Forget Michael Moore the United States of America has the greatest healthcare in the world. Unfortunately we have been forced into a socialistic scheme. We, the taxpayers, should be pointing the finger at Congress and the White House for it’s failures, not trying to destroy our medical system.

Congress mandated that anyone going to an emergency room must be provided medical care regardless of their ability to pay. The argument used was some poor person getting hit by a car or bus who didn’t have his ID or insurance forms. This policy would allow or force medical services to care for trauma victims immediately. Sounds lovely. The reality is that when you head into a Emergency room it is full of illegal aliens and indigents using it as a primary doctor source. None of them are going to pay a bill. What right (other than being forced by congress) does anyone have to force another to pay their medical bills. Or any other bills or necessities for that matter.

President Obama should stop the lie that Medical Care is not available to everyone. All he has to do is walk into any crowded emergency room in the country to see that coverage is provided.  Not to mention Medicare, Medical, or privately held hospitals such as St. Jude.

Is this a perfect system? No. Is the current bill the solution? Hell No. Lets just start with no longer promising free care in our emergency rooms so that the rest of us who are working to pay for our coverage can just pay for ourselves. The insurance companies know that when they get a bill for my care or those of us that are covered a major portion of that charge is used to pay for the uninsured.

The worry here, is the tax payer is now going to get screwed again. Once by the insurance premiums and again by the taxes. All in the name of President Obama feeling better about himself. President Obama your a rich man, why don’t you donate all your money to pay for medical services first. Then come and get my money.

President Obama it took you 6 months to choose a dog.  It has taken you almost a year to make a decision on Afghanistan.  The American Health Care System deserves more time and scrutiny.

Massimo Oddo.

“Milan” gynėjui Massimo Oddo – liūdna gydytojų diagnozė. Išsamiai ištyrus veterano koją, paaiškėjo, kad italui trūko šlaunies raumuo ir jis nerungtyniaus mažiausiai du mėnesius.

33 metų žaidėjas kojos traumą patyrė šios savaitės Čempionų lygos mače prieš Marselio “Olympique”.

1.  I have been teaching this term two courses that I meant to be identical but at different levels of intensity and abstraction, but my intentions (I typed intensions, which is more correct, since my intentions have stretched) (and I told my students that there are no asides in the classroom) (which is the same thing as saying there is no no in the unconscious) have little to do with what has happened, absolute divergence. As I described in the last post, teaching classes is for me like writing: if, in advance, I overprepare, then become blank and excited before I set out the prospective shape of things, and if, during the time of extension, I find it all absorbing and difficult, and if, afterwards, I can’t exactly remember what happened, not even the affect, and if I have to excavate the encounter as though it involves material from a therapeutic hour, that’s when I know that something has happened.

2.  John Forrester claims that the analysand can only lie, as all the story she has is noise that fills the space of what she knows but cannot know yet, or bear to know. That is true about teaching, too. It is impossible to know who one is as a teacher. The relation between what one intended and what one did–even if one’s own sense of things were to govern the evaluation of efficacy–can’t be determined solipsistically, not only because we teach other people as singularities and as groups, not only because teaching them is so very different than reaching them, not only because the feedback loops are so varied and out of synch (when they’re not out of commission altogether), but also because the relation between information transmission and all of the other activities within the scene of teaching is mostly unconscious, seat of the pants, in the normative ether, and atmospheric, rather than eventilized. I cannot imagine myself as a student encountering myself as a teacher.

But, in contrast to the analysand, I do not lie when I am teaching:I know when things are being described well and I know when we are going somewhere uncharted. I’m explicit about this, too: I say that I don’t know what I don’t know, that I made a mistake, that I fear that things are not happening when discussions are weird, that the quality of the feedback loop is unsatisfying if I sense that people are not learning. I try to keep things ratcheted up. I know when what they came for is available to them and when it’s still inadequately gathered up in clarifying narrative, reference, and context-building. But knowing that it’s available does not mean that teaching has happened.

That’s really the main difference between the classroom and the analytic scene, but it’s a big one.  Not knowing is the inevitable experience of therapy. There, language and bodies carry what is known into domains that cut through what is said. In class, though, I have a mission to model relations of clarity to unclarity, to talk about the ways we might be able to know the contours of something difficult more fully if we had different skills to encounter it. I then show them the beginnings of an encounter with the problem and map out what skills the people in the conversation might need to build, including me, and students add to that pile, when it works. In any given 90 minute session we can only begin to open up an approach to the material that is being mediated by the material material that is on the syllabus. In the next class we try again, aiming toward a new opening that’s different from the other one.  There is never enough time.  Only time for a first (half-averted, distorted) encounter, then another.

3.  This term I am speechless in front of the material I am teaching, and not because it’s about trauma and suffering.  I have been struggling also with my muteness in front of the material with which I am writing as well,  maybe it’s related. Also, it’s a lot of new material, and it takes a process for me to let things in. In another part of this series I will tell a story about an encounter I had in my car a few Sundays ago with Sarah Schulman, who tried to teach me how to write, and the difference was hilarious. For the time being, though, my life is defined by this: I have constructed two out of joint courses that are similar topically but mainly in the way they stuff a fist in my throat.

4. I take that image from Phoebe Gloeckner’s A Child’s Life and Other Stories, which I am inexplicably bringing to my graduate class on trauma, for which I have named this genre, a teaching.

5.  Gloeckner’s book is a heap of remnants, attempts to tell a story whose plot is about her being fucked and out of luck but never out of desire.  Lucky for her, slapstick is in her arsenal to help her see her way through life: slapstick, with its big, violent, hyperbole lodged in the ordinary and shaped by startling rhythms of sequencing that always peter out into an ellipsis or faux finality. Slapstick is the “WTF?” and the “FML!” as best (imaginary) friends.

Gloeckner’s drawing always involves new economies of rawness (exposure) and defense (close-up, distance, clutter, word/image intensity, child-cartoonish distortion).  Her stories are straightforward comic sentimentality:  tragedy with exclamation points. (!!! !!!)  I tried to lead my students through the rhythm of her recirculation of defense and exposure, of surrealism and the detail, of her upending of the inside and outside of the body, of the tragicomic situation as seriality without end or narrative satisfaction. They were not so interested in what I have to say–this class does not find my mind interesting. They were compelled by something else, Scott McCloud’s concept of cartoon realism.  But the communication of something is more than the pressing of a subjectivity’s face onto paper.

6. I inserted the book in the course at the last minute when my dearly beloved Was turned out to be out of print.  But I cannot yet see why I thought A Child’s Life was a substitute, since Was is the most tender book I’ve ever read, which is to say the least comic, even though technically it is a comedy: it’s like putting your finger on the forehead of a friend and then taking away your hand to watch the imprint fade. I had known that Was was out of print because Geoff Ryman had told me so, but I refused to believe it: a week before school started the bookstore confirmed what I had refused to take in and in a panic I inserted this book, this child’s garden of trauma.

7. A teaching exists when you read a text for the conceptual opening it can make in the rhythm of ignorance that you have called your knowledge (Rancière). A teaching exists when you gather up different ways of conceiving the same problem and try to move things by putting them in relation. This is the point about Gloeckner’s use of serial form: it’s not just a representation of being broken (reduced to a cartoon) but a rhythm of astonished ongoingness–breaks, distortions, repetitions, fadings without dying. Authority is not the point and application is impossible. The point is to use the spiky cluster of episodes that are variations in a field of affect to construct a live analytic happening whose governing infinitive does not yet exist (so you ask: what potential action is shifted by these scenes? what is it a transformative case of?). I always need one more class than I have to make effective this process of shifting the shape of any object/scene.  Recomposing  an encounter with a problem forces one to hear the noise, the penumbra of the problem, in a new way.   On the other hand, it all takes place in my head, my desire, I fear.  I bring it to the room, and each day the students look at me as though they were never inside it.  Remember?  Oh, that was four days ago. Maybe they weren’t.  In any case, I am not them inside of it, only me.  All we have to hold onto is the common problem, and I am the keeper of the problem.  And remembering that is hard enough.

8.  Suddenly the room in which I am typing smells like candle wax, and the woman with Alzheimer’s who lives above me is howling for dear life. I hope these things are not related–yet they are.

In intriguing research conducted at the University of California and other locations, it appears that psychopathic killers often have lower intelligence, which can be the result of brain damage; often from severe chronic maltreatment as a child. Three factors appear to be present among violent offenders:
1. Several “violence” genes.
2. Damage to certain areas of the brain
3. Exposure to extreme trauma and poor parental bonding in childhood.

Among genetic markers related to aggression and mood is MAOA. The high risk variant of this gene gets inherited more by males than females. MAOA regulates serotonin, which affects mood (which is why medications like Prozac affect mood. These medications are called SSRIs: Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors. They function to keep more serotonin in the synapses between brain cells.). In the womb the high-risk version of MAOA can lead to a buildup of serotonin in the brain making the brain less sensitive to the normally calming effects of serotonin. Other research indicates that people who inherit the high-risk gene and who are raised in abusive homes may be more prone to violent behavior.

In another study pbulished in Comprehensive Psychiatry early in 2009, it was found that boys who inherit a mutated variant of MAOA are more likely to be in a gang than those without the mutation and are more likely than those without the mutation to be the most violent gang members.

” Sunderhaus é oftalmologista e teria apertado a coxa de sua paciente ao dizer que ela gorda e a chamado de irresponsável por estar desempregada e acomodada na situação de usar dinheiro dos contribuintes para pagar as contas de mais uma gravidez. “

Vou processar meu psicólogo. Uma indenização por trauma emocional cairia bem.

Fonte: http://noticias.r7.com/esquisitices/noticias/medico-bocudo-pode-perder-licenca-20091123.html

Ivan De la Pena.

Barselonos “Espanyol” veteranas Ivan De la Pena svarsto apie karjeros pabaigą.

33 metų saugą nuolat persekioja traumos – per pastaruosius porą sezonų ispanas sužaidė vos 9 pilnas rungtynes.

“Mąstau daugiau nebežaisti, nes negaliu treniruotis. Jei negalėsiu normaliai rungtyniauti, paliksiu klubą”, – sakė ispanas.

Non so neanche se il nome è scritto giusto. Matteo non me ne ha mai parlato… a me che sono il suo papà!?!?

Insomma mio figlio ha un amico immaginario da quando aveva 2 anni e io non ne sapevo niente, niente!!

Ho sempre desiderato un amico immaginario e ricordo perfettamente che nonostante la mia sconfinata fantasia non sono mai riuscito a visualizzare accanto a me nè un alieno nè un animale parlante. Così ho riposto la possibilità di vivere questa straordinaria esperienza nell’infanzia dei miei figli… e lui, il mio primo rampollo, cresciuto a pane e creatività cosa mi combina??? Trova Bambi e non me lo presenta, nè (soprattutto) mi ci fa giocare…

Ma da dove vengono gli amici immaginari? C’è una specie di pianeta tutto particolare dove dimorano in attesa che qualche pupo nostrano li “evochi“? Oppure vivono in mezzo a noi, opportunamente mimetizzati, e solo i bambini con i loro occhi speciali possono individuarli e parlarci?

Gli amici immaginari sono proprio una strana razza di amici. Di solito compaiono al fianco di primogeniti in crisi per l’arrivo di un fratellino o di una sorellina oppure vicino a quei bambini un pò troppo timidi… li sanno prendere per il verso giusto, ecco qual’è il loro segreto. Gli amici immaginari ci sono solo quando c’è bisogno di loro, non sono per niente invadenti. Conoscono le regole di ogni gioco senza che nessuno gliele spieghi prima, sanno essere propositivi e fedeli al tempo stesso… insomma sono proprio in gamba.

In giro non se ne parla molto; in passato soprattutto si pensava che la comparsa di un amico immaginario fosse sintomo inequivocabile di traumi psicologici, di esperienze dolorose non risolte. Oggi, fortunatamente, questa triste visione è notevolmente cambiata. Di fatto la comparsa di un amico immaginario in giro per casa non è fonte di preoccupazione per la famiglia, semprechè gli altri componenti rispettino la regola d’oro che prevede di non parlare con lui, di non dargli da mangiare nè di preparargli un letto per la notte. Insomma un amico immaginario per un bambino piccolo è un vero e proprio tesoro, molto, molto intimo…

Certo è che se Bambi scorrazzerà (atteso che sia una cerbiatto o un qualcosa di deambulante) ancora per casa nostra fra 8/10 anni allora magari toccherà intervenire in qualche modo, ma in fondo c’è tempo, tanto tempo… lasciamo che Matteo giochi con lui come gli pare, nella massima libertà, consapevoli che non c’è niente di più bello e appagante che le creazioni della propria immaginazione…

Dear My Friends / トラウマ by Hidemi Uematsu

1.) Dear My Friends
2.) トラウマ

Released: October 10th, 2008

Dear My Friends / トラウマ is Hidemi Uematsu’s debut single. Not much is known about this singer. Because J-Pop Stop! is too lazy to make a profile for this amazing woman >(

Dear My Friends has a nice start, Hidemi’s voice is a bit strange at first. But that’s only in the beginning. Her voice is actually pretty damn powerful. I love the chorus in this song, specially with the background vocalists. They back her up nicely. The instrumentation isn’t anything new, but it’s cute. Not a bad debut song.

トラウマ on the other hand sounds a bit sadder. Hidemi sounds emotional, but her voice is a bit filtered so it’s hard to tell xD She has a bunch of weird moments with her voice randomly. The instrumentation is a lot more interesting than Dear My Friends though. There are times where I thought Hidemi was yodeling though! It sounds like she is.

Dear My Friends / トラウマ was quite the surprise. Hidemi has really nice vocals, but she does strange things with it at random times. The instrumentation in Dear My Friends isn’t anything noteworthy, but トラウマ has really nice instrumentation. Not a bad debut single at all though :3

B+

Susanns Zustand verschlimmert sich von Tag zu Tag. Ihre Aggressivität wächst ständig, besonders gegenüber Ruth.

Susann reinszeniert, was das Zeug hält. Sie hält Ruth für ihre leibliche Mutter, kann nicht mehr unterscheiden. Sie war damals dabei, als ihr Vater sie erschlagen hat. Aber auch ihre Mutter muss ihr viel angetan haben.

„Susann, kommst du bitte in den Keller. Wir müssen die Wäsche aufhängen.“

„Nein, wieso.“

„Weil auch deine Wäsche dabei ist.“

Susann tobt.

„Du hast mir gar nichts zu sagen. Du bist richtig unverschämt.“

Ruth stürzt nach oben in die Küche. Sie ist in Tränen aufgelöst. Susann schlägt ihre Zimmertür hinter sich zu.

Ruth fällt mir schluchzend in die Arme. „Niko, ich halte das nicht mehr aus. Warum macht sie das mit mir? Warum macht sie unsere Familie kaputt? Was mache ich denn falsch? Ich hab doch gar nichts Schlimmes gemacht!“

Mir fallen alle möglichen guten Ratschläge von Ämtern, Fachleuten und anderen Pflegeeltern ein.

„Nehmt Euch das nicht zu Herzen.“

„Sie meint gar nicht Euch.

„Holt Euch kompetente Hilfe.

Aus Seminaren mit Fachleuten weiß ich, was da passiert. Ich weiß, dass Susann Ruth gar nicht meint. Ich kenne die Mechanismen. Und wenn es ernst wird, wenn man Forderungen hat, ernst genommen werden will, ist plötzlich keiner mehr da. Dann ist alles zu teuer oder nicht notwendig.

Und was nützt es uns? In der Situation nützen keine wissenschaftlichen Erkenntnisse. Alle die, die von uns Professionalität verlangen, haben keine Ahnung. Professionelle Erzieher und Sozialarbeiter gehen abends nach Hause zu ihrer Familie. Wir sind Familie, von der geballten Kraft der Emotionen betroffen.

Ich bin mir sicher, wir schaffen das nicht alleine, wir brauchen Fachleute. Es gibt da die Möglichkeit der psychotherapeutischen Tageskliniken. Susann würde morgens dort hin abgeholt werden, eine Therapie machen und abends bei uns sein. Der Vorteil wäre, dass wir abends daran weiter arbeiten könnten, woran sie tagsüber gearbeitet hätte. Wir wären auch ganz stark mit einbezogen und zugleich entlastet.

Die andere Möglichkeit wäre eine längere, mehrwöchige stationäre Therapie. In den meisten Kliniken wären wir in den Therapieprozess mit einbezogen. Daran anschließen würde sich eine gute, wirksame Traumatherapie, die Schritt für Schritt die Situation verbessern würde. Aber ich habe auch schon recherchiert, dass es Kliniken gibt, die nur ganz allgemein therapieren, die mit Susanns Problemen wahrscheinlich gar nicht klar kommen würden. Das heißt, eine Unterbringung käme erst in Frage, nachdem ich mir die Klinik angesehen und mit den Ärzten gesprochen hätte. Wir wollen Susann auf keinen Fall irgend wo hin abschieben.

Ein kalter Januartag auf der Autobahn. Ich bin auf dem Weg in die Selbbachklinik. Die Chefärztin der Kinder- und Jugendpsychiatrie hat mir schnell und unkompliziert einen Termin gegeben. Von der Arbeit aus fahre ich siebzig Kilometer durch Dunkel und Schneetreiben. Die Klinik ist mir empfohlen worden. Der Internetauftritt verspricht Gutes: Gruppen- und Einzeltherapie, EMDR und Tramatherapien, die Susann helfen könnten. Eine Chefärztin mit Reputation und Engagement. Nur, dass die Chefärztin, die im Internet noch für die Klinik wirbt, plötzlich nicht mehr auffindbar ist. Die Klinik teilte mir mit, dass sie dort nicht mehr tätig sei. Egal. Kann eine Klinik so schnell ihren therapeutischen Ansatz wechseln?

Das Gelände ist schön. Bewaldet, mitten in einer natürlichen Umgebung. Schon stelle ich mir vor, wie wir Susann besuchen, wie wir mit Ärzten und Pflegern an Susanns Problemen kompetent zusammen arbeiten.

Die Chefärztin ist nett, ruhig und kompetent. Der Therapiehund liegt, erschöpft von seinem Tagewerk, zu meinen Füßen. Auf der Station geht es entspannt zu.

Ich schildere Susanns und unsere Probleme. Die Chefärztin hört ruhig zu und macht sich Notizen.

Dann ihre Einschätzung.

„Wissen Sie, wir sind eine Rehabilitationsklinik. Wir sind keine therapeutische Klinik. Die Kinder, die zu uns kommen, haben Probleme, ja. Und wir können sie meistens lösen. Aber wir gehen da ganz konventionell vor. EMDR wenden wir nicht mehr an. Ihre Pflegetochter ist ja, nach Ihrer Beschreibung zu urteilen, stark traumatisiert. Wir haben hier nicht die Möglichkeit einer Diagnostik. Da spielt das Verhalten auch eine große Rolle. Zum Schutz unserer anderen Patienten können wir aggressive Ausbrüche nicht dulden.“

Und was heißt das?

„In solchen Fällen würden wir das Kind sofort entlassen.“

Ich bemühe mich, freundlich zu sein und Verständnis zu zeigen.

„Sollten Sie sich für einen Aufenthalt entscheiden, können Sie mich jederzeit wieder anrufen.“

Ja, danke. Was soll das Ganze? Warum fahre ich hier stundenlang durch den Schnee? Nur um zu erfahren, dass Fachleute eigentlich auch nicht weiter wissen und letztendlich unbequeme Kinder abschieben? Das wollten wir nun gerade nicht.

Wie oft haben wir es schon gehört: Ein ganz komplizierter Fall, schwierig, jahrelange Therapie, schwer zu behandeln, überfordert unsere Möglichkeiten. Was denken diese Leute eigentlich, in welcher Situation wir sind??

Immerhin: Ich bin vorgelassen worden, ernst genommen worden, habe auf Augenhöhe mit einer Chefärztin reden können. Das streichelt etwas mein Ego.

Aber das alles bringt uns keinen Deut weiter.

George Bernard Shaw once wrote that plot was the creation, manoeuvering and destruction of relationships between characters. Plot is derived from character and it’s sole purpose is to drive the story so the character can attempt to achieve their goal. Every scene in your script must either reveal something about the character and advance the story. Flat scenes become boring and lose your audeince. Here are some plot devices that can pique your plot:

• DANGER – I cannot stress this one enough. It can be moral danger such as deciding to cheat on your spouse, or physical danger such as being trapped in a burning house. Raise the stakes and make your character earn their goal and pay for their mistakes. Give them insecurities, flaws, problems and issues we can all relate to. Make them fall into a ditch that they must crawl out of. A common plot device in action films is to either have multiple things go wrong at once or sequentially. The victim tries to escape, but they can’t find the keys to the car so they break in. Then there’s a flat battery so the can’t hot wire it to start. Then there’s no cell phone coverage… What’s needed may not arrive in time or not arrive at all. Oftentimes, dramatists use a Deus Ex Machina (literally God from the machine) whereby some life saving event occurs just in the nick of time before all is lost. Make sure this isn’t a lucky co-incidence or your audience will never forgive you.

• TIME BOMB - Give your characters a ticking time clock where something seriously bad will happen if they don’t achieve a goal. Maybe there isn’t enough time to defuse the bomb? Perhaps the main character doesn’t know how to defuse the bomb. Maybe the main character isn’t even aware of the bomb. Does the audience know? Giving either the audience or the main character such a superior position adds intrigue and interest. Alternatively, the main character can simply run out of options to achieve their goal rather than out of time.

• CONFESSION – After deep humiliation make your character confess to a secret, shortcoming, wound or a deep seeded fear or shame. Maybe they realise the error of their ways and take responsibility for their actions. Consider your audience. Being born out of wedlock is generally not considered a shameful act in the Western world. Forcing a pregnant unwed couple to marry may be acceptable is some cultures, but not in others. Play with morality in your plot. The beauty of it is that it’s never clearly right or wrong like a maths problem. Is it wrong to kill someone? What if they killed your family? What if it is in self defense?

• BETRAYAL – The hero’s buddy changes sides or is revealed as a traitor. What if the main character doesn’t realise this, or does so when it’s too late? What if the traitor leads them into a trap?

• DILEMMA – The hero is forced to make a choice between two equally bad alternatives. Consider the family with premature Siamese twins who must decide which one survives and which one doesn’t. What if the main character consciously decides not to act because they are faced with issues of duty for the higher good? Or even love?

• OBSTACLES – External influences such as bad weather or natural disasters forcing them to stop. Car or other vital piece of machinery breaks down and a replacement part is not immediately forthcoming. What if their progress is stalled due to injury, illness or other physical condition such as pregnancy or diabetes? What if someone in their team is killed or kidnapped? Running out of bullets, money, food, air all add to the excitement of danger.

• DISCOVERY – The element of surprise and shock always jolts your audience. Examples of this include a cover been blown of an undercover cop, the presence of an intruder being noticed, an escalating lie has been revealed. A discovery must pivot your story into a new direction, not simply act as a minor irritant. Remember the scene in “Mad Men” where Betty discovers Don’s true identity by opening a locked drawer? She didn’t sigh and carry on, she left him. Discoveries can also be wild goose chases. Following the wrong lead, the wrong map or the wrong advice.

• LOVE – Due to it’s universality, love will always add to a plot. What if a past lover returns? Consider Jodie Foster in “Sommersby”, when she tells her returned “husband” that he’s not the man she married because she didn’t love him like she loves the impostor. Add a love triangle; one bride versus two grooms. Add gender swaps, such as “Tootsie” who had enamored a man who thinks she’s a woman. Also consider the third wheel. The buddy who suddenly becomes the bride’s love interest when he reveals his true self. Love is also used to tame a savage, misanthropic heart.

• TRAITS – Give your character some endearing traits so the audience can partially overlook their negative ones. Give them courage, give them love. give them scruples so they are fighting for a good cause where the collateral damages justifies the cause, make them perform a good deed, make them desirable such as handsome, physical and funny. Make them spiritual, generous and wise. Ensure it all emerges from a place of truth and authenticity. Audiences retract from phonies. Give them fears, traumas which block their growth, masks which prevent other characters from seeing their real self.

• LIKES – Make your characters like children, animals and art. Give them great taste in cars, partners, houses, music, fashion, food and overall lifestyle. Audiences tend to admire what they aspire to be or what they perceive to be desirable.

So go forth and beef up those plotlines.

Zu Anfang ein kurzer Hinweis: Der NDR war in Gaza und hat mit mir in meiner Funktion als Geologe über die Umweltverschmutzung in unserem Land gesprochen. Alle, die es interessiert, finden den Beitrag hier: http://www3.ndr.de/sendungen/weltbilder/videos/weltbilder784.html

Nach wie vor sind zahlreiche Dinge rar in Gaza. Die Liste der Güter, die nicht ins Land hineingelassen werden, ist lang, auch Baumaterial steht darauf, was dramatische Folgen hat: es kann generell nicht in Gaza gebaut werden, all die zerstörten Häuser können nicht repariert werden, so dass viele Menschen in Zelten leben. Lebensmittel sind vielleicht erhältlich, aber zum doppelten oder dreifachen Preis. Wenn am Freitag das islamische Opferfest Eid al-Adha beginnt, wird es sich kaum jemand leisten können, großzügig einzukaufen, geschweige denn, ein Rind zu schlachten.

Auch die Situation an den Grenzen hat sich nicht geändert: Fatimah, eine junge Frau, die mit einem Ägypter verheiratet ist (ich hab bereits von ihr erzählt), hat die Hoffnung fast aufgegeben, bald zu ihrem Mann zu kommen. Nach wie vor wohnt sie in der Jugendeinrichtung des SOS-Kinderdorfs. Der Fußweg über die Grenze würde gerade mal zwanzig Minuten dauern, aber nach zahlreichen vergeblichen Versuchen beginnt Fatimah zu resignieren. Sie hat große Angst, ihren Ehemann nie wieder zu sehen.

So ist die Stimmung in Gaza angespannt, die Menschen sehnen den Frieden herbei und die Freiheit. Sie sind ungeduldig einerseits, ängstlich andererseits. Das überträgt sich auch auf die Kinder. Vor einigen Nächten wurden wir nachts durch laute Explosionen aus dem Grenzgebiet wach. Meine Tochter Farah war sehr erschrocken und bekam vor Angst Gelenksschmerzen. Es dauerte lange, bis sie wieder einschlafen konnte und am Morgen wachte sie müde auf, überwand sich aber dennoch und ging zur Schule.

Noch schwieriger waren die nächtlichen Explosionen für die Jungen und Mädchen im SOS-Kinderdorf Rafah. Vor allem die Kleineren fingen an zu weinen, manche schrien, sie standen unter Schock. Ganz offensichtlich waren die Erinnerungen an den Krieg wieder da, der die Kinder tief traumatisiert hat.

Dies alles ist keine leichte Kost, das weiß ich, und ich bin froh, dass Sie trotzdem bis hierher gelesen haben. Eine kleine positive Nachricht habe ich auch noch: Wir haben es endlich geschafft, Bücher für unsere Schulkinder zu besorgen. Nachdem wir die Bücher nicht wie früher aus der Westbank bekommen konnten, haben wir sie in Gaza drucken lassen, bei einer der wenigen Druckereien, die überhaupt noch arbeiten. Das Papier ist schlecht, die Wartezeit war lang, aber immerhin: die Kinder können damit arbeiten. Sie freuen sich!

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I’m not at all sure why I feel safer on the planet knowing the Dali Lama is here, but I do.  The following links are to information related to the conference presentation to the Dali Lama about the effects of maternal distress behaviors on her offspring – just a little T-Day light reading!

This is the gist of science told the Dali Lama:

If a distressed mother rat raises all her own babies, they will all turn out distressed.

If a calm mother rat raises all her own babies, they will all turn out calm.

If you change the litters at birth, and give the calm mother’s babies to the distressed mother, all those babies will grow up distressed.

If you take the distressed mother’s babies at birth and give them to the calm mother, the babies will all grow up calm.

In essence, the distressed mother’s treatment of her babies triggers epigenetic changes in the way the babies she raises turn out because their genes are triggered differently by the distress.

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Pity the Poor Lab Rat by Kathy Brown

“…in spite of all our advances in knowledge about mental disorders and the advances in technology that have resulted in an impressive smorgasbord of pharmaceutical agents, the overall prevalence of depression is increasing at an alarming rate. Moreover, the average age at onset continues to drop. Whereas patients once presented with their initial depressive episode in their fifth decade of life, the average age of onset has now dropped into the twenties.”

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Mom, Dad, DNA and Suicide by Sharon Begley

“Such changes are called “epigenetic,” to distinguish them from changes that affect the sequence of nucleotides in DNA. Epigenetics is arguably the next frontier in genetic research, promising to show why people with identical DNA, such as monozygotic twins, have different traits, including traits known to be strongly affected by genes. The answer seems to be that the events of our lives, including parental behavior, turns some genes on and some genes off. In this case, parental care (or, specifically, abuse) changed the expression of the crucial glucocorticoid-receptor gene in the brain.”

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Abuse changes brains of suicide victims

“Suicide victims who were abused as children have clear genetic changes in their brains…”

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While the new research on neuroplasticity in the brain is important, those of us whose body and brain were changed as a result of severe early child abuse, again, may not be in the realm of ‘ordinary’ when it comes to the changes we can expect in our brains compared to others…..

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Buddhism – A meeting of minds by Swati Chopra

“At the 12th mind and life conference in dharamshala, buddhism and modern science found points of convergence as the dalai lama and western scientists spoke about neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to change with experience and focused training.”

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2004: Neuroplasticity: The Neuronal Substrates of Learning
and Transformation — a 2004 conference that got neuroscientists together with the Dalai Lama

Download MLXII: Neuroplasticity Brochure PDF

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Can Our Minds Change Our Brains?

Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain: How a New Science Reveals Our Extraordinary Potential to Transform Ourselves By Sharon Begley

“At the Dalai Lama’s private compound in Dharamsala, India, leading neuroscientists and Buddhist philosophers met to consider “neuroplasticity.”  The conference was organized by the Mind and Life Institute as part of a series of meetings, beginning in 1987, for brain researchers and Buddhist scholars to share insights into the workings of the mind and brain. The 2004 meeting set out to answer two questions: “Does the brain have the ability to change, and what is the power of the mind to change it?””

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Child Abuse Causes Lifelong Changes To DNA Expression And Brain.

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Mechanisms underlying epigenetic effects of early social experience

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Epigenetics. Child abuse alters genes.

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What role might epigenetics have in shaping a person’s development?

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Please feel free to comment directly at the end of this post or on +

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Your Page – Readers’ Responses

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By yesterday morning, the bed of my thumbnail had morphed into a hideously bulbous thing, and in its nearly infectious state, caused me much consternation. An embedded thorn that I’d removed had apparently traumatized the nailbed. So my dilemma was this: do I stay home, suck it up and hope that, with time and care, the healing will happen on its own; or do I brave the inevitable crowds and head to the nearest walk-in clinic or (lord help us all) emergency room?

I chose the latter. Big mistake.

By ten o’clock in the morning, I’d paid a visit to a clinic with which I was familiar. Mindful that school being in session and people not yet on lunch break, I hoped the wait would be short. HA. As I walked in, a quick glance around not only hinted at the impending waiting time, brought on added dread: every single seat was taken. “About three hours,” said the receptionist.

Ok, so H1N1 madness has swept the nation and swine flu vaccinations are in full swing. On my way out I see kids coughing, babies crying and others suffering from varying levels of pain, despair or boredom.

Next stop: A clinic run out of a physician’s home basement. I call first, asking about the wait, because I am recovering from an accident, I have alot of pain and I can’t sit for long. “No problem,” she bellows over the phone in a Russian or Bulgarian accent, “no long wait today. Doctor will see you soon when you come over. You come now.”  So there I am in the car again, whizzing off through an enclave of homes, into which is tucked this nondescript home and hidden office.

I knock on the door, and hearing silence, I walk in, half-expecting to see an empty room, smiling secretary and doctor waiting for me. HA. Meeting my shocked gaze as  I entered the darkened room were no less than a dozen weary-looking people of all ages, stuffed into heavy couches, among them a smart-ass who, noticing the pillow I carry around as a ’sitting assistive device’ exclaimed all too jovially, “so you brought your bed with you too?”

Quickly informed by the chorus that I had to add my name onto the list, I took a look around and asked who had been waiting the longest. A timid, wigged-out, mousey-looking woman eventually piped up: “Almost three hours.” Another one dead in the water. Off I went.

Then, off to a government-subsidized (oh-oh!) clinic housed in an office tower. Much recommended. On the phone, I was convinced to come in right away because there was no wait. Not possible, thought I. Sure enough, when I arrived, only one other person was in the reception area. Once I got to see the nurse I understood why: the doctor is not in today. Excuse me?? Which basically meant that the nurse could do absolutely nothing but ship me off to yet another clinic. Ah, the wonders of our healthcare system.

That was it. My body couldn’t take it any more. Three strikes, Hippocrates, and you’re out.

Or so I thought.

I momentarily forgot that I had an evening appointment with my newest addition to the practitioner-bunch, Claudia (more on her later). Arriving earlier than my scheduled time, I entered a ground-floor walk-in clinic in her building, a large sign outside advertising that  emergency cases without appointment were accepted. Great, I thought, this is it.

Not a chance. The minute I walked into an empty waiting room, my heart sank. Immediately I knew it was a bad sign. Sure enough, the receptionist, at the end of her rope at the end of a long day, quickly brushed me off, assuring me that walk-ins were no longer welcome.

As if 8:30 PM, post-treatment, wasn’t late enough to call it a day, a decision was made to drop in at an ER to check on the situation. I promised that if told the wait would be longer than 1/2 an hour, I’d return the next day. Almost verbatim, here is the conversation that transpired:

AJ: Hi, can you please give me an idea of how long the wait will be?

Nurse: Not too long, take a seat.

AJ: Well, that’s just the problem, I can’t sit for long because it’s painful. You see, I’m recovering from an accident, and if you tell me that it will be longer tonight than, perhaps, tomorrow morning, then I’d rather not have to wait.

Nurse (looking out at the filled-to-near-capacity waiting room): No, the line is moving along pretty well. A triage nurse will see you very soon and then a doctor a short while after.

AJ: OK.

Famous last words. A triage nurse did indeed see me within minutes. As for a doctor… I finally heard my name called three and a half hours later.

In retrospect, I should have known better. As a trained lawyer, I ought to have insisted that the nurse sign a contract stipulating that, due to my pre-existing condition,  I would be seen within the half-hour (or hour, let’s be lenient here); otherwise, the responsibility would be with the triage staff to find me and suggest that I return another time. Or, they might have offered me a stretcher to lie on…

Voila, welcome to the Medical Circus, aka our medical system and its phalanx of acrobats. Overtaxed.  Magic tricks. Sleights of hand. Juggling too many balls. Throwing us to the lions. Forcing patients to walk sky-high tightropes or wait interminably in the wings. When or how will this madness stop?

[Excerpt from Vamik D. Volkan (2008), “Trauma, Identity and Search for a Solution in Cyprus”, Insight Turkey, vol. 10, no.4, pp. 95-110]

…

Historical developments after the summer of 1974 have continued to trauma­tize Cypriot Turks in a slow and often unrecognized fashion. A world opinion ac­cepting the Cypriot Greeks as victims and the Cypriot Turks (or Turks in general) as aggressors has been established. Although this was perhaps due to the failure of Turkish diplomacy, psychologically speaking it might also be due to the West­ern World’s stereotypical perceptions of Turks as the heirs to the Ottomans, who were the enemies of the West. Whatever the cause, the Greek side of the island was recognized legally as a state by all nations, except Turkey, while only Turkey accepted the Turkish side as a legal entity. This reality created an invisible enclave for the Cypriot Turks.

Cypriot Greeks managed to convince international organizations to impose severe embargoes on the Cypriot Turks. Accordingly, trading directly with foreign countries became impossible, and travel documents issued to the Cypriot Turks by the northern Cypriot Turkish authorities were not recognized by the international community. No direct flights to the Turkish side of the island were permitted, and mail to and from the Turkish side could only travel through Turkey. Cypriot Turks were not allowed to compete in sports in foreign countries (except in Turkey.)… After living in actual enclaves for eleven years [between 1963-1974], the Cypriot Turks from 1974 to the present time have continued to live in an invisible enclave.­

…

Official diplomacy makes little room for noticing and caring about emotions. The people in international organizations do not even consider feel­ing ashamed about treating the Cypriot Turks as second-class world citizens for decades while accepting the Greeks in the south of the island as regular human beings…

The results of my interviews surprised me. All of the young people I interviewed seemed unaware of their ancestors’ recent history. I also learned that, since the opening of the borders between the Greek and Turkish sides after the Greek side became a member of the European Union, more than 250 Turkish Cypriot families began sending their children to secondary or higher schools on the Greek side where no lessons are given on the massive and chronic Cypriot Turkish trauma. I was also informed that 10-20 Cypriot Turkish children are also attending Cypriot Greek elementary schools. The Cypriot Turkish parents’ justification for sending their children to schools on the Cypriot Greek side is their perception that the Cypriot Turkish schools are inferior to the schools in the south, which are part of the EU system. Some parents were aware that their children might experience humili­ations after crossing the border to the Cypriot Greek side, but in spite of this they continued to send them there…

How did the younger generation of Cypriot Turks – again I am generalizing here – begin to “forget” the history and the dramatic nature of their recent ances­tors’ experience? First, let me suggest that strong external pressure and political propaganda have played a significant role in the denial and repression of the mas­sive trauma of their ancestors…

For some time now, especially after the failure of the Annan Plan, Americans and other foreigners who are assigned the task of finding a solution for the “Cy­prus problem” have become more and more aware that the “logical solution” of creating “Cypriotism” described above is only an illusion. The present focus seems to be on a more realistic strategy to find a way for Cypriot Greeks and Cypriot Turks to hold on to their national identities while living side by side. Neverthe­less, the influence of the long-lasting illusionary strategy to get rid of the “Cyprus problem” through an emphasis on “Cypriotism” has had an impact on the Cy­priot Turks who were hungry for a legal identity that would not be humiliating. It helped to create identity confusion among the Cypriot Turks, especially the younger generation, which Cypriot Greeks were spared.

Dopo avervi “pubblicizzato” il convegno sulla resilienza (a cui ho partecipato e che è stato molto interessante!) ho pensato che potesse essere utile approfondire il concetto, per spiegarlo ai profani e fornire qualche informazione anche ai più direttamente interessati.
Per resilienza, in psicologia, si intende la capacità di far fronte in maniera positiva agli eventi traumatici di ogni tipo. Il trauma nasce in conseguenza ad un evento vissuto come stressante e che non riesce ad essere affrontato nel modo adeguato dal soggetto. La capacità di fare fronte ad esso e riorganizzare la propria vita in modo positivo è indice quindi di salute e aiuta a evitare di sfociare nel disagio mentale.
Persone resilienti sono, quindi, coloro che immerse in circostanze traumatiche riescono, nonostante tutto e talvolta contro ogni previsione, a fronteggiare efficacemente le contrarietà, a dare nuovo slancio alla propria esistenza e perfino a raggiungere mete importanti.
L’importanza è, infatti, non solo la capacità di “reggere frontalmente” ad impatti emotivi critici, ma soprattutto la possibilità di adattarvisi flessibilmente, ripristinando nuove forme adattative di equilibrio personale e psicosociale nel post-evento.
Si tratta di una funzione psichica non innata: si sviluppa nel tempo in rapporto con l’esperienza, i vissuti e, soprattutto, con il modificarsi dei meccanismi mentali che la sottendono. Tutti possiamo diventare resilienti!
si può dire che la persona resiliente è quella che ha avuto uno sviluppo psico-affettivo e psico-cognitivo sufficientemente integrati, sostenuti dall’esperienza, da capacità mentali sufficientemente.

Il concetto di resilienza può essere applicato oltre che ai singoli individui, anche alle comunità, in seguito gravi catastrofi. I fattori identitari, la coesione sociale, la comunità di intenti e di valori costituiscono il fondamento essenziale della “comunità resiliente“.

MIÉRCOLES 25 NOVIEMBRE

WARNER CHANNEL, 22:00 HRS

SKY  205 / CABLEVISIÓN 210

Dean Hendler/NBC

Tyler y Boone deberán llegar antes que nadie a una explosión en un restaurante de comida china, pero quizás eso sea apenas el comienzo. Mientras tanto, en el entrenamiento de Nancy será puesta a prueba.

So my roundtable project for Government used to be on human trafficking. Then, since I realized you can’t really pick sides (unless you want to be the insensitive and heartless dick who says that human trafficking should be legal), I edited the topic a little. I’m onto talking about prostitution.

It’s called the “victimless crime”– a business that’s been operating for thousands of years is a punishable offense. Although research has shown that prostitutes are raped 8-10 times annually and that 86% of sex workers have been attacked with a weapon, it’s dismissed as NHI: no humans involved.

But, of course, women who work as prostitutes must have chosen their profession because they like sex, right? They like it kinky or violent or just anywhere, anytime. And they get paid. So it’s a pretty good deal. They must enjoy what they do, despite the abuse, the violence, the subsequent drug dependencies pushed onto them by their pimps, are all consequences sex workers decided were worth it. Oh, and the jail time for being caught and convicted of selling oneself? Just a little extra added bonus.

The sex trade in the United States is thriving. So should we legalize it? Nevada did. In Nevada, sex workers are required to have health checkups and johns must use protection. The brothels are deemed to be “safe.”

Does that make it right? Do all prostitutes choose to peddle their bodies and their lives for the perverted satisfaction of horny men? No, and that’s why there needs to be more done, by the government, to help them escape, and leave that life if they choose to. Prostitution cannot be legalized. If we define human rights violations as sexual harassment, physical assault, rape, captivity, economic coercion, or emotionally damaging verbal abuse, then we cannot in good conscience legalize prostitution anywhere, because that’s what prostitution involves.

America is supposed to be the land of opportunities, so why are we letting women who were forced into the dark and dangerous world of prostitution suffer? Most prostitutes enter the profession at the age of thirteen– and please don’t dare insinuate that a thirteen-year-old girl decided she wanted a load of creep-asses to fuck her on a daily basis. Don’t you dare.

There are also the women who believe they don’t have any alternatives. That there’s no other way to make quick, easy money that they need to support themselves, or their child(ren). They sell themselves a few times, and are quickly swept into a deadly cycle of abuse, rape, and trauma.

Nearly all prostitutes suffer from symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.

I guess prostitution isn’t as fun as it seems, is it? Can you see victims yet?

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Something happened inside of me when I reached the end of the post I wrote on November 19, 2009 – +I WILL NEVER BE ORDINARY. IT IS TIME FOR ME TO KNOW THIS TRUTH..  The writing has become so much harder for me to do than it was before.

Do I abandon my efforts?

The ‘transparent moment’ I experienced on November 19 was evidently deeply connected within my body to my present experience of myself in my life.  Evidently transparency does not feel safe to me.  Yet I have courage, stamina and willingness to move forward, though I do not know ahead of time where my writing process is going to take me.

I didn’t know on November 19 that I was writing myself up to that transparent moment.  I didn’t see it coming.  I didn’t predict or anticipate where I was going or where I would end up.  The experience of that transparent moment just happened – but it happened because of the writing.  On some deeper level that I cannot actually SEE within me my instincts say to me – “DON”T WRITE!  STOP!  WRITING IS NOT SAFE.  IT LEADS YOU TO UNKNOW PLACES, AND UNKNOWN IS DANGEROUS TO YOUR WELL-BEING!”

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Because it is my basic premise that I cannot separate any experience I have from the disorganized-disoriented insecure attachment system I have as a direct result of my mother’s abuse of me, I have to allow myself to understand that my current state of NOT WRITING is connected to how this system operates to try to keep me safe and secure in the world.

Hiding is, for me, a trauma related response.  I can translate what is going on for me in the present to:  transparency = dangerous = HIDE NOW!  Hiding means that I am hiding from my own words, which are directly connected in the writing process to who I am – all my memories (even those only my body remembers), how I survived, what I am willing to think about, what I am willing to feel – and to the full consequence of the posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) that I have along with dissociation that does not allow me to KNOW things in a necessarily ongoing, coherent, integrated fashion.

So, I STOP!

At the same time I am willing to share with you in a somewhat transparent way the following words that are connected to this whole process – as I forced myself to write them across lined sheets of spiral notebook paper –

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Make a difference in someone’s life

I used to believe in this

Is this a different Linda?

This one doesn’t even want to write any more.

Transitions between states of mind

Sometimes they are WIDE and I fall in.

I don’t know where the writing Linda went

I don’t want the sad one here.

Sometimes things cost too much – does caring?

Without the grief, am I just numb to everything?

A Linda-safer-floating around on a raft – but fragile amidst the sharks of chaos I know are all around me.

Don’t tip the raft.  Don’t look down.

Is that state mostly where I spent my childhood in between my mother’s attacks?

Out of nowhere she would attack me.  The raft of numb would disappear from under me.

I’d be in the ocean full of sharks – attacked again.

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Cancer was an attack from within.

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What does that mean

Changing our minds?

Like changing gears?

Or changing jobs?

Or changing our clothes?

Or changing a baby’s diaper?

Making change with money

A change in one’s fortune

A change in the weather

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Paving stones with spaces between them

Grout between tiles

Mortar between stones or bricks

In PTSD-Dissociation our traumatic experiences are separated by fear and confusion

Cracks in a sidewalk

Shifting plates of the earth’s crust

Water surrounding continents

If I go to a place of what seems ‘calm’ to me

I suspect I am really ‘numb’ instead

Because peaceful calmness was never allowed (and did not build itself into my body)

At times I do not wish to disturb this numbness

Once I leave the numbness I don’t know and can’t predict what will get triggered and what state I’ll end up in next

And I don’t know how long I’ll end up in some other ‘changed state’ or if, when or how I can get back to ‘numb’

So it seems best not to disturb or change anything

Like a great game of hop scotch only I can’t control or predict where I’ll end up next

Leave well enough alone

Don’t think

Don’t feel

Just be

Try to leave everything within me alone

Control = control where I am in the environment

I don’t want to be challenged there, either

For all the same

Reasons

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It’s like skating on a deep lake with uneven ice

Places that are thick and solid and I’m safe

Places where the ice is thin and I can crash through

But from the top side I can’t tell which is which

Nobody WANTS to fall through

OPTION?  Stay off of the lake

= do not write

I can’t predict where it will take me

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Please feel free to comment directly at the end of this post or on ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Your Page – Readers’ Responses

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November is National Adoption Month

Posted: 24 Nov 2009 10:14 AM PST

Currently, there are 130,000 children and youth waiting to be adopted. National Adoption Month urges Americans to “Answer the Call” to adopt children and youth from foster care. National Adoption Month intends to raise awareness about the adoption of children and youth from foster care.

The Ad Council’s latest public service “You don’t have to be perfect to be a perfect parent” urges potential parents that perfection is not the goal. Children just need loving, caring environments with stability. This award-winning campaign is a partnership of the Children’s Bureau, the Ad Council, and AdoptUsKids. This year’s ads target the African-American community and finding homes for African-American children in care. The ads feature humorous everyday scenarios illustrating that parents need not be perfect to offer the stability and commitment that a “forever family” provides to a waiting child.

Visit the 2009 National Adoption Month Website for more information: http://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/nam/

Additionally, The Children’s Bureau Express has a Spotlight on National Adoption Month webpage The CBE has information about how agencies celebrate National Adoption Month, and find out more about the latest adoption resources and research.  They also offer more information and service on:

PSA Campaign Recruits Families for African-American Children
Adoption Month Calendar Features Innovative Activities
National Survey of Adoptive Parents Releases First Data
Post adoption Support Guide
Positive Outcomes for Late-Placed Adoptees
Court Collaboration Expedites Adoptions
Parent-to-Parent Support for Adoptive Families

To view more information please visit their Spotlight on National Adoption Month: http://cbexpress.acf.hhs.gov/index.cfm?event=website.viewSection&issueID=111&subsectionID=8

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Recovery and Healing Overwhelming Stress – Is Taking a Holiday Important?

When in Serious or Overwhelming Stress Is Taking A Holiday Important?

The above is a question one of my readers asked. My first answer is that the efficacity of a holiday is related to the circumstances and the mind set. I’ll explain.

There are several stressful events in life. First day at school. Taking an important exam or interview. Working up to the point of chatting to a girl or boy you really fancy. Getting married. Buying a house. Moving house. Taking a holiday. There are many others and these I have mentioned are the most important on average.

One source of evidence of a holiday being stressful is in the ‘Holiday back pain syndrome.’ This is very common and where mostly husbands are struck down with terrible back pain on the first or second day of their annual family holiday. Despite all and any treatment these sufferers only get better a day or two before they are due to return to work. This holiday pain syndrome is now well recognised as an emotional stress relief strategy. This is how their body/mind gets them out of a stressful situation they do not want. So holidays are not always an anti stress remedy

Having said that, Yes, if you feel that a holiday is appropriate, you can afford the cost and the time and there will be no additional stress in organizing and doing it, that is great.

I have a friend who hates the approaching holiday time because his wife drives him crazy with unacceptable costs and constantly changing the venue or date when everything seems to be settled. For him the holiday may be enjoyable and relaxing but organizing it is a nightmare he would love to do without.

To touch the question of, is taking a holiday important, a little more closely I am reminded of a personal experience of taking a holiday before my own burnout. I went to see my doctor about some pains that appeared for no apparent reason. He examined me and asked many and varied questions. “You are experiencing the psychosomatic fallout of severe stress”, he told me. I want you to take a holiday immediately. “Yes doctor”, I said. Three weeks later I bumped into the doctor in the street. “Hi, how was your holiday”, he said “ better I hope”. “Well I have not actually done anything about it yet but I will.” I said confidently but slightly ashamed.  “OK,” said the doctor smiling, “can you pop into my surgery this afternoon I would like to give you something to help the stress.” “Certainly” I said. 

I entered my doctor’s office and he indicated for me to sit down on the chair in front of him. The doctor stood up as I sat down and immediately launched into what was no less than a ten minute verbal thrashing about burning the candle at both ends for years and never bothering to care for myself insofar as taking holidays and having fun. This finished with “if you are not out of this country for at least 2 weeks by Friday I will cross you off my patients list and will never speak to you again. Now get out of my sight.”

OUCH!! OK, I got the message this time and went straight to a travel agent, called a girlfriend and we were on a plane to Greece the next morning. As I got to the end of the second week I began to realize how stressed I really had been also how stressed I still was despite the considerable reduction of my stress level during the holiday.

I knew then that to really make a difference I needed another week or two to really achieve what I desperately needed to do. About 18 months later I hit the wall of total and utter burnout.

So what had gone wrong and why had the holiday no lasting benefit? Well here is the answer. Because at that time I did not understand what stress was, how the mind and body/mind works or anything else about it, I did what just about everyone else does. That’s right, I went back after my holiday to doing all the things that got me into high stress in the first place. I recommend you read my two weblog articles on the 7^th Sense intelligence. I can remember now some 10 or 12 years later, thinking what a waste that holiday was.  This thought came as I realized a week later I was right back to being as stressed as before the holiday. What did I do? What everyone does of course, I just struggled on blindly doing everything necessary to wreck my life and companies until I hit the burnout wall.

Therefore, here is the next part of my answer. If a holiday is appropriate and there are no attached stressors in arranging it, paying for it or partaking of it, then that is a good start. On its own it may or may not help. The message of my own experience is that it is vitally important to analyse how you got into high or overwhelming stress and change those stressors of thinking patterns. For your holiday to have any lasting benefit at all you have to change your life. But wait a moment. Whatever you choose to change please do not throw the baby out with the bathwater.  There are some good things and bad things, it is only the bad that need to be changed or ditched. The bad? Well the bad are all those self limiting beliefs, values, behaviours and warnings you have simply taken for granted or ignored even though you keep falling over them.

Hold on, that’s not all, – there are many  limiting thinking patterns also, which keep you locked into running those limiting believable beliefs, values and behaviours over and over again even though you might realize they are not doing you any good.

The options are two. Take years of studying yourself, re-inventing the wheel and learning how the mind works or follow a simple course that takes you straight to your goal and new future. As you learn these lessons in a structured way you will also learn how the mind works via experience rather than just the printed word.

Analysing stressors is not a ‘do it yourself’ thing unless you are trained in that field. Next, if you have no knowledge of how to change thinking patterns and limiting behaviours the chances of success are limited indeed. I’m sorry to be brutal, that is how the mind works and to successfully change it is important to change in the way the mind works best and most easily.

To support and guide you I have built a training and coaching program called;

The Phoenix Solution.

I have made The Phoenix Solution easy to follow, just a few minutes of your time each week day. Otherwise you can save the short tutorials until the weekend.

The Phoenix Solution continues for almost a year. Why a year. This is because if you are not used to understanding how the mind works it is easy to slip back to what I mentioned above. Yes, the risk of slipping back to your old stressors is extremely high. I kid you not. This is not a sales pitch, it is well established fact. Do you remember your last New Year’s Resolution? How long did it or they last? A week, 2 weeks, 3 weeks at the most. If your New Year Resolutions are anything like mine used to be before I got to understand the mind, I need say no more. This duration will keep you on track like your own guidance system. Have you ever watched one of those action videos showing an air to ground missile hitting a bunker or other target.  You will have noticed how the missile weaves up and down also side to side. On observation it is quite easy to see the missile is being pulled back on course every time it veers away from its target. Well you are like the missile with a target in mind, my job is to keep you on track.

Now here is the best part, though my friends think I am totally crazy. You get 225 week day tutorials and coaching by e-mail for about $2 US per lesson. You can pay all up front in which case you also get a free copy of my book Activating Spontaneous Healing worth $30 US sent by post or in a pdf e-book format. Alternatively, you can pay monthly. Can you imagine 5 tutorials and coaching a week. 16 tutorials and coaching per month for about $32 US per month, I must be out of my head but that is the deal. I am doing this because I care and I know there are thousands of people who need this help. This give away price is simply to make a difference for as many people as possible.

I have been training people for 40 years and coaching for ten, albeit I had been coaching for many years before training as a life and sports/mind coach. I did not know it as life coaching though that is what I had been doing all along. You will also get a free pdf copy of my new book, ‘The Neuro Science of Stress management’, due out soon.

For further details of The Phoenix Solution to stress management contact me  Robert Denton at robertdenton@rdcoaching-power.com this is because our website is currently being upgraded and is off line at present.

N.B.  You will not find any testimonials here.

First of all I personally do not trust them. Actually I know they are mostly complete marketing fabrications to convince people to buy.

Secondly, all my clients are totally confidential. I may use some results in my reports, books or marketing but certainly there are no names and absolutely nothing in any way to implicate any client.

Yes there is the occasional exception and that is usually because the client is so marked by their positive change they volunteer and ask that I publish their story. Such charitable acts are little different from the above offer. It is a desire to point others to solutions that work at a price that surely anyone who wants to can afford.

For me honesty and total confidentiality are vitally important and something I honour with great care.

Come and join The Phoenix Solution. High stress is a very lonely place to be, it is also a dreadful  confidence sapping condition. In the Phoenix Solution you will be guided and supported all the way.

My one, silent rebellion was prayer.

In Oz it’s rude to talk about spirituality/religion much, certainly not the private kind so I really have no way of reading how ok you’d all be about the mention of it?
(not that I mind being rude, you understand. The odd verbal spanking appeals to me but there is such a thing as context and I get enough spam as it is…)

Sufficiently armed with the above disclaimer, I was thinking (they tell me it’s dangerous, so naturally I find it hard to stop)…
about the resources I have to hold onto. then and now.

Back then the question seemed about externals. I mean, technically God is an external, too except it’s hardly the same. (God is not a Disney film.) But it’s notions like that that kept me even vaguely this side of sane, even with militant atheists for parents or perhaps because of them.

Sounds funny because we normally associate prayer with conformity and with a brand of conservatism that is so mainstream as to go largely unacknowledged and yet remains a central feature of many peoples’ daily lives.

My prayers were always tinged with guilt. Surreptitious and vehement as the stars I’d look to. I heard them swallowed by the silence, the depth and magnitude of nature rang out in response and I was sure they were still there.

My parents were strangely devout in their atheism… and I mean these were people who would disown friends/family for ‘turning religious on them.’ There was a deep-seeded fear of it, for good reasons but at the time all I knew was that you keep it underground.

So day by day it grows a little stronger in response.
Because it’s always there when nobody else is, and precisely because it’s meant to stay out of sight. It’s like telling a prisoner not to mind the bright red escape hatch on the wall… these are not the ways to keep the curious from killing the cat.
I’ll go there because you tell me not to. I’m obsessive like that, or is it stubborn? Either way, it was there.

I went to an Anglican school with enforced prayer but it was the music and the wholeness of each note that did it — a thousand voices soaring, the organ piercing sunlight that had only just before seemed so absolutely void. Scriptures I could take or leave, for the most part. Parables you hear regardless — the lessons had already been marked on my skin, one way or another.

And so they told me, you can sing but do not dare to feel. Leave it at the gates and go… nowhere. offer… nothing. tell… no one.

Sometimes I’d write to God because it turned out Santa was just another fat, middle-aged pervert pretending to be something he was not.

See, there was no replacement for the wonder and belief that had long before been poured into my heart. How do you tell a child they can’t believe in the Moon? It’s right there.

But I learned to ignore those things, somewhere along the way, deliberately forgot the rest, most likely. It is an emptiness, an invitation to deny yourself and in the process lose a little hope with every breath. Not that I hoped for so many things, certainly not that some mystical power would save me from what had by then become my life.

I doubt I wanted to be saved. Kindness hadn’t proved much of a boon up to that point so I thought to myself, just don’t hand me another fairytale. I’m not a princess and there is no pea. There’s just you, me and… ?

What I did want to know was that I could be understood. And if there might, just might be a light switch to find, if I kept to the path I couldn’t help but know lay deep within, then that would be gravy.

These were my messages in a bottle, stored on the very top shelf. I stuffed them in the cookie jar, perched right below the bright red sign that tells you not to dare.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and today I’m traveling to my extended family, several states away. I expect the traffic to be heavy, and I expect the trip to be long. I’ve spent the past week preparing myself for this mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I’ve consulted with my neuropsych, I’ve checked in with friends, I’ve been eating right and I’ve been working out and stretching regularly. Last night I actually got eight hours of sleep.

This year is very different from past years, in that I’m not pushing myself up to the very last minute when my spouse and I hit the road. I’ve been taking it easy, taking the different tasks in manageable pieces, not biting off more than I can chew, but keeping on task and on point. And I’ve been using my timer, to make sure I stay on schedule.

This year is also different, in that I called my parents ahead of time to find out what the plan was going to be for the next few days. I checked the weather, too, so I could be prepared to offer suggestions. I’ve requested that we just take Friday “off” and relax and do some light activity outside — the weather is going to be beautiful, and I would really like to spend time with my folks, just hanging out and talking.

I am also planning to share with them the findings of my neuropsych evaluations and work. I’ve made tremendous progress, over the past year, and I want to share the info with my parents in a positive and constructive way. I haven’t been able to do that, till lately, as I’ve had a lot of reservations about my progress (not helped by my psychotherapist, who has been trying to talk me into “accepting” (i.e., giving up on) my limitations and settling for less of an amazing life than I believe I can have.

I’m not sure how they got to be that cynical, but I’m not on the same page with them, and I am certainly not going to settle for less, just ’cause I’ve had some misfortunes along the way.

Anyway, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to how much progress I’ve made over the past year or so. My neuropsych says they are encouraged and inspired by my progress, which is great. I’m really happy I can return the favor of their assistance. I really have come a long way. A year ago, I was pretty turned around, I didn’t have much direction, and I was very muddled and confused by the ramifications of my issues. I had a long way to go, to figure things out.

My previous therapist wasn’t helping matters, by constantly focusing on what my mother did, as a source of my woes. I invested a lot of time with them, essentially being led down the wrong path — it wasn’t necessarily my mother (or my father) that was the root of my issues. It was more the neurological context in which I was living in my childhood — all those unidentified, misunderstood, pesky issues that complicated and intensified every experience I had, and had me “pegging” emotionally and behaviorally all over the map.

Now, I have to say, my current psychotherapist has helped me regain my balance from before. I think my previous therapist was trying to regress me, to find some deep, dark secret hidden in the innermost recesses of my psyche, so they could exorcise my demons or something like that. And my current therapist helped me regain my balance by helping me focus on the logistics of my day-to-day life, rather than floating around in the distant past. And I am very grateful for their help (tho’ I have to move on now).

Indeed, I think the thing that has helped me the most, over the past couple of years, has been the help I’ve gotten in dealing with my everyday life — keeping my issues in mind, understanding them and how they impact me, and getting to the bottom of the problems I can expect to have, given different situations. Being aware of patterns, like:

I get tired after a full day of intense activity, and when I get tired, I have a tendency to get turned around and agitated, which adds to my internal confusion and throws gasoline on the fire of my temper… and really contributes to me melting down over every little thing

helps me immensely, and it also helps the people around me to help manage and anticipate my issues before they get completely out of control.

And one of the big things that helps me identify my patterns is examining my life on a regular basis. I take a lot of notes, and I record a lot of my experiences. I look back on my days and weeks, and I watch for issues and patterns that emerge over time. I write down the times when I am having a really hard time of things, and I identify the contributing factors. And I draw pictures of my problems and the “flow” I use to deal with them. I work with my life — the failures and the successes — as my own individual recovery plan and practice. And I see results.

Real results. Like promotions at work. Like improved relationships with others. Like a more creative approach to my life, overall. If I can get past the old bad habit of being so hard on myself, and I can treat my difficulties as challenges (from the outside — from my faulty wiring — rather than from my inside character or personal worth) to be tackled creatively … challenges just waiting to be overcome… well, then, the ultimate results of my examined life are tangible improvements, the likes of which I never thought I’d see happen.

Truly, this is remarkable. I always thought — before I knew why things were always getting so screwed up with me — that I was flat-out doomed to failure. I had precious little expectation that things would ever turn around for me permanently… I figured it was always just a matter of time, till things got mucked up for no reason I could identify, and everything I’d worked so hard for just went away, swallowed up in the sinkhole of my life.

But now that I’m paying attention to the basics, and I’m following up to deliberately study the results of my actions and see how they can be improved… Now that I’m treating my life like the miracle that it is, and I’m studying my daily “playbook” with focus and intention, and I’m refining my approaches, based on what I know about my limitations, I no longer believe that I am stuck in endless cycles of attempt-failure-attempt-failure-attempt-failure.

My life is different now. Because I’m living it differently now.

And it’s good.

In case you’re wondering how I go about doing this, here’s the basic flow of my practical-life-recovery-plan:

1. I figure out what I want to do. I understand why I want to do it, and how it fits in the overall picture of my life. For example, I figure out that I need to exercise first thing in the morning, and I need to really work up a sweat, because I have been feeling a little sluggish lately and I need to “pump up” my system a little more.
2. I do it. And I track what I do. For example, I do my morning workout, but I don’t manage to work up much of a sweat.
3. I figure out if I accomplished what I set out to do, and if I succeeded, I celebrate in some way. If not, I ask myself why that is. For example, I make note that I worked out — and I congratulate myself for doing that — but I didn’t work up a sweat, and I wonder why.
4. I figure out why I didn’t accomplish exactly what I set out to do, and I ask myself what I can do differently to change that the next time. For example, while I’m having my breakfast, I look at how I’m doing, and I realize that I’m tired and distracted. I figure out that I didn’t get to bed at a decent hour the night before, and I also see that I let to many errands wait till later in the day, which pushed my schedule back farther into the evening, so I couldn’t relax and get to sleep at a decent hour.
5. I think of alternative strategies I can follow to make changes in my daily life, that will help me accomplish what I set out to do better today. For example, I spend a little more time planning my day in a way that will let me get my busy-work done first thing, and give me more time in the afternoon to take it easy and wind down.
6. I go about my day and check in with myself periodically, to see how I’m doing. I make a point of remembering the goals I did not accomplish, which I really, really wanted to accomplish, and I work a little harder to keep myself in line. For example, I check my daily work list periodically to make sure I’m staying on schedule and make sure I’m not overloading myself with extra stuff in the evening.
7. Last but not least, I follow up. I do a check-in later to see how I’m doing, and if I’ve accomplished the goals I set for myself, I celebrate and reward myself. For example, if I get to the end of the day without wiping myself out, I treat myself to a little bit of television, watching a show on cable that I really like. Or better yet, I make an early night of it and I get in bed at a decent hour, which lets me sleep and sleep and sleep till I’m actually rested.
8. And then I do it all again the next day.

To some, it might sound arduous and like a lot of work, and it is. But it’s good work, and it’s really more of an orientation to my life, a kind of spiritual practice, if you will. In the Give Back Orlando material, they talk about how TBI survivors need to be more mindful of their lives, and I have found that to be very true. But even more importantly, I’ve found that I want to be more mindful of my life. Yes, it’s work, but I don’t mind the work. Yes, it’s different from how most people live. But I’ve never been like other people, so why start now — and why feel badly that I can’t be like them? I’m just fine, the way I am.

In the end, yes, it does take more work to live this way. In the end, yes, it is more time-consuming to do things that a lot of people do quickly and easily without a second thought. In the end, no, I don’t have as much time to fritter away on non-essential activities.

But in the end, the payoff is huge. I get to have a life.

Better yet, I get to have the life that I want to live.

Generations of women
know how i feel
when I say abuse, rape, and fear
Trillions of women
know how I feel
when I say that the end is near
Due to me
Looking at the wrong peer
Billions of women
know how I feel
when I can’t speak
Cuz my words
Have been choked out by tens
of thousands
of men
“complimenting” my ass
instead of wiping my tears
Millions of women
know how I feel
When courage runs low
And thoughts of being low
Run high
Thousands of women
know how I feel
When sweat, blood, and tears
Dripping down on us
Remind us of the most traumatic
Incendent of our lives
Hundreds of women
know how I feel
When I reminise about a hate
so strong
That my ora literally
Burns
Your whole atmosphere
Your whole world
Til nothing exists
Cuz thats what you did to me
Tens of women know
My story
Now, a part of me
in my history
One woman knows
That this story will not
Define who she is
This woman
Is me.