Ce n-am inteles niciodata si probabil mi se vor usca coaiele incercand sa distrug corola de minuni a lumii este nesimtirea femeilor de a purta pantaloni, ca si cum, in adancul lor ar vrea sa fie barbati.

Fusta! Nu este un articol vestimentar incredintat femeilor intamplator.

In trecut, cand barbatii aveau foarte putin timp liber datorita razboaielor  pe care le intretineau cu testosteron, se futeau intr-un timp record, si fusta facea posibil acest lucru.

Acum femeile refuza sa mai poarte fusta pentru ca s-au emancipat, incearca sa-si ascunda dedesupturile sub pantaloni si sunt scarbite de sex.

De fapt femeile nu vor sa se futa. Deloc. Faceti un mic exercitiu acasa, nu necesita prea multa gandire, deci nu va speriati. Incercati sa nu va mai supuneti femeia la presiuni sexuale, vorbiti cu ea despre draperii si sticla de Murano.

Veti observa ca trec lunile fara pic de magie ca piesele de domino.

Problemele nu se afla la noi, barbatii. Noi nu ne-am schimbat deloc de la inceputurile umanitatii: tot atat timp acordam futaiului, la fel de pe la spate vrem sa le luam, tot vrem sa dormim dupa, cu degetul mare in gura.

Inseamna ca problema e la ele. Femeile nu apreciaza minutele pe care le petrecem in ele, nici macar unul din toate cinci. Rezolvarea este evidenta, trebuie sa le privam de clipele inimaginabil de excitante pe care le oferim fara sa cerem nimic in schimb.

Imaginati-va o lume in care femeile sunt atat de disperate de pula, incat sa semene cu barbatii disperati de pizda. Asa ceva este priceless. Toti am vrea sa vedem femei care sa organizeze cine romantice si sa ne bibileasca la buci doar, doar le-om da un capat de pula.

Partea buna este ca nu e doar un vis, este posibil, doar ca necesita un bun control al dorintei sexuale, de aceea este de preferat sa avem mereu cu noi niste print screen-uri din two girls one cup.

Partea proasta e ca multi reactioneaza erectil la clipul asta.

Sa readucem fusta pe curul femeilor, sa le refuzam sexul.

My knowledge is limited (there’s not much room for argument about that).  But in attempt to capture more information about the world, I have curiosities that conjure up questions.  These questions are usually so inane that they don’t warrant real answers.  I’m looking for something more entertaining than truth…I’m looking for hypotheticals.  I’m mostly interested in speculation.  If you’re not asking “what if?”, you’re not capturing all the information, whether it’s logical or not.  What is knowledge more than the thoughts a person believes in? 

Today, I’m interested in gaining insight into the physics of thongs.  More specifically, the “what ifs” of thongs.  Imagine a woman wearing a pair of thong under-panties.  For the sake of this thought experiment she is in a forest wearing a thong; there are no pants, no bra, only high heels; her large tan breasts with their perfectly sized and symmetrical nipples are exposed; she has nice hair. What happens when she craps herself wearing a thong?  My first thought is that the poop hits the thong underwear and splits directly in half like a cheese slicer through sharp cheddar, thus, making two separate piles of dump on the ground.  But that might only happen if she’s squatting.

What if she’s standing up?  I suspect that the poop might split within the confines of the thong area only to be pushed back together again by the pressure of her cheeks.  The mess created by this set of events could be demolish my ability to watch her.  If she does this into a cup with another girl there to drink it, however, it could become an internet sensation.  There a lot of things to think about here.  Do girls actually poop?  My sources tell me no.  Judging by the smell of my mom’s farts, that might not be true.  There are too many questions.  These are just things to think about.  I will just stick with what I want to believe.  And that is naked girls in thongs should do whatever they want as long as they don’t mind me taking notes.

ROFL!

Si entiendes la referencia, estarás de acuerdo conmigo de que esta versión es mucho menos ofensiva jajajajaja

August 20, 2009 “Not August, It’s BLOGust” Entry #1

Don’t forget, 25% OFF EVERYTHING In-Store ALL MONTH LONG!!!!!!!

Another funny episode of Tosh.0 aired last night, and I’m compelled to write about it because this is the kind of hilarious original content that Comedy Central should be making more of. “Is it Racist?“, Asians doing Christopher Walken impressions, Chris Crocker (the ‘Leave Britney Alone!’ kid), and forcing the audience to watch Two Girls One Cup all in the same episode? Great television. And as I mentioned back in May, it saves me from wasting my own time trying to sift through the garbage on YouTube to find the hidden gems. Keep up the good work Tosh & Crew. As for Comedy Central, renew the show! For fuck’s sake, how many seasons did you give Carlos Mencia?

UPDATE – In case you were wondering what the answer is, Mind of Mencia was on for four seasons and a total of 45 episodes.

Altijd al willen weten hoe  een tattoo van de Youtube-hit ‘Two Girls, One Cup’ eruit zou zien? Of willen zien hoe een bosbrand wordt geblust met een douchesproeier? Al het mogelijke materiaal over faalhazen is nu verzameld op één website. Nu helemaal gratis en voor niks. Dat is nog niet alles… Bel onze telefonisten voor meer informatie of klik gewoon eens op deze magische LINK!

i was consulting the internet for new tattoo ideas and came across a few of the best tattoos ever.

have at it.

two girls one cup the tattoo

yeah that's the king of pop and the good son

zombie

wow

ftw

Ha l’aspetto di un registro, un’agenda da ufficio. Completamente nero, trecento pagine, non di più (ci sono romanzi contemporanei molto più ambiziosi), asciugate dalla tinta elegante. Nel mezzo della copertina tre X rosse e sotto la scritta Dizionario del sesso insolito. Sul dorso del volume una mascherina bianca galeotta e la parola toys, giocattoli (la nuova collana Castelvecchi), un termine che le consolle hanno tolto dalla testa dei ragazzi e oramai approdato al sesso. Il dizionario è spartano e nella sua semplicità – parla di sesso ma non ci sono figure- conserva un che di clandestino. A cominciare dall’autore che è indicato soltanto da un alias, Ayzad, dietro il quale si cela un giornalista, massimo esperto di erotismo estremo e già autore di un classico del genere, BDSM. Guida per esploratori dell’erotismo estremo.

Le intenzioni serie del dizionario sembrano andare all’aria già alla seconda voce. “2G1C”, ovvero “Two girls, one cup”, titolo di un video che gira in rete dal 2007, poco più di un minuto, un trailer del film Hungry Bitches. Due ragazze che dalle tenere reciproche effusioni passano a defecare in un bicchiere, per poi mangiare e vomitarsi addosso. Disgustosa scena di «una progressione logica schiacciante» che è diventata uno scherzo da salotto su Youtube dove vengono caricate le reazioni di parenti, amici, fidanzate e mogli alla vista del video. È questo il raggio di azione dell’insolito, un trailer trash che diventa sketch virtuale? È lecito parlare di pratiche, dargli spazio, raccontarle?

Che bisogno c’è di un vocabolario del sesso insolito? Non è forse come svelare nero su bianco i misteri della trasgressione o istituzionalizzare capziosità maniacali e perversioni di nicchia, o portare il bizzarro al livello del didascalico? Non sarebbe come soffermarsi a leggere le istruzioni contenute nelle scatole di profilattici? Gabriele D’Annunzio, Tommaso Landolfi si nutrivano di dizionari, ma il sesso non è letteratura.

Anche qui siamo nel territorio del bondage, della dominazione, del sadomasochismo, ma non solo. Centinaia di voci affollano il dizionario – dalla semplice utopia del 24/7, il sesso continuato a Melissofilia, il feticismo delle punture delle api – dove “Scambismo” è una voce quasi innocua e si moltiplicano i termini e le espressioni saltando di pagina in pagina, per via dei frequenti rimandi interni.

Molte voci sono in inglese e giapponese: «la prima è la lingua di internet, ed è quella con cui si è diffusa la maggior parte dei termini relativi alle pratiche più insolite. L’altra è quella invece del paese in cui sono nati parecchi passatempi». Se sushi e fumetti manga sono entrati nel gergo comune, anche nel mondo del sesso insolito si può parlare tranquillamente di Nyotaimori, la pratica erotica nel quale il corpo nudo di una donna viene utilizzato come piatto da portata, così come è più comodo usare Defiling al posto di «lordare, corrompere, profanare» quando si entra in tema di «dissacrazione della bellezza algida e di un vagheggiato ritorno a una primitiva e liberatoria corporeità», non senza umiliazioni.

Non mancano le leggende che non sono più metropolitane ma telematiche. Il Dirty Sanchez, per disegnare baffi di feci sul viso del proprio partner, il Donkey punch, una violentissima pratica quasi omicida, un pugno sulla nuca durante una sodomizzazione, per stimolare la muscolatura, diventata un thriller passato al Sundance nel 2008, ma anche il titolo di un’operazione finanziaria della Enron negli anni Duemila.

Eppure il dizionario ha le sue ragioni. Ridisegna una mappa delle pratiche che è anche la mappa del tempo libero delle persone, perché il sesso insolito, se non costa soldi, costa tempo, non si improvvisa. Se già il parcheggio è un lusso in città, come riuscire a trovare spazio alle Fucking Machine, quei macchinari motorizzati che muovono falli artificiali instancabili e che qualcuno, anziché comprarle originali su fuckingmachine.com, tenta di costruire in garage per provare il brivido dell’assemblaggio di pezzi di seghe, lavatrici, trapani industriali e «altri mostri di potenza».

Per i precari che abitano nei monolocali può essere congeniale la pratica della Furniphilia, una forma di bondage che ha creato un filone erotico incentrato sull’uso del corpo umano come arredamento. Un po’ meno invece quella denominata Messy and Wet, letteralmente “zozzo e bagnato”, genere pornografico incentrato su scene erotiche dove i protagonisti solo femminili si sporcano con sostanze umide e appiccicose: panna montata, fango, schiuma da barba, budino, vernice, olio, etc..

Il dizionario è la pacchia delle sigle, complici di molti equivoci. «Milf è una sigla del Fronte di Liberazione Moro-Islamico, un’organizzazione filippina che cerca di stabilire uno stato fondamentalista sull’isola di Mindanao. Per quanto ci riguarda è l’acronimo di “Mother I’d Like To Fuck, cioè “madre che mi scoperei volentieri”: una definizione resa celebre dal film del 1999 American Pie che si riferisce a donne attraenti sopra i 35 anni, anche senza figli a carico. Subito adottato nel gergo internazione della pornografia. L’ex candidata alla vicepresidenza Sarah Palin aveva acceso molte simpatie Milf all’epoca della campagna elettorale». Ma anche Scat, abbreviazione per scatologico, è una sigla che indica uno stile di canto jazz.

Sfogliando il dizionario, ci si chiede quale possa essere oggi il livello di guardia, fin dove si sia spinta la soglia dell’insolito: cosa è centrale, cosa è periferico, cosa è lambito, cosa è tollerato? Cosa è anche pericoloso, infatti recita l’avvertenza, come nei pacchetti delle sigarette: «Numerose attività citate in questo dizionario comportano gravi rischi per la salute di chi volesse metterle in pratica. L’autore e l’editore declinano ogni responsabilità per eventuali danni di qualsiasi natura che possano derivare dall’utilizzo delle informazioni contenute nel presente volume».

In rete da molto tempo circola un test per misurare le proprie esperienze sessuali, dai baci alle pratiche estreme. Lo si trova ovunque, anche nei forum degli studenti e dei teenager. Ma con i punteggi si compone tra le righe un’altra scala: nel punteggio basso si nasconde il tradimento di coppia, in quello medio le inclinazioni bisessuali. Quello alto è il terreno sconfinato delle perversioni. Il dizionario va in direzione contraria: c’è meno ambiguità sessuale di quanto si pensi, anche se “Etero” è ridotto a una riga e sta stretto tra “Estasi” ed “Eunuco”, e la perversione spesso si accompagna a una determinazione insolita, il cui motto potrebbe essere questo, raccolto in un forum online: «Anche se non sono in grado di soddisfare una donna, non significa che non posso essere utile a qualcosa». Prendendo le singole voci e verificando le immagini in rete, si ha l’impressione che in molti casi le pratiche insolite siano anche una questione di grinta, perché non di Brad Pitt e Angiolina Jolie si parla qui. E XXX non è un dizionario di bellezza.

La pornostar Power Bridget, 112 cm di altezza e 60 film, è una eroina di volontà. Ma ecco subito il suo rovescio, al cui confronto il piercing genitale di Lord Brummel sembra un aneddoto simpatico seppur doloroso: l’incomprensibile Veronica Moser, pornostar austriaca coprofila, che definire icona trash è un eufemismo da nerd. Oppure le bellissime donne che compaiono sul sito femalepumping.com, che più che invogliare, aumentano il senso di disagio di una pratica – applicare campane di plastica alla pelle depilata e oliata di genitali, capezzoli e ano, per poi risucchiare l’aria con una pompa – che sembra solo umiliazione. Non sono da meno i Furry, i pellicciosi, uomini e donne che si identificano in animali antropomorfi come quelli dei disegni animati.

Patologie? Per Ayzad, il Bdsm negli anni 80 è riuscito a distinguersi dal sadomasochismo puro, cioè dai disturbi mentali pericolosi, fuori controllo e insani, riferendosi invece a «innocue per quanto intense sperimentazioni» ispirate al principio Ssc: «sano, sicuro e consensuale». Davvero senza nessun rischio? L’impressione è che il Dizionario raccolga un mondo fatto di derive e licenze – poco poetiche – che non fanno altro che autoalimentarsi, perdendo i contatti con il punto di fuga. È un dizionario di slittamenti, più che di fughe. Fino al paradosso su cui scherza lo stesso Azyad: «. Attrazione sessuale verso le persone sconosciute. Avete presente quel tipo che avete conosciuto in un locale con cui siete finite subito a letto e che poi non vi ha più richiamate? Non era uno stronzo: era uno xenofilo».

Dear Auntie Soph,

Something bad happened in my life last week and I don’t know where to turn.

I was driving along listening to the radio and this song came on.

It was easy to listen to, catchy: I liked it.

I didn’t hear who it was by but it reeked of dairy products so I tried to put it out of my mind.

But the next day it was on again and, damn, I wanted more.

The next time I got into the car I started channel surfing to find it.

It got nasty. I ended up on Magic FM.

I turned it up loud- so loud I had to sing and close all the windows.

My son was sweating. He was asking me to stop.

The whole thing was Wrong.

Finally, I Googled some of the lame lyrics and, Holy God, it was James Morrison.

Worse than that- James Morrison with NELLY FURTADO.

It’s been less than a few months since I stopped knifing her in my dreams and replaced her with Amanda Holden.

I’m a mess and Broken Strings is only the half of it.

My finger slipped on Youtube (I was looking for ‘Two Girls One Cup’, honestly) and I ran into one of his love ballads, If you don’t wanna love me - hell, even the title knows what I’m saying.

Now I’m angry.

It sounds like Otis Redding and it’s O.K. to like Otis Redding.

Why can’t I like a song by that man too?

Who makes the taste rules anyway?

I’m guessing you’ll tell me to buy an album and try to get it out of my system.

But I can’t go fouling up my Amazon recent orders list with stinky artists.

Do I wear a hoodie to HMV? Book a long-haul flight and plug in?

Please help.

Yours,

musically compromised from hammersmith

*

Dear musically compromised from hammersmith,

Of all the mail I received this week, yours stayed with me the longest.

You’re struggling with a big issue here but some people touch children and that’s almost certainly more shameful.

It seems to me that your musical sensibilities may have been damaged when you were young.

Maybe your mother liked Richard Clayderman or there were a lot of pan pipes on in the house.

Either way, the most well-meaning of parents can unwittingly make it difficult to provide their children with the foundations for healthy musical appreciation when they reach adulthood.

Also, you’re trying to Google scatological porn so you probably went to a girls’ boarding school- the odds have been against you right from the start.

You don’t say how old you are but elsewhere you mention that you’re partial to a bit of a duet so I’m guessing you were a child of the 80s: Always by Atlantic Starr was probably a seminal moment for you.

If I typed in ‘D’ on your computer’s Youtube would ‘Dollar’ appear?

When I scratched the tippex off the bottom of the letter I could just about make out the word ‘Bolton’.

Just how much Mariah Carey is at the back of your C.D. cabinet?

In conclusion, I think you are asking for the wrong help.

You want to know how to rid yourself of bad musical taste because agreeable people disapprove of it.

In actual fact, you should embrace your true feelings and recognize this affliction as a part of you.

If you carry on listening to some good stuff this may eventually take a more natural place in your preferences.

But essentially you need a more rubbish crowd of friends, who will not judge you- ones who laugh at Russell Brand and wear t-shirts with hilarious slogans.

Then you can relax and indulge.

So James Morrison is lispy and wet and looks like Chris Martin’s weaker Siamese twin (the one who didn’t get the vital organs) but he’s not James Blunt, unless…

If you finger-tap to any of his stuff go to a door and repeatedly knock on it using your head.

Yours back,

Auntie Soph x

I’ve been on the Net for a long time. Longer than most. I’ve been online since before there were pictures on this here Intarwebz – when it was college and military-access only, everyone got together on Usenet to chat because nobody had instant messaging yet, and the only text-based editor for e-mail was Unix Vi (you can’t have “evil” without Vi, y’know). So I’ve been around the block a bit. I’ve seen things that cannot be unseen – things you wouldn’t understand, things you  couldn’t understand, things you shouldn’t understand – Goatse.cx, 4chan, Stile Project, Fark haters, etc. At one point in my blog, I referred to the infamous “Two Girls, One Cup” video. It was gross. It was disgusting. It was a big temporary Net phenomenon that is best left as a cautionary tale of just how far down the spectrum of the obscene we can go as a human race.

But it wasn’t the worst. Oh no. Not by a long shot.

That shit (no pun intended) was tame compared to the BME (Body Modification E-zine) Pain Olympics video (also dubbed “Spankwire”).

Check out a few of the reaction videos posted on YouTube:

I love how the guy on the bottom has this unchanging expression on his face, like “Meh. I’ve done worse.”

——————–
UPDATE!

Today I showed the video to two friends of mine, Dustin and Heather, at separate times. I recorded their reactions to seeing the video for the first time on webcam. Here are their reactions, complete with full subtitles. If you enjoy ‘em, take a moment to head to YouTube and comment on them directly here and here. If I get good feedback on them, I may start posting more videos or vlogs.

——————–

So now that you’ve seen the reactions of others who have watched it, do you dare? Bear in mind – NSFW? Try NotSafe ForLife. I’m not fucking kidding here kids. We’re talking sick little monkeys making sick little videos for other equally-depraved sick little monkeys. In fact, I’m telling you straight up… don’t watch this video.

But if you must… BME Pain Olympics (copy-and-paste the address if the link doesn’t work:  http://www.spankwire.com/Article.aspx?id=51835  ). And if you do, I highly recommend turning on your webcam or have someone shoot video of your first reaction, and either post it on YouTube, or send it to me and I’ll post it for ya. It’s your chance to be a part of one of the more bizarre Internet pop phenomenons: fucking sick videos gone mainstream.

Apparently, the video is so bad, MySpace won’t even let me properly link to it. I didn’t even realize this until I tried to post this blog. MySpace (being the bastion of innocence and purity that it is) is trying really fucking hard to keep this video from spreading.

So now it’s sort of my duty to share, isn’t it?

I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry.

Ok, no I’m not. Muuuaahahahahahahaha.

Slainte’.
The Chad

If only!

Well, the start of a new year has come and there is a new phase beginning in my life as a mother. Yes folks, I am leaving the nappy phase.

Little Andrew is only using nappy pants for bed or car journeys and he is doing great. For a lot of reason’s this new phase marks a stage where my life should become a little easier, a little less hassle…a little less shit covered! It’s a landmark that is for sure. But wierdly I will miss it when it’s gone completely, I’ll miss the smell of nappy sacks and baby wipes and talc. Or so I thought …until this morning.

I pulled out a pile of washing that had finished last night and I planned to have dried and away by the end of the morning. WRONG!

When I pulled out my dark nightdress I realised there was a problem. Oose covered and bitty with silicone I pulled out each bit of the wash and it was as bad as the first…then the offending item. A nappy! A big swollen (clean) burst nappy! Fucken brilliant.

I won’t miss this. I won’t miss accidentally washing nappies in the washing machine and spending the next 3 days emptying silicone and fibres out of the fucker. It was bad as well, everything in the wash looked RUINED.

Fuck. Global. Warming!! I need a top!

But then there came the saviour of the tumble dryer. Two cycles on ‘Cotton’ (hot) in the tumble dryer eliminated all evidence of my accident. As I pulled stuff out of the tumble and realised that they were restored to their original condition, I felt a wave of appreciation for my tumble dryer. It, yet again, saved the day. It has always been there for me, I realised. When I have forgotten to wash a top I want to wear a sheet of bounce and 5 minutes in the tumble- good as new! When the cat has been sitting on my favourite cardigan before I head out the door- sorted. When I have forgotten to iron something – done! My tumble dryer is my friend because it just get’s on with sorting out my mess without moaning or complaining.

And see at the end of the day, my tumble dryer will always be there to iron out the creases, put in a bit of freshnesh or take off all the silicone or cat hair when I need it to no matter whats happening or what stage of life I am going through. I love my tumble dryer. I love it!

10 Things That Sound Dirty Except on Thanksgiving:

Can you believe it? These are only some of the things my family said over Thanksgiving

10. Whew that’s one terrific spread!
9. I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.
8. Are you ready for seconds yet?
7. Just wait your turn, you’ll get some.
6. Don’t play with your meat.
5. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
4. I didn’t expect everybody to ‘come’ at once.
3. You still have a little bit on your chin.
2. How long will it take after you put it in?
1. How long do I beat it before its ready?

Thanksgiving Fun Facts

Some random facts that you probably have never known about Thanksgiving!

• When Pokahana said, “I’d like to offer you some of this to enjoy” Myles Standish elbowed his buddy and said “That’s what she said!”
• The pilgrims originally had Velcro on their hats, not a buckle.
• The pilgrims landed on Plimoth Rock because JFK was fogged in that day.
• On Thanksgiving day on 1987, a couple of girls got bored and did a video called Two Girls One Ham. It’s on YouTube if you want to see it.
• The drummer for Good Charotte died of embarrassment while lip sinking on a Betty Crocker float during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.
• When that red thing pops up, it’s time to eat – especially true if that red thing is on the turkey!
• Chances are 78% that you’ll be eating turkey on Thanksgiving and 87% that your dad will clog up the toilet.
• Don’t bother saving a place at the table for Tom Petters …He will not show up.
• For a nice change from Cool Whip, try spraying your pumpkin pie with Windex.
• You can burn off the calories from a typical Thanksgiving diner by lifting Oprah twice.
• The day after Thanksgiving, the Pilgrims lined up outside of Kohl’s to get half off on buckles
• In an unfortunate mix up, instead of pardoning a turkey this year, President Bush pardoned OJ
• Right now almost everybody from PETA is in Cub Foods wearing a pair of glasses with a fake nose.
• In 1922 Michael Vick’s great great grandfather was busted for holding fights between shoppers at JC Penny.
• Every Thanksgiving your uncle Jim comes right out of the bathroom without washing his hands and starts peeling potatoes!

I hope you learned something about Thanksgiving. This is like a public service to be giving these facts out!

10 Things That Sound Dirty Except on Thanksgiving:

Can you believe it? These are only some of the things my family said over Thanksgiving

10. Whew that’s one terrific spread!
9. I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.
8. Are you ready for seconds yet?
7. Just wait your turn, you’ll get some.
6. Don’t play with your meat.
5. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
4. I didn’t expect everybody to ‘come’ at once.
3. You still have a little bit on your chin.
2. How long will it take after you put it in?
1. How long do I beat it before its ready?

Thanksgiving Fun Facts

Some random facts that you probably have never known about Thanksgiving!

• When Pokahana said, “I’d like to offer you some of this to enjoy” Myles Standish elbowed his buddy and said “That’s what she said!”
• The pilgrims originally had Velcro on their hats, not a buckle.
• The pilgrims landed on Plimoth Rock because JFK was fogged in that day.
• On Thanksgiving day on 1987, a couple of girls got bored and did a video called Two Girls One Ham. It’s on YouTube if you want to see it.
• The drummer for Good Charotte died of embarrassment while lip sinking on a Betty Crocker float during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.
• When that red thing pops up, it’s time to eat – especially true if that red thing is on the turkey!
• Chances are 78% that you’ll be eating turkey on Thanksgiving and 87% that your dad will clog up the toilet.
• Don’t bother saving a place at the table for Tom Petters …He will not show up.
• For a nice change from Cool Whip, try spraying your pumpkin pie with Windex.
• You can burn off the calories from a typical Thanksgiving diner by lifting Oprah twice.
• The day after Thanksgiving, the Pilgrims lined up outside of Kohl’s to get half off on buckles
• In an unfortunate mix up, instead of pardoning a turkey this year, President Bush pardoned OJ
• Right now almost everybody from PETA is in Cub Foods wearing a pair of glasses with a fake nose.
• In 1922 Michael Vick’s great great grandfather was busted for holding fights between shoppers at JC Penny.
• Every Thanksgiving your uncle Jim comes right out of the bathroom without washing his hands and starts peeling potatoes!

I hope you learned something about Thanksgiving. This is like a public service to be giving these facts out!

Sarah Palin “pardons” a Thanksgiving turkey, then steps forward for some press questions holding a cup of hot coffee.

Prepare to be mildly grossed out:

It might make for an amusing YouTube to video one’s reaction to watching “Two Turkeys, One Cup.”

It feels to me like a Monty Python skit—someone doing something “straight” in the foreground while something absurd is going on in the background.