A nice win for the Blue Jackets last night in Dallas.  All of the CBJ goals came on special teams, including a short-handed beauty by Kristian Huselius in the first period with less than one second on the clock.  Juice’s goal should shut the commenters up on some of the local blogs, although this morning they are rightfully pissed off about the James Neal hit on Derek Dorsett.  I won’t post the video, but it is all over the web if you want to watch.  Neal was given a five and game and will probably face a hearing and more discipline.  The play will add to the criticism that NHL officiating has been getting lately, adding on to the number of issues facing the game.  I joked last week about Rick Nash doing a D League move on his shootout goal, but Neal copied a D (or E) League move with his hit from behind.  So we’ll see what happens, but I care more about Dorsett recovering than I do Neal getting a suspension.

I suppose we can look forward to Tom Sestito having a busy night in Nashville.  I say that without sarcasm, because the Predators (and Jordan Tootoo) play a lot tougher at home than they do on the road.  The PIM’s in the first period could be high on Saturday.  Opposing teams now think the Jackets are soft without Nikita Filatov in the lineup.

One of the most fascinating things about teak furniture is the fact that it can be created from any number of beautiful woods.  One of the most beautiful of these woods is seagrass wood.  Before we begin, let’s quickly dispel the myth that seagrass wood can be found in the ocean.  In fact, seagrass is a light green wild weed which is found in the savannah.  Because this weed grows in the savannah, it is naturally tough and strong (it has to be to resist all of the potential ravages of the savannah).  Despite it toughness, seagrass teak furniture can be extremely comfortable to sit on.  Of course, besides comfortability, seagrass teak furniture is also absolutely beautiful.

Just finished reading the book “Manthropology,” written by Peter McAllister.

According to the introduction, Peter had originally set out to write a book about the wonders of the modern male homo sapiens – or, as he calls us – homo masculinus modernus.

What he found, upon beginning his investigatory work, however, was that the modern man is far from “wonderful” – in any way – when compared with his forebears.

He then goes on to write a chapter each on the broad qualities of Brawn, Bravado, Battle, Balls, Bards, Beauty, Bairns, and Babes – citing crushing evidence of modern man’s insufficiency in each area.

This book is awesome!  I highly recommend it, though you may need to wait till it’s more widely available.  Right now, you can only buy it from the publisher (linked to above) in Australia – so the shipping is as much as the book itself!  However, I think it’s worth it!

You’ll be motivated to improve yourself when you learn that:

• Any Neandertal woman could have beaten Arnold Schwarzenegger in an armwrestle
• Injury rates in modern Ultimate Fighting are a fraction of those in ancient Greek pankration
• Metrosexual icon David Beckham wouldn’t even get an audition for the gerewol, the male beauty parade of the Nigerian Wodaabe
• Even modern ‘New Age’ dads are put to shame by Aka Pygmy fathers of the Congo rainforest, who sometimes grew breasts to suckle their infants!

Get it!

But I think this is fake.

Tough.

The word itself implies power and strength.  Universally, toughness is valued over weakness.  Very few people, if any, would say they desire to be weak or needy, yet the world is seemingly full of people who are not very tough.

American culture values toughness.  From the 80’s icons (Sly Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger) to 90’s action stars (Wesley Snipes, Will Smith) to today’s themes of conquest (Gladiator, 300, and the popularity of MMA), the USA loves people who are tough.  Our culture does speak to weakness but only as it rises to places of strength as seen in movies like Rudy and Remember the Titans.

The church embraces toughness as a value as well.  For many, Christianity is the place where they grow in being tough and strong (either intellectually or morally).  The commands of God are seen as means to a strong end where men can be men never showing fear or need, and women can be tough never needing to cry.  The family is always set on go go go, busyness and accomplishments are virtues, and the need for rest is perceived as weakness.  These so called strong families are praised, promoted, and elevated, while the weaker families are pitied.  Elevating toughness to this level results in Christians who are self-reliant, unmerciful, and fatigued.

While not necessarily sinful, toughness is not the equivalent of righteousness. Scripture does speak of similar qualities like perseverance (a virtue and fruit of the Spirit) but toughness in and of itself is not commanded.  In fact, scripture actually advocates things that seem to be far from tough.

Ezekiel 34:16 I will seek the lost, and I will bring back the strayed, and I will bind up the injured, and I will strengthen the weak, and the fat and the strong I will destroy.  I will feed them in justice.

Matthew 5:5 “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

1 Corinthians 1:27 But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong;

A re-imagining of Jesus has painted Him as a tough guy who worked with His hands and took no crap from anyone while scripture describes Him gentle and lowly.  Surely, Jesus’ silence in light of His crucifixion was tough, but His posture appears to be more dependence on the Father than inherent toughness.

Interestingly, scripture presents Jesus as the Savior to the tough guys who need rest:  Matthew 11:8 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” To those that think weakness is to be pitied, Jesus seems to say, “You got it all wrong.  It’s you tough guys who refuse to ask for help or ever take a break that need the most help.”

Is there no place for toughness in Christianity?  Of course there is, but not as most would imagine.  Scripturally, weakness is the true strength as weakness is the posture of the dependant believer before Christ.  2 Corinthians 12:10: For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Paul’s relationship with strength and toughness was a constant recognition that enduring difficulties and living as a weak believer before a strong Savior was the life to which each Christian was called.  The believer grows in enduring difficult circumstances but only as they grow in dependence of Jesus.

What difference does understanding the distinction make?  Plenty.  Striving to live as a weak believer results in several things:

Relational Compassion to Those in Need:  the needy are not to be perceived as anything other than fellow friends in need before the God of all compassion.

Constant Dependence on God for All Things:  the works of our hands don’t feed us and care for us.  Every blessing is from God and is to His glory.

Greater Enjoyment of Times of Rest and Refreshment:  as God the Father demonstrated the virtue of rest on the seventh day, we see rest as prescribed and good.

Continual Reminder of the Need for Prayer and Study:  the weak need constant encouragement and the disciplines of prayer and the study of the scriptures are two of God’s means of meeting those needs.

This article also appears at the Raleigh Examiner.

I have staved off   lost passions

I’ve held on cold cliff holds

I stayed and endured elements,

Harsh and all part of a hard whole

Where   lost passions

Sounding far, in the fog,

Meaning more in a quiet man

Than a kind word,

Can  work

To urge  his stoic stand

On

Depending on how mentally equipped you are to deal with setbacks, will ultimately determine your general mental health. Even the most hardened people have, at one time or another, suffered from a mental collapse. Do not feel dis-heartened if you feel that you find it difficult to cope with the way the world is. You are not alone, many others have the same problem. What you need to do is develop your mental toughness.
 
Due to the sensitive nature of being human, there are many ways we can develop stress and depression. Sadly, there is still a lot of stigma surrounding issues around mental health. If we fall ill with a physical disease, we are a lot more open to telling others. But, feeling down is often seen by the individual as a sign of personal weakness. If you fall into this latter category, please take these feelings seriously.

The question is, What is it that gives us mental strength or mental toughness ? Well, some of it seems to be genetic. It has been well documented that mental health has been partially attributed to hereditary factors. Experience is also very important when it comes to mental strength. It is a proven fact that if we are happy with our current lifestyle, we also feel more confident in who we are. If you feel that you need to build up your mental toughness, there are a number of possible things you can do.

Firstly, you should consider talking to people who can help you when you encounter problems. Too many times, people bottle up their emotions from others. Try not to do this! Sometimes what we need is a friend who can be there for you. If you develop low feelings that become overwhelming, you should speak to a doctor or other professionals.

Secondly, when things get on top of you, a reality check is needed every now and again. You need to think whether you are taking too much on your plate and over burdening yourself. You must try to focus on your priorities. People resort to a self defeating strategy where they are tempted to take on more and more things to forget about feeling low. Be smart in the choosing of extra activities you take on; for instance, consider taking up a sport or hobby that builds up your emotional strength.

There is one word you should always remember when it comes to mental toughness, and that is balance. Balance means that you have a sense that all the important parts of your life are working together in total harmony. Each individual has a different concept of balance. This is because we all lead individual lives with different needs. Your sense of balance may change at different stages of your life. You may work longer hours than most, but if it gives you the financial rewards you crave and the time to do them , then you are likely to feel stable and balanced. However, when we are feeling off balance the slightest thing can tip us over the edge. Off balance can cause us to become overwhelmed and stop us from making clear decisions. The secret to balance is to remain in control of yourself and your goals and keep moving forwards.

You will find that your sense of balance will change along with your life priorities. As a young adult,  you may find balance through your social life. Later on in life, other things such as job security may become more important. Once you reach the middle of your life, you may have become financially secure and want to rediscover yourself again. Taking some time out regularly to consider where you are and where you come from is very important. Think carefully about what is important to you in respect of balance and stability.

We make many assumptions about what we ‘need’ to be happy in life. Some of this is because of intimate social pressures such as family, friends, and wider social pressures such as the mass media. The truth is only you know what is best for you. Learn to trust your instincts more and listen to your inner voice.

Think hard about whether there is too much going on in your life at the moment. Are your family suffering because you have taken too much on at work? Ask yourself what you would be doing in an ideal world? Then try to implement a strategy that allows you to get as close to it as possible.

Never underestimate the importance of balance in your life.  Getting the balance right via mental toughness will improve your quality of life beyond your wildest dreams. Remember to seek help when it is necessary,  but don’t lose sight of the responsibility you owe to yourself.

For more information on mental toughness and other self-help issues and to receive a 100% FREE video on how to boost your confidence overnight visit :

http://www.positiveselfbelief.com

done

The reason I use the term “discipline” here is because it derives from the word disciple, which means open to growth. And one who is disciplined in mind knows that no matter how well they may be doing at anything, there’s always another more efficient way to be discovered. And that’s encouraging, because we will never be finished with the game of growth. And as humans, we are designed for growth.

In this context, I also use the word “discipline” synonymously with Psychological Strength, or the emotional fortitude to deal masterfully with the unpredictable nature of life.

It takes a disciplined mind to be able to return to the creative state – the state of mind that is necessary to create the life of your dreams. And we must return to it again and again, as we experience the challenges that life brings. In fact, the disciplined mind is not only less vulnerable to such challenges, the disciplined mind is enthusiastic about them. To the disciplined mind, life would be boring without the downs that give meaning to the ups.

And where does such discipline come from? It comes from mindful conditioning, or psychological exercise. Just as you would go to the gym in order to condition your body, you must condition your mind in order to achieve psychological strength – a disciplined mind.

These psychological exercises have been absent from our educational systems, and thus the vast majority of us have never been introduced to them. Consequently, most of us have been poorly conditioned, or even negatively conditioned, and live in a victim state, without even knowing it. We have been taught to believe that we live in a “happening to me” world, as opposed to being taught that each one of us is capable of creating the life of our dreams, regardless of circumstance. This might explain why 84% of Americans report hating their jobs. We don’t believe that what we want is within reach. If we’d been properly taught, or conditioned, then we would have the mental strength to not only believe in the accessibility of our desires, but also we would have the strength to view challenges as entertainment as opposed to road blocks, or as evidence of immenent failure.

The great news: if you’re reading this, you still have the ability to strengthen your mind.

As is the case in physical conditioning, there are many, many exercises for psychological conditioning. If, however, as a coach, I was only able to teach ONE exercise, it would be this: Emotion Control.

One of our greatest attributes as humans is our creativity. Each of us is infinitely creative. And that creativity can be activated or deactivated, depending upon our emotional state. An undisciplined mind is not capable of managing emotions from moment to moment. Instead, the undisciplined mind is entirely vulnerable to circumstance. The undisciplined mind reacts to challenges with fear (or any of its derivatives, like anger), which deactivates creativity. When creativity is deactivated, we are significantly less capable of manifesting desired outcomes, or getting what we want. And we have to work 10 times harder. On the contrary, a disciplined mind is capable of creating the emotional states that activate creative genius (enthusiasm, confidence, competence, compassion, and energized curiosity, for example), and therefore is significantly more capable of creating success and doing so with much less effort.

So here is the most fundamental Mental Toughness Tool that when practiced will give you the power to activate your creative genius:

CATCH –> OWN –> REPLACE

CATCH!

The first step in this practice is to CATCH yourself whenever you are complaining. About ANYTHING! Complaining is by definition an undisciplined behavior that is the product of an undisciplined thought process which is the product of an undisciplined mind. Complaining is useless. And it instantly deactivates creativity. So the first step is to heighten your awareness to the frequency with which you complain about life throughout your day. Be diligent, and you’re likely to be amazed by how often that is. Catch yourself complaining about traffic, about co-wokers, about your partner, about the weather, about an errant golf shot, about poor customer service (I’m not saying, by the way, that you’re complaint is illegitimate! I’m just saying it deactivates creative genius and problem solving ability!), about the economy, about the government, about yourself even. Each catch is the equivalent of one repetition, and as the reps add up, so does your strength.

OWN

The second step is to take enthusiastic ownership of your emotional state. You are NEVER feeling upset about anything because of the thing itself, you are only ever feeling upset because of the way you are choosing to think about it. And you have the ability to change your thinking at any time. To practice taking ownership of your emotional state, simply say to yourself the following sentence:

“I am not feeling this way because of what’s going on here; I’m feeling this way because of how I’m choosing to think about it.”

REPLACE

And finally, the third step in the practice is to change the content of your thinking. Literally change your mind. Change the way you are thinking about the event. Take the example of traffic. If you catch yourself saying or thinking, “This traffic is killing me!”, and then own it, the last step is to replace that thought with something like, “It ain’t bad; it just is.” Moments later you might find yourself thinking, “no, this really is bad. In fact, this totally sucks! I’m going to be late again!” Own it again and replace it again with something else like, “It’s just a bunch of people trying to get where they need to be, I’m one of them, and from now on I’m leaving earlier to give myself more time.” And that’s one more rep. You’re stronger and more disciplined.

Even though in many of these cases you could establish a very convincing argument for why this is a legitimate complaint opportunity, it doesn’t matter. It’s still a useless complaint, and it’s weak because it changes nothing. So utilize each situation as an opportunity for disciplining your mind.

And even though many of these events may seem ultimately inconsequential, each is a very valuable opportunity to further develop your discipline so that one day, when you find yourself in a not so inconsequential situation, you’ll have the psychological strength to activate your creative genius in a critical moment – one that could forever change your life in a magnificent way.

This practice by itself will ultimately result in two things for you:

1. The ability to control your emotional states, and your creativity, so that you are profoundly more likely to create your dream life,

and

2. Much more peace in the process.

If you’re enjoying these posts, please post a comment of your own or a question, subscribe to the blog and/or forward it on to your friends/colleagues.

Until next time…

Today is a rather large milestone in my life. It’s the official one-year anniversary of my real-world independence, if you will. This time last year, I moved into my apartment in Jersey City. Sure, I stayed in the dorms at Seton Hall University, but I always went home for the summer. This was different, though. This time I was moving out for good.

In that time, we’ve seen a lot go on in the world around us. Our economy collapsed, the Mets collapsed … again, the Phillies actually won the World Series, the Steelers won another Super Bowl, we had our first black president, and about 3,000 celebrities passed away.

Personally, I’ve seen a lot happen as well. I’ve lost about 20 pounds, seen my job transform in good and bad ways, and learned a whole lot about how strong and resilient I can be when necessary. I’m a big believer that a lot of the events that happen in our lives do influence how we act with regard to our finances. From the relative comfort of my apartment, here are the following are some lessons that I’ve learned in the past year — and lived to tell you all:

1. Family is important and will always be there for you. I could go on forever about how this is true, but just check out my epiphany to get the quick dish.
2. You can stretch a paycheck as far as it needs to go. Seriously. I never thought that I could only spend $30 a week on food and eat well, but I can. I also never thought that I could have a BlackBerry, go to a gym, eat, keep the lights on, have cable and a DVR box, and pay for all my other bills on the shrinking paycheck I have … but I can. If you plan, set boundaries, and have the discipline to stick with it, you’d be surprised how far your dollar can still go.
3. You can make two slices of toast, two cups of coffee, two eggs, and a cup of oatmeal in 15 minutes. A nice, healthy, hearty, and cost-effective breakfast … in about the time it takes to move up in line at my local Dunkin Donuts during rush hour. To put it in perspective, if you break down the cost for the food supplies, my breakfast only cost me about $1.50. How much did your latte at Starbucks cost you? Exactly.
4. You can also go out on a date and drink up about $80 worth of beer. You really can. This was right when I first moved to Jersey City, and was spending money left and right on going out, buying clothes, and doing really whatever I wanted. While this wore off quickly, it taught me the value of budgeting for going out. It also taught me the value of not chugging beer. I’m not in college anymore.
5. You’re tougher than you think — largely out of necessity. Life throws a lot at you. I’ve had to deal with layoffs, pay cuts, furloughs, general discontent, overall stress, overwork, no-motions, and various personal situations in the past year. I’m still here to talk about it, though. So will you. You do what you have to do.
6. You can fix simple things in the apartment — or at least get someone to show you. Anyone who knows me personally knows that I’m no Bob Vila. Hell, I’m no Tim Taylor, either. But, I’ve learned how to fix recalcitrant toilets, swap out batteries for carbon monoxide detectors, and fight fruit flies and other creepy crawlers that you can keep out with steel wool.
7. You can work out without joining a gym. When I first moved to Jersey City, I didn’t join a gym. This was really weird for me, as I had been going to gyms and fitness centers fairly regularly for the last six years. I couldn’t set aside money right away to do it, so I just made sure I stuck to a nutritious (I cheat once a week or so) diet, invested in a Swiss Ball, a mat, and some resistance cords, and made sure I walked at least four times per week. I kept off weight and was in good shape until I saved enough to join a gym. Look back here later on, as I will have some videos and images on how you can also work out without a gym.
8. Making your lunches for the week saves you a ton of money and time. It takes me approximately 25 to 30 minutes to cook up four turkey burgers, one can of tuna fish, a steam-fresh bag of veggies, and a can of beans for five meals. All said and told, those supplies cost me approximately $5.50. That’s a little more than a dollar a day. A typical lunch in Manhattan, unless you count McDonald’s dollar menu, will cost at least $5, if not more.

We say bad things about people who hurt us.

That way they’d let up to haunt & to curse us.

We didn’t dismiss their nonsense,

                                                                   just cruel.

We vent  and vanquish their malevolence.

                                                                  Renewal.

Sometimes, the greatest athletes go through series of disappointing performances. Derek Jeter having a streak of ten hitless games? Usain Bolt unable to break the 10 second barrier on 100m? Brett Favre throwing interceptions in series? Journalists question their value (Is he over the top?), the public start to mock them (He doesn’t have the fire anymore, He’s making too much money…), everything becomes negative about them, immediately compounded by the worldwide exposure that the Web created.

It’s no different in the corporate world, except, maybe, for the relative exposure. But, a CIO is exposed, by definition, to all top Executives of the company. If he doesn’t deliver consistently, he’ll be as scrutinized as the ones making the headlines of the newspapers. The question is not whether it will happen – because it will – but rather how to rebound once it happened.

That’s where character comes into play. Remember how you got the position. First, go back to the basics of the job, make sure you and your organization deliver. Consistently. Perfectly. Then only, show resilience. A failure is not the end of the world. Look around you in the Boardroom. Nobody’s perfect. It’s OK to fail as long as you learn from your mistakes, revisit your “art” and make it even better.

Sometimes, you need to remember all of your failures, just to make sure they taught you something. Sometimes, you need to forget about your failures, so that they don’t prevent you from taking new risks… That’s the price to pay when you’re a CIO.

Rip Van Winkle

               Einstein said, “Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.” In reading one of my favorite pundits, David Brooks, whose pithy banter with Mark Shields enlivens my nightly visits with The NewsHour with Jim Lehrer, I believe that Mr. Brooks has ventured into a conclusion that is “simpler” than researchers intended. In his May 19, 2009 column for The New York Times, a column that ran widely across the planet, he concluded that effective CEOs must have hard, or task, skills (perseverance, toughness, keen intellect, and the like), and that the soft, or people, skills (listening, team building, collegiality, and the like) do not matter. In Big Five terms, he said that low N (Neuroticism or Need for Stability) and high C (Conscientiousness or Consolidation) were paramount in predicting effective CEO performance, and that E (Extraversion), O (Openness or Originality), and (Agreeableness or Accommodation) do not matter. He based these conclusions primarily on two studies of CEO performance: Kaplan, Klebanov, and Sorensen’s July 2008 analysis of 300 sets of CEO data, and Barrick, Mount, and Judge’s 2001 study.

               In keeping with Einstein’s purported admonition, I will keep my objection to Mr. Brooks’ conclusions simple. For two reasons, most readers should basically forget Mr. Brooks’ op ed piece. Why, even Homer nods, and Mr. Brooks has strayed into the land of nod.

               First, in the Kaplan, Klebanov, and Sorenson study, researchers examined the data of some 300 executives who were hired for a specific purpose: to take a company supported by venture capital and sell it, either by initial public offering or by leveraged buyout. This is an extremely narrow, and highly biased, sample of executive leadership. For those of us who have entertained the prospect of staging our company for sale, it is all about maximizing the allure of short term numbers, the kind of values that Theodore Leavitt warned us about in his classic 1960 HBR (Volume 37, pages 45-56) article entitled “Marketing Myopia: Managing Our Way to Economic Decline.” Leavitt warned of short term values (quick profits) at the expense of long term values (sustainable growth). Yet, in this research, Kaplan and his associates are trying to tell us the secret to short term success: belt tightening, no nonsense, stick to the knitting, forget R & D, and emphasize numbers over people, all in service of maximum return on investment to the few. The hard skills will get you there, but at what expense?

               Second, in support of K, K, & S, Brooks draws on a study by Barrick, Mount, and Judge that concludes something we already knew: that C (Conscientiousness or Consolidation) is the best single predictor of success across all jobs, including CEOs. The second best predictor is N (Neuroticism or Need for Stability). Focused ambition with ice in one’s veins—the formula for the successful CEO. However, as Barrick and his colleagues themselves point out, the 15 meta-analytic studies they draw on are reducing executive performance to a single context: a composite of the entire world of work. They have reduced performance to a point that is far too simple . CEOs are not interchangeable. Context is crucial. Personal characteristics that are effective in one context (say, a relational, people-first culture such as those that win the “best place to work” awards for family/work balance) do not necessarily translate to other contexts). Organizations have different needs at different times in their history, much as the U.S. needed a higher A president after Richard Nixon, or a higher IQ president after G. W. Bush.

               Now for the clincher: the authors of both studies make the same points that I am making, but Mr. Brooks fails to take note of them. First, Kaplan and associates acknowledge near the end of their article that “These types of companies may have specific needs and, therefore, the results may not generalize to all companies [my emphasis].” Second, Barrick and associates make an even stronger statement towards the end of their article: “We call for a moratorium on meta-analytic studies [my emphasis] and recommend that researchers embark on a new research agenda designed to further our understanding of personality-performance linkages.” In other words, stop generalizing from narrow samples to the whole, and begin examining the personal characteristics crucial to success in specific contexts.

               Indeed. Let’s stop looking for silver bullets, for panaceas, for one-size-fits-all, for easy generalities. It is one thing to praise qualities that are generally effective, like reliability. It is another thing, however, to scorn those qualities that, while not effective everywhere, are highly effective in specific contexts. Imagination, comfort with complexity, trust, good listening, and enthusiasm may not be the tools of the high-powered business executive, but they certainly have their moments in helping increase the effectiveness of organizations.

Are there certain types of people who do better at handling traumatic events than others?  Almost certainly – as discussed earlier on this blog, a variety of differences in things such as emotional expressivity and physiological reactivity can predict people’s responses to traumatic events.  But that’s not the interesting question.  After all, there are individual differences in almost every psychological phenomenon you can find.  The interesting question (at least to me) is this: is pop culture accurate as to what kind of person can best cope with traumatic events?  Is there a kernel of truth to the idea of “toughness?”  Does the stereotypical image of a rough, tough, macho man (or woman) who can eat nails and spit bullets have any relevance to the actual psychological predictors that can help predict a healthy response to a traumatic event?   Some insight on this question comes from a chapter written by Patricia Watson and colleagues published in the book “Interventions following mass violence and disasters: Strategies for mental health practice”  (Ritchie, Watson, & Friedman, 2006). Watson et al’s chapter looks at what predicts healthy resilience following disasters and mass traumas.  As a part of that, they brush up against many of the things that characterize a traditional tough-guy/gal, and paint an interesting picture of whether Hollywood got it right.  Let’s see how the image of a tough person holds up by looking at the research behind some traditional characteristics that show up in “tough” characters on TV and in movies:

1.    A tough guy/gal is capable, and knows how to handle any event. This type of confidence is referred to as “coping self-efficacy,” a relatively fancy term that basically means that people have a perception of themselves as able to effectively handle stressful or negative events.  If someone believes that they can appropriately handle anything life throws at them, they’re much more likely to recover from any specific stressful event.  Whether it’s through building machines like MacGuyver or just gunning down anyone who gets in her way like Vazquez from the movie Aliens, the traditional tough-guy/gal can handle anything that comes their way – and this means that they will probably recover well from a traumatic event.

2.    A tough guy/gal started out green and “toughened up.” The research on this suggests this can be true.  Repeated exposure to challenges or stressors, if followed by good recovery periods, can help to keep the body’s system used to responding to and recovering from stressful events .  This can reduce long-term distress.  Importantly, however, this only works if the stressful event is something that does not itself cause long-term distress.  Situations which included loss, or emphasize that the person is not in control of their life can be bad, and can weaken instead of improve people’s overall resilience.

3.    A tough guy/gal is fit. Physical fitness is important for every kind of health – including mental health!  People who are in good shape are both more likely to have had repeated demonstrations of their ability to handle challenging situations (through the challenging process of getting fit) and are also more likely be able to respond in a healthy fashion to the physiological response to stressors.

4.    A tough guy/gal is a loner, who works best alone and broods over their past with a glass of straight whisky. Uh-oh.  Now, our tough guy/gal has a serious problem.  This pattern of characteristics that is so popular in our images of tough heroes that it has become a cultural stereotype is almost exactly the opposite of the best way to respond to a traumatic event.  Research consistently shows, over and over again, that the people who recover best from traumatic events are people who seek help from others, and build large social networks that provide critical social support.  Talking to others about the traumatic event (when they want to), and spending time with others in healthy, positive social interactions, helps to support healthy coping strategies.  This allows people to see themselves in a positive light, improves perceptions of mastery and helps with constructing a narrative of the traumatic event that provides meaning, an important predictor in recovery.  Moreover, using alcohol as a way of coping with a traumatic event is a bad idea – it does not contribute to long-term mental health, may exacerbate feeling badly, and can easily lead to more significant problems down the road.

So overall, what does this suggest about our images of toughness?  There are some good ideas there.  Physical fitness, self-confidence and mastery, and a history of successfully managed stressful events can all help to improve response to traumatic events, and someone who works to develop those traits will probably show more healthy long-term responses to trauma than those without them.  But the image that often goes with those traits in popular culture, of a person who holds themselves separate from the rest of the world and works as a “lone wolf”… well, it’s a powerful image and one that is tempting to many people.  But the research is clear: lone wolves don’t work as well as those who have a pack.  Social engagement and positive social interactions are one of the best ways to recover from a traumatic event.  If you define toughness as the ability to overcome anything that life throws at you, then the toughest person in the room is not likely to be the Indiana Jones lookalike brooding alone at the end of the bar.  It’s probably the person surrounded by her friends, and having a positive, cheerful time.

Is suicide my main goal in life?  Am I that hopeless?  I don’t think I am.  I do have hope.  I can always turn my life around.  I just need a reason to do it.  What do I have to live for?  I have no job and no friends.  I guess that is one consequence of keeping to yourself all of the time.  I’m tired of living like this.  I have to change before I finally work up the courage to kill myself.

I should be happy to be alive.  I’m not though.  The longer this behavior continues on the harder it will be to stop.  Cutting is an example of that.  I gave my case worker most of my blades and I still cut myself.  Now it’s been days since I last cut myself even though I have had urges.  I’m stronger than that though.  It’s not like I act out every single thought in my head.  I guess that is all that matters.

I’m still alive!  I guess that means that I’ve been doing something right.  Even though I have had attempts at killing myself I’m still here.  I am a tough person.  People look at me and my frame and consider myself weak.  Why is it that hard to understand?  I swallowed 100 pills and nothing happened to me.  I feel fine.  I always feel fine and that’s the problem.  I barely get sick.

bild von JoF

Dieser Artikel von Jay Bilas ist wirklich exzellent und sollte von jedem Basketballspieler gelesen werden. Die Essenz: Toughness ist keine angeborene Fähigkeit, sondern ein Skill, den man erlernen muss.

Defining Toughness in College Hoops

Die wichtigsten Punkte habe ich hier einmal auf deutsch zusammengestellt:

• Stell gute Blöcke Ein guter Block schafft eine einfache Angriffssituation für den Cutter und den Blocksteller – schlechte Blöcke sind hingegen nur Zeit- und Energieverschwendung.
• Du musst deine Cuts vorbereiten Täusche deinen Gegner mit deinen Cuts, indem du Tempo und Richtungswechsel machst. Wenn du cuttest, dann cutte hart.
• Rede in der Verteidigung Wenn du in der Verteidigung mit deinen Mitspielern kommunizierst, dann wissen deine Gegner, deine Mitspieler und selbst, dass du verteidigen möchtest. Mach dich und deine Mitspieler besser, indem du in der Defense kommunizierst.
• Lerne Closeouts Bewege dich, wenn der Ball gepasst wird, nicht wenn dein Gegenspieler den Ball bekommt. Bleib in Balance. (Choppy Steps) Blockiere die Mitte. Gilt auch für Cuts: Lasse den Angreifer nicht dahingehen, wo er hin möchte.
• Lass dich nicht blocken (Screens) und lass den Gegner nicht den Ball da fangen, wo er ihn haben möchte
• Benutze deine Arme Sei aktiv. Nimm dem Gegner seine Sicht, indem du beim Wurf deine Hand vor sein Gesicht hälst. Versuche Pässe abzufangen.
• Verteidige den Ball und seh deinen Gegenspieler Wenn du “Help” spielst, dann musst du immer noch deinen Gegenspieler verteidigen. Wenn du deinen Gegenspieler verteidigst, musst du immernoch wissen wo der Ball ist. Wichtig: Der Ball hat Vorrang. Dein Gegner ist zweitrangig.
• Schmeiß dich auf den Boden! Wirklich ganz einfach.
  
• Richtig aufposten Sei anspielbar, wenn du im Post bist. Kämpfe nicht nur blind um eine Position, sondern versuche gegen deinen Mann den Ball zu bekommen. Rotiere richtig in Korbnähe. Bei “Ball Reversals” musst du einen Seal machen. Cutte vor oder nach der Zone, aber sei bereit.
• Sprinte jeden Angriff nach vorne – so hart wie du kannst Wenn du schnell von hinten nach vorne umschalten kannst, dann ziehst du in der Regel Verteidiger mit. Du bist jeden Angriff eine Gefahr. Versuch jeden Angriff eine Überzahlsituation durch schnelles umschalten zu schaffen, dadurch können deine Mitspieler einfache Punkte machen. (insbesondere Center als Trailer)
• Spiel so hart, dass dein Coach dich rausnehmen muss Wenn du wirklich so hart spielst wie du kannst, dann kannst du keine 40 Minuten spielen. Brems dich nicht aus, nur damit du durchspielen kannst. Was glaubst du wofür die Bankspieler da sind?
• Wenn einer deiner Mitspieler auf dem Boden liegt, dann helf ihm hoch. (durchaus auch metaphorisch zu verstehen)
• Verstehe, dass du auch für deine Mitspieler verantwortlich bist Lass niemanden von deinen Mitspielern faulenzen oder zu spät kommen. Wenn du an deinem Spiel arbeitest, dann schnapp dir einen Mitspieler, der auch an sich arbeiten sollte. Wenn man davon spricht die Mitspieler besser zu machen, dann meint man genau das.
• Versuch, dass Charge aufzunehmen
• Sei immer bereit (tiefer Körperschwerpunkt)
• Mach ihn rein – auch mit Foul Das Play endet nicht mit dem Piff. Hol dir die Bonuspunkte.
• Arbeite für gute Pässe Verbessere die Passwinkel durch Dribbling, Sternschritt und Hakenpass.
• Denke “Defense First, Offense Second”
• Akzeptiere Kritik
• Zeig die richtige Körpersprache Lass den Kopf nicht hängen und mecker nicht über die Schiedsrichter oder deine Mitspieler. Wenn man dich spielen sieht, dann soll jeder wissen, dass du denkst, dass deine Mannschaft gewinnen wird.
• Catch & Face Wenn du den Ball bekommst, dann orientiere dich immer sofort am Korb. Immer.
• Lass dich nicht “splitten” Wenn du doppelst, dann muss der Weg dicht sein. Geh Schulter an Schulter mit deinem Mitspieler und lass deinen Gegner nicht vorbei.
• Sei im Alarmzustand Sei nicht zu lässig. Sei aktiv und bring deine Mitspieler auch aktiv zu sein.
• Alles zu geben heißt auch sich vollkommen zu konzentrieren
• Es ist nicht nur dein Wurf, sondern der Wurf deines Teams Wenn du das nächste Mal wirfst, dann denk daran, dass dein Wurf das Ergebnis der ganzen Mannschaft ist. Hättest du irgendwie dafür sorgen können, dass deine Mannschaft einen besseren Wurf hätte bekommen können?
• Richtig ausboxen Hit – Find – Get. Zum Rebounden gehört immer auch das ausboxen dazu.
• Stehe für deine Handlungen ein Such die Schuld nicht bei anderen. Du bist für deine Entscheidungen verantwortlich. Wenn die Gegner punkten oder wenn ihr einen schlechten Wurf bekommen habt, dann frag dich, was du hättest besser machen können.
• Schau deinen Mitspielern und deinem Coach ins Gesicht
• Mach einfach weiter Feier nicht deinen tollen Move und meckere nicht über den daneben gelegten Korbleger. Mach einfach weiter.
• Spiele so, dass alle mit dir spielen wollen, aber niemand gegen dich!
• Jedes Spiel ist wichtig
• Versuche jeden Tag etwas besser zu werden

“If you talk the talk, you´ve got to walk the walk.”

]]> http://questionbeggar.wordpress.com/2009/08/22/how-bad-is-bad/ Sat, 22 Aug 2009 21:09:59 +0000 questionbeggar http://questionbeggar.wordpress.com/2009/08/22/how-bad-is-bad/

When I pass by someone who has a hard life, I feel bad for them. For example, I saw a team of workers cutting grass by hand in the heat the other day, and I thought about how much I would hate their job, cutting grass in the heat for presumably low pay.

Sometimes though, I wonder how bad anyone’s life really is. I wander this strange mental path for two main reasons.

1. I believe that what makes people happy is largely shaped by their circumstances, so that some lives that seem to me totally devoid happiness, are in fact, filled with a typical amount of happiness for the person living the life. In other words, people adjust to the lives they lead.

2. Many people take pleasure in the difficulty of the life they are given. For example, I think many blue collar laborers take immense pride in not having a lot of amenities as well as their toughness.

Now, one might accuse me of romanticizing the lives of the downtrodden, and obscuring the fact that their lives really are terrible, and I myself am sensitive to this concern. There are definitely people who have very difficult lives and take no pleasure or pride in the difficulty and cannot adjust to the demands place on them. They are just miserable.

But remember also that human life, depending on how far back you go, was all shades of difficult, and the writers and thinkers of those ages did not seem especially concerned about the difficulty of their lives or the lives of their contemporaries. Sure, social reformers of the past were concerned about the people living in their societies, but they don’t seem any more concerned than social reformers today, and since people’s lives in the past seem to be much worse, this is suggestive.

Which leads me to think that the historical changes in human lives is yet another reason to believe that our concern for others is largely based on what we have experienced. The best off people are often most concerned with the plight of the worst off, because I think in their minds (which have become accostomed to better conditions, more leisure, whatever), the lives of others are really bad, when these actual people do not think their lives are so bad.

A powerful example of this (though I’m embarrassed because I couldn’t find a good paper for this on the fly) is that as I understand it, doctors and family members consistently underestimate the quality of life of disabled or terminally ill patients. People say things like “If that happened to me, I would want the doctors to just kill me,” but people who actually become disabled contradict this judgment and often report having a high quality of life. In other words, we get used to bad things happening to us.

Like I said, I think there is certainly a spectrum of welfare for people, but that more often than not, factors are present that push the welfare of even the most seemingly different lives closer together. In other words, human lives are in some sense self correcting leading to a smaller range of the qualities of lives than would exist absent (1) and (2) that I mentioned above.

Apparently statistic stacking and selections is a hard concept in the game of Warhammer Online. In general, I wouldn’t think it could be a hard thing to accomplish. Even if you aren’t mathematically inclined or if you don’t care, I would think you would want to stack a stat you at least understood. In quite a few cases, I see mind numbing stats that make my head explode.

Now I come from years in EVE. Which is a game, if you don’t know, that is basically spending most of the game, out of the game in some third party software planning what-if situations that probably aren’t going to work out that way. It’s the ultimate game of inaction and planning. Though, knowing stats, using them, and understanding them are an essential necessity. Otherwise, prepare to die and loose quite a bit of ISK.

So, it’s likely I over think the stats of Warhammer Online (WAR) and make it into bigger thoughts and planning then I should. Even now, I’m not quite sure where to go with my leveling Warrior Priest (35/34). I’m looking at the Conqueror and Sentinel Stats and it seems that everything forces you to be a Salvation (Focused Heals) based. And I don’t want to. Why? Because, though powerful, the AoE has been reduced since Patch 1.3.0B, the healing is annoying. If I want to sit back and throw heals using Curse’s beautiful Squared Mod, I’d use something like a healer (AM or RP) that doesn’t have to stop and build more Righteous Fury (RF – WP special mechanic). Which by the way is horrible in lag infested places because you will spend 5 seconds trying to get one heal off. Which by the way is everywhere in Tier 4 RvR.

No, I want to DPS spec my Warrior Priest. Firstly to annoy everyone around me. But mostly because at least I’ll be worth more to my teams as Grace/Wrath Spec’d WP. They may not realize it, but it is. I no longer need any Willpower, because heals in Grace are based on the amount of the attack, not your Willpower. At this rate I am thinking a mix between the two sets. But I have some time to think about it one.

But to the point of this rant; I was playing my Rune Priest (RP), Laeg (17/17) for a good while this last week and I swear I must have been put with every Wound stacked Tank in the game. It finally got on my nerves when I was placed in a WB with a group of 3 Tanks (2 Iron Breaker and a KoBS). Not a problem, I thought. I can handle them, they are high level, and they should be fine.

Well, no I couldn’t, it was a healing nightmare. It seemed like my AP would drain before I could get the Knight back up over 50%. And of course, people are falling all over. “WTF,” finally start lightly up about a failed keep take. Which, frustration shouldn’t have been there anyway, someone upgraded a T2 keep to rank 6; a 3 group WB had no chance anyway. But sure enough, my new job was rezzing these sequentially falling tanks. And suddenly I’m being lectured; gang lectured none less, on how to be a healer.

Well, as arrogant as I am, I’m not about to be lectured by 3 tanks and WB that can’t even remember to set a guard on. If you can’t even perform your most basic function, then your opinions are probably the opposite of what’s needed. Somewhere after about 2 minutes of one side one liners being spam in the /war, another healer commented on how hard it was to heal the tanks, it was like they were cursed (which healing curses don’t exist until T4) or we have found possibly a new bug. So then protest talks start up and some other crap that didn’t matter.

But then it occurs to me, “Tell me you tanks aren’t spending renown and talismans just on Wounds?”

<Long Pause in a before giant wall of green text> One of my IBs finally replies, “Well, yeah. I’m a tank. Duh.”

Another immediately follows with, “That’s how you should spec a tank. And you should have nothing but Willpower to heal us. More HP, longer the fight.”

I can’t respond yet, my head is about to explode and my fingers were no longer working. In that time, another player, I imagine one of the tanks not in my group said, “I got my alt to make me 6 wound talismans for +18, and some +19 ready for his devastator set.”

I about lost it. “You are all a bunch of the biggest f***ng most re****ed twits.” Or something around that, it was enough to get me suspended if I was reported. “Wounds add HP, HP I have to heal. If you double your HP, you double the time I have to heal it up. In that time, those are heals not going to your friends. You are killing them in sacrifice so you can live all but 3 seconds longer. For no reason as you can’t have enough Wounds to solo a WB.”

Surprisingly, I had not yet been interrupted in my rant. “You tanks have guaranteed this latest failure and you will continue to do so. Go get yourself some Toughness. Wounds are for solos or those that don’t see heals coming that often, like a BW.”

I left the WB and ran Scenarios (SC) for the rest of the night. But that WB gave me a realization to me as I talked to guildies about it. The fair population of players don’t seem to understand stats or how to weight their benefit. I was pointed at forum posts and other sources explaining it. In most cases wrong. Due in part because their math was made up and they completely ignore that Mythic revealed the stat calculations so that players could test them on the PTS server. It’s always the same argument, Toughness vs. Wounds.

I would argue on that point, but there’s more to defense than just Toughness and Wounds. So simple answer sitting back is Toughness if you are a tank, Wounds if you are squishy. So there you go. Problem solved. Not really. There’s a little more to stats then just those. We should start with understanding how the attack and defense systems work in WAR. And it’s always best to start with basics and work your way up.

Basically you have a character and you need to live so you have to have HP. HP (Hit Points) are a basic pool of number based life bar. This can replenish and be lost. Losing it means you take damage. The only way to take off HP is by applying a base damage. There are two ways to do this, Physical and Magical. Physical being produced by either Melee (Strength) or Ranged (Ballistic Skill). Magical can be increased by Intelligence. Now almost every class has hybrid function. In that, you have attacks that both do physical damage and magical damage. Of course, some more than others. For this reason, many other stats are needed to help deflect or defend.

So the problem becomes, how do you defend against it? It really depends on what you want to defend against. Trying to defend against all types is a good way to lose the ability to defend effectively. Wounds and Toughness become the easiest to understand and also help defend against any case. Because Wounds are just adding HP to your pool, 10HP per Wound, actually. And Toughness just simply reduces the amount of damage produced by the attacker. None of which stop the attack. It either makes it a little less (T) or it gives you so more life (W).

(W) Wounds 1 point = 10 HP

(T) Toughness 1 point = .2DPS Reduction from Base Damage

So we setup a scenario. We have 2 tanks. Stats are simple for the sake of calculations. Tanks have 1000 Wounds and 500 Toughness. The tanks get a couple of renown points to spend and roughly can buy 250 points of either stat. Either specializing in wounds or in toughness (they could spread them out, but they won’t). One buys 250 Wounds, the other 250 Toughness. We place them against equal opponents and watch the results.

Tank 1                                                  

(W) 1,250 = 12,500 HP

(T) 500 = 100 DPS reduction  

Tank 2

(W) 1,000 = 10,000 HP

(T) 750 = 150 DPS reduction

Both encounter the same situation. And AoE blast that averages 600 DPS over 20 Seconds.

Tank 1 actually mitigates 100 off the 600 and takes 500 DPS. Over 20 seconds (500*20) that’s an HP loss of 10,000; leaving him with 2,500 HP, approximately 20% left.

Tank 2 takes 150 off 600 for 450 DPS. Over 15 seconds (450*20) = 9,000 lost, leaving that guy with 1000 HP, and approximately 10%.

Now the obvious is that as solo fights go, clearly the (W) is a better choice. More HP left, which means he could fight longer. For soloing, (W) has a greater benefit for defense. If the fight went for another couple of seconds, Tank 2 would be dead.

The big BUT here is that these guys need healing. And from an outside view, the healer sees two green bars, one slightly more to the left then the other. The healer doesn’t see 2,500 HP vs 1,000 HP, he sees 20% and 10% bars in green, saying he’s a good judge of a laggy green bar. He also has no idea that one missing 10,000 HP vs. 9,000 HP. That healer can produce 1,000 HPS before running out of AP between HoTs and instant casts for the sake of arguement. So if the object were to heal the two Tanks, then big deal, the first Tank takes a second longer to heal. But say the healer is like any healer and he/she has to take of their herd, of 5 others, maybe including themselves. In that case, the healer’s HPS is actually 200 HPS per each of thier people. Of course saying they are a decent healer, and don’t just let BW die. In any case, that means the first tank will take 5 seconds longer to heal up. Those are heals that maybe coming off of more squishy more vulnerable players.  Worse yet, if the fight keeps going, the first tank will actually drain the healers’ AP, costing everyone to die.

In a basic analysis, wound additions make sense for a squishy character that is likely to miss heals. This would be your WH/WEs, BW/Sorc, and Eng/Magus. These classes are mostly out of sight or out of range or out of care of a healer, and Wounding them up gives you time, and longer to get the kill. A tank on the other hand, that’s practical sole purpose is to take damage and protect healers, should not only be trying to mitigate the damage they are most certainly taking, but they need to make sure they are not a burden to the healers. In the end the healer and tank’s fate is binding, tanks will get heals (so long as a guard is involved I’m sure), make the incoming heal you get that much more useful.

Bottom line. Tanks using Toughness create easier heals for them and more heals for others. Tanks that use Wounds are selfish asshats that have an apparent goal to simply be the last to die in the inevitable wipe to come.

Now if you are a solo tank that just goes about teamless looking to try and find 1v1 fights don’t bother buying wounds or toughness. Please go just cancel your subscription and log onto a PvP game, not an RvR one.

But wait. You can actually strike your enemy back and still defend against them. The argument continues in the next installment,

One thing is very interesting is toughness. You either have it or you don’t. It is one of those attributes you learn very young. Maybe it is natured or nurtured, but either way it is not something you cannot learn past twelve or so…You either are or your not.

Toughness may be learned through an early age.  Maybe its enviromental. If you are tough when you are twenty-six more than likely your be tough when your thirty-six and so on. Consequently if you are not tough when you reach maturity you probably never will be able to gain that attribute. This is a very interesting theory. We are always taught we can change our attributes if we work hard enough. Well toughness might be one of those exceptions. It seems like you either have it or you don’t.  Kinda like with-it-ness.

Anyone can sail though the still sound on a calm day. But there are those blowhards who just cannot get going, when the storms gails start to blow cold and hard. I hope I am not in that category. There are those who excel, who understand the gravity of the situation and have great vision and fortitude and succeed. The she the big picture. They are like sailors cutting through a bay while others are like buoys getting thrown around at their own expense. There seems to be no middle ground.  I hope I can weather the unseen storms that surround me.