Born to see, born to breath.
We were born in a time gone wrong.

Born to laugh, born to cry.
An era-worth undone.

Born to touch, but not to keep.
The world you knew is gone.

Be as it may, we cannot die.
This era is our home.

Those Deaths Don’t Count

“A lie told often enough becomes truth” Vladimir Lenin.

41

41 people have died (so far) after receiving the H1N1 vaccination; however, these deaths are not linked to the vaccination but “underlying medical conditions”.  Like I said in my previous post:

“Observation 1: When a death or illness is linked to swine flu the person’s health concerns will be ignored or minimised as the cause of death.  The underlying message here is that swine flu causes deaths. Observation 2: When a death or illness is linked to a vaccination the person’s health concerns will be noted as the primary cause of death or if there are no health concerns the person’s mental health will be questioned.  The underlying message here is that people die when they get sick and not from vaccinations” (What Happens Happens Part 4, October 9, 2009, http://penultima.wordpress.com/2009/10/09/what-happens-happens-part-4/).

I can’t believe what is going on before my eyes…

The deaths of 41 people from six countries who had received the H1N1 (swine flu) vaccine were not directly linked to the vaccine, the WHO said Thursday, the Associated Press/MSNBC reports (11/19). “Although some investigations are still ongoing, the results of the completed investigations reported to WHO have ruled out that the pandemic vaccine is the cause of death,” Marie-Paule Kieny, WHO’s top vaccine expert, said during a telephone conference, Reuters reports. “Reporting so far reconfirms that the pandemic flu vaccine is as safe as the seasonal flu vaccine,” she added.
(http://globalhealth.kff.org/Daily-Reports/2009/November/20/GH-112009-Swine-Flu.aspx?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+kff%2Fkdghpr+%28Kaiser+Daily+Global+Health+Policy+Report%29).

“Thorough investigation of these deaths, including a review of autopsy results, determined that underlying medical conditions were the cause of death and not the vaccine,” it said of China. Fewer than a dozen suspected cases of Guillain-Barre syndrome had been reported following pandemic vaccination, [Marie-Paule Kieny, WHO's top vaccine expert] said. “Only a few of this Guillain-Barre may be linked to the pandemic vaccine …. and patients have recovered,” she added. She denounced conspiracy theories about vaccines circulating on the Internet, saying they were causing “artificial worries.”
(http://www.reuters.com/article/topNews/idUSTRE5AI2BL20091119).

In Canada (November 20, 2009)…

[...] there have been 36 serious adverse reactions reported [...] One person is believed to have died from an anaphylactic reaction following vaccination, but Butler-Jones stressed the death hasn’t been conclusively linked to the flu shot. “It’s important to remember that just because a medical event follows vaccination, it may not have been caused by the vaccination; it may have been caused by other factors, as unfortunate events continue to occur with or without vaccine,” [Canadian chief public health officer, Dr. David Butler-Jones had said].

(http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20091119/Flu_Reaction_091119/20091120?hub=Health).

So far, [British Columbia, Canada] has vaccinated one million people as the province increased total vaccination to 25%. There have been some allergic reactions to the vaccine, including two people who died after receiving the shot but testing has not confirmed if the vaccine was directly related, according to Kendall, who maintains the vaccine is safe.  B.C. has had 18 serious reactions to the vaccine, approximately two per 100,000, which is higher than the typical one per 100,000 with regular flu vaccine. This difference could be attributed to the doubling up of shots during this mass immunization program, Kendall said. People receive both H1N1 and regular flu vaccines at the same time.

(http://www.canada.com/hits+vulnerable+hardest/2245494/story.html).

I really don’t think I have to say much on the above quotes.  People died in what seems like severe allergic (and very real) reactions, whether or not WHO or the Government of Canada wishes to find no link between the deaths and the vaccine is another matter all together.  I have discovered in my life time that when you don’t look for something you will never find it.

I am really hoping that the people do not seriously believe that the vaccine is perfectly safe, and all those affected by it recover 100%. People are dying, people are getting sick, and it is all because the people have put their trust in the hands of other men.

Articles Used

Flu hits vulnerable the hardest

Batch of H1N1 vaccine pulled after bad reactions- CTV News, Shows and Sports — Canadian Television

Deaths not linked to H1N1 vaccine_ WHO | Reuters.com

Evidence Does Not Connect H1N1 Vaccine To Patient Deaths, WHO Says – Kaiser Global Health

Those Deaths Don’t Count

asdf

[/FIN]

Pink Floyd Edition Converse Shoes Selling Fast

Pink Floyd Edition Converse Shoes Selling Fast

We were contacted by Converse letting us know their special edition Pink Floyd shoes are selling fast. If you haven’t seen them, have a look at the pictures. They sell them in both the Lo-top and Hi-top versions. Our thanks to Converse for letting us know.

From Converse: “Pink Floyd’s inspired footwear designs are part of the Converse music collaborations for SP09. Available at the stand-alone Converse store – part of Size – in Carnaby Street as well as online; visit http://www.converse.com for further information on the entire Converse range including clothing and footwear.”

Con la edición # 53 de nuestro podcast presentamos un servicio nuevo que atraerá la atención a los podcasters de Venezuela y del mundo entero, se trata de CreaTuPodcast.com, un servicio en el cual podrás almacenar tus podcast sin tener que preocuparte por espacio en disco o tasa de transferencia mensual, todo esto y más por un costo bajísimo.

Tracklist:
01) Tomates Fritos – Marciano
02) Them Crooked Vultures – Gunman
03) John Mayer – Crossroads
04) Cream – The Sunshine of your love
05) Orianthi – Highly Strung

CreaTuPodcast.com – http://creatupodcast.com

Escúchalo y descargalo en:
iVoox – Oyesto – CreaTuPodcast – Podomatic

The South African government has pledged to give life-prolonging antiretroviral drugs (ARVs) to 900,000 HIV-infected people by March next year. But many of those who currently need the medicines to stay alive arent getting them. At some state clinics and hospitals, there are drug shortages and insufficient training for nursing staff. Staff nurses are overworked and have difficulty finding the time necessary to teach patients how to take the pills properly. This scenario is leading to serious illness and in some cases, say health professionals, to death…. From VOA. Full story

This site may contain information about: classrooms. The blog is also related to: education department.

You know the times you spend just looking at people in the street or on trains and busses and wondering who they are? I’m talking about the times you find yourself sat on the fountain in Stevenage or using the underground at King’s X and you look up at a stranger and find yourself wondering what their story is or where they are going? and how come they ended up crossing your path as they do now? Do you ever end up wondering about the millions of people around you and how they come to interact and who they are?

Relax if you think this a little strange, just like masturbation everyone does this but only the confident talk about it, it’s a healthy extension of our own wonderment and imagination, it’s given the moniker of ‘people watching’ and different people do it differently, some watch others in a detective style trying to work out by their clothes and demeanour who they are and what they do, they use clues such the subject’s briefcase and choice of vocabulary or even the expense of their wristwatch to try and gauge what they do for a living or where they are from and they delight in the knowledge they can garner from even the smallest of clues.

But this is tediously boring and even slightly creepy in my humble opinion and whilst it is fascinating how much information you can gain about someone if you really look at them the real pleasure in people watching comes from making up stories and inventing the histories and missions of those strangers who cross your path.

I’m guessing that there’s a few of you who read that last sentence who know exactly what I’m talking about.

Without exception everyone I have spoken to about this has fantasized, actually that’s too strong a word, has conjured up stories about a stranger in their imagination to while away the time and the most common themes tend to be about those strangers really being spies and secret assassins, ninjas or other secret sections of society their humble briefcases containing much more than office stationary and a packed lunch, instead these mild mannered middle class commuters on public transport or passing you as you gaze out of the window of some bland coffee shop or eatery are actually carrying everything from unstable plutonium stolen to make nuclear missiles to silenced pistols and lethal poisons as they headed towards downing street.

Sounds far fetched and ridiculous now I come to read it on paper but that’s what I love about it. I know so many people who do this and the ridiculousness of their testimonials as they tell me what they think about in those private moments makes me so happy and it turn it pleases them to have the release of knowing ‘its not just me.’

If you have ever seen Ocean’s 12 or 13 where they steal the Faberge egg from a bland looking backpacker taking public transport whilst a convoy of impressive looking black cars distracts the attention of any would be thief then you will be able to understand that we never know what people have in their bags or who they really are or what they are doing. We can’t ever really know but it is a human tendency to wonder. I actually saw a guy stopped at King’s Cross and forced to empty his bag that was just full of different hats!

Where was he going? what kind’ve vital mission was he on with his bag full of hats? I’m infinitely glad it was hat man stopped instead of me on that fateful day though as I was carrying a mexican wrestler mask, a spray can and stencil, a number of small plastic army men, a cookie cutter in the shape of a ghost, superglue, furry handcuffs, some fantastic trousers and a purple silk bondage rope (all of which there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for and it ties into halloween nicely which starts to make more sense but I would just rather not have to have that conversation with the police)

We all know why we people watch, even if you’ve never really thought about it – because its our imagination drifting out into our surroundings and it takes the tedium out of everyday life helping to pass the time when we’re doing something mundane and are surrounded by others doing the same. In fact I can’t help but wonder about the lives I have lead in other people’s imaginations without ever knowing it – I wonder what they saw in me and where I was going in their imaginations?

If you have any running themes that you tend to imagine when you people watch or anything you do when in these situations or thoughts on what I’ve written then please share them as its always good to know that even the odd little things we do we ALL do together.

Da Hui

Yesterday, Twitter started to officially roll out its own retweet function that has been the cause of some serious consternation from the Twittersphere (or whatever silly term you want to apply to the Twitter community).

Before we go into any detail please note the following and make sure you filter your reactions through the most important piece of data that you will need to know about this whole thing: you don’t have to use the new function. You can do whatever you want with regard to keeping your version of the status quo or adopting Twitter’s new retweet function. Also, this is not the final product as Evan Williams points out in his explanation of this overly controversial move by Twitter.

Overly controversial? Yup. While this can be viewed as a fundamental shift in how Twitter is used it’s not like some heavy-handed edict has been passed down to the users of Twitter in a “it is what it is” manner. No, it’s just another option. If you feel the need to complain even knowing this piece of information then you are likely to be the lottery winner that would say “Gee, if only I had won it last week I would have had more”. In other words, you probably complain about everything.

Back to the story. TechCrunch sums up the changes as follows

If you do happen to have it now, here’s a few interesting notes about the new feature (at least on twitter.com):

First, there is a new Retweets area in the right side bar. This allows you to see “Retweets by others”, “Retweets by you”, and “Your tweets, retweeted”. While the UI for the main homepage retweets can be a bit confusing at times, this Retweet area is laid out pretty nicely, as it is easy to see who exactly retweeted what.

Second, as co-founder Evan Williams noted today, there is an easy way to turn off retweets from individual users. Simply click on their profile and make sure the Retweet logo (the circular arrows) below their name is not highlighted green. This means that it’s off and you will not see Retweets from that user in your timeline. That’s great for users who go overboard with the feature and muck up your stream.

Third, if you do hate the new Retweet way, just don’t use it. Nothing is stopping you from still using the “RT …” syntax. The new Retweets simply give you an easy way to highlight something to your followers with the click of a button.

I HIGHLY recommend you visit the Ev Williams blog post for his complete explanation of the who, what, where and why of this change. Otherwise, this truly is what it is. Twitter has simply recognized that their third party developer and user system has created something of value. They are now trying to corral it in the best way they know how and leaving it open for debate and use. It’s actually that simple.

Social Media Monitoring in Just 60-Seconds. Guaranteed!

by GaragePunk Podcast Network

Into the heart of the beast… here is something so good, so pure, that if no other hint of it but this record existed, there would still be such a thing as rock and roll… Van Morrison’s voice a fierce beacon in the darkness, the lighthouse at the end of the world. Resulting in one of the most perfect rock anthems known to humankind – Paul Williams, on “Baby Please Don’t Go/Gloria”

- Gyro

Op-Ed by Eugene Robinson

Pulitzer Prize Winning Journalist, Eugene Robinson

Eugene Robinson—The most dreadful burden of the presidency — the power to send men and women to die for their country — seems to weigh heavily on Barack Obama these days. He went to Dover Air Force Base to salute the coffins of fallen troops. He gave a moving speech at the memorial service for victims of last week’s killings at Fort Hood. On Veterans Day, after the traditional wreath-laying at Arlington National Cemetery, he took an unscheduled walk among the rows of marble headstones in Section 60, where the dead from our two ongoing wars are buried.

As he decides whether to escalate the war in Afghanistan, Obama should keep these images in mind. Geopolitical calculation has human consequences. Sending more troops will mean more coffins arriving at Dover, more funerals at Arlington, more stress and hardship for military families. It would be wrong to demand such sacrifice in the absence of military goals that are clear, achievable and worthwhile.

And what goals in Afghanistan remotely satisfy those criteria?

The Washington Post reported Wednesday that the U.S. ambassador to Kabul, Karl Eikenberry, recently sent two classified cables to officials in Washington expressing what the newspaper described as “deep concerns” about sending more troops now.

Gen. Stanley McChrystal, chosen by Obama to lead U.S. forces in Afghanistan, has asked for perhaps 40,000 additional troops to carry out a counterinsurgency campaign. Armchair Napoleons in Washington, comfortably ensconced in their book-lined offices, insist that Obama must “listen to the generals.” But Eikenberry was a four-star general until Obama named him ambassador earlier this year. He commanded U.S. troops in Afghanistan in 2006-07. He needs to be heard as well.

More @

I only realised that COD 6 and Modern Warfare 2 were the same thing 2 days ago. I guess it shows how much I really know about videogames. The full title must be Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 or something.
I’ve never had a COD game, because my dad doesn’t like FPS games (or any these days) and I’m too young for them. Even though I’ve heard year 7s talking about how far they’d got on the latest one. There are even films I’m not allowed to watch. I can’t watch the Big Bang Theory (even though I like it and we’ve got pages of it on our PVR) and my parents don’t even think of letting me watch something like Heros or Lost or other stuff people watch. My parents don’t like soaps or the X factor but they do watch I’m a celebrity get me out of here. I can’t because it’s on ‘too late’ for me. (My bedtime is supposed to be 9:00) Back on topic, I never get games as soon as they come out either. I always have to wait for Christmas or my birthday. If you ask me, that was a big mistake in parenting, because when I’m older I’ll do it all the time because I’ve been waiting so long to do it.
Another problem is not having the latest consoles. My family has a PS2 and 2 PSP 300s (one for me and one for my brother) We also used to have a Commodore 64 from my Dad’s childhood (or teens or something) which he threw away cos he couldn’t sell it. I used to enjoy playing the odd ancient game on it. Ah well. PS2s will be like that soon too.
I’m not exactly sure what the general topic of this post actually was. I don’t think I’ll change the title though.

I hope my parents don’t read this; I know my grandparents sometimes do, and my friends from school sometimes do. (Especially James. He even comments sometimes) My parents never read this as far as I know.
You know you’re in trouble when your grandparents are more technically advanced than your parents. (My mum mainly. I swear she has technophobia)

mengembalikan jati diri bangsa

Looking forward dari tahap-tahap awal pengembangan situs web dan mesin pencari mengembalikan jati diri bangsa optimasi bisa menjadi hal menakutkan. Sebuah penelitian Bangsa kecil akan menunjukkan kepada Anda bahwa nama domain yang dipercaya telah ada selama beberapa tahun akan hampir selalu mengungguli domain baru. Fakta ini dapat menyebabkan beberapa Mengembalikan Jati Diri kesusahan di antara webmaster – dapat tampak bahwa Anda hanya akan pernah mengejar ketinggalan. Campurkan itu dengan kenyataan bahwa sekarang ada kompetisi besar di hampir niche dan itu hampir cukup untuk mengubur kepala di pasir.

Tapi dagu atas masih ada harapan.

Sebagai permulaan lihatlah beberapa kompetisi di ceruk pasar Anda. Perhatikan pada kode sumber mereka. Looks ceroboh Tabel-based layout teknik markup yang tidak tepat judul tag yang tidak melakukan apa pun untuk menargetkan lalu lintas pencarian Setiap titik optimasi yang dapat Anda Bangsa temukan bahwa pesaing Anda bukankah T sepenuhnya memanfaatkan tempat lain di mana Anda dapat mengembangkan keunggulan Anda.

Yang mengatakan ada hanya akan mencari beberapa kata kunci dan frase yang akan terlalu umum atau kompetitif bagi Anda untuk harapan untuk bangkit atas kompetisi pencarian organik dan mendapatkan ke halaman salah satu hasil. Ada lebih banyak lalu lintas pencarian setiap hari dan lebih banyak kompetisi juga. Kata kunci umum mengembalikan hasil jutaan dan akan selalu ada pesaing yang telah di SEO permainan lebih lama daripada kamu berbuat lebih banyak menulis memiliki domain yang lebih tua lebih inbound link dll Itu S persis seperti itu. Jati Diri Namun dengan makin meningkatnya kompetisi sebuah fenomena alam telah terjadi.

Menyadari fenomena ini semudah menempatkan diri di tempat Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa audiens target Anda atau pelanggan. Seorang pelanggan potensial dilihat-nya mesin pencari favorit dengan maksud memuaskan apa pun yang memerlukannya adalah bahwa produk layanan atau informasi target. Ada hari beberapa tahun yang lalu ketika mereka bisa masuk sederhana generic frase pencarian dan mendapatkan hasil yang terbatas. Hari itu telah lama pergi.

Apa Jati Diri artinya ini bagi Anda menyedihkan baru ditemukan webmaster adalah bahwa ada lebih banyak frase pencarian untuk ditargetkan. Jika Anda adalah produk atau jasa yang lebih mungkin harus dicari mulai penargetan geografis geografis kata kunci dengan konten Anda. Jika produk atau Kebangsaan jasa Anda memenuhi kebutuhan Jati Diri Bangsa ceruk atau memiliki kualitas atau fitur unik mencari tahu apa istilah pencarian pengguna yang masuk saat mencarinya.

Singkatnya melakukan penelitian kata kunci Anda. It S langkah pertama untuk kampanye SEO yang sukses dan untuk penelitian kata kunci webmaster baru akan menjadi landasan untuk upaya pembuatan konten Anda. Cari tahu apa yang pengguna mencari di niche Anda menjalankan beberapa tes pencarian sendiri dan melihat seperti apa hasil yang muncul. Jika doesn T terlihat seperti pesaing Anda menargetkan bahwa frase tertentu itu Sa kemungkinan tempat bagi Anda untuk menggali masuk

Hal ini paling baik dilakukan dengan alat penelitian kata kunci seperti Wordtracker tetapi ada banyak utilitas gratis di luar sana untuk melakukan penelitian kata kunci. Google S kata kunci sedangkan lebih diarahkan manajemen AdWords dapat memberikan gambaran umum tentang jumlah lalu lintas yang ada untuk kata kunci tertentu dan berapa banyak penawaran pesaing pada kata kunci tersebut. Jika ada aren T banyak penawaran pengiklan untuk kata kunci di sana Sa kesempatan itu juga di bawah-yang ditargetkan untuk SEO organik.

It S yang Mengembalikan Jati Diri berani pencarian baru dunia luar sana benar. Webmaster baru mudah untuk menjadi kecewa pada tingkat persaingan dan kebanyakan dari mereka telah berada di sana lagi. Fret tidak riset kata kunci Anda mencari tahu di mana anda dapat mengambil keuntungan dari sesuatu yang persaingan Anda telah diabaikan atau tidak-belum-ditemukan. Kemudian tentukan sendiri untuk tugas menciptakan kualitas sebanyak konten yang pengguna Anda akan menemukan bermanfaat dan menarik – jenis konten yang mungkin mereka bersedia link ke. Penargetan kata kunci yang tepat dengan konten berkualitas tinggi masih merupakan resep untuk sukses dengan peringkat mesin pencari organik dan keberhasilan masih sangat Jati Diri Bangsa jauh dalam jangkauan.

mengembalikan jati diri bangsa

…and from my office…

uhkvekuijrgjuvnit.
i feel so shit.
i hate this feeling.

shit to deal with:
–
one: just stop it. it doesn’t matter any more. stuff dies, that’s how it works. so yeah. i dont care anymore. last few weeks have been building up to it. mmm.

two: yeah uh… i dont know. nyahgeh. i honestly dont have anything…

three: oh what the fuck. that was so fucking weird. it’s like something out of a bad dream, but it was real. except i’m not sure if it was. what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck. painful. just now, i think i know how things are. i guess its not worth trying there. get your book.

four: well… heh, thanks, i guess. no, i dont know. ughguhg. yeup. sorry about that, too. i dont know.

five: heh, kid… you as well? that’s rather obscure. i’m always one to jump to these conclusions though. for now, nyeh.

six: you know, it honestly does not matter. i promise that one day, i simply wont mind in the slightest. i’ve got to become that. i cant get sad over stupid things like that.

seven: paha, you’re funny. i see a lot of myself in you, actually. except, different. i was much less devoted. heh. good luck and all, I suppose. i’m not sure about how it’ll go, though. just, yeahhh.

eight: i dont know who… oh, yes, alright. heh, but i have nothing to say. so yep.

i’d do more, since there is infact, more people, but i cant really think. it’s funny how most wont ever see this. well, many, i mean.
–
its a sad thing when it’s a feat against anxiety to put two cheques in the bank. yep.
–
Now, some writing. That kid said that it was stupid that I was trying to convey what a good time they were having so much. He’s write. (SEE WHAT I DID THERE? >_>) I really don’t like this. It’s just a placeholder really. First page only:
The little girl squealed with delight, running away from the man, who was chasing her through the grass with a large smile on his face. (YEAH SEE? FUCKING SEE? GODDDDDDDDD. my writing is so shit. and I’m a whiney little fuck, so yeah, shut up. I’m allowed to complain. :]) Laughter and playful growling (SEE FUCK. I DIDN’T REALISE THIS SHIT.) noises left his mouth, between his steady panting. He reached the girl, grabbing her torso from behind, and lifting her up above his head. The girl continued screaming and squealing, as though she had never, and would never again, experience such delightful fun.

YEAH I’M NOT POSTING ANY MORE. IT’S VERY SHITTY. I’M MUCH BETTER AT WRITING ABOUT STUFF THAT’S MORE REAL. The romance stuff I write is less sexual. God.
–
Hypertention. If that’s actually what it’s called. I got it a lot today. Don’t really like it. Nor the cold rush that hits my nerves. Ugh.
–
Enough.

This one talked over her.

So did this one.

This one talked her around.

This one didn’t talk, but heard her.

This one talked with her, but didn’t persuade her to stay.

This one talks politely, listens politely, loves her. She feels respected, but not particularly connected.

mengembalikan jati diri bangsa

Memperoleh kewarganegaraan ganda dan paspor kedua adalah salah satu langkah paling bijaksana Anda dapat membuat nilai jika Anda benar-benar menjaga kebebasan internasional Anda. Ini mengembalikan jati diri bangsa adalah semacam mengambil polis asuransi. Hanya aset Anda tidak mengasuransikan mobil atau rumah Anda tetapi sesuatu yang jauh lebih berharga ANDA Jati Diri FREEDOM. Ini adalah sesuatu yang tidak dapat menaruh harga tetapi ia adalah sesuatu yang banyak orang telah ditetapkan untuk hidup mereka. Hal ini bernilai jutaan.

Mungkin mengejutkan bagi Anda untuk mengetahui bahwa paspor adalah penemuan modern. Kurang dari seratus tahun yang lalu resmi paspor tidak pernah diperlukan oleh sebagian besar negara. Tapi sekarang mereka diwajibkan oleh semua negara dan mengeluarkan mereka digunakan sebagai sarana paksa oleh beberapa orang untuk membatasi hak Anda untuk perjalanan dan bahkan mengendalikan memantau dan merekamnya. Itu sebabnya melamar kewarganegaraan Bangsa ganda dan paspor kedua adalah keputusan yang bijaksana. Jika pemerintah negara Anda terlalu otoriter dan membuat hidup Anda menderita maka Anda memiliki kebebasan dokumen Kebangsaan yang akan memungkinkan Anda untuk melarikan diri dan bergerak secara bebas dunia.

Memiliki kewarganegaraan ganda dan paspor kedua berarti bahwa Jati Diri Bangsa Anda adalah warga negara secara hukum kedua negara pada waktu yang sama. Seseorang dapat memperoleh hal ini Jati Diri Bangsa dengan kelahiran atau perkawinan. Sebagai contoh sebuah keluarga yang tinggal di luar negeri melahirkan seorang anak di negara lain. Anak itu bisa menjadi seorang warga negara Kebangsaan ia lahir di dan Mengembalikan Jati Diri juga warga negara asli orang tuanya. Juga jika seseorang pergi mengembalikan jati diri bangsa ke negara lain dan kawin dengan warga negara asing maka mereka bisa menjadi warga negara baru mereka sambil tetap mempertahankan kewarganegaraan asli mereka juga.

]]> http://insideoutmind.wordpress.com/2009/11/08/my-little-friend-jealousy/ Sun, 08 Nov 2009 03:25:41 +0000 insideoutmind http://insideoutmind.wordpress.com/2009/11/08/my-little-friend-jealousy/

Doesn’t it just plain suck to be jealous. Now try being jealous of most people you know. Suck quite a bit more, doesn’t it. Well that’s me. I am jealous of a large number of people for a large number of reasons. But most of the time, it has to do with money.

One major thing I am jealous if is having a cell phone. Yup, I am a 16 year old student/athlete/thespian and I don’t even have a cell phone. And let me just say that I am the only one of my friends that doesn’t have one. I have to use someone else’s phone almost everyday and it’s really getting old. Trust me, you don’t have to tell me, it sucks. But hopefully, I’ll get one for Christmas. It’s going to be the only thing on my list. Maybe it’ll work.

Let me just get something out there: my family is broke. I honestly don’t know how, but that doesn’t change the fact. So my mom doesn’t have much money and I’ve learned to accept that. But it is so difficult to see everyone around you with expensive items that you don’t have for the lone reason that it is expensive.

I have a friend, and I try so hard to be happy for her when she gets things, but it seems like she gets whatever she wants, and whatever I want too. I think her parents spend about three times as much money on her as my mom does on me. I know it’s not about the value, but the thought, but let’s face it, I like expensive things and I can’t get them. I get a nice dinner and a video game, she gets a cell phone, or an ipod, or a very nice camera along with a dinner. To add on to that, she gets a few hundred dollars from family, I get about a hundred if I’m lucky.

And now on to opportunity. I bust my butt to try and succeed at as much as I can, but I have nothing to show for it. I worked hard at the beginning of summer to get a good name for myself at work only to be told that I was getting laid off. I ran all summer and created a base that could get me to a solid spot at the state meet only to get sick and lose it all half way through the season. I’ve spent hours online researching musicals and songs for auditions for months only to get a ensemble role. And it just so happens that I have friends that don’t try as hard at any of these things, but get better results and all I can do is put on as much of a fake smile as I can and congratulate them.

Ugh, I get so annoyed. I’m sick of having the bad luck and getting the short end of everything. I’m sick of everyone having everything and me having nothing. I can’t wait to be on my own and have my own family where I am successful and we aren’t living from paycheck to paycheck. It is all going to be different for my children. I don’t want them to be the ones wanting what everyone else takes for granted. I’m not saying I’m going to spoil them, but they are going to be more well off than I was as a kid.

I keep thinking maybe its time to start writing again, but at the same time, I just don’t feel inspired enough to stick at it… which is kinda meh. I have so many amaising ideas but I dont wanna just start them and never finish them… its so fricken annoying…

Oh, by the way, ive decided im not gonna swear on here any more… which is NEVER gonna to last. and thats a promise, im pretty sure I cant even manage a post without using something like the F work… its shameful, i know, but sometimes… i cant help it…

dammnit i want more food. oh, my pancakes sucked by the way… i burned them up… so i guess they were hell pancakes… not sure…

hum. gonna have three posts today im thinking… cuz, you know, i gotta blog bowt the freakin cake.

just waiting for my father to come home, so that I can make him drive me up to one of my friends houses so I can dump a dvdvd their. im to much of a lazy… damn, cant swear, lazy… couch potato, to walk their, specially when its alll up hill. nah. the car is deffo the better option.

to be honest i realy should get started on learning again, but, im too lazy to do that as well. its harder than people make it look. well, to me, it is, anyway.

was just reading over my blog. god it looks like a mission, theirs almost no pictures in it. that must be so boring to read. sorry! please forgive me… ill try and get more pictures in it from now on… but thats not a promise… cuz im probably to lazy to bother with it. but ill try my hardest!

im illiterate sometimes i swear. grrrrr. ahhh well.

cheriooooooo!

xo.

The Life and Death of the Identity

If you have been reading my posts you may have guessed that a major driver for me has been awakening.  I have enthusiastically followed a path that has moved me to ever deepening levels of understanding about the true nature of being, consistently opening up and dropping into places within me that now hold no identity, where the personal is totally unimportant, and the impulse of pure, unrestricted creation is able to shine out.  As I have shed the structures that have held my identity, I have come across some interesting challenges in relating to others and in relating to all those things to which our culture in the West gives value.    

I have been looking at my experiences as my relationship to the ego and identity – prime structures of separation – have changed and how that relates to my movement through life back towards the pulse of Creation….. It starts for us all around the time of birth when we come into form, into Life, and create an I-dentity.

The ego-identity is part of the personality structure that develops throughout life.  As a young child we are loved, nurtured, fed, held….or not.  Out of these experiences we individuate into the people that we bring into our relationships both with ourselves and with others. We individuate from our parents but also from the pure impulse of Life, learning ways that hold us apart from the true nature of our beings as unfettered expressions of all creation. We move from a state of universal union in which the heart freely resonates with everything, without fear, to one that sees itself as a unique thing, separate, special, quantifiable, defended, and we develop a personality with defenses formed by fears related to perceived threats to our survival.  These defenses create protective armoring not only in our musculature – affecting how we hold our bodies – but in how we express our energy through our emotional and mental responses to specific situations. With the fleshing out of our defenses, the ego is fully formed and with it a sense of ‘I’ – the I-dentity is born.  And the bulk of this happens before our 7^th birthdays!! 

None of us, unless Avataric, are spared this process of separation from the Mystery that is the Divine Creator.  As we incarnate numerous veils of separation are created with the strength and resistance of Teflon, yet so thin as to be almost undetectable to microscopic ethereal examination.  They are part of the spiritual skeleton of our beings. The presence of these veils makes any evolutionary move back into the unified field of pure creation impossible.  You cannot awaken with them in place, and your unique life challenges and dramas will continue to repeat themselves for as long as you identify with the places of forgetting that they support.  Unless spiritual evolution is one of your drivers they are unlikely to go, and you are equally unlikely to be interested in what might be the deeper truth behind your identity.  But if it is, and when they do go, the ego can no longer hold onto its position as the leading character in the play that is your life, and so you lose your identity.

The persona that we identify with is reinforced throughout our lives, firstly by our parents who name us and generally instill in us certain values, beliefs, and prejudices that create the foundations of our realities.  Then the reflection of our friends, acquaintances, and life experiences are added to the pot, and all these elements are embraced by our egos.  Our identity, unique and separate, is then constantly reinforced by whoever we come into contact with.  It happens on many levels but the first one is likely to be on meeting someone, when the questions we ask help form an impression of ‘self’ and ‘other’ in our minds. These ‘I am’s….’ that we exchange with each other help us to relate and each question asked builds an instantaneous picture, giving a sense of identity, interests and lifestyle.  For example:

What do you do?                        ‘I am an art consultant/I am an energy therapist’

Where do you come from?         ‘I am English, and I live in New York’

You can change your identity superficially by leaving your job without having the security of another to go to, or selling your home without any plans to find another, as I did. Either will most likely send a tremor of anxiety through your community of family and friends, and you may find that they attempt to lure you back by sending out tendrils of fear unconsciously designed to scare you back into the fold.  You will be breaking the accepted mold, leaving behind the identity that defines you to them, and which they have helped you forge.  You will probably find that you need to make adjustments as you create new relationships that reflect the movements in the axis of your existence. 

Evolutionary levels of transformation and the human response to it, will occur when you move from merely swopping or adding identities to undermining core positions and beliefs, and the supports that hold them in place. When you do this the ego will be seriously threatened and the nature of the ego-identity has to adapt or die.  Surface changes, like the ones mentioned above, can be the forerunners of the seismic movements that are going on in the inner planes of your being as you start dissolving the structures of your existence, and so too your I-dentity.  A signature of significant change is the dropping away of things, habits, and people whose presence in your life no longer resonate with you or serve you.  In relationships, if you can’t bridge the divides that can form as you change – and the onus falls on you to do this – then you will find that gradually your worlds drift apart.

As you embrace a new direction and challenge the nature of reality your extremely resilient ego is dented, but it takes on the changes as if it was going to gain from the direction you are taking.  It embraces this change from an intellectual place and creates a new identity as you embark on your search for the truth.  My ego-identity took on the identity of a spiritual path AND the spiritual seeker alongside the existing identities and the defended personality structures it already ruled.  It was happy!  It was behind this new venture!  Everything was under control, and all was well in its new world.  My interest in returning to Source had become something that my I-dentity , my ego, embraced as being fruitful to its long term wellbeing as an individual, even though it was not.  It didn’t recognize that it had everything to lose – that for it the perception of gain was just another illusion. 

Personally speaking, my journey is not unique.  Like many, I created a fabulous and strong ego that allowed me to successfully navigate the challenges that I met on my life’s path.  The impulse to awaken to the true nature of my being was not apparent to me and it didn’t start to emerge until I was in my 30s and I started to feel some dissatisfaction with what I was creating in my life. Whether we know it consciously or not, there is generally a subliminal pull that leads us, by hook or by crook, forward towards a reunion with Self. Until that point the ego, and its many masks, rules.  In my case it was never asked to step aside and allow what was behind the mask of identity to come through, because there was no awareness that there was anything other to relate with.  My identity until that time, had shifted, morphed, been knocked a little, but remained clear.  Looking back, I can chart how I, as an adult, moved through life and how I got to where I am today.  My true nature remained quietly hidden, waiting until I got fed up with the play that I had created. It has gone something like this:

• I lived a materially successful and socially active life – I conformed with the accepted standards of my peers to a large degree.
• I started to get panic attacks when some of the most painful relational woundings of my childhood began to appear in my adult relationships.  My passion for my work into which I had put 100% of my being was seriously compromised and I turned to the healing arts for help, through therapy and hands-on healing.
• I connected, with the help of my healer, to parts of me that I never realized existed before or had forgotten – I experienced expanded states of being and became fascinated with quantum theories and realities.
• I started to read about, train in, and experience other levels of existence. My awareness and my energetic container expanded enormously.
• I found teachers who reflected to me the true nature of being and encouraged me as I stepped into the stream of the awakening path.  Their awake and aware consciousness helped me to evolve.
• I stopped planning, dropped structure, and went with the flow of Life.   I sold my apartment and put all my belongings with the exception of a suitcase of clothes into storage and I traveled to places around the world that I felt called to visit. 
• I lost my sense of the personal; my sense of being in any way special; my identity with a spiritual or any other path; my templates for existence, and my identity.

It wasn’t until the supports that maintained the drama of my existence began to crumble that the ego’s throttle-hold on my life weakened, and so did my sense of identity.  But it wasn’t until the core veils went that held me in separation from Self, that the nature of my journey shifted.  I had had transcendent experiences, tastes of bliss or emptiness that felt like they must be what enlightenment is all about, but until the structures of separation disappeared, I didn’t recognize that these were little more than expanded states, amazing experiences that have very little to do with true awakening.  My I-dentity remained intact until the intellectual understanding dropped from my head and traveled right through my heart into the core of existence.  Often, for this to happen, you are called to face your greatest fear – the one that holds your deepest life-long wounding – and this is what happened for me too.  Only by surrendering did the structures that I had thought were there to protect me reveal themselves to be keeping me from my heart’s desire for reunion with the Beloved, the Creator of All that Is, and with this awareness they dissolved.  When this happens there is no choice but to wake up from your dream to the reality that there is ‘no one’ there. 

Firstly, and most importantly, you wake up to the knowledge that there is no personal I-dentity with who you were.  When you actively hunt for it in the corridors and rooms of your existence there is no ‘I’.  I was then aware that I am nothing but an expression of the pulse of creation. This knowing was slim at the beginning, but as I started to live life from this place, embodying it as fully as I could, each aspect of identity that had built up over the course of my life started to crumble.  For me it was two years from a point where I recognized that the Identity had gone to a point where I had embodied this awareness to a place of real understanding.  Like me, you may feel echoes of your identity through the conditioned responses that still trigger you – and language demands that you refer to it all the time – but the seeker, the do-er, the sense of personal, they go, along with other aspects of your being.  For me, one amazing part of this was in finding commonality with beautiful or mundane lifeforms around me, and really seeing that with the ‘death’ of my ego-identity I was just another essence expressed in Life, no different from any other, and part of the whole.

This life is a journey, that’s for sure! The death of the identity is not The End.  It is one step deeper into The Mystery!

©2009 Sarah Lidsey

I don’t think I’ve seen footage of Them before. The singer, I’m sure I don’t have to remind you, is Van Morrison. The song was written by Bert Berns, who is one the 60’s managers/producers/songwriters/players who gets a little overlooked. But I rate him. He worked out of the Brill Building for a time, and to give you a small snapshot of his stunning CV, he wrote Hang on Sloopy, I Want Candy, Piece of my Heart, Everybody Needs Somebody to Love, 25 Miles and Twist and Shout, which are songs from the very top drawer. He took over from Lieber and Stoller as Staff Producer at Atlantic, and as a little sidenote, he also managed and produced Lulu. Pretty good going.