“One-fifth of the U.S. public – and a third of adults under 30 – are religiously unaffiliated today,” writes The Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life. “Their ranks now include more than 13 million self-described atheists and agnostics (nearly 6% of the U.S. public), as well as nearly 33 million people who say they have no particular religious affiliation (14%).” Similarly, 80% of those raised in the church will be gone by age 29, and 22% of American twenty-somethings claim no religious beliefs—twice the percentage of 1991, all according to a 2011 Christianity Today study.

Not all are becoming unaffiliated. Eastern religions & philosophies, as well as earth-based religions, are also increasingly common in the Denver area. Strikingly, the United States Air Force Academy invested $80,000 two years ago in an outdoor worship area for “earth-based religions”, which includes Paganism, Wicca, and Native American religion. And while it is difficult to get statistics on their numbers or growth, an informal oral poll at a University of Denver Class reveals local young adult students personally know more Pagans than Buddhists. Buddhists themselves represent the fourth-largest religion of the US, just after Islam—in many ways an Eastern religion too, which some reports say is the fastest-growing religion stateside and internationally. One University of Denver student, age 20, reports a Christian family and childhood but that she now–at least partly–identifies as Taoist.

Blake confessed that most of her life, her religion was “just to please [her] parents”. It was at age 17, she says, that she converted in a deeper, more independent way. Her baptism at age 20 was a delayed act of full obedience to Jesus Christ. But many young Coloradoans would more likely relate to the religious story and identity of (names changed) Maria Lopez of Denver, 22, who is spiritual but nonreligious, despite Catholic parents; Will McPherson of Littleton, 21, atheist and living at home with Protestant parents; Phyllis Jackson, 28, Westminster, nonreligious despite a devoutly Christian mother; or Jack Roberts, 19, Denver, agnostic after a rigorous Christian upbringing. Against this backdrop, Blake’s conversion and baptism into the classic faith of the US last Sunday becomes remarkable.

US politics have long been entwined with the religious beliefs of the people. What appears to be a phasing-out of Christianity among young people may have two affects on the future politic. First, it will likely influence what the separation of church and state is going to look like. Second, it will naturally cause a shift in what higher or standard value system people turn to in order to decide such hot issues as gay/lesbian rights and immigration policy.

Twenty-somethings: A Personal Perspective (norwalk.patch.com)

The Patch sites for Norwalk, CT, and the surrounding areas will also be cross-publishing posts that were written for this blog.

Hopefully, this partnership will provide 20somethings in 2013 — and its stories of twenty-somethings in this economy — with greater exposure. I also hope it will also encourage more twenty-somethings to share their stories.

At this point, I have spent more hours taking care of children than I have on all other professional ventures combined and honestly it amazes me sometimes that so many young people (myself included) look at our wonderfully simple, independent lives, where every dollar we earn can be spent on ourselves and think, “Yep, I’d like to add a bunch of kids to this situation.”

“But it’s different when they’re your own!” Blah, blah, blah. Whatever, you guys. Yes, motherhood and fatherhood and parenting in general are very special experiences and your heart walks outside your body, and you learn what it is to love something more than yourself, and if a car fell on top of your crying baby, you would suddenly develop super human strength and lift that car up to save your most precious cargo’s life and when Oprah asks how you did it you’d say, “I don’t know, I’m just a mom.” But you know what? Ten years later you are going to ask that car baby what he has for homework and he is going to say, “UGH WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO ASK ME THAT! IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!” and you will have to call on patience you didn’t even know you had to prevent yourself from flipping that kid the bird and leaving the house for a week. My weekend as sole caregiver to these kids, twin nine year olds, an eight year old, and a four year old to be exact, was basically a 60 hour seminar in how to talk nicely to one another. And everyone failed. Do you know what it feels like to tell a kid to stop calling his brother a jerk and then out of the corner of your eye you see him MOUTH IT? Oh my God. Never.

I’ve known this family for six years, which means I have known the four year old since conception. I distinctly remember unloading the dishwasher in the summer of 2008 and thinking it had been weeks since I put a wine glass away and then realizing, “Oh God. Another one. It’s coming.” I remember all of them at that adorable age when they still couldn’t lift the milk out of the fridge. Now I find them with ten pieces of gum in their mouth and when I make a dinner suggestion I get, “No I don’t want SOUP. I’ll make my own dinner.” (For the record, I also think soup sounds like the worst dinner suggestion I’ve ever heard, but I know how to communicate that sentiment politely.) As kids get older they start becoming more confident with what they know about the world and more confident that everything they know, you don’t. I actually really enjoy talking to kids about what they’re learning in school or having thoughtful conversations with them about stories they’ve heard in the news. At dinner on Friday night I heard a really exciting interpretation of Hurricane Katrina. On our drive home from swimming lessons on Saturday morning, it was explained to me that none of them would attend a Justin Bieber concert because “he is not a good person” and “wears his pants too low.” I love hearing how kids respond to the adult world, how pop culture influences their preferences, what commonalities may lie between us. What I am less fond of is this: “Catherine why are you going this way? Why are you turning? That’s not the way to the movie theater! You were supposed to park back there!” Oh really?! Well let me turn around, drop you back off at that parking garage that leads to Von Maur and you can go ask the lady at the Clinique counter where the 1:45 pm showing of The Croods is! I am the adult! You know nothing! Maybe this is karma for when I was 14 and told my dad he was wrong, there was a middle seatbelt in the Honda Prelude, and so can you please now drive all of my friends over to some boy’s house. You know who turned out to be wrong in that story? I shiver at the memory. Either way, there is nothing quite like being bossed around by kids whose only area of expertise that might best your own is in multiplying fractions because they learned it, like, on Thursday. In every other situation you know more and you know better, and yet, to convey this simple truth to a child is next to impossible.

Also, teeth brushing! You mean to tell me that I arrived at the second floor approximately 20 seconds after you did and you managed to get your pajamas on, brush your teeth, and climb into bed? Yeah the fuck right. Why do kids lie about brushing their teeth? In a kid’s world, teeth brushing is probably the easiest thing they are asked to do in their daily routine, maybe only second to, “Here, eat this food I cooked for you.” I know that explaining in a wary tone that if they don’t brush their teeth, their teeth will rot and they’ll spend the rest of their lives eating apple sauce with their gums is the kind of long term consequence children can’t really wrap their heads around. So when it comes time to actually doing it, all they see is this wench lady standing before them, suddenly mandating a chore. Let me go get my violin, kid. I think I left it in the laundry room where I’m washing the eight different shirts you decided to wear today.

To quickly summarize, my weekend went something like this: “Talk nicely. Can you ask nicely? Don’t talk to each other like that. Did you hear me? Can you say ‘Yes, Catherine I heard you.’ Can you say, ‘Thank you Catherine for the movie?’ Can you say, ‘Thank you Catherine for lunch?’ How about a thank you? Please put Candy Land away. You can dribble that ball in the basement or outside. Where’s your sock? Do you need help zipping your coat? Finish your milk. Why is Candy Land still out? Sit up. Because I asked you to. Have three more bites. No you cannot have candy before breakfast. Buckle your seat belt. Why is the car moving and your seat belt is not on? Put a coat on. It’s 35 degrees outside, you cannot wear flip flops. If he says no you need to stop. Be patient. Be nice. Go outside! Talk nicely! Seat belts!”

Is it sometimes fun? Of course it is. If you’re up for enjoying the company of a kid, you probably will because they love you and they are just happy to have your attention and hear that the origami frog they made at school is the coolest fucking thing you have ever seen. What I take from my experience with children is an important reminder for young women that there should be absolutely no rush to get any of these life goals checked off our to-do list quite so quickly. Marriage. Buying a house. The perfect career. Kids. At this age, we see it happening to so many around us and confuse those gains in someone else’s life as a loss in ours. For anyone to feel behind or envious of their friends who appear to be a few steps ahead is wasting energy when there is so much fun to be had with what we’re given. Do you know what I did last night? I sat around my living room with three of my favorite girlfriends, drank lots of red wine, at one point my hair got curled, and then I went to bed at 2 am and now it’s 11 am on Saturday morning and I think I’m going to nap soon. That’s my life. And it’s so perfect. Do you know what the parents of those children probably did last night? Scrubbed a macaroni and cheese pot clean, watched an hour or two of basketball and went to bed at 11 pm because it all starts again at 6 am. No, as a 26 year old, I cannot say I am envious. In a hundred years (I don’t like to pressure myself with a timeline), kids may very well be a part of the equation and I will love them more than anything on this enormous planet and it will be so great. But that’s for later. For now, I am perfectly content dating guys who aren’t looking for a commitment, working in a theater company for the love not the money, embarrassing myself at an exercise class, and learning how to make better scrambled eggs. It’s the exact kind of life experience I need right now.

There are only two paths to take in life – it’s either you make it or not. A socially respectable person works to live, and lives to work. But really, success is subjective and should remain to be so. I think there are at three aspects of life where people should be at least successful in one 1.) Career/Wealth 2.) Love/Family 3.) Social Involvement (leading a meaningful and  purpose driven life by helping make the world a better place). However, in this society which we live in, where non-conformists get shunned and judged, and where money talks, almost everyone dreams (or taxed) of becoming a corporate somebody.

I have been a corporate tool right after graduating from university. Fresh young recruits in the corporate world are all idealists. They allow themselves to be overworked because they don’t know any better. In time, these yuppies will realise how much of their idealism changed them into becoming a better person overall or a self-loathing, two-faced employee who acts on the boss’ every whim.

Of the three aspects of life I mentioned, as of now, I want to be most successful with the first one. After all, I could involve myself in charity work more if I have more funds and less of the worry of how I am going to survive for the remaining years of my life. For all we know, anyone could become that person lining up for Soup Day. Love/Family – I still think I’m too young immature for this level of adulthood. This is being put on hold indefinitely.Yet here I am, still uncertain about my life. A part of me wants to become a corporate tool again. See how society affects even those of us who think they are in complete control of their lives?

If working for someone doesn’t work out for you, try your luck with a small business. In a Sanrio notebook, I am collating all sorts of ideas which I will not disclose because I am saving myself from possible future embarrassment just in case not even one idea pushes through. If all goes well, I might post some ideas. Ha ha.

Photo credit: ABC.com

I’ve been noticing advertisements for a new TV show called How to Live With Your Parents for the Rest of Your Life, which is about a young woman who…you guessed it…moves back in her parents.

I’m sure that many recent graduates can empathize with that situation, especially when nearly half of them are moving back in with their moms and dads according to this article on MSN Now:

45 percent of recent college grads are living with their parents (now.msn.com)

There’s always that stigma of failure as a grownup living your parents: that feeling that since you can’t support yourself as an adult, you need your mom and dad to take care of you like you’re still a child.

And it’s especially tough if you had just spent four years in college living on your own. It feels like, by returning home, all that growth you made in college an independent adult has been completely reversed.

I should know because I had to move back in with my parents after graduating. Four years earlier, when I was a freshman, I rarely (if ever) thought that I would be living with my parents after graduation, especially when I was going to an Ivy League school and getting high grades.

But a rough economy and an uncertainty of what I should do post-graduation, caused me to do the unthinkable — return home. My hometown seemed so dull and stagnant compared to the dynamic environment of college, where I was learning so much and meeting so many different people.

Yet at the same time, it was nice to be surrounded my family, who loved and supported me, as opposed to college, where I was often by myself. Plus, returning home reconnected me with my relatives and friends after four years of mostly being away from them.

So living with your parents doesn’t have to be all bad. It’s certainly an adjustment, though, going from having so much freedom at college to being back under your parents’ roof. (No more staying out all night, partying it up, or having special guests over.)

But as unlucky as you feel graduating in an unstable economic climate and not being able to find a job, you’re also really lucky to have parents who are willing to help you this rough patch. And if you have problems getting girls, here’s a great pickup line you could use.

Episode #1 “Pilot” from Twenty-Somethings on Vimeo.

Created by Kelsey Hightower.

Somewhere amidst the cajoling, rationalizing, ignoring, begging, demanding, and screaming like a two year old on a grocery store floor that my parents start treating me like the adult that I am (I am an adult, I am an adult!), they decided to stop treating me like a child.  And now I don’t know what to do with myself.

Deep in my rational brain, I recognize that this is a natural transition.  Our annual pilgrimage back to the motherland to visit my grandparents does not equate to my sleeping on their pistachio-colored linoleum; instead, my family stays in the finest hotel Lancaster’s Amish have to offer.  Trips to my grandmother’s lake house did not end with her slipping my dad a $50 check to cover gas (although my sister and I often left with clammy 50 cent pieces tucked into our sand-lined pockets, BOOYA DAD!).  But when, exactly, did you expect that to start happening?  I’m not sure that I had actually reached a solid time frame on that one, but I can definitely tell you that my hypothetical time frame did not include now.  Like right now.  Or maybe even yesterday.

Until recently, I didn’t think there was a concrete definition of adulthood; I certainly didn’t have a one-liner that I could ascribe to my life.  Finding a career?  Have one, still feeling like a teenager.  Providing your own alcohol?  Figured out how to do that when I was 16, literally still a child.  Making your own decisions?  At least pretending to do that since I was 3 years old and rejecting Jesus as a life choice.  Adulthood was a strange spiritual place that I would eventually reach, kind of like Nirvana, after years of searching without knowing exactly what I was seeking.  Meanwhile, I would go about my business, doling out smiles and high fives and generally bettering the world without ulterior motivation.  I was a regular 21st century Siddhartha.

Until I one day, Sunday, with my dad’s’ announcement of a their second trip to Europe in less than six months, I realized that I was no longer my parents’ Mecca.  ”But Dad…” I started, not wanting him to feel silly when he realized that I didn’t have any vacation time during that period and he had surely made a mistake in booking the tickets, “I can’t go that month.”  The silence that ensued made an underground train sound like a child’s toy, and it was then that I realized my safety net had been removed, packed up, and put into storage with my track medals and perfect attendance certificates.

Make no mistake, this change did not happen in one day; I had just been too busy ignoring their support to notice when it stopped coming hourly via emoticon.  Or daily via cat pictures, or even weekly via 7pm (late night) phone calls.  And now I can confidently say that the exit to childhood is the unmarked ramp that you sped past as the enticing glow of adulthood stole your focus.  But don’t bother turning around, there’s no re-entrance.  And your parents took your radar detector, your GPS,  and probably your confidence in an ability to pay off any speeding tickets, so SLOW THE FUCK DOWN.

Today, no amount of boxed wine, or business cards, or improperly punctuated text messages from my mother can put me back in the comfortable embrace of my coddled youth.  I’m not feeling loved, or grown up, or under control.  I feel nauseous.  I’m carsick on the way to adulthood.

So, Mom and Dad, if you’re listening…I guess I’ll call you when I get there?  If your haven’t changed your numbers yet.

via Gordonbowman.com

It’s a silly thing to say at a time in your life when you’re “supposed” to be doing everything other than being. You’re supposed to be figuring out life – what you want to do for a career, where you want to live, who you want to be with, etc. And those are all important things. But how much time do we spend thinking about everything other than the present moment and just “being” in it?

It’s a rarity. In fact, I take a restorative yoga class once or twice a week depending on my schedule and that hour when I’m supposed to be “focusing on my breath,” “clearing my mind,” and all that good stuff, is one of the hardest mental exercises for me. I suggest you try it, you will realize how difficult it is to just be.

Just “being” is a concept that I will confess is not my bread and butter. Both in what it actually means, and how to achieve it. I am always constantly thinking about focusing on the present and how I should be happy in the present, and even then, I get lost in the worry of the next moment or just get lost in other thoughts.

But last night I had a bit of a just “be” moment. Right before I was getting ready to take a shower, I took a look at myself in the mirror and looked at my body and my face. Usually, I pick myself apart and all the things that I could fix – my abs should be more defined, my thighs are so big and muscular, I need my legs to be leaner, I wish my face was spotless, etc. But I thought to myself – why not just be? My body and my face is not perfect but it is good, it is good because it’s mine and I try to take care of it. There will always be something to fix I’m sure, but in the moment, I was grateful to have it and to accept it and to love it simply because it is. Imperfections included.

So maybe in this small moment, I came to understand a little of what just being is – it is acceptance. Acceptance of who you are and what is happening to you at this one moment in time. No judgments, perceptions or criticisms. Maybe in that acceptance of who you are, you find gratitude in just being.

When you’re a twenty something, it’s a period of figuring out everything. But now, more than ever, when our responsibilities and obligations are for many of us, mostly to ourselves, maybe it’s a good time to learn how to just be.

Have goals, have dreams and aspire for a good future. These are all good things. But if we abuse our time by thinking about the future mostly and forget to be in the moment, we may find, like the quote above says, that we have spent our lives doing a lot of thinking and worrying, but never truly living. And that above all, might be the worst thing to realize when you consider how short life truly is.

So, today, right now, in this moment in time,  I encourage you to just “be.” [tc-mark]

TC Reader Exclusive: The Patron Social Club gets you invited to cool private parties in your city. Join here.

It’s recently come to the attention of the entire office that I am only 23, that I don’t have a Master’s degree, and that I’ve never even been close to anyone’s boss before. (Unless you mean physically close, in which case…I’ve been there a few too many times.)

Similarly, it’s recently come to the attention of the entire country that the millennial generation is underemployed, over-educated, and making a dollar stretch farther than you ever though possible as we ride a buck to Thailand, Iceland, South Africa.

We are disconcerting, unconventional.  I won’t give stock to your job+marriage+house formula any more than you’ll put faith in my falafel+passport+iPod lifestyle, because it doesn’t fit who I am, and it certainly won’t put me on a path to success as I’ve defined it.  I won’t be boxed in by a religion, a career that deadens the soul after 30 years, or a split-level with 2.3 SUVs and a $2.3K mortgage every month – mostly because I watched your lives be made miserable by it.  I won’t be keeping up with the Joneses, unless the Jones have frequent flyer mile accounts to make Hillary Clinton jealous.

We are poor and spending all of our income on adventures.  We are passionate and sick of your pessimism. We are organic, and vegan, and living life in hemp clothing.  We pick each other up when one of us falls down, because we grew up watching our friends’ parents lose jobs, cars, and homes, and we know that they come and go, but experiences and memories can’t be foreclosed upon.  We are working too hard and playing too hard and undaunted by 4 hours of sleep.  We will come out in DROVES to support a human, or a cause, or a campaign deemed unworthy of fighting for.  And we will beat your stagnant candidate and his tired ideals every day of the week.

So yes, my nails are probably painted teal and chipped. I do still go to concerts on work nights.  I don’t have to rush home to feel my fern/labradoodle/child. I’ll happy hour like it’s my job – which it isn’t.  My job is to be your BOSS.

So you say we’re too young, and maybe we actually are.  But we’ll never admit it, and there’s nobody else waiting in the wings.

Since then, I’ve of course acquired things like staplers (tape dispensers, oven mits, wine glasses, etc.) on my own, but every now and then I have a “real world” question that I still need mom and dad to answer… And I’m betting you do, too.

My questions sound something like the following:

“How do you cook steak?” (dad)

“Does a can of tuna go bad?” (mom)

“Our fridge makes this helicopter noise sometimes.. That’s not normal, is it?” (mom)

“Do you put seasoning on burgers?” (dad)

“Is this a good grill?” (dad)

“So.. Can you teach me how to garden… Through the phone?” (mom)

“How do you use a lawn mower?” (dad)

“Will things.. critters.. bugs.. whatever.. crawl into my vacuum if I put it in our basement?” (dad)

“One side of our gas stove isn’t working… How do we fix that?… There wouldn’t be gas leaking because of that, though, right?” (mom)

“Are my wood floors waxed?” (mom)

“What’s the difference between olive oil and extra virgin olive oil?” (mom)

“I don’t have to get wet food for the cat, right? She’ll be fine eating dry food forever?” (mom)

What questions have you asked your parents recently?

Warmup before the 2006 NCAA Men’s Division I Basketball Tournament National Championship Game (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Sports fans recognize these few weeks as March Madness, the championship tournament for NCAA men’s basketball. College basketball — actually, college sports in general — tend to depress me because the athletes who play in them are all younger than me.

In fact, there are even famous professional athletes who are my age or younger than me, including Tim Tebow and Mr. Linsanity himself, Jeremy Lin (who actually lost the Ivy League spot in the NCAA tournament to my school, Cornell, when he was playing for Harvard).

It’s kind of sad to hear how people younger than you are already so accomplished and making so much money. But the vast majority of twenty-somethings aren’t star athletes or software geniuses; we’re just people who are starting out.

With such an emphasis on teen and twenty-something celebrities in the media, it’s easy to beat yourself up for not achieving the same amount of success, and it’s also easy to forget how rare it actually is to be so accomplished at such a young age.

Paul Angone of the website All Groan Up lists notable celebrities and historical figures who struggled in their twenties only to end up making tremendous achievements later in their lives:

Your 20′s not going as planned? You’re in famous company (allgroanup.com)

Hopefully, this article will put your twenties in perspective and help you realize that you still have decades to make your impact on the world. Besides, as nice as it would be to retire before I’m thirty, I’d like to think that my greatest achievements are still ahead of me.

Dear Sixteen,

Hey, its me!  Future Meghan.  Ten years  have flown by since I you  we turned sixteen, so I thought that maybe I should check in.  I’ve learned a thing or two over the last decade, and I was hoping you wouldn’t mind if I shared a little bit.

I guess I’ll start by dropping a bombshell.  Unfortunately in ten years, you will not be married to Ashley Parker Angel from O-town.  You actually won’t be married at all, or anywhere near it.  You also won’t be wearing fancy business suits every day, driving a convertible, or owning a home in a nice development like you are probably expecting.  Oh, and when you hear people make jokes about Philadelphia and how dirty and dangerous it is, well don’t laugh, because you’re going to live there some day.  And it’s really not as bad as they say ; )

I know that you’re really excited about finally getting your driver’s license.  It’s a pretty big milestone in life, but I have some bad news.  You really aren’t a very good driver.  Nobody likes to hear that, but it’s true, so I think you should know.  You’ll have a couple fender benders and a car totaling accident over the next decade, so just… be careful… ok?

I also want to give you a heads up now that nobody is going to invite you to your high school prom.  It is going to feel like the end of the world, but trust me when I say that it’s not.  I  guess I should also let you know now that you aren’t going to have a boy ask you on a date or try and kiss you for quite awhile still.  Understandably, it’s going to make you feel weird and embarrassed, but don’t sweat it.  There are plenty of boys and dances and first kisses in your future.  Unfortunately, the awkwardness and embarrassment… well those are far from over.

You’re pretty sheltered right now, happily living in your little bubble, sort of obliviousness to the ways of the world.  Stay that way for as long as possible.  You can never get your innocence back, and there is more than enough temptation in your future.  Some days you will hold fast to your values, but there will be other seasons where you start to lose sight of who you are.  That’s ok.  Forgive yourself.  Learn from your mistakes.  And try to be a better person tomorrow.

Continue to do well in school, but stop stressing about it so much.  Here’s a hint: you’re never going to use calculus, advanced biology or any bit of chemistry in your real life.  Oh and don’t even bother writing in cursive, nobody does that anymore.  Drop your French classes now, and start learning Spanish.  Trust me, you’ll thank me later.  Then go home and throw out that ugly silver eye shadow you like to wear, as well as your super low rise jeans, but save all of your brightly colored pants because those will keep coming back into style.  Never ever ever stop running.  You think you love it now, but just wait and see what the next ten years will bring.

Go to church.  Right now Mom and Dad make you go, but soon enough the choice will be yours.  When you move to a new city, make it a priority to find a church to call home.  When you’re out til 2 AM on Saturday night, still make yourself get out of bed and go to church on Sunday morning.  Even during  the portions of your life when you are questioning your faith, go to church.  It’s important to keep your roots planted in familiar soil, especially during periods of indecision.

Be kind.  Be loving.  Have a joyful heart and an optimistic outlook on life.  Trust your instincts.  When you are seeking answers, pray.  Be generous with your time and your money.  Travel as much as you possibly can.  Try new things and soak up every experience that life offers you.  Remember that the little moments many times turn out to be more meaningful than the big ones.  Don’t become jaded by negativity and try to not let bitterness bring you down.  Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you and make a conscience effort to continually show others best version of yourself.  Make a decision now about the way you want to be treated for the rest of your life, and start expecting others to respect you.

Remember that it is more important to be known as a nice person than the girl with a pretty face.  It is more important to be honest than it is to be successful.  It is more important to have a lot of good friends than a lot of ex-boyfriends.  Above all else it is more important to be the person that God is calling you to be rather than the person that the world is calling you to be.

And all those things you’ve been wondering about… what you want to be when you grow up; who, when, and if you’ll get married; where you’ll choose to settle down.  I’d love to tell you that ten years from now, you’ll have answers to all those big questions, but unfortunately that’d be a lie.  What I can promise you though is that, clique as it may sound, the journey really is more meaningful than the destination.  At some point (not that I’m there quite yet) I think you just learn to give up and trust that God’s plan for your life is far more magnificent than anything you may try and map out on your own.  You have so many adventures, so many new friends, and so much joy in your future.  So stop stressing, stop trying to sort it all out, and just live in the moment.  After all, you’re only twenty-six sixteen once.

Whatever you do, just keep smiling : )

XOXO,

Twenty-Six

PS:  If thirty-six year old Meghan would like to send a letter telling me to stop quarter life  crisising because everything is going to work out according to plan…. well, that would be great.  A girl can use some reassurance from time to time ; )

Oops, I Accidentally Wasted My Entire 20s (And I Feel Fine)

“But really, even when it seemed like I was doing nothing at all (and when I believed I was doing nothing at all), I was actually hard at work on the real labor of your twenties — figuring out who you actually are.

Guess why this is the most important thing you have to do in your twenties? Because you are you forever!”

Welcome back insightful, right on the money, reading my mind articles Thought Catalog. Nice to see you, again. (This one is pure gold if you haven’t read it yet – check it out!)

The spring finale of Pretty Little Liars aired on Tuesday night. Amidst all the chaos of course I saw it! (And fan girl-ed beyond the hour that it’s televised.) Also, this TVGuide article is a bit spoilerish but verrry intriguing. It feels like they’re letting us in on some secrets!

IMPORTANT NEWS: JOHN MAYER IS BACK IN ACTION! I was able to catch most of the Google+ Hangout last night, and he’s announced a miiiiillion date tour. (Florida, September 2013, here’s lookin’ at you kid!) Plus he played a new song “Dear Marie.” (Can you guess what my favorite line is? Probably obvious: “Remember me, I’m the boy you used to love when we were fifteen.”

Amazon sent me a heads up about Sara Zarr’s upcoming release of The Lucy Variations. Yes sirree!

One of my favorite friend Meg’s upcoming visit countdown is in THE SINGLE DIGITS, now! What?! Yes.

I found out Silver Lining’s Playbook will be released to own on April 30th, heyyy!

I am a notorious giver of second (third, fourth, fifth and sixth) chances. If you mean something to me in any way, you can guarantee I will do my very best to keep you in my life for as long as humanly possible, regardless of whether that’s actually in my best interest or not. While I do believe everyone deserves a second chance, I’m working on being less forgiving when friends treat me badly. (More along the lines of a “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me” kind of thinking.)

In college, I never had to try to hard to maintain my friendships because I would run into someone I knew practically every time I stepped on campus to go to class. That made things easy. So did Facebook. I wasn’t worried about seeing people after I graduated because I was staying in the same city that I went to school in, and I knew I would have no problem putting in a little bit of effort to see the people that I cared about.

Not thinking that maintaining friendships would be such a struggle was my first mistake. I didn’t realize that moving a mere twenty minute walk off-campus would mean my friends rarely, if ever, would want to come to my apartment. Nor did I realize how campus-centric all of my still-in-college friends were. Want to pre-game with everyone before heading downtown to a bar? Better get my ass over to my friend’s on-campus apartment because no one was gonna make the walk to my place, despite our apartments being the same distance away from the subway. Want to get together with everyone after work one day? Better have money to take a cab home because instead of coming into the city to go to a bar that’s equidistant to all of our apartments, they plan on going to a bar right next to campus because it’s “convenient for everyone.” Clearly, not.

But none of that stuff bothered me… At first. I was totally fine making the journey short walk to campus if it meant getting to hang out with my friends. What I didn’t see coming was that no one would ever feel compelled to take the same short walk just to hang out with me. Sure, friends came to the Halloween party my roommate and I threw and there was the occasional girls night or dinner get together, but mostly I knew that if I wanted to hang out, it meant me going to them.

My second mistake was thinking that distance was the biggest issue. I soon came to realize that while it was super awesome that, after years of having part-time jobs, I finally had nights and weekends off, that didn’t really mean seeing my friends more due to the fact that most of them are still on “college time.” Meaning: They have part time jobs, days off during the week, can stay up late because they don’t have early classes and study on the weekends.

As someone who, just last year, had 2 part-time jobs, a work-study,  an internship and was taking 20 credits, trust me when I say I understand what it’s like to be busy. So I really do get that sometimes things get so crazy that people forget to eat. What I don’t understand is how being crazy busy translates into letting your friendships go out the window. Maybe you don’t have time to get together with someone, but there’s always time to send a “hey, how ya doin’?” text. Texting takes 5 seconds, people.

I have a very good friend who lives near Pittsburgh (which isn’t close to Philly, for those of you who failed geography) and even though we live so far away from each other, I still talk to her on a weekly basis. She knows more about what’s going on in my life than some of my good friends who only live a mile from me. That’s just sad. Same goes for my very best friend, who lives in my hometown in MA. We only see each other a handful of times each year, but we make a point to call each other every now and then, and always talk for hours about what we’re each up to. Obviously I would rather be able to see her more, but we make it work and our friendship is just as solid as it’s ever been. (It’s actually her birthday today – HAPPY BIRTHDAY, A!!)

Losing friends is always really hard for me. It’s never a good feeling when you realize that you’ll be better off without someone in your life, no matter how much, or how little, they meant to you in the first place. The worst is when you have no idea why you’re not friends anymore. One of my college friends just stopped answering my texts, completely out of the blue. I honestly have no idea what happened or why we no longer talk. One second it was all “We totally have to get together after the holidays!” and the next, silence. Despite my best efforts and “Where have you been all my life- I miss you!” texts, I haven’t heard a single peep from her since December. After a couple months of unanswered messages, I finally forced myself to stop reaching out. I deleted our texts from my messages log and tried to move on. But I think of her every now and then and wonder what she’s up to and, yes, still wonder why our friendship fell apart. (Side note: My boss is an adjunct at Drexel and she happens to be in the class he teaches that starts in a week and a half… Which I help with. So that won’t be awkward at all…)

Equally as hard as the “instant loss” is when you’re watching a friendship fizzle out before your eyes and can’t seem to do a damn thing about it (or, in my case, have to force yourself not to because this is the umpteenth time this has happened with this person and enough is enough). One of my best friends in Philadelphia and I have gone through this before. She goes through what I like to call “flaky spells,” for a few months things will be great and we’ll see each other all the time and text a bunch, but then things start spiraling. First she backs out on plans, then she “forgets” about plans for one reason or another, and so on and so forth. I understand things happen and situations come up that you really do have to drop everything to handle, but that understanding only goes so far. Once or twice, every now and then? Sure, I get it. Three, four, five times, in a row? Not so much. Being busy and falling off the social radar? Totally understandable. No longer texting or really talking at all? (Re: Paragraph 7; Texting takes 5 seconds, people.) In an unexpected slap in the face, she even backed out on plans we had a couple weeks ago because something came up and she couldn’t afford to keep our plans and still participate in Erin Express (Philly’s St. Patrick’s Day shenanigans, that happen 2 Saturdays during the month of March). That’s right, she chose to day drink instead of spend time with me. Awesome.

The jury is still out on this one. While I would love to get back the friendship we once had, things aren’t looking good at the moment. I’m emotionally exhausted from being let down by her so many times, but I still love her and, as previously stated, hate losing friends when the situation can be avoided. I’ve resolved to just wait and see what happens. Since my attempts to foster the friendship have kind of fallen on deaf ears, it’s going to be up to her to make the first move…

My friendships haven’t been all bad, though. I recently reconnected with someone I used to work with and we’ve had a lot of fun hanging out together. Like me, she graduated last year, but still lives in Philly, so it seems like we’re more on the same page with things, which has been really great for me because we’ve done a lot more than just go out drinking together, including going to the Philly Magazine “Race Chat” at the National Constitution Center this past week. (I promise to blog about that soon! It was really interesting.)

I was also lucky enough to get to visit with a good friend of mine from high school, who happened to be in Philly a couple of weekends ago. She actually didn’t even tell me she was going to be here, and I would have never known, but she ended up posting a picture of Ben Franklin’s grave on Instagram. An “ARE YOU IN MY CITY AND DIDN’T TELL ME!” text later and we were on our way to hanging out. (Don’t worry, she drunkenly apologized profusely for forgetting I lived in Philly, and, really, I was just happy to finally see her.) Though we hadn’t seen each other in years, it was like nothing had changed, and she even ended up crashing at my place the night before she went back to Boston. Just being able to spend time with her was fantastic, but a week or so later, I got the cutest card in the mail. Yes, she had taken the time to hand-write a lovely friendship note and thanked me, again, for my hospitality. After all of my shitty friendship stuff these past few months, that card made me so happy and thankful to have someone like her in my life. Awesome friends, you rock.

I can’t finish this post without mentioning my roommate. She is awesome and my current partner in crime on 99% of my adventures. We seem to be completely on the same page about most things… And are both broke broke broke. (Which you’d think wouldn’t really matter, but try living with someone who has lots of money and can do/buy whatever they want, whenever they want, but you barely have 2 nickels to rub together… I would assume that’s not such a good time.)

You may be asking yourself why I posted about such a personal topic (or wondering why you’re still reading this book-length post of mine)… Did you ever have any teachers who, when they asked if anyone had a question, would say something along the lines of “If you’re confused about it, other people are, too.” That’s kind of how I view this subject. I can’t be the only recent grad who’s having problems with her friends who are still in college, can I? Part of growing up and maturing is maybe going in a different direction than some of your friends, but does that have to mean losing them? Do you guys have these issues, too?

And, like Taylor Swift should be doing, I have to ask- is it me? Am I the problem in all of these friendships? Do I expect too much? Or is this all part of the twenty something package? Let me know in the comments! (Seriously though- if you think I’m being ridiculous, please call me out on it.)

Thanks for reading this one, hopefully it wasn’t too hard to get through! x

Today’s post comes from Ashley Brooks, a freelance writer and editor with her own cocmpany, Ashley Brooks Editorial Services. Ashley’s story is one of redemption and grace – and today, she is openly and honestly sharing some of the common misconceptions of Christian dating. Show her some love!

You could say I’ve been around the block a few times when it comes to Christian dating. I just turned 23. I got married when I was 21. I’ve been engaged twice. I’ve been in two unhealthy “Christian” relationships that each lasted more than two years.

In that time, I’ve experienced the good along with the bad. I also believed a lot of lies about Christian dating. Some of them were proclaimed explicitly in school chapel, and some were sneaky implications. But at one point or another in the past eight years, I believed them. Here are some lies I fell for so that, hopefully, you can avoid them.

1. Missionary dating is when you date a non-Christian in the hopes of converting him.

Yes, this is one definition of missionary dating. But no one ever tells you there’s another kind that shows up in disguise.

My first boyfriend was a pastor’s son who was nearly two years older than I was. At first, all was well. But over time, his true colors started to show through, and I didn’t see them because he was a Christian. A pastor’s kid. We’re all sinners. He was doing his best.

But he wasn’t doing his best. He was slacking in school and using me to keep his grades up by doing his homework. He hung out with guys who liked to party and girls I didn’t know, saying, “It wouldn’t be Christian of me to ditch my friends” and “She’s just going through a rough time. I’m ministering to her.” Each day he had a new critique of my hair or makeup. Occasionally he pushed me to do things I didn’t want to.

I finally, belatedly, decided to break up with him. But it became a long process of break-up-get-back-together because he insisted that he needed me. “You make me a better person,” he told me. “As Christians, we’re supposed to forgive. God is using you in my life,” he said.

It was missionary dating in disguise. I was too naïve to realize that just because someone says they’re Christian does not mean they have their eyes fixed wholeheartedly on following Christ. I got stuck in the cycle, not of trying to convert him, but of trying to raise him up to live a Christ-like life. And he dragged me down in the process.

2. The God card.

This is a lie I believed during a time when I was more involved in church and ministry than ever, but my personal relationship with God was suffering. I was sure He was there, but I couldn’t hear Him or feel His presence, even though I tried so hard. It was a dry spiritual season.

I was toying with the idea of breaking up with my boyfriend at the time. We’d been going out for five months, and it was March of our senior year in high school. College was coming, life seemed overwhelming, and I was afraid to continue dating would mean ruining our friendship.

He told me years later, when we finally did break up, that he could sense my pulling away and didn’t want to lose me. So he told me God had spoken to him and said He wanted us to be together. We were made for each other, meant to get married. Through manipulation, he made me believe that choosing not to marry him was disobedient. I didn’t want to disobey God, did I?

At a time when it didn’t seem like God was present at all, it felt reliable to be close to someone who had heard His voice so definitely. All our friends rallied around us. They acted as though we were a divinely appointed couple, and we all knew how the story would end.

Throughout the next year and a half, every time we disagreed or became irritated with each other, it came back to just praying more. “Aren’t you praying, because I am. We just need to be godlier.” He spoke these words to me so many times they became true even to him.

But where I truly went wrong was when I stopped trying altogether. In the busyness of college, I stopped trying to hear God’s voice for myself and started taking it from my boyfriend as Gospel.

3. Christian math: Two people who have been made whole in Christ equal one whole, good relationship.

This one is actually true. But it needs to be presented with caution.

There’s a few things you should know about my husband. He loves me beyond belief, and he is without a doubt a man of God. He’s also a hunter and a fisherman, and he will skip 10 weeks of church in a row without a second thought. He’s been hurt by people in the church in the past, and he still struggles to not stereotype all Christians as hypocrites.

He’s not perfect. But the point is, he wrestles with God. That’s part of what his faith looks like.

To someone who takes the Christian math equation too literally, it may look like he’s not whole in Christ. But our faith is a relationship, a journey. I can hardly describe the beauty there is in the two of us struggling through difficult things together in our faith and marriage.

This equation was never meant to say both people have to be perfect. But it is so often misconstrued to one extreme or the other, that I’ll give you the warning that is so often absent from sermons:

Do not rush into a relationship just because you’re both Christian. But don’t wait for perfection, either.

Here are three truths for you to use to combat the lies I believed about Christian dating.

1. Never let anyone use your relationship with Christ as a tool for manipulation.

2. Never stop listening for God’s voice on your own.

3. Prayerfully and earnestly seek after God’s direction for your future relationships, because it’s a lot more complicated than a simple math equation.

Photo: Lori80 via Creative Commons

It was college and I was inebriated. But it felt so natural. Our bodies entangling. The way he grabbed my neck and kissed me. He sent the hairs on my arms arise. The attraction was insane, mutual and passionate. We just met but it felt so unreal. Like he already knew my body and what made it click. He knew all the right things to say too, and it wasn’t straight from a book. It wasn’t rehearsed at all. It was awkward and funny, yet charming. He described what he did, his passions, his work ethic. He was everything I was looking for. He was an over-achiever like me. He was fun, outgoing- a real thrill seeker. A smart guy that it was slightly intimidating. A guy that knew what he wanted and how to get it. A guy that I knew would get there without any help at all. He was a man. And it was extremely hot, yet terrifying.

At this point in my life, I was only used to one type of a guy- a “mommy’s boy”. No, not a child. By “mommy’s boy”, I mean a newly adapted college guy that depended so much on his parents that any form of commitment made them run for the hills. However, those that suffer from being whipped can be justly excluded.

Unfortunately, by the time my ex-boyfriend got to the whippage level, the relationship turned into one where I started to question whether he was my lover or that I was his mother. All he wanted to do was make me happy, which is great I guess, especially in the beginning. I mean the sex was amazing. His body was impeccable. His abs, his broad shoulders, and his tight ass would make any girl blush. He could drill me for hours without getting tired. Unfortunately, he forgot how to take care of himself and instead of being a blessing he became an asshole. He didn’t clean up after himself, feed himself well, he forgot his friends, didn’t make new friends and lost many of his hobbies. At this point, he stopped being concerned about me and finally he tried to gather the pieces of himself but realized that he was a shell of what he used to be. He blamed me for his inability to be his whole self because after all it was me that he was so devoted to, even though I didn’t ask for all that attention and I pushed him to have his own goals, friends and ambitions. But I get it, the “mommy’s boy” needs to blame someone and it can’t be himself. (Good news is he managed to take care of only one thing- his physique, which meant great break up sex for me)

So anyway, back to the story. I was terrified! Mr. Confident was interested. He asked me out after our meeting. He wanted to see me, take me to dinner. He enjoyed my company. We talked for hours, stayed up late, we watched movies, we made out, he cooked for me, I was his plus one at parties, he took care of me when I was sick, he wined and dined me. He showed me off and introduced me to his friends. He opened the door for me and brought me places. He asked me what I wanted to do and went out and made it happen, but did all the shit he needed to do for himself before and after he saw me. He made time for me in between work, school, senior projects and teaching. He was absolutely fine with me wanting to wait to have sex. We had sleep overs. I’d wake up in the comfort of his arms at his apartment and he’d make me breakfast and drive me home. He was a gentleman. He understood my sarcasm and was playful and just as quick witted. We teased each other relentlessly and it was adorable. And he was honest; he didn’t play games. The tension between us was so unreal that it took every part of me to not just have him on the kitchen counter. We were essentially dating. And instead of being blissful, I was terrified as fuck. We were both attending the same college and knew some of the same people. It was going so well, too well. Instead of enjoying the ride, I was scared shitless. But most of all, I was scared of becoming emotionally attached to someone like him. Because he had his shit together. And this time he wasn’t going to follow me to the ends of the earth because he had his own life, his own goals and responsibilities. He was a man. He paid for his own place and already had a real job during college. He was my age, but with the experiences of a 40 year old. He was going to grad school- the number one university for his major, or not at all. Yes, he was that confident. He wasn’t finding his way like me or any of the other twenty-somethings our age. He was already set. And I was nowhere there.

So I lied. I told him that I couldn’t see him anymore unless we had a label because I wanted to have sex. I told him that my rule was to not have sex with someone unless they were my boyfriend. I knew it was far too early to be making those demands. I didn’t even want a boyfriend because it was too soon. I had just came out of a relationship and so did he. And in my head I thought, “its cool, I can sleep around  and make out with other guys, go on random dates and graduate with so much dating experience. I need to experience what it is like to be single in college. I’ll find someone like him some day when I am ready and settled. It’s going to be so easy. After all, I met Mr. Confident only 3 months after my ex.”

And it was true. I did get so much dating experience. I got to really explore my sexuality and have a fun time being single my last year of college. And now that I am done with school and it has been almost a year after I graduated, I have not met anyone like him. I’m beginning to wonder: maybe guys like him don’t exist at this age like perhaps he was the rare exception. Or maybe I was so infatuated with him that I was completely blind to all of his flaws. Some might say his cockiness could be mistaken as confidence or that his focused determination would have made him a horrible partner. I don’t know and I don’t think I will ever really know. I just want to feel that spark again with someone, that intense passionate feeling.

Graduation’s shock still upon us.

Seems school days,

made us believe:

“Where there’s a

will there’s a way.”

2. But where there’s a will,

tomorrow’s bill

will chase it away.

3. Make a choice

to take a chance

to make a change,

but we’d rather stick to today’s task:

to make some change.

4. The week ends:

living for weekends.

All my friends making

temporary memories,

poppin’ bottles

to pop melodies.

Make it through; is

all that “We Can.”

5. Dreams robbed cus

we “Fortunate”

so we run towards it,

the life we hated:

now we’re whores to it.

6. Trade our art for a job

in desperate circumstances.

7. We’re the scapegoats:

Government reprimands us,

Corporations upper hand us,

got us wrapped up with

Rubber bands;

keeping us together

in their hands

like freshly printed “Twenties.”

8. 20’s is: overworked & underpayed.

Grew up learning lay-away and

watching mom and dad work til late,

until their lives started to fade away.

9. Inflations got our nation

fed on burnt bread,

& all the crumbs left behind

go to big business’ expenses.

& government talking heads.

10. Chief Experience Officer

turned multi-million dollar thief,

I’m believing it pays

to complete a felony

more than a college degree.

11. “God We Trust” boasting,

“Yes, We Can” toasting

but all we’ve got is a broken

currency of twenties:

student-loan funded

and good-will hunting.

12. Excuses are useless

my problems are perusals,

class, system, class, system,

Put a finger on it and you

still are within it.

13. I’ve got a handful

of friends who know where

they wanna go, and are

making it though.

14. We’re keeping the last of

our dollar bills and

our dreams in our hands.

Like “Good Americans”

we tighten our belt,

take what we’ve been dealt

try hard & make our plans,

choosing to make art & magic

despite a losing hand.

15. Every generation has a struggle,

20-somethings muddled in the middle.

Let’s come together, brainstorm in a huddle,

help each other to make

something beautiful out of

all this rubble.

With that said, however, I can’t help but sing along to some of her more recent (and ever so catchy) tunes. Take the song 22, for example. After We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together (yikes… that one wasn’t so great) and I Knew You Were Trouble (love this one, but honestly… the drama), this one is just plain fun. Right?

Sure, she talks about dressing up and making fun of our exes while wearing a shirt in the video that says ‘Not A Whole Lot Going On At The Moment.’ (Wonder who that’s directed to?) But for the first time in a long time, she seems real. Young. Care-free. Fun. Like someone we could all be friends with.

The song and video revolve around twenty-somethings. “We’re happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time.” Well yes, we are. And as she shared on Good Morning America, the sidekicks in the video are her actual, real-life best friends. How cool is that?

So yeah, she may be an attention-seeking, drama queen. But at this moment, at 22, she’s just one of us. Forgetting about deadlines, falling in love with strangers, and hoping everything will be alright if we just keep dancing like we’re 22.

~E

• Graduate from the OTA program
• Get my license for OTA
• Get my driver’s license
• Get a car
• Be financially independent
• Be trained and certified in lots of specific and interesting therapeutic techniques
• Be a traveling OTA
• Publish a psychology research study
• Get a master’s degree
• Be an entrepreneur in OT/Psychology, maybe start my own practice or start practicing in areas where there aren’t practictioners
• Start a non-profit for young adults with disabilities to express themselves and travel
• Be fluent in Portuguese (ASL and Spanish would also be a plus)
• Be able to say “I can cook anything”
• Juice amazing drinks

• Choregraph a song
• Make up a new dance genre
• Be a dance instructor
• Learn 5 more hula hooping tricks

• Make a CD of electronic pop songs
• Be fluent in composing and reading music
• Be able to jam with other musicians
• Be able to sing and play an instrument at the same time
• Be able to coordinate my hands when playing the piano
• Sing and play original songs at a cafe

• Write a fictional novel
• Write reviews on books, movies, art, songs
• Make a stop motion film with original music in the background
• Make children’s book with complimentary stuff animal characters from the books
• Make an Etsy account
• Sell crafts at a craft fair
• Make a comic book
• Master perspective and hand-eye coordination

• Road trip across the united states write short stories about people’s lives
• Go to all the hiking trails, mountains, forests, national parks in California
• Go to Sedona
• Go to the Grand Canyon
• See Carnival
• See the Amazon
• Go to New Zealand
• Backpack across Europe with a friend
• Backpack across South Pacific
• Experience a variety of forests

• Zipline
• Surf
• Go kayaking
• Go river rafting
• Hang out in a tube on a river
• Not be scared of my bike
• Take a martial art class (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, Tai Chi, Capoiera) and kick butt!
• Run two miles in 6 minutes
• Run and train for a marathon (but not hurt my knees!)
• Perform in an improv show

• Swing on a rope swing and jump into a river
• Slide down a hill in cardboard box
• Play paintball
• Be part of a flash-mob
• Play urban tag/capture the flag
• Learn parkour
• Perform street theater
• Be in a limo
• Drive a vespa
• Have a real food fight with hundreds of people
• Participate in celebrating Holi, the Indian festival of colors
• Make up a holiday and have everyone I know join in and inform the curious observers
• Ride in a hot air balloon
• Make a mural
• See the Northern Lights
• Go couch-surfing
• Watch a drive-in movie
• Go sledding
• Memorize origami folds for dollar bills to leave tips
• Know a good magic trick
• Go on a mediation retreat
• Have a box in a public spot for people to anonymous drop written wishes in and then draw a street mural of all their wishes

What does that mean to be a twenty-something?

Well – in my generation, being a twenty-something means that you believe that the world is your oyster. You can do and be whatever you want. That’s why I’ve lived the way I have and traveled the way I have. I’ve done the Peace Corps thing… TWICE. I’ve moved home to pay off the loans the Peace Corps didn’t pay for… at least twice. I’ve taken the crap job, not answering phones, but building boxes, or building other things I know nothing about. So yeah, I get what he’s talking about in this song. You wanna hear it? Have a listen.

Luckily, as I’m hitting that big 3-0, I’m starting to figure things out. Let’s just say, my thirties are going to have that solid structure I’ve been lacking and I’m so looking forward to the life adventures that lie ahead.

Tata for now.

Rece

My name is Ruby Nelson-Will. I am a 24 year old from Christchurch, New Zealand, and I began a Physical Education Teaching degree in 2008. I had also very randomly decided to take Spanish as another teaching subject, as it was something I had always wanted to master. This grew into an obsession and crazy love for the Spanish language and anything associated. What I wasn’t to know was that this love for language would bloom into something more than just a love — and sooner than I thought.

On February 22^nd, 2011, there was a huge earthquake in Christchurch, killing almost 200 people. It was crazy and changed a lot of things for me. The house I was living in got demolished, and I was becoming less and less fond of the thought of becoming a teacher. Put two and two together, and the move to Wellington (another city in NZ) made sense.

I couldn’t transfer my whole degree, so I had to change it so I could finish that year. So I went searching through the subject guide book and found Linguistics. I still can’t believe that I had never considered this before – it suited me so perfectly. So off I went, turned up to university 2 weeks into the semester, with ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what they were talking about in class. I studied my butt off and took all the papers in one year to graduate with a Bachelor of Arts specialising in Linguistics, Education and Spanish. Not what I had set out to do 4 years ago, but I was a lot happier.

The job situation in New Zealand isn’t great; they aren’t exactly known for giving graduates any big breaks. So the next year I moved to Melbourne, bursting with graduate enthusiasm, ready to start a career. But as what? The million dollar question. I didn’t have many career options — especially when I ruled out any teaching or doing any postgraduate study (at this stage).  So I had to re-evaluate.

I came to the out of left field, surprising conclusion that I wanted to give marketing a go. Only problem is, with no Marketing degree, no one would hire me. I applied for so many internships, and even then no luck. I read a few books to gain some insight and in hope of finding the magic cure to get me a job ASAP.

It was then that I discovered how much marketing interrelated with Event Management and realised I was going about it all wrong. I am such a hands on person; Event Management is what I really wanted to do. Since then I haven’t looked back. If I had looked back, it would be a long way, because boy I did some yards getting to where I am today. I was working in a café at the time to pay the bills. I applied for job after job and internship after internship. No bites — rejection sucks. You have to have a pretty thick skin.

After a while I realised that I needed the golden ticket that would stop employers from laughing at my CV. I needed a qualification in Event Management; I needed to look serious and have some sort of experience in this competitive world. So I enrolled in a 3 month part time diploma with the Fitzwilliam Institute. It was a quick and easy way to get a diploma and learn a basic overview of events.

A few months later, I had bumped practically all my previous job experience from my CV and replaced it with the oodles of new event experience I had gained. Along with my diploma (and degree of course) I was semi employable! I was lucky enough to score an internship, plus some experience with one of the course lecturers organising an outdoor public event.

Then the call that changed everything happened: a few months back I had met an Event Manager at the Reclink Community Cup as I was cutting thousands of bread buns in the food tent (I really did volunteer for all types of jobs at events).

After I had finished the cutting, I went searching for another task, but we were pretty overstaffed (or over volunteered). So we briefly chatted and critiqued how the team was working and how to improve the process. Not wanting to stand around, I decided that the poor man who was trying to open a brown paper bag one handed to put the burger from his other hand in, definitely needed some help. So, I became the “paper bag opener.”

I laugh when I think about this, but this is actually kind of how I have my job in Event Management now. The Event Manager loved the idea, as it was making the process faster, and we ended up swapping business cards.

The next week I went in to have an informal chat with the Director of the Brand Experience Company — Jack Morton Worldwide. We got along like a house on fire — she was amazing. I was in love with the company and wanted to work there so badly! The company works on a project basis, so there was nothing available at my level at the time. But I was on the books in case they needed a hand with anything.

3 months later they needed just that. I received the call to help out 1 week leading up to a major conference and the week onsite at the conference. It was the worst timing, as I had tickets to NZ for my sister’s 21st, and they needed me for the whole time. I had to decline. But I didn’t feel right. I had been waiting so long for an opportunity like this. So 2 minutes later I was on the phone changing my flights.

After the conference I was asked to come in randomly to help with bits and pieces around the office: moving, filing, research etc. I always happily accepted, as it allowed me to be in an event environment where I could listen and ask questions. 9 months after I had moved to Australia all bright eyed and über excited, I had reached the end of my tether. I had no idea it would have been so hard to start a career.

I was so presumptuous that having a university degree would make it easy. Everyone you’re up against has a university degree these days. It is experience that employers want. Now don’t get me wrong, having a degree is definitely beneficial. I would NEVER take back my study — I had such a great time, met some amazing people and learnt so much content as well as about myself. It is hands down the best thing you can do for yourself.

But it is so vital to get hands on experience while you study. Do internships and volunteer. It will make it so much easier to break into the workforce. I definitely shot myself in the foot with my sudden degree change. But it is never too late. I seem to have changed my mind many times and have still ended up in the right direction, whatever that even means!

I am now a Production Coordinator at Jack Morton, where I help organise the production of all types of different events. Although it is hard starting at the bottom again, like a small fish in a big sea, I have learnt so much in my 6 months there. As hard as it is doing the jobs no one wants to do themselves, you really do need to learn every aspect, so you understand the full scope of an event.

The road was long and hard, but that triumphant feeling when you reach your ultimate goal and get that job makes it all worthwhile! You will get there; it just takes hard work, networking, a very, very thick skin and a smile permanently plastered on your face.

Check out Ruby’s blog at rubymartes.com

Photo credit: Amazon

Shortly after I graduated college, I watched the movie Post-Grad (check out the preview on YouTube). I hadn’t heard great things about it, but it interested me that there was a movie about somebody who had just graduated, had no job, and had to move back into her parents’ house — which was also my situation.

Post-Grad wasn’t a great movie, but what I really liked about it was how the main character (played by Gilmore Girls’ Alexis Bledel) had this master plan of what her life was going to be like: win a scholarship into college, get great grades, and score a coveted job at an esteemed publishing company.

And the plan works…to a point. Bledel’s character gets the scholarship and graduates college with a high GPA. But then she blows her interview at the publishing firm and loses the job to her rival. She’s forced to move back in with her parents and struggles to find work despite her previous academic success.

I’m sure no college students ever say, “I’m gonna graduate with no job and live my parents!” We all had plans of success after graduation, but because of the recession, many of those plans haven’t worked out, and we’ve been struggling to readjust ourselves to an economy that we weren’t prepared for.

But this situation doesn’t have to be all bad. Having our plans fail opens our minds; it forces us to consider alternate options and try different activities (like an internship, class, volunteer gig, or part-time job) that might lead us on a path that’s more fulfilling than the path we had originally set out on.

I hope that unemployed graduates perceive this time of their lives not as the end of the road, but as an unexpected detour that will let them rediscover themselves and find interests or passions they never even knew they had. Life never goes according to plan, and it’s those unplanned, unscripted moments that make it memorable.

Today let’s look at reconciliation through a lens that is rarely used – generational. One way this schism manifests itself is in views towards singleness. Not all singles are younger, but in many churches there is a tension between the 18-29 demographic (which increasingly puts marriage off) and the 30+ one, which traditionally got married much younger. Which way is right?

A huge percentage of our population has only failed examples of marriage to aspire towards. It’s no wonder, then, that men and women prolong their premarital relationships—often moving in together—just to make sure their significant other is whom they want to be with for the long-haul. So what’s the approach to take in a culture where singles are putting off marriage? Learn what one twenty-something  leader has to say about this question.

There’s really no glamorous way to come to terms with moving back home with parents.

It’s not that it’s a wretchedly horrific concept–in fact, I didn’t think much of it until I was here. But once the excitement of graduation fizzled away and I settled into a non-academia life for the first time in 22 years, it hit me.

All of the sudden, there was this abrupt realization that I’d entered the front end of a cumbersome transition from a built-in community to a community-less environment.

It’s a transition that no one talks about.

Without anticipation, life was a little lonely. Instead of spending nights in the living room of my apartment with roommates and an intense game of Catch Phrase, they were spent alone in my childhood bedroom. A 10 by 10 bungalow on the second floor of my parents’ home.

You can read the rest of this post in my guest post for Devotional Diva today.

Photo: Creative Commons via audinou