Just wanted to wish you all a Merry Christmas. Hope Santa brings you the cap guns and John Wayne DVDs you asked for.

This ornament graces my tree every year. It always reminds me of the Super 8mm print of The Lone Ranger I got one year — and that this is the time for Jay Thomas to hop on Late Night With David Letterman to tell his terrific Lone Ranger/Clayton Moore story, which you can see here.

Someone asked about Westerns with a Christmas theme. Here’s a few that quickly came to mind.

John Ford’s 3 Godfathers (1948) is often knocked as being sentimental and hokey. I’ve always loved it — partly because it’s sentimental and hokey. Because it’s as pretty in color as My Darling Clementine is in black and white. And because John Wayne’s hat is so cool.

If you watch it this Christmas, note the gun sounds in the early chase scene. I can’t remember any other picture where guns sound like that. (Ford had already done a silent version of the Peter B. Kyne story, starring Harry Carey and called Marked Men. When Carey died, Ford decided on a Technicolor remake dedicated to his friend — and co-starring Harry Carey, Jr.)

There’s The Cowboys And The Indians (1949) with Gene Autry singing “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town.” A pre-Lone Ranger Clayton Moore and Jay Silverheels are on hand.

And then there’s Trail Of Robin Hood (1950), where Roy Rogers and a gang of his cowboy-star buddies (Rex Allen, Monte Hale, Tom Tyler, etc.) come to the aide of Jack Holt’s Christmas tree farm. Directed by William Witney, in Trucolor, this is a really, really cool movie — one of my favorite Rogers pictures. I’d love to see this show up on DVD, uncut. Maybe next Christmas?

If you know of others, please let me know.

By Brett Matthews (writer), Sergio Cariello (artist), Marcelo Pinto (colorist), Joseph Rybandt (editor)

Some Thoughts Before the Review: I started reading the Lone Ranger after discovering an interview podcast of the series’ writer Brett Matthews. His enthusiasm on old westerns and on the Lone Ranger specifically convinced me to try it.

The Story: Someone is framing the Lone Ranger by killing people with silver bullets. The feds are coming for the Lone Ranger and they find him with the local sheriff, which gets him in trouble. In the meantime, the Lone Ranger’s life a vigilantism is taking its toll on those who care about him, leading to a surprising ending.

What’s Good: This is not your dad’s Lone Ranger and Tonto. Matthews has reimagined the character and made him grittier and more modern. The mood is grim and the emotions are real. The plot by Butch Cavendish to frame the Lone Ranger is bearing fruit and is tearing apart the Lone Ranger’s allies. What is Cavendish trying to do? I don’t know yet, but his emerging instability is increasing his creepiness and making him scarier. The federal lawman is another obsessive character that is fascinating to watch.

Cariello’s art is moody and effective (apparently when they began the series, Matthews told Cariello to watch the 1969 movie Once Upon a Time in the West to get the feel for the setting Matthews wanted to work with). The action scenes are quick and Cariello has a very effective stacked panel layout that works well to communicate tension in a scene. Cariello has the habit of very sparce panels, focusing on one important piece of the plot.  For example, on the first page, we start with a single twisted silver bullet in the Lone Ranger’s hand. Pages later, when loneliness and abandonment are the dominant moods, Cariello shows a single house on wide prairie. When obsessive tension is on order with the federal lawman, we see repeated panels of framed waiting and clock-checking. It all works very well.

What’s Not So Good: Little to complain about in this issue, except that it was over too quickly.

Conclusion: The Lone Ranger is definitely worth buying. It takes a great heroic idea and does it right.

Grade: B

-DS Arsenault

It’s easy to mock celebrities, actors in particular, who stress to the public how difficult and important their lives are and how much fame belabors those facts. Especially when we see them living such pampered and extravagant lives. I’m here to discuss five men in Hollywood who actually DO live rather industrious existanses and yet fail to ever complain about them. In fact, most are as hard-working as they are due to their love for what they do, and wouldn’t have it any other way. Now, check all your false pretenses at the door, this list takes NO monetary statistics into account to tabulate this list. I’m simply conducting an opinionated grouping of five actors who I feel have taken on more than most men can handle in the show biz…biz, and I’m compiling this list in relation to this point in time, Autumn of 2009. Yes, Seth Rogen has appeared in MULTITUDES of films over the last five years, but after Funny People and Observe and Report of this year, the guy has been laying pretty low. This list tabulates the mainstreamers who have been racking up leading role credits in muliple expansive flicks. So, without further ado…

5. Johnny Depp

To say that I respect this man would be an intense understatement. His acting prowess is some of the best of our time, so it makes me EXTREMELY happy to see him inundated with work. If you’ve been living under the sea (visions of The Little Mermaid just popped into my head. Walt Disney prevails) for the past year then you probably haven’t heard of Depp’s numerous forays into film he has recently undertaken. Public Enemies was the only work he appeared in that was released in ‘09, however, he has been fast at work on massive cinematic staples of the 2010 movie-going season that will almost-assuredly dominate the market. The first being Tim Burton’s reiteration of Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland. Depp plays The Mad Hatter in Burton’s CGI-laden could-be-wonderful-could-be-terrible still up-in-the-air retelling of the classic story. Headlining next to Anne Hathaway, Helena Bonham Carter, Matt Lucas, and Alan Rickman, the film has all the makings of a complete cinematic win, the screenshots and trailers, however, leave doubt in my mind, as CGI-laden, as I said before, is putting it nicely. Time will tell. Depp also was involved in Terry Gilliam’s The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus, filling one of the three roles created after lead actor Heath Ledger’s passing. Depp, along with Colin Farrell and Jude Law, will stand in for Ledger as alternate versions of Ledger’s character, to help the stroy along despite the events that took place prior to the film’s completion. The next chapter in the Hunter S. Thompson chronicles, The Rum Diary, is also in post, in which Depp will reprise his role as the gonzo-journalist.
In addition to these films that Depp has finished, the newest film in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise is slated for a 2011 release date and is currently in the earliest stages of pre-production. Sin City 3, which Depp has been rumored to be involved with basically from its inception, is also geared up for a 2012 release (funny considering Sin City 2 is still stuck in developmental hell).
And here’s the kicker. IMDB lists Depp as in development with FOURTEEN new titles, as well. Among them, a Dali biopic and The Lone Ranger. Wow, simply wow. While these developmental deals can fall through at any time, they can also usually indicate desire and co-involvement between the parties of the actors and the producers. It will be interesting to see where Depp’s career goes looking towards these titles.

4. Brad Pitt

Here’s another guy with developmental deals in spades. The ‘ole rusty, trusty IMDB has Pitt pegged with sixteen deals, the most I could find. In addition to being attached to The sequel to Downey Jrs Sherlock Holmes vehicle, Pitt is also listed with World War Z and a Steve McQueen biopic. Goo.
Pitt tore up the screen in Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds this summer, and has currently been attached to the fledgling project Moneyball, which is listed as being in the earliest stages of production, despite the fact that it has no director. Pitt is further attached to The Tree of Life and The Lost City of Z, as well as providing a voice to the upcoming animated flick Oobermind. He’s also rumored to be apart of 2012’s upcoming The Odyssey and The Sparrow.

3. George Clooney

The former Sexiest Man in America has never slowed down since his rocket-propelled rise to fame in the mid-to-late 90’s as well. Clooney most recently has released The Men Who Stare at Ghosts, a loosely based adaptation of the book of the same name which regards a 1970’s to 1980’s military experiment that documented telepathic phenomena. In addition to this recent film, though, Clooney finished up providing voice work for the titular role in Wes Anderson’s upcoming The Fantastic Mr. Fox, alongside Bill Murray, Meryl Streep, and Jason Schwartzman, as well as polishing off his role in the Jason Reitman-helmed Up in the Air, which is also currently in post. These are merely his acting credits for 2009, though, the man also executive produced the Matt Damon vehicle The Informant! and Playground, a movie I honestly couldn’t find too much on. As far as his queue list goes, IMDB has him cited with ten in-development deals.

2. Jim Carrey

Jim Carrey is a man of many faces. The actor became famous for his rubber-faced persona that landed him a slew of comedic work in the mid-to-late 90’s and a career launching pad that ANY actor would be proud of. By the turn of the century, however, Carrey was becoming far more versatile as an actor. Already dabbling in the dramatic with The Truman Show, Liar Liar,, and the INCREDAMAZING Andy Kaufman biopic, Man on the Moon. Carrey then went on to tackle the serious side of life full-tilt in Charlie Kaufman’s magnificent Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, opposite Kate Winslet, The Majestic, and the box office blunder The Number 23. He has returned to comedy in recent years, however, and, as always, has fully immersed himself in his roles. Recently released is the Zemeckis-penned adaptation of Dickens’ A Christmas Carol in which Carrey provided the movements and voices to Scrooge at all ages of life AND the three spirits that visit him! Encompassing multiple accents, multiple ages of life, and multiple SPIRITUAL BEINGS, Carrey tackled the project head-on while keeping busy with multiple other projects, such as I Love You, Philip Morris, the tale of an escaped homosexual convict who goes on a quest to find his lover that was released from prison before he was. The film has been receiving stellar reviews and co-stars Ewan McGregor opposite Carrey in this bold and self-titled dark comedy. All the while that these two flicks have been in post, Carrey has both been bulking up and studying up to play Curly Howard in the upcoming Three Stooges revamp with Paul Giamatti and possibly Benecio Del Toro. This was all considered fact for the longest time and was referenced multiple times by Carrey’s apparent weight gain in the tabloids and public citings, but, as of late, Carrey has been described as withdrawing from the project. It doesn’t negate the fact that the man was taking on multiple roles immediately after finishing his previously mentioned two. Further, IMBD.com has Carrey listed in FOUR different upcoming development deals. Which may seem normal for a star of his status, but when you consider the work load he will indefinitely take on with these upcoming roles, it makes a profound statement on his desire to never be bored.
In addition to his films and the launch of a fully-functioning personal website that has actually made the rounds and received a warm/geeky reception from the film/internet blogosphere, Carrey and his wife Jenny McCarthy have consistantly maintained their involvement in the charity Generation Rescue, which strives to find alternative ways to treat autism in children. Not bad for a man who was talking with his butt a little over 10 years ago.

1. Nicolas Cage

Go ahead and laugh (you’ve earned it) but the man has yet to produce a dull movie (I said ‘dull’ not ‘bad’) and his work output is something for ANY actor to admire, regardless of how badly he phones roles in. Before I continue, most of you know, but for those who don’t, everything I joke about Nicolas Cage comes from a place of sincere reverance. Yes, the man takes part in AWFUL movies (which, given his current economic situation could just be to keep the lights on) but in each film he’s in he is always FULLY committed to the story being told. And I’m sorry, but I’d rather watch Cage run around in a Bear suit any day FULLY EMBRACING THE ROLE than see Tom Hanks win ANOTHER Oscar for appearing in some adaptation of a story set in the 1940’s. ALL TANGENTS ASIDE, Cage has kept himself QUITE stacked as of late. In early 2009 the CGI-Fest known as G-Force dropped with Cage providing a voice as well as Cage’s vehicle Knowing, in which he played the lead. Throughout the remainder of the year he has worked on The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, Matthew Vaughn’s Kick-Ass, Season of the Witch, and Werner FOOKING Herzog’s Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans. Did I mention the voice that he provided for Astro Boy? No? Well, lump that in there as well.
IMDB has him attached to 4 deals in development, one of which being (GET READY!!!) Ghost Rider 2! Which creators have said will distance itself from the original as a revamp, not a sequel. Yet, it still stars Cage as the lead. Oh, how I LOVE this man! It simply amazes me what Hollywood will greenlight.

And speaking of hard working, (and by hard-working, I mean shameless self-promotion!) visit my sketch troupe’s Youtube or Facebook and comment/subscribe/hate/love/befriend/never talk to us again/enjoy our attempts at making you laugh!

Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow

By Fred Topel – SciFiWire.com

Jerry Bruckheimer is developing a new movie based on The Lone Ranger, the popular western hero from radio plays and movie serials, and Johnny Depp is attached to play the Native American sidekick, Tonto.

Bruckheimer said to expect Depp to do for Tonto what he did with Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean.

“[Pirates writers Ted] Elliot and [Terry] Rossio worked on that also with some other writers and with Johnny [Depp],” Bruckheimer said in a group interview last week in Santa Monica, Calif. “So they’re creating something that has a kind of true-to-the-western [feel], but adding other additional elements like we did with Pirates so it won’t be just a straight-ahead western.”

Depp’s choice to play the Native American sidekick fits the actor’s quirky tastes. Bruckheimer has his work cut out for him finding a lead who can make a good Ranger to a superstar Tonto.
“We’re still creating a pretty wide net and figuring it out,” Bruckheimer said. “It comes down to who is available when we want to make it. We have a wish list.”
The Lone Ranger is in development for a tentative 2012 release date.

Amazon Specials!

Relevant article. Someone has to teach our Christian boys and teenagers how to be real men. I personally don’t want any of my boys to act or be like sissies, I want them to learn how to behave like men.

By Coach Dave Daubenmire
November 5, 2009
Excerpts from article found at: http://www.newswithviews.com/Daubenmire/dave174.htm

I have started a varsity football program at a local Christian High School. Although I vowed to myself that I would never return to prowling the sidelines when I walked away from public education in 2000, the opportunity to train young males to be men was something I could not, in good conscience, run from.

Not all males are men. I hope you understand that. Especially convincing is the evidence I have garnered recently that Christian males in particular are the least manly.

It is cultural, I guess. Someone, somewhere, determined that trading the old man for the new man meant losing your backbone. Heck, you can’t even pass gas at a “men’s fellowship” without being looked at as if you had just pee-peed on the Decalogue. Pastors are the worst. Any whiff of “Christian testosterone” sends them to their Joyce Meyer collection of sermons in an attempt to “soften” your rough edges.

Well, not for me. My new birth made me more manly, more courageous, and more willing to live life on the edge. I like guys with rough edges. In fact, I’d rather hang out with some of my “lost” buddies than some of the sissified males I meet in Christian circles.  It’s like one acquaintance opined after playing a round of golf with me. He knew my “reputation” but had never had the opportunity to spend any time with me.

“I gotta tell you Coach, I really enjoyed playing with you. I hope you don’t take this wrong, but you are not like most Christian guys I know. You’re more…normal…I guess is the word. So many guys I know who go to church seem phony…too sweet for me, if you know what I mean. I could see myself hangin’ out with you more often.”

“Come on, Tim,” I barked back. “I’m just like Jesus. Jesus was studly. I got something to die for now. How many guys do you know who can say that?”

His look of bewilderment spoke volumes. “So Dude…Coach…where do you go to church?”

Our football team is driving me nuts. They are great young men, obedient and mannerly, the kind of kid you could trust with your daughter. But as my own high school football coach often said they need a little “piss and vinegar.” They take the “turn the other cheek” attitude with them onto the field. Our Christian-culture has taught them that being “gracious in defeat” is Christ-like. I tell them being “gracious in victory” is more fun.

Maybe it is just me. I want them to be MEN. Our Christian-culture teaches them to be doormats. In Sunday school they are taught to be kind. I want them to be valiant!

Needless to say, I am swimming upstream on this one. All day long they are taught in school to “act like Christians.” That is the problem, I tell them. Stop ACTING like a Christian and start BEING one.

But we don’t even know what that means. WWJL…What Was Jesus Like? I promise you this. He was all MAN. He confronted evil, challenged the status quo, upset some apple-carts, and spoke what was on His mind. He was the original “Braveheart.”

Come on now. Look around at the Christian role models our young men have to look up to. Most don’t even look like men. What is the word that pop culture has given us…metrosexuals…? Modern Christian men are the ultimate metrosexuals.

What is a metrosexual? According to the Urban Dictionary, it is a guy who uses mousse on his hair, cream on his skin, wears jewelry, and designer clothes. Look at the Pastor your son sees every Sunday. Does he ooze testosterone or progesterone? Is he someone who appears to be steadfast and unmovable or someone who is more compromising and nice?

It matters, you know. What a young man thinks a Christian man looks like, matters. I was raising-Cain with our players last week and I told them “You guys make me want to cuss! The Bible says to be angry and sin not. I want you to know that I am angry enough to cuss…but I’m not going to. You guys would do well to get a little ticked off yourselves.”

But, I suppose Christian men aren’t permitted to get mad anymore. It’s not very Christ-like.

Look at the “Christian-school your child attends. How many women are doing the teaching? How many women know how it feels to be a man…especially a young one? Who do the young men answer to? You got it…women. Who teaches them about Christianity? Bingo…women. Just where is it our young guys go to learn how to be a man?

Can I use myself as an example? I have always been the aggressive type. Arriving fourth out of five children, being small (5’7”) in stature (I was called Baby Dave by my cousins until I was 10), and a natural whipping boy for my older brothers and their friends, I learned early to stand up and fight back. It was that “spunky” attitude that enabled me to be a three sport star in high school, earn varsity letters in football, basketball, and baseball at Otterbein College, and lead the fraternity in weekend drinking binges. “Daubie” was the life of the party…the original “wild and crazy guy.”

In 1987, at the age of 35, I met Jesus. Raised in church as a child, forced by my mother to watch Billy Graham crusades on television, I was religious enough to know right from wrong. Nothing more than a religious pagan, I ran to the altar with fear and trembling when the Gospel was clearly, and uncompromisingly, articulated to me. From that day forward my life has never been the same. Jesus did for me what a phone booth did for Clark Kent; changed me into a brand new man.

Overnight, I had gone from serving the King of Beers to serving the King of Kings and for the next 10 years “men of God” tried to turn me into a sissy… to domesticate me…to conform me to their image of what a “Christian man” should be. Until the ACLU came knocking at my door.

I thank God for the ACLU…they dynamited my sissy hind-end out of the pew. I’ve been on a devil-hunt ever since.

I grew up on John Wayne and Combat, Have-Gun Will-Travel and Paladin. Who can ever forget Matt Dillon and Gunsmoke, Hoss Cartwright and Bonanza, Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry, and Clayton Moore and Jay Silverheels in The Lone Ranger?

Today our sons get weenies like Leonardo DiCaprio, Sean Penn, Clay Aiken, and Zac Efron. Our churches get Joel Osteen, Ed Young, and Ted Haggard.

When I was a young boy the good guys were men, they loved women, and they defended the weak. Today, our leaders “come to consensus,” “reach across the aisle,” and are “open-minded.” Well, not me. I’m closed minded and proud of it. I know what I believe and not afraid to defend it. The prissy-pastors don’t know what to do with me.

I wonder, was Jesus open-minded? Did He preach a message of “consensus building?” Did He use mousse, face cream, and wear designer jeans?”

I was reading this week  (Matt. 16) where folks had trouble differentiating between Jesus and John the Baptist…they were cousins, you know. The establishment wanted nothing to do with The Baptist…he wasn’t polished enough….locusts, camel hair, wild honey…wasn’t in vogue, if you know what I mean.

Jesus flipped over tables, John’s mouth cost him his head. Their paths took them down the same road.

Jesus wasn’t relevant to the world; He overcame it. “ Among them that are born of women there hath not risen a greater than John the Baptist.”

Keep your mousse and jewelry and pass me the locusts and the wild-honey.

Jesus was no sissy. It’s time we stopped representing him as one.

I’ve always wanted to visit Lone Ranger Rock, on the old Iverson Ranch site in Chatsworth. There probably isn’t a better place to soak up a little old Hollywood Western-ness.

In addition to Clayton Moore, think of all those who rode through there: Gene Autry in The Phantom Empire (1935), Charles Starrett in Two Gun Law (1937), John Wayne in Stagecoach (1939), Roy Rogers in Young Buffalo Bill (1940), Joel McCrea in Saddle Tramp (1950), Randolph Scott in The Stranger Wore A Gun (1953) — there are hundreds more. If you couldn’t afford Monument Valley or even a trip to Lone Pine, there were always local ranches like Iverson.

Mainstream landmarks like Grauman’s Chinese Theatre have always been pretty far down on my Hollywood to-do list, while Lone Ranger Rock sits right up top. But when I see pictures like the one above, with a townhome lurking in the background, maybe I’m not so sure.

In 1956, Warner Bros. gave us John Ford’s The Searchers, which towers over other Westerns to this day. They also treated us to The Lone Ranger, a feature version of the popular TV show starring Clayton Moore and Jay Silverheels. Smaller in scope, for sure. But to a lot of kids in 1956, this was a lot bigger deal than John Wayne looking for his niece.

Shot in WarnerColor (Eastmancolor), The Lone Ranger certainly upped the production values, but director Stuart Heisler managed to retain the feel of the weekly TV show — quite unlike TV adaptations such as, say, Munster Go Home (1966). Warners put together a decent cast that included Perry Lopez, Lyle Bettger, Michael Ansara and a teenage Beverly Washburn. And they even headed off to Kanab, Utah, to shoot it.

Beverly Washburn, from Ladies Of The Western by Michael Fitzgerald and Boyd Magers:

“If you’ve ever seen any of the Lone Ranger shows, you know his outfit was very tight. In the scene where we’re with the Indians, Clayton Moore jumps onto his horse. When he did, those pants split wide open! This isn’t the worst of it. Because the pants were so tight, it made it necessary for Clayton not to wear any underwear, because underwear lines would show. So, when those pants split — at the back, his whole butt stuck out! No one in the crew, cast or anyone, told him, and the director let the camera keep rolling — for a gag. It was hilarious.”

So, if someone ever offers to show you some old Clayton Moore Lone Ranger outtakes, you might want to give it some serious thought before saying OK.

(That subject line came from the film’s one-sheet. The photo was snatched from Greenbriar Picture Shows.)

Today I feel almost human. After weeks of being under the weather and a week and a half of suffering the side effects of intensive medication to combat the under the weather feelings, I can just about remember what it is like to wake up and not dread the day and the pains, nausea, dizziness and general body-fighting-with-itself stuff I’ve known for some time. I still have a way to go until I feel fully human, but almost is good enough for now.

It has meant that I’ve been able to concentrate long enough to write another 1000 words on my fledgling novel, catch up on some of the reading I need to do for the magazine, and sit a little more upright than I have been doing. A few years ago I would not have considered the things I have done today to constitute actually doing much. I used to be a bundle of nervous energy who practically threw himself at every day. Well, I’m older, have been through health stuff, and just don’t have the energy to throw myself around like that any more. I’m probably still highly strung, but I try and channel the internal babble of neurotic noises into my writing these days.

Obviously taken before my time - these kids are too well behaved

Talking of being older, I am not sure why it crossed my mind but the other day I was remembering going to Saturday Morning Pictures as a kid. It struck me that my own kids’ generation wouldn’t have a clue what that means now. They’ve been spoiled by wall to wall children’s television – they even get their own bloody channels these days, instead of an hour or two before the News at Six. It seems so archaic to say this but ‘when I were a lad’ we didn’t have so much choice and the only option for kids who wanted to watch a bunch of cartoons, a black and white episode of Flash Gordon and maybe The Lone Ranger too, was to stand in a massive queue outside the local Odeon and hope you weren’t so far back that the cinema would have filled up before you got to the ticket box. I guess we watched the screen sometimes, anyway, as I can recall snatches of the action and have a nerdishly good memory for Tom and Jerry clips. But we also seemed to spend a hell of a lot of time throwing popcorn around, trying to spill people’s drinks into their laps, and failing to cop off with members of the opposite sex. Kids today probably DO know they’re born, but think of all the raucous fun they are missing out on now that their Saturday mornings are consumed with all-day magazine programming and X-Box Live, all from the comfort of their own beds.

Sequels
Whatever you want to say about Rob Zombie’s Halloweens, you have to respect him for trying to impose his vision on the rebooted franchise. Lord knows what My Bloody Valentine’s Patrick Lussier will bring to the next Halloween other than the ability to direct a horror yarn in 3-D. Dread Central and Shock Till You Drop have confirmed that Lussier will direct Halloween 3D, which reportedly goes before the cameras in November for a summer 2010 release. Lussier will have his cake and eat it too: he won’t have to walked away from the Nicolas Cage 3-D action thriller Drive Angry, which won’t shoot until 2010 due to the actor’s busy schedule. Lussier is a known quantity to the Weinstein Co.: he directed Dracula 2000, Dracula II: Ascension, Dracula III: Legacy, and The Prophecy 3: The Ascent. He also edited Halloween: H20, as Dread Central reminds us, but that necessarily isn’t an advantage: the Michael Myers of the original franchise isn’t exactly the same serial killer that Zombie gave us. Sure, both are taciturn killing machines, but Zombie tried hard to make us understand why Myers slaughters at whim by strapping him to Dr. Loomis’ couch. But that may not matter if Halloween 3D puts the knife in the hands of Myers’ evidently disturbed sister, Laurie Strode (Scout Taylor-Compton). Still, there really isn’t much difference between Halloween and My Bloody Valentine. Both feature masked madmen with a thirst for blood. And, truth be told, My Bloody Valentine was vastly more entertaining than either Halloween. So I’m anticipating from Lussier more of an old-school Halloween—i.e. a greater emphasis on scares—than Zombie dared give us. Couple that with some gory 3-D effects and a third Halloween should perform better at the box office than Zombie’s recent sequel (above), which so far has made only $30.7 million (the original Halloween II made $25.3 million in 1981). But Halloween II only cost $15 million, so Halloween 3D was inevitable—with or without Zombie.

All’s quiet in regards to a My Bloody Valentine sequel, but Lionsgate is giving Saw VII the 3D treatment. OK, Saw VI isn’t in theaters until Oct. 23, but you figure it’s good to make at least $50 million. Director David Hackl—who cut his teeth with Saw V—confirmed on his Facebook page that pre-production has already begin on next year’s sequel, per Bloody Disgusting. Too bad Lionsgate is already considering Saw VIII—setting his deadly traps in 3D would have allowed Jigsaw to have gone out in bloody fashion.

What does the sudden departure of Walt Disney studio chief Dick Cook mean for Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides? Well, Johnny Depp’s not too happy about Cook leaving the Mouse House. And, according to the L.A. Times, the loss of the “the sweetest man on the planet” has lessened his interest in portraying Capt. Jack Sparrow for a fourth time. Disney will no doubt work overtime to assure Depp that it’s business as usual, and not just to get him to sign on the dotted line for 2011’s On Stranger Tides. Depp’s also going to star as Tonto in Disney’s The Lone Ranger remake. Depp isn’t an actor who always looks to line his pockets, so if he feels that On Stranger Tides and The Lone Ranger aren’t worth his time and effort, he’s going to bolt no matter how much money Disney tries to throw at him. While you can make The Lone Ranger without Depp, On Stranger Tides would sink without him. So it wouldn’t come as a surprise if Disney does everything it can—including delaying On Stranger Tides by one summer if the script needs punching up—to appease Depp.

Remakes
B.A. Baracus, meet Nite Owl. Watchmen’s Patrick Wilson has joined The A-Team as a CIA operative, per Entertainment Weekly.

As a rookie copywriter, I would show my work to the CD and he would often say “It’s OK, rookie copywriter, but it needs more yous in it.”

The received wisdom at the time was that the frequent use of ‘you’ would help convince the reader that what they were reading was actually about them; that the advertiser had their needs and interests at heart.

So you’d get direct mail letters that went like “Dear Mr Scrotum, You know when you can’t tell the time because you don’t have a watch on your wrist? You do? Those times are gone when you buy your very own watch, designed to tell you the time where you are and to go around your very own wrist!”

Now it’s all us us us

There seems to have been a bit of a shift in recent years, away from ‘what can we do for YOU?’ to ‘This is us. OK?’.

The first use of this I came across was Macmillan, the charity that supports people living with cancer.

Any problems with that?

It’s bold. It’s friendly. It’s green. Mostly, it’s giving a personality to a previously stuffy-sounding charity. Written out in full it would say “We do everything from changing your sheets to lobbying the government. We do this for you because we are Macmillan and it’s what we do.”

"Hi-yo, Silver, away!" was his catchphrase.

Macmillan’s line puts me in mind of The Lone Ranger, a TV series from the 1950s. Yes, I can remember that far back. Anyway, every week the publicity-shy Lone Ranger would kill people on behalf of some elderly victimised  homesteaders trying to scratch a living on land probably stolen from the Red Indians but we won’t go into that.

As he rode off into the sunset, the lady would always turn to her husband and ask ‘Who was that masked man?”, like it had only just now pricked her curiosity. The old man would stare at the receding figure and say “Why, that was the Lone Ranger!”, and perhaps make a silent promise to himself to talk to his wife a bit more, especially as they had sod all else to do.

Anyway, that’s how I kind of see Macmillan. “Who were those people who gave me advice about chemotherapy?” “Why, they were Macmillan.”

Good line. We’ll take it

Yes, but who are you?

But what’s this? It seems we are no longer just Macmillan. We are now some wine company, too.

There’s less of the sense of the friendly greeting in Blason’s line. It’s a bit more shouty. Written out in full it would be: “Pissed, are you? Grinning like a frog? That’s down to us, that is. We made you that way. We are nice to drink. We are addictive. WE ARE BLASON! GRRR!”

Incidentally, notice how both Blason and Macmillan have full points after their names?

Bad practice, according to long-dead ad guru David Ogilvy. And surprising in Macmillan’s case. Their logo was created by a design agency, and design agencies are generally virulenty opposed to punctuation.

That’s another blog, though…

We’re all it it

The age-old bank (and before that, building society) Abbey (and before that, Abbey National) has recently changed its name to Santander. Just why is far too dull to go into, and in any case I don’t know, but they too have gone down the ‘we are’ route for their new brand:

Are you? I'm so happy for you.

Nothing about what we can expect from this new company, with their dual typefaces and mystifying logo. The Macmillan friendliness is completely absent. If anything, ‘We are Santander’ sounds a bit table-thumping.

We are not just soaps and quizzes. Honest

Next up is ITV1, who evidently are now football united.

Of course you are, dearie.

They have some screen idents that explain this claim in more detail. Next time it’s on I’ll pay more attention, but it looks like it means ITV1 will show some of this season’s Champions League matches. Bully for them.

We are not Stoke Poges

Apparently, we they are a ‘leading usability research, interactive design and accessibility agency, with strategic consultancy expertise and training services’. Nothing very Londony about that. Anyone quizzing them for the name of the best sushi bar in Shoreditch is probably better off looking elsewhere.

Any other ‘WE ARE…’ ad campaigns out there?

* Sidekick Tonto spies the Lone Ranger with two great sacks of rubbish. Where are you taking those, he asks. Cue punchline, to the tune of the Lone Ranger theme tune…

verse 5: “We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ,”

Quick, try to think of the William Tell Overture and to NOT think of the Lone Ranger…..time’s up.

If you’re like the majority of people (including me!) who first heard that classical concert piece as the theme song of “that masked man”, it was nearly impossible to not run the tune through your mind and see that TV Western hero “on a fiery horse with the speed of light”. Sound and image were inseparable thoughts….and really hard to think of one without the other!

Paul here is speaking of “taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ”. As I’ve heard it said before, the devil is not a scary looking fellow with horns, a pitchfork, and a cape, dressed all in red. He will tempt us subtlely. That is why Jesus told us not to even let our thoughts stray. As goes your thinking, so go your actions. I’ll wager if you ask most addicts today what led to their out-of-control addictions, most of them will say it started with only “a little bit here and a little bit there”. Trying something illicit you know you should not…or taking a quick look at something thinking your resistance is strong. Like I said in the previous email, the devil cheats…he’ll hit you where you are weak, no matter how strong you think you are.

Keep your mind on Jesus today, and there won’t be any room for the devil’s trash.

Have a blessed day!

A Note from Vicki:  If you would like to listen to the show described in the below post, click here.  The show is made available by otrcat.com.
 

Ex-Bandit Sues Radio Program
September 9, 1944

LOS ANGELES—Eighty-year-old Al Jennings doesn’t deny he was a pretty bad character in the wild, raw days of the old southwest but, he insisted in a suit filed yesterday, he never was as bad as “The Lone Ranger” radio program allegedly depicted him last Aug. 7.

Jennings, the train robber who turned evangelist, writer and lecturer after he was pardoned by President Roosevelt in 1905 for his misdeeds, demanded $100,000 in actual and exemplary damages from the Don Lee Broadcasting company and the Weber Baking company, sponsor of the program.

Jennings, who recently has been a technical adviser for motion pictures, alleged the program attributed to him certain crimes which he didn’t commit.  Also, he asserted, he was portrayed as attempting to induce a young man to join his band of train robbers which, he asserted, he never did.

Jennings claimed the program has seriously damaged the reputation he has built up since he was freed from prison early in the century.

St. Petersburg Times

Once again, I have reason to wax enthusiastic about a musical event in Stockholm and about my personal discovery of a magnificent Swedish artist who enjoys world-wide acclaim, concert pianist Roland Pöntinen.

As I compose this article I am listening to a CD I bought at Berwaldhallen during a symphony concert there on 1 September. I attended, as I have before, with my friend Johannes from Uppsala. During the intermission, just after Mr. Pöntinen performed, Johannes and I visited the area of the lobby where CDs were for sale. We each bought one of Mr. Pöntinen’s many recorded performances, then stood in line to get the album notes signed by the artist. As Mr. Pöntinen signed mine I told him that I felt he had paid great respect to Chopin in the playing of this composer’s piano concerto (described below). He seemed pleased by the comment; Johannes and I then returned to the concert hall for the second part of the evening’s performance.

Here are the performers and the program we heard:

Sinfonia Varsovia, Conductor: Jacek Kaspszyk
Roland Pöntinen, piano

Program:
Felix Mendelssohn: Hebrides Overture op. 26
Frédéric Chopin: Piano Concerto No. 2
(Encore: Chopin Mazurka in b minor Opus. 33 No. 4
Johannes Brahms: Symphony No. 2
(Encore: not sure, but it seemed like one of Dvořák’s Slavonic Dances)

[Note: The links under specific pieces, above, are directed to "Youtube" sites and are not performed by the artists in this evening's concert]

The Hebrides Overture by Mendelssohn is one my favorite pieces because of its connection to my youth. There was a radio program, The Lone Ranger, which aired from 1933 until 1955, that had several pieces of music in its theme and during the program, including The Hebrides Overture. The main theme was from the “cavalry charge” finale of Gioachino Rossini’s William Tell Overture. Other borrowed music was by Peter Tchaikovsky and Franz Liszt.

Every late afternoon before Dad came home from work at the Richmond Navy shipyard, across the Bay from San Francisco where we lived during World War II, I would lie on the floor reading the newspaper comics and listen to the 15-minutes episodes of The Lone Ranger, The Green Hornet, Bobby Benson and the B-Bar-B Riders, The Cisco Kid, Jack Armstrong, the All-American Boy, Captain Midnight, Tom Mix and many others. Not only did I find the adventure stories compelling, but the music became a permanent part of my life.

Back to the concert.

The next piece was the piano concerto by Chopin, one that I have long loved. What struck me about Mr. Pöntinen’s playing was that he did not, as so many performers of Chopin do, insert himself into the equation. There was no flash, no needless and ostentatious pounding of the keys, just a clear delivery of Chopin’s phrases and melodies. Perhaps it was the influence of the Swedish lagom: “not too much and not too little.” In addition, there seemed to be warm and relaxed rapport between the conductor and the solo pianist. Mr Pöntinen’s encore piece, also by Chopin, was similarly played. He was enthusiastically received by the audience.

During the concerto’s many cadenzas for the piano, written with the extraordinary embellishments that Chopin is well-known for, I was reminded of the stylistic playing of the great jazz pianist Oscar Peterson. As I later read in a biography of Mr. Pöntinen, he also has appreciation for the jazz idiom, as well as music for the cinema which is the subject of the CD recorded by him that I bought at the concert.

Upon returning to the auditorium after the paus (intermission), I allowed by myself some anticipatory pleasure in knowing that one of my favorite composers was about to be presented to me, and through a piece I often play at home. My father preferred Beethoven above all, although he had a high opinion of Brahms. Over time I have grown to prefer Brahms. His wistful and sometimes melancholic phrases, all laid on a foundation of latent power that often emerges, full-throated, resonate in me more than any composer–with the sometimes exceptions of several of the Nordic composers, particularly Grieg and Sibelius.

The first movement of the symphony is long, around 21 minutes of the symphony’s approximately 45 minutes, but the remaining three are shorter, the third movement being quite short at five and one-half minutes.

As the playing of the familiar symphony unfolded, I reminisced on anecdotes about Brahms I had read and heard about over the years. I recalled that the great German conductor, pianist and composer Hans von Bülow called Brahms’s first symphony “Beethoven’s Tenth” (Beethoven wrote only nine) because of many similarities in the two pieces. I recalled also this quote of Brahms, when comparing himself to Beethoven in 1870: “Composing a symphony is no laughing matter. You have no idea of how it feels to hear a giant’s footsteps behind you!”

Brahms spent at least fourteen years completing this work, whose sketches date from 1854. Brahms himself declared that the symphony, from sketches to finishing touches, took 21 years, from 1855 to 1876. Source

I speculated, as the playing of the symphony proceeded, that Brahms, now having been freed from the terrible burden of composing a great symphony under the shadow of the god-like Beethoven, felt much lighter and gayer, hence the mood of this second symphony. My notes during this first movement contain the words: “triumphant,” “joyful,” “lyrical, “pastoral” and a reference to Brahms’s penchant for walking in the woods while composing in his head.

There is a part in the first movement I always anticipate with great joy: the full orchestra is in a long passage which culminates in a loud, grand chord that creates an image in my imagination of a magnificent pipe organ in a cathedral coming to the end of an important statement.

I am not scholarly enough in musical forms to vouch with authority for the following observation: Brahms seems to employ the major and the minor modes alternatively and often in any piece and in any movement or section of the piece. Further, he does a counter-intuitive thing: when the music is in major mode, the pitch of the notes progresses generally downward (lower), and when in minor mode, the notes progress generally upward (higher) in pitch. I think this is what gives his music the “wistful” character I perceive.

To hurry things along here, I’ll make some short comments about the remaining three movements:

In sum, Johannes Brahms knows how to employ an orchestra, every section, every instrument.

And, finally, it was a great pleasure to listen to mature, accomplished, confident musicians, led by a conductor, similarly imbued, so that I could relax and enjoy the music in full.

Here is the entire discography of Roland Pöntinen at Naxos Records.

August 18, 1949

To Be Safe, Berle Should Insure Self

By Milton Berle

The best salesmen in the world, I think you’ll agree, are insurance salesmen.  And my insurance agent is no exception.  That fellow could sell a piano bench to Maurice Rocco.  He even wanted me to insure my money against fading!  But he’s always looking out for my best interest and when he heard I was going to make another picture he advised me to cancel my annuity and take out an accident and health policy.

Insurance is a wonderful thing but you have to watch out for those small gyp companies.  I heard of one outfit that sold a policy which only covered a loss resulting from a fall from a tall building.  Of course, such a person is covered while he’s in the air but the instant he hits the sidewalk the policy is automatically cancelled!

But that’s no worse than a life insurance policy I heard of the other day.  Some of the fine print read like this:  “Payment for loss will only be paid when Insured, while operating a motor vehicle in the desert, collides (head-on) with another vehicle going the same direction, causing the Insured to be thrown from the vehicle, thereby swallonging sand and causing the Insured to choke to death; and providing the other vehicle involved in the collision is operated by the beneficiary.”

But that Aly Khan has the policy.  He took one out with Lloyds of London.  If anything should happen to him, Rita gets London!  (I know I’m getting off the subject but I must write to Rita and tell her not to worry because when my sister got married her husband wasn’t working either!)

In show business every big comedian takes out some kind of insurance to protect his source of material.  Henny Youngman has insured his joke file and Jack Benny even insured his writers.  But I insured Bob Hope!

The Deseret News

Old Time Radio Collage, Greeting Card, From Our Krazy Kulture

Shown here on a greeting card, this old time radio collage showcases many of the great OTR shows, including This is Your FBI, Drew Pearson (or as Mary Livingstone would say, “Drear Pooson”), Groucho Marx, The Fat Man, Vox Pop, Abbott & Costello, Breakfast in Hollywood, Bing Crosby, Candid Microphone (the father of “Candid Camera”), The Lone Ranger, etc.

This design is available on greeting cards, note cards, a tote bag, a poster print and on mens & womens T-Shirts in assorted sizes, styles and colors.  Click here to view the entire selection!

Debuting last week on Tuesday, August 11, 2009, the United States Postal Service made available for sale of 50 million 44-cent stamps, available in sheets of 20 individual designs, commemorating the “Golden Age of Television.” On that day last week there was a dedication ceremony in North Hollywood, hosted by TV legend Carl Reiner who is NOT commemorated on any of the stamps for the simple reason that he is still alive. As you may know, only the deceased may be commemorated on a U.S. Postage Stamp; but in fact you not only have to be dead to get on a stamp, but you have to have been dead for FIVE years. The Committee that oversees who gets to be on stamp won’t even consider someone for future commemoration until they’ve been 3 years deceased. Probably have to do some heavy background checking. It would be pretty embarrassing to have a guy put on a stamp only to discover a year later when someone publishes his biography, that “Holy Smokes he molested his kids!” or “WTF!? He had sex with sheep?!” 

You definitely don’t want to be licking the backside of a guy on stamp who had sex with farm animals. Or any animals for that matter. Come to think of it, I’m not crazy about the idea of licking the backside of a stamp of anybody who sex with anybody.

Nevertheless, that rule got me thinking about these new TV stamps. Really? All those TV stars depicted have been dead for at least 5 years? Really? Where the Hell is the time going? I woke up this morning out of a dream in which I imagined they had Andy Griffith depicted on a stamp from “The Andy Griffith Show.” I woke up thinking, “Hey! Sheriff Andy’s still alive! He’s an old lawyer named Matlock now, but he’s still alive! Alert the USPS!”   But of course after checking, I found that The Andy Griffith Show is NOT one of the TV shows commemorated. Thanks for nothing stupid dream!

The one exception though to the five-year restriction is in the case of a deceased U.S. President in which case, he (or she) may be honored one year after their death. That investigative committee better switch into high gear because one year is not a whole lot of time to uncover a lot of shady dealings.

Anyway, these TV stamps were designed by art director Carl T. Herrman of Las Vegas, and joining emcee Carl Reiner at the ceremony were several spouses and descendants and co-stars of some of the performers commemorated. Jayne Meadows for instance, the wife of Tonight Show host Steve Allen was there, Ozzie and Harriet Nelson’s grandkids were there, and… oh what’s this….one of the stars depicted on one of the stamps was there! In person! Alive!  Stop the Presses! Call the Postal Police! Somebody get postal on this violation of the rules!! WTF?

Okay okay, you’re way ahead of me. It was Lassie. Hah hah.  Yes, Lassie was there, or the 10th generation of Lassie as it turns out. He’s on one of the stamps, and June Lockhart who starred with Lassie on the show was at the ceremony too. Unfortunately, poor June is still alive and thus wasn’t allowed to be depicted on the stamp with Lassie. Howdy Doody has a stamp too, but Buffalo Bob Smith isn’t depicted alongside him! Why? Bob Smith’s been dead since 1998–why couldn’t they put him on the stamp next to Howdy Doody? How the Hell are we supposed to believe that freckled little puppet is standing up by himself? This isn’t a Twilight Zone stamp after all! Which by the way is also commemorated on a stamp with a big close-up of Rod Serling (deceased in 1975). I would like to have seen a shot of that episode where William Shatner is on the airplane and sees the creepy gremlin on the wing tearing it up! That was great. That shocking revelation where Shatner pulls back the window curtain and BAM! Big frightening close-up of the scary looking creature peering in at Shatner!!  Why couldn’t they put that weird looking face on a stamp? Or maybe even the creature’s face? Hah hah. But Shatner’s still alive so that’s a no-go. He looks dead I know, but I just saw him on TV the other day and he was definitely walking and talking.

So then, what are the 20 TV shows depicted? They are: Adventures of Ozzie & Harriet; Alfred Hitchcock Presents; The Dinah Shore Show; Dragnet; The Ed Sullivan Show; The George Burns & Gracie Allen Show; Hopalong Cassidy; The Honeymooners; Howdy Doody; I Love Lucy; Kukla, Fran and Ollie; Lassie; The Lone Ranger; Perry Mason; The Phil Silvers Show; The Red Skelton Show; Texaco Star Theater; The Tonight Show; The Twilight Zone; and, You Bet Your Life.

And who is the most recently deceased star depicted on one of those stamps? By my calculation it is the great Art Carney, as sewer worker Ed Norton, depicted with Jackie Gleason on The Honeymooners stamp. Carney died November 9, 2003. He just made it by one year!  If he died one year later the rules would have prohibited his depiction. Lucky guy.  Milton Berle who died March 27, 2002 was the next closest.

The Post Office will even mail the stamps to your home if you want to order them online. Only from the sound of things lately, pretty soon we may not be able to receive them on Saturdays. In that case, I’ll just watch some TV instead of eagerly awaiting my stamps.  Oh man, I just had this flashback memory…I actually used to collect stamps when I was a boy. My Aunt Virginia would sometimes send me some. Hm.  I think I still have them in a draw at my parent’s house. Well well.  I guess stamp-collecting is for cool people after all.

(Sources:  USPS.com; and wikipedia.com)

Variety is reporting that Disney is angling to place Rob Marshall in the director’s chair for Pirates of the Caribbean 4.  Marshall is best known for helming the Academy Award winning film Chicago.

If this deal goes through the film could see production as early as 2010.  The film is expected to feature the return of Johnny Depp as “Captain Jack Sparrow.”  But Depp could bow out if the deal isn’t set up soon as he’s slated to star in the Jerry Bruckheimer adaptation of The Lone Ranger as the Ranger’s Native American sidekick “Tonto”.  Disney is hoping to get Pirates 4 in the can before lensing on Ranger begins.

Marshall is an odd choice for the Pirates sequel.  But they could do a lot worse.