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Time Stamps
0:00 – Introduction
0:54 – The happenings in Qarth
6:21 – The deaths of Renly and Ser Rodrick
10:32 – Arya and her three death wishes
12:14 – Chaos in King’s Landing
17:27 – Wrap-up

Episode Length: 20:43

Disclaimer: Neither of us have read beyond the first novel in the Song of Ice and Fire series, and therefore our discussion of the events and predictions for future episodes are exclusively based on the events depicted in the HBO series.

We’ve passed the midseason point of season 2 and we won’t pretend that we have any idea where the show is going! In this podcast we discuss the shocking death that begins episode 5 (seriously?!?!), catch-up with Daenerys and ponder the practicality of her plan to “reclaim” the Iron Throne, and examine how the slow disappearance of Joffrey’s illusion of power is beginning to impact the entire course of King’s Landing. We also share our thoughts on Arya’s predicament and just how terrible Theon Greyjoy is becoming.

Let us know what you think after listening to the podcast! Leave us a comment here or tweet us. You can also visit our newly launched Facebook page and leave a comment there! We love feedback and will respond either with a comment or in our next published show.

Also, to read our thoughts about the events of season 1, follow the link here.

In Westeros tobt eine kleine Strasserevolte, während Winterfell von Theon eingenommen wird, Catelyn zu Robb zurückkehrt, Jon und seine Mitstreiter ein paar Wildlinge angreifen, Dany Schiffe für ihre Rückkehr nach Westeros zu bekommen versucht und Arya von ihrem zweiten Wunsch Gebrauch macht.

Die Handlung ist in kleinen Portionen aufgeteilt, in kleinen Häppchen, die nicht sättigen, sondern Appetit nach mehr machen. Vor allem aber ist das verbindende Element der Appetit danach mehr zu sein, als man im Moment ist, auch im Kontext des Frauen-Männer-Machtkampfes betrachtet, über den wir schon mehrmals in den Reviews zu Game of Thrones sprachen. Joffrey sieht sich zum ersten Mal in seiner Machtposition wirklich bedroht, als nach Myrcellas Abscheid Richtung Dorne, Joffrey und sein Gefolge von der unzufriedenen King’s Landing-Bevölkerung angegriffen werden. Joffrey schreit Hinrichtungsbefehle aus, aber keiner kann sie ausführen, da seine Leute in Unterzahl sind und keine Macht über die Situation besitzen. In dem Getummel ist aber nicht Joffrey die wichtige Figur, sondern The Hound, der auf der einen Seite seine Pflicht erfüllt und Joffery in Sicherheit bringt und auf der anderen macht er, was er für richtig hält, nämlich Sansa vor der Vergewaltigung retten. Das gibt ihm, auch wenn es komisch klingt, in diesem Moment zusätzlich zu der physischen auch moralische Überlegenheit.

Macht bedeutet aber auch sich schlau anzustellen. Zwischen “schlau” und “mutig” gibt es einen Unterschied. Während Jon als “brave but stupid” bezeichnet wird, ist seine Halb-Schwester Arya beides – schlau und mutig. Aus diesem Grund scheint Tywin Gefallen an Aryas Präsenz zu finden. Tywin wird hier etwas differenzierter und aus der Nähe “betrachtet”, als in den Büchern. Die Abweichungen von dem Buch sorgen hier nach wie vor für interessante Szenen wie die zwischen Tywin, Littlefinger und Arya, als Arya um jeden Preis versucht, ihr Gesicht vor Littlefinger zu verbergen. Nicht erkannt werden, wer sie ist – darin liegt die Macht ihrer Position und auch einen “Freund” zu haben, der das Töten für sie übernimmt. Das Unvermögen selbst einen tödlichen Schlag zu verpassen, bekämpft sie mit Schlauheit. Übrigens Tom Wlaschiha  und Maisie Williams sind als Jaqen und Arya wieder einmal großartig zusammen in der Szene als sie ihn auffordert und drängelt, an Ort und Stelle Amory Loch zu ermorden. Er kann nur die Augen verdrehen und … den Wunsch erfüllen.

Auch bei Dany handelt es sich um ein momentanes Unvermögen, darum, den Prozeß des Erwachsenwerdens durchzumachen. Erlangen von Macht heißt bei ihr, dass man sie irgendwann als diejenige sieht, die sie ist – eine Targaryen-Königin, DIE Westeros-Königin. Dafür reichen ihre leidenschaftlichen Worte nicht, sie braucht auch das Feuer ihrer Drachen und diese sind weg. Die weitere Abweichung vom Buch wird vermutlich dafür sorgen, dass sich der Handlungsstrang um die Warlocks aus The House of the Undying schnell zuspitzt. Außerdem bekommen die vielen Buchseiten mit Danys innerem Monolog, mit ihren Zweifeln und Träumen, “aktiv” thematisiert zu sehen…

Theon nimmt Winterfell ein und um sich vor seinen Leuten zu beweisen, beschließt er Rodrik zu köpfen, aber schafft es nicht mit einem Schlag, was zu einer abscheulichen Szene führt. Abscheulich ist vor allem Theons Verrat nicht nur an den Menschen in Winterfell, sondern auch an sich selbst. An diesem Punkt ist Theon schon verloren und er scheint es zu realisieren. Ich bin mir nicht sicher, inwieweit die Autoren seiner weiteren Geschichte Raum geben können und wollen, aber sie ist sehr interessant und gleichzeitig tief traurig. Natürlich ist der misslungene erste Schlag die Beschreibung von Theons Gemütszustand und von seiner dem Scheitern geweihten Mission. Während Osha ihre “weibliche” Seite ausnutzt um Bran zu retten, ist sein Half-Bruder Jon hinter einer Frau her.

Auch Jon zeigt ein Unvermögen, was Töten betrifft. Tief in dem Norden, umgeben von atemberaubender Kulisse (nur die kleinen Linsenrichtreflexe wirkten etwas störend), bekommt zunächst Jon Snow eine Lektion von Halfhand, wo die Grenzen von Mut liegen und wo der Verstand ums Überleben zu kämpfen beginnt. Aber es ist eine Frau, die Wildling-Gefangene Ygritte, die zu Jons Lektion werden könnte, nachdem er es nicht fertig bringt, sie zu töten. Man kann sagen, dass seine Reise hier beginnt, allein mit Ygritte im kalten Norden, dort wo die alten Götter die neuen sind!

Welcome to Wintercast – a discussion of HBO’s series Game of Thrones, brought to you by the Gaming Angels Network. This week, we’re discussing Episode 2.06 – “The Old Gods and the New”. Write in your comments to our email or leave a comment at the site.

… only a mother could love

Didn’t I just talk about the joys of watching Tyrion slap Joffrey?  “The Old Gods and The New” proves that some gags never get old… now if only he’d head up to Winterfell.  In truth, I don’t particularly want to see Theon get slapped; drawn and quartered would be far more preferable.  No… that’s not right either.  Theon needs someone to save him from himself –err, no… Once again, we’re into the sheer genius of Game of Thrones’ character development.  What Theon’s done is unforgivable, and seeing him pay for his crimes is high on everyone’s list… but I can’t help feel like he’s already paying.

The scene in Winterfell’s courtyard has to be my favourite of the episode.  Sir Rodrick’s death is far from the single clean swing that Ned Stark gave and received and Alfie Allen does some superb work throughout the whole ordeal.  It was easy to sneer at Theon’s lack of confidence back when sexual harassment was the worst of his crimes; it’s a lot harder now that it’s driven him to betray everyone who ever cared about him.  The look on his face says it all, this a man who’s out of control; not in the murderous rampage sense, but in the complete and utter train wreck sense.

Have you even seen someone royally screw the pooch?  I’m not just talking about making a mistake, but about a whole series of them, so drawn out that the athlete/performer/reality show contestant you’re watching can’t help but know what’s happening; they’re so far off track that things can’t be salvaged and every attempt to put things right only exacerbates the disaster.  That’s what I see in this scene, except multiplied by murder.  Theon’s daring nighttime raid didn’t win him the respect he so desperately craves, and his posturing certainly doesn’t help matters.  His captives openly mock him and he barely has a hold on his own men.  And so he keeps plowing forward, even as it’s clearly dawning on him that this isn’t working out as planned.  Rodrick’s defiance in the face of this sniveling shit is inevitable, as is Theon’s response.  He knows that what he’s doing won’t make him “Lord of Winterfell,” any more than it will make his new cronies respect rather than manipulate him.

I’ll stop short of calling Theon sympathetic here, but I will call him human.  A despicable human, to be sure, but human nonetheless.  Theon’s real fault seems to be wanting it both ways; he’s desperate to be accepted by both his own people and the Starks, and taking Winterfell by force only perverts them both.  The Krakens have little use for the airs of their “prince” and the people of Winterfell have no respect for the fact that Theon’s “paid the iron price” for their hold. In claiming to be “Lord of Winterfell,” Theon is trying to don the mantle of Ned Stark, but more than a mere failure, the attempt is so twisted that it ends being a parody of what he’s trying to emulate.  If he just accept his role as the villain he’d be no less loathsome, but at least he’d be happier.

Final Thoughts

Did I just say that was my favourite scene in an episode that featured Joffrey getting slapped?  Yes, and I suppose I’ll stand by it in spite of how awesome that slap was.  The little shit sure had it coming this time, didn’t he?  The court’s presence is enough to spark a riot and all he can do is call for executions.  Tyrion’s completely on the money in his assessment of vicious idiocy.

Good as Joffrey and Tyrion are here, Sansa and the Hound also get fine moments in this sequence.  I was genuinely worried for Sansa during the attack, thinking the show might just go somewhere this dark.  It made Sandor’s rescue all the more enjoyable.

I must admit that I’m not enjoying Daenerys quite so much lately.  She’s all bark and no bite and is reminding me a bit of Viserys.  Perhaps that’s the point as she grows into the role of Mother of Dragons.  Hopefully she’ll get back to her old awesome self now that she has something more to do than beg for ships.

Jon actually had something do to this week, which was nice to see.

Ayra and Tywin together make for yet another episode highlight.

While I focused on a single scene in my review, this was probably the most well-rounded episode of the season.  We has some great character work in Winterfell, visceral thrills in King’s Landing, solid tension in Harrenhall, some fun beyond the Wall, and the promise of better to come in Quarth.

Without any further ado, Game of Thrones Episode 2.06: The Old Gods and the New.

Ricky

The amount of things that are being changed from the book interests me. So far, we lost Storm’s End and Edric Storm, and in this episode, we’ve lost Reek to the gods of adaptation. Granted, his true identity is mentioned as the Bastard of Bolton, but we’re bound to only see him take Winterfell. The occurrences surrounding Daenerys’ visit to the House of the Undying is changed. Only time will tell if it was for the better. Overall, a good episode. A first glimpse of Ygritte, and yet again the circumstances are slightly different. But those scenes were enjoyable.

The complaint I did have was the riot in King’s Landing, specifically the scene with the High Septon. It just seemed poorly directed. The crowd seemed more like zombies than unruly hellions. And yes, I know in the book they tore him apart, but in a show that is so consistently realistic, it just could have been better.

Danny

They have definitely started to rewrite the story or maybe I just do not remember it from power-reading I did over the summer. Either way while they are leaving some of the fans from the books a little disheveled, they are keeping the story fresh and different for everyone (still surprises to be had for someone who is caught up in the books).

I am a little on edge on whether I liked this episode or not. I mean it still keeps the story interesting, but the whole hour feels disjointed. As a person who was able to follow what was going in season one and knows the story of the second book, I am frankly lost as to where they are in the story. With so many different ideas being rewritten, it is hard to know how accelerated the show’s story has become. Now I have to wonder how Theon and Reek will interact, knowing that there is no subterfuge. The show’s budget is obviously to blame for most of this. Again, I hope it shows when it comes to the Battle of Blackwater.

On a positive note, the show continues to impress me with the location of their shoots. The frozen wasteland of the north is a great backdrop for the Night’s Watch. I especially enjoyed the chase scene between Jon Snow and Ygritte (Ygritte is pretty hot).

Natalia

I think I must have asked Danny 5 or 6 times while watching this episode, “Was that in the book? I don’t remember this at all.” I understand that this show is not going to follow the book word for word, but I think some of the plot points they’ve changed are kind of important. Many minor characters are missing from Winterfell and they killed Sir Rodrik so early! Well, I will put my faith in the series to sort it out.

Was is just me or was this episode kind of funny?  We finally get to see Ygritte and she is doing her best to get under Jon Snow’s skin the whole scene. Eventually he ties her up to make camp where they are forced to spoon to keep warm. “Stop Moving!” “I didn’t even realize I was doing it that time…” Another fun exchange was between Arya and Jaqen H’ghar; she is frantic trying to keep Tywin from learning she stole his correspondence and demands that Jaqen kill the messenger. The messenger dies in Tywin’s doorway without a word. Well… my synopsis leaves much to be desired, but I laughed when I watched it.

Daenerys is becoming so strong and her speech about how she is a special person was great. Although I think the choice to have her dragons stolen was a poor one. The character in the book had instilled enough fear and awe that no one would have been successful in stealing her children. Perhaps, I just want to think that though. As I said earlier… I am putting my faith in the series. What would happen to the Mother of Dragons amazing storyline without her dragons? This will be resolved in the next episode… right?

Well four episodes left… I am expecting big things!

King Joffrey post-manure throw

First off, I have to admit something. I didn’t start watching Game of Thrones until this year when I started looking for a new series to watch on Sundays that would fill the void left by Dexter and Boardwalk Empire in the fall. After lots of rave reviews from all my friends, I decided to try and watch the first season and catch up in time for the premiere of the second season this fall. For one reason or another, I only just caught up to the show with this episode, finally able to enjoy an episode and watch it amongst friends (the best, and sometimes only, way to watch good television) and what an episode it was.

Some shows these days, especially those on cable, tend to have a lot of buildup to action that only occurs at the end of the season in the final episodes. When I started Game of Thrones, I was worried that the series would fall into the same trap, but was pleasantly surprised with the pace of the first season. In the early episodes of this season, however, the worry entered my mind once again briefly, but the past few episodes (only halfway through the season) have certainly ramped up the speed of action and plot much to my enjoyment. “The Old Gods and the New,” a aptly-titled episode, shows just how different this new generation of Westeros is shaping up to be and the difficulties our young (and mostly inexperienced) leaders are facing such as the civil unrest facing King Joffrey at King’s Landing (was I the only one who wanted to give the guy who threw the manure a medal?). Joffrey’s rule was best described by his uncle Tyrion when he told the king “we’ve had vicious kings and we’ve had idiot kings, but I don’t think we’ve ever been cursed with a vicious idiot for a king” after Joffrey reacted terribly to the rambunctious crowd in King’s Landing. Joffrey only knows one thing (besides how to be a little bitch constantly) and that’s telling others what to do. He is a king of demands, not action. When Sansa Stark, a valuable hostage for the Lannisters, is lost to the crowd, Joffrey doesn’t even realize the importance of the matter leaving Sansa’s rescue up to Tyrion and “The Hound.”*

*(Sandor Clegane or “The Hound” is slowly becoming one of my favorite characters. His execution of Sansa’s would-be rapists was absolutely incredible. And yes, I had to look up the character’s real name)

Probably looking for a sharper sword.

Over in the North, Theon Greyjoy takes over Winterfell and casually wakes up Bran Stark to let him know that his castle and kingdom have been sieged. Bran reluctantly yields the city on the terms that no citizens get hurt which immediately (and obviously) gets violated when Ser Roderick insults the new “prince”. Encouraged by his henchman, Theon decides to take the Roderick’s life right then to send a message to the townsfolk regarding his zero-tolerance mouthing off policy. This scene was absolutely brutal and awesome (for lack of a better word) and Bran Stark’s cries made it even more powerful. Seeing Theon struggle to decapitate poor Roderick was absolutely amazing television at its best, perfectly symbolizing Theon’s ineptitude as a leader, a common theme throughout this episode. Jon Snow continues his adventures north of The Wall as him and his jolly band of rangers attack a small camp of wildlings, killing everyone except for the oddly attractive Ygritte. Jon Snow is then tasked with executing the lone wildling but, after an embarrassing miss with his sword, Snow and Ygritte are forced to spend the night spooning in order to survive the extreme cold (Something tells me this Ygritte chick was just really horny. I doubt wildlings are the most sexual beings).

Over in Harenhaal, we are treated to a few scenes with my new favorite pairing of Tywin Lannister and the disguised Arya Stark serving as his cupbearer. These scenes are all incredible because of the underlying tension of Arya’s true identity, especially heightened in the scene where Littlefinger unexpectedly shows up to discuss strategy with Tywin. The entire scene was stressful to watch because I want Arya’s identity to remain hidden so we can atleast get more scenes like the one where Tywin describes his experiences trying to teach his son Jaime how to read. Also, after Arya is caught with a military directive from Tywin’s chambers, the scene where she uses her “second kill” is unexpected and hysterical all at the same time (I seriously wonder what Tywin Lannister first said when the guard collapsed in his doorway).

Finally, on the complete other side of the world, Daenyrys Targaryen is still having some issues in her quest to become Queen. Not wanting to marry anyone at the moment and unable to get ships from anyone else, Dany throws a little temper tantrum while somebody (we will find out next episode hopefully) kills a shit ton of her men and steals her precious dragons. This storyline hasn’t really grabbed me like all the others, but something tells me that, for lack of a better phrase, shit is ’bouta go down over in Qarth (as well as everywhere else for that matter).

Pretty great episode overall.

Overall Grade: 9/10

“The Old Gods and the New”

May 8th, 2012

As I had noted on Twitter, and as many of you seem to have discovered after visiting the site yesterday, this weekend didn’t provide enough time to do a full review of “The Old Gods and the New” justice. However, David Chen at /Film and his podcasting partner Joanna Robinson were kind enough to have me on “A Cast of Kings,” their Game of Thrones podcast, for a discussion about the episode.

A Cast of Kings S2E06: The Old Gods and the New – /Film

A Cast of Kings is a podcast featuring recaps and reviews of each week’s episode of HBO’s Game of Thrones. This week, Joanna and Dave discuss the second season’s sixth episode, The Old Gods and the New. Special guest Myles McNutt joins us from Cultural Learnings.

It’s a lengthy and diverse discussion, ranging from more serious considerations of how the show has changed from the books to equally serious conversations about Ygritte’s strategic body movements. It’s quite a fun show, I thought, so if you want to know more of my thoughts on the episode it’s a fine way to spend roughly an hour of your time.

If there are any other issues you’d like to discuss about the episode, feel free to leave a comment below and I’ll hope to chime in. In the meantime, you could also head back to listen to past “A Cast of Kings” episodes.

It’s Tuesday morning, and ya’ll know what that means: Game of Thrones discussion post! This episode’s writing credit goes to a woman, Vanessa Taylor. Yay for women writing staff!! It was also another episode of awesome ladies being ladies, though the ladies this time are of much humbler origins than last episode.

Please chime in in the comments section, but keep major book spoilers to a minimum.

• OMG they’re starting with that? Hahahah, I like how Bran is like “…wha? You’re joking right, Theon, this is a joke?”
• Aw, Ser Roderick had to make that as sad as possible, didn’t he? “I’m going to meet your father.”
• Theon Greyjoy = worst executioner ever. Was your sword even sharp? #doubleentendre #medievalburn
• Not sure how I feel about Iceland being North of the Wall. I pictured way more tress. And there’s no way you’re hiding from anyone on that terrain, I couldn’t even believe for a second that they were able to sneak up on those Wildlings, ESPECIALLY SINCE THEY ARE WEARING BLACK.
• Is it weird that I kind of love Show Tywin? He’s a bit of a prick but he knows what he’s doing.
• Who let Baelish out of King’s Landing? He has been doing an epic amount of scheming since he’s been out of Varys’ sight.
• Jesus, how did she just pronounce Ygritte there? Igrid? I am getting that from Qhorin.
• You’re not gonna do it Snow, she’s hot, and brave. Also, can you believe Rose Leslie grew up in a castle? I cannot.
• Myrcella doesn’t go to Dorne this early in the books, does she? And stop taking it so damn personally Cersei, it’s politics. She is actually safer there.
• RIGHT IN THE FACE! Hahaha and then Joffrey got carried back to the palace LIKE A WUSS. And then smacked in the face by Tyrion LIKE A DOUBLE WUSS.
• WRONG DECISION SANSA, STAY AWAY FROM THE DARK ALLEY!!
• Dammit Clegane, don’t you know what those kind of heroics can do to a girl at such an impressionable age? (He definitely doesn’t)
• The Spice King is…not wrong Daenarys. So far you’ve done nothing to back up your words but suckle dragons, of course no one is going to take you seriously.
• Aw, Jaime was/is dyslexic! Adorable.
• Man, that knight did not look very hard, did he?
• JAQEN YOU ARE EVEN MORE AMAZING IN THE SHOW THAN I COULD HAVE EVER HOPED FOR!!
• I don’t understand why Talisa is with the army, and not being passed around like a camp follower. I mean, I can get behind this new character if it made the slightest bit of sense why she was travelling around with an army, nursing wounds. A) we don’t know anything about Volantis that would make this make sense B) she is not in Volantis, and C) the only women who typically follow around armies are prostitutes. EXPLAIN PLEASE OR I WILL GET ANNOYED.
• LOVE YOU YGRITTE!! Aw, begrudging Jon Snow cuddles. The best kind. Possibly the only kind. Love her shit-eating grin.
• DAYUM OSHA. LOVE YOU OSHA. Looking forward to your viewpoint chapters Osha!
• OMG I CAN’T BELIEVE SOMEONE STOLE THE DRAGONS!! Although I am starting to get annoyed with all of Daenarys’ entourage dropping dead. She’s not gonna have enough people to get her out of Qarth at this rate. Much less build an army.

That’s right, I’m taking the city from a child. One who can’t walk on his own.

“Old Gods” opens with the aftermath of Theon’s assault of Winterfell. In an exceptionally bastard-y fashion he demands that a bedridden Bran yield and anyone can plainly see the pleading in Theon’s eyes as he tries to come across as Lord Hardass, but it finally works and Bran gives it up under the assurance that no further casualties will be inflicted. It’s hard to tell what his endgame is in all this: there’s no guarantee that his father Balon will recognize the feat of taking a thinly guarded city from a child as any grand gesture. I don’t think Theon actually hates the Starks as his father does, but if it’s a ruse that requires bluffing to the point of executing Ser Rodrik, Rodrik’s final words ‘Gods help you, Theon Greyjoy. Now you are truly lost,’  then Theon’s officially in it deep. When I saw Rodrik’s means of execution was to be decapitation by Theon’s yet-to-pay-the-iron-price blade, my fears were realized when it was not a swift single swing that Ned Stark delivered to a deserter in the premier episode. Rather it turned out to be an ugly, thrice-hacking ordeal that had to be finished with the stomp of a boot. What an unpleasant way to go. It was moving to hear Rodrik assure young Bran that he was off to see Ned again though.

Robb having his Godfather 2 deja vu moment

Mother Stark (under the watchful eye of Brienne the Beauty) and Robb are reunited at the Westerlands as Robb makes further advances towards Talisa. She however elects to leave her personal family details a secret for now as she continues amputations and other medical care at the camp. Upon hearing of Theon’s betrayal, Robb openly ponders the situation before allowing Lord Bolton’s own son to personally oversee the reclamation of Winterfell. It is an interesting direction to go from this point to see whether Robb can actually go through with killing Theon, who was essentially raised as his own brother. Gut-wrenching stuff.

Make sure you burn my body afterwards

The Ranger party that Jon Snow has been traveling with slaughters all but one of the Wildlings found at a remote post. Because the lone Wilding Ygritte is a female, Jon cannot bring himself to kill her. Maybe it’s how his momma raised him or maybe because of his initial love-hate attraction, but either way he botches the execution twice, electing to keep her prisoner as he finds a way to rejoin his Ranger party. Even with the sexual tension she is exuding, it’s hard to say whether she would return the favor of sparing him should they encounter a Wildling party before Qhorin Halfhand finds them. She did continually suggest that they build a fire to keep warm, with the obvious implication that the smoke would draw the Wildlings to them.

Cause you had a bad day…

Oh Joffrey, it wouldn’t be GoT without you increasing your own level of hatred fodder. After getting a face full of manure from a peasant in the crowd, Joffrey foolishly orders his men to kill the entire crowd. This leads the riot to take a rather deadly turn and Sansa gets separated in the mix. The near rape of Sansa that followed at the hands of disgruntled peasants was suspenseful and in a show where nothing is off limits, it was entirely plausible to think she could have easily been raped and killed before being rescued by The Hound. For a guy who seemingly cares only for himself, Joffrey had no problem allowing an “anything goes” policy for his future queen. If she had died, what could/would Joffrey have possibly done to save face? Especially at the urging of Cersei. Tyrion pleaded with Joffrey to send guards after Sansa, though his intentions may not have reeked of nobility, as Tyrion is always thinking several steps ahead, reinforcing that he indeed knows how this game is played.

Yeah I can cap his ass for you. Wait you mean right now? Ummm…

I have to say that Arya being stuck at Harrenhal just got 100% cooler since Jaqen H’ghar has been her genie in a bottle, granting her three deaths of her choosing. I don’t mind Jaqen’s unique manner of speech; had the delivery been less than perfect or a less capable actor been cast, I would write that kind of quirkiness off as hipster-esque pretentiousness. But thankfully neither one of those descriptors even begin to rear their ugly heads and I’m very curious to see who Arya’s third choice will be after she ends up wasting one on Ser Amory Lorch who catches her with one of Tywin’s private documents. Seeing Lorch drop dead with a dart to the jugular was amazing as the viewer must depend on their imaginations regarding how this killing blow was delivered considering the rather immediate nature of Arya’s request.

What’s not to trust about this face?

Meanwhile at the far off Qarth, Daenerys situation goes from bad to worse. First the Spice King rejects her pleas for ships, belittling her with her own flawed logic over her legitimacy of throne reclamation. Seeing the strewn bodies of her guards and servants who were slaughtered in an unbelievably brutal fashion was harrowing as well as the final crux was the sight of the empty dragon cages. Presumably the hooded figure seen carrying them toward the tower was a member of the House of the Undying that were seen last week. If that is the case, I’m curious to see the means which they used to kill so many of the battle-hardened guards of Daenerys; I mean they looked feeble, they must derive their power from some supernatural origin.

Final Grade: A

TRR TV Revue by Jacob Aquino

“Gods help you, Theon Greyjoy. Now you are truly lost,” Rodrik Cassel

One thing I didn’t really pick up about this season of Game of Thrones until I looked at it with a more critical eye, is just how fragmented it is. I suppose fragmented isn’t the correct word as it has a negative connotation, but episodic, rather. Season one had roughly four locations (give or taken an Eyrie or a random Lannister military camp): Winterfell, the Wall, King’s Landing and the Dothraki Sea. And almost all those locations had one of our old trusted Stark friends keeping the focus comfortably limited to one family. Now, with the Starks scattered across the map and the cast of characters growing larger every episode, the central focus of the Starks and Ned’s research into Jon Arryn’s death seems to have fallen in favor of a series of vignettes about life all over Westeros during this increasingly violent war.

This can be difficult to follow but we’re finding how enjoyable this episodic style can be when executed flawlessly, as it is in “The Old Gods and the New.”

We begin in Winterfell with Theon Greyjoy’s hasty and perhaps ill-conceived conquering of the Stark stronghold. There is almost an element of dark humor to the proceedings (how many invasions conclude with the conquerer sitting on a ten-year-old paraplegic’s bed and informing him that his castle is now gone?), which makes Theon seem like a child playing at war. But just as Renly found out too late last week, there is only so long one can go through the strutting and preening of war before actual blood is spilt. Unfortunately, that blood belongs to the fantastically-bearded Rodrik Cassel.

After all the complaining I did last week about how the plot was not served well by offing a major character within the first five minutes, the show does almost the exact thing this week and somehow turns it into the best scene of the episode. Rodrik certainly wasn’t as big a character as Renly but he was a constant presence for our beloved Starks (am I correct in assuming we all love the Starks?) Rodrik’s messy beheading is visceral, ugly and heartbreaking. The difficulty Theon has getting his sword through cartilage is almost symbolic how poorly prepared he was for this life of a conquerer. Yes, Ned taught him that the man to pass the sentence should be the one to swing the sword, but that doesn’t mean he knows how to do it properly. Alfie Allen has long been one of the weaker actors on Thrones but the work he does here makes HBO’s decision to submit him for best supporting actor Emmy consideration make more sense. It’s also the liveliest work yet from composer Ramin Djwadi, who aside from the excellent opening credit theme, hasn’t really turned in a signature composition.

It was also wise for the show to not waste any time in getting Theon to Winterfell. It may have been a stretch, geographically, but dramatically it is greatly appreciated for a show that only has ten episodes to work with. The rest of Theon’s storyline can’t quite match up to excitement of the first five minutes but with four episodes left, there is plenty left to probe for the “Prince of Winterfell.”

Elsewhere, we have the continuation of Arya and Tywin’s chemistry factory-slash-acting clinic. The Littlefinger scene, despite being directly rather creatively, failed to create much tension for me, but this could very well be because I’m one of those annoying people who has read the books. Much more effective, albeit a bit slapstick was Arya’s rush to Jaqen H’ghar for a drive-thru version of an assassination. Jaqen’s near-noticeable eyeroll at Arya’s urgency was another comic highpoint for an unusually funny episode.

Both Jon and Dany’s storylines have moved forward by leaps and bounds since stagnating a bit earlier in the season. Jon’s storyline, in particular, finally found perfect use for Iceland’s stunning landscape. It must have cost HBO an arm and a leg to be able to insure its actors to run around perilous terrain in subzero temperature but it’s worth it just for the scene of Jon chasing Ygritte. It’s unlikely that someone as smart as  Qhorin Halfhand would trust a very green ranger (who just took a vow of lifelong celibacy like three months ago) to execute a female prisoner on his own but Jon and we viewers thank him. Of all the scenes of wanton sexuality on display in Thrones, the simple shot of Jon and Ygritte snuggling up for some frigid spooning was somehow one of the most sensual yet.

But the other scene in contention with Theon’s douchery for best of the episode has to be the King’s Landing riot. It has just the perfect sense for escalation as King’s Landing peasants’ anger bubbles over gradually and organically until they are throwing cowpies at King Joffrey and grabbing pieces off of the High Septon as though he were a turkey. If the scene had aired during the first season, I’m sure there would be at least one essay entitled “Occupy King’s Landing” from an internet blowhard like myself comparing it to the movement, but of course with less dismemberment. On the macro level, it’s the best example of civil unrest we’ve seen thus far in Westeros and it also leads to some truly level character moments. Tyrion, of course, makes the internet’s wishes come true yet again with a particularly vigorous Joffslap but also has one of his best lines of the season, that would certainly engender significant change in any monarch who actually had a conscience.

“We’ve had vicious kings and we’ve had idiot kings but I don’t know if we’ve ever been cursed with a vicious idiot king.” “And now I’ve struck a king, did my hand fall off my wrist?”

The Hound also makes his feelings toward Sansa less than subtle with his violent heroics. The Hound shows a flash of humanity and Sansa sees yet another example of how the heroes in the stories she used to love sometimes look like the Hound, and not the Knight of Flowers and often involve a would-be-rapist’s intestines on the floor.

BULLET POINTS FROM HERE ON OUT

• “You all know me!” Theon says to Winterfell. Jaws reference?
• Another nice touch from Alfie Allen is Theon’s voice cracking when he sentences Rodrik to death.
• Just as I loved Tom Wlaschiha’s work with his accents last week, I love Rose Leslie’s work with Ygritte’s accent this week. Leslie is a bit clean and attractive to be a Wildling but something about her inflection helps the believability.
• Myrcella leaving to go get betrothed/taken as a hostage is essentially the equivalent of summer camp for noble Westerosi girls.
• I know it’s just all make-pretend but watching Sophie Turner fend of rapists and have her clothes ripped is still quite icky. She was born in 1996, by the way.
• “I didn’t come here to argue grammar,” Dany tells the spice king. What is it with this show and proper grammar?
• Sounds like Jaime Lannister has dyslexia. Interesting.
• “What killed him?” “Loyalty.” Arya just couldn’t be cooler.
• Catelyn Stark: cockblock extraordinaire.
• “Bet we’ll stay warmer if we stay close.” That classic Wildling pick-up line.
• It was hard to pick a quote this week, there were a lot of good ones.
• This is the second episode this year, after “The Night Lands” where I have no idea why it was titled so. I know what the Old and New Gods are but have no idea how they pertained to this episode. Any ideas?

MINOR BOOK SPOILERS

This episode deviated from the book more than any timeseries thus far, I’d like to discuss how and where with absolutely no spoilers beyond this point in the book/show, but do not read on if you are extremely spoilerphobic.

• Dany’s dragons are never stolen in the book. I get why they’d want to spice up the Qarth storyline (pardon the pun), and I’m curious to see how it will play out. I have a feeling I know where it will end up though.
• Both Irri and Rakharo are not killed in A Clash of Kings, the book that the second season is loosely based on. I like that they are willing to deviate from the books so extremely but both times they’ve done it at the expense of non-Anglo actors. That probably isn’t helping the early-season “Game of Thrones is racist” internet chatter.
• The Stark boys are whisked away from Winterfell a lot earlier in the show than they are in the books. I hope it precludes what I thought was one of George R.R. Martin’s most suspect decisions in the book.
• Rodrik Cassel does not die until the very end of Clash of Kings but moving his death forward for the show accomplishes a hell of a lot for Theon’s move to the dark side.
• If you’ve not read the books, you probably didn’t even notice this but when Roose Bolton, Robb Stark’s advisor, says he will send his bastard to take care of Theon at Winterfell an entire fanbase collectively gasped and clutched their chests.

Winterfell:
And the award for biggest douchebag goes to… Theon Greyjoy.  As hinted at last week, Theon and his new BFF Dagmer use a skeleton crew to take hold of Winterfell from the little Lord Bran.  Bran at first refuses to yield to him, but when Theon subtly threatens the safety of his people, Bran finds he has no choice.  As Bran yields, two of Theon’s soldiers bring back and bloodied, and defiant Sir Rodrik.  Theon wants him in a cell, but Dagmer informs him that he’ll never gain the respect he seeks if he lets Rodrik’s insolence slide.  While Bran tearfully pleads for Rodrik’s life, Theon makes a hack job of his beheading before finally killing him.

Osha is in the business of survival, or so we think at first (and hate her a little) when she offers her services to Theon, adding to Bran’s bad day.  Theon refuses her, not trusting her wildling nature, and when Bran asks her why she betrayed him, she tells him because his dream came true, the sea came over the wall.  Later, Osha makes another offer, this time to Theon’s libido, which isn’t nearly as intelligent as Theon (and that’s saying something).  Theon falls for her ways, and Osha uses the distraction to sneak Bran, Rickon, there two wolves Summer and Shaggy Dog, and Hodor out of Winterfell for good.

Beyond The Wall:
Jon and Qhorin Halfhand talk the North, the Night Watch’s sacrifice, and the nature of the wild all while trekking towards, and up the Frost Fang mountains in hunt of Wildlings.  They come across a small camp, and slay most, leaving one, a girl named Ygritte, alive.  After questioning her, Jon is tasked with ending her life while Qhorin and two other Crows continue up the mountain.  Jon finds he can’t kill a woman, and Ygritte uses the opportunity to mount a short-lived escape.  Jon manages to catch her, but the sun is fading and traveling the North at night can be even more treacherous than the day, so they make camp.  Ygritte teases Jon some, much to his dismay.

“You know nothing Jon Snow”

Harrenhal:
Arya finds herself in a bad position when Petyr Baelish arrives in Harrenhal to discuss the Tyrell’s with Lord Tywin.  Arya does her best to keep int he shadows, but it’s clear Baelish recognizes her, however what he’ll choose to do with this new information is yet to be revealed.  Another close call comes when Arya steals a letter detailing her brother’s movement that is meant for his enemy.  When a Amory Lorch catches her, she uses the second death card up her sleeve and has Jaqen H’gar take him out (in the nick of time).

King’s Landing:
A tearful Myrcella is shipped off to Dorne, and Cersei promises vengeance on Tyrion, praying that he loves something so much one day just so she can take it from him.  On the way back to King’s Landing, the hostile and starving Townsfolk throw a cow pie and King Joffrey who reacts by ordering all of their deaths.  This incites a violent riot that almost ends in a brutal gang rape for Sansa.  Luckily Sir Sandor Clegane has more loyalty than Joffrey and he saves Sansa from her fate.  Tyrion viciously lays into the increasingly incompetent King, to no avail, but it’s sure as hell fun to watch.

The King of the North:
Robb takes a time out from fighting to flirt with Lady Talisa, the war nurse he met a few episodes back.  Catelyn arrives just in time to remind Robb, and us, just what a bad idea following his heart would be as he is promised to another.  A Frey no less.  He reassures her, but their conversation is cut short by the arrival of Roose Bolton with word from Winterfell.  Robb and Catelyn are furious about the betrayal, though Catelyn does take the opportunity to throw out an “I told you so” at Robb.  Robb would have his army march north to reclaim winterfell, but Bolton reminds him that if he does that, he’ll lose the ground he’s gained with the Lannisters.  Instead he offers to send word to his Bastard in the Dreadfort who wold be honored to take back the castle for him.  Robb agrees, but wants Theon brought to him alive, so he can kill him himself.

“Oh Robb… Stay the fuck away from her.”

Qarth:
Dany is finding life in Qarth frustrating, and trying to procure a ships to sail West even more so.  After a meeting with the Spice King goes poorly, she’s starting to finally realize that she has nothing to offer but promises, and thin one’s at that.  After various meetings with various traders, Dany’s day takes a turn for the worse when she returns to her quarters to find her people murdered, and her dragons stolen.

What the front door!?

In the end we see her dragons being transported to a large cylindrical building also known as the House of the Undying.

Hey warlock’s, dragon-napping is a federal offense

I couldn’t believe how fast this episode went by.  I felt like I started it and then looked at my clock and it was nearly done and I was sad.  I have to say, and I know I’m a little biased because I do love all things Throne, but this was a really great episode, written beautifully by Vanessa Taylor.

The opening scene at Winterfell stands out as one of my favorite moments.  Isaac Hempstead-Wright gave a phenomenal performance throughout the difficult material, and really captured the horror of the scene.  He was at his most helpless and you could really feel it.  Dare I say it, I kind of feel bad for Theon.  Yes he’s a dick, obviously, but I can understand where he is coming.  He’s been a hostage his entire life, and despite how well he was treated, never truly felt he belonged, only to return home and find he doesn’t belong there either.  And what son doesn’t want respect from his father?  I also loved the way Alfie Allen played it.  Unlike the book, you could really tell that he didn’t think beyond the glory of seizing the castle; that when faced with the necessary realities of such a thing, it would not be so easy for him.

King’s Landing is a far cry from what it was in the days of Robert Baratheon, and as usual, the effects of war on the common folk is shown with brutal honesty.  It wouldn’t be a recap if I didn’t talk about how awesome Peter Dinklage is.  I love, LOVE, watching him slap Joffrey.  Aside from that, the scene between the two of them was incredibly tense and hostile, and it’s nice to know that someone in King’s Landing will tell Joffrey outright that he’s a horrible human being.  I also have to commend Lena Headly, who is so good at Cersei.

“I hate you.”
“I hate you more.”

Harrenhal is another favorite location of mine.  The relationship between Arya and Tywin is so interesting that it really just sucks you in and leaves you wanting more.  Tywin is presented as such a cold character, and while the iciness still remains, he is delightfully candid with Arya and their conversations are often a highlight.  Baelish showing up was a deviation from the books, without really being one.  As with all the instances when the producers go “Off map” so to speak, they really are just enhancing the written material by showing us things that are more assumed when reading.  Regardless, what Baelish plans to do with his new information on Arya’s whereabouts is a wonderful ball to have in the air.

Some lingering questions you should maybe be asking yourself:  Is Lady Talisa really Lady Talisa or someone else?  Perhaps there was more to that spy conversation that meets the eye, or perhaps not?  In all honesty, while I know where it’s going, I don’t know how they’re getting there, which makes it fun.  Shae also left Sansa with some good advice, “Don’t trust anybody.  Life is safer that way.”  So I wonder, should we be trusting her?  Where is Ghost going?  I never know what he’s doing.

So what did you guys think?  Please sound off below in with your own thoughts/comments!

Quotes:

“And now I’ve struck a King.  Has my hand fallen from my wrist?!?”

“What killed your father?”
“Loyalty.”

“Theon, did you hate us the whole time?”

Three cheers for Arya Stark everyone. Every character she comes across, they end up loving her and respecting her almost immediately and it’s just awesome to see someone so small kick so much ass. However her curiosity is getting her into trouble so she should probably get out of Harrenhal as fast as she can.

I want all the Lannisters dead save Tyrion. Cersei doesn’t realize the consequences of her actions. She is blind to everything that isn’t directly in front of her and that is just absolutely ludicrous. She is starting to get more annoying and less frustrating so hopefully something will happen that makes her more entertaining. Joffrey remains an asshole, but we all knew that. And I kind of want to see Jamie again. He was fun, albeit rude and threatening, but fun as well. Him and Robb should have another face-off cause I will admit it…that was hot in the first episode. Also speaking of Robb, boy needs to get his head on straight. I forget the girl he love’s name…but that is going to get him into trouble.

I can’t figure out how I feel about Dany quite yet. I think she is going about this iron throne business all wrong. I think she is too caught up in the fact that the throne is her birthright and that she was born for this, than really thinking about the how and they why of her actions. So what if her dreams come true, I wouldn’t invest in her either, and though I don’t want her to marry Xaro Xhoan Daxos, perhaps that is the best way for her to get the throne. But all of those problems kind of pale in comparison to her missing dragons, so let’s just see her destroy Quarth to find them, and then see if the spice king will give her the ships she needs.

Overall, very good episode, though I liked the last one better. It’s getting to the point in the story where shit’s about to get real, so we’ll have to wait and see how much it’s going to ripe my heart out, like the last season. The next episode is entitled The Man Without Honor…so that could mean a whole host of people, my god. Is there nothing sacred anymore???

WOW. In the first season of Game of Thrones, Episode 5 was when things really ramped up a notch. So last week when the 5th episode of Season 2 came and went without doing the same, I enjoyed the episode as always but I started to get a bit nervous. I thought then that SURELY Ep 6 would be the one that would shift the show from set-up mode to payoff mode.

And so it was. Episode 6 was a f*cking fantastic episode that was more eventful than each of this season’s previous installments combined. It elevated the stakes, increased the momentum, and forcefully informed us that we’re done with set-up and that the rest of the season will be the wild ride which we and the show have earnt by now.

It wasn’t all perfect. This is definitely the abridged version of the novel, which as I’ve said many times is both good and bad. While it increased the suprise to open the episode with Winterfell already having been taken by Theon, it also felt a bit jarring to me that the showrunners cut out a whole chunk of the book that gave much more detail about how this came to happen. Mind you, that isn’t all bad, partly due to the need of the show to take a few shortcuts in order to be able to devote an entire episode to a very important event later in the season (as has been promised, and it will be AWESOME). In any case the scenes with Theon were definitely very powerful and worth the wait, even if they did feel a bit rushed and jarring in some ways.

I’m generally loving the changes made to the book, which seem to be increasing by the episode. The major beats are all similar, but almost everything minor is tinkered with a great deal. This contrasts with Season 1, which was more slavishly faithful. I prefer the way the show has been more of its own entity this year, and I think that will be even more fun as we head into the rest of the ”payoff” half of the season.

Mind you, the book and the show still work best as companion pieces, because each one does some things better than the other and fills in some details that the other does not. As one example of an element where I think the show DOES manage to one-up the source material, I personally think that Arya’s storyline this year is being handled much, much better than it was in the book. And Tywin is such a better character in the show than he ever was on the page. Love, love, love every scene that those two are in.

The introduction to Ygritte was cool, though they had the perfect opportunity for her to say her catchphrase from the novel (“You know nothing, Jon Snow”) and then she said something else instead. Oh well. The riot in King’s Landing was BADASS. Daenery’s storyline finally had some really exciting scenes devoted to it this week. Jon too also finally feels like he has an exciting storyline of his own, rather than just mainly wandering around hearing others speak exposition to him.

Throughout the episode, there were a number of minor flaws that I noticed. But that’s generally all they were. By the end of the hour, I was exhilarated. I was left firmly believing that this was easily the most thrilling episode of the season yet, and that things are only going to get better from here.

Wow, what a fantastic episode. Once again we are reminded about just how well choregraphed and structured this show truly is. No, nothing truly momentous occurred like in ‘Garden of Bones’ but what we were provided with was some incredible acting, and some supremely powerful scenes.

That is all typified with the scene between Arya, Tywin and Littlefinger. The way the scene was directed, portraying Arya’s calculated movements as she tries to avoid eye contact with Littlefinger, was masterfully done. There were just enough questionable looks from Littlefinger to make us question whether he actually realised who she was, whilst also creating enough suspense to keep us on the edge of our seat, masterfully done, and some brilliant acting from Maisie Williams. At this point, is there a better child actor on our screens? I’m struggling to think of one.

Another thing over the series that the Game of Thrones writers have mastered, is the art of creating a detestable villain. And yet again, in ‘The Old Gods and the new’ we were reminded of how much of a loathsome douche Joffrey is. He insighted a riot, showed no remorse for his future queen, developed his hateable ways to smarmy sarcasm and even extracted a cry of sheer dis-belief from the usually calm Tyrion, “We’ve had vicious Kings and we’ve had idiot kings, but I don’t think we have ever been cursed with a Vicious Idiot” he remarked. Yes Peter Dinklage was once again fantastic, and at this point, I should probably stop mentioning him and just accept it as fact.

What I will do, is mention the fantastic acting displayed from Sophie Turner. Yes, we were sometimes frustrated, bordering on annoyed with her in the first season, but as we were led to believe she was about to be raped and possibly murdered due to Joffrey’s incompetence, the sheer desperation displayed on her face was fantastically well done. A very powerful scene, that would not have extracted the same emotions if it were not for her acting.

But the villainous ways of this episode didn’t stop there, as we witnessed the transformation of Theon, from the guy we all felt slightly sorry for to a manipulative traitor. However, whilst I get slightly nervous whenever Joffrey acts irrationally, I just can’t take Theon seriously as a viable threat. And that sentiment was emphasised later in the episode when he was once again deceived by female attraction, allowing Bran to escape from Winterfell.

Finally we were provided with a John Snow story arc, that didn’t feel like the story of the night watch. This was the story of John Snow, and it was pretty great, as yet another character proved vulnerable to female charm. The similarities didn’t stop there however, as both Theon and John Snow managed to mess up an execution. And whilst Theon managed to follow through with the deed, albeit incredibly haphazardly, John Snow simply didn’t have it in him. And with the way we were left with this story, I find it hard to imagine a scenario in which John doesn’t either bed the wildling or get decieved into thinking as much before being held prisoner.

I find it hard to bring up Daenerys  in my reviews as she’s pretty much been completely isolated from the main storyline for the first two seasons, but she, much like Theon is mis-guided in her assumptions. She believes that because she possesses dragons, and is the rightful queen of westeros she is entitled to everything.  But if this episode were to prove anything, it’s that she’s going to have to work a lot harder to get what she wants. Also on a side note, did anybody else find it kind of a give away from the ‘previously on game of thrones’ that it was the Warlock that took the dragons? Maybe just me, but it slightly ruined the cliffhanger.

But, that’s only a slight hiccup in what was an almost perfect episode. Were at the half way stage now, and it does feel like the writers have got the balance perfected now. Everything seamlessly tied in to the next story arc, apart from maybe Dany’s and if this episode signified anything, it’s that the game is about to get a whole lot bloodier. It also helped to put, a season that has for the most part felt dis-jointed, into perspective.

A few weeks ago, I said that I didn’t hate Theon Greyjoy, but I hated his family. Well, much like President Obama, my thoughts and feelings on the matter are constantly evolving. And after a period of some weeks I’ve come to the conclusion that Theon needs the ever-loving piss beat out of him.

In “The Ghost of Harrenhal,” Ser Jorah told Dany that kind and wise rulers were rare things, and we’re starting to see the proof of that with this crop of Amazing Race contestants, all in their mad dash to the Iron Throne. We knew Robert was a drunk and a man whore. We knew from the second we saw that little bastard’s face that Joffrey would grow up to be a crazy person, but we’re now getting a sense as to how everyone else would rule, given the chance.

Theon’s got a point: he can’t fight for Robb and his father. But the side he ends up choosing says a lot about the kind of person he is. He’s interested in power. And he sees falling in line with his dad and his sister (and those dead eyes of hers) as the fastest way to achieving that. If, in the process, he has to betray — or, in the case of Ser Rodrik, kill — the people who raised and cared for him, then so be it. So Theon struts around, getting pissy when people don’t call him lord or prince or whatever, and has anyone sent word to his dad to let him know his son’s taken ALL OF WINTERFELL???

The thing is, Theon isn’t honorable, or even very smart. And when Osha shows up in his room that night, rubbing her private parts all over him (in exchange for her freedom), Theon lets his guard down and hands the wheel over to Mr. Knish. Later, Osha sneaks out and escapes with Bran, Rickon, and HODOR**.

(**But not before slitting one of Theon’s guard’s throats. Yet another man without enough blood in his body to use his brain and penis at the same time. If a woman EVER jumps out of the shadows and tells you that she’s there just to get down and dirty with YOU… SHE’S LYING. I speak from bitter, bitter experience (through a stoma microphone).)

I assume Bran and co. are going to try and meet up with Robb, who has the kind eyes, muscular shoulders and perfumed hair of virtuous leaders throughout history. When we join Robb, we see he has another run-in with Lady Talisa and learns that she also comes from a noble family. That’ll make it that much easier for the two of them to have sex with each other, which they very obviously want to. The only thing really standing in their way are these rules Robb speaks of. Rules the nobility are forced to play by in their dealings with each other. Also Catelyn, who proves herself part of a proud tradition of mothers ruining things between their sons and attractive women. It’s just as well that Catelyn runs Talisa off, because when Robb gets word that Theon’s TAKEN WINTERFELL IN THE NAME OF BALON, LORD OF THE IRON ISLANDS, the monster comes out, and he demands that Theon be captured and brought back to camp alive, so that he may understand his treachery before taking his head. And really, that’s not a side we want to be showing the ladies.

Scientists have tested, done double blind studies and published papers proving that Tyrion Lannister is the best thing about Game of Thrones. Likewise, they’ve used science to prove that Joffrey is a little shit, so it was a kind of perfect storm of awesome to watch Tyrion slap his nephew right across the face. If only to get him to shut up about executing his entire effing kingdom for throwing cow s**t and laughing at him. Tyrion going off about how this is exactly why his kingdom hates him is the kind of thing you’d like to think is going to wake him up, maybe serve as a little course correction. But it’s too easy to it pushing him completely over the edge. If he wasn’t crazy before, this is definitely going to push him over the edge. Either that, or send him crying into the arms of Cersei, who will come up with some way to try and get Tyrion out of the city, or have him killed, because damn this family is weird.

Beyond the Wall, the Night Watch’s search for whatever lies beyond the Wall continues. Danger, Wildlings, ice. We’re not sure what they’re going to find, but damn is it boring. Now, Jon Snow’s run across one of the maids from Downton Abbey, and of course they get separated from the rest of Jon’s group. Now they’re free to roam across the whole of the Svínafellsjökull glacier, doing their Odd Couple bit. When we leave them, we see them huddling together, trying to preserve some warmth as the sun sets, with Ygritte wiggling around, trying to get comfortable, but really rubbing against Jon Snow, you know, in that way. Don’t give in, Jon. We’ve seen where that path leads.

I’m not sure if I should be weirded out by the chemistry between Tywin Lannister and Arya Stark. That’s wrong, right? But I love watching them talk. Rather than getting sucked into that relationship, developing any sort of loyalty to the man despite the compliments he pays her and the regard we can see him begin to hold her in, Arya’s paying attention to what she’s hearing in Tywin’s war council, and even steals a note concerning troop movements against Robb. I never understood why people in her position would be so stupid to take those sorts of sensitive things to read them out in the open, and hold them right out in front of them so that whoever they invariably run into — and they always run into someone — can grab it and ask, “What have we got HERE?” in a gruff voice. That was only made worse by having Arya run into Jaquen and getting him to kill Ser Armory toot sweet. Didn’t really ring true. But I guess it can’t all be magic.

I want to end this by talking about an issue that’s very dear to me, and that’s animal cruelty. I love Dany very much. But I can’t help but agree with that spice trader. She’s talking a big game, but her claim to the Iron Throne isn’t built on much. And she’s betting on an awful lot of support that may not be there once she gets back to Westeros. So I can’t help but cringe a little when I hear her threats about blood and fire and killing everyone who doesn’t give her everything she wants. But then she and Think Tank get back to her place, and we see all the dead bodies, and we see that the dragons are missing. And now I want Dany to KILL. EVERYONE. I have a soft spot for animals, and it sometimes causes me to act irrationally. Although in this case I feel like killing everyone would be a completely appropriate response.

Others may disagree.