And so yesterday (while I worked) G had a day of pampering.

It really isn’t fair.  And I wanted to burn down my house when he left for his appointments.  I guess I was a little jealous.

First, he had a massage.

It just looks too comfortable.  And is it just me, or do you think about putting a pillow over his face while he’s lying there?  Hmm.

Then, he had a manicure and pedicure.

At least his hands and feet don’t feel (or look) like cement blocks anymore…which is nice.  Also, I prefer to pay someone to rub on G so I don’t have to.  I guess it was a present for both of us then, huh?

Regardless, I need some spa time soon.

HAPPY FRIDAY!!

At this point I’m used to it, but it still amazes me.  Anyway, today I thought I’d share our different approaches to taking care of our fat faces.

First, let’s talk about me.

I’m pretty low maintenance.  I like to look nice, but I don’t want to spend a lot of time (or money) trying to look nice.  My skin care regimen pretty much coincides with that.

I use Dove bar soap.  I only buy 2 at a time and they are like $1 each or something.  If I bought 10, I’d probably get a better deal, but I feel like a hoarder when I do things like that.  I also use moisturizer.  Lately, I’ve been using Clean & Clear, but I’ve also used Oil of Olay.  I like it to have an SPF in it, but otherwise I don’t really care.  And that’s it.

Are you ready to see what G uses on his face?  Well, let’s take a look at his big, fat face first.

Okay, remember him?  These are the products G uses to keep his face looking beautiful:

That’s right, he uses 6 products a day!!!  Wow.

G uses the Biore (a deep cleanser), the Gillete Fusion (an aftershave), the Neutrogena (a day moisturizer) and the Oil of Olay (a night moisturizer) once per day.  He uses the Stridex pads and the Topical Gel twice per day.

Speaking of the Topical Gel…

That stuff is like acid.  Because G has very oily skin, he has a prescription for it (you can only get it with a prescription).  My skin is more on the normal/dry side of the skin spectrum and when that gel gets on my face it feels like my skin is burning off.  I’m not joking.  It is some serious stuff.  However, whenever I get a blemish, I put that stuff on and it works like a miracle.  Thank god we have good health insurance because that little container (that lasts one month) costs $362!!!  With our insurance it’s only $20.  Insane.

So that’s how we keep our gorgeous faces looking gorgeous semi-presentable.

How about you?  Do you use one product or millions?

Any time we stay in a hotel, G raids the toiletries.  Even if we haven’t got to use them yet.  He heads straight for the bathroom, takes everything and hides it in his suitcase.  If there is an un-manned cart in the hallway, G will raid that too. He has so many travel size toiletries, it is unbelievable.

When we were in Cabo, we had daily housekeeping service at the house.  And every day, G would track down one (or both) housekeepers and ask for “dos body lotions”.  Yes, he speaks Spanglish and he looked a lot like this:

You see those 19 bottles of matching lotions on the right?  Those are the lotions he collected from the house in Cabo.

The two bottles in the middle were taken from the hotel at the airport where we stayed the night before we left (one from a housekeeping cart).

George took the lotion on the far left when we were at the timeshare presentation!  We walked into the master bathroom to look around and once I saw the toiletries I left.  I knew G was going to take something.  Next thing I knew, we were the proud owners of this:

Fortunately, he managed to take it without anyone noticing.  What an idiot.  And so from one little 7 day trip we accumulated all this lotion:

Anyone need to moisturize?

Most of the time, I’m able to recruit G to help.  And last night was no different.  He was making me watch a million basketball games so I made him take the polish off my toes.

He gets very serious when he’s assigned a task.  It’s all about focus.

Also, G’s bracelet says G.O.D. because those are his initials and not because we are Jesus freaks (ok, well I’m not.  G kinda is.).  It was actually his dad’s, but G got it when his dad passed away.  Fortunately, they have the same initials.  And so does G’s son, George III.  Bet you didn’t know I was married to GOD, huh?

Anyway, G did an excellent job at taking off my polish and even smiled a couple of times:

I’m pretty sure his smile is forced and he’d rather gouge my eyes out than play at-home pedicure with me.  Oh well, at least my nail polish still looks good!

And for those that care, the color on my fingers is Essie’s “Merino Cool” and I put Sally Hansen’s Insta-Dri in “Sonic Bloom” on my toes.

I think it looks more pink in real life and very summery.

Hope you have an excellent Sunday!!

That’s right, it’s G’s 51st birthday today!

Who knew that 51 could look so good?

Must be all the face products:

And working out:

Because he eats horribly:

Whatever it is, it’s working.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY G!!!

So this will be my last post about Cabo…I know you’re probably sick and f*cking tired of hearing about it so I will stop after today.  You’re welcome.

First up, G practiced his walking with little Mia:

The marina:

G and Karin were both pretty excited about this lobster:

And then G saw his favorite bar:

Yes, that was the closest G came to a happy ending that week.  Ha ha!  Poor G.

Did I tell you that every morning the pool boy came by to clean the pool and float flowers in it?  Well, he did.

Speaking of pools, we ventured out to some of the other pools at the resort.  This is the Sky Pool:

We went there early in the morning so there was no one in the pool.  So nice.  I love this picture of the swim up bar:

And this is G getting into the Sky Pool:

Side note: G discovered that there were two mirrors in our bathroom that faced each other (one was a full length mirror).  Because of this, he could stand in front of one and see his entire backside in the other (seeing my entire backside is pretty much my worst f*cking nightmare, btw).  After discovering this, G decided he liked what he saw and stood there naked for a good 5-10 minutes talking about how good his back looks.  Seriously.  I had to leave the room.  Needless to say, when he discovered that I took the above picture, he was pretty excited.

After looking at G in the pool, I know you’re dying to see me too.

This is from the pool at the clubhouse:

Oh sorry, did you think I’d let G take a close-up picture of me only in a bathing suit?  Uh, yeah right.

It got a bit windy during my photo shoot so I had to hold my hat on.  It’s hard being a supermodel.

And then G had to take a little break in the hot tub.

But usually G just laid around like this:

And so did Mia, Joy and Matt.

Eventually Mia put on her sunglasses so she would only have to pretend she was paying attention to us.

Obviously, she is too damn cool.

I think that’s about it for the pictures.  We have about 400 that you haven’t seen, but I think you get the idea.  If you’d like a calendar with pictures of G with his shirt off in a pool, we could probably make you one that would go until about 2022.

Please let me know if you’re interested.

After turning one guy down in the airport (that offered us $200), we reluctantly agreed to go when the guy offered us $250 and 2 massages for $30 at the car rental place.  I know, we’re suckers.

So yesterday morning we attended the presentation.

We had to fill out some paperwork and show them a credit card.

But we also got some cookies while we were waiting and G had some coffee.  Nothing spectacular, but I was trying to focus on the view so I didn’t leave before we got our money.

And that’s when I saw this:

See that little sign in the middle?  Yes, that says Dairy Queen! Isn’t that great?  We haven’t been there, but I’m tempted to try it.  I’d love a blizzard.

So after eating breakfast, touring 2 properties and telling the guy we weren’t going to buy for about 30 minutes, we left.

And we got our cash!  We did not partake in the massages because I wanted to get back to our villa to lay by the pool (under a towel, of course).  For two hours of doing basically nothing, we made a good profit.

SUCCESS!!

It’s pretty amazing.  But don’t think that I’m becoming a sun worshiper…

Because I’m not.  And that arm is covered in 30 spf.

And while I haven’t turned into a sun worshiper, this idiot has:

No joke.  He spent half the day roasting in the sun and now he’s almost invisible at night.  Great.

You also know that you will have to weigh his bag (a few times) before you leave the house.

And probably have to shuffle things around too.

(At least he can shove my huge hat in his huge bag for me…there are some benefits.)

After re-packing, there is always another weigh-in.

Eventually you get to leave the house…hoping the airport’s scale is the same as the one you have at home so your husband doesn’t have to show everyone his underwear.

HAPPY TRAVELS!

As you can see, G looks almost exactly the same…

And obviously thinks he is so cool.  For some reason, I think he’s really proud of his belt in this picture.  Weirdo.  Oddly enough, he still makes this face when he’s checking himself out…and usually says “I look gooooooood”.

We actually have a pretty big version of this picture hanging in our house, it’s one of my favorites.  I laugh every time I see it.  Makes me realize that I didn’t make G like this, he was born this way.

G wanted to share our freshly cut grass with you.

If you hire G to cut your lawn I won’t have to prostitute him out this weekend.  It’s hard to be a pimp.

This is a crisis.  When we’re on vacation, we do nothing.  My to-do list consists of taking 15 naps a day, eating a ton and reading a couple of books.

That is, when I’m not busy taking 100 pictures of G posing without his shirt on.

I’m not joking.  But sometimes, I can convince him to take a picture with me.

Anyway, back to my issue.  I need some book recommendations!!!

I’m about to finish this book:

And while I’m not usually that into self-help kind of books, I’m actually enjoying this one a lot…maybe I’ll do a book review post when I finish it.

I typically read chick-lit.  Something that requires virtually no thinking and something that I usually forget as soon as I turn the last page.  Oh, and I love a happy ending…not that kind of happy ending.  One where the girl gets the guy, the job and the perfect life.  It makes me happy.

So here are some of the authors I’ve read: Jennifer Weiner, Sophie Kinsella, Jane Green, Jen Lancaster, Carrie Adams…that’s all I can remember right now.  Oh and I’ve read The Hunger Games series (loved, by the way).

Have you read anything good (or even mediocre) lately?  Do tell.

BUT, two times in the last couple of months people have said I look like Jennifer Connelly:

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Can you see it?

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I can kind of see a similarity…the dark hair, light eyes and (obviously) our bodies are identical.

The best, though, is when people say that G looks like a celebrity.  He usually gets something vague like “Are you a rapper?”, but occasionally someone actually mentions a name.  Over the weekend G said that someone once said he looked like Mike Tyson.

Must be the teeth and the tattoo.

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Or maybe it’s because he prefers going topless.

The best celebrity look-a-like I heard about G, though, was when we were in a 7-Eleven .  This chick said he looked like the Joker.

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Ha ha.  G was so disappointed…I thought it was hilarious.

Do You Have a Celebrity Look-A-Like?

With George and Bailey?  Yes.

I’m not surprised…they are both idiots.

If you ask my sister, she’ll tell you that I stalked G until he asked me out…and that’s what she told everyone at our wedding, during her maid of honor speech.  Thanks Em.

But here’s what really happened.  I was 23, living in Burbank, California and in my second year of law school.  I lived in a converted garage that I called a guest house.  I actually liked it a lot.  It was a studio with a kitchen and bathroom.  Hot as hell about 7 months of the year, but otherwise, it was good.  I lived really close to IKEA, shopping centers and a few grocery stores.

I first saw G when I went to the grocery store on my way home from the gym.  I looked like a cross between these pictures:

(That picture was taken a few weeks after we started dating…see those satin pillow cases in the background?  Those are G’s.)

But I looked even more horrible because this was back in the day when I dressed more like a boy than a girl when I worked out.  I would wear huge, baggy shorts and a big t-shirt because really, I’d rather have everyone think I’m built like a huge brick than have any sort of curves.

So I was at the store and the cashier that rang me up was G!  He works for a national grocery store chain and was a supervisor at the time.  I didn’t pay him any attention at all…kind of like now.  Anyway, he asked me if I worked out.  I was like “uh, yeah”.  And HE KEPT ASKING ME QUESTIONS.  “Where do you work out?  What do you do when you work out?” and on and on.  He was still talking to me when he started helping the next customer.  And that was when I decided I had a “boyfriend” at the grocery store.  Have you ever done that?  Had guys/girls you call boyfriends/girlfriends, but you don’t really know them?  I did/do this all the time.  And pretended to have boyfriends everywhere.  Yes, I’m cool like that.

To test my “boyfriend at the grocery store” theory, I started to go there a lot.  And every time I went to the store when G was working, he came up to talk to me.  Of course I loved the attention (I am a middle child after all).  I didn’t know if he liked me, but it gave me something to do when I was bored.  Unfortunately, I was bored a lot.  And I probably looked like a psycho.  Once, I didn’t have anything to buy, and ended up buying packing tape.  What an idiot.

After about a week, though, G asked me out.  It was kind of funny the way it happened.  I bought a few things, maybe a bag or two worth of stuff, when G came up to ask if I wanted my bags carried out.  Me: “uh, no, I’m pretty sure I can get those”, but G didn’t listen and just grabbed the bags and walked me out to my car…in the rain.  I didn’t know it at the time, but for G to go outside in the rain without a hat is a huge deal.  I’m surprised he didn’t start crying.  When we got to my car he asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner or something.  I can’t quite remember.

Luckily for him (or maybe unlucky depending on how you look at it) I’ve never said no to a date.  I know, I’m so slutty.  But actually, I’ve only been on 5 first dates my whole life (isn’t that embarrassing?).  After we exchanged numbers that night, he called to tell me he was really f*cking old.  And that was hilarious.

To make a long story short, we met at the grocery store and G fell madly in love with me.

Where did you meet your spouse/significant other?

We headed up there pretty early because we didn’t know how bad traffic would be.  And of course we brought snacks for the ride

Fortunately, traffic wasn’t bad at all so we had some time to waste when we hit Portland.  And we decided to go to one of our favorite stores.

G had to go to his favorite counter first.

And use as many products as he could before they asked us to leave.

After his skin was sufficiently treated, we headed to the mall.  On the way, I spotted some hats and had to try them on.

Love both, but really love the black and white!

After spending about an hour in the Sony store staring at TV’s with G, I made him leave.  We still had time to waste so we headed over to the theater to get our tickets and then walk around for a while.

There is a New Seasons near the Cinetopia so we walked over there to look around.  G’s never been and I love it.  It’s a lot like Whole Foods, where everything is fresh and tastes good, but costs about a million dollars.

After looking around for a bit, we decided to get dinner there.  G settled on the “hot wok” station and I put this together for him:

They cooked it all up, added chicken and some sweet spicy Thai sauce.

I got a bowl of creamy tomato basil soup.

Both meals were delicious!  As we were walking out of New Seasons, I had to take a picture of these:

Gorgeous!  Seeing all the flowers made me want spring/summer to come now.

So we got to the theater and got settled in.  This time we were in the Grand XL theater.  We’ve already watched movies in the parlor room and the living room theaters so it was fun to check this one out too.

It’s a lot like a regular theater, but the screen is really, really big.

The seats reclined a lot, which I loved.

So did G.

And while G’s scene was cut from the movie (f*cking bastards), we had a great time and it was so fun to see so much of Portland in the movie!

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It will be released in theaters on Friday, February 24, 2012.  While we don’t know if G made the final cut, it will be exciting to look for him when we head to the movies this weekend (is it too early to talk about the weekend?).

In the movie, G plays a security guard at the police station and is dressed like this:

He also wanted me to tell you that he got to eat excellent food and almost knocked over poor Ms. Seyfried when he was trying to get by her.  I’m surprised she didn’t have him arrested.

Thank you Ms. Seyfried for not suing us or getting a restraining order against G.

If you’re like G, you like your designer labels.  Prada, Seven and Citizens of Humanity jeans, Rolex, whatever.  If you’re like me, you’re just happy to have clothes that cover your fat rolls.

My friend, Tricia, also loves her designer labels and introduced me to the website HauteLook.  Every day, new designers run specials on furniture, décor, clothing, shoes, jewelry and even vacations.  After you register (it’s free), HauteLook sends out an email every morning about what designers will be featured beginning at 8:00 am PST.

A few weeks ago, I received an email that they were running specials on Rock & Republic jeans and I knew I had to tell G (and probably order a pair).  A few days later, this arrived at our house.

G was very excited.

And even agreed to model his jeans for us.

He had to get them hemmed because all the pants came in a long length (you ordered by waist-size only).  But all-in-all, they were a really great deal.

$49 for the jeans (normally $200)

$6.95 for shipping & handling

Check out the site if you want some good deals and I think you can just sign up from the homepage.  We will definitely be buying G’s jeans here in the future!

And I got all dressed up (read: flat-ironed my hair and put on makeup) and G and I headed out to a swanky restaurant.  Not really.  We rarely make reservations anywhere and kind of just decide last minute what we’re going to do.  Last night was no different.

I got an email from Qdoba saying that they were doing a buy one, get one free deal to celebrate Valentine’s Day.  Cool.  We hadn’t been there in a long time so I thought it might be fun.  The catch was that I was going to have break one of my life-long rules.

My rule is I will never participate in PDA…EVER.  And I don’t want to see you involved in any PDA either.  Holding hands is fine, but please don’t make-out, grope each other or have sex in front of me.  Seriously.

And then I found myself doing this last night.

The things I do for a free burrito.

For the record, I’m pretty sure that’s the first time I’ve kissed G in public since this:

Anyway, that was embarrassing, but we got our free burrito!  Hell yeah.

We each got wheat tortillas to be “healthy”.

After eating everything we ordered, we headed next door to Extreme Yogurt…just to see if we could eat so much that we would start throwing up.  That’s romantic, right?

G got eggnog with blueberries and nuts.

I got cake batter with peanut butter cups.  So good (and no one threw up…we’ll have to try harder next time).

We had a great evening and hope you did too!!

Pretty soon, my driving companion looked like this:

It’s okay, though, I just blasted my music and kept on driving.

We had to stop at Ulta on our way because I needed to pick up a blue nail polish for the Virtual Run for Sherry Arnold.  I also managed to remember to bring a coupon!!!

I wish that girl didn’t photobomb me…b*tch.

Anyway, I ended up purchasing this:

It was something like $7.99 with the coupon.  But when I got to the car I noticed it looked like the nail polish was f*cked up so I tried to open it.  And then the top ripped off the top portion of the glass bottle.  And yes, polish went everywhere and I cut the side of my hand.  We had to go back in and try to find a different blue polish (because, of course, that was the last one in that color).  So I purchased this one:

And it was cheaper so that was a win.  Another win, was that during all my shenanigans with the polish, G managed to use about $200 worth of face product!

Gorgeous.

Eventually, we got back on the road and finally reached our destination.

Gametime is located in Lake Oswego and my friend, Steph, recently became part-owner of it.  She invited us up to check out the place and eat a ton of food.

They had a buffet set out and you could also order off the menu.

So we did both (of course).  I had about 12 pieces of cheese pizza, G had two chili dogs, buffalo wings, pizza and a burger.

He’s such a light eater.

And Steph’s friend, Erika, and her two kids, Ander and Albin, showed up to hang out with us too!

During half-time, Gametime had a bowling contest.  If you got a strike you won a gift certificate.  G and I decided to give it a go.

I know that picture is all messed up, but I had to post it because my legs look skinny!  That never happens…I’m going to frame this picture.

Oh and did I tell you we had to wear socks?  Well, this is what happened when G tried to get a strike.

And then his second shot:

He’s so graceful.

After not winning gift certificates, we decided to drown our sorrows in ice cream.

They have a self-serve frozen yogurt bar and you can add your own toppings!  G and I might have had a couple bowls each…oops.

While G watched the last quarter of the game, Steph, Erika and I went to play with the kids in the arcade.  It’s been a while since I’ve been in an arcade (they scare me), but this one was pretty nice.

And the kids loved it!  That’s Ander on the left and Mady on the right.  Mady was easy to please because she was happy just pretending to play…a very cheap date.

Ander was very serious about his game, though.

He must have played 20 games.  Boys and their toys, I guess.

We had such a good time, ate so much food and had about 200 TVs to watch the Super Bowl on.

Thanks Steph and Mady!

For G?  Always.

Yesterday, G got to use one of his Christmas gifts from this guy:

My dad!

A gift certificate for a pedicure!

And yes, this is something G wanted!  Because that’s how he rolls.

And there’s no way I’m touching his gross feet.  Thanks dad!

Cheers!  And happy Friday everyone!

Anyway, while the “sandwich artist” made G’s sandwich, he said “I like your outfit, are you an MLS player?” (MLS = Major League Soccer).  Obviously, he was not talking to me.  He was talking to this idiot:

That was what G was wearing (his favorite gym “outfit”, btw).  I don’t have gym outfits…just in case you’re wondering.

This is not the first time G’s been asked about his profession.  Someone asked if he was a rapper (LL Cool J style) when we were at a farmer’s market in L.A.  and somebody else thought he was a college athlete (<—-that happened just a few months ago).

SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE?

And G loves every minute of it.

We have a few collections of stuff G has hoarded.  And they all come from our gym…which is kind of weird.  Last year, our gym gave away free shampoo and conditioner, just sample sizes.  And now we have this many:

There are probably more than 50.  As you’ve probably noticed, G is bald.  He doesn’t even use conditioner and I think he just uses face soap on his head.  So that’s just for me.  I don’t know if I’ll ever use them all because I only use them when I go out of town or when we go camping.  Not very often.

Then last month, our gym started giving out peanut butter.  After just a few days or maybe a couple of weeks, we now have this:

Probably more than 20 packages of peanut butter in single serving size.

I guess that could be good for traveling too?  I don’t know.  G is making a lot of PB&J sandwiches now, though (<—I don’t have to make something for his fat face!).

And finally, last week our gym started giving out body wash.

Axe body wash.  G was pretty excited about this and told me about it right when he got back from the gym.  He also said the people at the gym were putting it in a different place and I would have to look for it.  Umm, okay.

Now, you may think that things must be really difficult for us because we’re on a budget, but I promise you that we can afford shampoo and conditioner, peanut butter and even the luxury of body wash.  But G can’t help himself and he’s pretty proud of our stash.

And apparently, so am I.

G took inappropriate pictures with his coworkers

and traumatized children.

Fortunately we also did some bowling.

Did I mention it was cosmic bowling?

And there was a mascot?

I don’t know why the mascot was there, but G had to get a picture with him…and even pushed a kid out of the way to do so, no joke.

And the bowling alley had a great sign:

Okay, you don’t have to tell us twice.  G’s company had a good spread of food that included about 6 giant cakes.

G had at least 3 pieces of cake while we were there and we took 4 pieces home.  I would like to say we have a piece or two leftover, but we don’t.  They were gone that night.  The sign says “eat like you mean it”…so we did.

G’s company also had a raffle full of gift certificates and gift bags.  G got a gift bag.

I’d also like to say that our bowling improved from the last time we went and while G’s did, mine did not.  And that’s why I will not be joining a bowling league this year.

But we had a great time and ate a ton of cake.  Basically, a perfect Saturday night.

Unfortunately, I was a little ambitious in planning my Sunday.  First, I planned to run the half-marathon (starting at 8:00 am) just outside of Salem, Oregon.  Then, I planned to head to Eugene, Oregon to meet friends for the Crab Fest at King Estate Winery at 12:30 pm.   Salem is a little less than 2 hours from Eugene and I knew we’d be able to make it to the Crab Fest on time if we left the race shortly after 10:30 am.  Obviously, I didn’t want to go to the Fest in my running clothes (and looking like sh*t, too) so I had to do some things I vowed I would never do.

First, I had to shower in the jr. high school locker room!  I wish I’d taken pictures, but I was cold and so afraid someone would see me naked that I busted balls to get out of there ASAP. I basically rinsed off in cold water, washed my face, left my hair in it’s naturally beautiful state, threw on sweats (no bra <—I didn’t think about my risk of tripping, obviously), flip flops and headed to the car.

I sat in the backseat and let G take control of the driving.

Oh, and I told G to start blasting the heat.

After 20 minutes or so, I started to get myself together.

I really only brought stuff to fix my face and was hoping my hair would dry into something not-too-scary.  I’d flat-ironed my hair the day before, but it was kind of sweaty from the race so I was just hoping it would kind of relax and dry out.  Wishful thinking.

I think I’d filled in my eyebrows and put on eye shadow and mascara by the time I took this picture.  That.was.so.difficult.  It was so hard to put on makeup after running that far.  I just decided to go slow and hope I was dressed by the time we made it to the winery.

I got the makeup done!  Then I had to think about clothes.  As I’m afraid to see myself naked, I was even more terrified some poor soul driving down the freeway would see my naked parts.  I directed G to (1) not let anyone pass us and (2) not pass anyone.  And it worked!

Obviously, my hair was not going to help me out.  F*cking, f*cked up hair.

Anyway, after getting dressed I kept my legs elevated and did some stretching…I was just hoping that it would help a little with soreness.

And that’s about the time this happened:

Apparently, G got a little hot.  Usually, he would just turn off the heat or roll down the window.  I guess he felt bad for me because I was so cold during the race so he just started stripping.  It was hilarious…I was freezing, it was snowing outside and G was driving topless.

We (obviously) have issues.

So I just put on my sunglasses celebrity-style and ignored the fact that my driver was topless.

We eventually made it to the winery AND ATE SO MUCH FOOD!

But I’ll tell you more about that tomorrow.