RESPONSE » ”What’s especially crazy about all this is that after Gabby Douglas won the gold medal in the women’s gymnastics all-around, she stood waving up at the crowd clad in a red, white, and blue jacket with USA written on the back. Later during the medal ceremony she wore a gray jacket with an American flag patch on the shoulder, stood atop the podium, and listened to “The Star-Spangled Banner” as an American flag was hoisted up above her. Even if that weren’t all true David Webb’s commentary would be nonsense, but the fact that it is all true adds to the comic ambivalence about factual accuracy that characterizes so much of what people say on Fox News. What other enterprise would turn Olympic gold for America into an opportunity to make Americans anxious and upset about allegedly waning patriotism? It’s a poisonous approach to news.” – Conor Friedersdorf – The Atlantic

ANOTHER » “Really? Gabby Douglas, the 16-year old African-American gold-medalist who beat out competitors from other countries isn’t a flagrant example of American exceptionalism because she and her team wore hot pink instead of draping themselves in a flag? What about the fact that she hadn’t seen her father in two years because he was serving his country in Afghanistan? He showed up to cheer her on literally waving an American flag. Is that patriotic enough for FOX News and the Tea Party?” — stfusexists

***

(Below: annaetc – Gabrielle Douglas captures gold in the women’s gymnastics all-around competition. She becomes the first African-American woman to win this title and the first American woman to capture gold in both individual and team events in the same Olympics.)

Ethnographic in approach, this dissertation examines trolling, an online subculture devoted to meme creation and social disruption. Rather than framing trolling behaviors as fundamentally aberrant, I argue that trolls are agents of cultural digestion; they scour the landscape, repurpose the most exploitable material, then shove the resulting monstrosities into the faces of an unsuspecting populace. 

Within the political and social context of the United States, the region to which I have restricted my focus, I argue that trolls on 4chan/b/ and Facebook digest and often perform a grotesque pantomime of a number of pervasive cultural logics, including masculine domination (Bourdieu 2001) and white privilege (Dyer 1997). Additionally, I argue that the rhetorical and behavioral tactics embraced by trolls, including sensationalism, spectacle, and emotional exploitation, are homologous to tactics routinely deployed by American corporate media outlets. In short, trolling operates within existing systems, not in contrast to, immediately complicating, and often ironizing, knee-jerk condemnations of trolling behaviors.

UPDATE: My dissertation is not available for download, and won’t be until sometime in 2013. I am currently revising the book manuscript for publication, and that timeline is out of my hands. Hopefully soon everything will be public, but these things take time!

I got to Sanders Theatre and met up with my group.  We had our warmup, went over a couple of things, etc.  The conductor noted with some humor that this was the first time in her life she’d been in a Green Room with a dressing room, and that said dressing room had its very own bathroom.  We all sort of laughed and one of the sopranos noted that the dressing room was also a good place to put on makeup.  Then the singers began to file upstairs to get into position.

I was futzing around, drinking my water and getting all of my various stuff situated in my folder (and about to leave myself) when the conductor comes running out of the dressing room.  Turns out that, with 2 minutes to curtain, that the soprano who had commented on the makeup mirror had gone into the bathroom in the dressing room and the deadbolt had gotten stuck fast.  She was locked inside the bathroom.  Our conductor was running to find someone from the university, anyone, who might be able to get her out.

You see, we opened the concert, so they couldn’t start unless we were all there.  I told everyone to stop, pulled out my multi-tool, and went to work.  In about 45 seconds I had the door open (no damage to the door or lock) and we were ready to go.  From what I could tell it looked like the spring mechanism that usually causes deadbolts like that to unlock and open when the handle is turned from the inside had failed.

I didn’t really have time to analyze it any more since we had to be upstairs and ready to sing ASAP so I tossed my multi-tool back in my bag, grabbed my stuff, and headed out to the astonished looks from the trapped soprano, the conductor (who high fived me) and her husband.  We duly reported the problem to one of the staff and made sure to warn everyone else in the group at intermission that if they were going to use that bathroom they couldn’t lock the door while in there.

Fast forward to when I got home after the concert about 10:15 or 10:30pm.  Geoff had hopped into the car to give Amanda a ride home (she’d come to the concert and there was no point in making her take the T home when it’s such a short drive.)  I unlocked the door, walked into the hallway, turned around to lock the deadbolt behind me and… nothing happened.

You can imagine that at this point that I was really, really tired.  However, I have some experience with locks and, as the top deadbolt had failed about a year and a half before, it was now exigent that I fix something so we could safely lock the building for the night.  I pulled out my trusty multi-tool, tossed my backpack into the house, and went to work.

I called Geoff while he was out in the car to see if the local Home Depot was open.  The large lower deadbolt that had just broken had died of metal fatigue.  There was nothing I could do to save it.  The upper deadbolt, however, the one that had been dead for about a year and a half?  That turned out to be a much simpler mechanism with only a little metal fatigue.  That one had failed because whatever spring mechanism was inside had died years ago and someone had rigged it with another spring that had also given up the ghost.

Once Geoff got home, no Home Depot or other hardware store was open for about 25 miles in any direction, we set to work.  All I needed to fix the top deadbolt was the proper spring.  I should add here that when the lock-set on our apartment door had died about a year ago I had the same problem, broken spring.  As that lock-set was original to the building (late 1800′s) I was able to fix the spring and it now works beautifully.  This deadbolt?  It’s more modern and not made as well.  Go figure.

The major factor in getting this fixed was in getting a spring for the lock.  This is a much trickier task than you might think, especially at 11:00pm on a Saturday night.  We started taking apart small broken electronics slated to be trashed or recycled.  We tried taking one of the broken straight springs from the trashed lock and bending it into the proper shape, no dice.

Then Geoff had a brainstorm.  We took apart a click pen and there it was.  Not perfect, but good enough to get the thing working temporarily.  After another 45 minutes or so of tinkering with the lock and the door we solved the problem.

Sort of.

You see, the front door to the building is two side by side doors in the townhouse style popular in the 20′s and 30′s.  When leaving the building we use the left hand door.  The right one is locked shut with throw bolts and can be opened from the inside only.  Once we rigged the top deadbolt to work again there was only one problem.  As the spring was not ideal, the bolt didn’t clear the latch all the way.  So, you could get the building locked no problem.  Getting out of the building was another matter entirely.  Geoff and I have 2 other doors that leave our apartment so this wasn’t a huge issue for us, everyone else has to rely on the fire escape.

We figured out that the way to get out of the building was to pull the two throw bolts and then pull both doors open.  It worked – for a temporary fix – but it was absolutely a fire hazard of the highest order.  We talked to our upstairs neighbors and explained to them how we’d gotten it to work and what one had to do to leave the building.  Essentially, we were just short of being locked in to our own building.

Then, finally, after getting covered in grease/graphite/things I don’t want to think about, we were able to go to bed.  Of course, Geoff had managed to not only stab himself on a spring, he’d also managed to pinch his thumb in the door while initially closing the newly improvised deadbolt.  And he had to get up for work in the morning – fun all the way around.

Our landlord is having all of the locks replaced tomorrow morning.  The lock-set and the two deadbolts are going to be taken out and new ones put in.  Hopefully these will be ones that will last a long time as my days of emergency locksmithing/picking/etc. are probably numbered.

The moral of the story is this: if you have any springs around the house from old pens, random computer parts, or other things DO NOT throw them out.  You never know when you’ll need them.  Also, always carry a multi-tool.

~Kelly

Cut to Friday. I came home from work early…just in time to witness a particularly heinous storm. We’ve lived on this street for just over six months and I never once thought about whether it flooded during a storm.

MISTAKE.

Came out of the house and found that.

Sooooo I am apparently now the proud owner of a 1998 Nissan Pathfinder with a broken heater core, musty smell and plant life AND a 2008 Infiniti EX 35 with a drained battery and water sloshing around beneath the floorboards.

TRY TO CONTAIN YOUR ENVY.

The biggest problem the movie had was the story and the pacing. There was so much going on in the movie that it became rather choppy and wound up with more plot holes than Swiss cheese. Plot holes and Nolan movies tend to go together hand in hand, and usually are easy to overlook, but some of the holes in this movie were glaringly obvious.

At the start, The Dark Knight Rises seems like it is about the people of Gotham and the class conflict within. Selina’s disdain for the wealthy, Bruce losing his money, and of course Bane eventually taking over the city under the claim of intending to return it to its citizens. And then as soon as Bane takes over the city, suddenly it becomes those imprisoned under the Dent Act (who most likely should have been imprisoned anyway) versus everyone else. But then in a third act twist, that fell flat on its face, it turns out that nope, Bane doesn’t really give a shit about any of this at all and is simply moving someone else’s plan forward.

So, we spent two hours watching the start of a real revolution in Gotham and then it never comes. Instead we wind up with a half-assed (new) plotline with Talia al Ghul wanting revenge for her father that will kill her in the process.

Oh, okay.

Frankly, Nolan & Co. should have scrapped the I-want-to-be-a-real-twist ending all together and stuck with the original storyline of the rich versus the poor.

The other major flaw with the film that I want to touch on, briefly, was the pacing. Some scenes ran too long, others were too rushed. Take the time Bruce spent rehabilitating his back (see also: laying on a cot, doing nothing at all): This whole scenario could have been much shorter while still getting its intended emotions and points across.

The acting was pretty much on par with the past two films.

Christian Bale does a decent job as Batman, even with the marble gargling Batman voice. The thing I don’t get is why he does this when he is alone, talking to himself. Does Gotham has audio surveillance or something? His chemistry with Marion Colltiard’s Miranda Tate/Talia al Ghul (who will thusforth be referred to as Talia) was believeable, even if their actual relationship was very, very rushed.

Tom Hardy put in a good performance, but a good portion of his face was covered with the mask which was a hindrance to the performance at times simply because it looked as though he was simply standing there. This is nothing against Hardy, however, just the costume’s design. Before the movie was released, there was a great deal of complaints regarding the mask and how it distorted Hardy’s voice. While it was difficult to make out what he said at points in the trailer, the end result sounded as though it was recorded in a studio (which it probably was) and not as if it was coming from Bane. You get used to it after awhile, but it was like they went from one extreme to the other. Middle ground, anyone? Unfortunately for the character, Bane has yet again been reduced to a cog in someone else’s machine. On the upside, this Bane is competant and menacing (for comparison see Batman & Robin) but is it too much to ask that he be able to act on his own accord at some point, DC? I think not.

Gary Oldman and Michael Caine were flawless, as always, though Caine’s Alfred was not in the film nearly enough.

Anne Hathaway was alright, but nothing to write home about. At times her performance felt incredibly forced. The character wasn’t written that badly, especially given how Nolan is not exactly known for well-written female characters. Catwoman did suffer from the “Real World: Batman” approach Nolan has taken with the films. Instead of being one who toes the line between heroism and villainy, Nolan’s Catwoman is a Robin Hood-type figure who steals from the wealthy and does not hide her disdain for them. Just like Bruce/Talia, the relationship between Batman/Catwoman is rushed and feels more forced. It probably did not help that Hathaway and Bale did not have a great deal of chemistry.

Oh, and that surprise appearance by one Dr. Crane was pretty awesome.

This was not the finale it could have been.While Nolan clearly put time in to create his final installment, it didn’t feel as if his heart was truly in it the whole time. And what is to say it was? The man has been working on these movies for seven years; it is entirely within the realm of reason that he has gotten burnt out on them.

But I will restate: The Dark Knight Rises was not so much a bad movie as it was a very flawed movie that aims to at least compete with The Dark Knight but falls short. Eventually I will watch it again, and I’ll probably like it better the next time around but for now, it was a letdown for sure.

Rating: ☆☆.5/ ★★★★★

Now, if you need me I will be over here actively campaigning for Harley Quinn to make an appearance in the inevitable reboot.

Stupid American at table next to him says, “Are there churches here?”

What. The. Fuck. THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS. Because assholes like that go out in the world and show everyone exactly WHY we are last in all areas of education in Amurh’ca. Jeebus. America did not invent religion, you stupid douchenozzle. A select few just turned it into a particular breed of CRAZY that on the one hand has its hand up the asshole of the government while somehow proclaiming itself to be persecuted by liberal commie bastards. I’m talking to you, Rick Santorum. You glorious bastard, you.

End rant.

In lighter news. Drex, being the large German man that he is, then proceeded to defile a monument by literally walking all over it. Well done, dude. Well done indeed.

Drive like a normal person. This means going the speed limit, paying attention to road signs and street lights and not slamming on your brakes at every intersection. We get it. Those one-way streets can be confusing – here’s a tip…if you fail to encounter a single stop sign, ALL of the cars are parked facing the opposite direction in which you are traveling and at least one car traveling in the direction opposite of you honks and flips you off – you’re doing it wrong.

Also, if you find yourself sight-seeing from the comfort of your vehicle whilst traveling at a leisurely pace, REST ASSURED THE LOCALS DRIVING BEHIND YOU WANT TO STAB YOU IN THE FACE. NOLA is a walkable city – get out of your car and find that out for yourselves.

Don’t jaywalk like an asshole. New Orleans is a pretty laissez-faire place. We don’t hand out tickets for jaywalking. Mostly because our police officers have more important shit to deal with. But here’s the thing you should remember – DON’T BE A DICK. If there are cars sitting at an intersection and you clearly don’t have the right of way (based upon your mindfulness of the pedestrian traffic signal) DO NOT WALK OUT IN FRONT OF TRAFFIC. The only time locals jaywalk is when the coast is clear to do so. If you see someone else dash across the street against the light – DO NOT WADDLE OUT AFTER THEM THINKING IT’S OK, then get pissy when the driver you’ve just held up honks at you.

And here’s a tip regarding those pedestrian traffic signs. I don’t care if the light is green for vehicle traffic headed in your direction – if that hand is RED – YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY.

Being a tourist doesn’t immunize you from danger. This is New Orleans – a real, live city. NOT DISNEY WORLD. That means you need to use sidewalks and pay attention to shit. Not every street is Bourbon or Royal and blocked off for your pedestrian pleasure. And even those, by the way, don’t work how you think they work. Bourbon is OPEN TO CARS during the day – so if you stumble drunkenly into an intersection at noon on a Tuesday – don’t be surprised when you get hit by a car.

Don’t go to Bubba Gump and claim to have had a true New Orleans meal. For the love. We have some of the finest food establishments in the WORLD. Ask locals where to dine – you will never be disappointed. And in that same vein – PLEASE DO NOT WANDER INTO GALATOIRE’S WEARING JEANS AND A BASEBALL CAP. I know they’ll let you in nowadays after making you don a borrowed jacket, but for the love! Galatoire’s is an unparalleled dining experience and when you come off the streets in your Levi’s and solid white tennis shoes you are thumbing your nose at over a century of history. In short, SHOW SOME GOD DAMN RESPECT.

Look, we like having you here. We NEED you here…what with that whole Katrina thing, shortly followed by that whole BP thing. It’s just, we’d also appreciate it if you remembered that people actually live and work in this city and have places to go. Not being a dick is a small price to pay for enjoying our music, food and culture.

It’s just, I don’t get the hoopla surrounding that book Fifty Shades of Grey. I mean, it’s nothing more than poorly written fan fic based upon the Twilight series (another pile of garbage I will never understand). Go check out 50 Shades of Suck if you don’t believe me about the poor writing. Now, it’s not like I require Dickensian writing in all of my books; but if it can’t find a coherent plot (or sentence) with two hands and a flashlight then we should all just move along while someone sets all of the copies on fire.

My theory is that people with ordinary lives like to believe themselves to be “edgy.” So it’s similar to when books like Madame Bovary, The Grapes of Wrath and Slaughterhouse-Five came out. Those publications were widely derided as nothing but obscene trash – like Fifty Shades of Grey. Only, unlike Madame Bovary, The Grapes of Wrath and Slaughterhouse-Five – Fifty Shades of Grey is epically bad and it is only the subject matter that is titillating. Thus, while it may make people feel “edgy” it is certainly not a novel that will withstand the test of time.

Ultimately, it’s just sex, peeps. It happens all the damn time. I assure you, someone is doing it right now. Maybe even while reading this blog. Except probably not. Though I guess that might be very masochistic of them. SEE WHAT I DID THERE?

Just so long as the word vomit regurgitates their own beliefs back to them they’re perfectly willing to pass it on ad nauseum (that’s a lot of vomit for one sentence. FYI.).

I long for days of meaningful political discourse; where intelligent conversations were had without one party devolving into name-calling or abject reliance on MSNBC or FOX News.

When did doubt become a bad thing? Why is a change of heart and mind something to be vilified rather than celebrated?

An open mind isn’t a bad thing. It’s something to be celebrated. It means we are capable of change, of reinvention…capable of outside-the-box solutions to problems that eluded our forefathers.

The thought of a stagnant society for the sake of walking the beaten path is a society that is dead before it’s laced its proverbial shoes.

I’ll pass on that one. Thanks.

Not for nothing…but I bet your dad couldn’t find one.

THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS.

Joshua Green: “Let’s take only the Obama presidency. Had the filibuster not applied,

• the United States would have a market-based system to control carbon emissions, which would limit the damage from global warming, vitalize the clean technology sector, and challenge other large polluters like China and India to do the same.
• The new health care law would have a public option.
• Children of undocumented immigrants who served two years in the military or went to college could become US citizens.
• Women paid less than their male colleagues because of their gender would have broader legal recourse against their employers.
• Billionaires would not be able to manipulate the political system from behind a veil of anonymity.”

via: Political Wire

HONEY! For the love. I’m pretty fucking certain that THIS precise situation is why baby jesus invented full-coverage underwear AND SLIPS!

Your mother should be ashamed but she’s probably your BFF and shares your clothes.

Excuse me while I go pound my forehead on my desk.

Like a fat kid loves cake. Or, like Bristol Palin likes penis. Yeah. Like that. I heard she likes that a lot.

Concrete and caulk always win over a manicure.

Then there are “those people.” These are the assholes who are there to “study” (i.e. read Facebook all day) or “read the newspaper” (i.e. converse with other retirees for hours about god only knows what). They have nowhere to be and zero cognizance of how their actions affect others. “Those people” come in at 8:15 am and hold up the line of drones by asking questions about what type of tea they should order, or whether the biscuits are fresh or frozen, or, more heinously, they insist upon ordering some drink that involves a twelve-step process to create none of which involve the actual use of coffee.

I’m a firm believer that there should be a separate line for “those people” because, truly, nothing irritates me more than having to wait twenty minutes for a latte because you’d rather have what is, essentially, a frosty for your morning beverage.

As soon as you have an idea and begin working on it, you’ll get another idea. And then another. Soon, you’ll be the proud owner of a spiral notebook titled “Shit to Work on Later.” And each and every one of those ideas will titter at your and whisper and taunt, telling you that you have to work on them now, before you lose that spark of genius that instigated them.

This is a trap, however. A clever, deceitful lie to tear you away from the project into which you originally desired to pour your heart and soul. It’s no coincidence that these other ideas will clamor and crowd you just as that project started to get hard. Ideas are like mistresses, luring you away from your loving but fickle lover. It’s not enough to get your happily ever after with that one perfect idea. You have to fight for it, or else it will wither away, leaving all parties involved dissatisfied and disillusioned, your lover dead and dust. You risk becoming a cheating, murderous spouse. Jerk.

I’m in the home stretch with Nevermore (in a manner of speaking).

I spent 3 hours tonight playing with the idea of a graphic novel.

I will bury the body under my pumpkin patch.

Dearest Friends!
I would like you to help me spread the words that Singing “We all come from the Goddess” should NOT BE rewritten. It is my intellectual property. it is NOt a folk song, which by the way is the fate of many composers whose songs are stolen. You steal my song from now will have consequences. You put men into the song, like God,a hex will be activated. I have found that people actually sell their wares with my song in the Title,like Serpentine for example. These people are NOT having my permission, especially when they don’t even credit my name. Women are fooled that its from me, or fooled that its Serpentine. .Theft is theft. I cannot be everywhere, but i have experienced women making up new words,attaching it to my song that NEEDS NO attachments. Have you ever heard a man writing a song about the gods, and then put females in it?? Never. So stop you generosity attacks with my songs, write an original .Men who had Mozart and Schubert amongst them,surely will come up with their own songs .
Women like to give away and include but please do it with your own intellectual property.
I wrote that song for the Goddess worshipping women. Its gone around the globe. I don’t mind you singing it, only selling it and not giving me credit.
Its a sacred song, and i will protect it! Speak up when you hear this song abused, and write to me. Blesssed be!

—Z Budapest

Wow. Preach, sister. I heard some kids who had been brought up by pagans singing the modified version of your masterpiece the other day and man, it made me so angry! I wanted to punch a baby. I’m so glad that you’re activating a hex on all who sing it that way, so that these little whippersnappers will get what they deserve. How dare they derive joy from a new verse to a tune you maybe wrote*!

Also, thank you so much for pointing out that men never worship the goddess, nor pay heed to women, nor are decent human beings at all. All men, everywhere. I’ve tried to tell my male friends over and over again that so long as they sing We All Come From The Goddess and derive spiritual fulfilment from it, they’re not real men — but they never listen to me! Perhaps now that it’s coming directly from the priestess’s mouth, they’ll take heed.

And the comparisons of yourself to Mozart and Schubert! Flawless! And completely accurate, I’m sure my readers will agree. Especially as you write vaguely skilled poems that other people most likely put music to, and Mozart and Schubert were accomplished composers. It’s totally the exact same thing.

Finally, thank you for telling it like it is: the people who sing your song differently are abusing it and the Goddess^TM. Adding lyrics to a well-known campfire song is exactly the same as battering your partner or your child, or someone else’s child, or a friend. It is exactly the same as perpetuating the cycle of abuse and violently hurting the people you love, whether emotionally, physically, mentally or spiritually, and calling such a heinous lyrics-addition abuse does not in any way erase the lived experiences of survivors of abuse or make you look like a complete douchebag. And those survivors of abuse are totally not pissed off at you at all.

Stay classy, Z. 

In womb-sister moonsblood glitterpuke flowerlove tra la Goddess’ name we pray!

*I say probably because there seems to be some controversy over whether or not Budapest actually wrote the music that goes with the chant; if she didn’t, then she can shut right the fuck up about new verses being added to the same tune because she wrote a fucking poem you can sing. However, I can’t find any solid information one way or the other. If anyone does know for sure and can back it up with sources I can alter my snark accordingly.

I think the message that we can take home from this mess is to expect a lot of bugs in an alpha release of a game…especially a fan game. Despite whatever interest this has killed, I still want to see the project continued.

———————————————————————————————————————————–

I’m a somewhat active member of the Sonic Community Forum called Sonic Retro. I hadn’t been closely following the release of Sonic 2 HD, but the visuals AMAZED me.

This style of graphics is exactly what I wanted for Sonic 4. I played it,

Sadly, the release of the fan game isn’t without drama. The lead programmer for the fan-made Sonic 2 HD, LOst, placed DRM on the game to prevent users from modifying the game. Furthermore, If you downloaded the game, your virus scanner most likely detected a virus within the Sonic 2 HD program.

The user, LOst has a long history of having an inflated ego. He was very interested in modifying the original Sonic games, as well as studying the game’s level designs. He caused drama with other users on the formerly known Simon Wai’s Sonic 2 Beta forum by trying to enforce his idea of rom hacking on other users: implement “Classic Sonic ideas.” Simply put: he was trying to limit creativity. This built up to two flame wars which resulted in him getting the highest post count on the board (which was promptly reset).

Take note that proper Internet Etiquette includes not giving a crap about your post count or getting the first comment. Post count doesn’t determine your status in a community. It’s your behavior or contributions.

Proper Internet Etiquette also includes NOT BEING A COMPLETE JERK-OFF TO YOUR FELLOW PROJECT CONTRIBUTORS, AND OTHER COMMUNITY MEMBERS AS A WHOLE.

LOst was holding back progress on the Sonic 2 HD project because he was being very uncooperative, and very insistent on not wanting pictures or videos taken of the game. HE DIDN’T WANT PICTURES OR VIDEOS TAKEN OF HIS LITTLE FANGAME! His misbehavior has thrown a monkey wrench into the project’s development. Nay, it has compromised the possibility of future community-developed fan games on Sonic Retro.

This is strike two for LOst. Actually, you could call it strike three after all the flame wars. I say that LOst, the current lead programmer, needs to be kicked off the project team. Maybe even banned from Sonic Retro…forever.

I get it.

I know I’m overweight. I know that I’m not healthy. I know that better than you, because, hey, this is my body and I’m living in it. And because it is my body, I know how I got this big. And – big surprise coming – it isn’t my eating habits.

So yeah, stop looking so surprised when I eat less than you at restaurants, or take the fewest slices of pizza out of the box, or don’t ask for food when I come late to a party and everyone’s already placed their order for takeout. Sometimes, weight gain has nothing to do with the food.

Let me tell you what it can be about.

In my case, it can be about a job. You know about those, right? They’re those things you probably keep saying people should get off their lazy asses and find. Well, I got up off of mine and I found one. And you know what? It keeps me on my lazy ass all friggin day. What time I used to have for exercising is gone now. And I eat even less than I did before, because it’s so hard to get away from the desk sometimes, and sometimes I’m the only person in the office not busy with a client and I have to stay put, no matter how long ago my last break was.

In my case, it can be about a hormone condition. Because let me tell you, there is something hella wrong in my body. I won’t gross you out with the details.

This is the internet; you can go elsewhere for a freak show.

But I will tell you that I’m gaining weight. I’ve gone up from a size 14 to a size 18 in a matter of months. And no portion control or dieting or staying up late to exercise has been able to stop it.

So when you see me and I seem to be completely oblivious to my weight gain, because I’m smiling and I’m not complaining about it, and you start thinking I must just not know how bad it is? Stop. Stop right there.

I know my body. I know that there is something wrong with it. I know that a doctor could help me, but I don’t have time to visit one and I barely have the money to pay for even a regular check up. I know how I sweat in places I never used to, and that it’s getting harder to breathe. I know that I feel disgusted at myself sometimes when I try to put on a skirt that fit me five months ago and which I now have to squeeze into and try not to rip. And I know that if I thought about it as often as you seem to think I should, I would go mad from the blows to my self-esteem.

I’m not built to be acceptably skinny – that’s another thing I know – but my weight is very obviously hurting my health. On top of that, I don’t look that good. I still don’t look bad, but I miss fitting into my clothes. I have some awesome stuff. But I can only worry about so much without loosing it. More important than my looks are my fears about my health, and if I have to start worrying about what you think of my appearance….

To paraphrase a line from Mr. Burns, I don’t believe in suicide, but your death might cheer me up.

It’s more important that I be able to like myself than for you to like how I look. That distinction doesn’t mean that I or anyone else who struggles with their health and weight doesn’t want to fix it. No one wants to be unhealthy and few people want to be called or considered fat.

I am trying to fix myself, but just because my self-repair isn’t happening as quickly or as obviously as you’d like doesn’t mean I don’t know about it or don’t care about it.

And if you keep asking me if I want more pie, I’m going to start calling your ass Moon-pie in public and telling ridiculous stories about the nickname to mutual friends and cute guys.

I suppose it’s no secret that I have lost my patience with conservatives. But that doesn’t mean I want to snuggle up to liberals just yet. They’re just so… icky. (Icky seems to be my word of the week. I don’t know, I’ve been feeling sort of nauseous and feverish lately. Anyway.) Also, they’re kind of haters of freedom in their own way. Just like conservatives! However, while conservatives are mostly hung up on keeping women, non-whites, gays, and Muslims under control, liberals seem to want to grind fucking everybody under the heels of their giant (sustainable, fair-trade, cruelty-free organic leather) jackboots. But gently. In a caring, eco-friendly manner.

Anyway, when I point out in the comment thread of a liberal blog that I will read no longer that wanting stronger hate-speech laws is not wise because such laws can and will be used against anyone, not just nasssty conservatives, and the blog owner tells me I made a “straw man” argument and also used the tone argument against me (because goddess forbid I not be nice when faced with rank stupidity like “we need stronger hate speech laws”), I know that liberals are still the idiots they always have been, and all is right with the world.

1.  Julie Plec – I just have to ask the most obvious question here: Who at the CW decided it would be a fine idea to let the person with the mentality of a 12 year old fangirl run the show?  Up until this season I had little to no opinion about her whatsoever.  She was helping run the show, sure, but she kind of faded in the background.  This season on the other hand… “Julie, stop talking!” is generally the first thing that pops into my head anytime she talks about the show.  Or rather, Damon and Elena 4ever! because that is all she talks about in regards to the show.  I don’t know what her hang up on these two is, but pushing everyone aside for them to not have a relationship (or decent storylines) has been a huge problem this season.

Also, that whole Twitter thing regarding a Bonnie/Kol pairing?  What kind of reasoning is “Kol is a vampire and has killed people,” so no one should want them together? Damon and Stefan are both vampires who have killed people and Julie Plec seems to have any issue with Elena dating either of them.

2.  Bonnie – This kind of goes along with the whole Julie Plec issue.  Bonnie cannot catch a damn break.  Last week’s episode (3×17 ‘Break on Through’) was supposed to be a big story for Bonnie, and explore her relationship with her mother.   Instead Bonnie got about 5 minutes of screentime the entire episode, and half the time other characters spoke for her. Did we really need to see Caroline having an emotional conversation with Bonnie’s mom? Or tell Elena how Bonnie is feeling? Can’t Bonnie do that herself? Apparently not, because you cannot possibly have a scene without at least one white person in it at all times.

3.  Klaus – At this point in the season, we have gotten back to the overwhelming need to kill the “big bad vampire.”  Okay, but why?  Klaus doesn’t do anything.  He draws ponies for crying outloud!  I don’t know about anyone else, but he does not strike me as being a villain that needs killing.  And let’s not forget Klaus was supposed to be the major villain this season.  Is that going to happen at some point or is it yet another neglected storyline?

4.  Elijah – How do you figure this: Elijah is a fan favorite.  He’s also a pretty decent villain when it suits him and a pretty decent non-villain when it suits him, making him one of the show’s more interesting characters.  So naturally the thing to do with a character of this sort is have him in about 5 episodes all season.

Sidenote: For what is supposed to have been “the season of the Originals,” there is a lot lacking in the whole Originals department.

5.  Nothing Happens.  Ever. – I am not a script writer. I don’t really know how to write a script. But I do know that if it takes you FORTY FIVE MINUTES to have something, anything happen in an episode, you’re doing it wrong. There should not be 45 minutes of pointless scenes that add nothing of value to the plot whatsoever before something of value happens. And yet this is what has been happening in almost every single episode this season.

6.  Stefan… – This season we were supposed to see Stefan struggling with his lack of feels, being a crazy murderous vampire and all that, right? LOL, okay show, whatever you say. Paul Wesley remains one of the best actors on the show, period.  He also remains severely underused this season, much like everyone else. This was supposed to be his big season for Stefan to come into his own, and have more individual storylines and instead we got Damon/Elena everywhere.

7.  …& Everyone else-  Speaking of everyone who is not Damon or Elena, what the hell?  Every single character has gotten shafted for these two and their (relatively non-existant and forced) storyline. Tyler and Jeremy have been temporarily written off the show. Stefan and Caroline haven’t had a single scene together all season let alone mentioned each other and they were pretty much BFFs last season. Bonnie is only pulled in when they need some spell done.  Rebekah has been acting out of character for the last couple of weeks.  Matt had an actual storyline for about a week, and then *poof*, he has nothing.  Klaus is drawing ponies.  Elijah is…somewhere.  Alaric joined the council and then…who knows, because that’s been ignored pretty much since.

8.  And not a single fuck is given-  Elena discovers Alaric is the killer, yeah?  So Alaric is the one who killed Caroline’s father and oh well. It’s not even mentioned. It’s not surprising given the lack of fucks about everything else, but come on. AndElena doesn’t even mention to Jeremy that hey, the ring is making Ric a serial killer, maybe he should take his off? Oh, okay because it’s not like she ever tries to keep him safe or anything. And it’s also not like he has died multiple times now either. So obviously there is absolutely no reason whatsoever to be concerned.  Granted, that’s just one example but generally no fucks are ever given in Mystic Falls anymore.

9.  Katherine – Arguably one of the show’s best characters and she is…where, exactly?  At least she’ll be back for the season finale.  Hopefully she is not written out of character like everyone else (who isn’t Damon and Elena, of course) has been lately.

I don’t know where everything started to go wrong with this show, but it has become a damn mess this season.

And I’ve found something that just made any remnants of interest in these novels that I might have had vanish like a hipster’s reputation when his buddies see him drinking a microbrew instead of Pabst Blue Ribbon:

In Pride and Predjudice and Zombies, we have Wickham being “punished” for his misdeeds by being severely beaten and developing quadriplegia, which is deemed just punishment, and Lydia is punished for her supposed sluttiness by being doomed to a life of caring for Wickham. The book makes sure to dwell on his incontinence to make sure that readers get the message, which is: Lydia is a slut, so she should be shamed and punished, and being a caregiver to a person with disabilities is a punishment and a burden. So, why isn’t this funny? Because this is what people actually think, right now, in the world. That sluts need to be punished, that developing quadriplegia is a tragedy, that caring for someone with quadriplegia is an impossible burden.

But wait! There’s more! Here’s a rundown of some elements of Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters:

[the book] aside from featuring some rather horrific racism and colonialism, gives Colonel Brandon a “cruel affliction” in the form of “perverse tentacles” attached to his face. When discussing his unsuitability as a marriage prospect, the girls make sure to stress how “repulsive” he is, and they throw in some ageism when they suggest that a 27 year old unmarried woman might settle for him, but a 17 year old girl certainly shouldn’t. Adding gas to the fire, Elinor suggests that a woman who was “say, visually impaired somehow” would make an ideal match for Brandon.

I’m going to just say here what the actual fuck. You know what, when you show yourself to be more judgmental and prudish and repressive than people obviously were in fucking early nineteenth century England, than you have a fucking problem and I’m not going to give my money or time to your fuckery.

Just to give a rundown of what fate Jane Austen metes out to her — not sluttish, but too trusting, silly, and thoughtless — character Lydia, who runs off with the weak and venial Wickham in the belief that he loves her and they’re going to get married, it is this: Elizabeth enlists the help of Mr. Darcy, who gets together with the girls’ father and uncle — I think, it’s been awhile and my copy of the novel is in paper form and is in a box somewhere — and they basically go fetch the couple, make Wickham marry Lydia properly, and set him up in a job so he can be a good husband. Lydia ends up thinking she’s come well out of the deal because she got married first! And everyone else keeps their mouths shut to keep the peace. Because at that time and place reputation was everything, and people knew that treating a silly girl and a weak man like criminals and whipping them out of town or something would not have done the slightest bit of good and would in fact have made everyone miserable. As for the second book, yes, Colonel Brandon was rather older than the other bachelors, but he was in no way unsuitable as husband material, and in the 1995 movie version he was played by Alan “Voice of a Sex God” Rickman (yes, Professor Snape), so utterly fuck you, author of the Monsters book, in a most uncomfortable and unlikely place.

As for the ableism, the treatment of the handicapped and people with non-standard physical appearances  as less than human and as targets of mockery, I have no words. Since none of that was in either of the original works, I don’t know why the author decided to add them — but I can guess. “We all know they were really like that back in the ‘good old days’ so why not throw it in there? Just for the lulz.” Because obviously, Jane Austen was writing in the full knowledge that people in reading her books two hundred years later would know all about the “real” Eighteenth Century Britain, so she covered it up and wrote all nicey-nice. But no. You can’t take refuge in that sort of mendacity, my babies. This stuff was written in the 21st century, by you. Own it. It says many things, none of them good, about 21st century Western society that the sort of pure hatred of women (and as the blog author notes, of people with disabilities) as displayed in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters, is okay enough to put in what are supposed to be light-hearted comedy horror novels.