I thought, “Yep, that’s exactly how I felt at the end of my sophomore year in high school, going into junior year.”

Could do nothing right.

Accused of using drugs I hadn’t yet discovered.

Asked to talk about things when I didn’t want to.

Blamed.  Misunderstood. And maybe a little melodramatic.

That was me.

So this is a good, funny song.  Or maybe it’s not funny.  People have always told me that my sense of humor is sick.

Click:

Suicidal Tendencies – Institutionalized (1983).

Tsunami Books, Eugene, #1:  75

Tsunami Books, Eugene, #2:  50

Ravenna Books, Seattle:  4

Powell’s Books, Portland:  50

Books Inc., San Francisco:  16

Intangibles.  Autographed copies store managers ask for.  How promotions affect sales ahead of time.

Does each book sold mean two more down the line?  Three?  Five?  Or zero?

It all depends on people’s reactions to the book.

We’ll see about New York in two weeks.  But I’m reading with two other Soft Skull writers, so I’ll divide the number into thirds.  Or wait, since the others are NYC authors, they’re probably going to bring in a lot more people than me.  So does that mean I “earn” a sixth of the total number?  A twelfth?

Hmmm. Tough math.

I don’t know how to draw people in a far away city.  Or how to calculate my draw.

The End of Boys by Peter Brown Hoffmeister; A coming of age story littered with teen angst – no. A memoir of a lost teenage boy rising to the man he is destined to be – yes. This book is captivating, dark, beautiful, and haunting all at the same time. Not once does Peter drift into a world of excuses for his childhood or fall into the trap of self-pity. Hoffmeister simply retells his story in a way that is unbiased and straight forward. His writing style is refreshing – a quick, to the point, no bull-sh*t kind of voice. A truly remarkable, inspiring story. Do yourself a favor and read this book.

A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess:  I’ll be upfront here, I’ve been trying to get through this book for a year now.  Not because I don’t enjoy it, not because it is slow paced or boring.  But because Burgess invents an entirely new language with his writing that has never been seen before.  This book requires time to truly understand and appreciate what Burgess has done with language. It is a haunting tale that challenges society’s take on the difference between good and evil and questions the limits, or lack-there-of, of self-redemption. This narrative is truly inventive and worth the time it takes to finish.

A Visit from the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan: My good friend Jessica recommended this book to me after she chose to read and review it for our literary editing class.  I have yet to start, but it’s staring at me from my bookshelf and is one I cannot wait to get to.  A winner of the 2011 Pulitzer Prize for Fiction, I have high hopes for this one.

The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein: What a lovely breath of fresh air this book is! If you’re looking for a quick read that is for once something other than a sappy romance or a coming of age story, please, please pick up a copy of this book. Written from the perspective of a dog named Enzo, this book defines what it means to find hope in the face of tragedy.

100 Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez: Another Pulitzer Prize winner. One of the most acclaimed authors of our time, Marquez greatly influenced the literary Latin American Boom movement with this book that to many is considered his masterpiece.  Looking forward to this one.

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald:  I recently had the pleasure of re-reading this little gem for an English course I took a few months ago, and it reminded me of how truly fabulous this novel is.  Calling attention to the jazz age, and with it class divergence and social stratification, this novel paints a picture of the roaring ’20s at it follows Nick Carraway, a respectable young man, after his move to New York, where he encounters the one and only Jay Gatsby.  If you haven’t read this already, put it at the top of your list.  And if you have, re-read it! It’s even better the second time around. Promise.

Well folks, there you have it. And in the words of one of my favorite childhood authors of all time, “The more you read, the more things you will know.  The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go,” – Dr. Seuss, “I Can Read With My Eyes Shut!”

So I tell them about the three women who helped me when I was eighteen and nineteen:

Bonita Stahlberg – My English teacher at the end of high school

Dorianne Laux – My poetry professor at U of O

Pris Wilt – My second mother.

The following is an email I sent to Pris in May of 2000, eleven years ago, when I was just about to finish college at the age of 23.  It’s interesting to think that I hadn’t considered writing the book yet, let alone talking publicly about what an important person Pris was in my life.

She just sent this to me last month, and it underscores her importance to me, to the change that took place.  So I decided to post the email:

Dear Wilts,
What can I say?  Without your kindness at the end of my terrible stint in high school, I might not have gone to college.  Certainly not right away.  I credit you guys with  helping me get my life together.
Pris, do you remember the time we talked out on the back porch at the 2460 house?  It was a warm late spring evening, and we talked as you smoked. You told me how you saw my life as contrasts of black and white and that I seemed to feel that all or nothing was the only way I could live.  I bring up that moment, that breath in my life, because it was one of the first times of understanding my adult self.  You understood me better than I did, and had the courage to speak your mind.  I really respect you for that.
Love,
Peter

So I headed to Berkeley to find Indian Rock and Mortar Rock.

A local told me that Mortar Rock was “kinda crappy,” but he hasn’t been to Oregon.  Black granite with a nice shade tree is more than we have here in Eugene:

The local called these routes "The Hard-Man Lines." He said this with a scowl - I thought that was funny.

At Indian Rock, I bouldered 13 (a prime number), mostly easy stuff to protect my knee – first bouldering since the MCL and Patella tears 6-weeks ago.

I did this one moderate on a perfect, road-side boulder:

Pulling off of the jug to the top-out's sharp sloper (a "shloper"?)

I may have limped between boulders, been climbing easy routes, and not feeling strong.  But a new rock area and climbing once again?

So happy.

Tonight at City Lights, Gwen Allen, assistant professor of Art History at San Francisco State, talks about magazine publishing’s heyday. In her book, Artists’ Magazines: An Alternative Space for Art, Allen looks at some of the most important magazines published from the 1960s to the 1980s. This is a time when, as she argues in her book, magazines were an important means for art. With this impermanence in mind, artists created works for now defunct publications such as Aspen, Art-Rite, and Real Life, to challenge artistic conventions, and make a statement about the fleeting nature of materials, art, and life.

Come on down to City Lights at 6 pm to meet with Gwen for what’s sure to be a great discussion.
-S

Looking for something else? Check out these other events around the city tonight:
6 pm, Main Library: Steven Petrow will be presenting his Gay and Lesbian Manners Guide.
6 pm, Book Passage, Embarcadero: Josh Ritter discusses his novel Bright’s Passage.
7 pm, Books Inc, in Opera Plaza: Peter Brown Hoffmeister reads from his memoir The End of Boys.
7:30pm, Booksmith on Haight: Ellen Sussman presents her French Lessons. 

Or plan ahead for Thursday…
6pm: Miranda Kennedy discusses “Sideways on a Scooter: Life & Love in India” at the Book Passage, Embarcadero.
6:30pm: In the mood for poetry? Lauro Vazquez and Latif Harris Readers’ Cafe in Fort Mason this week.
7pm: Amy Snyder discusses Hell on Two Wheels at Green Apple Books on Clement.
7pm: Tom Courtney presents Walkabout Northern California: Hiking Inn to Inn at Books Inc, Opera Plaza.

Goodreads (a site for the book obsessed – like Facebook without the posts of “the perfect glass of wine”) has started a list of books that are the best as one-day summer reads.  Since the list just started, and not too many books have been added, The End of Boys has a good shot of reaching #1 if only 100 people vote for it.

So if you have two or three minutes, please go onto Goodreads, create an account, add The End of Boys to your book list (rating it 1 to 5 stars), then vote for it on the following list (under Listopia if you lose the page).

http://www.goodreads.com/list/show/11323.ONE_DAY_Best_Summer_Reads

If you do vote, thank you SO much.

- P

Did Faulker ever talk in front of a crowd that didn’t materialize?

Does Toni Morrison?

I know Sherman Alexie and David Sedaris pull huge crowds.  Always.

But not me (Note: In Seattle).

New piece for Ampheta’Zine:

Click here.

A short highlight in The Oregonian:
“Hot off the Presses”

And a longer, more pointed review in The Portland Mercury:
“Hard-Knock Life”

The podcast is 40 minutes, and includes some tough questions on God, my family’s reaction, teaching, friends, musical influences, and, of course – for all you other failing writers, Failure.

Ben is a careful reader, and he asks great questions.

If you have a minute (or up to 40) check it out:

Click Here.

And, if you want a shortcut, skip the first few minutes (Talking about the book’s acquisition, a summary, and me reading).  Go to minute five?

I did a book signing at Borders this weekend – which is funny since no one knows who I am. I’m supposed to sign what people don’t know about?

I’m not famous.  My book just came out the week before.  I haven’t had a single review.  And no one knows my face.

But I’m supposed to sign.

They set out a nice table for me by the door, my books displayed in front of me, and I was ready to greet people as they came in.

One problem:  No one was coming in to see me or have me sign.  They didn’t want my book.

They were at Borders to read magazines, buy coffee, browse self-help books, abandon children, eat cookies, and finger knickknacks while waiting in long lines.

So I smiled and greeted and gestured – subtly – to the books in front of me.

My favorite quotes from passers by:

In a gruff voice:  ”What are you trying to sell me?”

From an old lady:  ”Memoir, huh?  Yeah, well I write those too.”

And from thirty-two different people all day long:  ”Oh no, no, no….” as they shake their fingers and walk by while trying not to make eye contact.

We sold twelve books in two and a half hours, nine of those because my nephew, my daughter, and my two sisters-in-law walked around and put the books in people’s hands.  ”Hand-selling,” literally.

So here’s the equation I learned – because math is F-U-N:

Readings > Hand-Selling > Borders Book Signing

As the book seller at the store told me halfway through, “Dante wrote about book signings in his seven levels of hell.”

Also, I got caught inside a question vortex a couple of times, kept talking and didn’t know my way out.  It wasn’t like the cliche cat trying to get out of a bag.  Is was more like a one-legged cat trying to get out of an iron box with a master lock on the clasp.

But a radio studio is one big, quiet booth.  And when he looks at you, you’re supposed to say something intelligent:

http://www.klcc.org/onlineaudio.asp

http://www.nwbooklovers.org/2011/06/01/on-owning-mistakes-and-earning-your-due-an-interview-with-peter-brown-hoffmeister/

Six days to publication date.

Six days.

Next Wednesday.

Weird.

I’ll be a published author.  Book out in real stores.

A real book.

I am so grateful to all those who’ve helped me get to this moment.

Tsunami Books just emailed to say that they ordered 100 in anticipation of the next two weeks’ sales. And I’m thinking, “I don’t have that many family members.”

Plus, as my blog readers know, I only have one friend: my-only-friend-in-the-entire-world-Jeff-Hess. So where will the other 95 sales come from?

Trickery.

Lies.

I’ll tell them that in the book I divulge my long-standing affair with Oprah.  She’s not as good in bed as you would think.

That I shot Castro in 2006, but it was never reported internationally.

How President Clinton molested me in 1997, but I sorta liked it.

How I used to cook meth in my classroom at school.  No, wait….that’s too far.

How I used a #2 pencil to subdue an addict who was cooking meth in my classroom at school.

How I gained forty pounds to play the role of that one guy in the movie that you didn’t see yet but it won a lot of awards at the Sundance Film Festival.  People’s choice, etc.

How I survived 77 days alone on the ocean, floating on a particle-board bookshelf.

How I ate sharks.  Raw. Killed them with my long fingernails.

How I sunk the Titanic.

The time I pitched a no-hitter in a minor-league game, but gave up one walk to lose the entire game.

The time I ran for president of the plumbers’ association and changed clogged drains forever.

How you loved me.

How you needed me.

The time I splinted your compound femural fracture in the woods and saved your life.

We needed a young version of me too, so we asked my nephew Camby to play the part.  Not only does he look like a young me, but he was so serious out there, so professional.  He kept saying, “I think I looked at the camera there.  Can I do that again?”  Or, “I messed that up.  Sorry.”  But he didn’t mess anything up.  He was awesome.

After we finished filming and Caleb recorded my reading, this is what he created:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOHWCSs2mHU

And everyone around me is asking me how it’s going to do.  How many copies will sell?

But I have no idea.

I would quote Sherman Alexie and say, “I’ll sell twenty copies, seventeen of those to my mother,” except this book is going to be difficult for my mother to read since it deals with the worst time in our lives.  In fact, I’ll be really proud of her if she reads the one copy I gave her yesterday.

So how many copies will I sell?

Thirteen?  Three hundred?  Forty Billion?

I tried to look up real sales numbers of successful and failed memoirs, and couldn’t find much except for the most controversial “memoir” of all time, A Million Little Pieces.  That book has sold a documented 5 Million copies world-wide, in 29 countries.

Other (better) memoirs, Fuller’s Don’t Let’s Go To the Dogs Tonight, Karr’s The Liars Club, and Wolff’s This Boy’s Life must have sold in the millions, but I can’t find those numbers.

Also, to be honest, my book is never going to sell like one of those.  It won’t be an international best-seller.  No national or international book-tour forthcoming.

I’m not being modest either.  I’m reading in West Coast cities only.

So the book might do well in Oregon, maybe the northwest.  And I would be very happy with that.

Thinking about it further, I’m just going to say this:

I hope I sell a prime number of books.

257?  877?  1319?  7253?

I would be so happy.  I’d click my teeth and tap my fingers together in obsessive compulsive glory.

June 1st, Tsunami Books, Eugene, 7:00 (Book release)

June 10th, Tsunami Books, Eugene, 7:00 (reading with Mike McGriff)

People questioned if that could affect sales.

So Adriann Ranta, Charlie Winton, Laura Mazer, and I sat around in Mazer’s office and thought of other ideas.  And it came back to the Smoking Pic that I always wanted in the first place (real, including Coop and my mom, so naturally thematic).

The designer went back to work, and we have a new cover:

“Through all the rage, the drugs, the violence and despair, what ultimately lies at the heart of Peter Hoffmeister’s vivid true-life tale The End of Boys is love and forgiveness, and a warmth that is as tangible as it is genuine.  This is a harrowing journey for sure, but one beautifully rendered and well worth taking.  It is the journey home.”

Nathan Singer, author of A Prayer for Dawn.

My memoir, The End of Boys, is now available for pre-order at the Soft Skull Press site:

http://www.softskull.com/

or through Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1593764200/softskullpres-20

Just got a call from my buddy Jose Chaves who said that my book deal has been announced on the Dealmakers section of Publishers Marketplace.  I’m not on the inside loop (when have I ever been on the inside loop), so he relayed it to me over the phone.  Hope this is correct:

“Sold, Peter Brown Hoffmeister’s memoir, The End of Boys, to Soft Skull, Denise Oswald editor, Adriann Ranta Agent, release Spring 2011.

Summary:  A harrowing, sparely elegant account of surviving an adolescence of mental illness and unblinking violence, and the transformative power of books.”

Jose said he thought that was accurate.

So there it is.  I’m so happy to be with Soft Skull, Denise, and Adriann.  And for once, not to fail.

It’s funny to be in this spot (after so many years of rejection), where I’m supposed to believe that I actually might sell a book. As the novelist Michael Fitzgerald wrote to me a couple weeks ago about trying to publish, “completely sucks. Worst
year of my life…It eventually worked out, but took 2 full years from the day I
first sent it….. Plus you’ve gone and told your friends that NY
is looking at your book and then they ask you about it every day.
I was a mess that year.”

So now I’m ready to be a mess too.

To read the sample start, click here.