Today, we celebrate Thanksgiving.  Thanksgiving- a holiday which we’re told was initially celebrated by the Pilgrims and the Indians to give thanks for bountiful harvests.  Today, Thanksgiving is typically a celebration with friends and family where we stuff ourselves full of turkey and other delicious food till we’re in a food coma.  Damn that tryptophan.  Those still awake watch football or plan where they’re going for the Black Friday deals.

Over the last few days, I’ve been contemplating and reflecting over the things that I am thankful for this year.  Some times sarcasm creeps– what can you be thankful for when your world is turned upside down and you’ve lived through the darkest, loneliest, saddest times you’ve ever been through.  I’ve then given myself a mental pep talk.  After several days of  thinking, I’ve found some light in the darkness.

Basically 2009 has just plain sucked since February.  Life was so good before February- I had a husband whom I loved dearly and we were such a happy family with our new son.  Everybody was healthy.  Life was good.

Then along came February and the stage IV diagnosis, followed by our fight and culminating in our lost battle.

But through it all there are things to be thankful for.

Nathaniel.  I have a wonderful easy going delightful son.  He is a pleasure to be around and his growth and development is nothing short of amazing to witness.

John got to be a father and he was a great one.  Some men never have the opportunity to become fathers.  Of the ones that do, not all of them are great.  John enjoyed fatherhood as much as he physically could through his illness.  Mentally it gave him a reason to fight and a reason to live that stretched beyond self.  John loved his boy so much.  He told me that Nathaniel’s laughter was his most favorite sound.

I had a great marriage and was married to a wonderful man.  I’ve been able to experience true love.  There are lots of people who can’t say that.  I have enough wonderful memories to hopefully last a lifetime.

John’s illness has taught me to stand up for what is right and to fight for those you love and to pick up the pieces and carry on.  The Mary of years past, wouldn’t have stood up to the well known and credentialed doctor and told him that we weren’t done fighting and if he was, then he could be forever referred to by name as “the doctor that gave up on daddy and the doctor who let daddy die.”  The doctors and nurses have other patients and rooms to visit.  The patient has one life.  Sometimes you have to stand up for those you love and insist on the best treatment for your loved one.  In the end maybe the outcome isn’t the most important thing, but rather how you life the life you have and the memories that you leave.  We’ve all been born and we’ll all die… really it’s the parts in the middle that we need to really make count!

John’s death has left me with a hole in my heart- grief, heartache, and loneliness like nothing else I’ve ever experienced.  But, I’m getting through it… not over it, but through it.  Some days are like walking through a nice grassy meadow with the sun warmly shining.  Others are like fighting my way through thick mud and slipping, sliding, falling, and getting up and pushing on.  The sun rises.  The sun sets.  Life goes on.  If I choose to live life or not, it still continues- better to enjoy it while I can.  Nathaniel, the horses, and the cats have kept me going.  They all need me and they all love me.  I’m working or re-building my life.  It won’t ever be the same or the happy home and strong fortress that it was with the three of us, but we’re making it.  It’s not always easy, it’s not always pretty, and it certainly isn’t always clean, but we’re making it…. one day at a time.  Life goes on.  We never know how short or long our life will be.  To me it only makes sense to enjoy it to it’s fullest and be happy as best you can.

For some reason, John’s death has chilled me out more and I don’t usually get upset over the little stuff.  In the end, the little things don’t matter.  It’s the big picture.  I just want to relax and enjoy simple pleasures- hug my kid, ride my horses, take a walk, pet the critters, and just enjoy life.  I’m very fortunate that I can do all of those things without even leaving Leaky Creek!  I love my farm, my house, my horses, my cats, and my son.  I truly feel like there is something else out there beyond our realm.  I do think that John has given me signs.  It’s reassuring and gives me an inner peace that I need.  Attending church has been helpful.  I used to fear dying terribly.  After I held John’s hand as he died, my fear left.  Someday, I’m sure we’ll be together again… as long as he doesn’t hook up with some hot angel in the meantime…

Annapolis Fire Department.  They were absolutely amazing during John’s illness and they (along with Community Fire Company of Rising Sun) made his funeral a fitting tribute to a wonderful man and amazing firefighter.  AFD did so many wonderful things that I know I can’t mention all of them.  They covered John’s shifts, so he received full pay.  They allowed him to retire on disability.  They came to visit him in the hospital and were there for his 2nd round of IL2 treatments at 6 AM & 10 PM.  They transformed our half bath into full bath with a shower that John could use.  Sometimes when you’re sick… the ability to get clean just means so much.  Sadly, John was only able to use his shower a few times, but it was very much appreciated!    AFD built a ramp, so we could get the wheelchair in and out easily.  They mowed our grass and did assorted maintenance jobs.  They went with us to many doctor’s visits so I didn’t have to worry about driving on little sleep or in unpredictable traffic.  They sent meals.  They held a fundraiser in Annapolis.  They participated in Team Smitty for the LiveStrong Challenge.  In, short, they took care of their brother.  John truly worked for a topnotch organization.  He loved working there and they loved him, too.  I miss them.

I’m thankful to the wonderful medical personnel that we encountered… from the friendly, familiar faces on the ambulance, to the caring hospital nurses, to our beloved home health nurses, and every smiling caring face in between.

I am thankful to the friends and family who have supported us and were there for John, Nathaniel, and myself.  During times of crisis, you find out who your true friends are.  Sometimes they are who you think they are… sometimes they’re different people.  I  have been very fortunate that no matter how alone I feel, I am not without friends to support me.  Some friendships have strengthened and I’ve even found new friends.  A simple phone call can make all the difference in the world.  Many people have also helped me out with everything from mowing grass, to checking car brakes, to babysitting, to installing ceiling fans, to watching Nathaniel while I got some equine therapy… and just being there when I needed to talk, needed a hug, or needed a shoulder to cry on.  This Thanksgiving, I’ve received so many invitations- thanks to everybody who thought about my boy and me and knew that we might not have a place to go.

I also have the world’s best babysitter.  I can’t tell you how amazing she has been with my son and how much I enjoy and value her friendship.  We’ve known each other since elementary school, but had lost touch through the years.  Facebook re-united us and I consider her to be one of my best friends, now.  We share conversations, hugs, and tears.  There is nothing like having the piece of mind that my son is being cared for as if her were part of her family.  Nathaniel helped carve his first pumpkin and made his first art project with them.  Her daughter is like a sister to him.  Nathaniel adores her husband and I think it is important for Nathaniel to  have a good male role model in his life.  I can go to work and have no concerns and no worries… to quote the credit card commercials.. “Peace of mind– priceless.”   I know John would approve.

I also hope that I can do some things in memory of John to help fight melanoma and fight cancer.  I don’t want his death to be in vain.  Skin cancer can kill.  We need more melanoma awareness and much, much more research.  I’d love to do a memorial bike ride, since he loved to cycle.

So, even in what has been the worst year in my 34 year life, there are things to be thankful for.  Happy Thanksgiving everybody.  Hug your spouse.  Hug your kid(s).  Pet the critters.  Eat up and watch some football.  And if you get a chance before the food coma sets in take at least a brief moment to remember what you’re thankful for.

Thanks to Daniel I for this:

“Romance is not dead…Evidenced by this Chalk Birthday Letter”

So Cute!

Moses Mendelssohn, the grandfather of the well known German composer, was far from being handsome. Along with a rather short stature, he had a grotesque hunchback.

One day he visited a merchant in Hamburg who had a lovely daughter named Frumtje. Moses fell in love with her. But Frumtje was repulsed by his misshapen appearance.

When it came time for him to leave, Moses gathered his courage and climbed the stairs to her room to take one last opportunity to speak with her. She was a vision of heavenly beauty, but caused him deep sadness by her refusal to look at him. After several attempts at conversation, Moses shyly sked, “Do you believe marriages are made in heaven?”

“Yes”, she answered, still looking at the floor. “And do you?”

“Yes, I do”, he replied. “You see, in heaven at the birth of each boy, the Lord announces which girl he is to marry. When I was born, my future bride was pointed out to me. Then the Lord added, ‘But your future bride will be humpbacked.’ “Right there and then I called out, ‘Oh Lord, a humpbacked woman would be a tradegy. Please Lord, give me the hump and let her be beautiful.’ “

Then Frumtje looked up into his eyes and was stirred by some deep memory. She reached out and gave Mendelssohn her hand and later became his devoted wife.

“One original thought is worth a thousand mindless quotings”

(Diogenes of Sinope)

Ha!

So, in keeping with the Greek Philosophers philosophy

anybody got anything original? ✿

We flash a lot of abs on EtS and it’s all in good fun.  There’s certainly no harm in enjoying the fantasy of a dark & dangerous hero every now and then be he vampire, werewolf, demon, angel or fae!

But today, the day before Thanksgiving, I wanted to take the time to celebrate true romance.   The kind of romance that sends a man shopping for his wife’s favorite pens when he sees her diligently striving to keep up with the craziness of National Novel Writing Month.  The kind of romance that inspires a man to load up a teenager and twin nine year olds to travel a couple of hours out of town in order to attend a family function and at the same time give his wife time to finish edits in the peace and quiet of an empty home.

My husband is strong and lean, but he isn’t a model.  He doesn’t usually have romance novel-esque dialogue rolling off his tongue.  There are times when he even forgets what to say when I ask, “Do I look fat in these jeans?”.  (If you’ve ever seen that deer-in-the-headlights-look, then you know what I mean;>)

But he’s never failed to hold me when I’ve received a rejection. 

He’s been on this journey with me since I began writing when my oldest son was 2.  That makes thirteen years of cheerleading and support and unfailing belief.  If it wasn’t for my husband, I might never have decided to go for it.  I remember the day that my twins started kindergarten.  On that day my husband looked at me and said, “now you’ll have time to write”.  I didn’t know it at the time, but he made a promise to me that day that he’s kept to this one.  After years of treating writing like a hobby, something I dabbled at while my toddlers played on the playground, I began to take writing seriously on that day when he gave me the gift of “time to write”.

Since then I’ve had successes and failures.  I’ve had manuscripts that sold and manuscripts that were rejected.  But through it all I’ve had him…my hero… and a truer romance has never been.

Yesterday I sent queries to agents for the first time. 

True romance is a man who grabs you at the end of a day like that and gives you a big squeeze as he celebrates the courage it took to hit “send”.

And chocolate, of course, he never forgets the chocolate…

It is natural to feel low and confused after breaking up with your girlfriend. The good news is that you need not feel that way for long- get back together. Yes, with a little bit of effort, there is every chance that you can save your relationship and get back your ex. In most cases of breakups, men find that all their effort to patch up with their partner actually widens the gap in their relationship. Does this describe your situation too? Then it is time to stop being pushy and start adopting a psychological approach.

Ask yourself if you really want your ex back. Of course, your emotions lead you to think that you do, but you need to think objectively here. Do you truly love your ex? Do you want your ex back for the right reasons? Do you just want your ex back because you’re lonely or want what you can’t have? Really assess the reasons for why you want your ex back, and if none of those reasons involve your love for your ex, then you may not truly want your ex back at all.

One important fact that you may lose sight of when you want to get back your ex boyfriend is that at one time, not that long ago, he really loved you. You’re likely worried that he’s going to meet a new woman and those feelings will then belong to her. He’ll love and adore her and you’ll become a distant memory in his past. That doesn’t have to be the case. If you understand how to appeal to him emotionally and psychologically, you can get him back for good.

Do not initiate contact with her for at least a month. This lack of contact will give her (and you) the space that she needs from you. She may need time to figure out her feelings for you. Or she may want to just be independent. She may even want to date around. Regardless, let her go to do these things, and she may even begin to miss you.

Learn to keep on asking but in a different way.

After you have ask your ex husband for forgiveness and there is no sign that he has forgiven you, wait a day or two and approach him again with the same issue. Chances are your ex husband will want to hear you out. Then present your viewpoint in a new logical way. Having done all, apply the following free witchcraft love spell to get your ex back. On any simple table or an altar, place one red candle and one white candle. Get a cauldron or a fireproof container and add some sand. The sand will help to absorb the heat.

Trust is the foundation of every relationship, and once it is broken then it takes time to rebuild. Moreover, this phase is very hard for a wife, because it is hard to digest the fact that you husband has cheated you. It is not just a matter of betrayal, but it’s a way to show your wife that she has fail in fulfilling her duties.

Read About Health Magazine Also About Ear Piercing Tips and Nail Care Tips

If you love someone because you think that he or she is really gorgeous…
Then it’s not love..
It’s – Infatuation.

If you love someone because you think that you shouldn’t leave him because others think that you shouldn’t…
Then it’s not love..
It’s – Compromise.

If you love someone because you think that you cannot live with out his touch….
Then it’s not love..
It’s – Lust.

If you love someone because you have been kissed by him…
Then it’s not love..
It’s – Inferiority Complex.

If you love someone because you cannot leave him thinking that it would hurt his feelings..
Then it’s not love..
It’s – Charity.

If you love someone because you share every thing with him…
Then it’s not love..
It’s – Friendship.

But if you feel the pain of the other person more than him even when he is stable
And you cry for him..
That’s – LOVE.

She’s beautiful. The kind of beautiful that lights up a room with laughter and the smell of cookies. I honestly don’t know how her fiancee stands to live fifteen hours away from her. And I say all of this knowing full well her many faults because she is my little sister. I’m very proud of her.

I watched her yesterday, surrounded by friends and loved ones as she opened gift after gift at one of her wedding showers. We’d been asked to write down marital advice for the bride-to-be and I found my slip of paper to be too small to capture the words I wanted to say. In an effort to be poetic I merely wrote, “The early years fly by so fast. Write down the best parts and be patient through the worst.” I felt so sage.

No one tells you what marriage will be like. The good, the bad and the ugly. Most people just stick to the good stuff. And maybe it’s different for everyone. Maybe it’s just hard to put it into words. But every fairy tale seems to end with the magic words, “and they lived happily ever after.” Only as far as I know, nobody lives in the happily ever after.

I wanted to write something more substantial on the card, something that would help her know what to expect in the foggy future of marriage. I wanted to tell her that the new towels she was unwrapping will one day have muddy stains on them. The everyday china that she finds enthralling at the moment will one day be chipped and dirty in a sink full of dishes. The man that seems to hang on her every word now will one day pretend to listen while his brain jogs down more interesting paths.

Of course, I didn’t share these predictions with her. It was neither the time nor the place to be offering that point of view. And more importantly, I was afraid she wouldn’t understand my meaning. It sounds rather dismal at first glance.

You see, if there’s one thing I’ve learned in marriage it’s this – things change. It’s normal. You get a dog. The dog gets muddy. The towels get stained.

You have a baby. The baby spits up all over you at the table and in an effort to clean you up, your husband knocks your plate to the floor. It chips. Then it goes in a pile of dishes in the sink while you head off to take a shower. He takes the baby and cleans her up for you.

That topic that you find mesmerizing – the one you talk about non-stop everyday – it makes you feel alive. Well, he loves you to death, but he finds that topic beyond dull. He’d never tell you. So he pretends to listen because it makes you happy. He’s really thinking about the way your mouth curves when you smile.

Hands down, the best part of her wedding shower was at the end of the newlywed game. The groom had answered a bunch of questions on a tape recorder and my sister had to guess the answers before we heard his versions. She did a great job of predicting his responses. At the very end he had recorded a message just for her. During part of that he said, “Our wedding still seems kind of far away, but I can’t wait for it to arrive. You’re my best friend and I love you.”

What I really wanted to tell my little sister on the advice card that we were given was this: “The towels will get stained. The dishes will get chipped and dirty. There will be days when you feel like you don’t recognize the people you’ve both become. Cling to this. Never forget this. Y’all are best friends. You love each other. As long as those things don’t change everything else is an adventure.”

Oh that I would feel whole again, and at peace with myself. As discovery of the events that took place and why it unfolded as it did flashes before my tear soaked eyes, I realize it is time. Time to let go. Time to leave the past where it belongs, and not keep it stored away in the deep caverns that are confines of my mind.  As plaque left untouched in one’s mouth turns into disease, so it seems this has made me bitter. The one to whom I was tied, though in a relatively loose way, did nothing wrong. She is lovely and wonderful. It is me who is to blame in this.

Love is a funny thing, it can be the most joyous and fulfilling experience of one’s life yet, when lost, it burns the innermost parts of one’s heart. It causes reverberating aches in heart like aftershocks of an earthquake. Love is a beautiful flower, that must be treated with the utmost care. It can change and transform lives for the better, or cripple them for the worse. Loss of love is painful, yet though it growth can occur if one allows it.

It’s in moments such as this very one that I realize how precious love is and how it is truly a gift from God. Though it is hard to nurture and keep ablaze, it is most definitely worth the effort. Love, being that it made by God, should have been perfect but we are broken people taint it in various ways.

My prayer this evening is that God mend this broken heart. I am thankful for the relationship I shared with a fine young woman some months ago, and I pray she experiences true love in the fullest and deepest senses of the word.

Until my Abba Father chooses to give me romantic love again, I must invest all that I am in him. He is love, and in this revelation comes a peace that passes all human understanding. His love sustains and fulfills, his love is more real than a superficial fling that I could falsely conjure up. So, instead of attempting to do so out the selfish impatience that my flesh insists, I will wait. I will be patient for the woman you have made for me. I cannot escape the intimacy that comes with a submission to your love, and I no longer wish to try. You are love, and I cannot live without you because you are the air that fills my lungs and fuels my soul. I cannot live without your love; you’re sweet love everlasting.

What Is Love?

The best way for me to answer this question is to start by telling you what love is not. Love isn’t selfish, envious, self-seeking, easily angered, prideful, rude, nor is it sex. (Then what is love exactly?) Love is the opposite of those things mentioned. Love is patient, kind, selfless, humble, attentive, trustworthy, protective, hopeful, and most of all giving. Love is not something you say. Love is an action. So many of us use this word in vain. We say we love ice cream then turn around with the same tongue and say we love our mother. We say we love to a certain clothing store and in the same breath we say we love God. If those statements were true our actions would line up with them. Love isn’t  just a noun, it is a verb.

How Do I Love?

I believe a person can never truly love someone in full else unless they know what love is and have truly been loved and have seen love. The bible says God is Love (1 John 4:16). This is because God gave his only son (John 3:16). Picture this: God and his son delighting in each other. God pleasing his son ans his son pleasing him. They share everything, they are joyful, caring, and faithful to each other. Then God sees us in trouble, headed toward hell, and he sends his only son, who makes his heart smile, who is perfect to him in every way, who is pleasing to him; and he sends him to earth willingly so he can pour out his anger, wrath, and judgment on him just to save us. That’s love. Jesus prayed “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42) not because he didn’t want to die for us. It was because he knew the relationship him and his father had and now God was going to pour out his wrath on his son. He loved his father and his father loved him. He didn’t want to lose that relationship, even for the moments he was on the cross. That relationship was his everything. But God loved us.

To love we have to be selfless. Love gives. To love means to lay down your will to please the other. Whether it be in relationships with a spouse, child, or God. Love gives your all to that person. Everything in you; your thoughts, your time, your gifts, your money, your heart, your focus, your days, your years, your life. Love gives.

Love Isn’t Blind (Unconditional Love)

“How can someone love their spouse unconditionally if that person is perfect”…(Devvon Horn). I believe that we as men and woman can never love someone we are with unconditionally if they are just like us. True love sees a person for what they are; the good, the bad, assets, flaws, all wrapped in one, and looks past that and says “I still love you”. True love isn’t blind. It sees your filth, your flaws, your imperfections and continues to love you despite it.

Conclusion

When a person says that they love you look to their actions to prove that the words they say are true. Love is the most beautiful thing to see and to know. Love made perfect is laying down your life for someone else. Lay down your life for the ones you love.

***Scripture references from NIV Bible

*** “Love Is Blind” photograph credit and copyright ownership belongs to aNdikapatRya

Those Pavement reunion dates just keep on rolling in.

As things stand as of this minute, the first reunion show that the indie rock big dogs will play on American soil will be at the Sasquatch! Festival, which will come to the Gorge Amphitheatre in Quincy, Washington May 29-31, aka Memorial Day weekend.

At the moment, Pavement is the only band that the Sasquatch! organizers have announced; the full lineup is coming February 16.  So Mark your calendars… see you all there.

Check out Pavements newest released track “True Love” here.

we did it alone

inside the rain

queen of the may

lord cernunnos

i your morrighan

you my gawain

i ragnell

knew the answer

to your riddle

blood of my blood

fingers touch

ribbons cross

green then red

our promises

a year and a day

the ribbons will stay

on our altar

as the god and goddess

so will we underthesky

bone of my bones

around your chalice

the ribbons there

flesh of my flesh

unless before then

we no longer love

and untie them

our signal

of forever true

To explain “New Moon” the film, you not only must compare it to the books but to the style and praise of the previous film.

Disclaimer: I am not a critic, nor a genius, nor have I ever written a review. These are just my thoughts on the film. Just me talking about the pros and the cons. If for any reason you feel this doesn’t meet your standards then stop. I am just a fan of the books sense they’ve come out. I have read the books instantly as they came out after discovery the first novel Twilight from a friend. I read it before anyone had gone Vampire crazy, and before New Moon came out. So I have liked the novels a long time. Don’t get me wrong though, as much as I am satisfied with the plot line of the most of the novels I find the author disappointing.

The Author: Stephenie Meyer came and went like J.K Rowling. The author wrote a great story idea but the writing itself was nothing special. There are writing mistakes an experienced author would not make. Stephenie Meyer’s works aren’t master pieces by any standard of literary work. She got this far as J.K. has because she gave the public a nice plot line that made readers drool over pure romance. The same way that Romeo & Juliet are still read in modern times though not modern whatsoever. Yet, the author of Twilight progressively got worst. Lacking in keeping up with the true story she had started with and progressively developing into an almost different story by her fourth book. Change occurred as money in her wallet developed. The later books came solely for the money. After all she did say it herself that she only meant to write two novels and she ended up with four. Most of all I lost my respect entirely of her. Due to the fact that she  personally wrote a letter on her website telling fans of her distaste at the manuscript of Midnight Sun being released online by one of her people and basically telling the readers punishments will happen for it by her not finishing the novel and releasing the draft on her website for all eyes. This action of so outwardly blaming her loyal fans of which some refused to read it even though they could. Shows the fact of how power-hungry she has become to lose track that these people  are devoted to supporting any action taken by her then to just be kicked in the gut for having done absolutely nothing. Plus, it was clearly her fault for the release for trusting the wrong people.

Twilight: My review of twilight the novel. I give it five stars. The characters felt real, relate-able, and consistent. The writing was neither completely poor nor amazing. It was very average like when a friend ask you to read something they wrote. It was properly written and is definitely for a young person that could not acknowledge mistakes. It was written rather childishly, like an adolescent wrote it, which makes it in essence easier to relate to Bella. Although Stephenie Meyer says it was written for  older crowd like individuals like herself, Twilight would not cut it. Most adults would not totally dismiss it, yet it would not have had as great a turn out as it had with the young adult readers. Overall, it is by far the best novel of the Twilight Saga. This is very bad for the rest of the books because they cannot meet up to the standards of the first novel.

New Moon: This novel is clearly the worst of the four novels to some and to others its just seems like a small stepping stone. This novel feels like it was a filler episode in the series.  It filled in some gaps and brought in some ideas for the future books but over all I feel it was a waste of time expect for a few expectations. If the novel had just contained the first bit with Edward and summarized Jacob’s developing character and had the final chapters of the novel it would be better. Basically keep the beginning, the end, and shorten the middle  a lot then this novel might just be ok. Reading this I just felt like get on with the point of the story already, I get it shes depressed move on already, and Jacob is ok but his no Edward. The thing is Edward made Twilight big no matter how you see it and New Moon containing very little Edward is well boring.

Eclipse: This book should have been the last one. It solves the resolution that had started in the first novel almost completely. Though something would need to be added to make this the end and make it amazing instead it wasn’t the last one. The novel seemed to drag on in the middle like New Moon yet it contained some more interesting facts. The end was thrilling, the beginning is forgetful because I literally can’t recall the beginning. Eclipse was nothing special, it was better than the second but still could not compare to the first. Most readers that I spoke to feel that the Bella everyone had fallen in love with in Twilight and people could relate to had become someone utterly different. I get that characters in novel can grow up and change to but this was a radical attitude change in the series. It just felt like a different person with the same name.

Breaking Dawn: By far the worst of the books in the series to most. This novel has the same character ideals of same names, vampires, werewolves, and fight for good. However this novel seems almost unrelated to the rest to the series. The main characters seem almost like strangers to fans of the series. The actions and plot line of the story are just out-of-place with the rest of the series that most people are disgusted to call Breaking Dawn the end of the Twilight series. This book is entirely like a filler episode to the climax. Then as the reader reaches the climax disappointment is waiting. Some of the ideas or passages of the novel are what the fans of Twilight had been waiting to see, yet with the personality change of characters, mainly Bella, made those passage unbearable to enjoy fully. The beginning plays with the exact answers to  that of the readers questions of  “what would happen if this happened.” The middle didn’t really make sense and seemed to be implemented for a shock effect. The end was a the biggest fail and disappointment for readers looking for a little more action.

Twilight the film: Disappointment. Comprehension that the novel can’t literally be brought to life but it was painful to watch almost. The acting by Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson was horrible. Neither of them can properly act. This is no surprise sense Catherine Hardwicke tends to favor actors and not properly look for actors that can act. The effects in the film were unimpressive and lacked realism. A lot of the details that made the novel famous were left out. Scenes were added that just wasted time in the movie and were pointless. The camera work was done poorly and overall failed in properly symbolizing what the novel was all about. Twilight basically had been butchered to shreds for fans of the novel.

New Moon the film: In comparison to Twilight, the film, New Moon was amazing. The effects were much smoother, there were more of them, the camera angles were nice, and it properly symbolized what the Twilight Saga is about. The actors of the first film were kept and brought down the movie. Due to the fact the worst actors in the film are the lead actors. However one lead actor stands out from the rest. Taylor Lautner was amazing. His acting skills carried the film and made the character Jacob look outstanding. Compared to the novel in which fans didn’t like not having as much of Edward in the film I feel better not having Robert Pattinson on-screen. His acting was literally a joke and Kristen Stewart is so emotionless and seems more like versions of  Keanu Reeves. The film kept very close to the novel, but the film brought the novel to life were the novel had failed. The fail was much more entertaining and accomplished in the areas that novel lacked. It had a much more concrete ideas of romance between Edward and Bella. It brought out the feelings of the novel while still being able to introduce the added plot-line of the werewolves and the Volturi. In the end it was a great film. It was better than Twilight the film and New Moon the novel.

Eclipse/Breaking Dawn the films: As the Twilight Saga rages through the media, I hope success on the future films, and wish for certain actors to get some talent, while the rest of the cast stays gifted in their roles. Much appreciation to the actors that play….

Jacob, Charlie, Cullens (Carlisle, Esme, Emmette, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice!), the Wolf Pack.

(If this doesn’t make sense I haven’t slept this a quick blog. A quick 1554 word count blog~   )

Maybe a Part 2 later.

When I see your smile,
Tears run down my face
I can’t replace.
And now that I’m strong I have figured out,
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul.
And I know I’ll find deep inside me,
I can be the one.

I will never let you fall.
I’ll stand up for you forever.
I’ll be there for you through it all.
Even if saving you sends me to Heaven.

It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay.
And seasons are changing,
And waves are crashing,
And stars are falling all for us.
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter,
I can show you I’ll be the one.

I will never let you fall.
I’ll stand up for you forever.
I’ll be there for you through it all.
Even if saving you sends me to Heaven.

‘Cause you’re my, you’re my, my
My true love, my whole heart.
Please don’t throw that away.
‘Cause I’m here for you.
Please don’t walk away and,
Please tell me you’ll stay.
Stay.

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I’ll be okay,
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I’ll stand up for you forever
I’ll be there for you through it all,
Even if saving you sends me to Heaven

I will never let you fall.
I’ll stand up with you forever.
I’ll be there for you through it all,
Even if saving you sends me to Heaven.

Love is the one thing that we all are learning in this life existence. Love is the basis of everything. Love (true love) is the only meaning for us to be here.

True love such as selfless love or unconditioned love or compassionate love without attachment will bring warmth, peace and joy to ourselves and other beings. Selfish love or conditioned love or lustful love which attached to names and forms, and likes and dislikes will bring unhappiness to ourselves and to the people who we love or who we want them to love us.

When the love is pure, there is no unhappiness. True love doesn’t end or die when our relationship ends or our body meet death. We are love itself when we know what is true love and we don’t need to ask for love or crave for being loved by someone else, when we know that we are not separate from all (love is not limited only in relationships) and we can share this love unconditioned without lust and selfishness. There is no need to detach from this true love, because there is no attachment at all in this true love. Just pure love and kindness, without selfishness, anger, hatred, lust, jealousy, greed, likes and dislikes, fears and worries.

It is like this love is part of us, it is not separated from us, it is not something that we gained or accumulated from outside. It is unlimited and inexhaustible from within. Just like our hands and feet, they are part of our body and are not separated from the body. We don’t need to detach our hands and feet from the body to be free from doing bad actions or going to bad places. It is our pure intentions and pure thoughts that will lead us to have self-control over our body and our actions, and not doing anything that will harm ourselves or other beings. We don’t need to stop doing good when we say “detach from the fruit of doing something good”. But it is the inner detachment that we are not looking for any good in return when we do something good which gives us the true freedom and unlimited love to share love with many others without getting tired or frustrated when everything “goes wrong” or things are not the way that we like it to be…

Love and peace to all when we love selflessly. But it will be “love” and hate to all when we love selfishly.

Thanks for sharing your love with all.

All religions talk about love. Everyone is in search of love. Everyone needs love. Or else life is empty. But when we realize that love is always within ourselves and not by looking or getting from outside, then we will know that we are love itself and we are never lonely even though we are being with oneself alone. Because we are no more separated from anything in the entire existence. We are no difference from the sun, the space, the air, the water, the earth, the trees, the flowers, the grass, the insects, the animals, and all living beings.

May all beings be happy.

Book cover

Every now and again someone asks me, “Who do you read?” I have a few favorite authors and some I follow more than others. (Wander on over to my website if you really want to know, www.joannaaislinn.com/Tidbits.html) Do I seek out books? Not particularly. I have a to-read list but generally speaking, most of my reads come to me, somehow wind up directly in my path. This was the case when I took my older son to the library a couple of weeks ago. As he browsed through the shelves for a book-report-biography, my gaze caught a familiar title, one I had to pick up: fairy-tale style love story of a hero, told through the heroine’s eyes, the kind that forces you to believe in romance at its highest level.

You see, this was real. The hero and heroine lived their love in our world, not one crafted at the keyboard. And, as in our stories, this heroine was faced with a life-changing inciting incident, yet her conscious choice to rise above proved an ultimately satisfying end.

I’m referring to the amazingly touching memoir, My Sergei, A Love Story, written by Ekaterina Gordeeva together with E.M. Swift. (Somehow, I could hear Ms. Gordeeva’s accent.) Together, they’ve shared a story so incredibly lovely, I’d have wanted to believe had it been fiction.  

Sergei and Ekaterina (a.k.a. ‘Katia’ or ‘Katusha’ to her beloved Sergei, Seroique or Serioza) met when both were very young. She was eleven, he fifteen and both training as figure skaters to represent communist Russia when they were paired. Long story short: they grew as friends, then closer friends, became lovers and married—all this by their very early twenties.

Skating governed their lives. Under the umbrella of Sergei’s quiet but constant protection and love Katia let Sergei rule her heart. She idolized him and recounted episode upon episode that showed what this pair meant to each other. Among the events that comprised their life together this one stands out. His skate caught in a soft patch of ice while they practiced a lift. She fell and landed on her forehead, spent the next six days hospitalized and resumed skating after another two weeks. During that time Sergei brought Katia her very first flowers and visited every day until she was cleared to return to the ice. Katia remembers he handled her that much more firmly and carefully after that, as if she were precious. They were skaters before the incident; a pair afterward.

 In 1988 they skated for Russia and won Olympic gold. Married and a daughter later their skating grew more extraordinary, touched not only by love but by an ability to bring their intimacy to the ice. Six years later, they commanded the podium a second time, this time for each other.

                                                                       Annaliese 2007 flickr.com

Then fourteen years ago today, Sergei died on the very ice this couple loved, the result of a heart attack. (They later learned he had a genetic type of undetected heart disease. His father had passed similarly, in Sergei’s mother’s arms, and ironically enough, so had his sister’s boyfriend). Ekaterina went on to give first hand insight into Sergei’s final moments and the hours that followed. “Yes, it’s clean,” were his final words, in reference to the fresh scent of his tee-shirt as they assumed a pose in order to initiate practice. He didn’t execute moves as he should, glided toward the boards and lowered himself to the ice. She forgot how to call for help in English. Later, at the hospital after he’d been declared dead, she sat with him, spoke to him at length and spent a very long time trying to warm his cold hands and feet. I still wonder what else she must have felt that day, and so many of the days after. She shared candidly how devastated she was, how she couldn’t remember a time when she hadn’t been loved and protected by Sergei, had never faced a situation without his wisdom to fall back on. Remember, she was eleven when they met. He’d been her greatest constant for more than half her life.  

              goordeeva.com                Annaliese 2007 flickr.com               

So like the heroines many of us read and/or write, she had to dig deep. She began by finding purpose through her dedication to her daughter and a return to skating. She did the ice alone. No one but Sergei had held her hand on the ice since they’d been paired so another partner was inconceivable. On the ice, the first time without him, at a memorial skating exhibition in his honor, she felt his strength and his presence, enough to make her bigger than the ice, she said. She skated that program twice and only for him.

Katia was twenty-four when Sergei died; he was twenty-eight. Recently I looked her up on online and wondered, fourteen years later, where she is? What turns has her life taken? I was glad to learn that several years later she’d met Ilia Kulik, loved again and gave birth to a second daughter. Seven years ago, she and Ilia married. They’ve skated solo and also as partners.

Sounds like a fairy-tale and wonderful character arc entwined? I say so. My Sergei, A Love Story is proof that romantic love exists in its purest form, can burrow its roots early in life and be the driving force I love to believe it can be. I have been inspired.

                                                                     Anneliese 2007  flickr.com

The young boy walked across the church parking lot, tossing a ball in the air and catching it as it fell, casually wandering toward a busy highway. One man noticed this, and, being a religious man, he began to wring his hands, pray, and ask the boy politely to stop, to change directions, or at least to pay attention to where he was going. The boy remained oblivious and kept moving toward the highway. Another man observed the boy, and, being a caring man, he ran in a flat-out sprint toward the boy, dove through the air, and crashed into the boy with a flying shoulder tackle. Both he and the boy landed, just short of the path of a speeding truck, in a ditch filled with mud, weeds, and broken glass. The boy was shaken up, crying, cut, and bruised, but still alive.

The two men had taken drastically different approaches. One man appeared loving and polite, but his passivity was evidence of a callow cruelty toward the boy. One man appeared hateful and rash, but his willingness to act was evidence of a true love for the boy.

Open rebuke is better than secret love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.

Proverbs 27:5-6

Christians are not supposed to just “have” friends. They are supposed to love their friends. Christian love is more than just a “feeling.” It always involves action. If I have a friend who is walking toward destruction, my “secret love” for this friend will be of little help. However, a loud verbal warning during a face-to-face confrontation, even though it may cause hard feelings, could do a world of good. I need to have a loving willingness to batter and bruise (and then bandage) my friends, instead of a weak-willed sentimental desire to give them little kisses good-bye as they head for damnation.

Capo 3

Intro
C

Verse 1:
C
Heaven is the face of a little girl
C                                            F
With dark brown eyes that disappear when she smiles.
C
Heaven is the place where she calls my name
C                                         F
Says, Daddy please come play with me for awhile.

Chorus:
G                F               C
God, I know, its all of this and so much more,
    G                   F               C
But God, You know, that this is what Im aching for.
G                F                C
God, you know, I just can’t see beyond the door.
C
So right now...

Verse 2:
C
Heaven is the sound of her breathing deep,
C                                              F
Lying on my chest, falling fast asleep while I sing.
C
And Heaven is the weight of her in my arms,
C                                                F
Being there to keep her safe from harm while she dreams

Chorus:
    G                 F               C
And God, I know, it’s all of this and so much more,
    G                   F               C
But God, You know, that this is what Im longing for
G                F                C
God, you know, I just can’t see beyond the door.

Bridge:
C
But in my minds eye I can see a place
           F
Where Your glory fills every empty space.
        G
All the cancer is gone, Every mouth is fed,
            C
And there’s no one left in the orphans bed.
      F
Every lonely heart finds their one true love,
           G
And theres no more goodbye, And no more not enough,
           C       F
And theres no more enemy (no more).

Verse 3:
C
Heaven is a sweet, maple syrup kiss
C                                                  F
And a thousand other little things I miss with her gone.
C
Heaven is the place where she takes my hand
C                                              F
And leads me to You, And we both run into Your arms.

Outro:
   G                F                 C
Oh God, I know, its so much more than I can dream.
     G          F          C
It’s far beyond anything I can conceive.
   G                 F              C
So God, You know, Im trusting You until I see
C
Heaven in the face of my little girl,
C
Heaven in the face of my little girl.

“Hey, I’m this one guy you met.”

“Hi, good to see you. I’m E. Twiggs.”

“Hi E. Twiggs.  Are you ready for our date?”

“Are you calling this a date?  Is that what this is?”

“I guess so.”

“I’m not comfortable with the term ‘date.’  That puts a lot of pressure on me.”

“Me too.  Let’s call it hanging out.”

“No, I don’t like that, either.  Let’s just call it nothing.”

“Okay, E. Twiggs, then it’s nothing.  We’re doing nothing.”

“I like that.  I like doing nothing with you.”

“I guess it beats doing something.”

“Does it?  I like staying active.  You know, getting out and doing stuff.”

“So do I.  I’m a big fan of doing stuff, especially when I get out.”

“Well, there are also times when it’s good to stay in.”

“Most nights, I’d just like to curl up in my pajamas while staying in.  It’s a jungle out there and so forth.”

“I hope you’re not one of those guys who just wants me to come over and stay at his dirty rathole of a place.  I want a guy who comes up with interesting ideas for dates.”

“But I thought you weren’t comfortable calling this a date.”

“This? No way—definitely not a date, definitely not with you.  What I mean is when I’m on a date with a guy I’m in a relationship with who isn’t you.”

“I see.  So what do you want from a relationship?”

“Relationships?  Ugh, those are so twentieth century.  I just want something casual.”

“I’m all for that.  Casual is best.”

“I don’t agree with that.  See, I want you to want to have a relationship with me, but I don’t want to have a relationship with you.”

“What?  That’s confusing!”

“No, I need attention from you.  But I’m definitely not going to reciprocate.  Not your attention, anyway.  I’m going to reciprocate someone else’s attention, except that’ll be a one-way street, too.  What I want, I guess, is at least two one-way streets:  One where you’re needing me and one where I’m needing some other, better guy.”

“If you need a better guy, why are we hanging out?”

“Hanging out?  I thought we were doing nothing.”

“Excuse me, why are we doing nothing?”

“You asked me out, right?”

“Huh?  You sent me an e-mail asking me if I wanted to have coffee with you, E. Twiggs.”

“I didn’t mean it.  I think you totally misinterpreted that.”

“Did I?”

“When a girl says or writes that she wants to have coffee with you, she’s trying to tell you that she doesn’t want to have coffee with you.  I was being nice.”

“But I didn’t want to have coffee with you.  However, I did want to have coffee after you asked me, because I thought you were interested in me…”

“Why on earth would you think that?”

“You wrote that you were interested in me and wanted to have coffee!”

“I wasn’t, though.  That’s just what I wrote.  You’re so silly.”

“Okay.  Let me see if I understand: Right now we’re doing nothing, and this isn’t a date, and you didn’t want to go on it, even though you asked me to go.”

“Exactly.  How hard is it to understand that?”

“What about this other, better guy?  Why don’t you have coffee with him?”

“If I had coffee with him, he might learn that I liked him.  I want to have a relationship with him, but I don’t want him to know that.  Besides, I have a fear of relationships.  Also a fear of dates.”

“But not a fear of doing nothing.”

“No, doing nothing is okay.  Anyway, you’re harmless.  I can say anything to you.”

“Yeah, I’m glad you can, E. Twiggs.  Lucky for you, I’m a total doormat.  I don’t have any feelings.  I’m the perfect guy to do nothing with, and I certainly won’t challenge you in any way.”

“Just don’t pressure me.  I don’t like being pressured.”

“Have I pressured you, E. Twiggs?”

“I can’t shake the feeling that you’re trying to turn this nothing into something.  This nothing will never be something, guy I met.“

“I don’t expect it to be.  In fact, I have no expectations at all.  You matter, but I don’t.  I’m just going to sit here and listen to you ramble about your doubts, hopes, and dreams.  I won’t even point out how contradictory they are.”

“Great!  So I can tell you how I want a guy who will love me with all of his heart, except he’ll ignore me most of the time.  Money won’t matter, but he’ll be very rich and will buy me lots of expensive crap.  He’ll be handsome but not really, not enough that he’ll ever make me feel insecure about my looks, and I’ll always be able to outsmart him, even though he’s a genius.  We’ll have kids, and I’ll care about them so much that I’ll never see them because I’m always on vacation or getting my nails done or getting my highlights retouched or whatever.”

“That sounds so wonderful, E. Twiggs.  It sure does.  My life is of no consequence, and I’ll die alone and forgotten, but I’m happy that you have it figured out.”

“I don’t respect your opinion, but I’m glad you’re listening to me.  You should be, too.”