OK – here is how she started out:  Cute huh?

And then here is how she looked when I met her:  Ok – that’s not really true.  This is how she looked after a run-in with our huge crop of poison ivy. 

This is about my closest friend, Melanie.  This is a better pic of her:  I met her in January of 2001.  I didn’t like her one bit.  I had been forced into supervising her for her master’s degree hours, and honestly, I thought she was a pain in the ass.  But I had made a commitment to the supervision and so had to meet with her weekly to discuss her therapy cases.  She drove me nuts with her attention to detail, her work ethic, her demands that I make time to listen to her social work woes. 

Time went on and as I got to know her I realized that there was some kind of special person here under all that intensity.  She wanted us to be friends…she like worshipped me in a way.  Who can resist that kind of adoration?  So, we became friends.  She’s a born caretaker and I’m a born caretakee.  It was a perfect match.

Suddenly she was cleaning my house, scheduling my clients, doing my bookwork….basically taking care of my every need.  I kind of liked that.

Being a believer in women home-sharing for economic reasons, I invited her to live with me.  She agreed and moved into my little apartment in Nov. of 2001.  Suddenly I had no housework to do.  I had no financial worries.  I had control of the TV remote.  Life was good. 

My friends were all concerned that I was taking advantage of this ‘darling’ young woman who was so infatuated with me.  Screw them.  They didn’t realize that I was helping Melanie to become her very best self…her independent, strong, free self.  She got it.  Others didn’t, and I took a lot of shit for ‘using’ her.

We eventually bought a home together…something neither of us could have done alone.  We’ve now lived together for over nine years.  Melanie is finishing her doctoral degree in human services.  She’s stopped being the martyr who believes that her only worth comes from taking care of others.  She’s feisty, brilliant, and one of the strongest women I know.

In 2009 she had to have major surgery which rendered her unable to ever have children.  The pain she suffered for months was incredible.  The silent pain of never being able to be a mother is even worse.  But she forges on.

My family has become her family.  She takes care of every one of them as if they were her own. 

She is absolutely the best thing that ever happened in my life, except for my sons.  They think of her as a sister, and are obviously glad that she’s here for me so they don’t need to be. Melanie is absolutely the best friend anyone could ever have.  I have been cursed is my life…in so many ways…but I have also been blessed with a friend who  is there…always.  When I’m sick.  When I have surgery.  When I’m freaking out about finances and growing old.  When I’m worried sick about my sons.  Mel is always there for me.  She has dedicated her life to being my best friend in the truest sense of the word. 

For all of you who find yourselves living a life you thought would never be yours…for those who thought that finding the right man and relying on him for all your needs was crucial…for those who are alone and frightened every day about what the future might bring… I wish for you a Melanie.  A True Friend.

Happy New Year, Mel.  I will never be able to tell you how important you are to me and how much I love you.

Go, Doc!  Get ‘er done!

P

Friendship is the bridge to another soul

Whenever I see It’s a Wonderful Life and get to the ending that never fails to make me teary-eyed, despite knowing exactly what’s coming, I still find myself both nodding and cringing at the part about no man is a failure who has friends. It tugs at my heart because close friendships have been rare in my life.

How do I explain this? How do I rationalize this? Most important, how do I overcome it?

The idea of true friendship has always been powerful for me, yet ever since encountering the famous sentence “Let’s just be friends” from girls back in high school, I recognized that as a culture we don’t think much of the institution of friends. “Just friends” is an insult, a buy-down, a limiting of a relationship. But then “more than friends” usually means becoming lovers and in a strange way, sex sometimes inhibits intimacy. Lovers frequently keep secrets from one another as a strategy for not rocking the emotional boat with confessions or sharing their vulnerabilities. The result is that lovers are often less intimate than friends and the sex that lovers have is often more like acting in a movie than being real.

My picture of friendships is like the ones in The Big Chill where openness and honesty prevails amid whatever else is happening. People will be candid in their conversations and willing to go to the deep end of the pool, emotionally speaking. I don’t require that a friend take a bullet for me or donate a kidney to me for me to consider that person a true friend, but it would be a nice touch.

The close friends that I have had over the years have mostly been women, many of whom became lovers. Women generally made better “best friends” for me because as a general rule, my interests gush much more with feminine energy. Artsy, spiritual, sensual, reflective. So much traditional guy stuff (mechanics, high-tech, competitive sports, war, violence, treating women as objects) has little appeal to me. I am a lover by nature, not a warrior, except, possibly, a love warrior. My Myers-Briggs type is an INFP, which in the US is about 1% of the population. The few close men friends that I have had in my adult life were spiritual intellectuals who would be considered renaissance men. They’re gone now.

My personal history set me up to crave intimacy. I always want to know about people’s inner worlds, their thoughts and their feelings. That quality often attracted mostly women to me, because men don’t generally like to talk about (the dreaded) feelings. Initial conversations often led the way to becoming lovers when the circumstances were right. On one hand, having lovers be best friends is a very sweet ideal to me, yet it also led to a debilitating phenomenon. In the first place, highly monogamy-minded women usually take my interest in other women as threatening. It brings up jealousy issues by the ton. In conservative society, it’s not okay to emotionally bond with more than one member of the other sex unless you’ve got a damn good reason. (In some circles, the definition of adultery is now morphing to include non-sexual love between people who are married to others.)

In the second place, if I am “best friends” with a lover and for whatever reason the sexual relationship doesn’t survive, the friendship, for the most part, withers away with it. That’s definitely not been my idea. I am good at going with the flow and shifting the nature of a relationship. If the sex energy dries up, I can change course and not abandon ship. With a few exceptions, my lovers did not feel that way. When they shut down sexually, they dimmed the lights of intimate friendship to nearly nothing. Their friends, who used to be our friends, also dimmed the lovelight, as did their relatives.

This is not intended to be an indictment of friends and lovers past. It is more like a life review report on what happened to me. People who at one time I deeply loved clocked out of my life like leaving a boring job and they are out there living their lives off my radar. No phone calls, no emails, no Big Chill get-togethers. I am not blameless in why this occurred but I am also realizing through the perspective of aging how important loyal friendships are in the vast scheme of things.

I do not want to leave you with the impression that I am suffering. I am not. I am in a great loving relationship that is characterized by the kind of friendship I want. As a creative person, though, I am wired to look out onto this big world and envision ways I’d like to improve things, and a radical improvement of the design of the institution of friendship would be a top item on my agenda.

The young boy walked across the church parking lot, tossing a ball in the air and catching it as it fell, casually wandering toward a busy highway. One man noticed this, and, being a religious man, he began to wring his hands, pray, and ask the boy politely to stop, to change directions, or at least to pay attention to where he was going. The boy remained oblivious and kept moving toward the highway. Another man observed the boy, and, being a caring man, he ran in a flat-out sprint toward the boy, dove through the air, and crashed into the boy with a flying shoulder tackle. Both he and the boy landed, just short of the path of a speeding truck, in a ditch filled with mud, weeds, and broken glass. The boy was shaken up, crying, cut, and bruised, but still alive.

The two men had taken drastically different approaches. One man appeared loving and polite, but his passivity was evidence of a callow cruelty toward the boy. One man appeared hateful and rash, but his willingness to act was evidence of a true love for the boy.

Open rebuke is better than secret love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.

Proverbs 27:5-6

Christians are not supposed to just “have” friends. They are supposed to love their friends. Christian love is more than just a “feeling.” It always involves action. If I have a friend who is walking toward destruction, my “secret love” for this friend will be of little help. However, a loud verbal warning during a face-to-face confrontation, even though it may cause hard feelings, could do a world of good. I need to have a loving willingness to batter and bruise (and then bandage) my friends, instead of a weak-willed sentimental desire to give them little kisses good-bye as they head for damnation.

Sometimes the world gives me so many reasons to hate it but whenever it happens I just stop and think of you and say how can I hate this world when you’re a part of it.

♥  ♥  ♥  ♥

Everyone is good to you, till u expect nothing from them and your too good to them till you fulfill their expectation. hard but true fact of life.

♥  ♥  ♥  ♥

Someone very close can easily break our heart its amazing we still love them with every piece of broken heart.

♥  ♥  ♥  ♥

Make a heart which never breaks,

make a smile which never hurts,

make a touch which never pains,

make a friendship which never ends

♥  ♥  ♥  ♥

Every emotion doesn’t have words, every wish doesn’t have prayers.  if you smile the world is with  you, otherwise even a drop of tear doesn’t like to stay with you.

♥  ♥  ♥  ♥

We sign our cards and letters BFF
You’ve got a million ways to make me laugh
You’re lookin’ out for me, you’ve got my back
So good to have you around

You know the secrets I could never tell
And when I’m quiet you break through my shell
Don’t feel the need to do a rebel yell
‘Cause you keep my feet on the ground

You’re a true friend
You’re here till the end
You pull me aside when something ain’t right
Talk with me now and into the night
‘Til it’s alright again
You’re a true friend

You don’t get angry when I change the plans
Somehow you’re never out of second chances
Won’t say “I told you” when I’m wrong again
I’m so lucky that I’ve found

A true friend
You’re here till the end
You pull me aside when something ain’t right
Talk with me now and into the night
‘Til it’s alright again

True friends will go to the ends of the earth
Till they find the things you need
Friends hang on through the ups and the downs
Cause they’ve got someone to believe in

A true friend
You’re here till the end
You pull me aside when something ain’t right
Talk with me now and into the night
No need to pretend
You’re a true friend

You’re a true friend
You’re here till the end
You pull me aside when something ain’t right
Talk with me now and into the night
‘Til it’s alright again
You’re a true friend

You’re a true friend
You’re a true friend

I saw my friend Andy the other day. After drinking some delicious beer and frolicking through fields of gold, we took a picture for our friends. We’re flipping them off because no one but us can understand the deep and committed love we have for each other. Shortly after this picture was taken we met up with our good friend Neil Patrick Harris and had some laughs. The evening was topped off by galloping across the beach at midnight on our matching jet-black stallions that we rescued from a glue farm and stealing kisses from the mer-people that were serenading us. We should hang out more often.

Good thing we didn't invite Katie and Michael. They can be REAL assholes.

]]> http://matthewknipe.wordpress.com/2009/09/26/talk-the-walk-and-walk-the-talk/ Sun, 27 Sep 2009 05:29:57 +0000 Matt http://matthewknipe.wordpress.com/2009/09/26/talk-the-walk-and-walk-the-talk/ http://treebeard31.wordpress.com/2009/09/17/cry-laugh-cry/ Thu, 17 Sep 2009 14:25:12 +0000 Pradeep http://treebeard31.wordpress.com/2009/09/17/cry-laugh-cry/ http://bongoyok.wordpress.com/2009/09/14/proverbe-africain-de-la-semaine-16/ Mon, 14 Sep 2009 20:54:17 +0000 bongoyok http://bongoyok.wordpress.com/2009/09/14/proverbe-africain-de-la-semaine-16/

Fitia lamban’ akoho, aina no fetra (Ohabolana Malagasy)

L’amitié est comme le plumage d’un poulet, elle ne s’en va qu’à la mort. (Proverbe malgache).

Friendship is as the plumage of a chicken, it leaves only in death. (Malagasy proverb)

Signification: La vraie amitié dure jusqu’à la mort.

Parallélisme biblique (établi par le webmaster)

La Bible renferme de nombreux enseignements sur l’amitié. Sans passer sous silence les fausses amitiés ou des amitiés basées sur des intérêts ponctuels, elle décrit en de termes forts éloquents la vraie amitié. Le texte de Proverbe 17 :17 est, à notre humble avis, l’un des plus beaux. Elle déclare qu’« Un ami aime en tout temps et, quand survient l’adversité, il se révèle un frère.” (Bible du semeur) Une amitié sincère ne saurait donc être passagère comme c’est malheureusement le cas dans de nombreuses relations humaines. L’ami(e) aime quand tout va bien, il/elle aime aussi quand tout va mal. La Bible donne de nombreux exemples de personnes qui ont fait preuve d’une amitié authentique. Nous en retenons trois:

1) L’amitié entre Ruth et sa belle mère Noémie. Cette amitié est décrite avec force détails dans le livre de Ruth. La réponse de Ruth à Noémie dans Ruth 1 :16-16, au moment des adieux, est restée célèbre :

“Mais Ruth lui répondit:

-N’insiste pas pour que je te quitte et que je me détourne de ta route; partout où tu iras, j’irai; où tu t’installeras, je m’installerai; ton peuple sera mon peuple et ton Dieu sera mon Dieu. Là où tu mourras, je mourrai aussi et j’y serai enterrée. Que l’Eternel me punisse avec la plus grande sévérité, si autre chose que la mort me sépare de toi! “(Bible du Semeur).

La profondeur de cette amitié est évidente. Elle ne souffre d’aucune entorse liée aux circonstances ou aux intérêts égoïstes. Elle transcende les barrières ethniques, raciales et religieuses. Elle demeure jusqu’a la mort.

2) L’amitié entre David et Benjamin

Les livres de 1 et 2 Samuel renferment des récits qui montrent la profondeur de l’amitié entre Benjamin, le fils du roi Saul, et David (qui deviendra roi plus tard). Les textes de 1 Samuel 18 :1, 1 Samuel 20 :42 et 2 Samuel 16 :16 montrent clairement que leur amitié était sincère et durable. D’ailleurs, l’authenticité de l’amitié de David a été manifeste même après la mort tragique de Benjamin. C’est d’ailleurs sur cette base qu’il a pris soin de Mephibosheth, le fils de Jonathan. Il l’a logé dans son palais et l’a fait manger à sa propre table en dépit de son handicap physique (2Samuel 9 :1-13). Voilà ce à quoi ressemble une vraie amitié.

3) L’amitié entre Jésus et ses disciples

Le Nouveau Testament présente Jésus comme le Seigneur, le Sauveur, l’Enseignant par excellence, pour ne citer que cela. Mais, les écrits néotestamentaires présentent aussi Jésus comme l’ami de ses disciples. Cela est assez révolutionnaire. Voici le Rois les rois, le Créateur, l’incomparable qui aime ses créatures et ses serviteurs d’une amitié sans faille. Il a lui-même dit dans Jean 15 :13-15:“Il n’y a pas de plus grand amour que de donner sa vie pour ses amis. Vous êtes mes amis, si vous faites ce que je vous commande. Je ne vous appelle plus serviteurs, parce qu’un serviteur n’est pas mis au courant des affaires de son maître. Je vous appelle mes amis, parce que je vous ai fait part de tout ce que j’ai appris de mon Père.” (Bible du Semeur).

L’amitié de Jésus a brisé les classes sociales, les mérites personnelles et est allée au-delà de celle de Ruth pour Noémie ou de David pour Jonathan. Jésus a donné sa vie pour ses amis. Son amitié sait dire la vérité avec amour. Son amitié parle et agit concrètement. Son amitié sait se réjouir avec ceux qui se réjouissent et pleurer avec ceux qui pleurent. Son amitié n’a pas peur de la honte ou du sacrifice. Et, par-dessus tout, son amitié est éternelle. Voilà le modèle d’amitié par excellence.

Ces exemples bibliques tirés parmi tant d’autres devraient nous pousser à examiner sérieusement la sincérité et la profondeur de notre amitié pour ceux que nous comptons parmi nos amis. Il n’y a rien de plus criminel ici-bas qu’une fausse amitié et un faux amour. Veillons à ce que nos liens amicaux soient purs, sans hypocrisie et permanents. Marchons résolument et quotidiennement sur les traces de notre Seigneur Jésus-Christ.

©Copyright by Moussa Bongoyok, 2009.

રણકાર

સંબંધ આમ પણ છે બહુ વિચિત્ર ચીજ. આમ જુઓ તો રામ એટલે કૌશલ્યાનો પુત્ર પણ સ્વાર્થ એવી પીડા કે જેના માટે મા સમાન કૈકેયી પોતાના દીકરા સમાન રામનેય વનવાસ મોકલાવી શકે. આમ જુઓ તો કૌરવો અને પાંડવો થયા ભાઈ પણ સંપત્તિ અને સત્તા માટે એમની વચ્ચે અદાવત થાય. આમ જુઓ તો કૃષ્ણ થાય કંસનો ભાણેજ છતાં કંસને એ દીઠો ગમે નહીં. વિચિત્રતા છે આ સંબંધની. પોતાના સ્વાર્થ ખાતર અપાર મથવું એ માણસનો સાહજિક સ્વભાવ જ. એટલે જાતજાતના સંબંધમાં ભાતભાતની ભાંજગડ થવી એ તો કુદરતી બાબત. એ બધા વચ્ચે પણ સંબંધને સોનેરી કરતાં આવડી જાય તો બધું સાંગોપાંગ થવા માંડે. સંબંધ લોહીનો હોય કે લાગણીનો એનામાં આપણી તરફથી કોઈક અકલ્પ ખેંચાણ તો રહેવું જ રહ્યું. જેમાં અંદરથી ખેંચાણ નથી એ સંબંધ કોઈ રીતે સંબંધ નથી. વળી, ખેંચાણ હોવા છતાં એને જાળવી ના શકીએ તોય બધું નકામું. પોકળતાના આ યુગમાં મોટામાં મોટી કઠણાઈ છે સ્વાર્થના સંબંધ. બેશક, સ્વાર્થ જો સતયુગમાં રહ્યો હોય તો કળિયુગ શી ચીજ છે ! છતાં તવારીખ એટલો ફોડ જરૂર પાડે છે કે સ્વાર્થથી પર થઈને જ માણસ સંબંધમાં શ્રેષ્ઠતા અને જીવનમાં સંપૂર્ણતા પામી શક્યો છે. શું વિચારો છો કે આજ સુધી સંબંધમાં તમે જ વપરાતા રહ્યા છો એમ ? હશે, આજ સુધી તમારો દષ્ટિકોણ પણ કોઈનો ફાયદો ઉપાડવાનો જ રહ્યો હોય એવું પણ બને. અને એટલે જ નબળો હોય એ ગુમાવે એવા નાતે તમે ફાવ્યા ન હોય એ પણ બને. ચાલો, આજથી આ બધી ગણતરી ભૂલી જાવ. સંબંધ માણવો છે એ વાતને યાદ રાખો અને સહૃદયતાથી અપનાવો. એનાથી જ એક એવો દિવસ આવશે જ્યારે સંબંધ સુખનો પ્રસંગ બની જશે. એના થકી જ જીવનની પ્રત્યેક પળ આનંદમય બનશે
- કલ્પના જોશી

રણકાર

ચંદન એક અદ્દભુત ખુશ્બૂ ધરાવતી ચીજ છે. સુગંધ કોને ના ગમે ? પછી એ અગરબત્તીની હોય, અત્તરની હોય કે ગુલાબની. સુગંધ મનને તરબતર કરી નાખે છે. છતાંય ચંદનની સુગંધથી ચડિયાતી સુગંધ તો સાચા બંધનની સુગંધ. બે વ્યક્તિ વચ્ચે નિ:સ્વાર્થ અને નિતાંત સંબંધ બંધાઈ જાય ત્યારે ગજબ જ થઈ જાય. એના પુરાવા દરેક માણસની જિંદગીમાંથી મળી રહે છે. સાવ સાધારણ હોય એવા માણસનું જીવન એના એકાદ-બે સાચા સંબંધની સુગંધથી માણવા જેવું બનતું જ હશે. આ ચંદન અને બંધન વચ્ચેની સામ્યતા અહીં જ અટકતી નથી. ચંદન ક્યારેય એની સુગંધ ત્યજતું નથી. બંધન પણ સાચું હોય પછી એને નબળું પાડવાની તાકાત કોઈ દુન્યવી વાતમાં રહેતી નથી. ચંદન પવિત્ર પણ ગણાય છે અને સાચું બંધન એટલે પણ પવિત્ર સગપણ. ઈશ્વરનેય ચંદન ગમે છે અને એને સાચાં બંધન પણ બહુ વહાલાં છે. જાતજાતનાં લાકડાં દુનિયામાં મળે છે, પણ આજ સુધી ચંદનનો પર્યાય મળી શક્યો નથી. બિલકુલ એવી જ રીતે સંબંધ હજારો હોઈ શકે, પણ એમાંથી કોઈ સાચા બંધનની તોલે આવી શકે નહીં. આ સામ્યતામાં છલકતા સુખના રહસ્યને સમજવા અને અપનાવવા જેવું છે. સાચા બંધનમાં બંધાવાથી મોકળાશ અનુભવાય છે. તકલીફમાંથી માર્ગ પણ મેળવી શકાય છે. આજનો દિવસ છે સારા સંબંધોને અતૂટ બંધનમાં પરિવર્તિત કરી દેવાનો. જો પહેલ તમારા તરફથી થશે તો એના જેવું રૂડું બીજું કંઈ જ નહીં હોય. બોલો, કેવી રીતે શરૂઆત કરો છો ?

- કલ્પના જોશી

Salome Shoombe

TRUE FRIENDSHIP!!! (By S.Shoombe)

Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are. If you run with wolves, you will learn how to howl. But if you associate with eagles, you will learn to soar to great heights. Proverbs says: “A mirror reflects a man’s face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses.” The simplest but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate – for the good and bad. Think about it. Almost all of our sorrows spring out of the relationships we indulge ourselves into with the wrong people. Instead, keep out of the suction of those who drift backwards. The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve. If you find yourself taking two steps forward and one step backwards, it is because you have mixed associations in your life. If a loafer isn’t a nuisance to you, it is a sign that you are somewhat of a loafer yourself. An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking & negative acting people. A true friend is one who is there to care. They remain your friend even if you don’t deserve to have a friend. They will see you through when others think you are through. If you were to list your greatest benefits, resources or strengths you will find that some of the greatest resources are the people you know. A true friend sees beyond you to what you can be. Invest in good relationships. The way to make a true friend is to be one. Your wealth is where your friends are. As you grow your associations will change. Some of your friends will not want you to go on. They will want you to stay where they are. Friends that don’t help you climb will want you to crawl. Your friends will stretch your vision or choke your dream. Those that don’t increase you, will eventually decrease you. Never receive counsel from unproductive people. Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how. Not everyone has a right to speak into your life. You are certain to get the worst of the bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person. Don’t follow anyone who is not going anywhere. With some people you spend an evening – with others you invest it. Be careful where you stop to inquire for directions along the road of life Never go with the flow just to be accepted by friends & to feel like you belong. Do your own thing, better still go where no one dares to go. It is better to be alone than in the wrong company. We all need friends, but choose your friends wisely, don’t let them choose you. You should especially avoid friends that break you down. That criticise & call you all sorts of names like you are crazy & mad & outrageous…., simply words which hurt. Gain wisdom to recognise true friendship because true friendship is not suppose to hurt. We are unfortunately a very judgemental society that is very narrow minded, we often fail to see the bigger picture & people are often quick to criticise. Whether you do something, say something, even those that do nothing are criticised. Criticism has inflicted fear in many so some do not dare to air their views, or even chase after their dreams for fear of criticism, for fear of being called crazy…., if you go back in history you will find that most of the people who were called crazy, different, insane, mad & all sorts of names were the ones who made a difference in the life’s of millions of people & also in their own life’s. Let’s start with Jesus, Mahatma Ghandi, but also Bill Gates & Richard Branson, (Billionaires’ in Dollars & British Pounds) they were told by their families, friends & acquaintances & colleagues what critics always say. Chase after you dreams & keep walking, do not let anyone get you down. Success does not come overnight. It is a journey that needs careful planning. A journey that needs to be carefully worked out & crafted. Last but not least, I want you to always be positive & to think positive. As you think, so you are, as you dream so you become, as you create your wishes, so they create you. Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the right friendships. Truly Great Friends are hard to find, but once you have found them, cherish them!!!! Much love, Salome!

The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish the most.  I can better trust those who helped me to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity. 

Ulysses S. Grant

Listen. I have not been in contact with any of my friends nearly as much as I would have liked to be this summer. And I have heard that maybe some of them are sayin some shi about it. Perhaps. SO. I would like to apologize and say that it is not actually due to my wedding, which I’m sure that is the more often than not suspected reason, but instead because I have a bizarre complex where I go to call people to chat, and as I have their names pulled up on my phone, about to hit the call button, I wonder what they are doing right now in their busy lives and start thinking that I am probably about to interrupt them, especially because a lot of my friends are working and going to school this summer so it’s not like they have a gazillion hours of free time to spend chatting on the phone, so I start to feel bad and think that when they see I am calling they will be like ‘oh man, I really don’t have time for her right now’ and the last thing I want is to be THAT girl, and then based on the time of life we are all in, none of us have a ton of money so I feel bad wasting their precious cell phone minutes, so I sit there and debate whether or not I should call them, maybe a text will suffice and they can call me, even though I really want to talk to them all and feel very sad that I am so cut off from the world, and so I sit and think and wonder and eventually talk myself out of calling and figure that if they wanted to talk to me, they would probably call me.

True friendship isn’t seen with the eyes, it is felt with the heart.
When there is trust, understanding, loyalty, and sharing.
True friendship is a rare feeling, but when it is found
It has profound impact on our well-being, strength, and character.
True friendship does not need elaborate gifts
Or spectacular events in order to be valuable or valued.
To ensure long-lasting quality and satisfaction,
True friendship only needs a few key ingredients:
Undying loyalty, unmatched understanding, unsurpassed trust,
Deep and soulful secrets, and endless sharing.
These ingredients, mixed with personality and a sense of humor,
Can make a friendship last a lifetime!
This is just a thank you, my friend, for all the wonderful and colorful
Special ingredients You’ve brought to my life!
Thanks all my best pals……….i really luv ur frndship..

Green Day sings Know Your Enemy, I love this song for surfing the net especially first thing Sunday morning while I’m looking for ideas for my blog.

The Guys Perspective, told me their 4 favorite Green Day songs, so I’m featuring them here today.  Thanks guys for the input!

It keeps your spirits up and has a positive feel to it, I could also wash my car to this song.

Every beat and guitar slide, wipe on, wipe off, like in the Karate Kid.

It was cool last night at the beach, but still got to go for a walk.

You know they say to keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Sometimes people pretend to be your friend, but really all they want is the juicy gossip of your life so they can serve you for breakfast, lunch or supper at their next meal.

You know the types, they cut you up, besmirch your reputation then spit you out and then they SMILE at you and act like they are your TRUE friend.

Who needs friends like them?

You certainly don’t, so get rid of the rift raft in your life and stick with people that really care about you!

On 25th June, 2009 I fervently published my blog article called DEPARTURES.  CAN PARTING BE SUCH SWEET SORROW?

On the same day, by sheer coincidence, the internet was besieged by the appalling news that MICHAEL JACKSON had just passed on.

LIFE imitating ART?

Surely.

Everyone knows that MICHAEL JACKSON was the indisputable KING OF POP.

He was an enigmatic LEGEND, to both the older and younger generations, no less, for his MUSIC.

Yet it was a “no-no” when it came to his colorful LIFESTYLE.

His was a life that glittered, but not all were gold.

He was relentlessly judged by the ruthless media for his bizarre style of living.

Criticisms were rife that at 50, MICHAEL JACKSON’s glory days were far behind him.

So he hadn’t made an album for 8 years?

His life had become a weird, overwrought soap opera and his physical and mental health was the subject of much speculation.

Yes,  his life might have descended into ignominy.

Yes, he did enjoy a life of extravagance and excess.

Yet in death, his music still has the power to transform the face of contemporary pop.

Now, the same media are piling accolades on him, ironically, since he’s no longer existing on this earth.

Why must compliments and accolades be POSTHUMOUS -

And never when he was around, when he needed them most?

Why was he shunned by the paparazzi at the time when he was in total despair, and was seeking redemption from them?

He was emotionally damaged, but nobody cared.

It boils down to the intense hypocrisy that’s prevalent in this entertainment industry,

People simply love to watch the demise of a superstar,

Who were your friends when you needed them most?

Now in death, everyone wants a piece of the action.

SEND IN THE CLOWNS?

It’s no wonder he was agape and switched to embrace ISLAM as his new religion.

Who could blame him  …..

Show business thrives on scandals,

And gossip sells,

Out of the blue, sunshine friends start to spring out with open arms,

These are people you didn’t get to see them when the storm was brewing,

It goes to prove that when you’re up on the pedestal with money and pomp

Everybody wants to know you,

When you are sliding down to rock bottom.

All your so-called friends start to run helter-skelter.

Such a sham, really.

Of course, we all know of his celebrated friendship with ageing actress ELIZABETH TAYLOR.

She expressed her grief by saying:

“My heart … my mind … are broken. I loved Michael with all my soul and I can’t imagine life without him.

We had so much in common and we had such loving fun together. I was packing up my clothes to go to London for his opening concert when I heard the news. I still can’t believe it. I don’t want to believe it. It can’t be so.

He will live in my heart forever but it’s not enough. My life feels so empty. I don’t think anyone knew how much we loved each other. The purest most giving love I’ve ever known.

Oh God! I’m going to miss him. I can’t yet imagine life without him. But I guess with God’s help … I’ll learn. I keep looking at the photo he gave me of himself, which says, ‘To my true love Elizabeth, I love you forever.’ And, I will love HIM forever.”

Now, this one is a real friend.

Because their bonding had withstood the test of time.

They had been there for each other during their hey days and down days.

They had weathered the storm.

THAT’S WHAT TRUE FRIENDS WERE FOR.

Now, let’s take an excerpt from MICHAEL JACKSON’s super hit “BEAT IT”:

They’re Out To Get You, Better Leave While You Can
Don’t Wanna Be A Boy, You Wanna Be A Man
You Wanna Stay Alive, Better Do What You Can
So Beat It, Just Beat It!

You Have To Show Them That You’re Really Not Scared
You’re Playin’ With Your Life, This Ain’t No Truth Or Dare
They’ll Kick You, Then They Beat You,
Then They’ll Tell You It’s Fair
So Beat It, But You Wanna Be Bad.

[Chorus]

Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It
No One Wants To Be Defeated
Showin’ How Funky Strong Is Your Fight
It Doesn’t Matter Who’s Wrong Or Right.

ISN’T THIS DESCRIBING MICHAEL JACKSON’S LIFE IN A NUTSHELL?

Through all the magic, the showbiz, the razzmatazz with which he comported  himself, there was always that voice to ground in it something real: ethereal, heartbreaking, fluid, soulful, inspirational, full of rich, raw emotion.

The singer himself may no longer be with us, but in the grooves of his pop masterpieces, MICHAEL JACKSON lives on.

The only way to have a friend is to be one.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

We all want to have true friends, but the quality of our friends depend on us. If you want to have true friends, you should be a true friend yourself. By being a true friend, people will love to be around you and many of them will eventually become your true friends.

In addition, being a true friend is a good way to solve relationship problems. It’s difficult to change other people, but you can always change yourself. You can then solve the otherwise unsolved problems in relationships.

Ah’d like to share 17 tips to become a true friend. It may take years to learn to apply them but they are essential to boost your relationships.

Here they are:

1. Befriend yourself

Friendship with oneself is all-important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.
Eleanor Roosevelt

This is an essential first step if you are to be a true friend. If you don’t even accept yourself, how can you accept others? You may have made mistakes in the past that you can’t forget. But forgive yourself for them. You perhaps don’t have the traits you want in life. But accept yourself as you are.

2. Accept others

A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.
Unknown

After you befriend yourself, you will be in a good position to accept others. Other people may do you wrong or have some bad habits you don’t like. But you are not perfect yourself so there is no reason for you not to accept them.

3. Make time

At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, not winning one more verdict or not closing one more deal. You will regret time not spent with a husband, a friend, a child, or a parent.
Barbara Bush

Sometimes we are too busy to provide time for relationships, even for important people in our life. That most likely happens because we put relationships too low in our priority list. If we regard relationships as high priority, time won’t be a problem. We will make time for relationships.

4. Be a good listener

Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer.
Ed Cunningham

The art of listening is one of the most difficult arts to master. I experience it myself. Sometimes we talk with a friend but don’t carefully listen to what he says. Sometimes we’r introduced to a new person but don’t carefully listen to her name. A true friend doesn’t do that. A true friend is a good listener.

5. Enrich others’ life

Friendship is a treasured gift, and every time I talk with you I feel as if I’m getting richer and richer.
Unknown

A true friend provides value to others. She wants people who meet her to be enriched in their life. If you want to do that, you should live a lifestyle of value. This way you amass value in your life you can then distribute to others.

6. Understand first

Everyone looks at life through his own lens. Often we expect others to see life through the same lens as ours, but that will create a lot of problems. A true friend is someone who is willing to look through other people’s lenses first. He tries to understand why they think and act that way.

One thing I find helpful for this is learning about personality. Learning about personality helps me understand why people behave differently from me in certain situations.

7. Find common ground

Finding common ground helps you connect with new friends quickly. The common ground allows you to talk to others about something they are interested in and thereby build relationships with them.

To make it easier to find common ground, you should enlarge your ground. The larger your ground, the easier it is for you to connect with others. Two simple ways to enlarge your ground is reading a lot and listening a lot.

8. Be interested

If you want to be interesting you should first be interested. Be curious. Cultivate interest about many things. If you do that, you can genuinely be enthusiastic when people talk to you about something. People will feel appreciated and love to be around you.

9. Take the initiative to help

Make use of your friends by being of use to them.
Benjamin Franklin

A true friend doesn’t wait until someone asks his help. Instead, he takes the initiative to help others. This, of course, is easier said than done. To do this, you should be on the lookout for needs. Be sensitive. Often you can find others’ needs through what they implicitly say. You may also see it through their body language. When you sense a need, think about how you can help them and take the initiative to help.

10. Trust others

Confidence is the foundation of friendship. If we give it, we will receive it.
Harry E. Humpreys

If you treat others as good and trustworthy people, they will also treat you likewise. Believe in your heart that people are naturally good, even when they seem to be the opposite. People will feel how you believe in them and they will be touched by your sincerity.

11. Rebuke when you should

In giving advice, seek to help, not please, your friend.
Solon

A true friend is not afraid of saying the truth, even if it’s not convenient to the ones who hear it. A true friend cares too much about the person’s wellness that he can’t afford to let him live wrongly. Always have others’ best interest in your heart and be honest to them.

12. Know the right time to do things

Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.
Gloria Naylor

A true friend knows the right time to praise, the right time to listen, and the right time to rebuke. She knows when to come and when to stay away. A true friend masters the art of timing.

13. Have integrity

There can be no friendship without confidence and no confidence without integrity.
Samuel Johnson

Integrity is the foundation of true friendship. Be sure that you do what you say. You can only build true friendship if you are true to yourself and others.

14. Commend others

Reprove your friend privately, commend him publicly.
Solon

People need appreciation. They need to know that you appreciate them. Often we are quick to criticize but slow to commend. Let’s make it the opposite. Sincerely commend them when they do something right. Even better, commend them publicly.

15. Leverage others’ potential

My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.
Henry Ford

A true friend wants to see the people around them live up to their maximum potential. You can do this by helping your friends recognize and develop their personal strengths.

16. See the positive side of others

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.
Bernard Meltzer

A true friend knows you good enough to see your weaknesses but he still believes in your potential. To become a true friend, you should believe that your friends are good on the inside no matter how bad their outward appearance might be. It’s by this belief that you can sincerely encourage them.

17. Be present in difficult times

True friendship isn’t about being there when it’s convenient; it’s about being there when it’s not.
Unknown

This is the test of true friendship. Fake friends will be with you when you are happy since they want to share your happiness. But fake friends won’t be with you in difficult times. Only true friends will choose to be with you in difficult times.

So, to be a true friend, be with your friends in their dark moments. Be with them even if you need to let go off your own convenience. It may be the most difficult tip of all, but it’s the mark of true friendship.

***

While learning these tips may take years, we can always grow and become better every day.

Do you have tips to become a true friend?

Originally posted Monday, November 26, 2007 via my myspace blog.

blackplanet.com

Current mood:black Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

I made a most incredible discovery a few weeks back. We all know that myspace and facebook are beautiful, addictive creations meant to help people like me stalk people like you. WELL. Christmas came early this year, kids. Blackplanet.com is the “largerst online community for African Americans. Your online source for African American news, community, technology, culture, music, entertainment, etc.” AMAZING. After trying, and failing, to decipher what African American technology was, I decided to do the only logical thing one could do with such a discovery was to make oneself a profile. So that is what I did. Now, I think we can all agree that I am clearly white. And while the website allows people of all colors to make profiles, I wanted to really fit in. So I worked a little magic (read: stole pictures off a random myspace profile) and put together a rather convincing profile of one Laquisha Jones from the Bronx. Actually, I really didn’t think it was convincing at all, I just made it as stereotypical as possible and laughed about how terrible it was. Then I forgot all about it and went on with life. I thought that was the end of my stint as a BGWA. (black girl with attitude. Catch up.)

How very wrong I was.

To really understand the hilarity of the situation, first I must ask you to visit my blackplanet.com profile. It’s accesible to all at http://www.blackplanet.com/BlackBuddafly4U/ BlackBuddafly4U, I ask you. My pictures are all from the same myspace profile. Unfortunately, I lost the information about the profile I stole them from, so I can’t send the information to the owner of said profile anonymously with a happy note about how I got her a NEW profile started and she should check out how popular she is on blackplanet.com. Can’t win them all, I guess. Anyways, I laugh every time I think about Laquisha and her profile. The about me section sounds like a Jerry Springer episode. Yet I’ve had 723 hits to my page in 2 days. I have over 80 friends, all of which sought friendship with me, and not vice versa. I have over 50 messages. I am perplexed by Laquisha’s popularity. Seriously, read some of these messages, it’s confusing:

From dathirdworld1: Thank you for the add gorgeous. Don’t be a stranger by any means, come say hello when you get the chance. Would love to get to know more about you. It’s a scorpio thang. Holla mommy.Peace!

From wrjonerwr1: HEY HOW YOU DOIN I JUST WANTED TO STOP BY AND TO TELL YOU THAT UR A VERY BEAUTIFUL GIRL I JUST WANTED TO TELL U THAT MAYBE IT WILL BRIGHTEN UR DAY OR MAKE YOU FEEL A LIL BETTER BUT I THINK IF U SEE SOMETHIN OR SOMEONE THAT LOOKS GOOD TELL THEM SO JUST STOPPIN BY GIVIN U A COMPLIMENT AND HOPE THAT WE COULD HAVE A LIL CONVERSATION IF THATS OK HOLLA

From manpower2: the verdict is in and you’ve been found guilty for all of the above charges (pretty, sexy, cute, beautiful and just uncontrolably hot to death) dont laugh because you know its true so when are you up for parole lol hey im jc from harlem just giving you the facts

From QnZyUnGtHUG: imma leave it up 2 u sweetheart…im interested in seeing sumthing more then just a hi and by…im not askin 4 a relationship or ne thing like dat cuz i wudnt wanna cramp ya style im jus lookin 2 c if we got 2 kno each other better and if were b able 2 co exist…if ur interested my name is Henny wut is ur name and if ur not u keep doing wut it do i was hopin u went wit choice numba 1

From SMOOTH3161: Wow you look sexy. I going to keep it real with you and not beat around the bush like most guys do. This may sound blunt and bold but I have to say it. I would just love to have passionate good time with you. If I get that chance, I would take care of you so you could pay bills, go shopping or put something away in your savings.My description:6`4, 220lbs, Blackman. So hit me back with when you would be available so we can do this?

From AQUARIANLUVR: please love no offense your an attractive woman but that personal message is killing you. as my brother would say and now i’ll kick rocks

From streetchild123: omg GOD REALLY OD WHEN HE MADE YOU…WATS YOUR NAME SWEETHEART

From chill818: hello i dont even want to holla at you at all i just want to discuss your all about you message in a very respectful way i wont disrespect you

From tonelow1649: hey baby how you. damn you be that milk choclate melt in ya mouth delicious sexy yummy umm. holla at your man( a real man) tony Brooklyn, NY. Everything you need to know about me is on my BP page. I keep it real. In the mean time leave your name and number and i will get at you asap. mr. right looking for mrs. right. i carry 2 ink stamps in my pocket. One says (REJECTED) the other one says (ACCEPTED) . I need females filling out my application for qualifications feel me. pretty boys get f….kd in jail. i,m not pretty but i am still handsome

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg, friends. Naturally, I did what anyone would do once the messages started rolling in: replied with my friends’ phone numbers. Sorry, Morgan. You know I love you. And Jacob, too.

One guy refused to call me, but wanted me to call him. After a hilarious instant messaging conversation that I am cursing myself for not saving…
(“call me, my number is 509-947-****”
“oh hell no, i ain’t callin alaska”
“it ain’t alaska, nigga”
“I know, but DAMN”)..I gave the guy a call. I figured he would call me on my whiteness the second I said hello, but we talked for a good 10-15 minutes, and at the end set up a date for the next night. I didn’t mention this would be impossible due to the fact that I live in Provo, UT and not the Bronx, as I had originally claimed. Or that I am not a black girl named Laquisha, but a very white girl named Rachael. How he never caught on, I don’t know. I never knew I was so ghetto. My colleagues recorded the moment in history, of course. Enjoy this clip.

Holla back, ya’ll.