Me:  I am so tired, and I haven’t even written my post yet.

Kris:  Well, you better get busy.

Me:  I just don’t know where to begin right this minute.  I should’ve spent more time with Jesus today.

And, that’s the honest conversation that occurred right before my fingers got to tappin’ on this here keyboard. 

Truth is, I haven’t read the first scripture today.  The only prayers I’ve prayed are the ones I pray every day over my children.  But, to say, I “should’ve spent more time with Jesus today” is probably an unfair statement. 

Because, He is always right here.  Beside me.  Probably wanting to snatch that Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cake right out of my hands.  He doesn’t, because even He knows you don’t take food from a woman. 

I did listen to some praise and worship music while I peeled potatoes this afternoon.  You read that right.  I COOKED DINNER.  And, I did think about His goodness while using that incredible invention called the peeler.  Is that what it’s called? 

So, my previous unfair statement I made to my husband reminded me of the little book I read this summer called, “The Practice of the Presence of God.”  It’s the acknowledging of Christ in the everyday routine.  In the peeling of the potatoes.  In the Parents’ Day at Anna’s gymnastics class where she insisted I jump into the foam pit, too.

I did.

I acknowledged the Lord Jesus Christ when I finally made it out of that thing knowing I could not have gotten out of there without Him. 

But, I still love those intentional moments where I open His book of treasures – or my nifty YouVersion application on my iPhone.  Moments where I pray, “Lord, reveal something new about YOU to me today.”

Then, there are moments where I don’t even have to pray that prayer.  He just reveals Himself without me even asking Him to.

Because, we are in a relationship.  And, He NEVER leaves my side.

He doesn’t leave yours either, ya know?

Blessed John Ruusbroec says, toward the end of his masterpiece The Spiritual Espousals, that “the contemplative life is a heavenly life.”

In The Big Book of Christian Mysticism, I describe mysticism as “living in heaven consciousness.” (We’ll see if that phrase survives the editing process, but I like it, so I think it will).

I just read on Twitter where somebody quoted Thich Nhat Hanh as saying “The peace movement can write very good protest letters, but they are not yet able to write a love letter.” What a great and challenging quote. Without meaning to impugn the peace movement (and in my experience, thankfully, I can say that this observation is not always true), I think Thich Nhat Hanh is on to something because sometimes in a zeal to promote one kind of good, we abandon another good. It’s like Christians who are so hateful to people they perceive to be sinners. Talking about missing the point!

Thich Nhat Hanh, like Jesus, understands that you can’t be for peace unless you love your enemies. I have a friend who is an angry atheist, and is contemptuous of fundamentalist Christians. This morning I imagined what it would be like to ask him why he holds such bitter feelings in his heart. I imagine he would say, “Because the Christians themselves are so contemptuous.” My response: “Oh, so you want to drag yourself down to their level?”

If we are the body of Christ, then we are called to put on the mind of Christ (I Corinthians 2:16, Philippians 2:5), and I don’t see how this can mean anything other than living a heavenly life, right here, right now, starting today. Starting this very minute. We do not have to wait  until after we die to go to heaven. We do not have to wait until after we die to surrender our lives to God, right? Nor do we have to wait until after we die to be loved by God. If being loved by God and giving our lives fully and joyfully to that Love isn’t heaven, then I don’t know what is.

“Oh, no,” I can hear the nay-sayers now. “We are in the vale of tears, we are in a world trammeled by sin, and suffering, and darkness and doubt. How can this be heaven?” But that line of thinking is all about victimization, not victorious living (to use an evangelical catchphrase which seems appropriate here). Living in heaven consciousness is not about everything being easy or pleasurable. Frankly, much of the wickedness in the world today stems from people doing things to themselves and each other in vain attempts to create ease and pleasure. So if we don’t need streets paved of gold and cute cherubs floating on the clouds playing their harps in order to live a heavenly life, then what do we need? Thich Nhat Hanh suggests we need love. John Ruusbroec suggests we need contemplation. I think if we work on becoming more loving and more contemplative, and then really listen to where the Holy Spirit is calling us, and actually get off our duffs and do something about it, we will end up pretty far along the road to heaven. Because, you see, heaven isn’t about what happens to us, but rather is all about how we respond to God’s love, and put that response into action, right here, right now, no matter how bad things might be in the moment. This is why a poor person fighting cancer can be light years ahead of a completely healthy and abundantly wealthy person when it comes to living a God-infused life.

Psalm 139:7-10 is instructive here, and I particularly like the King James Version. The Psalmist is addressing God and says: “Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.” If we cannot flee the presence of God, then our choices are simple: to bask in that presence, or to struggle against it. Here, it seems to me, lies the secret of heaven and hell. Of course, basking in God’s presence is no cakewalk. It’s no hedge against suffering; on the contrary, God has an annoying habit of showing up precisely in those places where suffering is the most acute. But there’s a universe of difference between meaningless suffering and suffering that is, or can be, redeemed.

Back to contemplation: the point behind spending 20-30 minutes every morning and evening in silent prayer is simple: it’s a way of calibrating our inner compass, to keep ourselves pointed Godward. So that we can bask in God’s presence, rather than struggle against it. So that we can look for heaven not in those places that are armored against suffering, but where we can find redemption, somehow, even in the midst of the greatest of pain. And by doing these things, we don’t make suffering go away or somehow work magic to “make it all better.” But by opening ourselves up to the surprising and unexpected ways that God can redeem even the most horrible of circumstances, we begin, slowly and falteringly and with frequent failures and relapses, to live a heavenly life. Just like Ruusbroec said.

GOSPEL MUSIC ARTIST BYRON CAGE

I am desperate to stay in the Lord’s presence.

Each day I realize just how much I am dependent on him.

Oh how I need him!

 Psalm 16:11:

¹¹Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

I’ve not updated in a while, but a few things have changed since I last posted.

Last time I spoke about how God was breaking through to me.  My relationship with Christ seemed to be moving forward again, one inch at a time.  I don’t feel any strong compulsion to turn off my brain in order to have a good working relationship with Christ either.  I’ve spent some quality time in prayer and have returned to a sort of structured (not rote, though) format for prayer.  It just works better for me.  I’m able to focus better, knowing what I’m doing, how I should be concentrating.  And moving away in little tangents doesn’t take me out of prayer the way it used to.  Now I’m just drifting along, still in prayer, and can bring myself back to focus.

I spoke briefly about how God seemed to return the writing to me, and how I felt He’d not only given it back but seemed to bless it.  I stumbled upon a story structure method which I believe will work not only for future stories, but for repairing my current manuscript and if necessary, the one I’m editing.  It’s brilliant, and the timing on the discovery is too coincidental to be coincidental.  So I believe He led me there, led me to the method.  It might’ve been chance, but I’m not buying it.

School?  Well, not so much.  Turns out I’d have a lot of hoops to jump through.  I don’t have a pastor.  Don’t have references from churchy people.  Don’t know if I can do it, despite the free ride scholarship for home-schooling parents.  But I keep surrendering it and not trying to force it, or even think about it.

What I do spend a lot of time thinking about is my current job situation.  For the first time this week (or was it late last week? I forget now), someone told me I might have a problem because of how long I’ve been out.  Tonight, during my prayer, it brought me to my knees.  I tried to surrender the situation — always try to do so, everyday — and I broke down.  I started to recollect on my life, my situation, and how messed up it is, and has been, for so long.  So long.  I thought initially it was just since 2002, but in all honesty, it goes much farther back than that.  In a nutshell, I’ve ruined my life.  I’ve so devastated my circumstances with poor choices and bad management, there’s almost no way out at this point.  In my mid-forties, I’m rudderless, without marketable skills, without prospects except hopeless floundering into and out of jobs I don’t want, don’t like, and which don’t pay anywhere near well enough to sustain a family of four.  I’m scared, scared to death, and my future is black and frightening to me.

And then I broke.  I poured my heart out to Him, and He consoled me.  He let me weep, and I felt so sure, so sound, in the knowledge of His love and presence it was amazing.  Not a distant God keeping the creature-Creator relationship, but a loving Father, Wonderful Counselor, Advocate, Intercessor.  I felt the presence of my Lord and Savior embrace me and hold me up as I collapsed and wept.  I don’t know if it was real, psychobabble, mental masturbation or a genuine spiritual event, but I believe the latter.  I believe it because of the peace, the calm, which fell over me afterward.  I can’t fix my situation right now — maybe not ever — but He’s greater than all that.  He’s greater than my bad decisions, greater than the wreckage I’ve left behind in the dust, rusting hulks and husks of my life.  Right now, having no career, my concerns are monetary, but I’ve done so much damage, and yet, I’m assured He’s above it and can fix it.  He can.  If He chooses to He can.  I don’t know if He will, but I felt for the first time in my life I can lay this at His feet and just let Him be God.

I don’t know if this will resolve, or how, but I know today I felt the relationship between Christ and me again.  It’s been a long time, and I’ve done a lot of seeking in the time since I started.  And He showed up; He came.  I finally felt it, and while feelings are not the determiners of reality, I can weigh the situation against what came before.

And I can’t get enough.  I just can’t.

“And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love…”
(I John 4:16)

This verse emphatically states what God “is.”  There are many verses of scripture we could debate over meaning, but “God is love” is really undebateable.  One may ask, “What is God like” and the response can easily be made that God is love.  Hence, when we experience god we are experiencing love.  This verse states that, “we have known and believed the love that God has for us.”  This means that God is both knowable and can be experienced.  The word “know” in this verse, in Greek, is better translated as “to know by experience.”  The Amplified Bible translates this verse, “And we know (understand, recognize, are conscious of, by observation and by experience) and believe (adhere to and put faith in and rely on) the love God cherishes for us.  God is love…”  The theological implication here is truly amazing!  What it is really saying is that God can be experienced and this experience is of a loving nature.  As a direct result of this experience, we can now, put our faith and trust in the revealed character of this God.  Once He has revealed His Nature to us, the natural bi-product of this exchange leads humanity into faith.

The next logical question one may ask is, “what is love?”  Society or psychiatry or psychology may offer a large range definitions but it seems best to define the Bible by the Bible itself.  Therefore, in defining biblically what love is, this definition will reveal the nature of God.  Ultimately, it will reveal His Character and Actions toward humanity.

The classic verse on love is found in I Corinthians 13:4-8.  They read, “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, Love never fails…” If one can take the word “love” out and put “God” in its place within this verse, then the character of God will be revealed.  Let’s examine a few passages.

The first verse states that, “love suffers long”; consequently, God suffers long as well.  It means that God endures evil without complaint.  This is an amazing expression of God’s love toward humanity when one considers that His Son died for all of us.  Let’s put this into perspective.  Imagine the one person you love the most in all the world (For God this was Jesus).  Now, imagine that this one person sacrifices their life for an unknown individual.  Later on, at a memorial service, you see the person and ask them, “Wasn’t that an amazing heroic thing that my loved one did for you?”  Imagine if that person looks at you and says, “Whatever!” and turns and walks out without even the hint of appreciation.  This would certainly provoke many fathers, sons, daughters, wives, and grandparents to wrath.  This is what happens to God the Father everyday and yet, he endures this evil without complaint.  The very fact that He has not completely destroyed all of us is an illustration that His love endures evil and is long-suffering.  Jonathan Edwards said it best, “Sinners in the hands of an angry God!” and He would certainly be justified in His wrath.  However, God doesn’t destroy all of humanity because His love for us suffers long.  The Bible states, “For He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the un-just.” (Matthew 5:45)

God is kind.  The meaning of this word is “goodness in action.”  The implication is wonderful.  God, who loves us so much, puts His Goodness into motion to set up circumstances so that we obtain favor.  Once His plans come to pass in our lives, it looks outwardly that we have been very successful.  The reality is that God really set it all up.  Then, He in His Love, let’s us get the credit for it.  This is evident in the life of David.  The Lord strikes down Goliath (I Samuel 17:47) and David got the credit (I Samuel 17:50)  God is not interested in promoting Himself (another characteristic of love), He is interested in watching us be successful.  He enjoys watching blessings come into your life.  The Bible says, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.” (James 1:17) God takes pleasure in blessing all of humanity.  It works like this:  Have you ever received an unexpected gift that you really wanted  but didn’t expect?  Have you ever given someone a gift that you knew they wanted but didn’t expect?  Remember the emotions that you felt in both giving and receiving, and if, we could take these emotions out and give them life, power, mind, purpose, and authority, that would be God.  That is what the experience of God is like, it is just to good to be true.  These emotions are the most pure and powerful in humanity.  It is a direct reflection of the Divine Heart.  God is the embodiment of love in all of love’s splendor, radiance, and glory!

Love hopes all things.  Therefore, God hopes all things.  The biblical definition of hope is the “joyful expectation of good.”  When God looks at us, He doesn’t see us as we see ourselves.  He doesn’t view our future with all of our habits, sins, and faults.  He sees us as the finished product.  When I look at a large stone, all I see is a large stone.  However, if a sculptor looks at a large stone, he sees art.  He sees something that can be beautiful, have purpose, and impact future generations.  This is the way that God sees us.  He looks at you with the joyful expectation that he can sanctify you and mold you into a thing of beauty.  A human crafted into the image of His Son with purpose, power, and a destiny that will have an impact for His Kingdom and for future generations.