From the Haven’t-You-Got-Anything-Better-To-Get-Worked-Up-About-File:

In the middle of a celebration of its 40th anniversary on the air, a conservative blogger this week accused the long-running children’s show, “Sesame Street” of being slanted towards political liberalism. At contention is a two-year-old segment in which an imaginary cable news channel known as “POX News” was defined as “trashy” and more worthy of watching because it was grouchier than another imaginary channel, GNN, “The Grouchy News Network.”

A blog known as Big Hollywood criticized GNN’S founder, Oscar the Grouch, as being “one more solider to the Left’s War on Fox News.”

The same blog entry later dug up at decade-old whine about the Teletubbies, noting that “…One can be forgiven for taking a second look at that Teletubby with the purse… He DOES seem a little gay, doesn’t he?

After about 800 fretful words about the left-wing bias of Sesame Street, the Teletubbies, Anderson Cooper, NPR and the NEA, the right-wing blog wound up by reassuringly patting itself on the back, noting that “we have the cool kids on our side,” including über conservative crybaby Glenn Beck and self-satisfied professional snark Dennis Miller.

A London woman had one messed up Halloween! A London woman in her 20’s was robbed at gun-point by a giant purple Teletubby who then waddeled off with her cash! The man has been described as being 6 foot 3 and approximately 225lbs…..Damn thats a big Teletubby. Too bad Barney wasn’t there to kick its ass!

If anyone has information on Tinky Winky’s whereabouts please contact the London Police.

Canadian police are looking for an armed purple Teletubby (Tinky Winky) who held up a woman on Halloween. He was last seen waddling off with an undisclosed amount of cash in London, Ontario.The suspect is described as a 6 ft 2 ” , weighing between 200 to 240 pounds. Anyone with any info please contact BBC or police urgently.

I was walking through my local halloween costume store and I noticed some interesting things.

First, I saw these:

table skulls

Now, it’s very important to note that these are tabletop skulls.  It would be très gauche to mistake them for floor skulls or garden skulls. There are just so many kinds of household skulls.  I keep a diagram for proper skull settings.  I would be horrified if I used a salad skull when I should have used the dinner skull.  You can find your own skull setting diagram at any worthwhile etiquette website.

The next thing I saw that was noteworthy enough to take a picture of was this:

crotch lights (c)

I know. I should’ve turned off my flash.  Eh, what are you going to do? But, this costume is one of many that I saw that inexplicably had crotch lights.  WTF?  I could see lighting up the wings.  That would be kind of cool.  But no.  They need to put the lights around the crotch. Which is not cool.  It’s creepy.  And why stop at the crotch.  Why didn’t they stick in some nipple lights too?

Teletubbies?  Really?  I didn’t think they were popular enough or gone long enough to experience a resurgence in popularity.  And if you’re going to have just one Teletubby costume it has to be Tinky Winky.  And the costume should come with Jerry Falwell’s address.  Clearly the man has an obsession with homosexuality.  He knew all the gay signs (the color purple, the upside-down triangle).  You know  what they say about people who protest too much.

And the strangest thing I saw was standing next the changing area.

Hi Mom!

I couldn’t even believe it.  I had no idea that my mom was even looking for a job.  Really, why start now?  But I was so proud that she finally found work, I slipped her a tip on my way out.  Good job mom!

ich bin so stolz

ausmalen macht so viel spass

obwohl ich ja bei der umfrage für “po” gestimmt habe, ist mir dipsy doch sehr ans herz gewachsen. besonders wegen dem ding der antenne auf dem kopf.

noch mehr so lustige vorlagen zum ausmalen gibt es auf der seite der bbc. viel spass beim malen.

“nomal, nomal!”

Che cosa può dire questa umile forchetta nelle mani del Prodigioso Spaghetto Volante, di un creazionista alla vicepresidenza del CNR?
Prima di tutto, diamo i riferimenti, dal momento che questo non è Luogocomune.

Da L’Antievoluzionismo in Italia (grassetto rosso mio)

Qualcuno si ricorderà che circa 3 mesi fa eravamo stati informati (Creazionismo in salsa turca) che in Turchia il vicepresidente del CNR turco (TUBITAK) aveva censurato un articolo su Darwin pubblicato sulla rivista scientifica (Bilim ve Teknik)del TUBITAK. In Italia la situazione sembra un po’ diversa; non abbiamo infatti una rivista del CNR che censurerebbe Darwin, ma abbiamo la rivista del vicepresidente del CNR che pubblica direttamente articoli critici non solo verso Darwin e la teoria attuale dell’evoluzione; alcuni articoli critici anche verso la chimica, la fisica e la geologia attuale, sono raccolti in un Dossier nel numero di giugno, il 45’, pubblicato in occasione del bicentenario. Molti degli articoli sembra facciano riferimento alle sciocchezze dette in un con vegno tenutosi al CNR nella sala Marconi il 23/2/09, quando, 2 giorni dopo un convegno sul quaternario tenutosi nella stessa sala, si cercava di dimostrare che la terra sarebbe molto più giovane di quanto si pensasse.
Purtoppo gli articoli non sono accessibili, ma il nome della rivista (“Radici cristiane”) fa seriamente sospettare che sia una delle prime occasioni in cui si manifestano pubblicamente i creazionisti biblici italiani, che finora avevano semplicemente ospitato un gruppo di creazionisti francesi in tour a Roma (il3/11/08 e il 23/2/09) per contestare i due recenti convegni vaticani su Darwin e la teoria dell’evoluzione. Premettendo la buona notizia che la rivista è sconosciuta o introvabile nelle librerie cattoliche (Paoline e Ancora) della “capitale del creazionismo”, Brescia. Ecco gli sconcertanti titoli degli articoli, con temi ben noti a chi visita i siti web dei creazionisti biblici USA, e con titoli che corrispondono a quelli delle comunicazioni ai convegni creazionisti tenuti alla Sapienza e al CNR:

• L’evoluzionismo contraddice la scienza
• Evoluzionismo: un’ipotesi eticamente aberrante
• Dalla scienza un secco rifiuto all’evoluzionismo
• La termodinamica contraddice l’evoluzione (se ne parlava anche al convegno creazionista alla Sapienza in novembre)
• Il tempo richiesto dalla sedimentazione contraddice l’ipotesi evoluzionista
• Ma dove sono quei milioni di anni
• Dinosauri: molto più “moderni” di quanto si creda … (al convegno al CNRsi raccontava di dinosauri vissuti 30/40.000 anni fa)
• Le datazioni radiometriche non sono affidabili

[....]

Il vicepresidente a cui si fa riferimento, è tale Prof. Roberto de Mattei

http://www.cnr.it/sitocnr/IlCNR/Organizzazione/Vicepresidente.html

che appunto DIRIGE Radici Cristiane, ilmensilechesiispiraaivaloriperennidellaCiviltàcristianaedellatradizioneoccidentale

E verissimo che non serve leggerne gli articoli antievoluzionisti per desumere l’ignoranza caprina di chi li ha scritti schiaffeggiando la tastiera: più che la preistoria stile Flintstones, mi disgusta (tra tutto il resto) vedere di nuovo tirata in ballo la termodinamica.

E’ uno dei tanti (bolsi) cavalli di battaglia ai quali i creazionisti italiani non disdegnano di ricorrere secondo l’equazione

(numero di sillabe x altisonanza dei termini) / intelligenza e cultura del pubblico = forza dell’illusione di significato

lo trovate infatti ripetutamente nelle opere dell’autore dei libretti rossi dell’antievoluzionismo italiota Giuseppe Sermonti.

Riciclo il testo da un altro post nel quale Isaac (inchino) Asimov, con la consueta caustica ironia, svela la vacuità delle argomentazioni creazioniste sulla termodinamica.

I Creazionisti hanno imparato abbastanza vocaboli scientifici, da usarli nei loro tentativi di confutare l’ evoluzione. [...] l’ esempio più comune è [...] il continuare a ripetere che il secondo principio della termodinamica dimostrerebbe che l’ evoluzione è impossibile.

In parole povere, il secondo principio afferma che in ogni trasformazione spontanea il disordine aumenta in modo irreversibile. Quindi non possono esistere trasformazioni spontanee dal più semplice al più complesso, ma solo viceversa. Quindi, secondo i creazionisti, il processo evolutivo da forme più semplici a più compesse è impossibile. Il creazionismo vince.

[...] è un argomento distorto basato su una esposizione elementare dei fatti, e può trovare riscontro solo in menti ugualmente modeste.

In parole altrettanto elementari, il secondo principio si applica a un sistema isolato, cioè che non scambia energia con l’esterno. E l’unico sistema veramente isolato che noi conosciamo è l’ Universo stesso nel suo complesso.

In un sistema isolato, vi sono sottosistemi che incrementano spontaneamente la propria complessita a spese di una perdita di complessità ancora maggiore da parte di altri sottosistemi ad essi connessi, tale che complessivamente vi è una perdita di complessità secondo le previsioni del secondo principio.

Isaac Asimov, The treath of Creationism, 1984

http://spaghettovolante.wordpress.com/2008/07/01/il-nostro-futuro/

Con tutto il lavoro che avrà da fare, tra insegnare, dirigere una popolarissima rivista, e la vicepresidenza, non si stancherà troppo il de Mattei?

Questa Chiesa propone l’assunzione nell’organico del CNR, perso per perso, anche i seguenti luminari: il pupazzo Gnappo

celebre letterato

Tinky Winky

dal team di ricerca si nanotubi "Teletubbies"

e Sir Leepton Hais Tee, celebre zoologo, in azione nel video sottostante anche come capace divulgatore

Ramen

The Obama Tinky Winky poster will revive the Falwell Tinky Winky story.

The face of racism

Don’t be misled. These new posters featuring Barack Obama’s face imposed over the likeness of Tinky Winky may appear benign, but they’re not.

Their intent is far deeper and insidious: to stir ugly racist thoughts in America’s subconscious.

On the surface, the posters don’t add anything new to the discussion. Obama has been called a “socialist” before. But, subliminally, the posters draw heavily on stereotypes of the worst kind.

Consider the following evidence:

- First, the obvious: Purple is only a tick or two away from black on the color spectrum, so it’s clearly no coincidence that Obama’s likeness was imposed over Tinky Winky and not Dipsy, Laa-Laa, Noo-Noo, or Po. Tinky Winky is an unspeakably devious subliminal reminder of the pigmentation of our President’s skin.

- Tinky Winky – and the rest of his Teletubby ilk – are meant to draw upon latent and subconscious racism and xenophobia. They’re odd looking, they speak in incoherent phrases, they eat strange food and live in a futuristic dome. Clearly, they’re not from around here – and they may not even be from this planet. To superimpose Obama’s likeness over such a character is a truly despicable tactic designed to remind white people of his foreign heritage and to reinforce the notion that he is “of the other.”

- Lastly, using Tinky Winky is a cretinously creative way to emasculate the President. Everyone knows Tinky Winky carries a red handbag, for crying out loud. White evangelicals are particularly attuned to subliminal associations with Tinky Winky since Jerry Falwell outed the cartoon character as a symbol of gay pride with his purple (but remember, also almost black) color and his triangular antenna.

This is ugly stuff. By superimposing Obama’s face over the likeness of Tinky Winky this new poster creates a subtly coded, highly effective racial and political argument. Forget socialism, this poster is another attempt to undermine the President by drawing on deep seated stereotypes against blacks, foreigners, and gays.  It’s disgusting.

(From Tom Bevan, at RCP )

C’est le seul concept encore vivant sur ce blog alors faut bien l’alimenter non? Z’avez les versions 1, 2, 3, 4 et 5 si vous connaissez pas le principe

Moonlady voulait savoir ce qui est advenu de Sablotin. Ce Roi des magiciens.

Un peu à la manière de David Carradine, il avait des pratiques sexuelles un peu weird. Un jour, pendant son ménage hebdomadaire il serait malencontreusement “tombé” assis sur son manche à balai. S’en suivit un empalement bien en règle. Notez cet air stoïque qu’il affiche depuis qu’il sert à épouvantails dans ma cour pour faire peur aux estis de chats à marde

Yano, ce salopard voulait savoir ce qu’était devenu le dinosaure dans Tape Tambour… Calisse j’suis juste pas capable de trouver des photos de lui dans son ancienne vie! Mais ce que j’ai appris par contre, c’est qu’après un promenade sur Ste-Catherine entre Papineau et Berri, un p’tite visite chez Priape, il s’est effeminé un p’tit peu pour finir ses jours en parlant à un soleil avec une face de bébé

Un classique de tous les temps, célèbre même si elle a pas eu la visibilité qu’elle aurait du avoir. La panthère rose!

Une espèce convoitée pour sa fourrure isolante elle est tombée dans un piège à ours qu’un des frères trappiste avait judicieusement posé près de chez l’inspecteur Cluso. Il a été par la suite porter le fruit de sa chasse chez un ancien employé du ministère des transport. Un botcheux comme il s’en fait plus pour stripper la peau tant convoitée pour isoler son grenier

Bon… j’suis pas mal à court d’idée pour aujourd’hui… Si vous en avez qui trottent lâchez-vous lousse pour le prochain épisode de: “Que sont-ils devenus”

I got up this morning and wrote my ass off. I wrote about Memphis (TN not Egypt). This is unfortunate since I am a distance runner and don’t have much of an ass. It is hard and scrawny. My mom said her trainer said, “If you have two dents in your butt, you are in shape.”

I have two dents in my butt.

But I always know when I am in “racing shape” because I can not sit in any wooden or metal chairs, like table chairs and so on. My ass will hurt too much. So that’s how I know. This seems very bloggy. To write about butt-dents. Well, at least it’s not calling someone on a cell phone and asking, “Where are you?”

Or fucking Twitter!

Die Twitter!

But I was proud to write that long on a project. I am an unreliable, sometimes insane writer, and might go days, then might write something while drunk at midnight. Luckily, I am a relatively bad writer, so I don’t need too much concentration.

Today I got two email acceptances. That felt OK. I would say where, but one of the pieces I have now changed considerably and want published anew, so sent an email back; and the other I sent some correspondence back on things and am waiting. Sorry to be vague, but have to take care of my bizness, no?

They are print mags.

My big-ass book/collection is out to a contest and then a publisher is reading it now and deciding. I got great feedback from a publisher and it seems maybe close, but we will see. Again, vague. Sorry…

Getting a book published seems like a long, uncertain journey, through sour taffy dropped in sand maybe.

*

Ander Monson sent me this link. I really do like it. I mean it’s funny, and you know most links people send are never really so funny. Tnen you have to reconsider the people who sent the link. Then again Ander is actually smart and funny (read his book/books!), so it’s a credibility link-send thing.

*

Speaking of running, I have decided on my next marathon: THE UNITED STATES AIR FORCE MARATHON

Wow, all military and shit. This should be weird. They do a flyover and a USAF captain places the metal over your neck, if you finish. I hope he doesn’t recruit or try to kiss me, too, but whatever. I don’t know…Main reason I’m running it is because it’s 1.5 hours away and I am only running unique marathons now. No repeats. I am too old for repeats. I want a fresh experience EVERY time.

I am dying…we all are dying….butterflies…

I am way out of shape and usually in pain, so need to crank it back up. Don’t mess with the marathon fool! Today I did Fartlek. I did:

6 min mile X 3min        6 min mile X 3min        6 min mile X 3min

6 min mile X 3min        6 min mile X 3min        6 min mile X 3min

5:56 mile.

No biggie, but a good start to getting into shape…

*

Fuck you, Jerry Falwell! You see my friends got my back!

*

OOMPA-LOOMPA, SPIDERMAN AND THE TELETUBBY TINKY-WINKY HELD AFTER BRAWL

Some hotel resort in jolly old England was having a “Welcome Family Holiday Party” when people got drunk, shit went down, and a bunch of people in costumes started brawling. If this doesn’t sound like a kickass party to you, well, you probably just don’t know how to party and are lame as fuck.

Someone who was working at the party said, “It was rather comical in some ways because of the fancy dress costumes people were wearing.”

Rather comical in some ways? This would be fucking AWESOME!! Think back to a time you were at a party and completely shitfaced. At the height of the party, when you were at your pinnacle of shitfacedness, between pulling the trigger, ripping another shot, and housing some Bagel Bites, wouldn’t a fight between Spiderman, an Oompa-Loompa, and a Teletubby have been the most amazing thing you could’ve asked for?? I rest my case.

VERDICT:
don’t underestimate the oompa-loompas….they look fucking crazy

Second installment of the new Daily Fodder. Links to all of the stories are below.

• Musician fined for feeding squirrel
• Spending the loot
• London Evening Standard says sorry for sucking
• Hiding in the womens bathroom
• Spiderman, Tinky Winky and Oompa-Loompa brawl
• Crazy Old Man
• French prison guards fight with French police

NeXt Correspondent

On Nov. 5, 1993, I joined my three older brothers in this world. It went from just Jordan, Trevor and Adam to Jordan, Trevor, Adam and Emily. Friends of my parents told them that I was the icing on the cake – the pink icing.

The pros? Thanks to my brothers, I’m one tough cookie. Secondly, there was never a dull moment when we were younger. I joined them in their game of Annie and ran away with “Daddy” Warbucks (aka Jordan) and Little Orphan Annie (aka Adam) from Miss Hannigan (aka Trevor). I attended countless baseball games and “watched” from my secluded little perch: a stroller. We assigned ourselves Teletubbies (Jordan as Tinky Winky, Trevor as Dipsy, Adam as Laa-Laa, and myself as Po), we watched “The Big Comfy Couch” and they assisted Loonette the Clown and me with her Clock-Stretches and the Ten-Second Tidy before running out of the room screaming when Mr. Rogers came on.

Adam was my buddy. We were inseparable. He would make me cry and then he would “run into” a wall and pretend to get hurt so my crying would cease and turn into a giggle. My hands and knees were coated in dirt throughout my childhood. Adam and I had adventures and dug holes with intentions of making it to China. My brothers molded me into the perfect little tomboy, much to my mother’s dismay.

The cons? We couldn’t get through a weekday morning without fighting. Adam drove me nuts at the breakfast table and then laughed at me when our mother took out the torture tools: girly hair ribbons and clips. I used to take my dinner to another room when it seemed to my fragile little mind that it was “Pick On Emily Day.” Whenever I whined, the boys would chant “wheh wheh wheh wheh” in singsong – which absolutely infuriated me. The physical fights that occurred after my fury resulted in bruises, scratches, bite marks and even a bloody nose once (To: Trevor – Love, Emily).

Though they caused me pain and I have a dent between my eyebrows from a “rogue” Frisbee, I miss those days. Now my brothers are annoyingly overprotective, but I know they mean well, and that’s what older brothers are for, right? The older we get, the more girl-like I become, and next year, estrogen will rule in our home. Adam graduates from high school in June, leaving me behind to fend for myself. Next year it will be just my mother, my father and me.

Growing up with boys has prepared me for many things, but not this. I’ll give being an “only child” a try, but I probably won’t like it. My boys are all grown up, and as much as I want to, I can’t pause or rewind life. They may bring girls home from time to time, but they’re still my boys. Jordan’s my hero and inspiration; Trevor’s my main bodyguard and Adam’s still my buddy – no matter what he might tell you! To my new baby cousin Aubrey: good luck with your three older brothers. Believe me, I know you’re going to need it (I also know you’re going to love it)!

I, like Bethany, haven’t been doing much RANDOM posts, as in RANDOM RANDOM posts, so let’s talk about…

TELETUBBIES!!

I LOOOOOVED Teletubbies when I was small.  AREN’T THEY SOOO CUTE?!  Tell me they’re cute.. OH PLEEEEASE TELL ME THEY ARE!!

[Left to Right] Tinky Winky, Dipsy, La La, Po

I love La La the best.  SHE’S SO CUTE AND YELLOW!

Here’s a cute picture of her for you…

She sounds so cute…  I LOVE THE SONG!!!

Sorry, if I could, I would go to YouTube and get the songs from the Teletubbies and post it here.  Can anyone do that for me…? Thanks for finding the video for me, Bethany!!

TELETUBBIES FOREVER!

♥ Animalluver ♥

FROM BETHANY: Here’s a Teletubbies video for you! Enjoy!

If Spongebob looked into the magic mirror and asked
“Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the gayest of them all?”
I strongly think he’ll see himself there.
Well apart from the fact tht he routinely holds hands with PATRICK, it’s like some unspoken truth that they are gay. No meh? Yeh yeh they have female friends, that SANDY schmuck, but omg, these two are never seperate. And plus, there was this episode where they were both a couple and parents to a clam. LOL. Spongeyboby was the momma yaw. Zomg. Some church placey thinks they are pro-gay.! But whtever it is, I love spongebob(: He makes me happy.

No.2 on my list is SMITHERS

He’s a character in Simpson. And he’s some sort of a closet gay. NO SRSLY.
He has a thing for Burns. LOL. There were some episodes where he kissed Burns!

PLUS, thru some flashback in one of the episode I found out tht he was MARRIED to a woman but then they divorced bcuz Smithers spent too much of time with Mr.Burns. HAA.
His computer starts up with a nude image of BURNS pls.
OHOHOH. Then there was this episode when the world was about to end, Smithers grabbed Burns and kissed him! ahah! oh but the world didnt end and he jst explained his odd action as a mere sign of respect. Oh gosh.

No.3 on my list is BERT & ERNIE.

Where do I start. Two men who live together, sleep together.. But aren’t related.
Bert cant live w/o Ernie. And oddly they take a lot of interest in each other’s bath. Remember? There’s always episodes with either one of them in the bathtub with lot of foam!. LOL.

No.4 on my list is BUGS BUNNY

He’s always kissing tht Elmer Fudd and Sam characters!
Stands with his hands on his hips most of the time.
ANd omg, I think he is one male cartoon character who appears in drag a lot!

This is like the timeline of his drag outfit Lol. (below)

No.5 is TINKY WINKY.

Ok OHMYGAYU. This one.
It’s purple.
It carries a red handbag and wears a ballerina tutu -_-

Plus the triangle on the head. If I’m not wrong it’s some sort of gay symbol.

No.6 issss YOGI BEAR & BOO-BOO

Two bottomless males wearing nothing but bowties/neckties
and hats living together in a cave when one of them supposedly has a gf.

No.7 (the last one) is BARNEY.

I love Barney. I grew up watching Barney.
I learnt about shapes, sizes, trees blahblahblah on Barney.
But. I feeel tht’s a bit gay. aha! He’s purple.
Likes little boys(and girls) and carries a purse arnd at times.

Ok this is a pointless post. I’m bored. And I’m home alone. Blehhh.

Anyone else noticed that my days are now filled by eating, tweeting and blogging (and let’s face it, especially during the evenings – drinking!)?

Not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. That said, it’s quite a relaxing way of spending time after 3.5 months in Dante’s 7th level of Hell.

I am, however, beginning to now feel like a tweeting teletubby. Yes, in that case I’d probably be Tinky Winky (the gay one). And those are the dearly beloved (yes, you know who you are!) in the background.

I always wondered about Po. Sure, she’s small, but she has that Felicia “Snoop” Pearson from The Wire thing going on, you feel me?

Our Correspondent, Wales On Sunday

A TOURIST claims he was attacked by a giant Teletubby.

The 35-year-old IT worker from London says he was punched on the head by Po, the red Teletubby, in Porthcawl’s Streets Nightclub.

He followed the man but could only find two other Teletubbies. Laa-Laa – a man from Pyle – told police he did not know Po, while Dipsy refused to give any details.

Detective Sergeant Richard Jones said: “Police are treating this matter seriously.”

The incident happened last Sunday at 1am.

I understand that the Noo-Noo is gathering evidence at the scene. 

Well, this weekend was definitely eventful. Nikki “Token Fat Girl” Blonsky got arrested in the Caribbean for getting all up in some people’s grillzzz and causing a smackdown. Seriously, I’m not surprised she can do some serious damage. Imagine that landing on your face. She probably did the Blonsky Style Suplex, a move made up by the sumo wrestlers thousands of years ago, but adopted and made famous by the WWE. In other news, Bernie Mac is nearly dying of pneumonia, guns were shot at some party Usher was at, and Christina Applegate has breast cancer, which is very sad, but her rep assures us she will live; he better not being lying, or he can say bye to his career and money for eternity because those Appelgates will totes sue him before he knows it.  And then of course, Brangelina’s twins made their big debut on the cover of People magazine. The Golden Children obviously caused all the turmoil in Hollywood, as I predicted. Battling of the egos. It’s sad that adults grovel to rip attention away from 3 week old blobs that can’t speak let alone stay awake for more than 10 minutes at a time. In all seriousness, I can’t believe People paid $14 million to take pictures of Vivienne and Knox, who really just look like eating, pooping, and sleeping babies. I hope karma doesn’t kick my ass for saying that.

None of that is really awkward though, so let’s shift our attention to the 2008 Teen Choice Awards. What is more awkward than a bunch of teenagers crowded in to one building? NOTHING. Well, maybe learning that you drunkenly hooked up with your cousin at a family wedding. But anyfail, the bulk of today’s material comes from this pimple-infested annual event.

Ed Westwick: I figured we should return to our favorite lilac pant wearing Gossip queen. That’s right. He’s a queen. If the lilac pants weren’t evidence enough, let’s check out his NEW pair of purple pants that he sported on the plane jetting to the coveted 2008 Pimple-Infested Awards! He went for a manlier hue this time, but let’s face it, there is no shade of purple that is manly. It’s hott when guys wear pink. It’s gay when guys wear purple. Look at Tinky Winky, that purple Teletubby. Total flamer, just like Eddiekins. Also, don’t fail to notice his manbag, and the extreme tightness of his pants. He wants to show his package off to Chace or Zac. The thing that makes this whole situation awkward though is that he refuses to come out of the closet, instead of being a proud rainbow-lover. Just to shut our mouths and convince us of his “straightness,” he shoves his tongue down some girl’s throat. He probably pays her just to play along. She doesn’t care thought because she’s probably a huge skankface who wants to brag about how she hooked up with a movie star. Ah, raging hormones at work.

Zac Efron: Speaking of closeted gay guys, Zacypoo is the next on the list. Here is evidence that Zac is NOT dating Vanessa, and wants to be wearing a pair of plum pants like Eddie. They could be twins, like when Lindsay Lohan wears a fedora like her lover Samantha Ronson. Take a look at Zac’s face in these pictures. The camera dudes and PR reps totally told them to hug to promote their movie. Vanessa is a money-grubbing naked picture-sending hoface so she sucked it up. Zac would rather puke. He probably quarantined himself after, and took a Purell shower to remove the cooties. Poor boy looks so uncomfortable. In the last one he is probably whispering for her to let go of him now, or he’ll have his gay posse of Lance Bass, Ed Westwick, and Chace Crawford attack her with fire engine red lipstick and tighty whities. Rudy Galindo will come and do a split just for dramatic effect.

Fergie: Fergie has tried her hardest to convince the world that she is beautiful through songs like fergalicious, and by working out all the time. I’ll agree that she has a good body, but that just makes her a butterface. She doesn’t look bad when  she’s by herself, but all her efforts are completely trashed when she stands next to people that are actually pretty. Like Scarlett Johanssen. Next to the beaming blonde, Fergie looks rough. Her wardrobe choice doesn’t help either. Fergie Ferg realizes that she shouldn’t be standing next to ScarScar and that’s why she looks pissed as all hell. Everyone evaluates themselves and others by comparison. Let that be a lesson Ferg.

Selena Gomez: I don’t even know where this girl came from, or what she was in, but apparently she is another Disney starlet. The next Miley Cyrus. I’m totally rooting for her though! I want to see Miley go down! There should be a WWE fight between Selena and Miley. That would be a bitch fight to watch! Whoever wins gets eternal Disney and Hollywood glory, and the loser has to be adopted by Papa Joe Simpson. But despite her potential to oust Miley from her Disney throne, Selena has a lot to learn… Take a look at this ridiculously awkward pose. See! Teens should not try to be sexy, or pull a Marilyn Monroe. It ends up a leggy disaster with people busting out the awkward turtle everywhere.

Miley Cyrus: Oh Miley. When will you learn? The baby prostitute is at it AGAIN. More pictures have leaked, and they are increasingly more scandalous than the ones before. She looks like a typical MySpace whore in these pictures. Why her dad hasn’t taken away her camera, I don’t know…Oh, wait. I remember. He is the one taking the pictures. He got some advice from Papa Joe about how to boost Miley’s career. I’m convinced Miley and BillyGoat are trying to get her kicked off Disney so she can go on to “bigger and better” things. Miley, stick with what makes you the money. You obviously are a big hit with the tweens if you can sell out whole stadiums for your teen bop concerts. She doesn’t care. She is a ho, and she can’t help it.

So today I was sorting and pricing books at one of the thrift stores run by my wife. (Same as I was doing the other day, when I came across the book from which I excerpted the poem and scanned the image I then used for “The Dumb Soldier”/”George W. Bush Thinks Of His Soldiers”, a post o’ mine that, if you must know, I thought heartbreakingly poignant and discouragingly under-appreciated. But whaddaya gonna do?) While working through the books, I was thinking, “Wow. People sure are interested in sex, sexual roles, gender identification … all that. Well, duh. No surprise there. And Christians, of course, are famous for being a little too  worried about who’s doing what with whom.” (If you’re just joining us, this is the train of thought I hopped on with The Sexual Lives of Others: Like Catnip to Everyone—Even Christians.)

As I was thinking about this sort of thing, I was also mindlessly flipping through the books, checking for pen marks or ripped pages, or cash whatever. And at the moment  I was considering the wisdom of so many Christians spending so much time worrying about stuff like The Gay Agenda, I picked up and opened a Scholastic “Touch-and-Feel Book,” and saw staring back at me this:

That God. He thinks he’s sooooooo funny.

And he soooooooo is.