Successful divorce doesn’t have to be an oxymoron

I will be in Calgary this week, speaking with a panel of experts about divorce.  The seminar is entitled Taking Charge of your Separation/Divorce.  Lisa Kadane of the Calgary Herald interviewed the panel, which I’ve copied below.  Please note the helpful tips.

By Lisa Kadane, Calgary Herald February 22, 2010

Taking Charge of Your Separation/Divorce takes place Thursday at Deer Park United Church (777 Deer Point Rd. S.E.) from 7 to 9:30 p.m. Pre-register for the $30 seminar at 403-205-5244. Or pay $40 at the door.

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Divorce is everywhere. It screams at us from tabloid headlines at the grocery store checkout. It touches us personally when, as adults, our parents finally call it quits, or our own starter marriage fizzles.

It’s also universally ugly. Between custody battles, money squabbles and bitterness, divorce usually leaves one party on the short end of the fair stick.

And divorce is always heartbreaking — the final chapter in a book we never wanted to read in the first place.

So, to talk about having a “successful divorce” sounds unrealistic: a pie-in-the-sky idea plucked from some smarmy self-help book.

It’s not, says Deborah Moskovitch, who weathered a seven-year divorce and went on to write The Smart Divorce: A Team Approach to Managing the Issues of Divorce.

“Being smart about divorce really means moving forward with hope and confidence.”

Moskovitch will be in town Thursday as part of a seminar to help divorcing couples understand the resources available to help them through separation and divorce. Hiring a good attorney is a no-brainer, but head’s up: getting your legal house in order is only part of it.

“You’ve got to rebuild your life,” she says.

“Divorce is so common today that people underestimate how powerful it is; how powerful those emotions are.”

Estimates from Statistics Canada in 2008 suggest that 39 per cent of marriages in Canada will end by the couple’s 30th wedding anniversary.

The percentage is higher in the United States — at 44 per cent — but still short of the “half of all marriages end in divorce” stat that gets bandied about.

Still, it means more than one-third of married Canadian couples will eventually go their separate ways. Since that’s reality, those starting down the rocky road to divorce should become informed about this life-altering event before emotions take over.

The Herald spoke with three divorce experts who will be speaking at the seminar, to gather tips for a successful divorce.

lkadane@theherald.canwest.com

———

Smart Tips

- Sandy Shuler is a Calgary based family and life educator whose workshop Effective Coparenting teaches separating parents to put the kids first and understand their needs during separation and divorce.

“Often what happens is, in the process, (parents) are remiss in understanding what the experience is like for kids.”

Four tips:

1. Parents need to love their children more than they dislike their parenting partner. Put aside differences for the kids’ sake.

2. Shield children as best you can from parental conflict. No fighting or name-calling in front of the kids.

3. Give children permission to love and connect with both parents and extended family (unless there is abuse happening).

4. Understand that children will experience loss and grief, too, and that their feelings will be different from your own.

- Sharon Numerow is a certified divorce financial analyst (CDFA) based in Calgary. She worries that people in the midst of divorce make emotional decisions instead of educated ones, and she counsels men and women about splitting up property in their best interests.

“Educate yourself and be prepared. People spend more time researching a car,” says Numerow.

“A 50-50 property split is not always equal, so understand the decisions you’re going to make.”

Four tips:

1. Seek out professional, expert support in every area. Finding a therapist or tax consultant is just as important as hiring a good divorce attorney.

2. Money is always an issue, even when both parties claim it isn’t.

3. When it comes to splitting up investments, understand the scope of them — the risks, outlook, tax implications, costs or fees involved — and make an informed decision.

“It’s a lot of work,” Numerow admits. “I would say it’s really overwhelming for people.”

4. Women need to get on the ball with their financial situation.

“In my experience, way more women have a lack of understanding of, not just finances in divorce, but finances in general.”

- Toronto-based Deborah Moskovitch talked to more than 100 divorce experts when researching her book The Smart Divorce. She recommends people put together a team of professionals to help them navigate the split.

“I noticed so many people were bitter and angry after divorce,” says Moskovitch.

“I realized people are really unprepared for the divorce process.”

Four tips:

1. Realize that many of your divorce beefs are outside of the legal arena. For example, the law does not care if you don’t like your soon-to-beex’s parenting style. So don’t waste your lawyer’s time (and your money) by ranting about it.

2. A good divorce lawyer is gold, but he or she can’t give you parenting or financial advice.

“Bringing in the right people can save you money,” says Moskovitch. A parenting education class and even a therapist cost less per hour than a lawyer.

3. Try to keep your emotions outside of the process. When emotions take over, you end up with massive legal bills.

4. Work on rebuilding your post-divorce outlook. You will get through divorce and get on with your life.

© Copyright (c) The Calgary Herald

To read this article in the Calgary Herald click on the link:

http://www.calgaryherald.com/life/Smart+Split/2595250/story.html?id=2595250&utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter

1. Think of it as marriage/divorce insurance.  You want the marriage to work, but if it doesn’t you’ve protected yourself.
2. The blended family dilemma.  You want your children to support your new marriage; however you want them to feel protected as well.
3. What if you die? Without sounding morbid, it is a consideration……how you want your assets to be divided between your new partner and your children.

There are many other obvious considerations. A recent article in Canadian Business answers this very important question:

I’m about to get married for the second time. How do I ensure that my children and my new wife won’t ever have to duke it out over my estate after I’m gone?

Mapping out a prenup – Canadian Business Magazine

“Guy Talk is a radio show that deals with psychological issues which modern men face.   The underlying premise of Guy Talk rests in the question: Why Won’t Men Grow Up? The creator/hosts of Guy Talk are Dale Curd and Stuart Knight.

I’ve been invited to speak about The Smart Divorce and how to navigate the divorce process. November 1, 2009.  Tune in and feel free to call in with your views at 416 872 1010.  Although this show is targeted towards men, women are invited to call in as well.  I would be interested in hearing your perspective as we discuss the many issues divorcees are confronted with.

Tune in live tonight with Get Your Justice Live with guest Deborah Moskovitch

Live Call Ins: 724-444-7444

Talk Cast Id: 39517

Pin 1#

To join the live chat simply follow this link: http://budurl.com/liveshowtimechat at 8PM EST or watch for the newsletter for the finished interview.

Tune in and listen live tonight to hear about The Smart Divorce

YOU CAN LEAD A LIFE FULL OF JOY AND HAPPINESS!

“Where Divorce Ends, Your Destiny Begins Telesummit” which will be taking place  Monday and Wednesday Evenings,  9:00 – 10:00 pm EST beginning on October 12, 2009.

The Telesummit I will be featuring 8 teleseminars with 8 leading experts in the field of moving forward during, through and after divorce.

I am the first featured guest on this telesummit.  Tune in tonight and learn what to expect about the emotional and legal aspects of divorce, so that you are better prepared to move forward with focus and confidence, while saving time and money.

Click on the link http://www.lauracampbellcompanies.com/where-divorce-ends-your-destin/ to reserve your free spot.

On the family calendar, list:

• birthdates
• school schedules
• other dates, such as dental appointments, dance recitals, sports games, and so on.

Establish rules such as the following:

• Each parent must order his or her own tickets for children’s events.
• Each parent must make his or her own arrangements at school to get information.
• It is not up to your former spouse to do those things or provide information for you.
• It’s up to you to take the initiative.
• Don’t make your son or daughter into the man or woman of the house.
• Don’t turn your son or daughter into your best friend and confidant.
• Don’t fill the void in your bed by allowing your child to sleep there. If you eventually start a relationship and no longer allow your child into your bed because you are sharing it with someone else, the child could feel displaced.

If you are the noncustodial parent, here are some ideas to help you maintain a positive relationship with your children:

• Some schools allow children to leave the grounds for lunch; you may be able to take them out to lunch without affecting the custodial parent’s time. (Generally speaking, permission might be needed if it is a sole custody arrangement and the non-custodial parent wishes to exercise access.)
• As much as you can, duplicate at your home the little things that your kids love at the custodial parent’s home–things like special Barbie dolls, books, and so on. Send out the message that you care. Duplicating items will remove the stress children may feel about taking their favorite things to the other parent’s home or about forgetting to bring them (but keep in mind that some items, like the favorite blanket or stuffed animal, can’t be duplicated).

Here are some ideas on how to maintain connections with teenagers:

• Check in with your kids via their cell phones and e-mail accounts to just to say, “What’s up?”; “How was your day?”; and so forth. Checking in helps ensure that you have as much input with your kids as their friends do.
• Be flexible; be an open door. Invite kids over either after school or for a few hours on the weekend, or just to have dinner, rather than for the full evening or weekend. You can say, “You are welcome the entire weekend, but I won’t be upset if you want to be with your friends; you tell me if it fits in. If not, and you want to be with your friends, I’ll drive you.” If you pressure your kids to give up time with their friends in order to be with you, it will only backfire, causing your children to avoid you.
• If there are big differences in ages between siblings, plan one-on-one time with each child.

Source: The Smart Divorce: Proven Strategies and Valuable Advice from 100 top Divorce Lawyers, Financial Advisers, Counselors, and Other Expert (Chicago Review Press, 2007)

If you are the resident parent where the children live most of the time, then not much will change.  However, if your children don’t live with you most of the time, here are some ideas to consider to maintaining involvement in your children’s lives:

Parenting Tips for Transforming Your Family

Make a family calendar and hang it wherever the children will see it, to show that you care. Make your children see that their lives are important to you and that they are your priority.

On the family calendar, list:

• birthdates
• school schedules
• other dates, such as dental appointments, dance recitals, sports games, and so on.

Establish rules such as the following:

• Each parent must order his or her own tickets for children’s events.
• Each parent must make his or her own arrangements at school to get information.
• It is not up to your former spouse to do those things or provide information for you.
• It’s up to you to take the initiative.
• Don’t make your son or daughter into the man or woman of the house.
• Don’t turn your son or daughter into your best friend and confidant.
• Don’t fill the void in your bed by allowing your child to sleep there. If you eventually start a relationship and no longer allow your child into your bed because you are sharing it with someone else, the child could feel displaced.

If you are the noncustodial parent, here are some ideas to help you maintain a positive relationship with your children:

• Some schools allow children to leave the grounds for lunch; you may be able to take them out to lunch without affecting the custodial parent’s time.
• As much as you can, duplicate at your home the little things that your kids love at the custodial parent’s home–things like special Barbie dolls, books, and so on. Send out the message that you care. Duplicating items will remove the stress children may feel about taking their favorite things to the other parent’s home or about forgetting to bring them (but keep in mind that some items, like the favorite blanket or stuffed animal, can’t be duplicated)

Remember, your children still have two parents.  They still have a family, it’s the dynamics which have changed and up to parents to minimize the conflict and make transition as easy as possible.

It’s not too late to register – if you are looking to gain greater insight into the divorce process and save time, money – and your skin……..space is still available for the October 4, 2009 workshop.

For an unbiased look at what I talk about and the benefits so many have received, click on the link to view a recent article in Metro News entitled: Seminar targets “smart” divorce.  Or, read below.

http://www.metronews.ca/toronto/learn/article/273568–seminar-targets-smart-divorce

There is also another article about the workshops,  which appeared previously in The Toronto Star: http://www.thestar.com/SpecialSections/article/541734

Click on the link for more information:

http://db2.centennialcollege.ca/ce/coursedetail.php?CourseCode=CESI-602

Metro News

Seminar targets ‘smart’ divorce

RAFAEL BRUSILOW

FOR METRO CANADA

August 05, 2009 2:28 a.m.

Worrying about divorce and its complications? It may be time to go back to school.

A three-hour seminar titled The Smart Divorce is being offered by Centennial College’s School of Continuing Education to help people understand the challenging complications involved in a legal marital split.

The seminar, part of Centennial’s Life and Career Skills division, offers tips and strategies for dealing with all aspects of divorce, including the legal and emotional components of divorce, how it affects children and parents alike, how to look for lawyers and deal with them efficiently and effectively, and where to turn for support.

“The course is for people who are contemplating it or are in the situation, experiencing the divorce process already,” said Mary Devine, chair of Centennial’s School of Continuing Education. “People can take away some strategies, skills and an increased confidence to work through their own situation.”

Instructor and divorce consultant Deborah Moskovitch, author of The Smart Divorce, will head up the course.

Moskovitch went through her own messy divorce years ago and wants to pass the lessons she learned on to others who have never experienced the whirlwind of emotions and legal tangles at the root of any divorce. Most important of all, she hopes to instill a sense of hope in people worried that divorce is the end of the line emotionally.

“I truly believe that you can build a better life than you had before. Even if you were a victim, you have to rise above it and really find that happiness,” she said.

Moskovitch says attendance in the course in previous sittings has been almost an even 50/50 split among men and women.

The Smart Divorce runs on Oct. 4 from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. at Centennial and costs $32. For more information, visit centennialcollege.ca.

on Dear Valerie

Relationship expert and veteran journalist Valerie Gibson takes your calls about life, love and the pursuit of self fulfillment. Deborah Moskovitch is this week’s featured guest.  It’s your live mid-day source for instant, honest and realistic advice on any aspect of life, love, sex, marriage, dating and family relationships. Tune in and call in, this Tuesday, June 16, 2009.

Call 416.446.7090 or toll-free 1-800-968-7836 and ask Valerie and Deborah your most intimate questions. Dear Valerie airs LIVE on Rogers TV Ontario-wide on Tuesdays at 2 PM.

Now is the time to evaluate what you would like your life to like, and to develop strategies to get there. If you were the primary caregiver and stayed at home with your children during your marriage, perhaps you need to go to work but haven’t been in the workforce for a number of years. You could consider going to a vocational coach to help you make the transition. Perhaps you can afford to continue not working, but will this still be fulfilling? You can volunteer or pursue other interests. After all, your children may no longer be with you every day or weekend. The challenge is to rebuild your life to achieve a new kind of happiness. You just have to want to change and believe that it can be accomplished.

Visualize your life being different, and live your life as you envision it. Don’t wait to do the things that you promise yourself you will do when you feel better. Start doing those things now, and happiness will follow. If you wait until you are happier to do those things, you will be waiting a long time.

Please click on the click to read more about tips and strategies as to how to develop your postdivorce identity.

http://www.more.ca/relationships/single-life/after-divorce-happier-stronger-you/a/21185

I wrote this article for More magazine’s online edition. More magazine is a publication which celebrates women over 40.  Men should also feel comfortable reading this article as it offers great insight into moving on postdivorce; tips that apply to both men and women.

I don’t want to sugarcoat things. There are times when life postdivorce is difficult, sad, and lonely. You might still be experiencing a sense of loss, a setback in terms of self-esteem, or shame at no longer being part of a couple. But there are many single people living very rewarding lives. Again, try to reframe the situation and reflect on the life you actually had when you were married. I have heard people say that although they may have been blindsided by their divorce, when they really think about their marriage they realize that they were not fulfilled. If you are having difficulty postdivorce, this is when you really need to work hard to regain a positive outlook and work toward self-acceptance. Talking to a therapist, having a strong support network, or just asking yourself many questions about your life’s goals can lead you to an evaluation of where you are headed and how to get there.

I was recently interviewed on The Liquid Lunch and I discuss my motivations for writing The Smart Divorce, my perspectives on smart parenting and how to move on to create a better life postdivorce.

Click on the link to hear me speak.

http://video.google.ca/videoplay?docid=-1083777693813957033

Please click the link to read more about tips and strategies as to how to accomplish a post-divorce social life.

http://www.more.ca/relationships/single-life/home-alone-the-post-divorce-social-scene/a/20793

I wrote this article for More magazine’s online edition. More magazine is a publication which celebrates women over 40. Men should also feel comfortable reading this article as it offers great insight into moving on postdivorce; tips that apply to both men and women. If you would like to browse through this magazine click on the following link: www.more.ca

It doesn’t have to be lonely, get out there and enjoy yourself.

Have a fabulous weekend and a great week!

Many lawyers would agree that the divorce process should be handled like a business transaction. Yet, it is difficult during this ‘transaction’ to separate out your emotions which are probably at high tide from the important decisions that will affect you and your children for many years to come. It can also be difficult to get the divorce process started or to know how to choose a lawyer, assess if your lawyer is right for you, select other experts such as accountants, therapists and parenting experts, work cost effectively with legal counsel, and ensure you put your children’s best interests first. All of these are areas where a divorce consultant can be very helpful to you.

A divorce consultant is your support during divorce.  The role of a divorce consultant is to help provide you with the insight, education and knowledge of the divorce process, to help you to be forward thinking and to give you ideas to work more effectively with your legal counsel and other members of your divorce team.  After all, there is life after divorce. Your divorce consultant is there to help you to move forward in a smart way so that you can rebuild your life and move forward with focus, hope and confidence.

If you would like an unbiased view of how I help my clients and my outlook on obtaining your smart divorce, please click on the link to view a recent article in The Toronto Star. The Toronto Star

The Smart Divorce® Workshop Series

These workshops are appropriate for individuals contemplating or already experiencing a divorce. Strategies for reducing financial costs and personal turmoil will be presented. Participants will learn what to expect legally and emotionally, and so be able to move through the process with confidence and focus while saving time and money. A subsequent session will address parenting issues, how to work with parenting experts more effectively, and available resources. Feedback from therapists and lawyers has indicated that The Smart Divorce Workshops have helped to prepare individuals for the process and make them better clients.

I have added two new workshops to the series called – Taking Control of Your Finances – with guest speakers Atsuko Hiroaka and Aaron Nimon, both Investment Advisors of BMO Nesbit Burns. The focus of these sessions is to help manage and effectively deal with your financial concerns; how to overcome your fears and understand the financial considerations as you work through the divorce process and postdivorce concerns.

Click on the link for more information: the-smart-divorce-workshop-f09-2-finr1

Program details:

The Smart Divorce: Learning the Basics – February 4, 2009

The Smart Divorce: Taking Control of Your Finances – February 11, 2009

with Guest Speaker, Investment Advisor – Aaron Nimon of BMO Nesbit Burns

The Smart Divorce: Parenting Through Divorce – February 18, 2009 2008

The Smart Divorce: Taking Control of Your Finances – February 25, 2009

with Guest Speaker, Investment Advisor – Atsuko Hiroaka of BMO Nesbit Burns

“Your seminar game the confidence I needed to start my divorce. I know what to do now and feel I’m not alone.” Dave C. Toronto

“I met a client who took your seminar today. An educated client makes this work so much easier!” Jacqueline Vanbetlehem, Mediator and Family Therapist in Oakville

Location: 12 Lawton Boulevard, Toronto (Yonge and St. Clair)

Registration Fee: $25 per workshop

Call The Smart Divorce at 905 695 0270 or email info@thesmartdivorce.com

SPACES ARE LIMITED, CALL TODAY

The Smart Divorce® Workshop Series

 These workshops are appropriate for individuals contemplating or already experiencing a divorce. Strategies for reducing financial costs and personal turmoil will be presented. Participants will learn what to expect legally and emotionally, and so be able to move through the process with confidence and focus while saving time and money. A subsequent session will address parenting issues, how to work with parenting experts more effectively, and available resources. Feedback from therapists and lawyers has indicated that The Smart Divorce Workshops have helped to prepare individuals for the process and make them better clients.

I have added two new workshops to the series called – Taking Control of Your Finances – with guest speakers Atsuko Hiroaka and Aaron Nimon, both Investment Advisors of BMO Nesbit Burns. The focus of these sessions is to help manage and effectively deal with your financial concerns; how to overcome your fears and understand the financial considerations as you work through the divorce process and postdivorce concerns.

Click on the link for more information: The Smart Divorce Workshop Series

Program details:

The Smart Divorce: Learning the Basics – February 4, 2009

The Smart Divorce: Taking Control of Your Finances – February 11, 2009

with Guest Speaker, Investment Advisor – Aaron Nimon of BMO Nesbit Burns

The Smart Divorce: Parenting Through Divorce – February 18, 2009 2008

The Smart Divorce: Taking Control of Your Finances – February 25, 2009

with Guest Speaker, Investment Advisor – Atsuko Hiroaka of BMO Nesbit Burns

“Your seminar game the confidence I needed to start my divorce. I know what to do now and feel I’m not alone.” Dave C. Toronto

“I met a client who took your seminar today. An educated client makes this work so much easier!” Jacqueline Vanbetlehem, Mediator and Family Therapist in Oakville

Location: 12 Lawton Boulevard, Toronto (Yonge and St. Clair)

Registration Fee: $25 per workshop

Call The Smart Divorce at 905 695 0270 or email info@thesmartdivorce.com

SPACES ARE LIMITED, CALL TODAY

With a smart divorce, you realize that the pain of divorce can be lessened dramatically by properly handling the competing emotional and legal sides of divorce. And, that you deal with the emotional side of divorce outside of the legal system. If you are able to do this then you are more likely to gain perspective on your legal options early on; this will assist you in making informed decisions, protect you from the damage that uncontrolled emotions can cause; and guide you in meeting your children’s best interest.

Being smart about divorce also means arming yourself with knowledge about the divorce process. There are many ways to research divorce. Here are a few ways that I can help you navigate the divorce process:

• Reading the book, The Smart Divorce – available at amazon.com, amazon.ca, barnesandnoble.com and wherever books are sold.
• My One-on-One divorce consulting can help you think strategically about the divorce process. one_on_one_consulting-pdf
• Enrolling in one of The Smart Divorce workshops.

There was a recent article in The Toronto Star which outlines the benefits of The Smart Divorce workshops. http://www.thestar.com/Comment/article/541734

If you think that any of this would be helpful for you, please don’t hesitate to contact me at info@thesmartdivorce.com

Wishing you all the best during this difficult time,

Deborah

Feeling at peace with singledom when your

ex has a new partner

The emotional tide experienced through divorce doesn’t always end when your divorce becomes final. Just as you are moving forward, feeling positive, you’re faced with a new reality……..your ex has a new partner. Although you may or may not have a new relationships too, sometimes new emotions or old wounds surface.

Evaluating what you need to do to achieve happiness and hope in a new relationship requires thought, evaluation and introspection. Please click on the link to read more about tips and strategies as to how to navigate this new phase in your life postdivorce.

http://more.ca/relationships/single-life/when-your-ex-has-someone-new/a/18818

I wrote this article for More magazine’s online edition. More magazine is a publication which celebrates women over 40. Men should also feel comfortable reading this article as it offers great insight into moving on and how to prepare yourself for new relationships postdivorce; tips that apply to both men and women. If you would like to browse through this magazine click on the following link: www.more.ca

THE SMART DIVORCE

Tip Sheet

What is A Smart Divorce?

The Smart Divorce process will help you to:

• understand the “emotional divorce” versus the “legal divorce”
• understand the various dispute resolutions available
• make informed decisions
• minimize the financial, legal and emotional stress

Be SMART about your divorce.

State your goals and objectives at the beginning. Make sure these are realistic.

Maximize your information and knowledge base.

Avoid reacting to your emotions.

Retain the best possible divorce team your budget allows.

Treat your divorce as a business transaction.

How to start The Smart Divorce

-Develop your support network – therapist, support groups, Clergy, divorce consultant and friends.

- interview 3 family law lawyers.

-Be informed. Understand the dispute resolutions – do-it-yourself; negotiation; mediation; collaborative family law; arbitration; litigation.

-Put your children’s best interests first.

-Hire the right team of professionals based on your needs – parenting expert; financial adviser and others.

-Get your finances in order.

-Stay organized – create your divorce notebook and divorce journal.

-Have a vision for how you want your life to unfold and develop strategies to get there.

You may contact Deborah by email at info@thesmartdivorce.com

or, by calling her office at 905 695 0270

Deborah Moskovitch is a divorce consultant and educator, and author of The Smart Divorce: Proven Strategies and Valuable Advice from 100 Top Divorce Lawyers, Financial Advisers, Counselors and Other Experts. Deborah has become an opinion leader in the media and has shared her insights and research on television and radio to explain that divorce can be managed in smarter ways.

Copyright ©2008 The Smart Divorce and Deborah Moskovitch

All rights reserved. No portion of this material may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Deborah Moskovitch and The Smart Divorce

The divorce process is often fraught with many questions. How do you know it’s the right thing to do? Do you stay together for the sake of the kids? What if I don’t trust my spouse any more and so on.

Many of these questions are answered in an article appearing in Homemakers magazine. Please click on the link to have some of your questions answered.

10-frequently-asked-divorce-questions

Being smart about divorce means asking lots of questions so that you are informed – and doing the research to answer these questions, so that you can answer for yourself – how to move forward with focus hope and confidence.

Watch Deborah talk about

The Smart Divorce on “Three takes”

Three Takes is a lifestyle series that gets behind the scenes and reveals what being single, married and divorced is REALLY all about. It’s about women, for women, but if men want to figure us out, they’d be foolish not to watch! It’s a girlfriend’s guide to being single, married or divorced.

Single and hear your clock ticking? Married and time crunched or divorced and wondering if your time is now? The three hosts are living these lives and aren’t afraid to share. They’re self-deprecating, funny, and fearless. They’re always surprising as they unmask the truth of being a girl. It’s say what you feel and feel what you say television.

I’ve been invited to speak about The Smart Divorce and dealing with the many issues surrounding divorce and surviving the first month – on Thursday, November 6, 2008 at 12pm and 5pm ET and 9am and 2 pm PT. It’s airing nationally in Canada, so tune in to the Slice network in your area. Although this show is targeted towards women, men might find this segment informative as well.

Click on the link for more information:

http://db2.centennialcollege.ca/ce/coursedetail.php?CourseCode=CESI-602

Search

The dating game, and how to ensure you are putting

your children’s best interests first.

It’s been said that dating is something that is good for you but can be hard on your children, because it pulls you away from them and may be confusing for them. There are no specific rules for dating when you have kids; there’s no right or wrong way to do it. Of course, your priority should still be your children, and sometimes you have to sacrifice your needs for them.

Dating postdivorce, achieving balance in your life and putting your children’s best interest first can be a challenge. Please click on the link to read more about tips and strategies as to how to navigate this new phase in your life postdivorce.

http://www.more.ca/relationships/married-life/from-dam-to-glam-dating-after-divorce/a/1800

I wrote this article for More magazine’s online edition. More magazine is a publication which celebrates women over 40. Men should also feel comfortable reading this article as it offers great insight into dating postdivorce; tips that apply to both men and women. If you would like to browse through this magazine click on the following link: www.more.ca

Knowing how to put your children’s best interests first
will give you a sense of comfort, calm and
the freedom to enjoy yourself.

to finances is of utmost importance

One of the many concerns that my client’s voice most often during a consultation is their lack of knowledge and organization skills when it comes to their finances.

Getting your finances in order with the objective of cutting down on your legal expenses should be a priority

Lawyers don’t always agree on every issue. But, when it comes to finances, all lawyers agree on how important it is for their clients to be as financially aware as possible. It’s the best way to learn your rights and obligations and to determine realistic financial expectations early in the divorce process. And the more you can manage and organize your information for your lawyer, the more you can help reduce your lawyer’s billable hours!

Here are some ideas as to learn about your finances if you were not involved with finances during your marriage:

• Get more involved in your finances. Know the basics – pay the bills and file the statements. Learn how your daily and monthly expenses are managed.
• Understand where your money is coming from and understand how to budget.
• Take part in managing or setting up any investments, know what your outstanding mortgage is and the terms and so on.
• Gain awareness of your outstanding assets and liabilities.

Many lawyers suggest that if someone is contemplating a divorce or separating, one of the first things you should do is accumulate the financial information.

Once the divorce process is under way, your lawyer will need ready access to all relevant financial documents. Start by locating and gathering together the following records pertaining to both you and your spouse:

 - social security numbers

 - income tax returns for the past three years

 - retirement savings plans statements for the past three years

 - bank account statements

 - insurance policies (life; automobile; house; other)

 - stock certificates

 - credit card bills

 - employment payment stubs

 - brokerage statements

 - pension statements

 - health insurance and work-related benefits

 - real estate records

 - receipts and monthly statements documenting household expenses and everyday expenses (groceries, gas, heat, water, personal grooming, transportation, gifts, clothing, laundry and cleaning supplies, entertainment, miscellaneous expenses, and so forth)

 - list of all assets and liabilities

 - date of separation (the date of separation, or “valuation date,” is the date that is used to determine the value of particular assets–the matrimonial home, bank statements, investments, and so forth)

Photocopy everything, and store your set in a separate folder from the original records. Don’t just keep the originals for your own personal use; the other side is entitled to these documents, too. If you do withhold these records from the other side, sooner or later you are going to be asked to provide them, which will cost you even more in legal fees.

Keeping this information organized, being well informed and involved will give you a feeling of control, reduce the stress, and help to develop realistic financial objectives.

Please click on the link to read more about tips and strategies as to how to accomplish postdivorce happiness. 5-steps-to-post-divorce-happiness-more-magazine-12

I wrote this article for More magazine’s online edition. More magazine is a publication which celebrates women over 40. Men should also feel comfortable reading this article as it offers great insight into moving on – postdivorce; tips that apply to both men and women. If you would like to browse through this magazine click on the following link: www.more.ca

Life is like a book: some chapters are more difficult to get through than others. When I started living on my own again, I thought about how the new chapters of my own life were going to be written. I began to ask myself many questions. Can people actually be single and happy postdivorce? If they can, how do they achieve this? What is their secret? Is it like one of those new fad diets–just follow these few simple steps and, poof, a new you, easily transformed while you sleep? Or can you only reach that elusive goal of happiness when you find that perfect mate–your knight in shining armor or damsel in distress?

Think about how you would like your life to look like postdivorce and start doing some of those things now. You have choices and control. It’s up to you as to how this new chapter in your life is going to be written.

The Smart Divorce

I will be interviewed on July 21, 2008 on AM800′s ‘Windsor Now’ with Melanie Deveau.

Tune in to AM800 in Windsor, Ontario at 5:48 pm. I’ve been invited to speak about The Smart Divorce. You can also listen live online by going to the following link: www.am800cklw.com