by Jonathan Hickman (writer), Neil Edwards (pencils), Andrew Currie (inks), Paul Mounts (colors), and Rus Wooton (letters)

The Story: It’s Franklin’s birthday, but who’s the mysterious visitor who invades the Baxter Building come nightfall?

What’s Good: If anything, every single one of Hickman’s issues of Fantastic Four have all felt very true to the core values of the series: good wholesome fun with a dash of sci-fi wackiness/action.  This month’s book continues that trend.

Franklin’s birthday forms the bulk of the issue, and for the most part, it’s fun.  The Spider-Man cameo was good for a laugh, and it’s hard not to enjoy seeing the character act as a birthday performer and child entertainer.  Hickman basically writes Spider-Man almost as a kid’s party magician….except for the fact that he’s Spider-Man.  Children’s birthdays in the Marvel Universe are just like ours, only far more awesome.

And of course, with Spider-Man’s presence comes the hilarity of his relationship with Johnny.  Torch’s seething jealousy for the character is as funny as ever under Hickman.  The present he gets for Spidey is bound to make you laugh, as well as the sight of Johnny accusing someone else of being a show-off.

Spidey’s not the only guest to bring the laughs though.  The child found in the Wizard’s lair back at the beginning of Hickman’s run is also a guest at the party (it’s good to see Hickman’s not forgotten him), and surprisingly, despite the dark nature of the character, his page of dialogue with Sue is a real laugh.  He’s morbid, apathetic, and depressed…but he loves cake.  Sue’s completely ignoring his macabre dialogue definitely helped.

The last bit of the issue hints at big things to come.  I loved what Neil Edwards did with the art here.  A mysterious visitor gives Val portents of the future, and Edwards renders said portents as child’s crayon drawings.  I got a real kick out of seeing a cackling Dr. Doom illustrated in crayon.  Also, I had to say, when Val revealed the visitor’s identity, my jaw literally dropped. How Hickman has Val address the visitor for who he really is was oddly touching.

What’s Not So Good: The art for this issue just wasn’t very good overall.  Edwards faces are just an absolute mess.  The number of botched faces is beyond count.  At times, the expressions are all wrong (kid’s yelling out look like photo-referenced crying babies), and more often, they just look inhuman.  Sue may suddenly have an enormous forehead or Franklin and Val may look deformed.  I have no idea what’s going on, but Edwards just cannot draw consistently human faces.

Also, while not a big deal for long-term readers, readers just jumping aboard now with Hickman’s run may be thrown for a bit of a whirl with respect to some of Franklin’s party guests.  One conversation will have new readers completely in the dark.  I’m also not sure how I feel about two of the children at the party now being Baxter Building residents.  I like the focus on Val and Franklin, and I fear that more children may dilute their presences.

The major shift in tone late in the issue  is also a bit disconcerting, structurally.  There’s very little segue or linkage and this ends up feeling like two different stories/issues slammed together with no lead-in.  The birthday party and the visitor are just so different in atmosphere, tone, and plot and there’s no effort to make the shift feel natural.

Conclusion: Good, clean fun.  Hickman’s FF is one of the best Marvel reads.

Grade: B

-Alex Evans

Weather.com is reporting that my town will receive between 10-15 inches of snow.   Since I’m under a snow siege, I thought that I would post some film recommendations to make your  shoveling, the general misery of the cold, and the  bruise on your ass from slipping on the ice seem slightly more tolerable.

“The Thing“

John Carpenter’s 1982 paranoid masterpiece “The Thing” stars a grizzly Kurt Russell as a member of a scientific expedition team in the Antarctic. Besides battling sub-zero weather, the team has to contend with an unearthed alien organism that assumes the body and characteristic of any organism that it encounters.  Throughout the film, tensions mount and team members either become infected or increasingly suspicious of their teammates.  While being stuck inside with your family members/significant others/cell mates during the storm might bother the living hell out of you, at least take solace in the fact  that they aren’t trying to overtake and replicate your very existence.

The Thing gets bonus points for having a pre-diabetes Wilford Brimley in the cast.

“The Last Winter“

A title that I want to come true for all future winters, Larry Fessenden’s eco-horror tale “The Last Winter” focuses on a mining company exploring  a virgin Northern Alaskan territory to drill for new oil supplies.  Ron Perlman plays Ed Pollack the manager of the KIC Corporation, a headstrong bull of a man who is hellbent on continuing the operation despite the looming portents of doom and climate shift. He continually comes into conflict with James Legros‘ character, James Hoffman, an environmentalist watchdog overseeing KIC’s drilling to make sure that they follow governmental standards.  Interpersonal turmoil starts to mount as the temperature steadily increases and a whole load of supernatural shit starts to go down. Surprisingly, this movie was not funded by Al Gore. And thankfully there is no Melissa Etheridge song on the soundtrack.  Just remember that pneumonia and your back creaking from shoveling tons of snow are a reminder that the seasons are still following the natural order.

“Return Of The Jedi”

At least you didn’t have to disembowel a Tauntaun and crawl inside it to stay warm.

“Dead Of Winter“

Arthur Penn’s 1987 thriller starts as a fun Hitchcockian homage that eventually degenerates into a ludicrous slasher during the climax.  “Dead Of Winter” is worth watching just for its references to Hitchcock’s incredibly large oeuvre. And hey, if you’re depressed because you’re  snowbound at home  stuck reading a shitty blog ,  this film will help you take comfort in the fact that at least you’re not trapped  in the middle of a blackmail plot.

“Jack Frost“

Not the sentimental Michael Keaton vehicle of the same name, this Jack Frost follows the murderous exploits of a homicidal snowman.   After finding a corpse dressed up as a Christmas tree, Deputy Pullman’s quote  sums up the b-grade quality of the film, “You don’t reckon that we keep her up for the twelve days of Christmas, then?”

And I wouldn’t mind sharing a shower with Shannon Elizabeth, regardless of season.

“Fargo”

It is expected that Connecticut will get 10-15  inches of accumulation and North Dakota is getting nothing. What the fuck is with this shit?  Joel Coen’s 1996 Oscar Awards winner supposedly depicts a farcical version of the Midwest idiom perfectly, but I can’t say because I’ve never left the Eastern seaboard. But my travel issues notwithstanding, I can say that Joel Coen demonstrates a mastery of filmic techniques in this modern classic.For the few of you who haven’t seen it, Coen’s film revolves around a bungled ransom turned murder and a persistent, pregnant, small-town policewoman, played by Frances McDormand,  who stays on the trail of the crime.  If you’re stuck at home and you have a copy of “Fargo,” exit out of this blog now and go watch it.

X-Factor #200

So our super powered Investigators have moved out to New York again to take advantage of a larger superpowered populace. However, not all of our PIs have embarked on this little journey–Madrox (AKA Multiple Man) and Terry (AKA Siryn) have gone their separate ways after their last encounter, which is probably smart cause Terry promised to break Jamie’s neck if she saw him again, and this Irish beauty is a lady of her word. However, apparently finding a base of operation seemed to be difficult for Madrox because the new X-Factor is currently running out of an abandoned funeral home, morgue and hearse included! Everyone quick, to the X-Hearse!

So the New York investigators include our doppelganger leader Jamie Madrox (AKA Multiple Man), super strong tank Guido Carosella (AKA Strong Guy), adaptive powered Armando Muñoz (AKA Darwin), genetically engineered mutant Gaveedra-Seven/Benjamin Russel (AKA Shatterstar), depowered earthshaker Julio Esteban “Ric” Richter (AKA Rictor), and probability manipulator Longshot while Monet St. Croix (AKA M) and Terry Cassidy (AKA Siryn) have stayed back in Detroit, however it is later revealed that Terry closed down her office of investigation.

The issue opens up with two shady characters burying the body of some unknown victim. Having a little banter among the two, the one gravedigger is quickly dematerialized after the body is buried and we come to find out the man who is behind this is none other than Reed Richards, Mr Fantastic! Or at least it appears to him. What is America’s superhero celebrity doing burying bodies?

Well we quickly learn from his two children, Valeria and Franklin Richards, that The Invisible Woman has gone missing and their father is acting casual about the disappearance of their mother. The super-powered geniuses finally get the assistance of Madrox and the crew after a few puns about the disappearance of the Invisible Woman.

Also as a side note, a few cute panels are dedicated to Rictor and Shatterstar sitting around watching a movie together. I love their relationship, and I also love how the writers aren’t afraid of making them real about it too. Guido’s banter, Madrox’s statement, “Who didn’t know about Rictor and Shatterstar”, and just the general feel the two of them have for each other. I’m a supporter of this as a positive image of gays in comics. Score one for X-Queers!

Anywho, also as a side note, what the hell is Terry doing!? Sleeping with Deadpool… Not only is that disgusting but… what the hell, random? While we never see the Merc with a Mouth in any of the panels his costume is strewed across what appears to be Terry’s apartment floor and his characteristic yellow speech bubbles are everywhere with typical Wade Wilson craziness. Oh jeez… what are you doing with your life Siryn?

Well, as the Madrox, Strong Guy, and Shatterstar make their way with the Fantastic kids to confront Mr. Fantastic about the disappearance of his wife, a Madox dupe and Rictor head around the Fantastic Four base to find some clues to what might have happened to Susan. To maintain Rictor and the dupes secrecy, Guido starts a fight with the thing to buy the pair some time to snoop. However, Valeria is quick to catch onto what Madrox plan was, which gives Madrox the feeling that Reed Richards too picked up on the crews plan–however, Mr. Fantastic didn’t do anything to stop them. Something is up.

Meanwhile, back at the base, Monet comes back to try to get Madrox to accompany her to Ireland and talk to Terry who is becoming more and more distant but is quick to judge the funeral home/base and finds a presumably dead Longshot in the morgue. However, it appears that in a drunken stupor the luck manipulator had fallen asleep inside one of the body compartments. However Val Cooper comes to deliver some bad news to M, telling her that her father has been captured by terrorists with plans to behead him on TV. Their only comprise, is M in exchange for her father.

Best line of the entire issue though is when Madrox returns to headquarters to stumble upon M and Val in the middle of discussing what they are going to do about her father: “And… Val…? Are you two together? Not… in the romantic sense, I mean, but…” Love the gayos (gay + chaos).

M asking for some space, gives the crew a chance to piece over the clues they found over at the Richards facility. A single bobbypin that was found in the Fantasticar (lamest name ever) leads to Longshot using his abilities of psychometry to view what happened to the Invisible Woman. This leads him to following Susan through some sort of portal that brings him face to face with what appears to be a cloaked Layla Miller who states she is in Latveria–nation ruled by Doctor Doom.

The story then crosses over to Ireland where Terry is standing before her father’s grave (wonder if this is going to have any relavance or noting in Necrosha sense papa Cassidy is out and about being all TO zombified) rather confused about her life. Madrox then appears behind her and asks if she could us some help, which leads her to clobbering him across the face. However, we quickly find out that this is the dupe of Madrox that is a priest. The pair follow the sound of a gunshot which leads to a pair of idiotic hunters who accidentally kill a baby deer. This leans Siryn to use her powers and scare away the hunters while she laments over her past on the shoulders of the dupe of Madrox.

Rating: 4/5 art is nice, story is looking good, heading in the right direction

For those looking for quick, thorough analyses of films, check out Rob Ager’s YouTube page. The 5 – 10 minute videos include discussions on cult favorites like Pulp Fiction, The Thing, The Exorcist, The Big Lebowski, and Full Metal Jacket.

Below is a sampling, this one on the wonderful Mad Max trilogy. Click here for Part 2 of the video.

Christmas is dangerously threatening… The gift hunt is open but as baffling as every year. Lucky me, Mom, Dad and big bro’s are done. However, what am I supposed to buy for my  aunt, the eternal yéyé of my kinsfolk? (Don’t be ashamed, there’s one of them in every single average French family!)

So I was wondering and wandering about my favourite bookstore when I found the perfect match.

Did you know that 2009 was to be the 50th anniversary of “Salut les copains“, the Yéyé radio show par excellence?  Born in 1959, Salut les copains is the most emblematic show of the 60′ indeed. Rock&Roll music mixed with an extravagant tone made the show one of the most successful radio rendez-vous of that time. Young people (and I guess my aunt used to be one of them precisely in those years, at least that’s what I’ve been told) wouldn’t miss it for the world. It became such a huge smack that it even gave rise to a magazine.

Anyway! To celebrate this anniversary, Layeur publications imagined a book which would recount the story of the show and the magazine. Highlights and photographs, everything is in this wonderful little book.

Praise the lord! I’m going to make someone very happy under the Christmas tree…

SALUT LES COPAINS!

The first of what will hopefully be a recurring series showcasing the awesomeness that can be found in discount bins.  This is what I’ve stumbled upon recently.

Incredible Hercules #122 - I don’t know if I can describe this book any better than Chris Sims did, but I can certainly make it wordier and more boring.

Clayton Henry’s artwork is top-notch.  It expresses the action (and facial expressions) without excessive linework.  Greg Pak and Fred Van Lente write a story with healthy does of action and humor.  Hercules is exuberant and boisterous, and Namor is powerful and pompus.  Namora ties them both together quite nicely, in a pleasant guest appearance outside of Agents of Atlas.  And speaking of AoA, this issue of Hercules has the greatest first-page recap outside of that book, a modified version of a Sappho poem.  I will definitely be looking for more.

The Thing #1 -Matt hasn’t been pushing this on me, but he has been talking about the virtues of this title for quite a while.  He was definitely right.  Ben Grimm has never been better represented as an everyman and idol to millions (at the same time) than he is right here.  The story is fun, accessible, well-drawn, and I will snap up any others I can find.

Marvel Team-Up #104 - It’s a comic with a cover where The Hulk and Ka-Zar are fighting an army of M.O.D.O.K.-controlled dinosaurs.  Does it even matter what happens on the inside?  It’s a sign of how messed-up the comic industry is that it costs me $4 to get 1/6 of a new story every Wednesday, but I can pick up this piece of deliciousness for 25 cents.

Hercules: Prince of Power TPB – Sure, there are 2 Hercules books here, but it’s just a coincidence.  To be honest, I’ve never really gotten the character until recently, when Sims made me want to check out the ongoing (thanks!).  However, this one is something I’ve always wanted to read, what with the concept of Hercules in space with Galactus.  Still, even as I bought it, I was worried I was making a mistake.  I wasn’t.

In order to teach Hercules humility, Zeus banishes him from Olympus…into space!  Taking Apollo’s sun-chariot, Hercules encounters strange new worlds and civilizations.  And yes, Galactus.  Writer/artist Bob Layton does stop us from seeing what would have been the greatest plot point ever in a comic book, but he makes up for it by showing us Galactus without his helmet on.

Wasn’t Helios the sun god? Why doesn’t the chariot burn up everything it touches?  How can Hercules and his space horses survive in the cold vacuum of space?  You’re obviously taking this too seriously (though the answer to the last one is “because it is the will of Zeus,” obviously).

Kudos to Mr. Layton for creating a modern classic.

Dark Reign: The Hood #1 – I’m intrigued by the concept of Dark Reign, but not enough to spend cover price on the books, so I jumped at the chance to spend a quarter for a Parker book following up an excellent Brian K. Vaughn mini.  I did really enjoy the original Hood series, but now that he’s such a big player in the Marvel U., I thought it would have changed his personal life.  No, he’s still the Peter Parker of villainy, competent in costume but not master of his domain.  This was a great start to the series.

I had a really strong week in the discount bins and found some quality books.  It’s a shame that the state of comics books is such that a $4 comic becomes quarter bin fodder in 6 months, but hat’s another post…

The Fifth Element, Luc Besson (boyhood comic book fan), director, 1997  

Wild Ride

 HOOK: Every 300 years evil returns (luckily this time we have the cocky, smirking Bruce Willis as our savior). 

LINE: “Me protect you?” 

SINKER: As Mae West once said, “Too much of a good thing is, wonderful.”

 JOHN: This is an incomprehensible mess of a film that, for some reason, we end up loving.  I like  a sci-fi epic that begins in the past then shoe horns us into the distant future (call it the “2001 effect”). And what do we get? Bruce Willis driving a Checker air cab through a vertically challenged Blade-Runner inner-city. Maybe that’s the appeal. Our fate is in the hands of a guy who lost Demi Moore to Ashton Kutcher. Bruce 12 Monkeys Willis. But wait, there’s more. The alien morphs into a beautiful pink-haired waif (anyone who has ever seen a sci-fi horror film knows that a monster tied down in the lab means trouble–The Thing). In case that isn’t more than enough, there’s Gary Oldman as Mister Evil attracting a bunch of Chewbacca-like creatures (ala Star Wars). Perhaps that’s what’s so appealing. This is every movie ever made, but because it doesn’t take itself seriously we can laugh at our gullibility; and after some really annoying broadcast stuff in the last part, it ends with an interplanetary, opera diva and surprising  emotional punch. Did I mention it foreshadows Wall-E the The Divinci Code and 1012? Bruce, baby, you have a full cab! 

GO GO GO GO (4 GOs out of four) 

SPANKY: I’ll stick with earth, air, fire and water. Besson conceived the idea when he was 16, if that doesn’t hook you in as an adult, what will? I’m a little less enamored with this than you, John. It’s like, “Didn’t I see this movie before?” even if I didn’t. I like a sexy woman in adult diapers and strips of masking tape as much as the rest of you, but you humans have elected enough feeble-minded presidents to prove stupidity isn’t all that cute. Dazzling pyrotechnics aside, I see this as a kind of an outrageous, period cult film that makes us glad we’ve moved on. PS Isn’t it about time the cat-obsessed Willis moved on too? 

BARK, BARK, (2 BARKs out of four) 

by Jonathan Hickman (writer), Neil Edwards (pencils), Andrew Currie (inks), Paul Mounts (colors), and Rus Wooton (letters)

The Story: Johnny, Ben, and the kids go to Nu-World for a vacation but what they find there is a far cry from being a resort.

What’s Good: Probably the best thing the issue has going for it is its generic tone.  The book is a wacky, retro sci-fi adventure.  While Nu-World has become a dystopian mess, Hickman uses this as an excuse to fill the issue with a scuttling, disembodied brain and a hero with a goofy helmet blasting apart robots by the dozen with his ray gun.  It’s cheesy, but definitely fun, like a bad 70s sci-fi flick.  There’s also a depiction of a pseudo-scientific, transcendental sort of mass suicide that sort of reminded me of Logan’s Run with astronauts.  I’m probably alone on that, but it’s cool nonetheless.

I’ve never been a fan of the kids, but Hickman actually made me enjoy their presence.    Both Val and Franklin have a comical way of undercutting Ted Castle and his planetary problems, but in different ways.  Val makes it all seem so simple through her intellect, while Franklin approaches the situation and his circumstances on an entirely different level, as a child would.  There’s a beautifully paced sequence where he offers a grieving Ted Castle a sandwich, tugging the heart-strings while providing a laugh.

Through his wacky sci-fi hijinks and his use of the brain and the kids, Hickman takes what could’ve been a heavy-handed, grindingly tragic affair and turns it into something much more light and fun.  That said, by the time the issue ends, he still gives a little glimpse of the epic nature of what actually unfolded, finishing the book with a beautiful retrospective montage, narrated in a simple fashion that metatextually breaks the comic into its component parts and making it seem all the grander in retrospect.

What’s Not So Good: Despite all this, under perhaps a more cynical lens, it’s hard not to be very well aware of the fact that this issue was more or less written to serve a simple purpose: sweep Nu-World under a rug.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for it, but it can be a bit frustrating when a writer’s purpose is so abundantly clear.  The comic is as much a story as it is a means to an end.

Of course, if Hickman is writing this issue solely to be done with Nu-World, that also means that several characters are treated cursorily, perhaps not with the respect they deserve.  There’s not one but two character deaths, both of which are insultingly brief, abrupt, and underwhelming.  Like Nu-World itself, it’s clear that Hickman just wanted them out of the way.   The Nu-World characters have little page-space, don’t flesh themselves out much, and basically show up just to remind us that they’re there.

Furthermore, while the art isn’t atrocious or anything, Neil Edwards is a far, far cry from Dale Eaglesham.  His artwork just feels very generic, with little sense of individual style or flair.  It does the job without attempting to do anything more.  Edwards also struggles with headshots.  Two panels in particular, one of Johnny and one of Psionics, are total botches.

Conclusion: Enjoyable for what it is, but it creaks a little at times due to the weaker art and Hickman’s obvious motivations.

Grade: B

-Alex Evans

remember remember

I love the 60s. Such a time of feigned innocence. Political correctness meant knowing the right way to shake hands at a Kiwanis meeting, and, the Fantastic Four’s playfulness with Sue Storm was seen as cute.

That’s why this sequence from Fantastic Four #38 is so amazing looking back with 2009 eyes. In just two panels, there’s enough to make Gloria Steinem and Naomi Wolf assault Marvel HQ with the fire arrows from Braveheart. First, the Thing looks to be ready to administering a playful spanking to Ms. Storm … and then he and Reed play flickball with her. Score!

Actually, Sue may deserve a spanking for getting that haircut.

Honestly, this is Stan and Jack keeping the book lighthearted. The FF were a family. They loved each other. They weren’t afraid to have fun with their crazy lives and power. and Sue was the adored kid sister — well, not so much for Reed.

But, now, just a year Tigra’s beating/rape? at the hands of The Hood’s villains and Sue Dibny’s rape/beating/murder pissing loads of readers off (including me, I admit, as the father of two girls) … this scene just seems so antiquated and naive. And, it makes me not just a little nostalgic for a time when I didn’t know so much about how badly men can treat women in real life.

In case you haven’t noticed from my posts, I adore the golden/silver ages. I read comics for an escape. I have enough real life in my real life.

Beast Within 2008

Directors: Wolf Wolf and Ohmuthi

Writer: Wolf Jahnke

Starring Anna Breuer, Phillip Danne, Marvin Gronen, Thomas Heubeck, Jesse Inman, Nikolas Jurgens, Joost Siedhoff and Birthe Wolter

    This is yet another entry into the ever burgeoning zombie genre with some modern health scare terror in it thanks to the avian flu.  This makes the film seem more potent than it normally would be, combining a zombie outbreak with the bird flu.  It is kind of surprising no one had thought to combine these two disparate devices and make a new kind of horror.  It comes together well in this film and the way the film plays out it has elements of both Night of the Living Dead and John Carpenter’s The Thing.  It works really well.  The bleakness of the film is another great part about this film.  There is never any feeling that anything that happens in the film is going to end well and that is refreshing.  It is nice to see a horror film that is unrepentantly dark and with totally unsympathetic characters that you cannot wait to see die horribly.  I wish we got more American made horror films like this.

    The plot basics are this, a professor discovers a new strain of avian flu that when it infects humans they become ravenous zombies.  He is attacked and killed and not long after a group of twenty something’s looking to have a good time, arrive at his home where his grandson (Danne)  is going to sign some papers to take over the home.  It has been a long time since he has been there and he does not seem very welcome by the local authorities.  Soon, many people get infected with this zombie strain of bird flu and now they are all fighting for their lives.  But, there is infighting between the group and this leads ultimately to their doom and it looks as if this zombie virus will spread worldwide.

    This was a damn good film.  The direction is very good, unlike most modern zombie films it is filmed as a movie and not as some viral video, which seems to be the norm these days.  It is very classic in its style.  The direction really plays well within the style of the classic zombie siege film.  The movement of the zombies and their attack styles are fun and exciting to view.  The script is quite good too, I loved the conceit of a avian flu variation that creates zombies.  The characters were interesting too.  I especially liked Patrick, he was hysterically paranoid and that made him a delight to watch as his psyche unraveled.  The cast was good too, with a special nod to Gronen as Patrick, he really relished his part and was by far the best actor in the film.  The SFX and effects are great too, they never look too fake and always bring out the desired effect in the viewer.  This was definitely one of the better zombie films that I have seen recently and well worth a look for zombie fans.

This one gets 4 out of 5

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It’s Wonderful Being a Girl was the name of the small, outdated pamphlet the girls in my Grade 4 class were given along with “The Talk” and “The Film” of the same name presented by a specially contracted public health nurse.

But don’t worry; this post isn’t going to be about That.

No, I thought with all the stuff that sometimes makes being a girl irksome, a reminder of all the great things about being a girl would be nice.  And by “irksome” I mean stuff like The Topic about which this post is not. I mean irksome stuff like the annual girly probings and compressings; or stuff like brassieres and pantyhose; or stuff like waxings and pluckings; or having to pay 4 times as much for a haircut; or uncomfortable shoes; or having to do all the housework; and so forth.

So, without even any further ado, here are some of the things that make being a girl wonderful:

1. Girls have a longer life expectancy. This isn’t necessarily all that great in and of itself, but it does mean girls get our pensions longer; sort of making up for all those lower salaries they got all their lives.
2. Girls understand the concept of conversation and are able to fully utilize it. Though it may seem, on the surface, like idle gossip, girls are actually sharing valuable and useful information; solving seemingly unsolvable problems; resolving childhood issues; and, venting pent-up negativity and frustration so they don’t have to go beating people up, driving hot rods too fast; getting disgustingly drunk and peeing on things; storing stuff up in their blood pressure or going on killing sprees.
3. Girls get a more varied wardrobe. A closet full of just pants and shirts would be sooooo boring. Also, girls get to wear lots of accessories, hair colours, hairstyles, hair do’s and make-up to disguise/enhance their appearance.
4. Girls have relatively controllable body hair. Can you imagine having to deal with ear hair, back hair or.. ugh… face hair? I know it’s normal for guys, but the idea of hair growing out of my face totally freaks me out. I actually have nightmares about it. But guys live with this every day! How? They have to shave their faces once or even twice every day! Otherwise their entire face gets consumed by fur. Arrgghhhh! Of course, some of them just give up and let it grow. And then only their eyes are visible. And then food and snot, spit and/or other bodily fluids (depending on their inclination) gets stuck in their face fur. Seriously! Nightmare!
5. Girls don’t have dangly bits they have to constantly clutch and worry about. I think it’s a big design flaw to have a person’s most vulnerable and delicate bits just hanging there on the outside of the body at a level even with raised knees, children’s hard, exuberant heads, unfriendly dog jaws and sharp table corners.
6. Girls don’t get nocturnal emissions or spontaneous public erections. Because that’s just weird.
7. Girls (while we’re on that general topic) can get laid, generally speaking, more easily than men. Girls don’t usually have to sell their souls, surrender their dignity, resort to underhanded methods or fork out a lot of money to get sex. It’s never that important. Sure, some girls will do some of that to get love (or a reasonable facsimile thereof), but that’s more of a long-term investment.
8. Girls can cry and be affectionate with humans of the same sex without being mocked or having their sexual orientation questioned.
9. Girls usually don’t have to lift heavy stuff. Guys seem to enjoy lifting stuff for girls, so unless girls like lifting stuff, girls never really have to. [Anecdotal evidence: One day I had a big armchair delivered and there was only one guy in the delivery truck. I offered to grab the other side and help him lift it, but before I could put that into practice, a whole flock of neighbour guys appeared and volunteered to do it. I’d never even seen most of these guys before. Where did they all come from? How did they know that something needed to be lifted? Do they have some sort of scanner in their home that alerts them? It was odd, but very convenient.]
10. And finally, of course, there’s The Thing. The super secret Thing to which all girls become privy at a certain age and which they will never, ever reveal to a guy no matter how close or intimate. And of course I won’t reveal it on my blog either, even though doing so would guarantee the biggest blog sensation ever to hit the Internet. Even though doing so would mean my blog would be talked about by millions of people around the globe. Even though it would mean fame and untold fortune. Because doing so would also mean my life would no longer be worth living, which I’m sure my girl readers can understand and appreciate.

Thank you.

I’m not sure exactly how many films I’ve seen in my lifetime.

It is probably over a thousand, the list below barely scratches the surface of all the films I’ve seen and it was surprisingly easy to come up with. Rather than systematically list films by era or genre I got my brother’s girlfriend Dawn to call out any films she could think of.

I thought of this idea about five minutes before I began typing and Dawn rattled off films as they came to her while I typed out brief verdicts for each one. I initially intended to create a system for rating but found it too restrictive so I just wrote a brief instinctual verdict for each one.

I have included a link to Rotten Tomatoes and the score of each film, I haven’t seen some of these movies in a very long time…

NOTE: The percentages at the end are not my scores but the percentage of positive reviews on Rotten Tomatoes.

1. Men in Black (1997) – meh (91% – seriously?!)
2. Fight Club (1999) – brilliant (80%)
3. Unforgiven (1992) – immense (96%)
4. Shaun of the Dead (2004) – decent (gets worse every time I watch it)
5. Memento (2001) – pretty good (93%)
6. The Departed (2006) – good (92%)
7. Aliens (1986) – the best sequel ever made (100%)
8. Reservoir Dogs (1992) – great characters and dialogue (95%)
9. American Beauty (1999) – uplifting, brilliant (the stupid bag scene apart) (89%)
10. Goodfellas (1990) – excellent (96%)
11. Predator (1987) – one of Arnie’s best (76%)
12. 12 Angry Men (1957) – captivating (100%)
13. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003) – meh (78%)
14. Shawshank Redemption (1994) – really, really good (88%)
15. Little Miss Sunshine (2006) – better than I expected (90%)
16. Sin City (2005) – flashy trash (78%)
17. Toy Story 2 (1999) – yep, it’s good (100%)
18. Bambi (1942) – I remember it being good (much to the amusement of Dawn and Sean, many gay jokes followed) (89%)
19. Final Destination (2000) -guff (30%)
20. Edward Scissorhands (1990) – pretentious crap (90%)
21. Stranger than Fiction (2006) – Surprisingly good (72%)
22. Shallow Grave (1995) – okay (71%)
23. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1996) – facepalm (49%)
24. Man on Fire (2004) – underwhelming (39%)
25. Ocean’s Eleven (2001) – meh (81%)
26. 28 Days Later (2003) – meh (88%)
27. Casino Royale (2006) – surprisingly really good (94%)
28. Psycho (1960) – I was expecting it to be better (98%)
29. The Flintstones (1994) – Jesus wept (18%)
30. Aladdin (1992) – good (92%)
31. Jackass: The Movie (2002) – hard to class as a film really, hit and miss(48%)
32. E.T (1982) – good (98%)
33. Independence Day (1996) – a glorified B movie (61%)
34. Titanic (1997)  – Good (81%)
35. Ring (2002) – fairly decent (71%)
36. Pulp Fiction (1994) – Tarantino’s best film by a long way (97%)
37. Hot Fuzz (2007) – fun (90%)
38. Monty Python: Holy Grail (1975) – classic (94%)
39. Good Will Hunting (1997) – good (97%)
40. Heat (1995) – pretty good, not great (89%)
41. Zodiac (2007) – boring (87%)
42. Little Mermaid (1989) – decent (90%)
43. Ghost (1987) – crap (80%)
44. Dirty Dancing (1987) – utter shit – that women like this film makes me wonder if they actually deserve equal rights (67%)
45. The Terminator (1984) – the best Terminator (100%)
46. Bean (1998) – a test of mental endurance, awful (41%)
47. The Mask (1994) – rubbish (76%)
48. Frailty (2002) – ridiculous (74%)
49. The Day After Tomorrow (2004) – shite
50. Donnie Darko (2001) – overrated pish (84%)
51. Apollo 13 (1995)– crap (96%)
52. Deep Impact (1998)– more crap (46%)
53. Volcano (1997) – even more crap (40%)
54. I know what you did last summer (1997)– yet more crap (36%)
55. The Matrix (1999) – first half decent rest shite (86%)
56. Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (2002)– boring (96%)
57. Addams Family Values (1994) – some good moments (74%)
58. Nightmare before Christmas (1993) – overrated, largely guff (97%)
59. Star Wars: Return of the Jedi (1983) – (see earlier blog) (75%)
60. Three Men and a Baby (1987) – sickening  (78%)
61. Transformers: The Movie (1986) – decent (haven’t seen it in 10 years) (50%)
62. Cruel Intentions (1999) – trash (47%)
63. Lock Stock and Two Smoking barrels (1998) – good if a little overrated (71%)
64. Clerks II (2006) – absolutely fucking diabolical (62%, seriously what the fuck?)
65. Baby’s Day Out (1994) – horrific (23%)
66. Home Alone 2 (1992) – decent (17% – that seems harsh!)
67. Liar Liar (1997) – pretty bad (84%)
68. Babe (1995) – Jesus wept (98%)
69. The Simpsons Movie (2007) – unfunny crap from a show that is a pale shadow of what it used to be (90%)
70. Mr Nanny (1993) – a holocaust of a film (7%)
71. The Thing (1980) – really tense, really good (80%)
72. Blair Witch Project (1999) – doing something different doesn’t make it good (85%)
73. Run Lola Run (1999) – see above (92%)
74. The Santa Clause (1994) – crap (Dawn: “What’s the film with Tim Allen dressed as Santa Claus?”) (79%)
75. Silence of the Lambs (1990) – they really should have just stopped at this one, a fine film (96%)
76. Matilda (1996) – another crap Dahl adaptation (89%)
77. A Bridge too Far (1977) – the quintessential war movie (67%)
78. Rocky V (1990) – laughable (21%)
79. The Sting (1973) – really good (91%)
80. The Sword in the Stone (1963) – good (73%)
81. The Witches (1990) – crap (100%, what the fuck?)
82. Starship Troopers (1997) – entertaining trash (60%)
83. Love Actually(2003)  – hated it (63%)
84. White men can’t jump (1992) – I liked it despite itself (78%)
85. The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1999)– a pointless sequel (48%)
86. A Bug’s Life (1998) – meh (91%)
87. Hollow man (2000)– hollow is an appropriate adjective (but I like Bacon’s character) (27%)
88. Jaws (1975) – good but overrated (100%)
89. Jerry Maguire (1996)– oh Christ (84%)
90. Dawn of the Dead (1978)– awesome (95%)
91. Drop Dead Fred (1991)– mindless crap (still haunted by my little sister’s repeat viewing of this monstrosity) (9%)
92. Braveheart (1995) – good (it’s a movie, not a history lesson) (76%)
93. Saw II (2005) – crap (35%)
94. Mouse Hunt (1997)– hated it (really wanted the mouse to die) (44%)
95. The Mummy (1999)– didn’t like it (54%)
96. George of the Jungle (1997)– crap (53%)
97. Leon (1994) – ludicrous garbage (74%)
98. Death becomes her (1993)– had its moments (56%)
99. Meet Joe Black (1998) – meh (49%)
100. Dog Soldiers (2002) – entertaining (79%)
101. Cool Hand Luke (1967) – the best film ever (100%)

It had been a pretty long while since I started expecting the sequel to Marvel Ultimate Alliance (2006) sequel and finally, I have got it and finished the game twice. It is a bit odd, because I had really expected much more from this game and at the end, it kinda feels like a dissapointment. Because of my console, the version I will talk about is the Wii version of the game.

Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2, previously known also as Fusion, basically follows the same path of the original game in terms of gameplay. Up to four players can join during anytime of the game, choosing 4 characters among 26 playable Marvel heroes and villains and overcoming each obstacle on their way. One of the new aspects of the game is the fact that now, thanks to the fusion power the characters are able to combine their powers, realeasing a powerful blast of mixed abilities. This new feature, apart from the story, are the only new attractions of the game, so we can say there’s a bit lack of originality.

The characters have improved in a lot of aspects, specially the visual one, but surely fans of the previous game will be struck by the fact of not having really new superpowers. Indeed, almost all the attacks of the first game have come back, with the exception of few that were changed, into something a little bit better, or something even worse. Teamwork is still the same, and the enemy’s level of intelligence becomesa challenge in some moments of the game, but there’s nothing really splendorous. Expectations about the new characters like Jean Grey, Penance, Psylocke, etc. fade quickly, as you realize some are the obvious replacement of the ones in the first game that didn’t enter in this second round (like Psylocke, who is basically Elektra). Some others continue being as good as they were, and pretty few have become really stronger.

The game’s plot follows the Civil War story, on which the heroes have to choose between accepting the Act of Registration from the Government, or not. Depending on what you choose, some characters will be available or not, and missions will change, according to the story you’re playing. Nevertheless, the way the plot is told becomes sometimes quite boring, and you just skip the info in order to start playing the missions. The S.H.I.E.L.D. blue points, where you save your progress and change your team are now spread in not very useful locations, unlike the previous game, and you can’t change characters who have died in battle anymore. You have to bring them back to life using the Fusion, and in the Wii version, there are no costumes for the characters. 

Bosses have a balanced level, and the locations, although they are not as exotic as in the prequel, are now made with more detail, giving the game a pleasant visual effect. Missions have become shorter in lenght and not very dinamic in some moments. A good improvement from the first Wii version is that the Wii Remote Control is now more enjoyable without being an irritating feature. Attacks are not made by the control’s movement anymore, and isntead, it is required only in specific actions.

So, in general, MUA2 it’s the same game as the first one with some improvements but no really outstanding feature, a story that can be sometimes hateful, and cool characters that still, have something which doesn’t really fit at all. A good avergae game, but the first one is really missed by the player while he plays this one.

So, here’s a list of all the playable Wii characters, with a brief opinion of mine (based on my playing with them), and more images. Leave your comments as you wish!

1.- Captain America: He’s basically the same as in the first game, and his attacks are overpowered by most of all the other characters. A shield is not very useful, really… Grade: Useful in some moments.

2.- Iron Man: With some new improvements, Stark’s armor is not only a reliable backup, but also quite an offensive fighter. He’s not only powerful but also resistant. Grade: Essential for victory!

3.- Thor: The mighty Nordic God might not seem trustful in this game, but hides great power in his hammer. Strong and offensive, clearly a great choice. Grade: Good choice!

4.- Hulk: This new ally it’s powerful by nature. His only “but” is that he requires “rage” for some of his attacks, but it’s a good companion in rooms full of enemies… Grade: Good choice!

5.- Spiderman: The web-head neighbour it’s the master of agility, and along with his spider powers becomes a useful tool whether for running away, or fighting multiple enemies at a time… Grade: Essential for victory!

6.- Mr. Fantastic: Thanks to his elastic powers, he can reach enemies that are not close to him, but his physical power from the last game, went from 5 to 2 so think about it… Grade: Not the best, not the worst.

7.- Invisible Woman: Susan’s powers have increased from 5, to extra 5, becoming quite a good heroine to play with. Not only will she protect her mates using big shields, but also her “fusion” abilities end up with massive destruction! Grade: Essential for victory!

8.- Human Torch: Johnny’s fire power is strong, and used in a proper way, becomes destructive, besides, his combinations with the other heroes always result in total blast, surely, one hell of a flame! Grade: Good choice!

9.- The Thing: Ben’s physical power it’s the same, but unlike the first game, he’s a little bit faster. This allows him to act like a big bull enemies can’t run from!!! Grade: Good choice!

10.- Wolverine: The iconic X-Man, remains the same as in the prequel, but his lack of power is far more visible. It’s not a good idea to use metal claws against metal armors… Grade: Useful in some moments.

11.- Storm: Storm’s lightnings are a good weapon when a lot of enemies surround you, but… apart from that she has nothing really good to add, except (maybe…) her fusion compability… Grade: Useful in some moments.

12.- Cyclops: This new player seems to have a poor gameplay, but his optical powers ban that statement and make him a good mate rivals can’t deal with. Grade: Good choice!

13.- Jean Grey: She’s probably one of the best newcomers to the game. Not only can she revive with her powers, but also ask her Phoenix’s soul for help and play with telekinesis as if she were playing with dolls. Grade: Essential for victory!

14.- Iceman: Basically the same as always, Iceman icy powers are useful for freezing enemies once and for all, trapping them in what can become a massive punching bag. Fast, agile, and a good shooter… what else do you ask? Grade: Good choice!

15.- Gambit: Another newcomer who impresses with her explosive cards. His shooting ability is stunning, and more when his cards fly everywhere without even aiming at an enemy! Grade: Good choice!

16.- Psylocke: This lady’s pink powers are not very realiable and you’d prefer to take Jean instead of her. Her pink blade is probably a good weapon, along her butteflies, but she’s not the latest warrior… Grade: Useful in some moments.

17.- Deadpool: This mercenary is everything but rubbish. He shoots as fast as you blink your eyes, teleports, jumps, throws granades and starts the massive attacks as fast as he says: “Hello!” His resistance and health powers… make him the perfect back-up. Grade: Essential for victory.

18.- Daredevil: Not a very impressive character, Daredevil shows us agile movements and baton-based hits. Nothing really amazing. Grade: Not the best, not the worst.

19.- Songbird: Another newcomer who seems to offer a lot, but at the end is just another normal mutant. Her sonic powers are only impressive when the fusion is made. A bad point: she can’t attack while she flies… Grade: Not the best, not the worst.

20.- Blade: The old vampire hunter was weak and this new version of him… is still weak. Surrounded by all the other mutants, he barely even disappears among them. Some attacks have become stronger, and the gunshot is probbaly his best feature. Grade: Useful in some moments.

21.- Ms. Marvel: We still wonder why did she return. She’s not amazing and her attacks do a damage level of mediocrity. The only plus is that she’s strong, but in that case… better take Hulk or the Thing. Grade: Stay at the base.

22.- Penance: This mysterious guy doens’t seem to be strong or physically impressive, although visually, he is. Has energy attacks based in getting pain, but his really strong point is the “fusion” move, that ends up sometimes in total destruction. Grade: Not the best, not the worst.

23.- Luke Cage: This warrior is anything but spectacular. Maybe his fists against the ground are something but aparte from that… the chain, the punch… just don’t really work. Grade: Stay at the base.

24.- Venom: One of the two villains available, Venom it’s one of the best newcomers. His slow melee moves are compensed by really good attackas using his symbiotic abilites, which are able to drain enemy’s life in less that 1 minute! Grotesque, sometimes is the best… Grade: Essential for victory!

25.- Green Goblin: The explosive pumpkins he throws make up for his lack of physical damage. Basically that’s all he does… oh, did I mention he launches missiles? Grade: Not the best, not the worst.

26.- Nanyte Nick Fury: This android version of Nick Fury is strong, and has some good attacks… but he’s lack of visual compability with the rest of heroes, makes him a little odd. Apart from that… his sniper rifle deserves some views. Grade: Not the best, not thw worst.

We do feel sometimes the need of using Dr. Strange, Ghost Rider, Moonknight or Colossus right? Hahaha… among all the mentioned, who’s your favorite???

PD: Sorry for writing such a long entrance…