and have realised that there really is much to do.

Bugger.

Updated to add: Make Pickled stuff. Recipe via Smitten Kitchen.

First, the picture to the left is of my new pet betta fish. His name is Baby Fish Mouth. Yes, I got the name from When Harry Met Sally. Clip here. And yes, betta fish are awesome.

They notice you when you walk into the room! They even respond to conditioning! You know like Pavlov’s-dog-style. So, when I go to feed Baby Fish Mouth, I do the same actions with my hands to try to get him to associate my hand movement with getting a shrimp pellet. I’ll let you guys know how it goes.

In other news, it’s resolution time again. I gotta say that I don’t usually do resolutions, but for some reason I felt compelled to give myself some tasks for this year.  Maybe it’s because last year my folks gave me my first digital camera and that tool lead me to go on some adventures that changed my lifestyle in many ways, e.g. opening my Etsy shop, joining flickr, meeting blogger pals, and so forth.

Now that I have that tool and have these new opportunities, I figured I should hone my focus to get better results that reach beyond my person. In short, I’d like to keep up the momentum and expand.

My List:

1. Support local, small businesses more often. Shop at the small grocery and not the Jewel. Hit up the mom and pop hardware store instead of the Home Depot. You know what I’m saying…

2. Eat more vegetables.

3. Fix my bike and then ride it more often. Work up the courage/capacity to bike to the shop – 12 miles round trip.

4. Volunteer again. Maybe 826Chi will have me back after my looong hiatus.

5. Practice patience.*This will be the biggest challenge

6. Keep The Vintage Bazaar going after our February event.

7. Eat more sandwiches.

What are you guys planning?

Ask anyone that truly knows me and they will tell you that I am not exactly the warmest person to be around. Well there are exceptions, I am quite warm when I am cuddling in bed, but that wasn’t my point. I was referring to a different kind of warm.  I am not a person that deals well with feelings, either my own or anyone else’s.

~neverending~

Life gets to me, sometimes, the stuff that must be done, the activities that we must rush off to, the constant upkeep of the house, cooking, laundry etc.  It all gets to me and I am disappointed because I let it get to me.  I stop and think all of this shouldn’t be this hard.  We should just do and be, and not worry about it all so much.  However, the nature of being an adult is having the constant worry and mile long to do lists.  The worst is when special times come around, that should be nothing but fun, spiral out of control into the food has to be just right, will there be enough, the house has to be cleaned, everything must appear perfect while no one sees me crumble to the floor.  But those times of entertaining are long gone, I no longer cook massive amounts and just call random friends and tell them to bring a side dish or dessert and whatever spirit they fancy and come on over cause we are gonna have fun, nope, those days are long gone….where was I?

~get that finger outta my face~

I could say that I have decided to just do what I can and not worry about the rest, but that is not my nature.  I am a perfectionist at heart and sometimes nothing less will do. But there are those times that all the perfectionism in the world is not enough to motivate me.  Oh and that is just perfectionism of the heart, and it doesn’t translate to the real world, in my real world there are kids that take one swipe at whatever fairy tale I can concoct. I will say that I have been hit with a bout of mediocrity, lately.  I haven’t cleaned my floors everyday.  I can’t even remember the last time I actually cleaned the floors, and I walk past the black smear on the floor and I wonder what it is and why can’t anyone else clean it, like whoever is responsible for it being on the floor in the first place, don’t they see it, doesn’t it bother anyone and yeah it will be there until the day comes and I just get tired of seeing it and will become unhinged and rant and rave and yell and scream and demand that it get cleaned….I haven’t cooked as many meals as I think I should.  I have been letting the kids eat far more junk than is allowed by wagging finger moms and it feels okay.  Not to say that I will always have this feeling, but for right now it feels really good.  

The Best of 2009 Blog Challenge
December 23: Web tool. It came into your work flow this year and now you couldn’t live without it. It has simplified or improved your online experience.

I had always enjoyed writing (and crossing off!) the occasional to-do list, but when I lost the structure of my full-time job, list making became a daily necessity. Now, every morning, I create/update a list of goals and tasks, including freelance work, personal and professional development, and household chores. It keeps me organized, focused, and motivated.

I began by writing my lists on scraps of paper, then moved on to a notepad, and then tried out several tools for the browser, desktop, and iPhone. I discovered that there really is no universal “best” task management application; it all depends upon personal work style. I like my to-list to remain visible at all times (i.e., impossible to ignore), so for me the best tool has been Remember The Milk’s widget for Gmail. I see my list throughout the day, get more done, and love the satisfaction of checking things off!

I like making lists, I really do. They help me stay organized and I feel a since of accomplishment when I see boxes checked off as I complete my daily tasks. I’m really irked today though because I went through all the trouble of making a list of things I needed to do today only to have my plans thrown off by my boyfriend who took me to the store (which I planned for) then decided he was going to make side trips (that I didn’t plan for) and here I am 5 hours later with a list of things I have to get done and only 2 hours to do them, because I really want to go to bed at 1opm, but it’s 8pm and if I eat dinner, I couldn’t go to bed until at least 11, so I don’t know if I’m going to eat or not, it’s left over spaghetti and garlic bread.

I’m just irritated that he planned those side trips but didn’t consult with me. RAWR!!

I didn’t eat breakfast, I ate lunch. I really want to reverse that habit, eating breakfast and skipping lunch.

1. Knit another five or six gifts (thankfully, small ones)
2. Figure out what I want to make as my “edible gift.”
3. Make said “edible gift.”
4. Find superbly-awesome and thrifty/recycled wrapping material/style.
5. Wrap said gifts in said superbly-awesome/thrifty/recycled wrapping material.
6. Cook Christmas lunch (Chili…OH yeah!!)
7. Avoid sweets at work (stay awaaaaay).
8. Survive the office with almost everyone gone (No, I CAN’T help you.  No one can.  Call back after the Holidays.  KTHXBai!!)

Oh, and it’s the Solstice today, so happy Solstice….and for the fundies out there, no, it doesn’t automatically make me a pagan to say that.  Solstice has been incredibly important to just about all of the indigenous cultures of our world.  From this point foward, the days get longer again…thank goodness:).

Have some tea:

And a Kins:

And enjoy your night:)

After a lifetime of collecting things, I’ve decided to make like Bex and get them online.

I’m forever making to-do lists. If I didn’t make them so much, I might get more done! But here’s a collection of mine, and other people’s to-do lists :

http://2dotoday.wordpress.com/

I also like small doodles. So much so, that when I see them dotted around the place, I collect them. I sometimes do some of my own as well, but generally I prefer other peoples.

http://otherpeoplesscribbles.wordpress.com/

Enjoy them!

“You may strive to be like [your children], but seek not to make them like you.”Kahlil Gibran

I love this time of year because it feels like children rule the world during the Holidays. It is all about surprise treats and fun. One of my new goals for the coming New Year is to be more like a child. Everything good that happens in my life comes when I open my heart to be really in the moment and experience the possibilities of the natural world. My over scheduling and calendaring can become a trap and a burden. As a mother I can fall into a trap of wanting my children to grow up and be responsible. I know that one of my primary roles is to teach them the social rules that we all try to live by but childhood is so short. I read recently “To live the long, wonder filled days of childhood is a God-given birthright, and child’s play is a most serious and necessary occupation. It is a sad injustice to infringe upon an already too-short childhood with heavy schedules and inflexible routines that conform to adult standards of appropriate activity.”

It can feel scary to leave the to-do list for later – but it is a necessary practice if we want to achieve more balance in our lives. We can learn from our children – that playtime and dress up really is a lot of fun. Remember when the best part of going to school was recess. A friend called today to share how much fun she just had racing down a snow packed hill on a sled in the dark. She said it gave her some much needed perspective. When was the last time you just had some good old fashion fun – just because? For Christmas this year and all through the next year give yourself the gift of having more fun and acting like a child. Thought For Today: The freedom to be themselves is as necessary for my children as it is for me.

5 Ways to Act More Like a Child

1. Give yourself a week off of chores. The toilets will still be there waiting, I promise.

2. Paint your toe nails and fingernails. It feels great to be a girl.

3. Throw a dance party with your kids. All you need is music and a floor.

4. Eat dinner on a blanket in the family room.

5. Pull out crayons and a coloring book and color or go to a park and swing. It will feel great to tap into that part of your brain.

So, it’s December 15th.  Exciting, I guess, because we’re 1/2 through the month, closer to Christmas, and I always liked the number 15– probably a carry-over from being paid on the 15th and last day of the month at my first “real” job.  Anyway, it’s also flashing red sign that I’m closing in on my 35th birthday on December 24th.  In and of itself, that wouldn’t be a big deal… if I hadn’t set these random-ish goals to be reached by that date.

I love goal-setting and it’s close kin list-making.  I love it and do it whenever possible.  I love crossing stuff off and will write down things I’ve already done just to cross them off.  The visual documentation of things accomplished is so satisfying.  I’ve also accepted a certain level of failure.  When “get published” is next to “buy nail polish remover”, it’s no mental leap to just put the big stuff on the list for the next day and move on.

My goals for December included skydiving (check), losing 10ish pounds (I’m gaining instead), and really getting in the spirit (completely unmeasurable).  It seems the key to actually reaching these goals is closing the gap between my intentions and actions.  My intention was to pass on the holiday apps and enjoy the company of my friends instead.  Not sure what this says about my friends but after about a 1/2 pound of cheese and 2 rice krispie treats, it’s needless to say my actions didn’t follow through.

So, now I’m taking a different approach.  The idea is simple.  Make the goal to act in alignment with my intentions, then work on checking that off my list.

Got back to England yesterday (and subsequently spent literally less than an hour in my own house before rushing off to stay the night at a friend’s so I could see most of the gang minus 2 members who were in India, for what purposes none of us dare to consider although personally I think it might be for their final showdown for supremacy as King of the South Asians) and I’m already planning my next term at Stanford. My to-do list is getting worrying long, but hopefully the things on it will make me happy so… Here is the monster in full.

Public Service
Learn more French/Chinese
Form band
Practice guitar and drums
Get big sib
Do more art
Work harder in glc
Make more friends
More exercise
Read books/poetry
Get nice camera for Xmas and take photos
Write for Stanford Daily
Write more music reviews
Listen to unlistened ipod music
Compose music
Take band more seriously
Get to know professors better
Enjoy classes
Get job/SSN
Peer counseling
Learn how to use internet properly
More psych studies for money
Get driving license
Join European students association
Eat more fruit and drink more milk and less alcohol

Five days to freedom, but numerous speed bumps in the way:

• Grade 20+ graduate exams (10-14 pages each)
• Grade eight group presentations and memos
• Prepare assignment for Grad class exam period
• Prepare feedback forms for Grad class exam period
• Administer the undergrad exam
• Grade undergrad exam
• Grade undergrad homeworks
• Grade undergrad bonus assignments
• Grade grad student journals (20-35 pages each)
• Grade grad students’ self-evals of learning teams
• Defend program review to self-study committee
• Administrative meeting
• Grad council meeting
• Clean up 3 incompletes for students
• Remind my faculty to submit final grades
• Round up discussants for program in January
• Get stuff together to write conference paper
• Graduate admissions stuff
• Graduation application for student
• Follow up on search committee issues (mine)
• Follow up on search committee issues (the other search)
• Journal edits (don’t ask)
• Do favor for TQE
• Review article for journal
• Post incompletes
• Post final grades for undergrads
• Post final grades for grad students
• Memo for search committee
• Meeting with Dean
• Post final two grades for undergrads with missing papers
• Take care of cheater, cheater paperwork
• Clean out email
• Thank you letter for donation

And now for the “Oh fuck it” list:

• Work on travel arrangements for other search committee – Well I got two of the three individuals taken care of.
• Write a reference letter – Will just have to wait until after the break.

I look forward to crossing stuff off this list.