Well seeing that we’re 5 episodes behind in Canada (we just got the episode where Adam and Bianca got eliminated), I’ve been going on Wikipedia to see who’s still left in The Ruins and how much money people have in their individual bank accounts.

*WARNING* spoilers after the jump

My neighbor Jason just sent me this clip of what happened on Wednesday’s episode of The Ruins that aired in the US. I had read on Wikipedia that Darrell and Brad had both got disqualified and I didn’t know why. This clip shows the fight between Darrell and Brad.

Since Brad and Darrell are both disqualified, the money they have earned (like Tonya’s) has know gone in the final mission’s total.

The remaining people are left on the ruins are:

Champions
Evan – $14,626
Kenny – $14,626
Derek – $14,626
Johnny – $14,626*
Susie – $16,626*

Challengers
Dunbar – $2,000*
Sarah – $17,689
Kelly Anne – $13,294
Kimberley – $8,214*
Casey – $2,000

*denotes they are headed into the duel at the end of Wednesday’s episode, but the results won’t be known until next week’s episode

The Ruins airs Wednesday at 10pm EST in the US and Sundays at 10pm EST.

Okay, so I watched bits and pieces of the Cavaliers and Wizards game when I wasn’t watching Modern Family (Wednesday nights at 9:00 PM on ABC) and I wasn’t really impressed. That is in general and on an individual basis for players on either team, except for Antawn Jamison. And Mike Miller. And the incredible Earl Boykins, but not for the same reason as the other two gentlemen.

First of all, the Cavs have had a problem for a while now, dating back to their series with the Magic, of not remembering that the game is 60 minutes long and doesn’t end until the final buzzer sounds. That may seem a little Madden-esque in its obviousness, but the Cavs can’t seem to put good to great teams away after earning a lead.

The reason why the Cavs lost last night could be attributed to many factors, facing a team with more glaring talent not among them. What I felt was the deciding factor is that Cleveland was outhustled by a Wizards team that needed a victory more than the Cavaliers did. The Wizards outrebounded the Cavaliers 49-35, and 16-6 on the offensive boards.

And there are even reasons for this lopsided rebounding total that can be excused by some on the Cleveland side. The Cavs played without Shaq, who despite his lost talents is still a big body that can sway a rebounding battle, especially with Brendan Haywood. Along with that, energy boost and all around hustler Anderson Varejao was noticeably absent from the Cavaliers.

It is very true when anyone says “you don’t know what you got until its gone”. A player’s value is most noticeable when he is no longer there. It happens all the time to any team that trades a significant player, and is most glaring when it is a midseason move. Remember the Chauncey Billups/Allen Iverson swap? Of course you do, who doesn’t? Billups was the wheels for the Detroit vehicle; he allowed it to flow smoothly and without much interruption. He was the distributer and leader of a team of veterans that lost focus after he left.

I could even notice it with Rashard Lewis being absent from the Magic’s first ten games where his excellent three-point shooting at the power forward position was glaringly absent and teams played the Magic like a standard team with Brandon Bass in the paint.

What does this mean for Cleveland? It means nothing as long as LeBron’s injury isn’t serious enough for him to miss major playing time. The Wizards and Cavaliers will see each other at least two more times, and nobody would be surprised if they met up in the playoffs and rekindled some of that magic from yesteryear. However, a fully healthy Cavaliers team should beat a fully healthy Wizards team more often than not, unless Gilbert can become near superhuman as he has in the too distant past for my liking.

How could I not have spoken about the most recent uprising that Allen Iverson is leading yet? To me, it is the best thing for Allen to do, even though it is some extremely childish behavior (if you don’t give me what I want, I will pout and make it miserable for everyone). Going to New York wont solve his problems, unless his only true problem is he wants to start again.

I thought at this point that Iverson would have seen that the end is drawing near and he should try and cement his legacy in the league by being on a contender once again. But, Iverson has always been the bronco that was impossible to break. You can think that you finally had the saddle on him and were calmly riding him around the ranch when he bucks you 15 feet into the sky only to have you crashing down on your fragile skull.

I thought that the Bobcats are the ideal situation for Iverson until they traded for Stephen Jackson, almost assuring no Iverson and Brown reunion. I don’t understand the Bobcats yet, but I hopefully will eventually. They are going through so much player turnover to try and find an identity that can bring more victories than headaches; maybe Jackson is that piece that can steady the ship.

He assuredly brings some much needed scoring and the Bobcats traded away Raja Bell who is having wrist surgery and Vladimir Radmanovic who didn’t play that often for Charlotte anyway. So I would say that is a net positive for the Bobcats if they can play Jackson at the 2, Gerald Wallace (the human tornado) at the 3 (or visa versa), then they could have some solid scoring potential from their wing players.

I have a Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Ruins episode recap if you want one, and we all know you do. Here it is:

Jack Daniels leads to an angry and drunk Brad who takes it out on his female teammates at first. Then, in a foolish and life-threatening move, Brad focuses his drunken rage onto Darrell Taylor, a muscular black man who was a boxer for 8 years and had a bit to drink himself.

Brad, not realizing the physical harm that could be inflicted, provoked Darrell, sending Darrell into a blind rage where he took Brad to the ground and punched him in the face multiple times. The results were twofold: first, Brad’s eye swelled up and made him resemble the elephant man, the second was both Darrell and Brad were kicked off, leaving the Challengers with only one male competitor left (Dunbar).

Then, Kelly Anne, who is someone who you can watch easily with the volume muted, started arguing with Dunbar because she heard that he was bragging about, uh, having relations with her. Dunbar denied ever proclaiming such heroics, but Kelly Anne insisted and really messed with the little team chemistry that remained.

The actual challenge was not all that exciting; they traversed hanging fences a couple hundred feet in the air. No big deal, the champions won, as always. So the champions sent in Katie to face Kimberly (the secret racist who doesn’t know any better) and they sent in Johnny Bananas (not his real last name, just a nickname) to face Dunbar, the lone male on the challengers. The episode ending with a “to be continued”, which is always disappointing and frustrating since I devoted an hour of my night to see who gets kicked off.

I really hope that the teams are mixed up better next season. For a couple of seasons now, one team dominates, which is not fun. You wouldn’t want to watch a Yankees-Royals series for 3 straight months would you? Next season they are doing a rehashing of “Fresh Meat”, which introduced us to the lovely, Evan, Kenny, Evelyn, Diem, and Casey.

I didn’t like “Fresh Meat” and I am not fond of them doing it again, unless they can’t secure enough former cast members to come back. There really is no difference between these newcomers and the former casts of the Real World or Road Rules; they all want fame and attention but don’t want to do much other than work on their bodies and get paid for it. Still, it’s the principle of the matter.

Onto a more ridiculous topic: the Cleveland Browns. Firing Eric Mangini before the season is over is a bad idea. It won’t turn the team around this season and leaves the team without an identifiable leader. Perhaps though, they could replicate the 49ers last season, which fired Mike Nolan and replaced him with Mike Singletary, who seems to be a good fit with that young team. Who would replace Mangini though? My best guess would be Rob Ryan, twin brother of Jets head coach Rex. He brings fire and enthusiasm, things Mangini seems to be purposefully eliminating from his memory bank.

And to my beloved Brady Quinn, who by all accounts last week, sucked. I can even admit that he did not play well at all. However, his two interceptions bounced off of receivers’ hands, which is in part his fault for not timing the throws better or putting them in a better spot. However, Steve Young, who knows a little bit about playing quarterback, said that not even Peyton Manning or Tom Brady could succeed with the talent level around Quinn (and for that matter Anderson).

The Browns have young offensive talent who may not be as good as some presumed them to be. And those players who could make plays last year were removed by Mangini as an attempt to establish dominance, which seems to me to be inherent with the position of head coach but whatever. Plus, the Browns were facing a Ravens team that was embarrassed and angry about their performance in the previous weeks leading up to the matchup.

All I am saying is that the Browns, and specifically Quinn, had no chance of succeeding. And another thing, everyone who is complaining about the throws during the last couple of seconds during the game that sailed out of bounds should shut up. Did that change the outcome of the game or were they meaningless attempts that were more symbolic than consequential? Sure, I would have liked to see the receiver have an opportunity to make a play, but Cribbs (the target) was triple covered with no hope of success. There were a lot of things to pick apart in Quinn’s game on Monday, but that should not be one of them.

I am starting to believe that Quinn will never be able to succeed in Cleveland, especially not with this coaching regime that removed all confidence he had in them when they benched him. Perhaps a change in scenery is the only way the Quinn can start over and become the quarterback a lot of people thought that he could be.

Seriously though, and I have said this before, Quinn is not the type of quarterback that can succeed with average talent around him. He needs a playmaker to find the openings in the defense. He needs someone who can turn a 5-yard catch into a 20-yard explosion. Or he needs an incredibly great safety valve that he can dump the ball to when in trouble (like he had in Kellen Winslow before Mangini removed him).

Oh, and one more thing. It boggles my mind that the Browns have not given Josh Cribbs the money he not only deserves, but is continuing to earn. He is the only reason the watch Browns games right now, he works hard on special teams (returning and covering), and he has done everything that is asked of him. Yet, the Browns have yet to figure out that it would be a good idea, no, great idea to resign him and give him a lot of money.

Okay, so it’s been a while. I have been inundated with schoolwork and in fact I should be working on it right now. However, you, the people, require near daily basketball interpretation and/or cool/funny pictures. So, hopefully I will provide a little of both.

The first issue that has been running through my mind like Usain Bolt on a coke binge is the whole Allen Iverson, uh, thing. I am very opinionated about the whole thing, I have written about it multiple times. My fundamental view is that Iverson signing with the Grizzlies was a bad idea, not necessarily basketball wise, but personality wise. He doesn’t have that type of personality that will bow out gracefully, recognizing his flaws and adapting to the situation. I have always felt that the right move for Iverson was to go to the Charlotte Bobcats and rejoin Larry Brown. That way, he could possibly start and be the focal point of an offense that needs scoring. Instead he is stuck as a reserve on a Memphis team that is ripe with infighting and futility. Lets put it this way: it’s so bad that Zach Randolph is the best-behaved player on the team.

The Grizzlies as a whole are a mess (OJ Mayo and Rudy Gay got into it with each other, 2^nd overall pick Hasheem Thabeet breaks his jaw, and now Iverson is just gone from the team). The fact that Iverson is rumored to be pondering retirement speaks volumes about the man that Iverson was and is. He is a stubborn, but great, player who made no apologies for the way he carried himself on and off the court. He is the savior and the destroyer of the post-Jordan era of the NBA, the man who either inspired love or absolute hatred for his new age style of basketball and clothing.

The thing that really highlights what separates Iverson from his peers happened very recently. Iverson is relegated to the bench, which he knew before he signed with the lowly Memphis Grizzlies, and bellyaches to the media and hints at possible retirement. Rasheed Wallace, who like Iverson has seen his minutes and play diminish in recent years, has realized his own basketball mortality and accepted a lesser role for a chance to be on a potentially great team. Even the immortal Vince Carter just sat on the bench after missing warm-ups because he didn’t feel he had a complete grip on the scheme. He sacrificed his own ego because he felt that he and his team would be better served if he came off the bench. Iverson would never do that. Then again, it shows why and how Iverson won an MVP and Carter has not. Iverson has the mentality that the best chance his team has is if he wins the game, he has a giant ego, one that enables him to keep chucking up balls even though he struggles to sink half.

It is obvious that if Iverson isn’t committed to sacrificing playing time and his ego for the betterment of the Grizzlies, this little chemistry experiment will fail miserably. But what happens next for Allen? Is retirement really an option for this man, even without a title to add to his resume? I don’t know Iverson so I really can’t say, but I can’t envision him being satisfied with this less than storybook ending to such an illustrious and controversial career. One Michael Wilbon has suggested that Allen Iverson could go to the Cleveland Cavaliers and be the remedy to the struggling team.

Okay, lets break this thing down for a second. The Cavaliers have not had the same magic they had last year, and I feel part of that is Delonte West being absent or not entirely in the game plan. If this is a long-term problem, the Cavs will need to fill that void with a slashing and scoring 2. Is Iverson that piece? I can’t say that the Cavs would be better with him instead of a player like Stephen Jackson. And I am yet to be convinced that Mike Brown is the type of coach who can handle an Allen Iverson personality.

It seems to me that Mike Brown is only in Cleveland as so long as LeBron James is comfortable with his presence. Don’t get me wrong, I like Mike Brown as a person and think he has done tremendous things with the Cavaliers’ defense over the past couple of seasons. However, those aren’t the traits that scream true leader, a la Gregg Popovich, his former boss. Not that he can’t blossom into that type of coach; the supernova that is LeBron currently limits him. LeBron is the alpha dog in Cleveland and will be until he leaves or retires, so that leaves Brown to always be second in command despite his position as coach.

Basically, I don’t think it would work, and in addition I don’t think it will happen.

In the theme of uncertain transitions, lets talk about Brandon Jennings. Only a few games into the rookie’s very first season, he has already been proclaimed as a success and his time in Europe was very beneficial. All I can say is hold on for a while, let the kid breathe and play out more than a month of his career before we crown him the next big thing.

It wasn’t that long ago that he was the poster boy for bad decisions. He was struggling in Europe after skipping his potential college year before leaping to the professional ranks and seemingly everyone used him as the worst-case scenario for the David Stern policy of setting an age limit for the draft. Now, because he explodes for a couple of games, his time in Europe is viewed as a terrific learning experience where he played with better players than he could have in college, and subsequently learned far more than he ever could have if he followed protocol.

Now this is of recent interest because another player followed the Jennings route, only more radical.  That man is Jeremy Tyler, who has been called by his coach “fat” and “lazy”. He is going through similar things that Jennings went through, only Jennings probably was never ridiculed for his cankles. He is already being labeled a bust even though he hardly sees the floor and his former classmates haven’t graduated yet. Could it be a possible cautionary tale for young basketball players who think immediate money is more important than developing the proper technique for basketball? Sure, but so was Jennings until October 27^th. We need to give this kid a break. Do I think he did the right thing? No, then again, I wasn’t being offered $140,000 to play basketball in Israel.

What does that all mean? I have no clue, the only thing I do know is that he should be provided more than a few weeks before we cast a decision about who Brandon Jennings is, just as we should of held off judgment when he was in Europe and barely playing.

Okay, so enough of that, lets talk about the Magic. I really like what they did with their roster in the offseason. I think it is foolish for people to think that Vince Carter has lost that much off of his game that he is clearly worse than Hedo Turkoglu. And I get the mismatches that Turkoglu presented for them last year, I thought it was the critical part of their Finals run from last season. However, Carter is more than capable of going off for 30 points on any given night, and you never really had that vibe from Hedo.

Plus the addition of Brandon Bass will pay dividends for the Magic later in the season when they want to play an almost standard lineup. It is still early in the season, which makes me upset when people have already written off some teams and consider only the Lakers or Celtics as the only options in either conference. Teams need to adjust to new players and that is going to take some time, possibly until the All-Star break. The Magic has not even had Rashard Lewis play a second of basketball because of his “steroid” problems. Any team, theoretically, has a chance to be a serious contender late in the season.

On to something a little less basketball-centric: The Real World/Road Rules challenge: The Ruins. I love all of the challenges since I was wise enough to start watching them. Each season starts with me telling myself that I have far too much to do and don’t feel like staying up late at night in order to watch it. Then, I catch a rerun sometime during the following week and I get drawn in. I know it’s really dumb and just of bunch of juiced up pinheads and vacuous bimbos interested only in money and sex, but I love it. It is a wonder to me how they don’t drop dead from any STD’s, they must have an unusual immunity to potential diseases.

Honestly, it may be one of my favorite shows to watch. There is constant drama because these people fail to realize just how insignificant it truly is, mostly because they will be coming back in a couple of months anyway. And its not like you need to watch every episode in order to keep up, it is pretty simple. Basically, you wont need a guide to it as every episode contains its own unique drama and often a bit of blurred nudity because of some drunken stupor brought on by a bit too much of tequila and some dark issues buried deep inside these titans of the meaningless arena.

This season has been full of love triangles and sometimes squares and pentagons, some underdogs rising to the top, and some deliberate sabotaging that didn’t affect the outcome of the game at all. This sounds like a deliberate plug for an MTV show, and if the good people at MTV wanted to sponsor us at PITP, we would plug any MTV show they wanted. I guess that is my TV update of the week. Unfortunately, it is nearing the end of the season so a lot of the juicy and needless bickering has already passed.

“Sarah won. I’m glad we have someone that motivated and excited to be here on our team. God knows the rest of us want to shoot ourselves in the face.”—Dunbar

“Every time I win, I keep stacking the salad.”—Cohutta

Unfortunately, Cohutta’s salad is no more.* His massive bank account of over $18,000 was targeted by Darrell, who seemed unflappable in the elimination. Last week, we found out that he was a boxer, and now it’s revealed that he’s a personal trainer as well. It’s not all that surprising, then, that he was so calm while suspended above a tank of water holding 40 pounds of weights.

*Seriously, though, how cool are that guy’s idioms? Last week he talked about what kind of “shimmy” he had. This week he referred to money as “salad” multiple times. God, I’ll miss him. He added a whole new reason to watch the show.

It was more surprising, however, that Sarah was also so calm and collected. She hardly flinched while Johanna struggled to stay above the water and finally succumbed to the pressure. So now the teams remain technically even, if very lopsided in the boy/girl ratio.

Each team now has six players, but they are in completely different scenarios. The Champions have five guys and Susie, while the Challengers have two guys, three girls and Casey. It was unfair of Brad to call Casey out like he did for “not giving her A game,” but his frustration is warranted. There’s no evidence to suggest that Casey is not giving her best, but there is overwhelming evidence to suggest that Casey is just a very, very bad competitor. Is that her fault? Not really. We’re not all blessed with “natural”* strength and speed of all these competitors. But should Brad just carry Casey’s dead weight throughout the competition? No.

*At least the players on these challenges seem more open about PED use than baseball players.

There is really only one logical outcome now: Susie should start to throw the challenges. She is the only remaining girl, so she has to go into the Ruins now. The only variable is who she goes up against. Sarah, Kimberly and KellyAnne have all won at least once in the Ruins. On the other hand, Casey probably wouldn’t be the favorite against several inanimate objects. And while the Champions won’t send Casey into the Ruins, the Challengers would be all too eager to part with her. So if Susie throws the challenge, she gets the opponent she wants—since the Challengers would have the pick—in the Ruins and the Challengers can try to dump their albatross.

While this makes perfect sense, I doubt it happens. For one, not every challenge is throwable (although this week’s would have been perfect), as Wes found out in Week 1. Also, throwing challenges and eliminations brings on a severe scolding from TJ Lavin, and I don’t think Susie wants to deal with that. Mainly, though, throwing challenges is like giving up, even if it’s the most sensible option for a player.

Now I’m bobbing my head like yeah, ranking the teams like yeah…:

Eliminated: Cohutta (Challenger) Johanna (Champion)

I don’t want to imply that Johanna and Wes are meant to be together, but it’s awfully suspicious that she can’t get her head in the game once Wes goes home.

On the Chopping Block: Kimberly (Challenger) Susie (Champion)

Susie’s the only girl left on her side, and Kim’s the weakest girl not named Casey.

The Top Ten:

10. Casey (Challenger, NEW): I just don’t think the Challengers will be able to dump her before the final challenge.

9. Derrick (Champion, +1): The Alliance granted Darrell a free ride into the final for going in, leaving Derrick the most vulnerable Champion guy.

8. Johnny (Champion, —): He’s always been a secondary part of the Kenny-Evan Alliance, so he’s not totally safe.

7. Sarah (Challenger, NEW): She went into the Ruins, so she’s exempt next week. That’s just how the Challengers roll.

6. KellyAnne (Challenger, -1): She’s no longer immune, but she would probably be Susie’s last choice to face in an elimination.

5. Brad (Challenger, -2): Either Brad or Dunbar has to go in next week, and Dunbar’s bigger than Brad. Plus, even if the Challengers win, Brad might go after one of the bank accounts he was salivating over.

4. Dunbar (Challenger, —): I’m still eager to see him go in the Ruins.

3. Kenny (Champion, -1): Flirting with Sarah drops him a spot (although Darrell’s win had something to do with it too).

2. Evan (Challenger, -1): Gasp! How could he have forfeited the #1 spot?

1. Darrell (Challenger, +5): Beating Cohutta not only gave Darrell a bank account of over $31,000, but it also keeps him out of the Ruins until the final.

You’ve seen him on MTV’s The Real World. You’ve watched him on The Ruins. Chet Cannon is known for his exquisite style, his friendship with housemate Ryan, and his individualistic personality. Seriously, I’ve never met anyone like him before in my life. I was curious in getting to know Chet a little bit better just to see if he was anything like he was on show. In fact, he’s better!

Q: Alright Chet, tell us a little bit about yourself. Where are you from, what do you do, what’s your sign? Etc

Chet: Well, first off, Chet is my nickname.  Chester is my real name…also the name of my Grandfather I might add.  Sadly, Chester rhymes with molester…the kids at school had a field day with that.  I’m still heartbroken. Right now, I am en route to LA.  Well, actually, I’m headed to Boston tomorrow for a week, then back to SLC for Thanksgiving, then Louisiana, then NYC, then PA, then Baltimore all before December 6th….I guess you could say travel a fair amount. I have lots on my plate right now.  I’ve been approached with ideas about new TV shows hosting gigs which influenced my trek from NYC to LA.  Personal endeavors would include YouTube (which I hope to more consistent with), writing a children’s book, inventing a bowless bow tie, chewable water.  In all seriousness, The Real World, for me, was like a small scale lottery….A lottery that can open many doors.  Now, what you do when the doors are opened is entirely up to you.  Mainly I’m just trying to hustle and stay focused.  There is a lot of easy money with hosting parties and what have you, but I am more than happy to forgo a few of those in my pursuit for elevated status in the television industry.  The end game for me is hosting a successful news show.

Q: Which do you prefer, being interviewed or doing the interviewing?

C: I’m impartial, to be honest.  I guess it depends on the people I’m interviewing, you know?  Sometimes you’ll get out there and throw the mic in someone’s face and instead of being unique, you receive some regurgitated, colorless rant.  I enjoy spontaneity…people who can shoot the proverbial shit.  When I happen upon those types, I enjoy conducting the interview.

Q: Chet, you happen to be one of my favorite Real Worlders ever. Just so you know, I don’t give out that title too often.  You made a brief appearance on The Ruins, would you ever do it again? What was that experience like for you?

C: Well, thank you, my lady!  You’re a peach.  Yes…brevity would be an accurate description of my time on The Ruins.  I loved it.  The format, in terms of filming is a bit more enjoyable than Real World.  There are so many people, so you can avoid the cameras if you feel the need.  Never say never.  I may do one again…depends on the location.  Phuket….obviously I wasn’t going to turn that down.  The Challenges aren’t a focus of mine at the moment, I will put it that way.

Q: Your friendship w/ Ryan and the song you guys made up in one of the early episodes. Inspiring. Are you guys still pretty close? How is he doing?

C: Ryan is doing very well.  He called me just days ago from Iraq.  Ryan and I have some projects in the works right now, which hopefully, will put both of us back on the tube…together.

Q: Your fashion sense is exquisite. Where do you prefer to shop and would you say you have more of a hipster or metro style?

C: Hipster or Metro….couldn’t tell you.  My friends from back home laugh at the way I dress.  They are the furthest thing from hipsters or metro.  I will leave that up to you guys to decide.  I really enjoy Ben Sherman and whenever I get a chance to visit SLC, I hit up the thrift stores.  SLC has great, cheap thrift stores.  You go to the thrift shop in NYC and the prices are comparable to those at Saks and Barneys…no joke.

Q: So are you still in Utah or have you relocated?

C: I stayed in NYC and only recently moved away, so I could pick up my car and make the trek to LA.  I hope to get back to NYC soon.

Q: What’s a typical day for Chet Cannon?

C: That’s a tough one.  They are so different.  Yesterday, I filmed some video for my YouTube channel, worked out, edited video, worked on a children’s book I’m writing, and then went to a party downtown for the Nitro Circus movie…dancing the night away.  It was brilliant.  After that, some mates and I went hot tubbing and I arrived home at 3 AM, where I then edited video again until 4 AM.  Tomorrow I hop on a flight to Boston.  I enjoy the inconsistency.

Q: If you could interview anyone, who would it be?

C: Dead or alive?  Let’s go with alive….hmm….maybe Pete Doherty.  He is my favorite rocker/fashion icon.

Q: My favorite episode was when you had the chance to meet and interview one of my friend’s bands while on the show, Danger Radio. Had you been listening to them prior to the show as well? And also, what kind of music are you listening to these days that you think my readers should be listening to?

C: Cool guys.  Love them.  The Danger Radio interview was offered to me and at that point I began listening to them (in preparation)….grew to enjoy it….and then we had the interview.  It was one of my favorites.  I just made this really awesome “love songs” mix.  I wish I could post a link to it.  My favorite band is The Sounds.  Easily.  At the moment, I’m stoked on Fun and Foxy Shazam (Check them out).  Amazing stage presence.

Q: There’s always talk that MTV’s editing portrays characters in a certain way for their audience to see them as. Do you feel as if you were portrayed correctly or incorrectly? Is Real World REALLY real?

C: You can’t deny anything that makes the air.  I believe they will heighten aspects of your personality, but each person has a lot more depth.  I’m not super bummed over my portrayal, but there are plenty of things I would have displaced with other moments from the 4 months in Brooklyn….had I been given the creative control.

Q: When I was younger, I used to want to be an MTV VJ, but first! I wanted to do Real World (like yourself) in hopes that it would lead me to becoming a VJ. This was before I knew TRL was going  to be canceled. Do you think MTV has contributed in helping you get to where you are today or did Chet Cannon conquer the world all on his own?

C: VJ’s don’t exist anymore…haha.  My stint on MTV has DEFINITELY given me more opportunities than I would have otherwise received.  Is it possible to make it without a reality show….ABSOLUTELY.  Reality TV can be scary.  You have to be very calculated about your decisions….which is very difficult considering the frequency with which you are filmed.

Q: I’ve seen some of your YouTube videos on your blog featuring your covers, is there a singing career in the works? Maybe you and Ryan can get together and start something!

C: Singing is just for fun…I’m not opposed to playing with Ryan when he returns.  I think we could form a pretty kick A duet.

Q: Jesse McCartney Pee Pee Hands story. Is it true?

C: Yes.  It is true.  Scott Herman and I walked into the bathroom and Jesse was on the phone, while peeing and didn’t wash his hands.  IT was disheartening.

Q: What are you up to and where can we see you next Chet?

C: You will see me again soon.  I hate to be the guy who says “it’s confidential,” but that’s how most of this stuff works.  Mums the word.

okay lets just get this out there in cyberspace.  many of you know this already or share my obsession… but this season of the rw/rr challenge is by far the best season yet.

like, for reals.

here are my top ten thoughts thus far:

1.  i can’t decide who i despise more… veronica or kellyanne.  its such a tough call as they are both utterly repulsive and evil in such different ways!  how can i ever make up my mind!?  the agony!

2.  i can’t decide who i love more… evan or derrick.  derrick is definitely the overall better person of the two but on the other hand evan’s one liners from the confessional are pure hilarity.  thank gawd they are on the same team ’cause if they had to compete against each other in the ruins it might be too much to bear.

3.  evelyn is to kellyanne as judi dench is to cate blanchett in ‘notes on a scandal’.  mark my words: its going to get ugly.

4.  cohutta is on the fast track to becoming one of my favorites.  minus the part about how he also loves kellyanne.  whats with her?  (yes, i know.  boobs.)

5. this headband gives peace a bad name.

6.  wes is the most roided out person i’ve ever witnessed.  side note:  i still think he and johanna are mtb (meant to be).*

7.  sarah kind of creeps me out.  i can’t quite figure out why but she just does.

8.  dunbar is so incredibly dull and useless i don’t think i could pick him out of a lineup.  is he even still on the show?  i have no idea.  i think his parents set him up from the beginning though.  poor guy… can you really be anything but uber boring when your name is dunbar?

9.  tonya is clinically insane.  (cue the deafening “OBVI!”)

10. lastly… tj lavin is the best host ever in all of challenge history.  remember when jonny moseley hosted these things?  what was that all about?  anywho i’d love to see a separate ‘behind the scenes’ show chronicling what the heck he does on his downtime.  can’t you just see him hangin’ with a crew of his bros just bong-hittin’ and bmx-in’ the day away?  maybe takin’ the time to film the occasional music video?  that show, my friends, would be glorious.

————————-

*much in the same way i still think j.lo and p.diddy are mtb.  sometimes i just can’t move on.

The challenge this week was just silly. We’ve got a fruit delivery!

(photo courtesy of mtv.com)

(photo courtesy of mtv.com)

The goal was to transport as much fruit as possible without touching the fruit with your hands. There were throwers, catchers, runners, deliverers and dumpers. The throwers threw the fruit over a wall to the catchers who dumped it into a basket the runners ran to the deliverer who delivered it to the dumper. No one seemed to be able to throw the fruit over the wall and if they did get it over, the catchers were freaking out about getting a concussion from a banana or a mango hitting their junk.

Everyone thought Veronica was going to throw the challenge so they put her as a thrower where others could pick up the slack. Was she throwing the challenge or could she really not throw the fruit?

WHERE’S THE FRUIT!?!!!

Nominated to go into the ruins this week for the champions was Syrus, Johnny, Derrick, Veronica, Johanna and Susie. For the challengers it was KellyAnne, Sarah, Casey, Cohutta, Dunbar and Brad.

Susie and  Johanna have formed an alliance so Veronica finally got thrown in against KellyAnne. Just one episode too late. Johnny decides to throw Syrus under the bus because he’s gotten “injured” in the last couple of challenges, so Syrus ends up going in.Syrus choses to go against the bank account – Cohutta. Don’t worry, Cohutta’s ready to play ball, ya’ll. But, there’s no doubt in Syrus‘ mind that he will whoop Cohutta ass. After Cohutta beat Wes, I wouldn’t bet on him losing just so soon Syrus.

(photo courtesy of mtv.com)

Syrus trying to unhook himself. (photo courtesy of mtv.com)

The ruins challenge is to shimmy across a big wooden vertical pole, grab a key and use it to get them loose from the ropes strapping them on to the pole.

I wish I would’ve made that bet on Cohutta beating Syrus because that’s just what he does. Syrus started out strong and ahead, but just couldn’t calm down enough at the end and that cost him. Syrus, you’re out!

Veronica and KellyAnne take significantly longer to get across the pole than the guys do. According Syrus, “they look like 2 hanging pigs in a market.” Ew Syrus. KellyAnne wins while Veronica’s still trying to shimmy across the pole.

Johnny glueing feathers on Derrick. (photo courtesy of mtv.com)

Johnny decides to cover Derrick in maple syrup and feathers while he’s passed out and did so in his “sacred area.” Of course Derrick gets pissed and not-so-gracefully leaps out of his bed at Johnny. Johnny gets pissed for being blamed for this. Uh, Johnny, you did it. You brought the feathers.

I never really understood what was going on with Evan and Veronica. Did they like each other? Didthey hate each other? Were they hooking up or did shejust hop into his bed for the fun of it? When Veronica left this week Evan said he really wasn’t going to miss their relationship, so I’m thinking if there was a “real” relationship, it was pretty fake.

Evan and Veronica. (photo courtesy of mtv.com)

Watch The Full Episode Here

Additional Links:

MTV’s RR/R Challenge: The Ruins

Evan Denies Hooking Up With Veronica

Johnny’s Trick On Derrick

Veronica: You’re a coward.

Derrick: I’d be a coward if I weren’t standing up for something I believed in!

Veronica: You believe in me going up against KellyAnne?

Derrick: …Sure.

“It seems pretty simple to me—if a man’s got a real good shimmy about him, then he can win”—Cohutta

First, we ought to talk about the shimmy that Cohutta has about him, as he won his second straight elimination in even more exciting fashion. This time, he beat Syrus in a rather impressive come-from-behind win. 

The elimination, which involved “shimmying” across a pole with your hands and feet locked in karabiners, seemed ideally suited to the agile Cohutta, but Syrus jumped out to a huge early lead. When it came time to unlock these karabiners, however, Syrus struggled, not realizing—as Johnny tried to point out—that you only needed to unlock one, at which point you could just pull the rope over the pole. Cohutta overtook him, and sent Syrus home, gaining the biggest bank account in the game in the process.

On the girls’ side, though, Veronica could not pull another miracle, and had to go into The Ruins against KellyAnne this time. KellyAnne, finally competing against someone who was trying, defeated Veronica rather easily.

Veronica was right, though, to call Derrick a coward. With fewer players, it’s becoming easier for the Evan-Kenny-Johanna-Susie alliance to exert influence. But that’s really only because a player like Derrick so passively goes along with their suggestions. Derrick knows that players going into an elimination ought to get to pick their opponents, but he is so afraid of alienating his teammates that he refused to let Veronica go against Sarah.

The same thing was at work when Johnny hatched his gutless scheme to send Syrus into The Ruins by claiming that Syrus had “injuries he was hiding.” Once again, rather than make waves in the game by insisting that Johnny go in when it was his turn, Derrick went along with plan.

If players like Derrick (and, really, Syrus has been guilty of this at times as well) and Darrell didn’t just go with the program, then it would be much harder for players like Evan and Johnny to control the game like they do. I get that often the best way to survive and advance in these games is to not make waves, but eventually the sneakiness is going to turn on you, as it turned on Syrus tonight.

But stop! It’s Ranking Time:

Eliminated: Syrus (Champion) Veronica (Champion)

The Challengers are on quite the winning streak in The Ruins now. And thanks to this game’s “individual bank account” rules, some of them may end up with a large chunk of money in the end.

On the Chopping Block: Casey (Challenger) Sarah (Challenger) Susie (Champion) Johanna (Champion)

For the Challengers, the game becomes more about trying to dump Casey before the final challenge than anything else now. Both Champion girls have to be considered “on the chopping block” now, since there are only two of them left.

The Top Ten:

10. Derrick (Champion, -2): Cowards may crack my Top Ten, but they don’t make it high.

9. Kimberly (Challenger, -3): As I suspected, she was immune this week. But next time she’ll be vulnerable again.

8. Johnny (Champion, NEW): I was wrong about him getting sent home last night, but I still think he’s on thin ice. That fight with Derrick brought out some ill will towards him.

7. Darrell (Champion,-2): I honestly never have any clue how to rank him; he’s not part of the key Champions alliance, but he’s never considered for elimination and he seems like a strong competitor. Plus, he’s a boxer, apparently.

6. Cohutta (Challenger, +4): The man’s got a real good shimmy to him, huh? Makes you wonder if people will think twice before calling him out now, even if he does have the biggest bank account.

5. KellyAnne (Challenger, +2): She’ll be immune next week after going into The Ruins last night. Plus, she has now earned her reputation as a strong girl.

4. Dunbar (Challenger, —): I didn’t really like Dunbar on Real World: Sydney (probably because everyone pales when compared to Isaac), but I’m warming up to him on The Ruins.

3. Brad (Challenger, —): Still a leader, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he ends up in The Ruins next week.

2. Kenny (Champion, —): He wasn’t really in this episode much. He was missed.

1. Evan (Champion, —): Some chinks are starting to show in his armor; discussing strategy while non-alliance members are in the room is a rookie mistake.

Wes was excited to face Cohutta in the challenge--ha, slap in the face!

Wes Bergmann (you know, that cocky loudmouthed redhead from the Real World and like 25 challenges) was defeated by a much smaller opponent, Cohutta in MTV’s latest challenge concoction: The Ruins.

Two things:

1. It’s Gingers like Wes that make it hard for Gingers like the rest of us. Basically, he’s giving us a bad name–living up to the expectation that every redhead you meet will have a fiery temper. And look where it got him: living without the thrill of reality television once again. Guess we’ll have to wait 2 more months to see him on MTV again when they create Real World/Road Rules Challenge XXXXVI. (BTW, why do they even include Road Rules in the name anymore? They killed that show like 8 years ago.)

2. Cohutta: you embarrass everyone from Georgia. We don’t sound like that in real life, people.

Side note: I have to give a bit of a shout-out to Scott Kitson. Thanks for the Ginger tips! If you hear of/read/see anything you think would be good for the Ginger blog you can comment on here or e-mail me at alpb6f@mail.missouri.edu. I’d especially love photos of Ginger sightings!

My Antonio ended last week with him sending home Tully and then picking the girl who wants the contract.  This should end well.

The Hills – stopped watching due to the fact that Kristen is an idiot and I find her unwatchable.

The City – Good show, I like the Olivia vs that other girl storyline.  The other girl is actually making me dislike her too.  Which witch will win?  Stay tuned.  Roxy?  Why would anyone listen to her?

Jon and Kate plus 8 – both parents are idiots and both parents are pimping out the kids.  Jon’s antics that actally resulted in the kids not being filmed works for me.

The Challenge – Real Word Ruins Champions vs Challengers is excellent.  Loved when Wes got out because of Cahutta.

Survivor bores me.

Tonight on MTV Canada premiere’s the all new Real World/Road Rules challenge The Ruins. Set in Thailand, former cast members of the Real World and Road Rules compete in teams to win a cash prize.

Pat seasons have seen the contestants put in large teams, teams of two or playing for themselves. For this challenge, the contestants are placed in two teams. One team full of people who have won previous Challenges ans the other team is filled with people who have yet to win.

I love these challenges because it’s all the drama from within their respective seasons of Real World and Road Rules, drama from previous challenges and drama that spills over into real life.

The last challenge saw Diem and CT’s love life get the best of CT and got him kicked off yet another challenge in the first episode for punching someone.

This challenge the main drama is brought from personal lives. Real World Austin cast members Johanna and Wes (previous challenge winner) met during their season, but didn’t become romantically involved until after the taping of their season. They would later become engage and then later break up. Kelly Anne and Cohutta met on their season in Australia and would later start dating. They would eventually break up as well. But during the reunion episode of one of the challenges it came out that Kelly Anne went after Wes and Johanna found out about it and people were not to pleased.

Well guess who are cast members for this season’s challenge? Wes, Johanna, Kelly Anne and Cohutta. Wes and Johanna are on the same team and Kelly Anne and Cohutta are on the other team together. Oh, i forgot to mention that Kelly Anne and Wes were dating when the challenge was being filmed? Competing on the same team as your ex-fiance against your current girlfriend and her ex-boyfriend. Wes has a challenge of his own other than the one MTV has created. I can’t wait.

MTV’s RW/RR The Ruins airs Sundays @ 10/11c.

Went to “The City of Smiles” with my friends and colleagues for the Masskara Festival. I was a little disappointed because I wasn’t able to watch the performances at the plaza. Thank God I was able to catch a glimpse of the parade!

We stayed at the O Hotel. To be quite honest, I was a little hesitant to book there. I was thinking, who in their right mind would name their hotel like that? It sounded like something you would name a motel here in the Philippines.

(Photo from O Hotel)

Thank God it’s not that kind of hotel! It’s actually very nice and very clean. Not to mention, very budget-friendly!

A Double Executive room good for 3 people costs P1,400 only (30 USD). And you only have to pay an additional P150 (4 USD) for the extra person. Each room includes 1 free breakfast buffet which normally costs P199 (4.50 USD). By the way, they serve really good omelettes.

Very satisfied with my stay at O Hotel. From now on, I’m not going to judge a hotel by it’s name (LOL). Oh! And O is a guy. We met him and his mom in person.

O Hotel

#52 San Sebastian Street, Bacolod City 6100
Tel. Nos. (6334) 433-7401 to 04
Fax No. (6334) 433-7442
Globe No. (6334) 708-8889
Mobile No. 0917-300-8001
Email: info@ohotel.com.ph

WHERE TO EAT:

• Pendy’s – We went here for lunch. It’s located next to ABS-CBN Bacolod. The food is expensive but really good! The prices range from P140 to P400 (3 to 9 USD)  Their house specialty is the Spareribs. My friends loved the Crispy Pata while I liked the Fish Fillet. So delish! They also sell pastries, cakes and other pasalubong items. They have the best Napoleones in my opinion. I brought home two boxes!

• Chicken Deli – We went to their branch in Lacson St. near the lagoon. It wasn’t actually our first choice. We wanted to go to Manokan Country but since we’re all too tired to walk all the way there, we decided to try the chicken here.
  

The prices range from P25-P80 (less than 2 USD). The chicken is fine. It tasted like any other inasal chicken I’ve tasted. Nothing really special in my opinion. And the service was horrible. Maybe it was just because there’s a festival going on and it’s 10x busier than usual. Still, not getting your order after following it up twice is NOT GOOD. Some of my colleagues liked the chicken there though. Plus it’s cheap so I guess that’s one good thing about this place.

• Manokan Country
• Bacolod Chicken House
  
• Calea – For people who love desserts!
• Bob’s
• Bar 21
• Imay’s
• El Ideal – a pastry shop that has been around since 1950s.
  

PLACES TO GO TO:

• Balay Negrense – located at 5 de Noviembre St., Silay City. It used to be the ancestral home of the Gaston family. Now it’s converted into a museum. It’s open from 10am to 6pm except Mondays and some Holidays (LOL I have no idea which Holidays they are referring to). Entrance fee is P40 (less than 1 USD) for adults.

• The Ruins – located at Talisay, near Bacolod City. The mansion was owned by Don Mariano Ledesma Lacson. They say that the family intentionally burned the mansion down so that the Japanese won’t be able to use the place as headquarters during World War II. Entrance fee is P40. They say the best time to go there is during sunset. But because we had to leave Bacolod at 2pm, we went there around 10am.

• Negros Museum
• Orange Gallery
• Church of St. Joseph the Worker – people say there’s an “Angry Christ” painting there.

I will go back to Bacolod in the future with my other set of friends. And next time, I will make sure to catch the whole parade and try to eat at as many places as possible.

We’re being quarantined here. We’re being kept here to die.

– Amy

The Ruins is the next entry in my “Creep-A-Thon”. I do not know what this movie was about when I saw it. Judging by the poster, the ruins are going to get them. I was somewhat right. This is an interesting way to torture your characters.

Based on the book of the same name by Scott Smith, the movie is about four college age friends; Jeff (Jonathan Tucker), Eric (Shawn Ashmore) and their girlfriends, Amy (Jena Malone) and Stacy (Laura Ramsey), that are on vacation in Mexico. They are bored. They wanted to have a last hurrah before going back to school.

A German traveler, Mathias (Joe Anderson) befriends them and asks them to come along on a trek to long lost ancient Mayan temple that hasn’t been discovered yet. Mathias wants to find his older brother, Heinrich (Jordan Patrick Smith) that disappeared looking at the same area.

They travel to the remote place from a makeshift map with a friend of Mathias, Dimitri (Dimitri Baveas). When they arrive at the pyramid, the local Mayans in the area, Lead Mayan (Sergio Calderón), Mayan Bowman (Jesse Ramirez), Mayan Horsemen (Balder Moreno) confront the group.

The locals kill Dimitri and chase them to the top of the pyramid. They surround it. The group wants to know why the locals cannot let them down. Jeff thinks that they would be rescued because before they left Dimitri left another copy of the map with a couple of Greeks.

The more time that the group stays up there, the more the pyramid wants to kill them.

I thought that this is a departure from the typical horror movie. That was no human killing them. It’s a plant. I know that sounds lame, but I thought it was more intriguing of a concept. The psychological effects that being near the vines are doing to them. By the way, doesn’t the growth on the temple look like marijuana?

Judgment: It’s a different type of horror movie to pique your interest.

Rating: ***1/2

“How is this happening?”—Wes

This question—in addition to going through my mind as I watched Cliff Lee completely smother the Yankees lineup and, even more surprisingly, CC Sabathia struggle slightly against the Phillies last night—was plaguing Wes as he struggled in the elimination against Cohutta.

Eventually, despite all of Wes’ macho talk about sending his girlfriend’s ex home, Cohutta completed what Derrick called “one of the best things to happen in challenge history” and defeated Wes. Apparently, Cohutta was the only one who figured out that the key to the challenge—in which the players had to drag a rope through a short obstacle course*—was not getting your rope tangled up. As a result, Wes got worn down trying to drag his pile of rope and untie the knots, while Cohutta took a pretty decisive lead.

*I don’t mean to denigrate it; it was actually one of the better designed competitions, since it neutralized size and required a modicum of strategy/intelligence.

Cohutta even gave his very simple advice to Kimberly from the stands when it was the girls’ turn, leading to her victory as well. It was a rare good day for the Challenger team.

Wes’s question, however, also sums up what happened in the deliberation to decide who would be sent into the elimination. After the Champions won the challenge—which was also pretty well done by MTV standards—factions of the team decided to send Veronica and KellyAnne into the elimination. This was done mainly because A) the other Champion girls have an alliance, leaving Veronica out and, B) Johanna doesn’t like KellyAnne.

So Ibis, Susie, Johanna, Johnny, and Kenny all basically decided this, and the team seemed to go along with it, but then some crazy shit went down. Veronica, realizing she’s outnumbered, says she’ll go in, but wants to get to pick her opponent. Wes agrees because he thinks it’s fair and Evan agrees because he wants to have sex with Veronica. This causes a tie.

I like to think that MTV was completely taken aback by this, having never envisioned a scenario in which six people voting could result in a tie, and they just had TJ Lavin ad-lib a solution. His solution: bring the whole team in, and have each one of them cast a vote for two players without talking to each other.

The result was priceless. The deer-in-the-headlights look on the faces of Derrick and Syrus when they had to cast votes without hiding behind “agreements” and “alliances” was hilarious. Syrus, going first, names Ibis and Kimberly, seemingly out of thin air; either he was actively trying to undermine the Johanna-Ibis-Susie alliance or, more likely, he had never been informed of the plan, and he just named the first two people he thought of.

Either way, enough of the team latches onto this pair to avoid accountability (including that idiot Johnny, who helped come up with the original plan), and somehow Veronica gets to avoid the Ruins altogether. It was a classic moment of ineptitude, rivaled only the performance of the Yankees’ bullpen Wednesday night.

And so we rank:

Eliminated: Ibis (Champion) Wes (Champion)

I was actually starting to warm up to Wes; he was the only one who seemed to recognize the absurdity of what happened during the deliberation.

Probably Going Home Next: Veronica (Champion) Johnny (Champion)

I was wrong last week, but I think eventually Veronica’s going to go in, and who can she beat besides Casey? Johnny seems to be falling out of favor on his team, and the Challengers are out of weak guys at this point.

Very Much in Danger: Casey (Challenger) Sarah (Challenger) Johanna (Champion) Syrus (Champion)

With fewer players, it’s becoming harder to avoid the elimination challenges; I’m not confident in any of these four going into an elimination.

The Top Ten:

10. Cohutta (Challenger, NEW): A big upset over Wes warrants a place in the top ten, but he is by no means secure.

9. Susie (Champion, -1): Unlike Veronica and Johanna, the only other remaining Champion girls, Susie has already been to the Ruins once, so she likely won’t be sent again.

8. Derrick (Champion, +1): He asserted that Veronica has been doing better than Ibis in challenges so far: Is there evidence to back that up?

7. KellyAnne (Challenger, NEW): Probably won’t get called out, since the Champion girls consider her the best player.

6. Kimberly (Challenger, NEW): Since she won in the Ruins, she’ll likely get a reprieve next week, as Sarah did this week.

5. Darrell (Champion, +2): This guy makes it into the top five based on the falls of Wes and Johnny.

4. Dunbar (Challenger, +2): I’m really anxious to see this guy in an elimination.

3. Brad (Challenger, +2): I predict he sends home Johnny next week.

2. Kenny (Champion, —): There seemed to be some respect brewing between he and Wes by the end of the episode…weird.

1. Evan (Champion, —): He was really proud of being Canadian in this episode, eh? I wonder if he’s excited for the new season of Degrassi. ‘BOUT TO GET REAL!

Pluses:

1. this is the first season where it is a girl who gets sent home for fighting (Veronica taunts Tonya until she gets violent)
2. the elimination challenge no longer involves picking from a set number of challenges (last season we had the same elimination over and over again)
3. lots of drama (there’s a sort of Evelyn, Kelly Ann, Wes, Johanna, Cohutta mesh of issues, not to mention the whole Wes vs Evan and crew)
4. the elimination nominations are a little bit more sensible (the buddy system last season was annoying)
5. Veronica manages to sneak out of the Ruins which just goes to show you how coordinated they all are

Minuses:

1. the teams are so unbalanced it’s kind of ridiculous (Challengers have lost virtually everything)
2. Evelyn got “sent” home early because the champions are made of jerks
3. Susie is a hot head (if someone could set up a challenge between Evelyn and Susie or Ruthie and Susie I would be thrilled)
4. Wes is kind of an idiot (sure, Evan and crew are jerks but if you threaten them before they do anything wrong, of course they’re going to hate you) and so self-righteous that it’s hard to sympathize with him
5. it’s such a popularity contest, it irritates me that the elimination nominations are not done strategically most of the time
6. the challenges are almost always men oriented to the point where the women are always looked at as burdens

Despite all of it’s problems, I enjoy it. I kind of want to do it myself…

That sounds dirty.  Even typing it got me giggling a little.

I didn’t go to work today.  This was at first because I was scheduled to take the GREs, but then, after I canceled them – seven of the eight schools I’m interested in do not require them, and I’m so terrified of the most basic algebra and geometry that I start whimpering like a lost kitten floating down a river on a log – it ended up being because I had already asked for the day, and goddammit, I’m taking it.  My boss didn’t start laughing hysterically or whip me on the side of the head with a torn-off television antennae when I asked, so why not?

I got up early, both out of habit and out of a coke-fiend-esque hankering for coffee.  I threw on some clothes in the kitchen in the dark, imagining Marissa trying to fall back asleep and silently berating me for being so loud and clumsy when I get up before her.  The other day, I got up, poured myself a glass of juice, and sat at the kitchen table.  I took a sip of my delicious juice, and then set the glass down – into thin air.  It clattered to the floor and basted me and a significant part of the kitchen in a fine mist of cran-raspberry, and so I set to crawling around on my hands and knees for fifteen solid minutes with some spray cleaner and paper towels, cleaning up my mess.  This shit happens all the time.  I don’t know how she stops herself from stomping downstairs and throwing me into a vicious ranger chokehold.

I went outside and downstairs, walked up the street towards the Dunkin’ Donuts, both because Cafe on the Corner isn’t open before 7, and because I am a slobbering zombie for that fucking chain.  Tell me whatever you want about how unhealthy it is, what’s in the coffee, the cast of Disney animals they test the blenders on, anything – I will still shuffle over there when I wake up, veritably half-dead, and mutter to the ladies behind the counter that I need a medium regular and I need it fast.  Call it addiction if you’d like – I call it love.

Before I could make it to my salvation, of course, I had to wait for the morning train to go by.  Dover’s got train tracks running right through the center of the downtown area, so several times a day Amtrak passes through, or a seemingly neverending procession of freight cars rumbles by at a crawl – like this morning – and cars on both sides of the tracks are stuck waiting for the most skin-crawlingly tedious fifteen minutes you’ll ever endure in your entire life.  The trains were sort of novel at first, since I’m originally from a place even more rural than here, and it was sometimes rare to see automobiles in my hometown, let alone the sort of hulking locomotives that go by three or four times a day in my current neighborhood.  The novelty wore off relatively quickly, though, right around the seventh or eight time my apartment started shaking while I was sleeping, or perhaps when I was one of the aforementioned people stuck in traffic, drumming my fingers on the steering wheel and imagining the cackling train conductor, shoveling coal into the furnace and giving people the finger as the train went past.  If it wasn’t either of those times, it was definitely this morning, while I stood bitterly in the cold and the dark, watching the train go by, and actually considering how dangerous it would be to try and jump on to one of the metal car connectors and then off on the other side.  Like I said – I want my fucking coffee when I wake up.

The rest of the morning, post-coffee, was great.  I walked home and woke Marissa up and sat on the couch and watched television.  This is, ideally, what I’d like to do for a living – very little.  If there is a company out there on the internet blog-surfing right now, searching desperately for someone to get up and drink coffee and mumble snarky comments to himself about daytime programming, listen, I think you may have found your guy.  I don’t think I’d be remiss in describing myself when it comes to watching television as half-Muhammad Ali, half-missible, and half-Jesus.  I sit on the couch and slurp my coffee in the styrofoam cup and mutter things like, “I must be the greatest,” and the “The champ is – ah, fuck it.”

I saw Marissa off (she actually goes to work – sucker), and then made myself breakfast.  Normally I’m a peanut butter and jelly for breakfast sort of guy.  I don’t know if this is normal, and I’m going to go ahead and suspect that most people eat things like cereal or fruit or oatmeal or what have you, but it’s always made a lot of sense to me.  This is at least partially because half of me is still a child when it comes to food – I’ve gotten better, but even when I’m convinced to eat whole wheat and fruit and salads and that sort of shit, there’s a voice inside of me crying out for hot dogs and grilled cheese and french fries and jelly rolls.  I survived on that shit when I was a kid, and it still speaks to me.  But this morning, despite my habits, felt special – it was my day off! – and I cooked myself bacon and eggs and made it into a sandwich with cheese and fuck me rotten, it was delicious.

While I was cooking, I couldn’t help being enraptured and, admittedly, a little turned on by the smell of greasy bacon in the pan.  I thought to a book I just finished, last night, actually – The Ruins, by Scott Smith.  It’s fantastic, and I’d highly recommend it to anybody and everybody.  I usually read shit that’s hovering on the insufferable border between readable and self-consciously literary, but this was, for the first time in a long time, the sort of thing that actually deserves the moniker page-turner.  It’s a suspense-y, horror-y sort of thing, but whatever it is, it’s great and I’d advise you to look into it.  In any case, if you’re planning on reading the book and want to be surprised, stop reading.  I’m about to take a big, hearty, spoiler-y dump on you.

In The Ruins, there’re these kids, and they’re on vacation, and, from the very beginning, if you’ve ever seen a horror movie, you can tell that they are idiots and that they’re going to die.  And really, the only pleasure to be derived from the book, since it’s not really self-consciously literary and it’s not some linguistic or allegorical exercise or what have you, is in trying to figure out ahead of time how the douchebags are going to fuck up and thus meet their respective, grisly ends.  This is true in horror movies, too – you just want to stick around long enough to see precisely where the axe is going to land.  Only, in this case, the axe in question is a giant, writhing mass of sentient, super-powerful and super-intelligent man-eating vines.

Okay, yeah, I know, this sounds retarded.  I’d apologize on behalf of the book and the author – if it wasn’t so damned good.

There’s something to be said for clear, non-showy, propulsive writing.  It’s not a thing I encounter often (probably my fault more than the authorial community as a whole’s fault, but fuck them!), but it’s a thing that I wish I saw more often.  I don’t understand in a construction sense exactly how to do it, but there’s a way to tell a story that gives just enough information about the characters, the depth of their circumstances, and how the events of the narrative unfold – it’s  particular way to write that is, to me, hard to identify in a hypothetical sense.  It’s a “know it when you see it” sort of thing.  I’m thinking of it in the same sense as watching the hour hand of a clock – you know that it’s moving forward, even if you can’t see or truly sense the exact moment the machinations are taking place.  There’s a way that Scott Smith, the author, pushes forward without the reader even realizing it, and let me tell you, it’s stunning.

Enough gushing.  The point here is that there’s this giant fucking angry plant, and the giant angry plant lives on a big hill, and the big hill, once you step on it, is guarded by a bunch of Mayans with bows and arrows and guns and blank stares.  They’re not going to let you leave, you see, because either they’ve worked out some system with the vine, some truce, or they consider it a God and you’re being sacrificed.  Either way, you’re staying there, and the big angry vine is very interested in fucking with your head for a while, wearing you down, and then taking advantage of your mistakes and slurping you up like a smoothie.  Again, I realize I’m talking about a fucking plant.  Just trust me – it works.  And one of the ways in which it works is by various animal-like behaviors.  The vine can move, it can echo and imitate sounds and human voices (even, it’s implied, as a kind of communication), and it can project smells.  This brings me back to my breakfast.

Now, in the book, once the kids run out of food and start realizing just how fucked they are, the vine starts doing the smell thing – projecting smells to torture these people and weaken their minds, trick them into making a mistake.  And the smells (I’m paraphrasing from memory) progress like this: freshly baked bread, and then meat (cheeseburgers, steaks, hot dogs), and finally, apple pie with whipped cream.  I feel like I would’ve been totally fine with the aforementioned smells, but man, if that fucking vine had started apeing the smell of bacon frying in a pan, I would’ve been diving headfirst into oblivion, tongue out, so fast that my compatriots wouldn’t even have had time to wonder if it was turkey bacon or low-sodium or what.  It would’ve been like this – smell hits the nostrils and you look over and there’s a cloud of hovering Looney Toones smoke where Ken was a second ago, and oh, look, there are his shoes sticking out of the murder plant.  Shucks.

Which brings me to my title question – what’s your favorite smell?

alright, coming in a few minutes late to the RW/RR, but I am determined to do a running diary, joining me are my ipod, just added fifa 10, my roommate casey, and the remote which switches to south park from time to time.

9:10 I love the flashback montages, especially the one just shown of tanya puking

9:11 Katie and her mole aren’t happy with the guys for taking advantage of Tonya, and wait what??

“HEY GUYS, WE JUST GOT A TEXT FROM TJ ON OUR T-MOBILE SIDEKICK!!!”

best part of every episode, but katie and her mole are still trying to figure out plunger-gate, not sure how it’s that big of a deal. .

9:17 “i’d like to see a katie sarah ruins, just so it could be dubbed battle of the moles. i need to stop with the mole jokes they are mean, but soooo tempting.

9:18 Tonya is going in tonight, bet the mortgage on it.

9:19 today’s prize is a projector. wowee.

9:20 once again, Wes is here to prove he is the best. will he do it? better yet will he claim to do it, then next week claim he’s here to do it again?

9:21 did Tonya win the RW/RR Utah? I don’t get how she ever won a challenge

9:22 Casey: “what do I do underwater??” I don’t know, maybe hold your breath??

9:23: My roommate Casey (different from “she looks like a seal” Casey) is pumped for the new MTV show Styl’d. Promo: “no, you did not just go into the pool!!”

9:25 Idea: let’s take all the noodles that nerds beat up that are hairstylists on the Rachel Zoe project, wedding planners on Say yes to the dress, etc. and make them live with Bear Grylls for a week.  I would pay $100 to see this.

9:26 By the way, in today’s challenge they have to build a bridge with raft pieces, Casey was the Jamarcus Russell (now that Shauvon left) of the challenge and the champions cruised to the win.  Darrell is taking on Danny, should be a good matchup, Katie (who inexplicably won a challenge once) is taking on Sarah.

9:30 wait . . . . . BATTLE OF THE MOLES!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so excited.

9:31 what is the over/under on how long George Lopez tonight will last?? 2 weeks i take the under.

Tonya might be out, she’s trying to provoke Veronica

9:34 Tonya hates Veronica so much she spills her Ramen noodles.  The hate is boiling, with alot of salt.

9:35 Tonya hits Veronica before the break, tension is palpable as I see my 9948t574857th ad for the step father.

9:37 As evan says, Tonya is done.  Akward slap to Veronica’s ear brings Cohutta to a somber “we should step in and stop this”

9:39 Can’t wait for Tonya on Dr.Drew celeb rehab, she’s out of the Ruins now.  Champs have lost two players, one threw a challenge, the other hit someone.

9:40 Veronica is dumbfounded that everyone is angry at her for provoking Tonya. She did provoke her.

BUT WES DIDN’T!!!! WES DIDN’T!!! NO HE DIDN’T!!!!! WES IS PERFECT, NOW EVERYONE ELSE WANTS TO BE PERFECT JUST LIKE WES??? HMM, YOU AREN’T WORTHY OF BEING A GOOD PERSON EVAN!!!!

9:42 Phillies lead 8-3 in game 5 of the NLCS, I’m not sure what I’m more excited for, Philly clinching a WS spot or the end of the TBS broadcast crew

9:44 Katie says this is her last challenge. Which, of course means it isn’t. Also means she will lose tonight.

9:46 O ring ruins, saw this on the promo, couldn’t wait for it, both players are suspended, hanging onto a ring.  First to fall off loses.

9:47 epic, katie wins first of 3 BATTLE OF THE MOLES!!!

9:48 one apiece, some serious trash talking as well.  Kims says it’s trashy, I kind of agree, if trashy means awesome.

9:53 rubbeer mole match, and Sarah wins!!!! kind of an upset, and she milks it, “enjoy the plane ride” challengers definitely needed this, and I think they could be favored in the mens match, never the less THE WINNER, OF BATTLE OF THE MOLES, SARAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

9:55 guys are more intense, spinning and twisting, this is an amazing ruins, as darrell takes the first one, danny takes the second.

9:56 best ruins of the year so far, no doubt about it, down to the final, no spinning, just pure strength, as danny just can’t do it, but man, that was close. danny is a great guy, the challenger’s leader, this hurts for them.

9:57 danny will be back he says, i hope so, he really deserves to win a challenge.

9:58 champs celebrate with sarah, but they are keeping an eye out for evan’s bunk buddy Veronica. My prediction of evan potentially going down (whoa, weird scene of shirtless kenny and evan in a bed together, anyway) could really happen, will kenny stick by him??

10:00 weird looking challenge for next week, anyway that’s all for now, hope you enjoyed my running diary as much as I did

If you want to actively attempt to NOT be my friend, please, by all means, buy a box of L’Oreal “vibrant red” mascarade as a redhead.

This is a crucial mistake that many non-Gingers make. Sadly, the result is usually an off-purple color. Of course I have a hilarious example–Real World Hollywood anyone??  The crazy looking bitch above is Brianna Taylor, and don’t be fooled (as if you could) by the strange hair color–she is def an imposter. I don’t know who told her those eyebrows were working for her either. Most redheads don’t actually have red eyebrows. My sister, for example, has bright red hair and dark black eyebrows (shocking, I know). And don’t even get me started on the outfit–that’s a WHOLE nother story.

I’ve been told my whole life by hair stylists that I’m lucky I have red hair; that many women wish they had my color, but never will. Well, Kassandra from Intrigue Salon was right: those not born Gingers will never truly be Gingers. Being a Ginger is not just a hair color. It’s a way of life. Don’t try to be a member of this exclusive 2% of the world population until you have spent your childhood being called “carrot top” and “freckle face.” Being a Ginger is like being a member of MENSA. It’s an exclusive club, and you’re probably not invited to join.

Don’t let yourself be led to believe that this is only a phenomenon among trashy reality TV starts. There are fake Gingers walking among us on MU’s campus every day. I won’t name names, but c’mon people–get your shit together. I’m not trying to be a blonde am I? (And why would I?)

If you’re interested in seeing more of the mess that is Brianna, you can watch her on this season of “The Ruins” on MTV (yet another Real World/Road Rules Challenge). There was an especially amusing scene a few weeks ago where Evan, a beefy competitor on the show, commented on her “bad dye job.”

“I’m a strong girl, period. Even if I’m a rookie…I’ve come through in every challenge.”

—Brianna

Here’s why we need these Power Rankings: People on these challenges have no idea how to evaluate their own performances. Wes is convinced that he’s God’s gift to these challenges, I guess because he won The Duel three years ago. But he hasn’t proved that he’s a better competitor than Evan or Johnny or Kenny; his reputation mainly comes from yelling about his own prowess.

Brianna was under similar delusions in last night’s episode: She kept insisting that she was a great competitor, even though this is her first challenge. Her evidence: She had “come through in every challenge.” Well, here’s what the challenge in tonight’s episode involved: lying down. If you can lie face down and let someone walk on your back, then you can do what Brianna did. A carcass can do what Brianna did. The previous challenges haven’t really demanded much more from her. Not at all surprisingly, Brianna lost to Susie in the elimination.

 The truth is, there is something of a power-vacuum in these challenges. I still insist that Evan is the top dog, but he’s a relatively weak one; he hasn’t performed exceptionally well in the challenges (mainly because the challenges have been so poorly designed and prevented anyone from demonstrating their own skill), and he hasn’t effectively handled the alliances. He still hasn’t completely pacified Wes, and he left Veronica out to dry last night.

Nobody has yet proved to be the kind of dominant and intimidating player that Landon was in The Duel 2 and C.T., Alton, and The Miz were in recent challenges. These guys would occasionally volunteer for eliminations in order to save teammates because they knew they couldn’t be beaten. Wes probably thinks that about himself, but he’s been so bent on throwing challenges and whining that nobody considers him indispensable.

Anyway, here’s how they really stack up:

Eliminated: Brianna (Challenger), Adam (Challenger)

At this rate, the Challengers might run out of players before the season ends.

Chopping Block: Casey (Challenger), Sarah (Challenger), Tonya (Champion)

All of these players have little chance of winning an elimination, and their teams would probably benefit from them being sent home. Casey seemed visibly terrified of the possibility of going into the Ruins.

Targets On Their Backs: Kelly Anne (Challenger), Syrus (Champion)

Syrus pointed this out himself: These two players have bigger banks than their teammates, meaning the reward for knocking them out is higher than normal. Both of them are probably considered vulnerable. Susie also has a big bank, but she’s undefeated, so I doubt anyone will call her out.

Depending on the Kindness of Strangers: Kimberly (Challenger), Cohutta (Challenger), Veronica (Champion), Ibis (Champion), Katie (Champion), Derrick (Champion)

This group is hoping that being well-liked is enough to keep them out of elimination. Derrick is only on this list after a brief screw-up cost his team the challenge.

The Top Ten:

10. Johanna (Champion, -3): She’s emerging as a team leader, for some reason, but she’s not good enough to be considered untouchable.

9. Darrell (Champion, -3): I’m really just punishing him for being inconspicuous again.

8. Susie (Champion, NEW): The new favorite to be irrationally considered “the best girl”!

7. Danny (Challenger, +1): With Adam eliminated, he moves up a notch on the “leader” totem pole.

6. Johnny (Champion, +4): A big bump for being receptive to compromising with Wes and being included by Evan in his alliance.

5. Dunbar (Challenger, —): Still a potentially good competitor, but he was noticeably absent from the Challenger triumvirate tonight (Adam, Brad, Danny).

4. Wes (Champion, +5): He has an unstable peace with the rest of his team for now, which he attributes to his brilliant ruse of claiming that he is going to GIVE HIS WINNINGS TO CHARITY. Which raises a lot of interesting questions: Which charity? Is there a more ignoble way for this charity to get money?

3 Kenny (Champion, —): He knows not to trust Wes, but he also knows to go along with this alliance. He’s like Stalin.

2. Brad (Challenger, —): Still the leader of the Challenger team.

1. Evan (Champion, —): Still top-dog.

The most underrated show on TV is back, Real World/ Road Rules The Ruins aired episode three last night, and for the first time we saw the Champions team blink, plus some new infighting on both teams.  Just to quickly recap, the Champions made peace (although everyone knows it’s temporary) with rebel Wes, meanwhile, the Challengers finally got themselves together, winning the challenge and the lamest prize ever (plastic watches) but in the Ruins they bit the dust again, with Susie and Syrus defeating Brianna and Adam.

Talk about a wounded team, the challengers have lost 5 of the 6 ruins, and the 6th was thrown by Evelyn (which she would have won) to keep Kelly Anne in the game.  They’ve lost some real key players, Diem, who was kind of the defacto girl’s leader for the challengers, Brianna, who I think really could have gone a long ways, and Adam, who kind of emerged along with Danny as the leaders of the challengers.  The only strong people the challengers have left are Brad, Dunbar, Danny and I guess Kimberly, although that is debatable.

Meanwhile on the Champions side, Wes gave us some complete BS that he was going to give all of his winnings to charity.  (which will not happen, I’ve wagered my tuition on this) (just kidding mom) there seemed to be a small bit of disagreement between Syrus and Johnny with some of the other guys about throwing Wes in, although they seemed to band together before the challenges.  A bit of animosity has appeared towards the undisputed leader Evan and some other people.  In voting for who is up for elimination Evan didn’t vote for Veronica even though it made sense in their rules, and we can see something happening between Evan and Veronica, her sucking up to evan on the deck was almost sickening, talking about when the “explosion” was going to happen.  Didn’t know we were back in 8th grade, guys.

It will be interesting to see how the champions respond, but more interesting to see more of the Wes vs Everyone sweepstakes go.  I think that the champions really aren’t sure how to handle Wes, even though they put up a front.  The mini alliance of Evan, Susie, Johnny and Johanna could actually work, but what if Evan’s extracurricular activities with Veronica are revealed? Will Johnny (who didn’t seemed pleased with Veronica’s kissing up initially) be able to stick with Evan? This could potentially put the high and mighty Evan in a very difficult position, and possibly be targeted by the team he once led.

While a really pissed Evan would be awesome to see, I don’t think this is likely, Evan is to smart (except in forgetting that Evelyn and Kelly Anne are best friends and that putting them together in the Ruins might explode in their face, as it did, and he was shocked. “We had no idea Evelyn would flip out like this” really?? Not that hard to figure out. anyway, back to the topic at hand) to get twisted up in that. Or is he? Might I be prediciting a shocking upset sending Evan home early? No, I’m not, because there’s no one on the challengers can beat him.  Nor can anyone on that team beat Wes <segway!!!> I think that both the team and Wes are both unsure of what the other will do.

The team continues to flip flop on it’s treatment of Wes, while Wes continues to miss his Hypocrites anonymous meetings with Jeff Zucker because he is in Thailand (is this my first running joke of this blog?? Excited is an understatement)  honestly Wes, do you realize some of the things that come out of your mouth are the exact opposite meaning of something you said minutes earlier.  To prepare for this post I watched some of last night’s episode and determined that Wes reminds me alot of a WWE heel.  Think about some of his lines

“Every person on this team, with the exception of me is a coward”

“They think I’m soooo compassionate, giving the money to charity, they’ve decided to spare me this week”

Those aren’t exact quotes, but I know it’s close to that.  Think about it . . . . . hmm. . . . . yeah Ben, I totally agree with you!!! It’s like sgt. Slaughter is competing for those plastic watches!!! (I was infuriated by the lamest prize in the history of the challenges, plastic watches. Can these people even tell time? Given the fact that Tonya tried to climb to the crows nest and made out with aipaydsoaifhdghasogh, (not her real name, just one i gave her) who was labeled as a “Random local” which was hilarious in it’s own right, I wouldn’t be surprised.  Next week look for Wes to tell everyone he saved a baby panda in the jungle and Tonya to make out with the panda before being sent home along with Cohutta.

PS: This blog is like my brain all the time, just interspersing (aren’t you impressed by my high end vocabulary ladies?) thoughts with one underlying main theme.  This was the most fun I’ve had writing in a long time, hope it’s readable

Strewn all about you, they lie shattered and utterly destroyed; precious memories, cracked and twisted on the floor. Certainly you tried to glue it all back together, but there was no hope for the debris that slipped through your fingers like sand. Desperately, you snatched up what you could and tucked it into your pockets. Just a little while longer, you think to yourself. I just need a little while longer. Staring entranced out the window, you wait patiently for the shadow of a familiar figure that you know will never come. He will not be back this time, you’ve made certain of this. Shaking your head in self pity, you imagine all the things that should have been said, but weren’t. Words float about on the air, taunting you. It will do you no good to cry at this juncture, yet you give in to tears anyway. For hours, you remain unmoved at this spot. Breathing in deep even breaths, you count the minutes, the seconds that tick by until you begin to feel waves of exhaustion overwhelm you. Slowly you stand and turn to face the battle room. You see nothing yet you can feel his presence in everything. Feet dragging, you trail towards the bed and slowly lie down pulling the covers up around your shoulders, caccooning yourself into your misery completely. Staring at the ceiling, tears streaming freely and endlessly from your eyes, you lie there shivering until at last, sleep can be evaded no more.

So nice to have the MTV Challenge back on.  I love all the fighting, trash talking, crying etc.  We have champions and challengers this season.  So far in the first to episodes the champions are winning all.

  Even with Wes who wants to throw all the challenges because (if I have this right) he is no longer engaged to Johanna who is now with Kenny or Cahutta(??) and Wes is with KellyAnne who used to be with everyone.  KellyAnne is on the challengers side and for some reason Wes hates everyone.

Now with that being said, it is awesome to see this group go at it!  Last night in episode 2 the champions made a deal with the challengers to put in KellyAnne and Evelyn (KellyAnne’s best friend).  You would have thought they just killed them or something the way Wes, KellyAnne and Evelyn went crazy.  So it ends up that Evelyn throws the match and goes home for her ethics.

My thoughts?  If you seriously want to win money, then tell your friends that you will be friends after the show but each player should look out for themselves and try to get the money.