People say ” cheer up, you’ll forget her. it comes with time..”
” let time take over..”
” you need to forget her sooner or later..”

Maybe its not hard.
But what if I don’t want to forget her?

I don’t want to.

He who tries to forget a girl, never loved her. It’s amazing how someone can break your heart and you can still love them with all the little pieces. i will always be here. Waiting, i won’t stop.. for no girl have made me feel this way.
Loving you was my favourite mistake.

Cry as I may these tears won’t wash you away

Sometimes in love you must accept the fact that what makes the person you cared about happy might on the other hand leave you so lonely.

I asked Allah to grant me strength.. And He rewarded me with challenges. Challenges for me to overcome and be a stronger person. So i raised my hand, and with tears in my eyes i said with a short breath, “alhamdulillah….”

I feel incomplete, as if a fresh new hole have just been punctured into my soft heart. In life, you must never look back at what you’ve left. Go on..and never turn back. Even if proceeding will lead you back to square one… The greatest pain that comes from love is loving someone you can never have.

I will hold on.. I will hold tight.. I will wait for that day to come by.
Even if it kills me- im gonna smile.

Team TK

Im BACK!

Literally. Its been a while, eh? Well you cant expect me to update everything that has happened since my last post. hahs. A lot has happened, trust me ALOT. There have been ups and downs, well, its just life

Jogja was a blast! Minus my creepy night encounters. Want to know what i encountered?

Jogja is a brillian state, i swear. Mount merapi, Desa Wisata Tanjung, Kotagade, Taman Sari, Kraton, Borobudur. FOOH its  supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Subhanallah, i just cant describe the scenery at the top of Borobudur and Merapi.

And then theres the superb tour guides. My Sugar Daddy and Pak Aris. Oh oh oh, and Abang Syed too! I wish the trip was longer man, a week. No, actually i don’t want the trip to be longer. We’ll miss the place and each other more that way.

Thanks to all the people that made this trip wonderful for me. Liyana Sri Aidah Shireen Amira Faiz Ammar Shahmi Asyilah Afiq Zul Syahiran and all the Bukit Panjang people!

My dear friends i’ll be waiting for pictures at facebook aite! Takmu segan silu update yer.. Bagi sesiape yang tak ber-facebook tlg lah emailkan yer. Setiap gambar tu berharga

BPTK

 Its an out of the world experience that cant be put into words or either im just too lazy to do so because so much had happened. Im gonna miss Pak Sugar, Abang Syed and definitely Cikgu Azmann. Oh wait, im already missing them.

N to you.. Your smile never fail to make me smile. Just a simple raise of an eyebrow, a grin or a giggle, it sets my heart on fire. How i wish i could tell you…

I cried when i texted cikgu just now. Liyana did to, so did Amira, and im sure he’s touched most of our hearts if not all. I just cant imgine school without him now.  He’s been the best.

I’d love to end this post with our smses, but nah.. I dun want any crying. Even my eyes cant take it.

Ooh fishcake, theres tears in my eyes.

I wish you all the best, my dear Ckg. You’ve been the best and it’ll always stay that way.

Ich war heute morgen 3 Stunden beim Arzt (Virusinfektion ) und konnte daher die Putzfrau nicht beaufsichtigen. Ich weiß nicht, wie sie es geschafft hat, drei Stunden mit Wohnzimmer und Küche zu verbringen – das Geschirr war nicht eingeräumt aus dem Schrank, welchen die Handwerker abbauen mußten, das Bett war nicht gemacht, die Fenster staubig; dafür hing an meinem Computer eine Eingabeaufforderung von T-Online – als hätte jemand, der sich nicht damit auskennt versucht ins Internet zu kommen. Ich bin im Moment dankbar, dass das Kennwort nur Sternchen sind.

Ich werde meiner Mutter, bei der sie auch ist, die Trennung empfehlen, wer offiziell drei Stunden für zwei Räume braucht, ist sein Geld nicht wert. Bei mir braucht sie nicht mehr auftauchen.

With wedding planning in full blast, I’ve been paying special attention to all the decorating advice/suggestions/whimsies available out in this world. Garlands have caught my eye with their simple beauty and festive feel.

Etsy has plenty of folks who are making and selling cute circle garlands and bunting. Who doesn’t love bunting?

Now, I think it would also be simple enough to make on your own too. Just a sewing machine and a circle scissor would do.

Kitchn had a smart article today on the benefits of having a dry erase board for your fridge. It allows you to keep two working lists:

1. Food items reminder: items about to go bad, better eat them and eat them fast

2. Working meal list

Visually tallying up all those gotta-eat-em-soon items and creating your next dinner with them seem like a natural progression. Definitely something I could use to make sure I get to my produce in time.

Dry erase not cool enough for you? Jump on the chalkboard fridge bandwagon instead! (I want one in black)

photos from apt therapy

Ich stehe zur Zeit um 5 Uhr auf und gehe irgendwann zwischen 21.30-22 Uhr ins Bett – und trotzdem komme ich zu nichts mehr. 17 Stunden Dauerbrassel – morgens lernen und WoW, nachmittags Nachhilfeschüler und abends kann ich noch nicht einmal einen Film sehen, weil ich mich durch Office-Unterlagen durcharbeite, vielleicht noch ein paar Seiten lese.

Das Leben ist hart geworden

Einführungskurse sind brutal langweilig.

In Geschichte kenne ich den Stoff und muß nur auffrischen, Neuere Geschichte ist Pfui (ich werde darin keine Prüfung machen ect., eigentlich überlege ich, ob ich überhaupt den Kurs durcharbeiten soll; alles nach der Frühen Neuzeit ist langweilig, die Anfänge der SPD interessieren mich null und das ganze Nazi-Generve kann mir ohnehin den Buckel runterrutschen). Blieben die Literatur-EVs, die mich auch nicht interessieren und irgendwie an Oberstufe erinnern. Auch habe ich das dumme Gefühl, in letzer Zeit soviel WoW zu spielen, damit ich mich nicht mit dem Kram beschäftigen muß, eine ziemlich dumme Reaktion, aber paßt zu mir – unangenehmen Dingen wird sich nicht gestellt, sondern ich fliehe.

Überhaupt mag ich Literatur nicht als Studienfach, ich habe immer den Eindruck, um die Bücher die dort gelesen werden nachvollziehen zu können, sollte man wenigstens 60 oder 70 sein – wesewegen ich damals Germanistik und Amerikanistik aufgegeben und zu Geschichte / Kunstgeschichte übergelaufen bin. Ich kann noch nicht einmal eine einfache Liebesgeschichte nachvollziehen, weil ich nie verliebt war, von irgendwelchen Ehedramen ganz abgesehen.

Ich halte mich mit den Gedanken an die wirklich guten Kurse zum Kulturtransfer hoch, die wirklich interessant sind, bis dahin muß ich das Pflichtprogramm abreissen. Und dann kommen nächstes Semster für Bildungswissenschaften die Einführungen, aber schlimmer als für Kulturwissenschaften kann es nicht mehr kommen.

Als ich heute aus der Bibilothek zurückkam, hat irgendein Idiot so geparkt, dass ich nicht einmal mehr in die Nähe der Fahrertür kam. Um über die Beifahrertür einzusteigen, bin ich nicht gelenkig genug, also ab zur Zentrumsverwaltung, um das Auto ausrufen zu lassen (eigentlich sollte man so Leute wegen Nötigung anzeigen). Zum Glück kamen gerade ein Vater mit seiner Tochter des Weges, der es dann schaffte, über die Beifahrertür einzusteigen und mir freundlicherweise das Auto aus der Parklücke fuhr.

Ansonsten hat sich die Mitarbeiterin der bibilothek für mich tot gesucht (das OneNote-Buch war 30 min vorher ausgeliehen worden grr ) und beim Plus hat mich jemand vorgelassen. nach dem ganzen Stress der letzten Tage, mit kurzfristig abgesagten Terminen, der Ankündigung in der Handwerker und zu allem Überfluß noch der Brassel in WoW wegen dem Drachen hat das heute richtig gut getan.

When it comes to understanding human emotions, you’d have better luck understanding Chinese.

Your EQ is 60

When it comes to understanding human emotions, you’d have better luck understanding Chinese.   You’re not exactly the most psychologically aware person. You don’t really know why people act the way they do. It’s difficult enough for you to figure out what’s going on in your own head. Forget understanding anyone else. You often feel bad about yourself and your life. But it’s hard for you to get yourself on the right path. Consider getting help for your problems. It only feels like you have a dead end life.

Heute wurde verkündet, dass Montag früh die Handwerker da wären und vielleicht auch noch das Wasser abstellen würden. Wirklich sehr füh, mir das an einem Donnerstag mitzuteilen.

Ich habe allergrößte Lust die gar nicht erst rein zu lassen. A.) hat niemand das Recht für mich Termine zu machen und b.) rennen hier keine Handwerker rum, wenn ich nicht da bin. Und da ich die nächste Woche überwiegend außer Haus bin, hat sich die Sache eigentlich erledigt, der kaputte Strang ist schließlich seit Wochen bekannt, jetzt brauchen die auch nicht ankommen. Wenn ich den Beirat schon höre, dass er meine Schlüssel nehmen würde, als wenn der sich die ganze Zeit neben die stellen würde… roefl. Wie jeder andere auch, bewahre ich hier Wertsachen, Bargeld, Unterlagen ect. auf, da werde ich unter Garantie nicht abwesend sein, dass die machen können, was sie wollen.

Since moving into a my own full-sized apartment this year after spending four years either living with roommates or squatting in a studio I have become more aware of my water usage. Having to pay for my water for the first time is reinforcing this observation.

I have gotten my use down to about 5 dollars a month, but I think I can do better. What is holding me back is the water wasted when I am trying to draw hot water. For instance I waste approximately three quarters of a gallon of water to draw hot water for dishes; it is more like two gallons for a shower.

Since I do not own this place I can’t do anything about the fact that the hot water heater for my unit is on the other side of the building leaving lots of long pipes filled with cold water in between.

The only real option I see is to some how collect this cold water for a later use. I could use it to wash dishes, but I think I produce far more waste water than is needed for dishes. This is my current challenge, any ideas?

One aspect of being young that I dearly miss is my hope. I often refer to my teenage and early twenties as “The Dark Days with a Silver Horizon”. I went through a lot of dark times caused by exclusion, loneliness, and heart break back then but that horizon always kept me going.

I knew if I somehow beat the odds, got myself through school, landed a reliable job, and ended up in a place physically that was less backward than where I grew up everything would be awesome. Well that horizon is just as far away as it was in those dark days and I have accomplished all of those things. Now my hope has been replaced with realism: We are not meant to “catch” that Silver Horizon…just chase it like a gerbil on a wheel.

I have come to loath the “American Dream” and all the “boot strap” pulling that people in this country seem to be drunk on. After my “success” I see it for what it is: a way for companies to sell me more crap, make money off me, and keep me in just enough debt so that I wont cause any trouble.

Over the past couple years this has become clearer to me and I have started this Glacial Drift that I think will define at least the next 15 years or so of my life. Slowly I am moving away from the things that used to drive me like career, formal education, and traditional relationships. I see these things as anchors now, not as pathways to happiness. Now I find my eyes looking toward less commercialized pursuits like writing, being outdoors, challenging myself to lead a simple existence as much as possible, and to find companionship in a wider sense rather than putting up with courtship rituals hoping I will find that companionship over time.

This is all well and good, but I am facing a problem: I feel very isolated. Now that my tinted glasses are gone I do not see people as I hope they will be, I see them as they are…knowing full well they will probably stay that way.  I see most people as predictable, one-dimensional characters taking part in a play of falseness that they are ignorant to their role in. It’s like being the one person privy to a lie but can’t say anything because he knows no one will believe him anyway.

I do not want success anymore, I need peace

Footsteps

Where are you going?

A walk along the beach, watching the sunset, sitting at the riverfront or listening to the stillness of night each of these reminds us of the simple things in life. It does not cost us anything but time to take in these simple pleasures, yet many will settle just to see the picture.

Time moves through us like a whistling wind, sometimes whirling around trying to get our attention but we often miss the opportunity to stop and meditate on the moment. When we STOP, we can slow down and feel the caressing message of the wind against our face.

Simple pleasures can bring complex results, many times the things we like most; food, drugs and sex bring unintended results. To much food causes weight gain, drugs can lead to abuse and sex complicates our relationships. But, each of these pleasures are simple when moderation is used.

We can enjoy life’s simplest pleasures when we STOP, just do, nothing else; just do. Take a moment find your beach, look for your sun, sit on the river or listen for a few simples pleasures.

jr

we’re gonna do something a little different today.

Nick: this sounds pretty dramatic.

so…..

balloon boy.

yeah.

balloon boy……..yeah.

oh! is that the boy in the balloon?

is there music about that?

well you know that way it was all a big hoax?

yeah

the father, Richard Heene has been trying to get on telly for quite a while.

does the father want to be famous?

he’s one of those?

those what?

extremely silly people.

well, yeah.

he had pitched some reality show ideas starring him and his family to various networks, they passed.

what’s more is that he already had theme songs.

really?

yeah, so here’s his theme for The Psyience Detectives.

I guess you should imagine you’re sitting down to watch telly and the show has just started.

would you keep watching after hearing this?

Richard Heene – The Psyience Detective

hahaha.

was that it?

it sounds extremely amateurish.

totally derivative of every other cheapy TV thing.

nothing original about it.

but it’s memorable in its awfulness.

would I watch it?

depending on my mood.

I might have a look to see if it’s as bad as the music.

and now the next one.

Richard Heene – The Contractor

strangely enough, that one has something kinda charming, because it’s kind of naive, it’s unprofessional and quite fun.

no professional person would ever write something like that.

I think that one is closer to the jingles you usually hear on these crappy shows.

like The Simple Life. starring Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie.

I don’t know that.

so you’d watch The Contractor over The Psyience Deyective?

I certainly would.

the psyience detective one sounds like a schoolboy skit.

This story just keeps getting weirder and better. Songs / story nicked from HERE.

The balloon boy story fascinated me when it first broke, I was greatly concerned for the safety of the child and wondered how on earth the parents had allowed him to be left by himself in the air balloon. However, after the boy was found safe at home things seemed very suspicious to me.

This news story if true, can perhaps be viewed as the end result of an extreme obsession with reality TV and the desire for regular people to have their 15 mins of fame. In America there are so many reality programmes that have become very popular. TV shows like Wife Swap, The Simple Life and America’s Next Top Model. Other reality tv shows that have been successful include American Idol and Fear Factor. Many of these shows have made the genre prolific. If this hoax is indeed true, it is a very extreme case and with such parents the children are at risk of being used for all kind of bogus extraganzers and publicity stunts. It will be interesting to see how far this story evolves, at the moment the parents face possible arrest.

Sometimes the little things about Cambodia add up to be almost unbearable and a timeout needs to be taken. In my case this week, those little things are getting caught in a sudden downpour while biking home from work, getting  bad skin on account of the dirt, pollution & humidity here, digestion issues, too many occasions of having to wrestle on of my careless roommate’s motorcycle out of the way in order to get my bike out the front gate, losing my house keys (for all 4 padlocks), commuting via bike in work clothes in the heat, getting knocked off my bike by a renegade tuk-tuk driver, and my lunch delivery never showing up on Monday. Ugh.

Work things are going great and socially things are pretty good – it’s just some of the more subtle influence of Cambodia that are driving me crazy right now. So, I resorted to proven technique for escaping less than ideal scenarios: CHICK FLICK THERAPY. The cheesier the better. How low did I go? Oh, you better believe it:

Cutting Edge 3. If the formula ain't broke then don't fix it.

Love. It.

Highly recommended. Works wonders.

Well, monsoon season is supposedly almost over. The heat is supposed to subside a bit in November. I’m going to LAOS next week! And I can cope with the rest. Oh Cambodia.

This is the vicious lovely Multiflora Rose. These beasts beauties have been known to rip man, woman, child and beast to shreds. Just try passing one at full throttle on a John Deere and see if you don’t agree. These bad boys beauties are wicked bad.

They do have a few redeeming qualities if you are cursed blessed to have one or two or a couple dozen. The rose hips are packed with Vit C….more Vit C than an orange.

I know, I can hear you saying, “no way”. “Yes way.” However picking these tiny little seed thingies is very labor intensive. I’m cursed blessed to still have one or so more clusters of Multiflora Rose left in our back 40. Honey Some believe that the madix was made for this lovely bush from hell and believe me it’s the only way to be rid of it. But, if you are cursed blessed as I am, please make use of it.

My one good standing is in the Blackberry patch (another blessing), so picking these tiny little things was another battle of flesh and blood. After getting a long thorn from this ugly lovely rose, under my thumb nail, I called it quites. I was blessed with 2/3 cup, but that was after I pulled the tiny little stems off.

Now that my finger tips are numb and calloused, I mashed my rosehips in my morter and pistal….you know, that thing we used in High School science class.

You have to admit they are a lovely shade of red. The birds love them too, so I didn’t wait until after the first frost to pick….otherwise, there might not of been any left. I know, at this point your asking yourself why I’m going to all this trouble when all I need to do is pull a bottle of Vit C off the shelf….they have rosehips in them too.

Well, I call this “Simple Living” or “The Simple Life w/o Paris Hilton”….my daughter, Sweet Girl, can’t quite imagine what I mean by that. She thinks that I go to way too much trouble to do this thing called life. The funny thing is she meets gals all the time who say, “oh I want to be just like your mom”. She says, “come on over”!

I digress. Once you’ve smashed your berries, you can cover them with raw honey. (why raw? I’m so glad you asked. Raw honey has live enzymes, just like raw milk or raw carrot juice or raw anything. And make sure you buy your honey from a reputable source…..did you know that honey sold by….well, I won’t name them, but sold by some very well known places….if you were to ask them for their barrels the barrel would say something like….Product of CHINA or Vietnam and it will say, Honey & Corn Syrup!!!!!! I’m dead serious! So make sure it’s local raw honey!)

Okay back to the rosehips….. It makes a yummy way to take Vit C. And you’ve spent hardly anything, except for the honey, which in my case I’m gonna eat anyway. If times ever get really hard for you and they are for many right now, you only need to look as far as your back door for Vit C. If you don’t have any rosehips nearby, Pine needles also are loaded and you can make some tea. It’s good to know some foraging skills….more later on my black walnut salvaging.

Then just take a spoonful and enjoy or use 2-3 tsp and pour boiling water over it as to make a tea. Kids love taking their vitamins this way.

Last year I made some Rose Petal Honey. The Petals are carminative, stimulant, emmenagogue, antibacterial; Astringent; and Tonic. Now it’s up to you to look all that up, I’m just sayin that Rose petals are also very good for you. Of course DO NOT ever use the ones you buy in the store or receive in from your Honey! Only use organic rose petals that have NEVER been sprayed. I only buy mine from Mountain Rose Herbs. I love eating it on buttered toast, with the sweet hint of rose! You can strain the petals out of the honey after it’s sat for a few weeks, but I just left mine in and they have crystallized with the honey and are so good to eat. Using a tea strainer you can also put a couple heaping teaspoons in the strainer and pour boiling water over and let steep…..mmmm rose honey tea! So good and so good for you.

What are you foraging? Anything interesting?

UPDATE Warning:  Do NOT eat too many rosehips!  I was a bit under the weather on my B-day.  I ate too many rosehips and boy did I ever have a doubled over tummy!  DO NOT do that!  And DO NOT dumb the seeds in your compost or you will have more Multiflora Rose!  I haven’t done that, but I thought I’d mention it so you aren’t yelling at me next year when volunteers are coming up by the dozens!

Wirklich in Ordung bin ich immer noch nicht, Kreislaufstörungen, zittrig ect.; außerdem habe ich es erfolgreich geschafft Unterlagen zu kopieren, die ich bereits besitze. Ich kann keinen klaren Gedanken mehr fassen – also weiter Black Mirror 2 spielen, auch wenn ich mehr Lust auf WoW hätte; mir gehen gut 600 Gold am Tag flöten und beim Transmutieren könnte ich nicht allzu viel falsch machen, aber in meinem jetztigen Zustand lege ich dafür auch die Hand nicht ins Feuer.

Dafür habe ich in BM2 ein richtig unlogisches Rätsel gefunden: Schlauchboot aufblasen, damit ein Betonpfeiler hochgestemmt wird. Aja… .

Edit: Ich habe es geschafft, mich auf dem Tunier innerhalb eines Zeltes zu porten, soviel zum Thema Ony-Raid suchen.

Es sieht nach einem Tag ohne WoW aus – nachdem ich die Nacht mich durchgefroren und – gezittert habe, ist das Gefühl zwar stimmig, aber ich habe dafür keinen Nerv – ich spiele BM2 weiter, da muß man sich einfach nur durchklicken, genau das richtige für heute.

Ich frage mich nur, wie ich den Winter durchstehen soll, ich habe jetzt schon 2 Hosen an, 2 T-Shirts drunter, die Heizung steht auf 4 und ohne Schal gehe ich nicht mehr raus – das wird grausam.

Ich stelle immer mehr fest, dass mir für WoW kaum noch Zeit bleibt, alleine die Nachhilfe – Schüler fressen schon viel Zeit, die ich eigentlich aufs Studium verwenden müsste; wobei ich letzeres richtig interessant finde. Die Einführungen in die Geschichte sind zwar langweilig, was daran liegt, dass es für mich nur Wiederholung ist, aber den eigentlichen Kern, wie die Kulturen sich gegenseitig beeinflusst haben, ist ungeheuer spannend. Nächstes Semester kommt noch Bildungswissenschaft hinzu und ich habe mir fest vorgenommen, dann pro Semester ein Modul in Psychologie zu belegen.

Außerdem bin ich stark am überlegen, einen Vertrag beim Fitnessstudio zu machen, das Studio im Nachbarort ist einfach großartig mit Kletterwänden, großzügigen Geräteanlagen und Saunalandschaften.

Dazu kommt, dass ich in letzter Zeit dazu neige, um 21-21.30 im Bett zu liegen und vorher noch lesen oder mal einen Film sehen möchte. So wirklich hält mich zwar keine Serie, aber ich habe Malcom mittendrin, Two and a half men, CSI, 11th Hour ect. für zwischendurch aufgenommen, länger kann ich keinen Film sehen, ohne zappelig zu werden; Filme sehen ist nur etwas, wenn ich total erschöpft bin.
Black Mirror2 will noch fertig gespielt werden, Book of Unwritten Tales, Ceville und The Whispered World liegen auf Halde; WoW wird also immer mehr an den Rand gedrängt, allerdings kann man für 10 Euro im Monat auch nicht viel falsch machen.

Nachdem gestern kein Internet geschaltet wurde, hat die Störungsstelle heute festgestellt, dass die Zugangsdaten nicht mehr aktuell sind – die zuständige Abteilung hat mich dann 2 Stunden in der Warteschleife hängen lassen. Nach einem erneuten Anruf habe ich wenigstens vorläufige Zugangsdaten – schnell den WoW-Patch ziehen, während ich eine Karte kaufen gehe.

Das Ganze nimmt immer grotestkere Züge an – am Freitag erhielt ich einen Anruf, ob ich mit der Schaltung und Entertain zufrieden wäre – am Ende sprangen 120 Euro Entschädigung raus.
Gegen Abend ging ich meinem neuen Hobby *Telekom nerven* nach und erwischte jemanden, der Zugriff auf ein System hat, welches von der Stonierung unberührt ist – Schaltung entweder heute oder nachmittag, wo es doch angeblich 5 Tage für einen normalen Anschluß braucht – ich bin gespannt. Mich irritiert nur, dass niemand mich einmal an jemanden weitergeleitet hat, der Zugriff auf dieses System hat, schließlich muß irgendwer gewußt haben, dass es exestiert.