Smile! You’re on Candid Camera. And CCTV. And video. And digital. And pxt. And YouTube.

Well, you get the picture. Because, face it, you’re in the picture. Big Brother is not only watching us. He’s pretty much staring.

Viking Woman has always advised her healthcare workmates to conduct their duties as if they were being filmed. These days, chances are good that they are.

New Zealand is too small of a country to produce a lot of high-quality TV and so we are treated to imports from the U.S., the UK, and Australia. What New Zealand does do well is reality shows (although Island Wars is such a pale imitation of Survivor as to be practically invisible). Most of these are aimed at protecting consumers from being ripped off in a time when every dollar is precious.

The Hidden Camera segments are always revealing, in more ways than one. This usually involves an actress inviting various tradespeople into a house wired with cameras so we can surreptitiously observe how well the contractors work. Or not.

Inevitably, one of the males ends up in the actress’s bedroom and/or laundry and is soon seen rifling through her underwear, holding it up to exam or, in one  case, pulling a pair out of the dryer and sniffing it (because he liked the smell of fabric softener?).

These images are, of course, accompanied by the predictable screeching condemnation-slash-indignation of the (usually female) commentator.

In these scenes, the panty sniffer’s face is pixilated but his clothes aren’t, meaning he can be easily identified by anyone who knows him. Not too sure I’d want to be eating my dinner in the lounge with the missus when scenes of my nasal naughtiness were suddenly flashed across the nation’s TV screens.

I, for one, know I’m being watched. While waiting in line at a bank, I will often seek out the specific camera focussed on my position. When I’m browsing an electronics store, I tend to hunt down the camera that is broadcasting my thinning crown to the assembled crowd of shoppers.

Las Vegas, of course, is a nest of video vipers. The casinos will tell you they are watching their own employees, lest a card dealer pull from the bottom of the deck or tuck a stray twenty into a cuff.

Regardless, I’m always a bit nervous when I’m in the pit. I have no idea how the likes of craps is played and would love to stand and watch a few games to educate myself. But I don’t know the protocol with this. Do I look  suspicious? Like a pickpocket? Like someone counting cards and blinking twice when the queens are all played?

I have this fear of being tapped on the shoulder, asked to step into an office, having a burlap bag that smells of hundred dollar bills pulled over my head, and being bundled into the trunk of one of those Chrysler 300s with blacked-out windows. Followed by a long drive into the desert, a short, sharp crack of a handgun and, oh look, the coyotes have a free meal, courtesy of my curiosity.

Which pretty much explains why I don’t gamble. Or, when I do, I stay with the mauve-rinse crowd in the penny-slot area.

Are there cameras in other parts of these hotel/casino complexes? Oh God, I hope not.

During one family stay at The Luxor, we all went to the Tournament of Kings dinner show at Excalibur. The entertainment included a “little person” dressed as a joker, who skipped through the proceedings.

It had been years since any of us had occasion to skip and so, later, while gathering outside the elevator shaft back  at The Luxor, we challenged each other to see if our bodies could remember how to do it (I’d had a similar experience as an adult trying to do a somersault, with disastrous results — as I knelt on the ground, I realized that my muscle memory had actually forgotten how to roll forward).

My sisters had once been dancers and so such movements came easily to them. As for me, well let’s just say I didn’t take dance lessons. It was ugly, it was clumsy, it was hopeless. It was downright embarrassing to think a grown man could no longer will his body to skip.

Or maybe it was embarrassing because a grown man actually thought skipping was a good idea.

Was my effort caught on camera in the hotel? I’m thinking no, because surely anyone watching live would have dialed 9-1-1 immediately and reported a guest suffering convulsions while his family stood there peeing themselves with laughter.

If Big Brother was indeed watching me, I’m guessing he was also wetting himself.

Next time, the duck walk. Coming soon to a website near you.

Getting ready to enjoy a FABULOUS dinner and show at "Tournament of Kings" Show at EXCALIBUR Hotel and Casino

I just have to tell you about our recent trip to see the Tournament of Kings show at Excalibur Hotel in Las Vegas!

It has always been one of my niece and nephew’s favorite places to go, and when they come for their annual visit it is of course the FIRST thing they want to do.  The last time I went with them was a couple of years ago, BEFORE I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease. Well, my husband was recently cast in the role of “King Arthur” in the show, so of course THIS year we wanted to SURPRISE them by taking them to see the show (without telling them ahead of time that their Uncle was in the show).  Anyway, as many of you know from some of my past posts, I get EXTREMELY sick from even the slightest bit of cross-contamination…so needless to say, I was a nervous wreck thinking about going.  I mean, I could always go and not eat, but at $60 a ticket, what fun is that???

Well, I had NO NEED to be worried! They were SOOOO accommodating…in fact, I think my gluten-free meal was possibly even better than what everyone else got to eat!

Here’s what we did to ensure a wonderful, and SAFE, experience:

• We bought our tickets a day or two ahead of time, AT the box office, in person.
• When we did so, we informed them that we had two people in our party with Celiac Disease (my mom and I) and would need two gluten-free meals, and would they be able to help us?
• I brought along a copy of my Triumph Dining Card (outlining what I could and could not eat), so that we could leave it with them if necessary.
• From the box office, they actually called their food and beverage manager to talk with us in person about the menu, and she went through every single item and ingredient, just to be safe.  She was fairly knowlegable about Celiac, but said she didn’t want to take any chances.
• Instead of the soup appetizer, she suggested a Salad with balsamic vinegar & oil on the side — which was beautifully prepared. QUICK NOTE: Although we had informed our server upon arrival that we had two gluten-free meals (which he had already knew), when the soup came out it was brought by a food “runner” who didn’t realize we had special meals.  My mom wasn’t with us when we made the reservations, so she didn’t realize we weren’t having soup and almost ate it. Fortunately, the server and I caught the mistake before she had any, so all was okay. In case this happens to anyone in your party, just remember, the tomato soup is NOT gluten-free.
• When preparing my Cornish Game Hen they used just salt & pepper.  No extra seasonings…it didn’t need any, it was FABULOUS with just the salt & pepper.
• I had a large Baked Potato with butter & sour cream on the side, instead of the fried “potato boats.”
• The meal came with steamed Broccoli, which was fine.
• For desert they prepared my mom and me a HUGE plate of fruit (fresh watermelon, strawberries, cantelope, honeydew, grapes & pineapple)! We had several people around us asking how we got so lucky to get Fresh Fruit!

To top it off, we were all able to get in on a “locals” discount of 2 FOR 1 (so about $30 per person, with tax, and that INCLUDES dinner & show!), which they do quite often…you just need to be sure and ask when you make your reservations if they have any locals discounts.

So, it turned out to be a WONDERFUL experience. My neice and nephew were totally surprised (and haven’t stopped talking about it for a week), the food was AWESOME, and the show was FANTASTIC.  Very, very fun! I would highly recommend it.

To find out more, please visit the “Tournament of Kings” page on the EXCALIBUR website by clicking HERE!

To order your own Triumph Dining Cards for safe, gluten-free ordering in ANY restaurant, visit their website: www.TriumphDining.com

I apologize for the almost unreadable post yesterday.  I was on some sort of crazy bulleting/extreme indentation high.  Luckily for all of you, I’ve recovered.  I will still use bullets, but in moderation.  I will attempt to use a more visually appealing/less nauseating style today.  No guarantees but I’ll try. 

Also for those of you who haven’t been too amused with the chronicling of Man Trip ‘08, don’t worry.  Regular blogging will resume once these two decide to come home and say goodbye to possibly the coolest vacation ever.  But mind you…I have no life and may have to revert to blogging about the weather…movies…and pets.  But for now…I’m banking on the epic adventure that T and Big A are currently on.  They’ve packed more action into the past few days then what I’ve experienced in all of my 23 years of life.  But don’t feel sorry for me.  I plan on winning the lottery and spending the rest of my life travelling the world.  But in the mean time…

Recap of MT ‘08:

8/12: 

• Drove past Phoenix, AZ  (Main day of travel)

8/13:  

• Toured the Hoover Dam
• Made it to Las Vegas and checked in at the MGM Grand Hotel
• Enjoyed an amazing Cirque Du Soleil show that evening.

8/14: 

• Day 2 in the City of Sin
• Did the tourist thing in Las Vegas (M&M Store, Magic Show, Game Works, etc.)
• Went to “Tournament of Kings” for a dinner show.  *Our starting point for this post.

Day 2 Continued:

• Tournament of Kings dinner show was held at the Excalibur casino
  • Both enjoyed the show and left with full bellies as they were fed a whole chicken.
  • Had to cheer for a particular knight based on where they were sitting.  They were cheering for Spain.  Spain lost due to a deadly blow from a jousting stick.
• As they were leaving the show they noticed a large number of Mexicans standing outside the exit.  They were handing out what looked like playing cards.  Big A is a Yu-Gi-Oh fan and became extremely excited.  Became even more excited when he realized that they were handing out Prostitute ‘business’ cards.  Each card featured a picture of a Vegas whore, her name, and her phone number.  Big A was able to collect three prostitute cards.  Will pull them out at his next Yu-Gi-Oh match.
• Took a walk and went to the Bellagio to watch the water fountain show.  Verdict:  “Awesome”
• After the water show they walked a ridiculously long distance to take a ride on the monorail.  Were upset as they realized that they may have actually burned calories; which is not a goal when on Man Trip.
  • Almost got in a fight with a drunk monorail passenger.  Passenger was sitting and Big A was standing holding onto a rail.  Drunk guy said, “Wanna sit?”  (remember that Big A was wearing an arm sling and may have looked pitiful, even to an intoxicated dude).  Big A thought that the guy said, “Wanna stand?”  Big A shot his some attitude with a short, cocky, “Yep.”  I mean, duh…why would he ask Big A if he wants to stand…he’s already standing.  Drunk guy quickly got up, allowing the surprised and confused Big A to sit down.  Big A and T assumed that drunk guy thought Big A was a total ass and that he wanted to fight him.  Guess you had to be there. 
• Returned to MGM Grand Hotel and were pleasantly surprised to see a drunk lady at the bar.  The drunk lady was watching Micheal Phelps swim in the Olympics.  Even drunk people get Olympic fever.  But she wasn’t cheering for Micheal Phelps.  She was cheering (loudly) for Mark Phelps.  Her stupidity had caused a small crowd to gather and laugh in unison at the dummy. 
• Went to bed…dreamt about the prostitutes on their coveted prostitute playing cards.
• Random Fact:  The guys named the shower head in their hotel room, “The Lord of the Rings Shower Head.”  This name came from the extreme short stature of the shower head.  Even T had to stoop to wash his hair..err..face.  Hobbits would fit perfectly. 

Day 3:

• Checked out of the MGM Grand Hotel in Las Vegas.  Hotel Cost (2 nights)=$200.00
• First Stop:  Gas Station (9:15 a.m.)
  • $3.85 per gallon
  • $44.36 total fuel cost
  • Average Miles per Gallon=24.1
• Drove to the newest Grand Canyon related tourist trap; The Skywalk!  www.grandcanyonskywalk.com
  • Wasn’t on the itinerary, but figured what the hell. 
  • Quickly realized the money trap that the area Indians (the Hualapai Tribe) were running.  This tribe specializes in tourist stuff:  http://www.destinationgrandcanyon.com/tours.html
  • Parked at the Skywalk tour place.  Cost to park=$22.00.  Were not aware of the costs that would follow.
  • Skywalk Tickets=$29.95 per person
  • The Skywalk place also specialized in helicopter, donkey, and Hummer tours of the canyon.
  • The two boarded a bus and made their way to the Skywalk. 
  • Were instructed that they had to wear booties on the bridge.  Felt “gay.”
  • Skywalk was very awesome.  Big A was shaking in his booties (both literally and figuratively) as he claims to be afraid of heights. 
  • Decided not to buy a picture of them on the Skywalk as it was $28.00.  Weren’t able to take camera on the Skywalk.
  • After the Skywalk they boarded the bus again and made their way to a look out point.  It was very cool as they stopped at a spot on the edge of the canyon where there was no gaurdrail.  The tour guides said that they could get as close to the edge as they felt comfortable.  It was freaky as it was a completely straight down drop off.  T claims that he was able to get 6 inches from the edge of the canyon and that he physically/mentally couldn’t get any closer.  Big A was afraid of falling into the canyon and/or getting pushed into the canyon by loving older brother.  Also were able to climb a smallish mountain to get a 360 degree view of the canyon.  T thought that Big A may possibly fall to his death as he was climbing using one arm as his other was in a sling (from a shoulder surgery).  Sissy.
  • Returned to the starting point of the Skywalk tour.  Conclusion:  Expensive, amazing, Indians are nice.
  • Big A signed the Skywalk guest book, “Man Trip ‘08.”  Nice.
• Stopped at yet another gas station before heading to the camp site.  Cost=$4.09 per gallon.  T was wishing that he was driving a Smart Car.  Realized that he and Big A would look awkwardly large in such a vehicle.
• Drove to their camp site, which was about 50 miles from the Skywalk place.  I think they stayed at the “South Rim” site. 
  • Were excited as they spotted an actual Road Runner.  Quickly became disapointed as the Road Runner was rather slow. 
  • Drove through a horrible thunderstorm that involved hail and possible tornadoes. 
    • Experienced a 38 degree drop in temperature in about 40 minutes. 
  • At one point they were driving on the famous (Scenic) Route 66.  Conclusion: Rather boring and very flat.   
    • Took this opportunity to put his vehicle to the test.  Engine cut out at an undisclosed speed.  Felt a macho high for several minutes afterward.
  • T decided to take what Big A referred to as a “Man Road,” as in you need a lot of kahunas to drive that road.  T wanted to take a short cut to get to the campgrounds, but since the road conditions only allowed them to go about 20 it wasn’t much of a short cut.  So although they may have saved miles, the definitely didn’t save time.  And Big A felt as though the cliffs on either side of the road may lead to his imminent death. 
• Arrived at the campgrounds and had a rather difficult time locating their actual spot.  T had reserved the spot well in advance as the Grand Canyon campgrounds fill up fast! 
• Found the site and were greeted by some Caribou.  Big A attempted to pet one but became scared as he thought the Caribou may attack and/or kill him.  Took pictures from a safe distance.
• T and Big A set up their tent.  T is please with the ease of set up and size of the tent.  Becomes grateful that he has a wonderful girlfriend to properly choose his camping supplies. 
• The guys took a drive around the campground and were in amazement.  It’s HUGE!  Excited for tomorrow when they will do some more exploring on the campground and get to see more of the canyon.
• Purchased a bundle of wood for $6.99.  Built fire.
• Noted that there were NO BUGS!  Amazing. 
• Busted out the Cheddar Wursts (aka: Ultimate Man Food) and roasted them over the fire.  T and Big A savored the moment and their weenies. 
• Called their girlfriends to say HI/BYE and settled in for the night.  Expecting rather cool temperatures and prepping their masculine egos for a night of possible spooning.

To be continued….

This was my second time to see the show. It is great dinner show. I think the food portion and quality has improved since when I last saw the show several years ago. You cheer for the section in which you sit. (Just so you know the same knight did not win both times I went.) The show is highly entertaining with horses, fighting, effects and a decent story line.