The running theme in the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air was Will Smith acting like a knob and upsetting his relatives ‘The Banks’. Now it seemed obvious to me but if I were Uncle Phil, who was a judge, then I would have used my connections to get Will sent to some kind of correctional facility or youth prison and find out the  real meaning of ‘REPSECT’ the hard way. Just imagine some of the hilarious episodes where Will would have to tried to chat up the female prison guard only to find out it was a male transgendered inmate all along. I don’t care if it’s 1990’s or 2010 – whatever the decade, that would really have been ‘FRESH!’

Still – everybody knew the words to the theme tune.  Listen to the original below or watch the video here.
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air:

I’ve hated on Jimmy Fallon and his late night show before (and will again), but this bit is pure brilliance. Jimmy Fallon doing Neil Young doing the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song. An epic joke, expertly executed. A tip of the cap, sir.

And speaking of hating: “If hating is your occupation, I’ve probably got a full time job for you.” Orientation starts December 3rd when the bros and hos of “Jersey Shore,” MTV’s newest serial Ipecac, make their primetime debut.

This is the true story… of 7 guidos named Tony (Toni if it’s a chick)… picked to live in a share… have their hair gelled and their tans faked… to see what happens… when people start drinking at noon… and stop having dignity.

A piece of genius…

Welcome back. Hope your long Labor Day weekend gave you a good amount of rest, and time to reflect on, uh, labor I guess. Shows what I know about national holidays.

The weather turns rapidly crisper and you’ve officially retired your skin-tight white jeans to the closet until next year, so I thought we’d join together in a longing glance at summer as it begins to slip away.

I have to admit, a couple of these results touch me right in my nerdy heart. Number one: Summer Heights High. If you’re not familiar with this hilarious show, please do yourself the favor of checking it out. The creation of Comic chameleon Chris Lilley was imported to HBO last year from Australia, but sadly I’ve not heard anything definitive about the channel renewing it for a second season.

And as a drooling Joss Whedon devotee, I recognize Summer Glau as the anguished, omniscient protagonist in the short-lived Firefly and its late-coming follow up, Serenity. I also recognize that people are probably searching her because of neither of those, but for her role on  Fox’s Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles.

Jump to the end. Pretty psyched to see people are still into the Summertime jam. Pretty bummed that nearly all of the top results are for Kenny Chesney, that Will Smith is listed only once therein — and not as DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince — and that Janis Joplin’s version of the original classic doesn’t even make the first two pages. Travesty.

Now as for the others, too bad that we spend our summers working and interning, isn’t it? At least there are summer dresses. And Milwaukee’s Summerfest, which claims to be the biggest music festival in the world (though somehow that news never hit me over here on the coast). And summer camps: the best way not to spend time with your kids/parents for 8 weeks a year. Oh, and for the record, if you put Summer Olympics into the search bar, half the suggestions are queries for how often they occur. Really, folks? Is this not common knowledge yet? I’m not impressed.

Not surprised, either, since every day on the internet is like a fucking worldwide MENSA meeting [*sarcasm!* LOL!]. Take, by way of example, this comment on the youtube video of Summertime, above:

TheRza4Ever
man punch out is OLLDD SCHOOL boxing fuck me and the homies use to play them games at like age 15 smoking hella bud man the good ol memories

Couldn’t have said it better. So, friends, here’s to summer, boxing fuck me, hella bud and the good ol memories.

Damn, I got a shitload of vol. 1s up on this blog. I need to start making vol. 2s, or better yet, vol. 3s to be one step ahead of myself, haha j/p. This mix is actually a beginning for mixes that highlight my favorite regions in music. Philly is obviously one of them, but I also dig a lot of stuff from Oakland, Houston, New York, and so on. So let’s fire it up with Philly.

Ahhhh, Philly. I love Philly. It’s chill and beautiful like San Francisco but the city has way more history and tradition going on that has way more to offer than tourist photo ops. I hate Philly. I hate that people do not care about the homeless. I hate that a lot of the people are hella rude and don’t give a fuck about anyone except themselves, the Eagles, the Phillies, the Flyers, and the 76ers. Philly scares me. Philly is fucking grimy and I don’t feel like I can turn a corner without looking over my shoulder twice. People don’t give a fuck about authority. People smoke on subway platforms like its an everyday thing while in LA and SF we sneak in bites of our breakfast burritos on our way to work. Almost every neighborhood outside of the Centre City is hood. Rappers claiming north and south Philly, where the fuck are we supposed to go?

All in all, I liked Philly. I liked the history. I liked the Universities. I liked the weather (it snowed when I was there). I liked the transit system. I like the music and in the end that’s all that matters.

Peace. Enjoy.

Illy Philly Funk Vol. 1 (Week of 08.03.09) – Click to Download

Tracklisting:

1. Tuff Crew – My Part Of Town
2. Three Times Dope – In Effect
3. Charli Baltimore – Lose It
4. Young Gunz – Grown Man
5. Beanie Sigel – Remember Them Days feat. Eve
6. DJ Jazzy Jeff – Brand New Funk ‘07 feat. Peedi Crack
7. DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince – Brand New Funk
8. Gillie Da Kid – Get Down On The Ground
9. Eve – Cash Flow feat. T.I.
10. Jake One – The Truth feat. Freeway & Brother Ali
11. Beanie Sigel – Go Low feat. R City
12. Young Gunz – Rich Girl feat. Juelz Santana
13. Reef The Lost Cauze – The Sound Of Philadelphia
14. The Roots – Clones
15. Jedi Mind Tricks – I Against I
16. Young Gunz – No Better Love
17. Beanie Sigel & Freeway – Roc The Mic
18. Da Youngstaz – Illy Filly Funk
19. Da Youngstaz – Mad Props
20. DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince – Girls Ain’t Nothing But Trouble
21. Peedi Crack – My Hood Is Greezy feat. Q-Tip & Cassidy
22. Freeway – Take It To The Top feat. 50 Cent
23. Eve – Satisfaction
24. The Roots – What They Do
25. Jill Scott – Hate On Me
26. Musiq Soulchild – Buddy

5. Michael Jackson

The self-proclaimed King of Pop had a fascinating tenor, sizable songwriting chops, and amazing dance moves, but his A-game only lasted a decade. His acting skills, as evidenced by his music videos, was adequate at best. A child star in the 1960s with the Jackson 5, the The Jacksons, he didn’t emerge as a serious solo act until the release of his 1979 disco delight Off the Wall.

Of course, it was 1982’s Thriller, and to a lesser extent, 1987’s Bad that made Michael Jackson the undisputed supreme pop star of the 1980s, and one of the biggest record sellers of all time. By the 1990s, his career had largely sunk into a succession of over-hyped, disappointing recordings and those highly disturbing accusations of child molestation.

8. Madonna

Sex sells, and The Material Girl knows it. In fact, she’ll probably be remembered as the sexiest, most shocking singer of the 20th century. A capable, but not remarkable, vocalist, she has proven to be deft at changing with the times. She wrote most her songs and came up with raunchy, compelling dance moves to accompany each new music video and tour. An above-average actress, she won a Golden Globe for her starring role in the 1996 film Evita.

9. Will Smith

He started out as a rapper in the 1980s, when hip-hop was more about fun than body counts, and scored hits as The Fresh Prince with “Nightmare on My Street” and “Parents Just Don’t Understand.” Then came the hit sitcom, the movies, and the slightly more serious pop hits under his given name. Still in the prime of his career, Smith has been nominated for four Golden Globes, two Academy Awards, and has won many Grammys.

The full list:

1. Elvis Presley
2. Frank Sinatra
3. Bing Crosby
4. Barbara Streisand
5. Michael Jackson
6. Judy Garland
7. Prince
8. Madonna
9. Will Smith
10. Liza Minnelli

via New Times

Here goes: one of my first attempts at english-written fiction. This is a translation of a short story of mine, originaly written in spanish for an online anthology. It’s sexually hardcore, sort of a tribute to Estuardo Prado, a notorious pulp narrator from Guatemala. The photo below is by Matthew McMullen Smith

Testosteronic

 By Luis Fernando Alejos

Lorena finds an old issue of Cool-o (the central american edition), a publication praised for being “the perfect blend between Penthouse, GQ and Conozca Más. She flips through page 45 and, after admiring the London Andrews’s exquisite portfolio (this issue’s centerfold), her gaze is set on the headline: “I’ve got a penis and I´m not afraid to use it. Seven Testosteronic Short Stories”. Lorena raises her eyebrows but continues reading.

1

 The South American poet has genital-sexual relations with the Guatemalan dancer, upon the street. It wouldn’t come as a surprise for him to have “injected her gums with cum”, as –he would claim, after a few drinks– his personal trademark. I ask you, friends, what would be more satisfying, from a male point of view, to come in her mouth, or to become expressionist with her face, all over it?

2

 “I’d spit at you, in front of whoever. Then, I’d buy a whole page for an ad on the paper where I’d tell everyone about your fucking cheating on me”. William Jacobo Díaz does not hesitate while explaining his reaction to his girlfriend, in case she would choose to stray. “Would you like something else to drink?”, the waiter interrupts.

 3

 “God sometimes you just don’t come through, do you need a woman to look after you?”, asks the warm, sultry voice of Tori Amos. The publicist trims his beard and sobs’ in front of the mirror. His girlfriend suffered another miscarriage.

 4

 Entry # 4678 in the sexurban dictionary: Strag-on, combined word, result of joining strap on –dildo tied to a belt, generally accompanied by a thong; popular among lesbians–  and gag, the vomiting reflex that arises when food, penis or other objects meet the oesophagus. Thus, the strag-on is the gag reflects that occurs as a result of a strap-on dildo being in somebody’s mouth. Lydia, housewife/dominatrix, enjoys Johnny’s (her husband and congressman for the central district area) strag-on.

 5

 Will’s father abandons him again. The young man tries to mask his pain. “To hell with him!”. There isn’t a thing that he can teach him about how to love his kids.

 6

 Gay and “bicurious” men gather at the residential brothel. The homosexual pornography displayed there includes guys with beards, “bears”, and muscular studs/hunks, shemales, and hidden camera videos. Claudia Bolaños is the owner of this club, where his oldest nephew Charly holds jobs as both waiter and, often, security manager. “Sometimes the fellas get too excited, and can’t see the body’s frontier”, the nephew says. “For instance”, he adds, “two days ago, several gringos were taking turns with a huge korean, without realizing that the poor thing was passed out. I had to intervene, and separate his mouth and ass from them monster cocks”. Claudia Bolaños sometimes walks into the rooms, where the clients are doing their thing, and her cunt gets dripping wet.

 7

 Leonor Watling kisses me on the mouth. I wake up. I’m alone, and “Hold me tight” is playing again (I pressed repeat… it’s just that I love that song).

 “They’re not bad”, thinks Lorena, while placing Cool-O’s issue upon the marble coffetable. She is texted: ARE YOU SURE? I DON’T NEED ANYBODY ELSE. She turns off the phone. Overcome by a sudden impulse, she opts out of waiting for her biopsy results, and leaves the clinic. She takes up her neighbor’s invitation to go see a soccer match (she’s quite the manic fan) at the stadium. She allows bulging, sweaty pants to squeeze upon her, with their working class (brown trash) hands, while the crowd takes over the stands.

ahhh, summer. glad to see you. since its time for students across the country to sit on their butts and do nothing, miss mitchell is also going to take some time off to enjoy the fact that she doesn’t have to work for a while. while i’m off having adventures, posts will be a bit slower and less frequent, but its summer so you shouldn’t be sitting in front of your computer googling stupid crap all day anyway. today’s post is the best summer jam (can I say that or am I too old?) in the world, in my humble opinion, and you should go download it (or ask me to email it to you) as soon as possible.

It’s starting to feel a lot like summer so we have to do it right and kick it off with this modern classic by Will Smith and Jazzy Jeff. After nearly 20? years, it’s still the best summer anthem.

Yesterday I decided to finally use my bandit.fm voucher that was included with my walkman.

I had $20 and bought  Will Smith’s Greatest Hits album, that was money well spent.

Coolest person ever

This was released in 2002 but the songs are fantastic. “Girls ain’t nothing but trouble ” is great.

It is not harcore rap and can be enjoyed by anyone.

He truly is amazing. Listen to The Fresh Prince at his best in this must have album.

Robbin Williams rips into America’s current political cast,  now starring Barack (means blessing) Hussein (don’t ask) Obama, the Fresh Prince of Politics!!!

Mr. Smith’s right-hand man Jazzy Jeff on the ones-and-twos in Paris with Skillz.

This Vibrant young intellectual by the household name “Tatyana Ali” that we grew up watching on television for a number of years starring on the hit T.V Show “Fresh Prince of Belair starring along side Will Smith the box office smasher!  Tatyana is more than a pretty doll faced actress, singer, dancer… she’s beyond the hype of her career, She straight up real down to earth individual with a keen sense of how our conditions need to change as a people in a America in general and it’s not a Black or White issue, it’s a Right or Wrong issue!  Although some may look at her and say she’s made it,  Tatyana with a last name “Ali” is a CHAMPION voice her opinions, rights and reflection of what it took to reach to her present position based on the blood, sweat & tears of those who made possible!  She’s great and when you see her know she embodies queenship!  We are looking forward to some new music in the coming year as well as a NEW President!

Tatyana Ali & Steve Urkle on The Fresh Prince…

Tatyana Ali “Day Dreaming Music Video”

I don’t care what anyone says, back in the day even the most hardcore Hip-Hop fan liked a little JJ & FP at some point or another.

Looking at this 1989 Arsenio Hall footage now it seems like the most obvious thing in the world for Will Smith to have become the superstar he is today, but back then who knew the charismatic kid from Philly would go on to reach Hollywood royalty status??!!

Yungrussell with Sandra & James Azor

Dj Enuff from Flatbush at the Pepsi Dj Event Gave James Azor his Propers

              The Legendary Dj Jazzy Jeff,  Mad Skillz & James Azor of “World’s Greatest Dj Awards”

Hey By the way happy New Year Sandra & Happy Birthday… Nuff love… What a notable Haitian-African American ”Dou”.  There is no windshield type action with these two they give it to you straight with no chaser.  I have know this Brother & Sister combo which have stamped there brand AZOR’ in several back yards of this Industry from Priority Records, the Refugee Camp to Krucial Keys (Alicia Keys) Award Shows & television & film propects are just footsteps you can hear coming around the bend.  “Worlds Greatest DJ Awards” ask what you can do early!!!!!!