On today’s show: Twilight’s Ashley Greene calls in to talk about New Moon’s big opening, Movie Beat and Kevin & Bean Whistle the Hits for KROQ’s Almost Acoustic Christmas tickets.

Also, Petros Papadakis previews USC vs. UCLA,  we call the Butterball Turkey Hotline, Adam Carolla’s “This Week in Rage” and more.

Next Week on Kevin & Bean:

Miss Double D-cember contestants, The Bravery, Victoria Secret Model Miranda Kerr and The Miss Double D-Cember Pageant live from the Slidebar in Fullerton.

Today several world leaders are in Berlin celebrating the 20th anniversary of the Fall of the Berlin Wall. Sadly missing from the celebratory events is David “The Hoff” Hasselhoff to sing, “Looking for Freedom”. To commemorate this great event, here is a clip from the Hoff performing on top of the Berlin Wall New Years Eve 1990. With it’s indelible lyrics “I’ve been lookin’ for freedom; I’ve been lookin’ so long; I’ve been lookin’ for freedom; still the search goes on”, the song served as the anthem for the Fall as it embodied the frustrations of the Germans over the divisions. It is a shame Germany still refuses to acknowledge or honor the Hoff for his reunion efforts. No statues, no monuments, or even a picture at the Berlin Museum. Despite the lack of recognition, the Hoff continues to make peacemaking efforts with the German people. In 2006, he helped its native son, Dirk Nowitzki overcome his propensity to choke in the NBA playoffs and guide the Mavericks to the NBA Finals. As you drink your Pilsners and Dortmunders to celebrate this great occasion, lets give thanks to the man instrumental in making this day possible. Tausend Dank Hoff!

Certainly, the fall of the Berlin Wall, was a watershed moment in the history of man. Perhaps as a myth, perhaps as a legend, it arguably served as the climax of the Cold War- the occasion by which willful resistance and fate and circumstance all joined together to achieve and earn freedom against statist and Marxist-Leninist tyranny. Against the bleak backdrop of winter and societal suffocation, the rush of individuals across the border was crossing the post- modern Rubicon, resulting in the inevitable and deserved- as with most totalitarian and collectivist regimes- collapse of the Soviet Empire.

As such, given the gravity of the situation, this post would probably be gauche and maladroit , considering its levity despite its brevity. I do not wish to offend. However, as this involves a rare conglomeration of unintentional comedy (Member’s Only Jacket PLUS illumination? Check. Keyboard scarf? Check. Permed mullet PLUS white afro? Check. And that’s not what the clip is about even…), I feel that such humour can be forgiven and allowed even.

Accordingly, as we remember the past with respect and reverence, we take a brief respite to laugh…

We all agree that Lindsay Lohan is a train wreck. But can we really blame her for being so messed-up when she’s had to deal with parents like Michael and Dina Lohan?

Michael has been acting especially awful lately—he keeps leaking recordings of phone calls with Lindsay and her mom to the media, supposedly because he’s worried about her. Right, because the best way to help your strung-out daughter is by releasing calls that you recorded without her knowledge to the national press, who have always been nothing but kind to her.

What a douche.

Thinking about Michael Lohan reminds us of other Hollywood dads who are certified d-bags. Jon Gosselin, Alec Baldwin, the Hoff… all of them are rich, famous, and majorly jerky. But which one of them deserves to be named the Douchiest Hollywood Dad of all? Tell us what you think in the poll below.

Jon Gosselin: Do we even need to list the reasons why this father of eight deserves to be named Douchemaster of the Century? His crimes against humanity are only made worse by the fact that he and M.Loh are apparently BFF. Shudder.

David Hasselhoff: Remember the video from 2007 of The Hoff wasted out of his mind, eating a hamburger on the floor as his daughter begs him not to drink anymore? We do. Douchetastic.

Alec Baldwin: We love Alec on 30 Rock, but that doesn’t change his awful parenting—he screamed at his daughter on her voicemail, saying that he didn’t care if she was “twelve years old, or eleven years old,” because she’s a “rude, thoughtless little pig.” Classy!

Jude Law: Don’t you just love how the British tabloids once called the Oscar-nominated actor “Rude Law”? Having an affair with your children’s nanny while dating the smoking hot Sienna Miller is definitely not polite behavior; we’d expect more from a Brit. Plus, rumor has it this dad hasn’t even met his newest love-child. Good work, champ. Even Lil Wayne is less of a dead-beat than you.

Billy Ray Cyrus: Oh, Billy. First you pose creepily with Miley in Vanity Fair, and then you let little Noah Cyrus leave the house looking like a common prostitute. We don’t care how achey and breaky your heart is—that’s just wrong.

So which dad is the douchiest? You decide:

Today is the day when college/university girls (at least I hope it hasn’t filtered to any younger ages) dress up in scandalous outfits to try to impress a young man.

Word to the wise; The Hoff doesn’t need a Halloween costume, so if you’re stressing out this afternoon thinking about what you should be tonight (because you’ve already been out to the bars in costume 3 times this week) maybe you should consider going as Germany’s favourite son.

He was a genial, fun-loving (aspiring) Actor/Competitive Swimmer, who had a lust for life and a “devil-may-care” attitude.  

She was a highly-advanced robotic automobile, with state of the art pyroclastic lamination and a stunning molecular-bonded shell.

 They met on the Bayshore Freeway, he was hitchhiking to L.A. so he could become a famous actor, and she was stopped in rush-hour traffic. 

Normally she didn’t pick-up random strangers, but there was something about him that really got her engine revving. So she motioned for him to get in.  

The moment his denim grape smugglers touched her leather interior, they knew there was no going back.

After six-months of dating long-distance, she finally took the plunge and moved to L.A. He proposed the day she arrived, and less than three weeks later they wed.

For the first few years, life was grand. They adopted a beautiful, baby-faced 19 year-old boy named Arnold, and every summer the three of them would pack their bags and take a long-road trip across the Coast.

But slowly, things began to change.

Because he was known mainly for his expressive hand gestures, he was typecast in roles where the character needed to give the “Thumbs-Up!” sign at regular intervals. But since those roles were few and far between, he had to get a third job (as an L.A. County Lifeguard),  just to make ends meet. The lack of sleep caused him to be moody and irritable.

Although she did the odd modeling job for Popular Mechanics and other reputable Automotive-Industry publications, she felt she needed to stay home and take care of Arnold, who was now entering his ”Terrible Twenty-Twos”.

To make matters worse, they found out that he was also suffering from a learning disability.

“He never does his homework”, his teacher said, shaking her head dissappointedly. “And whenever I ask him a question in class, he just gives me a strange look and says What you talkin’ ’bout, Miss. Willis?  No offense, but I think he might be slow or something.”  

It all came to a head one afternoon, when they got into an argument while driving down the interstate.

“Why do you always get to pick the music?” she asked, annoyed because he’d constantly tune the radio to a station playing ridiculous pop-songs by some cheesy B-list actor-turned-singer types.

“Because you’re a  high-maintenance bitch who thinks you’re special just because you’ve got a tear gas launcher and high-traction drop downs…THAT’S WHY!”

He didn’t mean to say those things, the words just came out. But by the time he realized what he’d done, it was too late.

Furious, she activated her Seat-Ejection System and threw him out of the car. She then drove off in a fit of rage, vowing never to return again.

 She made it all the way to Nevada, before realizing that she’d forgotten about Arnold.

He spent the next few months in a downward spiral, drowning his sorrows in hard liquor and Bacon-Deluxe burgers (being an employee meant  he was entitled to a 50% discount on food).

 “So what if she’s got one of those Infrared Tracking Scope things an’ a Laser Powerpack…so what?? Chicks like that are a dime a dozen these days…dime a dozen, I tell ya…”,  he’d slur to his Wendy’s co-workers, while lying in a drunken stupor near the fry vats in the kitchen.  

Finally, after a picture of him at his worst surfaced over the internet, he realized that he needed help.

So he called Arnold. 

 But unfortunately, Arnold was having relationship problems of his own. 

Finally, a friend recommended couple’s counseling, and in a last-ditch effort to save their marriage, they agreed to try it. Amazingly, it worked, and after only one session it felt like they had fallen in love all over again.

They discovered that their problems stemmed from their lackluster sex life, so, in order to kick things up a notch, they joined “Norm’s Hedonistic S&M(&S&M) Swingers Club”.  There they met a Lounge waitress and her Matlock impersonator  husband, who, despite his age and incontinence issues, knew his way around both the courtroom and the bedroom.

They all got along so well that they eventually decided to move in together, and as soon as word of their “unconventional lifestyle” spread, they were offered their own Reality Series and clothing line.

And they all lived happily (in front of approximately 2.7 million viewers) for the next three Seasons.

Well, everyone except Arnold.

The Jackson Five

I was perusing the internet (something alleged that it’s all I do at work, but, if it was  I feel like I’d have more ideas to post and, therefore, would be able to post more often) and I came across a story about the late  Michael Jackson.

No, it wasn’t another conspiracy website about where his body is, an ambulance license plate, or why his doctor wasn’t administering appropriate care. No Joe Jackson promoting his record label or the ”mother of his children” indirectly demanding money from him; just Michael…and Tito…and Jermaine.

Apparently, there is an Australian version of “America’s Got Talent” where Harry Connick, Jr. replaces the Hoff as the bad ass judge. Well, apparently Mr. Connick was offended when a group of five Australians, donning 1960s garb, black faces, and Afros, re-enacted a Jackson 5 skit from the same time period. This skit was, to Connick, racist, offensive, disgusting, and, most importantly, un-American.

While I do agree that Harry Connick Jr. is the Australian equivalent of the Hoff (see below), I felt that his reaction to it was, well, a bit much.

While I do understand the racist implications of white men painting themselves black and imitating the Jackson 5, I don’t remember Mr. Connick saying anything about Tropic Thunder  (irony or coincidence that Downey’s character playing a character was also Australian?) or the Wayans Brothers.

However, I do believe that he did have a point in being offended by the white man painting his face white in order to imitate the King of Pop; if they wanted to be realistic, that person would have been under five feet tall and darker, just like Michael was back then. While it is unfortunate that Michael Jackson did lose his pigment, Harry Connick Jr. might have had a better argument to complain and be offended by that.

And, if this doesn’t offend you in any way, there’s always Mel Gibson.

He keeps this up we will have to induct him into the Life is Savage hall of fame.

 The Sun (yes..yes..i know) has reported that David Hasselhoff has taken his booze loving overseas and went on a bender at Simon Cowell’s birthday in London. He upped the ante this time though by wetting his bed and punching a doctor. Atta boy.

Here’s what the Sun had to say:

“On this occasion he became so drunk he wet his hotel bed – ruining two mattresses – and was becoming a real pain for staff. His assistant Joe Townley was so concerned he called out a doctor. David was furious and lashed out at him – but mistakenly hit the doctor. They decided they had no option but to lock him in the basement until an ambulance arrived.”[MORE HERE]

Good times.

Still a legend in Germany though.

Anything to do with the Hoff needs to be put on the internets.

Remember not so long ago that time when David Hasselhoff’s daughter filmed him eating a burger when he was on-his-ass-drunk?Good times.

Well, while you were watching the sunset at Caprice on Sunday, the Hoff decided his liver was up for another round of booze loving. This from RadarOnline:

“The Hoff had been drinking for more than a day, a source told RadarOnline.com. He recently wrapped taping for America’s Got Talent and shortly after began boozing heavily on vodka.
When he appeared to be in physical danger 911 was called and he was transported to the hospital. His daughter went with him and was crying heavily.”

Nice one Dave…like that you chose the Vodka. You dont need to be bling and down the Hennessy like Kan(t)ye to get sh*t faced. When the Hoff sobered up and realised the error in his ways he apparently  blamed his hospital trip on an ear infection[TMZ].Come now…just own it Dave. Germany will still love you..FOREVER.

The Hoff wasn’t drunk, OK?

Mmm. That food sounds tasty, doesn’t it?

12 secret signs he’s into you.

Mariah and Nick: most awkward couple ever.

Megan Fox is pretty...but that’s about it.

Brad Pitt’s questionable red carpet attire.

Last night while watching America’s Got Talent, I thought of a great drinking game. Every time The Hoff says “terrific” you take a shot. I’m not sure if you would make it through a half hour of the show!

Speaking of shows….True Blood season finale was possibly the worst season finale I’ve ever seen. It was slow and pretty boring. Even the ending wasn’t much of a cliff hanger.

Home sick today. I don’t think I’ve got the dreaded flu of the porcine variety, no fever, but I still feel crummy. Hopefully I’ll feel better today and go back to work tomorrow. I don’t like taking time off.

I must say I am a little dissapointed in you Americans.

Don’t you know talent when you see one?

You decided to take voting hints from THIS man?

First, the top 5 that advanced t the finals are: Grandma Lee (I do like her very much, but is she better than Arcadian – I dont like him, but at least he’s got guts- and Tony & Rory?), Kevin Skinner (Given. He’s great!), Texas Tenors (Cowboys doing balads? Really?), the Fab Five (Well chosen) and The three little kids, god I had forgotten the name of the “band”.

You decided to take voting hints from this man, who had butchered this song? I’ll never look at it the same way without seeing the Hoff’s face again.

Okay and what’s with the judges changing the rules of AGT? Seriously? Now 9 people are going to the finals instead of the usual eight? Whatever happened to ACRODUNK? They were great! And they would obviously make a good Vegas act! And Paradizo Dance was talented! You never see anyone dance like that really! You chose the 3 siblings: two of which cannot sing, and gay cowboys instead! And Drew Thomas magic? His magic ws one of a kind, although he did use too many trapdoors…

Wow…just wow…so the judges can do whatever they want on this show…then why bother covering up for the producers?

I got a feeling this show is a fraud.

Nick Cannon did remind the judges that, “This is live television” but the judges paid no heed. I bet the producers are screaming now huh? Well you deserve it for making people choose stupid songs and dance stupid numbers.

And you decided to take hints from a man who sells fragrance from Burger King? For $4.99?????

OMG…I’m going to VOMIT. Yes I said VOMIT. It’s the proper English word. Not BARF Not PUKE. VOMIT!

America's Got Talent surprisingly lets the incredible Acro-Dunk go back to Houston.

Acro-Dunk kicked ass every millisecond they were onstage. Just incredible stuff.

Not that Voices of Glory wasn’t excellent — they’re amazing. And the Fab Five was alright. They were good.

But nobody’s been anything — AN-Y-THING — like Acro-Dunk, least of all in their semi-finals performance. Which culminated in an astounding multiple-flip-through-a-flaming-hoop dunk.

Oh, did I mention that the basketball hoop was on fire? So there was that, too.

Holy cannoli, spiccoli.

Now two of my favorite acts — that Indian dance group, who were stunning, and Acro-Dunk — are gone.

In my mind it’s down to Grandma Lee and Kevin Skinner. Either one would make a great story. The 75-year-old standup comic and the Louisiana ex-chicken catcher.

You couldn’t write this stuff.

I’m pissed about Acro-Dunk, though. Especially considering how it went down. The final three were Acro-Dunk, The Voices of Glory and The Fab Five, and then AD was sent home leaving the judges to select one of the remaining two.

They decided to throw the rules out and send both of them through. Cool, cool, good for both of them, but WHAT ABOUT THE BEST ACT OF THE WHOLE SHOW?

(In case I was unclear before, that would be Acro-Dunk)

I’ll never watch the show again. Not until it’s on next week. Those bastards.

Although this event has been running for 15 years, this was my first time attending….and how I regret not having gone before.

OK, for the Punk purist its probably too commercial/popular/wrong crowd but for those of us who are nearing 50, love the music, the atmosphere, the seaside and the beer – it was amazing. I got to see some great bands that I would otherwise never have heard of, met some heroes and felt at home.

Charlie loves the Shirt

Thanks for the cheesy photo opportunity to Charlie and the Captain.

My brief review of what I saw, and remember, is as follows, (its my opinion which means it doesn’t have to comply with anyone else’s).

Thursday – Drove up from Southampton in time to catch Geoffrey Oicott – the only band I know that can make cricket seem interesting – hilarious. Max Splodge was value for money in the Acoustic bar and in the Ballroom for Cute Lepers – crap, Blood or Whiskey and Flogging Molly – great performances but I’m not really into Irish Rebel music even if it is played at 100mph. Highlight of the day for me though was Outl4w. Probably my age, but they looked about 12 but made the noise I was there for…fantastic energy, got the crowd going and left the ears ringing. I think they should have been in the Ballroom rather than the Arena…they deserved a bigger audience.

Friday – Best day of the weekend, managed to catch the whole of Bad Town (Kiwi Ska/Punk), Septic Psychos, Sensa Yuma, Demob – last ever gig, and the Subhumans – fantastic performance from Dick and the boys. Also managed to see bits of The Crack, SNFU, The Business, Drongo’s for Europe (superb), Splodge, Lurkers, Sick on the Bus, Vice Squad, The Exploited and the Damned. (Hugely disappointed with Dave Vanians vocals. I believe Brian James described his version of New Rose as an attempt to be Frank Sinatra. I agree – shit). Act that shouldn’t have been there – Adrian Edmunson and the Bad Shepherds….what is that all about? Best act of the day goes to another band that should have played the Ballroom – the Restarts, fuckin ace.

The Captain says Hello

Saturday – Started with Urban Scum, fantastic band and also caught full performances from Citizen Fish, Goldblade, The Freeze, Anti-Nowhere League…is it me or does the Hoff front them now? Caught bits of Newtown Nuerotics, the Freeze, Last Resort, Riot Squad. Biggest disappointment – The Adicts. Band of the Day and in fact the weekend for me, The Rabble. Great set, great attitude, great atmosphere. Put them in the same venue as the Restarts and Outl4w…they are better than a sideshow act.

Sunday – Saw all of Gimp Fist, Dirty Revolution (Ska/Reggae – brilliant), the Dickies, Leftover Crack. Caught bits of Middle Finger Salute, Killing Joke, (boring), King Blues (why?), UK Decay, Chron Gen, Voodoo Glow Skulls, Charred Hearts. Band of the day – The Stupids…clearly didn’t give a fuck but made a fantastic noise. I’ve already booked my B&B for next year….can’t wait.

In recent news, Baywatch star and America’s Got Talent celebrity judge David Hasselhoff recently discovered “green screen” technology.

While perusing the YouTube, Hasselhoff (known by friends and admirers as “the Hoff”) encountered the Star Wars Kid phenomenon.

Upon viewing a this series of clips featuring an awkward young adolescent engaged in mortal combat with an imaginary light saber in hand, the Hoff was stunned by the wide variety of backgrounds in front of which the Star Wars Kid waged his elaborate battles.

As Star Wars Kid battled Yoda, the Matrix bad guys, and the Kill Bill bad guys, the Hoff was struck by the beauty of the films and began to wonder “how did he do that?”

So the Hoff went to his closest adviser – Bill the Doorman.

Bill explained the mystery of the green screen to the Hoff.

The Hoff grabbed his Blackberry, called his agent and said, “go buy me a green screen … I need to make music and express myself!”

Creative juices pumping, green screen erected, cable harness rigged up, music lyrics printed, background tracks downloaded, the Hoff made art:

. . . . .

Special thanks to Dr. Gavin Richardson for the Hoff link.

Special thanks to the Hoff for aspiring artists, multi-talented Vegas performers, and short fiction writers worldwide.

I had a discussion with a (male) friend the other day: how many shirt buttons is it ok
to leave undone? I say 2, he say’s three…
Or, rather, he says the button on the collar doesn’t count so what I think is 3 is really 2.

Leaving 2 buttons undone can (doesn’t work for everyone) lend a slightly roguish air thar many women find appealing.
It can also look quite cool…

Three buttons however can easily look slimy and try-hard…
There is also a considerable risk that you’ll look like you’re in Saturday Night Fever

or why not model yourself on the Hoff himself?

In my opinion, not the best look….

Of course these are just my opinions. I’d love to hear what everyone else thinks on the subject…!

‘Til next time
h2h xxx

]]> http://guiltfreegames.wordpress.com/2009/08/19/aquarius-mystic-crystal-revelation-but-is-this-the-mind%e2%80%99s-true-liberation/ Wed, 19 Aug 2009 22:31:55 +0000 John-Michael Gariepy http://guiltfreegames.wordpress.com/2009/08/19/aquarius-mystic-crystal-revelation-but-is-this-the-mind%e2%80%99s-true-liberation/ http://sciendipity.wordpress.com/2009/08/16/saved-by-the-hoff/ Sun, 16 Aug 2009 07:08:37 +0000 scidip http://sciendipity.wordpress.com/2009/08/16/saved-by-the-hoff/

I think I have discovered that I cannot possibly try to name my posts at the beginning.  WordPress always tricks me into thinking that I am capable of such things by putting the title field above the bloggy field.  I fall for it every time and then get a bit sad trying to think of a name for a post which has yet to be written. 

First I would like to say that I find thismotherfucking adorable. I have to admit I only read the headline though, for all I know they gave the elephant a new leg and then some shady shit went down.  Seeing as how this is my blog and my life it is my prerogative to read a headline feel the yummy happies about it and throw it out there into the world to perhaps provide yummy happies to others.  I feel like I should show this sort of thing a mi padre since he is pretty into the whole prosthetic limb thing…you know, having had one for nearly 40 yrs now.  (yeah I’m all kinds of well rounded and you don’t even know the half of it!) 

In other news my sinuses are doing an experiment to see how much pressure a skull can take before exploding, good times.  My computer ate shit this week, I got a parking ticket, I officially ran out of money to pay my student loans (then applied to like 12 jobs…I plan to call places like crazy tomorrow), found out my parents may be having troubles w/ the IRS, and that apparently someone I thought of as in the inner circle of my heart may just be kinda a backstabber.  All in all it was pretty shitty but after not being able to sleep last night, writing an email to my bff on the other side of the planet and crying for a little bit I feel much better.  I REALLY NEED a job though, and we are talking serving or cleaning or selling anything!  If only I were about an inch taller and could model!

In “I am awesome” news I totally plotted a mischevious desktop background switcharoo for an old college buddy from about 300 miles away, terrifying pictures of the Hoff here we come!

- yodel

 - take my co-worker up on his offer

- pull my Uncle’s finger

- sit through an entire episode of Two and a Half Men

  - keep it in the family

- whatever that thing is Meatloaf won’t do for love

- beat around Paris Hilton’s bush

- sport a cameltoe

 - share a burger with David Hasselhoff

- drink responsibly

 - allow myself to be de-flowered  (again)

- get my priorities straight

The sun has a funny way of bringing the celebs out of hiding and last week Sunday we had Orlando’s Bloem wandering through Caprice(click here) and yesterday in mid-winter temperatures of 23 degrees look who decided to join in a game of volleyball on Camps Bay beach..none other than Mr Bayswatch himself.. The Hof was looking suprisingly buff (note he shaved his trademark chest fuzz) in his red swimwear and several ladies noted that his package looked like he was smuggling a cheeseburger

Thanks for the pic Kristine.By the way..if anyone can figure out what the hell that flying thing is behind the Hofs head please let me know..

One half of Hassaula! BTW - this is the most uncomfortable I've felt on my own blog!

Dear President of Television,

Can you do me a favor?  Can you stop spreading your crazies out so thin?  You’ve got David Hassalhoff on one show, Paula Abdul on another, and that guy Dog is way over on another show.  There are probably other whacked out reality TV stars that I don’t know anything about because you’ve got them all over the dial.  I have one word for you, consolidate.  Put all your crazies on one show.  In fact, I would suggest that you have Hassalhoff marry Paula, and then have Dog move in as the house guest who refuses to leave.  Bam!  Instant hit!  You could even have “Hassaula” (the show even has a built in power couple name) adopt Amy Winehouse.  I know she’s not a reality star, but c’mon, she’s a total train wreck.  She was made for reality TV.

I’m afraid I’m going to continue not watching reality TV until this consolidation takes place.  I don’t have the physical or emotional stamina to watch all that crap!

Yours truly,

R.W. Ridley

Ok so I had the weirdest dream last night. I was in the shop buying profiteroles when out of nowhere a hurricane hit. I ran for cover but the roofs of the buildings came off. Then, suddenly I was naked with only avocado to cover my modesty. Some Eggs ran around the corner and started chasing me. I ran down an alleyway. The eggs followed. I was trapped. But then I looked up and saw The Hoff in a helicopter. “Grab my hand” he said. I grabbed his hand and woke up…