Emotional pain, or hurt, varies in intensity from the slightly uncomfortable to so searing as to feel unbearable. Mental illness, whether mild or severe, can be a consequence of our inability, either temporarily or permanently, to deal with the emotional trauma of pain and hurt.

In my experience there are countless ways for us to be emotionally hurt and experience emotional pain. I have noticed an interesting consistency and that is that we are the sole custodians of our feelings and as a consequence ultimately responsible for how we feel.

I have found it extremely common to hear ourselves saying “you hurt me”, “he hurt me”, “they hurt me”, “she hurt me”, “that hurt me” etc blaming others or circumstance for our hurt and pain. My view is that while you, he, they, she, that etc may have had a part in causing us the pain or hurt, if the potential for being hurt or feeling pain did not already exist inside us we would not get hurt or feel the pain. I believe that we have the capability to control this internal potential for pain and hurt.

Controlling this internal potential should not be confused with denial and avoidance. Denial and avoidance are temporary coping mechanisms that can cause serious problems down the track if not appropriately addressed and resolved. Gaining control confers a permanent change in us that enables us to feel and bear any hurt or pain while remaining consistently content regardless of external circumstance.

In my view one of the most significant factors in preventing us from effectively dealing with hurt or pain is fear. In her excellent book ‘Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway’ Susan Jeffers describes three different levels of fear:

• Level 1 – These are surface fears, the stuff we whinge, whine and moan about on a day-to-day basis e.g. financial security, getting old, asserting oneself, public speaking, becoming a victim of crime, being late etc
• Level 2 – These are fears stored in the memory banks of our Parent and Child e.g. hurt or pain, rejection, helplessness, acceptance, failure etc – see my previous article on Perspective for a description of the Parent-Adult-Child (PAC) model developed by Thomas A Harris
• Level 3 is simply “I CAN’T HANDLE IT!”

Of Level 3 Susan says:

“AT THE BOTTOM OF EVERY ONE OF YOUR FEARS IS SIMPLY THE FEAR THAT YOU CAN’T HANDLE WHATEVER LIFE MAY BRING YOU.”

She goes on to say:

“ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO DIMINISH YOUR FEAR IS TO DEVELOP MORE TRUST IN YOUR ABILITY TO HANDLE WHATEVER COMES YOUR WAY!”

So there we have it, if we trust ourselves and back ourselves we will go a long way to gaining control of our internal potential for pain and hurt. Furthermore letting go of blame, see my previous article on Blame, also plays a major part in gaining control of reducing our internal potential for being hurt or caused pain.

Hurt or pain typically begins with some sort of transgression or slight against us either real or perceived. Whether real or perceived it feels very real to us. This kicks off the grief cycle, see my previous article on Loss for an explanation of the grief cycle. In brief the grief cycle is made up of five stages or states which are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance or, as I abbreviate it, DABDA.

As I understand it, when we are hurt or in pain we cycle randomly through four of these stages/states:

Denial – This is the “I don’t believe it!” state

Anger – This is the “I want revenge!” state

Bargaining – This is “I’ll do/give anything to stop this pain.” state

Depression – This is the “I’m very sad, miserable and teary.” state

Because these states all cause us extremely emotional low moods, we should not try to sort our problems when we are in any of them. As Richard Carlson says in his excellent book ‘You Can Be Happy No Matter What’ (the words in [italics] are mine):

“It is in our lowest [worst] moods, when we are least equipped to do so, that we are tempted to try to solve problems or resolve issues with others.”

Richard also describes some wonderfully simple methods for managing the inner turmoil that accompanies pain and hurt.

In ‘The Art of Happiness’ and its condensed derivative ‘The Essence of Happiness’ by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler, M.D. the Dalai Lama says:

“All ‘deluded’ states of mind, all afflictive emotions and thoughts are essentially distorted, in that they are rooted in misperceiving the actual reality of the situation. No matter how powerful, deep down these negative emotions have no valid foundation. They are based on ignorance. On the other hand, all the positive emotions or states of mind, such as love, compassion, insight and so on, have a solid basis. When the mind is experiencing these positive states, there is no distortion.”

He then goes on to say:

“Our positive states of mind can act as antidotes to our negative tendencies and delusory states of mind… As you enhance the capacity of these antidotal factors, the greater their force, the more you will be able to reduce the force of the mental and emotional afflictions, the more you will be able to reduce the influences and effects of these things.”

In my experience, meditation, whatever form it takes (interestingly prayer is considered by some to be a form of meditation), is also extremely helpful in alleviating pain and hurt.

Stay strong and serene.

Recently came across a brilliant video (see here)

As people chose the stairs in this case, do you think they decided the same way they would usually do when they are offered a choice of stairs vs. an escalator?

I don’t think so, and that is the point – a change in consumer behaviour can be triggered by suspending consumer rationality.

The most iconic example of this is the McDonald’s Happy meal promotion, where children across the world have coerced parents into a McDonald’s for a sandwich they did not want but for the toy that came with the Happy meal.

But children are easily beguiled do you say?

Consider the  ‘Free’ phone deal that all mobile operators offer on a contract  that makes consumers throw away perfectly good phones and pay for a new ‘Free’ phone.

Or take the iPhone phenomenon; people who would have considered coverage and service reputation, compared deals from various providers before changing providers have queued up to buy O2 service without doing this because that was the only way they could get their hands on the phone.

As these examples demonstrate, an unrelated pay-off in the transaction can fundamentally change how decisions are made and even trigger decisions that are not rational. The limit is only defined by the marketing and pricing creativity that you can bring to building the proposition. Not surprisingly, a ‘free’ reward is a trusted weapon in the direct marketing arsenal for triggering consumer response.

PS: See a very interesting write-up from James Myers of Ogilvy on Behavioural Economics here that delves further into the ‘intuitive’ consumer behaviour.

"When my time comes, just skin me and put me up there on Trigger, just as though nothing had ever changed."

We thought it would be fun to celebrate the singing cowboy legends, from back in the day of the Saturday matinee.

Did you know that Roy Rogers real name was Leonard Franklin Slye? Born November 5, 1911 in Cincinnati, Ohio.

When he moved to California to become a singer, and did with the group “Sons of the Pioneers” …for four year of little success.

Leonard appeared in many western films, still being billed as Leonard Slye. The day that Gene Autry temporarily walked out on his movie contract was the day that Roy Rogers was born.

Roy Roger’s became a major contender for Gene Autry as the nation’s favorite singing cowboy!

See you at the picture show!

Happy Trails to You!

Our Winter Hours November-April • Weekends • 10:00 am – Dusk

Horseback Riding & Special Event Inquiry • Reservation Line • 952-361-3361

A trigger is a special kind of stored procedure that responds to specific events. More specifically, it is attached to a Table or View or Database schemas for tracking the operations on them. The key difference between a trigger and a stored procedure is that the former is attached to a table or view and is fired only when an INSERT, UPDATE, and/or DELETE occurs, whereas a stored procedure executes at any time when it is called.

//Create Table
create table t_EmployeeInformation
(
employee_ID int identity(1,1) NOT NULL,
employee_Name varchar(50),
employee_EmailID varchar(20),
employee_Status varchar(10) NULL constraint
DF_t_EmployeeInformation_employee_Status default (‘Active’)
)

//Create Procedure
create procedure p_InsertEmployee
@employee_Name varchar(50),
@employee_EmailID varchar(40),
as
begin
insert into t_EmployeeInformation(employee_Name,employee_EmailID)
values(@employee_Name,@employee_EmailID)
end

The following code snippet shows a simple trigger which fires on an insert to table t_EmployeeInformation.

//Create Trigger
create trigger tr_InsertEmployee
on t_EmployeeInformation
after insert
as
begin
declare @employee_ID int
select @employee_ID = employee_ID from inserted
update t_EmployeeInformation
set employee_Status = ‘Inactive’
where employee_ID != @employee_ID
end

//Use Procedure to Insert Data
exec p_InsertEmployee ‘khan’, ‘khan.rahim@gmail.com’

Trigger will fire for the insert event and change all available employee_Status except the last (inserted) one.

Thanks
A Rahim Khan

One of the pieces that is so hard for me to understand and adjust to, is how quick she can flip from super upset to being ok and happy and cuddly.  Its really disorienting for me.

Last night we tried going out to dinner (I was too worn out to think of cooking).  All was good  she was happy and cuddly.  Then randomly sexuality and gender stuff came up. more theoreticall abstract in the beginning.  but i think I now get that sex is just as much a trigger for her as it is for me.  in different ways but it is the hot button issue.

Her upset around that got so out of control continued after we got home and eventually led to wanting to do self harm stuff and of course tons of lashing out at me.  I broke down and cried at one point, which kind of fueled those emotions in her.  she felt bad but then got angry because i can’t handle talking about it.

She realized last night that I’d gotten rid of the razor she bought tuesday. was going to go buy another.  even tho i felt very paralyzed with fear, through all this she continued to be angry in everything and attack my weaknesses(and her own) it moved to my cutting past.., I decided to be very clear if she cut I would call project response.  If she had been threatening more than that I would call 911.

Honestly, I think that helped.  she was still angry for a while and trying to take it out on me.  but when i realized she was going to just lay in bed, i went to the other room.  by the time i came back through. she was out of it and wanting to ‘eat ice cream and watch bleach’  which just 30 minutes before she was calling doing that and pretending to be happy as pathetic and disgusting.

I know that was the upset and her acting out talking.  Its hard to not take things personally sometimes.  But I think reading the SWOE (stop walking on eggshells) book is helpful.  I had read about triggers this morning, so it helped to see this as one of her triggers. not just her pushing on my trigger.  but that being a result of the intense emotions released in her about it.

but dammit.  my eye just started twitching again this morning.  it was doing it off and on all day yesterday.

When is enough enough?
How long can I live like this?
Do I want to live like this?
What if he gets better and I’m not there?
What if he doesn’t get better and I’m still there?
How long will this last?
Is this what our life will be like—constantly waiting for the next episode to hit?
What can I DO to fix this?
How can I change, help, do more?
How much of his behavior is the bipolar, and how much is in his control?
Does he really want to get better or does he enjoy the mania too much?
Why would he even consider doing any of this to me/his daughter?
Am I being selfish?
Am I being cold?
Why do I feel so guilty?
Why should I be able to walk away from this disease when he can’t?
Am I supportive enough?
What else can I DO?
What else can HE do?
What is the new normal?
Where did this come from?
How do I hold him responsible for his behavior if he doesn’t even REMEMBER it?
Will our daughter be bipolar?
Can I ever trust him again, especially if I don’t trust the bipolar?
Can I really separate my husband from the bipolar?
Am I ready to let go of some of our dreams and make new different ones?
Am I a bad person if I don’t want to?
Do I want to be the caretaker?
Am I ok with our relationship not being an equal partnership like it was when we started?
Is it ok to be tired of being the “strong” one?
Am I enabling or am I helping?

These are just a handful of the seemingly GAZILLION of questions that float through my head on any given day. You know, along with “normal” things like:

What should I wear today?
Did I pay my car payment?
Do these jeans make me look ginormous?
What hair color should I do next?
Did I sent that follow up email to the client?
What was the deadline for the next deliverable?
Do I need to pick up more wipes?
Do I have gas in my car?
When is the next pediatrician appointment?
When did I last go to the dentist?

And almost none of them have answers. Or they do, and those answers change daily.

There’s only so much my brain can handle these days, and more often than not, I feel like all of the “normal” day-to-day questions are either unanswered or seriously affected by my attention that’s being devoted to the bipolar wife questions. It’s not without a lack of effort to answer these questions. Trust me, I’d LOVE to have the answers. It would make my life (and Mark’s) WAY easier.

See, I’m afraid that although I haven’t really seen the man I married in almost 3 years, with the exception of some glimpses here and there, some day he’ll get this disease under control. And I want to be there when he does. It is because of this that I’m afraid to answer some of the questions. Because I still believe that he’s “in there”—it’s just a matter of learning and stabilizing, accepting and changing, and recognizing the triggers or signs to look for to prevent the next episode from setting in and taking over. Because when that happens—and it seems like we’ve been in episode phase and doing damage control more often than not since the onset of this illness—it’s miserable. For him. For me. And for anyone who has to deal with either of us.

This disease has impacted our careers. Our happiness. Our family. Our trust. Our confidence. Our faith.

And the reality is, this disease isn’t going anywhere. It’s here for the long haul. Now I need to determine if I am.

And that’s no easy question to answer.

I am fairly secure in what I do. I enjoy my play. I enjoy my darkness and my light. I have the highest self esteem of my entire life. As noted previously, I enjoy my marks and bruises. The thing is, though, that drop happens. To everyone.

I often get drop triggered by people expressing concern or upset. When I’m not looking, my brain twists these emotions into very negative thoughts. There must be something Wrong with me if That Person is concerned about what I have done. I am a Bad Person if they are disturbed by what I did. He is Mad at me because what I had did limited what he can do. None of these statements are true, but they stick in my head sometimes.

I come out of drop faster than I used to. I can recognize it as drop, I can remind myself that those thoughts are false. I remember the scene and how much fun it was, and how happy it made us both. I write about the scene and explore the joy of the experience. I also, whenever possible, talk to both the person involved and the person who triggered the drop. Sometimes this is the same person, but not always, and when it’s not, I also remind myself that they did not get to witness the scene and are only judging the aftermath, from their own limited point of view.

Also Chocolate. Chocolate always helps.

I seem to have more readers now. It’s about time to get comment conversations going. How do you deal with drop? What are your triggers?

I want to leave
forever,
for good,
for my own good.

If I gave you
a loaded gun,
would you cock it
and pull the trigger?

A further proof of my DIY acoustic-to-e-Kit by Alesis Trigger IO Trigger-to-MIDI device is triggered. Playing some different grooves with different pieces of kit S2.0 and mixer settings. Groove 1 -13 "piccolo snare 14×24" bass drum GMS -13 "Sabian HHX Revolution HALLO-hats -" Natural "mixer preset Groove 2 -14" Black Beauty snare drum 14×24 "bass drum GMS -16" Sabian hand hammered crash HALLO-hats Groove 3 -14 "Slingerland snare drum 18×22" double-headed arrow GMS kick -16 "Sabian Hand …

diyfashions.wordpress.com interiordesign.blogs.thaihealth.net fashion.blogs.thaihealth.net

I mentioned yesterday that I’m suffering from ‘Winter blues’. Now I’ll attempt to explain how ACT is helping me.

Depression is often experienced by people in recovery and is a classic trigger for relapse. Inside my own head it’s dangerous! When I get depressed I tend to isolate and that feeds back into my depression, and so on. It’s important to do stuff that helps and not look for a ‘quick fix’ that only leads to greater suffering in the long-term. Stuff like family, community, friends, recreation, health, etc. Things that I truly value.

In ASPIRE we refer to unhelpful thought processes as stories – realistic fantasies that we hook into, often, without realising it. We all experience this when we allow our minds to take control. Left to it’s own devices my mind is currently traveling to some very dark and painful places.

I have begun telling myself “that it’s all a waste of time”; “I don’t give a ****.”; “I can’t be bothered”; “leave me alone” etc., etc. . ad infinitum. I was accustomed to defining myself by my thoughts, so my sense of self-esteem plummeted. ASPIRE is helping me understand that I am not my thoughts. I practice noticing myself having the thoughts and gave them a seperate identity and personality to help distance myself from them.

In this case my chosen alter-ego is the Sid Vicious cartoon character! I hope you remember him because I can’t find an image anywhere. Sid was someone I could relate to and, as as a cartoon he’s not to be taken too seriously. I am now able to view them objectively and by associating them with that character they lose some of their power. It’s not a cure for depression. There’s no more a cure for depression than there is for pain, but I suffer less. I suffer less because I do not try to fight it and because it doesn’t prevent me from appreciating my values.

So, I called up my brother yesterday and we’re going to meet up for lunch sometime this week. We both took very different paths a longtime ago and we haven’t seen one another for a while. The longer I didn’t contact him for the harder it became and I know I’ll feel a lot of guilt, sadness, and shame, and it’ll also be,  fan-*******-tastic.

ACT is about accepting unwanted and unhelpful thoughts and feelings, such as SAD, and doing it anyway.

]]> http://relationshipsmatter.wordpress.com/2009/11/30/relationships-matter-conflict/ Mon, 30 Nov 2009 13:55:07 +0000 Yernasia Quorelios http://relationshipsmatter.wordpress.com/2009/11/30/relationships-matter-conflict/

Once we have encountered someone they are permanently recorded in our memory and not forgotten unless we suffer some sort of catastrophic, irreversible memory loss. The factual details are recorded in our Parent and our emotional responses concerning the person are recorded in our Child – see my previous article on Perspective for a description of the Parent-Adult-Child (PAC) model developed by Thomas A Harris.

Consequently under normal circumstances once we get to ‘know’ someone it is not possible to get to ‘not know’ them or, to use a more common term, ‘forget them’. I think that whenever we encounter someone, however briefly, we establish a relationship that we never really ‘lose’. My view is that it continues to exist in one of the four states depicted below – Harmony, Triggers, Conflict or Resolution.

Even if we never see a person again after a brief encounter, e.g. check-in staff at the airport, one night stand etc, if our parting was on good terms the relationship remains forever in Harmony with no chance of ever entering Conflict because we will never see that person again and we will have warm, pleasant memories of the encounter. If, however, triggers occurred, e.g. the service, sex etc was terrible, this may have led to conflict and the relationship then remains forever in Conflict with no chance of resolution as we never get to see that person again in order to attempt to reach Resolution and restore Harmony.

The more time we spend with a person and the better we get to know them the more chance there is of entering the Conflict state. In his excellent book ‘You Can Be Happy No Matter What’ Richard Carlson says:

“THE THOUGHT SYSTEMS OF OTHERS

We have learned that thoughts with recurring patterns become part of our individualized thought systems. Because our thought systems are self-validating systems (in psychological terminology, closed systems), we are unable to question them, and it will always seem to us that we are seeing life accurately and realistically. Because of this, we tend to question the ways in which others live their lives and the ways they do things, because self-validating systems are very protective of themselves. Information that doesn’t match our existing beliefs will be filtered through our belief system and judged as “inconsistent with the truth,” “a strange way of doings,” “weird,” “unusual,” “different,” and most often, “wrong.”

As we get to know another person better this tendency to question their thought system will increase, not decrease. The more opportunity we have to interact and spend time with other thought systems, the greater is the chance of conflict. This is why the most difficult relationship, for so many people, is marriage. For unmarried people, the most difficult relationship is commonly the person they are closest or most intimate with. In some ways, it seems ironic that we should be most bothered by those to whom we wish to be closest. But it can’t be any other way, unless and until we understand the psychological functioning of ourselves and our partners. Once we do, the opposite will happen. With understanding, we will gain new love and respect for those we choose to spend the most time with. We will retain our positive feelings for them as special and unique people. The issue of our differences will cease to bother us – perhaps it will even become amusing! We will begin to see people as characters, rather than adversaries.”

I agree with Richard…the closer we are to someone the more likely it is that conflict will arise. When we talk about ‘working at a relationship’ I believe what we are saying is that we need to work through resolving conflict whenever it arises and that it is particularly hard work in our closest, most intimate relationships. As time goes on and the relationship evolves the frequency of entering the Conflict state diminishes; in some cases to a point where conflict no longer happens between the parties.

As the diagram shows I believe that the route to conflict is via triggers. These are pre-existing psychological states many of which have not yet been resolved. For example some peoples’ rage is triggered when they are pointed at moving them to the Conflict state while others just shrug and think “hmmm… pointing isn’t polite” and their rage is not triggered hence they remain in the Harmony state avoiding getting anywhere near the Conflict state.

A relationship that has become stuck in the Conflict state is sometimes described as lost. However I believe that there is no situation that cannot be resolved. Whether or not it does get resolved depends on the desire of all parties concerned to reach resolution and return to a state of Harmony. Communication and negotiation play a very important part in resolving conflict – see my previous articles on Communication and Negotiation.

Here are some of the things that I think are common causes of conflict:

Lack of Expectation Management – This is one of the major causes of the build up of anger leading to resentment and rage. This, in turn, results in very serious conflict – see my previous article on Expectations

Mismatching – Mismatching is also a significant cause of conflict. One of our major issues is hoping to match ourselves with others before we get to know ourselves. How can we hope to enter in to an effective match with someone else when we barely know who we are ourselves? This is why I think that introspection is so important – see my previous article on Introspection.

Attachment to Things and Acts – For a variety of reasons we find ourselves drawn to material things and acts of others toward us. Here are a couple of questions we should be asking ourselves:

• Are we falling in love/in love with ‘Our’ things (Our Tune, Our Joke, Our Place, Our Gifts etc) or with the person?
• Are we falling in love/in love with the person or the way we’re being treated?

Where we are in love with things or acts, once others are unable to give these to us anymore a major conflict occurs. The reason being that we no longer have any reason to stay with the person(s) who is (are) no longer a source of the things or acts that we have fallen in love with. So we move on to others who can restore to us what our former partner/friends etc are no longer able to give and leave them devastated. If we are in love with the person(s) and/or simply appreciate them for who they are we stick with them.

Possession or Person – The treatment of a person as a possession always leads to conflict. Whether slavery (actual or metaphoric), excessive jealousy or perceived ownership, the person(s) who is (are) the focus of the possessiveness will eventually rebel either quietly or very loudly.

Contact – Some of us are contact junkies; others of us are quite happy to wait, sometimes extended periods of time, between contacts. This can be a very significant source of conflict. Contact junkies will terminate relationships (or, more accurately in my view, put them in an indefinite state of Conflict) because they are aggrieved that they are not being contacted often enough.

Dominant Parent and/or Child – Where one, both or all parties in a relationship have a dominant Parent and/or Child conflict is inevitable. This is because the weakened or absent Adult is unable to assert the necessary rationality that fosters effective communication and negotiation. If the Adult is dominant and strong in at least one party the conflict can be resolved quickly.

Mental Illness – This in my view is the most disappointing cause of conflict. In my experience most people have taken the view that they did not get involved in a relationship to deal with someone’s psycho behaviour. It is disappointing because all it requires on the part of the person(s) who are mentally healthy is a resolve to assist the mentally ill person recover be it depression, neurosis or whatever.

Negativity – Excessive jealousy, extreme anger (rage), resentment, blaming and fault finding are just a few of the excellent ways to move very quickly to a state of Conflict. My advice is to avoid expressing negativity inappropriately at all costs.

In summary I think that the trick is to stay in the Harmony state. Where this is not possible then the triggers should be removed and/or the conflict resolved as quickly as is practicable.

Stay strong and serene.

Normally to find out whether or not a trigger is enabled/disabled, we can simply run this:

SELECT OBJECTPROPERTYEX (OBJECT_ID(‘TriggerName’),’ExecIsTriggerDisabled’)

A DDL trigger, however, is not schema-scoped, therefore the above query will return NULL. To find out, here’s the query that you need to run:

SELECT name, is_disabled
FROM sys.triggers
WHERE name = ‘TriggerName’

Article Date: 19 Nov 2009 – 3:00 PST

During its research into the application of neuroscience in business, a New Jersey based think tank, The Center for Modeling Optimal Outcomes®, LLC (The Center) made an inadvertent and amazing discovery.

The Center examined the neuroscientific dynamics of logic and emotion in decision making while researching neuroscience in business. They found unique corollary relationships between various brain chemicals (neurohormones, neurotransmitters, etc.). This apparent pattern led to a new path of research for the team outside of business. By looking at extensive scientific literature they discovered a cascade of hormones that emanate from the brain (hypothalamus). This same pattern of correlations was again apparent throughout the cascade. The group added a research biologist and started to test the pattern on genes (proteins). It remained consistent. The Center then called upon advisors from chemistry and physics to see if the pattern would apply in physical sciences.

continue reading

As you  know I’ve been looking for a trigger, just not this one.  Could it be? Max Keiser explains

On the second Saturday in November I stood atop Winslow Hill and imagined myself as an autumn leaf, vulnerable, light as a feather, about to be blown away into yonder.  With hurricane force winds blasting in from the sea, the whole of Bowleaze Cove was a bubbling mass of white water.  As I tried to photograph the scene, with just a fraction of zoom lens protruding, my camera bucked and weaved like a rebellious stallion while the wind and the rain took its revenge on me.

Later that day I went to worship once again at the awesome reality of Chesil Beach in a force 10 when the waves provide the thunder and the spray the lightning.  Behind me the valley was brimming with rain and hunkering down for the worst storm of the year.

Three days later and I’m strolling due south across the centre of the valley.  The dogs are hunting and quartering in front of me.  On my left the deep shadows are playing games in amongst the strip lynchets.  On my right a wondrous and idyllic tableau is formed by the White Horse and a field full of sheep.  Underfoot is sticky and soggy as the rainwater drains down from the hill.  Ahead of me the A353 snakes across the lip of the valley and I wonder when the next motorcyclist will be severely injured up there.  It happens on a fortnightly basis and what does the Highway Authority do?  Absolutely nothing of course.  Dorset County Council sits on its fat, collective, complacent backside while young people are grotesquely mutilated on dangerous roads.  It is nothing short of blatant, inexcusable negligence.

So while the valley is a cure for many of the stresses and strains of everyday life, it is not apart from them.  In fact, I make a plea to all driving south down the A353 to look left towards the sea.  Paradise Valley is far too distracting.

Up on the hill, the yellow gorse flowers are back and I’m marvelling again at the hardiness of the sheep.  When Capone, Carla and I go up there for an hour and a half we come back and spend the rest of the day in heated shelter.  Recently, we’ve had as long a spell of consistently high winds as I can remember.  I hate to think what it must be like for those sheep at 3 o’clock in the morning!

In an hurrah to the height of the pheasant season, this morning Carla demonstrated the superiority of her nose and hunting skills.

We climbed up and over the hump that sits on the northern shoulder of White Horse Hill.  Coming down the far side is a favourite place for deer but Carla hunted high and low to no avail.

Out into the main field where the stubbl;e is thick from the last crop of barley and suddenly she’s put up a hen pheasant, fluttering back up to the hump.  Then there are three breaking from cover, another back up the hump and two curling round towards me.  The third is rising, screaming, soaring as I swing right through it and see a clear 20 feet of lead before I pull the trigger.

Another is up quartering me from right to left, accelerating and rising, actually beneath me due to the lie of the land but tumbled cleanly out of the air as another pair break right and the last one falls to my second barrel.  Carla looks bright, fulfilled and chuffed to bits.

Of course no dogs, birds or people were injured in the making of this film that plays only on the ultimate high definition, widescreen inside your head.  Everything except the birds and the dog were imaginary!

Im Rahmen meiner Buchmesse-Nachlese habe ich euch schon von dem Buch berichtet: “Trigger” von Wulf Dorn.

Es liegt bei mir zu Hause und wartet sehnlichst darauf, dass ich die Zeit finde, es zu lesen. Dann soll es hier auch eine kleine Rezi zu dem Buch geben.

Bis es soweit ist, will ich euch auf eine Rezension zum gleichzeitig erschienenen Hörbuch aufmerksam machen, das Wulf selbst eingelesen hat. Sie ist im Büchereuleforum erschienen und hier abrufbar. Ihr Fazit: “Was für ein Debüt! Ich bin absolut begeistert und kann das Hörbuch nur weiterempfehlen.”

Don’t Fence Me In is a particularly good Roy Rogers picture. Directed by John English (who with William Witney directed some of the best Republic serials of the late ’30s and early ’40s), it’s a well-paced, exciting, and thoroughly enjoyable B western.

The film opens with a western montage, accompanied by the Cole Porter song from which the film gets its title. After the credits roll, we’re treated to a cheap-looking Boot Hill set with a matte painting background that looks as if it’s about two feet away. A narrator tells us that “Once upon a time, as a matter of fact nearly forty years ago, there was a notorious western outlaw named Wildcat Kelly. He didn’t want to be fenced in either. But they stuffed him into a pine box and buried him six feet under the sod, on Boot Hill.” A masked man rises from behind Kelly’s tombstone, carrying a gun and a Wells Fargo case. The narrator, sounding surprised, says, “Wait a minute, that looks like Wildcat Kelly. It is Wildcat Kelly. There’s something mighty strange about this. I think we’d better investigate the story of Mr. Wildcat Kelly.”

And investigate we shall, but the job will fall on the pretty shoulders of a girl reporter named Toni Ames (Dale Evans). Toni has enough moxie to make an 800-pound gorilla stop dead in his tracks. When we first meet her, she’s performing the song “A Kiss Goodnight” while dancing on the table at a hot party in a big city, displaying her shapely gams to maximum effect. She’s doing it all for a story, though. A reporter for a tabloid called Spread magazine, Toni is undercover, secretly snapping shots of the party’s guest of honor, a dirty old cad named Cartwright (Andrew Tombes) who’s running for mayor as an incumbent.

The plot eventually takes Toni out west to the R Barr Dude Ranch to investigate the legend of Wildcat Kelly, who it turns out faked his own death nearly 40 years ago and has been living as a regular western Joe named “Gabby Whittaker.” He’s played by George “Gabby” Hayes, and it’s a good part for him. In a lot of these pictures, Hayes was able to just coast on his ornery persona, but Don’t Fence Me In actually gives him something to do.

Rogers plays that charming and laconic singing cowpoke character called “Roy Rogers” that he played in dozens of movies. Roy is Gabby’s friend, and the only person who knows his secret. He tries to convince Toni not to publish what she knows about Wildcat Kelly, but she goes ahead with her story, and that’s when things get interesting.

There are a group of gangsters whose motives are shadowy, but who clearly want Kelly dead once it’s revealed he is still alive. One of them is played by the great character actor Marc Lawrence, who had a very long career as a sinister-looking hood.

This is a fine showcase for all of the regulars from the ’40s Roy Rogers pictures. Bob Nolan and the Sons of the Pioneers back Rogers up both musically and when it’s time for fisticuffs. And the wonder horse Trigger does a high-stepping dance, with Rogers astride him, to an instrumental version of “Don’t Fence Me In,” and even takes a bow when he’s finished.

Roy and Dale’s relationship is more antagonistic than in many of their other pictures, but it’s still fun to watch. When she first shows up and tries to stow away in the boot of a coach, Roy tosses a hunk of stinky Limburger cheese in the back with her and takes her on a bumpy ride. She later pays him back by pushing him into a swimming pool.

Don’t Fence Me In ends with a delightful rendition of the title song performed by Roy, Dale, and the Sons of the Pioneers, with a few lines added at the beginning about Wildcat Kelly to tie the whole thing together.

When I was a very young boy I had a dog named Trigger. Trigger was the best dog in the world. He was affectionate, friendly, brave, playful, easygoing, and, above all, loyal. He was an “outside dog,” and his tendency was to lie in wait near the door of my home. If I came bursting through the door, on my way to play in the woods, Trigger was right there, leaping to join me, as if he had been poised, anxiously expecting me at any moment. In a way, his desire was to please me, and I ruled over him.

Cain and Abel were brothers. Each brought an offering to the Lord. Abel’s offering was a slaughtered animal. Cain’s offering was some type of fruit grown from the ground. Abel’s offering pleased God. Cain’s did not. We do not know for sure if Abel’s offering pleased God because it was a blood offering, given as a sacrifice for sin. If so, then Cain’s offering, which was bloodless, could have been rectified. He could have made a second, proper, sacrifice. We do know that Cain had a bigger problem with his offering than the thing that was being offered. The bigger problem was the condition of Cain’s heart, evidenced by his attitude toward God.

Genesis 4:5 tells us that Cain was “wroth:” burning with a fierce anger. God addressed the condition of Cain’s heart with him in Verse 7: “If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted..?”

God did not ask Cain the question in the first part of the Verse because He didn’t know the answer. God is (and always has been and always will be) omniscient. He may have asked Cain this question in order to give him a chance to repent, or to make a point. Then, in the rest of the Verse, God sets forth a warning: “…if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him.”

Some Bible scholars believe that God was referring to Abel, Cain’s younger brother, when He said, “unto thee shall be his desire,” meaning that Abel would continue to look up to, respect, and try to please his older brother if Cain did what was right.

Others believe that God was telling Cain that, if he did what was right, he should (shalt) be able to rule over sin by not giving in to it, even though his wrong-doing had brought sin to his door.

Or is it possible that God was telling Cain that the attitude of his heart had brought sin to lie at his door like a faithful hound? Sin would be lying there, waiting obediently, and its (sin’s) desire would be to do the bidding of Cain, and those who followed the “way of Cain” (Jude Verse 11). Just as Trigger was anxious to please me, and have me “rule” over him, so sin would be the servant of Cain and all those who opposed the righteousness of God, and who encouraged others to rebel against Him. (Proverbs 10:16) It is true that unregenerate people are the servants of sin (Romans Chapter 6). But it is also true that sin serves them as they attempt to corrupt and influence Christians (Romans 16:17-18).

Things are starting to get better at home.  At least in the sense that she hasn’t had any major upsets in a few days.  Though she still constantly struggles with the ability to get her school work done and still doesn’t do much of anything around the house or for me.  I am starting to get frustrated about that again.  I cook every meal of the day, I do all the dishes, laundry, and no other cleaning gets done even though many other things need to be cleaned..

I’m starting to try and communicate that this won’t work for me much longer.  At the very least I need her to make some effort to connect with me.  I miss her so much sometimes.  Even though she’s doing better, she now is back to playing computer games all the time.  I started to get really sad last night thinking about missing her and that I don’t “feel” her love for me like I used to.  I just don’t know when I should try hard to get our relationship back.  Her feeling bad about that can be a trigger for her.  How do I know when she’s stable enough to try and get our connection back?

Last weekend I sent her a message when she was out (it was too hard for me to think of saying it in person).  That I needed to feel loved and valued and that I didnt.  And that I needed her to give me some attention, a date or something anything different from the norm.  So she said she was going to plan a date for this weekend.  Last night she said she hadn’t planned anything.  So I don’t know if anything will happen or not.  My pessimist kind of guessed that this would happen…

Tonight’s the Trans Day of Remembrance.  In her job, before she took medical leave, she was helping to organize it.  She still really wants to go.  But I know how sad and triggering those events are (they are for me).  I think we’re working out a compromise where we will just show up for the music after the vigil and more serious elements of the event.  That’s something.