Over the course of this week, we will uncover twenty titles you need to seek out at your local DVD store. Here is Part 2.

The list is laid out something like this. The title, year it was made, genre, synopsis and finally my rating. I hope to do more of these lists as I uncover some of the treasures hidden at the local videostore.

15. Legionnaire (1998) (Action – Drama)

Jean-Claude Van Damme stars as Alain Lefevre, a boxer who decides to defy a mobster and not take a fall in a huge boxing match. To avoid being killed by the mob, Alain escapes to join the French Foreign Legion stationed in Africa. Alain quickly realizes that the struggle to stay alive as a “legionnaire” might be more harrowing than avoiding the mob.

Alain learns a lot about himself and the power of redemption and friendship. “Legionnaire” ranks in the top 5 best Van Damme films among that top 5 are films like “Bloodsport” and “Timecop”.

The reason this film is so much better than a lot of the films Van Damme has done is that it is presented as an epic. The film showcases glorious cinematography, epic war battles and a great performance from Van Damme, which showcases an internal human struggle. Forget the crap films Van Damme has made  like “Knockoff”, “Universal Soldier: The Return” and “Maximum Risk” and embrace this entry in the Van Damme action journey. This movie is way better than it deserves to be! A true must for Van Damme fans and fans of epic adventure. (4 out of 5)

14. Live Wire (1992) (Action – Drama)

Danny O’Neill (Pierce Brosnan) is a bomb disposal expert assigned to a case where terrorists have developed an “invisible” biological liquid explosive. Their targets include a group of US Senators and one of them happens to be sleeping with Danny’s wife.

“Live Wire” is the 2nd Brosnan film on this list and another welcomed discovery. The film is directed and photographed like a “Lethal Weapon” film and has the adrenaline and intensity of that style. The explosive is so original I decided not to reveal what it is in this review.

You really have to see the film to understand how unique it is. It’s something I have never seen before or since. Another similarity between “Lethal Weapon” and this film is the way Brosnan plays Danny.

He plays him a lot like the way Mel Gibson portrayed Martin Riggs, burnt out and as explosive as the materials he uses.

Brosnan accomplishing this draws us into a deeper connection to the character. There is a lot of charisma in Brosnan and from his acting in this film it’s not surprising he was James Bond. (3.5 of 5)

13. Mr. Frost (1990) (Horror – Suspense)

What if Satan walked among us? A man named Frost (Jeff Goldblum) is imprisoned for murder after he is arrested while burying his victims in a garden. However, even while under strict psychiatric care, it becomes obvious that Mr. Frost is not all that he seems. There is more behind this mysterious man than meets the eye. “Mr. Frost” is so blatantly eerie that it sweeps you in with a stranglehold. Goldblum is charismatic and plays one of the spookiest characters you will ever see. Think Goldblum playing a charismatic and younger “Hannibal Lecter”. For the whole film you aren’t sure what makes the man tick and that is what makes it so addicting to watch. Goldblum is brilliant in this mind-bender. (3.5 of 5)

12. No Way Back (1996) (Action – Drama)

When F.B.I. Agent Zack Grant’s (Russell Crowe) partner is killed in an operation goes sour, he will do anything to find the man or men responsible. The action gets intense when airline stewardess Mary (Helen Slater) gets mixed up in Zack’s crusade.

These problems snowball as Mafioso and Yakuza complications present themselves. “No Way Back” is a solid and adrenaline packed action film that debuted just a year before Crowe became famous to the world in “LA Confidential”.

Crowe brings such grit and demeanor to the burnt out hero that we cheer for him all the way through. The film’s ending doesn’t do the rest justice but the reason to see this film is purely for fans of Russell Crowe. (3.5 of 5)

11. Raising Cain (1992) (Suspense)

Jenny Nix (Lolita Davidovich), wife of eminent child psychologist Carter Nix (John Lithgow), begins to neglect her daughter after an adulterous affair with an old flame (Steven Bauer).

While Jenny becomes enthralled in the affair her husband becomes deeply concerned for the well being of their daughter. Some rather distressing kidnapping grip the neighborhood in which the Nix’s live.

Could these kidnapping be linked to Carter Nix’s past. Lithgow is utterly brilliant, as he has to play not 2 characters but 4.

His performance even dives deeper into depth as Carter Nix begins to go insane.

Director Brian DePalma seems to give Lithgow a lot of leeway, as some of the mental shuffles seem almost ad-libbed. Those scenes are brilliant to watch as you see the magnificence of Lithgow.

The real sad note of the film is that it is way to short and the script seems to bolt along. The script could have used a little more detail.

The film is a great suspense ride and with the perfect performance by Lithgow which make it a great renter. (3 of 5)

HBO announced that the Cincinnati Bengals would be this year’s sacrificial lamb team for its sort-of annual (when coaches are dumb enough to fall for it) training camp documentary.  I think we can all agree that this match-up is long overdue.  Let’s take a look at the cast roster of misfits for this year’s show:

2009 Cincinnati Bengals Team Photo

Jordan Palmer -Playing the Frank Stallone/Ozzie Canseco card to perfection.

Chris Henry – Doesn’t he really need his own show?  I think he is bigger than “Hard Knocks.”  No offense HBO.

Cedric Benson – We got our crier!  (And our policemens’ punching bag…)

Quan Cosby – Added solely for the purposes of replaying Erin Andrew’s comedy segment with Quan and Bill on draft day.

Maurice Purify – Hopefully with cameo appearances by Uncle Bobby. That’s right, Bobby’s his uncle.

Tank Johnson – See entry for Chris Henry.  PLEASE let Tank and Henry be roommates at camp. It will solve so many problems. THE SAME MATTER CANNOT OCCUPY THE SAME SPACE.  When they touch, both will be gone — just ask Ron Silver.  It’s science.

Dhani Jones – Adding some much needed class.  Don’t sleep on the bow-tie revolution.

Roy Williams – If for no other reason, to justify replays of this:

What about that little guy?  Who, that little guy?  I wouldn’t worry about that little guy.

Crap! I spelled my new name wrong on the league form and now it has to be "Ochocinco" as one word. Maybe I should have went to my classes at Oregon State.

Clodovil virou purpurina? Grande coisa! Apesar de ser agora canonizado pela mídia, para mim ele continua sendo uma besta poligonal. Se é para falar de alguém que fazia papel de político e que já morreu, prefiro falar do Ron Silver. Ele já foi presidente, já foi senador, já foi Henry Kissinger e seu maior sucesso atualmente, foi como o consultor político Bruno Gianelli em “West Wing”(o seriado que previu um candidato das “minorias”). Não bastasse isso, na vida real, onde as pessoas tem que pagar as contas e mandar trocar o encanamento, Ron era presidente de uma ONG que lutava pela liberdade de expressão e, ironicamente, parece ter sofrido um “ostracismo” em Hollywood depois de ter largado os Democratas (os de lá dos EUA. Nada a ver com Edmares e Kassabes) e passado a apoiar Bush.

Clodovil também ficou famoso por mudar de time. Politicamente. Largou o PTC(?) para se filiar ao PL (partido do vice-presidente José Alencar). Quase teve o mandato cassado por infidelidade partidária. Só um tonto pra achar que alguém que trocou mais de emissora de TV do que a Adriane Galisteu de namorado, iria ser fiel a algum partido. Conseguiu escapar.

Sexualmente nunca mudou de time, pois sempre foi uma bicha louca, arrogante e misógina. O Ron Silver deve ter sido bicha também, porque participou de um seriado chamado “Veronica’s Closet” (“O Armário da Verônica” uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu….).

Os inimigos de Clodovil encheriam um Maracanã. Mais fácil contar quem não era seu inimigo (os fabricantes  de vibrador e os editores de jornal de fofoca). Comprou briga com Denner (não aquele carinha gente fina da Portuguesa, o costureiro), Ronaldo Ésper (ladrão de vaso), Marta Suplicy (Clodovil também era solteiro sem filhos) e a torcida do Corinthians, literalmente falando .

Ron Silver também colecionou desafetos. Basicamente, os produtores de Hollywood simpáticos aos Democratas e seus ex-companheiros de partido, mas nenhum deu tanto trabalho para ele do que Jean Claude Van Damme. Sim, o fã da Gretchen, afinal Silver foi o vilão do memorável “Timecop – O guardião do tempo”, filme tosco e cheio de falhas sim, mas digno de menção honrosa por vários motivos: O mullet do Van Damme, o quase-chute que ele dá em um ladrão de bolsas, o “espacate” que ele dá pra escapar de ser  eletrocutado, a namoradinha do Ferris Bueller sem roupa (ela era a muié do Van Diaime nesse filme) e Ron Silver demonstrando o que acontece quando você se choca com uma versão sua mais antiga (questionável). No filme, ele tentava mudar o seu futuro para se tornar presidente dos EUA e mandar no mundo todo. Se o Clodovil pudesse mudar o seu futuro, ia  querer virar bananeira. Pra dar o ano todo.

Com vocês – Timecop,  o Guardião do Tempo:

WTF JCVD? Seriously. What is this movie and why does it exist? It’s common knowledge that Jean-Claude Van Damme is one of the most badass men on the planet. Just watch a bit of Bloodsport, Kickboxer, or Universal Soldier if you want confirmation. However, the words serious actor have never really been spoken in the same sentance as his name, and he apparently wanted to change that.

Unlike most of his peers however, who decided to just take a few non action roles in an attempt to prove they can do more than kick ass and take names, the Muscles from Brussels decided to star (as himself) in a French language meta-drama/comedy/heist film.

He plays a version of himself that’s tired of doing crappy direct-to-dvd action movies and decides to move back to Belgium after losing custody of his daughter. However, when he gets back, he gets caught up in a hostage situation and the police mistakenly think that he’s the one pulling the strings.

That part of it is played fairly straight forward. But strewn about the movie are meta -jokes about how this isn’t a movie, it’s real life. And then there’s “The Scene.” Somewhat near the end of the movie, Van Damme breaks character (such as it is) and speaks directly to the audience. In a 6.5 minute long, single-take monologue, he reflects on his life and career in an amazing feat of acting (or is it?) that no one would have ever predicted that Timecop could give.

“The Scene”

In the comments for my “Pinch Bobby ‘Til He Bleeds” post, Almostgotit asked how I got into writing horror and why I got out.  Like many things in life, I just sort of stumbled into it, but getting out again was a little more complicated.

As I’ve mentioned before, when I first started submitting material, I was actually trying to break into the field of comic books.  I had quite the portfolio of series that I was peddling, including:

• Night Watchman, which of course eventually became the novel of the same name
• Television Man, which also eventually became the novel of the same name (currently unpublished)
• Future Cops, about time-traveling law enforcement officers, which eventually became the Jean-Claude Van Damme film Timecop.  (Just kidding.  Future Cops was way better than Timecop.)
• The Battalion, a standard regular super-hero comic
• Cyberhawk, another standard regular super-hero comic, featuring one of the characters from The Battalion
• Tales from the Dragon, which eventually became the novel Dragon Stones

Out of these, the horror comic Night Watchman was the best received and came closest to being published, by Eclipse, at least until my would-be editor moved to New Zealand.  *SIGH*

Anyway, once I abandoned the whole comic book idea in favor of writng novels (the main reason being that, while I can write, I really can’t draw), it seemed like the logical thing to do was to mine my comic books for material; and it seemed like the logical one to start with was the one that got the most positive response.  And so, Night Watchman became my first serious horror novel.  (We’ll leave aside my intervening stab at detective novels; and while I actually wrote Long Before Dawn before Night Watchman, and Long Before Dawn is indeed a horror novel, it belongs to the very specific sub-genre of vampire novels.  Night Watchman, on the other hand, is full-on horror in the same vein as Clive Barker’s The Damnation Game.)

Around this time I became aware of the Horror Writers Association (HWA).  Figuring it would be worthwhile to belong to such an organization, I joined up.  Through HWA, I found out about the 1997 World Horror Convention, which was to be held in Niagara Falls.  We lived in upstate New York then, so I signed up for it and went, even dragging my wife along.  Sorry, hon.  (A few stories from the 1997 WHC can be found here.)  At WHC, I went to various panels and discussions and even accidentally did a reading, and came away with the distinct impression that the market for horror novels at the time was very, very poor.  I had decided I was pretty good at this horror thing, though, and rather than switch genres, I switched mediums, and spent the next five years or so cranking out short stories, probably 80%-90% of them horror.  I sold enough of them to keep me motivated (my frequent “Random Rejection” posts notwithstanding), and eventually built up some name recognition in the field, culminating in the publication of the horror novels A Flock of Crows is Called a Murder and Night Watchman.

By now, in the early 2000s, the horror market seemed to be picking up again; but it had changed, and so had I.  Tune in next week for part two of our story, in which I quit the HWA and, eventually, the entire field of horror writing, and also give up on the whole “getting other people to publish my books” thing.

Mabrouk El Mechri's JCVD

I love martial arts movies. You’re going to hear me say that on more than one occasion on this blog.

I love martial arts movies, and one of the first ones I ever saw was Bloodsport, starring Jean-Claude Van Damme. He plays Frank Dux, an American man with a Belgian accent, wearing a low-cut tank top, accompanied by a hairy bear muscle mary called Ray. They take part in a kumite tournament which resembles Streetfighter II on mushrooms.

It took a lot of work to even get to see Bloodsport in the first place. First, I bought it at a car boot sale and hid it from my parents until I was able to create a fake ‘PG’ sticker for the video sleeve so they’d let me watch it. Basically, Bloodsport is frickin’ awesome.

Since then, it’s fair to say that Jean-Claude Van Damme’s career has had its ups and downs.

JCVD is his attempt at reinventing himself, or perhaps redeeming himself. And to an extent it works. The film opens with a long uninterrupted take following JCVD taking out various bad guys – but then becomes a wholly unexpected film. We are following JCVD, as himself. He argues with a disinterested director on set, goes through a painful child custody battle, argues with his agent, and in the end returns to his home town in Belgium to recharge his batteries and recuperate.

He stops off at a bank to get some money out – and is caught up in a robbery. What happens next is straight out of Dog Day Afternoon, but with a washed up martial arts movie star in place of Al Pacino.

Great concept. The execution is perhaps a little disappointing, but there’s some great set pieces and jokes, many of which are aimed at hardcore JCVD fans. The biggest payoff is that we never really see the Muscles from Brussels executing any flashy moves (except for the part where a starstruck bank robber asks him to do the cigarette trick from Hard Target).

The most jawdropping moment has to be the monologue.

Yes, a monologue from Jean-Claude Van Damme. However, this is delivered in his mother tongue, so is a bit more fluent than his usual delivery. Who can forget him saying “Zere iz nevair enough time to satisfy a whoo-man” in TimeCop, for example? But this is a long, uninterrupted monologue where JCVD essentially explains himself to his friends, his family, and his fans, before the action of the film resumes. It’s pretty heavy stuff, and seems quite heartfelt.

The film also concludes in a very unexpected way – and ends on a real emotional sucker punch.

JCVD is a good film, for its concept alone. I’d recommend you seek it out on DVD or in cinemas, especially if you’re a fan of the great man’s work. I just can’t help thinking the star of the film would have walked away with a lot more dignity, had he not signed up to star in a sequel to Universal Soldier immediately afterwards.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=4z_6UfkQ-c0

I spent a lot of yesterday deep in the Rails source, trying to figure out why some tests weren’t passing. No final conclusion but I think I’m on the right track.

I finally got round to seeing Universal Soldier (1992), and something stuck in my mind. When did we all become so serious? Or to be much more topical (and witty) why so serious?

Honestly though, as a child (I mean, adult, for those of you reading who are members of the BBFC) I fondly remember wasting the hours of the evening watching silly action films led by furious (foreign) figures such as Jean-Claude, Dolph Lundgren and Arnold Schwarzenegger; with Sylvester Stallone and Chuck (yes) Norris leading up the assault from the rear. There’s no such thing as a pure action film these days really is there? It’s either audience pandering-ly wet, or grittier than the Notting Hill carnival.

Yes, those films were shit, but entertainingly so. I was in stitches at Universal Soldier, I mean…in what other film could Van Damme seriously get away with telling the leading lady (a rather fetching Ally Walker I have to say) to “keep searching until you find something hard” whilst standing there bollock naked. Our updated version of that is just bog water minus the entertainment, and in most cases is also some sort of very unsubtle homage to one of these very films – such as Kurt Russell’s absolutely horrific Universal Solder rip off (a mere six years after the original’s release) Soldier (1998).

Where did this divide even appear? Granted the highlights are mostly in the eighties, but the tradition of genuine action films followed right through into the likes of Speed (1994), Timecop (1994) and Die Hard: With A Vengence (1995). Films which were high concept/high action/pure entertainment in the traditional cinematic sense.

It feels like somewhere around 1996-98 film making deviated almost entirely towards darker, more realistic output, which I’m not complaining against at all – but now and again I like to disengage and just watch a film without judgement or thought. I think the closest we’ve come to emulating this classic, (slightly forgotten area of cinema) in the last decade is Luc Besson’s, The Transporter (2002) series of films, but even they, whilst insanely entertaining, lack the hulking attitude of the faithful greats.

Perhaps if the studios were not so hell bent on remaking everything from that era, this gulf wouldn’t look so devoid of…life. I mean, one only has to look at how different Die Hard 4.0 (2007) or Indiana Jones and The Something, Something (2008) are from their previous instalments to see just how much we have changed in our attitude to film making.

Can we not just leave it alone, admit we can’t do it anymore and create new material…or is that too much effort for screenwriters these days?

P.S: Marry me Jean-Claude, you beast.

R U serious?

I’ve put ideas out into the collective unconscious before, only to have them robbed and bastardized without any input from me.  Joe Piscopo’s stinker, “Dead Heat?”  Mine first (“Harry Cadaver”).   JCVD’s “Timecop?”  I had the idea two years earlier with the same title (this one I’ll forgive because it’s not that creative).  Eddie Murphy in Eddie Murphy in “Meet Dave?”  I originally thought “Osmosis Jones” plucked my idea of having Robin Williams inside of Bill Murray’s spaceship body, but “Meet Dave” robbed us both (“The Neuron Conquest”).  Even He-Man stole (or borrowed liberally) a character I entered into a contest.  Their Snout Spout was my Elephantom.

Then I saw this commercial for Flagstar bank yesterday at the bar.  I guess it premiered in this year’s Super Bowl, but since that game was so good (Giants spanked the ButtPats), I probably hit the can during the ads and missed  it.

This reminded me of a story I wrote in high school and submitted to our literary journal called the Curio.  No wonder I never dated.

B O X I N G   Y O U R   H E A D

     I feel deviated like a septum.  Separated, apart from what it seems I should be a part of.  Not fitting in, a circle in a world of squares.  Here I, Lucas Pendleton, sit at the counter of Sigmund’s Soda Shop, and I watch my peers across the way, celebrating and playing by the jukebox.  And I can’t be with them.  I’ve tended to put my head in the proverbial box for years.  So now’s the time to consider it for real.

     Here’s a napkin and… here’s a pencil.  I need to write this down or I’ll forget.  If I did put a box on my head – cardboard being the only choice – it would need to have strategically placed eyeholes so I wouldn’t stumble through life (I do enough without a cube around my head). 

     As for eating, I would feed my mouth through the opening in the bottom.  I wouldn’t need to talk with anyone.  The only thing anyone cares about is your name, if even that, and I can have that printed across my forehead.  If no one was asking that question anymore, I wouldn’t need earholes.  There, the designs are finished.  And I’ll never remove my perfect separator for any reason.

     Rain.  It’s raining outside now.  I need to compensate for the dampening spirit that falls from time to time.  I’ll draw a little umbrella that could be attached to the top.

     Look at them standing over there.  Not a care about my plans of seclusion.  Will they be sorry, not at all.

They don’t know me anyway.  That’s so clear.

     Clear.  I see clear because of my contacts.  How will I remove them?  I’ll get corrective surgery done on my eyes.  That’s easy.

     What’s another problem?

     Hygiene.  Well, I’ll deal with that as it comes along.

     Sleeping comfort.  I’ll pad the walls.

     Television, movies, and music.  How can I enjoy if I can’t hear?  I’ll add earholes to the design, very small ones.

     A sneeze, I just heard a sneeze.  What if my nose runs, or I sneeze?  That could get messy.  But only I’d know, and only I-I-d–achooo!

     “God bless you.”

     –Care.  Did someone say that to me, or the other guy?  Maybe I’ll respond… just in case… to be polite.  “Thanks.”  See, it wasn’t–

     “You’re welcome.”

     Well, it’s a female voice, coming from behind me.  Should I look?  Or did the other fellow say thanks at the same time I did.  I’ll say another thing to check.  “That’s nice.  Thanks.”  Stupid, stupid…

     “Really?  You think so?”

     It’s gotta be me.  I’m gonna look.  I grabbed the counter and hand over hand I turned around to see a woman standing behind me, beautiful as could be.  She wore splashy hued shoes and a colorful box-pattern dress.  Her flowing brown hair came down past her shoulders from beneath the box she wore on her head.  I couldn’t believe it, I was in love.

     “Whatcha doing?” she asked me as she tried to peak at my napkin.  I just looked at her eyes shining through the sufficiently cut eyeholes.

     I sighed in response to her question.  She approached me, and I then noticed the earholes she had made.  Her cute ears were exposed enough to easily hear me as well as the other man sneeze, yet she chose to ask God to bless me!

     “A box, huh?  That umbrella idea will never work.  Believe me.  Oh, believe me.”

     She pointed out my flaws in design, and I didn’t care!  She tilted her head to me and smiled.  She cut out a space for her mouth… and her gorgeous smile.

     “Why do you need a box on your head, anyway?”

     “I’m thinking the same thing!” I said.  I hope she thought I meant her.  She brushed her right hand through the top of her flowing brown hair.  I didn’t even notice the top and back portion of the box were missing.

     “I mean, you’re attractive.”

     “As well as are you.”  I saw her cute nose wrinkle when I complimented her.

     “And after all, you thanked me… twice.”  She laughed an uplifting laugh.  “Quit designing that box for your head.  It’s a waste of time.  Come on and dance with me.”  Her smooth rosy cheeks lifted because of her smile.  I could see her entire face.  Her entire head. 

     She took my hand and did that twinkle thing with her eye.  There was no box on this woman’s head.

     With my free hand I crumbled the napkin.  There was no box on this man’s head either.

     I threw the napkin in a trash can – a trash can in which, as I was informed later, contained several wet pieces of cut cardboard… and a broken umbrella.  

In the mid 1990s, I enjoyed a film-going guilty pleasure by the name of Jean-Claude Van Damme. 

Perhaps a tad burnt out by art-house pretensions like “La Belle noiseuse” and “Prospero’s Books,” I would plunk down on opening day with a decidedly Testosterone-fueled crowd — a motley crew of sleeveless Megadeth concert-Ts and “two dudes who always put a seat between themselves because they aren’t that way” dudes —  to catch the latest Van Damme flick, indulging in a heaping serving of better-get-your-popcorn pulp.  The training wheels of his early “Bloodsport” and “Kickboxer” vehicles had been discarded as Hollywood attempted to make a movie star out of a martial arts tactician.  “Hard Target” was John Woo’s first American film and he and Van Damme provided considerable thrills on a modest budget. “Timecop” was implausible fun with a sly Ron Silver performance while the dependably suspenseful “Sudden Death” made an NHL game relevant.  They were entertaining, if imperfectly so, but Van Damme‘s athleticism and proficient direction by Woo and Peter Hyams made them pleasing diversions.  Blessed with boyish charm, hunky good looks and an appealing Belgian French accent, Van Damme even earned a prominent role on a post-Super Bowl “Friends.”

But just as suddenly as he’d kick started a respectable box-office niche, his career quickly evaporated into straight-to-DVD fare and the ignominy of sharing the screen with Dennis Rodman. He faded into punch line status as he became more famous for boasting he could crack walnuts with his buttocks.

So, it‘s no joke, “JCVD” is a revelation.  Always fictional but steeped in the autobiographical, it’s a movie about Jean-Claude Van Damme, but this is no caricature nor overt parody but instead a contemplation.  It’s heartfelt, clever, and at times, even mesmerizing.  The Versailles-born French director Mabrouk El Mechri has made one hell of a movie. El Mechri and his cinematographer, Pierre-Yves Bastard, which sounds like the name of a disappointing Van Damme character, have draped the film in a sepia-toned documentary style with washed out, muted colors and a grainy patina. The strong visual is matched by a smart, predominantly French script from El Mechri and his co-writers, Frederic Benudis and Christophe Turpin, which utilizes the legend of Van Damme without condescension.

“JCVD” is buoyed by a crafty opening in which Van Damme charges punching, gouging and kicking with considerable brio through a scene in one of his typical, uninspired projects, until, at cut, he engages in a darkly comical exchange with a young, disinterested director clearly disdainful of the film as anything other than a springboard, the sequence climaxing with the set crashing to the ground behind the weary Van Damme. The fourth wall is removed; and while the film is not told in first person, it is intimate and direct.

Embroiled in a child custody tussle and frustrated with the pathetic routine of his acting choices, Van Damme returns to his hometown of Brussels for a respite.  Instantly recognized and adored by shop clerks and taxi drivers, he pays a fateful visit to a post office in the Schaerbeek community which devolves into a bank robbery with hostages.  Given his publicized court troubles and a sighting at a window, the police believe Van Damme is the crook.  And the three thieves are pleased to use Jean-Claude as their foil.  

But as engrossing as the film is, a powerful scene showcasing Van Damme is an epiphany.  Van Damme is sitting in a non-descript chair in a back room of the post office.  Slowly the chair rises with the camera shot, until there is all black behind him, framing his haggard face and broad shoulders.  Van Damme speaks squarely to the camera, about his tenuous career, his unsettled life, an insatiable desire for love, his adoration for women, and the torment of drugs.  It is a confessional without a request for mercy, or pity. He accepts that he yearned for the fame which supplied him with what he desires and what bedevils him. He speaks for minutes on end, captivatingly, soulfully, and with clarity and raw emotion.  The chair floats back to the post office floor.  And you try to catch your breath. It is the single strongest concentrated piece of acting I’ve seen this year. Clearly Van Damme’s finest moment on screen, it would buttress the resume of any noted film actor working today.  

We always thought the dexterity was in his hips as he swiveled his foot into a standing man’s chin, but, perhaps, nurtured by a sincere director such as the emerging El Mechri and proffered a role like Jean Reno’s in “The Professional” or Toshiro Mifune’s in “Yojimbo,” he can resurrect his career with characters which meld the physicality of the action star with an informed depth.

When placing his trust in a young director whose only other feature-length film was 2005’s little seen “Virgil,” Van Damme must have been fearful that a misstep in El Mechri’s approach could lead to a patronizing tone or, worse, a cartoonish, lampooned portrayal. But El Mechri has respectfully repaid the faith that  Jean-Claude entrusted in him by creating the most unexpected instant cult classic of 2008.

So Bruce Campbell had My Name is Bruce, and Jean-Claude Van Damme has, um, this. It’s hard — not least thanks to a jigsawed story and distractingly smudgy cinematography — to figure out quite what it is. Vanity project, mockery thereof, and uncomfortably close inspection of the shit-end of stardom’s stick? Yes. More interesting than Timecop? Certainly. His career now so left behind that he’s still straight-to-video in a straight-to-DVD age, the hard-bodied but weary-faced Monsieur Muscles from Brussels finds himself in quotation marks, with assets frozen, child custody lost, fame taunting and martial arts useless during a hometown hostage situation. Director Mabrouk El Mechri, who co-wrote the script with Frédéric Bénudis and Christophe Turpin, makes space in the morass to supply Van Damme with two quite different but equally stunty long takes, which he eagerly grapples into submission. It’s not really acting so much as scab-ripping, but still an astonishing performance.

     So you saw a sci-fi or fantasy movie, and it featured some off-the-wall characters, and maybe you thought it was entertaining, and it got some hype, but you didn’t realize until later that it was a comic book movie.  There’s a good chance that it was produced by Mike Richardson, the president of the world’s third largest comic book publisher, Dark Horse Comics. Since 1986, Dark Horse has been a beacon for restless artists and writers fleeing the ranks of Marvel and DC wishing to make a name for themselves with their own “creator owned” comics.
     In 1994, Richardson served as executive producer of two films made through Dark Horse subsidiary Dark Horse Entertainment.  One was The Mask (with co-executive producer #22 Michael De Luca), based on Richardson’s own comic of the same name, created in the late 1980’s/ early ‘90s.   The film earned several awards and nominations and was instrumental in propelling Jim Carrey’s comedic career forward. The Mask was followed by the three season long “The Mask” animated television series, which ran from 1995 to 1997, and by the Razzie Award winning Son of the Mask in 2005 (also executive produced by Richardson). The other film for which Richardson was an executive producer in 1994 was Timecop, made with producer #11 Sam Raimi and #17 Lawrence Gordon’s production company Largo Entertainment. It was again based on Richardson’s eponymous comic, published by Dark Horse. This film was nominated for a Saturn Award for Best Science Fiction Film and was particularly lauded for Jean Claude Van-Damme’s surprisingly competent dramatic performance in the starring role.  The film was followed up by the 1997 television series “Timecop” (which he co-executive produced with Gordon) and the 2003 direct-to-video sequel Timecop: The Berlin Decision.  In the latter half of the 1990s he produced two films; 1996’s Barb Wire, another Razzie Award nominee starring Pamela Anderson as the eponymous character published by the Dark Horse imprint Comics Greatest World, and the 1999 comedy Mystery Men (with producer Lawrence Gordon), loosely based on characters appearing in Bob Burden’s Flaming Carrot Comics, published by Dark Horse in the late 1980s/early 1990s. Richardson was also the executive producer of the 1999 movie Virus (producer #21 Gale Anne Hurd’s first comic book film) based on the Dark Horse comic of the same name. Once again, this film was almost universally panned.
     By the end of the ‘90s, Mike Richardson was making movies, but was in a slump with the critics. Not to be dissuaded, Richardson regrouped, and 5 years later he came back with his production of Dark Horse’s flagship property, Hellboy.  With the all-star team of producer Lawrence Gordon, producer/designer/writer/creator #13 Mike Mignola, and visionary director #10 Guillermo del Toro, Richardson had made a box office and critical success that reinvigorated his company and the independent comic book industry all at once. Hellboy Animated: Sword of Storms won him a 2007 Emmy for Outstanding Animated Program, followed by Hellboy Animated: Blood and Iron a year later. He was executive producer of both and again worked with the invaluable talents of Del Toro and Mignola.  He is currently working on his production of Hellboy II: The Golden Army, starring Ron Perlman and Selma Blair.  He has brought Gordon, Mignola, and Del Toro back together again for the sequel which is set for release on July 11, 2008.  Other Mike Richardson projects include 2004’s AVP: Alien vs. Predator, based in part on the Dark Horse comic series, and 2007’s 30 Days of Night, produced by Sam Raimi and based on the limited series published by IDW. Richardson served as executive producer on both films.
     Future projects for Mike Richardson include feature length productions of Dark Horse comic series R.I.P.D., Damn Nation, Criminal Macabre (based on Dark Horse/IDW character Cal McDonald), Concrete, and Black Cross.  He is slated to work as producer on all of these films.  Release dates have yet to be announced.

Influence Meter: ++++++++

Prior to his infamous run on the Spider-Man franchise, Sam Raimi was best known as the man behind the Bruce Campbell classics The Evil Dead, Army of Darkness, and their progeny.  Raimi has always been a fan of comic books and pulp fiction protagonists, particularly The Shadow.  After trying and failing to secure the rights to a feature film production of The Shadow, Raimi decided to make his own superhero film in the same vein, creating 1990’s Darkman.  In 1994 he produced Dark Horse’s Timecop with executive producer #6 Mike Richardson and #17 Lawrence Gordon’s company Largo Entertainment. By 2000, Sony had hired him to direct Spider-Man.  His passion for the character earned him the job, and the film was finally released in 2002 after two years of filming delays, a tragic death during filming, and the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks. The film was a huge success, and in 2004 Spider-Man 2 followed with an even bigger and better box office and critical reception. In 2007, Sony released Spider-Man 3, this time with Raimi writing the story and screenplay as well as directing.  The film was not nearly as successful as the two previous films in the series, but it was good enough to persuade Sony to have Raimi at the helm of Spider-Man 4, due to be released in 2010 or 2011. In 2007, Raimi also produced an adaptation of the horror comic 30 Days of Night, published by IDW, working again with executive producer Mike Richardson. Raimi is working on producing a film adaptation of Korean graphic novelist Min-Woo Hyung’s Priest with #25 Michael De Luca, currently scheduled for release in 2009, and on his beloved The Shadow, to which he finally acquired the filming rights.

Influence Meter: +++++

Selznick Award winning producer Lawrence Gordon became known for making films such as 48 Hrs., Predator, Field of Dreams, and Die Hard.  He has been President and CEO of Twentieth Century Fox, Chairman and CEO of Largo Entertainment, and is the founder of Lawrence Gordon Productions. His first foray into the comic book movie world came with his production of Disney’s 1991 film The Rocketeer, based on the Pacific Comics and Comico Comics publications of the same name.  Despite the fact that The Rocketeer was not an enormously popular title in the comic book world, the film garnered a fair amount of success, both critically and at the box office.  In 1994, Largo Entertainment produced Timecop (with executive producer #6 Mike Richardson), starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, although Gordon himself was not credited as a producer.  Gordon did serve as an executive producer (again with Richardson) for the 1997 spinoff television series “Timecop.”  His second credited feature length film was the 1999 comedy Mystery Men, which Gordon again produced with Richardson, based on Dark Horse’s semi-underground title Flaming Carrot Comics. Gordon subsequently produced the successful Hellboy in 2004, and is credited as a producer for the up-coming Hellboy II: The Golden Army, (both made with the multifaceted talents of Mike Richardson, #13 Mike Mignola, and #10 Guillermo del Toro) set to be released July 11, 2008. He is also set to produce the eagerly anticipated Watchmen, based on Alan Moore’s seminal work, to be released on March 6, 2009.  Hollywood.com reports that Gordon has been announced as a producer, with Mike Richardson, for an upcoming film adaptation of Paul Chadwick’s Concrete and of the Dark Horse publication Black Cross. Release dates have yet to be confirmed.

Influence Meter: ++++

No! No hablo de esa maravillosa película de Bill Murray que por supuesto recomiendo ver, sino de…. un nuevo acertijo!!!! Y este, en mi opinión este es más jodido dificil que los anteriores.

Había una vez un hombre que no tenía reloj ni de pulsera ni de bolsillo, pero tenía un reloj de pared muy exacto que sólo se paraba cuando se olvidaba de darle cuerda. Cuando esto ocurría, iba a casa de un amigo suyo, pasaba la tarde con él y al volver a casa ponía el reloj en hora. ¿ Cómo es posible esto sin saber de antemano el tiempo que tardaba en el camino?

PD.  Seguimos repartiendo Cascabeles de Fizlicidad!!!!

Para el acertijo de los Pisos de Proteccion Oficial. La solución claramente es….. que es un enano!!!(un hobbit no es válido, ya que esos viven en sucios agujeros. Así que….. Fizlicidades Marion!!! Estas en racha! Como sigas así vas a tener más cascabeles que fizzy!!

Para el acertijo del Oso Horroso… obviamente es un oso blanco!!!! Muy bien Caudilla!!! Que se note que los thalesianos saben mucho de osos amorosos!!

Ambos fizzypremios serán dados bajo fuego cruzado!!corred por vuestras vidas! que ahora tengo una machinegun! HO HO HO