when u believe in your dream so much that you have $518 in your bank account and you take out $500 to pay your band for a show… without knowing where your next source of income is… that is TRUST…  trust in abundance… trust in myself…trust in my dreams becoming a reality…

“As soon as you trust yourself, you’ll know how to live.”

~Goethe

Everyone goes through cycles of peace and trauma.  If a value you have held for years no longer increases your peace, if it keeps you stuck in some unhelpful place or mind-set, it may be time to release it.

Values prop up your sense of self, your ego. It can be strengthening to think:

I have good values.

My values tell the world who I am.

I adhere to my values.

I am consistent in my beliefs.

My beliefs are moral and elevate me above others.

As values are things you hold in high esteem, if you commit yourself to them, by extension, you hold yourself in high esteem.

The threat inherent in change, especially when it concerns your cherished, deeply held beliefs, is that you will lose a part of yourself, and your connection to the cadre of others who share them.  But over-identification with your values can stunt your personal growth.

Values give you a template for living; however, circumstances change requiring a shift in your world-view. Perhaps, it is better to value openness to life, even though it is a far riskier place to dwell.  Allowing for change means you will feel raw, exposed and vulnerable as things flow and morph into something new.

Luckily, you are much more than your values. The fullness and complexity of your true self dwarfs the handful of ideas you clutch so desperately. As if there could be a hard and fast guide to life. Be the witness. Watch your life unfold. Allow the mystery. Cultivate curiosity. Embrace change. Emerson was right when he said, “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.”  In other words, sticking to your guns may afford you a sense of security but ultimately redound to your detriment by limiting your experiences.

Holding on to a value or belief that has outlived its usefulness stands in the way of your own development. Even worse, you inflict psychic pain on yourself by perpetuating a deep, inner conflict between an unhelpful ideal and what is real. In the past, that belief was probably very useful, both pragmatically and in bolstering your identity. Now, as you find yourself in a new stage of life, some beliefs may impede your becoming the person you want to be.  For example: If you believe divorce is to be avoided at all costs, you may live out the rest of your life in an unhappy union. 

The desire for a black and white world is a relic from your childhood. Intellectually, you know things are all shades of gray, but that old habit of thinking dichotomously loves rules for living. The clear cut parameters of how to behave are comforting to the little child inside. The adult you is capable of much more.  You can discern all the colors in the spectrum, which allows for a greater appreciation of differences, including the difference between your thinking at age ten, or twenty, or thirty, etc. Your mind is large enough to contemplate many ways to think and live, not just the ones you have experienced, so far.

To be alive is to change. Let go of useless beliefs. They only stunt your growth.  As you progress through life different things will be more or less meaningful.  For example: Most people think killing is bad; however, in a war, or to protect yourself, killing is allowable.  Different circumstances demand tweaking, or radically shifting, your beliefs.

Ideally, when you took your marriage vows you believed it would be until death. But, life intruded.  The question to ask yourself when contemplating a change in values is: “What will this shift in my thinking say about me?”  If you believe it makes you a bad, or less worthy, person, it will. If you believe it is part of your maturation process, you will mature.  Superseding the ego isn’t easy.  It does not like being eclipsed by anything, including new ideas it has propped itself up on for years. You are in charge. You can make the ego take a time-out while you explore other ways of looking at the world.

If sticking to your values means you die inside (and martyrs have done that since time immemorial) you’re choosing from fear and rigidity. Francois de la Rochefoucauld said, “The only thing constant in life is change.” Defy it and you will wither.  

Sometimes, perfectionistic thinking bars the way to greater emotional freedom and peace. Sticking to your guns can be a rigid, absolutistic approach to life.  By thinking things like: “I must adhere to my values or my life will fall apart. I won’t be safe without these rules for living. People will think less of me. I will have  no moral compass.” You perpetuate the ideas that keep you mired in old ways of acting and reacting to new life circumstances.

People will always think what they want. You have no control over them. You can control what you think about yourself and, luckily, that’s the most important thing. There may not be a visible path through this journey, but if you trust your intuition, the melding of your heart and mind, you will find your way.  It is scary, there are demons along the way, but every great quest is fraught with challenges. You can do it. Trust the universe, trust yourself, trust the process; and, when you can’t—just breathe.

Copyright Nicole S. Urdang

Do you co-sleep? Schedule feedings? Baby wear? Ferberize? Home school? Spank? Send your kids to public school? Unschool? The questions go on and on. Whatever the age and stage, mothers are often asked to take a philosophical stance on child-rearing– and debate issues so seemingly serious that they sometimes even damage friendships between women. I have been asked where I stand on these issues, and all I can say is, I don’t subscribe.

I don’t subscribe to any one particular parenting philosophy, though of course I make choices like anyone else. If I had to create my own parenting philosophy, it would be: trust yourself, and do what makes sense for your own family. I just want to be myself as a mother. I want to respond to my children and all the sticky family situations the best I can, and really feel that is good enough. When I try to fit into some other mold, I just end up failing.

I remember when my first child was a newborn, hearing the adage “sleep when the baby sleeps”. But I couldn’t. I am an adult, and somewhat of an insomniac at that, and I just can not sleep in 30 minute increments on and off all day, and also squeeze in a shower and a granola bar. Add in an older toddler with my second newborn, and the advice seemed laughable. Why then, I wondered, did people keep repeating this mantra to me? It felt like a set-up.

One of the best changes I made when I became pregnant with my second child was to stop reading pregnancy and parenting books. If I didn’t know what I was “supposed” to do, I would just have to figure it out.

Everyone is different, and some moms really benefit from the advice of parenting experts. I just wish we could all give as much credit to our own internal wisdom. I am not talking just about “motherly instincts”, which also get over-rated, in my book. A new mom doesn’t always feel her instincts about caring for a sick child when the fear of doing something wrong overwhelms her completely. But I do think that when we give ourselves a little mental break, we see that no one else can really live our lives for us, so no one can really tell us how to handle each particular situation that arises with our children. And as lonely and scary as that may be sometimes, it is also liberating, and allows us to shoot from the hip a little more. Not such a bad thing.

Annabel Shaw

If you were to browse the ’self-help’ shelves of a bookshop you would come across a vast array of different self-help strategies and approaches. You would probably spend some time going through the different books looking for the one that you thought would best suit you and your particular problems. Nothing wrong in that – after all we are all different and our problems come in all shapes and sizes. Indeed, a ”one size fits all” approach to therapy is very unlikely to be effective.

There are, however, a few underlying principles which form the back-bone of all good therapeutic approaches and it is a few of these basic principles that I would like to introduce today. Once you have the basic principles under your belt the question of which of the many approaches you should consider will become very much easier.

There are ten basic principles. Today I want to introduce two. Next Monday I’ll introduce two more.

The First and Most Important Principle is to:

Trust Yourself to Find Your Own Solutions

The best help for you will be the help you create for yourself. You need to find your own solutions and any therapist or any self-help book worth their salt will help you do just that. Rather than imposing a “cure all”  they will seek only to help and support you find your own way out of any difficulty. It’s true that therapists may have studied and know more about techniques and treatments than you, and you may well need their help and guidance, but no-one knows yourself better than you do. Recognising this, a good therapist should ask you to Trust Yourself to work things out above all other advice. This is because until you trust yourself to help yourself you will never be helped – no matter how knowleagable or experienced your therapist.

In short – beware the books that tell you they have a  magic cure. There is no magic cure.  No quick solution that doesn’t involve you doing most of the work. Sorry – but you know I’m right.

Remember You Are Not Alone

When suffering we often tend to feel as if we are the only one. Everyone else seems so much happier or at least, even if they do have problems, they seem to be in control and able to cope so much better that us. The truth is, we all have problems and we all cope as best we can. It’s true that some people cope better than others for some things – but they may well do worse in other areas. One thing is for sure – if you are human you will suffer. Scratch the surface of any of us and you’ll find a story comparable to your own – you are not alone. Keep this in mind especially when you find yourself feeling a bit pitiful.

When you’re feeling particularly downcast one tip is to think of someone who’s faced a similar situation and handled it well. What can you learn from their situation and the way in which they dealt with it? It could be someone you know, but just as helpful are examples from literature or film.  Another suggestion is to imagine your current life and its difficulties as a film with you as the scriptwriter. What different solutions or endings can you imagine?

In short: You are not alone and you have it in your power to re-write your responses.

Until next week !

One of my biggest pet peeves is people dressing head to toe in loud, obnoxious labels. We’ve all seen these people walking down the street decked out in head to toe with names; Hat: Coach, Necklace: Tiffany & Co, Shirt: Juicy Couture, Jeans: Rock and Republic, etc… They are a walking billboard for these designers. One is lead to think that these types of people are very insecure, have an intense need to fit in, and lack any creative ability to think or dress for themselves. I have friends like this that not only do this with clothes, but with restaurants. If it’s not a big expensive chain, they won’t like it. Even if the food is wonderful and service is great, they will close their mind off completely and wrinkle up their noses. It’s sad because they miss so much! Aaron and I call these people “Label people” because they only want what someone else tells them is cool and refuse to think anything out of the box is cool too….these types of people wear their clothes like their armor. They are too insecure to walk into a room and rely on their brains and charm so they dress in huge labels that scream in your face “Hey I’m wearing Dolce and Gabbana, so you should think I’m cool!” I used to be one of these people; I didn’t know my own voice and didn’t trust myself to put together an outfit that everyone else would think is cool. But that was the first problem with my thinking, no one else had to think it was cool; I needed to trust my own taste and dress for me. When you do that, you will be the most relaxed and confident person in the room because you aren’t looking for approval from others. You don’t need it. Learn to trust yourself and celebrate your own choices, don’t have someone else’s tastes splashed all over you! But if you like the shirt, buy it because you like it, not because the name is on it.

One of the biggest obstacles  in detecting the scam is that we sometimes  see only what we want to see. What makes matters worse is that we don’t get much help from the experts. For example, many of the folks we depend on as financial analysts to analyze suffer from the same malady, as do many of the folks we rely on in the financial media to shine a bright light on whatever is weird in the financial markets.

The Madoff and Enron sagas offers great examples of this…

Applying the principles of The Duck School, Enron’s revenues defied common sense. In noting that Enron had apparently doubled its reported sales between 1999 and 2000, Dan Ackman, wrote this for Forbes:

“In its creation of revenue, if not profit, Enron was truly the corporation from another planet… Before it declared bankruptcy, Enron said it was on track to double revenue again… Had it done so, it would have become the second-largest corporation in the world in terms of sales.”

Something was weird. He asked how, in less than 18 months, the company could have gone from a relatively obscure energy-trading company to one of the largest companies in the world by revenue? And how could a company that was reporting such large revenues have no cash? In the first nine months of 2000, Enron had negative cash flow. How could a company operate without cash? Its debt was rising. Something was wrong…

Dan Ackman offered his take on the company’s numbers by using the analogy of an Olympic track coach:

“An uncritical reading of Enron’s inscrutable reports indicates it was running so much faster than everyone else. If an Olympic coach heard a report that an unknown runner had broken the world record for the mile by two seconds, he might be skeptical or wonder if the runner was on drugs. But if he had heard that the runner had run a mile in three minutes flat, 45 seconds faster than everyone else, he’d refuse to believe it. He’d say it was impossible. Or he’d say the watch was broken. When Enron made equally unlikely pronouncements no one seems to have asked a question of thought twice.”

Sadly, until it was too late, nobody took much notice of Dan Ackman and others in the financial media who shone a light on the wackiness that was Enron…

As for Madoff, as I’ve already been noted in an earlier post, Barron’s magazine smelled something in the air way back in 2001. In an article that year, Barron reported that it asked Bernie Madoff how he accomplished compound average annual returns of 15% for more than a decade. This made no sense. It was inconceivable to them how he could perform so consistently year in and year out. The 2001 Barron’s article describes how three option strategists for major investment banks just didn’t buy this. For them and for others, Madoff’s split strike strategy was not the whole story… Sadly, nobody paid attention.

What’s the moral here? Firstly, if something seems too good to be true, it might not be true… Secondly, don’t assume the so-called experts have done their homework, they might not have… Thirdly, trust yourself. If the explanations you hear make no sense, you might just be right. Don’t accept the inexplicable…

If I had asked a person who has never entered kitchen to prepare a cup of coffee or tea, still seems to be easier when compared to a cup of confidence. Take first, step and get ready to have a cup of confidence.

Click here to read full article: A Cup of Confidence for You

Once again, a little something inspired in part by the fabulous 37days.com and one of my favorite books, Life is a Verb, written by Patti Digh.

Instead

A heart lit up with lovely dreams
The world warns “be careful,
Be responsible, play it safe.”
Reason says, “be sensible,
Tuck away those dreams today.”
I think, “I probably should, I should
Be careful, responsible, play safe.”
Oh but life is sweet and bold
I think, instead, I’ll say yes
Say yes to life and dreams.

The world moves by, a blurry rush
Of people, of clocks, of dollar signs.
“Grab more, take more, spend more.”
“But, wait,” I ask, “where are the
Connections? I have something to give.”
Life speeds by, a flood of faces,
Tasks to do, bills to pay, no time to stop
Oh but life is rich and bountiful
I think, instead, I’ll slow down
Slow and be generous, give of my heart.

“Hush,” I was told, “wait your turn
And, for once, don’t argue!”
Don’t stir up trouble, don’t break the
Rules, and really, don’t be silly.
My heart aches to speak, to live
By the dreams that grow in me.
The world says, “you know nothing of life”
Oh but life is beautiful and grand
I think, instead, I’ll speak up,
Trust myself and live my way of dreams.

“Your heart will break, don’t be
Foolish, be careful who you love.”
The world says, “fix this, fix that.
Ahh, almost good enough to love.”
“Be cautious, stay away from him,
From her, don’t love that.”
Oh but life is gentle and kind
I think, instead, I’ll chose to love.
Love me, love you, simply love more.

I won’t put my hands up and surrender ...♫

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwe_AkkZH4s

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.  Carl Jung

~brace yourself for a ton of cliches~

Love is the hardest thing I’ve ever fought for in my entire life.

It means having to surrender myself to falls and let go of the natural instincts to protect myself. It means redefining the term “love” itself and understanding that old saying –love is a verb, not just a noun.

I am choosing to fight, but passively. I carry secret circles, silver weapons around my neck and finger, and they will embrace me and give me strength. The uphill battles are just another way of strengthening my resolve and building up the muscle I need to hold on. I’m not fighting to win, I’m just fighting to love.

Broken Hearts Can Be Repaired If We Try

I’ve learned :

to take out the expectation of perfection, embrace surprise and even caution.

that the hurt and mistakes can be used to lead love to a wondrous victory.

the irrational and often erratic can lead to possibility and probability.

worry and wonder lead to certainty and resolve.

waiting  can lead to rewards.

I can be beaten but not broken when I am strong in what I know and feel.

I may lose the battle but I’ll try to win the war.

…and space. Love is measured not by the miles but by the heart.

“When it rains it will remind me of you. Although the miles are so far I will always walk outside in the rain and kiss it just for you. The rain will always come and I’ll always love you. Next time you see a storm on the horizon please don’t fear it’s just heaven doing me the favor of taking you my kiss. Walk outside and kiss the rain whenever you need me.”

I’m gonna make a way for each happy day as my life turns around…♫

I can’t count the number of times I’ve made “changes” in my life, whether by force or choice. My life is always moving along without me, and with each change I’ve felt like an outsider, as if I had no control over what was happening. I was simply an observer being pulled by the forces I let drive me as I helplessly let go of the wheel. Secretly I wanted to slam on the brakes, but I only made feeble attempts to do so.  What seemed to be choices really were not –I was being towed along.  OK, so that was a choice, but it was one of fear. But, but, but …. no more excuses!

Here I am again, preparing for big changes! It’s scary! Good scary! There’s no sense of dread, just tons of hope for a better life and a healthy dose of rational thought: How am I going to do this? What’s my plan? Where do I start and how the heck do I get there?

This time it’s different.  I’m in control. My life, my choices …

I’m moving. I’m ending a relationship. I’m starting a new life.  I’m starting a new relationship.

I’ve done those things before, but not all at the same time and not when and how I wanted to.

No one ever asked me (until recently) “Hey V, what do you want?” and I never bothered to ask myself (until now).  Maybe a few times in the past I’ve made clean breaks and done things for myself, but only if it was “OK” and didn’t hurt anyone, regardless of my own pain.

Finally, I’m making choices based on what I want, what’s best for me, and throwing in the sweaty, twisted towel on those things in my life that just are not good. It’s pretty simple really — I’m doing what I am supposed to do and not making any apologies for it. My life, my choices …

I enjoy my career –it’s staying.

I am in an abusive marriage –it’s going.  Actually, it’s been gone; I just need to finalize it.

I live in a town where I am far away from my family and friends — I’m moving back close to the people who love and care for me and whom I love and care for.

I’m in the beginning of a healthy relationship with someone who is a good man –I’m going to let him love me and trust him with my love.

There’s nothing profound here. It’s just me finally doing some things to make myself happy and healthy. I think that’s called “living”.    Scary? Yes!  It feels pretty freaking good, too!

Don't Give UP

I really hope you find my journal….. It’s real hard to think of how it is possible for people to do what they do.. Free Will….. It’s their choice. We are close in age and I have seen innocent people fall victim to others that prey on vulnerable people.  There is so much deceit in this world. I know where my heart is and you know where your heart is. I do know that God won’t give us anymore than we can handle. I  have wondered how much more can I be given. That’s seems so easy to write or say. BELIEVE  me, it  has never been easy…. The older I get the more difficult things seem to get.  I’m a parent too…. We do our best to teach our children.  As a parent we want our kids to grow into be  responsible  loving people.  There is so much about kids drinking  and life is a party.. They seem to be living their lives in a alcohol  haze. Nothing about that is realistic living…. I have felt like  WHY????????  It is the free will thing that keeps coming back in my head.  Everyone has it.  I rely fully on God my father.  Above all I know I can trust him. I have  seen a person with my own eyes  hurt a innocent person,  write their own journal on the Internet to manipulate  people into feeling sorry for them. They take what they can take and get what they can get for free. It’s a game with them. They had some health issues . I believe that I heard of  enough of their lies to last me a lifetime.. The judge , yes I have gone to court and the Judge ordered a permanent (LIFETIME) DVI on this nut.  That’s not a innocent person.  God has taught me to speak up when I know  something is wrong.  George in your heart you know who you are.  If you are in doubt , lean on your faith in Jesus…..Believe me I have thought what the heck am I  here for.  I still  look to Jesus for my answers. He must want to use us in a big way…… You can write Carcaty@aol.com .. I will be writing on yet another site . I WILL BE TELLING IT ALL……….

StillSingle still thinks that the travails of singleness are worthy of report. To that end, I need to say a little more about Bronxman–if only to spare you the tumultuousness that I have endured…

The whole thing started with him being uncharacteristically open about how he liked me and thought we could have the love of a lifetime.

After our multi-hour conversation, I pondered. “Who is this open and honest person and what has he done with Bronxman?” “How can I seriously consider a man who I am not able to really talk to?” “Is he changing, and if so, I like the new him so why not give him a chance?” “What about the issues I’ve run into with him??” He texted me twice during this stage, “I’m thinking of you and miss you,” and like that. I felt uncomfortable. It was too much.  We weren’t at that place. I didn’t respond. He called and my end of the conversation was stilted.

While pondering I also consulted my people. R said, “He sounds too old.” K said, “StillSingle you have issues too you know. Give him a chance!” P said, “Maybe this is a chance for you to help him grow and vice versa. Go out. Get to know him better. That’s all there is to do at this point.” P’s advice was just right. I thought to myself, I will take measured steps towards and be open to loving this man…

Having decided, I called him, saying (after the pleasantries), “I’ve been feeling all this angst and weirdness about you–which is totally unwarranted. I’m sorry if I’ve been acting strange. I think it would help me if we talked about our expectations at this point.” Or something like that.

He says–I have no expectations. I’ve always been a man who set my sights low and then maybe gets pleasantly surprised.

I say–I’m not like that. I typically shoot for the moon.

He says–You must spend a lot of time being disappointed.

I say–Yes, there’s a lot of disappointment. But sometimes I actually reach the moon and that feeling makes it worth it to keep aiming high.

He says (in a rather abrupt and energized shift)—

I am withdrawing my interest in you.

You are not ready for a relationship. I refuse to have my self-esteem damaged.

You are a game player. (Me, gently–for example?) I can’t think of any examples right now.

You distrust me.

You may have trust issues with all men, I don’t know because

You are secretive, you keep your past a secret from me.

You are punishing me for things others did to you. (Me, gently–for example?) I can’t tell you an example off the top of my head. 

You need to consider your ways, etc., etc., etc.

He continued–But don’t take all this to mean that I don’t like you because I really, really do.

It was bizarre. My family had come around so I told him we would talk this through later.

I felt misunderstood and maligned. I felt battered by his words, and wondered if I had brought on that onslaught.  I thought, what did I do?  How did I hurt him?  Maybe I should apologize to him?   I wanted him to be nice to me again.  I wanted the unblemished possiblity of love back.  Then somewhere a voice screamed at me: abused wives tend to take the blame too!  I snapped out of it and realized that the problem was not mine.

Bronxman was busy later that night. The next night he talked to me as if nothing had happened. The following night he began his “all is well” conversation. I interrupted and told him that I would like to address that other conversation. He was reluctant. I pressed on and told him that the way he spoke to me and some of the things he said were hurtful. He responded as if by rote, “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.”  He then had to go but offered that I could call him tomorrow if I wanted to talk to him more about it.

I have not called. Nor has he.

No matter how old you are there is still a little child inside you.  He or she craves truth and fairness.  Who hasn’t heard the lament “That’s not fair!” yelled in a playground or schoolroom?  Craving truth seems to be innate.  That’s why betrayal, whose coin of the realm is lying, goes against our grain so deeply.

Randy Pausch, in his famous Last Lecture (available on YouTube) said, “If I only had three words of advice I could give you they would be : Tell the Truth.  If I were allowed three more, they would be: All the time.”  Isn’t this fascinating?  When facing his own imminent death the most important thing he could think of was telling the truth.

You can tell the truth ’til the cows come home, but you cannot force others to be honest.  You can’t make them worthy of your trust.  When you fall in love and commit yourself to someone you assume the best.  If it turns out you misjudged them, such is life.  Disappointment comes to all who breathe.  Recovering from a life-flattening disappointment involves acceptance, and forgiving yourself for placing your trust in the wrong person.  If you are honest you really can’t grasp how others can lie. It’s like trying to see if you’re blind.  It just isn’t going to happen.  It’s a form of grandiosity, not to mention irrationality, to have thought someone you trusted would never hurt or betray you. You are just as vulnerable to deceit as the next person, even if it flies in the face of thinking you’re special—or, so special to that other person they wouldn’t deceive you.  The fact is: it was never about you.  Your behavior, whatever it was, didn’t make someone lie.  That was their choice.

Everyone gets conned.  If you doubt that, Google Bernie Madoff.  He pulled the wool over people who are trained to be vigilant and untrusting, like the Securities and Exchange Commission.  So resist self-downing.  It’s easy to Monday morning quarterback and think you should have seen the signs, but you couldn’t see what you didn’t seek.  

An antidote to accepting incomprehensible behavior is learning to trust yourself.  That may sound counter-intuitive, given recent experience, but it’s not about trusting yourself to know everything.  It’s about trusting yourself to know you can handle anything life dishes out, and be better for it.  More compassionate, more loving, and paradoxically, more open.  You’ve been badly hurt, but you’re alive.  Start trusting yourself to take the very best care of you no matter what happens.  Let’s call it radical self-care (see Robyn Posin’s cards, listed in the Annotated Bibliography, for ways to re-program your thinking, and embark on a loving, caring, patient journey to your true self.). By practicing radical self-care you create a solid floor upon which to stand.  One that will support you when others disappoint or lie to you.  

Trust yourself to heal and live according to your values.  You can’t be the only honest person in the world.  

There are many who say the answer is cultivating more realistic expectations of others.  If by realistic they mean you ought to expect secrets and lies, I disagree.  If you prime yourself for the worst, that’s what you’ll get.  If you practice assuming the best you may get burned, but, in the meantime you will attract a mother lode of goodness.  Assuming the best doesn’t mean you live in denial.  You understand people can be deceitful, but you focus on drawing the honest ones to you.  If you meet someone who behaves creepily, so be it. Learn and move on.  Everyone encounters liars, cheats, and con artists.  No one has singled you out for this little karmic delight. Use everything to help you be the person you want to be.  Ghandi said, “Be the change you want to see.”  It’s the same thing.  Be the upstanding, decent person you want to meet and you will naturally attract similar souls.

All blessings and peace to you on your journey.

Copyright Nicole S. Urdang

WHO IS YOUR ROLE MODEL
Try it without looking at the answers

{Come on Please Don’t Spoil The Fun}

1) Pick your favorite number between 1-9

2)  Multiply by 3 then

3)  Add 3, then again Multiply by 3

4) You get a 2 or 3 digit number….

5)  Add those digits together. Now scroll down

Now with that number see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below:

1. Einstein

2. Martin Luther King Jr.

3. Jonas Salk

4. Marie Curie

5. Golda  Meir

6. Gandhi

7. Saul Bellow

8. Franz Kafka

9. JESUS

10. Norman Mailer

11. Herman Wouk

I know…I just have that effect on people….one day you too can be like me…. Believe it!!!!!

P.S.  Stop picking other numbers. I am your idol,  just deal with it!!!!!  Amen

LYRICS

Do you always trust your first initial feeling
Special knowledge holds truth
Bears believing
I turned around
And the water was closing all around
Like a glove
Like the love that had finally, finally found me
And I knew
In the crystalline knowledge of you
Drove me through the mountains
Through the crystal like a clear water fountain
Drove me like a magnet
To the sea
To the sea
To the sea, yeah

How the faces of love have changed
Turning the pages
And I have changed oh, but you
You remain ageless
I turned around
And the water was closing all around
Like a glove
Like the love that had finally, finally found me
And I knew
In the crystalline knowledge of you
Drove me through the mountains
Through the crystal like a clear water fountain
Drove me like a magnet
To the sea
To the sea
To the sea, yeah
To the sea, yeah

I turned around and the water was closing around me
I turned around and the water was closing around me

Today is Thoughtful Thursday.  I want you to think today.  Be aware of how you talk to yourself.  Remember this is Nurture Yourself week.

I want you to keep tabs on two kinds of self-thoughts.  The first are your negative self-thoughts.  The others are your encouraging positive self-thoughts.  On a slip of paper that you can carry around with you for the day, have two columns.

On the left put a check next to each time you think negatively about yourself, speak negatively to yourself, talk negatively about yourself to others, or agree with others (silently or verbally) when they speak about you or treat you negatively.  Just a check.  Nothing else.

On the right, I want you to have a column for the opposite.  Each time you think positively about yourself, speak positively to yourself, talk positively about yourself to others, or agree with others (silently or verbally) when they speak about you or treat you positively.  Only on this column I want you to put a star for each of these entries.  I want you to pay just a bit of attention to these.  Let them sink in and feel good.  Let them be a gentle hug and a warm cloak.  Wear them well.

I want you to be aware of the negatives and focus on the positives.  I know I said to do this for today, but you will have a real benefit if you do this for a week.  If you do this for a week, you may see a trend of when you are more negative- it might be around certain times, it might be around certain functions and activities, it might be connected to certain people.

When you see the pattern then you can begin to adjust your negative thinking and actions.  You can replace and redo these thoughts.  But it is best to have a plan and a way to actually know what you are doing.

Start with this plan.  Keep the checks and stars going for a week.  As you get better at it you can put down time/location/activity with them.  But keep all this very simple and succinct or you will never do it.

Take the time right now to set up your slip of paper, start your checks and stars.  Carry it with you today.  And please think of this as a light and easy exercise.

By giving yourself this attention and nurturing, you begin the process to be able to find your triggers, both negative and positive.  This beginning will allow you to be able to find the confidence to trust yourself, know how to deal with life’s ups and downs.  You will begin to change from one without strength to one with a strong and comfortable self-esteem.  

Enjoy your day and

Parent and live with Passion, Purpose, and Integrity,

Grace

Self-improving and working on yourself positively will not only give you life but also make you equally happy.

Click here to read full article: Self Improvement: How to Get a Life

Bertrand Russell a British philosopher and mathematician have beautifully quoted: “The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent full of doubt.

Click here to read full article: How to Instill Confidence in Yourself