http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1895672,00.html

… “Now a major new study suggests that both critics and proponents might be right about SSRIs: the drugs can work, but they appear to work best for only a subset of depressed patients — those with a limited range of psychological problems. People whose depression is compounded with, say, substance abuse or a personality disorder may not get much help from SSRIs — which is unfortunate for the 45% to 60% of patients in the U.S. who have been diagnosed with a common mental disorder like depression and also meet the criteria for at least one other disorder, like substance abuse.” (May 6, 2009)

The Time Hot 100 Most Influential poll is completed. Music Machinery has a couple of excellent posts on 4chan’s triumphant carpetbombing (pre-captcha and post-captcha).

Time, Inc. has responded to their complete failure with all the dignity and good humor of a visiting relative who’s just had their suit ruined by your food-throwing progeny. They admit to being hacked (a little) and that they might have screwed up (a little). They do not admit to any hasty barn-door closing after noticing moot had racked up 12+ million votes in a record amount of time.

But what really screams, “I CAN TAKE A JOKE. HA-HA!” through clenched teeth is this quote (from Time.com managing editor Josh Tyrangiel):

“I would remind anyone who doubts the results that this is an Internet poll,” he says. “Doubting the results is kind of the point.”

O RLY?

Had this poll gone as planned (or at least set up with the bare minimum of security) and someone like their man Obama (whom they have publicly fellated for months with all the dignity of a hammered sorority girl) taken the top spot, would they still have trotted out this, “You internet people are stupid and don’t know shit about shit” line?

Not to sound pretentious, but go fuck yourself, you pompous asshole. You’re fucked in the head if you think that 90% of that list has any influence over the “future of America.” No wonder the print world can’t deal with the rise of the internet. They continue to drip condescension over every blog that beats them to a punch or points out their fallibility.

Go ahead and wave that journalism degree and blame everyone who has gone elsewhere for news. You’re about as relevant and needed as a Betamax instruction book.

Maybe you’ll play it safe next year and allow your print subscribers to fill out handwritten 3×5 cards and mail them in. This way you can join hands in solidarity with another bloated dinosaur who could use a spike in business.

-CLT

The second week home after a vacation or even a three day weekend is when everything starts to feel normal again.  I’m starting to feel normal.  I’m trying to build up my routines.

Boy #2 is due the end of June.  I have about 9 weeks of routine before all hell breaks loose again.  But in the meantime I’m making my lists, checking them twice…oh, wait, that’s another story.  Back to my story.  Grocery list, check.  grocery shopping, check.  Menu plan, check.

Let’s see what we’ll be eating…

Sunday:  leftovers

Monday:  chicken breasts, mashed cauliflower (I love this dish, it’s like mashed potatoes but healthier)

Tuesday:  boneless pork sirloin chops, sautéed carrots

Wednesday:  pancakes

Thursday:  WOHO (wife on her own)

Friday:  pulled chicken sandwiches, green beans

Saturday:  tuna pasta (not sure if this is going to be traditional with cream of mushroom soup or something lighter with flaked tuna, oil and some veg.  I guess it depends on the weather that day.)

Our budget was $80, we spent…

Sprouts Farmers Market – $9.09 (this was all of our produce [minus the bananas] and eggs for the week, amazed even me.)

Vons – $24.96

Trader Joe’s – $10.95 (I can’t believe how little I shop here now, I still don’t want to live without a TJ’s nearby but they used to be my go-to for almost everything.)

Walgreens – $22.41

Target – $7.86 (no food but household items that I consider part of the budget)

99¢ Store – $2.00 (potatoes AND bananas!)

Lots of stops this week but with a final total of $77.27 I think it worked out to shop around for the deals.  All of these stores are within a couple miles and typically on our way home from some other outing.

I came across this picture essay from Time.com about the foods and budgets of families around the globe.  Although it’s quite old it’s definitely worth checking out.  Can you guess which is the American family?

Josh Quittner’s piece in the 4.20.09 issue of Time  is titled “Get Rich Slow.” 

How dazzlingly appropriate. I like it. It is the kind of title I want to wave at people all of the time, especially those that want a startup success without the work, or marriage to a rich person without having to love them. Both just don’t work for me. More importantly, they usually don’t work at all. 

But back to Time. It’s a fun piece that says now’s a good startup time. It gives examples of creative people who are making a lot with a little.

All good – but here’s the punch. Try your idea out, and get some revenue. Get some paying users before you ask for money.

Is this true in my world? You bet. But a few aspects of this piece ( read it; it’s short and accessible)  need clarification.

1) Should you have customers before you go to get funded?

Yes. Some get funded (angelically usually) before they have customers. But not so much lately. Having customers increases your credibility exponentially.

2) But that means I have to go to market on my own power. My own sweat and dollars.

The short answer is yes. But consider Tom Sawyer. He was supposed to whitewash a fence, and he somehow charmed his pals into doing it. While you definitely have some work ahead, find ambassadors to use, love and chat about your product on Facebook and Twitter. Alpha and beta on those you know.  Don’t promise money; do like Tom S. and make the whole thing fun.

3) But I need money before I can make my complex, fantastic product.

Sit back and think here. Say you don’t get money. What happens then? One of two things: 1) you go back to your normal job that pays your bills or 2) you do 1) and scale your project to something not requiring an entire manufacturing plant.

Example:  Say you want to build a device that connects to a smart device or phone, and enables online shopping. It stores your info, it keeps your budget, it tells you about offers in your area.

But that device part needs money.

Ask yourself the big questions – what am I really trying to do, and in what sequential steps could I do it, if money was not available?

The answer (one of many) is this. Your original plan was device +app. What if you start with the app, and write it for an existing device like iPhone? Your cost and time to alpha/beta just went down considerably. You choose to build a quick website and you grab some server space unused by a friend’s company.

You have a product.  You have testers, you have users. You have spent little money and feel entirely unglamorous. But you have a more viable funding idea for this time in history.

Take that idea out, convert it cash positive, and then (months, year later) throw out that other idea.

Or maybe you won’t even need to.

This is only a high level example of course – take it conceptually and apply it within your own frame.

4) But I cannot pay myself just yet.

Are you doing this to pay yourself or because you have the best idea and plan, and a huge passion for doing? This is not a cliche. Do the right thing and do money second. If money is priority 1, please work for someone else right now.  Wait until your plan clicks – with you, and with others.

5) But I thought business plans were passe?

No. Again, no. What is to be avoided is the analysis-paralysis of planning for inertia.  You always need a plan. What is different now is that early plan action – concurrent doing and planning, clairvoyance for all, is recommended. Get your widget to market. But plan the go to market, and do so flexibly.

Note: Flexibly does infer “inexpensively.’ Considering the social media toolbox out there, this is not impossible. You will be in charge of your own idea. Daunting, yes. Also ideal in a lot of ways.

6) Do I actually have to eat ramen?

No, but have you tried it? It’s actually quite good.

 **

 www.time.com“Get Rich Slow” Josh Quittner 04.20.09. Page 42 of print edition.  

(Note to Time: Hate quotas, but I’m pretty devoted to reality. Your article might want to have photographs of female and non-white entrepreneurs, who in very real life are right out there and have been bootstrapping creatively for ages.  With no disrespect to the geniuses like Paul Graham who are pictured (great!), I was surprised by the monochromatic photo array.)

http://curiouscapitalist.blogs.time.com/2009/04/15/the-400-richest-americans-and-their-terrible-tax-burden/

Italy’s Earthquake: Could Tragedy Have Been Avoided? – TIME.

OK so clearly this is a tragedy. Glad I got that out of the way, these unfortunate people should have been warned. Government officials were warned and then when it didn’t hit on that specific date, the guy who heads up the Italian Civil Protection Agency was quoted as saying:

“These imbeciles enjoy spreading false news,” Bertolaso was also quoted  saying. “Everyone knows that you can’t predict earthquakes.”

Seismologist Shmizeologizt, I am guessing you don’t need a college degree to become the head of the Italian Civil Protection Agency. How long do you think he will he keep his job now? On the bright side of things, don’t these disasters help “shake up” the economy? (wocka, wocka)

SOURCE:TIME.COM

http://www.time.com/time/photogallery/0,29307,1683326,00.html

“Exercising your face muscles tightens, tones and, according to practitioners, combats aging. Photographer Gene Moz offers a gallery of some of the more intriguing poses”

According to Bob Buch, vice president of business development at Digg, baking chocolate chip cookies is the perfect Metaphor for web publishers to better integrate social media.  I don’t really think it’s the best metaphor, but Bob gave away free cookies at the end of his talk, and for that, and that alone I decided to follow him on Twitter @bobbuch , kidding.  However,  I’m not kidding about the metaphor.  So I’m just going to share the hugely useful tips and tricks he offered throughout his dynamic talk instead of working off his suggested Cookie metaphor.  Forgive my poetic license. 

SHARING-  Buch started off by saying that the best advice for a publisher with high quality content is “if you love something, set it free”. Just get it out there, people will come back to your site 100 fold.  He went on to describe that a homepage story on Digg that your reader loves  will send from 20,000 to 200,000 clicks.   A big mistake that a lot of publishers make is that they offer too many options to share the publishers content, so Buch advises that “Less is more”  don’t overdo the sharing options.

INTEGRATION - Not every publisher can be great at everything so Buch advices to integrate using social sites like Facebook. Leverage their platform for profile photos if that’s not your core competency. Using Facebook Connect Digg publishers have seen registration rise 30-100%,  and engagement up 15-80%

Time Magazine’s Digg widget outperforming their own “top story” selection. People seem to be drawn in by other opinions and feel that the title stories for Time may have some bias due to larger font, and placement in the publication.

PEOPLE- Buch advised that publishers hire someone who is familiar with social media and can decipher the following ROFLCopter, LMAO, PWND, Noob.  If you can’t, than apparently you’re a Noop.  I have to confess I didn’t know what a ROFLCopter was until Buch offered.  He likened this type of reaching out to bringing your people in out from the cold. Listen to your community and don’t only communicate about self serving things. Offer insight about what may effect what you write about. The example of a company doing this well is NPR.  Facebook offers the opportunity for NPR to have a “Public Profiles”. NPR has 330,000 fans, and growing because they let reporters upload photos from the field that maybe won’t get published. To the users this feels authentic, and feels “insider” to the group members.  NPR is leveraging what they’re best at.

AUTHENTICITY - Stay true to your core competency.  Figure out what you do best and be true to that.

I particularly enjoyed that Mr. Buch didn’t dismiss publishers, and emphasized that sites like Digg rely on high quality content. Suffice to say I dug what the guy from Digg was talking about.  Couldn’t resist, sorry.

I remember the first time I told a close friend about my affair. This was after my wife found out about it. My life was a living hell and his first question to me was, “How did you get caught?”

I didn’t, I explained. My lover told her husband.

Since then, I have written what seems like thousands of blog posts on why my ex had no right to confess. In her mind, I’m sure, she was “doing the right thing.” But that one action –that single action—destroyed the lives of people she had never met or will meet.

I bring this up more than a year and a half after my so-called D-Day, the day my wife learned of my affair, because I’ve stumbled onto an article that supports my belief that cheating spouses should never tell. At least, not if they hope to stay married and spare innocent people from a life of pain.

Time.com

Why We Have Affairs – And Why Not to Tell

In her 30 years of counseling couples, Mira Kirshenbaum has discerned 17 reasons that people have extramarital affairs. In a near majority of couples, one partner will cheat on the other at some point. In her new book, When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts & Minds of People in Two Relationships (St. Martin’s), Kirshenbaum explains the reasons and offers some helpful — and sometimes surprising — advice on how to manage the consequences. TIME senior reporter Andrea Sachs reached Kirshenbaum at her office in Boston:

TIME: Is there a pattern in the way that affairs begin?

Mira Kirshenbaum: People say, “I never meant for this to happen.” They’re being honest when they say that. Typically, they’re in a committed relationship, but they aren’t perfectly happy. No one who was perfectly happy in their primary relationship gets into a second one. They’re a lot unhappy, or maybe just a little. Maybe they have no plans to cheat. And then the other person somehow floats onto their radar screen. The image that I have is like someone who has been wandering around with a couple of empty wine glasses who suddenly meets someone with a bottle of wine. And so they want a little taste. It starts very innocently. Very slowly they get to know each other. It’s often an emotional affair to begin with. Maybe they have long conversations, whatever. However it happens, eventually they realize that they’ve crossed some sort of line. But they realize it after they’ve crossed it. And it feels wonderful because it was a line they were hungry to cross. But it also feels terrible because they know it’s cheating, and they know they never wanted to be a cheater. But it keeps going. Think about it. If you don’t want to divorce, and there are many reasons people don’t — for the children, for financial reasons, they don’t want the stigma of a divorce — this is a way people cope. They have the illusion that no one will know. If I get a divorce, it’s a public act and everyone will know that my marriage failed, that I’m a failure. But if I have an affair, I’m able to pretend that everything’s O.K. and no one will get hurt. So they find themselves involved in the two relationships and it looks as though it could work. And the guilt seems manageable. And they’re not really thinking about the future. They feel like they’ve got this wonderful, wonderful present, and it seems to solve all their problems.

TIME: Can that last?

It never lasts. It can’t. Being in two relationships is inherently unsustainable. It’s like a house of cards. And the longer it keeps going, the more likely it is to come crashing down. And then the pressure mounts and the central structure is that three-way tug of war. The person who is cheating is just trying to keep everything stable, the same, not changing anything. The two other people, the lover and the spouse, are putting pressure on, if the spouse knows about it. If the spouse doesn’t, she still is wanting more time, more fun. She puts pressure on anyway.

TIME: Do most people get caught?

Yes. Inevitably there are slip-ups. In the stories I hear, they find a gift in a pocket of a coat and they think it’s for them and they’re so excited, and then they never get the gift. I mean, it’s just heartbreaking. So it all blows up eventually.

TIME: Should you confess if you feel guilty about it?

No. I’ve got to tell you that this is very, very important. I’m a person who is just an advocate of truth. I really will do anything to tell the truth, so it took me a long time to get to the point where I say, just don’t tell. Because how does it make a person less guilty to inflict terrible pain on someone? Which is exactly what the confession does. It puts the other person in a permanent state of hurt and grief and loss of trust and an inability to feel safe, and it doesn’t alleviate your guilt. Your relationship is dealt a potentially devastating blow. Honesty is great, but it’s an abstract moral principle…. The higher moral principle, I believe, is not hurting people. And when you confess to having an affair, you are hurting someone more than you can ever imagine. So I tell people, if you care that much about honesty, figure out who you want to be with, commit to that relationship and devote the rest of your life to making it the most honest relationship you can. But confessing your affair is the kind of honesty that is unnecessarily destructive. There are two huge exceptions to not telling: if you’re having an affair and you haven’t practiced safe sex, even if it’s only one time, you have to tell. Again, the moral principle is minimizing the hurt. But this time, the greatest risk of hurt comes from inflicting a sexually transmitted disease, and I’ve never seen a relationship recover from that. You also have to tell if discovery is imminent or likely. If you’re going to be found out, then it’s better for you to be the one to make the confession first.

Before I did this research, I really thought that affairs were fatal for relationships, but they’re not. It all depends on how you deal with it, and that’s why I have two sections in the book on how to repair and rebuild and heal the hurts. You need all of that. But if the person who has been cheated on has a talent for forgiveness and the cheater is truly sorry — this is one of the surprising findings — many, many people are able to use the affair as a wake-up call and end up so much happier with a relationship that gives them what they need, instead of just being on automatic and pretending that everything’s O.K.

TIME: Do people who decide, during an affair, to leave their marriage often end up staying with the person they cheated with, or is that just a way of getting out of the relationship?

There are 17 reasons people have affairs, and you’ve just talked about one of them. I call it the Ejector Seat affair. People use the relationship as a way to get out of the marriage. That is a real reason. They’re afraid to leave the marriage, and they’re hoping that an affair will end things. Either the spouse will kick them out or the lover will give them the courage to quit.

TIME: Let’s talk about some of the others. What is the See-If affair?

If your motive is to see if what you’ve been missing in your marriage can be gotten with someone else, and if so does it make as much of a difference as you thought, then you’re in a See-If affair.

TIME: What about the Heating Up Your Marriage affair?

This is subconscious for people. They don’t actively say, “I’m going to go and heat up my marriage.” But unconsciously they’re hoping that either the affair itself or their spouse finding out about it will make things more passionate in the relationship.

TIME: Is that a good strategy?

Well, none of these are great strategies, but you have to assume that there’s a hidden wisdom. People are coping. People are doing the best they can. There’s something they’re hungry for and they’re not getting it in life. And an affair is a way for people to try to get what they’re needing.

TIME: What about the I Just Needed to Indulge Myself affair?

Look, it may not be noble, but the fact is that some people work so hard and they really don’t know how to take care of themselves and give to themselves. And an affair occurs to them as the best way they know how to give themselves some pleasure. You don’t really think very highly of someone like that, but there are people like that.

TIME: I’m intrigued by the Let’s Kill this Relationship and See if It Comes Back to Life affair. What is that?

This happens unconsciously also. The idea is that once an affair is discovered, it will deliver a blow that will either kill your relationship or make it stronger. And it often does. The sex becomes much more passionate for some people.

TIME: The Having Experiences I Missed Out On affair?

This is true for a lot of women who weren’t in many relationships before they got married — men as well — [who] feel there are experiences that are important that they missed out on. And an affair is the best way they can think of to get those experiences.

TIME: Let’s take the last one. How about a mid-marriage crisis affair?

Without time and attention, marriages get stale or feel full of problems. They’re tired and frustrated with their marriages and not knowing what else to do. You have an affair. It’s about the stage the marriage is in. And the way we live today. Everyday life is terrible for love. Love needs time, and time is the air love breathes, and people have no time. On the weekends, they’re running around schlepping, doing all kinds of things. And where do you have the time you had when you were falling in love? It just doesn’t exist for people anymore.

TIME: What do you say to someone who comes to you and says, “I can’t choose; I don’t know who to stay with”?

If you want to work with me, O.K., first accept the fact that your view of your lover and your spouse are both skewed. Things always seem great with the lover, it’s always so romantic and sexy, special, sporadic and, most of all, new and exciting. But guess what? New gets old. I wish I had a nickel for everyone who married their lover and found they replicated what they had with their spouse, with the added poverty of a post-divorce lifestyle. And in the same way, spouses are usually not as bad as they seem. After all, the person who is cheating is withdrawing energy from their marriage and has alleviated their guilt by bad-mouthing or bad-thinking their spouse. But when people work on their marriage and put the lover by the wayside, they’re often very surprised at how much things can improve. Another piece of advice I’d say is, lovers are often little more than the crowbar you needed to get out of your marriage, but you don’t need to marry the crowbar. That’s a mistake a lot of people make. They feel so guilty, they then marry the person they had the affair with.

TIME: Are you still optimistic about marriage after hearing so many bad stories?

Oh, sure. Just because people have problems doesn’t mean they can’t solve their problems. It’s a terrible way to have to wake up, but I work with so many couples who’ve gone through all of the stages and come out the other end in a much better place than they ever were, especially if they don’t tell. And the problem with telling is that you’re then taking all of the time in therapy and in your life where you should be focusing on making the relationship the best it can be. You spend it just talking about the past. [But] no one can change the past.

Like Mira Kirshenbaum, I believe in honesty, which may sound funny coming from a confessed adulterer. I never wanted to lie. Lies are what I hated about having an affair. Yet one lie led to another and another. Before I knew it, I was an expert liar.

But I was prepared to take those lies to my grave because I knew my affair would destroy not only me, but my wife and two precious children. It did. Mere words cannot describe the pain and suffering that were inflicted on my family because someone thought it best to “come clean.”

It’s why it makes me sick to my stomach when I think of my former other woman’s last words to me.

“I don’t want to lie to my husband anymore.”

A little late for honesty, don’t you think?

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