1. Don’t panic (English)
2. Ne paniquez [or] Ne paniquez pas [or] Pas de panique [or yet another way is] Paniques pas (French)
3. Niente panico [or] Non lasciarsi prendere dal panico (Italian)
4. Não entre em panico [or] Não se apavore (Portugese)
5. No asustase [or] No se atierre (Spanish)
6. Tippanikjax (Maltese)
7. Psyhraimia (Greek)
8. Ná bíodh scaoll ort (Irish Gaelic)
9. Ny gow aggle (Manx Gaelic)
10. Ta det rolig [or] Ikke få panikk (Norwegian)
11. Ta det lugnt [or] Ingen panik (Swedish)
12. Undgå panik [or] Slap af [or] Tag det roligt (Danish)
13. Geen paniek [or] Raak niet in paniek (Dutch – Netherlands)
14. Niet panikeren (Dutch – Flemish)
15. Moenie paniek nie (Afrikaans)
16. Keine Panik (German)
17. Slappadu af (Icelandic)
18. Älä hätäile (Finnish)
19. Ne panikui [or panikuy] (Russian)
20. Tea paanikasse sattuv (Estonian)
21. Ne ess pánikba! (Hungarian)
22. Ne panicari [or] Bez panike (Croatian)
23. Ne panicari (Serbian)
24. Ne panicari (Bosnian)
25. Nepropadejte panice (Czech)
26. Nie Panikuj [or] Nie Panikowac (Polish)
27. Al tilahetz [when addressing a male, or] Al tilahtzi [when addressing a female, or] Bli panika [if you're an American and don't mind sounding like one] (Hebrew)
28. Natarse (Farsi)
29. La tahreeb (Arabic)
30. Haraab nakun (Persian)
31. Yek ma (Turkish)
32. Ghabarao mat (Hindi/Urdu)
33. Ghabari beda (Kannada)
34. Awate nasanna [or] Awatenaideh [or] Shinpai suruna [or] Panikku wo okosuna (Japanese)
35. Uoki maka’u kuhewa (Hawaiian)
36. Tenang saja [or] Menenangkan [or] Tidak kelabakan (Indonesian)
37. Noli pavere [or] Nolite pavere (Latin)
38. Ne paniku (Esperanto)
39. Non affolla vos (Interlingua)
40. Ontday anicpay (Pig Latin)
41. Dubon’t Pubanubic (Pig Greek)
42. yIlImQo’ (Klingon)
    

I am currently reading a book which has allegedly sold more than twice as many copies around the world than there are people living in Britain. JRR Tolkien’s ‘The Lord of the Rings‘, according to The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, er, I mean according to Wikipedia, has been purchased 150 million times since it was first published in 1954. By Wiki-reckoning it is the second most popular fictional work of all time, coming in 50 million copies shy of ‘A Tale of Two Cities’ by Charles Dickens. Pretty impressive, until you read that the Bible is estimated to have sold somewhere between 2.5 and 6 billion and Chairman Mao’s ‘Little Red Book’ has been snapped up by at least 800 million and perhaps as many as 6.5 billion paying customers. The Koran is high up the list too, lest Islam should feel aggrieved that Christians and Communists are hogging the limelight, as they did for much of the 20th century.

Of course such figures are bunk, really. Barcodes and digital tracking have only been in existence for a relatively short time compared to the lifespan of the religious tomes included in the list. How exactly can anyone know how many copies of a book like The Bible have been sold over a span of some two thousand years? ‘Ring Ring!’ “Hello?” “Oh hello, is that the Pope?” “Yes it is, who is calling?” “Hello, my name is Bernard, I am calling from Wikipedia. Could you spare a few moments of your time to talk to us about sales of your book?” “My book?” “You know, the one you had ghost-written. What’s it called? Let me look at my list again. Oh yes, The Bibble.” “You mean The Bible?” “That’s the one. How many units have you shifted this past two millennia?” “Perhaps I should get my office to call you back.” “Sure thing.” “Anything else I can do for you? A signed Book of Psalms, perhaps?” “No, you’re alright.”

Anyway, I’m reading Tolkien again for a couple of reasons. One is because I’ve been under the weather and there is nothing like a huge book to plough through when illness makes concentrating on other things difficult. And the beauty of ‘The Lord of the Rings’ is that one can drop off in the middle of some of the interminably long songs and poems by the elves or the dwarves, and wake up several pages later when the ditty has finally ended. But the other reason I’ve returned to a book I first read when I was about sixteen and have reread on quite a few occasions since, is because I have recently read the ‘Inkheart‘ triilogy by Cornelia Funke. I am new to her work (as happens so often these days, the film drew me to the novels) and became so immersed in the Inkworld that I could not help but compare the reading experience with that first time I read Tolkein. They are miles apart in style and divergent in tone but Funke has achieved what few beyond Tolkien have achieved – she has conjured up an entire world from her own imagination which, despite its dangers and tragedies, almost seems preferable to the real world. Why? For the same reason many of us wish we could slip inside Tolkien’s pages and spend time in Middle Earth: the Inkworld and the world of the Hobbits are worlds of honour, of valour and of the kind of romantic heroism which seems sadly lacking in our own times. Our heroes, according to the gutter press and commercial television, are self-obsessed wannabe celebrities and people who appear in soap-operas on TV. Call me strange and bookish if you must but who would you rather have at your side in a crisis, Leona Lewis and Katie Price or a couple of doughty hobbits and an axe-wielding dwarf?

Sometimes there are movies that because of high expectations, don’t quite live up to the hype, therefore people and critics shrug it off as a failure. There are also some movies that people just pan or shrug off based on it’s cast or premise. Although there are some occassions where I’ve had such thoughts, I like to give every movie a chance. There are times when I regret it but there are times when there is a true gem that most people just don’t care for without even seeing it, or they just don’t like it for the reasons I’ve mentioned.

My list is compiled of movies that “failed” due to high expectations as well as those that most think are truly horrible. I love all of these movies and I don’t feel ashamed for doing so.

Here are my top 10 most underrated movies of the decade.

10. Australia

Baz Luhrman | 2008

I guess that after the greatness of Moulin Rouge! there were high expectations for Lurhrman’s next project (mine were definitely like that). When it was announced that he would do an epic romance, I guess people thought that he was going to try to bring back the sub-genre, when in fact it was just an homage to those movies. Most people didn’t see it as the latter, which is why they hated it. However, there were a few of us who saw it for what it was and we loved it. The romance is great, the cinematography is amazing, the score fits the story, and the performances are great. Yes, the script had problems, but they can be easily forgiven thanks to the rest of the production.

9. The Fall

Tarsem | 2008

This movie originally played in the Toronto International Film Festival in 2006 and it was panned, with most critics calling it an inferior copy of anther festival darling from that year, Pan’s Labyrinth. Two year later, it was released independently to bad reviews. There were a few critics like Roger Ebert who actually saw it for what it was, a visual treat supported by a small story. It is a gorgeous movie filled with  remarkable images and featuring great performances by Lee Pace and Catinka Untaru. It may not have a very deep and thought provoking story, but the story confined with the magnificent production makes for a great experience.

8. Across the Universe

Julie Taymor | 2007

Most people who dislike this mostly complain about how “misused” the songs by The Beatles were, about how little story there is to support those historic lyrics. I guess their love for the songs did not allow them to see the beautiful production, the great direction, the great performances, the good arrangements of the songs. They missed out on all the fun.

7. Knowing

Alex Proyas | 2009

Nicolas Cage had not had a good decade. For every Lord of War ,The Weatherman, and Adaptation there are two National Treasures, one Next, one Bangkok Dangerous, one Ghost Rider, and one The Wicker Man. So I guess that when this came out the presence of Cage made most people dismiss it as another one of his attempts to become an action star so late in his career. However, the movie is not just Nicolas Cage. It was directed by one of the most interesting directors out there, the script, despite it’s huge flaws, had some interesting ideas that Proyas takes the most advatage of, and it also features Cage’s best performances since 2005 when he had both Lord of War and The Weatherman

6. Memoirs of a Geisha

Rob Marshall | 2005

The book on which this is based is amazing, so there is no way that the movie was going to live up to it. Despite that, I believe Rob Marshall did a great job in translating the story visually into the screen it is one of the best produced movies of the decade. Yes, the script is rather bad, but the behind-the-scenes people and the actors rise above the material. Should you expect a fast-paced movie? No, you should expect a slow-burning experience and take everything in to enjoy the great ending.

5. The Life Aquatic With Steve Zizzou

Wes Anderson | 2004

It may not be Wes Anderson’s best, but I’d say that it is his most interesting, visually, and it has some really funny moments, as well as plenty of heart felt ones. Plus, it sports Bill Murray’s best post-Lost in Translation performance, Angelica Houston, Owen Wilson, Willem Dafoe, Cate Blanchett, and a song by Sigur Ros. What more can you ask for?

4. Monster-in-Law

Robert Luketic | 2005

Does it have the most original story? No. Is It well written and directed? No. So why do I think it is underrated? Well, it is because of the actresses. Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez have great chemistry together, and that alone makes almost every joke work. Plus, there is the always-reliable Wanda Sykes and the always reliable assistant ready with a one liner for every situation.

3. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Garth Jennings | 2005

Based on the books by Douglas Adams, I think the movies does a great job of translating the humor, which is not the humor that most people are used to. I does not have jokes that give you belly laughs, but the kind of humor that makes you go, “that’s funny.” Martin Freeman, Mos Def, Zooey Deschanel, and Sam Rockwell are perfectly cast and make everything work.

2. Speed Racer

The Wachowskis | 2008

“It looks like a videogame and it has no story” was the biggest complaint I heard about this movie. This was never supposed to be the next Matrix, it was supposed to be a movie for the whole family to enjoy. And that was what we got. It has a simple good vs. evil, family always sticks together story, combined with great, groundbreaking visual effects, and good performances to boot.

1. The Fountain

Darren Aronofsky | 2005

I guess the main reason why most people don’t like it is because of it’s non-linear narrative. I loved it from the first time I saw it, and has only gotten better with repeat viewings. Hugh Jackman gives what is his best performance to date, and Rachel Weiz is also quite good. Some parts are off-putting and you do wonder what part is actually happening, but that is only part of the beauty of it. This is definitely one of the best movies of the decade.

There are my 10 most underrated movies of the decade. Feel free to offer your opinion in the comments section.

DOWNLOADS!!!

Só porque eu sou uma pessoa muito legal e achei demais compartilhar, hospedei no 4shared a versão em quadrinhos lançada em 1993 =)

THHGTH 1

THHGTG 2

THHGTG 3

Life Universe and Everything 1

Life Universe and Everything 2

Life Universe and Everything 3

The Restaurant Of End The Universe 1

The Restaurant Of End The Universe 2

The Restaurant Of End The Universe 3

As músicas do The Marvin Singles de 1981

Marvin The Paranoid Android – Marvin

Marvin The Paranoid Android – Marvin I Love You

Marvin The Paranoid Android – Metal Man

Marvin The Paranoid Android – Reasons To Be Miserable

Os links pra série de Tv de 1981 em RMVB LEGENDADO

Episódio 1 – Episódio 2 – Episódio 3 – Episódio 4 - Episódio 5 – Episódio 6

A série original de rádio – BBC Original Broadcast – (1978/1980)

BBC-Radio links

Vou postar a evolução dos personagens, e mostrar as versões:

- The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (2005) – Filme

- The TV Series(1981) – Série de TV

- The Comics  (1993) – Quadrinhos

Arthur Dent

Ford Prefect

Heart Of Gold ( A Nave Coração de Ouro)

Marvin

O Pensador Profundo

Slartibartfast

Trillian (Tricia McMillian)

Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz

Zaphod Beeblebrox

just finished reading two amazing books. first off, part six in the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy: and another thing…. it was written by eoin colfer, the dude who wrote artemis fowl, and he did a stellar job at keeping up the comedy.

also sat down and finished the graveyard book by neil gaiman in a day as well. it’s about a boy named nobody who lives in a graveyard, raised by various ghosts and goes on numerous adventures. gaiman totally works his magic craft with it, making it both a childrens book and an adult novel, with awesome art from dave mckean.

gaiman at his best

last but not least, i finally finished up borderlands for the xbox 360, by 2k games and gearbox. a really strong and funny fps mixed with role-playing elements. to do everything it only took about 20 to 25 hours and it was totally worth it. a great amount of fun, like a fallout and diablo mix.

enjoyed it thoroughly

Bom, vou começar a postar coisas sobre a coleção de livros “O Guia do Mochileiro das Galáxias” do Douglas Adams, já que é ele quem inspirou o nome desse blog. Hoje vou falar dos personagens principais.

A história começa com Arthur Dent, que, no mesmo dia que sua casa vai ser destruída para ser feito um desvio rodoviário, descobre que seu melhor amigo é um extraterrestre, e que o seu planeta foi destruido, também para um desvio, só que intergaláctico hahaha. Arthur é viciado em chá, e muito desengnçado e azarado. Vive perdido e frustrado.

Ford Prefect, melhor amigo de Arthur, é um extraterrestre que viveu 15 anos na Terra disfarçado de ator desempregado. Seu planeta de origem é Betelgeuse, e seu verdadeiro nome na língua betelgeusiana, dado por seu pai, é impronunciável e nem ele mesmo o conseguiu, por isso ganhou o apelido de Ix(Que no idioma de Beteguelse II quer dizer:”Menino que não sabe explicar direito o que é um Hrung e nem porque ele resolveu cair em cima de betelgeuse IV”). Ford Prefect foi o que ele escolheu na Terra, por julgar ser um nome comum.

Zaphod Beeblebrox é basicamente, o presidente da galáxia,  suas principais características de personalidade, além de ter duas cabeças, é o fato de ser incrivelmente metido e ter operado o próprio cérebro por motivos que ele mesmo desconhece. É egoista e vive chamando Arthur Dent de “símio”. Quer encontrar o homem que realmente comanda o universo. É um semi primo de Ford, e já foi eleito 7 vezes como a criatura mais mal vestida de todo o universo.

Tricia McMilan, ou Trillian (sim, o mesmo nome daquele programa de mensagens instantâneas), é uma garota um tanto incomun, tem um jeito peculiar e gosta de arriscar-se e viajar por ai sem destino.

Marvin, um robô maníaco-depressivo, tem um “cérebro” do tamanho de um planeta, cujo QI é pelo menos 30 bilhões de vezes maior que o de um ser humano. Entretanto, as funções para a quais é designado são das mais banais (como abrir portas, escoltar visitantes e sentar a um canto de uma sala e ser ignorado por todos). Essas tarefas tão absurdamente simples para seu intelecto superior resultam no PHG do andróide uma profunda e prolongada depressão, além de um sentimento de completo desprezo pela vida.

Fonte: wikipedia

]]> http://ahanbesol.wordpress.com/2009/11/10/big-girls-dont-cry/ Wed, 11 Nov 2009 00:14:29 +0000 Sarah http://ahanbesol.wordpress.com/2009/11/10/big-girls-dont-cry/ http://handcancel.net/2009/10/23/dingos-kidneys-its-a-douglas-adams-october/ Fri, 23 Oct 2009 00:30:34 +0000 Handcancel himself http://handcancel.net/2009/10/23/dingos-kidneys-its-a-douglas-adams-october/

Whenever I enter a casual discussion with someone about The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, the audio-guy in me initially has to proudly let it be known that Douglas Adams’s The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy was originally a radio comedy- one of the funniest, most brilliant pieces of audio-comedy ever produced in fact. After stating that I’m very happy to hear everything you have to say about HHGTTG and it’s various multi-media incarnations. Such discussions will most likely end with me having the last word, saying “You’ve just got to hear the original BBC radio broadcasts from the 70s!” If I really like you I’ll burn you the CDs I made from the tapes.

A couple weeks ago NASA’s Lunar CRater Observation and Sensing Satellite (LCROSS) project “bombed” the moon (created twin impacts on the moon’s surface in a search for water ice). LCROSS has a Twitter, and sure enough, as the sensing satellite approached it’s impact they appropriately twittered the following memorable dialogue from HHGTTG: “And what’s this thing coming toward me very fast? So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like ‘Ow’, ‘Ownge’, ‘Round’, ‘Ground’! That’s it! Ground! Ha! I wonder if it’ll be friends with me?”- a galactic shout out to Adams and his timeless story- the part where some missiles turned into a whale at an improbability factor of 8,767,128 to 1 against.

A few days later author Eoin Colfer’s new book And Another Thing… came out- a daring continuation of Douglas Adams book series of HHGTTG.

Talk about big shoes to fill... shoes? Yes SHOES! An entire archaeological layer of compressed shoes!

Initial reaction- blasphemy! Of course. But the chance that a renewed interest in the story could send folks back to the origins could make it all worth it. Plus I’m trying to get away from that whole ‘purist’ thing when it comes to being a fan of music, books, film- whatever. I’ll almost say that if someone doesn’t desperately want to re-make, redo, or continue your film, book, or TV series then maybe it didn’t have enough fans, then if some accomplished fan wasn’t recruited to bring it back to market then maybe it just wasn’t good- just maybe! Colfer explains himself in this video below. Be sure to click to Youtube to read the comments for the all important “word on the street (net)” about what a few HHGTTG cranks may be feeling about the new book without having read it- of course.

Then you know it isn’t a party without the glowing Apple Mac logo somewhere in the room these days- so a HHGTTG iPhone App has also been released to promote the book- beating Amazon’s Kindle to the punch for what could actually be the closest device to a real Hitchhikers Guide this side of Ursa major. Check out a review from Apptism.

I could write on for pages about the radness of Douglas Adams, but I really want to catch this Angels-Yankees game, so do yourself a flavor if you don’t already know, and no matter what… DON’T PANIC !

Thanks Doug!

*Kurt Vonnegut’s Look at the Birdie: Unpublished Short Fiction will be released October 20. Vanity Fair has an excerpt.

*Twitterature? On October 13 (at noon) Neil Gaiman does his part to bridge the ever-shrinking gap between literature and technology, inevitably inciting outrage from the anti-Kindle-ites.

*In shocking news: Douglas “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” Adams died in 2001! But DON’T PANIC. And Another Thing…, the sixth book in Adams’s Hitchhiker “trilogy,” has been released. Though, Adams didn’t write it (as he is still deceased). This guy did.

*More Where the Wild Things Are stuff…

*Awesome.

A couple of weeks ago I was asked to send in a biography for Esprit de Corps Literary Magazine, a publication I am proud to be fiction editor for (the inaugural issue will come out in December). Along with the bios, it was suggested that we might want to throw in some top tens – books, films, whatever – so that the editors and the boss can humanise themselves a little for the readership. I’m never very good at top tens of anything, as my choices would be different from one day to another, depending on what mood I’m in or what I have just been reading. But there are some books that I know I will read over and over throughout my life, so I went for ten of those. They are not necessarily the books I think are the greatest that have ever been written, but they are the ones which consistently speak to me. Some I have grown up with, some are relatively new to me. What would your ten books be?

Fight Club – Chuck Palahniuk

Bleak House – Charles Dickens

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams

Nineteen Eighty-Four – George Orwell

Narziss Und Goldmund – Hermann Hess

The Trial – Franz Kafka

One H undred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Mrs Dalloway – Virginia Woolf

The God of Small Things – Arandhati Roy

The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin – David Nobbs

]]> http://sendthebuggerback.com/2009/09/22/the-unusual-customs-of-others/ Tue, 22 Sep 2009 05:15:50 +0000 Dan Bowen http://sendthebuggerback.com/2009/09/22/the-unusual-customs-of-others/

After yesterday’s wastefulness, when I awoke from my deep slumber today at 08:00 (with the gentle persuasion of Jonathan Richman and The Modern Lover’s ‘Morning of our Lives’ as an alarm) I was ill prepared for getting the bus to Bucharest at 10:00 am.

This hostel is pretty good but it’s a little bit out of the way and you have to use taxis to get where you need unless you have the time for a decent walk. So I needed money for a cab and for the actual coach fare (as well as a bit of food supplies) but the shopping mall next door doesn’t open until 10. The taxi drivers don’t seem to speak English and I didn’t fancy trying to explain I needed an ATM with time not being on my side.

Right, so my change of plan is to visit Tiraspol in the break away republic of Transnistria for the day, this is the place I didn’t go to the other day with the Welsh lads because of the derby.

Then I will either get the night bus at 22:00 if I’m back in time or at worst stay an extra night here and make sure I’m ready to rock ‘n roll properly tomorrow morning.

I’ve cast away the apathy (mainly due to tiredness from too many late nights and also because of the laziness that can develop when you have a comfortable hostel to squat in) and it’s groovy gravy from here on in folks, maybe.

Do you know I had to buy another set of earphones a couple of days ago. That’s one pair I’ve had stolen (or taken by accident), a replacement pair from Berlin lasting a month or so before packing in and then a cheap pair I was forced to buy in Poland (so I was over the minimum card amount in a shop) lasting around a day. It’s up there with my biggest recurring costs, blimey.

I’ve always wondered why mosquitos don’t bite you on your face, it seems they do. One of the sods has nailed me just under my right eye socket (as well as on my left knee and right elbow). Grrrr.

Crikey, the bus station setup here is mental. You get there and there are a hundred buses (literally) in all directions. There’s a load of mildly official looking larger ones under departure gates, then there are lots more dodgy minibuses with signs in them saying where they are going.

Eventually I found the right mini-bus more by chance as I heard the driver saying Tiraspol. I wouldn’t have noticed it by the sign as this one was all in Cyrillic. With the help of a pen and paper I got the price (30 lei, that’s less than 2 quid I think), departure time, how long it takes (a bit less than 2 hours) and what time the last returning bus is. Not bad eh.

I’ve heard that sometimes the border control peeps expect bribes so I’ve stashed my decent value notes in my sock just in case.

The suspension of this vehicle is on par with that of the waist-band of Vanessa Feltz. It’s proving exceedingly difficult to compose this blog but I’ll soldier on anyway eh.

Hmm, I may have a problem. At customs going into Transnistria the official said in English “You must stay 10 hours”, I replied that I can’t as the last bus is at 18:45, he just repeated his last statement and added “Understand?”. “Yes” was my reply.

10 hours is 7 more than I intended (and intend) to stay. I’m positive that the Welsh lads had stayed less than 10 and they didn’t have this issue. Also I spoke to maybe 3 or 4 different people (including staff) about visiting here and they didn’t mention it either.

So I’ve got 2 options, neither of which are particularly appealing.

Option A is to try and find somewhere to stay in Tiraspol and go back to Chisinau tomorrow morning, there are lots of drawbacks to this: My bag is in the Chisinau hostel so I’d have to ring them and ask them to look after it, I obviously don’t have any stuff that would be useful for spending a night here (even a jacket), I can’t imagine it would be an easy task finding somewhere cheap to stay (few people round these parts speak English), I’d need to ring the hostel in Bucharest to change my booking (again as I already Skyped them this morning to move the booking forward a day as it is) and lastly I don’t bleedin’ want to spend a night here you draconian red star beaurocrats!

That leaves option B of having to chance it and pay for the bus back to Chisinau at risk of being detained at the border until midnight (or beyond! This post might never actually make it onto STBB and the SAS may have to launch Operation Get Bugger Back, I’ve paid enough ruddy national insurance to justify it). If I do get detained, how the hell I get back to Chisinau at that time I know not.

Actually I think it might not be a case of having to spend 10 hours here, it’s more likely that you can’t enter and leave within the same day. I’ve just noticed that the bloke has written ‘24′ next to the stamp saying ‘22 CEH 2009′. I wonder if there’s anywhere to buy tipex round here, ahem.

I hope it isn’t the same customs official working I get later, or I can’t really deny understanding what was said to me on the way in (though it probably doesn’t matter to them whether I understood or not anyway.) My current plan is to play dumb if this issue does rear it’s ugly swede and hope its more hassle for them to have me hanging about but that would be negated if it’s the same geezer. Backup plans formulated so far are small change bribery and outpouring of extreme violence on da muddas.

I really need a beer. First I’ve got to figure out how to change some lei for roubles, apparently there are no ATMs here or they don’t work or something.

That bit was straight forward enough, I changed a 200 Moldovan lei note to 2 x 100 notes and then changed one of them to 81 roubles. I did get questioned by a copper while sitting on the steps doing the maths prior to this though, I showed him the (as yet undoctored) paper I was given at the border and he let me go then.

The state of my wallet is becoming a mighty complicated affair. It is currently home to Transnistrian roubles, Romanian lei, Moldovian lei and Lithuanian somet. Come back €, all is forgiven.

Niet is a Russian word I’ve heard often today. As in “Do you speak English?” – “Niet”. You see the station where the bus dropped us off doesn’t seem to be near that much and I’m not really sure which direction it is to the town centre (if indeed there is one), I’ve made my best guess and headed in that direction while trying to keep track of the route I take.

I can’t begin to tell you what beer I’m drinking as the name is in Cyrillic. I’ve found a bar at least anyway.

I’d guessed right so got to have a quick butchers about. Transnistria seems to be very much still steeped in Sovietism. Lenin and hammer and sickle stuff everywhere. It sees itself as part of Russia which is evident by the Russian flags on display and Putin posters knocking about.

Flamin’ ‘eck, oh for a babelfish right now. I appear to have got myself in another pickle. I stopped in for something to eat at a very large fast-food chain called Andy’s Pizza. I went for steak and chips but wasn’t sure if I was reading the price right as it was 35 roubles (a touch over £2) which is ridiculously cheap, there was some other number next to it saying 300 and I wanted to be sure this wasn’t the actual price as it would have been ridiculously expensive and I wouldnt have had enough to pay for it. So when I tried to query this what seemed like the entire staff surrounded me and none of them spoke a word of the Queen’s (this isn’t a criticsm when I say this, it’s just an explanation of the situation) so we were getting no where fast. Where’s Andy when you need him eh? I just chanced it and luckily it was the 35 amount.

The food was okay, nothing to write home about (though in a way, that’s exactly what I’m doing) and quite small portions. But I certainly got my 2 notes worth.

The next thing that went wrong is I got a little lost (no map and the Cyrillic street names not helping) with about 20 minutes to go before the bus left. Cue me sprinting about (which has given me blisters in these sneeks) lots trying to find someone who speaks Blighty talk to get directions.

I found someone eventually but it was a little difficult to understand as she kept getting her rights and lefts mixed up. I got enough though and thankfully with the turn of one corner I knew where I was again.

I’m on a bus to Chisinau now, I’ll know if I’m home and dry shortly as the border is only 15 or 20 minutes away. Gulp.

I thought I was on the wrong bus for a bit as the route to the border seemed very different and had taken considerably longer. It said Chisnau – Tiraspol on the front and I said Chisinau to the driver and he kind of nodded but then I thought well the sign should be Tiraspol – Chisnau so maybe they’ve just not taken it down and it’s actually going somewhere else now. It’s horrible not being able to speak to people, you spend a lot of time not knowing what the chuff is going on.

Well that’s a relief, after all that threating the official that came on the bus didn’t bat an eyelid when he looked at my papers. I did think the odds were in favour of there not being a problem, but still I was far from sure.

This outing really hasn’t been worth all the stress and ball ache. I think I’ll switch back to lazy apathetic mode, it’s a simpler life. Groovy gravy indeed.

Right I made it back to the hostel in time and have shared a taxi with a Dutch girl who is getting the same bus. She’s a freelance journalist on a working holiday with an interest in the geo-politics of the region so I picked up lots of good info.

The bus is a full on double decker whopper complete with tables and everything. That’s relative luxury after what I’ve been used to of late.

I just showed my travel companion that the little thing on her iPhone is actually a remote and microphone, to be fair she has only had it 6 months! Women eh, give them access to some top banana technology and I gurantee they’ll only utilise a tiny fraction of it.

They just gave everyone on the bus a rum and cocoa flavoured croissant and a peach drink for free. Not bad this for 235 lei (less than 15 smackers).

It took a couple of hours to get everyone through both set of customs but there should be no further disturbances now so at 2 in the morn, I’m going to have a go at a much needed kip.

I was daft and didn’t take my hoody on the bus and as a consequence of that I was freezing. As a consequence of being freezing I didn’t sleep a wink. Boo boo.

Okay it’s getting close to 7:00 am I’m in Bucharest now you’ll be relieved to read.

The next stage of my disasterous 24 hours was a completely inept taxi driver who said the journey would cost me €10 and I said 10 lei as I knew €10 was 5 times the price it should be, he nodded. After the first corner he clearly didn’t have a clue where he was going (even though it’s is one of the main streets in Bucharest. Shortly afterwards he dropped me on a street that I was pretty sure wasn’t the right one, but I couldn’t see a street name to confirm it as we weren’t near a corner. Reluctantly I gave him the 10 lei and the cheeky sod had the face to try and get more off me by flashing a 50 lei note (which would be even more than the 10 Euros he’d tried to charge me initially), for that distance it should have only been about 4 lei. I told him to “Get to f*ck”. He had dropped me on Regina Maria Blvd rather than Regina Elizabet Blvd, so I had to get another taxi anyway. Grrr.

The last little quirk of the day was having to ring the hostel several times (and likely have cost myself more in roaming rates than it will have done to actually stay here tonight) to figure out where it was as it was supposed to be 44 Regina Elizabet Blvd and as I’d been at 34 and 10 metres later I was at 54 with no hostel between it was a bit perplexing. For some unexplicable reason 44 is a quarter mile the other way, I can’t even be bothered thinking about why.

It’s been a bit of a ruddy long one today hasn’t it readers. Readers? Hey! Where did ya go?!

Today was cluster 7-5’s turn to visit the library. Mr. Ciccolella brought in his English classes to listen to booktalks, to browse, and to borrow books.

One group of boys cleaned out my entire collection of Douglas Adams’ “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” science fiction series.  They were thrilled to find out I had the entire series, and were calling recommendations to each other as they read the blurbs and took the books off the shelves. Luckily, I had multiple copies, as each of them wound up taking more than one book in the series. Meanwhile, most of the girls seemed interested in realistic fiction, and settled on several interesting teen novels.

Enjoy your books cluster 7-5!

Lists are funny things.

Lists, to men, are like catnip to cats. We can’t resist them. It doesn’t matter what it is, we’ll create a list for it. It’s our anally retentive side coming into play; we like to know everything has its place. Most men I think can name their favourite albums, movies (and perhaps girlfriends) in a specific order since we’ve had every waking day to think about it.

When we forget to take the rubbish out, or wash up, it’s probably because we’re making a mental list of something (boring household chores perhaps…)

Lists are also endlessly used in television.

No doubt you will have sat through the Top 100 Singles of All Time, Your Favourite Films Ever or Top 100 Celebrity Sex Scandals – all the cheapest of TV formats and laziest of concepts, which is why they usually end up on satellite channels you’d rarely watch otherwise. They bring out the same D- and C-list celebrities (who’d turn up to the opening of a Coke can) to sit in front of a brightly-coloured animated backdrop – similar in style to a Lava Lamp – and then talk about an event/film/album/song/person the producer had reminded them about a few minutes earlier was such an important part in their life. The better celebrities may retell an amusing anecdote; most will resort to just laughing about nothing (the more they laugh, the more we’ll notice their smug faces while we’re drifting off to sleep) and talking bullshit.

“Oh yeah – haha – this one time my brother and me were – haha – were listening to this Queen song and doing that thing they do in Wayne’s World – haha – and – haha – my brother hit his head on the window of the car! Haha (remember me from that obscure show five years ago?… No?…I was great, honest…)“

However – and the producers of these shows know it – there’s something strangely addictive about them. Even if you get the most irritating celebrity most of all; stitching all the segments together with a witty thing to say before and after each advert break.

One of the worst example of this was probably David Gest (winner of I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!) presenting the 100 Best Michael Jackson Songs (or something). It was an old show, repeated especially for the death of MJ. The embarrassing links provided by Mr. Gest reached their apex when he announced something along the lines of “You’ll live forever, Michael – you’re the best!”. David? I’m Embarrassed, Get Me Out Of Here!

Blogs also use this format. It’s a sure-fire way of getting people looking at your blog – people love lists remember!

So, all this being said, for the sake of both selfish amusement and the irony of my last paragraph, I’m going to resort to a list myself.

This list is (as you will have noticed from the title) regarding The Ten Best Music Videos in the World… Ever! (The title inspired by all those compilation albums from the late ’90s – in fact, they’re probably still churning them out).

The reason I’m picking music videos is that, by chance, I was watching MTV and between the irritatingly inane shows they put on, and the endless Rihanna videos, something interesting (and refreshingly pleasant on the ears) came on. Something with a wonderful hand drawn style featuring a superhero fighting squirrels and things to reach the princess in distress. The video is number one on my list (which is actually not in any particular order) and it inspired this little blog entry, so blame it for any boredom caused for this post.

It’s worth saying that I’ve been a fan of music videos ever since I got MTV2 a long time ago (in the good old days before it turned into the channel for Shit American Rock), so I know my Michel Gondry from my Chris Cunningham. There are many, many wonderful music videos around (and really, the top ten directors would have been more appropriate since so many are consistently fantastic) but leave any comments if you think I’ve missed out something really amazing.

1. Coldplay “Strawberry Swing” directed by Shynola. View on YouTube
This the first Coldplay video I’ve loved. The others have been okay, but either linked to a damn durge of a song (The Scientist) or just a bit too odd for their own good (Don’t Panic). The basic concept is that Chris Martin is a superhero on a background drawn, with chalk, on a pavement. Obviously this kind of effect could have been achieved in a computer but it seems Shynola actually hand-drew the damn thing with Chris Martin balancing/laying/hand-standing for each frame – I imagine having to wait for the artists to finish each drawing. To someone lacking patience like myself (I love animation but really, it’s boring as hell doing it frame by frame – see this fantastic Fast Show sketch) this makes Chris Martin an absolute star in my books (as if the rest of the world didn’t already consider himself one).

As for the song itself, I didn’t actually think much of it when I first listened to the album (to the point where, on seeing the video, I wondered whether it was even on an album) but now, I listen to it on an almost daily basis.

Users on YouTube obviously love it as well… “this is the most coolest video i have ever seen” is one of the more insightful comments.

It’s a rare but wonderful thing when a music video makes you like a song even more – or even to notice it at all. It doesn’t happen very often, but when it does it makes for a great experience. You’re able to listen to the song at any time and, even if the lyrics don’t connect specifically with you or if they are too abstract in the song to relate to anything, being reminded of the video makes it much more visual. It’s like a soundtrack album to a movie but in reverse, I’ve listened to The Shawshank Redemption soundtrack countless times, and it always evokes memories of the film (which is my favourite by the way – I’m sure I’ll do a ten ten movies as well some time…)

The talented artists behind this video are called Shynola who created the wonderful animations for The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (one of the better things about the film) along with countless other videos – their best listed below, check ‘em out as they say in the States.

• Blur “Good Song” – Drawings by my favourite cartoonist, David Shrigley, animated – again, making an otherwise fairly pedestrian song come to life in what I think is the funniest music video I’ve ever seen, although I appreciate it’s not to everyone’s taste. View on YouTube

• UNKLE “Eye for an Eye” – An amazing video about cute little things running around their happy place being duped into drinking from giant nipples by an evil race of wasp things that then assimilate them all and take over their land. A thinly veiled political comment about the way the West come in, guns blazing, promising a better life and leave having destroyed everything. Well, I think that’s what it’s about anyway. It’s an amazing song and I bought the album because of this, which is lucky because it was, in my view, the best album of that year. View on YouTube

• Junior Senior “Move Your Feet” – I’m of the Commodore 64 generation, so anything with pixel graphics gets my vote, and it doesn’t get any better than this. It’s a crazy song (let’s face it – gay as cheese) and sounds like Terence and Philip from South Park singing, but it fits the video perfectly. As before, I bought the album after this, which is why I refuse to put this video in the overall Top Ten; the album is beyond terrible. View on YouTube

2. Radiohead “Street Spirit (Fade Out)” directed by Jonathan Glazer. View on YouTube
In those good old days on MTV2 that I spoke about with tear-filled nostalgic eyes earlier, this video was one of the most shown – with good reason. It’s a great song for a start. I’m not a massive Radiohead fan (I think they’re vastly overrated) but this one is tortured, weird and has a great tune.

The video ticks several boxes for me:

It’s in black and white (almost everything looks better in black and white); it has bits that are slowed down; bits that speed up; jumping nuns; locusts flying in slow motion; evil dogs; Thom Yorke looking weird; band member, Jonny Greenwood looking like a woman (many women would kill for his figure); glass smashing and someone falling over on their chair.

It’s put together with so much style that you can forgive them for what I imagine amounts to just a ‘brainstorming’ session where they thought “would would look cool slowed down in black and white”.

I’m sure there are many more videos considered better than this but this just sticks with me far more than most, I think due to its haunting nature and probably just that it’s, in my opinion, Radiohead’s best song.

The director is top of his class with a string of fantastic videos to his name. He also directed the wonderful film, Sexy Beast, which, if you haven’t seen, needs to be watched as soon as you can; Ben Kingsley should have gotten an Oscar for it. If that wasn’t enough, he’s the man behind the Guinness ad with the horses in the sea, the Sony Bravia ad with the exploding towerblocks of paint and the Levi’s ad with the emaciated boy and girl jumping through walls in order to reach space (apparently the most expensive advert ever at the time).

Other great videos by Jonathan Glazer:

• Jamiroquai “Virtual Insanity” – The irritatingly popular Jay Kay prances about with his stupid hat while the furniture moves around. Very cleverly done (albeit quite simple when you know how) and an example of a really good pop video, which is quite a rarity. View on YouTube

• UNKLE “Rabbit in Your Headlights” – A scruffy man walking down a tunnel, mumbling to himself, getting hit by cars. I’ve no idea what he’s thinking about (I read that he’s trying to work out the meaning of life) but the ending is spectacular. View on YouTube

3. Bjork “All is Full of Love” directed by Chris Cunningham. View on YouTube
This is one of the first videos (I think) released as a DVD single and it was the perfect video for the format. It’s stark and fascinating (like Bjork herself I suppose) and manages to be beautifully classy, despite the ridiculous premise (two robots, both with Bjork’s face, ‘get jiggy with it’ whilst robot arms prod them and cover them with something suspiciously milky and white).

The director, Chris Cunningham, has a something of a midas touch giving all his work a strange, sometimes scary, stylish as hell look that must be damn difficult to do.

In an ideal world, he’d direct an Alien film. Maybe one day…

Two of his other videos for you to look at (do a Google search for his others – they’re all great):

• Madonna “Frozen” – I think it’s Madonna’s best video. Not much happens, she’s a bit goth, she’s in the desert, there’s a black dog… but it’s a great song and it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling seeing Madonna grown-up, sensible, and not jumping around in a leotard telling people they’re ‘motherfuckers’ and pretending to be twenty again. View on YouTube

• Aphex Twin “Windowlicker” – One of life’s great annoyances for me (proving I don’t have too many) is that music as God-awful as Aphex Twin gets to have a decent video to go with it. This video is wonderfully stylish, funny, strange, freaky and deserves mention because it highlights the ridiculous conventions set in rap videos where some idiots ogle girls in bikinis. This video is the antithesis of The Thong Song. View on YouTube

4. A-Ha “Take on Me” directed by Steve Barron View on YouTube
Given my love of animation and ’80s music, it’s no big surprise that this is in my list and I think most people of my age remember this video very vividly (even down to the “Nice Cold Ice Cold Milk” poster in the cafe that haunted my youth in the school canteen).

Looking back, the video is extremely cheesy but the animation is so well done it’s easy to forgive it. I also wish they’d resisted the temptation to shoehorn the rest of the band into the video using crappy footage of them playing their instruments against a suitably ‘comic book’ style background. (The same problems haunt videos these days as well – it’s so much better when a band’s ego-driven demand to feature in the video doesn’t get in the way).

The director was very successful during this period, working on loads of other memorable videos but none were really as innovative as Take on Me.

5. The BPA “Toe Jam” directed by Keith Schofield View on YouTube
The BPA (or Brighton Port Authority) is a Fat Boy Slim (aka Norman Cook) project and this, the first release, comes with a fantastically inventive video.

To explain it would ruin the joke of it, so just watch and smile…

6. The White Stripes “Fell in Love with a Girl” directed by Michel Gondry View on YouTube
When I was young (here he goes again with nostalgia) I loved Lego and animated little things with it as well. I imagine the director, Michel Gondry, did the same when he was growing up since this video (like most of his actually) has a whimsical quality.

It’s a video comprised solely of animated Lego blocks. People swimming, the band singing and playing their instruments, running – everything damn difficult to animate anyway, especially in Lego.

Michel Gondry has a knack for doing really complex things (‘high concept’ should be his middle name), as his other videos prove even further. He’s now mainly doing feature films (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind being one) which is a shame as I think his ideas suit a short running time much better.

More of his videos:

• Kylie Minogue “Come Into My World” – Kylie must have gotten dizzy making this video; several versions of her walk around several times in a circle. I have no idea how he co-ordinated a shoot like this but it’s wonderfully done. View on YouTube

• Massive Attack “Protection” – A great video with the camera moving into different windows of a big house. It doesn’t sound exciting and, well, it isn’t really, but it’s a great video. View on YouTube

• Bjork “Bachelorette” – Difficult to describe, this video starts with a story being told and then a theatre production based on that story played out within it. Just watch it, it’s fantastic. View on YouTube

7. Blur “Coffee & TV” directed by Hammer & Tongs View on YouTube
Like Shynola, Hammer & Tongs are another group of talented chaps that have worked on many videos and they all (well, the ones I’ve seen) tend to have a humourous slant which defines their style.

Coffee & TV is the tale of a little milk carton that goes off on a little quest to find a missing person. It’s the kind of video that appeals to everyone; it’s funny, cute and there’s even a bit of emotion in there as well for the kind of people that cry over spilt milk.

They’re now doing feature films as well. Their first, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy was good, but flawed. Their latest – Son of Rambow – is supposed to be very good but I’ve not seen it yet unfortunately.

Hammer & Tongs have worked on many great videos, but two of my other favourites are below:

• REM “Imitation of Life” – Worth watching for Michael Stipe’s interesting dance moves as well as the technical cleverness involved. It’s a piece of camcorder footage that keeps running forward, then backwards for twenty seconds at a time – we zoom into parts of the video to see details. A tough one to explain, but worth watching, and it’s a nice little tune! View on Spike (I couldn’t find a version on YouTube with audio)

• Fatboy Slim “Right Here, Right Now” – Evolution squeezed into 3:30 minutes with a great social comment at the end. Well, I think it’s meant like that anyway, or it’s just that they wanted to end with the guy from the album cover. View on YouTube

8. David Bowie “Ashes to Ashes” directed by David Mallet View on YouTube
It makes no bloody sense at all, but it’s an example of a really inventive video when music videos were still very ‘new’ (it was back in 1983 – MTV had only been around a couple of years at that point. It was also was less shit than now). I think it was the most expensive video ever at the time due to its use of the fancy video effects (things we can all do on an iPhone these days with the correct app).

Director, David Mallet, directed loads of rock videos (specialising on Queen and AC/DC, strangely) but this is, I think, his most famous.

Of all these videos, it’s probably the one you’ll disagree with the most. “It looks crap”, mate, “You’re getting nostalgic and losing your sense of style.” But, there’s just something about it that I love. I’m not a big David Bowie fan particularly, but there’s something wonderful about him walking down the beach dressed like an idiot with an old woman wagging her finger at him (and telling him not to trust Major Tom).

9. Michael Jackson “Thriller” directed by John Landis View on YouTube
I include this video a little reluctantly as every damn list of “best music videos ever” has this in it, but it really has to be. I’m not a fan of musicals (I turned Chicago off after the DVD menu) but there’s something mesmerising about a really great piece of choreography.

There’s also the fact that this music video was an ‘event’. I was too young to remember it at the time but enough people have told me how they stayed up late to watch it to make me think that perhaps it was more of a big deal than we can appreciate these days. The Internet has ruined things a bit really… we don’t have ‘events’ any more, do we?

Anyway, the director’s other films include American Werewolf in London (that qualified him to make Thriller really), Trading Places and Coming to America so that makes him damn good in my book.

10. Massive Attack “Teardrop” directed by Walter Stern View on YouTube
God knows how a video comprised entirely of a foetus singing can be so good, but it really is.

The director is another fairly prolific one, working on videos for Prodigy, David Bowie, Madonna and INXS as well as another two for Massive Attack.

Another of his videos:

• Verve “Bitter Sweet Symphony” A riff on Massive Attack’s video for Unfinished Sympathy, this was the video that, thanks to Richard Ashcroft walking down the road like an arrogant bastard, helped launch Verve into the public eye when we already had arrogant bastards, Oasis. View on YouTube

So, that’s it.

You’ll have noticed that I’ve cheated a little bit by including other videos from some of the directors (making the list far more than just ten) but I don’t care, it’s my list, I can do what I want with it.

There are, however, some other videos I’ve not mentioned that I feel I should for various reasons – those are listed below. Have a look at all of them if you find the time!

Leftfield “Swords” View on YouTube
Summary: A bunch of people in cars, singing along to a chilled out track. I find it mesmerising.

Fatboy Slim “Weapon of Choice” View on YouTube
It’s Christopher Walken. Dancing. Nothing more needs to be said.

Supermen Lovers “Starlight” View on YouTube
Traditionally, 3D animation tends to be quite slick but here the animator has gone at great lengths to make the characters as ugly as possible. It’s a great little story and strangely emotional at the end!

Elbow “One Day Like This” View on YouTube
I’m including this partly because the song is wonderful but also because I think the video is so strange. It doesn’t match the lyrics at all but just focuses on one guy finding joy doing a mundane job. Beautiful.

Nizlopi “JCB” View on YouTube
A wonderfully nostalgic little song with a video to match.

Super Furry Animals “It’s Not the End of the World?” View on YouTube
Another great piece of 3D animation.

Pet Shop Boys “I’m With Stupid” View on YouTube
I’ve never been a fan of the Pet Shop Boys’ videos, but this one is great since it’s the guys from Little Britain doing a terrible (yet accurate) impression of Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe.

Peter Gabriel “Sledgehammer” View on YouTube
Most ‘top video’ lists include this at a high position because it was groundbreaking (and it marked the arrival of Aardman Animation – the makers of Wallace and Gromit). It is a very clever video, and perhaps the Coldplay video I mentioned at the beginning of the list wouldn’t have existed were it not for this. Oh, and it’s about shagging, but you knew that…

Definitely not on any of my lists:

Queen “Bohemian Rhapsody” Don’t View on YouTube
Just plain awful.

I hope you liked this list and feel free to write a comment challenging me on any of my picks. I’m sure I’ve left out some great videos, so tell me and I’ll be happy to rethink any of the ones above if you prove that I’m wrong in some way.

A while ago I spent a number of unhealthy hours getting very angry about the new film adaptation of Jodi Picoult’s novel My Sister’s Keeper.  Managing to suppress my rage, I got thinking about other novel adaptations and tried to separate the hits from the misses.  Before I start, I should admit that reading has never really been my thing, much to the exasperation of my English teachers, but when I get into a book, I really get into it, meaning I get a bit protective over the adaptations.

Here’s my run down of the best and worst of the Book to Screen translations…there will be some obvious omissions, but I better not comment on things I haven’t actually read…

Oh and just in case you haven’t read the books, beware SPOILERS!

1.The Lord of the Rings- HIT!

Well, let’s get the obvious out of the way first shall we?  It’s no secret that I’m more than slightly obsessed with this trilogy.  For me, LOTR represents the best of screen adaptations, making a book which (I admit) is hard to get into, much more accessible.  Tolkein doesn’t exactly make it easy to read, and even die hard fans like me can find it tough to wade through the history and fine detail given on every page.  If you’re like me, this is the sort of thing that will put you off , but I persevered (after a short recess when I got mired in the “hoomming” of the Ents) because, like many out there, the film made me want to read the book.  Literature lovers often tear their hair out over those who read books after seeing the film, but without Peter Jackson’s incredible storytelling LOTR would never have entered my radar, and who knows how I might have turned out?!   For those who did read the books first (and between the release of Fellowship and Two Towers I was pretty well versed) Jackson is rigidly true to the books, only removing parts that would make the marathon films even longer and detract from the main story arc.  As a fan of the books himself, and recruiting other Tolkeinites (stand up Christopher Lee) as well as Tolkein’s own family, Jackson made sure that the final film was as close to Tolkein’s own vision as possible.  The result is a series of films which are able to live up to the incredible imagination of the author, including all of his fine detail and still capturing the main message.

2. The DaVinci Code/Angels and Demons-MISS! (but only just)

Before I start, please do not berate me for actually liking these books.  I fully accept that Dan Brown is not exactly the cream of writing talent, and that the plot in these two books is basically identical with slightly different character names, but he managed to keep hold of me with the codes and the mystery and I figured it would translate to screen pretty well.

It almost did.  Apart from taking out one set of codes to make the film a bit shorter, the plot is quite true to the book, and the fact that they bothered to actually film in all the famous locations mentioned scored points.  The reason I’m forced to put it in the miss pile is for one simple reason: they completely destroyed my favourite character.

When I first heard that albino monk Silas was to be played by Paul Bettany I was really happy, since he fitted exactly with my mental picture of the character and is a good enough actor to play the part really well.  Here’s what went wrong: in the book, Silas has a turn around at the end and saves the life of another character, redeeming him for the earlier murders and showing him to be a very sympathetic character who is left impressionable and easy to manipulate after a lifetime of abuse.  In the film? He’s battered by a group of police snipers and left for dead behind a wall.  I was not impressed.

I haven’t yet seen the sequel (well actually it’s a prequel but for the sake of argument…), and the fact that I haven’t read the book in a long while will probably make it easier for me to swallow.  Since its predecessor got it so nearly right I’m willing to give it a fair shot, and the casting is still pretty good, so maybe this one’s a hit?  Something tells me it wont quite make it though.

3. The Prestige-HIT!

This one is actually a rare example of where I reckon the changes they made to the book are actually better than what the author originally came up with.  (The only other one of these I can think of is Wicked but that’s a musical and not (yet) a movie).  Again, I saw the film first, which is the wrong way round, but what I found surprising is that novel and film seem to be at odds when it comes to whose side we’re supposed to be on.  Watching the film, I was firmly on the side of Borden and really didn’t take to the privileged but unappreciative Danton.  The book however, is told predominantly form Danton’s viewpoint, and paints Borden as the villain.  Obviously a lot has been changed by the screenwriters, but I think this element of sympathy for Borden is necessary to build a contrast between the two magicians.  The ending is also completely different in the film, and in my opinion  much more dramatic.  For starters, the big twist is revealed at the start of the book, taking all the impact out of a turn which, in the film, had me speechless.  True, the way the opening of the novel (Borden’s diary) is written is very clever, but giving away the twist so soon means the impact of many later events is lost.  Similarly, the side plot of the descendants of the two men (removed from the film) seemed slightly unnecessary and lead to an ending which actually really irritated me when compared to the drama of the film.

I don’t know what my opinion would be of I’d read the book first, but the film is so well written and performed that it would probably be much the same.  Christopher Nolan has taken what is a brilliant premise from a novel, and re-designed it to be something more, leaving me slightly disappointed when I eagerly picked up the book.  So in this case, my love for the film is not because it falls in line with the authors first ideas, but mainly because it doesn’t!

4. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. MISS!

In fairness, I don’t think anyone could’ve made this work because it’s the way in which Douglas Adams writes that makes these books so brilliant.  The opening “Yellow” passage is pure comic gold which just couldn’t translate to screen, even with Martin Freeman, who basically is Arthur Dent, at the helm.  Generally the casting is good, with Bill Nighy as Slartybartfast and Stephen Fry narrating, but Mos Def is completely wrong, and although Sam Rockwell is a great actor, he just doesn’t quite work as Zaphod.  I think my main issue with that though is that in the book he has a lizard head and in the film…well he doesn’t.  Not that I can really complain about that. It js bugged me.

Some other minor plot tweaks took some of the fun out of the film,but I think the main problem was they tried to make it logical, which Hitchhiker’s jsut isn’t.  The whole point of Adams’ Trilogy in Five Parts is that it makes no sense at all and contains a series of events difficult to imagine let alone put on screen.  Like I said, it was an impossible task, and credit to them for making the generation of a blue whale (voiced by Bill Bailey) and a bowl of petunias via the Improbability Drive actually work on screen.  In the end though, the film just doesn’t do the book justice.

5. Dorian Gray-MISS?

I haven’t seen this one yet, but my early fears are being confirmed by poor reviews and I’m starting to think I might give this one a miss.  Oscar Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Gray is a tough read at times but it’s a book with a real meaning and a lot fo valid points to make.  There’s more than a suggestion that the new film does well with the vice and debauchery of Gray’s life (which is alluded to but never really described in the novel) but has slightly missed the point.  As I’ve said before, our only other incarnation of Gray on screen is in LXG which, although a great character, is just plain wrong in terms of the book, so Ben Barnes can only be closer, but I’m not holding my breath that this is the great adaptation I’ve been waiting for.  Anyone who has seen it feel free to let me know.

I could probably write more but I think I’ll leave it there for now.  Any comments on other adaptations more than welcome.  I’m hoping to read The Time Traveller’s Wife soon, so that I can do the novel/film thing the right way round for once.  I’m worried that one has gone that way of My Sister’s Keeper, so I don’t want to get the wrong impression.

PS. I’ve deliberately left out the Graphic Novels because that is a completely different list of films.  Plus, if any type of book lends itself to a big screen adaptations it’s the comics, they’re pretty much storyboards ready to go.

Well here I sit twiddling my thumbs while I get to watch all the other children going into game stores and purchasing all the copies of The Beatles Rock Band and I’m stuck out here with no money because I’m stuck waiting for my paycheck to roll in…

Sorry I’m a little bitter but onto happier subjects.  To pass the time I have to wait to acquire Rock Band, I’ve been taking a few steps back and looking over the games I haven’t played in a while.  This brought me spiraling into the wonderful and magical adventure that is the Aperture Science Laboratory and the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device.  Yes we are taking a trip into Valve’s portal based FPS puzzle adventure, Portal.

Have you played Portal? No? Ok well stop reading this, go out to target, purchase this game for $20 (It’s the Orange Box and it comes with 5 games in one. You can’t go wrong.).  Now go play this game and return when you’ve beaten it.  It will only take about 2-3 hours (or 4-5 if your especially ham-handed).  It’s ok, we’ll wait.

Are you done? Good.  I really don’t feel like this game needs to much explaining other than it will be one of the best games are person will play.  The main goal is not to kill everything, but instead to solve a series of complicated, physics related puzzles using a portal gun to create portals that allow the character to move blocks, drop onto platforms and sneak up on turrents with ease, all with the promise of tasty cake at the end of the game!

If your looking for a real challenge then I would suggest the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy text based adventure game. Trust me, this game is damn near impossible, but nothing beats a game written by Douglas Adams.

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy text based adventure game

It’s hard to approach a book that I’ve declared my favourite book ever, a book I read once two years ago and haven’t had the courage to pick up again, despite buying my own copy and buying a copy as a gift for a friend. It would probably be easier to write about some of the books I’ve read repeatedly; I must have read some of Terry Pratchett’s Discworld novel four or so times and I’ve made a habit of re-reading the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy every few years, but that’s different. Those are books that I’ve enjoyed and influenced the way I’ve thought and the essence of I am, true, but Fugitive Pieces by Anne Michaels was more. The Guide and Discworld were novels that set me in a certain direction, they took the flowing river of my mind and diverted it, set it on a course of humour and absurdity, added to its flowing currents. Reading the Fugitive Pieces was uncovering a something that I’ve never known within myself; striking a subterranean lake of cool, refreshing water bursting to the surface, unexpected, overwhelming, liberating.

 And painful. At times I would read a paragraph and decide that that would be enough, that that would be all I could take at this time. I don’t think I could review this book normally; as if while  describing the novel I would have to write as beautifully and deeply as the novel itself to do it justice; So I’ll say a few quick words and then end off. It’s a novel about loss, and coming to terms with that loss. It’s a novel about the parts of ourselves that we are yet to find, and how we find them. Split into two pieces, telling the stories of two different men, I was initially unsettled at the harsh division between the storylines, but in retrospect they serve a purpose

 And that’s all I’m going to say about it for now. I’ll more than likely return to this book, slowly, cautiously feeling my way back in and when I did I’ll post snippets of it up on the blog. But not too long a quote. I don’t think I could take that.

 But sometimes the world disrobes, slips its dress off a shoulder, stops time for a beat. If we look up at that moment, it’s not due to any ability of ours to pierce the darkness, it’s the world’s brief bestowal. The catastrophe of grace.

One book that I’m enjoying at the moment is ‘The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’ series. The book comes in four parts:

1. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
2. The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
3. Life, the Universe and Everything
4. So Long, and Thanks for the Fish

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

One Thursday lunchtime the Earth gets an unexpectedly demolished to make way for a new hyperspace bypass. For Arthur Dent, who has only just had his house demolished that morning, this seems already to be more than he can cope with. Sadly, however, the weekend has only just began, and the galaxy is a very strange and startling place.

This is another good book that i have been enjoying. It also can be found in a great movie. A funny sci-fi book with various characters, in which you can easily escape from reality, if that means through space.

My favourite character in this book has to be Marvin the paranoid android, with a severe case of depression. Every time he appears in the book, i always imagine the voice of Alan Rickman. Wow, didn’t he do a great job in the movie?

Subsequently, i am only half way through this book; so i haven’t fully experienced the full enjoyment of this book. But once i do, I’m sure i will write more. But at the moment, i fully recommend this book to anyone of all ages.

Anyone else think Zooey Deschanel is just utter perfection?

(P.S. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is one of my all-time favorite movies. Sam Rockwell was king!)

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is just one book in a series of five ( “a trilogy in five parts”). It is based on radio programs that Adams wrote for the BBC. The proposal was called “The Ends of the Earth”

Number 51 on The Modern Library’s Reader List; Number 4 on the BBC’s list

The story is about the travels of Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect, Arthur’s friend from Earth who is actually a researcher for the Hitchhiker’s Guide from a small planet near Betelgeuse, after they are saved from the destruction of the Earth. The Earth is destroyed by the Vogons, a very bureaucratic alien race, to make way for an intergalactic highway. Arthur and Ford hitchhike from the Vogon ship and end up on the Heart of Gold, a ship which happens to have the Galactic President and Ford’s sort-of-cousin, Zaphod Beeblebrox, and Trillian, a woman Arthur knew from Earth and the only other surviving human.

Through a series of events during their travels, we learn that on the legendary planet of Magrathea there is a computer named Deep Thought that knows the answer to the ultimate question. The answer, 42, is unsatisfying and Deep Thought says that another computer would have to be built to know the ultimate question. This other computer happened to be Earth. Ten minutes before the end of the 10-million year program, the Vogons destroyed Earth.

I loved this book ( and the series) for the freshness of Adams’ story. Who would really think that the answer to whatever the ultimate question asks is 42? He attempts to explain things which we have deemed unexplainable. And when the answers he gives make no sense he justifies them by saying, in one case, “very little of this is, however, at all comprehensible to anyone below the level of Advanced God.”

The way he explains even basic truths is done in such a way that it is perfectly meshed with some of the ridiculous. He explains on the subject of individuality and individual persons and knowledge: “you cannot see what I see because you see what you see. You cannot know what I know because you know what you know. What I see and what I know cannot be added to what you see and what you know because they are not of the same kind. Neither can it replace what you see and what you know because that would be to replace yourself.”

You can read the book online here: http://flag.blackened.net/dinsdale/dna/book1.html

Or you can buy it…I recommend the big version that contains all 5 books and looks suspiciously like a bible with gold leafed page edges and a black leather cover with gold debossing.

Esse filme me dá preguiça mesmo tendo o John Malkovich e o Alan ‘Snape’ Rickman no elenco. 

É preciso reconhecer, porém, que essa frase é sensacional:

I’d much rather be happy than right any day.

Don't Be an Itchy Flea

We all live in collectives [of some level] of intelligence, collectives of existence, alternate universes, cognizant or not.   Some collectives of intelligence are on the evolutionary scale of a microbe as to a human being.  This is not just an analogous, this is truth, and we are all just units, of inputs of perspective, perception which are members of intelligent collectives.   Some collectives of intelligence have existed, ‘longer than others’, or better understanding, not existed longer than others, because existence is a constant, as well as time, but to be more precise, some collectives of intelligence have existed on a level, which allows for permeable translation of energy, information transfer, sometimes it’s a one way transfer, but other times its a mutual exchange of information to allow each of these collectives to grow and collapse, as they desire, in and out, of what we would call existence.  The more a particular type of collective intelligence has a mutual exchange of information with other collectives, the greater an understanding it can have of existence itself.

That said, if let’s say fleas all could speak with one another, were intelligent, but fought for resources, they were a so called collective of intelligence, but a nuisance to let’s say each other, and quite possibly in the grand scheme of things, they were a nuisance to the other things within existence, such as the dogs, which they survive upon.  Well, a plain old wild dog can just sometimes bite them off.  If these dogs belong to a larger collective intelligence, let’s say humans, well, then a human might just go bring the dog to the vet, and get the fleas cleaned off, and maybe even get them a flea collar to prevent them from ever existing.

I’d analogously represent us, the human, flesh and blood, collective to that of the flea, and the dog, well, let’s just say, we are very, very, very, very, low, on what could only be understood by human’s as ‘the food chain’, even though ‘food chain’ on higher plains of collective intelligence are irrelevant.  Let’s just try to get the closest analogous representation to a higher collective intelligence, let’s just hypothetically say the Earth herself, and the Sun, are collectives of intelligence, and we may just be like fleas to the Earth.  Well, if the Earth gets annoyed, it might just try to bite us off with like with earthquakes, volcanoes, etc.  That’s if she’s a wild, rogue, dog.

But let’s then just say that the Earth belongs to a wider collective, or joins one, just to get rid of this pesky nuisance called humans.  Well, we could have that whole flea collar, vet thing happen.  Nasty stuff. 

But let’s just then say that this wider collective, lets analogously say the dog, e.g. the Earth, is brought to the vet., and this very smart veterinarian, which belongs to this larger collective of doctors figures out that if the flea acts in a certain way, under certain circumstances, it could be a positive force in the wider collective existence.  Initially, well, the veterinarian, even though it would be considered a sophisticated Doctor, prominent within its own collective, and maybe rightfully so, based on their current understanding of existence, figures out that if you use the blood of these fleas, extract it, well then poof, you’ve got yourself a cure.

However, let’s say this vet decides to discuss the idea with other doctors outside their field, let’s just say, the larger community of doctors, and not just vets, but doctors of other fields, analogous to the ‘other collectives of intelligence’, like an exchange of information with specialists in other fields, and now they collectively agree that if the fleas’ blood is extracted during a particular life cycle, it could produce all types of cures for things, but the catch is the flea needs ‘to exist in a certain way’ before the ‘magic juice’ can be extracted.

Well, at first, the doctors try grooming the fleas, creating environments, and that works in some ways, then the doctors discover that the fleas actually evolve (if we eliminate time, because we understand that it takes millions of years to evolve), to become cognizant of what’s going on.  “Hey, these doctors are creating environments for us, and then taking something from us.”  It’s kind of like, but not exactly like ‘The Bee Movie’  

Bee Part Of the Collective of Collectives, but don't avoid the truth

So the fleas go on strike or revolt because they feel they are being taken advantage of, and maybe the intelligent collective, the fleas sometimes benefit, and maybe they don’t.  Point is, existence, the ability to “zoom your focus” of existence is diminished.  It’s like being stuck with a 35 – 72 mm lens for the rest of your existence, and not being able to observe a bird’s natural habitat, if you’re a bird lover, and want to understand your own greater love of thyself through birds.  Or if you’re a microbiologist, same analogy, you’re stuck with an xxx lens for your microscope, and can’t get past some area of focus.

Point is, in ‘the Bee Movie’ though, Bees realize they need to do what they ‘naturally do’ to help the wider collective, and I get that.  Some of the bees even enjoy ’doing their jobs’ no matter how mundane it may seem to the others.    However, we must remember that we live in a boundless multiverse, where infinite, alternate universes exist.   Another point is, if you destabilize a collective, even a collective of intersecting collectives, rarely anyone wins.    Darwin thinks the strong survive, or step on an ant hill, and they’ll just build a bigger one, right?  Well, sometimes that’s true, but sometimes that can be bad, at least if we are talking about a greater understanding, and building a wider focus to existence, or want to have as many interchangeable lens as you possibly can to zoom or widen your focus.  If you kill the queen of a particular bee colony, you may kill off the colony, and not have that influence in your life, but you’ve just unknowingly terminated your eventual path of existence.  

Like one of my favorite writers, Douglas Adams wrote about in ‘the Restaurant at the End of the Universe’, where this planet of people got rid of all their seemingly useless people, used car salesmen, phone sanitizers, etc., by sending them to another planet, which winds up being Earth, the original planet dies of a plague from a dirty phone, which could have been avoided by the phone sanitizers.

All Jobs / Perspectives are Valuable in a Collective, even Phone Sanitizers

Trouble is, if we suddenly can see with the best lens ever, we might go blind, bump into walls, or like the moth to a flame, and bump into the Sun.   More likely, if we zoom in or out too quickly, we lose the perspective, and the image of what we think we see, and we may make make rash decisions based upon incorrectly analyzed information.    The tricky bit, is figuring out a progression, that’s a stabilizing matrix, a collective of collective intelligences, which can expand and contract, or collapse at will, and can, well, be stable. 

Next time we’ll discuss Penicillin.