mini, tunic, on the knee or full length. The style of the dress is also very important with Empire line, halter necklines, puffball, tulle, belted and wrap dresses, all making an appearance on the scene. However, the most dominant styles of dress are those with a hemline just above the knee, worn either alone, or teamed with skinny trousers, leggings or coloured tights; and the big season hitter, the maxi dress. These dresses go all the way down to the floor, and have a full-skirted look. Flamenco ruffles, flounces, pleats and frills are used to accentuate many of these dresses, look out for what suits you best. Make sure though that you can wear this look without appearing swamped by fabric! For those who can carry it off, this is an extremely comfortable and attractive addition to your summer wardrobe. If you aren’t someone who suits the maxi dress, another option is the popular feature of illusion hemlines. These are dresses which have false hem illusions created by mesh, lace or pastel flesh toned hems that are added to make the length of the dress look shorter.

Balloon sleeves are another key look, with elbow sleeves in puffed-up shapes a dominant look, bell, lantern, trumpet or kimono sleeves, are all making an entrance, and it’s up to you to find out which suits you best. They can vary immensely from a slight puff, to a full out mass of material so you definitely have to know which you prefer. Smocks are another top look for this season, with a huge emphasis on the folklore look, as well as those with Slav inspired folk prints, plain solid colours and abstract unusual designs. As the season heads towards autumn, you will start to see the trends moving towards a theme that will be very big in the coming months, lace. This will appear both as trimming and as the main focus of garments both in the summer season and in the autumn. High-waisted trousers are another developing trend as the season heads towards autumn, with androgynous tailored looks being a dominant theme in autumn 2007.

Well, I’ve contacted a seamstress, and she’s willing to work with me.  At least, right now she is.  I just sent her a massive email with all my hopes and fears and photos and thoughts.

I kind of overdid it – as usual. But she’s apparently still talking to me, so that’s good.

I’m really excited though. It will really happen, the dress will be something created for me. This is a major step, and why I felt like I had to give her a progression of where I once was about my dress (large, red or blue ball gown or lengha) to where I am now (more simple, more movement, dance-able, able to be worn in a backyard).

So on that note, I have more inspiration for The Dress. 

It comes, of course, from Offbeat Bride’s pool (I was alerted by this Offbeat Bride post) of a circus wedding in San Francisco.  Jaleen and Andrew’s wedding.  Here are just a few photos from their flickr.

Look at the movement!

I am speechless. Really, this Ivan Grundahl dress hits so many important needs for me:

• Alternative color options (I probably wouldn’t do grey)
• Simple but unique
• Femininity (ruffles I actually LIKE)
• Great silhouette
• I CAN DANCE IN IT

It figures that this gal has performing experience because it really seems to hit an artistic balance that I adore. That little capelet about her shoulders? Removable.

I’m sure it helps that she’s wearing awesome purple Fluevogs. I die.

It is absolutely perfect actually. I don’t even need to make a train for it. I love it. It was a rather interesting wedding dress shopping experience. I was browsing a designer’s website that a friend tipped me off to and the picture made my jaw drop. So, I went on a hunt for it and finally found one in Dalton, GA @ Eva Mae Formals. If you’re shopping for formalwear and you’re in that area, go to them!! They were so helpful and nice to me. It turned out that the only dress that had in the style I wanted was the color I wanted, my size, and they shipped it to me, all for a total of $200. Amazing deal, amazing shop to work with.

So, the make my own train idea is out, gone, not being thought about anymore. Woo-hoo! I already have my something old as well to go along with that tradition. It’s the necklace I wore when T and I went to his prom almost 6 years ago. I already have an idea about shoes, hair, and makeup.

I’m excited and happy about all of this. But, most of all I’m happy that I will be spending my life with the one I love.

What do you remember most about a wedding? The dress, the flowers, the food, the toasts?

The Etsy Wedding Team says its the bride’s dress, followed by the flowers. And as  much as I love that site, I gotta say, for real yo?

If I’m being honest, I NEVER remember the dress. Ever. In answer to the question “What was her dress like?” I usually answer, “Um, white. Shiny? The usual.” I know brides often spend days and weeks and months hunting for the perfect dress, but in the end, they all look the same to me. Which is probably part of the reason I chose something a little different.

As for flowers, I couldn’t tell you what kind of flowers were at any of the weddings I went to this year. I couldn’t even try to describe them to you because I have no recollection of the flowers whatsoever. Which is probably why we’re not doing flowers at our wedding. We haven’t made any decisions about decorations, so maybe some flora will sneak its way in, but I don’t even think we’re doing bouquets or boutonnieres.

What I do usually remember are the things that happen. The funny or sentimental toasts, the spirited dancing, the bridesmaid tripping down the aisle. For me it’s not all those little details of the day that stick in my head; it’s the events, the often unpredictable happenings, that make it special.

What’s your favorite part of a wedding? What do you usually remember most?

The trip to South Carolina was ah-may-zing. Really, I’m in love with Charleston now. So, here’s the quickie breakdown of the trip.

Day 1

- Riverbanks Zoo & Garden

- Charleston

Day 2

- Alejandro’s Garden

- Demetre Park

- Private Garden 2

- Middleton Place

(Click for larger image)

I had a blast and took many more pictures than I posted. I plan on going back someday.

In other news, my wedding dress came in the mail today!!! I have yet to open the box because I promised my MOH (maid of honor) that I would wait to open it till she could be here too since we didn’t do the whole in store wedding dress shopping. I hope she calls soon. This box is staring at me. It wants me to open it.

And finally, I have decided on how I want to carve my pumpkin. I’m going to do a wraparound scene of Rivendell. This is going to be tricky but fun.

I hope you all had as good a weekend as I did.

~ Laddie

So, there’s been a slight hiccup with my wedding gown. The shop I’ve been dealing with didn’t realize when I bought it to be shipped that it does not have the detachable train with it. As soon as they realized this, they called me and apologized, as well as offered to refund my money immediately. I asked them if they could hold off on that and see if they could track down a train for me. If they can’t, I’ve contacted someone on etsy.com to see if they could make the train for me.

Hopefully, this will all workout for me in the end. ‘Cause I really want that dress.

Hi readers, thank you, once again, for your patience.  I have so much I want to share with you.  I am going to attempt to post every weekday until I am caught up . . . if that is even such a state of being I’m capable of ! Anyway. . .

How do you feel about feathers?

Remember this post – about the cute little wedding dress boutique I visited in Portland where I thought I found my dream dress? Well, I re-visited it the weekend of the 10th {with my personal panel of judges} thinking this dress was the one I would be going home with . . . it wasn’t.

My style is simple, I usually have a good idea of what I’m looking for (some may call it picky buuuut whatever.  Tomato, ta-mah-toe . . .right? ).  Well, the dress I purchased wasn’t exactly what I had in mind when I daydreamed of “the dress”, but the feeling — that wonderful, smile-all-over-my-face sensation — when I put it on . . . that was the feeling I was looking for — it just came in an unexpected form.

So let me backtrack a little . . .

Indecisive. Inconclusive. Hesitant . . . whatever you want to call it, that’s me in a nut shell – annnnd I think my “dress panel” from that weekend can attest.  I tried on dress after dress. Same style. Same impression. Then the first few again.  And so on.  All were a different design {though barely} and each time I asked my panel – more than once – what they thought. 

Everyone seemed pleased with the options:

Me, I just stared in the mirror, trying to figure out if I loved them (not like — love). **HINT** If you have to figure out if you love something or not . . . chances are, you DON’T!  I felt defeated and ready to compromise — chalking the feeling (or should I say non-feeling) up to wedding dress overload.

Then, it happened.

I was lucky enough to hit a 2BE Trunk Show at the boutique with the designer –Terri – IN HOUSE and acting as my personal dress-picker-outer to boot — whoa!  Anyway, after seeing my reaction to the current dresses, Terri asked, “how do you feel about feathers?”

. . . ummmm, no.

Feathers = disaster in dress form (i.e. the picture above, it popped in my head right away). Not really me. Not really our wedding vibe.  Not really practical.

Good thing she didn’t listen.

I was pleasantly surprised at the beautiful dress Terri carried in. I had mistaken “feathers” as extravagance, when they conveyed nothing but elegance. And man, when I put it on, that smile-over-my-face sensation hit.  I didn’t feel like I was wearing a prom dress, I felt like I was in a wedding dress . . . to quote Say Yes To The Dress, it had that “wow factor”.  So, check out my little white “wow”

{“an english garden wedding dress…” – Terri}

{L-O-V-E the bodice — hey Mar }

{see the flowers back here}

{bustled — this is what sold it for mom}

{the feathers are perfect}

I’ll admit, I had a little doubt later in the day {did I choose the right one?}, but looking back on the pictures and my options . . . I was happier than ever about my decision. 

Doubts are normal. We all have them.  Have faith in that feeling inside you.  When it all comes down to it, the man you love would marry you in a potato sack if he had to .

{thank you Terri}

X.O.X.O