I cannot sleep, all I want to do is set this up and learn what all these words mean meta this, widget that..there are so many!  I am starting to get dizzy.  But still here I sit my back hurting, my eyes getting cloudy at my glass kitchen table at almost 4:00am and  I have to be at my mom’s tomorrow around 1:00pm, better wrap it up soon.  Yawn….And by the way Happy Thanksgiving!

I don’t know how long it’s been since I blogged, a couple of months? Whatever. I’ve been really tired lately, for no reason too. Shit just hasn’t been working the way I wanted it to, so yea. I decided to take a break from fighting games for a while, need to calm my brain over this obsession, play some other stuff, and finish the backlog that I have. The recent weeks has been chill, life wise anyway. So I’m gonna try to keep it like that for a while.

*yawn*

Need more sleep apparently. Damn……

P.S. Super Street Fighter IV is getting more hype by the second. With the recent annoucement of Guy,Cody, and Adon, this is shaping up to be a worthy sequel to Vanillla Street Fighter IV and, in some cases, better.

P.P.S.: I do plan to write in this blog more. My good computer got a virus and basically doesn’t work anymore, so I wasn’t able to do much. But I still blog when I can, hopefully more now that I have a little bit of time on my hands.

P.P.P.S (yes, 3 P’s): Tekken 6 is awesome. End of story.

I have been up for a while. Since 5.30 AM to be percise. Work stuff, dont ask.

Important thing is that I am soooooo tired. Went to bed around 11.30PM last night after reading BFF some of the story that I am writing for her. She had made some heavenly christmas biscuits, which got me into the christmas spirit. I am hooked now. Christmas all the way and its not even December yet.

How sad.

That is all for now.

Me x

There was a knock at that door that shook through their hearts…

Song of the day:
“Molten Light” by Chad VanGaalen

Lalala.

I’m SO TIRED!
I don’t understand why they make people in high school have 14 sentence paragraphs. You almost never encounter one of those in REAL writing. They just drag on… The school system is setting us up for failure.

Hebrews 4: 11

Let us labor therefore to enter into that rest, lest any man fall after the same example of unbelief.

In the old testament we know that many died in the Wilderness and did not make it into the promised land and so it will be the same fate for many here.

It seems that everywhere that I look, brothers and sisters are having such a hard time. Many are leaving the ministry and many are just giving up. Since my walk with the Lord, there is a handful of people in my circle who have gone the other way….choosing to walk their own way….

I know and pray that some will return and know that others are refusing this call….

I know in my walk with the Lord right now…things have been hard. I find it hard to get into the Word and get into prayer. It gets rough and there are times I want to throw a tantrum…but I dont and I know it’s not going to do me much good anyways….I submit and continue to love Him…that no matter what and where I am He has a purpose and plan for it. I continue to surrender my life cause I know that there is nothing else I want. ( in the world of course)

This scripture that I opened with ministered to me tonight. The word ” labor” we know how hard it is to accomplish something sometimes…our intentions to read and study His word are a desire but it never happens?!….

why doesn’t it happen? well besides the busyness of our life and things we do…there is another real reason….

We have a real enemy of our soul who desires to destroy and kill the word of God thats in our hearts.  He knows that if we read and if we study that our lives will change and it will change the life of others. He will do it in a subtle way…find ways to seduce and distract us( not always him to blame, we have a choice here too) but its real, the enemy of our soul is real.

We can’t be ignorant of this brothers and sisters. We can’t forget.

The Word of God is a lamp unto our feet and strength to our bones. His Word gives us life and peace beyond anything the world can offer. But in order for us to obtain these promises we need to know the Word and get into the Word. It is ” labor” …we have no problem of decorating our homes and designing the layout to give to the archetect…so let us first build our house by His Word. When His Word becomes established and built up in us…it is harder for us to be shaken. When we are standing on ground other that Christ, we are standing on sinking sand. Which will produce spiritual death. There is a rest in God that doesn’t involve our works( religious duties) when the Word is in us…and we believe His word to be truth…we can rest with full assurance that all is going to be well. When we do works, we get tired and weary and many die here. So let us not grow weary and trust the Lord with all our heart. Take the time today and read and pray, ask the Lord to open His word to you and meditate on that one scripture He gives….it will produce life.

You all have a blessed night, continue to sing, shout and love the Lord with all your heart!!

Take a look at what I drew! With colours and everything!

Cookies go to whoever says what it is in the comments!

-Phil

You may have noticed that my blog posts are always made in the morning. You may have even been observant enough to notice that they’re always timestamped between 645 and 715AM. I am not a great morning person, and this is not when my posts are written, but I like to get business done before I go to work…

Because THIS is what I look like when I come home:

Yep. Nuno started telling me about his day and linguistics and robots, which was all very interesting, and I started falling asleep on his knee. It’s been an especially tiring day for everybody in the work ‘fam since DadBoss was in various stages of around the house and the kiddos could sense a pre-holiday Disturbance in the Force. Holy cow. They were both so wound up by the time mom got home that they were literally running around the yard like banshees. No one napped. Especially not me.

I love my job so much, but I’m so tired and the kids aren’t even mine yet! At the same time, I’m going up to my parents’ for Thanksgiving tomorrow, and what on earth am I going to do without toddlers for FOUR WHOLE DAYS?

Other than nap. Because I’m sure as hell going to nap.

i’m sick and tired of just about everything. i don’t even know where to start! i ask myself this question: what did i do wrong?  i mean i go to school and get good grades, i don’t associate with too many ppl (i mainly have about 8 close friends that i actually talk to) i don’t curse, i don’t even go out at night. i don’t smoke, take drugs or have sex. i don’t like showing too much skin. i don’t even like skirts. i only wear long skirts. (funny how they are all black too)  i never ask for anything in particular, i’m not loud and spend most days at home watching dvds and anime shows. i prepare my materials for the christian meetings an even though i just got a new phone about a month ago, i barely use it. i don’t even call ppl. my mom is the only one who calls me. i can’t stand talking topeople on the phone. the only thing i have done on that phone is text and i only have like 15 contacts on it and i only text about 4 at the least. when i look at this picture i don’t see anything wrong. the only thing that’s wrong with me  is that people say i’m malnurished cause i don’t eat alot. but that’s just about it. that and to speak up more. i just can’t stand crowds and large amounts of people. i have been in connecticut all my life. never went to no crazy parties or go to concerts and stuff. i just sit around, grab a dvd and read. but when i hear ppl make comments about me that i feel arn’t true that ticks me off. when i tell someone something that bugs me or that’s troubling me or got me upset. i tell them. i don’t lie to them about it. otherwise i wouldn’t tell that person at all. i’m tired of ppl cracking jokes all the time about me about this and that. i’m tired of the wacko pervs i meet on the street asking where i live. there are so many thins tiring  me out. i’m glad i’m on vacation now. i could use it. i hope going to bethal tomorrow is fun. i need a day away from everything. from the house. from the city. from connecticut. *yawn* well i’,m tired now. me have a dvd i want to watch before going to sleep. night ^-^

This has been a very busy week for me. In the past week I’ve been at the hospital for my sons MRI, then to the doctor because he won’t  stop puking and then in the midst of a breakdown in the shower because of hurtful words. There has been many tantrums and some sleepless behavior patterns of my 5 yr old which are highly suspicious of someone who is bipolar. This week has been full of many ups and downs and many times, I’ve silently asked myself “Why God, why me? Why did you give me these children? Why did you give me these difficult children? Why did you give me this life?” Then I have to stop and think about what I’m saying. He gave me these children and this life because He loves me and I should be thankful. I should be thankful that I have two healthy children, they do not have a terminal illness, I do not have to imagine my life without them. I should be thankful that my son’s MRI came out clean. I should be thankful that I have family that took my kids and I in during a rough time, no matter hurtful they seem to be. I’m not homeless and I have a warm place to be.

But I am human and I do get overwhelmed and lost and I want the easy way out. There is no such thing. I don’t know why things happen or if I will every know but I need to refocus my thoughts not on “why me?” but on “Thank you!!!”

Be thankful  in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:18

So, I have no voice. Why, I’m not sure, I lost it yesterday. Doesn’t matter, I’m at 35K.
I’ve done quite a bit of doodling. I doubt I’ll post any. Maybe this one, I think I like it. Maybe not.
And RPG’ing. I’m working on making 2 new RPG’s of my own. Yes, I know I’m a Nerd. Thanks.
I’m just feeling crappy. And mute. I don’t want to be mute.

Saaraahhhhhhhh

Drunk – Guilty
Self Harm – Guilty
Fucking Up – Guilty

Questioning why bother? All the fucking time…

I’ll attempt to write a more coherent post when things make more sense…

I’d write more, but I don’t have the time.  Maybe over the weekend? This should keep you occupied.

-Phil

I was riding the train to work the other day. It was about 5:30 am and unusually crowed. Since the recession the trains have become emptier and emptier. Anyway, I was looking around for a seat and as I was looking at the faces I noticed something. Everyone looked so tried. Yeah, I know it’s 5:30 am of course they’re tired. But that’s not what I saw. I saw people who looked emotionally tired and stressed. There was one woman that I saw that was crying. She kept her composure but you can tell there was something wrong besides seeing the tears coming down her face. I felt so bad. I wish there was something that can be done. It was a tough moment. Honestly, I feel their pain. I’m not doing well myself at the moment but I’m trying to push through somehow.

You wonder if they are thinking about Thanksgiving or are even going to celebrate it or even if they afford to celebrate it. This year I believe will be tough for everyone. It’s very upsetting when you see homeless people on the trains asking for any food people have left over.

For this holiday and christmas we should think about giving. The gifts should be a great big hug, asking friends and family over for dinner, even having friends or neighbors over who don’t have anyone to spend the holiday with or you know are having a tough time. We need to spread some love and laughter to those around us who are stressed out. It’s doesn’t cost anything and those types of gifts shouldn’t. It shouldn’t be about what material thing we give people but the emotion we share with people. That’s what will be remembered the most and it will never wear away nor can we lose it.

As I write this, I’m trying to not get upset. It will be a hard year for me as well…emotionally and financially. I also have to re-think the gifts I was hoping to get people. I hope they don’t mind a great big hug because that’s all I can afford right now.

Be thankful for your health, how fit you are, the friends and family you have that support you. Remember that although theses are tough times, they can’t last forever and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Everyone needs to talk, find someone to talk to, let them know you want someone to just listen. Sometimes just having someone listen is a big help.

Happy Thanksgiving

I had to go in fasting, so that meant no meds in the middle of the night or this morning. Geezum crow!!! I forgot how weak I am without Mestinon. It was really hard getting in and out of the van. I walked like a drunk, shuffling old lady. Steering the van was WORK.

I cannot take my meds without food, so had to do without. Mestinon is tough on the guts. Days and days of diarrhea have made me weaker than usual…..and also dehydrated. The woman drawing my blood had a hard time. She had to poke me repeatedly and move the needle around. Until then, I did not realize how dehydrated I had become. Did the pinch test and the skin on my hands stands up in a sharp line from being pinched. Sigh…

I’m soooooo darned weak! I guess it will take more than one dose of Mestinon until my strength comes back. Both of my legs hurt unmercifully The pain is making me extra queasy. Sigh…   Nap time!

Righto, early night tonight. I know true blood is on but honestly, I’ve been going to bed waaay to late and I might collapse from exhaustion. It’s only been prevented so far due to the caffeine in my green tea (new addiction?)

anywho, I don’t have much to say only this little nugget:

F.M.L

♫.♥.†

see, most things in life are just random, and simple. two very “simple” words that make up a hundred thousand things that happen in our lives. for example, i randomly kicked a shoe to the side and ended up tripping my brother. something like that. totally random. but it happens. lol. of course, i’m not that evil to say that my bro really tripped on a shoe that i kicked off to the side, but still, it’s an apt example. dont u think? or maybe i’m just delusional. again.

okay. so what i had intended for this post was that it would be a short and sweet and simple post. something like this: “see, most things in life are just random, and simple. like this post is.” that, my friends, will be really random and simple. LOL. and totally brainless. and guess what? boss just said i bird-brained today. damned. lol. i knew he meant it as a joke, but still! being called a bird-brain/pea-brain is not exactly on my agenda. whenever it is.

anyhows. this is quite far from the “short and sweet” and “random and simple” post. so i shall now stop. and maybe continue tomorrow. or something. or the other. :S

So, it was wednesday! The sun is really hot today. School was really boring. Nothing much really happened. After school, went to meet up with family. Had a small advance birthday celebration for me. Went somewhere far to have dinner. I don’t really remember the name of the place. But I think is around upper serangoon? Gosh! had a whole hell lot of food. Eat till bloateddd… But fulfilling too =D Gosh I felt super guilty eating so much!!!

Just look at that amount of food. HAHAS!

Now it’s like 12.25am. I still have not think of any idea to paint on my canvas shoes. SO DEAD!! But I am excited about it at the same time. I guess its gonna be fun! Ok back to thinking and I’M TIRED!! I WANT TO SLEEP!! yawns…..