It boggles my mind at the many friendships that I’ve had, and the ones I’ve kept.It scares me at the one’s I haven’t made yet. I realize that the number of friends decline as you age. I ain’t gettin any younger…right?  Well……..

I have never had a hard time making friends as I’m a very social person. Many of my teacher’s throughout school left comments on my many report cards stating, “Alena is a social butterfly” or “Alena talks too much but has lots of friends”.

Example: I was placed in a group at the being of class, about a week later the teacher’s quickly realized that I was talking too much and would quickly move me to another group, hoping to quiet me down. Aaaaaah to their surprise, I now had friends in my group and across the classroom to talk too after the move.

So I learned at an early age that it was acceptable to make friends and it came easy to me. Keeping the friends on the other hand, was a whole other story. I didn’t judge my friends and I wasn’t very selective. I never had an agenda or a social ladder to climb. I merely took friends because each one was like a gem. Each one had their down falls as well as their strong points too.

On the other hand, I learned how to weed the garden when it needed it. I never kept the back stabbers, the liars, the users, etc. I never mourned the loss when those people’s personalities became apparent and found other’s to stab, lie and use. I wasn’t a gossip queen either, letting them pass through my life with their own agenda’s. I wasn’t a back stabber, I rarely lied and I had no need to use people. I know this sounds nieve but understand that I gave everyone a fair chance. They didn’t earn my trust or respect, it was given the second they said, “Hello.” (Ooooh boy did I learn my lesson the hard way)

This left me with a lot of nights alone and hurt feelings. My parents didn’t understand. How could such a nice girl like me sit home, with no friends spending the night.

Here’s what I’ve learned through the years:

1. (The I’m-Game)- Some friends just aren’t friends, some friends are just there to use you.

  -These friends are the worse. They embody all the other traits. They will lie to you, steal from you just to move higher up the ladder, gain your money, your other friends, even your boyfriend/girlfriend. These friends you need to stay away from. You can usually tell these types.  They are usually down for anything you come up with. They never put in their idea’s or put up their money to help the cause. But when you call on them they are always busy with someone/something else.

 2. (The You-Know-What-You-Should-Do)- These friends are like grape vines, they climb with your support and leach your supplements.

   -These friends give you the courage to try something daring and drop you the second it turns up side down or you find yourself in over your head. These are the friends that barrow everything permanently. Your idea’s are no longer your’s first, it was all their idea to begin with you just finished the thought. Sometimes these friends can turn around and become good friends but it’s rare.

3. (The Oh-Hi-What-Was-Your-Name-Again)- Some friends are friends that can only be surface friends.

   -These types of friends claim you at special events. Wither it be a Christmas party, a concert, in a store, in a meeting. The second these events are over, you won’t see them again, unless it’s at another event. The conversations are usually shallow and mediocre at best. Don’t try to carry on too much about anything as these types will lose interest quickly and give you the cold shoulder.

 4. (The Almost-Family)- Some friends go a bit deeper beyond friends. To the point you don’t even list them as a “friend”.

   -The types of friends aren’t afraid to tell you the truth about your new hair cut, the truth about your hair-brain idea’s, and aren’t afraid to say that they love you in public. They are close to your children as they are often called Aunt/Uncle so-and-so by your kids. When Holiday events are being planned there is always a place at your table for them, without even thinking twice about it. These are the friends that you hold on too. These are the friends you go the distance for. These are the friends that you sift through, (See above list) to get to.

So with that being said, I refuse to waste anymore time finding new one’s. I have all of the friends I need and where I’m lacking I will just fill in with family. I have decided to make my own decisions, and not think too much about others anymore.

Thursday was Thanksgiving and Friday I met up with some of my good camp friends just to hang out during the holiday season. I love my friends and I love Thanksgiving! It is such a good holiday. Supposedly we are celebrating Native Americans and Pilgrims sharing a bountiful feast. Although in most instances they didn’t really get along, what with all the scalping and all. But, hey that makes the idea that much happier. But really, besides Black Friday, there doesn’t seem to be that much commercialism behind Thanksgiving. People travel whether it be driving or flying just to eat dinner with family. Priorities for one day of the year seem to be straight.

I am thankful for God’s provision. He has given me so much-

~A wonderful loving family: parents that have shared their Christian faith with me throughout my childhood; two sisters that I can turn to for advice and have fun with, and a brother who has served to protect our country’s ideals.
~My daily bread: I have never truly been in need for anything. He has always provided me with shelter, clothing, and food. He comes through financially every time. Every time. He has given me a country where I am free to worship him.
~Great friends: the kind I can turn to when times are good or bad. Who I can talk with about Him and lean on while having fun.

Yet, often I find myself looking for more.

What if this season was about being satisfied? Satisfied with what God has given me and in the knowledge that He will be faithful to provide.

Looking for more isn’t always bad. But I have decided to start looking to God instead. Looking to God to provide my needs an wants. He knows what’s best.

On Facebook there is a “looking for” section. What if you left it blank? It doesn’t mean you don’t want more friends or a relationship, neither are bad. If I decide instead to look to God for meaningful and loving relationships.

In the meantime I wait, I pray, I trust, and I follow His will.

His timing is perfect. He is all-seeing and knows what I need and what I want. He is loving and will provide what is best.

So most of all this Thanksgiving I am thankful for my amazing God.

What is trust?  Well according to Dictionary.com

verb

13.	to rely upon or place confidence in someone or something (usually fol. by in or to): to trust in another’s honesty; trusting to luck.

14.	to have confidence; hope: Things work out if one only trusts.

16.	to have trust or confidence in; rely or depend on.

17.	to believe.

18.	to expect confidently; hope (usually fol. by a clause or infinitive as object): trusting the job would soon be finished; trusting to find oil on the land.

19.	to commit or consign with trust or confidence.

20.	to permit to remain or go somewhere or to do something without fear of consequences: He does not trust his children out of his sight.

21.	to invest with a trust; entrust with something.

Ok, well that’s a dictionary definition, but what does it mean to you?  How important is trust to you?

How do decide if someone is worthy of your trust?  Are you the kind of person who just gives it out like candy, or do people need to earn your trust?  If someone has broken your trust, can they earn it back?  Why, why not, how?

Musical interlude!!!  I love this song! 

I hear a lot of people talking about how you need to earn their trust.  That it’s a privilege.  So what does that mean, that you trust no one until they have passed a certain number of ‘tests’?   Seems a little depressing to me…

I am more of the I trust you.  Done, until you do something to break that trust.  Perhaps it’s naive of me, but I like it.  I suppose one could argue that I get hurt more often for my innocent trusting ways.  But to be frank I couldn’t really imagine it any other way… I’m not big on tests.  I will admit I’m a lot slower at letting people on in, but not so much out of a lack of trust just that I don’t feel like making everyone my best friend and then having them crap on me.  So I wait a little while before making them my bosom buddy.

So what happens if someone breaks my trust?  Well, it’s pretty much done.  If you break my trust, it’s not that I won’t forgive you I will.   But try as I might, I just can’t trust you anymore.  I can often let it go and ignore that area.. say if it’s about money then we’ll just avoid that topic to the end of time.  But what if it’s something bigger that can’t be avoided?

So once someone has betrayed or broken a trust can it be earned back?  I mean for me… it seems like the answer is no.  I just don’t have any protocol in place for establishing trust.. it’s either there or not.  So what about people who make you jump through 25 hoops to win their trust.  Can you earn trust back from them?  I mean they have already established a pattern of proving yourself, so in theory while possibly challenging couldn’t you just jump through 100 hoops and prove yourself once again?

Or is it just over?  Once trust has been broken can it be fixed?  Does it need to be earned?  Or can you just have faith in the goodness of others?

What do you think?

So, while cleaning the stairs leading up to the St. Joseph statue, I had a wonderful reflection moment.

While looking at the stairs, filled with pine needles, and the immense height, which seemed never ending, I was wondering if I had gotten myself into something bigger than I could take on.  The first 5 or so stairs weren’t so bad, but as I ascended the stairs, they each had more and more pine needles.  The drizzle began to come down a little harder, and the cool wind picked up.  Once I reached about midway, I realized that there was a step that was made of three planks of wood.  I turned back, to look downward and realize the long way that I had come, and the progress I had made in the short time.  It made me remember the past couple of years and all the time that I had spent in ministry with the Hispanic Young adults, and all of the challenges and difficulties, all of joys and wonderful times.  It reminded me of my vocational journey and all of the work God has done in me so far, to clean me, and prepare my own path. 

I turned back to the rest of the stairs, which stilled seemed like such a long way up.  I thought of heaven and my journey, and found a connection between the stairs and myself.

In working my way up the stairs, taking patient care of each step and the way in which I cleaned it, I thought of how God has put in so much care and patience, and love into molding and cleaning and preparing me for this journey.

As I got higher and higher up, the steps were harder and harder to clean.  I figure, God is giving me a heads up on what I can expect in my journey.  But also received great consolation in the fact that, all of the steps, which I cleaned in the beginning strengthened and prepared me to clean the steps on the top.  So, in all of this time, I learned some truly valuable insights into myself. 

There are a few things I must always do:  learn and grow as I go along, taking with me the fond memories of joy and gladness and strenghthening myself by the grace of the Holy Spirit with the moments that challenge me;  look back and always remember the road I have already walked, to give me strength and guidance for the road ahead; NEVER forget to turn around, and not dwell on the past but hope with faith, in the future; and always pray for the grace of perseverence so that while looking ahead I do not become overwhelmed or afraid of what might come, but go forward with the faith and hope that God has prepared me and will continue to prepare me until I reach Heaven. 

We must keep our focus, I must keep mine, and you must keep yours, set our sights on Heaven and learn from every experience we have, that God is ALWAYS preparing and teaching us in ways unexpected.

I would have never guessed that a simple act of cleaning stairs would have turned into a meditation and personal encounter with God.

In these modern times we put too much emphasis on material things and on money. We believe that money is power. If we have money, people will respect us. If we have money, people will admire us. If we have money, we can have anything we want. Maybe we can purchase anything in the material world, but we cannot purchase anything in the Unseen World. The Unseen World is not for sale. It can only be given away. Love, affection, admiration, trust, respect, commitment — these must be earned or given away. If we use these things from the Unseen World, we are using real power. – Manga Coloradas- Apache

The concept of money seems to be front and center in the world, especially here in the US where the very recent past promoted a mindset of spending beyond our means. This spending and the banking and lending systems promotion of it, has lead to a downfall in the economy that has had global impact.

In this season of spending, it’s a good time to reflect on the issue of money in your life. Musicians are often stymied in the attempt to parlay their awesome talent into a proper monetary living. Guarantees for gigs are eroded by travel, hotel and food expenses, equipment upkeep and transportation costs. We sacrifice much to bring our gifts outside our home bases. We spend time and effort and energy in the studio, and may find ourselves away from home and loved ones for days. And at the end of the run, we’re given an envelope containing our monetary equivalent to the life energy we just spent. And often, the energy spent doesn’t quite seem to equal the dollars.

While we ply a music living in the terrestrial world, there is another world to be cognisant of, an unseen world where honor, trust, loyalty, talent and love abound. We cannot purchase these intangible but necessary elements of life. Each musician, each artist has to feel appreciated, loved, admired and respected and encouraged to bring forth the talent and gifts spirit has bestwed upon her. Money paid for services rendered often doesn’t equal the sweat, effort and sacrifice musicians must make.

Today, as a musician or a fan, dote on those who reciprocate our love of music and our gifts. Tell a fan how much you appreciate them being at shows. Tell your bass player you admire him for helping book your project. Shower your audiences, friends and support personal with the love and affection they show you each time they attend a show, buy a tee shirt or purchase a download.  Respect your talent, drive and ambition away from the measure of money.  Value the assets of the unseen world.

Flowers, bees and birdsong wherever you turn.

By Paul Hassing, Founder and Senior Writer, The Feisty Empire.

Miles and Judy Oldmeadow are both keen gardeners. Everywhere you look there are plantings of some description.

And the varied, thriving bird life has to be seen (and heard) to be believed.

Jude is fastidious about making her guests comfortable when they visit their horses.

I found this posie, freshly picked from the house garden, in the bathroom when I came to stay.

Those who can be trusted in small things, can be trusted in great things.

Next to it was a gorgeous cake of hand-made soap from a local producer. 

Small touches like this leave you in no doubt that your hosts think and care a lot about what they’re doing.

From what I’ve seen so far, this unerring attention to detail pervades every task (horse-related and otherwise) right up to the big-ticket items.

Wow. This whole section in Katie’s book, I Need Your Love – Is That True?, is about how our lives are governed by our search for approval from almost everyone we know – and even the strangers we don’t know.

One by one, Katie asks us to question our own thoughts and find out what we really believe about these aspects of seeking approval:

• Making an impression
• Pretending to be interested
• Making yourself more likeable
• Minding your manners
• Tact

I love this:

If you haven’t questioned the belief that it’s possible to win people over, and your manipulative charm doesn’t seem to be working, you’ll think there’s something wrong either with you or with your technique (or both). You may buy one of hundreds of self-help books that teach you how to market yourself – for instance, the multimillion-copy best-selling classic How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie. The author’s main suggestion is to make yourself interested in people because, he says, that’s guaranteed to win them over. If you find it difficult to do that, he has an alternative recommendation: Pretend to be interested. How is that done? Smile, remember the names of their children and dogs, write down their birthdays in your organizer so you can send everyone cards, and also pretned to agree with what they say. It’s all about impression management.

Carnegie didn’t stop to ask whether fake interest can win real friendship, because his objective was different: He was teaching a sales technique. And it caught on. You meet the results everywhere. People give you big business-smiles, and you wonder what they want….When someone pretends to be interested in you, do you smile back and pretend to be flattered? Most people cheerily carry on with the playacting, and there’s no problem unless you begin to think there’s any real approval in this behavior. This isn’t friendship – it mimics friendship to get people to do what someone wants. That kind of deception may sell insurance, but what happens when it enters the realms of friendship and your love life?

When you say or do anything to please, get, keep, influence, or control anyone or anything, fear is the cause and pain is the result. Manipulation is separation, and separation is painful. Another person can love you totally in that moment, and you’d have no way of realizing it.

How would I move, act, speak, and decide if I had less concern about what others will think? I see now that I’ve spent all my life in impression management. The gift of my life is that I never really got validated for it. I never had the popular personality, the blond hair, the long legs, the athletic skills, or the plain vanilla inoffensiveness that it required to “win people over”. I had a smile. I discovered this while on an airplane in 1988, headed to Washington DC to perform at the Kennedy Center. A stewardess said to me, “What a BEAUTIFUL smile you have!” It was the first time anyone said it to me. Coming from a total stranger, I trusted it since she couldn’t possibly want anything from me by giving me her compliment. In all the years before that, I had never been complimented for the way I looked. Instead, it had always – since first grade when I was taunted for having the slanty eyes of a Chinese person – been the source of separation and some level of shame that I could never hide, because it was the face I was born with.

I am thankful today for the fact that I could never believe the thought that I needed to make a certain impression. The reason I couldn’t believe the thought is that I could never make the “right” impression. I was too different from too many of the people who surrounded me on a daily basis. Wherever I went, it was obvious that I was not going to fit in with this crowd. It continued after I left Libertyville, Illinois. It continued at Harvard. It continued in medical school. It continued in the business world. And it continues to this very moment. This tells me that this is my reality, my truth, my love. The fact that I never got validated completely is a gift because it means that I have had to keep searching for a better way to live. I could never just settle into the comfortable delusion of thinking that everything was perfect just because I had the approval of people who would pay me money, smile back at me, invite me to join their club, like me for wearing the same clothes, lean on me because I condoned their behaviors.

It has led me to the search for beauty in my own reality. Yesterday, on Thanksgiving Day, I had lunch at a retirement convent for Jesuit nuns. All were over the age of 75. Most were in their 80s and 90s. There were two ladies who were to turn 100 in the next few months. The overarching feeling in this community was joy. There nothing but smiles and clear eye contact and love among these sisters. And yet there were nothing but “problems” if you looked at it from an outsider’s perspective. They were dealing with health problems, pain, decreasing mobility. All were highly educated in their lives, having served as professors at universities, or teachers. Most still stayed active with tutoring, reading, and learning. My favorite room is their art studio, where they paint watercolors for each season of the year and make notecards to sell as fundraisers. After lunch I was told by the nun who invited me there, “Let’s go to the art room. You’re not in any hurry to leave, are you?” Well, it’s true I wasn’t really in a hurry, although I did want to catch the sunset at Half Moon Bay. I ended up going on a walk to see a beautiful gingko tree that was bright lemon yellow, about to shed its leaves. And I thought California had no fall colors! This is the first year I am noticing all the vibrant reds, oranges, and yellows that fill our tree-lined streets right now. Why hadn’t I ever seen them before? I was stuck in the belief that “We don’t have fall colors in California.” So of course I never bothered to look.

I sat for about half an hour tying ribbons around the packages of notecards that would be going on sale next week at the school’s holiday gift bazaar. If a 93-year-old nun and her siblings – both in their 80s – could tie ribbons, so could I. On the way out, we met several other nuns who stopped to chat with us. No one ever just walks by another person without looking at them or saying hello. And actually hello is not usually enough either. People stop, introduce themselves, shake hands, and learn something about each other. I became “the talented violin lady” and everyone instantly recognized who I was. The one with the children. The one who’s coming back next week to give the most anticipated event of their year. One of the nuns was an artist, and wanted to show me her paintings. A true artist, when I asked her about her approach and what she was thinking about when she did each one, she’d just say, “Oh, I wanted to just play.” And that’s how it really happens. She showed me the desk where she works, sitting in front of a large picture window facing the courtyard and a beautiful tree. She lived in a single room, very spacious with her own bathroom. Yes, she was blessed. It was just thanksgiving day, like every day at the convent.

I finally left at around 3:30. There was still plenty of light, and I felt light from having been surrounded by such joy. And then I set off for Half Moon Bay, with Mary, my artist/writer/photographer friend who is leaving the country in just about ten days. We stopped at the beach before heading to the Ritz-Carlton. I thought the hotel would either be empty or packed. Turned out it was packed. Lots of families with miserable children dressed in suits and ties and being forced to eat in a hotel ballroom packed with round tables, cheap chairs, and “autumn” decorations like hay bales, baskets of apples, and ears of Indian corn. In the center, a cheesy live music trio doot-doot-dooted away to keep the atmosphere from being as deadly as it all looked.

We found a nook in one of the side rooms of the lobby which has been converted into a wine-tasting area since I last visited. Technically there was no table service where we were (according to the hostess lady). So I went up to the bar and asked if they make hot chocolate. And I pointed out to the bartender where we were sitting. “I’ll bring it up to you,” he said. Wow! I thought. We really can be served! This was perfect. When he brought out our drinks, we went ahead and ordered French fries. They were fine, but we didn’t know what good could be until our bartender brought out an entire other order of fries for us, saying, “Well, we just had some more.” How sweet he was! He probably saw two lovely ladies drinking non-alcoholic beverages on a Thanksgiving night and said, “That’s sweet.” He actually said, “Is this your Thanksgiving dinner, then? Hot chocolate and French fries?” We laughed, saying yes it was. And we loved it!

We sat there for hours, doing The Work, telling stories of how we had shifted situations in our lives by starting to do The Work, and then just stories in general. About life transitions. Moving on. Accepting reality as it is. Learning. Creating. Telling stories. People. Ultimately we were thankful for exactly where we are, because of exactly what we had been through.

I am thankful because now I can end each day by thinking of the gifts each day brought me. I can find those gifts in my life. I can see them in seemingly small moments that may not have made an impression on anyone but me. They are gifts I receive from my own perceptions. They are the gifts that are slowly freeing me to be what I have always been.

Here are just a few of the gifts of my Thanksgiving Day:

Note: This is the first in a 4-week series inspired by the Advent Conspiracy movement. Much of the following is inspired by the new book entitled Advent Conspiracy, by AC founders Rick McKinley, Chris Seay and Greg Holder. Because they say much of what needs to be said so eloquently, some of the words below are theirs, not mine. This series will follow the presentations our youth group will make to our congregation at FUMC Williamstown each week in Advent.

Today is Black Friday. Another Advent season is upon us. The mad rush to shop and buy and spend and wrap and give is on.

So, how will we worship?

Yes, you will be enriched in every way so that you can always be generous. And when we take your gifts to those who need them, they will thank God. So two good things will result from this ministry of giving—the needs of the believers in Jerusalem will be met, and they will joyfully express their thanks to God. As a result of your ministry, they will give glory to God. For your generosity to them and to all believers will prove that you are obedient to the Good News of Christ.

– 2 Corinthians 8:11-13

Two thousand years ago, wise men, wealthy and powerful by the world’s standards, saw something significant happening in the stars. Following ancient writings and prophecies, they crossed half a continent and confronted a corrupt tyrant in order to experience something that would change the world.

They didn’t do it to build their treasuries. Or to increase their influence. They weren’t trying to impress anybody.

They risked everything to bring gifts of great value to an impoverished, unwed teenage mother and her baby.

They gave, and they worshipped.

And a conspiracy was born.

Just like on that first Christmas, babies will be born this Christmas in huts and shacks into families that can barely feed themselves, let alone a newborn. It will happen in Liberia and Nicaragua. It will happen in Williamstown and Marietta. Herod won’t try to kill them, but diseases will. Lack of adequate healthcare will. Hopelessness will.

And the question to us this Christmas is, how will we worship?

Will we sit in church, disconnected from the story, just paying it lip-service? Are we too far from the manger to see the reality of God entering the world? Will we continue to try to quench our desire for fulfillment in ways and places that take us further and further from the nativity? Using our time, attention and money to keep fueling a corrupt empire?

Or can this be the year we truly enter the story of Jesus? Can we reach beyond our well-rehearsed responses, past the often-empty rituals, and really take Jesus seriously? Can we seek to desire in our hearts the same things that move His heart?

In his book, The Dangerous Act of Worship, author Mark Labberton says this about real worship:

“…(T)he very heart of how we show and distinguish true worship is apparent in how we respond to the poor, the oppressed, the neglected, and the forgotten….(J)ustice and mercy are not add-ons to worship, nor are they the consequences of worship. Justice and mercy are intrinsic to God and therefore intrinsic to the worship of God.”

The conspiracy began when God entered the world through a baby in poverty. It was nothing less than the beginning of the end of injustice. It was the birth of hope in a damaged and broken world.

Once again, we have the opportunity to extend our worship beyond the walls of our homes and churches and into the lives of people in Liberia, Nicaragua and right here in the Mid-Ohio Valley. If we can embrace the call to spend less, to give more of ourselves, and to love all the way Jesus does, our giving to these mission opportunities will let us meet Jesus in a whole new way. Take some time to explore the mission opportunities that are available to you. Then ask God to meet you in one of them. And watch this Christmas change the world.

When we focus our hearts not on the desire of things and wealth and comfort, but on the desire for justice and mercy and love, worship happens. And so as the world cries out for hope and liberation, engage this Advent in real worship–by risking everything, by confronting the empire of materialism & consumerism, and by entering the story of God’s kingdom.

At a jazz history seminar in college, my professor worked his way through the canon of standards and artists. From ragtime and stride piano, all the way through bebop and the “cool” period and beyond. But it was Miles Davis’s 1970 release Bitches Brew that drew the most controversy of all.

A bearded man in his 50’s felt, confidently, that this album is full of noise, not music. He dismissed it as indulgent and pretentious. Some other students agreed to some degree, while others defended the work as a stroke of genius and a pioneering leap in the history of jazz, influencing countless other musicians.

Regardless of opinion, Bitches Brew was one of Miles Davis’s best-selling albums. From Wikipedia:

“Upon release, it received a mixed response, due to the album’s unconventional style and revolutionary sound. Later, Bitches Brew gained recognition as one of jazz’s greatest albums and a progenitor of the jazz rock genre, as well as a major influence on rock and funk musicians.”

My contribution to the jazz seminar discussion was this: an album like Bitches Brew requires a certain level of trust from the listener. When a popular musician releases a different, challenging album, it usually shakes things up. The album may merely be a self-indulgent experiment and a mess of sounds with meandering concepts. But the thing that will bring you past the first-listen opinion of “I don’t get it” to the fifth or sixth listen of “now it makes sense,” is trust.

You need to trust that the musician you loved before did not lose his mind and go off the deep end. You need to trust that his good taste and insight you loved before is present in the new release as well. You need to trust that the album does, in fact, make sense and that it will reward repeated listenings. If you don’t trust the artist, and have good reason to believe there is no sense beneath the experimentation, then the first listen will likely be enough and you can dismiss at will.

The point is this: if you trust the artist, then make an effort before drawing a conclusion.

Mayor-President Kip Holden is full of contradictions.  Perhaps this is one of the reasons I question budgetary issues in the Red Stick.  All one has to do is to pay attention, do a small amount of research and compare the endless trail of contradictions.

On one hand the Mayor’s Office released information indicating the fact that East Baton Rouge Parish income has decreased (according to a recent report in The Advocate).  Income from taxes is on the decrease in EBRP.  So much so, that the finance department is closely watching for potential challenges in city-parish spending for 2010.

Meanwhile, Mayor Holden plans to spend more of our tax dollars to lure new airlines to the Baton Rouge Metro Airport.  The increase in city parish spending would include $200,000 in advertisement and a 100% reduction in terminal rent, landing fees (that means free for the airline) for 2 years with an additional 5 cent reduction in fuel costs.  The expenditure was approved by the EBRP Metro Council on November 25th.

Flash back to 2007.  Mayor Holden cut a deal with Frontier Airlines to the tune of $1,000,000.  The promise was that the Red Stick would enjoy 3,000 indirect and 2,000 direct jobs.  As usual, the employment numbers were inflated and Frontier flew into the sunset one year later with $550,000 of our tax dollars.

Either Mayor Holden has a money tree we are not aware of, or he is banking that our tax income will not continue to drop.  If income drops just a couple more percent, city-parish’s budget will be operating in a deficit.

There is also the theory that Mayor Holden is a tax and spend liberal.  I prescribe to this belief.

Michael Acaldo, CEO of St. Vincent de Paul, indicated they served a record number of Thanksgiving meals to the needy in Baton Rouge. 739 vs 600 in past years, making that an all-time 20-year high.

Holiday Helpers normally serves 1,200 meals annually; however, they served 1,500 needy citizens this year — another record-breaking number of hungry families. 

These are specific indicators of the issues facing families in the Red Stick.  While Mayor Holden tries to convince us that the Red Stick has gone unscathed by the U.S. recession, we now have more evidence to indicate the opposite is true. 

It is so important that voters do their homework.  What we are told and the facts are sometimes drastically different. 

Is there a pending financial crisis for the city-parish, or are the coffers flowing to the point we can increase expenditures by nearly a quarter of a million dollars to lure another airline with no guarantees? 

Are families unscathed, or are they working hard to make ends meet?

Phaedrus said, things are not always as they seem, the first appearance deceives many.  The intelligence of few perceives what has been carefully hidden. 

The truth is important, and all we need to do is to look at the facts vs. political double-talk. 

How you spend someone else’s money speaks volumes.  Holden’s actions continue to prove he is spendthrift with our tax dollars.  While we are having record numbers of hungry families in the Greater Baton Rouge area, Holden is continually seeking out ways to increase spending.

Does Mayor-President Holden have an EBRP money tree?  Only if you have it hidden in your pocketbook.

Until next time,

Red Stick Republican

After almost six months that I have delivered my thesis, I’m finally posting it here. It turned up to be a very extensive document (about 150 pages), but mainly because we first wanted to assess the capabilities of SIM cards, identities and finally trust frameworks. And as I was working together with the SIM Research Team at Telenor and I do have some experience with SIM from when I worked in Gemalto, we spent several pages on reviewing the SIM capabilities and trying to figure it out the future SIM.  We also touched an aspect that may start to become more present in the SIM cards which is the ability to sense context.

Other pages were spent in getting into the identity management world and this was one part of the thesis which in fact I wished I had more time to go through. I got very interested in going deeper in the field after finally understanding the identity frameworks such as Higgins, Cardspace and specially on the concepts in which they are based. At last we studied a bit about trust models and this was one of the most difficult parts of the thesis as none of us had much an idea of trust modeling and it is a topic that can get very complex if studied deeply.

After this long background, we finally chosen a new application that could be hosted in the state-of-art (or future) SIM cards, take advantage of the fact that the SIM represent one or more identities and that can be used to build trust. That application was what I have proposed in my paper mentioned in the previous post.

The idea is to use the future sim cards to sense each other (either through NFC,  location information and server interaction, wlan, etc), to sense the environment and based on that, attribute a situational trust value for that meeting between the 2 sim holders.  Then with a bunch of those situational trust value, you can infer the user relation. The more context information, the more you can infer.

Based on that idea, we made a small prototype using SunSpots representing those advanced SIM cards and with a simple trust inference model and a test scenario.  It  may sound a simple test and in fact it was, as the thesis focused a bit on bringing a new idea (which is extensively described) and the state-of-art research, having the prototype as a small proof-of-concept.

When I was reviweing the thesis for the paper presentation, I read in Bruce Schneier’s blog about a paper from some researchers from the Santa Fe institute that used location information and phone calls information to infer the friendship closeness between the people involved in the experiment. The result was that they could predict the level of friendship with 95% accuracy! This pretty much confirm my thesis result =)

Yesterday instead of Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy – and tons of other food – we decided to abstain.

Unheard of, you say?

Well – there was a very good reason.  Greg was invited to perform a wedding – and I went with him.  It was a very different way to spend Thanksgiving.  But we all know that variety is the “spice of life” – so we jumped at the opportunity to be different.

This wedding was very special.  The couple had met online – she has a two year old daughter – and they are very much in love and ready to settle down and be a “family”.  The bride’s father is a doctor – and the house is situated on the water with a million dollar view of puget sound.  A very lovely home for having a wedding.

Our daughter arrived before we did – she styled the bride’s hair – and it was beautiful!  We arrived right on time – the traffic was HORRIBLE.  But with our coffee in hand we were “happy campers” as we SAT and SAT in traffic.  When we got there – everyone was munching on snacks – elegantly laid out in the “great room” below.  The high cathedral ceiling and HUGE windows overlooking the water – was very picturesque – and a lovely backdrop for the ceremony.  I took many pictures – I posted a few below.

After the ceremony – everyone remarked to Greg that they appreciated him being so authentic and real – in telling the couple how it really is – not “sugar coating” it.  People need to hear this today – and we all know the statistics – one out of every two marriages will fail – it is important to do everything you can when you start out – to make sure you understand there are going to be good times – and bad times.  And at some point you may not “feel it” anymore – that’s when you need to remember what you sometimes forget – that you made a commitment on this day – and a promise for life.  Life can and will sometimes go “sideways” – and if you are not prepared for it – it can rock your world and blow even the strongest marriage to bits.

The mother of the bride – married 37 years – was challenged by  Greg’s words and could testify to the fact that sometimes it is that commitment that you need to remember when life has its challenges and stresses.  She was cute when she said, “It was good to be reminded – sometimes you just have to say – Oh that’s right!  I almost forgot”  This is why it’s good to go to a wedding once in a while.

Now I understand that there are extreme circumstances that cannot be reconciled in a marriage – abuse – physical and mental – and by staying with that partner you could be putting your life and your children’s lives in danger.  This is understandable and cannot be ignored – nor should the party that has to leave feel guilty or allow others to make you feel that way.  God is a loving and forgiving God – and I am a firm believer in “second chances” for those that have been involved in a bad first marriage.

But for the rest of us – here is my challenge today:  Remember those vows and commitment you made on that wedding day many years ago.  What God has blessed then – He will continue to bless – and it will repeat through your children and their children too.  Sometimes we just “forget”.  We need a gentle reminder – like a wedding.

God Bless

Who were the people in this chapter?

The people talked about in this chapter are Shiblon, Hagoth, Corianton, and Helaman.  Shiblon was a son of Alma the younger.  He was one of the missionaries to teach the gospel to the Zoramites and be spared by the hand of the Lord.  Hagoth was a ship builder (in this chapter).  Corianton was a son of Alma, who also went to teach the Zoramites.  He was the one to chase after a harlot and be called to repentance by the words of his father.  He continued to serve his mission after that.  Helaman was the son of Alma.  He was a prophet and a commander in the Nephite army.  He was the commander over the 2,000 (2,060) stripling warriors, who were led by their faith in God to success.

What kind of person was Shiblon?

If I was going to leave on a far away trip, I would give my most precious possessions to my Mother.  I would trust her to take care of my things and not let them be destroyed if possible.

“And it came to pass in the commencement of the thirty and sixth year of the reign of the judges over the people of Nephi, that Shiblon took possession of those sacred things which had been delivered unto Helaman by Alma (v. 1).  And he was a just man, and he did walk uprightly before God; and he did observe to do good continually, to keep the commandments of the Lord his God; and also did his brother (v. 2).”

The plates that had been kept sacred from the time when Nephi got them from Laban in Jerusalem, were passed on to Shiblon.  Shiblon was a righteous missionary and helped to bring many souls to Christ.  Helaman trusted Shiblon to keep them sacred.  We are also trusted to keep things sacred.  Things such as the covenants we make with God, callings given to us by God, raising children, and more.  We need to be like Shiblon and “walk uprightly before God”, “do good continually”, and “keep the commandments of the Lord”.

Why were Nephites migrating to the land northward?

Moroni died (v. 3) and then Nephites started to migrate.  ”And it came to pass that in the thirty and seventh year of the reign of the judges, there was a large company of men, even to the amount of five thousand and four hundred men, with their wives and their children, departed out of the land of Zarahemla into the land which was northward (v. 4).  And it came to pass that Hagoth, he being an exceedingly curious man, therefore he went forth and built him an exceedingly large ship, on the borders of the land Bountiful, by the land Desolation, and launched it forth into the west sea, by the narrow neck which led into the land northward (v. 5).  And behold, there were many of the Nephites who did enter therein and did sail forth with much provisions, and also many women and children; and they took their course northward. And thus ended the thirty and seventh year (v. 6).  And in the thirty and eighth year, this man built other ships. And the first ship did also return, and many more people did enter into it; and they also took much provisions, and set out again to the land northward (v. 7).  And it came to pass that they were never heard of more. And we suppose that they were drowned in the depths of the sea. And it came to pass that one other ship also did sail forth; and whither she did go we know not (v. 8 ).  And it came to pass that in this year there were many people who went forth into the land northward. And thus ended the thirty and eighth year (v. 9).”

Hagoth built at least two ships, which took many Nephites northward.  This is a lot like the explores of later times, who decided that there must be more out there and left to search for new places.  There reasons were probably similar, some looking for a fresh start after such a long period of war, some looking for wealth, some looking for more land, and so on.  This chapter only tells of one ship returning for more passengers.  It will be interesting to some day find out what happened to all those Nephites who left the land of promise for something else.  They had no idea that they were leaving the land where the Savior would eventually come and teach the people and bless them.

The importance of the sacred records

“And it came to pass in the thirty and ninth year of the reign of the judges, Shiblon died also, and Corianton had gone forth to the land northward in a ship, to carry forth provisions unto the people who had gone forth into that land (v. 10).”  Shiblon died, but could not pass the records on to Corianton, because he had left to go Northward.

“Therefore it became expedient for Shiblon to confer those sacred things, before his death, upon the son of Helaman, who was called Helaman, being called after the name of his father (v. 11).”  Shiblon passed the records on to Helaman the younger.

“Now behold, all those engravings which were in the possession of Helaman were written and sent forth among the children of men throughout all the land, save it were those parts which had been commanded by Alma should not go forth (v. 12).  Nevertheless, these things were to be kept sacred, and handed down from one generation to another; therefore, in this year, they had been conferred upon Helaman, before the death of Shiblon (v. 13).”  In keeping with Nephite tradition, those things which were not meant to go out to all the Nephites, were kept in the records that they kept sacred and passed on to those they trusted.  These records became the scriptures for those who received them.

These were like sacred family journals, kept for generations.  We have the privilege of having them available to read regularly.  I have tried over my lifetime to be a good journal keeper, but have not always been consistent.  When I am more consistent, I feel a deeper sense of gratitude and my testimony grows.  There are some things that I think are personal and more sacred to me that I hope my posterity will value someday.  I think the thing that keeps me writing more today, is that a year ago I heard a statistic that in three generations of time, we will be forgotten (and I can see this in my own family line to be very true).  What good am I to my posterity, if there is nothing recorded from my life.  I don’t want spiritually touching moments in my life to be lost and forgotten.  I want my great-grandchildren to benefit from knowing my life experiences and my testimony.

The exclamation point of the book of Alma

An exclamation point gives emphasis to a statement.  It makes it stand out more than others.  I think that one of the exclamation points of the book of Alma has been the importance of bringing souls to the knowledge of Christ.  There has been so much about missionary work.  There has also been a lot about the importance of standing for truth and righteousness.

“And it came to pass also in this year that there were some dissenters who had gone forth unto the Lamanites; and they were stirred up again to anger against the Nephites (v. 14).  And also in this same year they came down with a numerous army to war against the people of Moronihah, or against the army of Moronihah, in the which they were beaten and driven back again to their own lands, suffering great loss (v. 15).  And thus ended the thirty and ninth year of the reign of the judges over the people of Nephi (v. 16).  And thus ended the account of Alma, and Helaman his son, and also Shiblon, who was his son (v. 17).”

So many times, the wicked have come up against the righteous in this book of the scriptures.  The overall emphasis of the book of Alma is that the Lord will save the righteous.  Whether they are righteous missionaries serving in unfamiliar and unfriendly areas (like the Alma and the sons of Helaman), or righteous church members who are defending the cause of freedom and the sacred values of the gospel.  If we are righteous, we will be saved.  It may not be a physical saving, but we will be spiritually saved and that is what is truly important.

has felt exhausting but OH SO GOOD!!!!!  This update has been some time in coming for two reasons:  one, if I haven’t been busy scrubbing and cleaning, I’ve been unpacking or doing volunteer work at Greater Beckley and two, the tenants that got evicted left this place so “trashed” that I hesitated to show any before pictures like I had originally hoped to plan on.

Some have asked me why the landlord hadn’t cleaned the place before giving me the keys.  Simply, because I practically begged him to please let me move in just as soon as possible so I could just get out of the old neighborhood.  A few of my previous neighbors were great but the majority of them were a lil too interesting (to put it as nice as possible) and one in particular was having the cops called out on him about once a month every month over domestic violence and fears for the baby living there.  It gets tiring spending your time hiding in your apartment and hesitant to answer the door or else trying to just be anywhere but.

I promised the landlord that if he’d just let me have the keys as soon the the previous tenants were out of here that I wouldn’t mind in the least to clean the place myself.  I received the keys two weeks ago today and I have spent every day but yesterday doing more cleaning than unpacking.  When I said the previous tenants “trashed” it I don’t mean it in the sense that I guess that’s really meant to be used for.  I meant you couldn’t have walked a straight line across a single room in this place; every foot or so another item was in your way.  I’ve carried out (and sometimes dragged out) about eight industrial-sized garbage bags of trash.  Papers, broken items, dishes with so much fungus growing on them that gloves were the only way I was willing to touch them, clothing left behind, broken mattresses and other pieces of broken furniture, half eaten food just dumped here and there on the floors; the kitchen floor was so covered in sticky goo that your shoes tried to adhere to it with every step (almost as if you were trying to walk on still wet glue).  Drink splatter and crayon markings on almost every wall (literally) in the place but,

as bad as all that sounds,

life really and truly is OH SO MUCH BETTER than it was two weeks ago and as exhausted as I’ve felt over the last two weeks, I still wouldn’t have chosen any differently.

After dusting spider webs and clumps of dust off the ceilings and scrubbing the walls clean from the ceiling to the floors, the paint job (while I’d prefer a new coat) isn’t bad at all.  While there are stains almost everywhere on the carpets, I’m no longer afraid to walk on it without my shoes on, and I was blessed with a free carpet shampooer off of Free Cycle a few days ago.  A bottle of carpet cleaner solution and hopefully the carpeting will be looking dramatically improved.  The neighbors in the other three apartments are fairly quiet and seem pretty normal   Nobody has yet to call the cops on each other and no drug busts have taken place like the two that happened just feet from my living room window in the old place.  I am not missing the drama one ounce from living near downtown Beckley.

Depending on how you count the rooms, there’s 8 or 9.  The one room that was being counted as a second bedroom, I’m choosing to turn into a library/study room (at least for now), then there’s a kind of front entrance room, living room, laundry room, bathroom, kitchen, food pantry/storage room, bedroom, and a mud room at the back end.  I keep slipping up and calling the place a “house” instead of an apartment when I’m talking to people.  It doesn’t help that any with the outside looking like a house and the inside feeling more like a house than an apartment; I have almost the entire first floor to myself!

And the greatest blessing of all, and the one that’s crucial for me emotionally, is that I feel SAFE for the first time in about 19 months!  Not just safe locked within my apartment, but safe within the community and free to move around without feeling a need to always stay in after dark or to be looking back over my shoulder.  This place isn’t being judged by just a drive or two up the street and the neighbors at just that moment or two but on seven years of being familiar with Prosperity with my church just .2 miles away (not even a quarter of a mile) and the Bible College just a few miles more (didn’t actually measure that one).  In seven years time, I have yet to have witnessed for myself or to have heard one single negative comment about the area and I trust it and it’s feeling extremely good to be able to do that about where I live once again!

I still don’t have the insides done enough for me to feel comfortable showing it yet but here’s one from my living room window showing a little of the community and our first snow of the season that has actually stuck around some

“We are not illegitimate children,”  They protested.  “The only Father we have is God himself.”

Jesus said to them,  “If God were your Father, you would love me, for I came from God an now am here.”  John 8:41b, 42.

 Jesus set out to wake them from their stupor and found some pretty grouchy people, unwilling to wake from the dream they had of themselves.  They had witnessed the miracles, the teaching of God’s love and character, yet they wouldn’t submit to the price they needed to pay to continue in the light.  Here they are claiming God as their own Father without any real awareness of what it meant to be His son or daughter.  If being physical descendants of Abraham didn’t make them his children spiritually, then calling themselves the children of God wouldn’t make it so either.  Something was missing.

“Why is my language not clear to you?  Because you are unable to hear what I say.”

They clung to their interpretations of God’s Word so hard nothing could make them hear the truth.  It’s like they had stuck their fingers in their ears and began singing,  “La, la, la, la, I can’t hear you” as loud as they could to shut out His words.  To hear meant they would have to obey.  Jesus reveals the root problem of their spiritual deafness:

“You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desire.  He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him.  When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

Ouch!  Ever hear of diplomacy, Jesus?  What are you trying to do, drive them to kill you?

Every time I read these passages it seems to me He’s actually pushing them to crucify Him.  His arguments push all their buttons without cushioning the blows.  Yet what other choice does He have?  He spent nearly three years being subtle, careful to demonstrate the power of God and rightly dividing the Scriptures so everyone who heard would see the light, and it got Him nowhere with these people.  They wouldn’t listen when He told them the hard truth of God then, to back off now would be foolish.

By calling the devil their “father” Jesus reveals their motives for not wanting to hear what He has to say.  They preferred their fantasy constructs to real truth.  The story of God held little interest to them, for what they wanted was the story in which they triumphed over every obstacle to gain personal glory and power.  Knowing truth made no difference if they weren’t going to be able to be the heroes of their own stories.  What they rejected from Christ’s teachings was the one little morsal of truth on which the rest of salvation hinged:  it wasn’t their heroic efforts or mighty deeds which impressed God but the humble realization they were powerless to do anything for themselves in this regard without Him.  Total dependence on Jesus is the only way possible for us to find salvation or freedom from death.

“Can any of  you prove me guilty of sin?”

These people who had believed in Him knew His character, work and words were above reproach…it’s why they followed in the first place.  What turned them off is their misunderstanding of the spiritual nature of ingesting the Son of God.  They couldn’t get past Jesus’ demand that they eat His flesh and drink His blood, nor did they grasp the spiritual nature of that command.  Their minds were so focused/consumed by the lies of spiritual grandeur they blinded themselves to their need for reconstruction.  Nothing will wake a person up to their condition if they continue to take the drug of pride.  It washes away the ability to see ourselves as lost to truth without intervention.

Not one of these men could prove Jesus guilty of sin.  Blasphemy was a convenient excuse to shut Him up.

Why were they so quick to pick up stones at the end of His speech to them?  They wanted to silence His voice so badly they would have used any excuse to kill Him.

In our walk with God do we shut out truths we find unpalitable?  Do we shut ourselves off from light because it hurts our eyes to look?  Are we willing to break the mirror of truth because it shows we are not the fairest in the land making a lie out of the fantasy we’ve built up about our own value?

Our value comes from the fact God loves us, sent His Son to save us; it has absolutely nothing to do with how cool we are.  The reality of those who find Christ and those who reject Him couldn’t be more different than total light and total darkness.  When we walk into the light through the power of Jesus, we see ourselves for who we really are without any airbrush tricks to soften the blow.  At this point we have two choices:  hide our eyes by running back to our dank, dark little caves or falling into the arms of the one who brings us out of such misery.  Make no mistake the end of all rejection of Christ results in misery. 

On the other hand taking our eyes off ourselves brings joy unlimited, if our focus is, of course, Jesus.  We can find no contentment with our spiritual eyes turned inward; no peace when we are worried about our own; no joy or love of life unless we turn our eyes to Jesus.  He is our peace.  He is our joy.

It doesn’t cost you anything to think.  Your thoughts are as free as free can get.  And those thoughts will bring you ideas of what you desire and those thoughts breed feelings and focus of what you want and that is all free as well.  So why can’t the life you want, that comes from your thoughts and feelings, come free and clear right to you?  The start of it all is free and so is the end result.  Everything else will fill in between the lines. Free thought, free end result, and free in between as long as you envision just that.

We had such a wonderful day yesterday.  Loads of family, loads of food, and loads of laughter…just as it should be.  Mom is doing very well.  She is still feeling good.  Yesterday kind of took it out of her but I can hear the coffee grinder going this morning so she’s got her energy back.  I have so much to be thankful for and you are one of thankful thoughts.

www.bethandleemccain.com

Last night the Pelican Primary School Choir gave their first public performance under my direction. They were invited to sing at a special Mayor’s Community Function, for the local city hall. They were the only child performers (no other schools were there), and they were the only performance item  – the other musical performers were roving jazz musicians.

They performed beautifully, and were incredibly chuffed with themselves. The entire experience was a positive one, in which lots was learned. I rely on these kinds of experiences to make sense of music learning for the children. They provide context for everything they do with me in class, and provide a strong motivation for working hard in music classes. Here are some of the things I think were learned or revealed last night.

1. This was an authentic performance experience.

They performed to an audience of adults. A sympathetic audience, yes, but not made up of parents or teachers or other members of the school community. These were strangers giving the Pelicans their full attention, who responded with delight to the performance. This was not something just for kids, playing at being a performance. This was a real, serious, important, formal event, at which they were the stars.

2. They have to place their trust in the conductor

Before we performed I gave them the little pep talk I give all the child performers I work with. “Once we are on the stage,” I told them, “I want you to give me your whole focus. Look at me. Other people might be taking photos, or smiling, and you might think it is polite to look at them. But I want you to look at me. After we have finished performing, there will be lots of time for smiling and photos. But while we are singing, I want you to only think about the songs, and to keep your eyes on me.”

I think children need to hear this. They need to be reminded that a performance space is a precious, ephemeral space, that they are in control of. They need permission to look away from the eagerly supportive parent who is urging them to smile for the camera.

They also need to trust me, that I will support them and help them give the best possible performance. I reassure them that if they get out there and feel strange or nervous or unsure, all they need to do is look at me, and I will be able to help them. I will be able to mouth the words, to show them where we are up to. I will be able to smile at them, and help them relax. I will not take my eyes away from them for a second.

3. They learned that I can cover any mistakes, so that this is not a burden or stress they need to carry

One girl had an additional role – she played the metalophone at the start of one of the songs. She was very nervous when the time came, and only looked at me for a second before looking down at her instrument. She started to play before I had counted her in, so I joined in with her. She got confused about the number of repetitions in the chord structure, so began to change chords at random.

I could tell she was confused. I accompanied her, following her irregular changes, but all the while, whenever she got back to the first chord in the progression, whispering the repetition numbers to her (as we had practised them) until she got back on track. Then we repeated the progression a few more times, so that she could hear it was indeed solid and steady and fine.

She also learned that she had to keep going, until she found her way through the confusion. I could help her with this, but she also found the confidence to keep going, rather than to falter and stop. That instrumental section returned three times throughout the piece, and every other time she performed it perfectly. At the end she gave me a tiny smile of relief and, I think, pride.

4. They learned the importance of presenting themselves with poise

We organised ourselves into a line to walk out in. We planned how the children playing instruments would leave their places in the formation, and how they would return to them at the end of the song. We talked about standing with two feet evenly on the ground, hands by sides, looking towards me. They did all of this so beautifully, I think the two teachers from the school who’d come with us were quite taken aback.

I think most people in the audience fell a little bit in love with my soloist on the night. This was a little Grade Two boy, with a bright and confident manner, who sang the opening verse to our final song before being joined by the rest of the choir. I asked him to stand in front of the choir when he sang his solo, and to step back into the line when his solo was finished. I never needed to remind him of this, he did it exactly as I had asked, each time. Very professional!

As he sang, he sang out. He sang in a confident voice. He smiled as he stepped back into line. Hearts melted (although I expect his parents’ hearts swelled with pride).

On reflection, he was the perfect choice as a soloist (and to be honest, I am still new enough in the school that I don’t always know how individuals will react when I pose a challenge for them). He took it seriously, and he never once doubted himself. He never giggled or got self-conscious. He never let himself get distracted by other children in rehearsals trying to distract him. And thus, he created the perfect template for the choir of what it means to do a solo, and what it requires of you.

And of course, when we present ourselves with poise and confidence, we enhance our feelings of confidence. Perhaps, even if only on a subtle level, the students also learned this.

5. They learned what they have to offer

This is a school where many students struggle. They may struggle with life skills, or academically, or socially, or because they are under-nourished, or because they don’t get much attention in their big chaotic families. Taking part in this concert, and being applauded, showed them that they have much to offer, especially when they work together. The music for this concert – four songs, all with actions or arrangements to be memorised – was worked on over many weeks. I fervently, strenuously hope that they might now recognise how all of those weeks was a progression towards this kind of outcome, and how great outcomes like this are completely within their reach, when they put in the work.

6. They learned that I have expectations of them…

… and that I won’t accept less. That this is what being in an ensemble means, and that we are only going to do it in an authentic, meaningful way. That the fun comes while you’re working hard. And that I am very proud of them.

—

They also will soon learn that these kinds of performances bring further rewards. The local council paid us a performance fee and we are going to put that towards some new instruments. Today I talked with one of the local music stores about bringing a selection of instruments up to the school during choir time so that the choir people can help select what we buy with that money. This way, they will get to enjoy the material contribution they have made to the school through their hard word too. I’m planning to put together a price check-list for them, and let them circle the instruments they think we should buy (up to the maximum money we have to spend). I’ll then make the final decision.

You ran oh, so far away

Finally got up the guts to step on that plane

You met freedom; smacked you face to face

So your heart is whole, its been replaced

But now that your dead heart beats again

You must deal with these feelings within

You’re attaching deeply, it foresees pain

Why must fear always come with gain?

Who knew you could fall in love with a group of people so fast?

They’re loving you back like never before, you long for it to last.

But because of the depth of your feelings; how desperately bad you miss each one,

You can only see one outcome, the setting of a sun.

Is loving deeply so horribly wrong?

Or are you simply filling a need, a hole that’s been there too long?

Is God rejoicing in this overwhelming new joy

Or are you using others like a fill-my-void toy?

You know you are longing for Christ today

And you’re tired of living in fear that loving deeply means getting it taken away.

So get on your knees child, let me hear you pray.

Your heart is whole again, but it can easily sway

Those feelings that you ran from are coming back strong

The arms length didn’t go slowly, it collapsed all at once

Now years’ worth of deficit is begging to be filled

These people surrounding you with their love has got you thrilled

I hate the confusion in your over-thinking little mind

All I can do is pray you deal with your love right this time

I don’t know how much of your loving is really okay

And I don’t know His policy on giving and taking away…

But I know that He’s worth trusting, so breathe at ease

Please, just let this disquiet and confusion cease.

My friend set me up with a guy who was living in a halfway house. We started dating and to me he wasn’t the guy who had been in jail for assault with a weapon – he was the charming, positive, happy, and loving guy that treated me well. So when he called me from jail saying he had been wrongfully arrested for assault…I believed him. Yep. Because it wasn’t in my nature to distrust people and because I had the feelings of loving and happy attached to him.

“The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don’t know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I’m gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Cause I’m not who I was
When I took my first step
And I’m clinging to the promise You’re not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to.”

-If You Want Me To