MOTION TO VACATE ORDER AND APPOINT MEDIATOR IN USA V. APPLE, INC. ET AL.

May it please the court of public opinion, I, Stephanie Ann “Sam” McRae, representing the author Debbi Mack, hereby seek to intervene in this litigation for purposes of filing a motion to vacate this order and appoint a mediator to resolve the dispute.

In support of this motion, I submit the following evidence and assertions:

Based upon Mack’s own experience, she has blogged that the publishing and bookselling business is based upon a completely fucked up unworkable business model;

She has blogged such views prior to self-publishing her work or the knowledge that she could more easily sell it as ebooks;

In point of fact, after getting screwed over having her work published, then go out of print, Mack chose to sell directly to readers by self-publishing her work, as she has testified:

Mack later learned that, in order for an ebook to qualify for the New York Times list, it must sell in large enough numbers through more than one retailer, which her book IDENTITY CRISIS did;

The court’s decision, for all intents and purposes, finds the allegations strongly suggest a horizontal conspiracy, which would require all publishers to participate in order to create a genuine cartel;

Amazon is a publisher and a retailer, as well as a technology company;

Amazon not did not participate in the alleged conspiracy, thus not all publishers participated in it;

Mack also submits the Shatzkin Letter to support her contention that the publishing business is screwy as hell needs to adapt to changing times quickly;

The publishing business is so fucked up weird, it requires all the affected parties to adapt to changes due to technology, which would include not only publishers, but bookstores;

She also submits the Wired Magazine article to support her contention that we should all be shitting our collective pants acting quickly as possible to reach agreement for positive change;

Exhibit A

Finally, I beg the court’s indulgence for the belated nature of this motion. My client has nothing but lame excuses to offer, and babbles on blogs like a fool about her epiphanies. But she’s trying her best to keep me in existence, so what choice do I have?.

So, given all the facts, I’m sure you want to see justice done for all the parties concerned …

Right. I hereby request the order in this case be stricken and that a mediator be appointed, so the parties to the publishing business can figure out what the fuck they’re doing how to run an effective business, so authors and readers can continue to be able to choose their own devices, so to speak.

Respectfully submitted,

Stephanie Ann “Sam” McRae, Esq.

PS: Here’s a message to my bad author who wrote that part where I had the crap beaten out of me in that bestselling novel of yours. Thanks a whole lot, shithead.

Me: Well, I guess that proves the old maxim: An attorney who represents herself (albeit through her own fictional character) has a fool for a client.

This case needs to be mediated.

Amazon has huge balls.

This is how books are made.

How long will it take for everyone to figure out that publishers aren’t technology companies? And publishing is based upon a really shitty business model.

And what about the Wired Magazine article?

Thank you, Hugh Howey! Judging from the comments, I must add that it’s not impossible to sell large numbers of ebooks through means other than Kindle. In fact, by limiting yourself to selling through Kindle, you’re playing right into Amazon’s apparent plan to monopolize the market.

Hello! Is this mic on?

Part of the problem is that publishers are using a fucked up business model, and trying to compete with a massive technology company. Thus, it makes way more sense for authors to sell directly to readers. I’ve tried to explain this. Over and over. This will save my gimpy ass the typing.

I’m posting this now, because I’m going to see Jenny Lawson at Barnes & Noble in Annapolis tomorrow! Well, later today, actually. Whatever.

I’m so damned excited, I can hardly hit the right keys on this fucking keyboard with my gimpy goddamned hand.

PS: Here’s a really awesome blog for travelers and adventurers. Thanks, Lesley! Your “likes” have been appreciated. Totally.

PPS: According to a book about numerology I once read, the number five symbolizes adventure. That’s one reason I kind of like having five blogs.

PPPS: I can’t wait to go to the UK, after seeing this video on Nik Nak’s Old Peculiar.

I love The Who! But poor Tommy Smothers. With that suit and tie and no cool British accent. He didn’t stand a chance, did he? Ha ha ha …

UPDATE: I’d just like to add that if you read my website bio, you’ll see that one of my life goals is to travel the world. That’s why I like blogs like Lesley’s as well as this blog, Adventures in Expat Land. The Internet is like the giant party I always wanted.

UPDATE 2: Okay. I’m back from seeing Jenny Lawson, which as I waited through her talk was (to be honest) totally freaking me out, except I kept thinking, “Why are you freaking out? Good grief.”

So, when I stood in line, I kept thinking about what I’d say when I met her, because I’ve been reading her blog ever since forever a long time. In point of fact, I discovered her blog, the way I described here.

I’ll also never forget that Jenny followed me on Twitter when I tweeted this post.

What a thrill!

So … while we sat there, listening to Jenny (or trying to, while someone was beating her kid’s back like a drum behind us to keep him/her from crying — apparently), all these memories were in the back of my mind. Which is why I decided to bring an offering for Jenny. But I don’t have any taxidermied (sp?) animals. So, I brought my own copy of Doctor Who: The Episode Guide, which I got for making a donation to Maryland Public Television.

Plus, I signed a copy of my New York Times (ebook) bestselling book IDENTITY CRISIS, to give her, as well. I signed it in line waiting, because I was afraid my gimpy hands would hold things up even more than my rambling, stupid speech to The Bloggess would.

So … when I finally got to stand beside Jenny, I was nearly dumbstruck. So, I think I said, “I can’t believe I’m here.” Or something. Which sounds really stupid, now that I think of it. Anyway, I blurted out some words. Jenny was so nice. I mentioned about the book and Doctor Who and having a stroke at Barnes & Noble, which I emphasized had saved my life, just to be clear about that.

And when I gave her my book, I mentioned that I have two others in the series. And I asked if she liked mysteries, and she said yes! Yay!!!

So, I asked if she had an ereader, and she said she did. So, I said, “Well, download away!” Which seems like a really retarded dumb thing to say at a book signing. I didn’t mention any particular devices. Don’t ask, don’t tell. Ha ha ha …

At one point, I said I knew what it was like to be #furiouslyhappy every day, and I looked directly at her and said, “I understand how it feels to suffer.” I felt like I wanted to say more, but what more was there to say? Then, before I knew it, my husband was taking pictures of us.

I wish I could post them, but he took them with his phone. And both us are too technically stupid to figure out how to get them from the phone to his computer. But he’ll do it. Eventually. I hope.

Of all the things I didn’t bring, one would be a damn camera.

So … try to picture me …

Without the hat, in a green shirt, in a Barnes & Noble squatting beside this woman …

Except she’s seated, wearing different clothes and no handcuffs.

And we’re both smiling.

The great thing about being an indie author is that you keep control over your content. Along with control comes great responsibility. That’s why I have this blog, where I write about the business side of being a content creator and making a living off of it.

Here’s the thing. A lot of writers devalue themselves. They tend to think their writing is worthless. They often see themselves as worthless, too. I think they seek solace in drink, in the approval of others, in money, in status, in fame, etc., etc.  I’d advise you not to listen to such nonsense. As writers we have our stories to offer and much more. It’s on the other blog where I’ll be writing about how much more we have to offer as writers and creators, of whatever stripe we are.

Meanwhile, I would like to clear up any confusion readers may have about how they must buy ebooks from Amazon for their Kindles. You don’t have to buy from Amazon, you know? You have a choice. Really!

You can buy perfectly good ebooks for your Kindle from Smashwords. For the same price, because Amazon won’t be undersold. Ha ha ha …

And here are the really easy instructions for downloading files from Smashwords to your Kindle device. Isn’t that awesome?

Here’s the link to all my work on Smashwords!

And I can decide to make my books free anytime for as long as I want. Isn’t that awesome?

Thanks Mark Souza, for doing all the typing! #dystonia #furiouslyhappy

PS: Isn’t Twitter awesome? Thanks, Louise Phillips.

PPS: Leighton Gage writes another awesome thriller, A VINE IN THE BLOOD.

It’s available through IndieBound. You can also get it at that other place, too. Or B&N!!!!

PPPS: Someone was crazy enough to pitch a TV show with puppets. Thanks to My Other Career!

PPPPS: You don’t have to spend big bucks to produce a great film.

PPPPPS: Based upon this, I think I owe Cory Doctorow an apology. You’re not a wimp. Janet Reid didn’t explain that you weren’t relying upon a 900-pound gorilla to do your marketing and distribution. A true indie wouldn’t rely upon Amazon alone.

I’ll forgive myself, and I hope you’ll forgive me, too, Cory.

And on that note, let’s listen to an awesome tune from The Pixies.

And watch this really great trailer! I love Bob Hoskins, and Helen Mirren totally rocks!

Thanks Paul Downie for posting these on Nik Nak’s Old Peculiar.

Oh, I almost forgot. I made this list. Isn’t that nice?

PPPPPPS: Google Books totally wimped out.

UPDATE: Retail means jobs! Vote for your favorite video by April 8. Allow consumers to have the freedom to choose among retailers.

Which reminds me that I totally missed this local story by Marissa Payne, which took place right on the hardboiled streets of DC. On bicycles.

Marissa works for ScoutMob, which covers local businesses. She’s also interviewed me.

I checked the date and realized she wrote the article over the weekend I nearly died/became a possible quadriplegic.

I’ve had so many epiphanies since then, I can’t even count them.

I realized something this past weekend. On the Internet, we can be and do whatever we want. We are free to express our creativity and be independent entrepreneurs.

I posted about that on this blog. I’ll let you read about it there. That’s one reason the Internet is awesome. I can do that. I don’t have to retype the whole thing all over.

So … no matter what happens with the big stupid, ugly publishing war, we can survive if we just think outside the box and not get greedy and stupid.

I’m so happy, I’ll even overlook the fact that I just spent a sh*tload of time Smashing words, only to find out I need to convert the file from .docx to .doc.

PS: I’m so freaking happy, I’ll try to ignore the cruelty of one who would use his skills to make academic arguments about ebooks, instead of curing horrible neurological disorders. And do it on the Internet. Where people will fail to adequately understand them. Apparently. #dystonia #furiouslyhappy

UPDATE: Hi there! I was so freaking happy, I forgot to mention this short story by Richard Peabody, which I also blogged about here. I’m taking the trouble to mention him twice, because he’s so sorely overlooked, in my opinion.

BTW, that Pottermore thing opened up. And good old Amazon is only one of the retailers involved.

Lastly, I’m reading a book called THE POST-COLLEGE GUIDE TO HAPPINESS. Would you believe that an old a seasoned, hardboiled mystery writer who used to practice law could find wisdom in such a book? Well, it’s true. Honest! For me, it was the part about Frankl’s theory regarding the gap between stimulus and response.

But I’ll talk about that later on another blog. I’m way too happy to do anymore typing.

UPDATE 2: I lied. I’ve managed to finally Smash the words for RIPTIDE. I’m so freaking happy I could just die.

You’re kidding, right?

Hi there! In the interest of saving time, let’s skip the bullsh*t and get down to brass tacks. It has come to my attention that someone named Edan Lepucki has written an article with a list of reasons not to self-publish in 2011-2012.

Well … I’m not in the business of defending self-publishing, anymore. I’m completely done with all that nonsense.

I will say that quite clearly I’m not a hater, as is obvious if you read the post(s) I’ve done in support of indie booksellers, as well as the one I wrote in support of publishers when I did my blog tour (oh, so long ago).

Hell, I even appeared on a panel with a couple of publishing industry pros, Gina Panettieri and Libby Jordan, and they were awesome!

I do not hate anyone in this business. Period.

As for “baring my talons” over the whole literary fiction thing, I’ve never done that, either. I enjoy both genre and non-genre/literary/whatever-you-want-to-call-it fiction.

I think that’s obvious, if you take a look at the books I’ve reviewed over the years at this blog. I read a lot of crime fiction, but not just crime fiction.

And I don’t think it makes a difference which one you write from a self-publishing standpoint.

I’m also not being published by a vanity press. Ahem! I’m completely self-published. Hello!

Oh, and that complete crap silly business about self-publishing being better for the previously published?

Is that why my second novel hit the Top 100 on Amazon less than 2 months after its release? Is that why my first novel followed suit shortly thereafter?

Care to explain how my first novel also ended up on the New York Times ebook fiction bestseller list? Twice?

Or the great success of both my novels in the UK, particularly LEAST WANTED, which hit the Top 10 on Amazon UK last summer?

Do I value the publishing community? Well, duh! Yes.

Whoa! Take a gander at Reason #6: “I don’t want to be Amazon’s Bitch”

Now … let’s think about this, shall we?

First, define your terms. What do you mean by “Amazon’s Bitch”?

Does the term mean a person who’s willing to do or say anything at all in order to appease or gratify Amazon?

Does it mean an author who is so grateful for any bone that Amazon has thrown his or her way that he/she won’t ever be anything but a complete suck up loyal to nobody, but Amazon forever?

If that’s what you mean, Ms. Lepucki, then I can assure you that I am most definitely not Amazon’s bitch.

I suggest you read this post. Then, read this one. And this one.

And here’s my first post of the new year. Now, do I sound like Amazon’s bitch?

However, assuming you meant that I depend upon Amazon for most of my income, this is a fact. But it’s one that applies as much to you as to me.

Amazon is the mammoth online retailer. Readers buy a whole sh*tload of books from Amazon. I assume that would include your book, too.

Now, don’t go telling me that your support for indie bookstores somehow makes a difference. That’s not the issue, is it? By and large, I’ll bet your readers are buying books online, just like everyone else. And guess where most of them go to buy them.

And I’m willing to bet that just like other authors, you take a peek now and then at your Amazon ranking. To check your sales. Right?

Every author’s guilty little secret pleasure is to see a jump in Amazon rank. Admit it, Ms. Lepucki. You love it, too.

So … who’s Amazon’s bitch? Is it really self-published authors? Is it all authors (myself included — notice how I measure my sales success in terms of Amazon rank, except for the NY Times bestseller list, which I ascribe to my Amazon and Nook sales)? Is it all book lovers? And what will happen if Amazon becomes the only publisher and retailer? What happens then?

Do I sound like Amazon’s bitch now?

Do you see the irony?

BTW, it’s perfectly okay to publish ebooks without owning an ereader. I did. And so did you. Or your publisher. Apparently. And water is just as bad for paper as electronic gadgets. You know that, right?

And, hey, two pages is better than nothing. No one knows this better than me. Of course, I’m busy writing, blogging, marketing, promoting, reviewing, preparing to self-publish my books, etc., etc. Because I run a writing business. And I’m a freaking gimp bit overwhelmed these days, but I consider myself a blue collar writer.

Finally, and apropos of nothing, two really awesome things:

Kathy Griffin in Times Square, half-naked.

Plus Weird Al Yankovic and some amazing rock stars having the most memorable New Year’s Eve ever!

I’ll be honest. This morning, I wasn’t feeling my best. I slept in and managed to pull myself out of bed later than usual.

Sometimes being a writer is like climbing a mountain. You just have to take the journey one step at a time, one day at a time.

Today, I really needed to do something … anything … that would bring me further along the way toward publishing my next book.

So, I decided to apply for my LOC number. This meant I had to decide, once and for all about the title of my book.

Now, I like the title ALIEN SHORES. It’s unusual, but it expresses the feel of the novel succinctly and cleverly.

However, will readers look at it and assume the story is something like this?

Well … let me tell you, there isn’t a bit of that in my book, okay?

So … I was mulling this over, when I came across this news tidbit in my emailed headlines.

And I was like, WTF? Seriously? Here’s why. I’ll quote the retarded weird part for you:

Hachette Book Group, one of the world’s largest publishing companies, has a response. In a document leaked today to Digital Book World by someone inside the company, Hachette outlines just why publishers are relevant. The company has shown the document internally to employees and externally to a limited number of agents and authors.

“You have to take a long look at what you’re up to and how you’re changing and adapting,” said a Hachette executive who preferred not to be named and who confirmed the authenticity of the document. “We’re all trying to come up with good messaging.”

The executive explained that the document is a continual work-in-progress and would evolve as the publishing business evolved.

Related: J.A. Konrath Responds With Advice for Publishers

The document in its entirety below:

“Self-publishing” is a misnomer.

Publishing requires a complex series of engagements, both behind the scenes and public facing. Digital distribution (which is what most people mean when they say self-publishing) is just one of the components of bringing a book to market and helping the public take notice of it.

As a full service publisher, Hachette Book Group offers a wide array of services to authors

Okay, honestly, I don’t do stupid anymore. I don’t have the time or energy to care. But this is just SO wrong.

Apart from the fact that I publish my books in print and audio, so I am NOT just engaged in “digital distribution” (a totally bullsh*t term), I do believe that the word publishing may not mean what you think it means.

Why don’t we check the freaking dictionary, huh? And it says “the business or profession of the commercial production and issuance of literature, information, musical scores or sometimes recordings, or art.” That’s it. Just click the link right here and see for yourself.

BTW, I don’t see one freaking thing in the real definition about format, do you?

Oh, and about all those lovely services you offer to your authors. The marketing, the promo, the promises, the enthusiasm, etc., etc.

I think this author’s post should serve as a succinct response.

Oh, yeah, just as an aside … I forgot to mention the article I found on Facebook about the microwaved kitten. *shudder* Dear God … you gotta wonder …

Frankly, I’d like to pepper spray both offenders.

Anyhow, I spent the entire weekend reading. Seriously. Well, almost. I was reading an ARC (advanced reader copy) for a review. And I said I’d provide a blurb, if I liked it (which I most definitely did! Whoa!).

It was really weird, though, because the story had a female protagonist who was single-minded, strong, hell-bent and kind of a work-a-holic.

So … I’m reading this thriller, my heart is pounding in my chest, and my hand is clenching to beat the band and my eyes are freaking glued to my Kindle. And the villain’s plan relates in some manner with the literary works of Dante.

And I manage to read almost 50% of the novel by Saturday night. Yippee!!

So … on Sunday, I manage to hoist myself out of bed, stinking to high heaven, hair all greasy, because I skipped my shower the day before to read the freaking book. Seriously.

And my husband makes waffles for breakfast. What a guy!

Seriously.

Then, of course, my week wouldn’t be complete without reading the Washington Post magazine. But I find nothing noteworthy there. At least, not for this blog. Hint, hint … ha ha …

I did see this article in the Columbia Flier and think, “Dude! Do you have any idea how lucky you are?”

Anyhow, I finished reading the book on Sunday. Amazing! I even managed to post to my other blogs here and here over the weekend. Sweet!

And my husband and I got in a walk on Sunday, while it was still warm out. We’ve got to enjoy this decent weather while it lasts, you know?

Somehow, I managed to read my 10 million a whole sh*tload of emails (I probably deleted a bunch of unimportant ones — the spam, the stupid stuff in general, everything that’s completely retarded stupid …), and I scanned news headlines. My New York Times headlines included book reviews and guess whose name I saw? Sue Grafton! Whoa!

Well, being a total fan girl of Sue “the Great One” Grafton, I simply had to read the review, which was of her next book, V IS FOR VENGEANCE.

It’s the first review of several. Go down to the third paragraph. Please note the last name of one character in the book is Dante.

Weird.

There’s also another weird name coincidence in the thriller. The name Sam comes up at one point. Really odd.

PS: In all the excitement, I overlooked the fact that Nov. 19 was World Toilet Day.

PPS: I’m also really sorry to say that I missed my chance to wish Kathy Griffin a proper happy birthday. Again. Um, and I just realized she was born the day before my stroke. Should make it easy to remember next time, huh?

PPPS: On a much lighter note, here’s the scariest laughing doll ever. Courtesy of World O’ Crap and the amazing Mary Clevenger.

At least it is according to Amazon’s book categorizing system.

Here’s what’s going on. Suzanne Adair just released her latest novel titled REGULATED FOR MURDER or (REGULATED FOR MURDER on Amazon UK), which I reviewed on this blog.

Well … take a gander (does anyone even say that anymore?) at her latest blog post about the book.

Um … okay. A historical mystery/thriller filed under “Automotive”? And who knew they had strut bushings during the American Revolution? ROFL

I know. Maybe Amazon saw this video and got confused …

Yeah, maybe. Except the wrong side has the cars! In the book, the protagonist is with the redcoats. So you end up rooting for the, um, redcoated guy, okay?

But wait! It’s complicated. And there’s an explanation in this interview with the protagonist Michael Compton Stoddard.

Not all things in life boil down to simple black and white — wrong versus right — decisions. However, one thing is clear. This book is definitely in the wrong category, no matter what Amazon says.

However, when I read a quote from Naomi Klein in this article about her appearance at an Occupation Wall Street open forum, I felt it was crossing over into this blog’s territory.

Here’s what Klein wrote:

“This is not the time to be looking for ways to dismiss a nascent movement against the power of capital, but to do the opposite: to find ways to embrace it, support it and help it grow into its enormous potential. With so much at stake, cynicism is a luxury we simply cannot afford.”

Okay, hold that thought.

I realize that Klein is a bit of a political lefty, to put it mildly.

However, as writers we have an obligation to ask tough questions. This is (at least, arguably) especially true of hardboiled mystery writers.

Cynicism, for good or ill, comes with the territory of being a writer. At least, that’s my opinion. Okay, maybe cynicism is a harsh word. How about open-eyed realism? Pragmatism? The ability to look at things with an open mind, analyze them rationally and draw one’s own conclusions. Writers must look upon the world as a four-year-old child would and be able to ask, “Why?” Writers should question all authority.

In the interests of full disclosure, I have concerns about Occupation Wall Street that I’ve discussed in this post. I tell you this as a writer, a blogger and a concerned citizen. Think for yourself. Don’t let other people tell you what to believe. Including me, for that matter.

Now, I haven’t read Klein’s book THE SHOCK DOCTRINE, nor am I likely to do so, although I’m happy to provide the link to her book’s Amazon page. Ironically or not. So there you go.

Oh, and here’s the link to Klein’s Wikipedia entry. Good God! The girl got whipsawed between zealous Commie parents and full-bore consumerism before she was 18! Oh, the humanity!

But she lucked out. It was her mother who was disabled by a stroke, not Klein.

And I think, “WTF? Not another idiot!”

So, I click on the link to the article right here.

And it reads as follows:

Graham Swift, who won the Booker Prize in 1996 for his novel Last Orders, said new writers face earning lower royalties for their work as e-books than for traditional hard- and paperbacks.

If aspiring authors see that they are unable to make a living from their work, it may cause them to give up and leave potentially great stories unwritten, he said.

Mr Swift told BBC Radio Four’s World at One programme: “I wouldn’t envy a young aspiring writer now.

“The e-book does seem at the moment to threaten the livelihood of writers, because the way in which writers are paid for their work in the form of e-books is very much up in the air.

“I think the tendency will be that writers will get even less than they get now for their work and sadly that could mean that some potential writers will see that they can’t make a living, they will give up and the world would be poorer for the books they might have written, so in that way it is quite a serious prospect.”

*stunned silence*

Mr. Swift, I think you’ve made a serious mistake here. I’m sure you write very well and all. But, perhaps you should have checked your facts before you made such a completely retarded unsupported statement.

In point of fact, the opposite has been true. Ebooks have given authors more opportunity not less to make a living from their writing.

Describing the arrival of e-books as the greatest change for authors since the mid-19th century and mass production, Mr Swift accused e-book sellers of using digitalisation as an excuse to pay writers less.

He said: “When anything goes digital, let alone something as immaterial as a book, there is a tendency to see it as just in the air to be taken, and to lose the sense that somebody once made it.

“I think the purveyors of e-books are only too happy for this atmosphere of ‘everything belongs to everybody’ to increase because it means they don’t have to think so much about the original maker of the thing, or they can get away with paying them less.

“Unfortunately writers take a very small part of the profit on their books, and I think in the e-book world there is a real danger they will take even less, unless they are vigilant and robust about protecting their own interests.”

*rubbing face with hands*

Mr. Swift, you’re making my brain hurt.

By making ebooks less expensive, you can sell MORE and make MORE money based on volume of sales. I realize you’re probably a literary genius, but here’s the thing. I’ve published two novels and one short story collection as ebooks. The novels LEAST WANTED and IDENTITY CRISIS both became Amazon Top 100 bestsellers. Then IDENTITY CRISIS hit the New York Times ebook bestseller list. Twice. Then LEAST WANTED and IDENTITY CRISIS became Amazon UK Top 100 bestsellers.

Now, my fiction writing business is running at a substantial profit. No, I’m not a millionaire. But I ain’t starving — that’s for sure. And this is just two .99 novels and one .99 anthology we’re talking …

And I’ve got a third ebook in the works. So … I’d say things aren’t exactly doom and gloom ebook-wise, eh?

Despite the concerns over royalties some independent authors have made a fortune from the e-book revolution, which allows them to sell vast numbers of copies without the need for an agent or a publishing deal.

In June John Locke, an independent American author, made history by becoming the first person to sell a million e-books without a publishing deal, putting his sales on a par with established writers like Stieg Larsson and James Patterson.

By selling his book for 99 cents (60p) per copy, compared with many successful authors who charge up to $10 (six pounds), he was able to break a million sales in just five months.

Another self-published author, Amanda Hocking, was given a six-figure deal from a publishing house this year after rising to fame by selling her work digitally.

Yeah, well, admittedly these guys are outliers. They are exceptional. Even so, Mr. Swift, you might want to read up on a subject before you go giving opinions on it, okay?

Not to put too fine a point on it, but you’ve just been contradicted within the very article that quotes you. Not a good sign.

Feel free to read the rest of the article, which ends with the following ridiculous statement:

Amazon announced last year it would offer authors and publishers 70 per cent of profits from their work sold on the Kindle, but without a publishing house to market their work many new writers could still struggle to sell enough copies to earn learn a living.

Are you kidding me? ROFL!!

So … after that bit of hilarity, I decided to Google the name Graham Swift, to see what I could find out, apart from his winning a Booker Prize and all that.

And under the first hit from Wikipedia, I found this interview in Salon.

I read the whole thing.

Clearly, the man is no idiot.

That's one for me and one for you, okay?

If that were to happen, what do you suppose their position on e-rights would be? Well, not to put too fine a point on it, but — duh! They’d want to get a piece of that action! The question is, how much is fair?

Right now, publishers are claiming that 25% should go to the author. Where they get this number, no one knows. It’s a number they’ve basically pulled out of their, um, arses.

And the Author’s Guild is crying foul! It seeks nothing less than a 50-50 split between publisher and author. Well, that seems reasonable. To me, anyhow.

In any case, Kelly McClymer, a YA author and blogger, decided to let her husband address this issue on her blog, in a detailed analysis of what constitutes a fair royalty. And here it is: click here. I’ll wait …

Quite a sight, isn’t it? All those charts. All those words. But let’s just take this step-by-step, shall we?

To quote the post:

When your WW (Wonderful Wife) is an author you spend a lot of time talking about books and publishing. When the WW is number challenged and the industry is going through a paradigm shift you spend a lot of time talking about royalty rates, profits and fairness.

In order to defend my point of view (and the family fortune) I started reading her blogs and industry news, as well as attending a Ninc conference or two as a tagalong spouse.  First thought: a lot of people who should know better don’t. These people are countered by the wonderful blogs of Konrath, Goldberg and others who can do math.

Okay, my first thought is, who are these people who “should know better,” anyway? And with no disrespect to Mssrs. Konrath and Goldberg, what makes them such experts in math? Or the subject of ebook pricing and royalty rates? No one’s an expert on any of this. Including you, Buster!

While reading another nonsensical blog from an unnamed source I started looking around and found a statement from the Authors Guild against the 25% of net on books. The key piece of this press release was the model that a 15% royalty rate on hardbacks was fair, with fair being defined as a 50-50 split between the author and the publisher.  I could do something with this idea and I set out to determine what a fair Ebook royalty rate should be.  I then found Lee Goldberg’s 2/3/11 blog which ran through the numbers of the 25% royalty rate. It is very good and I suggest you read it. I’ll wait…

Ohhh … a “nonsensical blog from an unnamed source.” Well, clearly, this was some idiot who fell way short of the sheer genius of Konrath or Goldberg or whoever Kelly McClymer’s husband is because he never gives his freaking name! So … this Anonymous Source did some research consisting of reading a quote-unquote nonsensical blog, a press release from the Author’s Guild plus whatever Lee Goldberg had to say on February 3, 2011, because it was “very good.” Apparently. And then …

…While Lee showed the 25% rate to be unfair he did not tackle the question of what a fair rate should be. Thanks for leaving me something, Lee!

And thank you, Anonymous Source, for getting to the point. Apparently. And finally!

In what follows I lay out the philosophy (a 50-50 split between author and publisher as achieved in hardback sales), and my assumptions to determine a fair Ebook royalty rate . If you don’t want to read through and argue over my assumptions here are my conclusions: Ebook royalties should be between 31.4%and 45% of net. The lower royalty rate assumes publishers have the same cost to publish an ebook as a paperback while the 45% has a more reasonable cost.

Okay, okay … stop right there. Now, you can draw all the charts and crunch all the numbers you like, but the bottom line is this: how much does it cost to produce an ebook? How much does a publisher need to earn to recoup its costs and make enough to cover administrative expenses to produce ebooks?

What bothers me is this sentence right here: “The lower royalty rate assumes publishers have the same cost to publish an ebook as a paperback.” Ha! That’s one hell of an assumption, isn’t it? And I’m willing to bet you’re wrong. I’m willing to bet it costs publishers much less than that to produce ebooks.

There are no printing costs, no distribution costs, no warehousing costs. How can you even compare the two????

I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m not bothering to work my way through the rest of his post. Not if the conclusions are based on such apples to oranges comparisons. There’s simply no point, in my opinion. Especially since I’m an indie author. It’s all a non-issue for me.

As for the royalty range he specified, far as I’m concerned, he might just as well have pulled those numbers out of his arse. lol

But, hey, that’s just my opinion. And I’m not an expert of the likes of Konrath or Goldberg or whoever that guy is who wrote that post. And I sign my name to my opinions.

So … the question is, with respect to literary agents, now what? Are they relevant? I think they are. But I’m not here to discuss that. I’m here to discuss the ways that some agents have chosen to diversify their services.

Lately, there’s been a lot of talk about literary agencies expanding into areas other than brokering deals with publishers. Some people say this is a conflict of interest. But I’m not going to talk about that. I think these discussions dance around the real issues. They fail to address the matters that are truly important. The bottom line, as it were. The heart of the issue for me is this: what are the agents doing? What is the author’s business relationship with them? What are the authors getting for their 15 percent cut?

Okay. Let’s take this step-by-step and approach this from a rational perspective.

First off, let’s not kid ourselves. When you’re a fiction author, you’re operating a small business, at least if you have any intent to make a profit from your work, whether you care to acknowledge it or not. And you do so whether you are an indie author or you license your rights to a publisher. And you’re responsible for the product you create, either way.

If you’re an indie author, there are literary agencies that are expanding their services to include what they call “project management,” which entails such things as choosing a cover artist to working with a copyeditor to uploading the author’s work.

For these services, the agents are seeking their usual 15 percent commission. This is the way they’ve always been paid in the past and this is how they seek to be paid now.

Let us stop a moment and ask, what are agents? Let’s define the term.

Black’s Law Dictionary defines “agent” as: “one who is authorized to act for or in place of another; a representative.”

So basically these agents are acting on behalf of the authors they represent to make contracts with freelancers who design covers and provide formatting and copyediting services. And let’s assume that the authors care enough to want to approve the covers and review the final edited content before it gets uploaded. Which, let’s face it, is the more time-consuming part of all this. And shouldn’t be delegated by any responsible author, in my opinion.

Well, I can do this now with an email to my cover designer Peter Ratcliffe (click here to see portfolio) who created the absolutely killer cover of my latest novel LEAST WANTED and can be contacted at peter@peterratcliffe.com. As for editing, I rely on the awesome Beth Rubin of On the Write Page. For ebook formatting, I’ve come to rely on the amazing Kimberly Hitchens, aka, “Hitch” of Booknook.biz who you can reach at hitch@booknook.biz. I outsourced work to both of them on LEAST WANTED. For print formatting and copyediting/proofreading, I use the most awesome Laurie Cullen, who you can contact at lauriebikes@verizon.net who’s served me well on both my novels.

And I’ve been able to do business with each of them by simply sending an email. All of these transactions have been done for reasonable fees. And it takes very little time to make the arrangements, compared to the time I spend reviewing the product or, to an even greater extent, marketing and publicizing my work. I see the agents offer nothing in the way of marketing and publicity. Yet, these agents are being touted as doing the “heavy lifting.” Is it me? Am I missing something here?

And as for uploading your work, well good God! If I can do that, anyone can. Believe me! I’m a complete techno-idiot. And it takes no time at all.

Okay … so what they’re proposing is that we pay 15 percent of our hard earned royalties to do something we can easily handle with a few emails on our own?

:-O I think not.

PS: I will include this YouTube clip not only for its ironic value, but to make the point that it doesn’t pay to seek outside solutions you don’t really need.

That’s one thing I love about the Post. They don’t believe in sensationalism. Anyhoo.

I’m just going to quote the first few paragraphs of the article, to give you an idea of what it’s about. Okay?

Sonoma, Calif. — In the winter of 2010, the cheerfully effervescent romance novelist Nyree Belleville suffered the same fate as many a scribe — she was dropped by her publisher. The most any of her 12 spicy romances, penned under the name Bella Andre, had earned was $21,000.

She was, in her Cali-girl vocabulary, “bummed.” She was 36. She had two young children, a husband and a little house in the hills above this picturesque wine-making region.

A thin, pretty brunette who majored in economics at Stanford, Belleville had been a singer in her 20s, but that career died, and now her writing career was so flat line that one of her old publishers had even given her the rights to her first two novels.

So, out of sorts and feeling blue, she sat down one morning and figured out how to self-publish one of those novels, “Authors in Ecstasy,” on Amazon’s e-reader, the Kindle, just to see what would happen. It was a pain. She had zero graphic-arts skills. She had to create a cover, write her jacket copy, figure out formatting and set a price. She did it and forgot about it.

A few weeks later, she checked her account. She had sold 161 copies. She’d made $281. She was astonished.

She rushed to a lunch with three writer friends, with the numbers scrawled on a sheet of yellow paper, and slapped it down on the table. “That moment is burned in everybody’s mind now,” she says. “It was not a tipping point. It was a turning point.”

She put her other old book online and figured out how to place both on other e-readers — the Nook, the Sony Reader, the iPad, Kobo. The next month, her royalties bumped to $474. Giddy, she self-published a new e-book in July. She made a jaw-dropping $3,539. It was like the best thing ever!

“Every day, as the numbers ticked by, my husband and I were floored,” she says.

She got the rights to two more old novels. She feverishly wrote another e-novel, “Game for Love,” about a bad-boy pro football player and his unexpected marriage. She popped it online Dec. 15.

Okay. So Belleville has obligingly (if unnecessarily, because you can download a free sample on your Kindle, but hey, whatever) provided a sample of her novel GAME FOR LOVE on the Amazon order page, so I assume it’s okay to reprint it here, since that can only have a further salutary effect on sales I’m sure.

Here it is. The sample.

EXCERPT:

As the small brunette took the glass from his hand, her fingertips brushing against his knuckles, Cole was surprised to feel himself growing aroused.

Usually within a couple of hours of landing in Las Vegas, his old hometown, Cole had at least one woman under him. This time, though, after getting the call from his grandmother in the hospital right after Sunday’s game, the only thing that had mattered was taking care of his grandmother.

And fulfilling her dying wish.

“I love champagne. Thank you.”

Cole stared down at the woman, who was holding the glass in a death grip. Jesus, was her hand actually trembling? If he wasn’t careful, the first available good girl he’d seen all day was going to run away.

Okay. First he needed to stop breathing in the woman’s sweetly scented hair, something he’d never, ever noticed on anyone. Second, he needed to think past the heavy throbbing in his groin for three seconds. Long enough to figure out what to say or do to make her feel safe with him.

The problem was, he’d never been with a girl like this. Didn’t know the first thing about making a nice girl feel safe and comfortable. Not when he’d spend the past fifteen years perfecting wicked.

Finally, he decided on, “I couldn’t help but notice you from across the room.”

And it was true; she’d been the only square peg in a room full of round holes. Hell, she might as well have been wearing a halo for all the innocence pouring off her.

“You noticed me?” Champagne sloshed out of her glass and splashed across her chest as she gestured at herself in clear surprise.

“You have beautiful eyes,” he began, but then, figuring she might buy his lie if he pulled his gaze from her cleavage back up to her face, he actually did look into her eyes.

Cole was stopped cold by eyelashes so long that when she blinked, the curling tips brushed against the tops of her cheekbones. Her eye color was unlike any he’d ever seen, a combination of blue and green that had him thinking of cool mountain lakes and perfect summer days.

She blinked, smiled, and the way her eyes lit up stopped his breath for a second. “No, not beautiful,” he said, almost to himself. “Stunning.”

Her eyes got even bigger, along with her smile. “They are?”

He moved closer, those big eyes of her acting like a magnet. A lock of her hair fell in front of one of them and he reached out to slide it to the side, his fingertip barely grazing her skin. He felt her tremble beneath his touch, even as something shook inside him.

What the hell was going on here?

He’d come looking for a good girl to take to his grandmother. Not another one-night stand.

“Dance with me.”

He had her hand in his and was halfway to the dance floor, when he felt her tug at his arm.

“I don’t even know your name.”

“Cole.”

She cocked her head to one side, managing to look cute and sexy at the same time. “You know, I think I could have guessed that. You look like a Cole.”

“And you look like an angel.”

Her lips turned up in another smile and knocked the wind out of him. Again. He’d already thought she was pretty. But when she smiled, she was breathtaking.

“Almost.” She looked shy again. “My name is Anna.”

Okay. That’s it.

Incidentally, other contemporary erotic romances by Bella Andre include:

Love Me (Take Me sequel)
Candy Store
Ecstasy
Bound By Love
Shooting Stars
Game For Seduction (Bad Boys 2)
Game For Anything (Bad Boys 1)
Red Hot Reunion
Tempt Me, Taste Me, Touch Me
Take Me

But enough of that. Back to the article.

Okay, so she publishes GAME FOR LOVE  online. Then …

Earnings for that month? $19,315.

In January and February, she e-published a trilogy of young-adult novels she’d written years earlier. She called the first one “Seattle Girl” and chose a new author name, Lucy Kevin, to distinguish it from the sexually explicit Andre books.

Here’s what her first quarter looked like: 56,008 books sold; income, $116,264.

Perched on the edge of a couch in her tiny writing office, which doubles as a playroom for her kids, Belleville says: “Isn’t this just awesome?!”

I’ll stop there. You can read the rest of the article by clicking on the link. That’s why I included it.

Here’s the thing. With absolutely no disrespect intended toward Belleville and her awesome work, I’m a bit surprised that the Washington Post felt it had to cover an ebook author located 3,000 miles away from the Washington area, when there are one or two extremely successful ebook authors right in its local area.

I’m thinking specifically of Karen Cantwell, actually, whose awesomely funny mystery TAKE THE MONKEYS AND RUN has actually spent time on the Kindle Top 100.

And I tell you all the reasons why you should read it here.

Now, unlike some authors, Cantwell lives in northern Virginia. That is part of the Washington Post’s local coverage area.

She’s also written THE CHRONICLES OF MARR-NIA, and co-authored FOXY’S TALE with L B Gschwandtner. Now, you’d think that would earn her a brief mention or something, huh? From her hometown paper.

And, not to put too fine a point on it, but I am a Post subscriber, so I do live in their coverage area, so I guess at a time when self-published authors are landing seven-figure deals with major publishers, someone who single-handedly (no pun intended – ha ha) goes from out-of-print novelist to New York Times ebook bestseller in less than two years just isn’t news, anymore. Even if that person is a local author.

But here’s the other thing. And I blame the Washington Post for this. By putting that headline on the article, they turned it into more misleading hype about self-publishing ebooks.

Frankly, and with absolutely no disrespect to any of the authors named in the article, it isn’t my philosophy or career strategy to simply write any old thing and make a fast buck off my ebooks. And I wouldn’t want placement in a badly headlined article in the Washington Post to give anyone the wrong impression about me, in that regard.

So, I can’t speak for Karen Cantwell, but perhaps it’s just as well that we weren’t included in the article.

PS: My novel LEAST WANTED is still selling like gangbusters on Amazon UK. It ranked at #16 last night. See?

Now, isn’t that just awesome?

I’ve been tweeting the rank of LEAST WANTED on Amazon UK, which slipped a bit back down to #22. Not to be daunted or discouraged, I went ahead and followed through at 9 a.m. (or thereabouts lol), tweeting the rank and encouraging people to retweet it and to please consider downloading my book on Amazon UK. I mean, after all, hasn’t Stieg Larsson enjoyed enough success already? And, not to put too fine a point on it, but how much can he be enjoying it, really?

At the last hour, I’d actually progressed (so yay! ) up to #21 (hey, it’s something, right?). So, maybe this thing might actually be working. Maybe.

Wow! It’s almost time to do the 1:00 p.m. check on the rank. So I’ll just wait and see where we’re at.

*waits*

Oh, dear! I just checked. I’m still at #21. And that arrow is red. Which means my momentum seems to be turning against me.

However, it ain’t over ’til it’s over, is it?

And a woman’s reach should exceed her grasp. Or something.

So … here’s the deal. I’ll keep limping along tweeting for the next few hours or until my hand simply can’t deal with this sh*t another second. lol Because you never know. Things could turn around. Stranger things have happened, right?

Oh, BTW, I’m going to be interviewed over at Criminal-E this coming Tuesday. I’ll be sure to post a link right on this here blog. And thank you, Allan Guthrie of Edinburgh, UK, for inviting me to be interviewed there. Totally awesome!

UPDATE: I just tweeted this post on Twitter and saw this tweet from @coffeetablepoet! Do you know why that’s awesome? It’s awesome, because it’s got the Amazon UK order page to LEAST WANTED in the Coffee Table Poetry Musings! Thank you, @coffeetablepoet in Florida! That’s so totally awesome of you! Really!

UPDATE 2: 6:15 p.m. – In case you’re wondering, here’s my latest tweet in what has become most obviously a completely retarded effort: LEAST WANTED is still at #21 on Amazon UK! Can you say “grass growing”?

UPDATE 3: 7:05 p.m. – Well, I think this last tweet pretty well sums it up: LEAST WANTED is now at #22 on Amazon UK. Stick a fork in me. I’m done. ‘Night! #retarded

For instance, I recently saw something posted about an author (no names, of course) who won an award (or something). The author said the only thing that could top that wonderful thing would be to make a sale.

Well, see here, unnamed author. Why don’t you self-publish this awesome work? Duh!

Had that not occurred? I guess not. Apparently.

This anonymous author continues to seek validation through awards, instead of taking the work directly to readers and getting their stamp of approval through sales.

Oh, but wait! That would require doing things like marketing, right? And authors like this HATE marketing. Authors like this say that all the time. Things like this set them off on a tear!

They say stuff like, “I hate Twitter! I hate branding! What can I talk about on Twitter? What do I say? What do I do?”

Okay, okay … calm down. Think … What would you do at a signing? Or at a conference where you meet readers? What would you say to them there? Does that give you some ideas?

Good. Much better.

Now … do you want to spend your time writing query letters pitching your genius work to agents who may or may not take you on as a client? And, assuming one of them does, may or may not be able to sell your work to a publisher? Who most likely will offer you a really sh*tty midlist author deal? Is that what you REALLY want?

Or … would you rather spend that time selling your book directly to readers online? Would you rather have total control over the process so you can set the price wherever you want it? And also have direct access to your sales data, so you can see how you’re doing with your own eyes? And know how well your marketing efforts are working?

Oh, wait! I forgot. That would make you a self-published author. Thus, you’d no longer be one of the “cool kids” in the cafeteria. You’d no longer qualify for certain awards. You’d no longer qualify for full membership in certain organizations. Some writers conferences might even bar you from participating on their panels.

Well, excuse me, but far as I’m concerned, what matters to me are my readers. My readers come first.

So while the cool kids are high-fiving over their awards and hoping for a sale or two, I’ll be laughing all the way to the bank.

Will they never understand ... ?

PS: And, BTW, even though your mileage can vary, if you work hard enough and play your cards right, you could quite possibly end up on this list.

Hey, I never would’ve thought it possible. In a million years.

I have, in fact, benefited by being published in not one, but two anthologies compiled by the SinC Chesapeake Chapter — CHESAPEAKE CRIMES and CHESAPEAKE CRIMES: THEY HAD IT COMIN’.

I also once served for a few years as the chapter’s newsletter editor. That was interesting, kept me busy and up-to-date on all sorts of things.

I have many good friends who are members of the organization and I continue to support its mission. And, as I said, I really want to believe that the group is acting in good faith and with the intent to fulfill its mission to the best of its ability.

However, I just received the SinC newsletter by email and have been dismayed to read its content. Frankly, I’m finding it to be decreasingly relevant for my needs.

I will take you through some of the items to show you what of I speak:

During a month of upheaval in the world of bookstores, the publishing industry holds it breath concerning the fate of Borders, which appears to be poised to declare bankruptcy any minute.

I’m sorry, Borders. Truly, I am. But it’s not my problem. Really. I make most of my money from ebooks, sold through Amazon and (now!) Barnes & Noble.

Plus I gotta get on board with that whole Google eBookstore thing. Another item for the to-do list.

Okay, so then SinC sent delegates to a Digital Book World Conference — oh, that’s nice — and they’re going to report on “branding, enhanced e-books, Google partnering, the future of bookstores, and plenty more” on their blog — okay, so stuff I’ve been following, like, all along. Thanks! And I don’t even have to pay dues to read their blog, you know?

Okay, what else? A link about who wrote the first detective novel. Fun! A tribute to Ruth Cavin. Aw! Well, deserved. Really.

And then something about “supply chain analysis”? How it affects me? Not much, I’d say. I make most of my money from ebooks. My print books don’t make it into stores because they’re non-returnable, so “supply chain analysis” doesn’t mean doodly-squat to this author.

In fact, most smart authors are going with ebook publishing on their own. And POD publishing for their print editions. So who cares about shelf space or supply chain analysis or any of that crap?

Which brings me to the next item. Oh, this poor, poor tormented soul. Good God! Get a grip, man. It’s not THAT bad. Look around you. Take a look at Joe Konrath’s blog. Read the stories. There’s hope, man. I’m telling you.

Or you could just feel sorry for yourself. And sling mud like you did here. Next!

The mystery reader study commissioned by Bowker/PubTrack, which I think I’ve discussed adequately here. Next!

Bitch magazine takes a dim view of the latest numbers in book reviewing Oh, for God’s sake, not that VIDA article again! ‘Nuff said. Next!

Small presses and their authors have good reason to be disappointed by cuts in shelf space. Well, ya think? Next!

Something about Target. Who cares? Next!

Publishing poobahs look at various subjects, including how to set print runs. Who cares about print runs? I do POD. Next!

Metadata? Learn what the number geeks have already known–better info unlocks many of publishing’s mysteries these days. Well, duh! Next!

Amazon says Kindle book sales overtake paperback sales.

I’m sorry. Is this supposed to be news????

And they don’t. I also like the statement that follows, but let’s get back to that later. First, let’s talk about the article.

Okay, so this is supposed to be an article — I’m sorry — this IS an article about women in literary arts. How do I know this? Because it says so, in the upper-left corner under the word “VIDA.” Okay?

Now, I’ll go through and quote you parts of this auspicious article. First paragraph (referencing the statements about numbers, etc.):

Such sayings sound definitive, like the dead-end of a boring story. But as these facts come to light — no longer imagined or guessed at — so does the truth of publishing disparities, the unfortunate footing from which we can begin to change the face of publishing. We are no longer guessing if the world is flat or round; we are wondering how to get from point A to B now that the rules of navigation are public and much clearer. Questions long denied will lead us to new awareness, to challenge current publishing practices, and to query the merits of selection on the level of individual publications and review journals alike.

Um, hello? Parlez usted, Ingles? I’m sorry. This is a highly incomprehensible intellectual article. I need to treat this more seriously.

Okay, second paragraph. Ready? I know I am.

Please take a look. Scroll slowly. Notice the Red. Your favorite publication might be here. Atlantic? Boston Review? Granta? Harpers? London Review of Books? New Republic? New Yorker? NY Times Book Review? New York Review of Books? Poetry? Times Literary Supplement? And many more…

Okay, as you scroll down you see pie charts with various publication names next to them. The ones mentioned in that paragraph. And the reference to the Red is to the parts of the pie charts representing men (book reviewers or authors reviewed). If you check the article itself, men are indicated in red and women in blue.

All right. If you have clicked the link and scrolled and seen for yourself, you don’t really need me to explain the rest do you? Men get more reviews. Ergo men win, women don’t, life sucks.

Or does it? Hey, why so glum? Maybe it all depends on what numbers you look at.

First of all, I don’t read a single damned one of these publications. Not EVEN the New York Times Book Review. Yes, really! I’m a heathen.

I used to get New Yorker, but it was at a special discount. And then I was like, “Good, God! I can’t keep up with this sh*t! I quit. Besides, I don’t live in New York, anyway!”

Second, do you think readers (you know, the people who actually BUY books) read these intellectual journals? Sh*t no! Are you kidding? So the people who matter to authors (our readership) could give a rat’s ass what these people have to say anyway. Seriously!

Third, have you checked out the story of L.J. Sellers on Joe Konrath’s blog? She walked AWAY from her publisher. Now she’s making real bucks selling ebooks! Is she curling up in a corner, sucking her proverbial thumb and bemoaning her lack of reviews in The Atlantic or Boston Review or Granta? I doubt it.

Fourth, you want to talk numbers that don’t lie? Feast your eyes on these. That link, my friends, is to an ebook bestseller list compiled by Publishing Trends. The only ebook bestseller list I know about that has indie authors on it. And many, many of them are women. Ebooks tend to be an equal opportunity market. You write a good story, you price it right, you market well, the rest should follow.

Which brings me back to the two statements: Numbers don’t lie. What counts is the bottom line.

You said it, sister!

For instance, take this blog post Publishing Prophecies & Predictions for 2011 on the blog Novel Journey (Writers Digest 101 Most Valuable Websites for Writers 2008 & 2010 — my, how important-sounding!).

So the author Chip MacGregor, who BTW is President of MacGregor Literary Agency, begins the article with a refreshingly honest statement. To wit:

Okay, I do NOT have the gift of prophecy. But as I look ahead at the year 2011, there are a handful of things I think are clear about the world of publishing…

Excellent start, Chip. Keep going. I’m listening.

First, 2011 will be the year of the publishing start-up. I think we’re going to see an explosion of new companies. Technology changes (in the way books are written, edited, acquired, produced, marketed and sold) have slowly re-shaped the large publishing houses. But those houses have tried to keep the same basic model in place for how they run their businesses. Now we’re going to see a bunch of small, print and e-book publishers arise who are faster, more nimble, and conduct business in an entirely new way.

Damn! You’ve really got my attention, Chip. Keep talking.

Second, publishers will begin to re-organize around smaller business units. That means a small team of people (editor, marketer, sales guy, accountant) will have one sharp focus and will produce fewer books, but will try to have a better plan for each title. We’ve already seen this happen with nonfiction, but now we’re starting to see it happen in fiction. This has huge implications – think if a house had a small team producing one great thriller each month, another creating one big Amish book each month, and another team producing two strong historical romances each month. They’ll compete with each other for acquisition and marketing dollars. That means fewer titles, stronger books, and better support for each title.

Hmm. Sounds like it’s going to get even harder for authors to find a traditional publisher under that scenario. Thanks for the tip, Chip.

Third, everyone will finally recognize that e-books are not only re-shaping the way we read books, but the way we manage the business of publishing. E-book sales rose roughly 400% last year. How we manage the growth, and how we react to the unique challenges of e-books will reveal which companies thrive in the future. The big questions for those of us working in the industry? (A) What is a fair royalty, and isn’t 25% a bit low, since publishers are making more money off e-books than print books? (B) How do we manage English language e-rights in foreign countries? (C) How can retail stores benefit from the sale of e-books in a tangible way? (D) Will consumers view the iPad, the Kindle, and the Nook as unique devices, or simply as brand names on a utility device?

Finally! The subject I’m interested in. A realization on a publishing player’s part that ebooks are changing the game. And a recognition that maybe 25% is an insufficient amount to pay authors. Thank you, Chip! Really.

Fourth, Borders may go bankrupt. Yeah, we know. Hopefully not. Next! Fifth, the Google Books settlement will be decided and everyone will be happy. Maybe. Next!

Oh, here’s one I like.

Sixth, the Espresso Book Machine will be embraced by local bookstores. Print on demand will continue to grow, and that means indies will adopt the technology for you to walk in and print ANY BOOK YOU WANT. Consumers like immediacy – so no more waiting for shipping from Amazon. Come in, print it, and take it home.

You want to know why I like this? Because I publish my own books through Lightning Source which allows distribution through the Espresso Book Machine. Awesome!

Okay, seventh, more stuff about brick-and-mortar bookstores. Fine, whatever.

Eighth, your platform and participation in marketing will be more important to publishers than ever before. Book marketing has shifted from “business-to-business” (e.g., an ad in a trade magazine) to “business-to-consumer.” That means the future of marketing your book is going to be focused on social media. It also means you, as the author, will be expected to take an even bigger role in promoting your title. And not just via Facebook and Twitter — you’ll want to know about Wattpad, Copia, Figment, Flickr, Tumblr, Cursor… the list goes on.

Um … yeah and please wake me up when it’s over, okay? We already know this, Chip. Where have you been?

Unfortunately, I think the answer to that becomes painfully obvious in his next two predictions.

Ninth, the self-publishing craze will remain hot, but it still won’t make people any money. [WHAT???] Sure, somebody with a huge online platform like Seth Godin can do it successfully, but for most everyone else, self-publishing continues to be largely an exercise in vanity. [WTF????] Without the ability to stand in front of thousands of potential readers, you’re probably just doing this to make yourself feel important. I don’t know how to tell you this, but if every publisher [every publisher? in the country? in New York? in the world???] has looked at your manuscript and told you it isn’t salable… well, they could be right. Sorry.

Tenth, there’s going to be this great unknown writer who breaks out and sells a ton of books, thus giving hope to novelists everywhere. Why do I think this will happen? Because it happens nearly every year. I don’t know who it’s going to be, of course (though I’m hoping you’ll pick up a copy of Kimberly Stuart’s fabulous OPERATION BONNET). But it will happen. And we’ll all be excited that, once again, genuine talent has been discovered.

My God, Chip. You were doing so well, then you suddenly became retarded dropped the ball. If you’d only done the simplest Google search, you would’ve found Joe Konrath’s blog and known that many, many self-published authors are making really good money self-publishing ebooks.

And when you say “every publisher,” do you realize you’re talking about an impossibility? Even if I could get each and every publisher to look at my manuscript, I’d need an agent first and … oh, skip it. Forget it. It’s not worth unraveling that complete Gordian knot of illogic.

And besides for most of us (myself included) this isn’t about becoming a bestselling author. It’s about making a living as a writer. That’s all.

So, next time you make predictions, take your head out of your ass do some research and get your facts straight.

Basically, I gave the opinion that I couldn’t understand why the Mystery Writers of America (a group in which I hold an associate membership — note I’m an “associate,” not a “full” member, as they don’t recognize indie authors as “real” authors — hey, whatever) had a problem with print-on-demand publishing.

I got a comment from a friend (a person I like whose identity is revealed in the post) who is also an MWA member.

Anyway, that’s really neither here nor there. The point is, my friend (and possibly MWA itself?) seems to have missed the point completely.

In any case, his response confused many of the issues and ignored others completely.

So … I shall try to examine each of the issues in a more methodical manner and write something coherent in response.

Here’s what he wrote (his comments are in italics, with my responses interspersed):

As you know, I’m also a long-standing MWA member. … we have to keep in mind what MWA’s primary mission is, and always has been. MWA is mostly interested in writers making a lot of money for their writing. Even their motto (“Crime Doesn’t Pay–Enough!”) reflects this philosophy.

Oh, really? I know that MWA may keep a list of approved publishers with the best of intentions. I THINK those intentions are to assure that mystery authors are dealing with financially sound publishers and not charlatans. Am I correct?

However, the traditional publishing model provides NO assurance that authors will be paid A LOT  of money. If anything, the traditional publishing model assures that the vast majority of authors will most likely get screwed. I’ve gone into the reasons for this in agonizing detail here.

While, as you note, ebooks are becoming very hot, there aren’t many ebook publishers out there offering significant advances. Royalties may be equivalent to print book sales, but–let’s face it–royalty proceeds come in dribs and drabs, and are nothing like that joy of holding a six figure advance check in your hands.

Ha ha. I like the way you just said that ebooks are “becoming very hot.” Um, excuse me, but what rock have you been hiding under? Ebooks are, in fact, hot right NOW! Forget about “becoming hot.” They are, in fact, on fire!!

And who cares about an ebook publisher’s advances, anyway? Why would any author go through an ebook publisher when they could keep ALL the profits by self-publishing their own ebooks? Duh!

And royalties of ebooks compared to print? LOL! Give me a break here. That’s too funny to even talk about. There’s no comparison.

While some poor schmuck midlist traditionally published author is making dribs and drabs from print books that may or may not get in a bookstore (and may or may not get promoted or sold), I’M making actual money from ebooks through self-publishing them. Now, that’s no joke.

And as for the “joy of holding a six figure advance check in your hands,” name me the midlist author who can claim to have done this? It’s nobody I know. Far as I know, the six-figure advances (to the extent they go to anyone in the mystery genre) go to the bestselling authors.

Frankly, most of the midlist authors I know are either 1) worried about selling enough books to stay in their publisher’s good graces or 2) losing their contracts because their sales aren’t making back their (much less than six-figure) advances.

In fact, if it weren’t for advances, most career authors couldn’t afford to write fulltime. Like the rest of us, they would have to maintain outside employment.

Oh, really? Maybe that’s because most career authors don’t treat a writing career like a small business. A small business doesn’t start out immediately making a profit. It starts out small and builds over time. And it does so by building a customer base (in this case, a readership). If an author can market to his or her potential readers and create brand awareness, he or she should eventually be able to build good word of mouth (the ultimate marketing tool!) and achieve success like any other small business. You don’t need a publisher or a six-figure advance to do this.

MWA is dedicated to preserving the career model of authorship. The only way to do that is with huge advances against royalties, even if those advances are never sold through. The only place you see such advances is in the traditional publishing model, as irrational and moribund as that model might be. Because of that, MWA is not yet ready to embrace any other model of publishing, especially POD. Exploitative outfits like iUniverse and Xlibris and–yes–even Lulu (I know they put out your books) pissed in the POD well by flooding the market with books that carried lousy discounts and had no returnability.

Jesus, where do I start? First of all, statements like, “MWA is dedicated to preserving the career model of authorship. The only way to do that is with huge advances against royalties, even if those advances are never sold through” show you just how screwed up things are in this business. Seriously, when are people going to start asking the simple question WHY? Why is this the ONLY way to do business? And what could be more absurd than a business model that pays out more than it earns?

Furthermore, ALL I said was that POD technology was a good idea. Do not confuse the outfits that use that technology with the technology itself. There’s a big difference.

I’m not AT ALL in favor of publishers like iUniverse (although The Author’s Guild did use them to bring out-of-print books back into print, am I right?) and Xlibris and other exploitative presses that charge for services up front. I’m not even in favor of Lulu, anymore. But not for those reasons. It’s not that they charge up front. The problem is they fail to provide an adequate wholesale discount (something I didn’t realize at the time I signed up with them — another hard lesson learned). Plus they don’t do phone. Period. Forget about ‘em.

However, POD technology is a perfectly decent thing to use. One shouldn’t confuse these particular players with the technology itself. I’m going totally self-published with my next novel LEAST WANTED (direct through Lightning Source). It’s more cost-effective. I can (at the very least) provide a decent wholesale discount price, if not returnability. (I wanted to make my books returnable, but returns are actually PENALIZED. I take a huge risk, if I allow that. So I can’t do that. It would be like courting financial suicide.)

A forty percent discount and returnability is an absolute requirement for bookstore stocking, and the booksellers aren’t going to change that requirement anytime soon. Since most POD vanities refused to comply, the rest of us out here who have used POD and have tried to play by the rules have been screwed.

You know, I had a recent discussion with a bookseller about the returnability issue and guess who she blamed it on? The publishers. No, it didn’t make sense to me, either, but whatever.

What I see here is a whole lot of finger pointing and not a lot of cooperating. And how are POD presses supposed to allow returns if they not only must provide a 100% refund to the booksellers but are also penalized for them in the bargain?

If you want to be the change you see in others, quit blogging and run for the MWA Board.

Oh. My. God. Well, that’s an interesting thought. However, blogging is the cornerstone of my marketing. If I quit blogging, I quit having an online presence. In fact, we wouldn’t even be having this discussion.

And, as I said before, I’m an associate member of MWA, because MWA doesn’t recognize self-published authors. So, I seriously doubt I could sit on their Board. Ahem. But let’s not go there.

Is it me or are they nuts?

This elicited a comment from someone named Amy who indicated she was with IndieReader. She protested my posting an opinion about the service (while making a sales pitch — talk about multi-tasking). I responded in a (mostly) reasonable manner. However, I did add a PS that wasn’t appropriate. I shouldn’t have done that.

You see, yesterday was (in fact) a really, really horrible day. I won’t go into the particulars. Just trust me, things were coming apart at the seams in a way that made my problems seem almost insurmountable.

So the following at the end of my comment: “PS — You really chose the wrong person and the wrong day to engage me in this debate!” was not only in questionable taste, but outright unprofessional. For that I humbly apologize.

I also think my use of the word “rip-off” to describe IndieReader Selects may have been a bit overheated. However, I stand by my opinion that the service is overpriced and unnecessary.

Case in point: I myself have placed books on consignment with no less than five indie bookstores. Absolutely free. So … the idea of paying $150 for possible placement in TWO indie bookstores is well nigh ridiculous. (Let alone paying $50 each for additional ones.)

Would you like to know how much I’ve made from these bookstore consignments? Go ahead. Guess. Fine. I’ll tell you. Nothing. Zero. Goose eggs.

And that awesome “feeling of seeing your book on the shelf at an actual bookstore”? I never go to these stores, so I never see them, anyway. And, besides, it’s not nearly as awesome as the feeling of getting PAID to do this.

The ad stated: “IndieReader Selects (IRS), a service of IndieReader.com–the only source for branded indie books–is the first distribution program to combine the selling power of the independent bookstore with the vast community of self-published authors.

“IRS provides an easy, cost-effective and efficient way for indie bookstores to stock and sell branded, self-published books.”

My that sounds awesome, doesn’t it? Of course, the word “cost-effective” got my attention (and set some red flags waving), but I continued to the Web site to check it out.

The Web site states: “IndieReader Selects™ is IndieReader’s new review service and distribution program, combining the selling power of the independent bookstore with the vast community of self-published authors. This new program will provide an easy, cost-effective and efficient way for booksellers to stock and sell branded, self-published books and for indie authors to get onto the shelves of indie bookstores.”

Hmm … there’s that word again. Oh, well. Keep going.

Under “About IndieReader” it states:

“IndieReader has been written in the Huffington Post, the Christian Science Monitor and trade publication Publishers Weekly. It has been cited as the resource for the best indie books ( http://tinyurl.com/24t6nr7 ) by The New York Times magazine. IndieReader has been invited by More magazine (for the third time) to provide their website (1.27 million visitors/month) with a list of the IR’s best and brightest.”

Well, that sounds very awesome sauce, but what’s the catch? How much is this going to cost and what am I getting?

On the Author page, under “How it Works” you’ll find this:

“IndieReader Selects will review submitted indie books (with same requirements as IR: book must be bound and have a valid ISBN). Following review, books will be posted in a database (searchable by zip, author name and book category) for subsequent placement in independent bookstores. These reviews will be made available to booksellers, looking to provide their customers with unique titles, to support indie authors and to differentiate themselves from the big box stores. Additionally, booksellers who decide to stock indie books will be able to work out a customized merchandising program with IndieReader Selects to optimize sales. They will also get a page on the IndieReader.com website and all book sales through their page will be credited back to their stores.”

Um, okay. So bookstore owners will have a searchable database in which to find my book. Yay. Then, they’ll decide if they maybe want it. Yay.

And, then, finally, under “Author Fees”:

“$149 Per Title for the book’s review and inclusion in IR Selects’s searchable database; the fee entitles authors to 2 potential bookstore placements; additional placements are $50 per book. (Italics added.)

“PLUS get a 1-year membership to IndieReader for just $99 when you sign up for IR Selects!”

Um, wow. So for nearly $150 I might possibly have my books carried in two bookstores. And additional possible bookstore placements will cost me $50 per book????

Okay, have you guys even heard about ebooks? Yeah, so much the distribution problem.

Honestly, just how f*cking stupid do you think we are?

You see the real problem with publishing isn’t the agents. In fact, I’m totally sticking up for the agents here.

Wait a minute, you say. What kind of indie author are you? Sticking up for agents? WTF???

Well, there’s a reason if you’ll be patient and bear with me.

The reason I’m sticking up for agents is that they have every right to be picky about who they choose as clients. Why is that? Because their income depends entirely on how well their client’s book sells.

Now, if your income were contingent upon sales, wouldn’t you be picky about the clients you chose to represent? Of course you would. It would be bad business to do otherwise.

So, taking the position that agents have some kind obligation to accept your work is unrealistic in the extreme. It’s just as bad as saying that readers have an obligation to buy your book. The bottom line is, you can’t force people to like your writing. They either do or they don’t.

In any case, here’s a scenario (that I imagine gets played out more often than we’d like to think — and, if anyone knows otherwise, please feel free to leave a comment and correct me — I’ve never worked in publishing — I just hear the stories and connect the dots).

An author comes up with a story idea. She’s heard that cozy mysteries are in. So she develops a story about a little old lady who solves mysteries. The problem is there’s nothing to distinguish this little old lady from all the rest.

Then, she thinks, “Hey, I’ll make the little old lady a vampire!” This seems nothing less than brilliant, since paranormal is in, too. It’s a no-miss combo. An awesome cross-genre concept.

The author writes the book, then shops it around to agents. After going through the usual two or three or five hundred rejections, she finally finds the one who says, “Wow! This is brilliant. You write a great story. You’ve got an awesome protagonist. You have a truly distinct voice. I’ll represent you.”

The agent’s happy to have a client. The author’s f*cking ecstactic. She’s waited years (and hundreds of rejections) to reach this point.

The agent then arranges to have lunch with an editor she thinks might be interested. At least, she really hopes so. (Because you know these deals are made over lunch at overpriced New York restaurants. And the agent’s probably paying the tab.) The agent makes her pitch for the novel to the editor. The editor’s eyes light up. “Wow! I’d really like to read that one.” The agent’s happy and the editor’s (cautiously) happy. Remember the editor hasn’t actually seen the book yet. And the author? Well, the author is waiting to hear back …

The editor takes one look at the manuscript and nearly does backflips. She gets the agent on the phone and says, “Whoa! This is fraking brilliant. I think this one has legs.”

The agent is thrilled to hear this and sends the author an email that XYZ Publisher is “looking at it.” The author smiles (and is faintly worried and desperately hopes XYZ likes it) and prepares to wait some more.

Meanwhile, the editor goes to her boss and says, “This novel is great. It has everything we’re looking for. It’s beautiful writing with an absolutely stunning voice. The story is interesting. I couldn’t even put it down long enough to eat lunch or go to the bathroom. I think we’re looking at a possible bestselling book. Whatta ya say?”

Her boss glances through the first few pages and throws the manuscript back at her. “First of all (ooh, bad beginning), we’re not doing vampires anymore.”

The editor blinks and stares. “What? What about Twilight? What about Sookie Stackhouse? What about … when did this happen? I don’t–”

“Don’t interrupt!” her boss barks. “First of all, we don’t do vampires because that’s so over now. Everyone’s done vampires. We’ve got vampires crawling out of the f*cking woodwork. Enough of that. Vampires are so 2005 (or whenever). We’re doing something different now. We’re looking for superheroes.”

The editor gapes and stares. “So … if this character were a superhero, would that be okay?”

Her boss glares at her. “I wasn’t finished.” The editor backs down and stays quiet.

“Okay,” the boss says. “Second, even if we were doing vampires — which we most assuredly aren’t — do you know the demographic for vampires?” He stops and glares at the editor, who simply cowers.

“I’ll tell you,” he says. “The demographic is young for vampires. Vampires — and superheroes, for that matter — appeal to young people.” He takes a deep breath. “Now, how many young people do you think give a rat’s ass about some old lady protagonist!?”

The editor stays mute, but looks chastened.

“None of them, that’s who!” her boss says. “Now take this piece of sh*t and get it the hell out of my office.”

“But … but, it’s really beautifully written. And the story –”

“F*ck the story! No one’s going to care. I don’t care how beautiful it is, it doesn’t fit into any of our pigeonholes. Now, get the f*ck out of here and find me a real book!”

And with that, the editor is sent packing.

Now the editor has to give the agent the bad news.

But first she straightens her desk out. She reorganizes her files a few times. She makes a few phone calls on other matters. Finally, when she absolutely positively has run out of other options, she makes the dreaded call.

The agent is furious. “What do you mean? I thought you liked it.”

“I do, I do,” the editor assures her. “It’s just my boss. He’s being a total dick. I mean, this book is brilliant, but if my boss won’t go for it –”

“Oh, spare me your excuses!” the agent wails. “What do I tell my client?”

“Um, tell her to rewrite the book with a younger protagonist who’s a superhero.”

The agent is stunned silly. “WHAT???”

“That’s my best suggestion. Younger protagonist. Superhero. Think about it.” The editor hangs up as quickly as possible.

Now, it’s the agent’s turn to get depressed. Because while all this other sh*t was going on with the editor and her boss, she’s been shopping the book around. And getting no takers, for any number of reasons. And the author? The author has been patiently waiting …

So after straightening her desk out, reorganizing her own files, etc., the agent finally bites the bullet and picks up the phone. The author answers and asks, “Who is this?” (Because she’s been waiting so long she’s forgotten the sound of her own agent’s voice.) The agent (blinking back tears) says (managing to keep her voice professional and cool), “I’m sorry, but your novel has been rejected. In fact, it’s been rejected by every editor I’ve approached.”

The author is stunned beyond words. All the blood drains from her head and she thinks she may pass out. “But … but, I thought you loved it. I thought if you loved it, an editor would surely love it, too!”

“Well, there is one way we could possibly save the book.”

“Yes, yes … what’s that?” the author begs.

“Rewrite it to make the protagonist a younger person who has superpowers.”

The author is stopped short. “Jesus Christ! Are you f*cking kidding me?”

The author pauses for breath and continues. “Do you have any idea how much f*cking work I put into this book? Do you have any f*cking idea how much f*cking work it will take to change it? What the f*ck good are you, anyway? Just what the f*ck have you been doing ALL this time???

“I’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting for an agent. Now I’m waiting and waiting and waiting for a f*cking publisher. And now I’m supposed to rewrite my whole f*cking book? Because you know that’s what it’s going to take. I’m going to have to rewrite the f*cker. So thanks a f*cking lot! But f*ck you! We are f*cking finished. I don’t want you as my agent. I wouldn’t even hire you to walk my dog. Because I’d much rather have a real human being take care of my f*cking dog, thank you. So, we’re done. Don’t call back. Don’t send me a f*cking Christmas card. Just leave me in my misery. Goodbye. Oh, and did I mention … F*CK YOU!!!!”

So now the author is depressed. The agent is depressed and suicidal. The (overworked and underpaid) editor hates her boss and her job. And the publisher is f*cking clueless.

So what we have is a total failure to communicate.

But that’s not all that’s wrong with publishing. Because if an author is one of the (really) lucky few to get picked by an agent who manages to also get (really) lucky and make a publishing deal, then things get screwed for other reasons.

The book gets published and the author’s thrilled to see it in a bookstore. (Any bookstore, really, since it’s not showing up everywhere.) She does a few signings. No one shows up. She’s lucky to sell five or six books at any given signing. Maybe even 10 or 15, if she takes the initiative. The publisher won’t put money toward marketing or promoting her work, so everything depends on the author. She’s totally unprepared for this. She scrambles to start a blog and tries to post to it, but — drat! she has that other novel to write, so that slips. She gets on Facebook and connects with all these authors. She’s having a grand time until she realizes other authors don’t buy books. She needs to get on Twitter. So she does. She tries to attract followers, by tweeting … whatever stupid thing comes in her head. “I’m eating lunch. Tuna salad sucks when you’ve had it 1,000 times before.” Um. “I’m having a hard time starting my novel.” Sh*t! What now? “I wish I could find the time to write.” F*ck! “The road to hell is paved with adverbs. — Stephen King.” Cute, but what now? Should I just keep tweeting quotations? Should I beg them to buy my book? What do I do? What do I do? I’m supposed to be writing my novels, not doing this!

Meanwhile, sales are slow. She’s not making her advance back. Her sell-through sucks, so most of the books the stores bought are returned. There goes a big chunk of her royalties held in reserve for returns. The author is in trouble. The publisher says if her sales don’t improve, they’re going to cut her loose. And what few sales there are get divvied up between the retailer (who earns the portion that the wholesaler’s discount allows), the publisher (who has to pay the editor, printer and cover artist (at the bare minimum)), and finally the agent (who takes the 10 – 15% or whatever the standard is these days) and after that the author.

So now the author is depressed and broke. The agent is depressed, broke and suicidal. The (overworked and underpaid) editor STILL hates her boss and her job. And the publisher is STILL f*cking clueless.

And that’s what’s wrong with publishing. It’s not just a failure to communicate, but a failure to remunerate.

For some time now, I’ve been hearing from various quarters that ebooks are “too expensive.” This article created a bit of discussion about the matter in a certain email group (it doesn’t matter which). Now, given the semi-inflammatory headline, “Burning Question: Why Do Ebooks Cost So Much?”, I suppose a certain amount of sniping was to be expected. People complaining that they shouldn’t have to pay SO much for a book made of pixels, instead of paper and print. Especially when you have (usually really old and in the public domain) titles available for free.

Well, if you want to read nothing but Charlotte Bronte and Charles Dickens or whoever, be my guest. But if you want to read the work of living breathing authors, you should be willing to pay for it.

Rather than continue with this intro any further, let’s cut right to the chase. Here’s what I wrote (word for word) and posted to the group about this subject:

Okay, at the risk of offending a few people, this going to be a bit of a rant. (Consider yourself warned. ) However, I believe it to be a well-reasoned rant that needs to be stated by someone with the nuts to state it. So I am.

While it’s true that the cost of printing, warehousing, distribution, etc., for an ebook are non-existent, the value of a book is more than the materials that go into its making. There’s the value of the content to consider. An author spends the better portion of a year (or in many cases *years*) CREATING something. This takes time, effort, blood, sweat and tears (not to get all emo on you, but really!). This takes time away from family and friends. This takes time away from hobbies, travel and leisure. This amounts to nothing less than WORK.

As much as authors may love their work, they want to be paid for it. Would you expect a carpenter to build your home and do it simply for love? Would you expect your doctor to do your surgery for free?

These examples may not be perfect. But let’s consider how much (big time) actors get paid to do a movie. Now, no one blinks an eye at this. But for an author to have the temerity to claim that the time and energy spent on writing a book is worth SOMETHING — well, I’m stunned that anyone even thinks ebooks are overpriced.

When you throw a publisher into the mix, that’s just yet another person who has to be paid. That’s why publishers’ ebooks are more expensive. And the author is getting something like a quarter (possibly less) of the percentage Amazon is paying the publisher. So, in the case of ebooks, the author AND the readers are getting screwed by having a publisher involved.

Without the author, you have no story. Without the story, you have no book. Without the book, you have nothing. Then where will either the readers OR publishers be?

Think about that. Please!

A couple of friends of mine were lamenting the fact that readers don’t
have a place to find vetted “self-published” E books.  Or rather, with all  the
self published books making it to Kindle/Nook/Sony ereaders, etc., a way to
tell the wheat from the chaff.  So they decided to start a web site with
only traditionally published authors and their backlists of books that had
had  the rights reverted.

Okay, do you see the problem with this? It basically states that there’s a crying need to separate the wheat (traditionally published, but out-of-print, work) from the chaff (completely self-published work).

Here was my reply (I decided to start out assuming a “best case scenario” that this person wasn’t slamming all completely self-published authors, but I was being nice):

With all due respect, this approach doesn’t separate the wheat from the chaff of self-published authors.

All this does is create a list of books which were once released by traditional publishers. Information about a book’s former publisher is most likely available on Amazon (in listings for old editions, etc.).

To truly separate the wheat from the chaff, someone has to be willing to provide independent reviews of self-published work. Unless your friends are assuming that all completely self-published books are by definition chaff. In which case, I (and several other self-published authors — some of whom are Kindle bestsellers or authors who’ve landed contracts since self-publishing) would have to disagree.

My own book, IDENTITY CRISIS, went out of print, because the small press that released it went out of business. Before it was published, I couldn’t get an agent to look at it, despite sending out roughly 60 or 70 queries. However, while it was in print, it got some really great reader reviews and reviews from online reviewers. I self-published it last year and uploaded it for Kindle. Since then, I’ve sold more than 8,500 downloads of the ebook. And it’s currently ranked the #1 hardboiled mystery on Amazon and has been for the last couple of weeks. Even now that I’ve raised the price to take advantage of the 70% royalty, the book is holding at #1 in hardboiled mysteries. At least for now.

So, if my book is (by definition) chaff, tell it to the readers who’ve been buying it. I think they’d disagree.

#1 hardboiled mystery on Amazon for the last two weeks!!!!

Oh, and you have to send them a copy of your book. Oh, and they’ll review at least 25 of the books submitted (their choice which ones). Oh, and it’ll cost you $149.

So, PW, just so I have this straight: I send you a book and pay you $149 and you include it on a list in an indie author ghetto a supplement to your magazine with less information about the book than anyone could get from looking at the Amazon order page and maybe — just maybe — a review?

I’m sorry, but just how stupid do you think that’s ridiculous. Even if this weren’t a stellar example of really poor journalistic ethics, it is JUST PLAIN IDIOTIC to pay money for this (with or without a guaranteed review).

Oh, wait. I forgot. “The $149 processing fee also includes a 6-month subscription to the digital edition of PW.”

Well, that just changes everything, doesn’t it? Yeah, right.