The Downtown Fiction’s music will be playing during tonight’s episode of “The Hills” on MTV. Congrats!

“Frenemies” is a term usually reserved for shit like the The Hills (and a song on Jim Jones’ last album), but the rap game has its own collection of drama queens volatile, flip-floppy stars. Cases in point: the phony-friendship roller coaster that Jay-Z and 50 Cent have been riding over the last decade. No “Takeover” or “Ether” yet, but these two heavyweights still qualify as top-notch frenemies.

As regulars atop Forbes Hip-Hop list, you’d figure Jigga and 50 have enough in common to be buddies, but rap is a competitive sport and there’s pretty much only room for one at the top. While they’ve never all-out beefed, they’re not on that vegan steez neither—hence, frenemies. Check out our list of the friend and enemy moments between the two and a KRS-One video with his thoughts on a possible battle between 50 and Jay-Z…

More —> Here

The nice folks over at Jacket Copy have read Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt’s new book, How to be Famous, so that normal people won’t burn their retinas and kill off precious brain cells while trying to “read” it.  As a longtime fan of MTV’s quasi-reality show, The Hills, I am a seasoned Speidi-hater and found this post to be especially hilarious.  Of course, I understand that to be blogging about them AND watching their show for 3 years only adds to their fake celebrity status, but I just can’t help myself.  Enjoy.

If there’s a guaranteed white elephant gift this holiday season, it’s the 132-page book “How to be Famous” by Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. These two — who leveraged their roles on MTV’s semi-real reality show “The Hills” into tabloid dominance — sure know about being famous for no good reason, but who really needs a book to explain the phenomenon? I didn’t want to read it, but I did so you won’t have to. You’re welcome.

The cover: The cover is screamingly garish. It shouts, “Step back! You do not want to pick up this book!” I imagine the designer saying something like, “Remember that ’80s neon thing? We’re going to do that, but modern.” “Modern” falling somewhere between retina-burning and vomit.

The acknowledgments: They thank Jesus first. Is Jesus on their side? Talk about a crisis of faith.

The advice: Find a bunch of famous-ish people, hang out with them, establish self as an antagonist. Oh, it helps if these famous-ish people are on a TV show, meaning you will also be on a TV show. It is a short, paparazzi-enabled step from the TV show to the pages of Playboy. Won’t mom be proud?

The Spencer factor: “Given how the general public feels about me, the chances are that if you’re reading this right now, you can’t stand me. I get it. If I weren’t me, I’d HATE me. But here you are.”

But that’s pretend: A chart of villains puts Spencer between J.R. Ewing and Freddy Krueger. None of the villains, except for Spencer, are real. Depending on whether you believe Spencer is real, that is.

Heidi’s tips: Sexy chicks get all the attention, not good girls. Cry to get what you want. “Don’t kid yourself, nobody’s born perfect,” so do purchase new boobs, a new nose, lip injections, capped teeth (Botox and face-lifts are for old people). Also, work out for a “smoking bod.” Never leave the house without full-bore hair and makeup. Set feminism back a century.

Don’t look! There are 16 full-bleed, glossy pages of Speidi. Faux candid snow frolicking, bathing suit romping. Turn away.

Paparazzi primer: Yes, Spencer and Heidi are cozy with the paparazzi. But even I know that celebrities have publicists who do the work of telling the paparazzi where to find them, and publicists don’t get a mention here. A little cheaty. Plus, calling them “paps” is kind of gross.

Branding, Speidi-style: Do anything. Show up to the opening of a bag of chips. Vote for McCain. Get married — twice. Write a book.

$2500 grand prize for the winner. Nice bonus for your day after Thanksgiving shopping spree. If you are interested in registering please contact Chris Parisi at 703-929-5374.

And with the Alexander Wang Coco Duffel. Her look is a little overdone; but, with a few pieces of flare removed could be super fab. I would have worn some sort of sweater or sweatshirt with the leather leggings. Don’t need a leather jacket too. Oh and her hair is a little too perfect. Overall she passes though.

Kristin Cavallari, the unfortunate star of The Hills, was recently spotted shooting a scene for who knows what in and around LA. She claims this scene wasn’t for her reality show (because the fact that she went through hair and makeup and a script memorizing session wouldn’t make it reality).

Anyway, here’s how it went down:

KRISTIN: Could we hurry this along please. My natural beauty doesn’t warrant a ton of makeup so I’d appreciate it if we could moveon.org. Omg, did I just make a political reference? Also, I think I spy photogs, and this will make people think The Hills isn’t a real reality show.

KRISTIN: OK, I think I’m ready. Does it look like I’m really talking on the phone? Should I hold it further away from my face? Ugh, acting is SO hard. Does it matter that my forearm and hand look freakishly tiny compared to the rest of my body? It’s all angles, right?

KRISTIN: Oh, now I’ve done it. I’ve spilled my skinny bitch latte all over the set—-I mean—-cafe that I frequent. Blast. I used to be so good at hiding this scripted-reality business. But note how I’m still fake talking on the phone. I’m AWESOME!

KRISTIN: We’re totally done!! I just made thousands of dollars and all I had to do was sit here, laugh, complain about my boyfriend, and dramatically stare off into space in different directions. When they put the Billboard Top 100 tracks behind this footage, it’s gonna kick The City’s ass! Suck it, Whitney. Oh man, I am hot.

KRISTIN: Alrighty you fabulous and beautiful people, I’m totally outta here. I need a skin peel and a spray tan and I still need to memorize my lines for tomorrow. Catch you bitches later.

I think the end of the world is near.  It makes me sad, but I think this is it.  What else could explain the absolute shit that is on TV these days.  Celebrity Rehab, Sex Rehab, Paris Hilton’s BFF, Tila Tequila and fuck, even P. Diddy, or whatever the fuck his name is, has a “reality” show.  It’s all friggin crap.  Hogan know’s best, the Hills, people with 8 kids, 16 kids, 32 kids, geez.  What makes this Tv?  It’s like being at the circus watching the freak-shows. 

Right now on showcase there are 2 men in thongs tied together by a harness in the 69 position and they are pounding the shit out of each other’s ass cheeks.  UGH.  Then the guy drools on the other guys leg.  UGH.  It’s as bad as watching poker on TV.  (turned off after 20 more seconds).

It’s no wonder I just stick to sports, Grey’s Anatomy, Ugly Betty, and a ton of cooking shoes and news.

Please, someone come up with something original!!!

Since I have never gone a month without at least one entry in Xpinionated, I bring to you the Top 5 Famous Rich Folks Who Don’t Deserve Their Fame.

5) Jared from Subway. His diet and weight reduction plan was based on a Subway diet. Are we to believe it was due substantially to his diet and an insignificant amount of weight loss was due to exercise? And if that’s the case, why aren’t the The Biggest Loser episodes just a bunch of challenges to get to Subway, kinda like The Biggest Loser meets The Amazing Race…The Biggest Amazing Loser Race. Yeah, Jared shouldn’t be rich and shouldn’t be famous for doing what he should have been doing in the first place.

4) Flavor Flav. Quite possibly the most unattractive human being on TV. Scratch that, outside of Nene from The Real Housewives of Atlanta, the most unattractive human being on TV. And close to the least talented. He was a hype man, not a rapper. Standing next to a rapper does not make one a rapper just as standing next to me does not make you funny. Out of nowhere, the part of Public Enemy that had no talent has returned to the limelight, searched for love from apparently blind and deaf women (that’s the only way I can imagine they wanted Flav), and even starred (used very loosely) in his own bad (used very tightly) sitcom. Seriously, his fame hangs on the balance of an oversized clock gimmick…..

3) Kardashians. Ok, Kim is fine. Not have-her-own-show fine but fine nonetheless. The other Kardashian girls? Notoriety from what exactly?

2)Tila Tequila. Maybe I have the story wrong. I don’t care enough to look it up and plus it wouldn’t change her position on this list or my feelings about her one iota. But let’s take a shot at this: girl opens myspace account, girl puts up progressively sexier pictures of herself on myspace, girl develops a myspace following due to pubescent nature of myspace clientele, MTV gives girl show based on myspace popularity. Meanwhile, there’s some poor kid studying his butt off at a community college in between his two part time jobs that MTV, and the rest of the country could care less about…..

1) Lauren from the Hills/The Real OC. It is no coincidence that MTV plays a huge role in the top two personas on this list. Lauren’s is a slightly different story. Rich kid living it up in Orange County. No particular talent. Just a willingness to let MTV cameras follow her around while she finds 1,231 ways to put the word ‘like’ into a sentence unnecessarily while working her way through MTV created drama. Woe is her life as her and her friends hop into the Escalade for another trip to the specialty Boutiques…..Her reward for being a rich kid with no real worries: a spin off show with the same high school drama…just without the high school..

P.S. Lauren excepts top honors in this list on behalf of the entire cast of the Real OC and the Hills.

This song has some of the best lyrics.

with special DJ set by Joel Madden. Contact Chris Parisi for Ticket and Table Reservations

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag would like to appear in another reality TV show. According to the Associated Press, Pratt and Montag – who star in MTV’s “The Hills” and don’t have plans to leave the show- have been pitching their new reality show idea to a number of networks. The much-maligned reality TV personalities want to appear in a show that, unlike “The Hills,” offers viewers a more detailed look into their everyday lives.

Keep reading.

rodarte-fall-2008 idea girl consulting

I’ve been reading The Teen Vogue Hand Book – An Insider’s Guide to Careers in Fashion and decided to do a feature of each of the designers online.  I wasn’t too sure what all the Awards were for, so I’m looking them up on youtube and posting the information on The Idea Girl Says.

It’s part of my research for a new book that I’m writing called The Calamity Girl.

In book one she visits Los Angeles, California but only takes the time to visit a few tourist spots near Universal Studios.

In book two she returns to Los Angeles, California with Michael and she will be diving into the various subjects of interest in the area and writing about them for Gossip Tabloids, her newspaper.

Rachel Tornquist is a fictional character that will be travelling around the world and writing about her adventures in my chic lit The Calamity Girl Series.

As we go along and learn about the characters, her Sister Melissa is actually a Fashion Designer in the making.  So in order to appear realistic in the book I started doing some research on the Fashion world.

This book is a gold mine of information for all ages!

It’s fun to read, lighthearted and inspiring.

Amy Astley has created a colorful portrait in the day in the life of a fashion designer and she shows how the industry works from start to finish.

amy-astley-hills-tv show - editor of Teen Vogue

teenvoguemag provides the youtube videos.

2009+CFDA+Fashion+Awards+Winner

Rodarte designers Kate Mulleavy (L) and Laura Mulleavy pose with actress Kirsten Dunst (C) backstage at the 2009 CFDA Fashion Awards at Alice Tully Hall in Lincoln Center on June 15, 2009 in New York City.

AliceTullyHall2007 New York City

Harper Collins Children’s Books recently announced plans to publish a style guide penned by Lauren Conrad.  Simply titled Lauren Conrad Style, the book is scheduled for a Fall 2010 release.   Of the book Ms. Conrad says:  “I think fashion should be fun and reflective of who you are.  I know this guide will offer simple, practical tips to help anyone look fabulous.”  So happy to see LC doing well after leaving the overly scripted and no longer entertaining Hills. Source US Magazine

That’s right GIRLS, the oh so ELUSIVE Lauren Conrad is in the works on penning another NOVEL via Harper Collins.

Her latest gift to female FANS everywhere is TITLED Lauren Conrad Style.

Because it’s hard to twist hair into mini braids, find J Brands and learn to keep the straps of a Chanel bag secured on the shoulder right.

I’m NOT hating. She’s ONE of my FASHION icons for her effortless California cas style.

It’ll be OUT February of 2010.

Hopefully both Kristin Cavallari and Bartender Staci will learn some TIPS on how to keep their PANTS on for once.

Creen que "Puck" es candente?

El elenco de el exitoso programa Glee sabe que tiene que aprovechar la exposición que están teniendo y tomar cualquier oportunidad para gozar de su nueva fama. Y que mejor forma de aprovecharla que consiguiendo carne nueva; Mark Salling, mejor conocido como Puck, ya consiguió su primera conquista. Según la revista USWeekly, al actor se le vió muy cariñoso con Audrina Patridge, una actriz del bodrio de programa llamado The hills. Hay que reconocer que la mujer tiene muy buen cuerpo, es una muy buena opción para pasar un buen rato, aprovechalo Puck.

Après avoir surpris tout le monde en classant son premier livre, L.A Candy, à la première place de la liste des bestseller du New York Times, l’ancienne héroïne de la “télé-réalité” The Hills vient d’annoncer qu’elle était entrain d’écrire un guide du style. Même si en général elle assure sur le tapis rouge, il ne faut pas oublier le flop de sa collection online la saison dernière. Le Lauren Conrad Style sera disponible dès l’automne prochain.

Today is nothing more than a pile of ass outside. Seriously this weather makes me regret having to walk to school.

Ok?

/end rant.

I’m learning though, which is a good thing because I never want to stop. However, I have to be careful of who I learn from. For example:  Ninja’s probably aren’t the best people to learn from. Actually let me re-phrase. People who “think” they are ninja’s probably aren’t the best people to learn from.

I also feel compelled to ask a question about reality television. I made a promise to myself when I started this blog to never mention any of the super intelligent programs they have on MTV these days, but I couldn’t resist this.

So last night I’m watching a hockey game, commercial, I start flipping through the dial and happen upon the hills. Or the city? Or Laguna beach. I’m not certain what any of them are called. Anyways I’m instantly drawn to the fact that the show has subtitles. Um. The show is in English with English subtitles?  Oh okay it must be because the scene is in a place that might be difficult to hear? Nope, it was pretty clear that they were saying “oh my god, what is *she* doing here”.  So my question to you is, WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO? Nah, but in all seriousness, I understand these shows are popular and that they attract the majority of mindless teenagers out there. But subtitles? Are they implying that a majority of their viewers are incompetent on listening and watching at the same time?  Those shows make me cringe. I’m physically not able to describe in words how much shows like these seriously slow down evolution and progress of the human race in the universe.

/end rant.

To end this magnificent post, i’ll allow Conan O’Brien to do what he does best. Insult people.

Kristin Cavallari might be KNOWN for feasting on other people’s BOYFRIENDS, but the fact that at least ONE of them included scruffy D Bag Justin Bobby downplays the whole situation.

Audrina Patridge is laughing her way down the INDIVIDUAL ab of her latest RUMORED boytoy, Mark Salling (Puck from Glee).

Um first pro skater Corey Bohan, then Star Trek cutie Chris Pine, now this FINE piece?

Gee I wonder what the MAJOR attraction is?

Maybe it’s the way she’s always LOOKING UP at them like an innocent little ceiling doe eyed gal.

They were “spotted” at Voyeur getting touchy feely and then apparently they followed each other out of the club to put on a show for K Cav. Hopefully MTV is secretly filming this sh*t.

Genius!

Lady Gaga vs Cartman Vs Christopher WalkenPoker

Lauren Conrad is pretty stylish, she’s not groundbreaking like Lady Gaga but this girl could possibly have a career styling Celebrities if she stopped being delusional and thinking she is a celeb herself. This nobody originally from The Hills of Laguna to The Hills of LA (3rd and La Brea aren’t my idea of The Hills, but whatever) is going to release a style hand book. Lauren surprisingly successful with her book, L.A. Candy; She is even making a sequel to it called Sweet Little Lies.

Anyways, her book is called Lauren Conrad Style *snooze*.  At least she has been is trying to salvage her career. Her acting on the Hills was shitty, but the girl does sell the books. Mazel.